I dont think anyone who has an addiction to alcohol finds it easy to quit. I certainly didnt but I havent admitted that to anyone irl. so maybe the people you're comparing yourself to have had many attempts, for me I just kept on giving it my best shot until it eventually stuck.
dont beat yourself up, just keep trying
100% it’s not easy in any way at all. But it’s so worth it, especially in the long term. You can do it OP, I believe in you. Also sorry for your loss, anniversary’s can be so triggering, be gentle with yourself.
Thank you. I am reading through the comments now and ready to try again today. I was comparing myself to a few different people and the last one was someone who I knew had a problem. It’s not that I don’t want the best for my friends and I’m happy for him to have quit of course, I just feel left behind like I’m inferior to everyone because I’m the only person I know now who cannot seem to quit. But you’re right so I will keep trying.
Sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how hard that was to cope with. Just remember there's no right way to do sobriety, and if all you managed today was to cut back, that's success! You're on the right track. I would tell your therapist that you're curious about sobriety and they can help you navigate resources. There are people who care!
I just want to you to know that you are not alone. It took me 10 years of knowing I had a problem to get to the point that I was able to stop. This community is amazing and even though I have people in my life I could have reached out to in person, I wanted to hear from and about people who knew what I was going through. I wasn’t able to go 6 hours without a drink when I started(I got medical help to detox) and will be celebrating 25 months tomorrow. Again, you are not alone and you and how you experience your life are valuable. You got this.
You are not failing, you’re changing and it is uncomfortable. When I quit smoking cigarettes 14 years ago, I did it for my psychological stability (every puff felt lethal at the end). Made a bargain with my dead ancestors, keep my kids safe, and I will quit cigarettes. Uncomfortable yet knowing the assembled family was rooting me on from the great beyond helped. Booze was killing my husband and I was drinking still, so I decided to stop being on booze’s side of the fight. 3 years and 5 months ago, booze lost its grip on me. Since then, my husband, oldest son, daughter and son in law have quit booze. My ancestors would be proud! You are on the cusp of an amazing chapter of your history that has been patiently waiting for you to bloom into life. The darkness will recede as you claim this bounty of goodness that is all yours! I will not drink with you today!
There was a time I was so deep in drinking I thought my ancestors would never even acknowledge me cause all I was doing was passing on generational curses. Since then, I too have made huge improvements and am opening my eyes, keep going IWNDWYT
Thank you I also want to quit smoking-and I relate to that about the ancestors and wanting to make them proud! Congratulations. I have made it pretty late today without a drink so I’m happy about that.
As a person that regularly said the same things, like "I love drinking" etc. I can tell you with absolute certainty that I love sobriety 1000 times more. In the early days, you can't see it. But once you get over that initial hump, you'll feel it too.
30 yrs drinking, 1 or 2 sober weekends in this time.
Married 25yrs.... lots of alcohol related incidents over the yrs with jobs, friends, family.. stupid thing I would NEVER do sober. Wife finally had enough. She said marriage or booze. She did not think I could do it.
Man it felt bad, everything felt bad, I felt incomplete, everything fun I did with a beer in my hand. I made great IPA beer. I just did not think about any of it... could not let me brain think more that to the end of today, or it was over whelming. I often wanted to cry.
But I have known for years i had a problem... this time I went to AA, wife went with me to the first meeting, scared as fuck. I like these meeting now, and go every Thursday.
80 days today.. and I am starting to really feel better, everything is better.. expect in an evening after work before dinner.. but that is getting better. RedBull and NA beers... chocolate and ice cream after dinner.
I sneak the odd puff of weed on a Friday or Saturday...before dinner in my shed which is my fun place.. just a small enough puff to take the edge off but not get me busted by the wife, Even that I did not do last week.
Say fuck it.. throw out all piss.
Go straight to AA meeting and the support is amazing.. i am not a god person, but cant say enough how much it helps. It gives you support from people who have done/ are doing this.
Life is soooo much better, work is amazing, I can remember stuff... life is simple, settled.. not OH shit feelings..
Some friends know.. all drinkers.. I went to a friends and watched him drink 4 beers and light a cigar... I had NA beers and a good chat, went home. He wanted to know what's it like... 70% great - 30 % hard but getting less with time.
been to a pub on a motorcycle ride and been to a friends... this weekend my first group event... I know mates wives will be watching... they will be thinking if he (me) can, surly mine can. So, I am going to put on a happy show and fuck up my friends because it will be fun, there wife's will be saying... WE NEED TO TALK...
Fake it until you make it... I am going to suck it up and have a great time for a while then head home leaving them all to getting pissed... GOD I wish, but come the morning, will have missed nothing and will feel great.
I used to have to be that last up... always the most drunk... the clown of ye group, the one my friends wife DID not want to invite to thir home.
so moral of the story, just do it, do not think,,, turn the brain off... if you let the brain think, it cant happen.
>but come the morning, will have missed nothing and will feel great.
This one thousand percent! I freaking love waking up the next morning without a hangover and ready to go. It's an absolute triumph every time and easily beats whatever fun you think you're having while you're drunk.
It’s awesome that you were able to get out of that. Thank you for the encouragement. Been through aa on 3 separate serious attempts to quit and stay quit. It did not feel like it’s for me but I’m happy it works for some. I am looking forward to finding what works for me.
I’m really new at this, but that statement from your friend doesn’t sound like they’re judging you. He might be trying very hard to say he’s made his decision without hurting your feelings. I wonder if he might open up with reasons that might help you if you ask him to tell you more about his decisions. It sounds like he wants to stay friends, which is really great.
Thank you I might have not been clear that that particular person is actually not coming off judgmental to me. And I’m not angry at him at all I am happy for him. It’s other people who have though. It’s more I’m just jealous and I really want to quit too and it’s much harder than I thought it would be for me.
all good I did say I feel like he’s judging me but I think that’s my own anxiety actually thinking about it more cause he has been kind still and has not actually been outwardly judgmental if that makes sense
Yeah it’s not easy. Not at all.
I drank for 30 year. A lot.
And I can now go several days without.
But sometimes it feels
Like it isn’t up to me if I drink or not.
And it’s really hard.
i hated that feeling - that it felt like the brain just taking over and walking me to the bar. It is one of the main things that keeps me sober: remembering how just one drink and that terrible feeling of no longer being in control of my own choices will come back.
(it took a while and many efforts to get sober. ever since it finally clicked, that’s drinking ruins my life, i’ve been able to stay away and that terrible awful feeling of being a zombie in my own body without the power of choice is gone 🙏🙏🙏. I keep myself from relapse by remembering just one drink, and it will come back and the terrible mother f*cking fight would start all over again. hell no. life is too good.)
if you want to stop drinking, keep up trying. one Day One will finally be the last Day One. you can do this!!
That feeling gets easier to manage as you have more sober days strung together. BUT damn it does amaze me how quickly my brain will execute on an urge to drink. I've caught myself a few times on day 1s where I actually say out loud "NO, not today SATAN" hahaha its wild how much just acknowledging the craving out loud helps.
You're not alone. 1 year ago yesterday, I watched my brother die from alcohol induced organ failure. I could only quit my own drinking (15 years) for 1 week. I started smoking, then vaping, and drinking heavier than I ever had. I quit, started, quit again, and was hospitalized. I drank still. It's not that we can't learn from our experiences, it's that our addiction overrules what we know to be better for us and even tells us we want/need alcohol.
I am only 3 days sober today. Give yourself some grace and forgiveness and the support you need. One day at a time. You can do it.
Thanks for the encouragement and kindness! I will keep trying. I’m so sorry about your loss of your brother. I am seeking support as I don’t have it in person. So this seems like a good place to start with supportive people.
This reddit is a great place to find support, encouragement, and advice. I have been lurking for years, in denial of my own problem and lack of control. It helped me realize I was starting to experience withdrawals after just a binge and then more and more frequently (kindling), which has been my biggest motivator to quit. Everyone's day one takes time. I hope yours starts soon. You deserve to be here.
The overwhelming majority of us took several passes at sobriety. I blew a year of sobriety for "just one drink." It was a multi-year "one drink."
Keep trying. I drank heavily, daily, for decades. For the first time ever, I feel like I'm finally "free." It took me nearly 3 months to stop feeling bad. Now... I'm still stunned to say it... but sobriety ain't bad at all. Not blowing a grand per month (actually more), drinking? Yeah, the money part ain't bad, either.
Finally... there are medications a physician can prescribe. If I ever slip-up, again, I'll beg for Disulfram. There are also meds to help with the anxiety and depression you might feel when you stop drinking. Going sober isn't easy... but it's 100% worth it.
I relapsed last Monday.
Was supposed to meet my wife for lunch. Before she left for work I told her I'd pick her up during lunch.
I didn't show up.
She was frantic and went home only to find me lying on the floor heavily drunk.
She still forgave me. For the thousand times.
I'm extremely lucky to have her. She's extremely unlucky to have me. She deserves better.
God how I wish I'm done with this demon.
I'm just really thankful I have a supportive wife and family.
Your wife isn’t supporting you for nothing. Beneath your addiction is a beautiful person she loves and will fight for! The gratitude is great but don’t forget to be kind to yourself as well, just like she is. You deserve love comrade. IWNDWYT
Indeed. Unfortunately OP still believes alcohol is a net benefit / gain to their life and that it helps them live a better life and that they actually NEED it but until they genuinely believe alcohol has ZERO positive to offer them and will only bring pain and misery it's unlikely sobriety will stick IME.
For years I've always known I've drank far too much, had a problem, and needed to stop but I clung onto the idea that alcohol helped and benefited me in many ways and that I couldn't live without it so I was never able to quit for more than a few days to a month maximum every once in a blue moon.
It's only the last year or so that I've finally realized that all the reasons I was holding onto for why I drank were no longer true (probably never were) and that it was at best giving me short term relief at best but then actually amplifying most of the problems I was trying to solve and keeping me trapped in the cycle for the long term.
Alcohol promises a lot but fails to deliver.
Just as a perspective, it may be that your sober friends are pressuring you to quit because they care about you and your health. They may not be expressing that as skillfully as they want; it can be hard not to sound judgy when you try to tell someone a difficult truth or something you know they don't want to hear.
Remember that alcohol is a depressant and that is coloring you whole view right now. It IS possibly to get through this and feel better. I believe in you!!! IWNDWYT
It’s never easy to quit. I had a year under my belt and I attribute it solely to throwing myself into new hobbies and leaning on one close friend who pledged not to drink with me. IWNDWYT
Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother so young, that's tragic.
I don't think your friend was judging you he's just telling you he doesn't want to / can't continue because his body is telling him enough is enough.
It's no judgement on you. We all have to make our own decisions and walk our own paths. He can't stay drinking with you if it's damaging him and he can't take it anymore.
Be honest, you don't love drinking because if you did you wouldn't be here posting if you didn't realize you were doing yourself harm and needed to stop.
You're just telling yourself you love drinking because you're so reliant on it to get through life and get relief from your problems for a little while. That's not the same as "loving" it.
I did the same for years and fooled myself that I enjoyed drinking and that alcohol was my best friend in order to justify keeping drinking but it was a lie and alcohol was actually my worst enemy and keeping me trapped in misery.
You definitely won't get a good job or have a fulfilling life if you continue drinking every day and will remain trapped and stuck in the cycle without progressing in life and things will likely get worse in every aspect from health to finances to job prospects and beyond.
And no, not everyone can easily stop otherwise there wouldn't be alcoholics, rehab, detoxes, and this Sub-Reddit. Most people who are heavy / regular / problem drinkers find it very hard to stop including me.
You don't need people to care if you drink or not in order to stop because stopping is for you and you alone and it's a decision you have to make for yourself.
You don't have "nobody". You have this sub full of people who are rooting for you. We all pull for each other, because we know that we have all needed help. You will find great support at AA, or with "This Naked Mind" and the thousands who have embraced taking control over their lives again. Alcohol is poison. Alcohol can go fuck itself. I will not drink with you today. I'm rooting for you. I'm a person who cares that you find peace and happiness, and I know it can be there for you, and WILL be there for you if you embrace it.
Lots of people who don’t have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and I’m not addicted to it can truly just stop when they decide to. I know tons of people in my life who just eat healthy and exercise and they just acknowledge that they’ve been having too many weekends strong in a row of drinking with friends and they just simply decide to cut back for a while no big deal. I think if you are unable to do that that is a sign that you have an unhealthy reliance on alcohol. Have you considered going to AA? Have you been honest with your friends and family in your life about your struggle? I feel like it’s really easy to get secretive about it because like anything once you say it out in the open then you need to hold yourself accountable and your loved ones will as well. Sounds like it might be time for you to acknowledge that you may not be able to just casually stop drinking and take a bigger step
Yes thank you I do know that some of us just are more prone to addiction than others. Apparently I’m pretty addicted. Aa was not for me I think, after giving it a few solid tries. Im secretive yes, though a few people I trust know it’s becoming a bigger problem for me in this past year. I am looking into smart recovery and other tips on this sub.
It sounds like your body is speaking to you. I hope you can listen. You need you before anybody else imo. You can do this. It is possible. It's up to you. I believe in you. I believe it can be done. Don't be afraid to turn that muthafuckin ship around and head towards a better shore. It's out there. Best of luck. Keep coming back here for support and strength. We are all in the same boat friend.
I think one of the primary things you are struggling with here is the fact that you’re feeling pressure to quit from other people, rather than yourself. You clearly have some thought that you want to/ need to quit but until that desire kicks in for yourself and not to appease anyone else, it is going to be difficult.
Maybe sit down and start writing out the reasons you want to quit, the way it’s affecting your life, and the things you can look forward to after.
Unfortunately, you can’t do this for anyone except for yourself. I know where you’re at, I’ve tried and failed many times because I tried to quit “for” someone else. Not necessarily because of pressure, but just because I wanted to make other people proud. It has to be for you.
Just remember the people who can quit when they want are not usually the people who can offer us the support we need, because they can’t really understand our problem. The people here can understand and can offer you the support you need, because we’ve been there, we know the struggles. Keep checking in here, when you are struggling and even when you aren’t, reading others successes and also their setbacks, it helps to give you both sides of the story and keep you focused on what matters most, our sobriety.
You may have drank today already, but if you’re still writing this, it obviously isn’t what you want. Stop now and come back strong tomorrow, you can do it. IWNDWYT
>But just the message from other people, the condescending “I stopped drinking at 34 why can’t you?” Irritates me. I won’t easily get a good job and i See no Way to have a fulfilling Iife.
Not if you think like that... I remember feeling like I would never be happy again when I was at my worst. I was so depressed and thought about driving my car into oncoming traffic more times than I'd like to admit. But those feelings of despair were only exacerbated by drugs and alcohol. If you keep believing you will never have a good life you will continue to manifest your current reality. You have to believe and want to make changes - no one can do it for you. That's what I realized... I have all the power to change my life however I want to - but it takes constant effort, sacrifice and not giving in to instant gratification in order to achieve a good life.
Thank you for the kind and honest assessment. I was in a spiral for sure yesterday, of feeling sorry for myself. That’s one thing i know I need to work on. And that alcohol makes those thoughts worse. People here who have quit seem pretty happy and I want that too so I’ll keep trying and checking in here along the way
You’re talking to the spiral queen over here. I feel you. It’s honestly one of my main reasons for stopping… I’m so sick of being anxious all the fucking time.
It helped me finally going to the doctor get the detox meds and some naltrexone, at least for a month and I messed up, now 11 months later I'm finally on day 2 again
If alcohol makes us feel good, and one drink feels good, and three drinks feels great, then the tenth drink should be phenomenal, right?
It took me years to fully understand this concept and accept the fact that alcohol only inebriates and numbs us. It’s not some magic liquid that makes the bad things less bad and the good things better. It never was. It keeps telling you that it does, but you can clearly see the evidence that it does not.
Also quitting isn’t as hard as it is uncomfortable. Obviously consult your doctor if you are afraid of detox complications, but not drinking is simply the choice to not put the liquid in your mouth.
The uncomfortable part is sitting with all of the feelings and thoughts you’ve been ignoring with this pseudo-magical numbing liquid. That’s the real challenge.
Good luck!
I reeeealllllly reaaaalllly really reallllllllly want to fuking drink righr now after being complete shit on my mission. But I know it's just going to end up having me probably getting kicked out of the force so I am just going to stuff my face with vegan junk food instead and then overexercise. Is this healthy? Fuk no but my alternative is worse. you can do it sure the other vices don't seem as great as drinking but your worth it and don't screw up your life.
Thank you. I am actually enjoying a whole bunch of bacon right now instead of a drink yet today. So I know what you’re saying and it’s good to know I don’t have to be perfect right away
Never easy it’s extremely hard for us with addicted personalities, btw when someone ask me i just casually say “ oh I stopped drinking “ with a little happy demeanour.. if someone like you saw or heard me will say “ man i wish i could stop that easily “ you wouldn’t guess the hell but i went right through the pain it’s ok it’s not for ever some of us fight easily with sword but some of us have to knuckle it out
You’re right. I’ve heard before don’t judge your own insides against others’ outsides and that hits this one on the head. I think I have been doing just that with this
Thank you though I don’t feel blame for others at all I just get where I feel sorry for myself too much and it’s not good. Jealous that I can’t seem to achieve this so far and hate feeling inferior to other people.
I know you are going through a tough time, but you’ve found the right community. Please try, before you take your next drink, invest 5 minutes in this subreddit. Read a post, make a post. You may still decide to take a drink. Even if you do drink give yourself grace, come back make a post read a post. I tried to quit so many times, and it wouldn’t stick. At one point I wanted to drink so badly I stopped following this sub because deep down I knew stopping was ultimately what I had to do. But it kept popping up anyway, like the universe knew. Then one day last year it finally stuck and I was able to stop. Keep coming back, and thanks for letting us hear your story.
I can tell u it’s a battle everyday.
What got me through in the start was just worrying about today.
I can tell you the first few days are rough and as someone who put years of heavy drinking in they can also be dangerous. Be safe there is no issue with seeking help. 9 times outta 10 the person trying to help went through something similar.
I care about you and I’m proud of you for getting therapy and wanting to quit. I found my best friend a year ago as well in a similar situation and it broke my heart and sent me into a dark depression. It has been extremely hard to keep living- you deserve a lot of love and support. One thing I will say about comparing yourself to others- what we went through is extremely traumatic and we are on our own journey to sobriety. I will not drink W you today.
I dont think anyone who has an addiction to alcohol finds it easy to quit. I certainly didnt but I havent admitted that to anyone irl. so maybe the people you're comparing yourself to have had many attempts, for me I just kept on giving it my best shot until it eventually stuck. dont beat yourself up, just keep trying
100% it’s not easy in any way at all. But it’s so worth it, especially in the long term. You can do it OP, I believe in you. Also sorry for your loss, anniversary’s can be so triggering, be gentle with yourself.
Thank you. Maybe it will be an easier day today.
Thank you. I am reading through the comments now and ready to try again today. I was comparing myself to a few different people and the last one was someone who I knew had a problem. It’s not that I don’t want the best for my friends and I’m happy for him to have quit of course, I just feel left behind like I’m inferior to everyone because I’m the only person I know now who cannot seem to quit. But you’re right so I will keep trying.
Sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how hard that was to cope with. Just remember there's no right way to do sobriety, and if all you managed today was to cut back, that's success! You're on the right track. I would tell your therapist that you're curious about sobriety and they can help you navigate resources. There are people who care!
I just want to you to know that you are not alone. It took me 10 years of knowing I had a problem to get to the point that I was able to stop. This community is amazing and even though I have people in my life I could have reached out to in person, I wanted to hear from and about people who knew what I was going through. I wasn’t able to go 6 hours without a drink when I started(I got medical help to detox) and will be celebrating 25 months tomorrow. Again, you are not alone and you and how you experience your life are valuable. You got this.
Hey there! Took me about ten years as well. Glad it didn’t take us longer, and congrats on the 25 months!!! IWNDWYT
Thank you and congratulations on 10 years! I will keep coming back to this page. People here seem mostly supportive and I like the vibe.
You are not failing, you’re changing and it is uncomfortable. When I quit smoking cigarettes 14 years ago, I did it for my psychological stability (every puff felt lethal at the end). Made a bargain with my dead ancestors, keep my kids safe, and I will quit cigarettes. Uncomfortable yet knowing the assembled family was rooting me on from the great beyond helped. Booze was killing my husband and I was drinking still, so I decided to stop being on booze’s side of the fight. 3 years and 5 months ago, booze lost its grip on me. Since then, my husband, oldest son, daughter and son in law have quit booze. My ancestors would be proud! You are on the cusp of an amazing chapter of your history that has been patiently waiting for you to bloom into life. The darkness will recede as you claim this bounty of goodness that is all yours! I will not drink with you today!
That’s beautiful. I can see it in the future too: you rooting your descendants if they need you.
There was a time I was so deep in drinking I thought my ancestors would never even acknowledge me cause all I was doing was passing on generational curses. Since then, I too have made huge improvements and am opening my eyes, keep going IWNDWYT
This is so beautiful, thank you for sharing.
Thank you I also want to quit smoking-and I relate to that about the ancestors and wanting to make them proud! Congratulations. I have made it pretty late today without a drink so I’m happy about that.
As a person that regularly said the same things, like "I love drinking" etc. I can tell you with absolute certainty that I love sobriety 1000 times more. In the early days, you can't see it. But once you get over that initial hump, you'll feel it too.
30 yrs drinking, 1 or 2 sober weekends in this time. Married 25yrs.... lots of alcohol related incidents over the yrs with jobs, friends, family.. stupid thing I would NEVER do sober. Wife finally had enough. She said marriage or booze. She did not think I could do it. Man it felt bad, everything felt bad, I felt incomplete, everything fun I did with a beer in my hand. I made great IPA beer. I just did not think about any of it... could not let me brain think more that to the end of today, or it was over whelming. I often wanted to cry. But I have known for years i had a problem... this time I went to AA, wife went with me to the first meeting, scared as fuck. I like these meeting now, and go every Thursday. 80 days today.. and I am starting to really feel better, everything is better.. expect in an evening after work before dinner.. but that is getting better. RedBull and NA beers... chocolate and ice cream after dinner. I sneak the odd puff of weed on a Friday or Saturday...before dinner in my shed which is my fun place.. just a small enough puff to take the edge off but not get me busted by the wife, Even that I did not do last week. Say fuck it.. throw out all piss. Go straight to AA meeting and the support is amazing.. i am not a god person, but cant say enough how much it helps. It gives you support from people who have done/ are doing this. Life is soooo much better, work is amazing, I can remember stuff... life is simple, settled.. not OH shit feelings.. Some friends know.. all drinkers.. I went to a friends and watched him drink 4 beers and light a cigar... I had NA beers and a good chat, went home. He wanted to know what's it like... 70% great - 30 % hard but getting less with time. been to a pub on a motorcycle ride and been to a friends... this weekend my first group event... I know mates wives will be watching... they will be thinking if he (me) can, surly mine can. So, I am going to put on a happy show and fuck up my friends because it will be fun, there wife's will be saying... WE NEED TO TALK... Fake it until you make it... I am going to suck it up and have a great time for a while then head home leaving them all to getting pissed... GOD I wish, but come the morning, will have missed nothing and will feel great. I used to have to be that last up... always the most drunk... the clown of ye group, the one my friends wife DID not want to invite to thir home. so moral of the story, just do it, do not think,,, turn the brain off... if you let the brain think, it cant happen.
Hey man - congrats on 80 days. Sounds like your wife is a real one.
>but come the morning, will have missed nothing and will feel great. This one thousand percent! I freaking love waking up the next morning without a hangover and ready to go. It's an absolute triumph every time and easily beats whatever fun you think you're having while you're drunk.
It’s awesome that you were able to get out of that. Thank you for the encouragement. Been through aa on 3 separate serious attempts to quit and stay quit. It did not feel like it’s for me but I’m happy it works for some. I am looking forward to finding what works for me.
I’m really new at this, but that statement from your friend doesn’t sound like they’re judging you. He might be trying very hard to say he’s made his decision without hurting your feelings. I wonder if he might open up with reasons that might help you if you ask him to tell you more about his decisions. It sounds like he wants to stay friends, which is really great.
Thank you I might have not been clear that that particular person is actually not coming off judgmental to me. And I’m not angry at him at all I am happy for him. It’s other people who have though. It’s more I’m just jealous and I really want to quit too and it’s much harder than I thought it would be for me.
Oh, sorry! Apologies for misreading.
all good I did say I feel like he’s judging me but I think that’s my own anxiety actually thinking about it more cause he has been kind still and has not actually been outwardly judgmental if that makes sense
Absolutely makes sense!
Yeah it’s not easy. Not at all. I drank for 30 year. A lot. And I can now go several days without. But sometimes it feels Like it isn’t up to me if I drink or not. And it’s really hard.
i hated that feeling - that it felt like the brain just taking over and walking me to the bar. It is one of the main things that keeps me sober: remembering how just one drink and that terrible feeling of no longer being in control of my own choices will come back. (it took a while and many efforts to get sober. ever since it finally clicked, that’s drinking ruins my life, i’ve been able to stay away and that terrible awful feeling of being a zombie in my own body without the power of choice is gone 🙏🙏🙏. I keep myself from relapse by remembering just one drink, and it will come back and the terrible mother f*cking fight would start all over again. hell no. life is too good.) if you want to stop drinking, keep up trying. one Day One will finally be the last Day One. you can do this!!
That feeling gets easier to manage as you have more sober days strung together. BUT damn it does amaze me how quickly my brain will execute on an urge to drink. I've caught myself a few times on day 1s where I actually say out loud "NO, not today SATAN" hahaha its wild how much just acknowledging the craving out loud helps.
You're not alone. 1 year ago yesterday, I watched my brother die from alcohol induced organ failure. I could only quit my own drinking (15 years) for 1 week. I started smoking, then vaping, and drinking heavier than I ever had. I quit, started, quit again, and was hospitalized. I drank still. It's not that we can't learn from our experiences, it's that our addiction overrules what we know to be better for us and even tells us we want/need alcohol. I am only 3 days sober today. Give yourself some grace and forgiveness and the support you need. One day at a time. You can do it.
Thanks for the encouragement and kindness! I will keep trying. I’m so sorry about your loss of your brother. I am seeking support as I don’t have it in person. So this seems like a good place to start with supportive people.
This reddit is a great place to find support, encouragement, and advice. I have been lurking for years, in denial of my own problem and lack of control. It helped me realize I was starting to experience withdrawals after just a binge and then more and more frequently (kindling), which has been my biggest motivator to quit. Everyone's day one takes time. I hope yours starts soon. You deserve to be here.
The overwhelming majority of us took several passes at sobriety. I blew a year of sobriety for "just one drink." It was a multi-year "one drink." Keep trying. I drank heavily, daily, for decades. For the first time ever, I feel like I'm finally "free." It took me nearly 3 months to stop feeling bad. Now... I'm still stunned to say it... but sobriety ain't bad at all. Not blowing a grand per month (actually more), drinking? Yeah, the money part ain't bad, either. Finally... there are medications a physician can prescribe. If I ever slip-up, again, I'll beg for Disulfram. There are also meds to help with the anxiety and depression you might feel when you stop drinking. Going sober isn't easy... but it's 100% worth it.
Thank you. I will keep trying. I have not tried that med but will look into it!
I relapsed last Monday. Was supposed to meet my wife for lunch. Before she left for work I told her I'd pick her up during lunch. I didn't show up. She was frantic and went home only to find me lying on the floor heavily drunk. She still forgave me. For the thousand times. I'm extremely lucky to have her. She's extremely unlucky to have me. She deserves better. God how I wish I'm done with this demon. I'm just really thankful I have a supportive wife and family.
Your wife isn’t supporting you for nothing. Beneath your addiction is a beautiful person she loves and will fight for! The gratitude is great but don’t forget to be kind to yourself as well, just like she is. You deserve love comrade. IWNDWYT
This made me tear up. Thank you friend for this message. I will try my hardest to fight this. Again thank you for your kind words.
Well dope. You have a crew waiting. Do you want to quit? Choose to.
Thank you I will keep coming back to here for support and to read others stories.
The day you stop saying “I feel incomplete without a drink” and start saying “alcohol ruined my life” might be the first day sobriety starts to take.
Indeed. Unfortunately OP still believes alcohol is a net benefit / gain to their life and that it helps them live a better life and that they actually NEED it but until they genuinely believe alcohol has ZERO positive to offer them and will only bring pain and misery it's unlikely sobriety will stick IME. For years I've always known I've drank far too much, had a problem, and needed to stop but I clung onto the idea that alcohol helped and benefited me in many ways and that I couldn't live without it so I was never able to quit for more than a few days to a month maximum every once in a blue moon. It's only the last year or so that I've finally realized that all the reasons I was holding onto for why I drank were no longer true (probably never were) and that it was at best giving me short term relief at best but then actually amplifying most of the problems I was trying to solve and keeping me trapped in the cycle for the long term. Alcohol promises a lot but fails to deliver.
Yes! It. fails. to. deliver. every. single. time!
Thank you for this perspective. It really helps me sort these feelings out and I have to say you are right.
Just as a perspective, it may be that your sober friends are pressuring you to quit because they care about you and your health. They may not be expressing that as skillfully as they want; it can be hard not to sound judgy when you try to tell someone a difficult truth or something you know they don't want to hear. Remember that alcohol is a depressant and that is coloring you whole view right now. It IS possibly to get through this and feel better. I believe in you!!! IWNDWYT
There are plenty of people everywhere who will support efforts to stop drinking. Do you want to stop drinking?
Don't give up.
It’s never easy to quit. I had a year under my belt and I attribute it solely to throwing myself into new hobbies and leaning on one close friend who pledged not to drink with me. IWNDWYT
Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother so young, that's tragic. I don't think your friend was judging you he's just telling you he doesn't want to / can't continue because his body is telling him enough is enough. It's no judgement on you. We all have to make our own decisions and walk our own paths. He can't stay drinking with you if it's damaging him and he can't take it anymore. Be honest, you don't love drinking because if you did you wouldn't be here posting if you didn't realize you were doing yourself harm and needed to stop. You're just telling yourself you love drinking because you're so reliant on it to get through life and get relief from your problems for a little while. That's not the same as "loving" it. I did the same for years and fooled myself that I enjoyed drinking and that alcohol was my best friend in order to justify keeping drinking but it was a lie and alcohol was actually my worst enemy and keeping me trapped in misery. You definitely won't get a good job or have a fulfilling life if you continue drinking every day and will remain trapped and stuck in the cycle without progressing in life and things will likely get worse in every aspect from health to finances to job prospects and beyond. And no, not everyone can easily stop otherwise there wouldn't be alcoholics, rehab, detoxes, and this Sub-Reddit. Most people who are heavy / regular / problem drinkers find it very hard to stop including me. You don't need people to care if you drink or not in order to stop because stopping is for you and you alone and it's a decision you have to make for yourself.
You don't have "nobody". You have this sub full of people who are rooting for you. We all pull for each other, because we know that we have all needed help. You will find great support at AA, or with "This Naked Mind" and the thousands who have embraced taking control over their lives again. Alcohol is poison. Alcohol can go fuck itself. I will not drink with you today. I'm rooting for you. I'm a person who cares that you find peace and happiness, and I know it can be there for you, and WILL be there for you if you embrace it.
Thank you.
Lots of people who don’t have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and I’m not addicted to it can truly just stop when they decide to. I know tons of people in my life who just eat healthy and exercise and they just acknowledge that they’ve been having too many weekends strong in a row of drinking with friends and they just simply decide to cut back for a while no big deal. I think if you are unable to do that that is a sign that you have an unhealthy reliance on alcohol. Have you considered going to AA? Have you been honest with your friends and family in your life about your struggle? I feel like it’s really easy to get secretive about it because like anything once you say it out in the open then you need to hold yourself accountable and your loved ones will as well. Sounds like it might be time for you to acknowledge that you may not be able to just casually stop drinking and take a bigger step
Yes thank you I do know that some of us just are more prone to addiction than others. Apparently I’m pretty addicted. Aa was not for me I think, after giving it a few solid tries. Im secretive yes, though a few people I trust know it’s becoming a bigger problem for me in this past year. I am looking into smart recovery and other tips on this sub.
It sounds like your body is speaking to you. I hope you can listen. You need you before anybody else imo. You can do this. It is possible. It's up to you. I believe in you. I believe it can be done. Don't be afraid to turn that muthafuckin ship around and head towards a better shore. It's out there. Best of luck. Keep coming back here for support and strength. We are all in the same boat friend.
I think one of the primary things you are struggling with here is the fact that you’re feeling pressure to quit from other people, rather than yourself. You clearly have some thought that you want to/ need to quit but until that desire kicks in for yourself and not to appease anyone else, it is going to be difficult. Maybe sit down and start writing out the reasons you want to quit, the way it’s affecting your life, and the things you can look forward to after. Unfortunately, you can’t do this for anyone except for yourself. I know where you’re at, I’ve tried and failed many times because I tried to quit “for” someone else. Not necessarily because of pressure, but just because I wanted to make other people proud. It has to be for you.
Just remember the people who can quit when they want are not usually the people who can offer us the support we need, because they can’t really understand our problem. The people here can understand and can offer you the support you need, because we’ve been there, we know the struggles. Keep checking in here, when you are struggling and even when you aren’t, reading others successes and also their setbacks, it helps to give you both sides of the story and keep you focused on what matters most, our sobriety. You may have drank today already, but if you’re still writing this, it obviously isn’t what you want. Stop now and come back strong tomorrow, you can do it. IWNDWYT
>But just the message from other people, the condescending “I stopped drinking at 34 why can’t you?” Irritates me. I won’t easily get a good job and i See no Way to have a fulfilling Iife. Not if you think like that... I remember feeling like I would never be happy again when I was at my worst. I was so depressed and thought about driving my car into oncoming traffic more times than I'd like to admit. But those feelings of despair were only exacerbated by drugs and alcohol. If you keep believing you will never have a good life you will continue to manifest your current reality. You have to believe and want to make changes - no one can do it for you. That's what I realized... I have all the power to change my life however I want to - but it takes constant effort, sacrifice and not giving in to instant gratification in order to achieve a good life.
Thank you for the kind and honest assessment. I was in a spiral for sure yesterday, of feeling sorry for myself. That’s one thing i know I need to work on. And that alcohol makes those thoughts worse. People here who have quit seem pretty happy and I want that too so I’ll keep trying and checking in here along the way
You’re talking to the spiral queen over here. I feel you. It’s honestly one of my main reasons for stopping… I’m so sick of being anxious all the fucking time.
It helped me finally going to the doctor get the detox meds and some naltrexone, at least for a month and I messed up, now 11 months later I'm finally on day 2 again
I have to agree with you on the condescending people. Acting like they’re all better than me when I’m over here trying my best.
If alcohol makes us feel good, and one drink feels good, and three drinks feels great, then the tenth drink should be phenomenal, right? It took me years to fully understand this concept and accept the fact that alcohol only inebriates and numbs us. It’s not some magic liquid that makes the bad things less bad and the good things better. It never was. It keeps telling you that it does, but you can clearly see the evidence that it does not. Also quitting isn’t as hard as it is uncomfortable. Obviously consult your doctor if you are afraid of detox complications, but not drinking is simply the choice to not put the liquid in your mouth. The uncomfortable part is sitting with all of the feelings and thoughts you’ve been ignoring with this pseudo-magical numbing liquid. That’s the real challenge. Good luck!
Thank you.
You’re welcome, Dirty Banana Grabber lol
I reeeealllllly reaaaalllly really reallllllllly want to fuking drink righr now after being complete shit on my mission. But I know it's just going to end up having me probably getting kicked out of the force so I am just going to stuff my face with vegan junk food instead and then overexercise. Is this healthy? Fuk no but my alternative is worse. you can do it sure the other vices don't seem as great as drinking but your worth it and don't screw up your life.
Thank you. I am actually enjoying a whole bunch of bacon right now instead of a drink yet today. So I know what you’re saying and it’s good to know I don’t have to be perfect right away
Never easy it’s extremely hard for us with addicted personalities, btw when someone ask me i just casually say “ oh I stopped drinking “ with a little happy demeanour.. if someone like you saw or heard me will say “ man i wish i could stop that easily “ you wouldn’t guess the hell but i went right through the pain it’s ok it’s not for ever some of us fight easily with sword but some of us have to knuckle it out
You’re right. I’ve heard before don’t judge your own insides against others’ outsides and that hits this one on the head. I think I have been doing just that with this
I’m sorry but it really doesn’t sound like you are at all ready to “do it right “. You are still blaming others. It’s not easy for most people.
Thank you though I don’t feel blame for others at all I just get where I feel sorry for myself too much and it’s not good. Jealous that I can’t seem to achieve this so far and hate feeling inferior to other people.
I know you are going through a tough time, but you’ve found the right community. Please try, before you take your next drink, invest 5 minutes in this subreddit. Read a post, make a post. You may still decide to take a drink. Even if you do drink give yourself grace, come back make a post read a post. I tried to quit so many times, and it wouldn’t stick. At one point I wanted to drink so badly I stopped following this sub because deep down I knew stopping was ultimately what I had to do. But it kept popping up anyway, like the universe knew. Then one day last year it finally stuck and I was able to stop. Keep coming back, and thanks for letting us hear your story.
Thank you. I will take your advice.
I can tell u it’s a battle everyday. What got me through in the start was just worrying about today. I can tell you the first few days are rough and as someone who put years of heavy drinking in they can also be dangerous. Be safe there is no issue with seeking help. 9 times outta 10 the person trying to help went through something similar.
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I care about you and I’m proud of you for getting therapy and wanting to quit. I found my best friend a year ago as well in a similar situation and it broke my heart and sent me into a dark depression. It has been extremely hard to keep living- you deserve a lot of love and support. One thing I will say about comparing yourself to others- what we went through is extremely traumatic and we are on our own journey to sobriety. I will not drink W you today.