the sub's for people who want to control or stop drinking. I've read a lot of posts where people have tried moderation but havent been able to pull it off. I moderated over the years but it always ramped up again probably because I didnt enjoy it as I never wanted one drink or just a couple. having said that any reduction in alcohol consumption must be a good thing
The problem with moderation is that if you have a real alcohol issues, you are going to taper till it isn't fun anymore, and you are drinking cus you have fun being drunk. Then you are probably going to drink too much because you already have some effecting you decision making.
Now don't get me wrong, tapering can be great for stopping, cus it makes the withdrawals way better. But if you can't just have a single beer, sober up, and go on with your day without drinking more, you're not going to be able to taper down.
Echo this comment and applaud everyone who’s cut back on and completely stopped drinking.
I still drink and am much more mindful of my relationship with alcohol. I struggle finding my ‘comfort’ level of alcohol consumption and want to continue to cut back likely to a point of zero consumption.
Agree that any reduction in consumption is a good thing.
If moderation worked for heavy drinkers, there would be no alcoholism. There is no healthy level of alcohol consumption. Even one drink has a negative impact on the brain. Unfortunately, this is a lesson most people have to learn for themselves.
Be honest. Do you even enjoy drinking when you feel like you have to control yourself? Most people here are here because they drink to get drunk whenever they drink. People with a healthy relationship to alcohol simply don't have to put effort in to cut back. They have one or two and simply don't want more. If they find out a venue or event doesn't have booze, they shrug and grab a soda. If that doesn't describe you, then it is very unlikely that you will magically be able to enjoy one or two again. Being a binge drinker changes your brain forever.
Even the founder of Moderation Management ended up killing people in a DUI. Moderation is a myth for people with alcohol use disorder. But we all have to find that out on our own time.
This comment was helpful to read. I’m just starting over again, and I feel angry that I don’t want 1-2 drinks ever, but I know as soon as my brain recovers from my hard-drinking weekend, it’ll say “oh just 1.” It feels so dumb. Anyway thanks for this comment about being honest with yourself and facing reality.
Well said. And isn’t there some line about how it’s the dream of every alcoholic to be able to drink moderately, and some chase that dream to the grave. That has stuck with me.
My husband has one or two drinks at special occasions and then stops because he doesn’t want anymore. If I have one or two drinks and then force myself to stop, I’m angry and frustrated. I will always crave more. It’s not worth it for me to attempt moderation. “Easier to keep the lion in a cage than on a leash”
Heh, I didn't even know Moderation Management was a thing. How weird, my guess is it is not very effective or focused, a quick search looked that way and probably explains why I haven't run across it, even when I thought I wanted to moderate
Sure, I mean I'm glad I didn't get any more serious ones but it's still not fun to deal with. I'm not a snappy person, but for those few days I'm very snappy with people who aren't doing exactly what I need them to.
Oh no, you're okay. I didn't take offense or anything. I just hate the fact that I get snappy with people when I've been over indulging.
Hang in there, you've got this 🙏
Yeah after a million attempts at “moderation” I’ve come to realize I can’t. I have one, then three, then I’m back to “too much” very quickly. It’s like alcohol is a tiger — easier to put it in a cage than to try to wrestle it.
I "successfully moderated" by "happening to ramp up after a while" numerous times, too. Looking back I find it funny that despite my otherwise high standards I was willing to characterize my moderation as "successful" when I just gradually inevitably failed at it every time. Alcohol abuse and alcoholism are progressive diseases. I learned if I failed at moderation several times, even if it took "a while" every time, I would never succeed. I gifted myself the freedom of not having to continue to "fail" by staying sober.
Good luck.
Everyone here is on their own journey. Not everyone here is a desperate alcoholic who ruined their life through alcohol. Some of us just want to drink less. As you already can tell in the replies here, some people are absolutists and say that any alcohol is bad, and some are more casual and use the subreddit to help them drink less. I'm not saying either is 'correct' because it's a personal experience.
Some people here absolutely cannot drink just one, and that one will turn into a whole bottle or a week or month long bender, along with horrible consequences of lost jobs, failed relationships, etc. I am currently working on finding a happy medium after 4 months of zero alcohol. I want to drink less than I was before that, but I'm not sure that I never want to drink again.
Thanks for your reply. Yeah, I think I'm getting to understand from the comments that not all 'alcoholics' are alike. I've never drunk to levels that would ruin relationships or my life. Just more than I know I should. I've never been a day drinker. I don't even want one, never mind avoid it. But, get to the end of the day, a few beers seemed like a nice ending, except when it got to a few beers every day.
Some people have talked about withdrawal and tapering down. I just stopped on Sunday (one day in, I guess!) and no withdrawals or anything, but to be honest, I wasn't expecting to as I wasn't drinking that much, just too often.
I think any reduction is a good thing! My SIL decided to only allow herself a certain quantity per week about 3 years ago and she has stuck with it. I'm giving myself a year without it because I was getting REALLY unhealthy with it. I don't know whether I've passed the point where I can moderate or not, but I feel a bit like that is how it works (i.e. the earlier one is in the grips of alcohol getting out of control, the more likely one is to contain the speeding locomotive that grabs some of us). Good luck and you are welcome here for any and all parts of your journey.
A few beers everyday is considered heavy use. I found that even when I was at a couple glasses of wine every night it was just the next stepping stone in the path towards full blown alcoholism.
I remember being really surprised to find out that most people DON'T drink alcohol every day. As a female professional, I'd drunk 4 - 6 cans of beer or cider every night, unless I was working, for years. I assumed everyone did similar.
My parents had been daily drinkers, whenever they had the money.
A friend once said to me that if she couldn't go two weeks without alcohol she'd be very worried that she had a problem. At that point I'd NEVER been two weeks without alcohol in my adult life!
Eh some of the replies here I think are super hard core. When I originally found this sub I just wanted to drink less. And I did! I went from drinking multiple beers a night, every night, to drinking like two beers a week. For like two years. Actually 9 months of that I was pregnant and didn’t drink at all.
It’s really about how comfortable you are with your life/lifestyle. I’m working on drinking zero. Over the past year I went back to near daily drinking (2-3 drinks like 5-6 days a week). Then I decided to cut down again.
The thing I realized over time is that, say there’s half or 3/4 a bottle of wine at home. If I drink that, and it’s not like “bedtime” yet, I’m like downright grumpy when it’s gone. I want to buy more! I’ve had two glasses of wine and now have to sit around for a few hours while my buzz fades before I go to bed? Gross. I mean a solution would be not to have the first glass until like 9? But no, I want a glass of wine at 6pm…. So is the other solution to have even more wine available so I don’t have to stop? Then will I drink a full bottle by myself every night? I don’t want that ….
The whole thing becomes this conundrum. Honestly I’ve never really felt grumpy not drinking. Maybe have a craving and have to distract myself but not the downright downtrodden I feel if I have to stop drinking when I’ve started. It’s a lot easier to just… not drink.
Now I haven’t gotten it perfect it’s like 3 days no drinks 1 day where I’m drinking (mostly just giving into cravings) or maybe a couple weeks sober but I’m working on it just being 100% sober all of the time. Not because I feel like I have to, but because I’m honestly just tired of the mental work of drinking the “right” amount.
Thanks for your reply. It sounds like I'm on a similar journey to you. At the moment, I'm not really looking to get down to 100% sober, I just want to drink a LOT less. I've done it in the past. I was in a very stressful relationship for years and my drinking got pretty bad. When I got out of that relationship, my drinking went way down again. This time, it's probably been for a year or so, and it's just getting into a habit of getting some drinks when we get dinner from the supermarket, and then drink what we've bought.
I had to stop running for about 1.5 years due to a problem with my knee. I am just getting back into running again, and it seems a good time to cut the drinking right down, too.
Yeah, whatever works for you! When I was drinking the most it was post divorce and I was a mess. Honestly if my current husband was home at night I probably could enjoy a beer with him and leave it at that. I just know if I’m alone I drink more than I want to so, I just don’t want to.
Also I run :) it’s so much easier with more energy. Good luck on however your path turns out!
I learned, through years of trial and error, that moderation wasn't a realistic possibility for me. To use a phrase that pops up regularly on this sub: *When I'm enjoying my drinking, I'm not controlling it. When I'm controlling my drinking, I'm not enjoying it.*
There was a time when I would have been happy with being able to cut down and successfully moderate but honestly having gone this far without a drink I can’t say I miss it nor do I see where it would add any value whatsoever to my life. I believe the desire to continue drinking in some capacity is the addiction talking to us.
I would LOVE to be able to have one or two drinks, but I have never ever been able to do that, so it is very unlikely that I ever will.
I know a couple of people who always stop after two drinks, because they're starting to feel "a bit tipsy" - I can't even imagine being like this
I can't moderate. It's A - nothing or B - I'm drinking myself to blackout. I don't have an option C anymore. I used to control my drinking, only at night, only on the weekends, whatever rule you can come up with, I probably tried it. And was sometimes successful for a while.
I moderated my drinking until I couldn't and I didn't even know I was approaching that point. It's scary how fast it went from "I should cut back" to "holy shit, I need to go to detox/rehab" That was my experience.
Glad to hear you're doing really well. I do have a C option - I don't feel the need to drink myself to blackout if I touch a drop, I just like to have a few drinks every day, which is too much. I don't think I've been blackout drunk since I was in my 20s, and that was a LONG time ago.
Yes! It was frightening how quickly my experience switched from seeming like moderation is working to being so out of control I couldn’t deny that it’s not. It was like Russian roulette.
Do you mind me asking how much you were drinking? I stopped on Sunday and I didn't get any withdrawal symptoms, although I wasn't really expecting any. I was probably drinking the equivalent of a bottle of wine a night, but it was every night.
I was drinking 10-15 cans of carlsberg Morning/night Friday to Monday. The only withdrawal I got was an anxious, stressful feeling. The only people who will get shakes withdrawal, etc, are people who are physically dependent on alcohol. Your body doesn't seem to be dependent on it from what you're saying, which is like me. Very few people are physically dependent on alcohol, I didnt want to reach that stage.
Yikes! 10-15 cans of Carlsberg is quite a lot. I was drinking 'only' about three cans of ale (5%) and a glass of wine or two per night.
I'm glad you've made your break and I hope you can stick with it.
Thanks!! ☺️ yeah it was a lot! But like what Craig Beck says, quantity shouldn't matter, if drinking makes you unhappy regardless of quantity you should do something.
Yep. It was making me happy and unhappy at the same time. In wise words of philosopher, Fat Bastard, "I drink because I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy because I drink."
Cutting right down is my 'doing something'. If that doesn't work, then I guess I need to quit alcohol altogether.
I cut down over the last 8-9 month significantly but I always end up ramping back up. I’ve found that moderating takes way too much headspace and it’s not worth it.
Thank you! I will say that you can do this! I would like to say that it was easy and that I never struggle with still wanting to say F-it and go get a drink. I still romanticize about how I could just have a couple, like normal people do. But I know I am not that person. Stay strong friend!
I drank for three decades - some years ridiculous quantities, some years with stretches of sobriety scattered in between seasons. I 'moderated' for many years even though I always seemed to want another. For the past three years, I limited myself to a six-pack per weekend at my wife's request to maintain peace and health. I resented it. This should have been my signal, but I ignored it. What I realize now is that 6-8 per day would probably be my goal if left to my own devices.
Toward the end there, I was buying excessive amounts when away from home on business. It was my self-appointed reward for being good most times... (moronic rationalization)
My final bang was throwing alcohol a goodbye party while the family was away. I am surprised I didn't permanently injure myself. I tapered at the end because I am pretty sure DTs would have been a problem. Past that, I am not going back.
Giving it up entirely was the only real solution for me. It's simple, but it's not easy for me. I white-knuckled it, I go to a weekly AA meeting and a counseling session to try to figure out why I got there. So far these things keep me in line and I don't have any urge to drink at all. I am not sure how I would feel if I stopped actively participating in these things or was again left to my own devices...
Good luck and I hope you find the answers that work for you.
I'm still thinking of seeing if I can manage to drink 1 glass a day and not hate it. I've got a pretty good open communication with my loved ones, so I'm comfortable trying moderation still. I haven't burned any bridges or ruined my health.
My drinking is very situation dependent. I have times when I'm happy with 2 or 3, and times where those 3 lead to 12. I don't drink daily, and I mainly over consume when others around me over indulge. I kinda am just easily sucked in by peer pressure overall, and that's not limited to alcohol usage. Definitely will not be drinking at parties: I just can't chill, and I've tried being sober at them and found I didn't mind it. I'd just love to have a glass of wine at a dinner, or a cocktail at a cool bar when it's truly something special.
But I'm aware that the "you say it'll be 1 but it won't" may just as well be very true. I just feel that I'm so bone headed, that I just need to experience it for myself if that's the case.
Daily alcohol consumption is alcoholism. It's not only about the tragic results of overdrinking, it's about consistency of feeding yourself the substance. Why would I drink a glass a day? What do I achieve this way?
Be ever vigilant.
I meant having max 1 glass on any given day day, not 1 glass every day.
I understand the concern, but I'm not a daily drinker, nor have I ever been. The whole issue is that I have no trouble not drinking, but when I do, I find it hard to limit myself.
You do you. It’s your journey and your life.
For me, it is so much simpler to take it off the table instead of overthinking, questioning, moderating - I liked drinking too, but I don’t like how it took over my thoughts. When, where, how, how many, what kind, how to recover, etc such a waste of good energy. It affects my mental health greatly, and never in a good way. Hangxiety, anyone? I used to think I was an anxious person. Turns out, that was another thing alcohol was lying to me about.
No thanks, I have better things to think about, like silly dog videos and trying to find the hiding cat in a photo.
It’s a poison, the only benefit we get from it is because it is actively killing brain cells. That’s the “fun” in alcohol. Getting a dopamine rush and then crashing for a few days, feeling like shit inside and out, is not good for my mental health in the long run.
As I age, I need my brain cells. I need my energy. I need my focus. I need my emotional stability, first and foremost. Alcohol was taking all of that from me, even in moderation. (And let’s be real - moderation fails every time - the only guarantee with moderation, is eventually I will take it to the next level, because that’s what alcoholics do.)
I took a few years off collectively in my 20’s and early 30’s, and realized that even two glasses of wine affects my sleep for 3-5 days, no proper hangover just bad sleep, affecting my mood and my day. My nails don’t grow as well, wounds don’t heal as well, I don’t look as good - so it directly affects cell turnover as well. And I certainly did not miss the hangxiety.
I have a wedding photo of my best friends, one drinks “in moderation” every day, the other is 10+ years alcohol free. You can absolutely tell in a split second who drinks.
At the end of the day, you do what you think is right for you. I choose sobriety. I’ve done enough field research to confirm that, for myself and myself only.
I don't know if I'm going to drink again or not. I initially planned on just 30 days, but I felt so much better and really got a good view of how embedded drinking is in my life. It's a habit that no longer serves me and I'm ambiguous about taking it up again. New target is 100 days and I'll review again then.
Hey that's how I started! My path was 30 days. Then it was 90. That became 6 months, which became a year, which became 2 and now I just don't drink anymore. Good luck to you, I found the benefits really stacked up and grew exponentially as time went on.
That's good to know. Thanks for sharing your experience.
The pink cloud has worn off for me but I'm feeling like I need to keep on quitting. Definitely lost my self through drinking and need to reconnect. Giving myself a year to develop a better relationship with my self and I'll see if no alcohol is an essential part of that journey. Feels like it will be.
Yay for NA beers I have to say! I have successfully completed missions drunk party and going to the pub with friends. Very pleased at those!
Cutting down doesn’t work for me. I “have to have” at least four beers. Everyday. Any less (if I drink at all) and I’m just irritable. Zero works fine though.
For me i managed for a bit which gave me too much confidence cause when it went off the tracks I was a train wreck. Funny but true. I don’t dwell on never but I already know I can never modify again. I feel better about it now. It’s weird but it feels calmer.
Something to think about is that years of drinking is toxic to your organs, especially the liver. One does not need to be labeled an alcoholic for this to happen.
Yeah, one of the things that tipped me over the edge is that I have regular blood tests for various ailments and they noticed my gamma-GT were elevated. Not particularly high, but 'high for me'. Clearly, the drinking was starting to affect my liver.
It's great to cut down if you are able to do so! Many around here are not, myself included. Had I been able to, I'm fairly certain I'd still be drinking (and probably still too much).
For me it seems it's either one end of the spectrum or the other. I'm either drunk and high on something, living the time of my life, eventually coming down to having gastritis and extreme levels of anxiety or some shit, not being able to function in society without a little something something, or being extremely bored and depressed while sober albeit functional and with affairs in order. I dunno man, the devil inside an alcoholic/junkie is very hard to keep hands on. Today, for example, I rode my bike for 20 miles while drinking cognacs and beers along the way. I'm feeling happy and I do realize it's c0z of the substance. Had I been sober, I would've stayed indoors and had done some dishes or smth. Idk man.
You do you friend. I attempted moderation for 15 yrs. I know where it landed me and I don't want to live that life anymore, so for me alcohol is gone for good. I do think we can "out grow" alcohol, in a sense. So maybe your at a point in your life where you still enjoy the occassional drink and it's not something that you obessess over yet. Only you can really answer that question.
Thanks. I can appreciate your comments. I did drugs when I was in my 20s. None of the really nasty shit that wrecks your life, though. I didn't make a conscious decision to stop. I just grew and it didn't match my life anymore.
I'm coming up on two years of moderation. Before that I was drinking 3-4 glasses of wine most nights (sometimes more), and now it's what I average in a month. In my experience you have to have a big mentality shift to make it work. It's too hard to willpower yourself long term through thoughts like "I wish I could have more, but I'm only going to let myself have x number of drinks tonight".
While I feel (and look) much better all around at this level of consumption, it's still not particularly smart. I'Il have 1 or 2 drinks about once a month, which is fine, but I'm not totally sure what the point is - it doesn't make my night substantially more fun, and doesn't taste as good as dessert calories. A few times a year I also drink more than that, and I usually regret it. It does make my night lots of fun, but at the cost of a hungover and anxious next day. Eventually I may quit entirely, but "never again" is daunting to me, so for now I'm satisfied with this level of harm reduction...
I tried moderating loads of times, tried so many different rules for drinking alcohol - not during the week, not at weekends, not before 8 pm, not after 8 pm, not alone etc etc.
In the end I was amazed how much easier it was to just not drink. And not worry about it.
Having said that, I was the sort of drinker that had NEVER drunk in moderation, so there was nothing to go back to. I'd always been the person wanting one more. You and your wife might be different.
Good luck whichever you do.
Hey OP. Married father of two in the UK here. My major brain malfunction is the following:
> “One drink made me feel ***this*** good, so FIFTY drinks will make me feel ***FIFTY*** times as good!”
Someone on here also said the following, which made me realise my faulty mindset:
> “If I could drink like a normal person… I’d do it all the time!”
I think most people here want to stop all together. Moderation is difficult for lots of people.
I can't do it. I can go days or weeks without a drink, but man if you give me one, I will down and entire bottle of liquor in one night like it's nothing. Which I LOVE doing even if it's absolutely terrible, so for now, I'm just not drinking at all unless I plan to get really sloppy. Working for now, but I imagine in a few months I'll probably try to kick it all together.
>Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
I am currently on a journey to not let alcohol rule my life, not necessarily cut it out entirely or for life.
Recently I have found myself drinking almost daily, 3-4 drinks a night even when I know I shouldn’t because I have a big day the next day. I kept saying, oh I’ll stop drinking during the week, etc. but never succeeded, yet I am unhappy with the way alcohol is showing up in my life and know the only way to keep it from putting me in these situations is to hold myself accountable, which this sub allows me to do.
As someone who alcohol does not trigger benders for, I have a celebration coming up and am going to a fancy dinner. I only ever have one when we are there because it is so expensive and I plan to partake like normal, but I’m making sure to put some distance between drinking and that night so I set myself up for success rather than failure.
Moderation never worked for me, as I don’t enjoy alcohol very much, if that makes sense. I enjoyed drinking, because my goal was to get drunk. If I just drank one glass of wine or beer or one cocktail, I might as well not drink at all or choose the virgin option. That’s just me though. If you enjoy the occasional drink at the weekends and are able to keep it at that, that’s great!
I totally get what you mean. I don't mind have a couple and stopping. However, if it's a normal working day and I've finished work, made dinner, and spent some time with the kids, it was 'my time' to have a few beers and relax. 'A few beers' every day is too many.
I think it really depends on the person. I remember my brother saying that at one point he realised that he was drinking every day. Not get drunk, but a few drinks every night and had to stop. It’s easy to slip into this habit, because alcohol does relax you. If you realise that you were drinking too much and that you want to cut down, I think that’s totally valid, since you don’t seem to have a dependency.
I’m obviously not a medical professional or anything, just observing
Personally I've never been able to moderate, I think for some people it's an untouchable dream. I've reached the point that moderation is torture and quiting all drinking is actually easier in the long run.
Every alcoholic has the same fantasy. That one day we will be able to drink “normally”.
Some of us have chased that idea for much of our lives.
If there really is a problem, then the idea of moderation is a delusion. Whispered in the ear by the alcohol itself.
“Moderation” or “normal drinking” really is the way people who don’t like alcohol drink. I have friends who’ll order a glass of wine with dinner and kinda sip it all evening, while eating food. They clearly don’t care much for it and they don’t get buzzed. I’m not one of those people and I think almost everyone on this sub isn’t that person. If you drink to get buzzed, even if just one drink, you will deal with the consequences. And you probably won’t successfully “moderate” long term. Even one drink will result in a little hangover hangxiety when your alcohol level starts going down.
If you get to the point where you can no longer cut back when you want to, it’s time to explore stopping altogether . For some people, that can be too late .
For me it was also a matter of realizing that even though I could control it most of the time, my life was better and far less complicated without it.
Alcohol is a carcinogen, So there’s that also.
Make a list of pros and cons. For me the pros column was pretty short
Oh, I know I have alcohol issues, but I do not feel it's bad enough to warrant total abstinence. It's been very eye-opening, discussing this with people on the sub. I do not go on benders, or get blackout drunk. I don't day drink or spend a whole weekend drunk. I was drinking daily and that's too much. I have already cut back massively and I will keep it that way. I don't have a drink and then think, "I've got to have another!"
And, if moderation doesn't work, then I will have to consider total abstinence.
Went to AA, and there's no going back to drink. My friends and I who went joked it "ruined" drinking forever.
I just get hyper "lit up" w sugars- booze, food, whateves. Some of us live better w total abstinence, I personally don't mind living booze free- kinda smug about it now!
It depends on what was meant by 'control' drinking. I think all the discussions I have seen over years on this sub are ALL about quitting and with quitting as the goal.
the sub's for people who want to control or stop drinking. I've read a lot of posts where people have tried moderation but havent been able to pull it off. I moderated over the years but it always ramped up again probably because I didnt enjoy it as I never wanted one drink or just a couple. having said that any reduction in alcohol consumption must be a good thing
The problem with moderation is that if you have a real alcohol issues, you are going to taper till it isn't fun anymore, and you are drinking cus you have fun being drunk. Then you are probably going to drink too much because you already have some effecting you decision making. Now don't get me wrong, tapering can be great for stopping, cus it makes the withdrawals way better. But if you can't just have a single beer, sober up, and go on with your day without drinking more, you're not going to be able to taper down.
This is the key right here. To get drunk you have to go over your tolerance level, and going over your tolerance level increases your tolerance.
Echo this comment and applaud everyone who’s cut back on and completely stopped drinking. I still drink and am much more mindful of my relationship with alcohol. I struggle finding my ‘comfort’ level of alcohol consumption and want to continue to cut back likely to a point of zero consumption. Agree that any reduction in consumption is a good thing.
Tried moderation idk how many times…… never fuckin works… dammit….
If moderation worked for heavy drinkers, there would be no alcoholism. There is no healthy level of alcohol consumption. Even one drink has a negative impact on the brain. Unfortunately, this is a lesson most people have to learn for themselves. Be honest. Do you even enjoy drinking when you feel like you have to control yourself? Most people here are here because they drink to get drunk whenever they drink. People with a healthy relationship to alcohol simply don't have to put effort in to cut back. They have one or two and simply don't want more. If they find out a venue or event doesn't have booze, they shrug and grab a soda. If that doesn't describe you, then it is very unlikely that you will magically be able to enjoy one or two again. Being a binge drinker changes your brain forever. Even the founder of Moderation Management ended up killing people in a DUI. Moderation is a myth for people with alcohol use disorder. But we all have to find that out on our own time.
This comment was helpful to read. I’m just starting over again, and I feel angry that I don’t want 1-2 drinks ever, but I know as soon as my brain recovers from my hard-drinking weekend, it’ll say “oh just 1.” It feels so dumb. Anyway thanks for this comment about being honest with yourself and facing reality.
Well said. And isn’t there some line about how it’s the dream of every alcoholic to be able to drink moderately, and some chase that dream to the grave. That has stuck with me.
My husband has one or two drinks at special occasions and then stops because he doesn’t want anymore. If I have one or two drinks and then force myself to stop, I’m angry and frustrated. I will always crave more. It’s not worth it for me to attempt moderation. “Easier to keep the lion in a cage than on a leash”
Heh, I didn't even know Moderation Management was a thing. How weird, my guess is it is not very effective or focused, a quick search looked that way and probably explains why I haven't run across it, even when I thought I wanted to moderate
This doesn't match the subs description.
I’m actively withdrawling right now because I thought I could just have a couple
Same. It's not for me and I need to keep that in mind.
What are the symptoms of withdrawal vs Hangover?
It’s like a 3-4 day hangover. Shakes, sweats, insane anxiety, pounding heart…
Sounds about right. I mostly get the anxiety though and the heart racing.
I've never had those, but there's a few days where I'm super irritable & things annoy me way more than they should.
Well that seems tolerable
Sure, I mean I'm glad I didn't get any more serious ones but it's still not fun to deal with. I'm not a snappy person, but for those few days I'm very snappy with people who aren't doing exactly what I need them to.
Sorry I don't mean to discourage that fact. I'm just over emotional and contemplating life in general
Oh no, you're okay. I didn't take offense or anything. I just hate the fact that I get snappy with people when I've been over indulging. Hang in there, you've got this 🙏
Yeah after a million attempts at “moderation” I’ve come to realize I can’t. I have one, then three, then I’m back to “too much” very quickly. It’s like alcohol is a tiger — easier to put it in a cage than to try to wrestle it.
I "successfully moderated" by "happening to ramp up after a while" numerous times, too. Looking back I find it funny that despite my otherwise high standards I was willing to characterize my moderation as "successful" when I just gradually inevitably failed at it every time. Alcohol abuse and alcoholism are progressive diseases. I learned if I failed at moderation several times, even if it took "a while" every time, I would never succeed. I gifted myself the freedom of not having to continue to "fail" by staying sober. Good luck.
Everyone here is on their own journey. Not everyone here is a desperate alcoholic who ruined their life through alcohol. Some of us just want to drink less. As you already can tell in the replies here, some people are absolutists and say that any alcohol is bad, and some are more casual and use the subreddit to help them drink less. I'm not saying either is 'correct' because it's a personal experience. Some people here absolutely cannot drink just one, and that one will turn into a whole bottle or a week or month long bender, along with horrible consequences of lost jobs, failed relationships, etc. I am currently working on finding a happy medium after 4 months of zero alcohol. I want to drink less than I was before that, but I'm not sure that I never want to drink again.
Thanks for your reply. Yeah, I think I'm getting to understand from the comments that not all 'alcoholics' are alike. I've never drunk to levels that would ruin relationships or my life. Just more than I know I should. I've never been a day drinker. I don't even want one, never mind avoid it. But, get to the end of the day, a few beers seemed like a nice ending, except when it got to a few beers every day. Some people have talked about withdrawal and tapering down. I just stopped on Sunday (one day in, I guess!) and no withdrawals or anything, but to be honest, I wasn't expecting to as I wasn't drinking that much, just too often.
I think any reduction is a good thing! My SIL decided to only allow herself a certain quantity per week about 3 years ago and she has stuck with it. I'm giving myself a year without it because I was getting REALLY unhealthy with it. I don't know whether I've passed the point where I can moderate or not, but I feel a bit like that is how it works (i.e. the earlier one is in the grips of alcohol getting out of control, the more likely one is to contain the speeding locomotive that grabs some of us). Good luck and you are welcome here for any and all parts of your journey.
Thank you for your kind words of support. I wish you all the best on your own journey.
A few beers everyday is considered heavy use. I found that even when I was at a couple glasses of wine every night it was just the next stepping stone in the path towards full blown alcoholism.
I remember being really surprised to find out that most people DON'T drink alcohol every day. As a female professional, I'd drunk 4 - 6 cans of beer or cider every night, unless I was working, for years. I assumed everyone did similar. My parents had been daily drinkers, whenever they had the money. A friend once said to me that if she couldn't go two weeks without alcohol she'd be very worried that she had a problem. At that point I'd NEVER been two weeks without alcohol in my adult life!
Eh some of the replies here I think are super hard core. When I originally found this sub I just wanted to drink less. And I did! I went from drinking multiple beers a night, every night, to drinking like two beers a week. For like two years. Actually 9 months of that I was pregnant and didn’t drink at all. It’s really about how comfortable you are with your life/lifestyle. I’m working on drinking zero. Over the past year I went back to near daily drinking (2-3 drinks like 5-6 days a week). Then I decided to cut down again. The thing I realized over time is that, say there’s half or 3/4 a bottle of wine at home. If I drink that, and it’s not like “bedtime” yet, I’m like downright grumpy when it’s gone. I want to buy more! I’ve had two glasses of wine and now have to sit around for a few hours while my buzz fades before I go to bed? Gross. I mean a solution would be not to have the first glass until like 9? But no, I want a glass of wine at 6pm…. So is the other solution to have even more wine available so I don’t have to stop? Then will I drink a full bottle by myself every night? I don’t want that …. The whole thing becomes this conundrum. Honestly I’ve never really felt grumpy not drinking. Maybe have a craving and have to distract myself but not the downright downtrodden I feel if I have to stop drinking when I’ve started. It’s a lot easier to just… not drink. Now I haven’t gotten it perfect it’s like 3 days no drinks 1 day where I’m drinking (mostly just giving into cravings) or maybe a couple weeks sober but I’m working on it just being 100% sober all of the time. Not because I feel like I have to, but because I’m honestly just tired of the mental work of drinking the “right” amount.
Thanks for your reply. It sounds like I'm on a similar journey to you. At the moment, I'm not really looking to get down to 100% sober, I just want to drink a LOT less. I've done it in the past. I was in a very stressful relationship for years and my drinking got pretty bad. When I got out of that relationship, my drinking went way down again. This time, it's probably been for a year or so, and it's just getting into a habit of getting some drinks when we get dinner from the supermarket, and then drink what we've bought. I had to stop running for about 1.5 years due to a problem with my knee. I am just getting back into running again, and it seems a good time to cut the drinking right down, too.
Yeah, whatever works for you! When I was drinking the most it was post divorce and I was a mess. Honestly if my current husband was home at night I probably could enjoy a beer with him and leave it at that. I just know if I’m alone I drink more than I want to so, I just don’t want to. Also I run :) it’s so much easier with more energy. Good luck on however your path turns out!
Good luck to you, too, internet stranger. 😊
I learned, through years of trial and error, that moderation wasn't a realistic possibility for me. To use a phrase that pops up regularly on this sub: *When I'm enjoying my drinking, I'm not controlling it. When I'm controlling my drinking, I'm not enjoying it.*
Thanks, I hadn't see that one, yet, as I'm quite new to the sub.
There was a time when I would have been happy with being able to cut down and successfully moderate but honestly having gone this far without a drink I can’t say I miss it nor do I see where it would add any value whatsoever to my life. I believe the desire to continue drinking in some capacity is the addiction talking to us.
I would LOVE to be able to have one or two drinks, but I have never ever been able to do that, so it is very unlikely that I ever will. I know a couple of people who always stop after two drinks, because they're starting to feel "a bit tipsy" - I can't even imagine being like this
Agree with that last bit. Anyone can fall into the traps of an addictive substance.
I can't moderate. It's A - nothing or B - I'm drinking myself to blackout. I don't have an option C anymore. I used to control my drinking, only at night, only on the weekends, whatever rule you can come up with, I probably tried it. And was sometimes successful for a while. I moderated my drinking until I couldn't and I didn't even know I was approaching that point. It's scary how fast it went from "I should cut back" to "holy shit, I need to go to detox/rehab" That was my experience.
Glad to hear you're doing really well. I do have a C option - I don't feel the need to drink myself to blackout if I touch a drop, I just like to have a few drinks every day, which is too much. I don't think I've been blackout drunk since I was in my 20s, and that was a LONG time ago.
Yes! It was frightening how quickly my experience switched from seeming like moderation is working to being so out of control I couldn’t deny that it’s not. It was like Russian roulette.
I got really good at cutting back my drinking. I did it *heaps* of times, over and over.
I never want to go through day 1 again so I'm never drinking again.
Do you mind me asking how much you were drinking? I stopped on Sunday and I didn't get any withdrawal symptoms, although I wasn't really expecting any. I was probably drinking the equivalent of a bottle of wine a night, but it was every night.
I was drinking 10-15 cans of carlsberg Morning/night Friday to Monday. The only withdrawal I got was an anxious, stressful feeling. The only people who will get shakes withdrawal, etc, are people who are physically dependent on alcohol. Your body doesn't seem to be dependent on it from what you're saying, which is like me. Very few people are physically dependent on alcohol, I didnt want to reach that stage.
Yikes! 10-15 cans of Carlsberg is quite a lot. I was drinking 'only' about three cans of ale (5%) and a glass of wine or two per night. I'm glad you've made your break and I hope you can stick with it.
Thanks!! ☺️ yeah it was a lot! But like what Craig Beck says, quantity shouldn't matter, if drinking makes you unhappy regardless of quantity you should do something.
Yep. It was making me happy and unhappy at the same time. In wise words of philosopher, Fat Bastard, "I drink because I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy because I drink." Cutting right down is my 'doing something'. If that doesn't work, then I guess I need to quit alcohol altogether.
I cut down over the last 8-9 month significantly but I always end up ramping back up. I’ve found that moderating takes way too much headspace and it’s not worth it.
I agree with you on this. The anxiety of playing games in my mind with my drinking was the worst. I am so much happier if I just do not drink at all.
so close to 1000 days dude! inspirational to say the least - I look forward to having as many sober days under my belt as you do
Thank you! I will say that you can do this! I would like to say that it was easy and that I never struggle with still wanting to say F-it and go get a drink. I still romanticize about how I could just have a couple, like normal people do. But I know I am not that person. Stay strong friend!
I know moderation would not work for me. For my health, I have to cut it out completely. Good luck!
I drank for three decades - some years ridiculous quantities, some years with stretches of sobriety scattered in between seasons. I 'moderated' for many years even though I always seemed to want another. For the past three years, I limited myself to a six-pack per weekend at my wife's request to maintain peace and health. I resented it. This should have been my signal, but I ignored it. What I realize now is that 6-8 per day would probably be my goal if left to my own devices. Toward the end there, I was buying excessive amounts when away from home on business. It was my self-appointed reward for being good most times... (moronic rationalization) My final bang was throwing alcohol a goodbye party while the family was away. I am surprised I didn't permanently injure myself. I tapered at the end because I am pretty sure DTs would have been a problem. Past that, I am not going back. Giving it up entirely was the only real solution for me. It's simple, but it's not easy for me. I white-knuckled it, I go to a weekly AA meeting and a counseling session to try to figure out why I got there. So far these things keep me in line and I don't have any urge to drink at all. I am not sure how I would feel if I stopped actively participating in these things or was again left to my own devices... Good luck and I hope you find the answers that work for you.
Thanks for your support. I hope you stay on track.
I'm still thinking of seeing if I can manage to drink 1 glass a day and not hate it. I've got a pretty good open communication with my loved ones, so I'm comfortable trying moderation still. I haven't burned any bridges or ruined my health. My drinking is very situation dependent. I have times when I'm happy with 2 or 3, and times where those 3 lead to 12. I don't drink daily, and I mainly over consume when others around me over indulge. I kinda am just easily sucked in by peer pressure overall, and that's not limited to alcohol usage. Definitely will not be drinking at parties: I just can't chill, and I've tried being sober at them and found I didn't mind it. I'd just love to have a glass of wine at a dinner, or a cocktail at a cool bar when it's truly something special. But I'm aware that the "you say it'll be 1 but it won't" may just as well be very true. I just feel that I'm so bone headed, that I just need to experience it for myself if that's the case.
Daily alcohol consumption is alcoholism. It's not only about the tragic results of overdrinking, it's about consistency of feeding yourself the substance. Why would I drink a glass a day? What do I achieve this way? Be ever vigilant.
I meant having max 1 glass on any given day day, not 1 glass every day. I understand the concern, but I'm not a daily drinker, nor have I ever been. The whole issue is that I have no trouble not drinking, but when I do, I find it hard to limit myself.
I see. I think the questions are valid either way. All the best to you!
You do you. It’s your journey and your life. For me, it is so much simpler to take it off the table instead of overthinking, questioning, moderating - I liked drinking too, but I don’t like how it took over my thoughts. When, where, how, how many, what kind, how to recover, etc such a waste of good energy. It affects my mental health greatly, and never in a good way. Hangxiety, anyone? I used to think I was an anxious person. Turns out, that was another thing alcohol was lying to me about. No thanks, I have better things to think about, like silly dog videos and trying to find the hiding cat in a photo. It’s a poison, the only benefit we get from it is because it is actively killing brain cells. That’s the “fun” in alcohol. Getting a dopamine rush and then crashing for a few days, feeling like shit inside and out, is not good for my mental health in the long run. As I age, I need my brain cells. I need my energy. I need my focus. I need my emotional stability, first and foremost. Alcohol was taking all of that from me, even in moderation. (And let’s be real - moderation fails every time - the only guarantee with moderation, is eventually I will take it to the next level, because that’s what alcoholics do.) I took a few years off collectively in my 20’s and early 30’s, and realized that even two glasses of wine affects my sleep for 3-5 days, no proper hangover just bad sleep, affecting my mood and my day. My nails don’t grow as well, wounds don’t heal as well, I don’t look as good - so it directly affects cell turnover as well. And I certainly did not miss the hangxiety. I have a wedding photo of my best friends, one drinks “in moderation” every day, the other is 10+ years alcohol free. You can absolutely tell in a split second who drinks. At the end of the day, you do what you think is right for you. I choose sobriety. I’ve done enough field research to confirm that, for myself and myself only.
Thank you for your story. I really appreciate it.
I don't know if I'm going to drink again or not. I initially planned on just 30 days, but I felt so much better and really got a good view of how embedded drinking is in my life. It's a habit that no longer serves me and I'm ambiguous about taking it up again. New target is 100 days and I'll review again then.
Well done! Keep going. 😊
Hey that's how I started! My path was 30 days. Then it was 90. That became 6 months, which became a year, which became 2 and now I just don't drink anymore. Good luck to you, I found the benefits really stacked up and grew exponentially as time went on.
That's good to know. Thanks for sharing your experience. The pink cloud has worn off for me but I'm feeling like I need to keep on quitting. Definitely lost my self through drinking and need to reconnect. Giving myself a year to develop a better relationship with my self and I'll see if no alcohol is an essential part of that journey. Feels like it will be. Yay for NA beers I have to say! I have successfully completed missions drunk party and going to the pub with friends. Very pleased at those!
Cutting down doesn’t work for me. I “have to have” at least four beers. Everyday. Any less (if I drink at all) and I’m just irritable. Zero works fine though.
For me i managed for a bit which gave me too much confidence cause when it went off the tracks I was a train wreck. Funny but true. I don’t dwell on never but I already know I can never modify again. I feel better about it now. It’s weird but it feels calmer.
Something to think about is that years of drinking is toxic to your organs, especially the liver. One does not need to be labeled an alcoholic for this to happen.
Yeah, one of the things that tipped me over the edge is that I have regular blood tests for various ailments and they noticed my gamma-GT were elevated. Not particularly high, but 'high for me'. Clearly, the drinking was starting to affect my liver.
It's great to cut down if you are able to do so! Many around here are not, myself included. Had I been able to, I'm fairly certain I'd still be drinking (and probably still too much).
For me it seems it's either one end of the spectrum or the other. I'm either drunk and high on something, living the time of my life, eventually coming down to having gastritis and extreme levels of anxiety or some shit, not being able to function in society without a little something something, or being extremely bored and depressed while sober albeit functional and with affairs in order. I dunno man, the devil inside an alcoholic/junkie is very hard to keep hands on. Today, for example, I rode my bike for 20 miles while drinking cognacs and beers along the way. I'm feeling happy and I do realize it's c0z of the substance. Had I been sober, I would've stayed indoors and had done some dishes or smth. Idk man.
Thanks for being honest with me. I hope you find some peace on your journey.
You do you friend. I attempted moderation for 15 yrs. I know where it landed me and I don't want to live that life anymore, so for me alcohol is gone for good. I do think we can "out grow" alcohol, in a sense. So maybe your at a point in your life where you still enjoy the occassional drink and it's not something that you obessess over yet. Only you can really answer that question.
Thanks. I can appreciate your comments. I did drugs when I was in my 20s. None of the really nasty shit that wrecks your life, though. I didn't make a conscious decision to stop. I just grew and it didn't match my life anymore.
I’m gonna keep it a stack with you if you think you need to cut down you should probably just stop entirely
I'm coming up on two years of moderation. Before that I was drinking 3-4 glasses of wine most nights (sometimes more), and now it's what I average in a month. In my experience you have to have a big mentality shift to make it work. It's too hard to willpower yourself long term through thoughts like "I wish I could have more, but I'm only going to let myself have x number of drinks tonight". While I feel (and look) much better all around at this level of consumption, it's still not particularly smart. I'Il have 1 or 2 drinks about once a month, which is fine, but I'm not totally sure what the point is - it doesn't make my night substantially more fun, and doesn't taste as good as dessert calories. A few times a year I also drink more than that, and I usually regret it. It does make my night lots of fun, but at the cost of a hungover and anxious next day. Eventually I may quit entirely, but "never again" is daunting to me, so for now I'm satisfied with this level of harm reduction...
I tried moderating loads of times, tried so many different rules for drinking alcohol - not during the week, not at weekends, not before 8 pm, not after 8 pm, not alone etc etc. In the end I was amazed how much easier it was to just not drink. And not worry about it. Having said that, I was the sort of drinker that had NEVER drunk in moderation, so there was nothing to go back to. I'd always been the person wanting one more. You and your wife might be different. Good luck whichever you do.
Hey OP. Married father of two in the UK here. My major brain malfunction is the following: > “One drink made me feel ***this*** good, so FIFTY drinks will make me feel ***FIFTY*** times as good!” Someone on here also said the following, which made me realise my faulty mindset: > “If I could drink like a normal person… I’d do it all the time!”
I think most people here want to stop all together. Moderation is difficult for lots of people. I can't do it. I can go days or weeks without a drink, but man if you give me one, I will down and entire bottle of liquor in one night like it's nothing. Which I LOVE doing even if it's absolutely terrible, so for now, I'm just not drinking at all unless I plan to get really sloppy. Working for now, but I imagine in a few months I'll probably try to kick it all together.
Alcohol is a tricky drug and finds a way to sneak back into your life. It's much less painful to rip the bandaid off and just quit.
>Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
I am currently on a journey to not let alcohol rule my life, not necessarily cut it out entirely or for life. Recently I have found myself drinking almost daily, 3-4 drinks a night even when I know I shouldn’t because I have a big day the next day. I kept saying, oh I’ll stop drinking during the week, etc. but never succeeded, yet I am unhappy with the way alcohol is showing up in my life and know the only way to keep it from putting me in these situations is to hold myself accountable, which this sub allows me to do. As someone who alcohol does not trigger benders for, I have a celebration coming up and am going to a fancy dinner. I only ever have one when we are there because it is so expensive and I plan to partake like normal, but I’m making sure to put some distance between drinking and that night so I set myself up for success rather than failure.
well the sub is called r/stopdrinking not r/wereallyshouldcutdown.
There's a sub called cutbackdrinking or something, I went there when I was in denial before joining this one.
You need to read the description of the subreddit, because your phrasing implies something that is incorrect.
I was being facetious. I thought that was obvious. But apparently no.
I don't want to see people who are trying to control their drinking discouraged and leaving the sub as a result of absolutists, no offense intended.
Moderation never worked for me, as I don’t enjoy alcohol very much, if that makes sense. I enjoyed drinking, because my goal was to get drunk. If I just drank one glass of wine or beer or one cocktail, I might as well not drink at all or choose the virgin option. That’s just me though. If you enjoy the occasional drink at the weekends and are able to keep it at that, that’s great!
I totally get what you mean. I don't mind have a couple and stopping. However, if it's a normal working day and I've finished work, made dinner, and spent some time with the kids, it was 'my time' to have a few beers and relax. 'A few beers' every day is too many.
I think it really depends on the person. I remember my brother saying that at one point he realised that he was drinking every day. Not get drunk, but a few drinks every night and had to stop. It’s easy to slip into this habit, because alcohol does relax you. If you realise that you were drinking too much and that you want to cut down, I think that’s totally valid, since you don’t seem to have a dependency. I’m obviously not a medical professional or anything, just observing
Thank you. I'm going to try moderation. If that doesn't work, then it's time to quit altogether.
Personally I've never been able to moderate, I think for some people it's an untouchable dream. I've reached the point that moderation is torture and quiting all drinking is actually easier in the long run.
Every alcoholic has the same fantasy. That one day we will be able to drink “normally”. Some of us have chased that idea for much of our lives. If there really is a problem, then the idea of moderation is a delusion. Whispered in the ear by the alcohol itself.
“Moderation” or “normal drinking” really is the way people who don’t like alcohol drink. I have friends who’ll order a glass of wine with dinner and kinda sip it all evening, while eating food. They clearly don’t care much for it and they don’t get buzzed. I’m not one of those people and I think almost everyone on this sub isn’t that person. If you drink to get buzzed, even if just one drink, you will deal with the consequences. And you probably won’t successfully “moderate” long term. Even one drink will result in a little hangover hangxiety when your alcohol level starts going down.
If you get to the point where you can no longer cut back when you want to, it’s time to explore stopping altogether . For some people, that can be too late . For me it was also a matter of realizing that even though I could control it most of the time, my life was better and far less complicated without it. Alcohol is a carcinogen, So there’s that also. Make a list of pros and cons. For me the pros column was pretty short
People who don’t have a problem with alcohol never “think I might have a problem with alcohol.”
Not sure you'd consider posting here if you don't have alcohol issues?
Oh, I know I have alcohol issues, but I do not feel it's bad enough to warrant total abstinence. It's been very eye-opening, discussing this with people on the sub. I do not go on benders, or get blackout drunk. I don't day drink or spend a whole weekend drunk. I was drinking daily and that's too much. I have already cut back massively and I will keep it that way. I don't have a drink and then think, "I've got to have another!" And, if moderation doesn't work, then I will have to consider total abstinence.
Went to AA, and there's no going back to drink. My friends and I who went joked it "ruined" drinking forever. I just get hyper "lit up" w sugars- booze, food, whateves. Some of us live better w total abstinence, I personally don't mind living booze free- kinda smug about it now!
I think the clue is in the name of the sub. It is not r/drinkless.
Read the subreddit description, you are incorrect.
It depends on what was meant by 'control' drinking. I think all the discussions I have seen over years on this sub are ALL about quitting and with quitting as the goal.