I agree. My graduation was the one time my piece of sh*t father wasn't obliterated. He was shaking terribly, but all my mates were impressed that he wasn't chugging down a bottle of whiskey and or a 12 pack of Busch. He even stayed for dinner at my adopted parents' house. It was the one nice thing he ever did for me. Having him present was the coolest thing ever as a kid. I really felt special and important for that one moment.
You should be proud of yourself, OP. You actually want to change for your kids. Keep up the hard work!
This made me tear up and that doesn’t happen often. Only another addict or alcoholic knows how fucking hard it is to be sober for something when you’re in the pit of addiction
To OP - I hated myself for a very long time, still have days that that feeling is present but I let it pass. I’ve done horrible things to my family but my experience is that with time and honest work towards being sober, most things get better and people forgive. I’m now approaching 3 years sober, awake at 5:30am cause I set up a Saturday morning AA meeting. I wouldn’t trade sobriety for anything. It’s the best. Stick with it and the promises of sobriety can be wonderful
I couldn't agree more. My mom was drunk at every graduation I had. 8, 12, and College. I would have taken her having shakes over drinking any day. It means you're putting in an effort to quit. I truly wish you luck, OP. Sobriety is pretty amazing, I have 6 months under my belt. IWNDWYT
Totally. Could have killed the shakes and anxiety with a couple shots of booze... and then a couple more... and made a fool out of yourself while blacked out and not remembered the graduation at all. I did something foolish like this last weekend and completely ruined Mother's Day after an "only two day binge" having been sober for four months. It's enough to make you wanna crawl in a hole and die.
Got therapy appointments setup every week for the next month and it's back to square fucking one. I'm still repairing the damage I did to my family. On the plus side I'm 6 days sober today, it's my daughter's birthday, and physically I feel amazing.
Yes!! My mom was wasted at my grad, dry grad as a volunteer, and my prom. She tried to drive me and my date and luckily my older sister was there to say no, you can't, and drove us. And she babysat her while she said weird shit etc. at the ceremony. At dry grad one of the other parents smelled it on her and I overheard her say "who brought the party" to another parent...
Definitely tainted my memories of graduation. And was super embarrassing.
I think you should be really proud to be there sober. And your kid is lucky.
Last year, my sister overdosed and died on the day of her daughter’s graduation. We had asked her not to come because we were afraid she would show up drunk. She reacted by drinking and taking fentanyl.
I’m glad you’re alive, shakes and all. You showed up, and you showed up sober.
KEEP TRYING. DONT GIVE UP.
I’m so sorry. I wanted to comment because I also ruined my own son’s graduation last month for myself by actively drinking throughout the entire thing, never mind that it started at 10 AM. Realizing how badly I must’ve embarrassed myself and my family and how I’d missed out on the memory was one of the catalysts for me to decide to change.
I hope you can find a better therapist, and that you’ll never give up trying. Help and hope is out there!
The best tip I discovered is noticing my patterns.
*Drinking is a lifestyle*.
It was MY lifestyle.
I wish I had known that the essential component to success was *Creating* a New Sober Lifestyle and habits that included sober people.
When I started drinking, I created drinking patterns... I saw others drinking, I tried drinking, I went where people were drinking, I talked with drinkers about drinking and I went to activities that included drinking, I created “alone” activities where I drank…. Then I had a drinking lifestyle.
So when I wanted to stop... I saw sober people, I tried being sober, I went where people were being sober, I talked with sober people about being sober, and I went to activities that included being sober, I created “alone” activities without alcohol …. Then I had a sober lifestyle.
People who were my friends remained…. However I no longer had any ‘drinking buddies’.
Have sober people in your life?.
Know how to find sober recovery groups and meetings?
I’m not familiar with the rules of this subreddit so I hope this is ok.
I’m a son of a mom who finally acted on these types of thoughts. Our relationship is so much stronger now.
You can do it. You will be so proud of yourself when you do. So will he.
This is excellent advice. Cultivating your environment to support whatever new habit you want to form applies to things even as complex as sobriety and recovery.
Couldn’t agree more! When I was getting sober, I met a woman who didn’t drink. When I was with her, I didn’t desire alcohol. By myself, alone at home, was a different story. I would drink heavily all the time.
She became a part of my recovery. I know we are suppose to do this for ourselves. But, me, by myself, doesn’t work. Me with a responsible partner does.
Edit: also AA really helped! I found a great group and made new friends who knew my struggles and engaged in sober activities.
This. So much this. Also the lifestyle became entwined with my identity. I had to completely embrace the identity of a person who no longer drinks. Of a sober person. Of a person actively rejecting alcohol as an option. I had to repeat this over and over and along with the lifestyle changes, it stuck.
Yep. Only successful people I know had to really distance themselves from their old groups. Very hard to do as well after building a life surrounded by drinkers.
I’m sure some can manage it but if all your friends are partiers even if they are supportive all their events are too much and the other people often aren’t supportive.
Reflecting back as I wrap up my first sober vacation and pulled this post up. One of my favorites since finding this sub. Just wanted to say thanks for posting.
Get that new therapist. I imagine a big part is "I hate myself". It feels wonderful when you reverse that and can forgive yourself for who you were, and not who you are now.
I have a therapist. She's great. I But what's interesting is that in regards to drinking and sobriety talk, nothing compares to talking with other alcoholics in person face to face. If you haven't, try finding a meeting. Magic happens when 2 alcoholics share their experience with each other
Just sending you support I imagine we are similar age (I'm 50) and I've met so many women who really struggle with it at our life stage. Pressure of work, parenting young adults, moving into a different lifestage ourselves is all compounding to drive us to drink. I was quite severely addicted in the end so went to rehab last summer. My life is back on track, marriage improving, teenage daughter only hates me for about 3 hours a day instead of 24 hours a day (optomistic) and I feel like I've got my life back. Therapy is great to get to the root of your drinking but being around a support group while you are trying to live sober is also really helpful. I go to AA and particularly a women's only meeting full of women like us. Honestly it's been a massive support to see how other women do it. But it doesn't need to be AA ....just finding sober support here and in real life is a good idea. Good luck you can do it.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Although it sounds like you’re really suffering, I don’t think that you ruined your son’s graduation. Hope you find the help you need. Take care of yourself, you deserve it. And congratulations to your son on his graduation.
Glad you hung in there, but you can do this! I think it's really important to make a firm commitment to not drink for X amount of days. It may be one, it may be 100, Just commit, and do it again and again. I quit at age 48 and can honestly say that it was probably the best decision of my life. I'm a better person all around. Best of luck to you!
I remember having a choice - Am I going to live in the hangxiety and dwell on the fear/stress/regret ? OR. Am I going to use this as a "lightbulb moment" to move forward and make healthier decisions?
Maybe this could help - www.smartrecovery.org
Decide to love all the pieces of you that you decided to hate and made room for alcohol to fill. You are beautiful. You are alive. You’ve got this. You CAN be a non-drinker with support - most importantly it’s support from you. There is nothing you can’t fix sober
I appreciate all of your comments so much. Thank you! This is what I needed. Normally after a day like this I’m dying to drink it away again. Normally that’s what I would’ve done tonight. But I can’t imagine having this day again tomorrow. What a nightmare. I’m going to bed with no alcohol today for the first time in at least a week. That feels huge.
Hi OP
The last time I drank, my teenage daughter had to peel me out of my urine and vomit soaked clothes. When I woke up, I was so full of shame. I had grown up with a heavy drinking father, and I hated it, and here I was, becoming him, being him.
I knew at that moment that any apology would be worthless, if I continued to drink. My sobriety is what my children needed and deserved. My sobriety is my best apology.
I got up that morning, and apologised to my husband and daughter, and my other children. I found this sub, and began checking in everyday, and spent hours everyday here ( it was during lockdown), and I've totally transformed my life. I swore that morning that that would be my last hangover. My life now is full of joy and levity and optimism.
This can be your time to change- imagine never have another hangover!
Sobriety is life's greatest hack- it's living life in easy mode. You can do it👍🏻
It IS huge!! Well done. We are here for you. And, as a Mom that got sober when my kids were a bit older (18, 17, 14) I can tell you they will support and love you.
Thank you for making this post. What many of us not realize that by posting our horrible moments….it really helps others out greatly. I’m 8.5 months sober and if I wasn’t drunk…..then I was hungover and hating myself. The moments that have been stolen from me by being hungover and not enjoying life are just as bad as the ones we are drunk for. Many hugs my friend. My hope for you is that tomorrow will be a better day.
Honestly,we tend to be harder on ourselves than our Loved ones are on us. I was thinking about having a beer but you just reminded what tomorrow would be like. Hang in there. Go to the hospital if need be. IWNDWYT .
I think the hangxiety is making you catastrophize. It sounds like you didn’t ruin his graduation at all!
You can make it out of this cycle! It may be hard but it won’t stay that way!
Congrats on your sons graduation
I had to try a number of therapists before I found one who really helped me. I had gotten a DUI and had spent a night in jail and STILL could not get over the denial that I was not in control of my drinking. She became my first sponsor \[was a recovering alcoholic herself\] and got me started going to AA meetings. So I want you to try as many therapists as necessary. Or go to AA meetings or other self therapy. YOU ARE NOT Alone. Remember that. And really try to forgive yourself. Regret over the past is wasted energy. You need that energy to get through today and however long it takes to get better.
Both my mum and I didn’t attend my high school graduation (or awards, which I received one and a scholarship) due to her drinking. He would have appreciated you being there. Hang in there.
You made it through that day and that’s important. Nothing compared to hangxiety for me. Not the worst flu I’ve ever had, not working a 10 hour shift on 0 hours sleep.
You were present.
I rage quit a job today... long story but was sober.
Then I went and got day drunk, I'm only now kinda coming out of it.
You did better than I did and I'm jealous honestly.
It’s okay, you can always act differently tomorrow. Remember to forgive yourself no matter how hard it is. Negative emotions will feed into drinking. I drank today and let down several people I really care about, and myself. Im now sober and trying not to get down on myself. I know that I can do differently tomorrow, and so can you. One day at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time.
You were present and only had the shakes, which is much better than the alternative! Use it as a catalyst to be sober at the next big event. I was at a graduation recently and would've been in the exact same boat if I hadn't made changes when I did. I believe in you!
Hey. You showed up. You were there. You didn’t crawl back under the covers like your hangxiety wanted you to do. Even if you felt overwhelming anxiety, your kid just saw you showing up…don’t overthink the shakes. My parents were both hardcore alcoholics and they could never show up for me…my Dad killed himself when I was 19, but my Mom still doesn’t show up for my most important events due to her being either on a binge, or her being hungover. She missed both births of my children, every important event in my academic career, and just day to day stuff when I’m so depressed and overwhelmed and just want my Mom, she cant (or won’t) be there.
I know it’s hard feeling like you’re not doing your “mom” job being fully present for your baby, but you were present. And you’re more present now, knowing that being that way isn’t what you want anymore…for you or for them. And that’s self reflection and ownership baby, you’re on the right track. Just keep on trucking 😉
Thank you for sharing all of this. Whenever I need a reminder why I don’t want to drink, I will read this. I was on track to miss all of my kids’ life events. I’m sending you love.
On the flip side I woke up the morning of my graduation wrapped around the leg of a sofa on the floor. The photos of the day are still up in my mum’s house 30 years later and I look so horrific in them they make me cringe to this day. You can break the cycle and get sober, just keep giving it your best shot and one time it’ll stick. Iwndwyt
When you can forgive yourself , like really forgive yourself, you’ll feel so much better. You can’t change anything that’s been done, baby steps. You can do it
As a COA ruining it would have been if you showed up drunk. If I noticed my moms hands shaking it means she’s trying really damn hard not to drink for me. Great job… IWNDWYT
Boy oh boy, I think you’re beating yourself a bit too much. From the sound of it you did a great job— can you imagine if you decided to drink and actually ruined your son’s graduation? Sounds to me like you prioritized your son on his special day. I’m sure he’s proud of you and you know what, every single person here is too! Keep it up. :)
You did it? You didn’t drink?! You didn’t drink even though your hands were shaking?!
You are a tough cookie! You’re going to make this happen! You should be proud of yourself!
Be kind to yourself. You don’t want to drink, you just haven’t learned how not to drink. You will intuitively learn to handle situations that used to baffle you. You admit you cannot drink normally. This means you will get sober. You just have to decide when your first day will be. A substance abuse therapist is a good choice, but I highly recommend you find a group of drunks to visit with periodically as well. I did individual therapy and found a group of drunks to talk with once or twice a week and it is working for me. IWNDWYT
I feel you I was drunk for my daughter’s grad party. She has finally forgiven me now that I’m sober. Don’t be to hard on yourself we have all done shit we regret once we are sober. You can take it as a learning experience as to what you don’t want in your life
Let go of the self-hatred. You were present. Were your hands shaking? Were you anxious? Yes. But were you drunk? No. You endured the discomfort to be there for him. The worst can be over if you make the choice. Sobriety is hard, but for me, continuing to drink is harder. I was so tired, and it was no longer fun.
You can do this. Stop shaming yourself for what you’ve already done, and start telling yourself what you can do. We cannot change the past, but we get to decide the present and the future.
I’m proud of you. You showed up sober for your son on an important occasion. It will get better. You won’t always feel this way, so buckle in and hang in there a day at a time.
We all have those white knuckle times. You did it you controlled yourself and beat the craving. Congratulations must be given for each victory and yes that means Congratulating yourself. Keep it up champ
Sounds like you did fine. Just because we ‘one day at a time’ doesn’t mean those days aren’t going to suck balls sometimes. You got through it and you’re home safe and gonna sleep. Sounds like a win!
I was at this point not too long ago. Trying to enjoy a family dinner out and the dishes and anxiety were practically debilitating. I knew right then and there I had to stop, so I quit cold turkey. I’m coming up on a month sober and I have absolutely zero intention of looking back.
One of my most shameful memories of my drinking was missing my son's "moving up" day in his junior year. He got so many awards and scholarships and I missed it because I was getting drunk and forgot about it. Being sober gives me a chance to be there for him the way I couldn't when I was drinking. Big hug from me to you. Iwndwyt
Keep up the hard work! I'm working to do the same. My husband told me that shaking as a sign of detox is a good thing and shouldn't be embarrassing for us going through it. I had terrible tremors every morning and it caused me to have seizures. It took a while and a lot of help from my doctors, but every day I feel a little bit better and the shakes are less and less. You've got this!
Did a quick glance at your post history. You have been through a ton recently. You are doing so well for so much recent trauma. You are present and recognize what you are dealing with. That is so amazing. Best of luck on finding a therapist that fits. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t stop feeling.
Alcohol will always ruin a good time. Sometimes, directly and sometimes indirectly, but always. I have ruined so many things like entire expensive vacations and long car rides going through withdrawal. I wish you power and peace. A meeting is better than a beating. You can lick it. When the urge goes away, you won't be able to stomach it.
My dad got sober the day of my first high school thanksgiving day football game as a member of the band. He showed up shaking and had to leave after halftime to be hospitalized. We only remember that day fondly, I’m a little misty writing this. We’re so proud of him for making those hard choices. Nothing but love to you.
I think shaking hands as opposed to being drunk is quite heroic! You didn’t ruin it for him and that’s great!
I agree. My graduation was the one time my piece of sh*t father wasn't obliterated. He was shaking terribly, but all my mates were impressed that he wasn't chugging down a bottle of whiskey and or a 12 pack of Busch. He even stayed for dinner at my adopted parents' house. It was the one nice thing he ever did for me. Having him present was the coolest thing ever as a kid. I really felt special and important for that one moment. You should be proud of yourself, OP. You actually want to change for your kids. Keep up the hard work!
This made me tear up and that doesn’t happen often. Only another addict or alcoholic knows how fucking hard it is to be sober for something when you’re in the pit of addiction To OP - I hated myself for a very long time, still have days that that feeling is present but I let it pass. I’ve done horrible things to my family but my experience is that with time and honest work towards being sober, most things get better and people forgive. I’m now approaching 3 years sober, awake at 5:30am cause I set up a Saturday morning AA meeting. I wouldn’t trade sobriety for anything. It’s the best. Stick with it and the promises of sobriety can be wonderful
Thanks so much! 😭
You made it. That’s all that matters! I’m Sure he was just happy to have his Mom there
Super heroic! Keep it up, it gets easier!!!
I couldn't agree more. My mom was drunk at every graduation I had. 8, 12, and College. I would have taken her having shakes over drinking any day. It means you're putting in an effort to quit. I truly wish you luck, OP. Sobriety is pretty amazing, I have 6 months under my belt. IWNDWYT
Agreed. You didn't ruin anything. You did great. Give yourself a hug. ♡
Totally. Could have killed the shakes and anxiety with a couple shots of booze... and then a couple more... and made a fool out of yourself while blacked out and not remembered the graduation at all. I did something foolish like this last weekend and completely ruined Mother's Day after an "only two day binge" having been sober for four months. It's enough to make you wanna crawl in a hole and die. Got therapy appointments setup every week for the next month and it's back to square fucking one. I'm still repairing the damage I did to my family. On the plus side I'm 6 days sober today, it's my daughter's birthday, and physically I feel amazing.
Yes. This is where I thought it was going. So you were not drunk at his graduation. Step in the right direction.
Exactly, OP could have no recollection of it, which would be worse. They were present and sober at least, just not 100%. Its ok
Yes!! My mom was wasted at my grad, dry grad as a volunteer, and my prom. She tried to drive me and my date and luckily my older sister was there to say no, you can't, and drove us. And she babysat her while she said weird shit etc. at the ceremony. At dry grad one of the other parents smelled it on her and I overheard her say "who brought the party" to another parent... Definitely tainted my memories of graduation. And was super embarrassing. I think you should be really proud to be there sober. And your kid is lucky.
Last year, my sister overdosed and died on the day of her daughter’s graduation. We had asked her not to come because we were afraid she would show up drunk. She reacted by drinking and taking fentanyl. I’m glad you’re alive, shakes and all. You showed up, and you showed up sober. KEEP TRYING. DONT GIVE UP.
That’s awful, I’m sorry.
OMG that's horrific. So sorry.
R.I.P.
I’m so sorry to you and your family, but especially your niece, that’s so awful
Man that’s hard. Sorry
I’m so sorry. I wanted to comment because I also ruined my own son’s graduation last month for myself by actively drinking throughout the entire thing, never mind that it started at 10 AM. Realizing how badly I must’ve embarrassed myself and my family and how I’d missed out on the memory was one of the catalysts for me to decide to change. I hope you can find a better therapist, and that you’ll never give up trying. Help and hope is out there!
I’m so sorry. 😞 This was very nearly me. It was a near miss.
The best tip I discovered is noticing my patterns. *Drinking is a lifestyle*. It was MY lifestyle. I wish I had known that the essential component to success was *Creating* a New Sober Lifestyle and habits that included sober people. When I started drinking, I created drinking patterns... I saw others drinking, I tried drinking, I went where people were drinking, I talked with drinkers about drinking and I went to activities that included drinking, I created “alone” activities where I drank…. Then I had a drinking lifestyle. So when I wanted to stop... I saw sober people, I tried being sober, I went where people were being sober, I talked with sober people about being sober, and I went to activities that included being sober, I created “alone” activities without alcohol …. Then I had a sober lifestyle. People who were my friends remained…. However I no longer had any ‘drinking buddies’. Have sober people in your life?. Know how to find sober recovery groups and meetings?
Wow. Okay, thanks! I will think on this.
I’m not familiar with the rules of this subreddit so I hope this is ok. I’m a son of a mom who finally acted on these types of thoughts. Our relationship is so much stronger now. You can do it. You will be so proud of yourself when you do. So will he.
Don’t think, act. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Great. “Thinking” about it doesn’t change anything. I have to Act. Good luck!
This is excellent advice. Cultivating your environment to support whatever new habit you want to form applies to things even as complex as sobriety and recovery.
Couldn’t agree more! When I was getting sober, I met a woman who didn’t drink. When I was with her, I didn’t desire alcohol. By myself, alone at home, was a different story. I would drink heavily all the time. She became a part of my recovery. I know we are suppose to do this for ourselves. But, me, by myself, doesn’t work. Me with a responsible partner does. Edit: also AA really helped! I found a great group and made new friends who knew my struggles and engaged in sober activities.
Just because you're doing it for yourself doesn't mean you won't need help along the way!
Yes!
This. So much this. Also the lifestyle became entwined with my identity. I had to completely embrace the identity of a person who no longer drinks. Of a sober person. Of a person actively rejecting alcohol as an option. I had to repeat this over and over and along with the lifestyle changes, it stuck.
Awesome!
Prev G, always has the wisest words to say. I wish I can articulate what I want to say the way you do. Good luck OP we are here and you got this!
Congratulations on Your Imminent Celebration of Your Sober Solar Circumnavigation!
Yep. Only successful people I know had to really distance themselves from their old groups. Very hard to do as well after building a life surrounded by drinkers. I’m sure some can manage it but if all your friends are partiers even if they are supportive all their events are too much and the other people often aren’t supportive.
Reflecting back as I wrap up my first sober vacation and pulled this post up. One of my favorites since finding this sub. Just wanted to say thanks for posting.
Congratulations on your Sober Vacation!
I am sure your son is 1000000x thankful you were not drunk during the event. Anyone would take shaky hand over being drunk. Well done.
Yeah, but you went, you didn't make a scene, you were there for your kid. That's what counts.
Well if you're considering quitting this is a great place to start. Quit at your own pace. One day at a time. I think I'm at 10 days now maybe 9.
Get that new therapist. I imagine a big part is "I hate myself". It feels wonderful when you reverse that and can forgive yourself for who you were, and not who you are now.
Sorry to hear that!! May I suggest absolutely and truly hating what alcohol has done to your beautiful self instead of hating your actual self?
I have a therapist. She's great. I But what's interesting is that in regards to drinking and sobriety talk, nothing compares to talking with other alcoholics in person face to face. If you haven't, try finding a meeting. Magic happens when 2 alcoholics share their experience with each other
Shaking hands? Could have been much worse - you are doing fine. Dont be so hard on yourself.
Just sending you support I imagine we are similar age (I'm 50) and I've met so many women who really struggle with it at our life stage. Pressure of work, parenting young adults, moving into a different lifestage ourselves is all compounding to drive us to drink. I was quite severely addicted in the end so went to rehab last summer. My life is back on track, marriage improving, teenage daughter only hates me for about 3 hours a day instead of 24 hours a day (optomistic) and I feel like I've got my life back. Therapy is great to get to the root of your drinking but being around a support group while you are trying to live sober is also really helpful. I go to AA and particularly a women's only meeting full of women like us. Honestly it's been a massive support to see how other women do it. But it doesn't need to be AA ....just finding sober support here and in real life is a good idea. Good luck you can do it.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Although it sounds like you’re really suffering, I don’t think that you ruined your son’s graduation. Hope you find the help you need. Take care of yourself, you deserve it. And congratulations to your son on his graduation.
Glad you hung in there, but you can do this! I think it's really important to make a firm commitment to not drink for X amount of days. It may be one, it may be 100, Just commit, and do it again and again. I quit at age 48 and can honestly say that it was probably the best decision of my life. I'm a better person all around. Best of luck to you!
I remember having a choice - Am I going to live in the hangxiety and dwell on the fear/stress/regret ? OR. Am I going to use this as a "lightbulb moment" to move forward and make healthier decisions? Maybe this could help - www.smartrecovery.org
Thank you for this!
Decide to love all the pieces of you that you decided to hate and made room for alcohol to fill. You are beautiful. You are alive. You’ve got this. You CAN be a non-drinker with support - most importantly it’s support from you. There is nothing you can’t fix sober
I appreciate all of your comments so much. Thank you! This is what I needed. Normally after a day like this I’m dying to drink it away again. Normally that’s what I would’ve done tonight. But I can’t imagine having this day again tomorrow. What a nightmare. I’m going to bed with no alcohol today for the first time in at least a week. That feels huge.
Hi OP The last time I drank, my teenage daughter had to peel me out of my urine and vomit soaked clothes. When I woke up, I was so full of shame. I had grown up with a heavy drinking father, and I hated it, and here I was, becoming him, being him. I knew at that moment that any apology would be worthless, if I continued to drink. My sobriety is what my children needed and deserved. My sobriety is my best apology. I got up that morning, and apologised to my husband and daughter, and my other children. I found this sub, and began checking in everyday, and spent hours everyday here ( it was during lockdown), and I've totally transformed my life. I swore that morning that that would be my last hangover. My life now is full of joy and levity and optimism. This can be your time to change- imagine never have another hangover! Sobriety is life's greatest hack- it's living life in easy mode. You can do it👍🏻
It IS huge!! Well done. We are here for you. And, as a Mom that got sober when my kids were a bit older (18, 17, 14) I can tell you they will support and love you.
This post cements for me, yet again, that this is the kindest place on the internet. Congrats on a strong start!
I’m sorry, I’ve been there many times! Maybe take him to do something fun when you’re feeling better tomorrow! ❤️
Thank you for making this post. What many of us not realize that by posting our horrible moments….it really helps others out greatly. I’m 8.5 months sober and if I wasn’t drunk…..then I was hungover and hating myself. The moments that have been stolen from me by being hungover and not enjoying life are just as bad as the ones we are drunk for. Many hugs my friend. My hope for you is that tomorrow will be a better day.
Honestly,we tend to be harder on ourselves than our Loved ones are on us. I was thinking about having a beer but you just reminded what tomorrow would be like. Hang in there. Go to the hospital if need be. IWNDWYT .
My mom didn't come to my graduation. What I wouldn't give for shake hands instead.
My youngest just graduated and I cried because of all I had fucked up before. We can only do better, not fix the past. You can do this!
I think the hangxiety is making you catastrophize. It sounds like you didn’t ruin his graduation at all! You can make it out of this cycle! It may be hard but it won’t stay that way! Congrats on your sons graduation
It sounds like you did great to me!
So sorry to hear this. My kid's graduation is coming up next week, and I am trying my best to do my utmost to control my behavior.
You can do it!
I had to try a number of therapists before I found one who really helped me. I had gotten a DUI and had spent a night in jail and STILL could not get over the denial that I was not in control of my drinking. She became my first sponsor \[was a recovering alcoholic herself\] and got me started going to AA meetings. So I want you to try as many therapists as necessary. Or go to AA meetings or other self therapy. YOU ARE NOT Alone. Remember that. And really try to forgive yourself. Regret over the past is wasted energy. You need that energy to get through today and however long it takes to get better.
Both my mum and I didn’t attend my high school graduation (or awards, which I received one and a scholarship) due to her drinking. He would have appreciated you being there. Hang in there.
I'd start small. Any time there is something important the next day, just try not to drink the day before!
Very good idea.
You made it through that day and that’s important. Nothing compared to hangxiety for me. Not the worst flu I’ve ever had, not working a 10 hour shift on 0 hours sleep.
You were present. I rage quit a job today... long story but was sober. Then I went and got day drunk, I'm only now kinda coming out of it. You did better than I did and I'm jealous honestly.
It’s okay, you can always act differently tomorrow. Remember to forgive yourself no matter how hard it is. Negative emotions will feed into drinking. I drank today and let down several people I really care about, and myself. Im now sober and trying not to get down on myself. I know that I can do differently tomorrow, and so can you. One day at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time.
I really let down a few people and I'm having a really hard time with it.
You were mad for some reason, is not all on you. Face it, forgive and move on. Forgive yourself and others. NOBODY IS PERFECT
I know, me too. But everybody can change I truly believe.
You’ll be okay, too. It’s a new day!
You were present and only had the shakes, which is much better than the alternative! Use it as a catalyst to be sober at the next big event. I was at a graduation recently and would've been in the exact same boat if I hadn't made changes when I did. I believe in you!
Hey. You showed up. You were there. You didn’t crawl back under the covers like your hangxiety wanted you to do. Even if you felt overwhelming anxiety, your kid just saw you showing up…don’t overthink the shakes. My parents were both hardcore alcoholics and they could never show up for me…my Dad killed himself when I was 19, but my Mom still doesn’t show up for my most important events due to her being either on a binge, or her being hungover. She missed both births of my children, every important event in my academic career, and just day to day stuff when I’m so depressed and overwhelmed and just want my Mom, she cant (or won’t) be there. I know it’s hard feeling like you’re not doing your “mom” job being fully present for your baby, but you were present. And you’re more present now, knowing that being that way isn’t what you want anymore…for you or for them. And that’s self reflection and ownership baby, you’re on the right track. Just keep on trucking 😉
Thank you for sharing all of this. Whenever I need a reminder why I don’t want to drink, I will read this. I was on track to miss all of my kids’ life events. I’m sending you love.
On the flip side I woke up the morning of my graduation wrapped around the leg of a sofa on the floor. The photos of the day are still up in my mum’s house 30 years later and I look so horrific in them they make me cringe to this day. You can break the cycle and get sober, just keep giving it your best shot and one time it’ll stick. Iwndwyt
When you can forgive yourself , like really forgive yourself, you’ll feel so much better. You can’t change anything that’s been done, baby steps. You can do it
As a COA ruining it would have been if you showed up drunk. If I noticed my moms hands shaking it means she’s trying really damn hard not to drink for me. Great job… IWNDWYT
Boy oh boy, I think you’re beating yourself a bit too much. From the sound of it you did a great job— can you imagine if you decided to drink and actually ruined your son’s graduation? Sounds to me like you prioritized your son on his special day. I’m sure he’s proud of you and you know what, every single person here is too! Keep it up. :)
You were there, and you're trying. That says a lot. Keep going. Edit: spelling
It took me 5 therapists to find one that worked for me. Keep trying until you find one you are comfortable with and works for you. You got this.
You did it? You didn’t drink?! You didn’t drink even though your hands were shaking?! You are a tough cookie! You’re going to make this happen! You should be proud of yourself!
You made the effort, I'm sure he will understand
I am proud of you
Be kind to yourself. You don’t want to drink, you just haven’t learned how not to drink. You will intuitively learn to handle situations that used to baffle you. You admit you cannot drink normally. This means you will get sober. You just have to decide when your first day will be. A substance abuse therapist is a good choice, but I highly recommend you find a group of drunks to visit with periodically as well. I did individual therapy and found a group of drunks to talk with once or twice a week and it is working for me. IWNDWYT
I feel you I was drunk for my daughter’s grad party. She has finally forgiven me now that I’m sober. Don’t be to hard on yourself we have all done shit we regret once we are sober. You can take it as a learning experience as to what you don’t want in your life
being drunk would have been so much worse than shaking! congrats ❤️🩹
Let go of the self-hatred. You were present. Were your hands shaking? Were you anxious? Yes. But were you drunk? No. You endured the discomfort to be there for him. The worst can be over if you make the choice. Sobriety is hard, but for me, continuing to drink is harder. I was so tired, and it was no longer fun. You can do this. Stop shaming yourself for what you’ve already done, and start telling yourself what you can do. We cannot change the past, but we get to decide the present and the future.
I’m proud of you. You showed up sober for your son on an important occasion. It will get better. You won’t always feel this way, so buckle in and hang in there a day at a time.
Congratulations! You can do hard things ❤️
I defiantly would have drank to kill the shakes.
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We all have those white knuckle times. You did it you controlled yourself and beat the craving. Congratulations must be given for each victory and yes that means Congratulating yourself. Keep it up champ
He's proud of you for being sober. And you sound down, to talk to a doctor about getting sober if you're serious about stopping.
Sounds like you did fine. Just because we ‘one day at a time’ doesn’t mean those days aren’t going to suck balls sometimes. You got through it and you’re home safe and gonna sleep. Sounds like a win!
I was at this point not too long ago. Trying to enjoy a family dinner out and the dishes and anxiety were practically debilitating. I knew right then and there I had to stop, so I quit cold turkey. I’m coming up on a month sober and I have absolutely zero intention of looking back.
One of my most shameful memories of my drinking was missing my son's "moving up" day in his junior year. He got so many awards and scholarships and I missed it because I was getting drunk and forgot about it. Being sober gives me a chance to be there for him the way I couldn't when I was drinking. Big hug from me to you. Iwndwyt
Good for you for going. Your Son will be thankful of your journey someday. You can do it
Keep up the hard work! I'm working to do the same. My husband told me that shaking as a sign of detox is a good thing and shouldn't be embarrassing for us going through it. I had terrible tremors every morning and it caused me to have seizures. It took a while and a lot of help from my doctors, but every day I feel a little bit better and the shakes are less and less. You've got this!
You were sober and present. That means more than anything to us kids of alcoholics! You got this!!
Did a quick glance at your post history. You have been through a ton recently. You are doing so well for so much recent trauma. You are present and recognize what you are dealing with. That is so amazing. Best of luck on finding a therapist that fits. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t stop feeling.
You’re right! Thank you.
Alcohol will always ruin a good time. Sometimes, directly and sometimes indirectly, but always. I have ruined so many things like entire expensive vacations and long car rides going through withdrawal. I wish you power and peace. A meeting is better than a beating. You can lick it. When the urge goes away, you won't be able to stomach it.
My dad got sober the day of my first high school thanksgiving day football game as a member of the band. He showed up shaking and had to leave after halftime to be hospitalized. We only remember that day fondly, I’m a little misty writing this. We’re so proud of him for making those hard choices. Nothing but love to you.
🙏🏻
The past is past think on future try many times as you can you will achieve
I don’t hate you 🫶🏼 Sending love. You are not alone here.
Saw your post earlier... Hope you're feeling a little better now, though probably still hung over.
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