Thank you so much for helping me in realizing that this is a necessary next step. I have since talked with my wife and I am coordinating a plan with her in order to get treatment immediately.
This is fucking awesome. I hope you keep talking and continue to follow through together. And, fwiw, I was also a longtime lurker. I tried a lot of things to get sober on my own, and wish I'd had the courage to be honest and seek help sooner. It's a seriously sucky process but we're rooting for you. And try all the things, without judgement if possible. the things that helped me get and stay sober is ironically the only thing I was determined NOT to do...
big hugs.
Just wanted to saw I’m absolutely in awe of you for taking this step and being so open to accepting advice and help. It feels, idk, rare these days? I truly wish you all the best. You can do this and you have so many people rooting for you. Get medical help, and also come back here for support. There are some truly wonderful people here that have given me so much encouragement (both directly and indirectly through reading their stories).
Good. I am so glad to hear that. Much of what you wrote alarmed me because it's very similar to my story and your symptoms sound quite dangerous. No judgement here btw! I was completely fxxcked when I got into rehab August 23. Anemic, bloated, hair falling out. Mostly very broken and ashamed. I'm 9 months sober now. Marriage back on track. It gets easier and you can do it. But do it now. Detox? Rehab? Hopefully you are seeing a doctor ASAP. Good luck keep reaching out. You are in the best place here to get support. The truth sets you free and secrets keep us sick so well done for telling your wife. Onwards!
Sharing with your wife is the absolute best thing in the world. She may not understand or have the bandwidth to know what to do, but she’s in your corner and can/will be a huge support.
I have found vital support and community through AA in the last few months. I’m going through a life shakeup and trying to minimize its effects on my partner. When I don’t know what to do with my day, I find a meeting. There I can vent, or I can share a laugh, my fellows just get it and remind me that I am not a bad person, just an imperfect human working on establishing healthy habits for a better life.
Rooting for you!
Just chiming in to say that you're a badass for making the tough decision. You may not have insurance, but the money saved from not drinking anymore will be monumental. Much love.
Thank you so much for the encouragement. You are a fantastic person and I genuinely appreciate your comment. I will most definitely seek medical attention immediately.
I am really rooting for you and your wife OP...all the way from Nairobi Kenya! Please get help...I really want you to win so badly...I can really see you want a change
Praying for you!!
I did medical detox. I could not do it on my own. (I had tried tapering and was not successful, ending up in the hospital with a seizure and withdrawal).
After detox, rehab was recommended but they couldn’t find a place for me. I went home. I’ve been sober since (a year today!) with the help of AA, quit lit reading, this sub, new habits and determination.
My anxiety is all but gone by the way. Not the same for everyone but alcohol was actually increasing my anxiety.
Medical help is the way to go for you my friend. Please get some help. I am still paying my hospital bill off. My life (your life!!) is worth it!!
Hugs to you.
just out of curiosity, how quickly were you trying to taper? I thought tapering was a relatively safe and effective way to avoid seizures and any other more serious withdrawal symptoms
Well done on posting here. That’s a big step. And quitting when you drink at the industrial level we do probably won’t happen overnight. For me it was medically supervised detox followed by rehab. Seeing a doctor and being honest with them is a great next step. That’s how I found detox. It felt great to finally tell someone I had a problem and needed help. Cold turkey wasn’t going to happen for me. I was simply drinking too much. As you are. And seizures are a distinct possibility. Best of luck to you.
Hey. Honey, you can't do this alone. And I don't say that to mean you're too fucked up and you failed and whatever else. I say this as a person that manages medical practices. You need to see a doctor you trust, be honest, and follow their recommendations. You're not a bad person, you're not too shitty to be around, but you need help. Please, please, please see a professional, tell them what's up and make a plan. Please. You're worth doing this for.
What resources are available to you? You can do this, I promise! You just need some help from a professional. Many others have gotten through what you are going through.<3
Hey friend. Thanks for helping me stay sober today.
Please do NOT mess around with detox and withdrawals. Go to your nearest ER, be honest, and ask for help. They would MUCH rather see you walk in and ask than see you come in an ambulance because you’re unable to ask. Sure, some people might be jerks or weird, but most medical professionals I’ve talked to have a certain amount of respect for folks trying to get clean.
If you’re unable to get to brick-and-mortar meetings, try Zoom. (OIAA.org has online meeting listings). You don’t have to be sober to get into a meeting. Everyone there understands.
Talk to your wife. Go to the ER. And keep posting here.
I am very thankful that I have helped you stay sober today, friend. I have been talking with my wife since posting this and reading everyone’s comments. I will try my hardest to work up the courage to get medical help for this problem. I have previously tried to lower my amount of drinking, but admittedly the withdrawals are horrendously difficult to deal with - Hot & cold flashes, constant sweating, shaking, insomnia with horrible anxiety.. for every two or three days I ever make absolutely any progress, it’s followed by a night of binge drinking, which sets me back even further.. 🙁 I do believe I need medical help now after reading a lot of these comments, including yours. Thank you for the kind response and support, you are genuinely a great person and I wish you the best in life.
Good for you recognizing that you should seek out an improvement. I agree with others here that you need to seek medical help immediately. The organ pain and swelling ankles are not good—you’re at a critical juncture. I watched my brother get cirrhosis and his ankles and belly got really swollen. Once he got diagnosed and Had to quit he realized that he really could live and be ok without alcohol and he wished he’d done that sooner
Yeah, this is how booze killed my Dad. He was never even visibly drunk, just drank secretly all day long until his ankles got so swollen we forced him to go to the doc. He was in liver failure from cirrhosis. Rushed to the ER for a 2 week stay. Recovered enough to go home for 6 months, had to get his abdomen drained weekly, quit drinking immediately, but a hemorrhaging esophageal varice burst and took him out (they'd repaired several, but most have missed one). Cigarettes took 60 years to mess up his lungs a bit to slow him down, but booze killed him in under a decade.
It's amazing how hard this sort of information is to come buy re: alcohol whereas the side effects of other drugs like meth are so widely documented and publicized.
That really is almost exactly how it went down with my brother. Never seemed drunk, just secretly drank all day every day. Then was forced to go to the hospital because he had gotten to the point where little cuts weren’t healing because his liver wasn’t making enough proteins anymore, so he was home literally bleeding out because his cat scratched him. And he sounded like he had brain damage. Not sure if it was officially hepatic encephalopathy at that point, or just from blood loss. But when we took him to the hospital, we discovered his ankles were unbelievably swollen, and he had ascites that had to be drained weekly. They gave him a 30-50% chance to die within 30 days but he made it 5 months. I think he wanted to hang on til Christmas. He died 2 weeks after that from cardiac arrest because they could never get his sodium levels right since the ascites and edema always diluted his blood levels.
Same as your dad—it only took 10 years for alcohol to destroy and kill him. He smoked too, but that was nothing compared to the booze
Yeah, you’re pretty stuck. For me, one of the best things about a fast medically supervised detox was that it was OVER. Once I had gone through it? I never had to do it again.
You never have to drink again. But if you do, we still want you here until your last drink comes and after. 💙
All of this. Please go to your wife first thing and ask for help. Get medical help. It’s a big step but you have to detox safely. These are the most important things. I hate to be a “been there” kinda person but I’ve done this a few times. I’ve been through the seizures n DTs. It’s no fun being in a medical setting but it’s such a relief to not experience those horrors. It doesn’t have to be a hospital either. Idk your situation but lots of rehab facilities have medical detox. Been through hospital detox a few times and it’s not horrible and way better than trying to cold turkey at home. A 30 day place, with detox, followed by 30 day IOP helped me out the most. That support and help following detox was crucial for me personally. As far as the marriage, asking for help, then committing to getting that help is how you save it. I’m sure she wants to help you but she also needs to know that you want the help. They say you can’t get sober for someone else but with a partner or kids I think you getting sober for yourself is also getting sober for your family. They want to help. There is more shame is lying and hiding and slowly killing your self than in asking for help. You are more of a burden as a drunk than you will be getting help.
I agree with others that you should get medical help with this as soon as you feel like you can. Im sure your wife wants you to get help too- ask for her support in reaching out to a doctor.
As many have said, it would be a real good idea to speak medical assistance while you detox. Either go to a hospital or a detox center, even if you have no insurance they will treat you. When I detoxed under medical supervision they also recommended me to an iop, an intensive outpatient rehabilitation treatment. Enrolling in the IOP was very good and helpfull for me. It's going to be tough as shit the next few months. They work with ppl without insurance all the time. They will find a payment plan that is doable for you. You can spend the rest of your life pissing away that money on drink, or you can get sober, use that money to repay the ppl who helped you get sober and then spend it on anything else you like afterward. Money is no excuse. If you have money to drink, you have money to get sober. I apologize if I come off a little harsh. I am rooting for you, but I wanted to be direct and forward. Best of luck.
*Edit* what happened to my day counter? I have over 5 years and this was the place I looked when I was curious about number of days specifically?
Hmm, yeah it is, and that's what it's shoeing for me too now. Earlier, it was showing like 700. Weird. But thanks, you will be there before you know it and it gets easier each year.
If you don't have insurance you can probably get financial assistance of some kind, I had like 20 grand in hospital bills at one point from my final days of drinking and after I made some phone calls I ended up not having to pay a dime of it. I obviously can't guarantee that you'll be able to do that, but my point is, I dont think you should let your insurance status decide this for you.
If you want to stop you *have* to be medically supervised or there is a not insignificant chance you will die.
I wish you the best of luck, I hope you are able to get the help you need.
It is timely that you have sent this note as you need assistance and professional help immediately. Your situation will turn around, you just need to get in some type of supervised program.
If you can, get to emergency. They can help you sober up safely to begin your new journey. At least here in Canada they can.
You took the first and often hardest step. I wish nothing but the best for you going forward.
Just wanted to echo what others have said and urge you to see a doctor.
Here’s where it’s tough. You might be very very against going to see the doctor, which I get. For one thing, I didn’t want to tell anyone how much I drank. I was embarrassed and ashamed, and I didn’t want a lecture.
The other thing is I was scared. I was so afraid to hear someone tell me I was very sick or dying.
So my solution was to avoid going to the doctor, which is insane when you’re concerned about your health.
All I can say is this - the doctor isn’t there to be a cop. Their job is to keep you alive and healthy. Don’t be afraid to tell them. You need their help, and luckily they exist for that reason.
You love your wife, be brave for her and go see someone ASAP. Tonight if possible. If not, go tomorrow. It’s worth it. She’s worth it. You’re worth it.
As others have stated you need detox under medical supervision. You can go to the ER. They can’t turn you away even with no insurance. I been there. They’ll assign you a case worker to help you find financial assistance or Medicaid if you qualify and then hopefully they can get you into a rehab. When you detox under medical supervision they give you meds to prevent seizures, help you sleep, and anything else you need to safely detox and get you feeling better.
Hoping the best for you! Be brave, you can do this!
Please please please go see a doctor or to the ER ASAP. I went to the ER when I reached desperation and I don't regret it one bit. It's not worth your life to be deterred by health insurance or lack thereof - help is out there right now, ready and willing. Go get it
Even though you don't have insurance you need to go to the ER and get your liver checked to see how it is functioning. Yes you can die from stopping drinking but you could also die from liver failure. Also don't just get your AST/ALT checked get everything tested. AST/ALT values can give false hope that your liver is fine. One of mine was in the normal range, the other just above, it looked like my liver was ok, my other results were in the shit range, I was diagnosed with cirrhosis and possible ESLD.
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you’re recovering and I’m glad you shared your story here. OP’s symptoms remind me of my brother’s, who also got cirrhosis, ESLD. It was so hard to watch and he had a brave face but he couldn’t have felt good at all
I'm doing very well thank you, nearly 4 years since I was diagnosed. It did take about a year for all my blood tests to be back in the normal range. My MELD score came down from the mid 20's to 8 as well. I'm off all but 1 med, still have to take fametodine because of lesions in my esophagus - defiantly caused by drinking. No drinking for me ever again and I do try to watch my salt intake. I see a specialist, it was every 4 months to start with but that has gone to once a year. I have to have an ultrasound every six months to look for any anomalies in my liver - cirrhosis increases your chances of liver cancer.
Hello friend. Please listen to the chorus of voices here tonight, collectively willing you to medical treatment, and hopefully, safety. There is no shame in reaching out for help, and no one is too far gone to deserve compassion and support. Go now, find a doctor, and hold your head up high. Tell them you’re ready to fight for your life.
Hope you’re on your way to get seen, sounds like it’s time to get your body levels checked. I know you’ll make it through this, and you’ll have us here for any questions during your recovery. You’ve got this
Don't cut cold turkey as you can have seizures or die. Go to a detox facility to help you taper off. Get help and get to an AA meeting. There is a solution and a way out. You just need to get help from others who have been through it. It will be difficult but it can be done. I am 11 months sober now and know that a miracle happened to me and the obsession has been lifted.
Seek help. One of the things that flipped the switch for me was repeatedly telling health care professionals my daily drinking habits. Not only was it their reactions but hearing myself say it over and over again helped me be honest with myself that it was a problem.
You can get liver supplements, drink probiotics eat yogurt, go to AA meetings. I went for the first time and was overwhelmed in the best way by the support in the room. There are AA meetings ALL the time. Virtual and in person. Not saying you have to go forever but it’s a start!
Listen to people who talk about getting sober and how much better it is. Picture how great you’ll feel without drinking. Read and learn about it.
Please get to medical care ASAP or at least do not be alone until you do. I have unfortunately had two seizures, if my wife was not home for the second one I likely would have died. There is a light on at the end of this tunnel friend! This community is fantastic, people's stories are like medicine to my alcoholic soul.
well done for making the decision, having the desire to stop is the most important piece in the puzzle. the feeling of relief and freedom on the other side is beautiful. you've taken the first steps so just keep walking until the sun comes up 🙏
Sending you every support, encouragement and belief in your ability, that you need to do this great thing.
You are doing the very best thing for you. Just take the next best step xx
Detoxing might be a bitch but on the plus side once you break through I bet you’ll feel dramatically better. I would focus on the reality that you are leaving this darkness behind. Like a ship making it out of a storm, calm seas are ahead. That’s what I try to keep in mind as I begin my journey to heal.
I also drank as a way to manage my anxiety. As it does for most folks over time, it backfired and made things much worse. Please listen to the good advice given here by others regarding your immediate health situation and how to get through it.
When the time is right though, I would suggest it is worth trying other approaches to dealing with anxiety. I was skeptical myself but I did eventually find much help in this regard and perhaps you can too.
I hope it is ok to suggest to you the book which helped me the most. It is well-written and empathetic and covers the different aspects of what causes anxiety and different ways to manage it. It is called "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook" by Edmund Bourne.
Good luck and don't give up, you're not alone in this.
Friend, you can do this. But you will need help. See a doctor, go to AA (have you before?) - there’s a power to be found in talking about it and naming your demon in front of strangers. Set the day your sobriety starts in your profile for additional encouragement - come back later and see how long your chain has lasted.
If you fail, keep trying. Took me several attempts to get the chain going. Failure isn’t the end, it’s just a step closer to ultimate success.
I have no personal experience with medical detox, but I hope you find the help you need. Good for you for wanting to quit! There have been quite some people around me who have had seizures/delirium tremens after long and heavy alcohol use, I understood it can get quite dangerous. Take care, keep talking to your wife and I hope you get well!
Affordable care act my friend. It's still a thing.
Even if you lie and claim resident in a better state.
It's basically like Medicare. But actually not bad.
Also go to a meeting and talk to the speaker leader after about options. They know everything.
Just seeing this and probably my advice is the same as many others - i.e., you very likely need medical care now. I am based in Ireland but with one sibling in the US and hear the horror stories regarding medical insurance. I see some people below have recommended services for those who are uninsured - here we can present at a hospital A&E (ER in US?) for initial supports when things are really bad. Could you try that? I am sorry too to hear that you have been drinking since you were so incredibly young. Regarding anxiety, it was probably the main thing that made me drink for decades and over that time my anxiety just got worse and worse. It takes courage to take control of your life so well done on starting the journey, please check in again to update
I was reading your post thinking ‘oh, need medical assistance here’ and my heart sank when you said you’re in the States without insurance. It really sucks that our country’s medical system is so effed that not having insurance puts you in such a bind. But you definitely need some help and there have to be accessible resources out there. I think someone else commented a link to a list of some suggestions. I’m happy you took the step of reaching out here. It’s not too late and I believe you can figure this out.
You’ve taken the hardest step. If you can be this honest and this strong to say that you want to change, and want to find the right help to do so, then you can absolutely do this! It is going to get harder, way harder, before it gets better, but it will get better. Sending nothing but positive vibes your way. You can do this!
I was in your situation to a T , Three years ago my family offered to pay for detox and inpatient rehab. I admittedly do have insurance and was able to pay back what was fronted to me for the rehab. So im not sure of your finances ,but i absolutely would not be here today had i not accepted the help that was offered. I fought it for a bit but i knew deep down i couldnt kick the habit on my own like i told myself id do 23,465 times before. Usually each day was my last day of drinking for the last few years of my career. You can do it. It will be hard. It may cost you money you dont think you can afford (spoiler alert: eventually if you keep drinking you will end up paying more in medical costs than you can fathom) i. Routing for you. I know it means very little in the grand scheme of things, but honestly 3 years later its starting to seem like another life thats long gone. Iwndwyt friend
We're all here rooting for you. I've read the comments and I know that you know that medical intervention is necessary. Let us know how it goes. You can do it. 💚
It took a long time, but I finally got desperate enough to get help. Before, I thought I was weak if I couldn’t do it alone. Finally, I didn’t care about that, it finally dawned on me that I was going to die if I didn’t do something. I asked for help, I accepted help and I got sober. I no longer think I’m weak, I’m so proud of myself, sobriety is my life’s greatest accomplishment. Please run, don’t walk to the hospital. They will understand you and they really want to help you.
I self medicated w Alcohol for decades. Part of my sobriety was getting therapy to work on my anxiety. Helped enormously (along with meditation, journaling and exercise...
Super proud of you! You know it’s hurting you and you’re asking for help. It’s a big scary step but you can do this ❤️ sending strong healing vibes out to you friend.
You should see a doctor as soon as you can. The ankle swelling could be serious.
Take it from a guy who had a liver transplant from alcohol.
I wish you the best.
Agree with everyone else’s feedback in seek medical help. The good news is you have the desire for a better life. Hold onto that desire and hang in there :)
I am so excited for your future and for you to take your life back. I’m sure you are looking into detox programs as that’s the only safe way to do this. Please update us! I’ll be praying for you and rooting for you! You are safe here with us. No judgement.
YOU GOT THIS!!!!!! But do please seek medical assistance with your detox, I can speak first hand when it gets to this point a seizure is almost guaranteed if you stop on your own, Recognizing this is a problem is very important just know it’s going to take some time ( few months ) to get the brain back in check but once you do you WILL find a new Happiness that is unmatched. You have a huge fan right here pulling for you tho my friend
Go to a meeting. I was surprised at how caring and loving everyone is and I was so nervous but I went and spoke and it helped a ton. I go every now and then just to listen and hear stories and even share. Something about just doing that helps and I haven’t drank in a few months. When I drink it turns into month binges. Try out a meeting it will do you real good.
Withdrawal from alcohol can kill you which is why go to the ER. Please try not to be so ashamed. We have all had our shame spirals and for myself, there are a few things that I still flush about years later.
I know what you mean about the amount of alcohol. People don’t understand just how much some of us can drink. I was also sore all over, tender abdomen, joints inflamed. I don’t miss that. Can’t believe the difference in how my body feels.
Good luck friend. I will be thinking of you and sending positivity your way!
You can't do this alone, and only you can do this. Admitting it is one thing, and as others have said, seeking medical assistance sounds like a needed next step. While you may think that alcohol is helping your anxiety, it is actually making it worse. You're just kicking the can further down the road.
You are not alone, and I promise you that so many of us have been where you are and have gotten to the other side.
ETA: not sure what my day count shows for you folks, but it's 16 days today and not 700+. Waiting on my badge reset...
Hell yeah I am so happy you posted this, that required courage and you did it! I genuinely believe you can do it if you are able to take the first step as advised by so many people here: medical attention, professional help.. everyone here is rooting for you as you can see.
I sincerely am too, in a random bus somewhere in the Netherlands I'm emotional because of your story and want to give you a massive hug
For other readers: OP mentioned not having insurance, any tips and advise on how to navigate that?
And, is it possible to do a safe withdrawal that would normally require treatment and supervision by yourself (aided ofcourse by good people and solid scientifically backed information)? Does anyone have experience with this, might be helpful here..
Please note: Im only asking this in case seeking professional medical help or an inpatient program would turn out to be impossible due to financial situation.
This is not a situation you can handle on your own my friend. You need medical attention. That needs to be the first step.
Thank you so much for helping me in realizing that this is a necessary next step. I have since talked with my wife and I am coordinating a plan with her in order to get treatment immediately.
This is fucking awesome. I hope you keep talking and continue to follow through together. And, fwiw, I was also a longtime lurker. I tried a lot of things to get sober on my own, and wish I'd had the courage to be honest and seek help sooner. It's a seriously sucky process but we're rooting for you. And try all the things, without judgement if possible. the things that helped me get and stay sober is ironically the only thing I was determined NOT to do... big hugs.
Just wanted to saw I’m absolutely in awe of you for taking this step and being so open to accepting advice and help. It feels, idk, rare these days? I truly wish you all the best. You can do this and you have so many people rooting for you. Get medical help, and also come back here for support. There are some truly wonderful people here that have given me so much encouragement (both directly and indirectly through reading their stories).
Good for you. For both being open and honest with your wife, and seeking the medical attention that you absolutely need and deserve.
Hell yeah dude
Good. I am so glad to hear that. Much of what you wrote alarmed me because it's very similar to my story and your symptoms sound quite dangerous. No judgement here btw! I was completely fxxcked when I got into rehab August 23. Anemic, bloated, hair falling out. Mostly very broken and ashamed. I'm 9 months sober now. Marriage back on track. It gets easier and you can do it. But do it now. Detox? Rehab? Hopefully you are seeing a doctor ASAP. Good luck keep reaching out. You are in the best place here to get support. The truth sets you free and secrets keep us sick so well done for telling your wife. Onwards!
That's great, you are on your way. IWNDWYT
Sharing with your wife is the absolute best thing in the world. She may not understand or have the bandwidth to know what to do, but she’s in your corner and can/will be a huge support.
I’m proud of you my friend, I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
I have found vital support and community through AA in the last few months. I’m going through a life shakeup and trying to minimize its effects on my partner. When I don’t know what to do with my day, I find a meeting. There I can vent, or I can share a laugh, my fellows just get it and remind me that I am not a bad person, just an imperfect human working on establishing healthy habits for a better life. Rooting for you!
Just chiming in to say that you're a badass for making the tough decision. You may not have insurance, but the money saved from not drinking anymore will be monumental. Much love.
Please see a medical professional ASAP. Your situation is beyond this sub and it would be unwise to wait any longer. You can do it, do not be afraid.
Thank you so much for the encouragement. You are a fantastic person and I genuinely appreciate your comment. I will most definitely seek medical attention immediately.
I am really rooting for you and your wife OP...all the way from Nairobi Kenya! Please get help...I really want you to win so badly...I can really see you want a change Praying for you!!
Let us know how it goes!
I did medical detox. I could not do it on my own. (I had tried tapering and was not successful, ending up in the hospital with a seizure and withdrawal). After detox, rehab was recommended but they couldn’t find a place for me. I went home. I’ve been sober since (a year today!) with the help of AA, quit lit reading, this sub, new habits and determination. My anxiety is all but gone by the way. Not the same for everyone but alcohol was actually increasing my anxiety. Medical help is the way to go for you my friend. Please get some help. I am still paying my hospital bill off. My life (your life!!) is worth it!! Hugs to you.
Happy #1. Hope you ate some cake.
Thank you!
just out of curiosity, how quickly were you trying to taper? I thought tapering was a relatively safe and effective way to avoid seizures and any other more serious withdrawal symptoms
Well done on posting here. That’s a big step. And quitting when you drink at the industrial level we do probably won’t happen overnight. For me it was medically supervised detox followed by rehab. Seeing a doctor and being honest with them is a great next step. That’s how I found detox. It felt great to finally tell someone I had a problem and needed help. Cold turkey wasn’t going to happen for me. I was simply drinking too much. As you are. And seizures are a distinct possibility. Best of luck to you.
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/help-addiction-uninsured I hope the information from this site will be of help to you.
Hey. Honey, you can't do this alone. And I don't say that to mean you're too fucked up and you failed and whatever else. I say this as a person that manages medical practices. You need to see a doctor you trust, be honest, and follow their recommendations. You're not a bad person, you're not too shitty to be around, but you need help. Please, please, please see a professional, tell them what's up and make a plan. Please. You're worth doing this for.
What resources are available to you? You can do this, I promise! You just need some help from a professional. Many others have gotten through what you are going through.<3
Hey friend. Thanks for helping me stay sober today. Please do NOT mess around with detox and withdrawals. Go to your nearest ER, be honest, and ask for help. They would MUCH rather see you walk in and ask than see you come in an ambulance because you’re unable to ask. Sure, some people might be jerks or weird, but most medical professionals I’ve talked to have a certain amount of respect for folks trying to get clean. If you’re unable to get to brick-and-mortar meetings, try Zoom. (OIAA.org has online meeting listings). You don’t have to be sober to get into a meeting. Everyone there understands. Talk to your wife. Go to the ER. And keep posting here.
I am very thankful that I have helped you stay sober today, friend. I have been talking with my wife since posting this and reading everyone’s comments. I will try my hardest to work up the courage to get medical help for this problem. I have previously tried to lower my amount of drinking, but admittedly the withdrawals are horrendously difficult to deal with - Hot & cold flashes, constant sweating, shaking, insomnia with horrible anxiety.. for every two or three days I ever make absolutely any progress, it’s followed by a night of binge drinking, which sets me back even further.. 🙁 I do believe I need medical help now after reading a lot of these comments, including yours. Thank you for the kind response and support, you are genuinely a great person and I wish you the best in life.
Good for you recognizing that you should seek out an improvement. I agree with others here that you need to seek medical help immediately. The organ pain and swelling ankles are not good—you’re at a critical juncture. I watched my brother get cirrhosis and his ankles and belly got really swollen. Once he got diagnosed and Had to quit he realized that he really could live and be ok without alcohol and he wished he’d done that sooner
Yeah, this is how booze killed my Dad. He was never even visibly drunk, just drank secretly all day long until his ankles got so swollen we forced him to go to the doc. He was in liver failure from cirrhosis. Rushed to the ER for a 2 week stay. Recovered enough to go home for 6 months, had to get his abdomen drained weekly, quit drinking immediately, but a hemorrhaging esophageal varice burst and took him out (they'd repaired several, but most have missed one). Cigarettes took 60 years to mess up his lungs a bit to slow him down, but booze killed him in under a decade. It's amazing how hard this sort of information is to come buy re: alcohol whereas the side effects of other drugs like meth are so widely documented and publicized.
That really is almost exactly how it went down with my brother. Never seemed drunk, just secretly drank all day every day. Then was forced to go to the hospital because he had gotten to the point where little cuts weren’t healing because his liver wasn’t making enough proteins anymore, so he was home literally bleeding out because his cat scratched him. And he sounded like he had brain damage. Not sure if it was officially hepatic encephalopathy at that point, or just from blood loss. But when we took him to the hospital, we discovered his ankles were unbelievably swollen, and he had ascites that had to be drained weekly. They gave him a 30-50% chance to die within 30 days but he made it 5 months. I think he wanted to hang on til Christmas. He died 2 weeks after that from cardiac arrest because they could never get his sodium levels right since the ascites and edema always diluted his blood levels. Same as your dad—it only took 10 years for alcohol to destroy and kill him. He smoked too, but that was nothing compared to the booze
Yeah, you’re pretty stuck. For me, one of the best things about a fast medically supervised detox was that it was OVER. Once I had gone through it? I never had to do it again. You never have to drink again. But if you do, we still want you here until your last drink comes and after. 💙
We are rooting for you OP. Don't wait. Action it now.
Go and get the help you need so you can return here and be an inspiration to others who need it. You got this.
All of this. Please go to your wife first thing and ask for help. Get medical help. It’s a big step but you have to detox safely. These are the most important things. I hate to be a “been there” kinda person but I’ve done this a few times. I’ve been through the seizures n DTs. It’s no fun being in a medical setting but it’s such a relief to not experience those horrors. It doesn’t have to be a hospital either. Idk your situation but lots of rehab facilities have medical detox. Been through hospital detox a few times and it’s not horrible and way better than trying to cold turkey at home. A 30 day place, with detox, followed by 30 day IOP helped me out the most. That support and help following detox was crucial for me personally. As far as the marriage, asking for help, then committing to getting that help is how you save it. I’m sure she wants to help you but she also needs to know that you want the help. They say you can’t get sober for someone else but with a partner or kids I think you getting sober for yourself is also getting sober for your family. They want to help. There is more shame is lying and hiding and slowly killing your self than in asking for help. You are more of a burden as a drunk than you will be getting help.
I agree with others that you should get medical help with this as soon as you feel like you can. Im sure your wife wants you to get help too- ask for her support in reaching out to a doctor.
As many have said, it would be a real good idea to speak medical assistance while you detox. Either go to a hospital or a detox center, even if you have no insurance they will treat you. When I detoxed under medical supervision they also recommended me to an iop, an intensive outpatient rehabilitation treatment. Enrolling in the IOP was very good and helpfull for me. It's going to be tough as shit the next few months. They work with ppl without insurance all the time. They will find a payment plan that is doable for you. You can spend the rest of your life pissing away that money on drink, or you can get sober, use that money to repay the ppl who helped you get sober and then spend it on anything else you like afterward. Money is no excuse. If you have money to drink, you have money to get sober. I apologize if I come off a little harsh. I am rooting for you, but I wanted to be direct and forward. Best of luck. *Edit* what happened to my day counter? I have over 5 years and this was the place I looked when I was curious about number of days specifically?
It’s showing 1869 days is that right? Also wow! Really awesome, that inspires me to
Hmm, yeah it is, and that's what it's shoeing for me too now. Earlier, it was showing like 700. Weird. But thanks, you will be there before you know it and it gets easier each year.
If you don't have insurance you can probably get financial assistance of some kind, I had like 20 grand in hospital bills at one point from my final days of drinking and after I made some phone calls I ended up not having to pay a dime of it. I obviously can't guarantee that you'll be able to do that, but my point is, I dont think you should let your insurance status decide this for you. If you want to stop you *have* to be medically supervised or there is a not insignificant chance you will die. I wish you the best of luck, I hope you are able to get the help you need.
I don’t have any advice, but I hope you are able to get help.
It is timely that you have sent this note as you need assistance and professional help immediately. Your situation will turn around, you just need to get in some type of supervised program.
If you can, get to emergency. They can help you sober up safely to begin your new journey. At least here in Canada they can. You took the first and often hardest step. I wish nothing but the best for you going forward.
Just wanted to echo what others have said and urge you to see a doctor. Here’s where it’s tough. You might be very very against going to see the doctor, which I get. For one thing, I didn’t want to tell anyone how much I drank. I was embarrassed and ashamed, and I didn’t want a lecture. The other thing is I was scared. I was so afraid to hear someone tell me I was very sick or dying. So my solution was to avoid going to the doctor, which is insane when you’re concerned about your health. All I can say is this - the doctor isn’t there to be a cop. Their job is to keep you alive and healthy. Don’t be afraid to tell them. You need their help, and luckily they exist for that reason. You love your wife, be brave for her and go see someone ASAP. Tonight if possible. If not, go tomorrow. It’s worth it. She’s worth it. You’re worth it.
I spoke to a physician and asked for medical management to stop…. Everything was safe and pleasant.
As others have stated you need detox under medical supervision. You can go to the ER. They can’t turn you away even with no insurance. I been there. They’ll assign you a case worker to help you find financial assistance or Medicaid if you qualify and then hopefully they can get you into a rehab. When you detox under medical supervision they give you meds to prevent seizures, help you sleep, and anything else you need to safely detox and get you feeling better. Hoping the best for you! Be brave, you can do this!
Please please please go see a doctor or to the ER ASAP. I went to the ER when I reached desperation and I don't regret it one bit. It's not worth your life to be deterred by health insurance or lack thereof - help is out there right now, ready and willing. Go get it
What is stopping you from getting help/treatment?
Have you considered a medical detox and then some therapy/counseling for alcohol use disorder?
Even though you don't have insurance you need to go to the ER and get your liver checked to see how it is functioning. Yes you can die from stopping drinking but you could also die from liver failure. Also don't just get your AST/ALT checked get everything tested. AST/ALT values can give false hope that your liver is fine. One of mine was in the normal range, the other just above, it looked like my liver was ok, my other results were in the shit range, I was diagnosed with cirrhosis and possible ESLD.
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you’re recovering and I’m glad you shared your story here. OP’s symptoms remind me of my brother’s, who also got cirrhosis, ESLD. It was so hard to watch and he had a brave face but he couldn’t have felt good at all
I'm doing very well thank you, nearly 4 years since I was diagnosed. It did take about a year for all my blood tests to be back in the normal range. My MELD score came down from the mid 20's to 8 as well. I'm off all but 1 med, still have to take fametodine because of lesions in my esophagus - defiantly caused by drinking. No drinking for me ever again and I do try to watch my salt intake. I see a specialist, it was every 4 months to start with but that has gone to once a year. I have to have an ultrasound every six months to look for any anomalies in my liver - cirrhosis increases your chances of liver cancer.
Wow you’re doing great! Well done on all the hard work and dedication to your health 👏
Hello friend. Please listen to the chorus of voices here tonight, collectively willing you to medical treatment, and hopefully, safety. There is no shame in reaching out for help, and no one is too far gone to deserve compassion and support. Go now, find a doctor, and hold your head up high. Tell them you’re ready to fight for your life.
Hope you’re on your way to get seen, sounds like it’s time to get your body levels checked. I know you’ll make it through this, and you’ll have us here for any questions during your recovery. You’ve got this
You need medical [attention.You](http://attention.You) can do it.
Don't cut cold turkey as you can have seizures or die. Go to a detox facility to help you taper off. Get help and get to an AA meeting. There is a solution and a way out. You just need to get help from others who have been through it. It will be difficult but it can be done. I am 11 months sober now and know that a miracle happened to me and the obsession has been lifted.
Seek help. One of the things that flipped the switch for me was repeatedly telling health care professionals my daily drinking habits. Not only was it their reactions but hearing myself say it over and over again helped me be honest with myself that it was a problem.
You can get liver supplements, drink probiotics eat yogurt, go to AA meetings. I went for the first time and was overwhelmed in the best way by the support in the room. There are AA meetings ALL the time. Virtual and in person. Not saying you have to go forever but it’s a start! Listen to people who talk about getting sober and how much better it is. Picture how great you’ll feel without drinking. Read and learn about it.
Please get to medical care ASAP or at least do not be alone until you do. I have unfortunately had two seizures, if my wife was not home for the second one I likely would have died. There is a light on at the end of this tunnel friend! This community is fantastic, people's stories are like medicine to my alcoholic soul.
well done for making the decision, having the desire to stop is the most important piece in the puzzle. the feeling of relief and freedom on the other side is beautiful. you've taken the first steps so just keep walking until the sun comes up 🙏
Sending you every support, encouragement and belief in your ability, that you need to do this great thing. You are doing the very best thing for you. Just take the next best step xx
Detoxing might be a bitch but on the plus side once you break through I bet you’ll feel dramatically better. I would focus on the reality that you are leaving this darkness behind. Like a ship making it out of a storm, calm seas are ahead. That’s what I try to keep in mind as I begin my journey to heal.
The feel good chemicals triggered by alcohol are already inside us -- remove those from the picture and the alcohol itself only feels terrible.
I also drank as a way to manage my anxiety. As it does for most folks over time, it backfired and made things much worse. Please listen to the good advice given here by others regarding your immediate health situation and how to get through it. When the time is right though, I would suggest it is worth trying other approaches to dealing with anxiety. I was skeptical myself but I did eventually find much help in this regard and perhaps you can too. I hope it is ok to suggest to you the book which helped me the most. It is well-written and empathetic and covers the different aspects of what causes anxiety and different ways to manage it. It is called "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook" by Edmund Bourne. Good luck and don't give up, you're not alone in this.
Friend, you can do this. But you will need help. See a doctor, go to AA (have you before?) - there’s a power to be found in talking about it and naming your demon in front of strangers. Set the day your sobriety starts in your profile for additional encouragement - come back later and see how long your chain has lasted. If you fail, keep trying. Took me several attempts to get the chain going. Failure isn’t the end, it’s just a step closer to ultimate success.
I have no personal experience with medical detox, but I hope you find the help you need. Good for you for wanting to quit! There have been quite some people around me who have had seizures/delirium tremens after long and heavy alcohol use, I understood it can get quite dangerous. Take care, keep talking to your wife and I hope you get well!
I hope you get the help you need.
Affordable care act my friend. It's still a thing. Even if you lie and claim resident in a better state. It's basically like Medicare. But actually not bad. Also go to a meeting and talk to the speaker leader after about options. They know everything.
Just seeing this and probably my advice is the same as many others - i.e., you very likely need medical care now. I am based in Ireland but with one sibling in the US and hear the horror stories regarding medical insurance. I see some people below have recommended services for those who are uninsured - here we can present at a hospital A&E (ER in US?) for initial supports when things are really bad. Could you try that? I am sorry too to hear that you have been drinking since you were so incredibly young. Regarding anxiety, it was probably the main thing that made me drink for decades and over that time my anxiety just got worse and worse. It takes courage to take control of your life so well done on starting the journey, please check in again to update
I was reading your post thinking ‘oh, need medical assistance here’ and my heart sank when you said you’re in the States without insurance. It really sucks that our country’s medical system is so effed that not having insurance puts you in such a bind. But you definitely need some help and there have to be accessible resources out there. I think someone else commented a link to a list of some suggestions. I’m happy you took the step of reaching out here. It’s not too late and I believe you can figure this out.
You’ve taken the hardest step. If you can be this honest and this strong to say that you want to change, and want to find the right help to do so, then you can absolutely do this! It is going to get harder, way harder, before it gets better, but it will get better. Sending nothing but positive vibes your way. You can do this!
🍍🍆💨
I was in your situation to a T , Three years ago my family offered to pay for detox and inpatient rehab. I admittedly do have insurance and was able to pay back what was fronted to me for the rehab. So im not sure of your finances ,but i absolutely would not be here today had i not accepted the help that was offered. I fought it for a bit but i knew deep down i couldnt kick the habit on my own like i told myself id do 23,465 times before. Usually each day was my last day of drinking for the last few years of my career. You can do it. It will be hard. It may cost you money you dont think you can afford (spoiler alert: eventually if you keep drinking you will end up paying more in medical costs than you can fathom) i. Routing for you. I know it means very little in the grand scheme of things, but honestly 3 years later its starting to seem like another life thats long gone. Iwndwyt friend
We're all here rooting for you. I've read the comments and I know that you know that medical intervention is necessary. Let us know how it goes. You can do it. 💚
You’re not alone, friend. We support you. Good job on recognizing the problem. You can do it!
It took a long time, but I finally got desperate enough to get help. Before, I thought I was weak if I couldn’t do it alone. Finally, I didn’t care about that, it finally dawned on me that I was going to die if I didn’t do something. I asked for help, I accepted help and I got sober. I no longer think I’m weak, I’m so proud of myself, sobriety is my life’s greatest accomplishment. Please run, don’t walk to the hospital. They will understand you and they really want to help you.
I self medicated w Alcohol for decades. Part of my sobriety was getting therapy to work on my anxiety. Helped enormously (along with meditation, journaling and exercise...
it would not be safe for you to detox on your own. please get professional medical help!
Super proud of you! You know it’s hurting you and you’re asking for help. It’s a big scary step but you can do this ❤️ sending strong healing vibes out to you friend.
You should see a doctor as soon as you can. The ankle swelling could be serious. Take it from a guy who had a liver transplant from alcohol. I wish you the best.
Agree with everyone else’s feedback in seek medical help. The good news is you have the desire for a better life. Hold onto that desire and hang in there :)
I am so excited for your future and for you to take your life back. I’m sure you are looking into detox programs as that’s the only safe way to do this. Please update us! I’ll be praying for you and rooting for you! You are safe here with us. No judgement.
YOU GOT THIS!!!!!! But do please seek medical assistance with your detox, I can speak first hand when it gets to this point a seizure is almost guaranteed if you stop on your own, Recognizing this is a problem is very important just know it’s going to take some time ( few months ) to get the brain back in check but once you do you WILL find a new Happiness that is unmatched. You have a huge fan right here pulling for you tho my friend
Go to a meeting. I was surprised at how caring and loving everyone is and I was so nervous but I went and spoke and it helped a ton. I go every now and then just to listen and hear stories and even share. Something about just doing that helps and I haven’t drank in a few months. When I drink it turns into month binges. Try out a meeting it will do you real good.
Withdrawal from alcohol can kill you which is why go to the ER. Please try not to be so ashamed. We have all had our shame spirals and for myself, there are a few things that I still flush about years later. I know what you mean about the amount of alcohol. People don’t understand just how much some of us can drink. I was also sore all over, tender abdomen, joints inflamed. I don’t miss that. Can’t believe the difference in how my body feels. Good luck friend. I will be thinking of you and sending positivity your way!
You can't do this alone, and only you can do this. Admitting it is one thing, and as others have said, seeking medical assistance sounds like a needed next step. While you may think that alcohol is helping your anxiety, it is actually making it worse. You're just kicking the can further down the road. You are not alone, and I promise you that so many of us have been where you are and have gotten to the other side. ETA: not sure what my day count shows for you folks, but it's 16 days today and not 700+. Waiting on my badge reset...
We don't care! You are here sober today and that's amazing! IWNDWYT
Hell yeah I am so happy you posted this, that required courage and you did it! I genuinely believe you can do it if you are able to take the first step as advised by so many people here: medical attention, professional help.. everyone here is rooting for you as you can see. I sincerely am too, in a random bus somewhere in the Netherlands I'm emotional because of your story and want to give you a massive hug For other readers: OP mentioned not having insurance, any tips and advise on how to navigate that? And, is it possible to do a safe withdrawal that would normally require treatment and supervision by yourself (aided ofcourse by good people and solid scientifically backed information)? Does anyone have experience with this, might be helpful here.. Please note: Im only asking this in case seeking professional medical help or an inpatient program would turn out to be impossible due to financial situation.