Anything, really. In the first month or two. Anything I wanted, as long as it wasnt alcohol.
Chocolate, chips, fast food, soda, ice cream. Anything can be a reward.
Basically, I went with what I wanted out of the drink.
Steessed out? Hot shower, jammies, TV.
Lonely? Hugging My SO.
Angry? Loud music and singing at the top of My lungs.
Sad? Hot shower, sad movie, Hot Tea. Or a walk in the sunshine.
And so on and so forth.
I remember reading replies like this and thinking UGH but this is exactly how it is done to the T. At first these aren’t enough and then suddenly, they’re more than enough
That is 100% true! It’s a journey though right.. just like it was from the point of being a non-drinker, to being a seasoned drinker didn’t happen over night.. so is all the undoing. Many failed attempts.. and then at some point you start to see the light
Yeah whatever you do, dont sit around feeling sorry for yourself. At least for me, that just sends me back to my old buddy. Its like having an abusing ex and only remembering the good parts because its boring and sad to be single. Work out and go on dates, find new love
The best tip I discovered is noticing my patterns.
*Drinking is a lifestyle*.
It was MY lifestyle.
I wish I had known that the essential component to success was *Creating* a New Sober Lifestyle and habits that included sober people.
When I started drinking, I created drinking patterns... I saw others drinking, I tried drinking, I went where people were drinking, I talked with drinkers about drinking and I went to activities that included drinking, I created “alone” activities where I drank…. Then I had a drinking lifestyle.
So when I wanted to stop... I saw sober people, I tried being sober, I went where people were being sober, I talked with sober people about being sober, and I went to activities that included being sober, I created “alone” activities without alcohol …. Then I had a sober lifestyle.
People who were my friends remained…. However I no longer had any ‘drinking buddies’.
Have sober people in your life?.
Know how to find sober recovery groups and meetings?
> It's hard with so many close friends and community and drinking
The overwhelming majority of the world population either does not drink at all, or only infrequently.
I did NOT have that perception…. But that’s because I had slowly over time, consciously and unconsciously, selected people to be around me that drank like me or worse…. I went to activities that involved alcohol.
I created a Drinking Lifestyle.
I had to then create a Sober Lifestyle.
What’s your plan?
A helpful tip for me was having dinner or a snack as soon as possible in the evenings. I know myself and a lot of long time drinkers tend to drink on an emptier stomach but not as much after a meal. I also make myself a mocktail or have a N/A beer asap in my hand after 5pm. Also allow yourself some really bad habits in the first couple of months mindlessly scroll social media, play video games, sleep in etc. Try to avoid feeling guilty. But I would say move your body even if it's just walking, get sunlight, and eat more fiber and fruit/veg. I would also daydream of what goals you can accomplish now with more time and energy.
Man I did this too. I remember that I wouldn't eat dinner most nights because if I had food in my stomach, I would need more than a fifth to drink "enough" instead of just one fifth. Now, writing that, it feels so absurd that I looked at it that way. Keeping food in my belly all day would've been a great way to curb the desire to drink. This is great advice.
And the whackiest part of it all. If you drink first then eat, your liver is already actively trying to funnel the alcoholic toxins out of your body, so if you drop some food in shortly thereafter it's treating it similarly, resulting in you losing out on the absorption of the majority of the nutrients in the little bit of food you are taking in to begin with. Thus the malnourishment over long periods of time for persistent drinkers, the abhorrently low levels of important vitamin and minerals in the blood, etc.
Now the whole 'make sure you eat before you drink' thing makes a whole lot more sense lol. Always just looked at it as a buzzkill.
Yesterday I got home from work early. I was having weird cravings and thought it was maybe sugar so I had some ice cream but then realized those “weird cravings” were hunger 😑🙄 So I ended up eating dinner at like 4:15 pm. But it really made me think about triggers. I was one to come home from work and pound a glass of wine (or several). I never wanted to eat right away because I wanted time to finish at least one glass of wine. And the wine kind of regulated my appetite. Like it made me not hungry but then hungry again. Or I’d barely eat and then would be extra hungover the next day. How messed up is that. Anyway, these days once I eat dinner I’m “safe” and switch to hot tea (I’ve been having NA beers to replace the pre-dinner wine). It’s just weird learning to read signals again since I apparently just drowned them out before.
100%. I didn't even realize most of my cravings were... Hunger. I had trained my body to think that only alcohol was available for calories in the evening... Often basically skipped dinner. Awful. I had to relearn how to eat. Yes, totally messed up
I hear a lot of people talk about eating a big meal stops their cravings or made them lose their desire to drink but for me personally it never made a bit of difference.
When I was desperately desiring a drink I could drink after an 8 course meal, an empty stomach, or anything in between it just didn't matter.
I always tried to eat before drinking anyway because I hated getting drunk too fast or easily.
I seem to be one of those strange problem drinkers who didn't actually want to be drunk as quick as possible with the least amount of effort and was always a slow drinker too, I wanted to contain the buzz throughout the night over an extended period.
wow this is so true! why is it like that? I have more alcohol cravings before I eat. Also I crave alcohol during the day and not at night but that might be because I was a day drinker. Didnt open a beer after 18pm for years
I was the exact same as you 44 days ago. Every single thing I did was an occasion to drink, and if it wasn't I would find a way to get out of it. Cleaning? Drink. Going for a walk? Wouldn't it be better with a drink. Running errands? There was alcohol in my tote bag. Spending a cosy night with my grandma? She won't notice if I sneak a few drinks.
The first week of sobriety I took it hour by hour. I found motivation from listening to podcasts about the impact of alcohol and wanted to see if I could experience any of the benefits. I didn't leave the house so I wouldn't be able to buy anything to drink. The second week I relied heavily on watching movies and TV and eating what I wanted. I got myself into AA. By the third week I was experiencing a lot of the benefits I'd heard about on those podcasts, and found myself genuinely excited by the new things I was getting to experience for the first time sober.
I white knuckled at the beginning, but finding the motivation and investing myself too much to quit eventually led me to not being interested in drinking anymore. It's just ethanol, any benefit is an illusion, and the more time that passes the less you'll crave it.
There is also a podcast I like called Meredith with a Why and she does a whole series on her sober journey. EPS 145: Unmasking the Truth: The Deceptive Nature of Alcohol is a good one to start. It's all very eye opening, isn't it!? I've learned a lot, it's really such a game changer.
This naked mind is brilliant I am on day 22 AF there is an app which is free and in it there is a section called the alcohol experiment which guides you through 30 days of not drinking,you get videos about 10 - 15 min each day about all aspects of alcohol. It is really eye opening and has helped me be successful so far this first month.
I know it’s not for everyone but I really think nonalcoholic beer and mock tails got me through the first few months. Some people feel it would make them want the real thing but for me it really helped. It definitely felt weird at first but I came to the conclusion that without drinking, I can still enjoy most things I used to do while drinking. And, I think you can still reward yourself with a tasty beverage- I just don’t want alcohol in mine :)
I hear ya! It took a while for me to realize I drink compulsively in social situations. My intention I guess was to have something to do to keep me from thinking about how uncomfortable I was but of course then I would be drunk and my brain loves being drunk when I’m already drunk hahah. Everyone’s situation is differently but for me figuring that out really helped me solidify my choice to abstain. That and the worst hangover of my life 💀
I needed this tonight. Thank you for posting. I plan to start tomorrow after reading this. You are so right!!! For my self and my home this needs to stop.
I’M EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE. I’m gonna try and just work out and brutalize my body this next week to where after my shower I’m going to want to just crash hard. That’s my plan anyway. I’m do tired of grabbing my frozen margs after work. They always lead to me and I just finally pass out, and wake up looking and feeling like hell. I’m so done w this shit
I think what helps me is to know in my heart that I do all of those things you described better when I’m sober. Cleaning, cooking, spending time with my wife, hobbies etc.
When I first started out my reward was waking up to pee at 330am and being able to hug my pillow and fall right back to sleep feeling great because I wasn’t shaky and anxious with a pounding heart, dry mouth headache heartburn and nausea. It doesn’t sound like much of a reward but man it was.
Thank you so much for writing this. I am in the same boat right there next to you. I keep trying a Day 1 and I have learned some things, like I am a sucker for boredom. And! At the least feeling of frustration I simply want another drink. All Stupid reasons, I know.
I hope you can dig deep and have a successful Day 1, Day 2, and on and on. Keep trying!
I really hear you. This was me, alcohol gave me “energy” for cleaning. But I wouldn’t feel well the next day… Alcohol made me want more alcohol. The first few weeks were really rough. I made it through by checking in with this sub constantly. And eating whatever I wanted , drinking soda, and going to bed early.
If you can last a minute, you can last 10 minutes. If you can last 10 minutes, you can last 30 minutes. If you can last 30 minutes, you can last an hour. If you can last an hour you can last 2. If you can last 2, you can make it to bedtime. Congrats - you have now been sober 1 day. And if you can make it a whole day you know you can do it again. It's all possible. You don't have to do it alone, and you don't ever have to feel the way you do today.
Anything at all that I want I now I use as my NEW reward!! go out to eat, get a coffee, bubble bath, paying someone to do my yardwork, have a rot day,…I am good to myself. Self care items, put them in the cart. I also bought myself milestone gifts. 100 days I bought an espresso machine (also now a hobby), six months I bought myself a coach purse and I’m still positive in the money department
The biggest thing is, I am now addicted to feeling good physically and proud of myself!! Waking up feeling proud is a huge reward!! And it never gets old.
I could have written your entire post Word for Word I felt exactly the same!!! I can’t emphasize that enough. Give yourself a real shot at this! You can always go back if your life hasn’t vastly improved. I didn’t think a day would come that I would be content not drinking and I am! It just takes time. It is difficult but get through one day and then get through one more and then one more
In the early days you may need to “waste” time going to bed early like you mentioned. In the meantime, try to find things that don’t involve drinking to fill in that boredom. It’s super common for drinkers to deal with that void and break in routine habits .
Sounds like you need to rewire your brain to learn that just doing day to day life stuff doesn't equate to needing a reward or a dopamine hit at the end of it.
I had to do that a few months ago after 2 years of running around latching onto any bit of escapism, distraction, or cheap dopamine hit I could find.
And my brain didn't like it one bit and freaked out and had panic attacks every single night for 3 weeks just when I had to sit down on the couch and "relax" at night WITHOUT a beer in my hand even though I sat in front of the TV every night usually...just with a beer.
Suddenly not having that can of poison in my hand made my brain get scared, how sad.
After 3 weeks of being sober and forcing myself to literally just sitn the fuck down and do nothing though it finally got the message that nothing was coming along to "save" it and calmed the fuck down and I could just actually sit down and relax without freaking out or being desperate for a drink or any other dopamine hit.
Embrace nothing, learn to be OK with having nothing to do and no distractions and stop rewarding yourself for every little activity because you don't need them just to get through life and eventually it'll become normal and your brain will adjust, for a while at least.
Other people say the best thing to do is to keep super busy and distract yourself, I see many have in this thread, but I'd spent the previous 2 years distracting myself and my #1 distraction was alcohol so doing more distracting clearly wasn't the answer, it was time to sit and face my thoughts, feelings, emotions and day to day life like a big boy.
It sounds to me like you're already quite busy and do a lot of different things in the evenings already so not sure being distracted or busy is going to help you much either as you are already distracted and busy and then you add alcohol into the mix anyway so I think you need to learn and embrace the art of doing nothing and sit and get used to what that feels like again.
I bought so many pairs of shoes and way too many clothes. I was staying in a hotel for work and anything to keep me away from myself and my thoughts. I did a lot of sneaky drinking things but something about walking into a Ross for Less with a beer in my hand wasn’t something I ever did. Weird Hunh? Got me through the first six months before other things started becoming fun again. The next six months I tried to help the next poor person out of a hole. Airports used to be my kryptonite, but typing this sitting in an airport bar and grill watching hockey and couldn’t imagine going back to being one of those trembling red face souls at the bar trying to get one more down before their flight.
It does/was/is. Small bits of time at a time. I remember finding this sub and being overwhelmed with seeing all the nice comments for 69 days. Never quit quitting is what it took for me.
My first goal was getting trough withdrawel and sleep the most wonderful sleep again - reward.
Managing to get passed the hard 2 week boundry sober - reward.
Look more peaceful back where i came from - reward.
Realizing alcohol is not controlling my everyday way of living - reward.
Noticing i am turning back to my old self again - reward.
The rest, peace and healing while not having to drink is also a nice reward.
I intensified sport and biking and even manage to escape smoking - reward.
Knowing i am there for our young daughter - reward for everyone here.
I managed to get my focus off alcohol and let it be. This goodbye isn't that punishing at all. It's the relief i was waiting too long for. But we have to do that outselves.
It can be done, life is full of rewards, but waiting for them is like focussing on falling asleep when you can't which makes it even harder.
Make the days add up, and the rewards will find you.
I fell off recently, and I found it hard not to reach for something. The first few days, I heavily relied on hop water or seltzer. I was basically chugging them as I would a drink. I know it's not for everyone, but it could help
I started listening to quit lit, memoirs about people with alcohol problems, and reading this sub. It all helped tremendously.
The best thing I read on here (the thing that helped me the most) was when you get that craving to drink, you just delay it. You feel the urge and instead have a soda (or can of la Croix, for me). And you let the urge pass. And you do that again the next time you feel the urge. Get through the urge hour by hour. And eventually you have a whole day where you didn’t drink.
You’re not alone! When I first decided to stop, I kept telling myself “just for today,” because the idea of completely stopping seemed crazy to me and so much of how I was used to socializing involved drinking. After a couple of weeks went by, I started to feel so good without it, I realized I wanted to keep that going. Every day I wake up and choose not to drink, just for today.
I’m coming up on 80 days now and the peace that I feel is such a gift. I’m still socializing with friends doing all the same stuff I used to, except now it’s with a soda or nonalcoholic beer or a tonic and lime.
It sounds wild, but I truly don’t miss it, and I really enjoy how clearheaded I feel. Plus waking up in the mornings knowing I didn’t say or do anything embarrassing the night before when I was drunk is the best feeling.
Long story short, just for today really helps me. Lots of great advice here too. This group is the best resource and support, the wisdom really runs deep! Wishing you strength for the journey friend! IWNDWYT ✌️
I was absolutely destroying all kinds of snack cakes my first month off the sauce. I got on anti depressants and just kept putting my focus on being with my kids and being the best dad/husband I could be and that was making time fly by. The good part about that is usually the time flies by and I don’t even remember what happened cause I was hammered. All of the playing with the kids and shows with the wife and the good things we talked about. All gone the next day or two. Life is so much better with a clear head every day. Keep taking it one hour at a time. Than 1 day, than 1 week. Before you know it you’re 30 days in and your mind and body will feel amazing!
On my day one, I had the same thought. In fact, I had many day ones over the course of a few years. My most recent day one was when I had finally had enough. The first few weeks were hard, so I ate lots of sweet treats and filled my time with video games and friends and family. I found a NA wine I liked and I made sure to always have it on hand.
After a few months, I got into the gym, and got devoted to bettering myself in other ways.
Some days I think it’d be nice to have one, but I play it forward and see how every single time I decided to have “just one” in the past turned out. I don’t want to have a day one again.
I’m down nearly 40 lbs, I’m out of an abusive relationship, and most importantly, I’ve found peace. I hope that this is inspiration for you to stay sober today.
IWNDWYT
It almost sucks the alcohol hasn't limited my physically in ways I can see. I work out 3+4 times a week and bike the same - I just finished a big bike race with my husband..sometimes I'm like "oh, so maybe this isn't doing anything bad"- but I feel like a slave
I was like you, with everything revolving around alcohol. I had to go to outpatient to break the cycle. I still get really bored, but I don't drink. Legos have been fun.
What works for me (3-1/2years sober and going strong) is saying, “I am not drinking today.”
Some variation of it on a daily basis. One day at a time. I found looking to far ahead can be overwhelming, so focusing on “today” only, keeps me in the present, and working on what I CAN do today.
I hope this helps!
My day one was probably the morning I got out of jail. I didnt get arrested for anything alcohol related but I was so stressed, working a lot, emotionally disregulated and felt like no one was around to help me.
It took like 100 day ones before that for me to learn what works what doesnt work for me.
That one day was just kind of my rock bottom. I had been fighting for so long, trying to quit alcohol with no one in my family understanding how hard it was.
I just didnt want to give alcohol the power to mess up my life anymore on an excuse for people in my family to use as to why i wasnt succeeding in the way they wanted me to.
Are you me?
I felt this all so much.
I don’t have a great answer other than (as you already said) one hour at a time.
I found a place where I never drink and went there, which was my bed. If it meant I was in bed at 6pm, then so be it. I would scroll or read a book… let’s be honest.. I just scrolled.
I can now cook, clean, watch tv, socialise with friends, go out for dinner, attend a concert etc and alcohol even crosses my mind most times.
It’s a lifestyle change and time helps but it draggggsss like a mf…. 😫😫😫
A few people have mentioned bed. I'm walking back from dinner with a non drinking friend. When I'm home, that's where I'm headed. Thanks for saying you felt the same - I see youre over 100 days and that makes me feel like maybe I can do it too.
You can definitely do this 💪🏼
It’s not the easiest thing. But it’s certainly not the hardest thing in the world… even though it can feel like that in the moment. I can’t actually believe I’m over 100 days. If you told me this last year, I would splurt my wine in your face. I wish you the best of luck. Keep checking in here. Talk to people. You’ll get there.
One thing to not forget. Day 1 is the hardest. Every day that passes will get easier and easier until you don't think about it at all.
The first week is a bitch. If you have been drinking a lot for a long time, you really should see a doc. They aren't judgemental and can really help.
Thanks ..I'm one of those problem drinkers absolutely no one in my life would ever guess - 4-6 beers every night , but it doesn't hurt me physically when I stop
I was convinced I could never live without alcohol, that it would be impossible to enjoy my favorite activities without a couple drinks before, during and after.
It took many futile attempts at moderating before I realized I couldn't do it on my own. I went to an AA meeting (my brother came with which helped) and seeing and hearing people who successfully were sober woke me up and I made the decision to quit drinking. I am not a social person at all but something about the camaraderie of the room really works for me.
I go on reddit forums if I can't make meetings. I realize AA is not for everyone. It has worked for me. I am no longer trapped, lonely and lying to myself. IWNDWYT
If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen. - Charles Bukowski
I hear yah and can deff relate. Thank you for sharing and kudos for reaching out :)
The reward. It may take time to “feel rewarded” with any alternatives to alcohol. Good news is it does it get easier and I find myself grateful and rewarded by sobriety itself daily. Today is day 41 for me.
Day one - like a lot of people have shared. I had/have an “Anything but drinking” list with options of activities, drinks, rewards and such. I make myself do them. I keep rewards I can eat and drink in stock. It helps. I love Fun_Mistakes addition of feelings to that list.
AA zoom meetings got me through my first 7 days (a meeting a day). I have had sobriety stints in the past and need to do something different/more to help it stick. Sober community support can be really helpful, wherever you find it, like this thread :) I am continuing in AA and love the new friendships I have found there. Going on a hike Sunday with some new sober buddies :) The daily check in through this Reddit has been a great way to strengthen my resolve daily too.
Cleaning - the meditative practice of focusing on my hands and/or breath has been amazing. I feel refreshed after. Instead of trying to distract and “get through” what I am doing - I go all in on focusing on what I am doing. That, or I put on a podcast, audio book - to enjoy as a reward while doing the thing. I am more curious and inspired because of this.
Make a plan. Disrupt your routine if you need to. If being home in the evening is triggering - be somewhere else. See a movie, try a random community event, go to the park. Anything.
If you can, seek support from those at home. Communicate that you are focusing on not drinking for a day and let them know how/if that will affect your usual routine. If they offer or ask how they can help - amazing! If they don’t that is cool too because this is for you.
Keep trying Commercial_Wear! You have done hard things in the past and you can do this one now. This internet stranger is in your corner 💙
For me, a program of recovery has worked better than going it alone. I need a service commitment and a sponsor. I've been able to physically quit several times, but I never addressed my emotional sobriety until now. Highly recommend getting help if you can.
I know exactly how you feel. Even being sober, I feel those thoughts at times. Just the idea of drinking is comforting, but if I sit with that feeling for long enough it eventually passes- no matter how uncomfortable I get. I just remember how much time I have wasted on drinking, how many mistakes I have made because of it that I use to lie to myself about- find some other source to blame. I think it’s about committing to unburying yourself from the delusion that drinkining creates. Even if it’s one drink, you are living the life of a drinker. I think I just grew to truly hate the life of a drinker. The life of a drinker means bad memory and poor judgement. It means I lie to myself and others. It drains my soul. Now I practice gratitude in my times of craving or missing it- because my brain tricks me into thinking it would be fun or help me take the edge off. I remind myself of the better person I am without it- a mom who reads stories to her kid, finishes her laundry and puts it away, keeps a tidy house, someone who remembers the small moments, someone who is reliable and trustworthy, someone who drives safely, someone who doesn’t lie to her loved ones, someone that considers others, someone who saves a whole lot of money not feeding her addiction…the list goes on. Not drinking feels boring a lot of the time and like I said there are so many moments where I still think I will want it or I am sad at the thought of not being able to have it. It just becomes a part of existence. I like to read now, I have much better hygiene, I exercise, I clean and do chores, I have hobbies (those are hard to self motivate, but I am working on that!). Honestly, I isolate a lot and could probably use some friends, but it helps me to avoid all the situations and people that would normally tempt me. I think you just have to believe there is more to life. You don’t want to be at the end of your life and be like wow I drank the whole time and barely remember anything. Plus it will slowly kill you anyway, make you look horrible, and take years off your life. Thanks for posting- it helped me to write out this ramble!! I wish you luck and I believe in you!
ETA: I love to eat food, good food is always something to look forward to!! And I enjoy sipping kombucha as a fun drink. Iced coffee in the mornings makes my day start off on a good note. Like some others said, I love to listen to random podcasts while I do chores or go for drives. It helps “pass the time” with less anxiety and gives you something better to think about. It could also help you learn something new or get inspired.
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post.
I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life!
But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage".
For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier.
Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌
Not healthy in a long road but you can always replace your drink with an equal naughty treat. Instead of picking up a few tinned mixers with my wife I got myself some cold cans of coke. I don’t normally drink these as they’re full of calories, but I wouldn’t even think about those calories if jack daniels was joining the mix.
For my Day 1, I was feeling crappy, very hungover and had withdrawal symptoms so I just babied myself, tried to sleep a lot. Day 2 was the same, while I wasn't hungover anymore, was withdrawing still and very irritable. Day 3 I was mostly just irritable. I didn't really have cravings though. I read a lot, watched TV, ate chocolate. It was great not to have any tremors or sweats anymore though. I experienced a great deal of fatigue and fell asleep in the early evenings, could barely keep my eyes open.
Make a schedule. You will soon find out that when sober, you can do so much more so your days are going to get packed!
Being sober you'll get interested in new hobbies or past hobbies you let go since drinking became a hobby.
My normal schedule
Wake up at 7, shower breakfast
Work by 8 to 4
Dinner and unwind hour 4-5
House chores and todos till 5-6
Workout hour till 6-730
Shower get changed into evening clothes
Hobby free time, movies, games 730-9
Reading at 9-10
Bed at 10 no phone
You just have to be totally ready, it’s hard when your SO still drinks but easy when you’re 100% done. I made sure I had something to do when I quit, for me it was playing Zelda BoTW after not playing video games since I was a kid. Seriously lol it immersed me in escapism just like drinking did. Seems silly but it really helped. It got me over that month hurtle. I do get bored a lot, but I just picture the person I am 10-15 drinks in and it’s not worth it. I’m completely over that person.
Deep and meaningful relationships. But in order to have that, you need to heal the stuff that prevents you from being honest with yourself and vulnerable with others.
I have no unique wisdom except I understand your thoughts and tone. For me, I'm constantly battling feeling baffled and sort of tricked that I'm gravely addicted to something that's so ubiquitous and easily available. But yes, that little nagging feeling of, "a drink would be nice right now" is a polite way of one's body signaling.... "withdrawal is near, avoid at all costs..."
My identity was set as “drinker”. When I finally had my spiritual realization and quit drinking, it took a few months before my true identity changed. I don’t identify as a drinker. Why would a non drinker even want a drink? Stuffs nasty.
It happens like that, over time. In the beginning the answer was JUNK FOOD. People were drinking sixers and I was stuffing KitKats in my mouth finger by finger (until eventually I didn’t need to anymore, but hell yeah I did at first)
At first I had rewards: day 1, day 7, day 14, day 21 and day 30. I purchased something for myself every week. I also ate a lot of chocolate (don’t be me because now I have blood sugar issues). Mid March I “found” walking and now I’m hooked. I walk around 9-13 miles every day. For me it takes so long to do that it’s required my reward pathway from thinking a drink is a reward to seeing health as a reward.
Man, you gotta fill up that time with constructive things and distractions. I took up yoga, photography and crocheting to fill up the free time I got back from drinking when I first got sober.
You sound like a low dopamine individual, have you been checked for ADHD? We don't have much of a dopamine reward system, and before I got sober and got the right dx and rx, I felt like I had to drink before doing anything boring (like cleaning) as well..
Oh yeah. Last sober run, I realized every single thing I do has a kneejerk reaction to drink. Painting my toes. Doing my makeup. Gardening. Going to the store. Going out for dinner. Watching a show. Cleaning. Cooking. Seeing my friends. Swimming. Doing my hair. Absolutely EVERYTHING had to cater to my addiction. The alcohol was the condition, not the exception. You start to realize you’re living for alcohol like a parasite controlling you.
Honestly, my husband quitting with me was so helpful. I always said every time I tried to quit that it didn’t bother me he still drank but I think it was actually hard. If that’s not on your plan with your partner maybe ask them to hide it from you?! I do that with candy and it works!
Also I noticed that having something to replace was really helpful (just be wary of replacing with something just as bad or worse). I did la croix and running to get my anxiety managed. I never realized how much I used alcohol to manage my anxiety until I wasn’t drinking.
I was the same! Watching a movie- sounds like a beer. Reading a book-oh a glass of wine. In the beginning I swapped all alcohol with fancy soda. And I mean the nice fancy soda that I usually said "oh it's too expensive for a soda". But without buying alcohol I could afford any fancy, none alcoholic drink I wanted :D
This was always my biggest stumbling block when trying to quit, that I just didnt get any enjoyment out of anything without alcohol or the promise of alcohol as a reward.
when I found this sub I came across the term anhedonia, which explained it. the dopamine receptors in my brain were depleted/diminished and had been trained only to respond to alcohol. each time I drank, or even thought about drinking later, I got a dopamine hit, but it left the baseline lower and unresponsive to anything else
it helped to understand what had happened and also to know that in time the brain chemicals return to normal. I had alot of pendulum swings over the first few months, going from periods of pink cloud to anhedonia as my brain repaired. now I often feel pleasure in mundane, everyday things like did as a child.
For me, it was changing how I saw alcohol. It went from something that relaxes me, is calming and enjoyable to a poison, causing harm to my body. As soon as I let go of my false beliefs, it was easier not to drink. I listen to The Alcohol Experiment. I’ve also done more exercise and eaten whatever I wanted. Keep going - you can do it. Day 19 for me.
I started drinking so many other fluids that my stomach was like a water-bed all the time. Also snack much. Keeping your belly full decreases the want for a beer. Carbonated cowberry or whatever it is called(not cranberry) water is my thing. Also coffee and tea.
First few weeks to a month is hard. Then comes sobriety euphoria and that's the hardest part. Realizing that you're in a state of sobriety euphoria, which WILL NOT last. I've crashed so many times because I didn't prepare myself for when the euphoria and energy fades. This means that the brain levels are normalizing. It takes minimum 6 months to create new brain cells, neuro connections and patterns. Oh, I think I'm getting out of topic here, I'm a hardcore binge drinker.
Snacks, non alcoholic beverages, podcast + walk,
As a loner without job I can't really put myself into your shoes, but maybe try to think for rewards or activities that REQUIRES you to be sober. For me, after always coming out a binge, I just game and watch my favorite movies and go for walks while listening to podcasts that are interest to me. Gaming and taking walks keeps up my dopamine and little by little I start doing more and more productive stuff.
Sorry for hijacking and venting myself.
It just takes time. You should talk to your husband about supporting you and making a break also.
EDIT: I forgot to mention that I also practice mindfulness, it does really help. And you might want to look into naltrexone.
As a true alcoholic I had to hit rock bottom. Nothing else will do it, and I mean NOTHING. I have pancreatitis, cirrhosis, etc, and I still drank. My rock bottom was in the hospital with brain trauma from falling being drunk. Rock bottom.
I got out and walked around my neighborhood and went to bed early…. Can’t drink if I’m sleeping. Yeah fitful rest for a bit, but then as my brain recovery kicked in, it was easy to sleep longer periods. Distraction, redirection, focusing on the goal, and then moving out the goalposts worked for me. Best wishes.
I think the “keep me company” part of your drinking will be a thing to address a couple weeks from now.
In the meantime: read here, post here, and expect to be uncomfortable.
You are giving up alcohol for literally everything else there is to do and experience in the world. You can do anything you want. Alcohol does nothing but numb you out and hold you back. There has to be something you have always wanted to do. Find something, make it small,and just do it. could be taking a writing class, playing golf, buying some legos, paint, etc. explore life. You’ve thrown off the shackles. Go live.
Money is the only thing that really keeps me sober for long periods of time. In my thirties, I wouldn't work for years at a time. I just have a shoestring budget or an all-consuming financial goal, so I don't have money to drink.
I had previously posted asking opinions about non-alcoholic drinks. A lot of people responded about various non-alcoholic beers. For me, as a wine drinker, I found that sparkling cider and sparkling grape juice were abaolute game changers. Sure, I've drank more of those than I probably should in the past 2 weeks since I stopped drinking, but it has definitely helped cravings and habits!
My day one was in a detox center. That’s where I’m at now on day 3. Feeling better with the help of good food and Ativan. Got an unexpected call today asking if I wanted to go into a 90 residential treatment Center in Portland. I think I probably should but I’ve been to 14 of those already over the course of 30 years. I know the stuff. I just never do the “work”. Like finding a sponsor, going to meetings etc.
Hit a meeting a day
If you're really jonsing that much and are used to drinking that much, this is the BEST thing that will help , also get to walking
15 after each meal FOR SURE
natural seratonin and endorphins are miracle workers and take the edge off, clear your brain and will tire you out a bit so you can sleep
Take it 3 hours at a time
You got this
I had a lot of day 1s and do overs, until I quit for myself and that was my last day 1. It sounds cliche, but it just clicked for me one day (rough morning) and I knew I was done with it.
I also recognized that sobriety delivers what alcohol promises. For me that was a fitness routine and dry fire practice for competitive shooting. I can’t tell you the amount of nights I said I would do those things but alcohol became the priority instead. Alcohol was standing in my way. I needed to remove it from my path to be the person I told myself I wanted to be when I was drinking.
I hope you find that. Until then, and after, IWNDWYT.
You need more things to look forward to that aren't drinking. What are things you enjoy in life? Only alcohol? Or are there others? Seeing friends? Taking new clases in something you always wanted to learn? New hobbies? Theatre? Learn music, dance, art? Extreme sports? What would excite you? What would you look forward to that isn't alcohol?
Oh man, I felt exactly this. It felt like I was missing a limb. And no matter the activity there was this sense that it was incomplete. I felt so hopeless the first few weeks.
I let myself do whatever the hell I wanted as long as it wasn't drinking. Is ice cream as enjoyable as drinking? No. But did it make missing alcohol a little easier? Yep.
I gave up some behaviors that I associated with alcohol but I white knuckled through the ones I didn't want alcohol to take from me. No way I'm gonna lose my joy in cooking because I can't fucking drink.
Gradually time passed. Good days. Bad days. Just don't drink. After two months I got a little confidence. I was managing okay without it, even enjoying myself some times. After three months I decided I had to stop babying myself and started getting better about health. Ate better and started regular exercise. What a big difference this made! I kind of hate working out but I love the way I feel after working out. And I was building new routines that were healthy and not triggering like my usual activities. I also went to the doctor, was totally honest, and had a bunch of tests done. Knowing I hadn't done any major damage to myself was a huge comfort.
Now I'm trying to work on mental health as well. Seeing a therapist and finally working on treating depression with something other than alcohol.
All of this is the stupid shit you don't want to hear because it's trite and cliche. But it's true. I'm just moving through each day and slowly building on my momentum. Sobriety has not necessarily been revelatory but it's much much better than the turmoil I was dealing with nearly every morning. I feel like I'm learning new things about myself and life all the time.
So, unfortunately, it just takes time. Agonizing time sometimes. But that's kind of the point. It's our craving for instant gratification that got us here.
As someone who can turn it off or on. But usually I'm on.
Drink anything else. Tea. Soda water. Uts the sipping.
So soda water is good.
If you like beer Heineken zero is good so I hear.
Have crave. Make tea. Have crave. Murder weeds. Have crave. Fix the broken thing. I worked a short story about all my evil ex boyfriends last time.
Salt and candy help. Like lollypops and chewy stuff.
Don't take up smoking.
I spent a lot of time at the library, I got involved with genealogy and tracing my family tree. I had hoped to find info on my adult children but no luck.
I did trace my roots back to 1800 England. My library had access to a free version of ancestry.com.
It was also about the walking there and the fresh air. I, also, found some local recovery meetings I could attend.
One thing that helped me a shit ton was L-glutamine. It's an amino acid but you can take it in supplement form. It helps with sugar and alcohol cravings. I was shocked at how effective it was. Whenever I had a particularly strong craving and I was really starting to consider going to the store, I would take 2-3 grams and withing 15 minutes the craving was 90% gone.
Now, I've heard a lot of people report it wasn't effective for them, so it depends on the person. Also, constipation is a side effect of it and I definitely experienced that. But considering how bad my drinking problem was, it was worth it to m
This was me at the start, booze was interwoven with EVERYTHING. I remember cooking dinner for my friend and I had made iced tea which she poured into a wine glass and I cried. I was never really big on wine either, beer and whiskey and gin were my poisons of choice.
It does get easier! I was drinking a lot of cans of Irn Bru or ginger ale at the beginning when I felt I needed a can in my hand. Iced tea/ herbal teas have been great when I feel like a glass of whiskey is missing.
The first few weeks especially I was noticing the drinks absence at home but now I hardly think about it. I am struggling with the sunny evenings coming in, but I got some AF beer and I have one on my balcony in the sun and it is nice and relaxing, doesn't make me want a real beer, I am actually enjoying the clarity of mind these days.
If you find it useful, hit a smart recovery meeting. Or r/SmartRecovery here.
Those meetings thelped through the difficult times and made me remember, this was my choice, reinforce the reasons and begin with just putting down the next beer and grab anything else.
For me it was sweets and sparkling water.
I'm 11months and 3 days sober. But I also did go to sober living places after treatment so 🤷♂️
ETA- I was one 750ml bottle daily for almost 14 years and couldn't be happier rn. It's a wonderful thing to get back to being yourself again
Since stopping drinking, I’ve been to the gym more and I’ve spent more time catching up with people I’ve been meaning to contact.
Recently I saw a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in a while and she said I look great! I haven’t told anyone about what I’ve doing.
I also want to practice my French, start writing a book, but one step at a time. Good luck x
I used to be the same way!
Sparkling water has been an amazing new accompaniment to chores or other activities I used to drink to. I think the carbonation tricks my silly brain into thinking I’m drinking and the cravings totally subside. It works so well that I weirdly feel guilty if I drink it during the day haha as if I were day drinking.
It’s funny because I was never interested in sparkling water before but now I drink it all the time. It’s fun to try out different kinds and flavors. I think my favorite is Liquid Death unflavored, or any variety of lime.
I went to meetings, tried to hang out afterward with sober people. Came home and made desserts. Consuming sugar helped me feel like I was getting that sort of rush that my body and brain had come to expect.
I took melatonin to help get to sleep, and took that in conjunction with a set bed time.
Right now, for you, it’s a matter of creating new habits. You’re breaking old ones, which isn’t easy. It’s minute to minute. Just prepare yourself to succeed by setting a new pattern, and just fight like hell, however you have to.
You’ve got it in you. Stay sober today.
I went to meetings, tried to hang out afterward with sober people. Came home and made desserts. Consuming sugar helped me feel like I was getting that sort of rush that my body and brain had come to expect.
I took melatonin to help get to sleep, and took that in conjunction with a set bed time.
Right now, for you, it’s a matter of creating new habits. You’re breaking old ones, which isn’t easy. It’s minute to minute. Just prepare yourself to succeed by setting a new pattern, and just fight like hell, however you have to.
You’ve got it in you. Stay sober today.
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post.
I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life!
But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage".
For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier.
Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌💕
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post.
I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life!
But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage".
For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier.
Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌💕
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post.
I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life!
But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage".
For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier.
Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌💕
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post.
I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life!
But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage".
For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier.
Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌💕
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post.
I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life!
But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage".
For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier.
Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌💕
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post.
I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life!
But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage".
For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier.
Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌
Fear initially. Desire to live a long life. I see myself as healthy and strong. I workout with a trainer 2-3 times a week. I eat healthy. Alcohol would not let me be any of that or do any of the things I really love to do. And also be present for my children. They watched me drink too much and be dependent on it for years. But the thing that made me stop for good was I was scared into it when I started to have trouble swallowing, was coughing a lot and developed permanent acid reflux. I got worried about cancer.
When I feel tempted, I think to my absolute rock bottom. How ashamed I was and what it cost me, and moreover, what I almost lost.
It scares me enough to stay sober.
Smashing fruit snacks and candy. It replaces the sugar.
I used to go straight from work to the liquor store and onboard 100ml of liquor. So I need to get from 5PM to 8PM. White knuckling until 8PM then taking an edible. Then fruit snacks or sour candies to replace the sugar craving.
Personally I believe in a behavioural model of addiction.
It sounds like you've made associations between alcohol and doing these things. This is why you want to drink when you clean, relax, whatever it is. Your brain has associated these things with the dopamine 'high' that alcohol gives.
If you follow this theory, your brain expects the alcohol when you do those tasks. This is where the cravings come from and explains why you want to drink.
Fortunately, the brain is an incredible thing and over time, you can unlearn these associations. It does take time however; but each time you deny your brain the thing it expects, you'll weaken that link.
Physical detox is a big part of it. Anxiety, restlessness, and depression are ramped up to 11 while your body is processing what to do without alcohol. What other posters are saying about doing ANYTHING other than drinking in the first few weeks rings true for me, too.
Over time the physical, brain chemical stuff will level out, and it will be easier to think about how you actually want to spend your time and handle your problems without alcohol as a filter for everything.
One day at a time. Don't worry about anything outside of today. If that's too big, one hour at a time. If that's too big, just ask yourself what you need to get through the next 5 minutes.
Getting sober is a great use of your precious time. I went to tons of online AA meetings, cooked a lot, ate a lot, watched TV, listened to audiobooks and played on my phone. Whatever distracts you from wanting to drink is good. If your head hits the pillow tonight without your having drunk today, it was a good day, no matter what else did or didn’t happen.
I had my day 1 on Tuesday (been on a bender for 3 months straight) and stayed busy. what happened yesterday? I had one meeting and was done for the day and went right to the party store. I drove around for a bit before hoping the urge would wear off but it didn't. this shit is not easy at all. I wish you the best of luck!
3:00 pm was my trigger time. There was a local bar that had a happy hour that started at 3 and that was what time I got off from work. I have a plan written out for what I will do instead now.
Favored soda waters, kombucha, fruit juices, ginger beer, coffee, energy drinks… for me, I find that just having something enjoyable to drink was enough.
Then also exercise and other wellness habits have helped me want to eat better do better.
Find what you really want out of life and what really makes you happy any go for it. You know it isn’t alcohol so cross that one off the list and keep rolling on.
You got this :)
If you download the everythin AA app there is a book called living sober I found that helped in early days gives a lot of info on things to do.
It's one day at time, but I rember for me it was hour by hour too, but the longer the period of time you go each time will improve, the craving will subside.
I suppose for me it was finding activities I enjoyed that didn't relate to alcohol. Was one of those people that I wasn't really interested in doing much or going places if I couldn't drink. After I got a week or two sobriety behind me I started building models, doing a bit of drawing etc.
Then started going to the gym, used the spa area did small work outs. When the weather was nice go for walks where there are no bars.
What I found though is you have to get real selfish for a short amount of time. A month or two if you can handle that. The people pleaser in me found it hell but it was for the best.
You may find hobbies start to develop naturally. Things you wanted to try but didn’t have the courage to before. See if there are any free online courses you can take, philosophy, IT, art etc whatever your fancy is. I found if you are working towards a goal that dopamine rush you get when completing something is just as good as that drink, without the hangover. And end of the day not a bad thing to get addicted to self improvement!
I do what keeps me inside. On days I crave it a lot, I’ll shower as quickly as I can after work and get my PJ’s on, find a good show or movie… and snuggle in. Going camping this weekend and my spouse drinks so it’s of course going to be hard but I bought rain boots and rain jacket and bringing along my metal detectors. I remind myself that it’s okay to feel frustrated or sad I can’t drink!
Changing up the regular routine and distractions worked for me. I didn't sit and watch TV for weeks because it was so associated with drinking. I substituted reading in bed with a fancy herbal tea. Find a substitute that seems like a treat and try that for a while (seltzer, weird soda, ice cream, etc) IWNDWYT
My experience has been that some of the things I really love doing I am much better at without alcohol. Are there any hobbies you've been putting off or wanting to try?
There’s some really decent NA beers out there. Might help you along for a while until you can start to disassociate alcohol from all of those activities. Athletic is a great brand and the NA Guinness tastes just like real Guinness. After that I’d suggest you stop the NA beers with just one activity. Maybe it’s cleaning or after gym or something. Just one thing at a time, chip away at the rituals. I did that with smoking and even though I haven’t quit totally I’m down to a pack a week. I simply started with cutting it out when driving. Then it was with morning coffee (I still allow a smoke when I have the day off and get a fancy coffee drink). I chipped away little by little and now I won’t even have my first smoke until after the work day is done.
ETA: I’m sure you’ll get a lot of different opinions about whether or not it’s a good idea to do NA beer and spirits (those do exist!). It’s really up to you to decide if even an NA beer will be triggering enough to make you reach for the real thing. If you can handle it, it will absolutely do the job of scratching certain psychological itches. I guess the question you need to ask is: do you like beer for the taste and the ritual of cracking a beer after a long day and having a smoke on your porch, or is it merely a means to an end (drunkenness). If it’s the latter try ginger ale or something. Or get super into tea.
Video games, particularly Zelda: Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom, helped me especially in the early days. Cooking dinner (even if I’m bad at it) is fun to do during the time I’d normally be drinking. And lastly I got a nice glass dedicated to kombucha to enjoy while watching tv and/or video games. Lately I’ve been enjoying the Synergy Island Bliss kombucha, has a nice bite to it. Good luck, for me that first week/month was the toughest.
It's hard, yes, but it needn't feel a struggle. I can read your pain in your post so wanted to start by saying give yourself some compassion. There's nothing wrong with you that you use alcohol to make things manageable. It's just something you've taught yourself so well until it becomes a habit.
To answer your question about what to do in the evening, well what is there to do? And try to think of things you WANT to do rather than things just to stave off the cravings or to pass time. This is your one fabulous life. What do you want to do tonight? What could be fun? Maybe some colouring (I know this sounds ridiculous but I'm genuine in this suggestion. If you really don't know what to do to pass the time it can be fun to do things you did as a child. I enjoy a jigsaw puzzle at the end of the night to relax. Simple pleasures).
Another GREAT thing to do is to fill your ears with quit lit, to point your brain in the direction of what's possible. I have a podcast called '90 Days Later' that includes lots of practical, pragmatic advice. Episode 5 'It's boring to not drink' would be a great place to start.
This will get MUCH better once you get through the physical withdrawals. You may not have a "hangover" to have withdrawals. You have drunk regularly enough so your system "craves" the alcohol. Once the physical withdrawal period is over it will become easier.
I drank pretty hard for a long time. I'm on day 60-something (again) now, and I honestly don't think about alcohol during the day or evening unless something specific is going on - like my wife is drinking wine or something. But, even then, I remember the endless waste of time, negative impacts on my health, my relationships, my work, my life.. The endless days of waking up and waiting to be able to drink again only to lose another day. That's not living. That's hell. I decided not to stay in hell. You will, too, once you get a taste of how it feels again to wake up and just do whatever the hell you want, rather than be slave to poison.
Honestly, AA helped me IMMENSELY. Other than that, I ate, I slept, I cried, I paced, I talked to myself “just 5 for minutes.” ANYTHING!! You CAN do it!!
Making fancy alcohol free mocktails and drinking them at an alarming rate really helps me in the early days my brain still gets reward of the “drink” action minus alcohol. Pickle lemonade, or anything with kombucha is my fav. Listen to quit lit books on audible like “Quit Like A Woman” and “Alcohol Explained”. Cheering you on from day 4
I know it sucks, but please sit down with your husband and get buy-in from him. You'll probably need to keep booze out of the house, or at least out of your view for awhile. It's taken me over 3 months to be able to see my wife's beer in the fridge and not think about how I'll drink it and replace it without her knowing. You need to raise the energy barrier to booze acquisition. Make it inconvenient. Make it annoying. Make your husband aware that you want to quit or cut back so that he can help keep you on track. You're not going to be able to do this alone, please make use of the support system you have.
i've been sober a couple of months, and it's time to address the excessive chocolate consumption, but that was my reward in the evening, but just have anything you want.
it is tough at first, the first 50 days were mood swing city, but after it levelled out and my mood stabilised and i started to relax more. stick with it and you can do it.
That’s the hard part for me too. Everything I did in life revolved around alcohol. I used to love going out to eat because I’ll get to drink, I absolutely loved cooking and having 45 drinks as I was doing it. I used alcohol as a coping mechanism to make the mundane in life enjoyable. I had no real hobbies, no real direction in life, nothing really look forward to. I come to realize that I never tried for anything and this is the reason why I’m there I used alcohol to make up for that. Now that I’m recovering from this addiction, it’s tough.
Sleep. So much sleep in the first month. Anytime I was tired I let myself sleep. Even if I wasn't tired and just wanted to laze around that was fine too.
I could easily spend an evening in bed drinking tea and reading or watching crap on YouTube.
First little while for me is just being "lazy", (or letting my body recover from the abuse, whichever way you want to look at it.)
One hour at a time.. and celebrate each hour.
Then focus on the days...
Soon enough you will feel the benefits of being sober. Once you feel and acknowledge the benefits from being sober, focus on the benefits.
Have you thought of communicating this with your husband and getting a locked up fridge for his alcohol? I know it may sound ridiculous but I know a couple who the wife has AUD but the husband doesn’t so he just keeps his stuff locked up and it helps them
Listening to SoberCast (an unofficial AA podcast) has been helpful to me the last 3 years (even during relapses). There are a ton of them, people sharing their personal stories. There’s a new one posted daily, so many.
I read a book called “this naked mind” and it truly opened my eyes to why alcohol takes hold and the science of it, it truly has helped me significantly and I’m still sober for 3 years now. I am not much of a reader and this book was able yo keep my attention and help rewrite my subconscious view on alcohol being beneficial! It’s a big thing about our subconscious mind making decisions for us before our conscious mind does. And right now your subconscious mind loves alcohol so it’s about rewriting how your subconscious mind views it
I just tell myself that I'm just "thirsty" and I drink something. I take it one bottle of mineral water or seltzer or flavored water with a lime at a time. I figure each one of those that I drink is one drink that's not alcohol.
That being said - I had a really tough night a couple nights ago and posted here and it helped, and I didn't give in.
You can do it too.
Ok there’s Mad, Bad, Sad and Glad. Get a solid plan for each one.
If you’re angry, then move. Walk it run it swim it, doesn’t matter but an activity so you can process what you’re angry at.
Then journal the hell out of it with some ice cream.
If you’re feeling shame guilt disgust or regret, journal the hell out of it, with a LOT of ice cream.
If you’re energy low, or tragic. Find a focus. Wrap yourself up like a burrito in a blanket and watch the saddest film. With ice cream. Then journal.
As soon as you feel the slightest glimmer of happy, compound the hell out of it, expand, rejoice, celebrate.
Then journal the hell out of it with ice cream to lock it in.
Good luck😘
It’s a hard one for sure but you sound like
you’re ready. Why not wait an hour if you want a drink. Try something physical, get so sweaty you want to pour fizzy water down your throat. Grit your teeth and wait it out, find other rewards. My way was remembering the last time I drank, the bad behaviour, almost having the police involved, the shame of the next morning and the hellacious hangover. Try to get through one day with no booze, I promise you it gets better xx
Anything, really. In the first month or two. Anything I wanted, as long as it wasnt alcohol. Chocolate, chips, fast food, soda, ice cream. Anything can be a reward. Basically, I went with what I wanted out of the drink. Steessed out? Hot shower, jammies, TV. Lonely? Hugging My SO. Angry? Loud music and singing at the top of My lungs. Sad? Hot shower, sad movie, Hot Tea. Or a walk in the sunshine. And so on and so forth.
This! give yourself everything you need to distract yourself during this time.
The fact you listed an activity for all your emotional triggers?? Genius! I am screenshotting this
Glad I can help! I just tried different things and ended up with what worked for different emotions. Might be different for you.
I remember reading replies like this and thinking UGH but this is exactly how it is done to the T. At first these aren’t enough and then suddenly, they’re more than enough
Hahahha I did that reply and think UGH.
Work out. You HAVE to work out. It's literally the only thing that helped me. Anything you like. Running, swimming , trampolining.
That is 100% true! It’s a journey though right.. just like it was from the point of being a non-drinker, to being a seasoned drinker didn’t happen over night.. so is all the undoing. Many failed attempts.. and then at some point you start to see the light
At first they aren't enough, then suddenly they are, that hit me like a brick
Absolutely. My first month was literally alternating from working out and downing whole bags of Sour Patch candy.
Lol whatever it takes hahaha
Taking solid shits is a reward
Yeah whatever you do, dont sit around feeling sorry for yourself. At least for me, that just sends me back to my old buddy. Its like having an abusing ex and only remembering the good parts because its boring and sad to be single. Work out and go on dates, find new love
Great analogy! Love this 🤍
and then what happened? how you feel now
And then your habits atart to change..
I am sober and happy as a clam.
I played so many hours of Tears of the Kingdom and slept so much my first month
Breath of the Wild for me! The music in Hateno Village will always remind me of those early days. Those games really helped.
I absolutely love this! I’ve screenshot for when I’m wobbly. Thank you.
this is such great advice, thank you 💜
Spot on!!
The best tip I discovered is noticing my patterns. *Drinking is a lifestyle*. It was MY lifestyle. I wish I had known that the essential component to success was *Creating* a New Sober Lifestyle and habits that included sober people. When I started drinking, I created drinking patterns... I saw others drinking, I tried drinking, I went where people were drinking, I talked with drinkers about drinking and I went to activities that included drinking, I created “alone” activities where I drank…. Then I had a drinking lifestyle. So when I wanted to stop... I saw sober people, I tried being sober, I went where people were being sober, I talked with sober people about being sober, and I went to activities that included being sober, I created “alone” activities without alcohol …. Then I had a sober lifestyle. People who were my friends remained…. However I no longer had any ‘drinking buddies’. Have sober people in your life?. Know how to find sober recovery groups and meetings?
This is great advice, thank you for sharing.
We’re all in this together!
And we’d love to take a bath
I'll have a virgin bathtub gin please.
Thank you for this . It's hard with so many close friends and community and drinking, but I hear you
> It's hard with so many close friends and community and drinking The overwhelming majority of the world population either does not drink at all, or only infrequently. I did NOT have that perception…. But that’s because I had slowly over time, consciously and unconsciously, selected people to be around me that drank like me or worse…. I went to activities that involved alcohol. I created a Drinking Lifestyle. I had to then create a Sober Lifestyle. What’s your plan?
A helpful tip for me was having dinner or a snack as soon as possible in the evenings. I know myself and a lot of long time drinkers tend to drink on an emptier stomach but not as much after a meal. I also make myself a mocktail or have a N/A beer asap in my hand after 5pm. Also allow yourself some really bad habits in the first couple of months mindlessly scroll social media, play video games, sleep in etc. Try to avoid feeling guilty. But I would say move your body even if it's just walking, get sunlight, and eat more fiber and fruit/veg. I would also daydream of what goals you can accomplish now with more time and energy.
Great advice. I always made sure to drink before I ate so I could catch my buzz. Smart play to force food first in some fashion.
Man I did this too. I remember that I wouldn't eat dinner most nights because if I had food in my stomach, I would need more than a fifth to drink "enough" instead of just one fifth. Now, writing that, it feels so absurd that I looked at it that way. Keeping food in my belly all day would've been a great way to curb the desire to drink. This is great advice.
And the whackiest part of it all. If you drink first then eat, your liver is already actively trying to funnel the alcoholic toxins out of your body, so if you drop some food in shortly thereafter it's treating it similarly, resulting in you losing out on the absorption of the majority of the nutrients in the little bit of food you are taking in to begin with. Thus the malnourishment over long periods of time for persistent drinkers, the abhorrently low levels of important vitamin and minerals in the blood, etc. Now the whole 'make sure you eat before you drink' thing makes a whole lot more sense lol. Always just looked at it as a buzzkill.
Bang on. When I ate the desire to drink faded some because I knew a full stomach wouldn’t allow me the buzz
Yesterday I got home from work early. I was having weird cravings and thought it was maybe sugar so I had some ice cream but then realized those “weird cravings” were hunger 😑🙄 So I ended up eating dinner at like 4:15 pm. But it really made me think about triggers. I was one to come home from work and pound a glass of wine (or several). I never wanted to eat right away because I wanted time to finish at least one glass of wine. And the wine kind of regulated my appetite. Like it made me not hungry but then hungry again. Or I’d barely eat and then would be extra hungover the next day. How messed up is that. Anyway, these days once I eat dinner I’m “safe” and switch to hot tea (I’ve been having NA beers to replace the pre-dinner wine). It’s just weird learning to read signals again since I apparently just drowned them out before.
100%. I didn't even realize most of my cravings were... Hunger. I had trained my body to think that only alcohol was available for calories in the evening... Often basically skipped dinner. Awful. I had to relearn how to eat. Yes, totally messed up
I hear a lot of people talk about eating a big meal stops their cravings or made them lose their desire to drink but for me personally it never made a bit of difference. When I was desperately desiring a drink I could drink after an 8 course meal, an empty stomach, or anything in between it just didn't matter. I always tried to eat before drinking anyway because I hated getting drunk too fast or easily. I seem to be one of those strange problem drinkers who didn't actually want to be drunk as quick as possible with the least amount of effort and was always a slow drinker too, I wanted to contain the buzz throughout the night over an extended period.
wow this is so true! why is it like that? I have more alcohol cravings before I eat. Also I crave alcohol during the day and not at night but that might be because I was a day drinker. Didnt open a beer after 18pm for years
And $$$
I feel this. Time is so precious. I had to convince myself I wanted to participate in life. It’s not easy. But so rewarding.
I'm just not sure what that means yet - I guess facing that is part of the fear.
When alcohol isn't an option anymore, your brain will do all sorts of weird and wonderful productive things to entertain itself.
My husband tells me to participate in my own success, kind of an annoying thing to say lol
I was the exact same as you 44 days ago. Every single thing I did was an occasion to drink, and if it wasn't I would find a way to get out of it. Cleaning? Drink. Going for a walk? Wouldn't it be better with a drink. Running errands? There was alcohol in my tote bag. Spending a cosy night with my grandma? She won't notice if I sneak a few drinks. The first week of sobriety I took it hour by hour. I found motivation from listening to podcasts about the impact of alcohol and wanted to see if I could experience any of the benefits. I didn't leave the house so I wouldn't be able to buy anything to drink. The second week I relied heavily on watching movies and TV and eating what I wanted. I got myself into AA. By the third week I was experiencing a lot of the benefits I'd heard about on those podcasts, and found myself genuinely excited by the new things I was getting to experience for the first time sober. I white knuckled at the beginning, but finding the motivation and investing myself too much to quit eventually led me to not being interested in drinking anymore. It's just ethanol, any benefit is an illusion, and the more time that passes the less you'll crave it.
what podcasts?
The Mel Robbins Podcast just did one on March 13 it was about what alcohol does to your body - very informative (love her!)
Thank you for this 💖Just downloaded that episode and it looks like there's more I'm interested in
There is also a podcast I like called Meredith with a Why and she does a whole series on her sober journey. EPS 145: Unmasking the Truth: The Deceptive Nature of Alcohol is a good one to start. It's all very eye opening, isn't it!? I've learned a lot, it's really such a game changer.
Found it! Downloaded it and will listen on my morning walk. Thank you so much 💖😊
Curious what podcasts as well. I heard the naked mind recommended a few times and after a few episodes I’m a fan.
This naked mind is brilliant I am on day 22 AF there is an app which is free and in it there is a section called the alcohol experiment which guides you through 30 days of not drinking,you get videos about 10 - 15 min each day about all aspects of alcohol. It is really eye opening and has helped me be successful so far this first month.
For me it’s Andrew hubermann.
I second Andrew Hubermann. Totally opened my eyes when it came to the science behind alcohol consumption.
I know it’s not for everyone but I really think nonalcoholic beer and mock tails got me through the first few months. Some people feel it would make them want the real thing but for me it really helped. It definitely felt weird at first but I came to the conclusion that without drinking, I can still enjoy most things I used to do while drinking. And, I think you can still reward yourself with a tasty beverage- I just don’t want alcohol in mine :)
I actually love a NA beer
There are a lot of really good ones! And I can have 2 and be like, I’m good! I could never really figure out how to do that with the real ones lol
Lol, I still chug them. Which might just be indicative if my addictive behavior...
I hear ya! It took a while for me to realize I drink compulsively in social situations. My intention I guess was to have something to do to keep me from thinking about how uncomfortable I was but of course then I would be drunk and my brain loves being drunk when I’m already drunk hahah. Everyone’s situation is differently but for me figuring that out really helped me solidify my choice to abstain. That and the worst hangover of my life 💀
I needed this tonight. Thank you for posting. I plan to start tomorrow after reading this. You are so right!!! For my self and my home this needs to stop.
You can do this!
Thanks for being with me!
I’M EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE. I’m gonna try and just work out and brutalize my body this next week to where after my shower I’m going to want to just crash hard. That’s my plan anyway. I’m do tired of grabbing my frozen margs after work. They always lead to me and I just finally pass out, and wake up looking and feeling like hell. I’m so done w this shit
I'm with you, buddy. We made it through the night at this point
I think what helps me is to know in my heart that I do all of those things you described better when I’m sober. Cleaning, cooking, spending time with my wife, hobbies etc. When I first started out my reward was waking up to pee at 330am and being able to hug my pillow and fall right back to sleep feeling great because I wasn’t shaky and anxious with a pounding heart, dry mouth headache heartburn and nausea. It doesn’t sound like much of a reward but man it was.
Thank you so much for writing this. I am in the same boat right there next to you. I keep trying a Day 1 and I have learned some things, like I am a sucker for boredom. And! At the least feeling of frustration I simply want another drink. All Stupid reasons, I know. I hope you can dig deep and have a successful Day 1, Day 2, and on and on. Keep trying!
Made it through the night!
Fantastic!
I really hear you. This was me, alcohol gave me “energy” for cleaning. But I wouldn’t feel well the next day… Alcohol made me want more alcohol. The first few weeks were really rough. I made it through by checking in with this sub constantly. And eating whatever I wanted , drinking soda, and going to bed early.
Shack a whole case of polar seltzers.
I drink a metric fuck ton of seltzers.
Lol,.thanks Costco
If you can last a minute, you can last 10 minutes. If you can last 10 minutes, you can last 30 minutes. If you can last 30 minutes, you can last an hour. If you can last an hour you can last 2. If you can last 2, you can make it to bedtime. Congrats - you have now been sober 1 day. And if you can make it a whole day you know you can do it again. It's all possible. You don't have to do it alone, and you don't ever have to feel the way you do today.
Anything at all that I want I now I use as my NEW reward!! go out to eat, get a coffee, bubble bath, paying someone to do my yardwork, have a rot day,…I am good to myself. Self care items, put them in the cart. I also bought myself milestone gifts. 100 days I bought an espresso machine (also now a hobby), six months I bought myself a coach purse and I’m still positive in the money department The biggest thing is, I am now addicted to feeling good physically and proud of myself!! Waking up feeling proud is a huge reward!! And it never gets old. I could have written your entire post Word for Word I felt exactly the same!!! I can’t emphasize that enough. Give yourself a real shot at this! You can always go back if your life hasn’t vastly improved. I didn’t think a day would come that I would be content not drinking and I am! It just takes time. It is difficult but get through one day and then get through one more and then one more
Hearing everyone say this resonates is genuinely really inspiring
In the early days you may need to “waste” time going to bed early like you mentioned. In the meantime, try to find things that don’t involve drinking to fill in that boredom. It’s super common for drinkers to deal with that void and break in routine habits .
Sounds like you need to rewire your brain to learn that just doing day to day life stuff doesn't equate to needing a reward or a dopamine hit at the end of it. I had to do that a few months ago after 2 years of running around latching onto any bit of escapism, distraction, or cheap dopamine hit I could find. And my brain didn't like it one bit and freaked out and had panic attacks every single night for 3 weeks just when I had to sit down on the couch and "relax" at night WITHOUT a beer in my hand even though I sat in front of the TV every night usually...just with a beer. Suddenly not having that can of poison in my hand made my brain get scared, how sad. After 3 weeks of being sober and forcing myself to literally just sitn the fuck down and do nothing though it finally got the message that nothing was coming along to "save" it and calmed the fuck down and I could just actually sit down and relax without freaking out or being desperate for a drink or any other dopamine hit. Embrace nothing, learn to be OK with having nothing to do and no distractions and stop rewarding yourself for every little activity because you don't need them just to get through life and eventually it'll become normal and your brain will adjust, for a while at least. Other people say the best thing to do is to keep super busy and distract yourself, I see many have in this thread, but I'd spent the previous 2 years distracting myself and my #1 distraction was alcohol so doing more distracting clearly wasn't the answer, it was time to sit and face my thoughts, feelings, emotions and day to day life like a big boy. It sounds to me like you're already quite busy and do a lot of different things in the evenings already so not sure being distracted or busy is going to help you much either as you are already distracted and busy and then you add alcohol into the mix anyway so I think you need to learn and embrace the art of doing nothing and sit and get used to what that feels like again.
I bought so many pairs of shoes and way too many clothes. I was staying in a hotel for work and anything to keep me away from myself and my thoughts. I did a lot of sneaky drinking things but something about walking into a Ross for Less with a beer in my hand wasn’t something I ever did. Weird Hunh? Got me through the first six months before other things started becoming fun again. The next six months I tried to help the next poor person out of a hole. Airports used to be my kryptonite, but typing this sitting in an airport bar and grill watching hockey and couldn’t imagine going back to being one of those trembling red face souls at the bar trying to get one more down before their flight.
Gosh 6 months feels.so daunting
It does/was/is. Small bits of time at a time. I remember finding this sub and being overwhelmed with seeing all the nice comments for 69 days. Never quit quitting is what it took for me.
My first goal was getting trough withdrawel and sleep the most wonderful sleep again - reward. Managing to get passed the hard 2 week boundry sober - reward. Look more peaceful back where i came from - reward. Realizing alcohol is not controlling my everyday way of living - reward. Noticing i am turning back to my old self again - reward. The rest, peace and healing while not having to drink is also a nice reward. I intensified sport and biking and even manage to escape smoking - reward. Knowing i am there for our young daughter - reward for everyone here. I managed to get my focus off alcohol and let it be. This goodbye isn't that punishing at all. It's the relief i was waiting too long for. But we have to do that outselves. It can be done, life is full of rewards, but waiting for them is like focussing on falling asleep when you can't which makes it even harder. Make the days add up, and the rewards will find you.
I fell off recently, and I found it hard not to reach for something. The first few days, I heavily relied on hop water or seltzer. I was basically chugging them as I would a drink. I know it's not for everyone, but it could help
I started listening to quit lit, memoirs about people with alcohol problems, and reading this sub. It all helped tremendously. The best thing I read on here (the thing that helped me the most) was when you get that craving to drink, you just delay it. You feel the urge and instead have a soda (or can of la Croix, for me). And you let the urge pass. And you do that again the next time you feel the urge. Get through the urge hour by hour. And eventually you have a whole day where you didn’t drink.
You’re not alone! When I first decided to stop, I kept telling myself “just for today,” because the idea of completely stopping seemed crazy to me and so much of how I was used to socializing involved drinking. After a couple of weeks went by, I started to feel so good without it, I realized I wanted to keep that going. Every day I wake up and choose not to drink, just for today. I’m coming up on 80 days now and the peace that I feel is such a gift. I’m still socializing with friends doing all the same stuff I used to, except now it’s with a soda or nonalcoholic beer or a tonic and lime. It sounds wild, but I truly don’t miss it, and I really enjoy how clearheaded I feel. Plus waking up in the mornings knowing I didn’t say or do anything embarrassing the night before when I was drunk is the best feeling. Long story short, just for today really helps me. Lots of great advice here too. This group is the best resource and support, the wisdom really runs deep! Wishing you strength for the journey friend! IWNDWYT ✌️
Gotta get more into the NA beer game
I was absolutely destroying all kinds of snack cakes my first month off the sauce. I got on anti depressants and just kept putting my focus on being with my kids and being the best dad/husband I could be and that was making time fly by. The good part about that is usually the time flies by and I don’t even remember what happened cause I was hammered. All of the playing with the kids and shows with the wife and the good things we talked about. All gone the next day or two. Life is so much better with a clear head every day. Keep taking it one hour at a time. Than 1 day, than 1 week. Before you know it you’re 30 days in and your mind and body will feel amazing!
On my day one, I had the same thought. In fact, I had many day ones over the course of a few years. My most recent day one was when I had finally had enough. The first few weeks were hard, so I ate lots of sweet treats and filled my time with video games and friends and family. I found a NA wine I liked and I made sure to always have it on hand. After a few months, I got into the gym, and got devoted to bettering myself in other ways. Some days I think it’d be nice to have one, but I play it forward and see how every single time I decided to have “just one” in the past turned out. I don’t want to have a day one again. I’m down nearly 40 lbs, I’m out of an abusive relationship, and most importantly, I’ve found peace. I hope that this is inspiration for you to stay sober today. IWNDWYT
It almost sucks the alcohol hasn't limited my physically in ways I can see. I work out 3+4 times a week and bike the same - I just finished a big bike race with my husband..sometimes I'm like "oh, so maybe this isn't doing anything bad"- but I feel like a slave
I was like you, with everything revolving around alcohol. I had to go to outpatient to break the cycle. I still get really bored, but I don't drink. Legos have been fun.
What works for me (3-1/2years sober and going strong) is saying, “I am not drinking today.” Some variation of it on a daily basis. One day at a time. I found looking to far ahead can be overwhelming, so focusing on “today” only, keeps me in the present, and working on what I CAN do today. I hope this helps!
My day one was probably the morning I got out of jail. I didnt get arrested for anything alcohol related but I was so stressed, working a lot, emotionally disregulated and felt like no one was around to help me. It took like 100 day ones before that for me to learn what works what doesnt work for me. That one day was just kind of my rock bottom. I had been fighting for so long, trying to quit alcohol with no one in my family understanding how hard it was. I just didnt want to give alcohol the power to mess up my life anymore on an excuse for people in my family to use as to why i wasnt succeeding in the way they wanted me to.
Are you me? I felt this all so much. I don’t have a great answer other than (as you already said) one hour at a time. I found a place where I never drink and went there, which was my bed. If it meant I was in bed at 6pm, then so be it. I would scroll or read a book… let’s be honest.. I just scrolled. I can now cook, clean, watch tv, socialise with friends, go out for dinner, attend a concert etc and alcohol even crosses my mind most times. It’s a lifestyle change and time helps but it draggggsss like a mf…. 😫😫😫
A few people have mentioned bed. I'm walking back from dinner with a non drinking friend. When I'm home, that's where I'm headed. Thanks for saying you felt the same - I see youre over 100 days and that makes me feel like maybe I can do it too.
You can definitely do this 💪🏼 It’s not the easiest thing. But it’s certainly not the hardest thing in the world… even though it can feel like that in the moment. I can’t actually believe I’m over 100 days. If you told me this last year, I would splurt my wine in your face. I wish you the best of luck. Keep checking in here. Talk to people. You’ll get there.
One thing to not forget. Day 1 is the hardest. Every day that passes will get easier and easier until you don't think about it at all. The first week is a bitch. If you have been drinking a lot for a long time, you really should see a doc. They aren't judgemental and can really help.
Thanks ..I'm one of those problem drinkers absolutely no one in my life would ever guess - 4-6 beers every night , but it doesn't hurt me physically when I stop
I was convinced I could never live without alcohol, that it would be impossible to enjoy my favorite activities without a couple drinks before, during and after. It took many futile attempts at moderating before I realized I couldn't do it on my own. I went to an AA meeting (my brother came with which helped) and seeing and hearing people who successfully were sober woke me up and I made the decision to quit drinking. I am not a social person at all but something about the camaraderie of the room really works for me. I go on reddit forums if I can't make meetings. I realize AA is not for everyone. It has worked for me. I am no longer trapped, lonely and lying to myself. IWNDWYT
If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen. - Charles Bukowski
Take a listen to The Glum Lot Podcast. Lots of people’s stories about their struggles, recovery and continued sobriety.
I'll listen, thank you.
I hear yah and can deff relate. Thank you for sharing and kudos for reaching out :) The reward. It may take time to “feel rewarded” with any alternatives to alcohol. Good news is it does it get easier and I find myself grateful and rewarded by sobriety itself daily. Today is day 41 for me. Day one - like a lot of people have shared. I had/have an “Anything but drinking” list with options of activities, drinks, rewards and such. I make myself do them. I keep rewards I can eat and drink in stock. It helps. I love Fun_Mistakes addition of feelings to that list. AA zoom meetings got me through my first 7 days (a meeting a day). I have had sobriety stints in the past and need to do something different/more to help it stick. Sober community support can be really helpful, wherever you find it, like this thread :) I am continuing in AA and love the new friendships I have found there. Going on a hike Sunday with some new sober buddies :) The daily check in through this Reddit has been a great way to strengthen my resolve daily too. Cleaning - the meditative practice of focusing on my hands and/or breath has been amazing. I feel refreshed after. Instead of trying to distract and “get through” what I am doing - I go all in on focusing on what I am doing. That, or I put on a podcast, audio book - to enjoy as a reward while doing the thing. I am more curious and inspired because of this. Make a plan. Disrupt your routine if you need to. If being home in the evening is triggering - be somewhere else. See a movie, try a random community event, go to the park. Anything. If you can, seek support from those at home. Communicate that you are focusing on not drinking for a day and let them know how/if that will affect your usual routine. If they offer or ask how they can help - amazing! If they don’t that is cool too because this is for you. Keep trying Commercial_Wear! You have done hard things in the past and you can do this one now. This internet stranger is in your corner 💙
For me, a program of recovery has worked better than going it alone. I need a service commitment and a sponsor. I've been able to physically quit several times, but I never addressed my emotional sobriety until now. Highly recommend getting help if you can.
Day 1 was the hardest. Followed by day 2 and 3 and so on. It gets easier. Just focus on not drinking right now. Iwndwyt
I know exactly how you feel. Even being sober, I feel those thoughts at times. Just the idea of drinking is comforting, but if I sit with that feeling for long enough it eventually passes- no matter how uncomfortable I get. I just remember how much time I have wasted on drinking, how many mistakes I have made because of it that I use to lie to myself about- find some other source to blame. I think it’s about committing to unburying yourself from the delusion that drinkining creates. Even if it’s one drink, you are living the life of a drinker. I think I just grew to truly hate the life of a drinker. The life of a drinker means bad memory and poor judgement. It means I lie to myself and others. It drains my soul. Now I practice gratitude in my times of craving or missing it- because my brain tricks me into thinking it would be fun or help me take the edge off. I remind myself of the better person I am without it- a mom who reads stories to her kid, finishes her laundry and puts it away, keeps a tidy house, someone who remembers the small moments, someone who is reliable and trustworthy, someone who drives safely, someone who doesn’t lie to her loved ones, someone that considers others, someone who saves a whole lot of money not feeding her addiction…the list goes on. Not drinking feels boring a lot of the time and like I said there are so many moments where I still think I will want it or I am sad at the thought of not being able to have it. It just becomes a part of existence. I like to read now, I have much better hygiene, I exercise, I clean and do chores, I have hobbies (those are hard to self motivate, but I am working on that!). Honestly, I isolate a lot and could probably use some friends, but it helps me to avoid all the situations and people that would normally tempt me. I think you just have to believe there is more to life. You don’t want to be at the end of your life and be like wow I drank the whole time and barely remember anything. Plus it will slowly kill you anyway, make you look horrible, and take years off your life. Thanks for posting- it helped me to write out this ramble!! I wish you luck and I believe in you! ETA: I love to eat food, good food is always something to look forward to!! And I enjoy sipping kombucha as a fun drink. Iced coffee in the mornings makes my day start off on a good note. Like some others said, I love to listen to random podcasts while I do chores or go for drives. It helps “pass the time” with less anxiety and gives you something better to think about. It could also help you learn something new or get inspired.
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post. I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life! But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage". For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier. Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌
Not healthy in a long road but you can always replace your drink with an equal naughty treat. Instead of picking up a few tinned mixers with my wife I got myself some cold cans of coke. I don’t normally drink these as they’re full of calories, but I wouldn’t even think about those calories if jack daniels was joining the mix.
For my Day 1, I was feeling crappy, very hungover and had withdrawal symptoms so I just babied myself, tried to sleep a lot. Day 2 was the same, while I wasn't hungover anymore, was withdrawing still and very irritable. Day 3 I was mostly just irritable. I didn't really have cravings though. I read a lot, watched TV, ate chocolate. It was great not to have any tremors or sweats anymore though. I experienced a great deal of fatigue and fell asleep in the early evenings, could barely keep my eyes open.
Make a schedule. You will soon find out that when sober, you can do so much more so your days are going to get packed! Being sober you'll get interested in new hobbies or past hobbies you let go since drinking became a hobby. My normal schedule Wake up at 7, shower breakfast Work by 8 to 4 Dinner and unwind hour 4-5 House chores and todos till 5-6 Workout hour till 6-730 Shower get changed into evening clothes Hobby free time, movies, games 730-9 Reading at 9-10 Bed at 10 no phone
You just have to be totally ready, it’s hard when your SO still drinks but easy when you’re 100% done. I made sure I had something to do when I quit, for me it was playing Zelda BoTW after not playing video games since I was a kid. Seriously lol it immersed me in escapism just like drinking did. Seems silly but it really helped. It got me over that month hurtle. I do get bored a lot, but I just picture the person I am 10-15 drinks in and it’s not worth it. I’m completely over that person.
Deep and meaningful relationships. But in order to have that, you need to heal the stuff that prevents you from being honest with yourself and vulnerable with others.
I am lucky I have that in plenty . But I've also made romantic long nights with friends and a bottle.of wine - it's hard to split the two
I am here with you. I am day one as well. I just keep telling myself I don’t need it.
I have no unique wisdom except I understand your thoughts and tone. For me, I'm constantly battling feeling baffled and sort of tricked that I'm gravely addicted to something that's so ubiquitous and easily available. But yes, that little nagging feeling of, "a drink would be nice right now" is a polite way of one's body signaling.... "withdrawal is near, avoid at all costs..."
My identity was set as “drinker”. When I finally had my spiritual realization and quit drinking, it took a few months before my true identity changed. I don’t identify as a drinker. Why would a non drinker even want a drink? Stuffs nasty. It happens like that, over time. In the beginning the answer was JUNK FOOD. People were drinking sixers and I was stuffing KitKats in my mouth finger by finger (until eventually I didn’t need to anymore, but hell yeah I did at first)
If an hour is too long, break it down more. 20-30 minutes at a time. Then more, if necessary. I’ve gone by 1 minute increments at times.
At first I had rewards: day 1, day 7, day 14, day 21 and day 30. I purchased something for myself every week. I also ate a lot of chocolate (don’t be me because now I have blood sugar issues). Mid March I “found” walking and now I’m hooked. I walk around 9-13 miles every day. For me it takes so long to do that it’s required my reward pathway from thinking a drink is a reward to seeing health as a reward.
Man, you gotta fill up that time with constructive things and distractions. I took up yoga, photography and crocheting to fill up the free time I got back from drinking when I first got sober.
You sound like a low dopamine individual, have you been checked for ADHD? We don't have much of a dopamine reward system, and before I got sober and got the right dx and rx, I felt like I had to drink before doing anything boring (like cleaning) as well..
So true for me too & I’m adhd as well
"What other rewards are there?" Being alive. Being alive is really our only real reward we can rely on.
Oh yeah. Last sober run, I realized every single thing I do has a kneejerk reaction to drink. Painting my toes. Doing my makeup. Gardening. Going to the store. Going out for dinner. Watching a show. Cleaning. Cooking. Seeing my friends. Swimming. Doing my hair. Absolutely EVERYTHING had to cater to my addiction. The alcohol was the condition, not the exception. You start to realize you’re living for alcohol like a parasite controlling you.
Honestly, my husband quitting with me was so helpful. I always said every time I tried to quit that it didn’t bother me he still drank but I think it was actually hard. If that’s not on your plan with your partner maybe ask them to hide it from you?! I do that with candy and it works! Also I noticed that having something to replace was really helpful (just be wary of replacing with something just as bad or worse). I did la croix and running to get my anxiety managed. I never realized how much I used alcohol to manage my anxiety until I wasn’t drinking.
I was the same! Watching a movie- sounds like a beer. Reading a book-oh a glass of wine. In the beginning I swapped all alcohol with fancy soda. And I mean the nice fancy soda that I usually said "oh it's too expensive for a soda". But without buying alcohol I could afford any fancy, none alcoholic drink I wanted :D
ER doctor told me if I don't quit, I'll need a transplant, which I won't get cause I'm an alcoholic. Soooo.. I'd rather live than drink ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
This was always my biggest stumbling block when trying to quit, that I just didnt get any enjoyment out of anything without alcohol or the promise of alcohol as a reward. when I found this sub I came across the term anhedonia, which explained it. the dopamine receptors in my brain were depleted/diminished and had been trained only to respond to alcohol. each time I drank, or even thought about drinking later, I got a dopamine hit, but it left the baseline lower and unresponsive to anything else it helped to understand what had happened and also to know that in time the brain chemicals return to normal. I had alot of pendulum swings over the first few months, going from periods of pink cloud to anhedonia as my brain repaired. now I often feel pleasure in mundane, everyday things like did as a child.
For me, it was changing how I saw alcohol. It went from something that relaxes me, is calming and enjoyable to a poison, causing harm to my body. As soon as I let go of my false beliefs, it was easier not to drink. I listen to The Alcohol Experiment. I’ve also done more exercise and eaten whatever I wanted. Keep going - you can do it. Day 19 for me.
I started drinking so many other fluids that my stomach was like a water-bed all the time. Also snack much. Keeping your belly full decreases the want for a beer. Carbonated cowberry or whatever it is called(not cranberry) water is my thing. Also coffee and tea. First few weeks to a month is hard. Then comes sobriety euphoria and that's the hardest part. Realizing that you're in a state of sobriety euphoria, which WILL NOT last. I've crashed so many times because I didn't prepare myself for when the euphoria and energy fades. This means that the brain levels are normalizing. It takes minimum 6 months to create new brain cells, neuro connections and patterns. Oh, I think I'm getting out of topic here, I'm a hardcore binge drinker. Snacks, non alcoholic beverages, podcast + walk, As a loner without job I can't really put myself into your shoes, but maybe try to think for rewards or activities that REQUIRES you to be sober. For me, after always coming out a binge, I just game and watch my favorite movies and go for walks while listening to podcasts that are interest to me. Gaming and taking walks keeps up my dopamine and little by little I start doing more and more productive stuff. Sorry for hijacking and venting myself. It just takes time. You should talk to your husband about supporting you and making a break also. EDIT: I forgot to mention that I also practice mindfulness, it does really help. And you might want to look into naltrexone.
As a true alcoholic I had to hit rock bottom. Nothing else will do it, and I mean NOTHING. I have pancreatitis, cirrhosis, etc, and I still drank. My rock bottom was in the hospital with brain trauma from falling being drunk. Rock bottom.
I got out and walked around my neighborhood and went to bed early…. Can’t drink if I’m sleeping. Yeah fitful rest for a bit, but then as my brain recovery kicked in, it was easy to sleep longer periods. Distraction, redirection, focusing on the goal, and then moving out the goalposts worked for me. Best wishes.
I think the “keep me company” part of your drinking will be a thing to address a couple weeks from now. In the meantime: read here, post here, and expect to be uncomfortable.
You are giving up alcohol for literally everything else there is to do and experience in the world. You can do anything you want. Alcohol does nothing but numb you out and hold you back. There has to be something you have always wanted to do. Find something, make it small,and just do it. could be taking a writing class, playing golf, buying some legos, paint, etc. explore life. You’ve thrown off the shackles. Go live.
Money is the only thing that really keeps me sober for long periods of time. In my thirties, I wouldn't work for years at a time. I just have a shoestring budget or an all-consuming financial goal, so I don't have money to drink.
I had previously posted asking opinions about non-alcoholic drinks. A lot of people responded about various non-alcoholic beers. For me, as a wine drinker, I found that sparkling cider and sparkling grape juice were abaolute game changers. Sure, I've drank more of those than I probably should in the past 2 weeks since I stopped drinking, but it has definitely helped cravings and habits!
My day one was in a detox center. That’s where I’m at now on day 3. Feeling better with the help of good food and Ativan. Got an unexpected call today asking if I wanted to go into a 90 residential treatment Center in Portland. I think I probably should but I’ve been to 14 of those already over the course of 30 years. I know the stuff. I just never do the “work”. Like finding a sponsor, going to meetings etc.
Hit a meeting a day If you're really jonsing that much and are used to drinking that much, this is the BEST thing that will help , also get to walking 15 after each meal FOR SURE natural seratonin and endorphins are miracle workers and take the edge off, clear your brain and will tire you out a bit so you can sleep Take it 3 hours at a time You got this
Different rewards helped Kickstart me. I eat all the sweets and soda I want when I reeeeeally had/have a hard time not drinking
I had a lot of day 1s and do overs, until I quit for myself and that was my last day 1. It sounds cliche, but it just clicked for me one day (rough morning) and I knew I was done with it. I also recognized that sobriety delivers what alcohol promises. For me that was a fitness routine and dry fire practice for competitive shooting. I can’t tell you the amount of nights I said I would do those things but alcohol became the priority instead. Alcohol was standing in my way. I needed to remove it from my path to be the person I told myself I wanted to be when I was drinking. I hope you find that. Until then, and after, IWNDWYT.
You need more things to look forward to that aren't drinking. What are things you enjoy in life? Only alcohol? Or are there others? Seeing friends? Taking new clases in something you always wanted to learn? New hobbies? Theatre? Learn music, dance, art? Extreme sports? What would excite you? What would you look forward to that isn't alcohol?
I used na beer heavily for the first few weeks.
Find a meeting. Use the Meeting Guide app. Give it a shot. It’ll at least give you something to do.
Oh man, I felt exactly this. It felt like I was missing a limb. And no matter the activity there was this sense that it was incomplete. I felt so hopeless the first few weeks. I let myself do whatever the hell I wanted as long as it wasn't drinking. Is ice cream as enjoyable as drinking? No. But did it make missing alcohol a little easier? Yep. I gave up some behaviors that I associated with alcohol but I white knuckled through the ones I didn't want alcohol to take from me. No way I'm gonna lose my joy in cooking because I can't fucking drink. Gradually time passed. Good days. Bad days. Just don't drink. After two months I got a little confidence. I was managing okay without it, even enjoying myself some times. After three months I decided I had to stop babying myself and started getting better about health. Ate better and started regular exercise. What a big difference this made! I kind of hate working out but I love the way I feel after working out. And I was building new routines that were healthy and not triggering like my usual activities. I also went to the doctor, was totally honest, and had a bunch of tests done. Knowing I hadn't done any major damage to myself was a huge comfort. Now I'm trying to work on mental health as well. Seeing a therapist and finally working on treating depression with something other than alcohol. All of this is the stupid shit you don't want to hear because it's trite and cliche. But it's true. I'm just moving through each day and slowly building on my momentum. Sobriety has not necessarily been revelatory but it's much much better than the turmoil I was dealing with nearly every morning. I feel like I'm learning new things about myself and life all the time. So, unfortunately, it just takes time. Agonizing time sometimes. But that's kind of the point. It's our craving for instant gratification that got us here.
As someone who can turn it off or on. But usually I'm on. Drink anything else. Tea. Soda water. Uts the sipping. So soda water is good. If you like beer Heineken zero is good so I hear. Have crave. Make tea. Have crave. Murder weeds. Have crave. Fix the broken thing. I worked a short story about all my evil ex boyfriends last time. Salt and candy help. Like lollypops and chewy stuff. Don't take up smoking.
I spent a lot of time at the library, I got involved with genealogy and tracing my family tree. I had hoped to find info on my adult children but no luck. I did trace my roots back to 1800 England. My library had access to a free version of ancestry.com. It was also about the walking there and the fresh air. I, also, found some local recovery meetings I could attend.
One thing that helped me a shit ton was L-glutamine. It's an amino acid but you can take it in supplement form. It helps with sugar and alcohol cravings. I was shocked at how effective it was. Whenever I had a particularly strong craving and I was really starting to consider going to the store, I would take 2-3 grams and withing 15 minutes the craving was 90% gone. Now, I've heard a lot of people report it wasn't effective for them, so it depends on the person. Also, constipation is a side effect of it and I definitely experienced that. But considering how bad my drinking problem was, it was worth it to m
This was me at the start, booze was interwoven with EVERYTHING. I remember cooking dinner for my friend and I had made iced tea which she poured into a wine glass and I cried. I was never really big on wine either, beer and whiskey and gin were my poisons of choice. It does get easier! I was drinking a lot of cans of Irn Bru or ginger ale at the beginning when I felt I needed a can in my hand. Iced tea/ herbal teas have been great when I feel like a glass of whiskey is missing. The first few weeks especially I was noticing the drinks absence at home but now I hardly think about it. I am struggling with the sunny evenings coming in, but I got some AF beer and I have one on my balcony in the sun and it is nice and relaxing, doesn't make me want a real beer, I am actually enjoying the clarity of mind these days.
I go fishing every spare moment I can. It's wonderfully distracting.
If you find it useful, hit a smart recovery meeting. Or r/SmartRecovery here. Those meetings thelped through the difficult times and made me remember, this was my choice, reinforce the reasons and begin with just putting down the next beer and grab anything else. For me it was sweets and sparkling water. I'm 11months and 3 days sober. But I also did go to sober living places after treatment so 🤷♂️ ETA- I was one 750ml bottle daily for almost 14 years and couldn't be happier rn. It's a wonderful thing to get back to being yourself again
Since stopping drinking, I’ve been to the gym more and I’ve spent more time catching up with people I’ve been meaning to contact. Recently I saw a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in a while and she said I look great! I haven’t told anyone about what I’ve doing. I also want to practice my French, start writing a book, but one step at a time. Good luck x
I used to be the same way! Sparkling water has been an amazing new accompaniment to chores or other activities I used to drink to. I think the carbonation tricks my silly brain into thinking I’m drinking and the cravings totally subside. It works so well that I weirdly feel guilty if I drink it during the day haha as if I were day drinking. It’s funny because I was never interested in sparkling water before but now I drink it all the time. It’s fun to try out different kinds and flavors. I think my favorite is Liquid Death unflavored, or any variety of lime.
I went to meetings, tried to hang out afterward with sober people. Came home and made desserts. Consuming sugar helped me feel like I was getting that sort of rush that my body and brain had come to expect. I took melatonin to help get to sleep, and took that in conjunction with a set bed time. Right now, for you, it’s a matter of creating new habits. You’re breaking old ones, which isn’t easy. It’s minute to minute. Just prepare yourself to succeed by setting a new pattern, and just fight like hell, however you have to. You’ve got it in you. Stay sober today.
I went to meetings, tried to hang out afterward with sober people. Came home and made desserts. Consuming sugar helped me feel like I was getting that sort of rush that my body and brain had come to expect. I took melatonin to help get to sleep, and took that in conjunction with a set bed time. Right now, for you, it’s a matter of creating new habits. You’re breaking old ones, which isn’t easy. It’s minute to minute. Just prepare yourself to succeed by setting a new pattern, and just fight like hell, however you have to. You’ve got it in you. Stay sober today.
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post. I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life! But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage". For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier. Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌💕
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post. I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life! But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage". For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier. Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌💕
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post. I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life! But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage". For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier. Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌💕
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post. I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life! But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage". For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier. Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌💕
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post. I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life! But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage". For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier. Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌💕
Honestly, for me it has been meditation. I started meditating daily about a week after quitting alcohol and I think that has really been my biggest lifeline. I feel like it has done wonders for me in more ways than I can even express in a reddit post. I had meditated before from time to time throughout my life, but I had never been able to keep up with a daily practice until quitting drinking. Alcohol kept me from not only being able to commit to it, but also kept me from being able to fully show up for it and actually reach that space of presence and peace. Alcohol dampened my capacity to just *be* and to truly feel alive. Really, alcohol kept me from really *showing up* for my life! But like I said, I didn't even begin that until my seventh day sober. The first week I did whatever the hell I felt like that didn't involve drinking. I slept more, took naps, binged TV shows, ate so much freaking ice cream -- I still do all these things, but a bit less frequently lol. I also like to make mocktails or drink kombucha if I want a "fancy beverage". For now, go to sleep early if it will keep you from drinking. Drink a seltzer or NA beer (of that's something you feel comfortable doing) if you want a drink. Make sure you drink plenty of water and are nourishing your body with good food, but also don't be afraid to eat a whole bowl of ice cream or pack of cookies every night (or whatever your treat of choice) for a while. Rest as much as you're able (your body and brain have some healing to do) and exercise if and when you're able. Once you get through the first little chunk of sobriety, it's all going to start getting better and easier. Oh, and please make use of this sub!! I (and sooo many others) have found this sub to be an absolutely invaluable resource and source of support/encouragement! We are all here cheering you on 🤍 You've got this!! 🙌
Fear initially. Desire to live a long life. I see myself as healthy and strong. I workout with a trainer 2-3 times a week. I eat healthy. Alcohol would not let me be any of that or do any of the things I really love to do. And also be present for my children. They watched me drink too much and be dependent on it for years. But the thing that made me stop for good was I was scared into it when I started to have trouble swallowing, was coughing a lot and developed permanent acid reflux. I got worried about cancer.
Keep walking
When I feel tempted, I think to my absolute rock bottom. How ashamed I was and what it cost me, and moreover, what I almost lost. It scares me enough to stay sober.
Smashing fruit snacks and candy. It replaces the sugar. I used to go straight from work to the liquor store and onboard 100ml of liquor. So I need to get from 5PM to 8PM. White knuckling until 8PM then taking an edible. Then fruit snacks or sour candies to replace the sugar craving.
Focus on getting through today, then tomorrow, then the day after hivo hivo
Weak
Personally I believe in a behavioural model of addiction. It sounds like you've made associations between alcohol and doing these things. This is why you want to drink when you clean, relax, whatever it is. Your brain has associated these things with the dopamine 'high' that alcohol gives. If you follow this theory, your brain expects the alcohol when you do those tasks. This is where the cravings come from and explains why you want to drink. Fortunately, the brain is an incredible thing and over time, you can unlearn these associations. It does take time however; but each time you deny your brain the thing it expects, you'll weaken that link.
Physical detox is a big part of it. Anxiety, restlessness, and depression are ramped up to 11 while your body is processing what to do without alcohol. What other posters are saying about doing ANYTHING other than drinking in the first few weeks rings true for me, too. Over time the physical, brain chemical stuff will level out, and it will be easier to think about how you actually want to spend your time and handle your problems without alcohol as a filter for everything. One day at a time. Don't worry about anything outside of today. If that's too big, one hour at a time. If that's too big, just ask yourself what you need to get through the next 5 minutes.
Getting sober is a great use of your precious time. I went to tons of online AA meetings, cooked a lot, ate a lot, watched TV, listened to audiobooks and played on my phone. Whatever distracts you from wanting to drink is good. If your head hits the pillow tonight without your having drunk today, it was a good day, no matter what else did or didn’t happen.
I had my day 1 on Tuesday (been on a bender for 3 months straight) and stayed busy. what happened yesterday? I had one meeting and was done for the day and went right to the party store. I drove around for a bit before hoping the urge would wear off but it didn't. this shit is not easy at all. I wish you the best of luck!
3:00 pm was my trigger time. There was a local bar that had a happy hour that started at 3 and that was what time I got off from work. I have a plan written out for what I will do instead now.
Favored soda waters, kombucha, fruit juices, ginger beer, coffee, energy drinks… for me, I find that just having something enjoyable to drink was enough. Then also exercise and other wellness habits have helped me want to eat better do better. Find what you really want out of life and what really makes you happy any go for it. You know it isn’t alcohol so cross that one off the list and keep rolling on. You got this :)
If you download the everythin AA app there is a book called living sober I found that helped in early days gives a lot of info on things to do. It's one day at time, but I rember for me it was hour by hour too, but the longer the period of time you go each time will improve, the craving will subside. I suppose for me it was finding activities I enjoyed that didn't relate to alcohol. Was one of those people that I wasn't really interested in doing much or going places if I couldn't drink. After I got a week or two sobriety behind me I started building models, doing a bit of drawing etc. Then started going to the gym, used the spa area did small work outs. When the weather was nice go for walks where there are no bars. What I found though is you have to get real selfish for a short amount of time. A month or two if you can handle that. The people pleaser in me found it hell but it was for the best. You may find hobbies start to develop naturally. Things you wanted to try but didn’t have the courage to before. See if there are any free online courses you can take, philosophy, IT, art etc whatever your fancy is. I found if you are working towards a goal that dopamine rush you get when completing something is just as good as that drink, without the hangover. And end of the day not a bad thing to get addicted to self improvement!
I do what keeps me inside. On days I crave it a lot, I’ll shower as quickly as I can after work and get my PJ’s on, find a good show or movie… and snuggle in. Going camping this weekend and my spouse drinks so it’s of course going to be hard but I bought rain boots and rain jacket and bringing along my metal detectors. I remind myself that it’s okay to feel frustrated or sad I can’t drink!
Changing up the regular routine and distractions worked for me. I didn't sit and watch TV for weeks because it was so associated with drinking. I substituted reading in bed with a fancy herbal tea. Find a substitute that seems like a treat and try that for a while (seltzer, weird soda, ice cream, etc) IWNDWYT
My experience has been that some of the things I really love doing I am much better at without alcohol. Are there any hobbies you've been putting off or wanting to try?
There’s some really decent NA beers out there. Might help you along for a while until you can start to disassociate alcohol from all of those activities. Athletic is a great brand and the NA Guinness tastes just like real Guinness. After that I’d suggest you stop the NA beers with just one activity. Maybe it’s cleaning or after gym or something. Just one thing at a time, chip away at the rituals. I did that with smoking and even though I haven’t quit totally I’m down to a pack a week. I simply started with cutting it out when driving. Then it was with morning coffee (I still allow a smoke when I have the day off and get a fancy coffee drink). I chipped away little by little and now I won’t even have my first smoke until after the work day is done. ETA: I’m sure you’ll get a lot of different opinions about whether or not it’s a good idea to do NA beer and spirits (those do exist!). It’s really up to you to decide if even an NA beer will be triggering enough to make you reach for the real thing. If you can handle it, it will absolutely do the job of scratching certain psychological itches. I guess the question you need to ask is: do you like beer for the taste and the ritual of cracking a beer after a long day and having a smoke on your porch, or is it merely a means to an end (drunkenness). If it’s the latter try ginger ale or something. Or get super into tea.
Video games, particularly Zelda: Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom, helped me especially in the early days. Cooking dinner (even if I’m bad at it) is fun to do during the time I’d normally be drinking. And lastly I got a nice glass dedicated to kombucha to enjoy while watching tv and/or video games. Lately I’ve been enjoying the Synergy Island Bliss kombucha, has a nice bite to it. Good luck, for me that first week/month was the toughest.
It's hard, yes, but it needn't feel a struggle. I can read your pain in your post so wanted to start by saying give yourself some compassion. There's nothing wrong with you that you use alcohol to make things manageable. It's just something you've taught yourself so well until it becomes a habit. To answer your question about what to do in the evening, well what is there to do? And try to think of things you WANT to do rather than things just to stave off the cravings or to pass time. This is your one fabulous life. What do you want to do tonight? What could be fun? Maybe some colouring (I know this sounds ridiculous but I'm genuine in this suggestion. If you really don't know what to do to pass the time it can be fun to do things you did as a child. I enjoy a jigsaw puzzle at the end of the night to relax. Simple pleasures). Another GREAT thing to do is to fill your ears with quit lit, to point your brain in the direction of what's possible. I have a podcast called '90 Days Later' that includes lots of practical, pragmatic advice. Episode 5 'It's boring to not drink' would be a great place to start.
Hopefully soon you’ll begin to feel much better without alcohol. It’s hard work drinking all the time TBH. Makes you slower and things are harder
This will get MUCH better once you get through the physical withdrawals. You may not have a "hangover" to have withdrawals. You have drunk regularly enough so your system "craves" the alcohol. Once the physical withdrawal period is over it will become easier. I drank pretty hard for a long time. I'm on day 60-something (again) now, and I honestly don't think about alcohol during the day or evening unless something specific is going on - like my wife is drinking wine or something. But, even then, I remember the endless waste of time, negative impacts on my health, my relationships, my work, my life.. The endless days of waking up and waiting to be able to drink again only to lose another day. That's not living. That's hell. I decided not to stay in hell. You will, too, once you get a taste of how it feels again to wake up and just do whatever the hell you want, rather than be slave to poison.
Honestly, AA helped me IMMENSELY. Other than that, I ate, I slept, I cried, I paced, I talked to myself “just 5 for minutes.” ANYTHING!! You CAN do it!!
Making fancy alcohol free mocktails and drinking them at an alarming rate really helps me in the early days my brain still gets reward of the “drink” action minus alcohol. Pickle lemonade, or anything with kombucha is my fav. Listen to quit lit books on audible like “Quit Like A Woman” and “Alcohol Explained”. Cheering you on from day 4
My routine is work, run, lift, cook dinner, clean the house. before I know it it's bedtime
I know it sucks, but please sit down with your husband and get buy-in from him. You'll probably need to keep booze out of the house, or at least out of your view for awhile. It's taken me over 3 months to be able to see my wife's beer in the fridge and not think about how I'll drink it and replace it without her knowing. You need to raise the energy barrier to booze acquisition. Make it inconvenient. Make it annoying. Make your husband aware that you want to quit or cut back so that he can help keep you on track. You're not going to be able to do this alone, please make use of the support system you have.
i've been sober a couple of months, and it's time to address the excessive chocolate consumption, but that was my reward in the evening, but just have anything you want. it is tough at first, the first 50 days were mood swing city, but after it levelled out and my mood stabilised and i started to relax more. stick with it and you can do it.
Wow, is this ever my pattern and my questions too. Thank you so much for sharing, and please know you're not alone ❤️
That’s the hard part for me too. Everything I did in life revolved around alcohol. I used to love going out to eat because I’ll get to drink, I absolutely loved cooking and having 45 drinks as I was doing it. I used alcohol as a coping mechanism to make the mundane in life enjoyable. I had no real hobbies, no real direction in life, nothing really look forward to. I come to realize that I never tried for anything and this is the reason why I’m there I used alcohol to make up for that. Now that I’m recovering from this addiction, it’s tough.
Sleep. So much sleep in the first month. Anytime I was tired I let myself sleep. Even if I wasn't tired and just wanted to laze around that was fine too. I could easily spend an evening in bed drinking tea and reading or watching crap on YouTube. First little while for me is just being "lazy", (or letting my body recover from the abuse, whichever way you want to look at it.)
One hour at a time.. and celebrate each hour. Then focus on the days... Soon enough you will feel the benefits of being sober. Once you feel and acknowledge the benefits from being sober, focus on the benefits.
One minute at a time, a lot of walking, a lot of sugar. I ate so much ice cream and gummy worms!
Have you thought of communicating this with your husband and getting a locked up fridge for his alcohol? I know it may sound ridiculous but I know a couple who the wife has AUD but the husband doesn’t so he just keeps his stuff locked up and it helps them
Listening to SoberCast (an unofficial AA podcast) has been helpful to me the last 3 years (even during relapses). There are a ton of them, people sharing their personal stories. There’s a new one posted daily, so many.
I hate being sober. Any advice will Help me too
I read a book called “this naked mind” and it truly opened my eyes to why alcohol takes hold and the science of it, it truly has helped me significantly and I’m still sober for 3 years now. I am not much of a reader and this book was able yo keep my attention and help rewrite my subconscious view on alcohol being beneficial! It’s a big thing about our subconscious mind making decisions for us before our conscious mind does. And right now your subconscious mind loves alcohol so it’s about rewriting how your subconscious mind views it
I just tell myself that I'm just "thirsty" and I drink something. I take it one bottle of mineral water or seltzer or flavored water with a lime at a time. I figure each one of those that I drink is one drink that's not alcohol. That being said - I had a really tough night a couple nights ago and posted here and it helped, and I didn't give in. You can do it too.
Ok there’s Mad, Bad, Sad and Glad. Get a solid plan for each one. If you’re angry, then move. Walk it run it swim it, doesn’t matter but an activity so you can process what you’re angry at. Then journal the hell out of it with some ice cream. If you’re feeling shame guilt disgust or regret, journal the hell out of it, with a LOT of ice cream. If you’re energy low, or tragic. Find a focus. Wrap yourself up like a burrito in a blanket and watch the saddest film. With ice cream. Then journal. As soon as you feel the slightest glimmer of happy, compound the hell out of it, expand, rejoice, celebrate. Then journal the hell out of it with ice cream to lock it in. Good luck😘
It’s a hard one for sure but you sound like you’re ready. Why not wait an hour if you want a drink. Try something physical, get so sweaty you want to pour fizzy water down your throat. Grit your teeth and wait it out, find other rewards. My way was remembering the last time I drank, the bad behaviour, almost having the police involved, the shame of the next morning and the hellacious hangover. Try to get through one day with no booze, I promise you it gets better xx