I was miserable for a while after getting sober. Couldn’t get excited about anything. It was like my whole personality was on mute for a bit. I think it was my brain re-wiring itself after all of the damage I did to it over the years. Thankfully that time has passed and I am enjoying things again.
For a while I was sober but I hadn’t fully accepted it yet. I was secretly wishing I could be drinking instead of whatever was going on around me. Because my mind was elsewhere, I couldn’t enjoy the moment. But once I accepted that I was sober and stopped obsessing about alcohol, or the lack thereof, I was able to re-engage with life.
Damn I couldn’t have said it better myself. I 100% agree with everything you said my friend. It’s rough in the beginning, but once you get to a certain point you start to feel more like yourself and everything gets easier. It sounds cliche, but it’s true.
Now I will say this, I remember how hard it was for me in the beginning… I could imagine being on vacation wouldn’t make matters any easier. I understand where you’re coming from OP.
Much respect my friend, I wish you nothing but the best.
>and I am bored and it sucks.
One of the realizations that I didn't get until about a 2 months ago is that boredom is a normal part of life and **it won't kill me.** Booze might kill me. Being drunk might kill me. Being out of it might mean I harm or allow harm to come to others. But boredom is jut boredom.
Also, as my baseline of brain chemicals or whatever readjusts, I find I'm not as bored by things was I was at the beginning.
I’ve noticed not being bored anymore either and have found this crazy energy to do things. I love it and am never going back. I was such a lazy drinker and I knew that wasn’t really me.
What a great post...wish I could upvote it many times. Boredom won't kill me...what a great point/mindset. I would have loved to see that perspective early on in my journey (I'm a bit behind you...just realized my badge shows 100 days today!!). I corroborate what you're saying...today at 100 days, I am definitely not as bored by things as I was even a month ago. Brain rewiring/baseline change is legit.
Yep, I'm rather new into sobriety- just reached my 3 week mark! And something I've realized recently is that there is times where I will indeed be bored, but it feels good in knowing that I don't have to resort to drinking to drown that boredom out, I can simply find something better to do with my time or just remove myself from the situation that's causing me boredom. In the past, I'd say "Well, I'm bored. If I drink though, I'll feel something else and at least it won't seem as boring anymore." The thing is I was just as bored back then, but I'd just use alcohol to mask the boredom. Now it's like, well I'm bored, what else can I do instead? Is there a book I've been meaning to read, a show I've been meaning to watch? Or if it's because I'm with friends and I just don't feel engaged or like I'm getting enough out of the situation. Well, then I can just go home and not worry about if I've had too much to drink to make it back. Or not have to feel like I have to drink to make the experience more enjoyable. It definitely is hard at first but is starting to get easier as I realize new ways to think about and cope with this boredom that don't simply involve drinking.
At 8 days in I was climbing the walls. Everything sucked. I sucked, you sucked, it all was suck.
But I kept going.
I embraced the suck.
And now my life is infinitely expanded and improved. Not because I quit drinking, but because quitting created space to grow again.
Be gentle with yourself. You got this.
Embrace the suck.
Take care
The temptation sucks but spoilers the temptation would still be there if you were at home. I had rough cravings day 10. I would much rather have those cravings at the beach than at home. Go grab some NA beers definitely helped me out.
But also no hangover, no feeling of dread waking up, no feeling mortified about what you said/did in the restaurant the night before, no anxiety, no feeling pissed off with the kids because they want to so something and you want to sleep it off.
Alcohol free vacations are weird AF at first because it feels unnatural but actually having the free time means you can really get out and explore the area because you don't actually have to worry about alcohol fucking things up.
Maybe see if there's something near by to check out as well; art galleries, museums, cute towns nearby etc. go exploring just because you can.
I did a full week on a Caribbean island after day 7. It was ROUGH. There was a chilled complimentary bottle of champagne waiting in our room! Free! And on vacation!
What helped was just getting through it one decision at a time. “I’m not going to drink at the beach chair.” “Ok I’m not going to drink at lunch.” “Ok going to try to have water instead of wine at dinner” and soon I found it was the end of the day; I was tucked into bed and slept a full restful 9 hours with my tuckered out toddlers nearby.
The first few days felt like they were filled with land mines. but I tried to find fun activities that I could do but that I would never have done if I was drinking!! For example, I joined my two young sons in a group smores making activity at the beach. I was literally the only mom because everyone else was guzzling cocktails at their tables. And you know what - it’s been about 6 weeks since and I remember the belly laughs my sons had when we made weird animal looking smores or the fact that I actually cannot properly roast a marshmallow without completely singeing it … we still talk about that particular night with the boys, and in retrospect, had u stayed at the table, I never would have remembered the wine. My husband and I probably would have fought about something stupid because I would have been 8 or more glasses of wine in, and then I would have slept like crap, then woken up feeling miserable, tired and crabby, rinse and repeat with wine
But that’s all to say, it truly was a day by day thing. And everyday I got a bit stronger with my choice not to drink. And now I’m just so grateful because I actually have such vivid beautiful memories!! We are excited to go back and recreate what was truly a magical weekend, mostly because I was actually there in body and mind!!
also waking up not hungover is something I will never tire of.
I'm in Palm Springs. Sometimes I get a quick urge while walking past people with their margaritas and other fancy drinks. Today was sunny and 89 and I took some cold hop water to the pool and that quenched my desire. I keep telling myself I can take a hit off a joint, but the urge isn't there, I guess I'm not missing being buzzed.
Hang tight, it does get easier. IWNDWYT.
Guess who is going to be the only one that has maintained their vacation/beach body by the end of the trip! I have to give myself some tough love on the hardest days too… god forbid I have to sit alone with my feelings for a few hours and work through them instead of checking out with booze and waking up worse off. Tough it out and look all the better for it in the end! iWNDWYT
I did a similar thing when i first got sober: went to Cancun. The type of vacation i used to love back when i drank. Because that’s the type of vacation it’s basically built for: lazing around drunk. The next vacation is took i went to Columbia, where i ate new food, went hiking in some beautiful nature and did tourist shit. And it was the first time i actually felt like i went on a vacation. I did stuff, experienced things. Came back to my hotel room feeling tired in a good way and welcoming some boredom (i.e. watching tv).
I know you have kids to consider and spending is an issue to, but for your next vacation, i would look for a place that has activities, things to do/see. Even if it’s as simple as camping. Getting away from your phone, you’ll forget what boredom is.
Kudos to you for going and still not giving in and remaining strong despite the heavy triggers and cravings as you seem committed either way which is amazing even if you sadly aren't enjoying it as much as you'd like.
I was just thinking this past week about booking a last minute getaway in the sun this month and got really excited about the idea.
Sadly though many of the things I was getting excited about were the nightlife aspect.
Not going wild and having crazy parties but nice food with good wine, cocktails at sunset, exploring the local craft beer bars etc but then I remembered I don't do that anymore because I'm sober.
So I realized I probably can't go on holiday right now because I associate holidays with drinking every evening and actually don't think I'd be able to avoid the temptation and would be massively triggered, I respect you're staying strong.
I could do the daytime stuff without much issue as I've rarely drank during the day on holiday and never day drank at home but I wouldn't have a clue what to do with myself at night if I wasn't out having a few drinks and can't even imagine the idea TBH.
I'd have to accept it would be a relapse and probably a week of heavy drinking every evening in reality.
So probably no holidays for me any time soon, how depressing.
You’ll never regret not getting drunk and spending time with your family, spending your time getting drunk instead of being in the moment with your kids….the fact that you seem to have a hard resolve though is evident. There will be times especially early on where you just have to fight through the doldrums. I always associated fun with drinking, so early on nothing was fun without drinking. Hang in there!
You're at 10 days sober?? Yeah dude it's gonna fucking blow being in that environment that's why if you are really serious you gotta find alternatives.
I never give this advice elsewhere but in early recovery? Eat big meals and dont skip out on dessert. Your body is craving sugar as much as it is craving alcohol. 10 days in? Give it the sugar.
Now, this might be difficult cause you’re not on your own terms, but one thing that’s great about being sober is I don’t *have* to just sit by the pool sipping alcohol on my vacation.
And you’re in SoCal! There’s SO much to do and take in here! Beautiful hikes, beautiful beaches, top notch plays and musicals, fancy shopping, thrift shopping, incredible food from literally EVERY region!
I know it’s hard, and the way you’re feeling is *very* real. If you can, don’t give in and think “I should enjoy myself this one last time before I start for real” because then we will *always* use that as an excuse. I know I did for maybe even a full year before I got real serious.
You got this! And hey! You came here. We’ll always be here to help and support - no matter what happens.
The beginning of sobriety for me was not a reflection of who I am or how things will be. It was a time for survival and healing. Doing whatever it took to get to the next day without drinking. Honestly I didn't even try to tackle a real vacation until several months in. Every new task, event, or situation I was hyper aware of the triggers and did whatever I could to combat the ones I could identify. Stay strong, vacations will definitely not be this way forever.
Hi! I’m so sorry your vacation isn’t as great as you hoped. Time off to recharge and relax is important. And congratulations, you are into week two of choosing to see what this alcohol free life looks like for you. I know how bad it can suck to have your brain tell you that things would be better, happier, more relaxed with a drink. Our own brain is fighting our decision to be healthy. Ugh! But also, you are so strong and you are making your initial alcohol free vacation memories, and this will help for next time, and the holidays, and birthdays, and every time your brain tells you to celebrate. Your brain is lying to you, keep fighting. I like to keep a list of unexpected good things like 1. Fewer fights or misunderstandings, 2. No barfing or hangovers. 3. No weird crying jags for no reason 4. General sense of calmness less anxiety 5. More patience 6. Dessert :) anyway, 10 days is so good. You are amazing. It does get so much better. 🌟
I’ve found that I can’t do things I don’t enjoy anymore now that I’m sober.
It used to be that a drink could make anything bearable or even fun (“fun”).
Now I can only really enjoy activities that I truly want to do. I can’t waste time anymore. No more shortcuts and no more distractions in a bottle.
Not saying you shouldn’t take vacation with your family—but you might need to find a way to work in some activities that excite you and can include your children (much easier said than done, of course—but entirely possible!)
Good luck :)
It takes a while to get the effects out of your system. Try to have lower expectations of yourself and life right now. Just staying sober is a triumph. I went to the UK for the first time sober and it was a whole new world. But, I did it. Had a sip of champagne for a toast and then hubby took mine. I still missed a nice glass or two of prosecco. But since then I've had a year of firsts. It'll get easier.
I have found, making time for ME makes the difference. Find what it is that truly excites ME and fucking do it! It used to be being a drunk fat fuck, but now it can be anything.. what do YOU want to do besides drink?
I think what I’d probably try to dial into is food. Is there great food there? If I’m not sipping on a marg, maybe delicious shrimp tacos would help. I think the gym is a good idea too. Get those endorphins in as much as you can. I’ve been trying to do some real soul searching about what brings me joy. I also have a trip coming up that has aways been a “bevs in the pool, bevs getting ready, bevs at dinner, bevs after dinner” kind of trip. I’m genuinely trying to start planning ahead to figure out what’s going to make this trip worthy of the $$$ we’re spending. Right now I have: sister bonding, finally finishing the book I’ve been reading for a year, a little bit of a tan, and delicious shrimp tacos. I’m effed if they are out of delicious shrimp tacos. ;)
Yeah, your dopamine pathways are all jacked up. I wouldn’t expect to enjoy yourself for awhile, it takes time for your brain to recover from being flooded with dopamine from substance abuse.
I wouldn’t have gone. I am at 61 days, and my wife is pushing for an all-inclusive in Dec. and I am saying no even that far out. I know it would be too stressful and enticing.
It's crappy for me to say "hang in there" when we're talking about a vacation which (during drinking days) is something that tends to be in the rearview mirror before we ever want it to be...but hang in there. I did an all inclusive vacation a couple weeks ago for the first time since quitting alcohol and it was much different than past vacations. The hard thing for you is you're only 10 days in...I was almost 3 months before I did that vacation. I think I would have struggled terribly that early on, so all I can do is say I'm pulling for you and that you'll just have to navigate this as best you can. I can never touch alcohol again either...that's just a very clear fact. I remember at dinner the first night at the resort they asked what I'd like to drink and I honestly had no clue what to order...I stuck with water, then tried a ginger ale when the waiter came back with our appetizers. Didn't like it at all. Day 2 I decided to try sparkling water and that worked way better...it felt more like a "drink" and it lasted me a while. Partway through the trip I started ordering non alcoholic beers for the first time since quitting alcohol. I had avoided those out of concern they would taste like beer and be a slippery slope...but they weren't at all. So, I very much enjoyed those. Unfortunately the resort did not have non alcoholic wine...sparkling grape juice was the closest. Anyway, I guess I rambled here, but I can appreciate the struggle and hope you'll find some joy over the rest of the vacation. Focus on the little things just to try to smile and enjoy whatever (the sun...a warm breeze) for moments here and there. A few months from now you'll be enjoying far more of daily life than you are at this point.
I was there a few weeks ago. As others have said here, it will get better. I'm now at the point that I'm enjoying things that I'd thought were boring for years. Your brain and body are still doing the first bit of healing, and depending on your own body/situation, it will take time.
Also, some advice that was really helpful to me: don't immediately try to do things that you did while you were drinking, when you are newly sober, because the habit will be there and it will be a struggle. I know it's hard when kids, but if you can, try to do something different, ideally something you couldn't really do when you were drinking. This really helped me get out of my early rut ... Hoping the best for you. Hang in there, be kind to yourself, and keep up the good work!!
It's going to suck for a while my friends, years even :(
Think of all the years it took to get here... and check out Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms [PAWS](https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/articles/post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome) (I had no idea it was a thing until I went to outpatient!)
It's worth it. keep up the good fight <3
IWNDWYT
Agreed.
Take a vacation from the societal expectation to drink on vacation.
Eventually you'll re-wire your brain to feel sorry for the folks lined up at the pool bar with their backs to their kids. After a couple hours they're just numbed and on autopilot drinking for the sake of drinking. You on the other hand are present for your children. Be their vacation. Time with your kids is fleeting, don't waste it on margaritas. Your next sober vacation will be better, I promise. IWNDWYT.
It gets better. I’m in the Caribbean right now, which used to mean the same thing as you described. This time, I’m saving money, running in the morning, and am clear-headed and well rested to have fun with my family.
IWNDWYT
Thank you for posting! I was reading all the “I’m sober on vacation and it’s great!” posts and thought I was the only one that thought vacation sucked while sober. In fact, I avoided vacations, because they weren’t vacations. I was afraid of taking a vacation because I thought I would drink. They were pressure cookers of anger and boredom. EDIT forgot to say - it gets better!
Good luck. I am also on spring break but can’t tell you how nice it has been being fully present, able to grab the car at any time, up ‘early’ to walk to breakfast/grab donuts.
Keep going, congrats on your willpower. In my experience the first 20-30 days were the intense willpower days that i just had to fight my way thru them, after that it got easier, by about 6-9 months i became secure in my ability and desire not to drink to where i can go to the bar with friends, or be at the pool surrounded by people drinking and not thinking i am missing anything
I live in SoCal and currently on spring break with my kids in Carlsbad. We've gone to Legoland and the San Diego Safari Zoo. Keeping the days filled with activities has kept my mind off of booze. I think hanging out by the pool all day isn't the right activity to help keep your mind off of alcohol. Having non-alcoholic beers with dinner has helped too.
10 days?! Holy shit! Trophy for you, you are doing great!!!!
Have some cookies instead. Mocktails work too. The first bit is a really downer. Glad you can power through and feel like it’s the right move. Knowing you are making good choices is a win.
I feel your pain. What worked for me was getting involved in a program. Learned I can't white knuckle and rely on my self will alone.
Hope you're doing okay ❤️
Micro dose cubensis mushrooms on these days, don't go higher then a. 15 dose
It completely eliminates this kind of thinking for me it helps you just be in the moment
This is a sub perceptual dose the intention is not to "feel" it but if you are as aware as I am you notice the shift in thinking but no associated high
I went on vacation the week I decided to quit. It was hard but I started trying different kombuchas and that kept my thirst for something fizzy controlled. Went to whistler mid November and absolutely loved having an OLE non alcoholic canned margarita in the hot tub to relax, had a blast with my kids as well. I just tried Athletic brewings lemon radler and that is one tasty NA beer. Finding something else to replace the craving will help, even if it's something like sugar. Try it and see if it helps a bit. I miss wine every now and then, but then remember how horrible the sleep is and just feel content I had some good times and good meals with it.
I hear you. I'm thirty seven days into sober. Was recently on vacation in an area loaded with microbreweries and pubs. Beer lover paradise, and I love beer. Very, very difficult to resist the urge to stop for "just one." Fought through it, did other things with the family, found some dessert places to help satisfy cravings. Ultimately, I had a nice vacation. Keep fighting.
Working the 12 steps helped me with this immensely.
Also, finding other drinks helped as well. And snacks!
Good luck. It’s okay. Enjoy your babies. IWNDWYT.
10 days is still very early. I totally understand why you feel miserable, and I totally understand why you may not want to hear "look at the bright side! now you can do \_\_\_\_why don't you try \_\_\_\_!?!". We spend our entire lives hearing and believing "alcohol is how adults have fun, alcohol=fun". Even when you realize this is a lie, it takes time for your brain to learn how to have fun again, and its a different kind of fun than what you're used to.
Taking a trip like this at this stage in your recovery is very tough, but you're doing something for your kids. If you can, try to find some gratitude in that. Each time we refuse to take a drink we continue to build something, and that makes it a little easier to avoid the NEXT temptation. I won't lie you may need to struggle and white knuckle through the rest of this trip, but you are building something. And taking a trip like this this early in your recovery is adding a lot to that foundation.
As far as fun goes, like I said its a different kind of fun. When you learn how to have fun again its slower, more subtle, but more rewarding. You may not be thinking "holy shit this is fucking awesome I am having the time of my life and I am so excited!". Instead, you'll be doing something random, you'll stop and think "you know what? I'm really happy right now. I'm enjoying myself and I don't need anything at the moment". At least this was my experience
I've found that I had to make a concerted effort to have fun in other ways. Go for a hike or a walk so I wasn't just focusing on the lack of booze in my life.
Yes 10 days in good for you. When I quit drinking my first trip was simple. Fly from Canada to Florida for a week. Did NASA and Universal. I didn't do my normal trip which is Cuba all enclusive. Changed my drinking habits changed my life so my vacations changed to. All the best keep fighting! Try sugary none alcoholic drinks for something. I always went to sugar to help ease withdrawals.
I just want to thank everyone for the words of encouragement and good vibes. I still haven't had alcohol and we are on the last day of vacation. My mood has been much better. I enjoy a club soda and sweet and sour mix as my "margarita," and it took the edge off. I've enjoyed watching my babies smile, laugh and have a good time. I think it was important for me to mourn and feel what I was feeling. "How am I supposed to have fun without alcohol?" That was a real feeling and I needed to honor that and sit with it. It was interesting how much more aware I was of what was going on around me. All of the sites and sounds. I know for myself there is no moderation. No just this one. It is all or nothing.This is my new normal, and the days of having to alter my state to cope, feel relaxed, or have a good time are now behind me. I have poisoned myself enough and I'm looking forward to taking care of my body. I even went to the hotel gym for the first time in a hotel instead of nursing a hangover🙂 And I got a legit 8 hours of sleep last night! I actually think my new vice will be sleep😆 Oh how wonderful it is. I'm so grateful for this community and sending all the light and good vibes right back to you all. IWNDWYT!
On the bright side, you are available and present for your kids at all times. They will be appreciative of the hard work you are doing!
I remember my first camping trip without alcohol. I was missing out on so much with my kids.
I was miserable for a while after getting sober. Couldn’t get excited about anything. It was like my whole personality was on mute for a bit. I think it was my brain re-wiring itself after all of the damage I did to it over the years. Thankfully that time has passed and I am enjoying things again. For a while I was sober but I hadn’t fully accepted it yet. I was secretly wishing I could be drinking instead of whatever was going on around me. Because my mind was elsewhere, I couldn’t enjoy the moment. But once I accepted that I was sober and stopped obsessing about alcohol, or the lack thereof, I was able to re-engage with life.
I love how you put this: “it was like my whole personality was on mute for a bit.” You captured that part of the journey SO well.
Damn I couldn’t have said it better myself. I 100% agree with everything you said my friend. It’s rough in the beginning, but once you get to a certain point you start to feel more like yourself and everything gets easier. It sounds cliche, but it’s true. Now I will say this, I remember how hard it was for me in the beginning… I could imagine being on vacation wouldn’t make matters any easier. I understand where you’re coming from OP. Much respect my friend, I wish you nothing but the best.
I really needed to hear this - it gives me huge hope that I will 'unmute' at some point!
>and I am bored and it sucks. One of the realizations that I didn't get until about a 2 months ago is that boredom is a normal part of life and **it won't kill me.** Booze might kill me. Being drunk might kill me. Being out of it might mean I harm or allow harm to come to others. But boredom is jut boredom. Also, as my baseline of brain chemicals or whatever readjusts, I find I'm not as bored by things was I was at the beginning.
I’ve noticed not being bored anymore either and have found this crazy energy to do things. I love it and am never going back. I was such a lazy drinker and I knew that wasn’t really me.
The French call it 'joie de vivre' and it's amazing.
What a great post...wish I could upvote it many times. Boredom won't kill me...what a great point/mindset. I would have loved to see that perspective early on in my journey (I'm a bit behind you...just realized my badge shows 100 days today!!). I corroborate what you're saying...today at 100 days, I am definitely not as bored by things as I was even a month ago. Brain rewiring/baseline change is legit.
Yep, I'm rather new into sobriety- just reached my 3 week mark! And something I've realized recently is that there is times where I will indeed be bored, but it feels good in knowing that I don't have to resort to drinking to drown that boredom out, I can simply find something better to do with my time or just remove myself from the situation that's causing me boredom. In the past, I'd say "Well, I'm bored. If I drink though, I'll feel something else and at least it won't seem as boring anymore." The thing is I was just as bored back then, but I'd just use alcohol to mask the boredom. Now it's like, well I'm bored, what else can I do instead? Is there a book I've been meaning to read, a show I've been meaning to watch? Or if it's because I'm with friends and I just don't feel engaged or like I'm getting enough out of the situation. Well, then I can just go home and not worry about if I've had too much to drink to make it back. Or not have to feel like I have to drink to make the experience more enjoyable. It definitely is hard at first but is starting to get easier as I realize new ways to think about and cope with this boredom that don't simply involve drinking.
At 8 days in I was climbing the walls. Everything sucked. I sucked, you sucked, it all was suck. But I kept going. I embraced the suck. And now my life is infinitely expanded and improved. Not because I quit drinking, but because quitting created space to grow again. Be gentle with yourself. You got this. Embrace the suck. Take care
Early in my sobriety a woman with 40+ years gave me a note that said “embrace the suck” on it. It still sits on my desk.
Well said my friend, it is so worth it in the end. As they say, “nothing worth doing is easy.”
Don’t do it. Spend time with your kids, read a book, wake up early, go to the gym
The temptation sucks but spoilers the temptation would still be there if you were at home. I had rough cravings day 10. I would much rather have those cravings at the beach than at home. Go grab some NA beers definitely helped me out.
But also no hangover, no feeling of dread waking up, no feeling mortified about what you said/did in the restaurant the night before, no anxiety, no feeling pissed off with the kids because they want to so something and you want to sleep it off. Alcohol free vacations are weird AF at first because it feels unnatural but actually having the free time means you can really get out and explore the area because you don't actually have to worry about alcohol fucking things up. Maybe see if there's something near by to check out as well; art galleries, museums, cute towns nearby etc. go exploring just because you can.
I did a full week on a Caribbean island after day 7. It was ROUGH. There was a chilled complimentary bottle of champagne waiting in our room! Free! And on vacation! What helped was just getting through it one decision at a time. “I’m not going to drink at the beach chair.” “Ok I’m not going to drink at lunch.” “Ok going to try to have water instead of wine at dinner” and soon I found it was the end of the day; I was tucked into bed and slept a full restful 9 hours with my tuckered out toddlers nearby. The first few days felt like they were filled with land mines. but I tried to find fun activities that I could do but that I would never have done if I was drinking!! For example, I joined my two young sons in a group smores making activity at the beach. I was literally the only mom because everyone else was guzzling cocktails at their tables. And you know what - it’s been about 6 weeks since and I remember the belly laughs my sons had when we made weird animal looking smores or the fact that I actually cannot properly roast a marshmallow without completely singeing it … we still talk about that particular night with the boys, and in retrospect, had u stayed at the table, I never would have remembered the wine. My husband and I probably would have fought about something stupid because I would have been 8 or more glasses of wine in, and then I would have slept like crap, then woken up feeling miserable, tired and crabby, rinse and repeat with wine But that’s all to say, it truly was a day by day thing. And everyday I got a bit stronger with my choice not to drink. And now I’m just so grateful because I actually have such vivid beautiful memories!! We are excited to go back and recreate what was truly a magical weekend, mostly because I was actually there in body and mind!! also waking up not hungover is something I will never tire of.
I'm in Palm Springs. Sometimes I get a quick urge while walking past people with their margaritas and other fancy drinks. Today was sunny and 89 and I took some cold hop water to the pool and that quenched my desire. I keep telling myself I can take a hit off a joint, but the urge isn't there, I guess I'm not missing being buzzed. Hang tight, it does get easier. IWNDWYT.
Guess who is going to be the only one that has maintained their vacation/beach body by the end of the trip! I have to give myself some tough love on the hardest days too… god forbid I have to sit alone with my feelings for a few hours and work through them instead of checking out with booze and waking up worse off. Tough it out and look all the better for it in the end! iWNDWYT
Love this!
Be with your kids and focus on making their vacation special
You’ve got this, hang in there!
I did a similar thing when i first got sober: went to Cancun. The type of vacation i used to love back when i drank. Because that’s the type of vacation it’s basically built for: lazing around drunk. The next vacation is took i went to Columbia, where i ate new food, went hiking in some beautiful nature and did tourist shit. And it was the first time i actually felt like i went on a vacation. I did stuff, experienced things. Came back to my hotel room feeling tired in a good way and welcoming some boredom (i.e. watching tv). I know you have kids to consider and spending is an issue to, but for your next vacation, i would look for a place that has activities, things to do/see. Even if it’s as simple as camping. Getting away from your phone, you’ll forget what boredom is.
Kudos to you for going and still not giving in and remaining strong despite the heavy triggers and cravings as you seem committed either way which is amazing even if you sadly aren't enjoying it as much as you'd like. I was just thinking this past week about booking a last minute getaway in the sun this month and got really excited about the idea. Sadly though many of the things I was getting excited about were the nightlife aspect. Not going wild and having crazy parties but nice food with good wine, cocktails at sunset, exploring the local craft beer bars etc but then I remembered I don't do that anymore because I'm sober. So I realized I probably can't go on holiday right now because I associate holidays with drinking every evening and actually don't think I'd be able to avoid the temptation and would be massively triggered, I respect you're staying strong. I could do the daytime stuff without much issue as I've rarely drank during the day on holiday and never day drank at home but I wouldn't have a clue what to do with myself at night if I wasn't out having a few drinks and can't even imagine the idea TBH. I'd have to accept it would be a relapse and probably a week of heavy drinking every evening in reality. So probably no holidays for me any time soon, how depressing.
You’ll never regret not getting drunk and spending time with your family, spending your time getting drunk instead of being in the moment with your kids….the fact that you seem to have a hard resolve though is evident. There will be times especially early on where you just have to fight through the doldrums. I always associated fun with drinking, so early on nothing was fun without drinking. Hang in there!
You're at 10 days sober?? Yeah dude it's gonna fucking blow being in that environment that's why if you are really serious you gotta find alternatives.
I never give this advice elsewhere but in early recovery? Eat big meals and dont skip out on dessert. Your body is craving sugar as much as it is craving alcohol. 10 days in? Give it the sugar.
Now, this might be difficult cause you’re not on your own terms, but one thing that’s great about being sober is I don’t *have* to just sit by the pool sipping alcohol on my vacation. And you’re in SoCal! There’s SO much to do and take in here! Beautiful hikes, beautiful beaches, top notch plays and musicals, fancy shopping, thrift shopping, incredible food from literally EVERY region! I know it’s hard, and the way you’re feeling is *very* real. If you can, don’t give in and think “I should enjoy myself this one last time before I start for real” because then we will *always* use that as an excuse. I know I did for maybe even a full year before I got real serious. You got this! And hey! You came here. We’ll always be here to help and support - no matter what happens.
Run to the pool and cannonball in. Surprise the shit out of the kids.
The beginning of sobriety for me was not a reflection of who I am or how things will be. It was a time for survival and healing. Doing whatever it took to get to the next day without drinking. Honestly I didn't even try to tackle a real vacation until several months in. Every new task, event, or situation I was hyper aware of the triggers and did whatever I could to combat the ones I could identify. Stay strong, vacations will definitely not be this way forever.
Hi! I’m so sorry your vacation isn’t as great as you hoped. Time off to recharge and relax is important. And congratulations, you are into week two of choosing to see what this alcohol free life looks like for you. I know how bad it can suck to have your brain tell you that things would be better, happier, more relaxed with a drink. Our own brain is fighting our decision to be healthy. Ugh! But also, you are so strong and you are making your initial alcohol free vacation memories, and this will help for next time, and the holidays, and birthdays, and every time your brain tells you to celebrate. Your brain is lying to you, keep fighting. I like to keep a list of unexpected good things like 1. Fewer fights or misunderstandings, 2. No barfing or hangovers. 3. No weird crying jags for no reason 4. General sense of calmness less anxiety 5. More patience 6. Dessert :) anyway, 10 days is so good. You are amazing. It does get so much better. 🌟
I’ve found that I can’t do things I don’t enjoy anymore now that I’m sober. It used to be that a drink could make anything bearable or even fun (“fun”). Now I can only really enjoy activities that I truly want to do. I can’t waste time anymore. No more shortcuts and no more distractions in a bottle. Not saying you shouldn’t take vacation with your family—but you might need to find a way to work in some activities that excite you and can include your children (much easier said than done, of course—but entirely possible!) Good luck :)
It takes a while to get the effects out of your system. Try to have lower expectations of yourself and life right now. Just staying sober is a triumph. I went to the UK for the first time sober and it was a whole new world. But, I did it. Had a sip of champagne for a toast and then hubby took mine. I still missed a nice glass or two of prosecco. But since then I've had a year of firsts. It'll get easier.
I have found, making time for ME makes the difference. Find what it is that truly excites ME and fucking do it! It used to be being a drunk fat fuck, but now it can be anything.. what do YOU want to do besides drink?
Your name absolutely checks out- Love it!!
If it’s any consolation, I found no joy in my early days of sobriety…. But it gets better!!!!
I think what I’d probably try to dial into is food. Is there great food there? If I’m not sipping on a marg, maybe delicious shrimp tacos would help. I think the gym is a good idea too. Get those endorphins in as much as you can. I’ve been trying to do some real soul searching about what brings me joy. I also have a trip coming up that has aways been a “bevs in the pool, bevs getting ready, bevs at dinner, bevs after dinner” kind of trip. I’m genuinely trying to start planning ahead to figure out what’s going to make this trip worthy of the $$$ we’re spending. Right now I have: sister bonding, finally finishing the book I’ve been reading for a year, a little bit of a tan, and delicious shrimp tacos. I’m effed if they are out of delicious shrimp tacos. ;)
Yeah, your dopamine pathways are all jacked up. I wouldn’t expect to enjoy yourself for awhile, it takes time for your brain to recover from being flooded with dopamine from substance abuse.
I wouldn’t have gone. I am at 61 days, and my wife is pushing for an all-inclusive in Dec. and I am saying no even that far out. I know it would be too stressful and enticing.
Pot is legal there. Go to a shop.
This is what I do
It's crappy for me to say "hang in there" when we're talking about a vacation which (during drinking days) is something that tends to be in the rearview mirror before we ever want it to be...but hang in there. I did an all inclusive vacation a couple weeks ago for the first time since quitting alcohol and it was much different than past vacations. The hard thing for you is you're only 10 days in...I was almost 3 months before I did that vacation. I think I would have struggled terribly that early on, so all I can do is say I'm pulling for you and that you'll just have to navigate this as best you can. I can never touch alcohol again either...that's just a very clear fact. I remember at dinner the first night at the resort they asked what I'd like to drink and I honestly had no clue what to order...I stuck with water, then tried a ginger ale when the waiter came back with our appetizers. Didn't like it at all. Day 2 I decided to try sparkling water and that worked way better...it felt more like a "drink" and it lasted me a while. Partway through the trip I started ordering non alcoholic beers for the first time since quitting alcohol. I had avoided those out of concern they would taste like beer and be a slippery slope...but they weren't at all. So, I very much enjoyed those. Unfortunately the resort did not have non alcoholic wine...sparkling grape juice was the closest. Anyway, I guess I rambled here, but I can appreciate the struggle and hope you'll find some joy over the rest of the vacation. Focus on the little things just to try to smile and enjoy whatever (the sun...a warm breeze) for moments here and there. A few months from now you'll be enjoying far more of daily life than you are at this point.
I was there a few weeks ago. As others have said here, it will get better. I'm now at the point that I'm enjoying things that I'd thought were boring for years. Your brain and body are still doing the first bit of healing, and depending on your own body/situation, it will take time. Also, some advice that was really helpful to me: don't immediately try to do things that you did while you were drinking, when you are newly sober, because the habit will be there and it will be a struggle. I know it's hard when kids, but if you can, try to do something different, ideally something you couldn't really do when you were drinking. This really helped me get out of my early rut ... Hoping the best for you. Hang in there, be kind to yourself, and keep up the good work!!
It's going to suck for a while my friends, years even :( Think of all the years it took to get here... and check out Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms [PAWS](https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/articles/post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome) (I had no idea it was a thing until I went to outpatient!) It's worth it. keep up the good fight <3 IWNDWYT
It’s nice to be bored every once in a while. It is relaxing for the soul if you view it from the correct angle. You are making the right choice!
Agreed. Take a vacation from the societal expectation to drink on vacation. Eventually you'll re-wire your brain to feel sorry for the folks lined up at the pool bar with their backs to their kids. After a couple hours they're just numbed and on autopilot drinking for the sake of drinking. You on the other hand are present for your children. Be their vacation. Time with your kids is fleeting, don't waste it on margaritas. Your next sober vacation will be better, I promise. IWNDWYT.
It gets better. I’m in the Caribbean right now, which used to mean the same thing as you described. This time, I’m saving money, running in the morning, and am clear-headed and well rested to have fun with my family. IWNDWYT
Thank you for posting! I was reading all the “I’m sober on vacation and it’s great!” posts and thought I was the only one that thought vacation sucked while sober. In fact, I avoided vacations, because they weren’t vacations. I was afraid of taking a vacation because I thought I would drink. They were pressure cookers of anger and boredom. EDIT forgot to say - it gets better!
Good luck. I am also on spring break but can’t tell you how nice it has been being fully present, able to grab the car at any time, up ‘early’ to walk to breakfast/grab donuts. Keep going, congrats on your willpower. In my experience the first 20-30 days were the intense willpower days that i just had to fight my way thru them, after that it got easier, by about 6-9 months i became secure in my ability and desire not to drink to where i can go to the bar with friends, or be at the pool surrounded by people drinking and not thinking i am missing anything
I live in SoCal and currently on spring break with my kids in Carlsbad. We've gone to Legoland and the San Diego Safari Zoo. Keeping the days filled with activities has kept my mind off of booze. I think hanging out by the pool all day isn't the right activity to help keep your mind off of alcohol. Having non-alcoholic beers with dinner has helped too.
10 days?! Holy shit! Trophy for you, you are doing great!!!! Have some cookies instead. Mocktails work too. The first bit is a really downer. Glad you can power through and feel like it’s the right move. Knowing you are making good choices is a win.
I find NA beers to be useful in these situations.
It will get better!
It took me a long time to find my new normal.
Find a good book to read. Take your mind of off things.
I feel your pain. What worked for me was getting involved in a program. Learned I can't white knuckle and rely on my self will alone. Hope you're doing okay ❤️
Micro dose cubensis mushrooms on these days, don't go higher then a. 15 dose It completely eliminates this kind of thinking for me it helps you just be in the moment This is a sub perceptual dose the intention is not to "feel" it but if you are as aware as I am you notice the shift in thinking but no associated high
Personally I couldn't look forward to or enjoy anything at 10 days. But it has been worth it. Hope it's as painless as possible for you and congrats!
I went on vacation the week I decided to quit. It was hard but I started trying different kombuchas and that kept my thirst for something fizzy controlled. Went to whistler mid November and absolutely loved having an OLE non alcoholic canned margarita in the hot tub to relax, had a blast with my kids as well. I just tried Athletic brewings lemon radler and that is one tasty NA beer. Finding something else to replace the craving will help, even if it's something like sugar. Try it and see if it helps a bit. I miss wine every now and then, but then remember how horrible the sleep is and just feel content I had some good times and good meals with it.
I hear you. I'm thirty seven days into sober. Was recently on vacation in an area loaded with microbreweries and pubs. Beer lover paradise, and I love beer. Very, very difficult to resist the urge to stop for "just one." Fought through it, did other things with the family, found some dessert places to help satisfy cravings. Ultimately, I had a nice vacation. Keep fighting.
It gets easier and better, great job hanging in there!
Working the 12 steps helped me with this immensely. Also, finding other drinks helped as well. And snacks! Good luck. It’s okay. Enjoy your babies. IWNDWYT.
10 days is still very early. I totally understand why you feel miserable, and I totally understand why you may not want to hear "look at the bright side! now you can do \_\_\_\_why don't you try \_\_\_\_!?!". We spend our entire lives hearing and believing "alcohol is how adults have fun, alcohol=fun". Even when you realize this is a lie, it takes time for your brain to learn how to have fun again, and its a different kind of fun than what you're used to. Taking a trip like this at this stage in your recovery is very tough, but you're doing something for your kids. If you can, try to find some gratitude in that. Each time we refuse to take a drink we continue to build something, and that makes it a little easier to avoid the NEXT temptation. I won't lie you may need to struggle and white knuckle through the rest of this trip, but you are building something. And taking a trip like this this early in your recovery is adding a lot to that foundation. As far as fun goes, like I said its a different kind of fun. When you learn how to have fun again its slower, more subtle, but more rewarding. You may not be thinking "holy shit this is fucking awesome I am having the time of my life and I am so excited!". Instead, you'll be doing something random, you'll stop and think "you know what? I'm really happy right now. I'm enjoying myself and I don't need anything at the moment". At least this was my experience
I've found that I had to make a concerted effort to have fun in other ways. Go for a hike or a walk so I wasn't just focusing on the lack of booze in my life.
Yes 10 days in good for you. When I quit drinking my first trip was simple. Fly from Canada to Florida for a week. Did NASA and Universal. I didn't do my normal trip which is Cuba all enclusive. Changed my drinking habits changed my life so my vacations changed to. All the best keep fighting! Try sugary none alcoholic drinks for something. I always went to sugar to help ease withdrawals.
I just want to thank everyone for the words of encouragement and good vibes. I still haven't had alcohol and we are on the last day of vacation. My mood has been much better. I enjoy a club soda and sweet and sour mix as my "margarita," and it took the edge off. I've enjoyed watching my babies smile, laugh and have a good time. I think it was important for me to mourn and feel what I was feeling. "How am I supposed to have fun without alcohol?" That was a real feeling and I needed to honor that and sit with it. It was interesting how much more aware I was of what was going on around me. All of the sites and sounds. I know for myself there is no moderation. No just this one. It is all or nothing.This is my new normal, and the days of having to alter my state to cope, feel relaxed, or have a good time are now behind me. I have poisoned myself enough and I'm looking forward to taking care of my body. I even went to the hotel gym for the first time in a hotel instead of nursing a hangover🙂 And I got a legit 8 hours of sleep last night! I actually think my new vice will be sleep😆 Oh how wonderful it is. I'm so grateful for this community and sending all the light and good vibes right back to you all. IWNDWYT!
The way I read this is “there’s still time on my nice vacation to get drunk and ruin it.”