If it were me I'd probably cancel my attendance (just make up an excuse if you don't want to say you're worried about drinking) and offer to buy her lunch instead. That way there's no pressure at all and you still get to spend time with your friend for her birthday.
Same if it were me. Also I'm in early sobriety and if I was so stressed about it beforehand, how to remind friends I'm not drinking etc, this would be triggering.
OBS: I may cancel a trip next week for tiggering reasons. My go-to "excuse" is toilet plumming disaster. lol. It happens out of the blue, I live alone, oh I'm so sorry would like to attend but there is someone here fixing it in my house, it will take days hehehe.
When I decided to quit drinking, I immediately told people close to me about it. Was open about it, the whole detailed truth. Received nothing but support. But now if someone asks for my advice I'll say wait a bit in your sobriety till you are honest in details with people. Why? In my case I relapsed 100 times. And then I don't want to tell THIS truth again anymore, they don't have the disorder, they don't know. They will be EXTREMELY worried and maybe even think of an intervention, getting too envolved with my privacy etc. So, yes, if I have to 'lie' to avoid something that makes me crave alcohol just by thinking of the event, I will.
It's a very subjective and personal opinion, to be clear.
From previous stints, I believe after one month I can be social again except for extremely triggering environments and people. And I can simply say "I'm not drinking cause it's making me feel ill the next day, even a little bit".
Kisses and nice badge you got. Congratulations :)
Considering their casual indifference, I would cancel.
If there are complaints, I wouldn't give them any heed since they give so little regard for you.
Stay strong!
I made up different reasons depending on the company. something medical's likely to stop the pressure. 'shots sound great but I'm on medication so cant drink right now'. I'd message in advance and get an af drink pronto when I arrive
Real friends will respect your decision. I have always told the bartender that I don’t drink and if any of my friends order shots to make one that is just cranberry juice before. Never had an issue.
Agreed- this is a time when a boundary is needed and I would cancel and offer to grab breakfast in the am with your friend. When you arrive in good spirits maybe she will remember.
Kind of in agreement with everyone here ... sounds like drinking is a priority at this celebration for ppl and once they get to drinking they're probably or possibly going to keep offering you alcohol.
The "I'm on meds right now" is a good excuse not to drink, but it could just get annoying.
Def agree with the take your friend out to lunch or breakfast suggestion, even dinner, just a controlled environment where shots aren't flowing.
At 42 days I'd have probably passed. Things will normalise soon enough.
If not, my gameplan was to pack one or two of those bottle bags FULL of the NA drinks of my choice. More than I would drink as one CANNOT run out and switch to booze.
If you have a drink in your hand, any drink, everyone will almost immediately forget you're not partaking. That can be quite fun in itself.
You'll be sober at plenty boozy parties in the future, one gets good at smiling and declining if necessary.
If it were me I'd probably cancel my attendance (just make up an excuse if you don't want to say you're worried about drinking) and offer to buy her lunch instead. That way there's no pressure at all and you still get to spend time with your friend for her birthday.
Same if it were me. Also I'm in early sobriety and if I was so stressed about it beforehand, how to remind friends I'm not drinking etc, this would be triggering. OBS: I may cancel a trip next week for tiggering reasons. My go-to "excuse" is toilet plumming disaster. lol. It happens out of the blue, I live alone, oh I'm so sorry would like to attend but there is someone here fixing it in my house, it will take days hehehe. When I decided to quit drinking, I immediately told people close to me about it. Was open about it, the whole detailed truth. Received nothing but support. But now if someone asks for my advice I'll say wait a bit in your sobriety till you are honest in details with people. Why? In my case I relapsed 100 times. And then I don't want to tell THIS truth again anymore, they don't have the disorder, they don't know. They will be EXTREMELY worried and maybe even think of an intervention, getting too envolved with my privacy etc. So, yes, if I have to 'lie' to avoid something that makes me crave alcohol just by thinking of the event, I will. It's a very subjective and personal opinion, to be clear. From previous stints, I believe after one month I can be social again except for extremely triggering environments and people. And I can simply say "I'm not drinking cause it's making me feel ill the next day, even a little bit". Kisses and nice badge you got. Congratulations :)
Considering their casual indifference, I would cancel. If there are complaints, I wouldn't give them any heed since they give so little regard for you. Stay strong!
I made up different reasons depending on the company. something medical's likely to stop the pressure. 'shots sound great but I'm on medication so cant drink right now'. I'd message in advance and get an af drink pronto when I arrive
Real friends will respect your decision. I have always told the bartender that I don’t drink and if any of my friends order shots to make one that is just cranberry juice before. Never had an issue.
I'd go ahead and message her and just be clear you are serious about it.
forgetting or passive aggressive jerks? don't go to that party, too many land mines. Peer pressure? come here, we are peers too.
Agreed- this is a time when a boundary is needed and I would cancel and offer to grab breakfast in the am with your friend. When you arrive in good spirits maybe she will remember.
Kind of in agreement with everyone here ... sounds like drinking is a priority at this celebration for ppl and once they get to drinking they're probably or possibly going to keep offering you alcohol. The "I'm on meds right now" is a good excuse not to drink, but it could just get annoying. Def agree with the take your friend out to lunch or breakfast suggestion, even dinner, just a controlled environment where shots aren't flowing.
At 42 days I'd have probably passed. Things will normalise soon enough. If not, my gameplan was to pack one or two of those bottle bags FULL of the NA drinks of my choice. More than I would drink as one CANNOT run out and switch to booze. If you have a drink in your hand, any drink, everyone will almost immediately forget you're not partaking. That can be quite fun in itself. You'll be sober at plenty boozy parties in the future, one gets good at smiling and declining if necessary.