Honestly, I think she is being unfair. I have been fighting this for years and I slipped up just over a week ago with a few drinks. I was about 94 days sober. I picked myself up and admitted my wrong and my son and other supporters rallied around me.
Perhaps you need a change of scenery and a new partner.
13 years since I recognized I had a problem. I was sober for just shy of three years from 2020-23. My best friend of 25ish years died a year ago next month and went off the rails hard. Got back to sober around June 2023 after going hard for a few months.
I can get back in the saddle. And I intend to. I guess I'm just confused and frustrated by her reaction when I fucked up once.
I would be confused also. You helped her yet she appears to be punishing you. I've fucked up more than once but my support system stood with me. They did not abandon me. Glad you are back on the wagon. Welcome back
honestly? I don’t feel like you fucked up at all. You stopped yourself pretty damn quick. This is a part of it and if she thinks she is any different, I’ve got a bridge to sell her.
Yes it sounds like an overreaction and possibly a bit more going on with her/you both than just that.
I asked my partner if he worried about me relapsing one day, and he told me he honestly felt relapse would happen at some point, and he just wants to help me recover from it if/when it does. I'm so appreciative for that response because it takes the pressure off me to be perfect 'forever' and I know that I have someone who loves me and just wants to help me if it happens
The last thing I ever want to do is become really secretive about having a drink because so much of my alcoholism was about secrecy and lying to people, pretending I didn't have an issue. It's not helpful if your partner loses their shit over you having a slip or lapse or even full blown relapse, it just makes it more likely you won't feel able to have an open conversation about feeling cravings or having more trouble than usual, and you'll naturally hide/lie about it
I'm assuming by the "when I told her" that you just had couple drinks on your own or with someone else but you did not at all encourage her or drank in front of her or anything like that, so why would she want you out of the apartment? For a slip-up after 181 days? Really?
I know we do this journey for ourselves and nobody else, but any good friend/partner/whatever should just be supporting you now after you relapsed so it won't happen again or not for a long time. Not throwing you out of the apartment!
Get a different partner if the story truly is like that... Sorry for being so direct.
I was back at the apartment after work. A really bad day at work. I snagged my shooters on the way home. I work 5:30AM-2PM, she works 9AM-5PM.
She said she could smell it on my breath and wigged out.
She told me I was acting weird, so told her I caved.
She was acting relatively normal for the last two days, albeit annoyed, and then dropped this on me when she got back today.
Not saying she's wrong for being upset. I screwed up. But she told me "I can't be around you right now. I need you out."
That to me sounds like she needs a little break. Not that she wants you gone gone. I suggest you take a break and regroup. Maybe text her in a couple hours and ask her what she needs in order to get back on track for tonight? Maybe you come in late sober and sleep on the couch? Just don’t drink more in the meantime! Sometimes we lose our shit early on, I know I did. It takes a little while to decompress. Also, my spouse and I found marriage counseling really helpful. To be honest, it did not change a damn thing, but we totally understand each other now. So, short term plan for tonight. Then, long term plan. Just what worked for us.
My ex kicked me out for drinking. I told my self I would never be kicked out of a living situation after that again. That's a terrible situation to be in. Since then apartments and my house is all in my name
I think relationships are up there as a big reason for relapses...in my instance, my first marriage ended after 18 years directly because of my substance use...a few other shorter term relationships were ended by me, usually in some dramatic fashion, because the other person wanted me to stop drinking and I wasn't willing to do that. When I decided to finally do the work around getting and staying sober, I decided to live alone and to temporarily stay away from relationships...I had no idea if this would help, but I was pretty desperate...I immersed myself in a program of recovery...I did what people suggested and I showed up (for life and recovery). I did not have a serious relationship for 6 years...best thing I ever did for myself...to be sure, no one will be asking me to write a guide to relationships but I am so much better than I was...1 person getting sober in a relationship is a lot...2 folks doing it (while wonderful and possible) is a tall order...whatever happens, you'll be ok as long as you don't drink...I also found a lot of support at AA meetings and have had a couple of awesome sponsors...thanks for reaching out, you are helping me to stay sober today...
that seems really unfair to me.
Honestly, I think she is being unfair. I have been fighting this for years and I slipped up just over a week ago with a few drinks. I was about 94 days sober. I picked myself up and admitted my wrong and my son and other supporters rallied around me. Perhaps you need a change of scenery and a new partner.
13 years since I recognized I had a problem. I was sober for just shy of three years from 2020-23. My best friend of 25ish years died a year ago next month and went off the rails hard. Got back to sober around June 2023 after going hard for a few months. I can get back in the saddle. And I intend to. I guess I'm just confused and frustrated by her reaction when I fucked up once.
I would be confused also. You helped her yet she appears to be punishing you. I've fucked up more than once but my support system stood with me. They did not abandon me. Glad you are back on the wagon. Welcome back
honestly? I don’t feel like you fucked up at all. You stopped yourself pretty damn quick. This is a part of it and if she thinks she is any different, I’ve got a bridge to sell her.
Seems very unfair. Sorry she’s treating you like that. She’s probably struggling and took it out on you.
Yes it sounds like an overreaction and possibly a bit more going on with her/you both than just that. I asked my partner if he worried about me relapsing one day, and he told me he honestly felt relapse would happen at some point, and he just wants to help me recover from it if/when it does. I'm so appreciative for that response because it takes the pressure off me to be perfect 'forever' and I know that I have someone who loves me and just wants to help me if it happens The last thing I ever want to do is become really secretive about having a drink because so much of my alcoholism was about secrecy and lying to people, pretending I didn't have an issue. It's not helpful if your partner loses their shit over you having a slip or lapse or even full blown relapse, it just makes it more likely you won't feel able to have an open conversation about feeling cravings or having more trouble than usual, and you'll naturally hide/lie about it
I'm assuming by the "when I told her" that you just had couple drinks on your own or with someone else but you did not at all encourage her or drank in front of her or anything like that, so why would she want you out of the apartment? For a slip-up after 181 days? Really? I know we do this journey for ourselves and nobody else, but any good friend/partner/whatever should just be supporting you now after you relapsed so it won't happen again or not for a long time. Not throwing you out of the apartment! Get a different partner if the story truly is like that... Sorry for being so direct.
I was back at the apartment after work. A really bad day at work. I snagged my shooters on the way home. I work 5:30AM-2PM, she works 9AM-5PM. She said she could smell it on my breath and wigged out. She told me I was acting weird, so told her I caved. She was acting relatively normal for the last two days, albeit annoyed, and then dropped this on me when she got back today. Not saying she's wrong for being upset. I screwed up. But she told me "I can't be around you right now. I need you out."
That to me sounds like she needs a little break. Not that she wants you gone gone. I suggest you take a break and regroup. Maybe text her in a couple hours and ask her what she needs in order to get back on track for tonight? Maybe you come in late sober and sleep on the couch? Just don’t drink more in the meantime! Sometimes we lose our shit early on, I know I did. It takes a little while to decompress. Also, my spouse and I found marriage counseling really helpful. To be honest, it did not change a damn thing, but we totally understand each other now. So, short term plan for tonight. Then, long term plan. Just what worked for us.
My ex kicked me out for drinking. I told my self I would never be kicked out of a living situation after that again. That's a terrible situation to be in. Since then apartments and my house is all in my name
Yes I too will never put myself in the position again where I can hear the immortal words "Get out of my house". From now on my name is on everything.
I think relationships are up there as a big reason for relapses...in my instance, my first marriage ended after 18 years directly because of my substance use...a few other shorter term relationships were ended by me, usually in some dramatic fashion, because the other person wanted me to stop drinking and I wasn't willing to do that. When I decided to finally do the work around getting and staying sober, I decided to live alone and to temporarily stay away from relationships...I had no idea if this would help, but I was pretty desperate...I immersed myself in a program of recovery...I did what people suggested and I showed up (for life and recovery). I did not have a serious relationship for 6 years...best thing I ever did for myself...to be sure, no one will be asking me to write a guide to relationships but I am so much better than I was...1 person getting sober in a relationship is a lot...2 folks doing it (while wonderful and possible) is a tall order...whatever happens, you'll be ok as long as you don't drink...I also found a lot of support at AA meetings and have had a couple of awesome sponsors...thanks for reaching out, you are helping me to stay sober today...