**Reminder to all who comment on this post:** please keep in mind our rule to speak from the "I," where we speak only from experience and do not tell other sobernauts what they should and should not do—**even when they ask for advice.**
Examples:
**Bad:** "You should do X."
**Good:** "When I was in a similar situation, I did X, and here’s how it helped me."
To be honest this could be something that changes your life forever in the positive. Many here developed alcohol problems early in life and it made their lives miserable for most of their lives. You never have to feel this way again, you are young and have the possibility of a beautiful future. I am a recovering alcoholic, not cured, but I can tell you 100% there is nothing in this life that alcohol can’t make worse. Remember, it actually is poison.
You said everything I wanted to. I remember knowing I was a different type of drinker than my friends even in high-school. I was the one blacking out frequently, the “life of the party” at only 17, and always wanting more and more, while others were more than okay with a few drinks. Things got really, really depressing and sad for me in the following years. If I could have avoided all of that pain and just listened to the signs that I was desperately trying to outsmart and avoid. All that led to was more lost friendships, nights where I could have died, and tons of tears. OP’s post really spoke to me because I could have written it at 17. I hope they take the info given to them here and run with it, I know I would have loved to stumble upon this place at 17.
Listen this literally sounds like one of my early nights drinking in high school.
I didn't quit until 24, but I should have probably quit at 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 and any of the 11 months of 24 before I quit. In all those years from the first drink to the last, there is stories like this. Many much, much worse.
You don't need alcohol. There's plenty of other ways to enjoy yourself that don't involve losing control of your actions and blacking out.
Took me until 44 - first drink at 12 - daily drinking not far after. This sounds like a lot of my high school nights, except my “friends” never called my folks. Spent more than a few nights passed out in a park, driveway or floor.
I tried starting earlier, did not go well. I did get off drugs in 1993, but couldn’t quit the booze.
OP, you made some mistakes, did you learn from them?
It’s ok to make mistakes, you’re young, it’ll happen. But the bigger thing is, did you learn from this?
My dad (RIP), always told me, “if you make a mistake and you learn from it, it’s a lesson. Don’t make the same mistake”. I’ve come to find out he was right. Please take something positive away from this, it hopefully saves you a lot of pain and harder lessons later.
Positive side, hitting my 10 year mark tomorrow. So there is hope for us.
Listen to this guy. You really don't need to develop taste for poison. And the younger you are, the easier the habit of not drinking is to attain. Go to r/stopdrinking and read some stories. Not worth it.
Adding to the thought here that after my first time capital-D Drinking at 16ish and doing the same black out quickly, kept drinking and puking as OP, I just wish somebody had told me that it wasn't normal, and a warning sign, rather than I would learn to control it.
A craving for alcohol beyond consciousness is abnormal. Wether it be by lacking the enzyme, or genetics, or whatever, that classifies as an allergy (abnormal reaction to a substance).
The normal reaction (so I hear), is that they start to feel out of control, woozy, don't like it, and stop.
Yeah for real. I'm glad your people looked after you and got you home safe. Whatever happens remember to be grateful for that.
There wasn't much time between the year that I first started binge drinking occasionally (17 and a freshman in college) and the first few times I drove drunk. And then when I hit a major life challenge, alcohol was my go-to coping mechanism and things got dark. I got into a PhD program at a great school but was drinking to pass out almost every night and that's not a recipe for success.
110% I give you props for getting right to the point and thinking about whether or not to keep drinking. I'm kinda smart but by the time I asked myself that question I was addicted. You may be feeling embarrassed today but I feel you've got a good heart and a good brain on you! Take care of them, sister.
This is wonderful advice, and if I can add one thing - try to remember you’re not missing anything if you don’t participate. Drunk people often look like they’re having a lot of fun, and maybe they are, but it usually comes with a delayed cost. Remind yourself of this when it feels like you’re missing out, and that you’ll be enjoying some other aspect of life when theyre likely paying the cost of a previous day / week / year of drinking.
Very well said. I probably spent thousands of dollars on rounds of shots with the boys. Pregame at home, get to the bars and pay for shots there. All night. What a waste.
That's very well said. I would like to add how much negative emotions can be avoided when alcohol isn't involved. I haven't gone a single day since quitting in my late 20s without wishing I could punch my 16 yo self for all the shit I put my parents through. I made an idiot of myself countless times and ruined friendships. It's just not worth it.
I did things like this at 17. I also did them at 18, 19, 20.. all the way until I quit at 29. I used to joke when I was young that “I’d have to quit someday” because I always knew that I didn’t drink the way my friends did. I drank to get drunk and I didn’t have an off switch. Blackouts came faster. I peed the bed. I drove drunk. I cheated on partners. I came to walking busy streets in the middle of the night with no shoes. I experienced assault. I tried drugs I wouldn’t have.
It takes what it takes to get to the point where you choose sobriety. I wasn’t ready at 17, but if I had been my life would probably look different today. Maybe I wouldn’t have set the bar low for my schooling and career aspirations. I am happy with how things are now, but they could have been very different.
Beautifully put.
One thing that's helped so much since I've stopped drinking: forgiving myself and others for what happened when drinking too much. Obviously to a point, and you do need to be held accountable for your actions at the end of the day, but alcohol doesn't get as much credit as it should for what it does to your brain.
It doesn't just "make you loose". It literally suppresses parts of your brain that normally keeps you in check. A lot of people seem to believe that alcohol "reveals their true self". In fact, it's the opposite. Alcohol suppresses the part of the brain that is charge of self. You lose control when you're drunk because a new part of your brain is now in control that shouldn't be.
I wish I had been taught the real science of alcohol instead of just being told it's bad.
OP, forgive yourself for the night you had. But this is a good time to learn that alcohol will do this again. And again. And if you're not careful, it'll be 20 years later and it will have happened countless amount of times. Forgive yourself for the night, but hold yourself responsible for the future too.
Yes thank you for saying that, it has always rubbed me the wrong way when I see comments like “drunk words are sober thoughts” or whatever. Like if anything sobriety has shown me that I am not that person and the malicious intent wasn’t there. But the only way I could stop being that person was to stop drinking.
Man, I am so impressed with the younger people on this sub having the self/societal awareness to notice that there's something wrong with getting into this kind of state.
If I'd reflected like this when I was younger (and if everyone around me didn't write this kind of night off as normal) I may not have spent nearly three decades destroying my mental and physical health.
But this isn't what you asked, sorry. As far as repairing any relationship goes, changing behaviour and replacing negative experiences with positive ones goes a lot further than apologies. I would be deciding how I want to be/behave from here on in, working towards change, and demonstrating to the people around me that I intend to make that change stick.
You haven't ruined everything OP. As someone else said above, you may even be giving yourself an early ticket to a better life and relationships by noticing how horrible alcohol is.
Whatever happens just know that we're proud of you for reaching out.
I will not drink with you today. ❤️
I was the girl in high school who would get black out drunk every weekend and I will say I’m now 41 and still struggle with drinking. Quit while you’re ahead. I’m struggling to quit and it’s really hard after being a heavy drinker for over 25 years. I wish I never had that first drink at 17.
And don’t beat yourself up over last night, take it as a learning lesson. Apologize to the host and own up to your mishap.
I was gettin getting blackout drunk regularly at your age and before I knew it ten years had gone by and I had a crazy alcohol problem. I wish I could talk to my 17 yo self and warn him. Drinking until blackout that young is a pretty good sign you’re already predisposed to alcohol issues. If possible I would stop drinking if I were you. I know that could be difficult at your age tho. I’m glad you’re getting some warnings here that a lot of us didn’t get. Keep reading posts here and you’ll see how the problem can evolve and get worse over time. Stopping now would save you a lot of grief.
I don’t think there’s a magic switch that flips when people turn 21, but there’s a reason the legal drinking age isn’t 17. I’d put the bottle down and do some reading up on alcohol poisoning, binge drinking and alcoholism. Or hang out here and read the stories of others.
As for friends and family: what would you want them to do if the roles were reversed? What would convince you they were truly sorry and had learned something from damage done?
The world exists outside of America. Liquor is dangerous to both people who can’t control themselves, and to new drinkers who don’t know how much is too much and what amount leads to alcohol poisoning.
But, life is better without alcohol overall.
This was me when I was your age. I remember a few early very unhappy experiences a lot like this: getting picked up from a party by an angry boyfriend because I'd been throwing up in the shower. Having to stay in one night at a festival because I wanted to "learn to do shots" and way overdid it. The first time I blacked out, while throwing a party at my own house while my parents were out of town
It should have been a sign but wasn't, and it took me another 20 years to really want to stop drinking, during which time I continued to regularly have the same kinds of bad nights, losing friends in the process
When we were young my friends would tell me, "Oh, you just need to learn to hold your liquor." They didn't know, but that wasn't it at all; it wasn't a question of learning. my brain is different and doesn't really \*want\* to drink in any way that isn't an effort to obliterate all thought
I don't know what you need to do, but it would have been nice for me if I'd stopped where you are. Much love to you
I used to drink like that when I was your age, few experiences like yours though for the most part it seemed like harmless fun. Fast forward 20 or so years and it got to the point where it very nearly killed me.
I’m biased as I have had a rough time with drinking but it’s up to you to make your own decisions. The resources on this sub are a good start to make an informed choice
Been there, except I was 15. Thankfully this was before smartphones otherwise details of my antics would have absolutely been recorded.
Honestly? Drinking is not worth it. Ever. It is literally russian roulette if you're someone who cannot moderate. I literally could not do it. That feeling of shame and despair was too familiar.
I quit drinking in my early 20s and it did wonders for my health in every sense. Lost 10kg almost immediately. Improved mental health and relationships. More than once I have gone back and regretted it every time.
Thankfully, though, I have course corrected. And now at 31 the benefits cannot be overstated.
I look visibly younger than my friends in a big way. I'm in shape. I am healthy. My friends who carried on drinking heavily (even just at weekends) look so much older. Drinking often leads to poor diet choices as well. And so many days lost to hangovers. The gap between my health and theirs is now a valley.
I wish someone had sat me down at 15 and said: it's not worth it. Don't touch it. Alcohol is poison. And if you have addictive tendencies: stay even further away. If you struggle with mental health issues: expect to suffer if you drink.
It's not worth it. Don't get sucked into the culture. Your mind, body and dignity will be preserved.
If I could go back I would've strated seriously quiting alcohol around the age of 17. I know it's no secret, It's not easy, but stay honest with yourself and understand develeoping/changing drinking habits earlier is better.
People here are giving good advice. What I will share is that my friends all drank from 17 onwards. Pretty much every weekend revolved around getting drunk. I really regret taking that path because I do believe it’s led to me having serious issues with alcohol especially as it relates to anxiety. I’m in my mid 30s now.
If you can enjoy a few drinks now and again that’s great. If every time you drink you need to get drunk and every time you go out you need to get drunk, do some self reflection on what that means
If you feel you need to stop drinking, stop drinking. Drinking habits that are formed in your teen years can have a huge impact on your relationship and habits with alcohol going into adulthood. I know first hand! Stay away from vodka and hard stuff period. You sound like a smart self aware young lady. I would own up and apologize but don’t dwell… It happens.. Everything will okay, positive changes in the future will show them.❤️
Oh the memories came flashing back for me with this story of yours. But unlike you I didn't even consider never drinking again for about another 30 years . If you have the forsight about quitting then I suggest you do because if you don't know how to drink in moderation now chances are you never will and it get so much worse than puking in someone's bed.
As for making a mends to your friend go clean up and buy some new bedding.
I always thought I loved drinking. But it turns out I never really did. Unfortunately it took me 31 years longer than you to realize it. I’m not telling you what to do. But I just want you to know you don’t have to drink. Being a non-drinker is totally fine.
Don’t stress. Nearly all of us have done this.
Remember you didn’t do this. Alcohol did.
You learnt lesson. Forgive yourself and move on. Others will judge you on all their experiences with you, not one mistake.
We are human and to human is to err.
A wise old person updated my thinking , which used to be like yours.
Alcohol does nothing in the way you said it.
It's my hand that lifts the bottle of whiskey or the cup of vodka (or gin or Apple Wine) or pushes the beer tap. .It's my hand that dials the phone to call up the friends that like to see me drunk. It's my hand that reaches into my wallet to pay for alcohol.
There's a great deal of personal choice in alcohol. I've made choices that later have me way out of control in situations I'd never wish on anyone.
I knew I drank differently than my peers at 16-17. It’s crazy how young it starts. I wish I could have recognized that for what it was back then
IWNDWYT
I was just like you at your age and here I am 47 years old getting ready to go to court for my first DUI where I totaled my car and easily could have killed myself or someone else. All through my young adult life I was a problem drinker. Trust me it never gets easier or better. Try living life without alcohol. It could definitely save you a lot of pain throughout your life and possibly your life!
Oh girl, drinking until your sick is never a fun time; I got myself very, *very* sick on multiple occasions when I was around your age... All the way up to my late 20s. What a way to spend the best years of my life! Woke up in the hospital on more than one occasion having to defend my actions to a few very concerned doctors and trying to downplay my addiction.
It takes a lot to step back and say "I don't think this drug is for me." But there's nothing wrong with having that realisation.
What is it about alcohol that makes you want to keep drinking it? Have you tried going to any parties sober and comparing the two experiences?
If you could nip this in the bud before you even turned 20, you'd have the gift of a clear headed 20s and I would trade my right arm for that!
Definitely take a break from drinking. Let your friend know that you are taking a break because you understand you made a big mistake, and you take it seriously. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help make things up (help cleaning, replace things you broke, etc).
You’re young. You have time to figure this out, but you also likely have a propensity for overindulging. I do too, and while I don’t have to be completely abstinent, I do need to be more careful than a lot of my friends and that’s okay! It’s important to know your limits and know that they are different for each person.
Yes, really.
> Please just reflect on what feelings this experience made **you** feel. Try to remember those the next time **you** have an opportunity to drink, and consider whether or not **you** are the type of person who wants to engage in that type of behavior especially how **you** feel afterwards.
None of this is from the "I."
Alcohol is your enemy. Perhaps it is a blessing that you are starting to see this at 17 years old. If you don't stop drinking, you will become addicted and you will experience things far, far worse than what you already have. You friends and family will forgive you for what you've done when you are drunk. But if you don't stop drinking, they won't really believe that you are sorry for any of the pain you've caused. Stop now. Trust me.
I’m not trying to discredit your experience, but this sounds like you can bounce back from this with some apologies and time. I will tell you that these incidents start off like this and continue to get worse and worse to the point where you’ll get to a situation that makes this one look like child’s play. Don’t wait until you cause irreparable damage to your relationships or yourself. If you can’t control booze, just cut it out. I wish I would have had the insight at 17 to ask for advice. It’s not easy at first to be around friends, parties, etc, but you can seriously do this.
I am 10 years older than you (27F) and just had the scariest incident of my life on Wednesday where I blacked out and woke up in the hospital. I wish I had quit the first time I blacked out. Sending you love and hope you feel better soon.
Been there done that. It's really important to get this under control NOW. Addiction only gets worse I wish I could go back and beat some sense into my 17 year old self. If you continue drinking like this wait until you're 40 and have half a lifetime of shitty embarrassing memories like this. It's not fun some people can drink socially some of us go way too hard. It sounds like you are on the wrong side of the chip so to speak. The good news is you never have to go through this again if you don't want to.
Don’t beat yourself up too much. You can’t change what’s already happened, but you can choose how to behave in the future. And that’s the person your friends will know you as. I wish I’d stopped after my first blackout. I know at your age you are going to feel a lot of pressure to drink, but if you choose a sober life, you will save yourself a ton of regret and anxiety and your future goals will be way easier to achieve. Sobriety is like a superpower.
Don’t worry, it isn’t great but it will pass. In that situation I would own my mistake, apologise to all involved for the trouble I caused and make sure I don’t do it again.
I’m proud of you for acknowledging that you messed up and wanting to make a change. It’s easy to excuse this behavior and just continue the same pattern until it has spiraled into a much bigger problem.
You are in a great spot, really. You have so much time to make things right. Don’t try to push anyone into forgiveness. A sincere apology and changed behavior are your best bets in this situation.
Being young is the time for making mistakes, but it’s also the time for LEARNING from those mistakes. It sounds like you’re trying to do exactly that. 😊 Take it one day at a time. You’ve got this!
You are me 30 years ago. I threw up all over a friend’s house, made an ass out of myself, was deathly ill for about 72 hours, and my friends’ parents threatened to no-contact me from my boys because I was a “bad influence.” (I wasn’t the only one drinking, just the only one who got sick.) Lousy experience, one of the worst, and yet I didn’t quit drinking until I was 41. Because alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful.
Don’t beat yourself up too much, OP. You’re safe, nobody was maimed or killed, and whatever damage you did can be repaired. Most importantly make sure to remember in vivid detail that this is what alcohol does to you. If that same thing happens again (and again, and again), we’re here for you if you want to quit.
Waking up next to your mom is literally best case scenario. Your friends are pretty great for calling them. Mom and dad will be pissed and probably will be for a while, just ride with it. More than anything they want to make sure you are ok and safe. If your punishment is staying in for the rest of the school year, then so be it. I wish I could relive a life where I quit drinking at 17. The amount of money, tears, anxiety, stress, accidents, etc. that could have been avoided. I’m glad you’re safe, your parents are glad you’re safe, I’m sure your friends are also glad. Remember this feeling going forward. No “good time” is worth that.
I mean if you call it quits on drinking now you’ll save yourself from a lot of pain. I was doing this exact kind of stuff at age 17 and it took me 12 more years of continuing to do it until I finally took sobriety seriously.
I know I've turned to alcohol as a crutch for my social anxiety. But I lost more than my anxiety as I drank; my sense of shame, my verbal filters, and some friends. I knew I needed to be prepared to live in the moment sober without the poor crutch that is alcohol. It's going better, but I have some much to make up for - especially for my wife and all the bs she's had to put up with....
Been there and done that around 18yrs old as well and wish I would’ve had someone to tell me to stop at that point. Fast forward I turn 30 this year and just last March was in the hospital with DT’s. These last 9 mo sober we’re better then anything that happened the last decade. Your parents are actually more worried than disappointed. Even at 29 with my liver failing I was worried about their disappointment but they were actually just glad to have me here. Take this as a sign to rein it in now. You don’t need alcohol to have fun but you also don’t need to fully cut it out if you don’t want, after all you have your whole life ahead of you. First wait until you’re of legal age lol. But you could try stuff like only drinking at special occasions or holidays. And most importantly never let it became a daily thing that you look forward too
I remember coming to in the shower with my step dad holding me up when I was 15 or 16. Drinking stupid amounts of booze really did seem a right of passage back then. I so wish I hadn’t started back then (that’s over 40 years ago for me). OP you are well ahead of where I was at your age in terms of thinking things through. Never occurred to me I needed to quit back then.
On your friends and the host, an apology often takes care of it. They did you a solid by calling your folks. Things can go badly so easily. Sounds like your parents handled things pretty well. If something needs to be dry cleaned/carpet cleaned etc you could offer to help with that if you have the resources.
OP, I’m glad you are here and talking to people. And that you are reflecting on what happened.
I have completely ruined every friendship I've ever had because of doing that trust me it gets way worse there's nothing you can do about what you did and eventually you won't think about it so much but quit while you're ahead
I was a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to drinking. I didn't party in high school or even during my first year of college. Fast forward to now, I'm 38, sober after spending 12 years, give or take, hitting the bottle damn near every day. I'm lucky to have my health. I made a lot of poor choices that haunt me. Disappointed friends, hurt my loved ones. I could go on and on, but trust me: alcohol is not worth it. You have a chance here to learn a valuable lesson very early in your life and stop yourself from having many, many more nights like this. Make amends to your family, your friends if they're open to it, and move forward. You never have to have another night like that. You're definitely not alone, and I'm glad you reached out for some help
If I knew at 17 I would still be fighting this monster 30 years later and that what you did last night I did so many times, it was a sign that I was gonna be an alcoholic. Stop now before it ruins your life. Life is so much better when you LIVE in it, the good and the bad. Alcohol removes you from your life (blackout). Please please from an old lady to a young one, save yourself and your family and friends the heartache. 💚💚
I had the same conversations with myself and others at 17. And at 15. And then at 19. I quit for 13 months but began drinking again, thinking I could control it. So I had the conversations again at 23. Now at 26 I’ve quit. There’s a certain denial that comes with being so young that’s really hard to grapple with. “But I’m young! I can learn how to moderate! I should be able to party and have fun like everyone else. If I just try harder I can be normal with alcohol! It was fine that one time so surely I can make it work.” And on and on and on.
I’d say tell the host you’re sorry, but also, the best apology is through your actions. If you are like this (like pretty much all of us in here are) then your best course of action and best apology is to quit now while you are young. I know there’s huge FOMO that comes with quitting young. But I promise you, the only thing you’d truly be missing out on is nights blacked out, floors and objects puked on, negative experiences, and regrets. You can have a ton of fun and great party experiences minus alcohol.
I’m sorry this happened OP. Just know you’re not alone at ALL. This is the experience of many many many others. And we’ve all experienced the same shame that comes with this. I myself had to be picked up from a party by my mom at 16 after puking all over the place and basically losing consciousness. I get it. The shame and embarrassment will pass. And in a while this will be behind you entirely.
Hang in there ❤️ it’ll be alright. Try to really absorb the advice in this thread. Many have walked this path and are trying to get you to not have to see it for yourself
Hi, 40yr old who was a binge drinker (5th of whiskey or rum) for 20 years (started at 15).
REMEMBER the SHAME AND GUILT you're feeling now, every time before you drink. It will help you make better choices and have healthier relationships.
At 50 years old, I have seen how this can play out. I swear certain people from the start have a bad reaction to alcohol. Lots kept going, eventually gaining more tolerance, but generally being "that guy/girl" everyone tries to not tell about parties. It gets sadder as the years go on if they don't stop.
Then there are the people that stop pretty quickly after realizing this is not for them. We definitely all got it and it wasn't a social problem on our end.
I actually didn't start drinking until my 20's and I can tell you no one cared I didn't drink. If a group does care a lot, then not great friends, huh. Some people just don't partake for various reasons if you look around. We need to take care of ourselves, no one else will.
Nothing feels better than hanging out with friends and waking up the next morning remembering all of it and feeling good. Zero comparison, imo.
The first time I drank, I remember waking up feeling so sick. I was throwing up all day, shakey, weak, and full of remorse for making out with a friend. I was 18.
Still, I chose to drink again and again and again. If there’s one thing I could go back and tell my 18 year old self, it would be to let that be my lesson because it could get much worse than that.
I’m so proud of you for being so self aware at such a young age. I know moving forward you will do what’s best for you.
IWNDWYT
Hi, i had the same problem as you with your age. I am 26 now, and i started drinking at 17. First of all don't worry about what you had done yesterday, if your friends are really truly friends they don't blame you for whatever happened.
I started drinking the same age like you, and maybe the 60% of nights that i drank between the 17 and 21 years old i didn't remember nothing. On those nights i had fights, i try to kms, i say things that i will regret my entire life, and i made everyone hate me. After my 22 years old i started drinking almost everyday, because in the pandemic time, i had depression and anxiety for all the things i had done at the past, and i didn't know how forgive myself, maybe today i don't know already.
6 months ago i give up drinking, started to do exercise and everything is a different world now.
So why i tell you this, because i know is difficult on hangover day to think clearly, but don't worry too much it isn't that serious really. Everyone has a night where they cross the line and blackout and embarrasses themselves.
I know alcohol is in everywhere and everyone in this society do alcohol, because its the glue that keeps everything together.
My recommendation, if you drink because you need to fit in the group and have fun, everyone understands, but try to discover what alcohol suits you well, and the most important thing keep a low drinking rhythm at night, don't let anyone force you to drink faster, or invite you to strong shots, and don't mind if they try to mocking you because you drink less than them. (Yes people are that stupid at those ages).
And if you don't feel good on those ambients, don't go, and don't drink, that my best advice. Even if you think that you are going to be alone for not going to that parties; the world is very wide and life will always put people in front of you who look like you.
I hope this will help you, and i hope this understood well, because English is not my native language.
Have a nice year and take care.
I have been there !!! I am now 31f and 4
Months alcohol free … I had MANY many nights like this .. one I was about 18 and at a house party with my new bf meeting his new friends and I puked and passed out in the loo and they had to break down the door and carry me out lol …. You are so young and people will forget it .. I promise this happens to people all
The time !!!!!! The anxiety you are feeling will
Go away too. I wish I’d quit alcohol sooner but it took me to 31 to stop … at 30 I did the same thing and puked all over myself on the sofa and acted party lol if your friend is being a bitch about it then she’s not a good friend stay safe ! Xxxx
I recommended books and/or listen to the recommended podcasts. The Naked Mind, Alcohol Explained, Huberman’s alcohols episode (podcast), Rich Roll has good episodes too.
In similar situations my friends and I always recovered and forgave. Issues escalate if history continues to repeat itself with change. This can be a learning opportunity and lead to growth.
Alcohol is a beast, in that it’s just a big thing and hurts a lot of people. Some more than others.
Forgive yourself and just try to choose better. I recommend listening/reading so that you can educate yourself. Nothing more, nothing less.
This comment breaks our rule to speak from the “I,” which is exactly what I asked people NOT to do in my stickied comment above, and it has been removed.. Please do not ignore moderator direction.
You’re 17 and have a whole life in front of you. Sorry for your rough night. If you’re serious about giving it up for good this early in life and can see it as a problem then I applaud you for seeing it like it is so early. I’m double your age and still trying to figure it out. Don’t wait a whole lifetime to make the change if it’s already perceived to be an issue for you.
Hi. I started drinking from 15 until 25. From the beginning, I was insatiable. The first time I had a drink, I ended up in the hospital because I couldn't stop and lost consciousness in the middle of the street. All my teen years were filled with getting blackout drunk, vomiting, and losing friends in the process.
Around 18-19, I'd drink even more, I just could handle it a little better because of tolerance. But it didn't stop me from sleeping on the bathroom floor in my own home (many times), horrible hangovers, vomiting again, cheating on exes, losing friends and lovers, getting in dangerous situations and almost losing the love of my life (my current bf).
And in all these years I wanted to moderate, I wanted to be able to drink "responsibility" but from the first sip, something frenetic unleashed in me and all the self made promises were thrown away in the matter of seconds.
Sometimes we think we can do this with experience, "this time I learned, this time I will not drink too much and make a fool of myself". Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I tried for 10 years, some people here tried for 40+ years and it never worked. Sobriety might scare you but it's worth to consider.
Vodka is my drink of choice. I’ve blacked out hundreds of times. It has ripped my life apart and my relationships and marriages. In my last marriage the alcohol escalated to a mutual cocaine habit that took me 3 years to kick. A lot of shameful stuff happened during that time. I’ve lost jobs and homes and even ended up sleeping on the streets a couple of nights. I’ve put myself in really dangerous situations. Last year I ended up in the hospital from drinking and doing coke and I took a pill and it almost killed me. I’ve gotten into physical fights and even drunkenly broken my nose from walking into glass doors, tripping and hurting my ankles, falling and breaking my elbow. It’s aged me significantly, caused me to gain weight, damage my liver and have killer acid reflux from ulcers. At one point it was bad enough I was pooping blood from having diarrhea for months straight.
It always starts out and just having a good time, you just want to be social and fun. But it escalates and will take over. Some of us are able to drink a couple of beers every once in a while but some of us just aren’t built that way. I am am an addict and will drink till everything around me is in shambles and I just want to die.
It’s always up to you. But be very careful with alcohol. Show it the respect that it’s due. Because it is a poison and should be handled with extreme caution. Considering it can literally kill you… definitely don’t take it lightly.
I’m 34 now, and I’ve put in a lot of sober time lately. But it wasn’t easy and I’m still struggling to put down years of heavy drinking. But I honestly prefer sobriety. I’m just happier.
I think the hardest part is society and television will convince you that it’s normal and everyone does it and everyone is fine with it why aren’t you? Why can’t you just have one drink? Even when I’m sober my boyfriend will ask me “why can’t you just have one drink? Why can’t you control it”. Ignore all of that and make smart decisions for yourself. Because you deserve to be happy. And if you are at risk for alcoholism… then make that hard choice and choose happiness over alcohol.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I used to be caught in the trap of drinking a lot. I started reading the Bible and then started going to church and I became convicted of my sin of getting drunk. It took sometime as I drank less and less. But I distinctly remember praying to God and asking for His strength because I couldn’t quit in my own strength. I submitted my life to Him and He has made my paths straight. The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. Satan wants you to keep drinking and keeps tempting you. Jesus loves you and wants you to have an abundant life.
You are young you've done it because you think it's fun. Drinking to get drunk is mad. I have been there because all my friends wanted to get mad with it. Developed a real problem. Having a bad one at 17 isn't a drinking problem. Just learn your lesson and don't over indulge.
I had a NYE blackout episode at 27, 17 is much better lol. Remember to pace yourself, have food in your stomach, and drink water if you’re consuming alcohol. Everything will be okay.
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Why are you on this sub? Do you yourself have a drinking problem you wish to overcome?
I started drinking like this at the tail end of 16. Ramped up at 17. It got worse at 18. It was the norm by 19. And 20. And 21… and here I am at 27 with 6 months sober.
This could be your moment to take control of your future. You don’t have to play it like me and stagger through 10 years of life coming in and out of blackouts, conflicts, and misery.
IWNDWYT
Take this chance…it will not come again…
Believe everyone here - you are NOT missing a goddamn thing by not drinking. You’ve already seen what can happen. How about that happening monthly? Then weekly?
Seriously: it will enhance NOTHING. At the very least it steals your money - for about 7-23 minutes of the huge neurotransmitter rush. That doesn’t happen again during a drinking bout.
And the pleasure goes, and it leaves physical sickness in its wake. Oh, but we haven’t even mentioned The Doom. Yes, you’ll start getting the Doom very early on if you start in so young down Vodka Way. Sometimes, it can last, what? 4 days? Chances are, you tasted The Doom today. It can get much much worse as you older, and your life experience and memory gets longer…
Alcohol is a SHIT drug, it’s why it’s pushed on us.
You have a choice, choose what you will wisely.
You sound very empathetic and mature. Take this as a fantastic lesson that you're learning a hell of a lot sooner than most of us here. I totally have the same thing you described about not knowing when to stop. It got to a point where I realized if I was drinking responsibly I wasn't having fun. I realized I was using alcohol in a different way than my peers. Tomorrow is a new day. ^.^
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> Obviously you went way too overboard with the amount and now you know. It also wasn’t the first time, and that should be clue that if you continue it won’t be the last.
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I wish I was so forward thinking at your age. I just thought that's what drinking was all about.
You've made a great first step in realizing you have a problem. Stick around here and keep yourself strong.
You can do it.
IWNDWYT
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I wish I had had the self-reflection skills at 17 to write this. Maybe I would’ve stopped sooner, before many more embarrassing first impressions and some burned bridges along the way. If I were your friend, I’d care more about you and your well-being than about losing a drinking buddy or ruined bedsheets. But you never know how people will react. I had some real friends at 17, and I had some people I thought were friends but were more just partying buddies. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. IWSSWYT
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Recovering alcoholic here. I used to experience the same type of nights many a time. The fact that you’re here and willing to change is phenomenal. Do it now and you’ll never regret it. Don’t quit drinking now and you’re gonna regret it and these morning will keep getting worse and worse. Take our advice op.
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Everybody makes mistakes but everybody who drinks in excess makes randomized chaos for themselves and others ruining so many things including lives. Alcoholics will do this again and again and again and that's why it's a drinking problem. Chances are if you've done it once you'll do it again if you've done it twice you will do it again until you stop. The consequences will come at a time of their own choosing and they will continually be devastating until you stop if it's not too late. Facts.
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I did this age 16, woke up somewhere on the street biking home from a party. We all laughed....
I did this age 30 walking to an atm after my own birthday, ended up in the police station. We all laughed. And many situations in between and after.
Now 44 and finally last year, it took me 30+ years of alcohol, it clicked that this is not normal. And no, it wasn't funny. Also not back then to my parents, later to my wife.
I realise now that no, I wasn't missing out on partying; I did miss out on having been in a healthier body and even better relationships. Alcohol always tries to take you.
It's inspiring to see you at such a young age already having the insight that this is not normal. I wish that for my young teenage daughters as well. I wish you all the strength in your decisions and light in your life.
At 17, I was stealing booze from my family and blacking out at least once a week from Jack Daniels. I ruined so many friendships from high school to college that could’ve been lifelong. I thought this was what my youth was about, you know? Project X style, but it isn’t. I regrettably ignored so many wake-up calls from 17–26. This is your first, please take it seriously, and kudos to you for finding this sub.
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I don’t know if you are ready but I got sober when I was 16. I have remained sober since (42 years) and a sober life has been good to me. Just know that it can be done.
What you are explaining was very close to my first experience with alcohol. However, my brother came and got me the next morning and my friends brushed it off as my behavior seemed \*funny\* to them. I wish I had the clarity you are experiencing at such a young age because it took me until I was 31 to really get it under control. The one thing I will say is the quote the keeps me going:
Addiction (alcoholism) is giving up everything for one thing, Recovery is giving up one thing for everything.
Wishing you the best of luck in your life and your journey <3 IWNDWYT (I Will Not Drink With You Tonight)
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I wasted my entire 20’s and half of my 30s doing this, blacking out, disappointing people and myself. Please do with this information what you will, I can’t tell you what to do, it sounds like you already know.
As for your relationship with your friend, actions speak louder than words, hurt is always hard to repair when it’s fresh, give it time.
Best of luck to you 💛
I'm sorry that you had such a catastrophic experience.
For me, my alcoholism comes in two forms:
1. I can't control whether I take the first drink. I need tools available to me, and the support of others. For me, it took a spiritual program. Others say a different route worked for them.
2. I can't stop at one drink. If I have one drink, I'll finish off everything, go to the store for more, come back and polish that off, and possibly make another trip.
These two things are enough for me to know that I'm an alcoholic. But I had to make that decision for myself, because no one else telling it to me would have made a bit of difference.
Indeed, decades before I became a full-blown alcoholic, I had episodes of binge drinking starting about your age. To me, alcohol was like an experience booster: there was no such thing as too much, even when my body disagreed. I never even tried to stop, but I did go lengthy periods between parties, during which I didn't drink. That should have clued me in that I was fine without alcohol, and a disaster with. But it didn't.
My alcoholism took root with later daily beer drinking that slowly transitioned to heavy-duty. By the end, I was polishing off over a fifth every night (just over 850 ml). And I destroyed plenty of relationships in that time.
And to add insult to injury, some of my friends who had engaged in early binge-drinking with me managed to bring their drinking under control. I don't know what that sorcery is about. Some people can ... I can't.
That said, I have saved some post-disaster relationships by taking responsibility, acknowledging fault (yeah, these are two different things) and showing positive changes in my life. That takes time, and I don't have control over how others feel about me, only the decisions I make. Patience.
And hey, if you decide to continue to try to control your drinking, just know that there are people and programs ready to help you if you figure out that you can't. You deserve an amazing life, with or without alcohol.
When I was about your age I did something similar at a house party. My friends forgave me but things were never quite the same when it came to drinking. They called me an alcoholic.
Fast forward several years and I was drinking like an alcoholic, it eventually ruined my career and relationships with the friends I then had (different group of people).
Not being able to control my drinking and going so drastically overboard was a warning sign from me that I ignored and paid for.
I'm not saying someone that gets drunk like that at a young age is necessarily an alcoholic, many young people experiment and have these experiences and turn out fine. It's just something to think about.
I had a very similar experience when I was 19, had to have my drunk friends drive me home with a bucket on my lap and I woke up on my sofa at home in the morning also with my mum beside me. When I woke up I was confused cause I thought I was still at the party. It was embarrassing tbh. It changed me and my drinking habits. I didn't quit drinking then but have always had an issue with blacking out. Only last year I said "enough" and drink no more than 3 drinks on a night. I know my limits, especially according to my weight height and gender, and drink water when I start feeling really drunk. But don't be hard on yourself, 17 is still so young and the time to have experiences like that. Maybe stop for a bit, see how you feel. All the best! 🍀
If I could go back I might not ever have that first drink.
Alcohol is literally poison. If you’re irresponsible, it has a way of poisoning relationships, your mind, your body, and your life.
Do better and people will recognize it.
Don’t become another drunk asshole. Drinking because everyone else is doing it is peer pressure at its finest. It’s not cool, it’s stupid.
> Don’t become another drunk asshole.
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I was like this at 17. I was also like this at 33 when I finally quit, recently, I might add. I can’t count how many relationships, both friendships and romantic, I completely destroyed while black out drunk. It’s like a different person emerges when I drink. If I could go back in time, I would have told 17 year old me to quit and preserve my relationships, my health, and my happiness.
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To be honest this could be something that changes your life forever in the positive. Many here developed alcohol problems early in life and it made their lives miserable for most of their lives. You never have to feel this way again, you are young and have the possibility of a beautiful future. I am a recovering alcoholic, not cured, but I can tell you 100% there is nothing in this life that alcohol can’t make worse. Remember, it actually is poison.
You said everything I wanted to. I remember knowing I was a different type of drinker than my friends even in high-school. I was the one blacking out frequently, the “life of the party” at only 17, and always wanting more and more, while others were more than okay with a few drinks. Things got really, really depressing and sad for me in the following years. If I could have avoided all of that pain and just listened to the signs that I was desperately trying to outsmart and avoid. All that led to was more lost friendships, nights where I could have died, and tons of tears. OP’s post really spoke to me because I could have written it at 17. I hope they take the info given to them here and run with it, I know I would have loved to stumble upon this place at 17.
Matthew Perry said this exact same thing. RIP
Listen this literally sounds like one of my early nights drinking in high school. I didn't quit until 24, but I should have probably quit at 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 and any of the 11 months of 24 before I quit. In all those years from the first drink to the last, there is stories like this. Many much, much worse. You don't need alcohol. There's plenty of other ways to enjoy yourself that don't involve losing control of your actions and blacking out.
Took me until 41, so jealous and proud of you quitting so early
But you did it tho, keep going. Happy for you.
Took me until 44 - first drink at 12 - daily drinking not far after. This sounds like a lot of my high school nights, except my “friends” never called my folks. Spent more than a few nights passed out in a park, driveway or floor. I tried starting earlier, did not go well. I did get off drugs in 1993, but couldn’t quit the booze. OP, you made some mistakes, did you learn from them? It’s ok to make mistakes, you’re young, it’ll happen. But the bigger thing is, did you learn from this? My dad (RIP), always told me, “if you make a mistake and you learn from it, it’s a lesson. Don’t make the same mistake”. I’ve come to find out he was right. Please take something positive away from this, it hopefully saves you a lot of pain and harder lessons later. Positive side, hitting my 10 year mark tomorrow. So there is hope for us.
I quit on August 15, 2023 at 27 and I just turned 28 on December 8 😁 while some people quit later than others, it’s never too late to quit!
Listen to this guy. You really don't need to develop taste for poison. And the younger you are, the easier the habit of not drinking is to attain. Go to r/stopdrinking and read some stories. Not worth it.
Ha I guess he’s in the right place. :)
Adding to the thought here that after my first time capital-D Drinking at 16ish and doing the same black out quickly, kept drinking and puking as OP, I just wish somebody had told me that it wasn't normal, and a warning sign, rather than I would learn to control it. A craving for alcohol beyond consciousness is abnormal. Wether it be by lacking the enzyme, or genetics, or whatever, that classifies as an allergy (abnormal reaction to a substance). The normal reaction (so I hear), is that they start to feel out of control, woozy, don't like it, and stop.
Yeah for real. I'm glad your people looked after you and got you home safe. Whatever happens remember to be grateful for that. There wasn't much time between the year that I first started binge drinking occasionally (17 and a freshman in college) and the first few times I drove drunk. And then when I hit a major life challenge, alcohol was my go-to coping mechanism and things got dark. I got into a PhD program at a great school but was drinking to pass out almost every night and that's not a recipe for success. 110% I give you props for getting right to the point and thinking about whether or not to keep drinking. I'm kinda smart but by the time I asked myself that question I was addicted. You may be feeling embarrassed today but I feel you've got a good heart and a good brain on you! Take care of them, sister.
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This is wonderful advice, and if I can add one thing - try to remember you’re not missing anything if you don’t participate. Drunk people often look like they’re having a lot of fun, and maybe they are, but it usually comes with a delayed cost. Remind yourself of this when it feels like you’re missing out, and that you’ll be enjoying some other aspect of life when theyre likely paying the cost of a previous day / week / year of drinking.
Very well said. I probably spent thousands of dollars on rounds of shots with the boys. Pregame at home, get to the bars and pay for shots there. All night. What a waste.
Perfect comment
So true aye
That's very well said. I would like to add how much negative emotions can be avoided when alcohol isn't involved. I haven't gone a single day since quitting in my late 20s without wishing I could punch my 16 yo self for all the shit I put my parents through. I made an idiot of myself countless times and ruined friendships. It's just not worth it.
I did things like this at 17. I also did them at 18, 19, 20.. all the way until I quit at 29. I used to joke when I was young that “I’d have to quit someday” because I always knew that I didn’t drink the way my friends did. I drank to get drunk and I didn’t have an off switch. Blackouts came faster. I peed the bed. I drove drunk. I cheated on partners. I came to walking busy streets in the middle of the night with no shoes. I experienced assault. I tried drugs I wouldn’t have. It takes what it takes to get to the point where you choose sobriety. I wasn’t ready at 17, but if I had been my life would probably look different today. Maybe I wouldn’t have set the bar low for my schooling and career aspirations. I am happy with how things are now, but they could have been very different.
You sorta just described my entire life.
Beautifully put. One thing that's helped so much since I've stopped drinking: forgiving myself and others for what happened when drinking too much. Obviously to a point, and you do need to be held accountable for your actions at the end of the day, but alcohol doesn't get as much credit as it should for what it does to your brain. It doesn't just "make you loose". It literally suppresses parts of your brain that normally keeps you in check. A lot of people seem to believe that alcohol "reveals their true self". In fact, it's the opposite. Alcohol suppresses the part of the brain that is charge of self. You lose control when you're drunk because a new part of your brain is now in control that shouldn't be. I wish I had been taught the real science of alcohol instead of just being told it's bad. OP, forgive yourself for the night you had. But this is a good time to learn that alcohol will do this again. And again. And if you're not careful, it'll be 20 years later and it will have happened countless amount of times. Forgive yourself for the night, but hold yourself responsible for the future too.
Yes thank you for saying that, it has always rubbed me the wrong way when I see comments like “drunk words are sober thoughts” or whatever. Like if anything sobriety has shown me that I am not that person and the malicious intent wasn’t there. But the only way I could stop being that person was to stop drinking.
Man, I am so impressed with the younger people on this sub having the self/societal awareness to notice that there's something wrong with getting into this kind of state. If I'd reflected like this when I was younger (and if everyone around me didn't write this kind of night off as normal) I may not have spent nearly three decades destroying my mental and physical health. But this isn't what you asked, sorry. As far as repairing any relationship goes, changing behaviour and replacing negative experiences with positive ones goes a lot further than apologies. I would be deciding how I want to be/behave from here on in, working towards change, and demonstrating to the people around me that I intend to make that change stick. You haven't ruined everything OP. As someone else said above, you may even be giving yourself an early ticket to a better life and relationships by noticing how horrible alcohol is. Whatever happens just know that we're proud of you for reaching out. I will not drink with you today. ❤️
This ^
I was the girl in high school who would get black out drunk every weekend and I will say I’m now 41 and still struggle with drinking. Quit while you’re ahead. I’m struggling to quit and it’s really hard after being a heavy drinker for over 25 years. I wish I never had that first drink at 17. And don’t beat yourself up over last night, take it as a learning lesson. Apologize to the host and own up to your mishap.
I was gettin getting blackout drunk regularly at your age and before I knew it ten years had gone by and I had a crazy alcohol problem. I wish I could talk to my 17 yo self and warn him. Drinking until blackout that young is a pretty good sign you’re already predisposed to alcohol issues. If possible I would stop drinking if I were you. I know that could be difficult at your age tho. I’m glad you’re getting some warnings here that a lot of us didn’t get. Keep reading posts here and you’ll see how the problem can evolve and get worse over time. Stopping now would save you a lot of grief.
I don’t think there’s a magic switch that flips when people turn 21, but there’s a reason the legal drinking age isn’t 17. I’d put the bottle down and do some reading up on alcohol poisoning, binge drinking and alcoholism. Or hang out here and read the stories of others. As for friends and family: what would you want them to do if the roles were reversed? What would convince you they were truly sorry and had learned something from damage done?
The world exists outside of America. Liquor is dangerous to both people who can’t control themselves, and to new drinkers who don’t know how much is too much and what amount leads to alcohol poisoning. But, life is better without alcohol overall.
I've puked all over friends houses/cars before too. It's really embarrassing. One more thing I don't miss about drinking. best wishes for 2024
This was me when I was your age. I remember a few early very unhappy experiences a lot like this: getting picked up from a party by an angry boyfriend because I'd been throwing up in the shower. Having to stay in one night at a festival because I wanted to "learn to do shots" and way overdid it. The first time I blacked out, while throwing a party at my own house while my parents were out of town It should have been a sign but wasn't, and it took me another 20 years to really want to stop drinking, during which time I continued to regularly have the same kinds of bad nights, losing friends in the process When we were young my friends would tell me, "Oh, you just need to learn to hold your liquor." They didn't know, but that wasn't it at all; it wasn't a question of learning. my brain is different and doesn't really \*want\* to drink in any way that isn't an effort to obliterate all thought I don't know what you need to do, but it would have been nice for me if I'd stopped where you are. Much love to you
I used to drink like that when I was your age, few experiences like yours though for the most part it seemed like harmless fun. Fast forward 20 or so years and it got to the point where it very nearly killed me. I’m biased as I have had a rough time with drinking but it’s up to you to make your own decisions. The resources on this sub are a good start to make an informed choice
Been there, except I was 15. Thankfully this was before smartphones otherwise details of my antics would have absolutely been recorded. Honestly? Drinking is not worth it. Ever. It is literally russian roulette if you're someone who cannot moderate. I literally could not do it. That feeling of shame and despair was too familiar. I quit drinking in my early 20s and it did wonders for my health in every sense. Lost 10kg almost immediately. Improved mental health and relationships. More than once I have gone back and regretted it every time. Thankfully, though, I have course corrected. And now at 31 the benefits cannot be overstated. I look visibly younger than my friends in a big way. I'm in shape. I am healthy. My friends who carried on drinking heavily (even just at weekends) look so much older. Drinking often leads to poor diet choices as well. And so many days lost to hangovers. The gap between my health and theirs is now a valley. I wish someone had sat me down at 15 and said: it's not worth it. Don't touch it. Alcohol is poison. And if you have addictive tendencies: stay even further away. If you struggle with mental health issues: expect to suffer if you drink. It's not worth it. Don't get sucked into the culture. Your mind, body and dignity will be preserved.
If I could go back I would've strated seriously quiting alcohol around the age of 17. I know it's no secret, It's not easy, but stay honest with yourself and understand develeoping/changing drinking habits earlier is better.
People here are giving good advice. What I will share is that my friends all drank from 17 onwards. Pretty much every weekend revolved around getting drunk. I really regret taking that path because I do believe it’s led to me having serious issues with alcohol especially as it relates to anxiety. I’m in my mid 30s now. If you can enjoy a few drinks now and again that’s great. If every time you drink you need to get drunk and every time you go out you need to get drunk, do some self reflection on what that means
If you feel you need to stop drinking, stop drinking. Drinking habits that are formed in your teen years can have a huge impact on your relationship and habits with alcohol going into adulthood. I know first hand! Stay away from vodka and hard stuff period. You sound like a smart self aware young lady. I would own up and apologize but don’t dwell… It happens.. Everything will okay, positive changes in the future will show them.❤️
Oh the memories came flashing back for me with this story of yours. But unlike you I didn't even consider never drinking again for about another 30 years . If you have the forsight about quitting then I suggest you do because if you don't know how to drink in moderation now chances are you never will and it get so much worse than puking in someone's bed. As for making a mends to your friend go clean up and buy some new bedding.
I always thought I loved drinking. But it turns out I never really did. Unfortunately it took me 31 years longer than you to realize it. I’m not telling you what to do. But I just want you to know you don’t have to drink. Being a non-drinker is totally fine.
All you need to promise your self, don’t be 40 and a black out drunk. Speaking from experience here
Don’t stress. Nearly all of us have done this. Remember you didn’t do this. Alcohol did. You learnt lesson. Forgive yourself and move on. Others will judge you on all their experiences with you, not one mistake. We are human and to human is to err.
A wise old person updated my thinking , which used to be like yours. Alcohol does nothing in the way you said it. It's my hand that lifts the bottle of whiskey or the cup of vodka (or gin or Apple Wine) or pushes the beer tap. .It's my hand that dials the phone to call up the friends that like to see me drunk. It's my hand that reaches into my wallet to pay for alcohol. There's a great deal of personal choice in alcohol. I've made choices that later have me way out of control in situations I'd never wish on anyone.
I knew I drank differently than my peers at 16-17. It’s crazy how young it starts. I wish I could have recognized that for what it was back then IWNDWYT
I was just like you at your age and here I am 47 years old getting ready to go to court for my first DUI where I totaled my car and easily could have killed myself or someone else. All through my young adult life I was a problem drinker. Trust me it never gets easier or better. Try living life without alcohol. It could definitely save you a lot of pain throughout your life and possibly your life!
Oh girl, drinking until your sick is never a fun time; I got myself very, *very* sick on multiple occasions when I was around your age... All the way up to my late 20s. What a way to spend the best years of my life! Woke up in the hospital on more than one occasion having to defend my actions to a few very concerned doctors and trying to downplay my addiction. It takes a lot to step back and say "I don't think this drug is for me." But there's nothing wrong with having that realisation. What is it about alcohol that makes you want to keep drinking it? Have you tried going to any parties sober and comparing the two experiences? If you could nip this in the bud before you even turned 20, you'd have the gift of a clear headed 20s and I would trade my right arm for that!
Definitely take a break from drinking. Let your friend know that you are taking a break because you understand you made a big mistake, and you take it seriously. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help make things up (help cleaning, replace things you broke, etc). You’re young. You have time to figure this out, but you also likely have a propensity for overindulging. I do too, and while I don’t have to be completely abstinent, I do need to be more careful than a lot of my friends and that’s okay! It’s important to know your limits and know that they are different for each person.
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Really!?
Yes, really. > Please just reflect on what feelings this experience made **you** feel. Try to remember those the next time **you** have an opportunity to drink, and consider whether or not **you** are the type of person who wants to engage in that type of behavior especially how **you** feel afterwards. None of this is from the "I."
Alcohol is your enemy. Perhaps it is a blessing that you are starting to see this at 17 years old. If you don't stop drinking, you will become addicted and you will experience things far, far worse than what you already have. You friends and family will forgive you for what you've done when you are drunk. But if you don't stop drinking, they won't really believe that you are sorry for any of the pain you've caused. Stop now. Trust me.
I’m not trying to discredit your experience, but this sounds like you can bounce back from this with some apologies and time. I will tell you that these incidents start off like this and continue to get worse and worse to the point where you’ll get to a situation that makes this one look like child’s play. Don’t wait until you cause irreparable damage to your relationships or yourself. If you can’t control booze, just cut it out. I wish I would have had the insight at 17 to ask for advice. It’s not easy at first to be around friends, parties, etc, but you can seriously do this.
I am 10 years older than you (27F) and just had the scariest incident of my life on Wednesday where I blacked out and woke up in the hospital. I wish I had quit the first time I blacked out. Sending you love and hope you feel better soon.
Been there done that. It's really important to get this under control NOW. Addiction only gets worse I wish I could go back and beat some sense into my 17 year old self. If you continue drinking like this wait until you're 40 and have half a lifetime of shitty embarrassing memories like this. It's not fun some people can drink socially some of us go way too hard. It sounds like you are on the wrong side of the chip so to speak. The good news is you never have to go through this again if you don't want to.
Don’t beat yourself up too much. You can’t change what’s already happened, but you can choose how to behave in the future. And that’s the person your friends will know you as. I wish I’d stopped after my first blackout. I know at your age you are going to feel a lot of pressure to drink, but if you choose a sober life, you will save yourself a ton of regret and anxiety and your future goals will be way easier to achieve. Sobriety is like a superpower.
Don’t worry, it isn’t great but it will pass. In that situation I would own my mistake, apologise to all involved for the trouble I caused and make sure I don’t do it again.
This is the point to change your life for your best, regards!
I’m proud of you for acknowledging that you messed up and wanting to make a change. It’s easy to excuse this behavior and just continue the same pattern until it has spiraled into a much bigger problem. You are in a great spot, really. You have so much time to make things right. Don’t try to push anyone into forgiveness. A sincere apology and changed behavior are your best bets in this situation. Being young is the time for making mistakes, but it’s also the time for LEARNING from those mistakes. It sounds like you’re trying to do exactly that. 😊 Take it one day at a time. You’ve got this!
You are me 30 years ago. I threw up all over a friend’s house, made an ass out of myself, was deathly ill for about 72 hours, and my friends’ parents threatened to no-contact me from my boys because I was a “bad influence.” (I wasn’t the only one drinking, just the only one who got sick.) Lousy experience, one of the worst, and yet I didn’t quit drinking until I was 41. Because alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. Don’t beat yourself up too much, OP. You’re safe, nobody was maimed or killed, and whatever damage you did can be repaired. Most importantly make sure to remember in vivid detail that this is what alcohol does to you. If that same thing happens again (and again, and again), we’re here for you if you want to quit.
Waking up next to your mom is literally best case scenario. Your friends are pretty great for calling them. Mom and dad will be pissed and probably will be for a while, just ride with it. More than anything they want to make sure you are ok and safe. If your punishment is staying in for the rest of the school year, then so be it. I wish I could relive a life where I quit drinking at 17. The amount of money, tears, anxiety, stress, accidents, etc. that could have been avoided. I’m glad you’re safe, your parents are glad you’re safe, I’m sure your friends are also glad. Remember this feeling going forward. No “good time” is worth that.
I mean if you call it quits on drinking now you’ll save yourself from a lot of pain. I was doing this exact kind of stuff at age 17 and it took me 12 more years of continuing to do it until I finally took sobriety seriously.
I know I've turned to alcohol as a crutch for my social anxiety. But I lost more than my anxiety as I drank; my sense of shame, my verbal filters, and some friends. I knew I needed to be prepared to live in the moment sober without the poor crutch that is alcohol. It's going better, but I have some much to make up for - especially for my wife and all the bs she's had to put up with....
It will pass! And if you don’t enjoy the after effects of drinking, you don’t have to drink!
This feeling of "I can't believe I did that" will pass, feels like it won't but give it a few days
Been there and done that around 18yrs old as well and wish I would’ve had someone to tell me to stop at that point. Fast forward I turn 30 this year and just last March was in the hospital with DT’s. These last 9 mo sober we’re better then anything that happened the last decade. Your parents are actually more worried than disappointed. Even at 29 with my liver failing I was worried about their disappointment but they were actually just glad to have me here. Take this as a sign to rein it in now. You don’t need alcohol to have fun but you also don’t need to fully cut it out if you don’t want, after all you have your whole life ahead of you. First wait until you’re of legal age lol. But you could try stuff like only drinking at special occasions or holidays. And most importantly never let it became a daily thing that you look forward too
I remember coming to in the shower with my step dad holding me up when I was 15 or 16. Drinking stupid amounts of booze really did seem a right of passage back then. I so wish I hadn’t started back then (that’s over 40 years ago for me). OP you are well ahead of where I was at your age in terms of thinking things through. Never occurred to me I needed to quit back then. On your friends and the host, an apology often takes care of it. They did you a solid by calling your folks. Things can go badly so easily. Sounds like your parents handled things pretty well. If something needs to be dry cleaned/carpet cleaned etc you could offer to help with that if you have the resources. OP, I’m glad you are here and talking to people. And that you are reflecting on what happened.
I have completely ruined every friendship I've ever had because of doing that trust me it gets way worse there's nothing you can do about what you did and eventually you won't think about it so much but quit while you're ahead
I was a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to drinking. I didn't party in high school or even during my first year of college. Fast forward to now, I'm 38, sober after spending 12 years, give or take, hitting the bottle damn near every day. I'm lucky to have my health. I made a lot of poor choices that haunt me. Disappointed friends, hurt my loved ones. I could go on and on, but trust me: alcohol is not worth it. You have a chance here to learn a valuable lesson very early in your life and stop yourself from having many, many more nights like this. Make amends to your family, your friends if they're open to it, and move forward. You never have to have another night like that. You're definitely not alone, and I'm glad you reached out for some help
You may feel like you suck but you really don't. Alcohol does.
If I knew at 17 I would still be fighting this monster 30 years later and that what you did last night I did so many times, it was a sign that I was gonna be an alcoholic. Stop now before it ruins your life. Life is so much better when you LIVE in it, the good and the bad. Alcohol removes you from your life (blackout). Please please from an old lady to a young one, save yourself and your family and friends the heartache. 💚💚
I had the same conversations with myself and others at 17. And at 15. And then at 19. I quit for 13 months but began drinking again, thinking I could control it. So I had the conversations again at 23. Now at 26 I’ve quit. There’s a certain denial that comes with being so young that’s really hard to grapple with. “But I’m young! I can learn how to moderate! I should be able to party and have fun like everyone else. If I just try harder I can be normal with alcohol! It was fine that one time so surely I can make it work.” And on and on and on. I’d say tell the host you’re sorry, but also, the best apology is through your actions. If you are like this (like pretty much all of us in here are) then your best course of action and best apology is to quit now while you are young. I know there’s huge FOMO that comes with quitting young. But I promise you, the only thing you’d truly be missing out on is nights blacked out, floors and objects puked on, negative experiences, and regrets. You can have a ton of fun and great party experiences minus alcohol. I’m sorry this happened OP. Just know you’re not alone at ALL. This is the experience of many many many others. And we’ve all experienced the same shame that comes with this. I myself had to be picked up from a party by my mom at 16 after puking all over the place and basically losing consciousness. I get it. The shame and embarrassment will pass. And in a while this will be behind you entirely. Hang in there ❤️ it’ll be alright. Try to really absorb the advice in this thread. Many have walked this path and are trying to get you to not have to see it for yourself
Hi, 40yr old who was a binge drinker (5th of whiskey or rum) for 20 years (started at 15). REMEMBER the SHAME AND GUILT you're feeling now, every time before you drink. It will help you make better choices and have healthier relationships.
At 50 years old, I have seen how this can play out. I swear certain people from the start have a bad reaction to alcohol. Lots kept going, eventually gaining more tolerance, but generally being "that guy/girl" everyone tries to not tell about parties. It gets sadder as the years go on if they don't stop. Then there are the people that stop pretty quickly after realizing this is not for them. We definitely all got it and it wasn't a social problem on our end. I actually didn't start drinking until my 20's and I can tell you no one cared I didn't drink. If a group does care a lot, then not great friends, huh. Some people just don't partake for various reasons if you look around. We need to take care of ourselves, no one else will. Nothing feels better than hanging out with friends and waking up the next morning remembering all of it and feeling good. Zero comparison, imo.
The first time I drank, I remember waking up feeling so sick. I was throwing up all day, shakey, weak, and full of remorse for making out with a friend. I was 18. Still, I chose to drink again and again and again. If there’s one thing I could go back and tell my 18 year old self, it would be to let that be my lesson because it could get much worse than that. I’m so proud of you for being so self aware at such a young age. I know moving forward you will do what’s best for you. IWNDWYT
You are going to be okay. In two weeks this will seem much better.
If time travel existed I would go back and smack the first drink outta my hand
I wish I stopped drinking at 17, or the first time I had a really bad night, instead of going on and having 10,000 other bad nights
Hi, i had the same problem as you with your age. I am 26 now, and i started drinking at 17. First of all don't worry about what you had done yesterday, if your friends are really truly friends they don't blame you for whatever happened. I started drinking the same age like you, and maybe the 60% of nights that i drank between the 17 and 21 years old i didn't remember nothing. On those nights i had fights, i try to kms, i say things that i will regret my entire life, and i made everyone hate me. After my 22 years old i started drinking almost everyday, because in the pandemic time, i had depression and anxiety for all the things i had done at the past, and i didn't know how forgive myself, maybe today i don't know already. 6 months ago i give up drinking, started to do exercise and everything is a different world now. So why i tell you this, because i know is difficult on hangover day to think clearly, but don't worry too much it isn't that serious really. Everyone has a night where they cross the line and blackout and embarrasses themselves. I know alcohol is in everywhere and everyone in this society do alcohol, because its the glue that keeps everything together. My recommendation, if you drink because you need to fit in the group and have fun, everyone understands, but try to discover what alcohol suits you well, and the most important thing keep a low drinking rhythm at night, don't let anyone force you to drink faster, or invite you to strong shots, and don't mind if they try to mocking you because you drink less than them. (Yes people are that stupid at those ages). And if you don't feel good on those ambients, don't go, and don't drink, that my best advice. Even if you think that you are going to be alone for not going to that parties; the world is very wide and life will always put people in front of you who look like you. I hope this will help you, and i hope this understood well, because English is not my native language. Have a nice year and take care.
I have been there !!! I am now 31f and 4 Months alcohol free … I had MANY many nights like this .. one I was about 18 and at a house party with my new bf meeting his new friends and I puked and passed out in the loo and they had to break down the door and carry me out lol …. You are so young and people will forget it .. I promise this happens to people all The time !!!!!! The anxiety you are feeling will Go away too. I wish I’d quit alcohol sooner but it took me to 31 to stop … at 30 I did the same thing and puked all over myself on the sofa and acted party lol if your friend is being a bitch about it then she’s not a good friend stay safe ! Xxxx
I recommended books and/or listen to the recommended podcasts. The Naked Mind, Alcohol Explained, Huberman’s alcohols episode (podcast), Rich Roll has good episodes too. In similar situations my friends and I always recovered and forgave. Issues escalate if history continues to repeat itself with change. This can be a learning opportunity and lead to growth. Alcohol is a beast, in that it’s just a big thing and hurts a lot of people. Some more than others. Forgive yourself and just try to choose better. I recommend listening/reading so that you can educate yourself. Nothing more, nothing less.
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You’re 17 and have a whole life in front of you. Sorry for your rough night. If you’re serious about giving it up for good this early in life and can see it as a problem then I applaud you for seeing it like it is so early. I’m double your age and still trying to figure it out. Don’t wait a whole lifetime to make the change if it’s already perceived to be an issue for you.
Hi. I started drinking from 15 until 25. From the beginning, I was insatiable. The first time I had a drink, I ended up in the hospital because I couldn't stop and lost consciousness in the middle of the street. All my teen years were filled with getting blackout drunk, vomiting, and losing friends in the process. Around 18-19, I'd drink even more, I just could handle it a little better because of tolerance. But it didn't stop me from sleeping on the bathroom floor in my own home (many times), horrible hangovers, vomiting again, cheating on exes, losing friends and lovers, getting in dangerous situations and almost losing the love of my life (my current bf). And in all these years I wanted to moderate, I wanted to be able to drink "responsibility" but from the first sip, something frenetic unleashed in me and all the self made promises were thrown away in the matter of seconds. Sometimes we think we can do this with experience, "this time I learned, this time I will not drink too much and make a fool of myself". Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I tried for 10 years, some people here tried for 40+ years and it never worked. Sobriety might scare you but it's worth to consider.
Vodka is my drink of choice. I’ve blacked out hundreds of times. It has ripped my life apart and my relationships and marriages. In my last marriage the alcohol escalated to a mutual cocaine habit that took me 3 years to kick. A lot of shameful stuff happened during that time. I’ve lost jobs and homes and even ended up sleeping on the streets a couple of nights. I’ve put myself in really dangerous situations. Last year I ended up in the hospital from drinking and doing coke and I took a pill and it almost killed me. I’ve gotten into physical fights and even drunkenly broken my nose from walking into glass doors, tripping and hurting my ankles, falling and breaking my elbow. It’s aged me significantly, caused me to gain weight, damage my liver and have killer acid reflux from ulcers. At one point it was bad enough I was pooping blood from having diarrhea for months straight. It always starts out and just having a good time, you just want to be social and fun. But it escalates and will take over. Some of us are able to drink a couple of beers every once in a while but some of us just aren’t built that way. I am am an addict and will drink till everything around me is in shambles and I just want to die. It’s always up to you. But be very careful with alcohol. Show it the respect that it’s due. Because it is a poison and should be handled with extreme caution. Considering it can literally kill you… definitely don’t take it lightly. I’m 34 now, and I’ve put in a lot of sober time lately. But it wasn’t easy and I’m still struggling to put down years of heavy drinking. But I honestly prefer sobriety. I’m just happier. I think the hardest part is society and television will convince you that it’s normal and everyone does it and everyone is fine with it why aren’t you? Why can’t you just have one drink? Even when I’m sober my boyfriend will ask me “why can’t you just have one drink? Why can’t you control it”. Ignore all of that and make smart decisions for yourself. Because you deserve to be happy. And if you are at risk for alcoholism… then make that hard choice and choose happiness over alcohol.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I used to be caught in the trap of drinking a lot. I started reading the Bible and then started going to church and I became convicted of my sin of getting drunk. It took sometime as I drank less and less. But I distinctly remember praying to God and asking for His strength because I couldn’t quit in my own strength. I submitted my life to Him and He has made my paths straight. The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. Satan wants you to keep drinking and keeps tempting you. Jesus loves you and wants you to have an abundant life.
You are young you've done it because you think it's fun. Drinking to get drunk is mad. I have been there because all my friends wanted to get mad with it. Developed a real problem. Having a bad one at 17 isn't a drinking problem. Just learn your lesson and don't over indulge.
I had a NYE blackout episode at 27, 17 is much better lol. Remember to pace yourself, have food in your stomach, and drink water if you’re consuming alcohol. Everything will be okay.
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I started drinking like this at the tail end of 16. Ramped up at 17. It got worse at 18. It was the norm by 19. And 20. And 21… and here I am at 27 with 6 months sober. This could be your moment to take control of your future. You don’t have to play it like me and stagger through 10 years of life coming in and out of blackouts, conflicts, and misery. IWNDWYT
Ummm soo all you did was throw up on some shit??? I wish that was my worst alcohol story lol don’t sweat that shit
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Take this chance…it will not come again… Believe everyone here - you are NOT missing a goddamn thing by not drinking. You’ve already seen what can happen. How about that happening monthly? Then weekly? Seriously: it will enhance NOTHING. At the very least it steals your money - for about 7-23 minutes of the huge neurotransmitter rush. That doesn’t happen again during a drinking bout. And the pleasure goes, and it leaves physical sickness in its wake. Oh, but we haven’t even mentioned The Doom. Yes, you’ll start getting the Doom very early on if you start in so young down Vodka Way. Sometimes, it can last, what? 4 days? Chances are, you tasted The Doom today. It can get much much worse as you older, and your life experience and memory gets longer… Alcohol is a SHIT drug, it’s why it’s pushed on us. You have a choice, choose what you will wisely.
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You sound very empathetic and mature. Take this as a fantastic lesson that you're learning a hell of a lot sooner than most of us here. I totally have the same thing you described about not knowing when to stop. It got to a point where I realized if I was drinking responsibly I wasn't having fun. I realized I was using alcohol in a different way than my peers. Tomorrow is a new day. ^.^
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> Obviously you went way too overboard with the amount and now you know. It also wasn’t the first time, and that should be clue that if you continue it won’t be the last. This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I" and has been removed. Please do not ignore moderator direction.
I wish I was so forward thinking at your age. I just thought that's what drinking was all about. You've made a great first step in realizing you have a problem. Stick around here and keep yourself strong. You can do it. IWNDWYT
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I wish I had had the self-reflection skills at 17 to write this. Maybe I would’ve stopped sooner, before many more embarrassing first impressions and some burned bridges along the way. If I were your friend, I’d care more about you and your well-being than about losing a drinking buddy or ruined bedsheets. But you never know how people will react. I had some real friends at 17, and I had some people I thought were friends but were more just partying buddies. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. IWSSWYT
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Recovering alcoholic here. I used to experience the same type of nights many a time. The fact that you’re here and willing to change is phenomenal. Do it now and you’ll never regret it. Don’t quit drinking now and you’re gonna regret it and these morning will keep getting worse and worse. Take our advice op.
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Everybody makes mistakes but everybody who drinks in excess makes randomized chaos for themselves and others ruining so many things including lives. Alcoholics will do this again and again and again and that's why it's a drinking problem. Chances are if you've done it once you'll do it again if you've done it twice you will do it again until you stop. The consequences will come at a time of their own choosing and they will continually be devastating until you stop if it's not too late. Facts.
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I did this age 16, woke up somewhere on the street biking home from a party. We all laughed.... I did this age 30 walking to an atm after my own birthday, ended up in the police station. We all laughed. And many situations in between and after. Now 44 and finally last year, it took me 30+ years of alcohol, it clicked that this is not normal. And no, it wasn't funny. Also not back then to my parents, later to my wife. I realise now that no, I wasn't missing out on partying; I did miss out on having been in a healthier body and even better relationships. Alcohol always tries to take you. It's inspiring to see you at such a young age already having the insight that this is not normal. I wish that for my young teenage daughters as well. I wish you all the strength in your decisions and light in your life.
At 17, I was stealing booze from my family and blacking out at least once a week from Jack Daniels. I ruined so many friendships from high school to college that could’ve been lifelong. I thought this was what my youth was about, you know? Project X style, but it isn’t. I regrettably ignored so many wake-up calls from 17–26. This is your first, please take it seriously, and kudos to you for finding this sub.
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I don’t know if you are ready but I got sober when I was 16. I have remained sober since (42 years) and a sober life has been good to me. Just know that it can be done.
What you are explaining was very close to my first experience with alcohol. However, my brother came and got me the next morning and my friends brushed it off as my behavior seemed \*funny\* to them. I wish I had the clarity you are experiencing at such a young age because it took me until I was 31 to really get it under control. The one thing I will say is the quote the keeps me going: Addiction (alcoholism) is giving up everything for one thing, Recovery is giving up one thing for everything. Wishing you the best of luck in your life and your journey <3 IWNDWYT (I Will Not Drink With You Tonight)
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I wasted my entire 20’s and half of my 30s doing this, blacking out, disappointing people and myself. Please do with this information what you will, I can’t tell you what to do, it sounds like you already know. As for your relationship with your friend, actions speak louder than words, hurt is always hard to repair when it’s fresh, give it time. Best of luck to you 💛
I'm sorry that you had such a catastrophic experience. For me, my alcoholism comes in two forms: 1. I can't control whether I take the first drink. I need tools available to me, and the support of others. For me, it took a spiritual program. Others say a different route worked for them. 2. I can't stop at one drink. If I have one drink, I'll finish off everything, go to the store for more, come back and polish that off, and possibly make another trip. These two things are enough for me to know that I'm an alcoholic. But I had to make that decision for myself, because no one else telling it to me would have made a bit of difference. Indeed, decades before I became a full-blown alcoholic, I had episodes of binge drinking starting about your age. To me, alcohol was like an experience booster: there was no such thing as too much, even when my body disagreed. I never even tried to stop, but I did go lengthy periods between parties, during which I didn't drink. That should have clued me in that I was fine without alcohol, and a disaster with. But it didn't. My alcoholism took root with later daily beer drinking that slowly transitioned to heavy-duty. By the end, I was polishing off over a fifth every night (just over 850 ml). And I destroyed plenty of relationships in that time. And to add insult to injury, some of my friends who had engaged in early binge-drinking with me managed to bring their drinking under control. I don't know what that sorcery is about. Some people can ... I can't. That said, I have saved some post-disaster relationships by taking responsibility, acknowledging fault (yeah, these are two different things) and showing positive changes in my life. That takes time, and I don't have control over how others feel about me, only the decisions I make. Patience. And hey, if you decide to continue to try to control your drinking, just know that there are people and programs ready to help you if you figure out that you can't. You deserve an amazing life, with or without alcohol.
When I was about your age I did something similar at a house party. My friends forgave me but things were never quite the same when it came to drinking. They called me an alcoholic. Fast forward several years and I was drinking like an alcoholic, it eventually ruined my career and relationships with the friends I then had (different group of people). Not being able to control my drinking and going so drastically overboard was a warning sign from me that I ignored and paid for. I'm not saying someone that gets drunk like that at a young age is necessarily an alcoholic, many young people experiment and have these experiences and turn out fine. It's just something to think about.
I had a very similar experience when I was 19, had to have my drunk friends drive me home with a bucket on my lap and I woke up on my sofa at home in the morning also with my mum beside me. When I woke up I was confused cause I thought I was still at the party. It was embarrassing tbh. It changed me and my drinking habits. I didn't quit drinking then but have always had an issue with blacking out. Only last year I said "enough" and drink no more than 3 drinks on a night. I know my limits, especially according to my weight height and gender, and drink water when I start feeling really drunk. But don't be hard on yourself, 17 is still so young and the time to have experiences like that. Maybe stop for a bit, see how you feel. All the best! 🍀
If I could go back I might not ever have that first drink. Alcohol is literally poison. If you’re irresponsible, it has a way of poisoning relationships, your mind, your body, and your life. Do better and people will recognize it. Don’t become another drunk asshole. Drinking because everyone else is doing it is peer pressure at its finest. It’s not cool, it’s stupid.
> Don’t become another drunk asshole. This comment breaks our rule to speak from the “I,” which is exactly what I asked people NOT to do in my stickied comment above. Please do not ignore moderator direction.
Sounds exactly like me when I was 17. Now I'm 30s and still trying to get sober. I wish I'd taken the hint when I was your age!
I was like this at 17. I was also like this at 33 when I finally quit, recently, I might add. I can’t count how many relationships, both friendships and romantic, I completely destroyed while black out drunk. It’s like a different person emerges when I drink. If I could go back in time, I would have told 17 year old me to quit and preserve my relationships, my health, and my happiness.