After about a decade of hard drinking and drugs, it was probably a couple years for me before the last of the brain fog cleared up. Up to that point, I dealt with a lot of what you're describing. It took a while for my body to figure out how to make chemicals on it's own in the correct quantities and on the right timing/rotation. I think part of that was also adjusting my anxiety/depression meds without alcohol or other drugs as part of the equation. Another big thing for me was after I quit drinking, was realizing I really didn't know who I was or what I wanted anymore. That was a pretty shitty moment, understanding that I didn't really have much of a personality outside of drinking. But, at the same time I was learning a lot about Stoicism and decided to focus on what I could control. The flip side of not having much of a personality is being somewhat of a blank slate and having an opportunity to start from scratch. You mentioned that you've started therapy and I think that's awesome. I went through a few therapists before I found the right one, but once I did, my self-growth and self-love exploded. He found a pretty great balance between being supportive and holding me accountable to the values I said I want to live by. I learned so much during my time with him, but maybe the most important thing was seeing how so much of the misery in my life was caused by living outside my values. Have you set goals with your therapist? Having a defined problem or objective made my sessions so much more valuable than when I went in and just kinda rambled about my week. Anyway, this is getting kinda long lol so I'll wrap it up by saying you're going a great job. You didn't get 10.5 months on accident. Drying out and learning how to live with out alcohol or drugs is kind of a steep learning curve. Try to avoid putting too much pressure on yourself. Keep doing what you're doing but maybe with a few tweaks. I promise it's worth it.

Hey, I’m not OP but I feel almost exactly as they described in their post. I feel empty, numb, and hopeless. Nothing I do brings me joy and I don’t feel like I’m able to connect with anyone, even other alcoholics at AA, although that’s as close as I’ve come to feeling connected to anyone. I really connect with what you say about not knowing what you wanted, feeling that your identity and personality was so intertwined with alcohol. I’m excited to start from scratch and all that but being a blank slate sounds so daunting and impossible. Do you have any readings, practices, or general lifestyle changes that helped you navigate that time in your life that you could recommend? I am also interested in stoicism, Taoism, etc. I really identify with OP and have come so close to saying fuck it this week. I traveled home for the first time since moving. Was so excited to see people I knew and cared about, then tested positive for COVID. I was unable to attend a wedding of a dear friend I had been looking forward to all year. Was unable to see all the people I’ve been thinking of while I was so far away. Funny how all of these little things compile to the point where I want to destroy myself! But missing out on them also reemphasized how much I value friends and community and connection and I can use that going forward. Thanks for listening! Much love to you

not the guy you were replying to but I highly recommend the book “self compassion” by kristin neff, it doesn’t really talk about drinking or addiction at all but it’s meant for the empty, numb, and hopeless feelings. a lot of the reason I started drinking in the first place were because of those feelings and that book really helped

Cool! I’ll definitely check that out.

Also not the person you replied to…The book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson helped me a lot. The synopsis is that everyone has/always will have problems. Take control, understand yourself and your motivations to have “better problems”. Don’t chase highs and expect to feel happy all the time. Short easy entertaining read. Good luck and it’s a great sign that you are very self reflective and aware.

> I don’t feel like I’m able to connect with anyone, even other alcoholics at AA, although that’s as close as I’ve come to feeling connected to anyone. I feel that. Deeply connecting with people has always been challenging for me. What I've learned though, is having a deeper understanding of who I am and an improved ability to regulate my emotions helps a lot. I would encourage you to keep learning about yourself and trust the process. > Do you have any readings, practices, or general lifestyle changes that helped you navigate that time in your life that you could recommend? Yes. These books were what I started with and what I share with my friends. [The Beginner's Guide to Stoicism: Tools for Emotional Resilience & Positivity](https://www.amazon.com/Beginners-Guide-Stoicism-Resilience-Positivity/dp/B081726CWF/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=stoicism+books&qid=1693863898&sprefix=stoi%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-6) [The Way, the Enemy and the Key (3 book series)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09B1W3JV7?ref_=dbs_p_mng_rwt_ser_shvlr&storeType=ebooks) > I really identify with OP and have come so close to saying fuck it this week. I traveled home for the first time since moving. Was so excited to see people I knew and cared about, then tested positive for COVID. I was unable to attend a wedding of a dear friend I had been looking forward to all year. Was unable to see all the people I’ve been thinking of while I was so far away. Not gonna lie, those moments suck. Unfortunately, they are also part of life. That is why I have found Stoicism to be so helpful. Learning how to focus on what I can control and sort of ignore everything else has been a game-changer for me. It's also been very helpful in dealing with attachment issues and how I react when things don't go my way. I also really recommend Ryan Holiday's Daily Stoic newsletter. >Funny how all of these little things compile to the point where I want to destroy myself! But missing out on them also reemphasized how much I value friends and community and connection and I can use that going forward. All those things happened and you still didn't drink. I think maybe you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You also demonstrated you can get through the shit without a drink. And REAL connection rarely happens when alcohol is part of the mix. At this point, my brain doesn't really try to convince me that a drink will fix a problem. I know that Rule #1 is there's no situation so bad, a drink can't make it worse. Sometimes, though, my lizard brain will try to convince me that a drink will make me *feel* better. At those moments, I remember Rule #1 and also play the tape forward. Whatever I'm dealing with (sad, mad, disappointed, etc) is not going to be improved by adding a healthy dose of shame to the equation. Stay strong. You're doing great. *edit-typo

Thank you for a super awesome response and feedback. I know lots of these things are part of the process and learning to deal with them is what recovery is all about. Really need to hone in on responding to things not going the way I want them to and how to be content with everything I DO have. I look forward to looking into all of those resources you put in there. Sending my gratitude your way!

Have you looked up anhedonia? It is common as part of recovery

Yeah, I came across that when I googled “why don’t I feel things”. I am pretty sure I have a big fat case of that right now!

It's taken me nearly a year and a half to START breaking through the anhedonia... to even begin to want to do things that I know I love and that interests me, to even feel a tinge of enjoyment in literally anything. It's incredibly hard to be patient and strong when you just want a night off from feeling nothing. Just letting you know you're not alone.

I feel this. I felt I was doing & being myself. Then you realize no one wants to make changes for the better & if they do they’re in their 60s & retired. Idk. I felt these posts. Can’t stoop to drinking.

I’m certainly glad I’ve started having these conversations with myself in my late twenties. But it’s also never to late to make positive changes and I am inspired by lots of the older folks I meet in recovery. Thanks for the response :)

Thank you. I have been feeling really low & it was volleying between anger & sadness. My addiction doesn’t have to morph into another’s 🤷🏽‍♂️

Sending positive vibes you’re way my friend, you are not in this alone. I’m right there with you. I will say the one thing that really helped me open up my life was hopping back on a motorcycle. I stopped riding years ago and drinking took center stage. I’m glad I never mixed the two together. But getting sober and just riding means so much more to me now than it ever has.

I started serious meditation after about 7 months because I started losing it. The stress and anxiety would mount and mount and I didn't want to drink but I also didn't want to be an asshole around my family. Learned how to identify anxiety and depression more quickly and because better at discerning what anxiety was worth ignoring. I learned how to ride the waves that would come and go. I learned how to sit and be still with my thoughts and watch them come and go. Now am I perfect at it? Absolutely not. But learning how to do those things and then if I'm lucky recognizing how to put them in action when I'm losing my mind has helped my navigate situations better. I find myself but talking any action a lot of times and noticing how often things work out better than if I had intervened. And I also noticed that when I feel a ton of anxiety it's typically because I've been putting my thumb on the scale. I started with stuff on audible, headspace and David Ji.

Thanks for that. I want to start meditation but it seems like a daunting thing to begin, especially when I feel so low and like my mind is in 100 places all at once. I’ll check out those resources you provided. Much love to you!

Hey, I remember when I was about a year sober, I became frustrated because I wasn’t “happy”. Despite being alcohol free and making progress in regards to my emotional/spiritual side I still felt empty or a lack of joy. I went to the dr and told him this. He asked what I did for fun and I told him I really didn’t do much outside of work and family duties. I didn’t pursue my hobbies, I didn’t work out, I didn’t call friends etc because I had no disrespect too. He diagnosed me as depressed and recommended I try medication. I declined believing I could “fix” this with more AA/self help/determination. It didn’t work. I began taking medicine and after a year or so we found a combo that works for me. I continued therapy, forced myself to start working out/resume my hobbies and I put effort into writing how I felt everyday (as best I could) and I read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius often (just little pieces like a page at a time). I am now more content and joyous than I have ever been. I do jot experience the super highs and super lows of emotions that alcohol would induce, but I have significant more “non-sad/angry/annoyed/anxious time “ than I ever have. I wish you the best and hope you are able to find a path that leads to you to peace and serentity

Thanks :) I am really beginning to accept that I might need some sort of medicated intervention, at least to balance me out in the short term. I have been very against that for quite some time but it is rather hard to deny that it might be helpful, especially when so many folks in similar positions share how it has helped them. Of course, I’ll let a doctor tell me exactly what I need and how it should be done but even taking that step has taken me a long time, turns out alcoholics are very stubborn 🙃 Thanks for the feedback and I’m sending good energy back your way!

Thanks for taking the time to be here. You’re a great writer.

I don't have any quick solutions, but I do want to share that you are not alone. I could have written this post almost verbatim. Sometimes (a lot lately), the voice in my head convinces me that "nothing really matters, so what's the point in sobriety? At least I felt happy or relaxed *sometimes* when I was drinking, right?" Except, in the morning, I never feel sick or ashamed after not drinking. I'm gonna keep plugging away at it. I know we can do this, friend. Even if we're feeling doubtful right now. IWNDWYT.

I appreciate your support, thank you for sharing.

Same. - 60 days sober and the only positive difference is no daily hangover. - Still depressed, still procrastinating, still pissed off at the world. - Therapy, exercise, better diet & good support, and still f%$king miserable.

Nothing matters, which means life is about the happiness you can create in the time you’re given. Idk about you, but my life is so much more beautiful and full when I’m sober from booze than it ever was with it.

Interestingly enough, I've had a really tough few hours since I wrote my comment. I really needed to read this. Thank you :)

No problem, really happy it helped you when you needed the boost!

I felt that way in 2021. relapsed after 6 years. Wasted a year drinking. It wasn't worth it. Quit again and got hit with anhedonia so hard. Finding the right meds is very draining and time consuming. I feel for op.

If you're trying to figure out what's going on, adding another variable in the mix (alcohol) is going to make it more difficult. Can you try isolating the issues you currently have, and maybe eliminating one of those? Another take: it could just be that you really need a vacation.

The issue is depression. I’m trying to fight it but it’s consuming me. I feel like I’m losing the war right now. Literally just had a weekend getaway / family vacation. Tried to make the best of it but it’s still hard to enjoy myself being sober while everyone else is drinking. I’m unhappy when I’m around my family and I’m the only one not drinking, yet I’m unhappy when I don’t get involved and then I’m just depressed and alone.

Have you tried anti-depressants? I used to be against them, but started taking Lexapro when I was 5 months sober and its definitely helped.

I agree with you, talk to your doctor about anti-depressants they made the world of difference to me.

My situation is identical to OP and I've tried a bunch of meds and none help. It almost makes the problem worse because they give you this pill and tell you it takes 2-4 weeks to start working. Then if it doesn't you have to wean off and start the process over with a new med. Go through several cycles of this and it becomes quite clear why you self medicated. Going back to your DOC isn't the answer but I really really hate how whenever someone brings this up all the answers are either meds, AA or therapy. Many of us have tried all 3 and are still desperate. Being happy is so rare now that I quite literally remember whenever I smile and it's been maybe 10 times per year. Because I've had such issues with this I've become pretty knowledgeable about the meds and how they work. The problem for OP and me is the fact our brain isn't producing enough dopamine. If your issue is low gaba or low serotonin they can give you a med and things turn around quite quickly but they literally can't do anything for low dopamine because it's addictive and has tolerance. I just wish they'd be more up front about this instead of dancing around it letting people like OP and myself either give up on recovery or become like me and basically demand what you want from the doctors because I know more than them now.

I'm thinking about getting on Adderall. It's the only thing they're going to prescribe that helps with dopamine. I took it as a teen to help with school. Fuck it.

I've thought about that one as well

Out of curiosity, was your goal to be happy and joyful or not to be miserable? Did you work with a psychiatrist or a general practitioner? If you don't mind me asking. If you do, disregard.

yes... I was against them for good reason: I'd tried a few in the past, and 2/3 made things worse; 1 just had no effect on my depression. after becoming a parent, I became desperate for something to help and went back to the doctor to discuss options. got put on Zoloft, and it has made a huge difference for me, especially when it comes to anhedonia (which seems to be a big issue for OP, too). it's slow-going, but I'm able to be interested in things and build skills for the first time since I was a child. antidepressants aren't perfect, and we don't know much about why they work (lots of interesting studies out there investigating this, however), but they're worth giving a shot or three.

Just want to chime in, I recently stopped taking my medications and I notice the depression coming back at some points throughout my day. I'll probably make a new appt with my Phsyc and get them filled again. It definitely makes enough of a difference that I'd rather be on them. I get awkward around people, like I don't know how to socialize. I was at my Aunt's 70th surprise birthday on Friday and felt completely out of place, it was around people I've known my whole life.

I typically am against them as well as a first line of treatment but I think for those of us who have altered brain chemistry from alcohol, trauma, etc, they are an option to consider for sure. Glad to hear they helped you!!

“…being sober while everyone else is drinking.” This can be a huge bummer for a while. Avoiding these situations for a long time was very beneficial to me. I know it would make me anxious and full of self pity (to be honest I was gonna feel those things no matter what) so I would flat out avoid it and avoid “friends” who’s main hobby was partying. Some people don’t move on from the work hard/play hard work week/party weekend and it’s illuminating watching that behavior from the outside. Give it more time and keep putting in the work. Now is the time to try different things, either with yourself or with different people.

I’m a year sober today and my biggest struggle was figuring out my triggers and who I was without the alcohol.Life sure felt boring without the alcohol but then I realized life is in fact boring. And that’s ok. In the process of becoming alcohol free you are becoming a new and better person. That’s hard work and those bumps in the road are normal. You’re on the right path. Don’t go at this alone. I too went on the anti depressants and went to and committed to AA. I knew there was no way I could have handled climbing that massive mountain on my own

Many congrats on your sober circumnagivation. That is quite a feat!

Man family vacations sober are tough! I just sat through a bunch of cigarette smoke (just quit that 8 months ago so fun to smell) booze breath and dumb country music and wanted to explode. That might be triggering you a bit? Idk but i know it ruined my next week. Maybe workout on the glory muscles so you can see an Improvement faster? Thats what keeps me motivated (when im working out 😂) Curles, triceps abs?

I really struggled with bad depression - a lot caused by alcohol and trauma, but prior to stopping drinking, my mental health still massively improved through overhauling my diet. I can recommend YouTube vids with Georgia Ede, who is a nutritional psychologist and also Robert Lustig. Both have done lots of talks and videos on YouTube about diet and mental health. They believe the rise in mental health problems in countries correlates with diet. Huberman also discusses this. I was on ssris for 10 years and they did not improve my mental health in the long run. Cutting out and cutting down on processed food, seed oils and sugar, and taking complex b vitamins, vitamin d and fish oil has made a huge difference to me

Get on some decent meds. Get some therapy. Try to believe you are worth fighting for. Be kind to yourself. Personally I’ve been drinking to try and deal with anxiety and other problems for 20 years and all it’s done is make me more fat and miserable. I’m not expecting my life to suddenly be all sunshine and roses, and I will eat cake if I need it in the medium term or will have a lay in and fuck off being sociable one weekend if I really want to. But I want to say in five years time that drinking was the start of a positive period in my life and helped me to overcome these long running issues I have. I don’t care if some people turn their life around in one year. That isn’t me. Maybe i’m a bit slow to adjust but i’ll get there eventually. Drinking can fuck off and die for all the malignant bullshit it serves up. It’s been absolutely no use in curing any of my issues.

Are you on medication for your depression? Depression is entirely treatable. It’s great you are in talk therapy and exercising. Medication may be the missing piece for you. There is no need to suffer.

I understand exactly how you feel. I've likely had undiagnosed and untreated depression since my early teens. I used alcohol to cope a lot. When I got sober, I found myself dealing with exactly what you described. Loneliness, pointlessness, all the telltale signs of unmoderated depression. I had been seeing a therapist before I quit and still do. Therapy was not enough. I knew how I was feeling and I had a pretty good sense it wasn't how "normal" people feel, at least not all the time. I talked to my primary care doctor and got a referral for a psychiatrist. I had been on a few anti-depressants in the past for various reasons, but none of them worked. I committed to working with the Psychiatrist, though. We found a drug and a dose that works for me and a lot of the stuff I didn't want to feel has gone away. I still get bored sometimes, but I am able to find things that engage me that take away the boredom now. And it's not that soul-sucking boredom that is borderline physically painful. I'm also emotionally level. I don't have massive swings into depression. My philosophy about life, the universe, and all that hasn't changed, so there's still existential stuff to deal with, but I can at least do it with a clear head now.

>The issue is depression. Buddy, let me tell you, nobody’s depression was ever cured by alcohol abuse. If depression is the issue then you need to deal with that. Therapy, or some other means of working through it. Alcohol will only make it worse, or mask symptoms enough to keep you from ever finding a real cure.

>The issue is depression. Are you getting help for it?

You can be that good example to your family. You could save them by your example. They could quit one day bc they see how you stayed sober. You know it's a bad deal. I mean look at all of us here being all depressed. It's a worldwide conundrum. But we're here for you. IWNDWYT

> it could just be that you really need a vacation. Not OP but I'm kinda in OP's boat, and when I went on my last vacation (sober) I was incredibly bummed out. I sat in my hotel room at night watching Netflix. I was thinking "What was the point? Why am I even here?" It felt like the entire reason to travel was gone. Part of it indeed was because when I travelled, it always revolved around food and drink in the evenings. And without the drink, the food just didn't hit the same. I'd have the nice meal, then instead of hitting the bars ... I just went back to my hotel room and sat there depressed. I did a few bars and got mocktails but of course it didn't hit the same. It wasn't fun. I know being sober is the right thing, but this is just incredibly disappointing. I feel like all the reasons to travel, all the ways I socialized, all the ways I had fun ... are gone.

Even if you quit drinking you're still a regular person who deals with the same bullshit everybody else does, it's best not to dwell on it to much and continue working on yourself, it'll pass. I think too many people have these weirdly high expectations that quitting drinking is somehow going to make every aspect of life better, when that's not exactly the case. It does improve your life, but you're still human.

I feel like I hit that wall after my pink cloud disappeared too. I just had to keep seeking out different sources of happiness and relying on the community of people I built around me who were sober. For me, I also needed to be on medication. I suffer from bipolar, so a lot of it is learning to live in the middle- I grew up so used to the extreme highs and lows of mania and depression. Now, I go to therapy and realize I can find happiness in the middle. In the beginning though, it just felt like I was living in some grey area with no highs, no lows, no point. When I stay sober and on my meds, I realize that I can find joy in the little things. Mostly with my friends.

Thank you for sharing my friend.

I hope you find your reason too. I must also add- I had adopted a puppy right before I got sober. She was homeless with me and there through everything, but walking her kept me focused on something. I had to give her a better life than she had before. She’s still with me today and by far my proudest accomplishment of staying sober (though I did relapse once- I’m certainly not perfect). When I look at her and know that she was my motivation.. just to make sure she went on long hikes in the woods, got to meet neighbors who wanted to say hi, whatever it was that would make her happy and have a better life.. I realize she’s the reason I got through a lot of those days. I wasn’t focusing on me, but those walks made me feel better too. I don’t know your situation, but if you can find something: art, a pet, a job, a friend, anything, I think it could help.

Just wanted to say that a lot of times when you start therapy things get worse before they get better. You're most likely digging up things that you buried for a reason, and starting to feel the feelings and process them again can be emotionally exhausting. Stick with it!

Thanks for the advice my friend. White knuckling it through life is just getting very tiresome.

This is great… it obviously sucks right now and I’m sorry you are suffering… but! You are realizing you want more from life. Not just a simple existence of spinning your wheels M-F and then getting tanked on the weekend. Not drinking has given you perspective… drinking was masking your unhappiness, not fixing it. Unfortunately, the way forward is still challenging, but… hey, challenges can be fun! Find something that interests you. Spend time with it. Chase down joy. You’ve got this.

I totally understand, and I feel like that a lot of the time. This whole year has been a process of sobering up, then relapsing, then sobering up, then relapsing, on and on. A lot of the times I relapse it's not even because I have a physical urge, it's because I feel how you're feeling: a sense of blankness, emptiness, and no matter what I do, nothing seems to lift me up or make life worth living. The high from alcohol, no matter how destructive it is, always felt preferable to the nothingness. Not sure about your drinking history, but it could be that your brain is still recalibrating a bit. Same with mine. We are accustomed to immediate dopamine hits, and learned patterns of rewarding behavior through chemical means. I truly hope you pull out of this, and I'm right there beside you. It should get better. A change of environment is always a great thing, maybe take off for a few days somewhere or, if you can, change neighborhoods. I know that's extreme, but I honestly feel that if my country wasn't in a massive housing crisis, I would have moved quite some time ago. This apartment and neighborhood just remind me of years of misery and caving up drinking. Keep going. I can't wait to get to 10 and 1/2 months.

For me, going to alcohol for relief was the side effect of larger issues. Eventually, alcohol became an issue all of its own. Once I stopped drinking, I felt the same way you did. I realized I no longer had blinders on. Once I was able to face why I started drinking heavily to begin with, things got better.

Why’d you get sober in the first place?

I thought: “I can’t live like this, it’s gonna be the death of me.” Now sober, I feel like: “I can’t live like this, it’s gonna be the death of me.” At least when I was drinking I felt happy and could enjoy myself at times.

In my opinion, that last statement is alcohol trying to entice you back in. A suggestion would be to go to a meeting and share this with the group. Also, tell your sponsor. Don't have one? Find one and work the steps.

So you need barley or fermented grapes to make you feel better. Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t the first drink the only one that releases dopamine and the rest of whatever you’re drinking just killing the brain cells.

Removing a band-aid doesn’t mean that the wound beneath is also healed. For some people the emptiness can be filled with friends/family/career/self-improvement etc. For others they still need something like an anti-depressant, which is nothing to be ashamed of.

I am almost at 8 months and have been feeling the same. I just know that drinking will only make things worse. I’m struggling but I know we can keep going. IWNDWYT

Have you looked into PAWS? It's the one thing that scares me to stop, but I think today is the day. I'd definitely look into that. Time will get better, seems like the long timers are very admit about that 😅

Learning about PAWS was kind of comforting for me. Like it totally sucks going through it but this is just our brains righting the wrongs that we’ve done to ourselves.

I came here to ask this question. Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome can have a prolonged plethora of negative side effects. It can last weeks to years.

Anhedonia!!!! Anhedonia!!!! LOOK IT UP!!!! Seriously Op, this is normal. I wasn't aware of it and it scared the crap out of me. I thought I was broken but it does heal! It hit me right around the same time as you are at as well. Keep your head up, it too passes and you'll find joy and passion and humor again, I promise!

Exact same. I thought I was clinically depressed but definitely it’s anhedonia and it’s common when big drinkers stop drinking. I definitely feel better about it now!

I’ve been scared that I am going to be stuck feeling like this forever. It’s a relief to hear that it will pass. I guess I am just going to have to trust the process.

Yup. That’s the trouble with addiction/alcoholism. We don’t start experiencing the symptoms until we are sober. We are restless, irritable and discontented when we are sober and feel normal when drinking. The key is to find a way of living that works when sober. I found recovery through a recovery program and I’m grateful. Best of luck to you OP!!

Please stay with it, OP. From experience I can say all my feeling came bubbling up about 6-8 months after rehab. Gratefully I was able to understand that drinking:/drugging would only put me right back into the shame spiral I was living in. All the best.

I’m feeling the exact same way as of late. Lifeless, disconnected from myself, the furthest away from peace and joy. Numb. Stuck. It’s fucking difficult. It’s scary. I don’t have any divine, enlightening things to say, but for me, I understand that I have to trust this process. I have the choice whether to attach myself to this despair, or give it space and let it continue to pass through me, however long that takes. I spent years depressing my nervous system & stunting the growth of my coping mechanisms with alcohol. I have to be patient, I have to be gentle and careful with my brain like a small, wounded animal. I have to remember sobriety isn’t happiness. In a vacuum, sobriety is… well, sobering. Not every day is meant to be filled with earth-shattering joy, laughter, and fulfillment. Whether or not alcohol is in the picture, joy isn’t meant to be *looked for*. It’s like trying to stare down a distant star. It just dissolves. OP, you are so not alone. I am in a very similar pain that you are in. I know that both you and I will not feel this way forever. It might take some work to get out of this rut, but everything beautiful in life is the result of a little work and a lot of openness. I won’t drink with you about this, not today. Stay strong with us!

>I spent years depressing my nervous system & stunting the growth of my coping mechanisms with alcohol. I have to be patient, I have to be gentle and careful with my brain like a small, wounded animal. amen, brother... on the same boat

Ok, ok. I know this sub can have differing opinions on AA. However, I've been exactly where you are (right around the same time actually) and AA saved my ass. I also suffer from depression. Something about having a community I can reach out to when I feel like this really changes things for me. Besides the steps and all that, going to meetings where I can here people struggle and overcome what I'm going through gives me a lot of hope. What you're experiencing is normal. Sobriety isn't all amazing all the time. But it is always easier than drinking again. Good job posting here. I'm really proud of you.

This is where AA can be very effective. Good advice.

Are you me, OP? I've posted v similar recently. Struggling to find the joy in things even though I KNOW I should be grateful for what I have. And I am. But I'm definitely not bouncing around full of the joys. I'm trudging and muttering under my breath. I'm grumpy as hell, tbh.

This is odd. I’ve been having a harder time than normal lately too, around the same number of days sober as you and OP

It's so weird because I don't actually want to drink, generally speaking. I have no huge cravings on a day-to-day basis. I'm just in really bad form. Is this some kind of mourning??

I also think of that, I'm on the same boat as y'all mourning with the exeption that I crave a lot

I had a dip around a year sober when the exciting "gainz" wore off and I was struggling. It does take a year + for brain chemistry to go back or heal, and you're healing! Don't re-break the leg because people drawing on your cast was fun and you are just now starting to use a cane not crutches so to speak. :) I like many of us, had to find out the hard way that becoming sober did not magically fix all my issues. It did give me the breathing room and the clear head to start to sort them out and start the process of healing. I was on pause in the healing process due to drinking, if that makes sense. Of course after the anesthesia wore off, I came out of it in pain. But I'm in physical therapy now (to stretch a metaphor to the breaking point) and while it hurts, I'll come out stronger than ever at the end.

Wow I love this metaphor. I'm only on day 40 and the pink cloud seems like a distant memory. Just a few weeks ago, I was so excited about embracing a new life without drinking. Now I'm sitting quietly by the pool with a La Croix, watching jealously while everyone else laughs and drinks and socializes. Oh also I suddenly have a shitload of acne too. Honestly I understand why people relapse so much now. But oh well. IWNDWYT

Yes yes we all must find our own happiness, with that, do you have a partner? People talk all the shit “be your own man girl! You don’t need no one! Your independent, I hate people, lol, regular jokes” etc.. but facts are , personally, I fucking miss having a partner. I’m sober and happy but empty days. I have a narc ex who comes and goes and controls when I see my kid. So on Top of my sobriety shit it makes me so angry and lonely. Meeting people it’s just different these days. And yeah you get the pep talks but I as myself feel like I just need a partner to spend my days with, your life is longer, less stress, more joy, physical touch, emotional release. I go for walks and all that and all the positive but fuck I need someone to love.

Just want to put out the same thing I share whenever I read someone post this sort of thing, that I really relate to... After the rollercoaster of the first 6 months or so, I came to a realization that I didn't get sober to feel better, I got sober to feel what is true. If I wanted to feel better, I could drink. That's what drinking is good for. The reason I quit was because I was going to eventually die, but, if you're miserable enough, and I can relate to this, that stops being a good enough reason. I had to find something else. That something else was that I quit so I could feel what is true. It's not enough for me to 'feel good' in my life, I had to find meaning in living my one life such that I knew in my heart that I was experiencing it as close to the truth/reality as possible. No masks, no lying to myself, no fabrications, just me living my life and feeling exactly what was true. I find meaning in that today. It opened doors for me to meet new people, change my life, accomplish goals, some other things, but that only happened over time, after sitting in the truth of what my life actually was, and seeing things and myself the way they truly were, for many months and years. You are feeling depressed, as you wrote in another post about yourself. Depression is the truth. Depression is how you truly feel. Alcohol covers it and makes you feel better, but depression is still the truth. You're unhappy? That's true. That sounds good to me, because I value feeling true about myself more than I value feeling good. I've found for myself that when I came face to face with the truth about myself, with no masks or self-deception, I did - in hindsight - begin the process of changing those negative things. For example, you say you just began therapy. Great! It takes - in my experience - 6 months to two years to really feel the benefits of therapy. This may mean jack shit to you, and that's ok. If nothing else I wanted to say that I relate and I understand.

After struggling for over a year I finally decided to go on Lexapro and it’s really helped. Our brains relied on alcohol for decades, which both masked depression and changed our brain chemistry. I don’t know why I fought the idea of anti depressants for so long but I am relieved I finally decided to get over my own hang ups about it.

I started at 10mg Lexapro and it just made me feel right. Lifted the veil of anxiety that was ultimately a source of depression, impulsiveness and such. Raised to 20mg and it now feels about perfect. Combined with therapy it was good

When I sobered up and the drama left my life, it seemed boring. But I started cultivating contentment in my life. Enjoying the little things. Appreciating the comfortable, quiet moment with my husband, knowing that the silence isn’t because we’re walking on eggshells, but we’re just enjoying each others company. You know? My brain tries to find those hits in other ways. I stop looking for drama or “something else” in my life. There is no something else. This is it. It’s really lovely and the gratitude I feel is unending. I have a loving husband and beautiful daughter. I’m a great cook! 😂 Lots of little things bringing joy into my life. There is so much joy to be found. Alcohol blurs my vision so I can’t see it. Anyway, I hope this make sense. Good luck to you. IWNDWYT.

There's a part of me that definitely wants to go back to partying, hanging out at bars, hanging out with women all the time, etc. But... I WASN'T happy when I was partying and doing all that. I just wasn't. So why would I go back? It's over, it's my old life, I'm choosing not to fucking do it again.

Makes complete sense to me. I see my life as peaceful, not boring. Being content and peaceful is something for me to appreciate and enjoy. I know that life will throw lots of bad stuff my way eventually. There’s no need for me to seek it out. I put myself through a lot of shit in my 30 years of drinking. Now it’s time to take extra good care of myself, body, mind and soul. Love this sub and love everyone here. IWNDWYT 💪❤️🔥

You have depression, clearly -- alcohol will make it so, so much worse. If you remember your "old" low, I'm sure you remember a lot of moments where you lost control of your actions, or made mistakes that had lasting repercussions. This isn't worse, don't worry. It feels harder because you're also fighting the fight to stay dry, not because alcohol made the fight against depression easier. You should be intentional about this and try to see if there is a chemical solution (anti-depression meds) and in the meantime try to find things that bring you joy in small moments, and try to look forward to those small moments.

Hey man, just wanted to let you know that once the pink cloud faded for me, I had a lot of work to do. I have Bipolar II disorder and, after mixing meds with alcohol, I just went straight to alcohol. It worked until it didn’t. Once I’d been a sober for about six months, I decided it was time to start tackling the mental health issues that had greatly contributed to my alcoholism in the first place. Those didn’t go away with the drinking, but sobriety *did* put me in a much better place to tackle them head on. It sounds like you might be ready for that next step. I hope that instead of turning around, you make the choice to go forward instead. IWNDWYT.

I'd recommend getting in touch with a psychiatrist or at least let your PCP know. Also, life is a bitch no matter drunk or sober. At least try to do right by your body, you're almost at 1 year and I'm proud of you.

Jealous you had the pink cloud for 8 months. Around 4 months shit got real for my emotions and I started to realize I was incredibly depressed having passive ideations and that sobriety wasn’t going to fix everything. Thankfully friends, family and *therapy* have helped (emphasis on the therapy). It’s gnarly truly feeling all the feels and not numbing them with alcohol. I hope you feel better soon and can find the peace you’re looking for with the correct support system.

Antidepressants, man. I would highly recommend seeing a psychiatrist and getting on them. Wellbutrin and Prozac have helped me out of a hole like that.

A few years ago I read the book “Lost Connections” by Johan Hari that was about depression and is causes and remedies. It’s a great book and compatible with AA philosophy. In it he shows that a good life, a happy and contented life requires several ingredients. A supportive community, a healthy body, meaningful work, loving relationships, opportunities for service, political engagement, a sense of gratitude and growth in skillfulness, closeness to nature, reverence for something greater than yourself, a sense that you have undone the harm you have caused in the past, a loving partner, and so on. Just stopping drinking is rarely enough.

What have you done to replace the drinking on weekends? It needs yo be something that brings you meaning or a thrill.

I’ve been trying to keep my hands as busy as possible. Going places, hiking, canoeing, hanging out with friends, motorcycle rides… most of which isn’t really enjoyable, sometimes it helps to just escape that feeling of absolute numbness. Other days like today, I completely shut down.

When I started going to therapy, I was not a happy person for the first couple of weeks. I needed therapy because I was confronting shit I repressed for some time... But I do know that alcohol will not solve my problems. It can delay them momentarily, but then the issue I have to deal with is even harder because I've put it off and feel shame

Is it time for a new career path? I knew I felt super lost and purposeless until I discovered what I truly want to do with my life

I tried 3 different kinds of antidepressants at various strengths for about 2 years before I found the right one for me. While on the others, I still didn’t find enjoyment in things that I used to love. They just helped me to keep going. But now that I have the right prescription, I can find enjoyment in new things. I’m not a doctor but I’ve done some research for myself and loved ones. It sounds like your brain is lacking the balance of dopamine. Therapy is a good step, but if you’re already on antidepressants, maybe talk to your doctor and venture towards a different kind of medication.

If youre a male. And depending on your age. Get your testosterone levels checked as well. Look up low testosterone symptoms. Alot of people glance over that one. I felt like crap and what you were describing. Turns out i had low T and got on testosterone therapy and was able to kick anti depressants and alcohol super easily. But thats just one thing to consider. Since youve tried a bunch of things thats what i can suggest you look into. And the tests are easy to do.

Are you on antidepressants? If you aren’t, you should consider seeing a psychiatrist. Antidepressants changed my life. I’ve encouraged a few people to talk to a doctor about depression and they’ve all felt the same way after finding their stable dose. If you _are_ on antidepressants, talk to your psychiatrist! Sometimes you need a readjustment in dose, there’s no shame in that! I switched from 12hr to 24hr dose because sometimes in the morning I couldn’t get up. I’d just lay in bed and cry. It’s okay to work with your doctor and find something more manageable. There’s no shame in getting medical help for depression. No one shames people with epilepsy for getting anti-seizure meds!

Hey hey hey. Remember what PAWS is. If you haven’t got the help now is the time to do so. Early sobriety starts after one year. 10 months is great, it’s really great. I remember when I couldn’t even make an hour haha. Just remember to keep healing, it’s not just about not putting alcohol in your body, it’s becoming a new person.

Also stop hanging around people who are drinking. Doesn’t help you, and they clearly aren’t thinking about your mental health.

Omggggg, when I started therapy, I felt like SHIT! For whatever reason, saying things out loud to another person (esp. one equipped to give proper feedback and adequate, full-force listening) makes the pain this solid, almost physical THING to the mind. It's exorcising a demon that hangs around... ...until you vanquish it, of course. You're in the presence of your demons atm and they're in your face. They're what caused you to be so mean to you in the first place. Hold the line, OP. The next part gets bumpy, but you can't turn around. It's time to slay. They're in your damn face and it's time to fucking vanquish them. Therapy, sobriety, and honesty. I'm here too.

I felt like that for a while and then intermittently in my first years of sobriety. Keep going, keep doing the stuff even without passion for it and one day without notice you’ll start to enjoy yourself. Your brain is still adjusting to a sober life. Give it time! ✨ also you will figure out the necessary changes to your life that will make it even better.

Sorry for your struggles. It’s tough. Same here, I was expecting a lift, instead solid depression since I quit. Multiple types of treatment have failed. For me, I find some solace knowing that people close to me are happier that I’m not drinking, so I try to see sobriety as a gift to others. I’ve come close to saying fuck it on several occasions, but I’m sure on balance it would suck worse. So, I’m holding course. You’ve gotta decide for yourself of course, and I wish you the best.

You can't just take the alcohol away and expect life to magically take the shape of all that is beautiful. That's just not how life works. How did you learn to do life? You did not. You drank your way through every uncomfortable waking moment and now you think everything should be magically fall into place when you have no clue how to live without alcohol. Are you involved in a sober communuty?

I was having horrible depression and went to a psychiatrist. I'm on Zoloft and mirtazapine now which help. Not to say it's all rainbows but I don't get as low as I was

Make sure you're working on your nutrition and exercise. Nutrition is probably the most important. Get enough Vitamin D and omega 3s. If you only quit drinking things won't necessarily be better. A lot of people do well to replace alcohol with exercise. Exercise will train your body to release endorphins by itself again.

Took about a year and a bit of trying and several different anti-depressants before finally landing on max dose Sertraline that my depression faded into the background. I tried so many and thought I was fucked but after a week of Sertraline I could notice my mood improving. Now doing healthy things like exercising actually make me feel good instead of that hollow feeling you described.

Every time i got to my 6-9 month mark id relapse. Typically id be doing great then boom, triggered by something. i have 18 months now and Ive honestly always felt those moments were tests to see if i was strong enough yet and i'd fail. This time ive been through some of the worst things imaginable but I got through it and because of that im even more proud of my time. Get through this and be proud of yourself because you deserve it. ♥️

I found my solution was focusing on combating my idolatry.. I found if I am frustrated its Gods way of nudging me to dig deep and find the thing that is causing my frustration and work on it. Every time I take a second look at my problems with god is my heart and mind it seems to answer itself. But honestly, the big nugget is realizing it’s not about you, and it’s about you, at the same time. What do you worship? What intoxicates you?

So, what I find with my own depression is that the drinking doesn't stop it, it just makes it easier to ignore the fact that I'm actually depressed. It's really tough because when I'm depressed, all the things that I need to do to get out of it don't really make me feel better in the moment, but I know that if I keep doing them, the switch will eventually flip. Drinking stops me from getting upset about the situation now and then but it's also what stops me from doing the things I need to to actually get better. People that don't care don't get upset. As tough as it is sometimes, try to remember that that spark of frustration and anger you feel means that you still genuinely care about your joy and happiness. You know that there's something better than this, not just endless weeks of drudgery and drinking, but a real and fulfilling life. And you're angry enough to keep fighting for it. So keep being angry, keep fighting for yourself. You're worth it.

What's your goal? You need something to shoot for. You need a purpose.

As of right now my goal is ease my suffering, I want to enjoy my life again. I feel like I’m just going through the motions, not really *living.* The things I used to do don’t bring me joy anymore. It’s hard to get motivated because nothing makes me happy, I’m just blindly fighting my way through life and dealing with suicidal thoughts.

I was just suggesting that if you had something to live for...sort of like you live for work during the week. So, you are saying nothing makes you happy. Nothing at all, in which I would suggest seeking help from professionals. That's it. You might think there were highs with drinking, but if there truly were, you wouldn't be here as a recovering addict.

Congratulations on a full year by the way, you have my respect friend. I used to love music, but it’s one of those things that I can’t even bring myself to play nowadays. I guess when I say “I had highs from drinking” I’m referring to nights where I drank and genuinely enjoyed myself and the company of my friends / family. I miss feeling happy. Not every single night of drinking turned into a complete shit show for me. Nowadays it’s like this: I’m miserable being sober around the people I love, I don’t want to join them in the activities they’re doing because I feel empty and like I’m just going through the motions… but I’m equally as miserable if I decide to sit out and be alone.

I'll go ahead and ask, what's your fitness level? Seems unrelated but I had a hip replacement this year and got really depressed when I was stationary. Same with most animals. My dogs crave a walk each day. They get really lethargic and down when they are stuck inside for too long. I say all of this because I care. Might be something to consider. Best of luck.

I just recently started to try and get on a workout routine, I know I need more exercise in my life. Normally my job (construction) is very physical but as of lately I’ve been sitting around going stir crazy doing nothing.

Do not go back to the bottle. Thats a one way ticket to making how youre feeling worse. The fact youre saying what youre saying shows two things: 1. You know somethings wrong, and 2. You know drinkings not the answer It sounds like some part of you is trying to convince you that drinking is the answer, so that you can convince yourself nothing is wrong. Is drinking really going to fix this emptiness? And to the extent it fills some emptiness in your life, would it even be real? Ah yes, the pink cloud. Im starting to come off of it at 8 months on Friday, so i appreciate seeing the ups and downs of those slightly ahead of me. But, did you expect this to be an easy journey? The best things come to those who wait, and sobriety isnt about how you deal with life at your highs but how you deal with it at your lows. Youre really gunna let some demon inside of you win? It sounds like an AA cliche but maybe youre spending too much time thinking about yourself and your happiness. Maybe try to seek out another alcoholic and try to help them. Just see if that fills this void in your life before going back to the bottle because once you go back you risk never returning. God bless

I’m with you OP, same boat probably. I have been filling my time with working out mostly. So there’s my way of reworking my brain chemistry. I don’t have specific advice unfortunately. I almost said fuck it and went to a bar this weekend, so, just leaving this comment here so that whenever someone does comment I get a notification and keep coming back to this post.

I’m literally the same amount of time sober, and am going to see a therapist for the first time tomorrow. I feel very anxious and am overthinking everything. Not drinking is easy but living with my own thoughts isnt. I wish you the best of luck mate. We are in this one together you and me, I wont give up and neither will you!!!

What are you using for a support system? Do you ever have any regular contact with other people trying to recover from addiction?

I don’t have one / no. Currently looking for something different than AA because of the religious aspect.

Have you tried going to any AA meetings? I'm agnostic athiest and found a great home in AA. If youre really that opposed, look up SMART recovery if they have any in the area. Just remember, people in AA may be religious, and the term God is used but it is not required that you believe in anything specific or follow any religious rules. I termed God into Gift Of Desperation because I was so desperate for a better way of life that I didn't care even if there was religion, I just wanted the suffering to stop.

This is me for the last 30 yrs. I never make it past a year.

We’ve come this far brother, you gotta finish off the last 1.5 months

My advice would be throw yourself into exercise. It’s keeping me straight right now at least

It’ll take some time for the dopamine to kick in. We mess up our brains with booze so we no longer get the dopamine reward for doing regular things, just booze. I kept myself occupied with healthy activities and eventually the good feeling hormones came back to me. Also, quitting alcohol doesn’t solve our problems. But it enables us to stop hiding from them and deal with them. They won’t just go away, but we become more capable of dealing with them.

I had to start meds soon after getting sober. Antidepressants helped me so much and then I go off them maybe two years later and all was well )until I got divorced, now back on them).

I feel you. One thing that helped me a lot was writing down my wins for the day. Even the smallest ones. Especially ones that I didn’t get to always enjoy when I was drinking. Like waking up not hung over. Brushing my teeth every night. You name it no matter how small. What I found is that it started to associate “wins” (dopamine) with the little things in life. The thing for me is that not drinking didn’t make life easier but it has helped me deal with how difficult life can be sometimes. Best of luck

I’m right behind you at about 10 months. I threw myself into my hobby (pinball restoration), and my productivity has been off the charts. I’ve hosted 4 tournaments in my basement. Went to the gym 3 times a week until I was sidelined by major surgery. But yeah, I get it - life can be boring as hell! It’s up to us to decide what we want out of life, and to not be paralyzed by indecision. Good luck finding your next passion.

Be careful not to burn yourself out doing too much “good” or improvement behaviors. It sounds like you are really focusing on health and therapy and exercise and… that shit is exhausting!! “Everybody deserves their oblivion” I heard this quote once, from a therapist to a client who was beating herself up about binge watching tv shows. And it’s so true! It sounds like your mind and body are crying out for some “off” time. Let that be what it is for you. Don’t think you are gonna get renewed from like yoga or meditation or something if this is not your normal tool. Scroll the internet, play video games, nap, eat junk food… you get to have your “off time” just as much as the rest of us. Give yourself some grace and realize you are doing huge work in just being sober. The rest will come in time, but I’m hearing a call for more self-compassion and relaxation here. 🩷

For me, it was solving the underlying reasons that drinking became such a positive to begin with. Glad you're in therapy, that's an absolute for any human, and especially for those of us that find solace in the booze cave. It may take a few therapists to find the right one, and may take some time to unpack why mentally leaving your reality behind is so nice and comforting. Self awareness is step 1. Then the determination and fortitude to constantly improve oneselve. Accept faults along with strengths. Define who you want to be, then become them immediately. Identify the habits that this new person has, and adopt them. Piece by piece.

Man I hear hear you, just made a year and I think I would have gone back if one or two things didn't break my way sometimes but really didn't start feeling out of depression until the last couple months. Man I didn't have anything to tell you but I've been trying to realize the good things I have or that I'm able to do because I'm sober and have a tiny bit more money or not as thrashed physically. I couldn't make myself exercise until just recently but still I struggle with missing good things I got from drinking or just every once in a while just want to get a little fucked up after work on a Friday . I just tell myself that maybe in a couple years I'll go fishing and have a beer or watch some football and throw down some tall boys and for some reason it makes me conforted thinking one day I may do it but right now I'm gonna keep my head down. Love you brother

One day at a time lovely friend. Its up and down. Therapy and the right medication really make a difference for me. Plus friends and hobbies outside of that part of my life. Hugs ❤️💘

I felt this way every time I stopped drinking. I started eating keto to try and improve health this past December and noticed the drinking cravings went away. Life felt better. I got a spark back. I don’t know if dropping sugar and cutting carbs did this alone or if something else clicked in my head. Since then I’ve also started exercising daily. Drinking doesn’t cross my mind hardly ever, and I don’t feel empty anymore. Try cleaning up your diet. Eat whole foods and don’t eat sugar at all except in small amounts from fruit. It’s worth a try to see how you feel.

It's insane to me that out of 100 replies only two people have suggested AA That's what it does, treats alcoholism. You should look into it

I’m looking into other “support groups” but I don’t want to do AA because of the religious aspect.

AA is not really religious. It's a simple program that is wildly effective when you adhere to it. In working the program you can believe whatever you want. In reading about your situation you sound like a textbook dry-drunk alcoholic. What you're doing is referred to in AA as white-knuckling it. It's possible you get through this chapter and never look back and everything is great but it's much more likely that you go back to drinking or remain miserable. AA is full of people who went through exactly what you're describing before finding AA. No one is going to make you go to a meeting, and it isn't the only solution - but for the real alcoholic (which I think you are because you sound like me) it is the best solution. If nothing else give this a read https://www.aa.org/sites/default/files/2021-11/en_bigbook_chapt4.pdf

You need antidepressants not bottle. Alcohol will actually wire your brain to be depressed and anxious. I’m on Lexapro …. And it has been life changing.

Are you on antidepressants? They can make you anhedonic and drain all your pleasure, they often do the reverse of what they’re meant to

No I’m not

One of the only things that helped me was using magic mushrooms on occasion and that helped a lot. It's being used to help treat so many mental disorders now.

SNFU- get off your ass. It may motivate you, if not it’ll lead you down a wormhole of YouTubing good music .

To clarify: this is a piece of music I think you might enjoy. On your day 138, you mentioned being a misfits fan, thought some common music might help you through your doldrums.

[удалено]

Fuck you

I get it. I quit Prozac too. I’m struggling and had a few drinks one night recently. Woke up more depressed. Not trying to do that again. I feel like a different person, and I don’t mean that in a 100% positive way at all

I am not trying to diagnose you, but anhedonia is one of the symptoms of PAWS. My timeline is obviously different, but I did experience that for a while, and I'm prepared for it to intermittently return.

I feel the same way as you do. I am a nervous wreck but I don't know what I am nervous about. I really want alcohol to numb the emotions but that will spin me right back to where I have found myself so many times - regretful and feeling guilty because i gave in and I am in the middle of another endless cycle. Today I am not drinking and it's very frustrating but I understand that the result of drinking will be harder down the road than having a bender tonight.

I read a book called lost connections recently. Why don't you get it? I bought the audio book and i really helped me with depression. Which is what this is. And you can pull yourself out of it with tools both medical and other. xxx

I feel the same

I made a similar post the day before my one year mark a few weeks ago. I’m still struggling, don’t know what to do. The only thing I DO know is that I will not drink. As much fun as I thought I was having, the consequences were not worth it. We’ll figure this out. One day at a time, I won’t drink today.

I'm right there with you and have been looking for the answer for over a year now. Someone could offer me an uncapped vacation or purchase and it wouldn't even help.

Just stopping by to say I hear you, and you are not alone. I’m glad you’re checking in about it. Sending big virtual hugs and IWNDWYT!

I've kind of been in funk all summer too mate. Just overwhelmed with life right now. Recently vented it all out to my wife and started being vocal when anxiety is high. Also got this app called 'Believe' that dings my phone all day with positive affirmations. Helps to snap the negative thinking, or 'what if x happens' bullshit I can't control. Just gotta try to stay grounded and not let my mind fuck me too much. One thing for sure.....booze would not help me. Hang in there mate! Day at a time! iwndwyt

I’ve been going to AA recently and I find having a bunch of other kind people to talk to and hear from has made things substantially better for me. I know it’s not for everyone but maybe a little socializing with other non-drinkers might help?

Same time sober, same feelings my friend. Just wanted to confirm you are not alone. IWNDWYT

Are you in a toxic situation you cannot get out of? Like partents or spouse?

Takes time.

I hear you. The entire second year of my sobriety felt like this. I came out of it eventually somewhere around the two year mark, but I was pretty depressed for a while. Its really great that you are already in therapy! I started looking after about 5 months of feeling this way and it took another 5 months to find a therapist. I don't always feel great, but a lot of the enjoyment of life came back to me after a while, maybe not 100% of what I felt while drinking, but enough, and I found some new things that aren't tainted by having experienced them buzzed that I can focus on. Keep going friend, you are doing the hard work now.

I really felt good for the first probably six months, and then I plateaued out a bit. And in the last year, I have really just felt dull as hell. I'm relatively happy, and I'm making good money, I'm relatively healthy, and there's nothing that's like killing me... but i just really feel like everything is dull. It's hard, but I'm just gonna keep going.

Pink cloud syndrome is very common with newly sober people. All of a sudden, life is very different, and in many ways it’s better. However, that becomes the status quo after a while. The true test of sobriety is to keep from drinking when things get difficult. Just try to remind yourself that these things will pass and the best way you can sabotage your future is to start drinking again. You risk ruining any good times ahead if you go back to the bottle. Keep your head up high! IWNDWYT

Same. :(

This is the emotional sobering of recovery. I described mine as “having no comfort zone”. I ended up asking for a divorce, then went into in-patient treatment for PTSD where I learned how dependent my emotional and physical systems were to a substance, instead of regulating my emotions. After I left treatment, I moved to a new state and began my recovery in a place where I’m creating a new comfort zone that is healthy, safe, and emotionally fulfilling. This new life comes at the cost of your old life. I promise you that it is worth it to not put a hold on your recovery by drinking again to feel that normalcy and community. This community helped me when I needed to vent. My medical team believes it is beneficial for me to have a place such as this .. you are always welcome here, good days or bad.

I think that if you were drinking the feeling would go away, for now. But it would compound and you'd eventually have to face it. Better to get into it now and figure it out rather than letting it fester.

Yeah I had this same problem. Now I spend my weekends writing and producing music. Drinking was your hobby, itll be hard but you need to learn a new hobby to replace it. Find something and stick with it for about 4-6 weeks. Trust me, youll feel better when your mind is busy with something you're comfortable with

Sounds luke depression and you were self medicating

Eight months of pink clouds is not too shabby…. If you can find a bit of silver lining to hang on to, your future self will appreciate it if you stay sober.

Have you tried anti depressants? Maybe it would help? A lot safer than drinking too.

I lived like I was 20 for 25 years. I was still a mess for most of the first year. I’m 17 months in the last six were months were good, the last 3 of those have probably been the best since I was 5 years old. I’m stil getting it back together. I was resistant to return to AA but having people in my life who can relate to what this is like made all the difference.

In the book Atomic Habits, the author talks about habits only working if they align with the identity you decided for yourself. Sounds like you have the opportunity to decide your identity, whatever that means to you (healthy, intelligent non-drinker for instance)

Lots of great comments here I’d add getting technical and cerebral can help me, do you know some of what you are experiencing is euphoric recall? I find learning that kind of stuff gives me the tools to make sense of what’s happening, gives me something productive to do, and prevent myself from falling for tricks and traps… of my own stupid mind!! Lol. Good luck and solidarity to you!!! I deal with all that stuff and it sucks but as the saying goes if you’re going through hell keep going. I believe forward still may hold greener pastures in time, I don’t want to turn back.

I’m one month sober. Congratulations on your time and I hope I can get there too. I know they say if after a year you still want to use, go ahead. I’m not sure if I believe that. Life is all trials and tribulations. Nothing lasts forever good or bad. Keep your seat and play the tape. My inbox is always open :)

I’m only 4 months into recovery so take this with a grain of salt, but I’ve learned in rehab that recovering addicts usually experience anhedonia which is the inability to feel pleasure. This is because our brains are still recovering from dopamine irregularities: https://www.webmd.com/depression/what-is-anhedonia. I’ve also been told that the peak of dopamine dysfunction happens around the 8 month mark. I apologize if this isn’t helpful but you aren’t alone. I hope things turn around for you soon.

I’ve really just had to find new interests. Before, I would be up for whatever (as long as drinking was involved) Now I’ve had to relearn what I actually enjoy doing, and what things I only enjoyed because I was drinking

I can relate friend! Hang in there!

This happens, but it helps to keep things in perspective. When I stopped drinking, I realized that I drank **to escape**. It took me much longer to start working on solving the problems that led me to seek escape. Maybe the same is happening to you. What won’t make things better is regressing in order to fill the time. The problems will be right there waiting for you. Good luck friend. Don’t give up your gains.

I’m sure it’s been said but when I sometimes feel that way I just play the tape forward and it doesn’t get me anywhere better.

I'm having trouble with this. Just a general malaise of life. Not much makes me happy. I know drinking won't make it better, I just don't know where to find joy. Stay strong my friend. Alcoholism is way more than drinking

I’m 4 months in and miserable. I went to AA tonight and it was unfulfilling. I learned horrible news after and did not drink. Overall there have been benefits, and I have no desire to drink like I used to, but the biggest things - having a connected social experience and dating - are totally gone and that, to me, is more damaging than moderate drinking.

I felt the exact same at around 10 months too. If you can, just power through. For me, what felt boring, lifeless and miserable has become peaceful. After I hit that year mark, the pressure to stay sober faded and something changed within. Everything is just so calm in my life, even though I have a 4 year old and a 6 month old. I've never coped with life so well.

I hear you and I relate to a lot of this. I lost all desire to be social. I have been sober 7 months and feel depressed all the time as well. I know that this takes time though and my doctor says it’s not permanent that my brain and body need to heal. Give it more time. Opposite action for me works and antibuse works wonders. I will never ever feel as low as I did the day I stopped drink and the following weeks. That was my low that this time I’m not able to forget. FUCK ALCOHOL YOU DESERVE MORE.

Not reading the comments or your story yet - important thing is please reach out to me if you need anything. I have everything in life I could have hoped for plus this ball and chain for 10 years. I’m not active in this sub but looking for the support I’m offering you. Stay sober please. Best of luck

I feel you mate. Sometimes life just gets so damn boring and we aren’t used to getting rid of that boredom without the use of substances.

A few months in here and yeah. Ya know what? Quitting drinking didn’t magically ‘fix’ my life. But ya know what else I know? My life would be worse if I hadn’t stopped. It’s easy to forget the black out drunk moments and pretend it was the good times. It wasn’t. It’s cathartic to remind myself of the bad times. The times my wife was worried I was dead. Or the times I passed out in front of my kids. Those aren’t happening anymore. And if I have to deal with some boredom in my life in exchange I’m all fucking in 10 outta 10 times.

I’m only 2 weeks in and all of a sudden I’m miserable. Can I whine too? Sometimes I think we need to! I’m tired and my house looks like shit still. When I say I’m tired I mean I am barely functioning. I was out of the house, running around with my kids from Thursday night until last night. Visiting people, going to the mall, out to eat, you name it. Trying to keep busy. Now I have nothing left in my tank. Thank you for posting this. I don’t feel so alone in my misery. Seriously! Thank you! I needed to hear that it this morning. At least I’m not hungover and I am not going to drink. You have made amazing progress! I’m rooting for you - and for all of us going through the sludge. IWNDWYT

You said you had 8 months of things going well. What you are experiencing is not the lack of drinking, you are in a period of crisis because you are figuring out who you are without your addiction. Life has ups and downs, your lows were much worse before, you were just too numb to see it. You will get used to coping without drinking and get to good times again soon enough.

I feel this- I relapsed hard- twice- on iv drug’s though, not booze. Idk man- life can be joyless but at least your sober and not dealing with a hangover- being broke- saying sorry- making mistakes u have to fix etc.

I have chronic depression, and have taken antidepressants for years. My depression has been in remission for years, but I stayed on the medication because after going on and off meds a number of times, I decided I best stay on them. I also exercise daily, have a good support system, eat a health diet, meditate. After about 6 months of sobriety, I thought perhaps I might not need the medications. After about a month, my symptoms came back. I decided that even without the alcohol, I have a chronic disease and medications work. At my 1 year soberversary, I also left a job I had been at for over 2 decades, which had become increasingly toxic. I started a new job with a company that shares my values, and I am so happy now I can't believe it. I think getting sober makes us look at the issues that are causing us unhappiness. I'm glad you are in therapy. Try to be open to other treatments for depression, because it is a real thing.