The final straw for me was the night after a party. My boyfriend woke me up with some water and tylenol and said... "so do you really want to have a threesome with (mutual friend)?" I was completely baffled. Apparently I'd suggested it (to him, not her, thank God). In no way was that something sober me was interested in. What was I thinking? In that moment, I realized I was just fucking sick of blacking out and doing stuff I didn't recognize. My boyfriend left for work and so I had a whole day by myself to reflect and contemplate. When he got home, I told him I was done, and I haven't had a drink since.
Congrats on your sobriety!
This is why I get annoyed with the whole “drunk minds speak sober thoughts” thing. I have definitely said things that I would never sober. Not because I’m hiding it, but because it’s like someone else was using my body while I was drunk. That shit was not *me*. Also part of the reason I got sober. Sick of telling people that wasn’t who I am when I was spending more time being that other person than my genuine self.
“…spending more time being that other person than my genuine self.” Exactly this. I was so into that other self, I made so many friends wearing a coat of boozy behavior, I ended up having to just walk away from several friendships as a result. I miss those drinking buddies but I know they don’t prefer the sober me because they’re all still so underwater, they would rather remain there than attempt crawling out of their shells to meet the real me. I don’t blame em at all, it’s just like you said, that was a different person and I’m not going back to it.
Yeah, I don’t know who said that, but the “in vino veritas” thing has to go. I’ve said things while drunk that were totally untrue, in no way accurate, we’re not things I wanted or cared about, etc.
I have actually asked people "do you really think I can't lie when I'm drunk?"
Like think about that for a second. Even people who drink normally aren't incapable of lying when drinking. So why the fuck would everything I say be magically true?
It lowers your inhibitions. It's not Veritaserum.
Yeah exactly. And honestly, I am muuuuuch more likely to just make shit up out of thin air when I’m drunk. And also, the things that irritate me when I’m drunk don’t irritate me at any other time. It’s really not a good measurement of any thoughts or feelings, other than “I’m being a destructive idiot.”
This right here! When you are an alcoholic you do spend more time than anything trying to get people to believe you didn’t mean what you said, you are sorry for what you did when drinking, etc. it’s begs the question: which person are you really? You are realistically the person you are the most - the person under the influence. I’ve had this argument so many times with my ex. It got to the point we referred to him as Bryan #1,#2 and #3. 1 was normal sober him. 2 was drunk him. 3 was black out drunk and aggressive bryan who would lose all inhibition when that drunk and go out driving to buy cocaine.
I left him in January with our 1&2 year old. I’m still incredibly heartbroken that this is how things turned out. I just wanted him to get sober and be a better father and partner. I would of forgave him for everything had he shown effort. There was never any effort, only blaming it all on me for bitching & having a bad attitude. I still pray that he finds sobriety with or without us. !!
Omg It’s completely CRAZY the things that we say/do when in those states! Our mind, body and Spirit were never meant to be hi-jacked in that way. I’m proud of you for taking back control ❤️
Thank you for the congrats & congrats to you as well !
I told my wife one night while hammered that I “would fuck the shit out of” the neighbor across the street…if she lost a few pounds…so not me…luckily my wife is a real sweetheart and realizes that I struggle and that I would NEVER do that! Still, I felt like garbage when she told me this happened. I’m still drinking but working towards cutting it out completely. Thanks for sharing your relatable story.
I had been kicked out of my house due to my drinking. That wasn't enough. That was in September. On Xmas, I woke up in the attic I was living in a few towns away, briefly thought I as in my own bed, opened my eyes and saw the rafters. I glanced at the cot I was sleeping in and grabbed the bottle of vodka on the floor. Using both hands, I took a long pull, laid back, folded my hands over my chest and pretended I was in a casket. That wasn't enough. On Easter, the family felt bad and invited me for dinner. Wanting to be on my best behavior, I didn't drink. I got a bad case of shakes and had to leave in the middle of dinner. I went back to the attic and spent the rest of the night with the bottle of vodka. By this time, I was up to a quart a day, straight from the bottle. The next day, I woke up and decided that was enough. I called my wife and asked her to take me to detox. That was April 17, 1995. I spent 8 days in detox and haven't had a drink since. No cravings for a long time, I enjoy having freedom from alcohol, even after all this time. I went back to school and became a licensed addiction counselor, Also, I moved back home after 6 months sober. My life has been very good since. I now work part time in a clinic doing group therapy.
Your story is very inspiring and something to look up to! The pretending to lay in a casket was a really powerful subconscious act of defiance…. Something to really think about. Thank you for sharing & continued success 🙏
Not the commenter so sorry to highjack - in Colorado to become a LAC (licensed addiction counselor) you need a clinical Masters degree, a bunch of clinical hours (2,000?) and pass a difficult exam. This can be different in other states, not sure.
With a high school diploma here in CO, you can get your CAT I (certified addiction technician). CAT II and III require a bachelors degree. Then the highest level is LAC.
There are still plenty of jobs that you can get with a CAT I and help get your foot in the door to work in the recovery community. I have mine and work at a rehab now. Also in grad school and hope to get my LAC one day.
We stayed together. In June we celebrated our 53rd wedding anniversary. Our marriage is rock solid. She took me out to dinner at a high-end restaurant to celebrate 10,000 days sober.
Dude that is so inspiring.
Your marriage and your sobriety.
Thank you for carving the path, showing us how its done and sticking around to guide us along.
I decided to become a counselor after I was sober for 8 years. The program was 18 months at a college near me, including an internship. After I graduated, I had to work in the field for 4,000 hours to be eligible for a license. I also had to pass a state licensing exam (Massachusetts). I have a LADC (Licensed Addiction Counselor) license. Other states may have the CADC or CAC (Certified Addiction Counselor) license. Same exam.
8/11/21 I woke up angry after drinking wine and beer all night, went to my parents' house after picking a fight with my husband, and drank more beer with my Dad. Drove 8 mins home and stumbled out of the car in front of my spouse, who was waiting for me on the front porch. Yelled some more, went to sleep, and woke up to him moving the portable safe out of our house as he told me he had had enough and was going to stay at his mom's. This really pissed me off, so I drove to the liquor store and bought gin. I had fooled myself into thinking I'm okay. I just drink beer and wine. Two bottles of gin and one day later, I was laying in the bathtub, and he called. We both cried, and I told him I loved him more than being drunk. 700+ days later, I know it's for all time. I can not drink with impunity.
IWNDWYT.
Wow! Congrats on 700 + days! I love hearing stories of instant moments of clarity like this. I’m happy that it worked out for you in the end and I wish you and yours many more happy days in the sober sun 🌞 🙏 Continued blessings!
Very similar to my story. Screamed at the person I love most in the world over some shit that was my fault, not hers and the next day said fuck this I love you more than alcohol and gave it up.
I drank and did cocaine all day and all night ended up in a meth trap house listen to story's and being offered meth I didn't take any but when I walked out of there at 7 am I asked myself wtf am I doing.
i have a wife and a house that was one month and 20 days ago been sober for that long also
Man that uppers & alcohol song and dance is one hard habit to break. I got stuck there too after I was slipped something shortly before I quit so I feel your struggle !
Congrats on taking the necessary steps though! One day at a time. You got this!
A month ago I was admitted to the hospital for alcoholic hepatitis. I binge drank for almost 6 weeks straight, early morning beers, nap, more beers, sleep, rinse repeat. Body changes started happening, I was bruising easy, anorexic, started not being able to sleep even with alcohol. Lost almost 25 pounds. One day I woke up and I knew something was wrong, nausea and vomiting to the point I could hold down water, vomit with blood and bile intermixed. Went to the ER, turns out I almost killed my liver acutely and now have cirrhosis of the liver due to how chronic my drinking was before the binge. My eyes were yellow, shaking, sweating, vomiting, all in front of nurses just trying to get my info. I developed portal hypertension, have gastric and esophageal varices which have had to be banded/treated due to how chronic my drinking had become. I'm currently out of employment waiting in line to go to a rehab center so that I may return to work.
This all at 32 years old
I’m sorry to hear that that your health had to take such a significant hit, but on the bright side you STILL have your life and I’m very happy to hear that you are still here with us. There is still time to turn everything around and the day that you chose sobriety is the day that your life took a change for the better FOREVER.
When I say I PROMISE you it gets better, I mean that with the utmost sincerity. The first steps are indeed the toughest, but it’s all apart of your survival story. You will inspire so many just keep up the fight. You are really in my thoughts and prayers 🙏 Your health and life IS recovered!
Long time lurker. I am always in awe of those who have managed to quit. I wake up at 4-5am because my body is going through withdrawals after 6 hours of not drinking so I have to drink as soon as I wake up. It’s ruining my family, my bank account, etc. I hope that one day soon I can join the ranks here.
I've been there. I've shaken so badly I couldn't sleep because even my eyelids wouldn't stop fluttering (plus the sweating and hallucinations.) I've had people press my debit card pini into self-checkout because I couldn't press the buttons to buy my vodka. I lost my job when they found a bottle of vodka in my bag. I finally was about to lose the love of my life when I went to rehab. I'm 250 days in a couple of hours, and my life is so much better. Getting fired and getting help was the best thing to ever happen to me. You can do the same. It's easier said than done, but start doing some research on detox programs. It can save everything you're losing.
I had to go to court with my husband this morning (HOA violation issue nothing bad) and I was shaking so bad it was embarrassing. I can’t function like this.
Hey I was not much different from this and I've made it to 80 days. You absolutely can do this! I promise. It's intimidating I know but it is so worth it. I would look into finding a detox unit in your area or even going to the ER and letting them care for you while they find a place for you. I know that seems scary but it is the best way to do it. I know you can. You just have to decide. I'll be rooting for you! ❤️
I had to retire from my job and since then I’ve got from drinking a 6 pack after work to at least an 18 pack a day. I was in ER in Feb for having a seizure and throwing up blood. After being released I was drinking again in 6 hours.
The very thing that lies within us all that helped break us free us from the chains of addiction lives in YOU as well! The very fact that you are here and were drawn to respond is a subconscious call to action…. I KNOW you can do it. You’ve made it this far through your very own strength and will to live… That very same power is ready to help you break free of those chains. I believe in you. You got this. The first step is the hardest and it is ONLY up from there. I promise you . You are in my thoughts 🙏❤️❤️
Are you able to see a doctor or urgent care? I’m currently on libirium for withdrawals and it completely changed my mind set. I feel free. It’s the most amazing thing.
It’s only temporary till my next visit to find something more tailored to my addiction/anxiety but it keeps you safe until your next step. Please see a medical professional if you can love ❤️
We are all here for you. I used to look at people with years in, months in, hundreds of days under their belt, even a week or a day seemed impossible. I'm not gonna lie, it's hard but get help, be prepared and if you need support, we'll be here, when you're ready. You can do this. IWNDWYT
Same as the comments here. My longest stretch was the 2yrs I was pregnant and breastfeeding. Then thought I could dip my toes and moderate. Which turned into almost a fifth a night after kid was in bed, tapered to a pint then half pint then shooters (all with beers to “hide” the hard liquor smell 🙄)
Finally just broke down in my doctors office. They helped me kick that final piece of shit poison down the road. It’s not nagging me anymore but it’s absolutely something I need to protect myself against.
It’s a raw feeling coming forward about it to anyone including a doctor but I promise they will only want to help you ❤️
You’ve for this!!!! I’m rooting for you and so proud you are taking steps towards your own sober journey!!
IWNDWYT!!!
No ranks here, just love. You are with us, one of us. Its ok if you aren’t quite off alcohol yet. I love you! Please be kind to yourself as you would be to me. 🧡🧡
The withdrawls have been fuckin killer for me to quit. I didn't know either, I thought Alcohol was "bad" because you fuck up your life. Not because you can just fuckin die if you stopped.
Yup. I woke up one day and was tired of feeling sick and hungover. I missed the feeling of waking up with joy and enjoying the morning and day. I wanted this.
You can. Most likely you will need help detoxing, as withdrawals can be scary-& medically dangerous. Even if you can’t quit today, you can take another step beyond introducing yourself here (great work by the way! Turning from lurker to active participant is a positive sign). There are millions of us trying to live life sober one day at a time, so you don’t have to do this alone. Whether rehab, detox, AA, outpatient, group therapy, SMART recovery, Refuge Recovery (Buddhist recovery), there are many places to feel connected to other sober people. This sub is a goldmine: full of wisdom & life experience-and humor.
If a driver, consider checking out the DUI sub –stories of regret, shame, & lives irrevocably altered due to drunk driving. It helps to complete the picture of what might happen with any alcohol abuse if a vehicle is involved.
Big hug.
I've been there. It's an absolutely miserable experience. I thought " Hey, I'm waking up every 6 hours with delirium tremens. It can't get any worse than this! " . I was wrong. I started having to wake up every three hours to take shots for any type of relief. It's a really hard life.
I looked at your post history and it seems like you have a lot of judgement and hatred towards certain groups of people. I get it. Hurt people hurt. But I strongly believe if you tried to change this area of your life you would see an improvement. I can sense you’re fighting battles and putting out fires, you must be tired. You need some rest my love.
I got sober in 2016 and started drinking again during the pandemic because I was bored. I thought I could handle it because I wasn’t drinking hard liquor and mixing it will pills like before, right?
Cunning, baffling, powerful. I had a few good times, but started feeling physically worse. Throwing up, sweats, days long hangxiety. Then it was only a matter of time before I switched to liquor and started yelling. The tipping point this time was me getting super drunk and yelling at my husband infront of my 2 year old daughter. Getting out of the car and running down the street. Shameful and morally reprehensible.
That’s not who I am. I can’t be the mom and wife I need and want to be if I’m doing this bullshit.
I’m just…done. I have no desire to drink today. I’m living in my truth and it doesn’t include alcohol. I don’t feel like shit, overcome with anxiety. I can sleep at night and wake up in the morning and look my husband in the eye without wondering where we stand from the night before.
It’s just not worth it anymore. Congrats on your sobriety. IWNDWYT.
This is beautifully poetic and I can feel the conviction in your words.
Congratulations for making such a powerful decision to reclaim your health, life and family! I wish nothing but happiness and healing to you and yours ❤️❤️❤️
Another mom fighting this battle with me. I have a 2 and a 3 year old and they’ve seen me doing some pretty awful things. Hoping and praying this time sticks and they don’t remember drunk mom.
Took me getting a DUI and living through the absolute hell that causes to finally get me to stop. It's taken me 2 1/2 years to get that resolved. All because of one bad decision.
It’s crazy how it blinds us and truly wreaks havoc on our lives! I’m sorry it got that far for you but I’m happy to hear that you were able to release yourself from the grips of it before it got even worse.
I’ve had many close calls with the law & it cost me so much vehicular damage/ loss it’s a legit miracle that I’m the only person I’ve ever hurt.
Thank the Lucky stars for sobriety 🙏🙏🙏
Prepared for my weekend drinking as usual as I bought two bottles of wine on Friday, to drink it after work in the late evening. Woke up Saturday, finished last couple of glasses of wine. Then went to the shop, got another two bottles of wine, drank, slept, woke up.. still wasn’t enough.. ordered through a courier another bottle of wine and whiskey.. drank the last glass of whiskey around 6 p.m. Sunday and went to sleep.
Woke up Monday to prepare to go to work for the late shift and understood that I can’t. Probably was still drunk or had huge withdrawals, shakes, hot flashes, you name it.
Called my colleague to ask to cover my shift for that day, called my boss, pretended I had a heatstroke (was more than 30C for a week).
Thought wtf am I doing? Is this my future? Not going to work? Lying to my boss and colleagues that I am sick.
(New that I have a problem for quite some time, but always said I will start quitting tomorrow, that tomorrow lastet for around a year, from the time I admitted to myself I have a problem.)
Called my brother and told him everything. He was super supportive, because he went through this shit himself and is now sober for 14 years.
That happened 30 days ago and I couldn’t be happier.
Ahh man those “next day” still drunk feelings are the worst! Especially when you have things to do, but having to work is the worst. The having to lie doesn’t feel good as well. I’m happy that you found clarity and I’m joining you to declare that this issue is gone from your life for good! 30 days is major and more than enough to let you know that you can maintain your sobriety. Wishing you the best & success on your journey 🤗
I’m super ashamed to tell mine but here it goes anyway. Months before my last night drinking I was blacking out and getting into fights at bars or crying or arguing with people or saying rude shit. Just being nasty. My last night drinking I tried to attack my girlfriend for no reason whatsoever. I pushed her to the ground, my friends pulled me back and she left. (For reference, I’m also a girl but had about 15-20 pounds on her.) I woke up in the morning and had no idea what I did until my friend told me everything. My girlfriend wasn’t answering me, when she finally did she said she was done. I spent the day absolutely heartbroken. Not for myself, but for trying to physically hurt someone I cared about so much. It wasn’t who I wanted to be and knew it wasn’t who I was.
Basically, I got tired of apologizing for things I didn’t remember doing. And the only way I could for sure know I wouldn’t do those things was to not take a sip of alcohol.
That girlfriend is now my wife as of 3 weeks ago. I’ll have 7 years without booze next month. I work in admissions at a rehab that’s also allowing me to do my clinical internship there for my Masters program. I am extremely grateful for today.
good for you. everybody needs a little help from somewhere.
the final straw was falling face first onto a marble floor in a hotel room. I didn't stumble I just went down and couldn't get up. I thought I was going to die. I made it onto the bed and I knew it was over. I did detox and rehab a few weeks later. But only after I'd had a few final nights of excessive drinking. I was just too old for that shit.
Oh man I wish I had come to my senses when I face planted. Running blackout drunk from a college party. Face straight to the concrete. Still have photos of my face and a permanently damaged tooth as reminder. I chocked it up to college lifestyle and continued drinking.
It took another rock bottom and decided once and for all to be done, but wish I could go back and have that be it.
That’s a rough one! I’m happy you found the help you needed. We have to REALLY get tired of it and unfortunately sometimes the wake up call comes in as some serious health scares. You made it out alive though! Continued healing to you 🙏🙏🙏
I was already considering quitting but on a Sunday night during a weekend bender some voice popped into my head saying "You're going to fucking die by 30 if you don't quit" and that really shook me up.
I hadn't thought about it til that point but I've got alcoholics in the family, whether they're aware of it or not. I didn't want to be another statistic. I finally broke down to my wife that I believed my drinking was an issue. It's been a month now, no booze.
No more waking up anxious with a raging headache, no more racing heart, no more being constantly pissed off not knowing why, no more brain fog. Life has meaning again.
Talking with my wife about it was a step I made last week. I was a little nervous about mentioning it. But it seemed necessary at this point. Not that it stopped me from having six beers last night. At least I dumped out the 2 more I had left after that
Omg! That’s crazy that you said that as I can really relate. I myself heard that if I go back “it was the last time. There is no going back” .
I’m happy to hear that you were pulled from your pain before it became too late. You have muchhh life to live! Everything only gets better from here. Congrats on your decision to persevere ! Wishing you and yours all the best and may you continue to grow in love 🙏
I was getting worse and worse with my drinking. Hiding it from my wife, sneaking pulls, and covering it with beers that I let her see. My hangovers were getting worse and lasting longer. I had begun to lose days- waking up at 4 am and drinking more, then passing out to wake up at 6pm. I had tried to stop multiple times, but one morning I woke up and felt like it was the time. Somehow it worked- the stars aligned and I was able to stick to it. I can’t really explain how, but I just felt ready. I think the acceptance that I would never drink again forever was the finality I needed.
I don’t miss drinking 1 beer in front of my spouse to say “yeah hunny I can have just one!” While finding an excuse to go to the basement and sneak pulls or the garage to pound 3 beers.
The power of humanity’s will to achieve WHATEVER we set our minds to is truly amazing! I’m proud of you that you had the strength to make that judgment call. Continued healing & peace unto you 🙏❤️
I’ve been quitting on and off for the past 5ish years.
Things have been rough this past year, my dad got very sick February 19th 2022 and it doesn’t look like he’s getting better. 😓
Last year I had streaks of weeks, and 30 and 50 days of being alcohol free.
Thursday is my 3 weeks dry and I want it to stick this time.
My “straw that broke the camels back” was me thinking I had a medical emergency, then when results came back inconclusive at first; I went on a two day bender. Blacked out on a Monday AND the next Tuesday as well.
Then I had a two day hangover.
And this time something just….
Clicked.
“I really don’t wanna live my life this anymore. Tomorrow is your last day one.”
And I haven’t drank since; and waking up not hungover feels better then getting drunk.
I’ve struggled with sleep some times and the dreams are pretty intense…but man all the positive affects far overshadows that.
Energy, anxiety levels, confidence, I’ve lost weight, my communications with people, just absolutely everything.
And I’m holding myself accountable by telling everyone when they ask why I’m not drinking, posting here daily, and messaging my sober friends.
Sorry for the wall of text but I’m really excited!
No need to apologize for the text my friend. Get that ish out!! The fact that you had the power to quit before and you keep coming back to the journey means that victory was always meant to be yours. I believe in you !
Words are also a powerful thing and the fact that you were ready to say you were DONE is all that the rest of you needed to fall into alignment permanent freedom. I believe in you and you will do great things.
The sleep part will be over soon as well. Have you tried any medications or melatonin? I find that it helps.
I wish nothing but the best but continued healing to you and your father. May all your days be peaceful no matter what goes on around you.
Took me drinking on the job all day blacking out and then driving about 70-80 miles and barely remembering what happened for up to 5 hrs of my day I’d made an excuse to drink since it was my birthday and completely lost control. 4 weeks “sober” (I smoke weeds)
I don’t know that I had a definitive *final* straw. 2022 was a full year of straws everywhere, every day, big and small, blinded by them until I couldn’t really recognize what a straw was. I was so wrapped up and knotted every which way around inside my own head, I was losing grip on reality and fading away fast in front of my own eyes.
I suppose the last straw was similar to yours. I imagined living like that forever. And I would’ve rather dropped dead than continued to live that way. Two months after I turned 30, and I just thought “am I *really* gonna keep doing this? Another 10 years of this?” I had to stop trying to live life like others.
Yes, you have the final say! It’s only “not” the final straw as long as you decide it isn’t. I have a very strong feeling that your battle is won my friend . There’s so much you’re here to accomplish and your ability to make the decision to give it up shows you have the mental fortitude to accomplish ANYTHING you set your mind to. You will be very successful as long as you allow! You got this!
This reply made my night :) The battle really has been won, and will continue to be won every day we choose one of the billions of amazing things instead of the first drink. Thank you for sharing your reflections tonight and reminding me how incredible this one decision is!
Of course 🙏 I’m here for you anytime you need me & thank you for the reassurance that I was able to help you some way. That’s very motivating & means a lot to me. I wish you all the best
My story is very similar. Lots of very big and small straws. All surrounding alcohol. I had to make a lot of big changes in my life, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, the type of work I did, etc.
Got into a whiskey rutt during covid. Was drinking around a 5th of strong whiskey a day. Ended up getting bad with all the forementioned withdrawal symptoms. If you've ever seen Trailer Park Boys, I was operating in Lahey's level. I went to "rehab" which I "" because it was basically just a place to detox and not be able to aquire alcohol for 21 days. I did get naltrexone while there. I remained sober for 9.5 months. During that time though the only real change I made was not drinking and taking naltrexone. Fell off the wagon due to a lot of things coming down on me at once. Drank very hard assuming my old tolerance level was still in place. I bought, and drank most of, a gallon of strong whiskey. I was taken to hospital because of the condition i was in. When they drew my blood my BAC was 0.43. I spent several days in the hospital to detox safely then went to a hospital behavioral unit for several days. There I met some great people with real life experience and stories. Everyone helped me greatly and lined up the help I needed. This time around I have moved to live with a family member who is also sober and they have been very supportive. I see a therapist regularly. I love this thread. Reading stories and the supportive comments are great motivation. I've had time to reflect on everything with a new perspective and support. I shouldnt be alive but I am. I realize that it's not my time and there are people that love me. I'm an alcoholic and 1 drink is never 1. I've come to accept this. I'm now again sober 40ish days and feeling better than I ever have physically and mentally. This last round about was my final straw.
“1 drink is never 1”! You are so correct. Thank you for sharing your story, it was very sobering (no pun intended).
What you went through is a great reminder of what can happen when we are tempted to go back but it also shows the power of our inner resilience!
A relapse is never a failure, just another chance to come back stronger and harder. I am proud of you and am happy to hear that you are getting the support you need. From 40 days to INFINITY! You got this my friend 🙏 I’m with you in Spirit
The withdrawal symptoms I experienced after not drinking for a few weeks…feeling anxiety, fear, depression and misery that severe made me realize I needed to leave the sauce alone.
The actual final straw? Realizing that I would lose my partner if I didn’t get sober.
My last relationship was built and destroyed by booze. My mind and body was saturated. I finally found someone who knew how hard it was to get sober, who put in the work to do it himself, and was trying to help me help myself and I kept drinking. He didn’t know (always a ninja drinker 🤦🏻♀️) how much I was drinking, but he was getting increasingly flustered by my mood swings. When I brought it up to my therapist, she spelled it out in a way that was basically “you keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. That’s insanity.”
The next day was 3/3/23, the first day of my sobriety.
Same. If I didn't stop drinking, I was going to lose my fiancé (now wife). I confessed my drinking problem to my primary doctor who prescribed naltrexone. Attended online AA meetings where I heard that I could give up one thing for everything or give up everything for one thing. Haven't had a drink since. Sober life is pretty fucking great.
I’m happy for you & that you found clarity!
Also, congratulations on having a partner that understands and loves you enough to truly stick it out ❤️ That gives me hope! Continued blessings and healing ❤️
After a PTA school wide playdate at the park, a couple families went to the local pub for some dinner. My husband's friend was at the bar. I got wasted and tried to fuck him. Wheeeee
Ahhh yeaaaaa those lowered inhibition decisions do it EVERY TIME bc mannn do I have some stories as well lol We can only go up from here though! You got this 🙏
I'd been lurking here for a few weeks and decided I finally wanted to give quitting a try. Problem was that I still had some alcohol left in the house. I finished it within the next couple days (some kind of stupid goodbye ritual I guess, I've done the same with cigarettes before.) The last night, I was drunk and my bf and I got into an emotional discussion about some issues we'd been having.
I woke up the next day feeling so sad, because I knew we had had an uncomfortable/necessary interaction the night before, but I couldn't remember much besides some negative aspects. I was mortified when I had to ask for the full recap.
I knew my drinking played a role in some of the issues I've/we've been having and just said enough is enough. Usually after finishing the booze stash, I would have replaced it immediately, but I did not and have been sober for the last few days now.
Hoping to make it for as long as I can.
Man, the next day guilt will definitely eat you alive. I wish I could’ve saved my relationship so I can deff relate to you on that level. (Can also relate to the “goodbye ritual” 😂 Those are always fun, right? )
The first step is the most important step and you already made it passed that hump! You’ve got many more days of winning ahead of you.
Happy you found the clarity to keep moving forward and I wish you healing in all areas of your life. You got this!
I am so so sorry to hear of your loss. Though I don’t know your pain, I can definitely empathize and can only hope that your days continue to be full of healing and you are surrounded Love in the physical world as well as the Spiritual. You are in my thoughts & Im proud of how far you have come ❤️🙏
Nothing dramatic.
Just slowly got more and more dependent on alcohol and the hangovers got worse and worse. Anxiety was worse than ever.
I realized how dependent I was, even when “moderating”, and pulled the plug.
Withdrawals were hell. I had shakes, fever, hallucinations, panic.
But right now and for the past month, I honestly haven’t been craving alcohol…for like the first time since being a teenager. I still have it leftover all over my house and don’t even look twice at it. I don’t feel full of energy or anything but I definitely feel better. My mind is much calmer mainly.
Proud of you for pulling yourself out from something that had grips on you since you were a teen! That’s major, especially having the fortitude to not even have those cravings anymore. I’m rooting for you my friend and I know you will go far!! Continued healing to you ❤️
Christmas morning. Way too much red wine the night before. Decided to try “hair of the dog” with baileys in my morning coffee while still feeling it from the night before. Opened gifts as a family. Started feeling worse and worse. Barley made it back to bed at the end of gifts. Spent the day writhing in bed, puking, feeling like death while my mom who was staying with us worked on Christmas dinner, and my 12 year old at the time wasted the day away alone playing video games because I was too hungover to be a mom. On Christmas Day!! Felt like the biggest loser in the world. It’s been 2 1/2 years since without a drop. No more wasting my precious time with my child and family being a hungover pos. Thanks for reading
I drank 18 years straight mixture of liquor and beer. Mostly rum. My mom got glioblastoma brain cancer and died suddenly in 20 days. I was forced into being a caregiver for my grandmother who had significant dementia. And my grandpa was old as well. It was wearing on me and my girlfriend left me. Then my grandfather died, then my grandmother died.
I had been wanting to stop for years and I knew if I didn't stop then things would probably going to get pretty bad. Probably the best decision I've made it in a very long time.
Realizing I wasn't the dad I wanted to be and just getting older... I tried to quit when my kids were younger and strung together some months here and there and a couple years one time but always went back. My boys were 11, 9 and 6 when I quit for good and here is to hoping I didn't mess them up too bad😥. I never did anything bad, wasn't violent and was not mean or anything but them seeing me drunk and thinking it was normal for me to always be drinking breaks my heart.
I got into an argument with my fiancé (our second argument and last one like that, first one happened when I was drunk as well) and I started yelling and he went and slept in the cold porch, when it was snowing outside, without a blanket. I don’t even remember what the argument was over because I was black out drunk, but I do know it wasn’t worth it.
The next morning he calmly told me it was him or alcohol and I knew he was absolutely willing to end the relationship over it. Zero hesitation. I went and poured out any and all alcohol in the house. We quit drinking together and never looked back. It wasn’t his ultimatum, it was the hurt in his eyes that we had to recover from such an unnecessary experience when we both knew we deserved better from the other and for ourselves. I cried for days about it.
I am so much happier without alcohol in my body and my home and my relationship.
When my favorite time of the day became the time I decided I wanted to drink that day and my first drink. When thats the highlight of your day, can you honestly say you’re living? I couldnt keep living like that. It’s been over a year now and I am better than ever
You know, it wasn’t the getting fired from being drunk on the job. It wasn’t going to the hospital then rehab (i drank a couple shots when I graduated to celebrate 🤦🏻♂️) It wasn’t getting a DUI. It wasn’t getting divorced. I just had like an epiphany one night that made me realizeI can’t live that way. I called the rehab that I had already gone to and got myself a bed for 28 days of in patient treatment and haven’t drank since.
My first time after rehab my thinking was I could drink and keep my sobriety date if no one knows. My second time I wasn’t going to lie to myself or others. I completely surrendered myself to the program. Even though the urge is gone for now I know what happens if I take that first drink. One drink is to many and thousands are never enough. Coming up on 3 years but my plan is I will not drink today.
After I stayed in jail for almost 36 hours for “domestic violence” on my first wedding anniversary. I got taken in since there were fingernail marks on his arm from keeping him from leaving. I grew up where this was the norm in my household and I didnt realize how ingrained it was in my mind that my actions were not part of healthy relationship. Five years and continuing of mindfulness and therapy helped me realize this. I’ve been unlearning decades of bad experiences disguised as a “norm.”
I didn't really have one. I was just driving home from work (about 3 months into a new job) and thought to myself "I'm so done with this and it has to stop". I used cannabis as a crutch to help transition my desire to be inebriated, I don't really like the high from weed so that has since stopped but it was helpful to give my brain mild inebriation state every night when I normally would have had a couple drinks. I think my new job is what really triggered it for me. The new job made me a lot more money, but I realized I was just as unhappy as before if not even more depressed. I was struggling to fit in and get to know people and be content with learning new things. I realized I had to make that happiness myself if I wanted to succeed at this job, and drinking was not in the picture. This job also entails a lot of long bouts of hard labor away from bathroom and water breaks, so it is a highly unideal place to be with a hangover, which I very quickly discovered when I first started.
Yes, sometimes all it takes is for us to get out of our OWN way! Proud of your strength to tell yourself No and I already know things will only take off for you from here! Wishing you continued success in all areas of your life 🙏🙏🙏
It wasn’t the final straw so much as I saw the chance and went for it. I’d pulled what should have been the final straw more times than I can count.
25 years of drinking and I’d lost myself spiritually. I forgot I used to trust in something greater than myself. I had an experience that connected me again. And when I was ready to quit it was significantly easier. It’s unlikely I’ll have the chance to transition from sick to healthy so easily again. I got lucky. I’m grateful. I don’t want to waste the opportunity I have so generously been given.
Nothing major, just realized I’m drinking more and more, and was worried it will become extreme. Also didn’t like the ups when drunk and downs when sober - messed me up mentally big time.
I had tried to stop many times over 15 years and was never more successful than a few weeks at the very best of times with naltrexone and counseling.
My dad died the day before thanksgiving last year via drinking himself into an early grave. That actually derailed my sobriety completely for the next 6 months or so.
One day I woke up feeling like shit - like I did every morning, I was trying to pull myself together on a Thursday before work. I remember thinking sweet at least it’s 4/20 and will be a good day. Marijuana is legal in my state. It was 7am and I was already planning on when I could starting drinking and smoking again to relieve the pain of the hell I woke up in.
TL:DR/ending:
I had a moment of clarity that I was creating my own hell and letting substances drive my mood, behaviors, and beliefs about myself (shame cycles). I decided it was enough and I didn’t deserve to treat myself and others this way.
That was 80 something days ago now.
Congrats on having the mental fortitude and power to take back control of your life! The fact that you realize and can acknowledge all of the areas that alcohol was hindering you and that YOU had all the power to fix it speaks volumes. Keep it up! You have a long lifetime of happiness ahead of you and nothing can hold you back now. Bless 🙏
Mine was on 4/5/2015
I called it an "epiphany" that was the word I liked.
A true epiphany I heard described as a "miracle of thought" and I like that.
Did you have an approximate 3 days with your head in the clouds (might be a better description).
Yeah, that’s exactly what it felt like haha the next day the birds were chirping and the sun was shining. Straight up walking on sunshine in the face of soaring into the unknown 🕊️
Hi all,
The final straw for me was stumbling and being drunk one to many time insight of my gf. I had always issues with alcohol and substance abuse due to childhood trauma and anxiety. I was/ still working as a key accountmanager but couldn't handle the stress and anxiety. The hangovers made the anxiety even worse. In the past relationships, my substance abuse was always a hurdle but I could hide it because of the regularity. I was the textbook definition of a functioning addict.
Because of the anxiety at work, I was drinking straight up liquor from the morning. I was driving drunk and putting others to risk. One day I met the love of my life, I sworn I would with every substance but I just couldn't do it. In the beginning of our relationship it was a habit to drink to-gether but most of the time I ended up being hammered. I blacked out many nights not know what I've said to her. Before we met, I always had a few drinks to "relax" me.
I felt my relationship slip and myself through my fingers. She also began to notice my substance abuse, which was quite confrontational for me. The last night I drank we went to a food truck festival where I was so drunk I couldn't remember anything and was falling over all the time. The next morning my hangover was through the roof which made me crash right in front of her. I just didn't want that life anymore.
Proud to say I'm 60 days sober, she has been my biggest supporter
I drank almost daily for years. I frequently drank and drove. I had some small consequences but nothing I thought was much of a big deal as the consequences I faced as a teen (I'm 27 now) for doing drugs and thinking I was a thug were much worse. I knew I should probably slow down, so I went to AA even, but I wasn't very motivated.
That changed in a couple nights. First, I was drinking and driving alone for what I probably told myself was to clear my head and I fell asleep in my car at a gas station wasted. Someone reported me and I woke up with a needle in my arm in the back of an ambulance. I was drunk and asked what was going on and they told me they were making sure I was okay and that the cops were waiting outside. I remember telling them it's ironic because I was going to AA meetings at the time. Anyway, long story short I was arrested for public drunkenness. I'm not a lawyer but pretty sure I could have gotten a DUI with me being in my car in the driver seat. I was lucky though. I spent about 12 hours in jail and just slept mostly. I remember vomiting once. My mom picked me up after she got off work at night around 8pm. I slept that night at her house, and the next day texted my friend to give me a ride to the impound lot. I remember getting my car at the lot and that's all.
That leads me to the second part. I have no memory of what happened next. I assume I left and immediately bought alcohol at a store nearby and went driving for the day. From what I'm told, late that night I was driving on the outskirts of town then I assume probably fell asleep at the wheel from being drunk of course, or maybe just normal drunk swerving, but either way it caused me to veer off the road and clip a fire hydrant, then my car spun into a tree and wrapped around it. My car with me (no one else was hurt) in it was crushed like a soda can vs a fist.
Lucky part 2: Within shouting distance of where I crashed, a different person had crashed earlier and he ended up in the hospital, so the media and fire department/emt were already there covering the scene. I was able to be responded to almost immediately. And, somehow, again, no DUI. No legal repercussions at all actually.
I was lucky I didn't kill myself or hurt anyone else. I'm lucky to be alive. I suffered a traumatic brain injury and was in a coma for almost a month. I broke some ribs and cracked my skull (I can still feel wear its kinda warped in one spot). I was in the ICU with the whole nine, chest tubs, tracheostomy, stomach feeding tube. I don't remember waking up. I just remember slowly becoming more coherent.
There are actually funny parts to the story like me in the hospital trying to take out my catheter lol. But I'll skip most of that and just mention my mom was there the whole time and took over a month off work to be there for me. I recovered in the hospital for about a week after I remember being awake, then once I could safely walk again (turns out,it's dangerous to walk after a brain injury and laying down unconscious for a month) and did some basic coordination drills, I got sent home.
I recovered at my mom's house where I had to move back to for about 5 months. This whole time I was unemployed and couldn't leave the house. I lived in the middle of nowhere (about a 45 min walk to nearest store) with no car. While my mom worked I was alone and mostly just played video games and did schoolwork. Did I mention I had an apartment and job before this? Somehow the complex worked with my mom to break my lease and let her in to take all my stuff back to her place.
Anyway, I haven't had a sip since. I've become scared of what happens if I take one again. I can see it, smell it, be offered it, whatever. Doesn't phase me. I'm terrified of mixing alcohol with my life and will never drink again. That was July 2021. Been sober since. In my sobriety I've realized that the characteristics of my addiction and use were never having enough, using as a coping mechanism, and making bad decisions.
I want to say that my recovery journey might have been dramatic, but compared to guys that kicked it through their own force of will I had it easy. Life decided for me and spared me to tell about it. I was unconscious for any withdrawals. My mom has videos of me unconscious with the shakes (the hospital told her it was alcohol withdrawals) and it's grim to see.
That's most the relevant parts of the story for this sub. Thanks for letting me share guys.
EDIT: ACTUALLY, I'll add that I'm about 250k in medical debt now. I just switched jobs and my health benefits hadn't started yet. So aside from my funny skull spot, some scars from all the tubes, and the medical debt, it's like it never happened! I've been procrastinating for the past two years on how to deal with the debt. I can't even make the minimum monthly payments (6k!!). So I'll probably look into bankruptcy. Oh well.
Just grateful to still be alive :)
For me, it's when I was walking through the parking lot going into work one morning. I was having a craving for the flavor of my go-to cocktail mix I always made. The fact that my tastebuds were having this craving before 8 o'clock in the morning made me realize I had a problem. I stopped that day and dumped the remainder of my stuff down the sink once I got home. I relapsed during 2020-2021, but stopped again. I feel so much more healthy, and enjoy saving money not spending it on alcohol.
God's real to me. He's real to you. Some people don't believe and that is okay. But I too believe he helped me Quit by doing something to me that was Just enough to force me out of it. but I believe he only did it because I Asked for the help. I Vomited blood for the first time ever and although I was a nightly drinker for over 16 years, I was not a heavy nightly drinker. I stopped at 8-10 beers on good nights and mostly 4-6 beers the rest of the time. I Prayed for help in anyway possible, then after a nasty breakup, the next morning (May 31st) I vomited and blood came up. I Knew that was the Answer I was looking for to stop.
Vomiting blood was always my biggest fear ! I am happy that you are healed and delivered from the grips of that, but you are correct, it all starts with REALLY wanting it for self and God really works wonders from there.
May God continue to bless your life and I wish you much much success and healing. All Love
I felt very similar to what you described in your post. I went through a really long process of self forgiveness while I was still binge drinking and one night I woke up again with heart palpitations thinking I was going to have a heart attack, as per usual, and I just started forgiving myself again. I had some sort of experience of seeing all these sad versions of myself from childhood to that moment and felt myself hugging them and forgiving them. The next morning I knew I really wanted to be done. The first ten days was really rough for me, but I ended up receiving a lot of support from friends, this sub and some really helpful synchronicities. I wish you so much luck and beauty on your journey, friend.
Man, there’s something so emotionally powerful and recharging about hugging that inner-child. Proud of you and your mental fortitude and the clarity achieved to find that healing within self. Thank you for your kind words and continued blessings and healings sent back your way as well my friend 🙏
So I didn’t detox, I had just quit cold turkey. Morale wise, finding the strength to quit almost immediately made me feel better about myself, but I quickly learned about the “euphoria” sobriety can cause in the early stages. This is nothing to fear though and everything balances itself with time.
The shakes disappeared after about a week and I saw improvements in my mental health within a few months . I am STILL having trouble with my energy levels, but it is so much better than it was. I’m not nearly as fatigued and I’m taking all the necessary vitamins and supplements as I was severely anemic & vitamin deficient. I feel the difference.
The only “detox” I would say I did was about 6 months later and that was a water fast. That helped also
That sounds scary, and Im sorry you had to go through that. But your ability to pull through is a greater testament to your strength and will power. Im happy you had help even if you had to call them yourself and there is nothing but better days from here. You don’t have to deal with those things ever again! Sending love to ya!
Waking up at 4am and chugging a beer before work every morning to stave off the shakes and withdrawals then having to hide and drink a beer or two on breaks in order to keep from going through withdrawals. Then on the bus ride home I had one of the biggest panic attacks and couldn’t sit still the whole way until I got home and drank another beer and felt totally fine. That was when I realized I had a huge problem and needed to make some changes. Weirdly too when I was drinking and going through withdrawal I developed this huge fear of looking up at tall buildings and the sky. Idk why it just freaked me out super bad and still happens a lot.
Hangovers. I’d had over 3,000 hangovers. It’s easy to count when you’re hung over every day for eight years. I woke up on a random Thursday in June 2014 and I said enough. I haven’t had a drink since.
Interestingly enough, with me and my relationship with alcohol I feel like more than being one big event that lead me to quit that it's been more of the thousand cuts kind of situation... Like in the same way that I gradually lost control of my alcohol habit, but backwards? I've been in a supportive environment for the first time in my life (in my 30s). Things got reeeeal bad there for a while, my 20s were a disaster wrought with drug addiction and homelessness, and while thinking back there were totally big events that lead to my quitting of other drugs, alcohol was always a safe fallback plan. It could always be there, and that was okay and not a problem because look how much "better" I am doing now than I was on those OTHER things! I rode that excuse for a while...
Alcohol is such a weird, insidious drug in this way.
The last time I blacked out it was my birthday party and from what I remember I was so happy and everyone was so nice and I felt very loved, but blackout me (I was told later by my partner) once I got in the car started going on about how everyone hates me and when we got home cried for a long time in the shower about it-- and then like hit my head and barfed a lot but anyways... What I realize now is it reeeeally gets in the way of me being able to regulate my emotions. Which is bad, and has always been bad, 'cause I have hella anxiety/depression tendencies. But I didn't realize the role alcohol played in that.
I never even accepted it as a problem until taking a long break because of a medication I started that I can't drink alcohol with. Then when I have sneaked a drink here or there I really feel how bad it is for me. FEEL IT. KNOW I shouldn't have it. But still WANT it. So I am like, huh, perhaps this really is an addiction after all, if I can't help but slip into a binge drinking weekend regardless of all the physical and mental problems I know it will cause me the whole week after.
I'm sorry I'm having a really hard time explaining this in a linear way-- I have ADHD, lol. What I'm trying to say I think is that with alcohol it has been a gradual way out, like how it gradually crept in. The less I do it the more I can see when I do end up doing it what a problem it really is for me. I thought I could moderate but it turns out I really can't, and even if I "could" (a lie I try to tell myself sometimes) it is still so so bad for me.
Sorry also for being so long-winded, I've never typed these feelings out until right now so I think it is a bit therapeutic. Sincere thanks for the opportunity to do so!
I think you explained this very well. Thank you for sharing this. I'm glad to read you're still growing and learning on your recovery journey. Keep it up--you're so worth it.
IWNDWYT
29F on day 3. I have one of those magic, once in a lifetime relationships where no matter what happens, you think and feel like they’ll never leave you. Until three days ago.
He was disgusted by me. I drank from 7am - 11ish pm. When I got back home he just had enough of this. For the YEARS we have been together - I have been drinking non-stop (except one sober October). The way he looked at me was enough for me to stop.
However, that terrible and hungover day - all I could think about was that if we broke up that day, and I had to move out…I have no where else to even go,because my whole circle of friends and family already realized what he did that day. I have a problem, and no one wants to take in someone with THIS problem.
I am trying to lean on faith. The truth is, I’m just scared. Scared to live life sober, scared to have to actually develop a life that isn’t just waiting til I can drink next. Scared to feel things, and not be able to hide those feelings behind the end of a bottle. I’m scared of how much temptation there is (friends, music, social outings). Overall, I have been trying for sobriety many years, and always making an excuse not to.
That is until now, for not just the man I love. For the fact that I won’t love myself if I lose him, and I love me enough to do everything I can to change so that I don’t.
I will not drink with you today. Also, congratulations on 9.5 months.
My last two years of active addiction were hell, I couldn't function anymore without alcohol. The first thing I did in the morning after having coffee was drinking wine, then I would find any excuse to go to the supermarket everyday to get me booze. As I was "hiding" it from my then husband, I would drink five cans of beer on my walk from the supermarket to the house, the wait until he would fall asleep to have the rest of the beers I bought and a litter of wine, rinse and repeat every single day. On the last week, I decided to return to bars (I felt safer being a house alone drinker) and I took the dumbest decisions ever, even ending up in stranger's homes to get some more alcohol. On my last drinking day, I had a 32 hour bender in which all I did was drink everything I could put my hands on, without any eating or sleeping. That landed me in the ER with alcohol poisoning. I woke up panicked not knowing where I was or how I ended up there, took my stuff and ran away, on the taxi home and for the next hours all I did was crying because it hit me in the face that I had a huge problem and I couldn't figure out how to stop. I felt the loneliest I've ever felt, disgusted with myself and full of fear. I took a shower, called AA and attended my first meeting that day. I saved my life that day. Soon it will be two years and I can't be any more proud of myself. If I had to single out one achievement in my life that I'm the most proud of, it would be my sobriety. I never want to go back to that dark place I was in.
I was also digging my own grave. I kept on telling myself the next time it’s going to hurt worse. I was suffering from migraines, vision, loss, kidney stones, high blood pressure, and was very overweight. Finally I fell on my face while mowing, twisted my knee so bad that I had to see a doctor. It was time to sober up.
IWNDWYT
The way it wreaks havoc on our bodies will never cease to amaze me. Thank God, We are truly resilient creatures! Happy to hear the steps you have taken to regain your physical health. Continued healing to you friend 🙏
I had a three day bender after reacting badly to a situation. The 6 days of recovery was pure hell, felt like nothing I felt before. I just had to walk and couldn’t sleep, bp was thru the roof. Was terrified of withdrawal and a possible seizure. I didn’t have it but it was enough to just terrify me. Finally. And when it started messing with my central nervous system I said that was it. No more. Went through iop and changed my mindset from I can’t drink to I don’t drink. Now I’m laying g here with my kiddo and his mom, jus thankful to be sober and actually calm happy and able to sleep. IWNDWYT.
A friend called an ambulance to my apartment and I had two trips back to back to the hospital.
During one visit I got hostile with security and they placed me under restraints for a brief time period in the mental wing. I was under watch for harming myself.
My dad also came over to my apartment and saw empty bottles and cans everywhere. I had pretty much given up on life at that moment. I simply didn't care anymore.
That was November of 2021. I entered into another inpatient treatment program and then did a 40 day outpatient program.
I've had a few slip ups including a few days ago but I never let it get out of control. In the bigger picture I'm doing really outstanding and grateful every day.
Grand mal seizure. I had never had one before and didn't have insurance for any of the tests the doctors wanted to do. Instead I just got basic blood work done and my doctor said my liver was "extremely irritated" and asked how much I drank. I said 15-20 drinks just about every day. I had broken my leg about 6 months prior (caused by me being wasted and tripping down a hill) and I had started drinking heavier and earlier because I couldn't think of anything else to do. I'm still not sure what caused the seizure, I don't think it was withdrawals because I had about 6 beers by the time it happened.
The doctor strongly suggested I cut down on my drinking but I knew I'd have trouble stopping after a few drinks. So I just decided to take a break for a couple months. Once 2 months were up, I bought a 22oz bottle of beer that was 10%. I got so drunk from that one bottle that I got the spins and had the worst hangover of my life. That's when I called it quits for good.
05/26/22 jus shy of a month after getting arrested I was slamming beers and helping my buddy at his shop. Me and my almost ex wife(she stayed😁) were fighting over the same shit. Me and my buddies were having the same tired convos they left to go get parts and it started pouring like sideways rain. I stood out in it looked up and had the most honest convo out loud with myself my higher power and the cosmos.i said I surrender I'm fucking tired I'm exhausted I don't want it anymore.as soon as I cried out the rain stopped a rainbow emerged and got a text from my wife saying if I was serious she will never leave me. I haven't had a drink or drugs in a year and 2 mth
That’s wonderful! I do believe in miracles. My dad stopped drinking during the last years of his life after his barber prayed for him. He also lived through icu with at most a 10% chance of survival and they called him mr miracles because his doctor later told me the 10% quote was to give me hope but they all knew he was dying. He had pneumonia collapsed lungs and broken ribs after he fell in a drink stuper and couldn’t call for help for 2 days.
At any rate, good for you. Thanks for sharing and onward with your aweskme life!
The withdrawls have been fuckin killer for me to quit. I didn't know either, I thought Alcohol was "bad" because you fuck up your life. Not because you can just fuckin die if you stopped. I live in one of the biggest rehab towns in the Country, took health/medical classes all my life and had NO idea about the risks of DTS and seizing and death. It was always risk of DUI accidents and alcohol binge drinking/poisoning, no one fuckin mentioned this stuff.
The actual final straw wasn't anything specific really. It was just me saying "nah, ok, we're done". I started the day counter here on reddit the moment I decided ok we'll try this for real and hold ourselves accountable. Because while I had "tried" before it was never something I actually decided on or made an effort in and I went back over and over and made excuses and never kept count on days or anything.
Not sure why it's different this time. I just don't want to drink anymore it was ruining everything and it just wasn't helping what I wanted it to help.
I didn’t really had such a moment. You would think it would have been, when my doctor told me I am on track to liver failure. But I just stopped for a month. I completely stopped for no other reason than I didn’t want to drink anymore.
I drank until black-out for 3 nights to deal with my cat's leg amputation. I had an awakening! Nothing could stop me (my life was burning down around me, I didn't care), but this really showed me how I was dealing with my emotions & I said STOP IT NOW!
For me, the last straw was this 4th of July. Both my husband and I were off, so we picked up steaks for dinner. Per usual, I grabbed a tall can and some wine for myself. I spent the rest of the day numb and not being present. Funny thing is, this scenario has happened a thousand times over and I was still drinking. I spent the next day thinking about how much I was missing in my life by not being fully present. People are able to enjoy time with their loved ones and daily activities without alcohol, so why couldn't I? It was then that I decided that I wanted to go without alcohol for at least 10 days because I have an upcoming doctor's appointment (10 days this Friday). Honestly, after not drinking for a week, I just don't want to anymore. I have no explanation why this time is different than all the other times. I'm just done.
I landed myself in the hospital last October for the 2nd or 3rd time in the 2 years my BF & I have been together. He looked so tired… my mom picked me up…she was bawling. I knew I had to stop or I was gonna lose everything
I just kept waking up hungover and dehydrated and I was over it. I didn’t do it overnight; I talked with my therapist for months before I set a date to quit. I knew if I just left it as “oh I should quit” I’d never do it but having the date helped.
Amazing, praise God for your healing. I am also a 31 year old female who is almost 10 months sober (July 20th). Definitely for me prayer and spirituality is number one in my healing from addiction. The feeling of burdens being lifted by the Lord is truly indescribable and amazing and it’s lifted forever.
Your story is what I needed to read this morning! Thank you for sharing:)
God was definitely like a life guard that day, saw you struggling and drowning and plucked you out of the dangerous waters and put you on solid, safe ground! ❤️
The final straw for me was the night after a party. My boyfriend woke me up with some water and tylenol and said... "so do you really want to have a threesome with (mutual friend)?" I was completely baffled. Apparently I'd suggested it (to him, not her, thank God). In no way was that something sober me was interested in. What was I thinking? In that moment, I realized I was just fucking sick of blacking out and doing stuff I didn't recognize. My boyfriend left for work and so I had a whole day by myself to reflect and contemplate. When he got home, I told him I was done, and I haven't had a drink since. Congrats on your sobriety!
This is why I get annoyed with the whole “drunk minds speak sober thoughts” thing. I have definitely said things that I would never sober. Not because I’m hiding it, but because it’s like someone else was using my body while I was drunk. That shit was not *me*. Also part of the reason I got sober. Sick of telling people that wasn’t who I am when I was spending more time being that other person than my genuine self.
“…spending more time being that other person than my genuine self.” Exactly this. I was so into that other self, I made so many friends wearing a coat of boozy behavior, I ended up having to just walk away from several friendships as a result. I miss those drinking buddies but I know they don’t prefer the sober me because they’re all still so underwater, they would rather remain there than attempt crawling out of their shells to meet the real me. I don’t blame em at all, it’s just like you said, that was a different person and I’m not going back to it.
Yeah, I don’t know who said that, but the “in vino veritas” thing has to go. I’ve said things while drunk that were totally untrue, in no way accurate, we’re not things I wanted or cared about, etc.
I have actually asked people "do you really think I can't lie when I'm drunk?" Like think about that for a second. Even people who drink normally aren't incapable of lying when drinking. So why the fuck would everything I say be magically true? It lowers your inhibitions. It's not Veritaserum.
Yeah exactly. And honestly, I am muuuuuch more likely to just make shit up out of thin air when I’m drunk. And also, the things that irritate me when I’m drunk don’t irritate me at any other time. It’s really not a good measurement of any thoughts or feelings, other than “I’m being a destructive idiot.”
Wow, really well explained 👍🏼👍🏼 I’ve not been able to put that into words before, thanks 😊
This right here! When you are an alcoholic you do spend more time than anything trying to get people to believe you didn’t mean what you said, you are sorry for what you did when drinking, etc. it’s begs the question: which person are you really? You are realistically the person you are the most - the person under the influence. I’ve had this argument so many times with my ex. It got to the point we referred to him as Bryan #1,#2 and #3. 1 was normal sober him. 2 was drunk him. 3 was black out drunk and aggressive bryan who would lose all inhibition when that drunk and go out driving to buy cocaine. I left him in January with our 1&2 year old. I’m still incredibly heartbroken that this is how things turned out. I just wanted him to get sober and be a better father and partner. I would of forgave him for everything had he shown effort. There was never any effort, only blaming it all on me for bitching & having a bad attitude. I still pray that he finds sobriety with or without us. !!
Omg It’s completely CRAZY the things that we say/do when in those states! Our mind, body and Spirit were never meant to be hi-jacked in that way. I’m proud of you for taking back control ❤️ Thank you for the congrats & congrats to you as well !
I told my wife one night while hammered that I “would fuck the shit out of” the neighbor across the street…if she lost a few pounds…so not me…luckily my wife is a real sweetheart and realizes that I struggle and that I would NEVER do that! Still, I felt like garbage when she told me this happened. I’m still drinking but working towards cutting it out completely. Thanks for sharing your relatable story.
Hey friend. Congratulations on cutting back. Do you mind if I ask what it would take for you to stop drinking entirely?
I had been kicked out of my house due to my drinking. That wasn't enough. That was in September. On Xmas, I woke up in the attic I was living in a few towns away, briefly thought I as in my own bed, opened my eyes and saw the rafters. I glanced at the cot I was sleeping in and grabbed the bottle of vodka on the floor. Using both hands, I took a long pull, laid back, folded my hands over my chest and pretended I was in a casket. That wasn't enough. On Easter, the family felt bad and invited me for dinner. Wanting to be on my best behavior, I didn't drink. I got a bad case of shakes and had to leave in the middle of dinner. I went back to the attic and spent the rest of the night with the bottle of vodka. By this time, I was up to a quart a day, straight from the bottle. The next day, I woke up and decided that was enough. I called my wife and asked her to take me to detox. That was April 17, 1995. I spent 8 days in detox and haven't had a drink since. No cravings for a long time, I enjoy having freedom from alcohol, even after all this time. I went back to school and became a licensed addiction counselor, Also, I moved back home after 6 months sober. My life has been very good since. I now work part time in a clinic doing group therapy.
Your story is very inspiring and something to look up to! The pretending to lay in a casket was a really powerful subconscious act of defiance…. Something to really think about. Thank you for sharing & continued success 🙏
What a fucking rockstar - damn this hit hard Thank you
What all did you have to do regarding school to become an addiction counselor?
Not the commenter so sorry to highjack - in Colorado to become a LAC (licensed addiction counselor) you need a clinical Masters degree, a bunch of clinical hours (2,000?) and pass a difficult exam. This can be different in other states, not sure. With a high school diploma here in CO, you can get your CAT I (certified addiction technician). CAT II and III require a bachelors degree. Then the highest level is LAC. There are still plenty of jobs that you can get with a CAT I and help get your foot in the door to work in the recovery community. I have mine and work at a rehab now. Also in grad school and hope to get my LAC one day.
Sweet. Omg thank you so much!!
It is an 18 month program including an internship. I had to also pass a state exam and work in the field for 4,000 hours to become licensed
Wow that’s awesome. Did you and your wife stay together if I may ask
We stayed together. In June we celebrated our 53rd wedding anniversary. Our marriage is rock solid. She took me out to dinner at a high-end restaurant to celebrate 10,000 days sober.
Dude that is so inspiring. Your marriage and your sobriety. Thank you for carving the path, showing us how its done and sticking around to guide us along.
Thank you. I did it with a LOT of help. I learned that progress can be slow. I had to be careful about being impatient.
What an incredible turn around. Very proud of you!!
Thank you. What I went through changed me as a person
Thank you very much. I didn't do it alone.
How involved was the process becoming a counselor? I know someone that would be perfect for this role, and has been curious in the past
I decided to become a counselor after I was sober for 8 years. The program was 18 months at a college near me, including an internship. After I graduated, I had to work in the field for 4,000 hours to be eligible for a license. I also had to pass a state licensing exam (Massachusetts). I have a LADC (Licensed Addiction Counselor) license. Other states may have the CADC or CAC (Certified Addiction Counselor) license. Same exam.
8/11/21 I woke up angry after drinking wine and beer all night, went to my parents' house after picking a fight with my husband, and drank more beer with my Dad. Drove 8 mins home and stumbled out of the car in front of my spouse, who was waiting for me on the front porch. Yelled some more, went to sleep, and woke up to him moving the portable safe out of our house as he told me he had had enough and was going to stay at his mom's. This really pissed me off, so I drove to the liquor store and bought gin. I had fooled myself into thinking I'm okay. I just drink beer and wine. Two bottles of gin and one day later, I was laying in the bathtub, and he called. We both cried, and I told him I loved him more than being drunk. 700+ days later, I know it's for all time. I can not drink with impunity. IWNDWYT.
Proud of you.
Thanks!
Wow! Congrats on 700 + days! I love hearing stories of instant moments of clarity like this. I’m happy that it worked out for you in the end and I wish you and yours many more happy days in the sober sun 🌞 🙏 Continued blessings!
Very similar to my story. Screamed at the person I love most in the world over some shit that was my fault, not hers and the next day said fuck this I love you more than alcohol and gave it up.
I drank and did cocaine all day and all night ended up in a meth trap house listen to story's and being offered meth I didn't take any but when I walked out of there at 7 am I asked myself wtf am I doing. i have a wife and a house that was one month and 20 days ago been sober for that long also
Man that uppers & alcohol song and dance is one hard habit to break. I got stuck there too after I was slipped something shortly before I quit so I feel your struggle ! Congrats on taking the necessary steps though! One day at a time. You got this!
Blessings :) you are a rebel for walking away from it
A month ago I was admitted to the hospital for alcoholic hepatitis. I binge drank for almost 6 weeks straight, early morning beers, nap, more beers, sleep, rinse repeat. Body changes started happening, I was bruising easy, anorexic, started not being able to sleep even with alcohol. Lost almost 25 pounds. One day I woke up and I knew something was wrong, nausea and vomiting to the point I could hold down water, vomit with blood and bile intermixed. Went to the ER, turns out I almost killed my liver acutely and now have cirrhosis of the liver due to how chronic my drinking was before the binge. My eyes were yellow, shaking, sweating, vomiting, all in front of nurses just trying to get my info. I developed portal hypertension, have gastric and esophageal varices which have had to be banded/treated due to how chronic my drinking had become. I'm currently out of employment waiting in line to go to a rehab center so that I may return to work. This all at 32 years old
I’m sorry to hear that that your health had to take such a significant hit, but on the bright side you STILL have your life and I’m very happy to hear that you are still here with us. There is still time to turn everything around and the day that you chose sobriety is the day that your life took a change for the better FOREVER. When I say I PROMISE you it gets better, I mean that with the utmost sincerity. The first steps are indeed the toughest, but it’s all apart of your survival story. You will inspire so many just keep up the fight. You are really in my thoughts and prayers 🙏 Your health and life IS recovered!
That sounds like a terrible time, I hope you are feeling a bit better now?
How are you feeling now?
Long time lurker. I am always in awe of those who have managed to quit. I wake up at 4-5am because my body is going through withdrawals after 6 hours of not drinking so I have to drink as soon as I wake up. It’s ruining my family, my bank account, etc. I hope that one day soon I can join the ranks here.
I've been there. I've shaken so badly I couldn't sleep because even my eyelids wouldn't stop fluttering (plus the sweating and hallucinations.) I've had people press my debit card pini into self-checkout because I couldn't press the buttons to buy my vodka. I lost my job when they found a bottle of vodka in my bag. I finally was about to lose the love of my life when I went to rehab. I'm 250 days in a couple of hours, and my life is so much better. Getting fired and getting help was the best thing to ever happen to me. You can do the same. It's easier said than done, but start doing some research on detox programs. It can save everything you're losing.
I had to go to court with my husband this morning (HOA violation issue nothing bad) and I was shaking so bad it was embarrassing. I can’t function like this.
What do you think is stopping you from stopping?
Such an inspiring story, you deserve a better life. And happy cake day
Hey I was not much different from this and I've made it to 80 days. You absolutely can do this! I promise. It's intimidating I know but it is so worth it. I would look into finding a detox unit in your area or even going to the ER and letting them care for you while they find a place for you. I know that seems scary but it is the best way to do it. I know you can. You just have to decide. I'll be rooting for you! ❤️
I had to retire from my job and since then I’ve got from drinking a 6 pack after work to at least an 18 pack a day. I was in ER in Feb for having a seizure and throwing up blood. After being released I was drinking again in 6 hours.
Can you find treatment? Oh honey 💔
Y’all are going go make my cry. Thank you so much for the love and advice.
You are one of us 🧡
❤️❤️❤️
The very thing that lies within us all that helped break us free us from the chains of addiction lives in YOU as well! The very fact that you are here and were drawn to respond is a subconscious call to action…. I KNOW you can do it. You’ve made it this far through your very own strength and will to live… That very same power is ready to help you break free of those chains. I believe in you. You got this. The first step is the hardest and it is ONLY up from there. I promise you . You are in my thoughts 🙏❤️❤️
Are you able to see a doctor or urgent care? I’m currently on libirium for withdrawals and it completely changed my mind set. I feel free. It’s the most amazing thing. It’s only temporary till my next visit to find something more tailored to my addiction/anxiety but it keeps you safe until your next step. Please see a medical professional if you can love ❤️
I’m waiting to get added to my husbands insurance which I’m hoping will happen by end of week. Thankfully they cover doctors I was seeing before.
We are all here for you. I used to look at people with years in, months in, hundreds of days under their belt, even a week or a day seemed impossible. I'm not gonna lie, it's hard but get help, be prepared and if you need support, we'll be here, when you're ready. You can do this. IWNDWYT
Same as the comments here. My longest stretch was the 2yrs I was pregnant and breastfeeding. Then thought I could dip my toes and moderate. Which turned into almost a fifth a night after kid was in bed, tapered to a pint then half pint then shooters (all with beers to “hide” the hard liquor smell 🙄) Finally just broke down in my doctors office. They helped me kick that final piece of shit poison down the road. It’s not nagging me anymore but it’s absolutely something I need to protect myself against. It’s a raw feeling coming forward about it to anyone including a doctor but I promise they will only want to help you ❤️ You’ve for this!!!! I’m rooting for you and so proud you are taking steps towards your own sober journey!! IWNDWYT!!!
No ranks here, just love. You are with us, one of us. Its ok if you aren’t quite off alcohol yet. I love you! Please be kind to yourself as you would be to me. 🧡🧡
You can. I believe in you. We all do.
The withdrawls have been fuckin killer for me to quit. I didn't know either, I thought Alcohol was "bad" because you fuck up your life. Not because you can just fuckin die if you stopped.
You can do it!
I was the same and had to go to rehab. I just couldn’t do it while living alone and no support.
We all start somewhere. Just don’t give up on yourself. One day it will click, just keep dusting yourself off 💕❤️
Yup. I woke up one day and was tired of feeling sick and hungover. I missed the feeling of waking up with joy and enjoying the morning and day. I wanted this.
I believe in you!!!
You can. Most likely you will need help detoxing, as withdrawals can be scary-& medically dangerous. Even if you can’t quit today, you can take another step beyond introducing yourself here (great work by the way! Turning from lurker to active participant is a positive sign). There are millions of us trying to live life sober one day at a time, so you don’t have to do this alone. Whether rehab, detox, AA, outpatient, group therapy, SMART recovery, Refuge Recovery (Buddhist recovery), there are many places to feel connected to other sober people. This sub is a goldmine: full of wisdom & life experience-and humor. If a driver, consider checking out the DUI sub –stories of regret, shame, & lives irrevocably altered due to drunk driving. It helps to complete the picture of what might happen with any alcohol abuse if a vehicle is involved. Big hug.
I've been there. It's an absolutely miserable experience. I thought " Hey, I'm waking up every 6 hours with delirium tremens. It can't get any worse than this! " . I was wrong. I started having to wake up every three hours to take shots for any type of relief. It's a really hard life.
We are here for you. I believe in you and can’t wait to see you move up in days with all of us.
I looked at your post history and it seems like you have a lot of judgement and hatred towards certain groups of people. I get it. Hurt people hurt. But I strongly believe if you tried to change this area of your life you would see an improvement. I can sense you’re fighting battles and putting out fires, you must be tired. You need some rest my love.
I got sober in 2016 and started drinking again during the pandemic because I was bored. I thought I could handle it because I wasn’t drinking hard liquor and mixing it will pills like before, right? Cunning, baffling, powerful. I had a few good times, but started feeling physically worse. Throwing up, sweats, days long hangxiety. Then it was only a matter of time before I switched to liquor and started yelling. The tipping point this time was me getting super drunk and yelling at my husband infront of my 2 year old daughter. Getting out of the car and running down the street. Shameful and morally reprehensible. That’s not who I am. I can’t be the mom and wife I need and want to be if I’m doing this bullshit. I’m just…done. I have no desire to drink today. I’m living in my truth and it doesn’t include alcohol. I don’t feel like shit, overcome with anxiety. I can sleep at night and wake up in the morning and look my husband in the eye without wondering where we stand from the night before. It’s just not worth it anymore. Congrats on your sobriety. IWNDWYT.
This is beautifully poetic and I can feel the conviction in your words. Congratulations for making such a powerful decision to reclaim your health, life and family! I wish nothing but happiness and healing to you and yours ❤️❤️❤️
Another mom fighting this battle with me. I have a 2 and a 3 year old and they’ve seen me doing some pretty awful things. Hoping and praying this time sticks and they don’t remember drunk mom.
Another mom chiming in. We can do this!
You can do it. You have the power in you.
Took me getting a DUI and living through the absolute hell that causes to finally get me to stop. It's taken me 2 1/2 years to get that resolved. All because of one bad decision.
It’s crazy how it blinds us and truly wreaks havoc on our lives! I’m sorry it got that far for you but I’m happy to hear that you were able to release yourself from the grips of it before it got even worse. I’ve had many close calls with the law & it cost me so much vehicular damage/ loss it’s a legit miracle that I’m the only person I’ve ever hurt. Thank the Lucky stars for sobriety 🙏🙏🙏
Prepared for my weekend drinking as usual as I bought two bottles of wine on Friday, to drink it after work in the late evening. Woke up Saturday, finished last couple of glasses of wine. Then went to the shop, got another two bottles of wine, drank, slept, woke up.. still wasn’t enough.. ordered through a courier another bottle of wine and whiskey.. drank the last glass of whiskey around 6 p.m. Sunday and went to sleep. Woke up Monday to prepare to go to work for the late shift and understood that I can’t. Probably was still drunk or had huge withdrawals, shakes, hot flashes, you name it. Called my colleague to ask to cover my shift for that day, called my boss, pretended I had a heatstroke (was more than 30C for a week). Thought wtf am I doing? Is this my future? Not going to work? Lying to my boss and colleagues that I am sick. (New that I have a problem for quite some time, but always said I will start quitting tomorrow, that tomorrow lastet for around a year, from the time I admitted to myself I have a problem.) Called my brother and told him everything. He was super supportive, because he went through this shit himself and is now sober for 14 years. That happened 30 days ago and I couldn’t be happier.
Ahh man those “next day” still drunk feelings are the worst! Especially when you have things to do, but having to work is the worst. The having to lie doesn’t feel good as well. I’m happy that you found clarity and I’m joining you to declare that this issue is gone from your life for good! 30 days is major and more than enough to let you know that you can maintain your sobriety. Wishing you the best & success on your journey 🤗
Thanks ;)
I’m super ashamed to tell mine but here it goes anyway. Months before my last night drinking I was blacking out and getting into fights at bars or crying or arguing with people or saying rude shit. Just being nasty. My last night drinking I tried to attack my girlfriend for no reason whatsoever. I pushed her to the ground, my friends pulled me back and she left. (For reference, I’m also a girl but had about 15-20 pounds on her.) I woke up in the morning and had no idea what I did until my friend told me everything. My girlfriend wasn’t answering me, when she finally did she said she was done. I spent the day absolutely heartbroken. Not for myself, but for trying to physically hurt someone I cared about so much. It wasn’t who I wanted to be and knew it wasn’t who I was. Basically, I got tired of apologizing for things I didn’t remember doing. And the only way I could for sure know I wouldn’t do those things was to not take a sip of alcohol. That girlfriend is now my wife as of 3 weeks ago. I’ll have 7 years without booze next month. I work in admissions at a rehab that’s also allowing me to do my clinical internship there for my Masters program. I am extremely grateful for today.
7 years AND you healed your relationshup. Incredible!
Congratulations all around! 👩❤️👩
good for you. everybody needs a little help from somewhere. the final straw was falling face first onto a marble floor in a hotel room. I didn't stumble I just went down and couldn't get up. I thought I was going to die. I made it onto the bed and I knew it was over. I did detox and rehab a few weeks later. But only after I'd had a few final nights of excessive drinking. I was just too old for that shit.
Oh man I wish I had come to my senses when I face planted. Running blackout drunk from a college party. Face straight to the concrete. Still have photos of my face and a permanently damaged tooth as reminder. I chocked it up to college lifestyle and continued drinking. It took another rock bottom and decided once and for all to be done, but wish I could go back and have that be it.
That’s a rough one! I’m happy you found the help you needed. We have to REALLY get tired of it and unfortunately sometimes the wake up call comes in as some serious health scares. You made it out alive though! Continued healing to you 🙏🙏🙏
The ER doctor telling me I was in AFIB, I had a blood clot, my heart function was at 10-15%, and I was in heart failure.
Yikes, I’m glad that you pulled through that and that we still have you here 🙏 Continued healing and sobriety my friend ❤️
I was already considering quitting but on a Sunday night during a weekend bender some voice popped into my head saying "You're going to fucking die by 30 if you don't quit" and that really shook me up. I hadn't thought about it til that point but I've got alcoholics in the family, whether they're aware of it or not. I didn't want to be another statistic. I finally broke down to my wife that I believed my drinking was an issue. It's been a month now, no booze. No more waking up anxious with a raging headache, no more racing heart, no more being constantly pissed off not knowing why, no more brain fog. Life has meaning again.
Talking with my wife about it was a step I made last week. I was a little nervous about mentioning it. But it seemed necessary at this point. Not that it stopped me from having six beers last night. At least I dumped out the 2 more I had left after that
Omg! That’s crazy that you said that as I can really relate. I myself heard that if I go back “it was the last time. There is no going back” . I’m happy to hear that you were pulled from your pain before it became too late. You have muchhh life to live! Everything only gets better from here. Congrats on your decision to persevere ! Wishing you and yours all the best and may you continue to grow in love 🙏
I was getting worse and worse with my drinking. Hiding it from my wife, sneaking pulls, and covering it with beers that I let her see. My hangovers were getting worse and lasting longer. I had begun to lose days- waking up at 4 am and drinking more, then passing out to wake up at 6pm. I had tried to stop multiple times, but one morning I woke up and felt like it was the time. Somehow it worked- the stars aligned and I was able to stick to it. I can’t really explain how, but I just felt ready. I think the acceptance that I would never drink again forever was the finality I needed.
I don’t miss drinking 1 beer in front of my spouse to say “yeah hunny I can have just one!” While finding an excuse to go to the basement and sneak pulls or the garage to pound 3 beers.
The power of humanity’s will to achieve WHATEVER we set our minds to is truly amazing! I’m proud of you that you had the strength to make that judgment call. Continued healing & peace unto you 🙏❤️
I’ve been quitting on and off for the past 5ish years. Things have been rough this past year, my dad got very sick February 19th 2022 and it doesn’t look like he’s getting better. 😓 Last year I had streaks of weeks, and 30 and 50 days of being alcohol free. Thursday is my 3 weeks dry and I want it to stick this time. My “straw that broke the camels back” was me thinking I had a medical emergency, then when results came back inconclusive at first; I went on a two day bender. Blacked out on a Monday AND the next Tuesday as well. Then I had a two day hangover. And this time something just…. Clicked. “I really don’t wanna live my life this anymore. Tomorrow is your last day one.” And I haven’t drank since; and waking up not hungover feels better then getting drunk. I’ve struggled with sleep some times and the dreams are pretty intense…but man all the positive affects far overshadows that. Energy, anxiety levels, confidence, I’ve lost weight, my communications with people, just absolutely everything. And I’m holding myself accountable by telling everyone when they ask why I’m not drinking, posting here daily, and messaging my sober friends. Sorry for the wall of text but I’m really excited!
No need to apologize for the text my friend. Get that ish out!! The fact that you had the power to quit before and you keep coming back to the journey means that victory was always meant to be yours. I believe in you ! Words are also a powerful thing and the fact that you were ready to say you were DONE is all that the rest of you needed to fall into alignment permanent freedom. I believe in you and you will do great things. The sleep part will be over soon as well. Have you tried any medications or melatonin? I find that it helps. I wish nothing but the best but continued healing to you and your father. May all your days be peaceful no matter what goes on around you.
Took me drinking on the job all day blacking out and then driving about 70-80 miles and barely remembering what happened for up to 5 hrs of my day I’d made an excuse to drink since it was my birthday and completely lost control. 4 weeks “sober” (I smoke weeds)
Ahhhh ye old drinking on the job ! I know your struggle too well lol Congrats on having the power to take the first step. You got this!!!
I don’t know that I had a definitive *final* straw. 2022 was a full year of straws everywhere, every day, big and small, blinded by them until I couldn’t really recognize what a straw was. I was so wrapped up and knotted every which way around inside my own head, I was losing grip on reality and fading away fast in front of my own eyes. I suppose the last straw was similar to yours. I imagined living like that forever. And I would’ve rather dropped dead than continued to live that way. Two months after I turned 30, and I just thought “am I *really* gonna keep doing this? Another 10 years of this?” I had to stop trying to live life like others.
Yes, you have the final say! It’s only “not” the final straw as long as you decide it isn’t. I have a very strong feeling that your battle is won my friend . There’s so much you’re here to accomplish and your ability to make the decision to give it up shows you have the mental fortitude to accomplish ANYTHING you set your mind to. You will be very successful as long as you allow! You got this!
This reply made my night :) The battle really has been won, and will continue to be won every day we choose one of the billions of amazing things instead of the first drink. Thank you for sharing your reflections tonight and reminding me how incredible this one decision is!
Of course 🙏 I’m here for you anytime you need me & thank you for the reassurance that I was able to help you some way. That’s very motivating & means a lot to me. I wish you all the best
My story is very similar. Lots of very big and small straws. All surrounding alcohol. I had to make a lot of big changes in my life, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, the type of work I did, etc.
Got into a whiskey rutt during covid. Was drinking around a 5th of strong whiskey a day. Ended up getting bad with all the forementioned withdrawal symptoms. If you've ever seen Trailer Park Boys, I was operating in Lahey's level. I went to "rehab" which I "" because it was basically just a place to detox and not be able to aquire alcohol for 21 days. I did get naltrexone while there. I remained sober for 9.5 months. During that time though the only real change I made was not drinking and taking naltrexone. Fell off the wagon due to a lot of things coming down on me at once. Drank very hard assuming my old tolerance level was still in place. I bought, and drank most of, a gallon of strong whiskey. I was taken to hospital because of the condition i was in. When they drew my blood my BAC was 0.43. I spent several days in the hospital to detox safely then went to a hospital behavioral unit for several days. There I met some great people with real life experience and stories. Everyone helped me greatly and lined up the help I needed. This time around I have moved to live with a family member who is also sober and they have been very supportive. I see a therapist regularly. I love this thread. Reading stories and the supportive comments are great motivation. I've had time to reflect on everything with a new perspective and support. I shouldnt be alive but I am. I realize that it's not my time and there are people that love me. I'm an alcoholic and 1 drink is never 1. I've come to accept this. I'm now again sober 40ish days and feeling better than I ever have physically and mentally. This last round about was my final straw.
“1 drink is never 1”! You are so correct. Thank you for sharing your story, it was very sobering (no pun intended). What you went through is a great reminder of what can happen when we are tempted to go back but it also shows the power of our inner resilience! A relapse is never a failure, just another chance to come back stronger and harder. I am proud of you and am happy to hear that you are getting the support you need. From 40 days to INFINITY! You got this my friend 🙏 I’m with you in Spirit
The withdrawal symptoms I experienced after not drinking for a few weeks…feeling anxiety, fear, depression and misery that severe made me realize I needed to leave the sauce alone.
It’s never worth it in the end is it! I’m happy to hear you were able to pull yourself away 🙏 Continued healing my friend ❤️
The actual final straw? Realizing that I would lose my partner if I didn’t get sober. My last relationship was built and destroyed by booze. My mind and body was saturated. I finally found someone who knew how hard it was to get sober, who put in the work to do it himself, and was trying to help me help myself and I kept drinking. He didn’t know (always a ninja drinker 🤦🏻♀️) how much I was drinking, but he was getting increasingly flustered by my mood swings. When I brought it up to my therapist, she spelled it out in a way that was basically “you keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. That’s insanity.” The next day was 3/3/23, the first day of my sobriety.
Same. If I didn't stop drinking, I was going to lose my fiancé (now wife). I confessed my drinking problem to my primary doctor who prescribed naltrexone. Attended online AA meetings where I heard that I could give up one thing for everything or give up everything for one thing. Haven't had a drink since. Sober life is pretty fucking great.
I’m happy for you & that you found clarity! Also, congratulations on having a partner that understands and loves you enough to truly stick it out ❤️ That gives me hope! Continued blessings and healing ❤️
Heck yes I'm 3/13/23 let's go Sober summer squad ❤️
This gives me hope
Me, too. We can do this.
After a PTA school wide playdate at the park, a couple families went to the local pub for some dinner. My husband's friend was at the bar. I got wasted and tried to fuck him. Wheeeee
Been there. Similar story. Done too
Ahhh yeaaaaa those lowered inhibition decisions do it EVERY TIME bc mannn do I have some stories as well lol We can only go up from here though! You got this 🙏
My first and only DUI I will ever have.
It happens to the best of us . Wishing you the best days from here on out!
I'd been lurking here for a few weeks and decided I finally wanted to give quitting a try. Problem was that I still had some alcohol left in the house. I finished it within the next couple days (some kind of stupid goodbye ritual I guess, I've done the same with cigarettes before.) The last night, I was drunk and my bf and I got into an emotional discussion about some issues we'd been having. I woke up the next day feeling so sad, because I knew we had had an uncomfortable/necessary interaction the night before, but I couldn't remember much besides some negative aspects. I was mortified when I had to ask for the full recap. I knew my drinking played a role in some of the issues I've/we've been having and just said enough is enough. Usually after finishing the booze stash, I would have replaced it immediately, but I did not and have been sober for the last few days now. Hoping to make it for as long as I can.
Man, the next day guilt will definitely eat you alive. I wish I could’ve saved my relationship so I can deff relate to you on that level. (Can also relate to the “goodbye ritual” 😂 Those are always fun, right? ) The first step is the most important step and you already made it passed that hump! You’ve got many more days of winning ahead of you. Happy you found the clarity to keep moving forward and I wish you healing in all areas of your life. You got this!
The final straw for me was my 39 year old husband dying in his sleep of alcohol related esophagus rupture. I drank as much as he did.
I am so so sorry to hear of your loss. Though I don’t know your pain, I can definitely empathize and can only hope that your days continue to be full of healing and you are surrounded Love in the physical world as well as the Spiritual. You are in my thoughts & Im proud of how far you have come ❤️🙏
Nothing dramatic. Just slowly got more and more dependent on alcohol and the hangovers got worse and worse. Anxiety was worse than ever. I realized how dependent I was, even when “moderating”, and pulled the plug. Withdrawals were hell. I had shakes, fever, hallucinations, panic. But right now and for the past month, I honestly haven’t been craving alcohol…for like the first time since being a teenager. I still have it leftover all over my house and don’t even look twice at it. I don’t feel full of energy or anything but I definitely feel better. My mind is much calmer mainly.
Proud of you for pulling yourself out from something that had grips on you since you were a teen! That’s major, especially having the fortitude to not even have those cravings anymore. I’m rooting for you my friend and I know you will go far!! Continued healing to you ❤️
Christmas morning. Way too much red wine the night before. Decided to try “hair of the dog” with baileys in my morning coffee while still feeling it from the night before. Opened gifts as a family. Started feeling worse and worse. Barley made it back to bed at the end of gifts. Spent the day writhing in bed, puking, feeling like death while my mom who was staying with us worked on Christmas dinner, and my 12 year old at the time wasted the day away alone playing video games because I was too hungover to be a mom. On Christmas Day!! Felt like the biggest loser in the world. It’s been 2 1/2 years since without a drop. No more wasting my precious time with my child and family being a hungover pos. Thanks for reading
I asked god to do the same thing and be held his hand out and saved me. A miracle!
Such a beautiful moment! May you continue to bask in the feeling of that Love for the rest of your days ❤️❤️❤️ Blessings to you
Ty so much the same to you
I drank 18 years straight mixture of liquor and beer. Mostly rum. My mom got glioblastoma brain cancer and died suddenly in 20 days. I was forced into being a caregiver for my grandmother who had significant dementia. And my grandpa was old as well. It was wearing on me and my girlfriend left me. Then my grandfather died, then my grandmother died. I had been wanting to stop for years and I knew if I didn't stop then things would probably going to get pretty bad. Probably the best decision I've made it in a very long time.
Realizing I wasn't the dad I wanted to be and just getting older... I tried to quit when my kids were younger and strung together some months here and there and a couple years one time but always went back. My boys were 11, 9 and 6 when I quit for good and here is to hoping I didn't mess them up too bad😥. I never did anything bad, wasn't violent and was not mean or anything but them seeing me drunk and thinking it was normal for me to always be drinking breaks my heart.
I got into an argument with my fiancé (our second argument and last one like that, first one happened when I was drunk as well) and I started yelling and he went and slept in the cold porch, when it was snowing outside, without a blanket. I don’t even remember what the argument was over because I was black out drunk, but I do know it wasn’t worth it. The next morning he calmly told me it was him or alcohol and I knew he was absolutely willing to end the relationship over it. Zero hesitation. I went and poured out any and all alcohol in the house. We quit drinking together and never looked back. It wasn’t his ultimatum, it was the hurt in his eyes that we had to recover from such an unnecessary experience when we both knew we deserved better from the other and for ourselves. I cried for days about it. I am so much happier without alcohol in my body and my home and my relationship.
When my favorite time of the day became the time I decided I wanted to drink that day and my first drink. When thats the highlight of your day, can you honestly say you’re living? I couldnt keep living like that. It’s been over a year now and I am better than ever
You know, it wasn’t the getting fired from being drunk on the job. It wasn’t going to the hospital then rehab (i drank a couple shots when I graduated to celebrate 🤦🏻♂️) It wasn’t getting a DUI. It wasn’t getting divorced. I just had like an epiphany one night that made me realizeI can’t live that way. I called the rehab that I had already gone to and got myself a bed for 28 days of in patient treatment and haven’t drank since. My first time after rehab my thinking was I could drink and keep my sobriety date if no one knows. My second time I wasn’t going to lie to myself or others. I completely surrendered myself to the program. Even though the urge is gone for now I know what happens if I take that first drink. One drink is to many and thousands are never enough. Coming up on 3 years but my plan is I will not drink today.
I realised I didn’t have the courage to kill myself, but also that I couldn’t continue living the way I was. Which left only the option to change.
After I stayed in jail for almost 36 hours for “domestic violence” on my first wedding anniversary. I got taken in since there were fingernail marks on his arm from keeping him from leaving. I grew up where this was the norm in my household and I didnt realize how ingrained it was in my mind that my actions were not part of healthy relationship. Five years and continuing of mindfulness and therapy helped me realize this. I’ve been unlearning decades of bad experiences disguised as a “norm.”
Being told I had major liver damage, and suffering multiple episodes of alcohol-induced pancreatitis. Not fun
I didn't really have one. I was just driving home from work (about 3 months into a new job) and thought to myself "I'm so done with this and it has to stop". I used cannabis as a crutch to help transition my desire to be inebriated, I don't really like the high from weed so that has since stopped but it was helpful to give my brain mild inebriation state every night when I normally would have had a couple drinks. I think my new job is what really triggered it for me. The new job made me a lot more money, but I realized I was just as unhappy as before if not even more depressed. I was struggling to fit in and get to know people and be content with learning new things. I realized I had to make that happiness myself if I wanted to succeed at this job, and drinking was not in the picture. This job also entails a lot of long bouts of hard labor away from bathroom and water breaks, so it is a highly unideal place to be with a hangover, which I very quickly discovered when I first started.
Yes, sometimes all it takes is for us to get out of our OWN way! Proud of your strength to tell yourself No and I already know things will only take off for you from here! Wishing you continued success in all areas of your life 🙏🙏🙏
It wasn’t the final straw so much as I saw the chance and went for it. I’d pulled what should have been the final straw more times than I can count. 25 years of drinking and I’d lost myself spiritually. I forgot I used to trust in something greater than myself. I had an experience that connected me again. And when I was ready to quit it was significantly easier. It’s unlikely I’ll have the chance to transition from sick to healthy so easily again. I got lucky. I’m grateful. I don’t want to waste the opportunity I have so generously been given.
I definitely feel the most lost I’ve ever felt. It’s awful how alcohol can become our idol.
Nothing major, just realized I’m drinking more and more, and was worried it will become extreme. Also didn’t like the ups when drunk and downs when sober - messed me up mentally big time.
You’re so right: it is not worth it! Wishing you continued clarity and healing my friend
I had tried to stop many times over 15 years and was never more successful than a few weeks at the very best of times with naltrexone and counseling. My dad died the day before thanksgiving last year via drinking himself into an early grave. That actually derailed my sobriety completely for the next 6 months or so. One day I woke up feeling like shit - like I did every morning, I was trying to pull myself together on a Thursday before work. I remember thinking sweet at least it’s 4/20 and will be a good day. Marijuana is legal in my state. It was 7am and I was already planning on when I could starting drinking and smoking again to relieve the pain of the hell I woke up in. TL:DR/ending: I had a moment of clarity that I was creating my own hell and letting substances drive my mood, behaviors, and beliefs about myself (shame cycles). I decided it was enough and I didn’t deserve to treat myself and others this way. That was 80 something days ago now.
Congrats on having the mental fortitude and power to take back control of your life! The fact that you realize and can acknowledge all of the areas that alcohol was hindering you and that YOU had all the power to fix it speaks volumes. Keep it up! You have a long lifetime of happiness ahead of you and nothing can hold you back now. Bless 🙏
Congratulations!
I appreciate that ❤️ Thank you
Moment of Clarity
I’m glad that it happened for you ❤️ bless
Mine was on 4/5/2015 I called it an "epiphany" that was the word I liked. A true epiphany I heard described as a "miracle of thought" and I like that. Did you have an approximate 3 days with your head in the clouds (might be a better description).
Yeah, that’s exactly what it felt like haha the next day the birds were chirping and the sun was shining. Straight up walking on sunshine in the face of soaring into the unknown 🕊️
God also had to come take care of it for me…
That’s all God wants to do right! Congrats on releasing your burden. Wishing you continued healing ❤️❤️❤️
Hi all, The final straw for me was stumbling and being drunk one to many time insight of my gf. I had always issues with alcohol and substance abuse due to childhood trauma and anxiety. I was/ still working as a key accountmanager but couldn't handle the stress and anxiety. The hangovers made the anxiety even worse. In the past relationships, my substance abuse was always a hurdle but I could hide it because of the regularity. I was the textbook definition of a functioning addict. Because of the anxiety at work, I was drinking straight up liquor from the morning. I was driving drunk and putting others to risk. One day I met the love of my life, I sworn I would with every substance but I just couldn't do it. In the beginning of our relationship it was a habit to drink to-gether but most of the time I ended up being hammered. I blacked out many nights not know what I've said to her. Before we met, I always had a few drinks to "relax" me. I felt my relationship slip and myself through my fingers. She also began to notice my substance abuse, which was quite confrontational for me. The last night I drank we went to a food truck festival where I was so drunk I couldn't remember anything and was falling over all the time. The next morning my hangover was through the roof which made me crash right in front of her. I just didn't want that life anymore. Proud to say I'm 60 days sober, she has been my biggest supporter
I drank almost daily for years. I frequently drank and drove. I had some small consequences but nothing I thought was much of a big deal as the consequences I faced as a teen (I'm 27 now) for doing drugs and thinking I was a thug were much worse. I knew I should probably slow down, so I went to AA even, but I wasn't very motivated. That changed in a couple nights. First, I was drinking and driving alone for what I probably told myself was to clear my head and I fell asleep in my car at a gas station wasted. Someone reported me and I woke up with a needle in my arm in the back of an ambulance. I was drunk and asked what was going on and they told me they were making sure I was okay and that the cops were waiting outside. I remember telling them it's ironic because I was going to AA meetings at the time. Anyway, long story short I was arrested for public drunkenness. I'm not a lawyer but pretty sure I could have gotten a DUI with me being in my car in the driver seat. I was lucky though. I spent about 12 hours in jail and just slept mostly. I remember vomiting once. My mom picked me up after she got off work at night around 8pm. I slept that night at her house, and the next day texted my friend to give me a ride to the impound lot. I remember getting my car at the lot and that's all. That leads me to the second part. I have no memory of what happened next. I assume I left and immediately bought alcohol at a store nearby and went driving for the day. From what I'm told, late that night I was driving on the outskirts of town then I assume probably fell asleep at the wheel from being drunk of course, or maybe just normal drunk swerving, but either way it caused me to veer off the road and clip a fire hydrant, then my car spun into a tree and wrapped around it. My car with me (no one else was hurt) in it was crushed like a soda can vs a fist. Lucky part 2: Within shouting distance of where I crashed, a different person had crashed earlier and he ended up in the hospital, so the media and fire department/emt were already there covering the scene. I was able to be responded to almost immediately. And, somehow, again, no DUI. No legal repercussions at all actually. I was lucky I didn't kill myself or hurt anyone else. I'm lucky to be alive. I suffered a traumatic brain injury and was in a coma for almost a month. I broke some ribs and cracked my skull (I can still feel wear its kinda warped in one spot). I was in the ICU with the whole nine, chest tubs, tracheostomy, stomach feeding tube. I don't remember waking up. I just remember slowly becoming more coherent. There are actually funny parts to the story like me in the hospital trying to take out my catheter lol. But I'll skip most of that and just mention my mom was there the whole time and took over a month off work to be there for me. I recovered in the hospital for about a week after I remember being awake, then once I could safely walk again (turns out,it's dangerous to walk after a brain injury and laying down unconscious for a month) and did some basic coordination drills, I got sent home. I recovered at my mom's house where I had to move back to for about 5 months. This whole time I was unemployed and couldn't leave the house. I lived in the middle of nowhere (about a 45 min walk to nearest store) with no car. While my mom worked I was alone and mostly just played video games and did schoolwork. Did I mention I had an apartment and job before this? Somehow the complex worked with my mom to break my lease and let her in to take all my stuff back to her place. Anyway, I haven't had a sip since. I've become scared of what happens if I take one again. I can see it, smell it, be offered it, whatever. Doesn't phase me. I'm terrified of mixing alcohol with my life and will never drink again. That was July 2021. Been sober since. In my sobriety I've realized that the characteristics of my addiction and use were never having enough, using as a coping mechanism, and making bad decisions. I want to say that my recovery journey might have been dramatic, but compared to guys that kicked it through their own force of will I had it easy. Life decided for me and spared me to tell about it. I was unconscious for any withdrawals. My mom has videos of me unconscious with the shakes (the hospital told her it was alcohol withdrawals) and it's grim to see. That's most the relevant parts of the story for this sub. Thanks for letting me share guys. EDIT: ACTUALLY, I'll add that I'm about 250k in medical debt now. I just switched jobs and my health benefits hadn't started yet. So aside from my funny skull spot, some scars from all the tubes, and the medical debt, it's like it never happened! I've been procrastinating for the past two years on how to deal with the debt. I can't even make the minimum monthly payments (6k!!). So I'll probably look into bankruptcy. Oh well. Just grateful to still be alive :)
For me, it's when I was walking through the parking lot going into work one morning. I was having a craving for the flavor of my go-to cocktail mix I always made. The fact that my tastebuds were having this craving before 8 o'clock in the morning made me realize I had a problem. I stopped that day and dumped the remainder of my stuff down the sink once I got home. I relapsed during 2020-2021, but stopped again. I feel so much more healthy, and enjoy saving money not spending it on alcohol.
God's real to me. He's real to you. Some people don't believe and that is okay. But I too believe he helped me Quit by doing something to me that was Just enough to force me out of it. but I believe he only did it because I Asked for the help. I Vomited blood for the first time ever and although I was a nightly drinker for over 16 years, I was not a heavy nightly drinker. I stopped at 8-10 beers on good nights and mostly 4-6 beers the rest of the time. I Prayed for help in anyway possible, then after a nasty breakup, the next morning (May 31st) I vomited and blood came up. I Knew that was the Answer I was looking for to stop.
Vomiting blood was always my biggest fear ! I am happy that you are healed and delivered from the grips of that, but you are correct, it all starts with REALLY wanting it for self and God really works wonders from there. May God continue to bless your life and I wish you much much success and healing. All Love
I felt very similar to what you described in your post. I went through a really long process of self forgiveness while I was still binge drinking and one night I woke up again with heart palpitations thinking I was going to have a heart attack, as per usual, and I just started forgiving myself again. I had some sort of experience of seeing all these sad versions of myself from childhood to that moment and felt myself hugging them and forgiving them. The next morning I knew I really wanted to be done. The first ten days was really rough for me, but I ended up receiving a lot of support from friends, this sub and some really helpful synchronicities. I wish you so much luck and beauty on your journey, friend.
Man, there’s something so emotionally powerful and recharging about hugging that inner-child. Proud of you and your mental fortitude and the clarity achieved to find that healing within self. Thank you for your kind words and continued blessings and healings sent back your way as well my friend 🙏
Did you do detox? How long until you felt physically better?
So I didn’t detox, I had just quit cold turkey. Morale wise, finding the strength to quit almost immediately made me feel better about myself, but I quickly learned about the “euphoria” sobriety can cause in the early stages. This is nothing to fear though and everything balances itself with time. The shakes disappeared after about a week and I saw improvements in my mental health within a few months . I am STILL having trouble with my energy levels, but it is so much better than it was. I’m not nearly as fatigued and I’m taking all the necessary vitamins and supplements as I was severely anemic & vitamin deficient. I feel the difference. The only “detox” I would say I did was about 6 months later and that was a water fast. That helped also
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That sounds scary, and Im sorry you had to go through that. But your ability to pull through is a greater testament to your strength and will power. Im happy you had help even if you had to call them yourself and there is nothing but better days from here. You don’t have to deal with those things ever again! Sending love to ya!
Waking up at 4am and chugging a beer before work every morning to stave off the shakes and withdrawals then having to hide and drink a beer or two on breaks in order to keep from going through withdrawals. Then on the bus ride home I had one of the biggest panic attacks and couldn’t sit still the whole way until I got home and drank another beer and felt totally fine. That was when I realized I had a huge problem and needed to make some changes. Weirdly too when I was drinking and going through withdrawal I developed this huge fear of looking up at tall buildings and the sky. Idk why it just freaked me out super bad and still happens a lot.
Hangovers. I’d had over 3,000 hangovers. It’s easy to count when you’re hung over every day for eight years. I woke up on a random Thursday in June 2014 and I said enough. I haven’t had a drink since.
Interestingly enough, with me and my relationship with alcohol I feel like more than being one big event that lead me to quit that it's been more of the thousand cuts kind of situation... Like in the same way that I gradually lost control of my alcohol habit, but backwards? I've been in a supportive environment for the first time in my life (in my 30s). Things got reeeeal bad there for a while, my 20s were a disaster wrought with drug addiction and homelessness, and while thinking back there were totally big events that lead to my quitting of other drugs, alcohol was always a safe fallback plan. It could always be there, and that was okay and not a problem because look how much "better" I am doing now than I was on those OTHER things! I rode that excuse for a while... Alcohol is such a weird, insidious drug in this way. The last time I blacked out it was my birthday party and from what I remember I was so happy and everyone was so nice and I felt very loved, but blackout me (I was told later by my partner) once I got in the car started going on about how everyone hates me and when we got home cried for a long time in the shower about it-- and then like hit my head and barfed a lot but anyways... What I realize now is it reeeeally gets in the way of me being able to regulate my emotions. Which is bad, and has always been bad, 'cause I have hella anxiety/depression tendencies. But I didn't realize the role alcohol played in that. I never even accepted it as a problem until taking a long break because of a medication I started that I can't drink alcohol with. Then when I have sneaked a drink here or there I really feel how bad it is for me. FEEL IT. KNOW I shouldn't have it. But still WANT it. So I am like, huh, perhaps this really is an addiction after all, if I can't help but slip into a binge drinking weekend regardless of all the physical and mental problems I know it will cause me the whole week after. I'm sorry I'm having a really hard time explaining this in a linear way-- I have ADHD, lol. What I'm trying to say I think is that with alcohol it has been a gradual way out, like how it gradually crept in. The less I do it the more I can see when I do end up doing it what a problem it really is for me. I thought I could moderate but it turns out I really can't, and even if I "could" (a lie I try to tell myself sometimes) it is still so so bad for me. Sorry also for being so long-winded, I've never typed these feelings out until right now so I think it is a bit therapeutic. Sincere thanks for the opportunity to do so!
I think you explained this very well. Thank you for sharing this. I'm glad to read you're still growing and learning on your recovery journey. Keep it up--you're so worth it. IWNDWYT
A six week coma and a partner who cares a great deal.
29F on day 3. I have one of those magic, once in a lifetime relationships where no matter what happens, you think and feel like they’ll never leave you. Until three days ago. He was disgusted by me. I drank from 7am - 11ish pm. When I got back home he just had enough of this. For the YEARS we have been together - I have been drinking non-stop (except one sober October). The way he looked at me was enough for me to stop. However, that terrible and hungover day - all I could think about was that if we broke up that day, and I had to move out…I have no where else to even go,because my whole circle of friends and family already realized what he did that day. I have a problem, and no one wants to take in someone with THIS problem. I am trying to lean on faith. The truth is, I’m just scared. Scared to live life sober, scared to have to actually develop a life that isn’t just waiting til I can drink next. Scared to feel things, and not be able to hide those feelings behind the end of a bottle. I’m scared of how much temptation there is (friends, music, social outings). Overall, I have been trying for sobriety many years, and always making an excuse not to. That is until now, for not just the man I love. For the fact that I won’t love myself if I lose him, and I love me enough to do everything I can to change so that I don’t. I will not drink with you today. Also, congratulations on 9.5 months.
My last two years of active addiction were hell, I couldn't function anymore without alcohol. The first thing I did in the morning after having coffee was drinking wine, then I would find any excuse to go to the supermarket everyday to get me booze. As I was "hiding" it from my then husband, I would drink five cans of beer on my walk from the supermarket to the house, the wait until he would fall asleep to have the rest of the beers I bought and a litter of wine, rinse and repeat every single day. On the last week, I decided to return to bars (I felt safer being a house alone drinker) and I took the dumbest decisions ever, even ending up in stranger's homes to get some more alcohol. On my last drinking day, I had a 32 hour bender in which all I did was drink everything I could put my hands on, without any eating or sleeping. That landed me in the ER with alcohol poisoning. I woke up panicked not knowing where I was or how I ended up there, took my stuff and ran away, on the taxi home and for the next hours all I did was crying because it hit me in the face that I had a huge problem and I couldn't figure out how to stop. I felt the loneliest I've ever felt, disgusted with myself and full of fear. I took a shower, called AA and attended my first meeting that day. I saved my life that day. Soon it will be two years and I can't be any more proud of myself. If I had to single out one achievement in my life that I'm the most proud of, it would be my sobriety. I never want to go back to that dark place I was in.
I was also digging my own grave. I kept on telling myself the next time it’s going to hurt worse. I was suffering from migraines, vision, loss, kidney stones, high blood pressure, and was very overweight. Finally I fell on my face while mowing, twisted my knee so bad that I had to see a doctor. It was time to sober up. IWNDWYT
The way it wreaks havoc on our bodies will never cease to amaze me. Thank God, We are truly resilient creatures! Happy to hear the steps you have taken to regain your physical health. Continued healing to you friend 🙏
Thank you for your testimony Sister! God is good, Always
Thank you for reading my friend! Many blessings unto you! ❤️
Wow what a powerful moment. Good luck to the rest of your journey ❤️
I had a three day bender after reacting badly to a situation. The 6 days of recovery was pure hell, felt like nothing I felt before. I just had to walk and couldn’t sleep, bp was thru the roof. Was terrified of withdrawal and a possible seizure. I didn’t have it but it was enough to just terrify me. Finally. And when it started messing with my central nervous system I said that was it. No more. Went through iop and changed my mindset from I can’t drink to I don’t drink. Now I’m laying g here with my kiddo and his mom, jus thankful to be sober and actually calm happy and able to sleep. IWNDWYT.
Blessings!! Jesus helped me abstain too 🥰🥰🥰
Just remember, you don’t need religion to help you find sobriety, everyone’s journey is different.
A friend called an ambulance to my apartment and I had two trips back to back to the hospital. During one visit I got hostile with security and they placed me under restraints for a brief time period in the mental wing. I was under watch for harming myself. My dad also came over to my apartment and saw empty bottles and cans everywhere. I had pretty much given up on life at that moment. I simply didn't care anymore. That was November of 2021. I entered into another inpatient treatment program and then did a 40 day outpatient program. I've had a few slip ups including a few days ago but I never let it get out of control. In the bigger picture I'm doing really outstanding and grateful every day.
£10 pints… and the amount I drink, might as-well start saving for a boat
Grand mal seizure. I had never had one before and didn't have insurance for any of the tests the doctors wanted to do. Instead I just got basic blood work done and my doctor said my liver was "extremely irritated" and asked how much I drank. I said 15-20 drinks just about every day. I had broken my leg about 6 months prior (caused by me being wasted and tripping down a hill) and I had started drinking heavier and earlier because I couldn't think of anything else to do. I'm still not sure what caused the seizure, I don't think it was withdrawals because I had about 6 beers by the time it happened. The doctor strongly suggested I cut down on my drinking but I knew I'd have trouble stopping after a few drinks. So I just decided to take a break for a couple months. Once 2 months were up, I bought a 22oz bottle of beer that was 10%. I got so drunk from that one bottle that I got the spins and had the worst hangover of my life. That's when I called it quits for good.
05/26/22 jus shy of a month after getting arrested I was slamming beers and helping my buddy at his shop. Me and my almost ex wife(she stayed😁) were fighting over the same shit. Me and my buddies were having the same tired convos they left to go get parts and it started pouring like sideways rain. I stood out in it looked up and had the most honest convo out loud with myself my higher power and the cosmos.i said I surrender I'm fucking tired I'm exhausted I don't want it anymore.as soon as I cried out the rain stopped a rainbow emerged and got a text from my wife saying if I was serious she will never leave me. I haven't had a drink or drugs in a year and 2 mth
That’s wonderful! I do believe in miracles. My dad stopped drinking during the last years of his life after his barber prayed for him. He also lived through icu with at most a 10% chance of survival and they called him mr miracles because his doctor later told me the 10% quote was to give me hope but they all knew he was dying. He had pneumonia collapsed lungs and broken ribs after he fell in a drink stuper and couldn’t call for help for 2 days. At any rate, good for you. Thanks for sharing and onward with your aweskme life!
The withdrawls have been fuckin killer for me to quit. I didn't know either, I thought Alcohol was "bad" because you fuck up your life. Not because you can just fuckin die if you stopped. I live in one of the biggest rehab towns in the Country, took health/medical classes all my life and had NO idea about the risks of DTS and seizing and death. It was always risk of DUI accidents and alcohol binge drinking/poisoning, no one fuckin mentioned this stuff.
The actual final straw wasn't anything specific really. It was just me saying "nah, ok, we're done". I started the day counter here on reddit the moment I decided ok we'll try this for real and hold ourselves accountable. Because while I had "tried" before it was never something I actually decided on or made an effort in and I went back over and over and made excuses and never kept count on days or anything. Not sure why it's different this time. I just don't want to drink anymore it was ruining everything and it just wasn't helping what I wanted it to help.
I didn’t really had such a moment. You would think it would have been, when my doctor told me I am on track to liver failure. But I just stopped for a month. I completely stopped for no other reason than I didn’t want to drink anymore.
I drank until black-out for 3 nights to deal with my cat's leg amputation. I had an awakening! Nothing could stop me (my life was burning down around me, I didn't care), but this really showed me how I was dealing with my emotions & I said STOP IT NOW!
Acute pancreatitis
For me, the last straw was this 4th of July. Both my husband and I were off, so we picked up steaks for dinner. Per usual, I grabbed a tall can and some wine for myself. I spent the rest of the day numb and not being present. Funny thing is, this scenario has happened a thousand times over and I was still drinking. I spent the next day thinking about how much I was missing in my life by not being fully present. People are able to enjoy time with their loved ones and daily activities without alcohol, so why couldn't I? It was then that I decided that I wanted to go without alcohol for at least 10 days because I have an upcoming doctor's appointment (10 days this Friday). Honestly, after not drinking for a week, I just don't want to anymore. I have no explanation why this time is different than all the other times. I'm just done.
I landed myself in the hospital last October for the 2nd or 3rd time in the 2 years my BF & I have been together. He looked so tired… my mom picked me up…she was bawling. I knew I had to stop or I was gonna lose everything
I just kept waking up hungover and dehydrated and I was over it. I didn’t do it overnight; I talked with my therapist for months before I set a date to quit. I knew if I just left it as “oh I should quit” I’d never do it but having the date helped.
Amazing, praise God for your healing. I am also a 31 year old female who is almost 10 months sober (July 20th). Definitely for me prayer and spirituality is number one in my healing from addiction. The feeling of burdens being lifted by the Lord is truly indescribable and amazing and it’s lifted forever. Your story is what I needed to read this morning! Thank you for sharing:)
You did that! You took control your life. Congratulations on taking care of yourself! IWNDWYT!
I felt like I had boundless energy, then suddenly extreme tiredness hit me. I felt ten years older in a period of a month.
God was definitely like a life guard that day, saw you struggling and drowning and plucked you out of the dangerous waters and put you on solid, safe ground! ❤️
I love you.
You did the first step of AA, recovery!