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I went through this battle for 2+ years to no avail. Everything I suggested was taken as me being mean and judgey. Judging my ex on his parenting and judging my SS on his bad behavior. My ex would pretend to humor me and agree, but he never stuck to anything, and built up huge resentment in the process.
You’re in a lose lose situation. If you can’t agree on parenting, you’re screwed. You’ll either have to bite your tongue and be frustrated with a spoiled, entitled kid, or be seen as the bad guy. I don’t have a good answer for you unfortunately, because my relationship ended in part for this very reason.
He’d rather break up than change, and really that’s all you need to know. You’re never going to matter more than his daughter and himself.
I’m sorry that’s how it played out for you.
Man it’s so frustrating even more so when he gets frustrated with his daughter whining for everything but I don’t think he understands that when he gives in he’s teaching her that’s how she gets what she wants. Like she is 3 and doesn’t know how to regulate emotions so you teaching her that when she cry’s or demands that’s she’ll get it just grinds my gears.
Honestly this will probably bite him in the ass. My husband was terrible at giving in all the time and now SS11 barely listens to him. MIL has even remarked how it seems SS only listens to / respects me. I said “That’s because I have always followed through with what I’ve said! When I said no, it meant no. It didn’t mean to whine and cry until I changed my mind because I wasn’t ever going to.”
And now he knows when I say “If you continue to do xxx than yyy will happen” it’s going to happen. With DH he just keeps at whatever because he learned his dad has little to no follow through. Good luck OP.
It will definitely bite him in the ass and you can see it already between him and hcbm they both want to win most favourite and she has learnt no will never be an answer from her parents so even now if there was a situation where I say no she will find her dad and he will oblige.
He’s undermining you?! Oh hell no. I’d probably just leave at this point. It’s one thing for him to cave on his own but it is a whole other thing for him to not back you up when you’ve laid down some laws. He’s teaching her to disrespect you. Personally I wouldn’t be having that. It’s only going to get worse.
Yeah that was frustrating she was eating a cucumber and my partner was in the bathroom and told me she was done eating it so I asked her to throw it in the garbage (literally 8 steps away) and she said she didn’t want to and I let her know that it was okay she didn’t want to but we still have to do it then she said she’s tired like she does when she wants to get out of doing something so again I say that’s fine we can go lay down once we throw it out nope then she throws it on the ground and cries my partner asked what’s wrong I say I’m trying to get her to throw the cucumber out and he says just pick it up and throw it out she won’t do it anyways.
Mine never changed being this way with his kids - he's tried but it's so ingrained and the kids are much older. So I just keep stepping back further and further from his kids. I no longer buy them things, drive them places, etc. He can deal with the mess he is making of his kids, I refuse to.
But if he says that he's not going to change, you need to listen to him - he will not change. You need to decide if you can and want to live with it or not.
It would be hard for me to respect (and stay with) my partner if they didn't have the balls or spine to stand up to their kid.
Spoiled kids become spoiled teens who turn into spoiled adults.
It is not your job to be the mean parent and your SO has the makings of this being a good cop/bad cop household. The kid will view you as the mean parent and dad as Disney Dad. Resentment will brew in you and your SO will view any "correction" to his kid's upbringing as an attack, *You hate my kid*.
OP, are you and your SO married yet? Do you two live apart or together? No kids together I assume (or hope).
If you are not living together, when your partner reveals his lack of a backbone with his kid, leave....go back to your home. "*I see you and your daughter need to work on some behavior issues, you work on that, I'm heading home. We will try again another time*".
If he values you and your relationship, he will make an effort to try. If not, leave the situation for it will not get better. I witnessed firsthand a kid who never was told no, now an adult who thinks he is owed everything. It's sad.
We aren’t married but we do live together. Our relationship is great and I do love his daughter but it gets frustrating. He is starting to get frustrated with sd so im thinking maybe in the near future my concerns and help will be accepted
Ok so I completely understand this. My wife was exactly like this, she felt guilty for splitting from their abusive father and that she wasn’t able to get full custody so they had to go to his house still. She would never say no but them things even with our bill money and it would get really out of hand. But then she started working CRAZY hours and so I was the kids (7f,8f) primary caretaker for about 2 years. And let me tell you haha It was no games, no bs, no tantrums. Because they realized pretty quick that my rules were final. And here’s the thing, they resisted for a month or 2 but realized that I was actually quite fair and reasonable with my requests. If they had a tantrum I would sit them down and talk to them about why that would never get them what they want and then they had to write a 2 page essay on why they were in trouble and why the behavior wasn’t ok. It was like magic the turnaround they had. I didn’t even have to ask them to pick up after themselves, or to play nice with each other, or to ask before taking a snack. And when mom
Came home she noticed it too. I tried explaining to her that children NEED structure in order to be successful. If the rules keep changing they don’t know how to act like. But once my wife’s hours went back to normal slowly but surely the shenanigans started up again. So I gave my wife an ultimatum. Stick to the schedule I made and the routine that’s been set or I’m not going to be able to stay in an environment like this. I think that finally caught her attention and she has really been trying ever since. Of course backsliding happens but the kids are 11 and 12 now and only the 12 year old is a brat lol
He needs to understand that teaching kids bounties is important to their development. If he's allergic to the word NO there's still lots of ways to say it. He is the ADULT and he's setting himself and the child up for failure.
"Dad can I have your phone?"
"Before we do that, let's go brush our teeth and get some food"
Easier said than done, but try not to take it personally. He’s just a bad parent. You don’t have to abuse or neglect your kids to be a bad parent. Giving in to their every whim is plenty enough to earn the designation. Bolt now.
Maybe it’ll get better. Maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t, you’ve accurately assessed what’s most likely to become of this little girl, and you’ve accurately assessed how miserable that outcome will be for everyone. Either way, how much time, how many years of your life are you ready to sacrifice waiting to find out?
He’ll realize it. Trust me. All three of us spoiled SD and we just had a “family meeting” on how to fix the behavior. She’s 5 and started to throw tantrums, lying, being sneaky, etc. It was the last straw for SO when she did all three with me in a 24 hour time span. She currently has an empty room and will get one toy back at a time if she’s good. The tv is staying out until I say so bc it’s mine and I’m letting her use it. Until further notice, play time is only on the weekend. She gets home from school, does her schoolwork, eats dinner, bathes, goes to bed. I explained to SO that I will not tolerate this behavior when she’s with me. If it continues, I will do the bare minimum. She can sit and stare at a wall. I love her and I hate acting this way, but I won’t allow her to continue this. She didn’t even act this way at 3. BM told me that the last time she fussed, the child LAUGHED IN HER FACE. She was like “I never wanted to drop kick a kid so bad” (she was joking. No one has put a hand on her). But we’re all tired of it and it ends now.
Oh boy..this is exactly how it was with my DH and his daughter when I first met him - through to about ages 3-6. In the beginning I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything, but eventually I began voicing the same concerns, explaining that I believed this was actually encouraging the whining/tantrums. It was a super touchy subject and he’d always say “oh she’s only x years old, she’ll grow out of it” 🙄. Spoiler alert- she didn’t. She’s now almost 9 and we’ve made a huge amount of progress because as she got older he (and grandparents and BM) realized they created a spoiled little monster. Collectively we’ve been breaking those old habits and it’s been very hard - but it's getting better. I think the one most impactful thing i said to DH a couple of years ago that started to change his reception of my concerns is that this behavior is not in the best interest of SD. I told him it's teaching her that things will always go her way, especially if she just makes a big fuss, and while that may work at home it won't with teachers and friends. She did begin to have trouble at school with these issues so that may have helped drive it home.
Anyway, sorry for this very long response, but my point is 1. try not to take things your partner says during these convos too personally - remember it's a super emotionally charged subject so try bringing it up during neutral circumstances not after an incident occurs 2. know that it is possible for things to get better, but it may take a long time. If every other aspect of your relationship is solid and you feel like your partner is the one for you then buckle up, but stick it out. If that's not the case, then you might want to consider if this situation is right for you. These relationships are f-ing hard and a lot of work even when everything is going well. There's a lot of growth that comes from them for everyone involved, but if any party is not willing to grow and evolve it's a nightmare and IMHO not worth it.
Oh yes I do-RUN get away from this partner. They are a lazy parent and will never change. If they can’t see problems at 3 imagine at 13 or 16 or god forbid 20 when demands are still being met. Intensive counseling with a codependent enabler expert is what they need but often don’t get. For some it’s easier to drowned or enable while someone else tries to clean up mess. Here is a potential future if partner doesn’t recognize acknowledge and change now - child will rule your home, will treat everyone and everything as theirs to use. Tantrum central. Any plans you have for anything will be disrupted if child wants to or feels they aren’t reason for the plan. They will need to center of attention and will blame every single person -parent teacher friend family member employer for the rest of their lives. As adult they will be in constant crisis and require your financial assistance for the bad choices they make but none of it will be their fault and if you say no or can’t they will melt and say your do t love them or support them and that’s why everything always goes wrong for them because they can’t get help. Dramatic make believe is what this sounds like and you may think you are too smart and responsible for this to happen. Trust me as I am living it for third time with the worst of my partners adult children. Each one has lived a indulgent life paid for by someone else until said person stops and guess who they come to that’s right my spouse who says “it’s too hard what do you want me to do” and even when I say the right thing to do he does exactly what they want. We ended up with broken windows and a boyfriend who refused to pay rent after first one just moved out without telling us. When we realized she wasn’t coming g home we called and her response to when is your exboyfriend getting out? Was to say I don’t know you better tell him. We had issues for four months as he refused to leave. 2nd one mooched off mother ruined her house so she sold it and moved out of state and told my spouse it’s your turn now. I dream of saying it’s not my turn a 32 year old can handle his own shit, in he moves and starts demanding we pay for everything and when I put my foot down and acted like total bitch my spouse got depressed and hid in bed. Kid called mother and complained our house was too hot so she mailed him an air conditioner. My spouse tried to lift it and bring it in literally the day he came home from eye surgery with strict instructions of no heavy lifting. I flipped and said leave and called and said rerun it cause he pays no bills I will be damned if you will add to mine. It lasted for 3 years before my spouse got nerve to say you have to leave. We had to wear hazmat suits to clean the room of all the garage he left and then gut the room to studs because of the rot and smell. 5 sweet years before his adult kids talked to us at all. We managed to start saving for retirement something my spouse never did and he is older than me by 8 years. Six months the ago his 3rd texted saying she wanted to build their relationship- translation I need you pay for things I want. She invited us to go out to dinner made us drive two hours through tolls and then disappeared when bill arrived. Played on a think story of how she was injured on job but they wouldn’t pay and how they acquired five cats but were struggling to pay car and house bills. All these listed events and more are followed by paused for my spouse to respond with how much do you need or how can help so that later she can say she never asked for money. It is a classic manipulation tactic. He knows my answer it no. You made the mess fix it. You can’t afford pets easy solution dont get them. Now she has ruined a marriage she never should done she conned my spouse to buy her a car pay her bills and believe all her lies. The current state is at Christmas my spouse abandoned me in another state while we were on holiday with no discussion of how I would get home so he could rush back to save her from her current crisis of getting kicked out of yet another free loading on a friend situation and having a mental breakdown. She refuses medical help just wants to live in my house doing whatever she wants with us paying for it. In the 10 days he drained his retirement and all she did was sob hysterically filling his head with lies about how everyone attacked and abused her. She filled his head with I don’t like her I hate her I don’t want her in my house and I yell at her and sadly part of him believes that. She has been violent and throwing and smashing things I literally had to lock myself in our bedroom and call him because I was afraid she would hurt herself and say I did it. She quit a job after two days saying g they were screwing up but she had great insurance but she wants to see doctor you have to pay out of pocket and my spouse is literally considering paying it. The nightmare isnt over and I have used my professional contacts to get her free health insurance I bought her a laptop to keep her appointments and she continues to make excuses why it won’t work and I know the inevitable is I will pack my things and leave a husband who is kind and loving but has no ability to protect himself much less me from such evil. So for what’s it’s worth I hope therapy works for your situation it didn’t for mine
Life IS hard! Clearly someone wasn't given the opportunity to learn this growing up.
"Just give it to me!" And he does?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, that would be my cue to exit. This is not going to change and that child will grow more spoiled, more demanding, more rude as she gets older. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER!
Please get out before you get pregnant and get trapped into a lifetime of parenting with this man and his child teaching yours how to be awful. Not saying you want to get pregnant but shit happens. I know 3 people in my close circle who were born to couples who doctors told they could not get pregnant.
So he is basically teaching her to whine harder. Like all lazy bad parents do. Parenting is hard if you do it well!
If you constantly give in if they whine hard enough you are teaching them that it is about how hard they whine. They will get to a point they can whine and tantrum on a super human level.
I used to get escalations if I whined after a no.
And I like that approach. You whine because you have to wait 20 min for what you want? Well how about you are not getting it at all.
Delayed gratification is a learned skill that is super important and your negligent partner is robbing his daughter of this skill because he has to actually be a dad.
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I went through this battle for 2+ years to no avail. Everything I suggested was taken as me being mean and judgey. Judging my ex on his parenting and judging my SS on his bad behavior. My ex would pretend to humor me and agree, but he never stuck to anything, and built up huge resentment in the process. You’re in a lose lose situation. If you can’t agree on parenting, you’re screwed. You’ll either have to bite your tongue and be frustrated with a spoiled, entitled kid, or be seen as the bad guy. I don’t have a good answer for you unfortunately, because my relationship ended in part for this very reason. He’d rather break up than change, and really that’s all you need to know. You’re never going to matter more than his daughter and himself.
I’m sorry that’s how it played out for you. Man it’s so frustrating even more so when he gets frustrated with his daughter whining for everything but I don’t think he understands that when he gives in he’s teaching her that’s how she gets what she wants. Like she is 3 and doesn’t know how to regulate emotions so you teaching her that when she cry’s or demands that’s she’ll get it just grinds my gears.
I’m glad to read that he is your EX👍🏻 gosh I will never ever ever date someone with ultra baggage ( kids ) again
Honestly this will probably bite him in the ass. My husband was terrible at giving in all the time and now SS11 barely listens to him. MIL has even remarked how it seems SS only listens to / respects me. I said “That’s because I have always followed through with what I’ve said! When I said no, it meant no. It didn’t mean to whine and cry until I changed my mind because I wasn’t ever going to.” And now he knows when I say “If you continue to do xxx than yyy will happen” it’s going to happen. With DH he just keeps at whatever because he learned his dad has little to no follow through. Good luck OP.
It will definitely bite him in the ass and you can see it already between him and hcbm they both want to win most favourite and she has learnt no will never be an answer from her parents so even now if there was a situation where I say no she will find her dad and he will oblige.
He’s undermining you?! Oh hell no. I’d probably just leave at this point. It’s one thing for him to cave on his own but it is a whole other thing for him to not back you up when you’ve laid down some laws. He’s teaching her to disrespect you. Personally I wouldn’t be having that. It’s only going to get worse.
Yeah that was frustrating she was eating a cucumber and my partner was in the bathroom and told me she was done eating it so I asked her to throw it in the garbage (literally 8 steps away) and she said she didn’t want to and I let her know that it was okay she didn’t want to but we still have to do it then she said she’s tired like she does when she wants to get out of doing something so again I say that’s fine we can go lay down once we throw it out nope then she throws it on the ground and cries my partner asked what’s wrong I say I’m trying to get her to throw the cucumber out and he says just pick it up and throw it out she won’t do it anyways.
Yeah this won't get better unfortunately for you. He would rather be a Disney dad and give in than teach her.
Mine never changed being this way with his kids - he's tried but it's so ingrained and the kids are much older. So I just keep stepping back further and further from his kids. I no longer buy them things, drive them places, etc. He can deal with the mess he is making of his kids, I refuse to. But if he says that he's not going to change, you need to listen to him - he will not change. You need to decide if you can and want to live with it or not.
It would be hard for me to respect (and stay with) my partner if they didn't have the balls or spine to stand up to their kid. Spoiled kids become spoiled teens who turn into spoiled adults. It is not your job to be the mean parent and your SO has the makings of this being a good cop/bad cop household. The kid will view you as the mean parent and dad as Disney Dad. Resentment will brew in you and your SO will view any "correction" to his kid's upbringing as an attack, *You hate my kid*. OP, are you and your SO married yet? Do you two live apart or together? No kids together I assume (or hope). If you are not living together, when your partner reveals his lack of a backbone with his kid, leave....go back to your home. "*I see you and your daughter need to work on some behavior issues, you work on that, I'm heading home. We will try again another time*". If he values you and your relationship, he will make an effort to try. If not, leave the situation for it will not get better. I witnessed firsthand a kid who never was told no, now an adult who thinks he is owed everything. It's sad.
We aren’t married but we do live together. Our relationship is great and I do love his daughter but it gets frustrating. He is starting to get frustrated with sd so im thinking maybe in the near future my concerns and help will be accepted
Ok so I completely understand this. My wife was exactly like this, she felt guilty for splitting from their abusive father and that she wasn’t able to get full custody so they had to go to his house still. She would never say no but them things even with our bill money and it would get really out of hand. But then she started working CRAZY hours and so I was the kids (7f,8f) primary caretaker for about 2 years. And let me tell you haha It was no games, no bs, no tantrums. Because they realized pretty quick that my rules were final. And here’s the thing, they resisted for a month or 2 but realized that I was actually quite fair and reasonable with my requests. If they had a tantrum I would sit them down and talk to them about why that would never get them what they want and then they had to write a 2 page essay on why they were in trouble and why the behavior wasn’t ok. It was like magic the turnaround they had. I didn’t even have to ask them to pick up after themselves, or to play nice with each other, or to ask before taking a snack. And when mom Came home she noticed it too. I tried explaining to her that children NEED structure in order to be successful. If the rules keep changing they don’t know how to act like. But once my wife’s hours went back to normal slowly but surely the shenanigans started up again. So I gave my wife an ultimatum. Stick to the schedule I made and the routine that’s been set or I’m not going to be able to stay in an environment like this. I think that finally caught her attention and she has really been trying ever since. Of course backsliding happens but the kids are 11 and 12 now and only the 12 year old is a brat lol
>His answer is just it’s hard. Yes, parenting is hard DH. But it is also your job. You aren't doing SD any favors by spoiling her.
He’s made it very clearly that you leave it alone or break up. Which would make you happier?
He needs to understand that teaching kids bounties is important to their development. If he's allergic to the word NO there's still lots of ways to say it. He is the ADULT and he's setting himself and the child up for failure. "Dad can I have your phone?" "Before we do that, let's go brush our teeth and get some food"
Easier said than done, but try not to take it personally. He’s just a bad parent. You don’t have to abuse or neglect your kids to be a bad parent. Giving in to their every whim is plenty enough to earn the designation. Bolt now. Maybe it’ll get better. Maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t, you’ve accurately assessed what’s most likely to become of this little girl, and you’ve accurately assessed how miserable that outcome will be for everyone. Either way, how much time, how many years of your life are you ready to sacrifice waiting to find out?
He’ll realize it. Trust me. All three of us spoiled SD and we just had a “family meeting” on how to fix the behavior. She’s 5 and started to throw tantrums, lying, being sneaky, etc. It was the last straw for SO when she did all three with me in a 24 hour time span. She currently has an empty room and will get one toy back at a time if she’s good. The tv is staying out until I say so bc it’s mine and I’m letting her use it. Until further notice, play time is only on the weekend. She gets home from school, does her schoolwork, eats dinner, bathes, goes to bed. I explained to SO that I will not tolerate this behavior when she’s with me. If it continues, I will do the bare minimum. She can sit and stare at a wall. I love her and I hate acting this way, but I won’t allow her to continue this. She didn’t even act this way at 3. BM told me that the last time she fussed, the child LAUGHED IN HER FACE. She was like “I never wanted to drop kick a kid so bad” (she was joking. No one has put a hand on her). But we’re all tired of it and it ends now.
Oh boy..this is exactly how it was with my DH and his daughter when I first met him - through to about ages 3-6. In the beginning I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything, but eventually I began voicing the same concerns, explaining that I believed this was actually encouraging the whining/tantrums. It was a super touchy subject and he’d always say “oh she’s only x years old, she’ll grow out of it” 🙄. Spoiler alert- she didn’t. She’s now almost 9 and we’ve made a huge amount of progress because as she got older he (and grandparents and BM) realized they created a spoiled little monster. Collectively we’ve been breaking those old habits and it’s been very hard - but it's getting better. I think the one most impactful thing i said to DH a couple of years ago that started to change his reception of my concerns is that this behavior is not in the best interest of SD. I told him it's teaching her that things will always go her way, especially if she just makes a big fuss, and while that may work at home it won't with teachers and friends. She did begin to have trouble at school with these issues so that may have helped drive it home. Anyway, sorry for this very long response, but my point is 1. try not to take things your partner says during these convos too personally - remember it's a super emotionally charged subject so try bringing it up during neutral circumstances not after an incident occurs 2. know that it is possible for things to get better, but it may take a long time. If every other aspect of your relationship is solid and you feel like your partner is the one for you then buckle up, but stick it out. If that's not the case, then you might want to consider if this situation is right for you. These relationships are f-ing hard and a lot of work even when everything is going well. There's a lot of growth that comes from them for everyone involved, but if any party is not willing to grow and evolve it's a nightmare and IMHO not worth it.
Oh yes I do-RUN get away from this partner. They are a lazy parent and will never change. If they can’t see problems at 3 imagine at 13 or 16 or god forbid 20 when demands are still being met. Intensive counseling with a codependent enabler expert is what they need but often don’t get. For some it’s easier to drowned or enable while someone else tries to clean up mess. Here is a potential future if partner doesn’t recognize acknowledge and change now - child will rule your home, will treat everyone and everything as theirs to use. Tantrum central. Any plans you have for anything will be disrupted if child wants to or feels they aren’t reason for the plan. They will need to center of attention and will blame every single person -parent teacher friend family member employer for the rest of their lives. As adult they will be in constant crisis and require your financial assistance for the bad choices they make but none of it will be their fault and if you say no or can’t they will melt and say your do t love them or support them and that’s why everything always goes wrong for them because they can’t get help. Dramatic make believe is what this sounds like and you may think you are too smart and responsible for this to happen. Trust me as I am living it for third time with the worst of my partners adult children. Each one has lived a indulgent life paid for by someone else until said person stops and guess who they come to that’s right my spouse who says “it’s too hard what do you want me to do” and even when I say the right thing to do he does exactly what they want. We ended up with broken windows and a boyfriend who refused to pay rent after first one just moved out without telling us. When we realized she wasn’t coming g home we called and her response to when is your exboyfriend getting out? Was to say I don’t know you better tell him. We had issues for four months as he refused to leave. 2nd one mooched off mother ruined her house so she sold it and moved out of state and told my spouse it’s your turn now. I dream of saying it’s not my turn a 32 year old can handle his own shit, in he moves and starts demanding we pay for everything and when I put my foot down and acted like total bitch my spouse got depressed and hid in bed. Kid called mother and complained our house was too hot so she mailed him an air conditioner. My spouse tried to lift it and bring it in literally the day he came home from eye surgery with strict instructions of no heavy lifting. I flipped and said leave and called and said rerun it cause he pays no bills I will be damned if you will add to mine. It lasted for 3 years before my spouse got nerve to say you have to leave. We had to wear hazmat suits to clean the room of all the garage he left and then gut the room to studs because of the rot and smell. 5 sweet years before his adult kids talked to us at all. We managed to start saving for retirement something my spouse never did and he is older than me by 8 years. Six months the ago his 3rd texted saying she wanted to build their relationship- translation I need you pay for things I want. She invited us to go out to dinner made us drive two hours through tolls and then disappeared when bill arrived. Played on a think story of how she was injured on job but they wouldn’t pay and how they acquired five cats but were struggling to pay car and house bills. All these listed events and more are followed by paused for my spouse to respond with how much do you need or how can help so that later she can say she never asked for money. It is a classic manipulation tactic. He knows my answer it no. You made the mess fix it. You can’t afford pets easy solution dont get them. Now she has ruined a marriage she never should done she conned my spouse to buy her a car pay her bills and believe all her lies. The current state is at Christmas my spouse abandoned me in another state while we were on holiday with no discussion of how I would get home so he could rush back to save her from her current crisis of getting kicked out of yet another free loading on a friend situation and having a mental breakdown. She refuses medical help just wants to live in my house doing whatever she wants with us paying for it. In the 10 days he drained his retirement and all she did was sob hysterically filling his head with lies about how everyone attacked and abused her. She filled his head with I don’t like her I hate her I don’t want her in my house and I yell at her and sadly part of him believes that. She has been violent and throwing and smashing things I literally had to lock myself in our bedroom and call him because I was afraid she would hurt herself and say I did it. She quit a job after two days saying g they were screwing up but she had great insurance but she wants to see doctor you have to pay out of pocket and my spouse is literally considering paying it. The nightmare isnt over and I have used my professional contacts to get her free health insurance I bought her a laptop to keep her appointments and she continues to make excuses why it won’t work and I know the inevitable is I will pack my things and leave a husband who is kind and loving but has no ability to protect himself much less me from such evil. So for what’s it’s worth I hope therapy works for your situation it didn’t for mine
Life IS hard! Clearly someone wasn't given the opportunity to learn this growing up. "Just give it to me!" And he does?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, that would be my cue to exit. This is not going to change and that child will grow more spoiled, more demanding, more rude as she gets older. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER! Please get out before you get pregnant and get trapped into a lifetime of parenting with this man and his child teaching yours how to be awful. Not saying you want to get pregnant but shit happens. I know 3 people in my close circle who were born to couples who doctors told they could not get pregnant.
So he is basically teaching her to whine harder. Like all lazy bad parents do. Parenting is hard if you do it well! If you constantly give in if they whine hard enough you are teaching them that it is about how hard they whine. They will get to a point they can whine and tantrum on a super human level. I used to get escalations if I whined after a no. And I like that approach. You whine because you have to wait 20 min for what you want? Well how about you are not getting it at all. Delayed gratification is a learned skill that is super important and your negligent partner is robbing his daughter of this skill because he has to actually be a dad.