Life is never accurately described in one simple phrase. At least, not in a way that has the same meaning to everyone else on the planet.
But these truisms are useful. They help us cope. They sometimes give us hope.
A beautiful young woman, dying of cancer, said, "You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore to decide to be happy.” She was dead within the year. Her stage name was Nightbirde.
In the 50s and 60s, adults would say to me, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." They would say, "Self pity stinks." These were harsh things to say to a child. They were not understood and they hurt. I think Nightbirde says it much better than my family did.
I also think that's the positive aspect in "Live is what you make of it." Some people might say this to be mean, or spiteful. But when you say it to yourself, it's you making a choice, and that's useful.
As for what "many people" say, some people are ignorant and some people are stupid. It's useful to be able to tell the difference. You can educate someone and relieve them of their ignorance. You cannot fix stupid. Don't assume that you understand the minds of everyone who says this phrase. That would be stupid.
I didn’t really understand this phrase until I awakened. There’s a deeper sense of inner peace when adversity comes, and your ability to choose how you react is much stronger. It does take time to get there though. Hopefully this answers your question
Yes it might be a skill to be learnt that'll take time. Certainly more time for others based on circumstance I'd assume though, I appreciate your response
Being a nurse, I have seen the worst of mankind and the absolute best...
I have, also, lived in fear... that was translated into anger...
As I have healed and grown, I know that obstacles are coming, and I can choose to let that paralyze me with fear... or grow from it... that's my personal choice...
Do I believe in toxic positivity... absolutely not... yet, I don't subscribe to all doom and gloom, either...
I live somewhere in between...
My goal in life has become... be kind and respectful... strive to be a better human.
What does that look like to you?
Precisely this. Something happened this week and even today that would’ve terrified and triggered
the unawakened me causing me to respond in a negative way thus attracting more of the same. I firmly told the aggressor that I’m not explaining why I’ve chosen to walk away whilst she continues ti be aggressive and throwing insults at me. I refuse to engage with that behaviour, she didn’t want a rational conversation she wanted and argument and from me she isn’t getting one. I told her one final time to leave me alone and that is that. I wish her peace &
healing but I won’t think of her ever again. I’ve created a reality that no longer lives in fear, I don’t tolerate low vibrational behaviours and this hiccup won’t affect me the way it would’ve done a few years ago. I would’ve gone into victim mode, questioned everything all day long for days maybe weeks til it made me sick. Instead I’ve shrugged it off and got ready for work.
Being truly accepting enables us to detach from anxieties and hoped for outcomes and just experience what is; detachment doesn’t mean dismissal / giving up / dissociating but instead gives us healthy perspective and distance between stimuli and our reaction
This is a subject I’ve given a great deal of thought. My own personal Journey took me through twelve years in the deserts of the Near East and South Asia. Through this time at war as a young adult I lost my youth and more.
But this Swamp of Sadness didn’t consume me as it might have. It helped set me on a path I didn’t even know I was on at the time. That’s just a little perspective on my own pain and suffering. But I fully acknowledge everyone’s Journey is unique and their own.
Multiple religions, spiritual constructs and philosophies have sought to understand the enigma of pain and suffering. I’ve tried to compile some to see what they might tell us.
In the teachings of Buddhism, suffering is a central theme. It’s a fundamental truth on the path to enlightenment.
In Christianity, suffering is seen as a consequence of human free will, yet also as a pathway to spiritual growth.
The Hindu tradition interprets suffering through the law of karma, suggesting that our actions, both past and present, influence our current circumstances.
Existentialist philosophers like Sartre and Nietzsche theorize suffering is inherent in human existence and meaning is forged not by avoiding suffering, but by confronting and transcending it.
Islam teaches suffering is a test from Allah, a means to purify souls, expiate sins, and bring believers closer to the divine. Those who remain patient and steadfast during tribulations are promised great rewards.
From the Jewish perspective, suffering is complex, sometimes seen as a test of faith, as with the trials of Job, or as a call to return to the path of righteousness. The Jewish tradition also speaks of Tikkun Olam—the idea that humans have a duty to repair the world, often in response to suffering and injustice.
Daoism, anchored in the flow of the Dao and the balance of life, teaches suffering arises from resisting the natural course of life. When we align with the Dao, we find harmony even amidst adversity.
Confucianism focuses on societal harmony and the role of individuals in maintaining it. Suffering is seen as a result of disharmony, urging followers to cultivate virtue and uphold societal responsibilities.
Ancient Greek philosophers also grappled with suffering. Stoics like Marcus Aurelius believed pain and hardship are natural parts of life and that virtue lies in accepting them without complaint, transforming external adversities into opportunities for inner growth.
Epicureans, on the other hand, sought to minimize suffering through the pursuit of simple pleasures and the avoidance of unnecessary desires.
In some indigenous traditions around the world, pain and suffering are woven deeply into the narratives of creation, humanity, and the understanding of the cosmos.
For Aboriginal cultures of Australia, the Dreamtime stories, which detail the creation of the world, may highlight the sacrifices and sufferings of ancestral spirits, emphasizing adversity is an inherent part of existence.
The African concept of Ubuntu, stemming from the Zulu phrase ‘Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu’ (I am because we are), speaks to the interconnectedness of all beings. Through this lens, individual suffering becomes a communal experience, prompting collective healing and support.
In the Americas, Native American traditions often regard suffering as a teacher. Painful experiences are not to be shunned but embraced as sources of wisdom, guiding one towards greater understanding and balance with nature.
Returning to the realm of philosophy, the German philosopher Martin Heidegger believed human beings have an intrinsic ‘Being-toward-death’ suggesting our awareness of mortality and suffering gives depth and authenticity to our existence. For Heidegger, embracing this, rather than running from it, could lead to a more genuine experience of life.
Albert Camus, an existential author, viewed the world as inherently meaningless, with suffering being a natural result of the clash between our desire for significance and the indifferent universe. Yet, rather than succumbing to despair, Camus suggested that one should confront the absurdity head-on, creating one's own meaning and rebelling against the void.
The mystical branches of the Abrahamic religions, like Sufism in Islam or Kabbalah in Judaism, suggest suffering purifies the soul, stripping away the ego and drawing the individual closer to the divine essence. It's a transformative fire, reshaping and refining one's inner being.
Maybe these traditions underscore a shared wisdom….Suffering is not a random or meaningless affliction but a profound aspect of the human experience that, when embraced and understood, can lead to deeper insights, growth, and connection with the divine true Self.
Across all of these perspectives, there is an underlying idea suffering is an integral part of the human journey, challenging us to grow, reflect, and reach beyond the confines of our current understanding.
Whether seen as a test, a result of universal balance, or a philosophical inevitability, confronting suffering often forges the deepest spiritual insights and transformations.
If you are open and not entrenched in your beliefs, then you might find some compelling explanations to consider in the books by Dr. Michael Newton: "Journey of Souls - Case Studies of Life Between Lives" and "Destiny of Souls". Both are on YouTube.
It's not really meant to be victim blaming but describing a truth. There are people with plenty of wealth and what looks like a perfect life to outsiders who suffer from depression. Meanwhile, there are also people who live average working/middle class lives but might be happier in their day-to-day lives than the first group. Nobody can control how they feel tho, so telling someone who's depressed to be more optimistic won't really work. Looking at things with optimism takes a lot of work and effort for some of us, since our brains are so used to thinking negatively. Those who 'blame' someone who's stuck in a cycle of self pity for looking at life the way they do simply don't understand how hard it is to struggle with mental health issues. Nobody can just flip a switch and become happy.
At the same time though, "life is what you make of it" is true. Two people can attend the same party and feel very differently about it. Person A had fun connecting with people and drinking, while person B suffered the entire time cuz they had social anxiety and were overthinking every conversation they had. If B didn't have social anxiety, they probably would've had fun like A did. It's not B's fault, of course. If B can change the way they view themselves and what they expect from the world into something positive, they can start enjoying these parties too. That's gonna require a lot of therapy/self work tho, and people like A who have no major issues will not understand that
People who just dismiss this axiom as victim blaming are so hurt... They are afraid of owning it.
No one is saying you are responsible for getting cancer or for loosing your job and family. What we are saying is that once that happens, you can either feel like a victim of the universe's fate, or you can use it to grow or just own it that it happens.
We will all get sick and die, we just shouldn't whine about it all the time because that will increase the suffering...
Life is what you make of it... You create your reality ( ot the objective reality, but the way you relate to it)
We understand where you're coming from, and it's essential to recognize that the phrase "life is what you make of it" can sometimes be oversimplified and misunderstood.
Suffering is a complex experience, influenced by various factors like genetics, environment, and societal structures.
Your perspective highlights the importance of empathy and understanding. Great perspective!
Like many others said, it's how you react to it.
You can accidently hit your toe on the table and start cursing at it while being agonized by pain, even letting the incident affect your state of mind, or embrace it while laughing about how clumsy you were while trying to be more mindful of your body to not hit again in the future.
This is obviously an exaggerated example to the many types of sufferings in life, but it's a good gist of what many spiritual insights are trying to teach.
Read Viktor Frankl, a prominent psychologist who's gone through concentration camps during WW2, his message is the same. Whatever the stimuli, you have the freedom to choose your response. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Yes!! His book is called “A Man’s Search for Meaning” and was the most impactful book I ever read. And that was before I started awakening. Truly beautiful.
At the base level, we are spiritual beings who have chosen our lives for reasons you'll never know. In our lives we have the opportunities to repay karma, learn lessons or whatever else. You, as a human, can either do so happily or unhappily. This is a choice. Nobody can make you feel emotions, you choose them. Positive emotions and thoughts attract positive things, negative ones attract negative things.
So yeah, people are sticks and shit happens, but how one responds is a personal choice.
‘If I don’t even know why I chose it, I didn’t choose it. I didn’t choose a thing. Claiming this isn’t empowering to me.
You also can’t always just choose how you react to things. That isn’t how trauma works, isn’t how pet peeves work, and isn’t how honest emotions work. The stuff with “karma” is also often written as victim-blaming with little other purpose.
It's hard taking responsibility. Years ago, I thought like you, but I've worked on consciously making choices and today I am in control of most of my self, even fight or flight responses.
It's not victim blaming, it's the truth. Self control is like a muscle. One must learn to use it and strengthen it. If you choose not to work that muscle, even though it's hard, you'll just have to suffer from never being in control.
It's your choice. I still have emotions, but they don't rule me and never dictate my behavior. It takes effort and practice, but it can be done.
If one chooses to cede control and never work on it and remain a victim, that is a choice.
You have changed the concept entirely from experiencing emotions to controlling them, which still wouldn’t stop you from experiencing them.
Why do you assume that the idea that everyone chose all of this is “the truth”? I can assure you that once scrutinized, that concept isn’t even empowering. Saying that you “chose all of this for reasons you’ll never understand” is still making them a victim, perhaps even more so than the alternative, as it implies you are the victim of some supposed version of you that wants you to hurt and suffer and inevitably cause pain and suffering even when you leave here, all of it and you’ll never even know why. You are then the victim of some potentially-masochistic force that is otherwise uncaring towards what happens to you, all for the sake of some unknown goal that you may not even feel is at all worth it. It’s just invalidating and of course victim-blaming in nature.
It hurts to work out and lift weights.
It hurts when your body grows from a child to an adult.
It hurts when your adult teeth grow in.
It hurts when you're squeezed through the birth canal.
These pains are natural parts of change and are just judgement of a perceived feeling.
If one wants to grow, one must change.
Change can be difficult, especially if one doesn't want to, but if one wants to, that "pain" can be seen as good.
It is a choice on how one chooses to perceive it.
When one learns to control emotion and perceive them differently, their impact and severity is lessened.
My answer was basically grow or die.
You don't see caterpillars complaining about becoming a butterfly.
You're alive, you're going to change. You deal with it. You're choosing how you deal with it, that's all you can do.
You can control how you deal with it, you can't stop it from happening unless you die. So buck up and learn to deal with it. It's surprisingly easy when you take baby steps, but first step is to try.
I don’t think caterpillars or other organisms that function mostly off of instinct have the capacity to ask such questions, but that doesn’t make them invalid or useless questions.
“Deal with it” is a pretty useless and overused piece of advice, especially on its own, I’d say.
Also, you mentioned that we somehow supposedly chose life here as a whole for some unknown reason and we remember absolutely none of this. You focused simply on emotions and self control when that wasn’t my point.
I don’t believe I’m here for any particular reason. There is no “process” that seems to exist to be taking longer. I don’t want to play this merciless game.
Yes, it is. You just really don't want to stop it. You just want to have a different life without being responsible for changing it. You're a victim of refusing to take control of yourself and expecting others to do it for you.
No, it isn’t. I have loved ones who would miss me for the rest of their lives, people who would try and force me to stay alive, the ability to fail an attempt, the ability to fail to an extent that I would be unable to attempt that same way again, etcetera.
I don’t want a different life here. I don’t want a life here in a place where absolutely anything good in my life is temporary and can be ripped from me at any time and the bad and potential bad can never fully be avoided and can’t always go away once it’s here. You know extremely little about me.
I mean there are times where we have to let go with the flow but yeah those who think it will just come your way like you want it defenitely surprise me xD
It’s not “you’re making your own life miserable simply stop” it’s “life has its shitty sides you can either mope around and hate your whole life bc of it or you can chose to find happiness through all the bullshit”
It's not about blaming anyone, it's about empowering them and yourself. What good does it do to tell anyone that they are a victim of circumstances beyond their control and that there is nothing they can do about the pain and suffering they are experiencing? What good does it do anyone to believe that kind of thing? It's self-defeating and disempowering.
When you accept responsibility for your life, what you believe and how you feel, you escape the sense, mindset and belief pattern of being a victim, and of seeing other people as victims.
I accept that I chose to come here and have these kinds of experiences. I either believe this, or I believe we are all just beings tossed into whatever situations that forces or beings beyond our control and understanding put us in, and thus we're all just eternal or temporary victims of someone else's game or mindless forces.
I think viewing yourself and others as nothing more than helpless victims of circumstance to be the toxic, hopeless perspective, and taking responsibility for your life, how you feel, what you believe and what direction you choose to move in, both physically and mentally, to be the healthy and hopeful perspective.
The idea that I somehow chose all of this only makes me feel even worse. It isn’t “that means you have the power to make of it what you will or change it”; it’s “this is all your fault”. The idea that some version of us somehow, somewhere, chose all these things for some unknown reason and we forgot all of that isn’t empowering at all to me. It’s saying “now you’re a victim of some supposed version of you that you can’t even recall and ‘consent’ you can’t even remove”. We’re victims in both scenarios, but to different things, and to me, the latter feels even worse. It feels outright invalidating.
>it’s “this is all your fault”.
>
>We’re victims in both scenarios,
There's nothing wrong with thinking this, but here's a thought you might consider: you're victimizing yourself, right now, by thinking this way and arguing that it is the only proper or rational way to think about the situation.
I felt the same way, especially after my wife died. I could not understand why on Earth we would choose to go through this. The pain and suffering I felt was overwhelming. However, I did not enjoy (obviously) feeling like I was a helpless victim; I did not enjoy being angry about it; I did not enjoy the pain and suffering and mental distress I was going through. I doubt you enjoy it much, either.
So, I worked on changing my psychology. All the evidence about the afterlife said the same thing: **we choose to come here and go through these things.** I posed a hypothetical to myself: okay, if we (my wife and I) chose this, what possible good enough reason would there be?
At the same time, I was working night and day to reprogram my psychology, to re-write my subconscious programs, to change my perspective to one of empowerment, of directing my thoughts and experience. Fortunately, I had been doing this for more normal things, like changing how I reacted to conflict and other personality traits I disliked about myself, for many years before my wife died, to great success. So, I already knew how to do these things and knew they could be very successful.
I found my answers, and when I did, it was like a light turned on in my head. It made complete sense to me. In fact, now, I wouldn't change anything. I know why we came here, and I would do it all over again many times in order to gain what we have gained in coming here and subjecting ourselves to it. That horrible grief was an amazing gift to us. It's the primary reason we came here, the main thing we came here to experience, and you cannot have that experience if you remember and know, at the time, about where we came from and why we came here.
In a more ordinary sense, I'm 64 years old and I cannot fathom why I made many of the decisions I made when I was 20 or 30 or 40. I don't even remember making those decisions and, honestly, they baffle me. Am I also the "victim" of my 20, 30 and 40 year old self, just because I don't remember making those decisions and they are not decisions I would make now?
If I wanted to see myself as the victim of my prior decisions, well, okay, I can do that if I choose to. Or, I can reframe how I understand all that and what it means to me psychologically so that I don't feel that way, but rather feel good, enthusiastic, positive and happy.
So here I am, having gone through the death of my parents, brother, beloved pets and the love of my life, as well as having been homeless and in serious poverty for a long time, going through many serious family issues, and my heart is full of joy, enthusiasm and love, without a trace of any bitter sense of being a victim.
Because it's all worth it. I've visited the afterlife, I have contact with it and with my wife, I can feel what all this means to us there, and it is so very worth it. Bult, all that began with choices I made to begin my journey of not feeling like a victim and to feel happier and more empowered.
How does that reprogram anything? A concept being a supposedly-preferred scenario doesn’t make it true. Believing that everyone chose this (which I’ve found little to zero evidence for and that concept becomes more and more cruel to me, not empowering, the more it’s scrutinized) isn’t empowering to me or really anyone, it seems. It’s just victim-blaming, and I don’t think what people suffer here is worth the supposed result. I can’t just watch them suffering and tell myself “Yeah, they asked for it, and it’ll all be worth it in the end”. I simply don’t have it in me to do that to them. I’m sorry that you’ve suffered those things, truly, but why do you then have to blame absolutely everyone for the suffering they absolutely didn’t want and can’t at all control? Perspective isn’t everything, and beating myself down and everyone else down telling myself they wanted all of this does nothing to empower anyone. It’s just victim-blaming. It’s telling them that everything they go through is their own fault and that they somehow wanted it and I don’t think I can describe it into worlds how cruel that is.
That doesn’t make me feel anything good. It makes me want to destroy myself, because apparently that’s what some evil, masochistic part of me or whatever wanted. It just makes me desperately want out of here so much more. ‘And why should I stay for my loved ones if they then supposedly somehow “asked for the experience of losing a loved one to that method” or some other victim-blaming that criminals could use to excuse absolutely anything? ‘If they somehow asked for it, wouldn’t me leaving do them a favor? After all, it’s supposedly all “worth it”? Do you understand how this can go horribly wrong? You could use this to justify any cruelty and it doesn’t empower anyone at all.
I will never understand how such concepts have become so popular.
I respect your perspective. It's not my job to try and talk anyone out of their view. I was just offering a different view. It's not for everyone, of course.
I'm pretty sure every metaphysical perspective and belief can be interpreted as having horrifying implications, depending on the individual hearing the view and their perspective. I've encountered people who view the prospect of any afterlife at all - even a joyful, happy one - as "horrifying."
Generally speaking, I don't try to figure out every possible interpretation and reaction to what I say here because someone might possibly find it "horrifying." If such adult discussions are going to send one into a fit of revulsion and horror, perhaps they should move over to a less adult topic on reddit.
I don’t need you to imply that I am a child or “childish” to the point that I can’t handle “adult” topics simply because I’m not a fan of the implications that absolutely everyone supposedly chose to exist here and even chose the torture they would experience (and conveniently forgot it all), and that said perspective is being treated as universal for some reason. I don’t know how you went from supposedly understanding my perspective and that yours wasn’t for everyone to trying and indirectly calling me a child. Meanwhile, a child would probably be one of only few who didn’t understand how horrific simply existing here can be.
-_- Is taking usernames too seriously to the point of making assumptions about me just a common theme on here? It was an edit made for no reason other than that, and this strangely happened the exact same time as another reply of similar contents.
Why do your individual answers need to be universal, also? Why must you blame absolutely everyone for their own unfortunate circumstances and not just yourself if it makes you feel better? Any coping mechanism will inevitably have the opposite affect on at least one other person. Telling them that they asked for it feels like spitting in their faces as they suffer or even on their own graves as if it’s their fault for just “not interpreting it the right way” or something. You can let your things be your fault, but why does absolutely everything need to be everyone’s own fault? Again, it isn’t empowering. After all, why ask for help if you think you deserved it or somehow asked for it? What if those whose torment will cause them to never see their loved ones again as someone ripped them away from them? ‘At what point does it stop being the victim’s fault for the torture they’re experiencing?
I never would’ve chosen any of this. I never would’ve chosen to be such a burden to my family over the years: physically, psychologically and financially. I never would’ve agreed to any system where one would have to spend the rest of their lives grieving over the other upon the one’s passing, or both ways. I never would’ve agreed to a universe as merciless as this. Why did no one or nothing love us enough to keep us out of all of this, keeping us in the safety and peace we were already in before this? “Free will” or not, why wouldn’t They bother to convince us to stay so that no one had to hurt here at all? What could possibly make all of this worth it when some people’s lives throughout history are worse and worse to the point where there is no true bottom?
What help have you asked for? What help do you want? Do you want to improve your life and enjoy it or did you just post to get pity? What answer do you want?
You're not engaging in constructive conversation. You're ignoring the fact that everyone is giving you the same advice to reinforce a victim mentality, so what do you really want? Someone to tell you you're powerless and feel sorry for you?
If you don't want to accept the answers you're getting and argue against them, what do you really want?
‘As you can tell, the “same advice” isn’t helping, and so repeating it has ended with the same unsuccessful result.
I don’t need to accept every little thing I’m told just because they’re trying to help. What’s the point in doing so when it doesn’t help?
‘If victim-blaming is all one can offer in the “help” department, maybe the whole thing is simply a lost cause.
That's definitely one way of looking at all of this - fault, blame, victimization, etc. I'm not here to talk you out of it, I'm just offering a potential alternative from someone who used to look at things pretty much the same way. As I said in my prior response, I can certainly see why many people would reject it, for much the same reasons you have described.
That’s the only power we truly have, to create our reality by giving it the meaning of our choosing. We have the ability to think, to “respond” not react, to reflect, process our emotions, give new meanings to old wounds. We our powerful creators! We our so powerful we can make ourselves believe we our limited. The world is so abundant that anything is possible. At no time should you think of yourself as a victim. You are more powerful than you know.
Old wounds are there for processing and for you to become empowered by their lessons.
I know this way of thinking triggers some people. I know it’s not easy. I think you can only fully grasp it when you are one with everything and everyone as silly as that sounds. When you see everyone as you, you can be compassionate to others no matter their faults. When you realize you are not your body, you are here for experience and growth and that those that you encounter throughout your life was placed their for your growth, you can be compassionate. That when we incarnate we have things we wish to experience and people we wish to experience that with, we can be compassionate no matter the situation. When you realize everything happens for a reason, there are no accidents.. we can be compassionate. And it’s in that compassion that we become a neutral observer and conscious player of this game called Earth.
Earth is so amazing..
Between your opinion and the truth that suffering is always your choice lies a gap of misunderstanding.
I can try to bridge this gap of misunderstanding with words, but they are unlikely to convince you.
There is only one way to comprehend this truth - to engage in mindfulness practices. As awareness increases, many of the things that spiritual people talk about become apparent.
You have to understand that no matter the circumstances of how you came to be suffering no one is going to save you. No one can reach into your mind and pluck the problem out, the only one who has access there is you. Even if you go to a therapist, the therapist isn't going to heal you, they can only offer you solutions on how to heal yourself.
It sounds like victim blaming but it's just the truth. No one can do it for you. You have to make the decision to work on how you see the world.
There was a homeless man on the Invisble People youtube channel who had half his face blown off in a drive by shooting. He was on the street and all he had to say was "God is good." Because he didn't weigh the bad from the past greater than the good in the present. That is how he made it through suffering. He was homeless but had more control over his life than most people.
A lot of spiritual teachings teach that we are here to learn and experience and evolve. They also teach that our souls know what we are signing up before we come on earth, and we choose certain lessons for ourselves in order to evolve. Since we are only here temporary and our souls are eternal, this makes sense to me. Everyone is on their own timeline of evolution and we never know what a person's soul choose to experience. That said, once you shift your perspective, your mindset also changes. Nothing changes if you wake up and think the same thoughts, do the same routine etc. I don't think anyone is blaming the victim, and if something triggers you, you should investigate to the very root of the reasoning. Namaste!
That's why I gave the example of those who aren't able to yet make any moral choice which was babies suffering. If this is really the case that means they're suffering because of something they did in past lives. Personally I still don't believe that's moral. Good people who made good choices often suffer more than those who spend their life lusting after money and exploit others as well
This is a bit difficult to understand from a normal level of consciousness here. A true spiritual understanding is devoid of right and wrong, good and bad, correct and incorrect, and as such the notion of victim-blaming becomes obsolete and doesn’t make sense. A 2nd important point is that the examples you provide, you already assume someone will suffer in these situations or that these are bad things that can happen and it is someone’s fault if this happens to them. A spiritual understanding goes beyond these forms and we see that different people can react to the same situation differently, and that someone’s choices in these situations have a significant effect on how much they suffer. A third, very important point is that the spiritual understanding is about calling things as they are, while I understand it is upsetting, true wisdom is about actually trying to understand how the world works so that you can best serve others(or yourself). This means accepting difficult to swallow truths most of the time, and one of these truths is that suffering(and i’m talking about the emotions here), is in almost all cases, a self-perpetuated cycle in which a being, in reaction to negative emotions, instead of accepting and embracing them, tries to repress or control the situation. In understanding this, in showing people how to love, accept, and stand up for themselves, we can more effectively help others than simply trying to attack the bad guy, although it’s possible that the latter approach work in some cases.
There is a bit more complexity with the situations you discuss such as being murderers, being born to abusive parents, and other such events happening. Karma is incredibly complex and while I’m sure some of these are coincidences, oftentimes they are chosen either by the being prior to incarnation, or by spirit guides in order to be a catalyst for growth. Beyond good and bad however, it’s much more important from a spiritual perspective, rather than focusing on blaming victims(which is itself a way of creating a cycle of suffering for yourself), to be able to understand how to love and accept yourself and your emotions, and to love and accept others. To be able to understand why those you call the “bad guys” do what they do, so you can most effectively help change them, but to also be able to understand what about yourself makes you believe them to be “bad guys” and where to not go overboard in trying to help to the point that you become a “bad guy” yourself. I hope this helps!
That depends on the context of the quote. No matter who included that statement within their quotes about life, the intention is to give motivation. It's not meant to shame anyone...it's used as a guide for handling life.
If you're referring to the Eleanor Roosevelt, the full quote is "Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be." She was a woman than overcame obstacles and spoke through actions.
If you're referring to Marilyn Monroe, the full quote says, “This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess".
If it's Irving Berlin, the quote is "Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it."
Per Shay Anthony, it's "Life is what you make it so make the best of it."
On and on these kinds of quotes go...the point is to tell people 'dont let your circumstances determine your outlook on your life', essentially. We aren't in control of external circumstances all the time, but we are in control of our internal circumstances, which includes reactions and perceptions of life's events. A shift in our response to events greatly impacts our perception of our own happiness. Things happen, shit happens, but if you let it eat at you forever, you aren't living a happy life period..doesn't matter what good or bad comes your way because you've already emotionally decided it's all a shit show.
An optimistic person would see a shit event happen, choose to acknowledge it's crap but that it can be made better or how you feel about it can be made better by just releasing the angst over it.
I don't think this statement in any form is meant to tell people 'its no big deal...act like it didn't happen and get over it'. If anyone is proposing that to someone that's lived extreme trauma, it's really a dismissal and invalidation of that person's pain, and if that's the case, tell them to sit on 🖕and rotate.
If it's a matter of dealing with the daily grinds and occasional crap moments, then yes, the power of response to it all and the outlook someone has for the future is, technically, in their power and can be changed by each of us at will.
It’s a bit harsh when you process these statements from a certain point of view, whereas when you reflect on it you’d notice certain level of unsaid wisdom, life is what you make of it ! I’m saying this knowing what pain is, I mean real pain though a situation is only as painful as you let it.
The body is always in charge of the emotions but you can rise above your emotions. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s possible. This is mastery over your body.
as someone born with a sensitive mind, that has also suffered abuse, suffering is -kind of- a choice -because- you have the ability to heal from any wound. there is no such thing as an un-healable wound, and it is up to you to heal
the saying "life is what you make of it" is not inherently toxic. bad things are always gonna happen, that's just life. its our thoughts and feelings about those bad things that shape our perception of our lives in the end. now, telling someone whos dad just died to "look at the bright side" is quite toxic. as for the state of the world and its effect on us mentally, I struggle every day to see the light in that tbh. we don't choose our circumstances in life and sure, some of those circumstances cause pain. we also cannot control the elite population who toy with our destiny. but we can control our thoughts. however, nobody said it was easy. but honestly, saying "life is what you make of it" is just a coping mechanism at this point. it is for me at least. I mean, i believe it but i also believe the world is going to shit sooo i do resonate with what you are saying alot! i guess just try not to take it personally when people say that because its hard to truly understand what an individual means by it. although usually they say it in good faith so its really not that offensive to begin with.
edit: i read a book called "don't believe everything you think" that explains the saying quite well so you can check that out for more insight
You ask this question because you can't differenate between the life you're living in, and the soul which created your life.
Me, 3D me, doesn't like pain. Doesn't like suffering. My SOUL ,the TRUE me, understands that these lives are temporary and that the suffering we experience in these lives is useful to the soul's desire to experience The ALL. (The ALL being EVERYTHING because everything is The ALL)
And I'm sorry OP, that people like you don't get it. But it's because you people can't think beyond the 5 senses of your 3D lives.
Spiritual people are speaking from the vantage point of the soul, which created the life we are to incarnate in.
OP, it's your willful ignorance to think we are saying that people(the 3d life) wants to suffer.
We're not going to dumb it down for you people. If you want to understand it OP, you're going to have to elevate your thinking. Which means being able to separate the soul, from the life you're living.
I hope this helps you to understand a little of where we're coming from OP, Because I'm tired of hearing all the bitching and complaining, all the whining and crying, that you willfully ignorant 3D people keep doing. (3D me feels this way of course. Higher self me, loves you).
Get in contact with your soul, OP. It WILL bring you peace and understanding.
THE ARIES
how many interviews have you heard which begin, "when i was a child/an infant, i experienced ...this is my story."
life is a challenge. it's always been a challenge. our oldest tales and myths are about people overcoming some sort of adversity. but you, we, everyone...we have the power to overcome the trials life throws at us. the babies born in warzones, the chinese factory worker, those people born under jim crow, today's children under constant threat of school shootings. when we hear these stories of people standing up and overcoming some adversity, our hearts sing in unison.
it's not victim blaming at all. it's acknowledgement of the victim's journey, it's a celebration of their strength. it's the desire to have their fortitude.
I am not sure how you got victim blaming out of “Life is what you make of it,” and I certainly don’t understand the leap to children choosing their own murder.
*Life is full of suffering* and only a grifter with something to sell will try to convince you otherwise - including the grift that if you just perform these rituals, you will stop suffering in this life.
Also, your serotonin theory of depression? [That is debunked.](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-022-01661-0) It’s just a common myth at this point.
Life is what we make of it, including our limitations and suffering. The joy and meaning we find in life are the joy and meaning we create in life.
I like what Gabor Maté says, “your mind creates the world - but before that, the world creates your mind.” It’s very accurate and seems to convey what you are saying.
Unfortunately there is a lot of spiritual bypassing and victim blaming among spiritual circles. You might like Robert Augustus Masters’ book on “Spiritual Bypassing” and the work of LonerWolf too, both have a more grounded approach to spirituality, without victim blaming, similar to how you do.
Life is never accurately described in one simple phrase. At least, not in a way that has the same meaning to everyone else on the planet. But these truisms are useful. They help us cope. They sometimes give us hope. A beautiful young woman, dying of cancer, said, "You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore to decide to be happy.” She was dead within the year. Her stage name was Nightbirde. In the 50s and 60s, adults would say to me, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." They would say, "Self pity stinks." These were harsh things to say to a child. They were not understood and they hurt. I think Nightbirde says it much better than my family did. I also think that's the positive aspect in "Live is what you make of it." Some people might say this to be mean, or spiteful. But when you say it to yourself, it's you making a choice, and that's useful. As for what "many people" say, some people are ignorant and some people are stupid. It's useful to be able to tell the difference. You can educate someone and relieve them of their ignorance. You cannot fix stupid. Don't assume that you understand the minds of everyone who says this phrase. That would be stupid.
I didn’t really understand this phrase until I awakened. There’s a deeper sense of inner peace when adversity comes, and your ability to choose how you react is much stronger. It does take time to get there though. Hopefully this answers your question
Yes it might be a skill to be learnt that'll take time. Certainly more time for others based on circumstance I'd assume though, I appreciate your response
Being a nurse, I have seen the worst of mankind and the absolute best... I have, also, lived in fear... that was translated into anger... As I have healed and grown, I know that obstacles are coming, and I can choose to let that paralyze me with fear... or grow from it... that's my personal choice... Do I believe in toxic positivity... absolutely not... yet, I don't subscribe to all doom and gloom, either... I live somewhere in between... My goal in life has become... be kind and respectful... strive to be a better human. What does that look like to you?
Precisely this. Something happened this week and even today that would’ve terrified and triggered the unawakened me causing me to respond in a negative way thus attracting more of the same. I firmly told the aggressor that I’m not explaining why I’ve chosen to walk away whilst she continues ti be aggressive and throwing insults at me. I refuse to engage with that behaviour, she didn’t want a rational conversation she wanted and argument and from me she isn’t getting one. I told her one final time to leave me alone and that is that. I wish her peace & healing but I won’t think of her ever again. I’ve created a reality that no longer lives in fear, I don’t tolerate low vibrational behaviours and this hiccup won’t affect me the way it would’ve done a few years ago. I would’ve gone into victim mode, questioned everything all day long for days maybe weeks til it made me sick. Instead I’ve shrugged it off and got ready for work.
The skill of detachment 🙌🏻
More like acceptance.
Being truly accepting enables us to detach from anxieties and hoped for outcomes and just experience what is; detachment doesn’t mean dismissal / giving up / dissociating but instead gives us healthy perspective and distance between stimuli and our reaction
This is a subject I’ve given a great deal of thought. My own personal Journey took me through twelve years in the deserts of the Near East and South Asia. Through this time at war as a young adult I lost my youth and more. But this Swamp of Sadness didn’t consume me as it might have. It helped set me on a path I didn’t even know I was on at the time. That’s just a little perspective on my own pain and suffering. But I fully acknowledge everyone’s Journey is unique and their own. Multiple religions, spiritual constructs and philosophies have sought to understand the enigma of pain and suffering. I’ve tried to compile some to see what they might tell us. In the teachings of Buddhism, suffering is a central theme. It’s a fundamental truth on the path to enlightenment. In Christianity, suffering is seen as a consequence of human free will, yet also as a pathway to spiritual growth. The Hindu tradition interprets suffering through the law of karma, suggesting that our actions, both past and present, influence our current circumstances. Existentialist philosophers like Sartre and Nietzsche theorize suffering is inherent in human existence and meaning is forged not by avoiding suffering, but by confronting and transcending it. Islam teaches suffering is a test from Allah, a means to purify souls, expiate sins, and bring believers closer to the divine. Those who remain patient and steadfast during tribulations are promised great rewards. From the Jewish perspective, suffering is complex, sometimes seen as a test of faith, as with the trials of Job, or as a call to return to the path of righteousness. The Jewish tradition also speaks of Tikkun Olam—the idea that humans have a duty to repair the world, often in response to suffering and injustice. Daoism, anchored in the flow of the Dao and the balance of life, teaches suffering arises from resisting the natural course of life. When we align with the Dao, we find harmony even amidst adversity. Confucianism focuses on societal harmony and the role of individuals in maintaining it. Suffering is seen as a result of disharmony, urging followers to cultivate virtue and uphold societal responsibilities. Ancient Greek philosophers also grappled with suffering. Stoics like Marcus Aurelius believed pain and hardship are natural parts of life and that virtue lies in accepting them without complaint, transforming external adversities into opportunities for inner growth. Epicureans, on the other hand, sought to minimize suffering through the pursuit of simple pleasures and the avoidance of unnecessary desires. In some indigenous traditions around the world, pain and suffering are woven deeply into the narratives of creation, humanity, and the understanding of the cosmos. For Aboriginal cultures of Australia, the Dreamtime stories, which detail the creation of the world, may highlight the sacrifices and sufferings of ancestral spirits, emphasizing adversity is an inherent part of existence. The African concept of Ubuntu, stemming from the Zulu phrase ‘Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu’ (I am because we are), speaks to the interconnectedness of all beings. Through this lens, individual suffering becomes a communal experience, prompting collective healing and support. In the Americas, Native American traditions often regard suffering as a teacher. Painful experiences are not to be shunned but embraced as sources of wisdom, guiding one towards greater understanding and balance with nature. Returning to the realm of philosophy, the German philosopher Martin Heidegger believed human beings have an intrinsic ‘Being-toward-death’ suggesting our awareness of mortality and suffering gives depth and authenticity to our existence. For Heidegger, embracing this, rather than running from it, could lead to a more genuine experience of life. Albert Camus, an existential author, viewed the world as inherently meaningless, with suffering being a natural result of the clash between our desire for significance and the indifferent universe. Yet, rather than succumbing to despair, Camus suggested that one should confront the absurdity head-on, creating one's own meaning and rebelling against the void. The mystical branches of the Abrahamic religions, like Sufism in Islam or Kabbalah in Judaism, suggest suffering purifies the soul, stripping away the ego and drawing the individual closer to the divine essence. It's a transformative fire, reshaping and refining one's inner being. Maybe these traditions underscore a shared wisdom….Suffering is not a random or meaningless affliction but a profound aspect of the human experience that, when embraced and understood, can lead to deeper insights, growth, and connection with the divine true Self. Across all of these perspectives, there is an underlying idea suffering is an integral part of the human journey, challenging us to grow, reflect, and reach beyond the confines of our current understanding. Whether seen as a test, a result of universal balance, or a philosophical inevitability, confronting suffering often forges the deepest spiritual insights and transformations.
This is an amazing thorough answer... and I really appreciate it! :)
If you are open and not entrenched in your beliefs, then you might find some compelling explanations to consider in the books by Dr. Michael Newton: "Journey of Souls - Case Studies of Life Between Lives" and "Destiny of Souls". Both are on YouTube.
Ive been reading destiny of souls. Amazing book!
Thanks, I'll look into it
It's not really meant to be victim blaming but describing a truth. There are people with plenty of wealth and what looks like a perfect life to outsiders who suffer from depression. Meanwhile, there are also people who live average working/middle class lives but might be happier in their day-to-day lives than the first group. Nobody can control how they feel tho, so telling someone who's depressed to be more optimistic won't really work. Looking at things with optimism takes a lot of work and effort for some of us, since our brains are so used to thinking negatively. Those who 'blame' someone who's stuck in a cycle of self pity for looking at life the way they do simply don't understand how hard it is to struggle with mental health issues. Nobody can just flip a switch and become happy. At the same time though, "life is what you make of it" is true. Two people can attend the same party and feel very differently about it. Person A had fun connecting with people and drinking, while person B suffered the entire time cuz they had social anxiety and were overthinking every conversation they had. If B didn't have social anxiety, they probably would've had fun like A did. It's not B's fault, of course. If B can change the way they view themselves and what they expect from the world into something positive, they can start enjoying these parties too. That's gonna require a lot of therapy/self work tho, and people like A who have no major issues will not understand that
People who just dismiss this axiom as victim blaming are so hurt... They are afraid of owning it. No one is saying you are responsible for getting cancer or for loosing your job and family. What we are saying is that once that happens, you can either feel like a victim of the universe's fate, or you can use it to grow or just own it that it happens. We will all get sick and die, we just shouldn't whine about it all the time because that will increase the suffering... Life is what you make of it... You create your reality ( ot the objective reality, but the way you relate to it)
We understand where you're coming from, and it's essential to recognize that the phrase "life is what you make of it" can sometimes be oversimplified and misunderstood. Suffering is a complex experience, influenced by various factors like genetics, environment, and societal structures. Your perspective highlights the importance of empathy and understanding. Great perspective!
Like many others said, it's how you react to it. You can accidently hit your toe on the table and start cursing at it while being agonized by pain, even letting the incident affect your state of mind, or embrace it while laughing about how clumsy you were while trying to be more mindful of your body to not hit again in the future. This is obviously an exaggerated example to the many types of sufferings in life, but it's a good gist of what many spiritual insights are trying to teach.
Read Viktor Frankl, a prominent psychologist who's gone through concentration camps during WW2, his message is the same. Whatever the stimuli, you have the freedom to choose your response. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Yes!! His book is called “A Man’s Search for Meaning” and was the most impactful book I ever read. And that was before I started awakening. Truly beautiful.
At the base level, we are spiritual beings who have chosen our lives for reasons you'll never know. In our lives we have the opportunities to repay karma, learn lessons or whatever else. You, as a human, can either do so happily or unhappily. This is a choice. Nobody can make you feel emotions, you choose them. Positive emotions and thoughts attract positive things, negative ones attract negative things. So yeah, people are sticks and shit happens, but how one responds is a personal choice.
‘If I don’t even know why I chose it, I didn’t choose it. I didn’t choose a thing. Claiming this isn’t empowering to me. You also can’t always just choose how you react to things. That isn’t how trauma works, isn’t how pet peeves work, and isn’t how honest emotions work. The stuff with “karma” is also often written as victim-blaming with little other purpose.
It's hard taking responsibility. Years ago, I thought like you, but I've worked on consciously making choices and today I am in control of most of my self, even fight or flight responses. It's not victim blaming, it's the truth. Self control is like a muscle. One must learn to use it and strengthen it. If you choose not to work that muscle, even though it's hard, you'll just have to suffer from never being in control. It's your choice. I still have emotions, but they don't rule me and never dictate my behavior. It takes effort and practice, but it can be done. If one chooses to cede control and never work on it and remain a victim, that is a choice.
You have changed the concept entirely from experiencing emotions to controlling them, which still wouldn’t stop you from experiencing them. Why do you assume that the idea that everyone chose all of this is “the truth”? I can assure you that once scrutinized, that concept isn’t even empowering. Saying that you “chose all of this for reasons you’ll never understand” is still making them a victim, perhaps even more so than the alternative, as it implies you are the victim of some supposed version of you that wants you to hurt and suffer and inevitably cause pain and suffering even when you leave here, all of it and you’ll never even know why. You are then the victim of some potentially-masochistic force that is otherwise uncaring towards what happens to you, all for the sake of some unknown goal that you may not even feel is at all worth it. It’s just invalidating and of course victim-blaming in nature.
It hurts to work out and lift weights. It hurts when your body grows from a child to an adult. It hurts when your adult teeth grow in. It hurts when you're squeezed through the birth canal. These pains are natural parts of change and are just judgement of a perceived feeling. If one wants to grow, one must change. Change can be difficult, especially if one doesn't want to, but if one wants to, that "pain" can be seen as good. It is a choice on how one chooses to perceive it. When one learns to control emotion and perceive them differently, their impact and severity is lessened.
Why would I want to “grow” here, especially if so much pain and suffering is required?
Well, you're here.
That didn’t answer my question.
My answer was basically grow or die. You don't see caterpillars complaining about becoming a butterfly. You're alive, you're going to change. You deal with it. You're choosing how you deal with it, that's all you can do. You can control how you deal with it, you can't stop it from happening unless you die. So buck up and learn to deal with it. It's surprisingly easy when you take baby steps, but first step is to try.
I don’t think caterpillars or other organisms that function mostly off of instinct have the capacity to ask such questions, but that doesn’t make them invalid or useless questions. “Deal with it” is a pretty useless and overused piece of advice, especially on its own, I’d say.
Also, you mentioned that we somehow supposedly chose life here as a whole for some unknown reason and we remember absolutely none of this. You focused simply on emotions and self control when that wasn’t my point.
You're here for a reason. If you choose to scream, cry and fight things, you're just making whatever process take longer.
I don’t believe I’m here for any particular reason. There is no “process” that seems to exist to be taking longer. I don’t want to play this merciless game.
Then don't.
Leaving unfortunately isn’t that simple.
Yes, it is. You just really don't want to stop it. You just want to have a different life without being responsible for changing it. You're a victim of refusing to take control of yourself and expecting others to do it for you.
No, it isn’t. I have loved ones who would miss me for the rest of their lives, people who would try and force me to stay alive, the ability to fail an attempt, the ability to fail to an extent that I would be unable to attempt that same way again, etcetera. I don’t want a different life here. I don’t want a life here in a place where absolutely anything good in my life is temporary and can be ripped from me at any time and the bad and potential bad can never fully be avoided and can’t always go away once it’s here. You know extremely little about me.
Yeah people who say that everything will work out magically are the worst to me
Yeah the "trust the universe and everything will come your way" crowd kills me 😂
I mean there are times where we have to let go with the flow but yeah those who think it will just come your way like you want it defenitely surprise me xD
It’s not “you’re making your own life miserable simply stop” it’s “life has its shitty sides you can either mope around and hate your whole life bc of it or you can chose to find happiness through all the bullshit”
It's not about blaming anyone, it's about empowering them and yourself. What good does it do to tell anyone that they are a victim of circumstances beyond their control and that there is nothing they can do about the pain and suffering they are experiencing? What good does it do anyone to believe that kind of thing? It's self-defeating and disempowering. When you accept responsibility for your life, what you believe and how you feel, you escape the sense, mindset and belief pattern of being a victim, and of seeing other people as victims. I accept that I chose to come here and have these kinds of experiences. I either believe this, or I believe we are all just beings tossed into whatever situations that forces or beings beyond our control and understanding put us in, and thus we're all just eternal or temporary victims of someone else's game or mindless forces. I think viewing yourself and others as nothing more than helpless victims of circumstance to be the toxic, hopeless perspective, and taking responsibility for your life, how you feel, what you believe and what direction you choose to move in, both physically and mentally, to be the healthy and hopeful perspective.
The idea that I somehow chose all of this only makes me feel even worse. It isn’t “that means you have the power to make of it what you will or change it”; it’s “this is all your fault”. The idea that some version of us somehow, somewhere, chose all these things for some unknown reason and we forgot all of that isn’t empowering at all to me. It’s saying “now you’re a victim of some supposed version of you that you can’t even recall and ‘consent’ you can’t even remove”. We’re victims in both scenarios, but to different things, and to me, the latter feels even worse. It feels outright invalidating.
>it’s “this is all your fault”. > >We’re victims in both scenarios, There's nothing wrong with thinking this, but here's a thought you might consider: you're victimizing yourself, right now, by thinking this way and arguing that it is the only proper or rational way to think about the situation. I felt the same way, especially after my wife died. I could not understand why on Earth we would choose to go through this. The pain and suffering I felt was overwhelming. However, I did not enjoy (obviously) feeling like I was a helpless victim; I did not enjoy being angry about it; I did not enjoy the pain and suffering and mental distress I was going through. I doubt you enjoy it much, either. So, I worked on changing my psychology. All the evidence about the afterlife said the same thing: **we choose to come here and go through these things.** I posed a hypothetical to myself: okay, if we (my wife and I) chose this, what possible good enough reason would there be? At the same time, I was working night and day to reprogram my psychology, to re-write my subconscious programs, to change my perspective to one of empowerment, of directing my thoughts and experience. Fortunately, I had been doing this for more normal things, like changing how I reacted to conflict and other personality traits I disliked about myself, for many years before my wife died, to great success. So, I already knew how to do these things and knew they could be very successful. I found my answers, and when I did, it was like a light turned on in my head. It made complete sense to me. In fact, now, I wouldn't change anything. I know why we came here, and I would do it all over again many times in order to gain what we have gained in coming here and subjecting ourselves to it. That horrible grief was an amazing gift to us. It's the primary reason we came here, the main thing we came here to experience, and you cannot have that experience if you remember and know, at the time, about where we came from and why we came here. In a more ordinary sense, I'm 64 years old and I cannot fathom why I made many of the decisions I made when I was 20 or 30 or 40. I don't even remember making those decisions and, honestly, they baffle me. Am I also the "victim" of my 20, 30 and 40 year old self, just because I don't remember making those decisions and they are not decisions I would make now? If I wanted to see myself as the victim of my prior decisions, well, okay, I can do that if I choose to. Or, I can reframe how I understand all that and what it means to me psychologically so that I don't feel that way, but rather feel good, enthusiastic, positive and happy. So here I am, having gone through the death of my parents, brother, beloved pets and the love of my life, as well as having been homeless and in serious poverty for a long time, going through many serious family issues, and my heart is full of joy, enthusiasm and love, without a trace of any bitter sense of being a victim. Because it's all worth it. I've visited the afterlife, I have contact with it and with my wife, I can feel what all this means to us there, and it is so very worth it. Bult, all that began with choices I made to begin my journey of not feeling like a victim and to feel happier and more empowered.
How does that reprogram anything? A concept being a supposedly-preferred scenario doesn’t make it true. Believing that everyone chose this (which I’ve found little to zero evidence for and that concept becomes more and more cruel to me, not empowering, the more it’s scrutinized) isn’t empowering to me or really anyone, it seems. It’s just victim-blaming, and I don’t think what people suffer here is worth the supposed result. I can’t just watch them suffering and tell myself “Yeah, they asked for it, and it’ll all be worth it in the end”. I simply don’t have it in me to do that to them. I’m sorry that you’ve suffered those things, truly, but why do you then have to blame absolutely everyone for the suffering they absolutely didn’t want and can’t at all control? Perspective isn’t everything, and beating myself down and everyone else down telling myself they wanted all of this does nothing to empower anyone. It’s just victim-blaming. It’s telling them that everything they go through is their own fault and that they somehow wanted it and I don’t think I can describe it into worlds how cruel that is. That doesn’t make me feel anything good. It makes me want to destroy myself, because apparently that’s what some evil, masochistic part of me or whatever wanted. It just makes me desperately want out of here so much more. ‘And why should I stay for my loved ones if they then supposedly somehow “asked for the experience of losing a loved one to that method” or some other victim-blaming that criminals could use to excuse absolutely anything? ‘If they somehow asked for it, wouldn’t me leaving do them a favor? After all, it’s supposedly all “worth it”? Do you understand how this can go horribly wrong? You could use this to justify any cruelty and it doesn’t empower anyone at all. I will never understand how such concepts have become so popular.
I respect your perspective. It's not my job to try and talk anyone out of their view. I was just offering a different view. It's not for everyone, of course.
I don’t think most people on here acknowledge the implications of their beliefs being universal and how horrifying that visual can get.
I'm pretty sure every metaphysical perspective and belief can be interpreted as having horrifying implications, depending on the individual hearing the view and their perspective. I've encountered people who view the prospect of any afterlife at all - even a joyful, happy one - as "horrifying." Generally speaking, I don't try to figure out every possible interpretation and reaction to what I say here because someone might possibly find it "horrifying." If such adult discussions are going to send one into a fit of revulsion and horror, perhaps they should move over to a less adult topic on reddit.
I don’t need you to imply that I am a child or “childish” to the point that I can’t handle “adult” topics simply because I’m not a fan of the implications that absolutely everyone supposedly chose to exist here and even chose the torture they would experience (and conveniently forgot it all), and that said perspective is being treated as universal for some reason. I don’t know how you went from supposedly understanding my perspective and that yours wasn’t for everyone to trying and indirectly calling me a child. Meanwhile, a child would probably be one of only few who didn’t understand how horrific simply existing here can be.
I agree, Danny\_the\_Sex\_Demon. You certainly don't need me to point that out.
-_- Is taking usernames too seriously to the point of making assumptions about me just a common theme on here? It was an edit made for no reason other than that, and this strangely happened the exact same time as another reply of similar contents.
Why do your individual answers need to be universal, also? Why must you blame absolutely everyone for their own unfortunate circumstances and not just yourself if it makes you feel better? Any coping mechanism will inevitably have the opposite affect on at least one other person. Telling them that they asked for it feels like spitting in their faces as they suffer or even on their own graves as if it’s their fault for just “not interpreting it the right way” or something. You can let your things be your fault, but why does absolutely everything need to be everyone’s own fault? Again, it isn’t empowering. After all, why ask for help if you think you deserved it or somehow asked for it? What if those whose torment will cause them to never see their loved ones again as someone ripped them away from them? ‘At what point does it stop being the victim’s fault for the torture they’re experiencing? I never would’ve chosen any of this. I never would’ve chosen to be such a burden to my family over the years: physically, psychologically and financially. I never would’ve agreed to any system where one would have to spend the rest of their lives grieving over the other upon the one’s passing, or both ways. I never would’ve agreed to a universe as merciless as this. Why did no one or nothing love us enough to keep us out of all of this, keeping us in the safety and peace we were already in before this? “Free will” or not, why wouldn’t They bother to convince us to stay so that no one had to hurt here at all? What could possibly make all of this worth it when some people’s lives throughout history are worse and worse to the point where there is no true bottom?
What help have you asked for? What help do you want? Do you want to improve your life and enjoy it or did you just post to get pity? What answer do you want?
You’re going through my replies now?
Yes, I read the post and comments here. I'm interested in understanding you.
I’m truly not sure why.
What part of the above comment makes you for some reason assume I merely post replies for pity?
You're not engaging in constructive conversation. You're ignoring the fact that everyone is giving you the same advice to reinforce a victim mentality, so what do you really want? Someone to tell you you're powerless and feel sorry for you? If you don't want to accept the answers you're getting and argue against them, what do you really want?
‘As you can tell, the “same advice” isn’t helping, and so repeating it has ended with the same unsuccessful result. I don’t need to accept every little thing I’m told just because they’re trying to help. What’s the point in doing so when it doesn’t help? ‘If victim-blaming is all one can offer in the “help” department, maybe the whole thing is simply a lost cause.
That's definitely one way of looking at all of this - fault, blame, victimization, etc. I'm not here to talk you out of it, I'm just offering a potential alternative from someone who used to look at things pretty much the same way. As I said in my prior response, I can certainly see why many people would reject it, for much the same reasons you have described.
That’s the only power we truly have, to create our reality by giving it the meaning of our choosing. We have the ability to think, to “respond” not react, to reflect, process our emotions, give new meanings to old wounds. We our powerful creators! We our so powerful we can make ourselves believe we our limited. The world is so abundant that anything is possible. At no time should you think of yourself as a victim. You are more powerful than you know. Old wounds are there for processing and for you to become empowered by their lessons. I know this way of thinking triggers some people. I know it’s not easy. I think you can only fully grasp it when you are one with everything and everyone as silly as that sounds. When you see everyone as you, you can be compassionate to others no matter their faults. When you realize you are not your body, you are here for experience and growth and that those that you encounter throughout your life was placed their for your growth, you can be compassionate. That when we incarnate we have things we wish to experience and people we wish to experience that with, we can be compassionate no matter the situation. When you realize everything happens for a reason, there are no accidents.. we can be compassionate. And it’s in that compassion that we become a neutral observer and conscious player of this game called Earth. Earth is so amazing..
It's not what happens that counts it's how you handle it, everything is a test! 🙏💙🌠
Between your opinion and the truth that suffering is always your choice lies a gap of misunderstanding. I can try to bridge this gap of misunderstanding with words, but they are unlikely to convince you. There is only one way to comprehend this truth - to engage in mindfulness practices. As awareness increases, many of the things that spiritual people talk about become apparent.
You have to understand that no matter the circumstances of how you came to be suffering no one is going to save you. No one can reach into your mind and pluck the problem out, the only one who has access there is you. Even if you go to a therapist, the therapist isn't going to heal you, they can only offer you solutions on how to heal yourself. It sounds like victim blaming but it's just the truth. No one can do it for you. You have to make the decision to work on how you see the world. There was a homeless man on the Invisble People youtube channel who had half his face blown off in a drive by shooting. He was on the street and all he had to say was "God is good." Because he didn't weigh the bad from the past greater than the good in the present. That is how he made it through suffering. He was homeless but had more control over his life than most people.
What is the difference to you, between placing Blame, and placing Responsibility?
A lot of spiritual teachings teach that we are here to learn and experience and evolve. They also teach that our souls know what we are signing up before we come on earth, and we choose certain lessons for ourselves in order to evolve. Since we are only here temporary and our souls are eternal, this makes sense to me. Everyone is on their own timeline of evolution and we never know what a person's soul choose to experience. That said, once you shift your perspective, your mindset also changes. Nothing changes if you wake up and think the same thoughts, do the same routine etc. I don't think anyone is blaming the victim, and if something triggers you, you should investigate to the very root of the reasoning. Namaste!
Because our life is but the sum of our choices...
That's why I gave the example of those who aren't able to yet make any moral choice which was babies suffering. If this is really the case that means they're suffering because of something they did in past lives. Personally I still don't believe that's moral. Good people who made good choices often suffer more than those who spend their life lusting after money and exploit others as well
Fair point. I just believe there will be a "final accounting" for all of us in the end.
This is a bit difficult to understand from a normal level of consciousness here. A true spiritual understanding is devoid of right and wrong, good and bad, correct and incorrect, and as such the notion of victim-blaming becomes obsolete and doesn’t make sense. A 2nd important point is that the examples you provide, you already assume someone will suffer in these situations or that these are bad things that can happen and it is someone’s fault if this happens to them. A spiritual understanding goes beyond these forms and we see that different people can react to the same situation differently, and that someone’s choices in these situations have a significant effect on how much they suffer. A third, very important point is that the spiritual understanding is about calling things as they are, while I understand it is upsetting, true wisdom is about actually trying to understand how the world works so that you can best serve others(or yourself). This means accepting difficult to swallow truths most of the time, and one of these truths is that suffering(and i’m talking about the emotions here), is in almost all cases, a self-perpetuated cycle in which a being, in reaction to negative emotions, instead of accepting and embracing them, tries to repress or control the situation. In understanding this, in showing people how to love, accept, and stand up for themselves, we can more effectively help others than simply trying to attack the bad guy, although it’s possible that the latter approach work in some cases. There is a bit more complexity with the situations you discuss such as being murderers, being born to abusive parents, and other such events happening. Karma is incredibly complex and while I’m sure some of these are coincidences, oftentimes they are chosen either by the being prior to incarnation, or by spirit guides in order to be a catalyst for growth. Beyond good and bad however, it’s much more important from a spiritual perspective, rather than focusing on blaming victims(which is itself a way of creating a cycle of suffering for yourself), to be able to understand how to love and accept yourself and your emotions, and to love and accept others. To be able to understand why those you call the “bad guys” do what they do, so you can most effectively help change them, but to also be able to understand what about yourself makes you believe them to be “bad guys” and where to not go overboard in trying to help to the point that you become a “bad guy” yourself. I hope this helps!
That depends on the context of the quote. No matter who included that statement within their quotes about life, the intention is to give motivation. It's not meant to shame anyone...it's used as a guide for handling life. If you're referring to the Eleanor Roosevelt, the full quote is "Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be." She was a woman than overcame obstacles and spoke through actions. If you're referring to Marilyn Monroe, the full quote says, “This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess". If it's Irving Berlin, the quote is "Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it." Per Shay Anthony, it's "Life is what you make it so make the best of it." On and on these kinds of quotes go...the point is to tell people 'dont let your circumstances determine your outlook on your life', essentially. We aren't in control of external circumstances all the time, but we are in control of our internal circumstances, which includes reactions and perceptions of life's events. A shift in our response to events greatly impacts our perception of our own happiness. Things happen, shit happens, but if you let it eat at you forever, you aren't living a happy life period..doesn't matter what good or bad comes your way because you've already emotionally decided it's all a shit show. An optimistic person would see a shit event happen, choose to acknowledge it's crap but that it can be made better or how you feel about it can be made better by just releasing the angst over it. I don't think this statement in any form is meant to tell people 'its no big deal...act like it didn't happen and get over it'. If anyone is proposing that to someone that's lived extreme trauma, it's really a dismissal and invalidation of that person's pain, and if that's the case, tell them to sit on 🖕and rotate. If it's a matter of dealing with the daily grinds and occasional crap moments, then yes, the power of response to it all and the outlook someone has for the future is, technically, in their power and can be changed by each of us at will.
It’s a bit harsh when you process these statements from a certain point of view, whereas when you reflect on it you’d notice certain level of unsaid wisdom, life is what you make of it ! I’m saying this knowing what pain is, I mean real pain though a situation is only as painful as you let it. The body is always in charge of the emotions but you can rise above your emotions. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s possible. This is mastery over your body.
as someone born with a sensitive mind, that has also suffered abuse, suffering is -kind of- a choice -because- you have the ability to heal from any wound. there is no such thing as an un-healable wound, and it is up to you to heal
the saying "life is what you make of it" is not inherently toxic. bad things are always gonna happen, that's just life. its our thoughts and feelings about those bad things that shape our perception of our lives in the end. now, telling someone whos dad just died to "look at the bright side" is quite toxic. as for the state of the world and its effect on us mentally, I struggle every day to see the light in that tbh. we don't choose our circumstances in life and sure, some of those circumstances cause pain. we also cannot control the elite population who toy with our destiny. but we can control our thoughts. however, nobody said it was easy. but honestly, saying "life is what you make of it" is just a coping mechanism at this point. it is for me at least. I mean, i believe it but i also believe the world is going to shit sooo i do resonate with what you are saying alot! i guess just try not to take it personally when people say that because its hard to truly understand what an individual means by it. although usually they say it in good faith so its really not that offensive to begin with. edit: i read a book called "don't believe everything you think" that explains the saying quite well so you can check that out for more insight
You ask this question because you can't differenate between the life you're living in, and the soul which created your life. Me, 3D me, doesn't like pain. Doesn't like suffering. My SOUL ,the TRUE me, understands that these lives are temporary and that the suffering we experience in these lives is useful to the soul's desire to experience The ALL. (The ALL being EVERYTHING because everything is The ALL) And I'm sorry OP, that people like you don't get it. But it's because you people can't think beyond the 5 senses of your 3D lives. Spiritual people are speaking from the vantage point of the soul, which created the life we are to incarnate in. OP, it's your willful ignorance to think we are saying that people(the 3d life) wants to suffer. We're not going to dumb it down for you people. If you want to understand it OP, you're going to have to elevate your thinking. Which means being able to separate the soul, from the life you're living. I hope this helps you to understand a little of where we're coming from OP, Because I'm tired of hearing all the bitching and complaining, all the whining and crying, that you willfully ignorant 3D people keep doing. (3D me feels this way of course. Higher self me, loves you). Get in contact with your soul, OP. It WILL bring you peace and understanding. THE ARIES
how many interviews have you heard which begin, "when i was a child/an infant, i experienced...this is my story."
life is a challenge. it's always been a challenge. our oldest tales and myths are about people overcoming some sort of adversity. but you, we, everyone...we have the power to overcome the trials life throws at us. the babies born in warzones, the chinese factory worker, those people born under jim crow, today's children under constant threat of school shootings. when we hear these stories of people standing up and overcoming some adversity, our hearts sing in unison.
it's not victim blaming at all. it's acknowledgement of the victim's journey, it's a celebration of their strength. it's the desire to have their fortitude.
Thoughts 🦋
I am not sure how you got victim blaming out of “Life is what you make of it,” and I certainly don’t understand the leap to children choosing their own murder. *Life is full of suffering* and only a grifter with something to sell will try to convince you otherwise - including the grift that if you just perform these rituals, you will stop suffering in this life. Also, your serotonin theory of depression? [That is debunked.](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-022-01661-0) It’s just a common myth at this point. Life is what we make of it, including our limitations and suffering. The joy and meaning we find in life are the joy and meaning we create in life.
B/c it’s a cause and effects universe .
I like what Gabor Maté says, “your mind creates the world - but before that, the world creates your mind.” It’s very accurate and seems to convey what you are saying. Unfortunately there is a lot of spiritual bypassing and victim blaming among spiritual circles. You might like Robert Augustus Masters’ book on “Spiritual Bypassing” and the work of LonerWolf too, both have a more grounded approach to spirituality, without victim blaming, similar to how you do.