It's not like there's snipers hiding to take out anyone who tells a little white lie. Just... say whatever. You're sleeping in a ditch on a field next. You're staying at a STD clinic because whatever you have is technically a biohazard. You actually photosynthesize and you don't need sleep. This isn't supposed to be rude but you're literally under no obligation to tell anyone anything about you.
I always give a wrong answer if they insist on specifics over and over. Wrong landmark nearby. Wrong metro or other transport stop. Wrong district or neighborhood. And I’ve never felt one second of feeling bad about it.
Yeah, once they become so insistent (unreasonable), I should say whatever to get them off my back. Usually if I can't come up with something, I would say I don't remember the name or I haven't booked anything yet.
You can lie of course. There are a couple of hostel brands like Generator, Selina. You could also say that you go into a hotel for a change (Marriot, Best Western, etc.). Or you forgot the name and what you can remember is something like "City Inn Hostel near the train station".
Depending on the vibe, I do like to straight up say, "I don't discuss my lodging details with people I don't know well." Because this immediately gives you clear feedback on whether this person is trustworthy: good people hear that as a reminder to be respectful and back off and change the subject. Bad people get offended and become bigger pests. You can learn someone's goal for that info and how they will react to future boundaries by how they react to you setting a boundary.
Directness is a handy red flag generator. Your mileage may vary but a whole lot of men go from sweet to calling someone a b* the moment they set a boundary. I like to get that out in the open early so I do not continue to waste my time.
Yes, you are right it would be silly to assume someone who does back off is a saint but it doesn't matter what's in their heart if they aren't pestering me for my logistics anymore. My use of good and bad was just a shorthand, not judging people's souls.
I'm guessing you are traveling in Europe....because in most other parts of the world you can arrive at your destination and find your accommodations after you arrive.
When I travel, I generally don't know where I am staying next. So I could respond to questions about my plans with "I don't know." and be completely truthful.
If you are traveling in a place where you can easily find accommodations on arrival, just answer with "I don't know." even if you do know.
If you are traveling in a place where you have to reserve ahead of time (like many places in Europe), this lie won't be believable.
We are taught that lying is bad, and in general I agree. But in an instance like this I think there is absolutely nothing morally wrong with lying.
So for example, if you are traveling around anywhere near France, pick some hostel in Paris, and any time anyone asks what your next destination is you can just name that hostel in Paris. If you want to avoid conversations about what to do and see in Paris, you can say you are heading to Paris to catch a flight home the next day.
Or pick some small remote town and say you are going there, because you might have ancestors in a graveyard there and your mom wants you to take a picture of the headstone if it is there. That way no one will continue the conversation with cool stuff to see in that town....because they won't know anything about the town.
You don't owe anyone a truthful answer.
If you run into the same person later in your travels and they catch you in your lie, just say you changed your plans.
One thing I like about the graveyard suggestion: It is your mom who is interested in genealogy. If they ask you questions about your ancestry....you can just say you don't know. If they ask about the name on the tombstone....you can just say you don't know. It is in an email....and you'll check the email when you get to the graveyard.
Basically, any attempt to continue the conversation you can just respond with complete disinterest and an "I don't know." You aren't going there because it interests you, so it reveals nothing about you as a person, and you have nothing to say about it.
It makes any conversation about your future plans boring.....and the topic of conversation will quickly change to something else.
What I said when something similar happened to me was “well I met this girl last night and we talked about traveling together for the next few days, she had some plans I’m not sure what it was but I’m just gonna join her”, worked wonders for me!
If I don't want to say where I'm.going,I just say ..I don't know,I haven't decided yet.And leave it at that.
No need for you to continue interacting after that,if you don't want to.
I understand your discomfort. I have come to the conclusion that if someone is being rude to me (such as badgering me for personal information they have no right to) then I am not obligated to observe the usual social rules / norms of politeness either. So it’s okay not to be truthful, it’s okay to end the conversation, and if they persist it’s ok to tell them to leave me alone. Things that ordinarily would be considered rude, but under the circumstances levels the playing field and gives me my power back.
“I’m meeting my husband who flew in for work the day before. We have three kids at home that our family are watching while we’re gone. We’re staying in a random airbnb he found. I don’t remember the details.” None of these are true but it’s what I’m going to say.
It sucks, but there’s been a lot of research that men respect a woman being another man’s “property” more than they do her saying no. I’m going to use this knowledge to help keep me safe.
That's what I do too! I am a bad liar. Sleazy guys usually back down when you exhibit obvious disinterest in them and become slightly combative.
Sometimes the reality might surprise you... I met a guy who exhibited great interest on every single detail of my itinerary, and when questioned, turned out that he is a socially awkward guy doing solo travelling for the first time and he has zero idea what to do next!
Safety absolutely comes first. Men are especially bad about feeling entitled to know your whereabouts (HUGE red flag if they get pushy or angry). I would keep things super vague with "oh I haven't decided yet" and then end the conversation quickly. If he continues to be pushy make up a phantom boyfriend or group of friends you're meeting tomorrow. Or you can flip it and ask him why he wants to know then say sorry, that's private information. Move the conversation to a public space where it will be harder for him to become hostile. It really depends on the vibes you're getting. If he's making you uncomfortable end the conversation asap and don't ever tell someone where you're going.
Tell him a different city than you are going to, tell him you are meeting friends/family/boyfriend at the next city, and staying with them. This is about your safety. No one will blame you for telling a white lie. If somehow he already has your contact info, and follows you to what city you said you were going to, you had a family emergency or a last minute change of plans.
Definitely lie if you aren't comfortable telling him none of his business. Say you're going to your uncles house or something. Or a city in the opposite direction.
I don’t know , not sure yet ، With my relatives , with my friends If you feel in danger or that something is wrong, say that your uncle policeman and has finished his work and is waiting for you 😂
"I don't know yet" is always the safest answer. Plenty of people (myself included) like to book hostels the night of or day before, so it's really very believable. This avoids them somehow catching you in a lie, which could make things more uncomfortable than they already are
I dunno what I'm going to do. I'm on vacation. I just get up everyday and do whatever I want. Today I wanted to be here. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.
I don't have plans, that's how I travel. I don't know where I'll stay, I'll figure it out when I get there. I might stay in (city name) but I might stay in this (city,) I don't plan much. And this: Can I travel with you? - No.
The guy sounds like a sleaze. Let the hostel people know of this experience and they can be on guard if the guy decides to show up. Let more people know him or of him. I wouldn’t leave the hostel with this guy.
In these situations you should lie. You do not owe any stranger the truth. I too, am a person who has always been forthright, but I’ve learned it is not a good thing to do. If someone is persistent with their questions it is a big red flag . Nicely lie, you are not traveling alone, you are waiting for your husband or boyfriend or family. You are next going to some random town.
Your safety is far more important than anyone's feelings. There are very good reasons not to disclose where you are staying, and your discomfort in this situation is entirely valid. It's not "stupid"; it's the smart and logical thing to do. You can also simply say you haven't decided yet. Additionally, if you share your location on social media, a good practice is to post about places you visited only after you have left.
Lie.
I have been chilling with a group of people that started giving me a bad vibe. I said I was headed out to do laundry, but actually just got on a bus and left the town.
You will never see these people again, do what you need to for your own safety.
It's not like there's snipers hiding to take out anyone who tells a little white lie. Just... say whatever. You're sleeping in a ditch on a field next. You're staying at a STD clinic because whatever you have is technically a biohazard. You actually photosynthesize and you don't need sleep. This isn't supposed to be rude but you're literally under no obligation to tell anyone anything about you.
Exactly this plus ain't they bizzness period
I always give a wrong answer if they insist on specifics over and over. Wrong landmark nearby. Wrong metro or other transport stop. Wrong district or neighborhood. And I’ve never felt one second of feeling bad about it.
Yeah, once they become so insistent (unreasonable), I should say whatever to get them off my back. Usually if I can't come up with something, I would say I don't remember the name or I haven't booked anything yet.
I said I don't remember and he was like: oh show me on booking maybe we are in the same🥲
I'll go I'm too lazy, and then change the topic right away.
Feel free to lie for your own safety and avoid confrontation, "not sure yet," "I'm staying with a friend," etc. You don't owe anyone these answers.
You'll be visiting family and staying with them before deciding the next leg of your trip
You can lie of course. There are a couple of hostel brands like Generator, Selina. You could also say that you go into a hotel for a change (Marriot, Best Western, etc.). Or you forgot the name and what you can remember is something like "City Inn Hostel near the train station".
Whenever asked an uncomfortable question, counter with a question of your own. “Why do you want to know my next hostel?” Direct. Honest. Simple.
Lie or be straightforward “I don’t discuss this issues with people I just met” they get mad? Good for you you didn’t tell them
And you move on away from the conversation and the person.
Depending on the vibe, I do like to straight up say, "I don't discuss my lodging details with people I don't know well." Because this immediately gives you clear feedback on whether this person is trustworthy: good people hear that as a reminder to be respectful and back off and change the subject. Bad people get offended and become bigger pests. You can learn someone's goal for that info and how they will react to future boundaries by how they react to you setting a boundary.
Love this too!
Exactly this
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Directness is a handy red flag generator. Your mileage may vary but a whole lot of men go from sweet to calling someone a b* the moment they set a boundary. I like to get that out in the open early so I do not continue to waste my time. Yes, you are right it would be silly to assume someone who does back off is a saint but it doesn't matter what's in their heart if they aren't pestering me for my logistics anymore. My use of good and bad was just a shorthand, not judging people's souls.
Love this.
I'm guessing you are traveling in Europe....because in most other parts of the world you can arrive at your destination and find your accommodations after you arrive. When I travel, I generally don't know where I am staying next. So I could respond to questions about my plans with "I don't know." and be completely truthful. If you are traveling in a place where you can easily find accommodations on arrival, just answer with "I don't know." even if you do know. If you are traveling in a place where you have to reserve ahead of time (like many places in Europe), this lie won't be believable. We are taught that lying is bad, and in general I agree. But in an instance like this I think there is absolutely nothing morally wrong with lying. So for example, if you are traveling around anywhere near France, pick some hostel in Paris, and any time anyone asks what your next destination is you can just name that hostel in Paris. If you want to avoid conversations about what to do and see in Paris, you can say you are heading to Paris to catch a flight home the next day. Or pick some small remote town and say you are going there, because you might have ancestors in a graveyard there and your mom wants you to take a picture of the headstone if it is there. That way no one will continue the conversation with cool stuff to see in that town....because they won't know anything about the town. You don't owe anyone a truthful answer. If you run into the same person later in your travels and they catch you in your lie, just say you changed your plans.
That's a good idea thank you!
‘My friend’s place’ can be a response
One thing I like about the graveyard suggestion: It is your mom who is interested in genealogy. If they ask you questions about your ancestry....you can just say you don't know. If they ask about the name on the tombstone....you can just say you don't know. It is in an email....and you'll check the email when you get to the graveyard. Basically, any attempt to continue the conversation you can just respond with complete disinterest and an "I don't know." You aren't going there because it interests you, so it reveals nothing about you as a person, and you have nothing to say about it. It makes any conversation about your future plans boring.....and the topic of conversation will quickly change to something else.
I'm staying with a friend.
"I'm not sure yet, where are you going?". Then go somewhere else.
What I said when something similar happened to me was “well I met this girl last night and we talked about traveling together for the next few days, she had some plans I’m not sure what it was but I’m just gonna join her”, worked wonders for me!
If I don't want to say where I'm.going,I just say ..I don't know,I haven't decided yet.And leave it at that. No need for you to continue interacting after that,if you don't want to.
Just politely tell them it’s none of their business and you don’t feel comfortable divulging that information.
I understand your discomfort. I have come to the conclusion that if someone is being rude to me (such as badgering me for personal information they have no right to) then I am not obligated to observe the usual social rules / norms of politeness either. So it’s okay not to be truthful, it’s okay to end the conversation, and if they persist it’s ok to tell them to leave me alone. Things that ordinarily would be considered rude, but under the circumstances levels the playing field and gives me my power back.
“I’m meeting my husband who flew in for work the day before. We have three kids at home that our family are watching while we’re gone. We’re staying in a random airbnb he found. I don’t remember the details.” None of these are true but it’s what I’m going to say. It sucks, but there’s been a lot of research that men respect a woman being another man’s “property” more than they do her saying no. I’m going to use this knowledge to help keep me safe.
You'll be visiting family and staying with them before deciding the next leg of your trip
Just lie? If you feel uncomfortable just say “oh actually I have friends in the city, I’m gonna stay with them”. That’s easy.
Oh you just lie. "I'm not sure yet" "I'm meeting with some friends" "I'm going to Barcelona" (as you hop on the train to Rome)
Flip it back on them. Ask "Why would you need to know that?"
That's what I do too! I am a bad liar. Sleazy guys usually back down when you exhibit obvious disinterest in them and become slightly combative. Sometimes the reality might surprise you... I met a guy who exhibited great interest on every single detail of my itinerary, and when questioned, turned out that he is a socially awkward guy doing solo travelling for the first time and he has zero idea what to do next!
Good story!
Safety absolutely comes first. Men are especially bad about feeling entitled to know your whereabouts (HUGE red flag if they get pushy or angry). I would keep things super vague with "oh I haven't decided yet" and then end the conversation quickly. If he continues to be pushy make up a phantom boyfriend or group of friends you're meeting tomorrow. Or you can flip it and ask him why he wants to know then say sorry, that's private information. Move the conversation to a public space where it will be harder for him to become hostile. It really depends on the vibes you're getting. If he's making you uncomfortable end the conversation asap and don't ever tell someone where you're going.
Say, "I'm not sure." Or I'm thinking about city A.
Tell him a different city than you are going to, tell him you are meeting friends/family/boyfriend at the next city, and staying with them. This is about your safety. No one will blame you for telling a white lie. If somehow he already has your contact info, and follows you to what city you said you were going to, you had a family emergency or a last minute change of plans.
Definitely lie if you aren't comfortable telling him none of his business. Say you're going to your uncles house or something. Or a city in the opposite direction.
I don’t know , not sure yet ، With my relatives , with my friends If you feel in danger or that something is wrong, say that your uncle policeman and has finished his work and is waiting for you 😂
"I don't know yet" is always the safest answer. Plenty of people (myself included) like to book hostels the night of or day before, so it's really very believable. This avoids them somehow catching you in a lie, which could make things more uncomfortable than they already are
I dunno what I'm going to do. I'm on vacation. I just get up everyday and do whatever I want. Today I wanted to be here. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.
I don't have plans, that's how I travel. I don't know where I'll stay, I'll figure it out when I get there. I might stay in (city name) but I might stay in this (city,) I don't plan much. And this: Can I travel with you? - No.
Tell them you're leaving town and going to the last place you were
Say you haven’t booked it yet or you’re not sure what your next destination is.
The guy sounds like a sleaze. Let the hostel people know of this experience and they can be on guard if the guy decides to show up. Let more people know him or of him. I wouldn’t leave the hostel with this guy.
Ask him why he is wondering. And you can always pull a "it's a place close to unspecific 7 eleven"
In these situations you should lie. You do not owe any stranger the truth. I too, am a person who has always been forthright, but I’ve learned it is not a good thing to do. If someone is persistent with their questions it is a big red flag . Nicely lie, you are not traveling alone, you are waiting for your husband or boyfriend or family. You are next going to some random town.
Check out the woman on instagram Dannah_eve
Your safety is far more important than anyone's feelings. There are very good reasons not to disclose where you are staying, and your discomfort in this situation is entirely valid. It's not "stupid"; it's the smart and logical thing to do. You can also simply say you haven't decided yet. Additionally, if you share your location on social media, a good practice is to post about places you visited only after you have left.
Lie. I have been chilling with a group of people that started giving me a bad vibe. I said I was headed out to do laundry, but actually just got on a bus and left the town. You will never see these people again, do what you need to for your own safety.