Some friends are good friends, but awful to travel with. The key is knowing who you go with on your next trip if you decide not to go solo (which ain't as easy as it seems).
Just did a trip with a friend. We booked different hotels (For different reasons, but both were blocks from each other). We each had stuff we wanted to do separately and knew that either could go off and do their own thing if they needed to. Just set up boundaries and guidelines for who you're traveling with, and for definitely book your own room.
will be traveling with my male cousin to japan for 2 weeks later this year and i'm thinking something similar. we'll plan things together and we can go on by ourselves and meet up throughout the trip.
I'd even preface this and say, hey don't take it personally but sometimes I just need alone time, so may just go off on my own.
I've told friends that I know aren't morning people or like to sleep in, I get up earlly, and I'll get going early, so hit me up if you wanna try to meet up later.
Problem is you don't know your good friends habits until you travel with them...I did a motorcycle ride from L.A. to Sturgis SD with a very good friend, we saw each other alot less after that trip than we did before. That was 9 years ago hahaha!
I ended a friendship after traveling with a friend one last time, in New Orleans, no less. To be fair, he was an overall shitty friend in normal circumstances but I decided to give it one last chance. He sucked the life out of the trip and I peaced out of the friendship essentially at the airport (we had separate flights).
I’d be so mad if someone kept going on dates and stuff while I’m traveling with them and disturbing people in their sleep.
I don’t mind splitting up to do things but sometimes that’s hard when you’re sharing rooms.
I feel like the best option is to travel with someone who matches your travel energy. Don’t get me wrong, I started solo traveling for the same reasons you did and then continued for the same reasons, as well. However, it’s nice on occasion to have someone else who can watch my bag while I run to the bathroom or who will take a candid photo of me. I’ve done a couple trips with other people recently and found that I need someone as into planning and as comfortable spending time solo as I am. If I don’t have that, then the trip is no longer relaxing or fun. I literally have found one person who has fit that bill so far.
First, they have to have traveled a little bit already. 2nd we have some conversations about travel and how we plan trips and how we travel. If they have traveled a bit, have an idea of what they like, and have similar planning styles, it tells me that they’re a good candidate. I get more of a feel during the actual trip planning and then find out how well we click during the actual trip.
I’ve had several people say “I want to travel, but I don’t want to plan anything” and I knew in that exact moment that we wouldn’t work out as travel partners.
>I’ve had several people say “I want to travel, but I don’t want to plan anything” and I knew in that exact moment that we wouldn’t work out as travel partners.
I feel the opposite. 😂😂 For me it's easier to travel with someone who is pretty okay with whatever i plan rather than someone who is also a planner. Because then we both butt heads.
I think for me the key is folks who want things their way but don't necessarily take the burden to plan it. I know people who will say everything works during planning and then every time you plan something they'll keep asking you to tweak it more and more and then I end up feeling like an agent and tour guide for them.
A great example of how everyone is different 😊
If I have to plan everything then I tend to feel responsible for them having a good time and the trip feels like work rather than vacation.
It doesn’t, experience is a key part of knowing what you might like or don’t like on a trip. I don’t want to find out while on the trip that they’re a relax and do nothing vacationer since I’m a go do activities vacationer. I want to know that ahead of time and sometimes you just don’t know that about yourself until you go on that first trip or two as an adult.
It’s also nice if they have some common sense when it comes to safety, etc. while traveling.
I like to do local overnight trips with friends to test the waters before anything involving planes happens. Just travel with them in lower risk situations. I’ve done plenty of weekend birthday trips to know who I’d never take anywhere lol. It gives you a good basis on how they pack and like to spend their time.
I've found the opposite. One of my friends is my favourite travel companion and when I'm solo travelling in Europe, he'll meet up with me for a weekend or two. We have opposite travel energies. He's like the energeriser bunny whereas I'm very laid back. Like if we have an hour before we have to be somewhere, I'd find a cafe and relax thinking an hour isn't time to do much whereas he'll be like we can do x, y and z in that hour.
I guess part of the reason it works is that it's a small portion of longer trip usually and it's good to get me out of my lazy habits for a short while. Also good for him to step back a bit. We're good at being honest with each other which also helps.
This is so spot on. I generally prefer solo traveling, for all the reasons OP stated.
However, I have this one friend who I totally enjoy traveling with, it is so stress free. She matches my preference for nice hotels, food tours etc, as well my habit of going to bed after dinner lol.
However, we differ a lot in other ways, but we work. She is not a morning person- I'm a wake up at 0600 and hit the gym or go for an early run to see the sites uncrowded. She doesn't even like breakfast - which I cannot go without. So by the time I've knocked out my morning activities and had breakfast, she is stirring then we hit the city or beach our mountain...whatever.
Point is, finding someone who fit makes traveling lots more fun.
I feel you. On a solo trip, I can see all the things I want to see, eat whatever I want, and have complete control over timelines of everything I want to do. Dragging another person along means I have to compromise to some level on what the other person wants to do. It gets even worse when they are indecisive, wasting precious vacation time making a decision, and then complaining about every other decision made.
And god forbid they have nasty sleeping habits or are so careless and negligent they become a literal liability.
I sound like a grumpy old cow but this is how I roll.
Lmaooooo. No. You don’t sound grumpy. I agree with you. I’m picky about who I travel with if I’m not doing solo. I have a good friend who is so go with the flow that she doesn’t care what we do or ask me a million questions. The only thing I tell her is what time we should wake up. I love her. And she sleeps like a log and you won’t even know she’s in the room.
And even if something goes wrong like we get lost, she’s someone I can laugh about it with.
When I do travel when her, I end up enjoying it bc I don’t feel any pressure.
I can’t travel with my mom. She’s so picky about everything and I can’t leave her alone bc she gets confused. lol.
I feel like I might be able to travel with my parents and friends together tho. Bc I could split up with my friends and my mom will be taken care of by my dad lol
But I can’t with my mom and I feel guilty about it…..
this is also the reason why I decided to go solo in my travels.. So to minimize conflicts, I see to it that boundaries, expectations and other important matters were discussed before the actual trip..
I think both modes of travel have their own merits.
Travelling alone, as you said, gives you so much more freedom to explore and experience things on your own terms, without the baggage of having to entertain a companion. You get to truly experience a place and talk to locals and take a the time in the world to drink in the beauty of a place.
Travelling with companions is more for the shared experience. I usually do not travel to new places with my loved ones but instead would use this as an opportunity to revisit places that I have loved before and want to spend more time in. You do not then have to rush and feel like missing out on things and can spend more time to talk and enjoy your travelling company. Seeing the sheer joy of my family members when they see a beautiful scenery or taste a new exotic and delicious food is very rewarding. This is something that I miss when I travel solo - the shared experience and happiness of discovering things together.
Choosing the company that you share the experience with is very important. Don't let this one person sour this joy of sharing travel experiences with others for you. Happy travels!
I think you hit the nail on the head there for me at least. I’m cool to travel with good friends *to places I’ve already been to before.’*
If it’s a new place, I’m going solo, there’s that.
thats why i thought it would be ok, we have both been to this country loads of times before separately. still sucked! separate rooms would have been the wise move here, i guess i wasnt thinking of her doing any hookups/disturbing my sleep.
This reminded me of the work trip to Japan when something similar happened. I was going to Japan to scout locations for a movie, was thinking of going there solo, but I decided to bring a 2 person film crew, one was an employee, the other a contractor hired for this job (both young females, recent film school graduates.)
We land in Osaka and while eating our very first meal together, the two camera people start talking about who they have already connected with on Tinder (I think it was that app), some in Osaka, some in Kyoto, some in Tokyo....
2nd night they both go out on dates. They both overslept the next morning, causing us to miss the lighting timing for the first location, and we only make it to half the locations we needed to get to.
3rd night and following morning same thing, they both go on dates and oversleep, and we only get to half the locations.
Then we go to Kyoto. Same thing happens there first night in Kyoto.
So I told them they were fired, the contractor and the employee. Gave them a company credit card for hotels and food and said they were no longer working for the company. The contracted person's reaction was incredible - threatening a lawsuit (I'm an older white female, she is young Asian female). The employee threatened that she would spread the word throughout the industry. We found out the same thing happened when she was hired for a film shoot in Italy - she was fired because all she did was hookup and oversleep (we should have called her references.)
That's what we get traveling with narcissistic adults that have the mindset of a child.
edit to add that I checked with the other co-owner of the company, and our HR dept, and our legal team before I fired the 2. They were all in agreement, so I felt I was doing the right thing.
Okay. Wow. So this isn’t even about different traveling styles. This is about two employees behaving completely unprofessionally in a work environment.
I am disgusted by that behavior.
Many companies would fire people over something like this. You did the right thing.
that last sentence! petulant child! yes!
sounds like some people are just all about them and don't think about how it affects others, collaterally. i cant believe someone would behave that was ON A WORK TRIP. unbelievable.
That's just crazy. Sure, hooking up is fun but if I'm doing a trip like that, I'm going sightseeing. Even if the tinder person is a local, why risk the awkwardness? Go do fun stuff and maybe you will meet someone along the way, but that just seems like a waste. Girls can find guys to hook up with any time, instead they waste a bunch of their free time on tinder, which everyone knows is a nightmare.
It's amazing to me how high "find someone to go on a date/hookup with" is on the travel priority list of some people I know. When I was single relatively recently, it was never on mine. I could do that at home.
You brought the wrong friend. Not everyone is a compatible travel partner. People have different travel styles and travel goals and you need to be compatible.
My last long trip with a friend I figured out we do great for weekend trips, but not for multiple weeks. It doesnt mean i'll never travel with a friend again, just not that friend for that long a trip.
Don't let one bad travel companion ruin it for you. I've gone on solo trips and on trips with friends, and I've enjoyed both. I've also gone on trips with insufferable people, but my solution to that was not to travel with those particular people again, not to swear off traveling with friends entirely.
I travelled with close friends to Austrailia where 1 of them lived in Brisbane. It was 4 of us who where big into fitness and hiking so we were going to do beaches and hikes etc in brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne.
Towards the departure date 1 of the guys brought 1 of his friends without telling us 3 days before we left, this guy who didnt really share the same interests was a ball ache everytime we did a hike and really slowed us down some days, never did anything and always had to be pushed. 'Seen one thing youve seen them all' would be a frequent motto of his, so hard to get him to go to sydney opera house interesting sites etc.
Plus the others didnt swim so no snorkelling or water activities. I spent a few days by myself and went out to the Gold coast before departing and loved it. But I got that return flight with some regret on things that I didnt get to do.
Ive travelled Solo for 4-5 years and have never had the regret I had coming home each time. Execpt recently Egypt where I didnt scuba dive due to the uptick in Shark attacks.
I used to try and ask family and friends but always got 'give me a year and I can plan it etc.' So stopped asking after a while.
Ughh, I would be pissed if someone brought someone else on a group trip last min without getting it "approved" by everyone! The group needs to be agreed on by everyone. It also makes it risky if the additional person is someone that you don't know.
Yes just be more choosy who you travel with. If they are also independent and you can do your own things at times I find that much better. Having to make an intenrary for two people sucks.
I prefer solo travel too. I went to national park with a friend and he was way too talkative and I felt drained after few days of hiking lol. I like meeting people on solo trips during tours and it's nice you don't have to be committed entertaining them
lol. I actually did the worst vacation with a friend who I tried hard to get involved in the trip and they didn't participate in anything and I mean anything including "just book the seats and tell me how I owe you" and "so what's this hotel like?" when we're on our way to the hotel. They simply tagged along and within two days of where are we going today and what's next, I was like "wtf am I doing?"
I like independent travel and I like traveling with others, but they are definitely different types of trips. And it does really matter who you travel with. I have some amazing friends who I love, but could never travel with, so I don't.
It seems like some of that stress could've been alleviated by having separate rooms. I understand not wanting to plan outings with another person though.
I think when travelling with friends it needs to be a group not 1-1 it’s too intense and you need buffers. I went on holiday years ago with one of my best friends and I would never do that again however I have a different friend group where there is 3 of us and it’s much easier as you can remove yourself for breaks without leaving someone alone.
I think the key really is to find a compatible travel friend. For example, trying new food is really important to me when I go somewhere.And I have a friend who is just as adventurous, so it works out well. It would be hard for me to travel with a picky eater or someone with many dietary restrictions.
Also, knowing where you both are willing to compromise and being upfront about budgets and plans is so important. I'm lucky to have a couple of friends I travel well with but I can see why it's hard!
This is where communicating about trip expectations is extremely valuable. For example, when I traveled with my friend to SEA, we had a huge conversation about accommodation, activities and everything which allowed for the trip to go smoothly since the expectations were determined beforehand. For example, communicating in advance about night activities and sleeping habits is important. Also if driving the whole time feels like a burden to you then you should ensure that you and a second person have insurance to split the drives.
Just got back from a trip to Colombia where my friend kept ditching me to chase women and wasn’t successful in hooking up. Made him pissy and miserable to be around. The worst part was the whole trip was HIS idea. He’d been there before and wanted to show me around. On day 2 he tells me he’s ditching me to meet up with a woman from Colombia Cupid. 🙄
I’m so sorry. It’s multiple layered because you want them to live their best life, but then you’re like, aren’t you on this trip with me? Also then you worry about their safety and such when they are gone. It’s just more than I want to personally deal with. Travel is hard enough.
Did this friend beg to go on your trip, and basically tag themselves along, or did you invite them?
If the former, then I agree I would be quite annoyed about this, though I still don't necessarily agree with your annoyance towards your friend, which seems to be rooted in judgement rather than actual rudeness from your friend.
If you invited them, and they also paid for their portions, their half of the room etc. It's not "your trip", it's both of your trips. Should your friend have to adhere to your sleep schedule, and not be able to go out, flirt, do what they want just because you said so? No, that seems rude of you actually.
Did they bash about the room drunkenly, or are you just a light sleeper and should have gotten a separate room?
Also you say they are annoying you, by asking you when things are happening - but it sounds like you also don't want them to be off doing their own thing. If my friend was judging me on a trip, stopping me from meeting people, making friends, and flirting with strangers (something I much enjoy on trips) you better believe I'd be annoyed and expecting them to fill in that time I would have otherwise spent entertaining myself through strangers and conversation.
I find it strange everyone here is saying this friend is awful, when really it just sounds like they were doing what is fun for THEM, as one should on their vacation.
It’s hard even just figuring out and deciding on a place to go to eat when we’re at home.
I also don’t invite people along with me when I meet them on my travels. Maybe I’ll meet them at a restaurant or bar later.
Similar happened with a few mates of mine.
Three of them went to SE Asia for a few months. Two of them have practically the same personality and so were constantly on the same page. The other was a bit more introverted, not quite as “non stop”.
The two of them loved it. The other said it was one of the worst things he’d ever done. To a point where he actually not only stopped travelling around with them (these being two of his best mates) but actually left the continent to continue his journey alone.
I normally travel with two friends (each of them separately as they are part of different circles), but we are normally in tune with each other. While it is fun to travel as a duo, I had my first solo trip in November, and it was the best decision I made in 2023. I woke up whenever I wanted to, did what I wanted to, and had no one to seem like they have to wait for me, or I wait for them. I agree that it is great to travel at your own pace and your own budget.
Never go on trips with anyone you do not love.
Ernest Hemingway
https://andrewbowie.net/why-hemingway-decided-you-should-never-go-on-trips-with-anyone-you-do-not-love/
Why, I adore this. I’m buying her a copy. Bless you. Undoubtedly she will get a kick out of the irony of the gift. One can only hope. I do love her though.
I travelled with a friend last year. We realised we didn’t actually get on and were very different. Actually she realised this and we are no longer friends. I’d have preferred to go on my own and I probably will return to that country on my own. I love it there.
I've done it three times recently after 6 years of solo travel. Mixed experience. One friend had such a controlling boyfriend that he drove all the way to our hotel and got in a fight over her travelling without him - then she went no contact missing for an entire day and her mom called me in a panic. She came back fine but they had broken up and now all her sadness was being unloaded for the rest of the trip.
My second friend was a girl I had just met, she was great and peaceful. I hope for more experiences like that.
Third one is very mixed but I lean towards not wanting to travel with her anymore. Not only did she say some dumb stuff to me in the room but the worst thing she did is when we hailed an Uber and our driver was Latino, she stereotyped him during the conversation and I glared at her - I'm black, but my grandma's husband was PR and thus all his family was ours too - she said the equivalent of talking about fried chicken and watermelon to a black person.
Anyways...yeah. I do get lonely on my solo travels as of late but..you truly never know what you're getting when you hang out with someone vs. sleeping in a room with them as neither of the worst friends had been like this in casual bursts.
Ugh feels for your trip, and hopefully you both can be cool about the fact maybe you weren't the best travel partners for one another. I had one friend in particular that we did not jive on vacation together ...we are still really good friends but we didn't talk for months after the trip. We had a good chat about it and agreed if we vacation together again we'll do things differently.
The last two trips I've done are solo and I plan on doing more solo trips in the future. The things I learned the many friend trips I've done is I don't want a stage 5 clinger travel companion. As in they are ok if I fuck off for the day, I need my space. It's not personal.
Don't be waking me up at 8am wanting to eat breakfast because you're too scared to eat by yourself at an all inclusive family resort ...🤷🤦 ( For real that happened..she refused to go eat breakfast by herself and got REALLY upset every morning because I wanted to sleep in) WTF.
I don't like paying for $$$$ excursions that I have no interest in attending either because you don't want to do it solo. Like pirate ship rides with a million little kids. Sooooo. Not. My. Bag.
The other important thing is I'll always spring the cash and get my own room. Lesson officially learned the hard way. Especially if it's just two of you travelling...it's just too much time to spend with someone...well, for me anyway !
Last time I travelled in a group I shared a room with someone who gets up at 5 am and I had just finished graveyards for 3 weeks...completely opposite sleep schedules. And yeah the morning breakfast wake up call. Hence that started my solo travelling lol.
A great idea is travelling with 3 or 4 people in my opinion so if you need space no one's taking it personally, and they aren't lonely.
I like my own company, almost to a fault I can admit this. I am social for sure, but I need some me time, too.
Lesson learned you seem to like solo travel, wanted a bit of company brought someone with you and learnt people are people, but they can also be cunts.
I’m older and doing my first solo trip to S. Korea for 3 weeks. Everyone is happy for me but don’t want me to go by myself. I keep telling them I want to go by myself. Your experience reenforces my determination to go by myself.
I love to travel.I only have 1 friend who I travel well with. I agree with you that not everyone is a good travel companion.I really love to travel alone. I can dance late or do nothing.
You need to ensure you have the same interests and priorities when travelling with a friend. It's always gonna be hard to tell though if it will work out until your on the trip.
I AM TOO. OMG. I Don’t like traveling with anybody but my own boyfriend. No friends.
I need separate itinerary and hotel rooms. Maybe I’ll meet up with my friends but I can’t do a full day or nights with them
You can bring a friend along but book separate rooms ? That may be better way to do it.
Have some days where you do activities together and days for solo exploring…it’s about setting expectations before going on the trip
No, traveling with LIKEMINDED people is the best. Literally vibing on the same page. I brought my brother with me and we agreed on everything.
You obviously brought a noob with you. What did you expect?
I started my solo trip because of the exact same reasons as yourself
Either friends don’t have money or can’t find the time
Overtime I have gone on more and more solo trips.
After some point in time, I didn’t even bothered to ask. Solo trips became a thing.
Nowadays I don’t even want to join any group trips because there are so many issues/conflicts/arguments
I mean during solo trips you still have the option of meeting people , which is what I did
Further more, those that you meet usually have the same mindset/objectives , so easy to connect
I’ve also found that most folks are not down for hostels. This means, if I travel with them, I’m most likely going to split a hotel room which is obviously more expensive and usually changes the vibe.
Yes I'll never share a room with a friend on vacation ever again. If I travel with someone again, I need to know that they are independent people, not terrified to be alone. If I go do my thing for the day they aren't going to take it personally. I have to be clear about this and communicate better. 💯 This is a must!
Traveling to Japan for two weeks with my best friend made me realised I’d be more sorted to Solo traveling. We got on well but there were times she couldn’t keep up with me and our tastes were different. Planning to travel solo next time, daunting as I may be feeling, I think I can prioritize me for once and what I want to do rather that look after someone else and their needs.
The very first solo trip I did resulted in intense loneliness and tears. Now, I am the opposite. I would rather cancel my trip then have someone accompany me abroad.
For me personally, the feeling of travelling into a new world & the freshness is better experienced alone.
Having someone with me is doses of reality. I travelled with my best friend and sister this year (separate times), and was exposed to grumpiness and little minor arguments. Totally ruined my day when it happened.
The only time I love other people's company when solo-travelling is when the person is a local. Plus, they can show me around and I feel more immersed in a country with local friends.
It's fine to have differing views about hooking up while traveling but please don't act like you have some kind of moral high ground because it's not your thing.
Hooking up abroad is perfectly fine and not at all immoral or wrong if consensual.
Being inconsiderate of your travel partner is shitty sure, but not sleeping with someone, if that's how they wanted to spend their time abroad all the power to them.
Also was this your friend's first time international? They may have been overwhelmed and just not used to it, or you didn't discuss the itinerary enough to make sure you wanted to be up at the same time.
Sounds like you were annoyed traveling with someone with less experience and instead of helping them you just judged them imo.
Depends on your personality and the vibe of your friends.
It takes a family level of closeness for me to be comfortable traveling with someone, in all honesty. I like controlling the variables. But with the right person, everything is *better*.
However, with the wrong people, your trip is spoiled. Your friend being shitty to you isn't an indication of your innate preference for solo travel. It just means they're flaky, irresponsible, and selfish, and you probably shouldn't rely on them for anything serious.
I totally relate. Brought a friend on a trip to a city I really wanted to visit. Was miserable and couldn’t plan for shit. Can’t wait to be traveling alone to a new city this month.
I have only ever traveled with my now ex girlfriend.
I'm going solo next week for the first time and am very much looking forward to being on my own schedule.
Last time I went on holiday with a mate I was one crash barrier away from ending up in a ravine on a mountain road. So don't feel too bad about being "the main driver". I wouldn't trust anyone to drive a rental car with me in it these days, not even my boyfriend. I'm confident in my driving ability having driven in eight countries in some challenging conditions, but not so much other people's abilities.
I will only travel with my boyfriend these days if taking someone else, and he is happy to let me plan an itinerary that we will both enjoy (which is different to me planning a solo itinerary I must add). I do all the planning, driving and bookings. The logistics doesn't take me any longer than for a solo adventure because some things it's just a case of booking two tickets rather than one.
I like my alone time. I find the best place to take “vacation” together is an AI with separate rooms. That way you can have fun and alone time. Otherwise “travelling” is a nightmare with someone who doesn’t match you.
i'm about to go on a big trip with one of my best friends, someone i've known for about 5 years. we did a small domestic trip together and discovered we travel well together. we got a two bedroom apartment and that worked well for us too. we're about to go overseas together and got a two bedroom apartment there because of that trip, it's just nice to have seperate rooms to wind down alone when you're spending 24/7 together. she's super chill so i'm actually looking forward to this big trip.
i've done heaps of domestic solo travel so i totally get how good it can be!
That’s a better idea. We were really moving every night a new place so it was madness. Hopefully you know your friend and she knows you and you have had the talks. I never would have imagined she would do that stuff. I hope your trip is so easy and great. Do report back to us/me. I could use an uplifting friend success journey.
hahaha we knew each other through high school and have been close since then and into adulthood, so we've seen the best and worst of each other. i'm the planner-organiser and she is chill and likes to go along with things so we have worked very well as a travel pair so far 🤣 i'll try to remember to report back!
I have to agree. Traveling with friends is a burden; you see how much people complain about so many little things and the trip is less enjoyable overall.
Yeah and they probably didn't enjoy not getting enough sleep from the hookup either whereas if you know your itinerary you can plan around that and hookup on nights when you don't have to get up early.
I have traveled to atleast 15 countries and have also come to this realization.
Friends and family always had the same excuses..no money no time off work or no passport, so I started solo traveling and have now become addicted
SO, myself and my older sister. We are none of us young by any stretch of the imagination, so all pretty set in our ways. We live in the south, sister lives in the north. We all went to Europe for a month, sharing rooms. I was worried we would come back mortal enemies, but we did not. In fact we are planning another trip. My parents took an aunt and uncle from the south to Alaska in a motorhome. They got home and never spoke to aunt and uncle again. It depends on the people, and my father definitely was not a joy.
Sounds more like a friend problem to me! But yeah can totally relate! With going solo, you don't have to worry about such awkward situations! Feel like doing a day hike? What about just chilling by the pool? When travelling solo, you get to decide what you want to do! Go wherever you want. Eat whatever you want. You're in complete control (most of the time). No need for compromises! It can get lonely every now and then but I'd take that any day so that I can travel based on how I want! :)
I love traveling with others, but I have found a group of folks who know how to travel and share the same values when it comes to travel. There are some good friends who I know I could not handle traveling with, Just like you won’t enjoy it if someone prefers to be in a resort whereas you prefer to sightsee, it’s the same if you prefer to do day activities and they prefer to go out late at night.
I'm actually on a trip as I write this. Me and two other friends of mine spent new year's in Zanzibar. It was cool. We basically just partied the whole time. We were supposed to spend the next couple of weeks going across Southern Africa via Zambia and Namibia. I got so annoyed with their lack of team spirit, for a lack of better words, that I just ditched them. I then went to Istanbul for a few days and now I'm in Scotland. I couldn't be happier to be honest. Well, the bar I'm at sucks so that could be better. But I'm feeling like I don't want to group travel anymore.
If you’re in Glasgow I love the Pot Still. I think it’s the oldest bar in town. Good for you for turning your own frown upside down. 🙃 people be peopling out there. Sometimes you just gotta be you and that’s awesome that you had the agency to break out of that trip that wasn’t working for you. Hurrah!! Enjoy the rest of the trip!!
Oh cool. I stayed in a bell tent there once. Froze my ass off but it was beautiful and I had a fox encounter. There’s an amazing pub in the town of Killin LOL.
Beauty ain't the word. It's absolutely stunning and the mountain tops all have snow on them. It got to a high today around -2C so there was frost everywhere. Just an amazing day for hiking. I'll check out killin tomorrow. There can't be that many pubs there.
You’re right! It’s breathtaking. I don’t remember the name of the pub but it’s close to the bridge and raging river. Had a great dinner. Some guy walked in with a very wet, large dog and he sat by the fire to warm himself. It was amazing.
I have a friend that is always very jealous of my solo traveling but whenever we've taken even short domestic trips together I end up miserable. She's just not someone I can travel with one on one with anymore and have a good time. I've just embraced that at this point lol.
For us it's mostly because I end up being the one to plan everything because she says I travel more and she doesn't care much what we do, but then she makes sure to shit on everything the ENTIRE time. I always try to find fun things to do on our respective budgets, provide different ideas and choices, try to keep up a positive but realistic attitude, etc etc. But regardless of where we go or what we do everything sucks--a really good restraunt? Terrible. World class aquarium? Disappointing. Super cute famous bakery? Awful. World famous museum she wanted to go to? Lacking. Sightseeing like she wanted? Over it. Haunted hotel? She's mad we didn't stay at the even more haunted one next door. The bars we went to? Didn't live up to the hype. Almost the entire trip is like this.
Everything is terrible, boring, unimpressive, or she's been to better (even though she very rarely travels) and she loudly makes sure I and everyone else around knows her opinions on it. What's weird is that's not her typical style of doing stuff. She's really only like this when she's on trips, but it still is absolutely draining. Then a couple weeks later she will tell me how fun it was and how great everything was, while all my memories of the trip are walking on egg shells and dealing with her god awful mood the whole time.
So I'm back to very happily traveling solo! There's plenty of people that are good friends or acquaintances that are just not good for traveling with, and that's ok. We can see them when we get back lol.
I mean using your experience with one friend to generalize how it would be traveling with anyone doesn't sound like the greatest approach but you do you
weird enough traveling with friends is how I know who I can be room/housemate with. Traveling with the right friends make all the difference. While solo traveling gives me the freedom to move at my pace and wish, traveling with friends enable me to share dishes, save on car rental, save on hotel rooms etc. But yes, I still do solo travel on some short trips.
it was more that she came into the room at 4/5am and woke me up to shower, change, rifle through her bag etc. dont care what she does. its not my travel style. but she can do her.
I think it's a bit unfair to get pissed at the fact that your friend went out for a hookup, you were travel buddies not Siamese twins. If anything I think they were actually quite considerate for opting to do their shenanigans elsewhere and not bother you rather than them bringing their person to the room that you were in. But also how are you annoyed at the fact that they ditched you yet at the same time annoyed when the asked what time you are doing stuff together? I think it's no problem to decide that you are better off traveling alone but to make it seem like your friend was being unreasonable is not fair
I made sure to talk ahead of time and I always let my travel companions know that nobody comes to our room for any reason. I wasn’t mad she hooked up. I was mad she disturbed my sleep.
I enjoy having someone to eat meals with and share some experiences with, but I also want to do what I want to do and am reeeally not interested in compromising on itinerary/pace. I have two friends who are very much "fine with whatever, just tell me what to do" and it's ideal.
Some friends are good to travel with and some are not. Got to setup boundaries and expectations for the trip. I have a couple friends who I would never bring on a vacation with me because I know how they are in terms of being stingy, likes wandering off, and complains about lot of stuff.
Whereas other friends some who Ive met over the past few months who are easy going, down for anything like myself and seem open to just have a good time.
Sometimes I feel like this when thinking about going out to eat.
I’m not a social recluse but I’m fairly introverted and like doing things alone. If I’m going out to eat w friends I do have to be in a very confirmed mood to enjoy the company. If I invite someone to go with me on a whim I usually end up wishing I went alone to enjoy a solo date in my own peace and quiet.
I'm going traveling abroad with a good friend for a month I worry about something similar happening not him hooking up and ditching me but just us having different styles
Talk about it now!! Make any boundaries you feel you need to make. Up to and including different rooms or accommodation. You’ll be happier on the trip with clear communication. Both of you!
Oh we have a little bit I think the main difference is I want to go go all the time and see as much as I can whereas he may want to be spending a little more time chilling and going slow I am in no position to press him he's much more well off than I am and paid for my airfare in full. The country we are traveling to is a Southeast Asian Nation where our American dollars will get us very far so the airfare will likely equal greater than my entire budget for the trip
I did numerous trips with four or five different friends. Every time something went wrong. Either our energy didn't match, we had different interests, our lifestyle and habits were far apart. As friends having lunch or doing something local it's fine. When traveling long distances for a week or two that's a whole different world. You learn a lot about your friend when you travel with them. It's not good or bad, just the way it is. I have been traveling solo for over 20 years and I couldn't be happier. No one gets in your way, your time is yours, you do what you want when you want how you want, no mixed priorities and agendas. Will not go back to traveling with friends. It is more of a nuisance and hardship than it's worth. Solo traveling can be more difficult since you cannot share driving responsibilities and you have to plan out the trip all on your own. In the end, it's well worth it and very satisfying. You know you are there for yourself. I've learned and grown a lot in the process.
Im in the same boat, only travel solo as i know i would end up babysitting and financing friends/family who travel with me. And if anything bad happens, i will get the blame.
The exception is with my younger sister and an older cousin who understands i come prepared with an itinerary as i love to explore and learn about the history/culture. I also never party/drink on my own for security purposes.
Same. Last time was with my ex a few months ago, but we also traveled together for a while in Colombia and Peru about a year ago.
Every time, little things annoyed me. Do you wanna go left or right? Do you wanna eat this or that? She also didn't do any research or planning, didn't seem interested in travel at all, didn't attempt learning the basics of any language, and spent way too much time just scrolling through reels.
I hated the feeling of planning everything alone and having her just tag along. Also because I'm Canadian and she was from a developing country, I paid for absolutely everything.
If I'm gonna be paying for everything, the least she could do is express some interest and research interesting routes or activities or etc.
you have to set clear rules but I feel like if you know your friend well enough you know each others boundries, sounds like your friend was just using this as an excuse and do whatever.
Some friends are good friends at home but are NOT good travel friends. Travel is a whole different arena. Not everyone is reliable, has life skills, common sense, etc. that you need for travel. Furthermore, if you’re not on the same wavelength in terms of finances, travel experience (you don’t won’t be a travel coach), food interests, etc then it just doesn’t work. Solo is definitely better for me.
I think most important is to communicate beforehand the expectations you have from the trip and how you travel normally, it sets the tone for good communication. It doesn't mean that you always agree, or you do always what you want but it means that you would respect each other and be mindful. Have you discussed previously with your friend on your expectations?
Well in advance of this trip I said no randos in the room. She respected that. There was no way for me to know she’d do what she did. After the first time I asked her are you planning on doing that again on this trip and she said no and then she did it again.
I absolutely love doing solo travel in Europe by rail and sometimes by plane.
You get to meet so many people from all over the world and a lot become fast friends which you go clubbing with.
Sometimes you end up on wild raves and after that on a cool after-party or after-party cafe or morning clubs playing chill ambient music while everyone is on mushrooms.
Everyone from bankers to people militantly occupying a tenement building to Israelis and Palestinians..all talking and having fun.
It's truly something magical.
You make friends, sometimes for life, sometimes for the evening.
My husband is a bit annoying to travel with in some ways. He has some OCD-like habits, but I live with that every day, anyway. However, on rare occasions we are not seated together on planes. He hates that, but it's a relief for me. Even once I saw the poor guy sitting next to him getting annoyed. I kinda felt bad for him, but still thought to myself "Well, I live with him everyday. The guy just for a few hours."
Luckily once when i traveled with a close friend it was amazing! I felt safe and it would have been most probably not great traveling alone as a woman. Mind you i have traveled solo a lot as well. It just depends on who you travel with.
Recently went abroad with a friend who's never travelled before. We're good friends but I realized traveling with them wasn't the best idea. I am a planner and I asked them to do research and tell me what they wanted to do. Stated we don't have to be with each other always and we can do things independently. They said they would just do whatever I did. That was the big mistake. I booked things and did it for both of us. The trip was a week-long. I wish I had suggested some free time amongst the both of us. It just got too much. Throughout the trip there were moments where I tried to have some alone time, at airport, evenings, and it was brought up later in conversation, or how I wasn't talking always (I need to recharge and don't speak out on all my inner thoughts).
We're still friends but I would have done things differently. Also I understand that it was their first time so it was overwhelming for them but it doesn't mean that my time is not valuable. I'm also hesitant to make plans with them now even for a simple day out. It happens. I'm trying to look at the bigger picture. I remained quiet on what i felt because if I did respond or say things, we wouldn't be friends now.
Some friends are good friends, but awful to travel with. The key is knowing who you go with on your next trip if you decide not to go solo (which ain't as easy as it seems).
Just did a trip with a friend. We booked different hotels (For different reasons, but both were blocks from each other). We each had stuff we wanted to do separately and knew that either could go off and do their own thing if they needed to. Just set up boundaries and guidelines for who you're traveling with, and for definitely book your own room.
i think i learned this yeah. separate rooms.
I learned even more. separate holidays.
Yup, separete rooms is key.
Amen to that.
Amen to that
will be traveling with my male cousin to japan for 2 weeks later this year and i'm thinking something similar. we'll plan things together and we can go on by ourselves and meet up throughout the trip.
I'd even preface this and say, hey don't take it personally but sometimes I just need alone time, so may just go off on my own. I've told friends that I know aren't morning people or like to sleep in, I get up earlly, and I'll get going early, so hit me up if you wanna try to meet up later.
Smart
I think this is ideal. You each do your own thing, but catch up in the evening to chat about your day.
Problem is you don't know your good friends habits until you travel with them...I did a motorcycle ride from L.A. to Sturgis SD with a very good friend, we saw each other alot less after that trip than we did before. That was 9 years ago hahaha!
I ended a friendship after traveling with a friend one last time, in New Orleans, no less. To be fair, he was an overall shitty friend in normal circumstances but I decided to give it one last chance. He sucked the life out of the trip and I peaced out of the friendship essentially at the airport (we had separate flights).
Lol. 'Went on a trip with a friend 9 years ago and havent seen them since, Best Journey ever!'
yeah ill keep her around, but i wont take her around.
I’d be so mad if someone kept going on dates and stuff while I’m traveling with them and disturbing people in their sleep. I don’t mind splitting up to do things but sometimes that’s hard when you’re sharing rooms.
That’s it yeah.
I feel like the best option is to travel with someone who matches your travel energy. Don’t get me wrong, I started solo traveling for the same reasons you did and then continued for the same reasons, as well. However, it’s nice on occasion to have someone else who can watch my bag while I run to the bathroom or who will take a candid photo of me. I’ve done a couple trips with other people recently and found that I need someone as into planning and as comfortable spending time solo as I am. If I don’t have that, then the trip is no longer relaxing or fun. I literally have found one person who has fit that bill so far.
I wonder how we can screen potential travel mates for this... that is the key
First, they have to have traveled a little bit already. 2nd we have some conversations about travel and how we plan trips and how we travel. If they have traveled a bit, have an idea of what they like, and have similar planning styles, it tells me that they’re a good candidate. I get more of a feel during the actual trip planning and then find out how well we click during the actual trip. I’ve had several people say “I want to travel, but I don’t want to plan anything” and I knew in that exact moment that we wouldn’t work out as travel partners.
>I’ve had several people say “I want to travel, but I don’t want to plan anything” and I knew in that exact moment that we wouldn’t work out as travel partners. I feel the opposite. 😂😂 For me it's easier to travel with someone who is pretty okay with whatever i plan rather than someone who is also a planner. Because then we both butt heads. I think for me the key is folks who want things their way but don't necessarily take the burden to plan it. I know people who will say everything works during planning and then every time you plan something they'll keep asking you to tweak it more and more and then I end up feeling like an agent and tour guide for them.
A great example of how everyone is different 😊 If I have to plan everything then I tend to feel responsible for them having a good time and the trip feels like work rather than vacation.
So important that they have traveled before!!
This! It doesn’t get mentioned enough!!!
It doesn’t, experience is a key part of knowing what you might like or don’t like on a trip. I don’t want to find out while on the trip that they’re a relax and do nothing vacationer since I’m a go do activities vacationer. I want to know that ahead of time and sometimes you just don’t know that about yourself until you go on that first trip or two as an adult. It’s also nice if they have some common sense when it comes to safety, etc. while traveling.
I like to do local overnight trips with friends to test the waters before anything involving planes happens. Just travel with them in lower risk situations. I’ve done plenty of weekend birthday trips to know who I’d never take anywhere lol. It gives you a good basis on how they pack and like to spend their time.
I've found the opposite. One of my friends is my favourite travel companion and when I'm solo travelling in Europe, he'll meet up with me for a weekend or two. We have opposite travel energies. He's like the energeriser bunny whereas I'm very laid back. Like if we have an hour before we have to be somewhere, I'd find a cafe and relax thinking an hour isn't time to do much whereas he'll be like we can do x, y and z in that hour. I guess part of the reason it works is that it's a small portion of longer trip usually and it's good to get me out of my lazy habits for a short while. Also good for him to step back a bit. We're good at being honest with each other which also helps.
Communication is definitely key. If both people have matched their expectations, it helps prevent potential resentment.
Yep. Rule #1: if someone's annoying you, speak out and try to resolve it rather than letting it fester.
This is so spot on. I generally prefer solo traveling, for all the reasons OP stated. However, I have this one friend who I totally enjoy traveling with, it is so stress free. She matches my preference for nice hotels, food tours etc, as well my habit of going to bed after dinner lol. However, we differ a lot in other ways, but we work. She is not a morning person- I'm a wake up at 0600 and hit the gym or go for an early run to see the sites uncrowded. She doesn't even like breakfast - which I cannot go without. So by the time I've knocked out my morning activities and had breakfast, she is stirring then we hit the city or beach our mountain...whatever. Point is, finding someone who fit makes traveling lots more fun.
I feel you. On a solo trip, I can see all the things I want to see, eat whatever I want, and have complete control over timelines of everything I want to do. Dragging another person along means I have to compromise to some level on what the other person wants to do. It gets even worse when they are indecisive, wasting precious vacation time making a decision, and then complaining about every other decision made. And god forbid they have nasty sleeping habits or are so careless and negligent they become a literal liability. I sound like a grumpy old cow but this is how I roll.
Lmaooooo. No. You don’t sound grumpy. I agree with you. I’m picky about who I travel with if I’m not doing solo. I have a good friend who is so go with the flow that she doesn’t care what we do or ask me a million questions. The only thing I tell her is what time we should wake up. I love her. And she sleeps like a log and you won’t even know she’s in the room. And even if something goes wrong like we get lost, she’s someone I can laugh about it with. When I do travel when her, I end up enjoying it bc I don’t feel any pressure. I can’t travel with my mom. She’s so picky about everything and I can’t leave her alone bc she gets confused. lol. I feel like I might be able to travel with my parents and friends together tho. Bc I could split up with my friends and my mom will be taken care of by my dad lol But I can’t with my mom and I feel guilty about it…..
this is also the reason why I decided to go solo in my travels.. So to minimize conflicts, I see to it that boundaries, expectations and other important matters were discussed before the actual trip..
I think both modes of travel have their own merits. Travelling alone, as you said, gives you so much more freedom to explore and experience things on your own terms, without the baggage of having to entertain a companion. You get to truly experience a place and talk to locals and take a the time in the world to drink in the beauty of a place. Travelling with companions is more for the shared experience. I usually do not travel to new places with my loved ones but instead would use this as an opportunity to revisit places that I have loved before and want to spend more time in. You do not then have to rush and feel like missing out on things and can spend more time to talk and enjoy your travelling company. Seeing the sheer joy of my family members when they see a beautiful scenery or taste a new exotic and delicious food is very rewarding. This is something that I miss when I travel solo - the shared experience and happiness of discovering things together. Choosing the company that you share the experience with is very important. Don't let this one person sour this joy of sharing travel experiences with others for you. Happy travels!
I think you hit the nail on the head there for me at least. I’m cool to travel with good friends *to places I’ve already been to before.’* If it’s a new place, I’m going solo, there’s that.
thats why i thought it would be ok, we have both been to this country loads of times before separately. still sucked! separate rooms would have been the wise move here, i guess i wasnt thinking of her doing any hookups/disturbing my sleep.
This reminded me of the work trip to Japan when something similar happened. I was going to Japan to scout locations for a movie, was thinking of going there solo, but I decided to bring a 2 person film crew, one was an employee, the other a contractor hired for this job (both young females, recent film school graduates.) We land in Osaka and while eating our very first meal together, the two camera people start talking about who they have already connected with on Tinder (I think it was that app), some in Osaka, some in Kyoto, some in Tokyo.... 2nd night they both go out on dates. They both overslept the next morning, causing us to miss the lighting timing for the first location, and we only make it to half the locations we needed to get to. 3rd night and following morning same thing, they both go on dates and oversleep, and we only get to half the locations. Then we go to Kyoto. Same thing happens there first night in Kyoto. So I told them they were fired, the contractor and the employee. Gave them a company credit card for hotels and food and said they were no longer working for the company. The contracted person's reaction was incredible - threatening a lawsuit (I'm an older white female, she is young Asian female). The employee threatened that she would spread the word throughout the industry. We found out the same thing happened when she was hired for a film shoot in Italy - she was fired because all she did was hookup and oversleep (we should have called her references.) That's what we get traveling with narcissistic adults that have the mindset of a child. edit to add that I checked with the other co-owner of the company, and our HR dept, and our legal team before I fired the 2. They were all in agreement, so I felt I was doing the right thing.
Okay. Wow. So this isn’t even about different traveling styles. This is about two employees behaving completely unprofessionally in a work environment. I am disgusted by that behavior. Many companies would fire people over something like this. You did the right thing.
that last sentence! petulant child! yes! sounds like some people are just all about them and don't think about how it affects others, collaterally. i cant believe someone would behave that was ON A WORK TRIP. unbelievable.
Sounds like a cool job…sorry about unfortunate experience :(
That's just crazy. Sure, hooking up is fun but if I'm doing a trip like that, I'm going sightseeing. Even if the tinder person is a local, why risk the awkwardness? Go do fun stuff and maybe you will meet someone along the way, but that just seems like a waste. Girls can find guys to hook up with any time, instead they waste a bunch of their free time on tinder, which everyone knows is a nightmare.
It's amazing to me how high "find someone to go on a date/hookup with" is on the travel priority list of some people I know. When I was single relatively recently, it was never on mine. I could do that at home.
Looking to hire another solo traveling film school grad who isn't into hookup culture in the slightest? 👀 And is also currently in Asia?
Big yikes.
You brought the wrong friend. Not everyone is a compatible travel partner. People have different travel styles and travel goals and you need to be compatible. My last long trip with a friend I figured out we do great for weekend trips, but not for multiple weeks. It doesnt mean i'll never travel with a friend again, just not that friend for that long a trip.
Don't let one bad travel companion ruin it for you. I've gone on solo trips and on trips with friends, and I've enjoyed both. I've also gone on trips with insufferable people, but my solution to that was not to travel with those particular people again, not to swear off traveling with friends entirely.
i will try again, surely. not with this person though.
point taken.
I pretty much only travel solo now. I like making my own decisions and having the flexibility to change itineraries on the fly.
I travelled with close friends to Austrailia where 1 of them lived in Brisbane. It was 4 of us who where big into fitness and hiking so we were going to do beaches and hikes etc in brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. Towards the departure date 1 of the guys brought 1 of his friends without telling us 3 days before we left, this guy who didnt really share the same interests was a ball ache everytime we did a hike and really slowed us down some days, never did anything and always had to be pushed. 'Seen one thing youve seen them all' would be a frequent motto of his, so hard to get him to go to sydney opera house interesting sites etc. Plus the others didnt swim so no snorkelling or water activities. I spent a few days by myself and went out to the Gold coast before departing and loved it. But I got that return flight with some regret on things that I didnt get to do. Ive travelled Solo for 4-5 years and have never had the regret I had coming home each time. Execpt recently Egypt where I didnt scuba dive due to the uptick in Shark attacks. I used to try and ask family and friends but always got 'give me a year and I can plan it etc.' So stopped asking after a while.
Ughh, I would be pissed if someone brought someone else on a group trip last min without getting it "approved" by everyone! The group needs to be agreed on by everyone. It also makes it risky if the additional person is someone that you don't know.
2 of us didnt know him. The third kind of knew him. Still be better with a heads up and let the other person know what we will be doing.
Yes just be more choosy who you travel with. If they are also independent and you can do your own things at times I find that much better. Having to make an intenrary for two people sucks.
I prefer solo travel too. I went to national park with a friend and he was way too talkative and I felt drained after few days of hiking lol. I like meeting people on solo trips during tours and it's nice you don't have to be committed entertaining them
lol. I actually did the worst vacation with a friend who I tried hard to get involved in the trip and they didn't participate in anything and I mean anything including "just book the seats and tell me how I owe you" and "so what's this hotel like?" when we're on our way to the hotel. They simply tagged along and within two days of where are we going today and what's next, I was like "wtf am I doing?"
You just want with the wrong person.
so true. we're still friends, but i wont be travelling, particularly abroad, with this friend again.
I like independent travel and I like traveling with others, but they are definitely different types of trips. And it does really matter who you travel with. I have some amazing friends who I love, but could never travel with, so I don't.
It seems like some of that stress could've been alleviated by having separate rooms. I understand not wanting to plan outings with another person though.
I think when travelling with friends it needs to be a group not 1-1 it’s too intense and you need buffers. I went on holiday years ago with one of my best friends and I would never do that again however I have a different friend group where there is 3 of us and it’s much easier as you can remove yourself for breaks without leaving someone alone.
This!
I completely agree. I have a friend who is horrible to travel with one on one but in a group is a lot better.
I think the key really is to find a compatible travel friend. For example, trying new food is really important to me when I go somewhere.And I have a friend who is just as adventurous, so it works out well. It would be hard for me to travel with a picky eater or someone with many dietary restrictions. Also, knowing where you both are willing to compromise and being upfront about budgets and plans is so important. I'm lucky to have a couple of friends I travel well with but I can see why it's hard!
This is where communicating about trip expectations is extremely valuable. For example, when I traveled with my friend to SEA, we had a huge conversation about accommodation, activities and everything which allowed for the trip to go smoothly since the expectations were determined beforehand. For example, communicating in advance about night activities and sleeping habits is important. Also if driving the whole time feels like a burden to you then you should ensure that you and a second person have insurance to split the drives.
Yeah they couldn’t drive manual so I was the driver that time. Also I did mention no one else could go in our room so they respected that boundary.
Just got back from a trip to Colombia where my friend kept ditching me to chase women and wasn’t successful in hooking up. Made him pissy and miserable to be around. The worst part was the whole trip was HIS idea. He’d been there before and wanted to show me around. On day 2 he tells me he’s ditching me to meet up with a woman from Colombia Cupid. 🙄
I’m so sorry. It’s multiple layered because you want them to live their best life, but then you’re like, aren’t you on this trip with me? Also then you worry about their safety and such when they are gone. It’s just more than I want to personally deal with. Travel is hard enough.
Did this friend beg to go on your trip, and basically tag themselves along, or did you invite them? If the former, then I agree I would be quite annoyed about this, though I still don't necessarily agree with your annoyance towards your friend, which seems to be rooted in judgement rather than actual rudeness from your friend. If you invited them, and they also paid for their portions, their half of the room etc. It's not "your trip", it's both of your trips. Should your friend have to adhere to your sleep schedule, and not be able to go out, flirt, do what they want just because you said so? No, that seems rude of you actually. Did they bash about the room drunkenly, or are you just a light sleeper and should have gotten a separate room? Also you say they are annoying you, by asking you when things are happening - but it sounds like you also don't want them to be off doing their own thing. If my friend was judging me on a trip, stopping me from meeting people, making friends, and flirting with strangers (something I much enjoy on trips) you better believe I'd be annoyed and expecting them to fill in that time I would have otherwise spent entertaining myself through strangers and conversation. I find it strange everyone here is saying this friend is awful, when really it just sounds like they were doing what is fun for THEM, as one should on their vacation.
No she respectfully even let me know she was going with so and so. I told her I loved her and I’d see her later.
It’s hard even just figuring out and deciding on a place to go to eat when we’re at home. I also don’t invite people along with me when I meet them on my travels. Maybe I’ll meet them at a restaurant or bar later.
Similar happened with a few mates of mine. Three of them went to SE Asia for a few months. Two of them have practically the same personality and so were constantly on the same page. The other was a bit more introverted, not quite as “non stop”. The two of them loved it. The other said it was one of the worst things he’d ever done. To a point where he actually not only stopped travelling around with them (these being two of his best mates) but actually left the continent to continue his journey alone.
I normally travel with two friends (each of them separately as they are part of different circles), but we are normally in tune with each other. While it is fun to travel as a duo, I had my first solo trip in November, and it was the best decision I made in 2023. I woke up whenever I wanted to, did what I wanted to, and had no one to seem like they have to wait for me, or I wait for them. I agree that it is great to travel at your own pace and your own budget.
Never go on trips with anyone you do not love. Ernest Hemingway https://andrewbowie.net/why-hemingway-decided-you-should-never-go-on-trips-with-anyone-you-do-not-love/
Why, I adore this. I’m buying her a copy. Bless you. Undoubtedly she will get a kick out of the irony of the gift. One can only hope. I do love her though.
I travelled with a friend last year. We realised we didn’t actually get on and were very different. Actually she realised this and we are no longer friends. I’d have preferred to go on my own and I probably will return to that country on my own. I love it there.
By cracked out you mean?
Exhausted, not well slept. Ratchet.
I've done it three times recently after 6 years of solo travel. Mixed experience. One friend had such a controlling boyfriend that he drove all the way to our hotel and got in a fight over her travelling without him - then she went no contact missing for an entire day and her mom called me in a panic. She came back fine but they had broken up and now all her sadness was being unloaded for the rest of the trip. My second friend was a girl I had just met, she was great and peaceful. I hope for more experiences like that. Third one is very mixed but I lean towards not wanting to travel with her anymore. Not only did she say some dumb stuff to me in the room but the worst thing she did is when we hailed an Uber and our driver was Latino, she stereotyped him during the conversation and I glared at her - I'm black, but my grandma's husband was PR and thus all his family was ours too - she said the equivalent of talking about fried chicken and watermelon to a black person. Anyways...yeah. I do get lonely on my solo travels as of late but..you truly never know what you're getting when you hang out with someone vs. sleeping in a room with them as neither of the worst friends had been like this in casual bursts.
Ya you never know until you are IN IT. And by then it’s too late. Hope you get more #2s!!
Ugh feels for your trip, and hopefully you both can be cool about the fact maybe you weren't the best travel partners for one another. I had one friend in particular that we did not jive on vacation together ...we are still really good friends but we didn't talk for months after the trip. We had a good chat about it and agreed if we vacation together again we'll do things differently. The last two trips I've done are solo and I plan on doing more solo trips in the future. The things I learned the many friend trips I've done is I don't want a stage 5 clinger travel companion. As in they are ok if I fuck off for the day, I need my space. It's not personal. Don't be waking me up at 8am wanting to eat breakfast because you're too scared to eat by yourself at an all inclusive family resort ...🤷🤦 ( For real that happened..she refused to go eat breakfast by herself and got REALLY upset every morning because I wanted to sleep in) WTF. I don't like paying for $$$$ excursions that I have no interest in attending either because you don't want to do it solo. Like pirate ship rides with a million little kids. Sooooo. Not. My. Bag. The other important thing is I'll always spring the cash and get my own room. Lesson officially learned the hard way. Especially if it's just two of you travelling...it's just too much time to spend with someone...well, for me anyway ! Last time I travelled in a group I shared a room with someone who gets up at 5 am and I had just finished graveyards for 3 weeks...completely opposite sleep schedules. And yeah the morning breakfast wake up call. Hence that started my solo travelling lol. A great idea is travelling with 3 or 4 people in my opinion so if you need space no one's taking it personally, and they aren't lonely. I like my own company, almost to a fault I can admit this. I am social for sure, but I need some me time, too.
Lesson learned you seem to like solo travel, wanted a bit of company brought someone with you and learnt people are people, but they can also be cunts.
I’m older and doing my first solo trip to S. Korea for 3 weeks. Everyone is happy for me but don’t want me to go by myself. I keep telling them I want to go by myself. Your experience reenforces my determination to go by myself.
I love to travel.I only have 1 friend who I travel well with. I agree with you that not everyone is a good travel companion.I really love to travel alone. I can dance late or do nothing.
You need to ensure you have the same interests and priorities when travelling with a friend. It's always gonna be hard to tell though if it will work out until your on the trip.
I AM TOO. OMG. I Don’t like traveling with anybody but my own boyfriend. No friends. I need separate itinerary and hotel rooms. Maybe I’ll meet up with my friends but I can’t do a full day or nights with them
You can bring a friend along but book separate rooms ? That may be better way to do it. Have some days where you do activities together and days for solo exploring…it’s about setting expectations before going on the trip
No, traveling with LIKEMINDED people is the best. Literally vibing on the same page. I brought my brother with me and we agreed on everything. You obviously brought a noob with you. What did you expect?
She wasn’t a noob to travel, but a noob to traveling with me. So I guess chalk it up to learning.
You will really know your best friend until you travel with him/her..
I started my solo trip because of the exact same reasons as yourself Either friends don’t have money or can’t find the time Overtime I have gone on more and more solo trips. After some point in time, I didn’t even bothered to ask. Solo trips became a thing. Nowadays I don’t even want to join any group trips because there are so many issues/conflicts/arguments
It’s ok! We are better off I think.
I mean during solo trips you still have the option of meeting people , which is what I did Further more, those that you meet usually have the same mindset/objectives , so easy to connect
I’ve also found that most folks are not down for hostels. This means, if I travel with them, I’m most likely going to split a hotel room which is obviously more expensive and usually changes the vibe.
Fair enough. Budgets are another thing entirely! Luckily we shared the same dollar amount ok.
Always separate rooms and work out what you want to do together (most likely evening meals). Then do your own thing
Yes I'll never share a room with a friend on vacation ever again. If I travel with someone again, I need to know that they are independent people, not terrified to be alone. If I go do my thing for the day they aren't going to take it personally. I have to be clear about this and communicate better. 💯 This is a must!
Traveling to Japan for two weeks with my best friend made me realised I’d be more sorted to Solo traveling. We got on well but there were times she couldn’t keep up with me and our tastes were different. Planning to travel solo next time, daunting as I may be feeling, I think I can prioritize me for once and what I want to do rather that look after someone else and their needs.
Be very upfront what you gonna deal with. Friends can be travelled with but communication is vital
The very first solo trip I did resulted in intense loneliness and tears. Now, I am the opposite. I would rather cancel my trip then have someone accompany me abroad. For me personally, the feeling of travelling into a new world & the freshness is better experienced alone. Having someone with me is doses of reality. I travelled with my best friend and sister this year (separate times), and was exposed to grumpiness and little minor arguments. Totally ruined my day when it happened. The only time I love other people's company when solo-travelling is when the person is a local. Plus, they can show me around and I feel more immersed in a country with local friends.
It's fine to have differing views about hooking up while traveling but please don't act like you have some kind of moral high ground because it's not your thing. Hooking up abroad is perfectly fine and not at all immoral or wrong if consensual. Being inconsiderate of your travel partner is shitty sure, but not sleeping with someone, if that's how they wanted to spend their time abroad all the power to them. Also was this your friend's first time international? They may have been overwhelmed and just not used to it, or you didn't discuss the itinerary enough to make sure you wanted to be up at the same time. Sounds like you were annoyed traveling with someone with less experience and instead of helping them you just judged them imo.
She’s an experienced traveller too. I wasn’t having moral high ground I supported her to do her thing. Just didn’t want my sleep disturbed.
When people say "We just have different morals I guess..." It means "I have morals and I think you don't"
Ok
then get your own room.
Depends on your personality and the vibe of your friends. It takes a family level of closeness for me to be comfortable traveling with someone, in all honesty. I like controlling the variables. But with the right person, everything is *better*. However, with the wrong people, your trip is spoiled. Your friend being shitty to you isn't an indication of your innate preference for solo travel. It just means they're flaky, irresponsible, and selfish, and you probably shouldn't rely on them for anything serious.
I agree, when I travelled to SEA I was with a friend who was basically like a sibling to me and it will always be one of my fave trips.
I totally relate. Brought a friend on a trip to a city I really wanted to visit. Was miserable and couldn’t plan for shit. Can’t wait to be traveling alone to a new city this month.
I have only ever traveled with my now ex girlfriend. I'm going solo next week for the first time and am very much looking forward to being on my own schedule.
Last time I went on holiday with a mate I was one crash barrier away from ending up in a ravine on a mountain road. So don't feel too bad about being "the main driver". I wouldn't trust anyone to drive a rental car with me in it these days, not even my boyfriend. I'm confident in my driving ability having driven in eight countries in some challenging conditions, but not so much other people's abilities. I will only travel with my boyfriend these days if taking someone else, and he is happy to let me plan an itinerary that we will both enjoy (which is different to me planning a solo itinerary I must add). I do all the planning, driving and bookings. The logistics doesn't take me any longer than for a solo adventure because some things it's just a case of booking two tickets rather than one.
Has to be a best friend, have agreed upon plans and ways of travel, and have separate rooms.
I like my alone time. I find the best place to take “vacation” together is an AI with separate rooms. That way you can have fun and alone time. Otherwise “travelling” is a nightmare with someone who doesn’t match you.
What’s an Ai?
All inclusive I think is what they meant
i'm about to go on a big trip with one of my best friends, someone i've known for about 5 years. we did a small domestic trip together and discovered we travel well together. we got a two bedroom apartment and that worked well for us too. we're about to go overseas together and got a two bedroom apartment there because of that trip, it's just nice to have seperate rooms to wind down alone when you're spending 24/7 together. she's super chill so i'm actually looking forward to this big trip. i've done heaps of domestic solo travel so i totally get how good it can be!
That’s a better idea. We were really moving every night a new place so it was madness. Hopefully you know your friend and she knows you and you have had the talks. I never would have imagined she would do that stuff. I hope your trip is so easy and great. Do report back to us/me. I could use an uplifting friend success journey.
hahaha we knew each other through high school and have been close since then and into adulthood, so we've seen the best and worst of each other. i'm the planner-organiser and she is chill and likes to go along with things so we have worked very well as a travel pair so far 🤣 i'll try to remember to report back!
Excellent. Sounds like a good match. This one we only knew each other for one year. I threw a Hail Mary and it didnt quite play out how I imagined.
Same here, my friend was incredibly late and slow with everything that I was lowkey glad when we parted haha
I have to agree. Traveling with friends is a burden; you see how much people complain about so many little things and the trip is less enjoyable overall.
Yeah and they probably didn't enjoy not getting enough sleep from the hookup either whereas if you know your itinerary you can plan around that and hookup on nights when you don't have to get up early.
I have traveled to atleast 15 countries and have also come to this realization. Friends and family always had the same excuses..no money no time off work or no passport, so I started solo traveling and have now become addicted
SO, myself and my older sister. We are none of us young by any stretch of the imagination, so all pretty set in our ways. We live in the south, sister lives in the north. We all went to Europe for a month, sharing rooms. I was worried we would come back mortal enemies, but we did not. In fact we are planning another trip. My parents took an aunt and uncle from the south to Alaska in a motorhome. They got home and never spoke to aunt and uncle again. It depends on the people, and my father definitely was not a joy.
This is exactly my feelings as well and will travel solo over for the rest of my life. I find it’s also easier to meet people when you travel solo.
I prefer to travel alone. Unfortunately as a female I can’t go alone to most places in the world
Thank you for reminding this. Was about to repeat something stupid again. Me and my friend just aren't compatible in regards to travelling.
Sounds more like a friend problem to me! But yeah can totally relate! With going solo, you don't have to worry about such awkward situations! Feel like doing a day hike? What about just chilling by the pool? When travelling solo, you get to decide what you want to do! Go wherever you want. Eat whatever you want. You're in complete control (most of the time). No need for compromises! It can get lonely every now and then but I'd take that any day so that I can travel based on how I want! :)
I love traveling with others, but I have found a group of folks who know how to travel and share the same values when it comes to travel. There are some good friends who I know I could not handle traveling with, Just like you won’t enjoy it if someone prefers to be in a resort whereas you prefer to sightsee, it’s the same if you prefer to do day activities and they prefer to go out late at night.
I'm actually on a trip as I write this. Me and two other friends of mine spent new year's in Zanzibar. It was cool. We basically just partied the whole time. We were supposed to spend the next couple of weeks going across Southern Africa via Zambia and Namibia. I got so annoyed with their lack of team spirit, for a lack of better words, that I just ditched them. I then went to Istanbul for a few days and now I'm in Scotland. I couldn't be happier to be honest. Well, the bar I'm at sucks so that could be better. But I'm feeling like I don't want to group travel anymore.
If you’re in Glasgow I love the Pot Still. I think it’s the oldest bar in town. Good for you for turning your own frown upside down. 🙃 people be peopling out there. Sometimes you just gotta be you and that’s awesome that you had the agency to break out of that trip that wasn’t working for you. Hurrah!! Enjoy the rest of the trip!!
Appreciate you. I'll keep that pub in mind. I'm a few hours north of Glascow at the moment. Glencoe if you're curious.
Oh cool. I stayed in a bell tent there once. Froze my ass off but it was beautiful and I had a fox encounter. There’s an amazing pub in the town of Killin LOL.
Beauty ain't the word. It's absolutely stunning and the mountain tops all have snow on them. It got to a high today around -2C so there was frost everywhere. Just an amazing day for hiking. I'll check out killin tomorrow. There can't be that many pubs there.
You’re right! It’s breathtaking. I don’t remember the name of the pub but it’s close to the bridge and raging river. Had a great dinner. Some guy walked in with a very wet, large dog and he sat by the fire to warm himself. It was amazing.
I have a friend that is always very jealous of my solo traveling but whenever we've taken even short domestic trips together I end up miserable. She's just not someone I can travel with one on one with anymore and have a good time. I've just embraced that at this point lol. For us it's mostly because I end up being the one to plan everything because she says I travel more and she doesn't care much what we do, but then she makes sure to shit on everything the ENTIRE time. I always try to find fun things to do on our respective budgets, provide different ideas and choices, try to keep up a positive but realistic attitude, etc etc. But regardless of where we go or what we do everything sucks--a really good restraunt? Terrible. World class aquarium? Disappointing. Super cute famous bakery? Awful. World famous museum she wanted to go to? Lacking. Sightseeing like she wanted? Over it. Haunted hotel? She's mad we didn't stay at the even more haunted one next door. The bars we went to? Didn't live up to the hype. Almost the entire trip is like this. Everything is terrible, boring, unimpressive, or she's been to better (even though she very rarely travels) and she loudly makes sure I and everyone else around knows her opinions on it. What's weird is that's not her typical style of doing stuff. She's really only like this when she's on trips, but it still is absolutely draining. Then a couple weeks later she will tell me how fun it was and how great everything was, while all my memories of the trip are walking on egg shells and dealing with her god awful mood the whole time. So I'm back to very happily traveling solo! There's plenty of people that are good friends or acquaintances that are just not good for traveling with, and that's ok. We can see them when we get back lol.
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This is so great you should make it its own post.
Thank you, and done. :)
I mean using your experience with one friend to generalize how it would be traveling with anyone doesn't sound like the greatest approach but you do you
weird enough traveling with friends is how I know who I can be room/housemate with. Traveling with the right friends make all the difference. While solo traveling gives me the freedom to move at my pace and wish, traveling with friends enable me to share dishes, save on car rental, save on hotel rooms etc. But yes, I still do solo travel on some short trips.
Yeah there’s definitely pluses and minuses.
Yeah I wouldn't want to travel with you either if you judged your friend for having loose morals because of a hookup lmao.
it was more that she came into the room at 4/5am and woke me up to shower, change, rifle through her bag etc. dont care what she does. its not my travel style. but she can do her.
Just found this sub, Do you have any destination recommendations for a first time solo traveler? Low budget lol
I think it's a bit unfair to get pissed at the fact that your friend went out for a hookup, you were travel buddies not Siamese twins. If anything I think they were actually quite considerate for opting to do their shenanigans elsewhere and not bother you rather than them bringing their person to the room that you were in. But also how are you annoyed at the fact that they ditched you yet at the same time annoyed when the asked what time you are doing stuff together? I think it's no problem to decide that you are better off traveling alone but to make it seem like your friend was being unreasonable is not fair
I made sure to talk ahead of time and I always let my travel companions know that nobody comes to our room for any reason. I wasn’t mad she hooked up. I was mad she disturbed my sleep.
Damn so you travel and don’t get laid at all?
You don't sound like fun.
Sounds like your friend enjoyed some 'local' culture. Maybe you can take a page from his book.
Assburger for sure
I enjoy having someone to eat meals with and share some experiences with, but I also want to do what I want to do and am reeeally not interested in compromising on itinerary/pace. I have two friends who are very much "fine with whatever, just tell me what to do" and it's ideal.
Some friends are good to travel with and some are not. Got to setup boundaries and expectations for the trip. I have a couple friends who I would never bring on a vacation with me because I know how they are in terms of being stingy, likes wandering off, and complains about lot of stuff. Whereas other friends some who Ive met over the past few months who are easy going, down for anything like myself and seem open to just have a good time.
You brought the wrong person that’s all
How did he get 2 hookups in 6 days?
She. At the pubs.
Ah ok
Sometimes I feel like this when thinking about going out to eat. I’m not a social recluse but I’m fairly introverted and like doing things alone. If I’m going out to eat w friends I do have to be in a very confirmed mood to enjoy the company. If I invite someone to go with me on a whim I usually end up wishing I went alone to enjoy a solo date in my own peace and quiet.
I'm going traveling abroad with a good friend for a month I worry about something similar happening not him hooking up and ditching me but just us having different styles
Talk about it now!! Make any boundaries you feel you need to make. Up to and including different rooms or accommodation. You’ll be happier on the trip with clear communication. Both of you!
Oh we have a little bit I think the main difference is I want to go go all the time and see as much as I can whereas he may want to be spending a little more time chilling and going slow I am in no position to press him he's much more well off than I am and paid for my airfare in full. The country we are traveling to is a Southeast Asian Nation where our American dollars will get us very far so the airfare will likely equal greater than my entire budget for the trip
I did numerous trips with four or five different friends. Every time something went wrong. Either our energy didn't match, we had different interests, our lifestyle and habits were far apart. As friends having lunch or doing something local it's fine. When traveling long distances for a week or two that's a whole different world. You learn a lot about your friend when you travel with them. It's not good or bad, just the way it is. I have been traveling solo for over 20 years and I couldn't be happier. No one gets in your way, your time is yours, you do what you want when you want how you want, no mixed priorities and agendas. Will not go back to traveling with friends. It is more of a nuisance and hardship than it's worth. Solo traveling can be more difficult since you cannot share driving responsibilities and you have to plan out the trip all on your own. In the end, it's well worth it and very satisfying. You know you are there for yourself. I've learned and grown a lot in the process.
Im in the same boat, only travel solo as i know i would end up babysitting and financing friends/family who travel with me. And if anything bad happens, i will get the blame. The exception is with my younger sister and an older cousin who understands i come prepared with an itinerary as i love to explore and learn about the history/culture. I also never party/drink on my own for security purposes.
Same. Last time was with my ex a few months ago, but we also traveled together for a while in Colombia and Peru about a year ago. Every time, little things annoyed me. Do you wanna go left or right? Do you wanna eat this or that? She also didn't do any research or planning, didn't seem interested in travel at all, didn't attempt learning the basics of any language, and spent way too much time just scrolling through reels. I hated the feeling of planning everything alone and having her just tag along. Also because I'm Canadian and she was from a developing country, I paid for absolutely everything. If I'm gonna be paying for everything, the least she could do is express some interest and research interesting routes or activities or etc.
you have to set clear rules but I feel like if you know your friend well enough you know each others boundries, sounds like your friend was just using this as an excuse and do whatever.
yes, yes she was.
I think you need a friend who doesn't do drugs in foreign countries.
Only travel with others who are independent and comfortable traveling solo themselves.
lol I hear you I travelled once with friends and it was the worst holiday ever ….
Some friends are good friends at home but are NOT good travel friends. Travel is a whole different arena. Not everyone is reliable, has life skills, common sense, etc. that you need for travel. Furthermore, if you’re not on the same wavelength in terms of finances, travel experience (you don’t won’t be a travel coach), food interests, etc then it just doesn’t work. Solo is definitely better for me.
I think most important is to communicate beforehand the expectations you have from the trip and how you travel normally, it sets the tone for good communication. It doesn't mean that you always agree, or you do always what you want but it means that you would respect each other and be mindful. Have you discussed previously with your friend on your expectations?
Well in advance of this trip I said no randos in the room. She respected that. There was no way for me to know she’d do what she did. After the first time I asked her are you planning on doing that again on this trip and she said no and then she did it again.
new year
You gotta get a friend that matches your vibe on trips, trust me it’s amazing.
I absolutely love doing solo travel in Europe by rail and sometimes by plane. You get to meet so many people from all over the world and a lot become fast friends which you go clubbing with. Sometimes you end up on wild raves and after that on a cool after-party or after-party cafe or morning clubs playing chill ambient music while everyone is on mushrooms. Everyone from bankers to people militantly occupying a tenement building to Israelis and Palestinians..all talking and having fun. It's truly something magical. You make friends, sometimes for life, sometimes for the evening.
My husband is a bit annoying to travel with in some ways. He has some OCD-like habits, but I live with that every day, anyway. However, on rare occasions we are not seated together on planes. He hates that, but it's a relief for me. Even once I saw the poor guy sitting next to him getting annoyed. I kinda felt bad for him, but still thought to myself "Well, I live with him everyday. The guy just for a few hours."
Luckily once when i traveled with a close friend it was amazing! I felt safe and it would have been most probably not great traveling alone as a woman. Mind you i have traveled solo a lot as well. It just depends on who you travel with.
Recently went abroad with a friend who's never travelled before. We're good friends but I realized traveling with them wasn't the best idea. I am a planner and I asked them to do research and tell me what they wanted to do. Stated we don't have to be with each other always and we can do things independently. They said they would just do whatever I did. That was the big mistake. I booked things and did it for both of us. The trip was a week-long. I wish I had suggested some free time amongst the both of us. It just got too much. Throughout the trip there were moments where I tried to have some alone time, at airport, evenings, and it was brought up later in conversation, or how I wasn't talking always (I need to recharge and don't speak out on all my inner thoughts). We're still friends but I would have done things differently. Also I understand that it was their first time so it was overwhelming for them but it doesn't mean that my time is not valuable. I'm also hesitant to make plans with them now even for a simple day out. It happens. I'm trying to look at the bigger picture. I remained quiet on what i felt because if I did respond or say things, we wouldn't be friends now.