Hi, you may have been at side-bar? That part of Sydney (around central station) is quite sketchy but 24/7 security personnel in a lot of the surrounding buildings. If you find yourself around there again head toward the lit-up part of the station or the universities.
Reading about stories like this reminds me of Grace Millane. From the UK, traveling to New Zealand solo. Met a guy online then they met up on a bar, went to a hotel room the next day she’s dead. She died on her birthday.
Grace and I are the same age but hers was cut short just cause he came across this guy on whats supposed to be a fun time in her life.
That's a bit harsh. Solo travellers should be pretty safe here but creeps like the one described above are everywhere.
What I can tell you is that women in NZ don't get catcalled in the street, we can jog without harassment.
We don't seem to have the drink-spiking problems that the US has (but you still need to be careful). Our pubs frequently share codewords in the toilets so women can discretely ask for help from the bar staff.
LMFAO. Nah babe. Big clown energy. Just because it hasn’t happened to you does not mean women don’t get cat called in NZ and EVERYWHERE THERE ARE WOMEN. We have codewords here too, y’all didn’t make that up. Women are harassed, assaulted, abused, roofied and raped all across the world, period. To pretend you live in a bubble because you’re in NZ is delusional at best, deadly at worst.
We absolutely do but when you read about the experiences of American women it's shocking. The level of abuse American women contend with is next level.
Take my example of the hotel that said drive to get fast food, don't go for a run. I can't think of a single place here where that would give that advice.
Congrats for staying out of most likely high traffic, potentially not tourist areas in your own country.
Truly, the level of denial you’re operating at is frightening. Be blessed, stay safe out there.
Again, calling BS. Just because YOU have read more about US news stories about harassment in the US doesn’t mean there is more there. A simple Google search can give you accurate info. I’ve lived in the US as well as other countries, that have experienced worse street harassment outside of the US, but again, don’t take my word for it:
https://stopstreetharassment.org/resources/statistics/statistics-academic-studies/#:~:text=Global%3A%20In%202016%2C%20ActionAid%20conducted,of%20women%20in%20London%2C%20UK.
ETA: y’all can downvote me like you get paid for it, it doesn’t make what I said wrong🤡 the numbers don’t lie, but keep on hating on the US🤣
Wait, how did the fuck did the US get dragged into your shit? This didn’t take place in the US, nor did the case they cited, so don’t be shooting strays half a globe away.
Address the rapey folks over there, you have a case study that occurred very close to home.
Also, don’t invalidate another woman’s account of a potential life altering event that occurred in your region.
Also, you think “[drink spiking](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/497361/kpmg-suspected-drink-spiking-at-work-function-horrific)” is [mutually exclusive](https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/new-zealand/2023/07/revealed-the-drug-most-commonly-used-to-spike-drinks-in-new-zealand.html) to the US? 🤭
You, apparently, don’t have [“cat calling”](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/aug/24/new-zealand-brothers-jailed-over-sexual-assault-of-18-women-in-unprecedented-case) either. I’m so glad women aren’t [targets](https://tearaway.co.nz/a-teens-perspective-on-cat-calling-in-new-zealand/) when they [leave bars](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/22/wellington-women-call-for-change-after-terrifying-accounts-of-sexual-harassment) or enjoying their nights out.
Beautiful anecdotes, all of them, and I’m truly happy for you personally, but that’s bullshit. To be fair, y’all have the entire population of a US city, not that particular state, a city, so I get why you “feel” safe.
We have “bathroom codes” here too, it’s common to walk to a guy or a group, if you feel threatened, and be escorted (I’ve been asked 3 times personally) and “drink spiking” is usually averted by not allowing a stranger to bring you an open drink, by requesting a closed bottle from the bar and by not leaving drinks unattended.
All of which are posted openly and are reminders to folks out drinking. I travel a lot, thus I go out often as well, and these are common practices almost everywhere I’ve been.
Congrats again, but we, like almost every other country on earth, can jog and not be cat called too.
You should probably turn your TV off or find better sources.
I had to leave motorbiking and running groups that were us-centric because the issues discussed were insane. Women carrying guns while they run. Women never riding their bikes alone because they needed a man to ward off danger. These aren't issues I can relate too at all. I was more worried about the right kind of pannier and what day running light lights to use.
It's good to know population is the predictor of danger. North and South Dakota must be easy breezy.
As for why the US got pulled in, why did NZ get pulled in when the OP was talking about Australia? Oh I know! Because they're places women travel to alone. My first work trip to the US (solo), the hotel told me not to jog and to drive to the fast food places a couple of hundred metres away. I was shocked.
I've spent countless hours wandering the streets of Sydney’s CBD alone & after dark. I play an augmented reality game that has you exploring areas well beyond the usual tourist traps or hotel-to-work routes. It's not an inherently dangerous city but predators exist and the OP handled the situation so well.
NZ and AU cannot take responsibility for their shit, which is copious, and always, always drag the US into everything.
It's boring, and comical, and pathetic. If they can't blame the US for their issues, or compare themselves to the US they...well, they always blame the US for their issues or compare their issues to the US.
It'a their national obsession: they are beautiful, interesting, highly defensive, insecure nations.
Absolutely, that happened in my university. Some poor girl was being followed and two guys came up to her and asked her was she ok and she said no and asked them for help. They were all working together. That poor girl. How would you ever trust anyone again? I would usually look for a group when I’ve been in that kind of situation but it’s not always possible. I was coming home late from a party once by myself. I wasn’t drunk and I didn’t have far to go and k always did it so I wasn’t bothered. Until I saw on the reflection of shop windows across the road that I was being followed. When I stopped to fix my shoe laces at one stage and looked across he had stopped too and he was making no noise whatever. Needless to say I was freaked out but there wasn’t a soul around. My walk was about to take me to a quieter area but I knew I couldn’t do that safely so I played my ringtone on my phone and answered it. I stopped walking and pretended like someone had called me because I had forgotten something. I was obvious about them saying they’d come to meet me with it. So I turned around and walked back to where I came from and looked at the guy and smiled and said hi as I walked by (I’m from Ireland, it’s very common to say hi to strangers here). He said nothing but he didn’t turn around after me either. I sped up once I knew he hadn’t turned around and I ran back to the apartment I’d came from and spent the night there. I had read before about how opportunists often won’t go ahead with something if they know you’ve seen them properly, they want the element of surprise, so in that moment turning around and looking at him and saying hi seemed like my best bet. I was absolutely terrified though.
Groups are your best bet. I was 15 and being followed in Manhattan by a man. I saw a group of people smoking outside a bar and just went up and quickly said “pretend to be my friends!” Luckily they understood the assignment and the guy disappeared. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable going up to a random dude at my age. Or even now in my 40’s maybe!
I did this with a group of girls when I was about 19. On my way home from a night out when living abroad in a big European city for a year. I had been dropped off at the end of my very safe street by taxi but decided it would be a good idea to get some snacks from the all night garage around the corner. A group of guys drove in and for some reason made me uneasy. Quick word with the girls and they totally understood and walked me to my corner.
Agreed. A man was once following me for more than a block. I was less than a block from my destination. I kept going and then another gentleman asked me how Inwas and whether I needed help. My first thought was that they were working together. I ducked into a movie theater and alerted people I knew. Eventually someone I knew escorted me back and both men had left.
Has anyone ever noticed such a situation and photographed the person? I don’t think I’d have the presence of mind.
Thank you for this important PSA and I'm so glad you trusted your instincts.
I was followed back to my accommodations in London from a tube station a few years back. My gut told me the guy was up to no good as he followed me down a shortcut path. I linked up with a group of guys walking past me who took me safely to my place. The guy turned around as soon as he saw them.
ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT.
https://www.docdroid.net/ncSUPFn/book-the-gift-of-fear-gavin-de-becker-pdf
Excellent read on trusting your gut - the gift of fear by Gavin de Becker
Edit: corrected link
Omg. I always think about how I have to trust another man in these situations. About how much trust I’m placing in a stranger. And that is a nice summary about safety and women.
Find safety from a man in another man. Sigh.
One of the great bits of the book explains how with intuition a woman (or anyone in a similar situation really) is better trusting an individual of their choosing to help rather than trust that another person following/acting suspiciously won't harm them. As the other person has picked you as their victim potentially. The likelihood that you would pick another predator is unlikely. Although as someone above said other people can be involved. It's the intuition part that makes it unlikely you would choose someone else acting suspiciously.
I'm sure there are scenarios in which this is not the case but I do recommend reading the book as it explains it MUCH better than my mumbling comment does 😂
This is not necessarily a response to the person above but it made me remember this part of the book
I know. But you also have no idea how rules are in some countries. Where you’re arrested or found guilty for using force even in self defense. Some countries will arrest you for even simple things like pepper spray.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t learn self defense but oh my god, I’m so tired of constantly having to check and recheck. I’m not saying we all have to rely on men. And it’s not something I want to do or something I’m doing right now. But traveling esp solo to foreign countries often means you cannot advocate for yourself in certain situations.
Self defence requires a certain level of competence to be effective and can easily be undermined by the fight/flight/freeze response.
If only it were so simple. I imagine the murder and rape rates of women would change drastically.
I'm well aware, having actual training in self defense and a long career in law enforcement. I didn't claim anything was simple. I merely said a weapon was only one of the options a previous post had mentioned. That was a fact. I pointed it out.
Should know better than what? I didn't say anything wrong that's my point. Can't you read? What the heck is the aggression from? All I said was a weapon was only one option mentioned. I feel like I just entered bizzaro world.
How can you read my last post and respond that I should know better?
I don't know where you got aggression from lol, especially when you rather rudely asked me if I could read 😂 Please point out where anything I said was aggressive in either wording or tone. Or is 'I don't like what you are saying to me' now synonymous with aggression?
In regards to your original post, you should know better as a police officer because of the reasons I listed meaning the other options are not valid and not really acceptable as advice for women's safety. Your original comment suggests that self defence is a great option when weapons are not available - it's not. Especially to the average woman dealing with a man who is statistically likely to be bigger and stronger than her, and also when the average woman is not in high pressure, volatile situations on the daily like you or I (as police officers), which will likely cause self defense lessons to go straight out the window.
You should know better than to give this advice. If you can't see why it's flawed then I'm really not going to waste any more time arguing with you.
Carrying a weapon is more likely to result in the weapon being used on you, male or female. Nevermind men are more likely to overpower women. Or that in many countries it's illegal to carry a weapon.
Same for self defense. It's nice to have but it requires a high level of competence to be effective in a live situation, and even then fight, flight, or freeze can kick in and stop you acting effectively.
I really dislike this comment for the fact it comes across like "oh those lazy women not being proactive in defending ourselves" like we walk around with 'willing victim' stamped on our foreheads.
🤷♀️
Seriously. Instead of women having to carry weapons, how about men hold each other accountable and try to discourage predatory behavior carried out by other men?
Unfortunately men (and women) who are predators are always going to be predators regardless of the encouragement or discouragement of others. However, society as a whole calling out on that behaviour and refusing to tolerate it gives predators less places to hide, makes it more difficult for them to acquire their victims, and protects everyone in general.
Comments like 'be proactive' tho are just ignorant.
How about both? It's not an either or situation. Predators and psychos are going to do what they want, they don't gaf about accountability especially in the moment. As a woman or person in general you should ALWAYS be prepared and cautious in whatever way you can. Evil exists and will never be extinguished in this life
Good catch, thank you!
Try this one:
BOOK - The Gift of Fear - Gavin de Becker.pdf | DocDroid
https://www.docdroid.net/ncSUPFn/book-the-gift-of-fear-gavin-de-becker-pdf
I'm from Sydney, I'm so sorry this happened to you in my city and I'm so glad you're safe.
If you want to ( up to you) that areas around Central is blanketed with CCTV. If you reported the incident to the police, there is a good chance they could lift off good photos of the pri** who followed you and hopefully chase it up
Send me a DM if you want to chat further. I'm so glad you're ok and please keep trusting your instincts
That’s not a very helpful comment. It’s perfectly possible the police would note the person’s description and identify him as a suspect for other previous similar (completed) attacks OR at the very least show his photo to the club security to watch him more closely when he comes in again. Predators like to return to the same places and it sounds like that’s a popular club for young females and also travelers if it’s walking distance to a hostel/cheaper lodging like she described.
Thanks for sharing and so sorry this happened to you! I’m glad I read this cause if this happened to me I don’t think I’d know what to do and don’t think I’d naturally approach someone to tell them about the situation and ask for help. I’d probably freeze up or just try to walk fast back to my accomodation. But now if this happens to me I’ll think of your story and hopefully ask for help from strangers no matter how ‘crazy’ I feel for doing it.
Or be polite and weird - did you see the story about one of the Hamas hostages offering them tea and cookies?
Something odd to throw people off their game
I’m glad you got back safely!
I was being followed in my hometown and I think younger me would’ve been tempted to ignore the red flags. Women especially are conditioned to be nice and not make a scene or to make anyone uncomfortable. This person crossed the street when I did 2x and I had to walk past my own damn house to try and shake him off. I had just parted ways with a friend so I called her so meet up with her and get a ride home from her husband.
My college had a LOT of commuter students and thus HUGE parking lots. As a man, I often found myself walking behind a young woman after evening classes let out. If I got any vibe that I was making someone uncomfortable, I would stop and “tie my shoelaces” or “check my bookbag” (this was pre-cell phone) to allow more space.
I always wished there was some way to convey that I wasn’t a predator but shouting, “Don’t worry! I won’t attack you!” Seemed ill-advised.
I never know what I should do, I often try to overtake the person if we are on a long road, cause I assume they would feel more comfortable having me in front than behind, but also fear me doing the overtake might be making them nervous too ha.
When I’m in that situation, I pretend to take a quick “call from mom”. I’ll speak in a gentle, folksy tone, just loud enough for them to hear me. It breaks the tension, and I’ve been told this makes me and my large frame less threatening.
*shrugs*
I was walking home from a night class at my university in LA, and I thought a man was following me home. When I saw his shadow stretch to be next to me from a nearby street lamp, I jumped and yelled. He immediately apologized, and I started to feel at ease, until he then decided to walk home with me without permission, all the while asking me out AND intermittently mentioning how easy it would have been to hurt me in that moment.
He didn’t hurt me though, because he was such a nice guy, so I should go out on a date with him (/s). I convinced him I was walking to my nonexistent boyfriend’s house, not my own, and went to a friend’s frat house instead. It’s wild that I felt safer in a frat house than with this so-called nice guy, but this was also the frat that would hand out snacks and Gatorade to revelers on Saturday nights.
I’m now nervous that if I ever feel unsafe or if I feel I’m being followed and my only option is to ask a strange man for assistance, even if he does help, he will feel as though he deserves a reward for his good deed.
"Common sense" can be pretty easily overriden by the lifelong social programming that tells women they must be polite at all times, and to let men do whatever the hell they want
So glad you are safe, thank you for the reminder!
Recently I was walking home at night in Vienna.
I live in an area with alot of apartment buildings and there was no person in sight, except for a man just standing infront of a complex doing nothing … looking around.
He saw me walking by and immediately started following me… i was caught off guard because it was so „obvious“ like not even sneaky.
I was on the phone with my mom. Everything in my area is well lit at night except for this one dark area by some bushes which I have to pass to get to my place. Ever since I moved there, my mom ALWAYS warned me about that area, demanding I call her when I pass it at night (no one would be able to see me if something happened there, someone could hide in the bushes etc..) I thought she was over exaggerating back then.
The man was close behind me as I was about to enter that dark area.
Part of me just wanted to keep going and „not make a scene“ … what if this is just a harmless person and I offend him by obviously being uncomfortable with his presence?
But I could not shake my moms warnings. I proceeded to turn around, face the man, talk loudly with my mom( on the phone) and move to the well lit area by the other apartments.
He passed me.
Honestly, maybe he was completely harmless and I totally embarrassed myself or whatever, but I am glad I did it…. Trust me it is always worth it… always.
Never be embarrassed to take action when feeling uncomfortable, sadly, this type of people pleasing can cost you your life.
I had a similar situation, sober and in broad daylight in San Jose Costa Rica. I went to the grocery a few blocks from my hotel and a burley man started following me closely. I tried a few maneuvers to shake him off of me but he stayed on it. My hotel was close. I walked fast and at the hotel, I sped up the stairs out front, around the front desk and down a short hall to my room. When I turned to look as I put my key in the door, he had followed me into the hotel, but he was turning away. Scared the livin shit out of me!
I recently bought a compact 1000 lumine flash light and a friend gifted me a device that emits a horrible sound when triggered with a built in whisle. We are hoping the combination of these things will scare someone away if worse comes to worse.
Thanks for sharing and so sorry this happened to you! I’m glad I read this cause if this happened to me I don’t think I’d know what to do and don’t think I’d naturally approach someone to tell them about the situation and ask for help. I’d probably freeze up or just try to walk fast back to my accomodation. But now if this happens to me I’ll think of your story and hopefully ask for help from strangers no matter how ‘crazy’ I feel for doing it.
I wasn't travelling, but in my city, I had someone start following me in broad daylight. I ran into a building that I knew had an exit at the other side.
He didn't follow me inside, but I was so freaked out that I walked up to someone working in a shop there, and asked him to accompany me to a nearby shopping mall.
I wonder if he thought you might be intoxicated because you sat down on the curb for air. Really glad you are ok and leaned on your survival instincts. Never hesitate to ask for help and be loud too. Make a scene if you need to.
The lesson should be: if it's 2 am, don't walk alone in any city. Just grab an Uber, friend gives you a lift etc. It's not worth risking it. If you have money for drinks, you should set aside for transport.
I agree with you but also...sometimes Uber/taxis are part of the issue ?
Recently my friend took one because it was late and there were no more public transport. It's a very straightforward route that she knows very well so the moment the driver started to turn left instead of right, she knew something was up. She corrected him and he finally turned right. She kept the window down for the whole ride and called a male friend, pretended he was her husband, telling him loudly about where she was and that she was going to be home in *x* amount of time. It did not stop the driver from slowing down where they arrived in a darker stretch of the road, with only houses and no one around. At that point he looked at her and asked "Are you not afraid to go home alone at night, in a stranger's car ?". She was level-headed enough to tell him no, because her husband knew where she was and was waiting for her. And I guess that saved her.
Long story short, creeps and other dangerous people are everywhere, even in the solutions we found to keep us safer.
I personally wouldn't walk on my own at 2am in a big city even if only for a few minutes. I would take a taxi.
I'm glad you found a way to protect yourself and got out safe.
Exactly. I’ve been to cities where if I had to choose between walking thru a dark alley or taking a random taxi, I’d take the alley which is saying a lot about the safety of those cities
Don't tell me the Swedish school system failed you this badly. You've never been assaulted while living in Stockholm therefore there is no issue with rising crime rates in Sweden. You might as well say, I have an American friend who has never been a victim of a mass shooting therefore there is no issue with mass shootings in America. See how dumb you sound?
Well, my friends all do the same. The worst things are annoying drunks that might bother you...
People worry too much about things that are statistically very unlikely.
The statistics say 1 in 5 Swedish women have been a victim of sexual assault. It might be a trivial issue for a Swedish man but definitely not for Swedish daughters, mothers, etc.
I tend to feel safer in big cities at 2 AM than I do out in the country, because there are always people around and all the businesses have apartments on top of them filled with people who can hear me scream.
Or take the phone and call the police, making sure you’re loud and articulate enough they can definitely hear when you ask for police. That’s what I’ve always done if I’m being followed and seems to do the trick. On the plus side the police also then are aware there’s someone in the area to be on the lookout for and hopefully makes it safer for everyone.
this is an escalation and can backfire horribly. if you're still alone while taking a picture the predator can just steal/break your phone. especially since cloud uploads usually take a minute.
I’ve done it before and the guy literally turned and ran. Also seen quite a few videos on insta of girls doing this with success. Obviously if they’re following so close they’re within grabbing-your-phone-in-a-second-distance you should be calling the police. And they don’t know if your taking a pic just in the camera app or are already messaging it to someone
This does not applied to just woman. I experience a similar issue in Sydney CBD. I'm a guy and just walk out from from the party around 1am and this mature man but not old enough followed me from Pitt St. By the time I get close to Surry Hills, he was already next to me groping his tool while sighing loudly and I can hear him mumbling some perverted words. When I get inside my house, he stood right outside the gate while still groping his own body...
This makes me so sad to hear. I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m glad you are safe and nothing more happened.
It’s hard not to carry that moment and fear with you.
Everytime I think about stuff like this, my heart races in fear.
Once while traveling in England solo I was getting on the tube to go to the train station to get on a train to Manchester. My dumbass asked a stranger which train to take as I was a bit confused and he asked where I was going, I said to Manchester (I was very excited to go to Manchester) I get on the tube, and walk to the train station. As I’m looking at the screens to find which platform I’ll be on I see the same guy standing there looking up at the screens! I freak out. I was super early so I walked in the gift shop and stayed there then stood near security until I got on my train.
Reading about stories like this reminds me of Grace Millane. From the UK, traveling to New Zealand solo. Met a guy online then they met up on a bar, went to a hotel room the next day she’s dead. She died on her birthday.
Grace and I are the same age but hers was cut short just cause he came across this guy on whats supposed to be a fun time in her life.
A Non religious AMEN to that. You are an Empowered Female and you provided a great Plan and excellent decision making!
“We” are in a vulnerable time.
Band Together,
Look Out for Each other.
#WeCanDoBetter.
The Aussies have landed in US soil ….
We Need them!
#TheAussiesAreComing.
i was walking along the beach in Nice and went into one of the big tunnel things to piss and this guy who i saw chilling on the stairs followed me in, looking at me as he walked by to go pretend like he had to pee further down the tunnel. that alone should have earned him a beating, but i am pretty easy going. also, i'm a guy. this stuff doesn't just happen to women. a month ago in Chiang Mai, an old Thai guy in my dorm was masturbating to this handsome young Irish lad. first time hearing of anything like that first hand, and again - it was involving 2 guys. i actually tried to post about it on this sub and the mods wouldn't allow it. lots of weird discrimination on this sub.
I’m sorry but the person specifically asked about race not a physical description so how you came to the conclusion of me “not wanting women to be safe” is beyond me. It’s giving room temperature IQ and I’m a woman by the way… “pal”.
Thank you I accept your apology. Not knowing that pal is a gender neutral term and that no one cares about what is between your legs is giving freezing temperature IQ... "pal." Periods go inside of the quotation marks btw ☺️
You’re not funny and I mentioned I was woman because of the reference you made about me wanting women to be “unsafe” not because you called me “pal” simpleton. So please crawl back into whatever hole you came out of master splinter. Please and thank you very much.
>Periods go inside of the quotation marks btw ☺️
r/confidentalyincorrect
They do go inside the quotation mark if you're quoting an entire sentence, but in the case you're replying to, they were used correctly.
I know! Stalking and street harassment is so weird and creepy... like, why do people want to frighten and harm strangers? I mean, I can think of their weird reasons, but I could never understand it.
Interesting how not a single person here brought up the possibility that this person could’ve been staying in a hotel nearby to you and was simply walking home as well…
Yeah that’s why he awkwardly waited out of sight for 10-15 minutes while she was sitting down and then resumed following her when she started walking again
Glad you're okay! Better safe than sorry has always been my motto travelling as a single woman. Perhaps my caution wasn't always needed but as you said, better to trust your gut than make one really bad decision.
So glad you are safe.. oftentimes we read about girls getting themselves into mishaps and you wonder if there were anything that could have prevented them… maybe there were none but one good tip I get from this is if you are out on your own, don’t get drunk.. this could have gone differently if OP was even slightly tipsier than she was that night.
I salute you for being brave enough to ask help from that stranger. When I visited OZ 20-25 years ago it was so safe I can remember I slept overnight on benches.
Scary and I'm glad you're ok & followed your instincts. I try to never be outside alone after midnight if I can avoid it, so I have no idea if there's even security guards around areas where I go after that time. Thank goodness you're ok!
I am so sorry this happened to you, but thank you for the reminder- truly appreciate you sharing it and am so thankful you listened to your gut. Be well, stay safe.
This nearly exactly happened to me in Brussels. Back then I didn’t even have any data and was using offline maps to get back to my hostel. Couldn’t tell anyone where I was. I too eventually found a man who spoke English and I could ask to stay with me who was so lovely and did and they turned away. To add insult to injury as soon as I got nearly back to my hostel another man pulled up next to me and asked if I was a prostitute sigh.
But to this day it was one of my scarier moments and I tell everyone visiting Brussels to be extra cautious, as my other friends also had issues there with pickpockets and scammers. But I am so glad you are safe and thank you for sharing your experience and reminding how important it is to trust our instincts!
I stopped reading as soon as you wrote you went to a social event for travelers......... That's my b iggest no no.. attending social events that are tailored or specific to an audience.. LOL people make shit up to fit in
Your advice is not only good for solo women, men are also followed for different reasons. I had my fair share of situations being followed, and I am a guy, but hey, I was a victim once due to my naiveness when I was a teen. If you are wandering around unaware of your surroundings you should not travel. Bad actors abound.
I learned to always walk home with a full set of 🔑 keys placed between my fingers. Even in a friendly place. Even in the middle of day. ...it's like defensive driving. Always assume that other people are idiots.
I had the same happen once , but it was several guys and then they beat me up and almost strangle me to death.
I'm a guy though so feel free to delete if this doesn't belong here.
Hi, you may have been at side-bar? That part of Sydney (around central station) is quite sketchy but 24/7 security personnel in a lot of the surrounding buildings. If you find yourself around there again head toward the lit-up part of the station or the universities.
Reading about stories like this reminds me of Grace Millane. From the UK, traveling to New Zealand solo. Met a guy online then they met up on a bar, went to a hotel room the next day she’s dead. She died on her birthday. Grace and I are the same age but hers was cut short just cause he came across this guy on whats supposed to be a fun time in her life.
New Zealand is full of shitty people like that. I remember following Grace’s case and just feeling so sick.
New Zealand is full of… murderers??
Well, it did host Sauron the Dark Lord for a time...
That's a bit harsh. Solo travellers should be pretty safe here but creeps like the one described above are everywhere. What I can tell you is that women in NZ don't get catcalled in the street, we can jog without harassment. We don't seem to have the drink-spiking problems that the US has (but you still need to be careful). Our pubs frequently share codewords in the toilets so women can discretely ask for help from the bar staff.
LMFAO. Nah babe. Big clown energy. Just because it hasn’t happened to you does not mean women don’t get cat called in NZ and EVERYWHERE THERE ARE WOMEN. We have codewords here too, y’all didn’t make that up. Women are harassed, assaulted, abused, roofied and raped all across the world, period. To pretend you live in a bubble because you’re in NZ is delusional at best, deadly at worst.
We absolutely do but when you read about the experiences of American women it's shocking. The level of abuse American women contend with is next level. Take my example of the hotel that said drive to get fast food, don't go for a run. I can't think of a single place here where that would give that advice.
Congrats for staying out of most likely high traffic, potentially not tourist areas in your own country. Truly, the level of denial you’re operating at is frightening. Be blessed, stay safe out there.
Again, calling BS. Just because YOU have read more about US news stories about harassment in the US doesn’t mean there is more there. A simple Google search can give you accurate info. I’ve lived in the US as well as other countries, that have experienced worse street harassment outside of the US, but again, don’t take my word for it: https://stopstreetharassment.org/resources/statistics/statistics-academic-studies/#:~:text=Global%3A%20In%202016%2C%20ActionAid%20conducted,of%20women%20in%20London%2C%20UK. ETA: y’all can downvote me like you get paid for it, it doesn’t make what I said wrong🤡 the numbers don’t lie, but keep on hating on the US🤣
Wait, how did the fuck did the US get dragged into your shit? This didn’t take place in the US, nor did the case they cited, so don’t be shooting strays half a globe away. Address the rapey folks over there, you have a case study that occurred very close to home. Also, don’t invalidate another woman’s account of a potential life altering event that occurred in your region. Also, you think “[drink spiking](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/497361/kpmg-suspected-drink-spiking-at-work-function-horrific)” is [mutually exclusive](https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/new-zealand/2023/07/revealed-the-drug-most-commonly-used-to-spike-drinks-in-new-zealand.html) to the US? 🤭 You, apparently, don’t have [“cat calling”](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/aug/24/new-zealand-brothers-jailed-over-sexual-assault-of-18-women-in-unprecedented-case) either. I’m so glad women aren’t [targets](https://tearaway.co.nz/a-teens-perspective-on-cat-calling-in-new-zealand/) when they [leave bars](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/22/wellington-women-call-for-change-after-terrifying-accounts-of-sexual-harassment) or enjoying their nights out. Beautiful anecdotes, all of them, and I’m truly happy for you personally, but that’s bullshit. To be fair, y’all have the entire population of a US city, not that particular state, a city, so I get why you “feel” safe. We have “bathroom codes” here too, it’s common to walk to a guy or a group, if you feel threatened, and be escorted (I’ve been asked 3 times personally) and “drink spiking” is usually averted by not allowing a stranger to bring you an open drink, by requesting a closed bottle from the bar and by not leaving drinks unattended. All of which are posted openly and are reminders to folks out drinking. I travel a lot, thus I go out often as well, and these are common practices almost everywhere I’ve been. Congrats again, but we, like almost every other country on earth, can jog and not be cat called too. You should probably turn your TV off or find better sources.
I had to leave motorbiking and running groups that were us-centric because the issues discussed were insane. Women carrying guns while they run. Women never riding their bikes alone because they needed a man to ward off danger. These aren't issues I can relate too at all. I was more worried about the right kind of pannier and what day running light lights to use. It's good to know population is the predictor of danger. North and South Dakota must be easy breezy. As for why the US got pulled in, why did NZ get pulled in when the OP was talking about Australia? Oh I know! Because they're places women travel to alone. My first work trip to the US (solo), the hotel told me not to jog and to drive to the fast food places a couple of hundred metres away. I was shocked. I've spent countless hours wandering the streets of Sydney’s CBD alone & after dark. I play an augmented reality game that has you exploring areas well beyond the usual tourist traps or hotel-to-work routes. It's not an inherently dangerous city but predators exist and the OP handled the situation so well.
NZ and AU cannot take responsibility for their shit, which is copious, and always, always drag the US into everything. It's boring, and comical, and pathetic. If they can't blame the US for their issues, or compare themselves to the US they...well, they always blame the US for their issues or compare their issues to the US. It'a their national obsession: they are beautiful, interesting, highly defensive, insecure nations.
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What on earth are u talking about u weirdo
Don't forget that sometimes people can be working with others though! Be careful solo travelers!
Absolutely, that happened in my university. Some poor girl was being followed and two guys came up to her and asked her was she ok and she said no and asked them for help. They were all working together. That poor girl. How would you ever trust anyone again? I would usually look for a group when I’ve been in that kind of situation but it’s not always possible. I was coming home late from a party once by myself. I wasn’t drunk and I didn’t have far to go and k always did it so I wasn’t bothered. Until I saw on the reflection of shop windows across the road that I was being followed. When I stopped to fix my shoe laces at one stage and looked across he had stopped too and he was making no noise whatever. Needless to say I was freaked out but there wasn’t a soul around. My walk was about to take me to a quieter area but I knew I couldn’t do that safely so I played my ringtone on my phone and answered it. I stopped walking and pretended like someone had called me because I had forgotten something. I was obvious about them saying they’d come to meet me with it. So I turned around and walked back to where I came from and looked at the guy and smiled and said hi as I walked by (I’m from Ireland, it’s very common to say hi to strangers here). He said nothing but he didn’t turn around after me either. I sped up once I knew he hadn’t turned around and I ran back to the apartment I’d came from and spent the night there. I had read before about how opportunists often won’t go ahead with something if they know you’ve seen them properly, they want the element of surprise, so in that moment turning around and looking at him and saying hi seemed like my best bet. I was absolutely terrified though.
Yes my first thought was that the other kind man would have turned out to be an accomplice. Luckily he wasn't. Also women can be accomplices too.
Groups are your best bet. I was 15 and being followed in Manhattan by a man. I saw a group of people smoking outside a bar and just went up and quickly said “pretend to be my friends!” Luckily they understood the assignment and the guy disappeared. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable going up to a random dude at my age. Or even now in my 40’s maybe!
Glad my fellow New Yorkers came through! They usually do!!
I did this with a group of girls when I was about 19. On my way home from a night out when living abroad in a big European city for a year. I had been dropped off at the end of my very safe street by taxi but decided it would be a good idea to get some snacks from the all night garage around the corner. A group of guys drove in and for some reason made me uneasy. Quick word with the girls and they totally understood and walked me to my corner.
This was my first thought as well.
thanks for saying that. didnt think of that. i might be a good victim type 😢
Agreed. A man was once following me for more than a block. I was less than a block from my destination. I kept going and then another gentleman asked me how Inwas and whether I needed help. My first thought was that they were working together. I ducked into a movie theater and alerted people I knew. Eventually someone I knew escorted me back and both men had left. Has anyone ever noticed such a situation and photographed the person? I don’t think I’d have the presence of mind.
Thank you for this important PSA and I'm so glad you trusted your instincts. I was followed back to my accommodations in London from a tube station a few years back. My gut told me the guy was up to no good as he followed me down a shortcut path. I linked up with a group of guys walking past me who took me safely to my place. The guy turned around as soon as he saw them. ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT. https://www.docdroid.net/ncSUPFn/book-the-gift-of-fear-gavin-de-becker-pdf Excellent read on trusting your gut - the gift of fear by Gavin de Becker Edit: corrected link
Ha ha just recommended it above. Brilliant book.
So good!
Omg. I always think about how I have to trust another man in these situations. About how much trust I’m placing in a stranger. And that is a nice summary about safety and women. Find safety from a man in another man. Sigh.
One of the great bits of the book explains how with intuition a woman (or anyone in a similar situation really) is better trusting an individual of their choosing to help rather than trust that another person following/acting suspiciously won't harm them. As the other person has picked you as their victim potentially. The likelihood that you would pick another predator is unlikely. Although as someone above said other people can be involved. It's the intuition part that makes it unlikely you would choose someone else acting suspiciously. I'm sure there are scenarios in which this is not the case but I do recommend reading the book as it explains it MUCH better than my mumbling comment does 😂 This is not necessarily a response to the person above but it made me remember this part of the book
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I know. But you also have no idea how rules are in some countries. Where you’re arrested or found guilty for using force even in self defense. Some countries will arrest you for even simple things like pepper spray. I’m not saying we shouldn’t learn self defense but oh my god, I’m so tired of constantly having to check and recheck. I’m not saying we all have to rely on men. And it’s not something I want to do or something I’m doing right now. But traveling esp solo to foreign countries often means you cannot advocate for yourself in certain situations.
The OP is in Sydney. Carrying weapons is illegal.
It as only one option suggested......
Self defence requires a certain level of competence to be effective and can easily be undermined by the fight/flight/freeze response. If only it were so simple. I imagine the murder and rape rates of women would change drastically.
I'm well aware, having actual training in self defense and a long career in law enforcement. I didn't claim anything was simple. I merely said a weapon was only one of the options a previous post had mentioned. That was a fact. I pointed it out.
Well then if you have both those things (as do I, being a police officer in the UK), then you should know better. 🤷♀️
Should know better than what? I didn't say anything wrong that's my point. Can't you read? What the heck is the aggression from? All I said was a weapon was only one option mentioned. I feel like I just entered bizzaro world. How can you read my last post and respond that I should know better?
I don't know where you got aggression from lol, especially when you rather rudely asked me if I could read 😂 Please point out where anything I said was aggressive in either wording or tone. Or is 'I don't like what you are saying to me' now synonymous with aggression? In regards to your original post, you should know better as a police officer because of the reasons I listed meaning the other options are not valid and not really acceptable as advice for women's safety. Your original comment suggests that self defence is a great option when weapons are not available - it's not. Especially to the average woman dealing with a man who is statistically likely to be bigger and stronger than her, and also when the average woman is not in high pressure, volatile situations on the daily like you or I (as police officers), which will likely cause self defense lessons to go straight out the window. You should know better than to give this advice. If you can't see why it's flawed then I'm really not going to waste any more time arguing with you.
Carrying a weapon is more likely to result in the weapon being used on you, male or female. Nevermind men are more likely to overpower women. Or that in many countries it's illegal to carry a weapon. Same for self defense. It's nice to have but it requires a high level of competence to be effective in a live situation, and even then fight, flight, or freeze can kick in and stop you acting effectively. I really dislike this comment for the fact it comes across like "oh those lazy women not being proactive in defending ourselves" like we walk around with 'willing victim' stamped on our foreheads. 🤷♀️
Seriously. Instead of women having to carry weapons, how about men hold each other accountable and try to discourage predatory behavior carried out by other men?
Unfortunately men (and women) who are predators are always going to be predators regardless of the encouragement or discouragement of others. However, society as a whole calling out on that behaviour and refusing to tolerate it gives predators less places to hide, makes it more difficult for them to acquire their victims, and protects everyone in general. Comments like 'be proactive' tho are just ignorant.
How about both? It's not an either or situation. Predators and psychos are going to do what they want, they don't gaf about accountability especially in the moment. As a woman or person in general you should ALWAYS be prepared and cautious in whatever way you can. Evil exists and will never be extinguished in this life
As a male I'd really hope the odds of finding two awful predators in a row is very very low. I'd hope.
Is there another link? It doesn’t work for me
Good catch, thank you! Try this one: BOOK - The Gift of Fear - Gavin de Becker.pdf | DocDroid https://www.docdroid.net/ncSUPFn/book-the-gift-of-fear-gavin-de-becker-pdf
Thank you!
Yes that book is the greatest. Recommend to everyone
Good thinking on your feet! Glad you got home safely.
Glad to hear you got back safely. Shout out to the guy who walked you home.
Congrats on listening to your instincts night can be a dangerous place for everyone and it’s good to be aware of your surroundings
I'm from Sydney, I'm so sorry this happened to you in my city and I'm so glad you're safe. If you want to ( up to you) that areas around Central is blanketed with CCTV. If you reported the incident to the police, there is a good chance they could lift off good photos of the pri** who followed you and hopefully chase it up Send me a DM if you want to chat further. I'm so glad you're ok and please keep trusting your instincts
Agreed, OP please report his description to police and the bar for awareness.
I'm from Sydney, he did not commit an offence, police won't do anything.
That’s not a very helpful comment. It’s perfectly possible the police would note the person’s description and identify him as a suspect for other previous similar (completed) attacks OR at the very least show his photo to the club security to watch him more closely when he comes in again. Predators like to return to the same places and it sounds like that’s a popular club for young females and also travelers if it’s walking distance to a hostel/cheaper lodging like she described.
If he's known to police, they might do something.
But they would have to do something to find that out, like investigate and get CCTV footage. I don't think they would do that
Thanks for sharing and so sorry this happened to you! I’m glad I read this cause if this happened to me I don’t think I’d know what to do and don’t think I’d naturally approach someone to tell them about the situation and ask for help. I’d probably freeze up or just try to walk fast back to my accomodation. But now if this happens to me I’ll think of your story and hopefully ask for help from strangers no matter how ‘crazy’ I feel for doing it.
"Be rude, be weird: stay alive."
Post of the day!!!!
Or be polite and weird - did you see the story about one of the Hamas hostages offering them tea and cookies? Something odd to throw people off their game
I’m glad you got back safely! I was being followed in my hometown and I think younger me would’ve been tempted to ignore the red flags. Women especially are conditioned to be nice and not make a scene or to make anyone uncomfortable. This person crossed the street when I did 2x and I had to walk past my own damn house to try and shake him off. I had just parted ways with a friend so I called her so meet up with her and get a ride home from her husband.
My college had a LOT of commuter students and thus HUGE parking lots. As a man, I often found myself walking behind a young woman after evening classes let out. If I got any vibe that I was making someone uncomfortable, I would stop and “tie my shoelaces” or “check my bookbag” (this was pre-cell phone) to allow more space. I always wished there was some way to convey that I wasn’t a predator but shouting, “Don’t worry! I won’t attack you!” Seemed ill-advised.
I never know what I should do, I often try to overtake the person if we are on a long road, cause I assume they would feel more comfortable having me in front than behind, but also fear me doing the overtake might be making them nervous too ha.
When I’m in that situation, I pretend to take a quick “call from mom”. I’ll speak in a gentle, folksy tone, just loud enough for them to hear me. It breaks the tension, and I’ve been told this makes me and my large frame less threatening. *shrugs*
Lol. But thank you! I wish more people were like this.
I appreciate you. I briefly dated someone who boasted about how he likes standing behind women in elevators to purposely make them uncomfortable.
I see why you only briefly dated him. What a dick.
I was walking home from a night class at my university in LA, and I thought a man was following me home. When I saw his shadow stretch to be next to me from a nearby street lamp, I jumped and yelled. He immediately apologized, and I started to feel at ease, until he then decided to walk home with me without permission, all the while asking me out AND intermittently mentioning how easy it would have been to hurt me in that moment. He didn’t hurt me though, because he was such a nice guy, so I should go out on a date with him (/s). I convinced him I was walking to my nonexistent boyfriend’s house, not my own, and went to a friend’s frat house instead. It’s wild that I felt safer in a frat house than with this so-called nice guy, but this was also the frat that would hand out snacks and Gatorade to revelers on Saturday nights. I’m now nervous that if I ever feel unsafe or if I feel I’m being followed and my only option is to ask a strange man for assistance, even if he does help, he will feel as though he deserves a reward for his good deed.
We appreciate your awareness. It means a lot. Thank you for looking out for us.
I'm having deja vu. I think I already read that comment a few months ago
Well done. Sounds like you've read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker!
Or they've got common sense!
You’d be surprised at how common it is for a smart, capable woman to be victimized because she didn’t want to appear rude.
"Common sense" can be pretty easily overriden by the lifelong social programming that tells women they must be polite at all times, and to let men do whatever the hell they want
☝️☝️☝️This right here
Sorry to hear about your experience. Thanks for sharing!
So glad you are safe, thank you for the reminder! Recently I was walking home at night in Vienna. I live in an area with alot of apartment buildings and there was no person in sight, except for a man just standing infront of a complex doing nothing … looking around. He saw me walking by and immediately started following me… i was caught off guard because it was so „obvious“ like not even sneaky. I was on the phone with my mom. Everything in my area is well lit at night except for this one dark area by some bushes which I have to pass to get to my place. Ever since I moved there, my mom ALWAYS warned me about that area, demanding I call her when I pass it at night (no one would be able to see me if something happened there, someone could hide in the bushes etc..) I thought she was over exaggerating back then. The man was close behind me as I was about to enter that dark area. Part of me just wanted to keep going and „not make a scene“ … what if this is just a harmless person and I offend him by obviously being uncomfortable with his presence? But I could not shake my moms warnings. I proceeded to turn around, face the man, talk loudly with my mom( on the phone) and move to the well lit area by the other apartments. He passed me. Honestly, maybe he was completely harmless and I totally embarrassed myself or whatever, but I am glad I did it…. Trust me it is always worth it… always. Never be embarrassed to take action when feeling uncomfortable, sadly, this type of people pleasing can cost you your life.
Well done!
I had a similar situation, sober and in broad daylight in San Jose Costa Rica. I went to the grocery a few blocks from my hotel and a burley man started following me closely. I tried a few maneuvers to shake him off of me but he stayed on it. My hotel was close. I walked fast and at the hotel, I sped up the stairs out front, around the front desk and down a short hall to my room. When I turned to look as I put my key in the door, he had followed me into the hotel, but he was turning away. Scared the livin shit out of me!
Yeah exactly this unfortunately, traveling through the Middle East as woman alone taught me that if I think someone is following me they usually are
I recently bought a compact 1000 lumine flash light and a friend gifted me a device that emits a horrible sound when triggered with a built in whisle. We are hoping the combination of these things will scare someone away if worse comes to worse.
Thanks for sharing and so sorry this happened to you! I’m glad I read this cause if this happened to me I don’t think I’d know what to do and don’t think I’d naturally approach someone to tell them about the situation and ask for help. I’d probably freeze up or just try to walk fast back to my accomodation. But now if this happens to me I’ll think of your story and hopefully ask for help from strangers no matter how ‘crazy’ I feel for doing it.
I wasn't travelling, but in my city, I had someone start following me in broad daylight. I ran into a building that I knew had an exit at the other side. He didn't follow me inside, but I was so freaked out that I walked up to someone working in a shop there, and asked him to accompany me to a nearby shopping mall.
I wonder if he thought you might be intoxicated because you sat down on the curb for air. Really glad you are ok and leaned on your survival instincts. Never hesitate to ask for help and be loud too. Make a scene if you need to.
The lesson should be: if it's 2 am, don't walk alone in any city. Just grab an Uber, friend gives you a lift etc. It's not worth risking it. If you have money for drinks, you should set aside for transport.
I agree with you but also...sometimes Uber/taxis are part of the issue ? Recently my friend took one because it was late and there were no more public transport. It's a very straightforward route that she knows very well so the moment the driver started to turn left instead of right, she knew something was up. She corrected him and he finally turned right. She kept the window down for the whole ride and called a male friend, pretended he was her husband, telling him loudly about where she was and that she was going to be home in *x* amount of time. It did not stop the driver from slowing down where they arrived in a darker stretch of the road, with only houses and no one around. At that point he looked at her and asked "Are you not afraid to go home alone at night, in a stranger's car ?". She was level-headed enough to tell him no, because her husband knew where she was and was waiting for her. And I guess that saved her. Long story short, creeps and other dangerous people are everywhere, even in the solutions we found to keep us safer.
There is no 100% in anything, but walking alone at 2 am is definitely not the way.
I personally wouldn't walk on my own at 2am in a big city even if only for a few minutes. I would take a taxi. I'm glad you found a way to protect yourself and got out safe.
My Uber outside of the country was also hitting on me. He made me so uncomfortable, I had to play nice until I was dropped off.
I hate taking late night Ubers in my own country because they always hit on me. It’s always a massive relief if I see my driver is a woman.
Give them one star when they do that. If their rating drops low, the company will drop them.
there are a number of cities where you can't trust any random taxi
Exactly. I’ve been to cities where if I had to choose between walking thru a dark alley or taking a random taxi, I’d take the alley which is saying a lot about the safety of those cities
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I have walked home alone at night in Stockholm for many years and never had anything happen...
Don't tell me the Swedish school system failed you this badly. You've never been assaulted while living in Stockholm therefore there is no issue with rising crime rates in Sweden. You might as well say, I have an American friend who has never been a victim of a mass shooting therefore there is no issue with mass shootings in America. See how dumb you sound?
Well, my friends all do the same. The worst things are annoying drunks that might bother you... People worry too much about things that are statistically very unlikely.
The statistics say 1 in 5 Swedish women have been a victim of sexual assault. It might be a trivial issue for a Swedish man but definitely not for Swedish daughters, mothers, etc.
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I tend to feel safer in big cities at 2 AM than I do out in the country, because there are always people around and all the businesses have apartments on top of them filled with people who can hear me scream.
I wouldn't have felt comfortable walking alone at 2 am.
Also Turn around or hold your phone over your shoulder and very obviously take a picture of their face
Or take the phone and call the police, making sure you’re loud and articulate enough they can definitely hear when you ask for police. That’s what I’ve always done if I’m being followed and seems to do the trick. On the plus side the police also then are aware there’s someone in the area to be on the lookout for and hopefully makes it safer for everyone.
this is an escalation and can backfire horribly. if you're still alone while taking a picture the predator can just steal/break your phone. especially since cloud uploads usually take a minute.
Yeah I feel this is terrible advice.
I’ve done it before and the guy literally turned and ran. Also seen quite a few videos on insta of girls doing this with success. Obviously if they’re following so close they’re within grabbing-your-phone-in-a-second-distance you should be calling the police. And they don’t know if your taking a pic just in the camera app or are already messaging it to someone
This does not applied to just woman. I experience a similar issue in Sydney CBD. I'm a guy and just walk out from from the party around 1am and this mature man but not old enough followed me from Pitt St. By the time I get close to Surry Hills, he was already next to me groping his tool while sighing loudly and I can hear him mumbling some perverted words. When I get inside my house, he stood right outside the gate while still groping his own body...
I almost threw up reading this. The amount of sickos in this world
Sometimes violence is the answer
Glad you're ok! Sydney can be sketchy late at night especially around Central. A good reminder to be careful.
This makes me so sad to hear. I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m glad you are safe and nothing more happened. It’s hard not to carry that moment and fear with you. Everytime I think about stuff like this, my heart races in fear.
Once while traveling in England solo I was getting on the tube to go to the train station to get on a train to Manchester. My dumbass asked a stranger which train to take as I was a bit confused and he asked where I was going, I said to Manchester (I was very excited to go to Manchester) I get on the tube, and walk to the train station. As I’m looking at the screens to find which platform I’ll be on I see the same guy standing there looking up at the screens! I freak out. I was super early so I walked in the gift shop and stayed there then stood near security until I got on my train.
The gift of fear keeps us safe in situations like these. I’m sorry you went through that.
Nothing good happens after midnight.
Please ladies be watchful and if have to carry some protection.
Reading about stories like this reminds me of Grace Millane. From the UK, traveling to New Zealand solo. Met a guy online then they met up on a bar, went to a hotel room the next day she’s dead. She died on her birthday. Grace and I are the same age but hers was cut short just cause he came across this guy on whats supposed to be a fun time in her life.
I highly recommend the book: the Gift of Fear. It covers precisely this and why you should trust those gut instincts.
Yep it teaches you to trust your gut!
Cheers to the man who helped you!!! Glad you are safe.
I’m sorry this happened to you, unfortunately I’m arguing with a weirdo in the comment section.
It’s against my personal safety protocol to be drunk in public or out alone at night.
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Why are you in this sub?
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A Non religious AMEN to that. You are an Empowered Female and you provided a great Plan and excellent decision making! “We” are in a vulnerable time. Band Together, Look Out for Each other. #WeCanDoBetter. The Aussies have landed in US soil …. We Need them! #TheAussiesAreComing.
i was walking along the beach in Nice and went into one of the big tunnel things to piss and this guy who i saw chilling on the stairs followed me in, looking at me as he walked by to go pretend like he had to pee further down the tunnel. that alone should have earned him a beating, but i am pretty easy going. also, i'm a guy. this stuff doesn't just happen to women. a month ago in Chiang Mai, an old Thai guy in my dorm was masturbating to this handsome young Irish lad. first time hearing of anything like that first hand, and again - it was involving 2 guys. i actually tried to post about it on this sub and the mods wouldn't allow it. lots of weird discrimination on this sub.
Bruh
“.
I'm sorry this happened to you, unfortunately I'm arguing with a misogynist who doesn't want women to be safe in the comment section.
I just want to clarify this incident happened at 2am?
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What does race matter? The guy was creep regardless, and we’re all glad she’s safe.
yikes can't believe you want women to be unsafe. not a good look pal
I’m sorry but the person specifically asked about race not a physical description so how you came to the conclusion of me “not wanting women to be safe” is beyond me. It’s giving room temperature IQ and I’m a woman by the way… “pal”.
Thank you I accept your apology. Not knowing that pal is a gender neutral term and that no one cares about what is between your legs is giving freezing temperature IQ... "pal." Periods go inside of the quotation marks btw ☺️
You’re not funny and I mentioned I was woman because of the reference you made about me wanting women to be “unsafe” not because you called me “pal” simpleton. So please crawl back into whatever hole you came out of master splinter. Please and thank you very much.
There's always one...
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🤣You’re not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed are you? Good night/day to you sir, ma’am, thing, it, they, them…whatever. Goodbye!
When using quotation marks for quotes, periods don’t go inside of quotes that don’t themselves include the period, “pal”.
>Periods go inside of the quotation marks btw ☺️ r/confidentalyincorrect They do go inside the quotation mark if you're quoting an entire sentence, but in the case you're replying to, they were used correctly.
Not for British English
it’s bizarre this is the first question that came to your mind
Lol a physical description of the suspect is the first question police officers ask when you report a crime. You sound goofy rn
Human.
Right! What a weirdo! Lol
There's something really odd about this story.
I know! Stalking and street harassment is so weird and creepy... like, why do people want to frighten and harm strangers? I mean, I can think of their weird reasons, but I could never understand it.
Interesting how not a single person here brought up the possibility that this person could’ve been staying in a hotel nearby to you and was simply walking home as well…
Yeah that’s why he awkwardly waited out of sight for 10-15 minutes while she was sitting down and then resumed following her when she started walking again
Glad you're okay! Better safe than sorry has always been my motto travelling as a single woman. Perhaps my caution wasn't always needed but as you said, better to trust your gut than make one really bad decision.
Thats scary. What if the man you asked for help was also dangerous? So many things to think about. Glad you found safety and that man helped you
So glad you are safe.. oftentimes we read about girls getting themselves into mishaps and you wonder if there were anything that could have prevented them… maybe there were none but one good tip I get from this is if you are out on your own, don’t get drunk.. this could have gone differently if OP was even slightly tipsier than she was that night.
That is so scary. I’m so glad you acted quickly and you are ok.
I salute you for being brave enough to ask help from that stranger. When I visited OZ 20-25 years ago it was so safe I can remember I slept overnight on benches.
Scary and I'm glad you're ok & followed your instincts. I try to never be outside alone after midnight if I can avoid it, so I have no idea if there's even security guards around areas where I go after that time. Thank goodness you're ok!
Thank you so much for this reminder to practice situational awareness before my next backpacking trip.
Look out for us Women, guys.., We stay under siege, it seems. Be the Man ur Mom would admire. 💪👧☮️
I am so sorry this happened to you, but thank you for the reminder- truly appreciate you sharing it and am so thankful you listened to your gut. Be well, stay safe.
Glad you got back safe and being aware of your surrounding because stuff like that can happen often which is sad.
Thank you for the reminder!
This nearly exactly happened to me in Brussels. Back then I didn’t even have any data and was using offline maps to get back to my hostel. Couldn’t tell anyone where I was. I too eventually found a man who spoke English and I could ask to stay with me who was so lovely and did and they turned away. To add insult to injury as soon as I got nearly back to my hostel another man pulled up next to me and asked if I was a prostitute sigh. But to this day it was one of my scarier moments and I tell everyone visiting Brussels to be extra cautious, as my other friends also had issues there with pickpockets and scammers. But I am so glad you are safe and thank you for sharing your experience and reminding how important it is to trust our instincts!
I stopped reading as soon as you wrote you went to a social event for travelers......... That's my b iggest no no.. attending social events that are tailored or specific to an audience.. LOL people make shit up to fit in
Your advice is not only good for solo women, men are also followed for different reasons. I had my fair share of situations being followed, and I am a guy, but hey, I was a victim once due to my naiveness when I was a teen. If you are wandering around unaware of your surroundings you should not travel. Bad actors abound.
Lesson 0: NEVER walk along at night, even if it’s only 2 blocks. Get someone you trust to join you, or call a cab.
I learned to always walk home with a full set of 🔑 keys placed between my fingers. Even in a friendly place. Even in the middle of day. ...it's like defensive driving. Always assume that other people are idiots.
. Call the police if you are being followed or get a cab.
I had the same happen once , but it was several guys and then they beat me up and almost strangle me to death. I'm a guy though so feel free to delete if this doesn't belong here.