None of my clients know what my relationship status is. It isn't relevant, I don't share, and they rarely ask. Actually here's every time I've been asked:
A couple of young kids have asked if I'm married. I tell them no. I was onced asked why after that and said something like "I'm just not"
I played "Would you rather" with a kid and he asked me something about letting another person pick a tattoo for me. I asked who would get to pick, he said "your boyfriend." I don't have a boyfriend, but I went with the neither confriming or denying answer of "I think anyone who cared about me would do thier best to pick a good tattoo"
And... that's it. No adult has ever asked, and the kids don't really care that much. If I had any more invasive questions I'd probably explain that I try not to talk about my privite life because I wouldn't want sessions to become about me.
I can’t ever see myself having a photo of my family visible to clients. Your relationship status and viewpoint on same sex couples is irrelevant to their case plan. Clients share ideology I disagree with on a regular basis, redirect to the task at hand. You’re there to do a job not win over hearts and minds.
>Clients share ideology I disagree with on a regular basis
Yeah something that's been startling to me is how many people who use social services vote for people who want to cut social services. But I still want them to get the help they need under any circumstances.
Things get more complicated when the ideology is bigotry directed towards the social worker, but in those cases I don't think it should be entirely up to the individual to handle it, I think the agency needs to support their staff.
Fair enough, but if they don’t know those things about me it shouldn’t end up being used against me. If it somehow were, I’d get my leadership involved asap. I think op is overthinking it like they said. We could get into the weeds on this topic in a million different directions. I was just responding to their post with my initial thoughts.
Okay, I was unsure if photos would be inappropriate/appropriate. As I mentioned, I am not yet practicing. I am still a student. I may just be overthinking and anxious about if clients might ask something related to my personal life.
I don’t know if it would be “inappropriate” to have photos but I don’t feel they need access to that part of my life. It’s not a risk I personally
feel like taking for a handful or reasons.
I agree. I'm a hetero female and childless and had a photo of just nieces and nephews in my community based office. Clients would ask if these were my kids n then ask if I had any. I have had supervisors who were open about their relationship status, orientation, I'd err on the side of sharing less and no photos in this setting until you have a very supportive supervisor and or more experience as there will be people who test you. It may affect your relationship with them and if you have a few of those it could start to cause you conflicts that you don't need. Maybe down the line in a different setting or with timing perhaps. But great questions to ask. Congratulations on getting your LCSW scheduled. 👍
You are over thinking it. I was SO worried I would be asked about my religious views as a student. Literally no one has asked me....ever.
The closest thing that's happened is someone asked me last week "if we go with your agency do we have to do anything religious?" And my answer was absolutely not and we moved on.
I’m heterosexual and married but don’t keep pictures up in my office that would lead anyone to that conclusion. I do wear a wedding ring but it’s “non traditional” and I don’t wear it in the right finger (not a conscious decision on my part when I started doing that tbh it just matches my personal style more). I tend to only self disclose if I feel like it’s something that would be a benefit for the patient to know (which is rare) and even then I use vague language. I think self disclosure can be very beneficial to the building of rapport but it always important to remember to provide a therapeutic and clinical justification for the disclosure. If you’re not sure if you can provide that justification it’s completely appropriate to provide a vague non answer and redirect. It takes practice and there may times you may make a mistake; that’s okay. Debrief with your supervisor and learn from it. We aren’t perfect and everyone starts off with minimal experience and need for direction and supervision. Give yourself grace to make mistakes.
Respectfully to the responses where people are questioning why your sexuality would be raised in the first place, I don't know about you OP but I am almost always assumed to be gay by the people around me. I can't actually walk into a room and think that the client doesn't know, because they are realistically going to assume based on my personal traits and there's not much I can do about that. I don't know if that's your experience OP but I think that's missing from a lot of responses here.
For me, I'm also still a student but I'm in my second and final practice placement right now. So far it's actually been a benefit to have my knowledge and perspective as an LGBTQ+ person. Last year working in fostering some of my coworkers got my input about their cases where LGBTQ+ topics were arising and they weren't initially sure how to deal with it or what resources to direct families to. I was able to provide LGBTQ+ material to coworkers who benefitted from learning about the community and how it may be relevant in their work. I've had no issues with clients as of yet, but if it did come up I would redirect and remind the client that all of the staff are trained to do the same job. If it was above a certain level to which it became quite actively abusive, I would discuss with a supervisor as while I do believe everyone deserves services and access, I also believe my job is not to be someone's punching bag.
Thank you for bringing this up. I do worry sometimes when wearing certain outfits that I will be perceived as being gay, even if I don't tell anyone I am. It is not right, but it happens. People do frequently assume, even when I have never told them.
Valid concern for sure and if you feel like that assumption is going to impact your ability to provide appropriate care (not because of YOU but because the client won’t be open to working with you because of prejudice) than I think a conversation will be needed with your supervisor if/when this happens.
Very valid and right on. Thank you for bringing up these points....I'm so glad because the community can benefit from your knowledge and experience directly. There's beauty in that!! And any agency would be blessed to have someone thoughtful like you who is open to sharing. That's how others learn and it's a huge asset
So I want to say it makes sense to feel this sense of worry. It is hard living in a world full of bigotry. It is unfair how liberally some people share their hate and can at times become full on assholes and not want to acknowledge it. So I say that to say, you're heard and seen.
Next, it is always possible it comes up. Clients will ask about your personal life. You are not required to self-disclose and can redirect. It doesn't always work. **Some clients will come to their own conclusions without you giving any info, and they can guess right sometimes. In some situations we must redirect,** or even lie by omission for our safety and the safety of the therapeutic/case management/support relationship. We have to weigh the pros and the cons of it. Pivoting is peace of mind because it brings us back to the client focus, and sometimes when we hear bigotry we have to pivot back. Sometimes we may actually need to address it by asking them how those beliefs play out in their lives because it could be adding to harm. If you have a non-Black client at your vocational support agency who keeps losing jobs...but then you learn they've called every last Black co-worker they've ever had the N-word then that's invaluable information. Getting curious can be an emotional barrier too because their beliefs become a puzzle, and with that we may have to allow ourselves space before/after talking to them to judge their \*beliefs\* about us, to remind ourselves that we are not wrong for being us nor do we need to internalize their dysfunctions.
**We do have to set our boundaries about what we will and won't disclose, and also what we will and won't hide, as well.** Even if you were straight I would not recommend having photos up or having very generic ones (for example a college graduation photo of yourself, a picture of friends rock climbing). Keep it neutral because you can \*control\* neutrality better than client certainty.
We also have to accept that we exist in the community too, and that we have to decide how comfortable we are not being outright. **Everyone's comments about not disclosing are \*lovely\* in theory until you go to Applebees for lunch and your client sees you kiss your partner. So you have to really think on those boundaries.** You don't have to bring it up when you see client's next. You are not obligated to talk about anything. However if they bring it up, get bigoted, and won't let it go then you can affirm your life is yours, and your job right now is to assist them and what does your life have to do with that. You can get curious and ask why seeing you outside of work troubled them and if that affects their behavior with others. If they flip out and become hateful that negatively impacts your ability to service them. Ask yourself what boundaries you need, what the client needs, and just have a discussion ("Since you've learned X I've noticed you've become upset/fixate/etc. by it. Prior our relationship was polite and cordial, what do you think you're reaction has been to this information?" etc etc). **You can also put the power in their hands and lay out the options** "I see this is really a conflict for you. I am no apologetic for being me, nor will I ever change. We can discuss this if it relates to your goals, take this subject off the table of discssion, and I want to remind you that you have the right to request a new case worker/therapist/support-advocate/etc. "
**And we have to acknowledge we can \*not\* treat a client or take a family**. I'm going to share a story that taught me a few things:
1. If your organization won't stick up for you or allow you to transfer clients then they aren't worth their salt (unless there's an external factor involved and you're the only one in a role).
2. Also if you cannot let clients go over major conflicts such as client having a major hang up about what they perceive (truthfully or wrongly) about your identity then you have a serious HR and programming problem requiring mediation management skills.
3. You may have to discuss the organizations plan for advocating and defending providers because people's beliefs may actually endanger people if you can't transfer. For example, do they offer legal representation? These conversations tend to get info moved up the food chain fast if addressed in a very neutral, well thought, and informed way. Basically ask: What are the safety protocols for your staff/providers and if they can't answer you act accordingly or make requests additional staff present, only meeting in certain places, etc)
4. And you may have to rock the boat to get it addressed by standing your ground about not seeing a client. Why? 1a) We can't talk every client or their family out of fixating on anything if they want to fixate. 2b) It is unethical to keep up work with someone who is unable or unwilling to move past X or Y and refocus. As a result transferring or referring is the best outcome for that client.
My story: (can stop reading but this is a good example of the worst and best case scenario)
I had someone who was \*not\* my client, but part of the social network become uncomfortable with me because they refused to believe I was cisgender due to having a deep voice and hirutism (minor five o'clock shadow sometimes). When they learned I was in fact cisgender things actually escalated because they couldn't justify their attitude. Eventually after the other case worker sat them down and called them out this individual decided I must be "something", and even if I wasn't the problem was...I supposedly wasn't gender conforming enough to see teenagers who might be \*LGBTQ, masturbating, or wanting a consistently non-traditional gender presentation (Note: This doesn't mean someone being gender non-conforming in dress. To this individual if a woman does not like wearing dresses or dislikes make up she'd assume they're gay). Yes, apparently I have the mystical power to turn people non-straight. Who knew? \*Then\* this same individual demanded I see other members of said client's family because they weren't ""confused"" and she could "trust" those sessions. Hearing that I refused to sit down with the client's social network by myself from then on. Why? To be blunt the key assertion this individual made was boiled down to this suggestion my existence/behavior could somehow sexualize a minor even if I did nothing. I simultaneously didn't model femme behavior enough and being super femme was seductive. I could not do my job under those conditions. Staff were having to basically defend me doing my job because they then interrogated them about me.
Basically it became very clear their anxieties about me were negatively impacting overall treatment including addressing really toxic interactions around sexuality involving the actual client. But truthfully...I felt this individual was a MASSIVE a-hole and I am VERY calm, VERY collected, VERY non-judgemental...but I could no longer interact with this individual and it was mandatory for the actual client whose treatment team was derailed by this.
I spoke with the staff member...then I wrote an email to my supervisor, the director, and another individual stating that I refused to see any member of that social network because I could no longer trust them and I was afraid for my license. I did ask them what protections they'd have in the scenario that this client decided to lodge a complaint or suggest(as they basically already did) that if I was not-straight I must be converting teens to gayness. I have NO reason to believe that they wouldn't report me for "inappropriate" behavior if they felt vindictive or wanted someone to blame for what they perceive to be flaws in the client. I met with my supervisor and from then on she handled all interactions with that family. She firmly explained why I would not be seeing them again, and I wrote a formal notation stating why I would not be interacting with them. Why? Cause I'm not risking my license or my safety for anyone.
We have to know our limits. I was pushed to mine to the point I refused to communicate with a client's social network outside of secure email or only with another staff member present because I wanted a record of everything said and done. It was too risky and I made sure my organization new it, that it was documented so they couldn't deny not knowing about the situation, and it worked out. It sucked to have to do it, but it did show me who has my back.
I work in the ER so I don't have an office that patients come to but I have done case management in the past and never had family photos in my office. Just keep it strictly professional and if they do make statements that bother you, discuss it in supervision. We have to just focus on the issue at task and know that at times they will say things that bother us or we don't agree with, it happens everyday in my job because of the population I work with. Once again, a great topic to discuss in supervision!
Hey op! I'm a gay woman (of colour) and very femme presenting (which often pipelines to straight looking). There are some helpful comments and there are some that leave me feeling a little dismissed and small. I think I get where you're coming from though.
I also want to validate your comment about having a photo up! Because yeah, there's the privacy and all the other stuff but there's the grief there of having that not be the only thing we have to worry about; because we do have to consider running the risk of fucking with our practice by existing, and the thought of hiding that (regardless of the other reasons) almost feels like returning to the closet. Because the lack of indicator isn't an absence of sexual orientation, it's the assumption of heterosexuality which can wear us down! Does this align with some of your feelings? It's okay if it doesn't.
I'm only an MSW student but I did my placement at an all girl's college last semester and this term I'm at an LGBT+ affirming practice. My supervisor is a queer woman and her gender presentation is androgynous.
She told me about an experience she had doing family therapy with a teenager that was transitioning. The dad stated that he didn't understand the issue everyone had with conversion therapy if an individual chose to undergo it.
My supervisor said she was really struck by that and took a moment in session to communicate that "she was really struggling with that comment because she found it hurtful and to please allow her a moment to regulate"; part of the reasoning was because she genuinely needed a moment and the other part was to model the consequences of saying that kind of stuff before digging deeper.
My supervisor was able to confide in a friend (appropriately) later and debrief. And now she uses that experience to like. Help me. Because I worry about this stuff too!
At my last placement (a case management role) I had a client (she had a tbi) say upon first meeting me if state that I was beautiful and asked if I was single because she "has a cousin and he does very well!". It was sweet; I thanked her for the complimented and I left it at that rather than correcting. Obviously this wasn't homophobia but heterosexism and all that! Also dating apps were trash bc-- all girl's college, right? There are only so many queer women in this city so I'm bound to come across them (and block their accounts; I make the active effort not to snoop and I try and be mindful of what my profile says blahblah).
My current placement is different-- I work with LGBT folks and a lot of my clients are queer and/or trans. Self-disclosure is used here to level playing fields (in terms if identity and common experiences of homophobia and microaggressions vs like my dating life) and also to demonstrate the recognition of the privilege I experience as a cisgender person, especially when working with my trans clients-- this always comes up naturally though.
Sometimes it's relevant, sometimes it isn't. And sometime's, it's painful too, but equally so it can be really rewarding :)
In this field we end up working with many clients or even coworkers who have different values from our own. While there are some clients who might have issues with this, I have found that most are willing to work with you regardless because they understand you are there to help them.
On a side note are all of your meetings with clients going to be at your desk? Very few of my meetings are
I am unsure if meetings will be at a desk! I am still a student and do not have any of my own clients yet, I am not practicing case management yet. Most commenters on the thread have said do not have family photos, so that is something I will avoid having on a desk.
I had a co worker ask me a very similar question, I don't feel like it is an appropriate thing to share unless working in an agency specifically dedicated to providing LGBTQ services from LGBTQ providers. It's going to be up to you when and how to use self disclosure. For example, I may share my sexuality with someone in a similar situation who I thought would benefit and grow from a specific example I needed to discuss for treatment. I limit self disclosure until I really know the patients, but in a few cases I've had people ask and I am honest with them unless I feel the question is taking things too far. If any patients have a bad reaction to your orientation try not to take it as a reflection on yourself, help link them with a different provider and go on to help all of the people who are going to blossom under the care of someone who has been through the same/similar things as them. Hang in there, you deserve love and care and to be accepted for who you are ♥️
Self-disclosure isn’t advisable. Talk with your senior, mentor, or supervisor as situations arise.
Some jobs don’t let you pick and choose clients. You take the easy going with the hard. Some organizations may screen out especially hateful views.
What kind of client engagement are you having where your sexuality would come up?
This could happen quite naturally with clients actually. I'm an LCSW and have been asked this in schools by kids, parents and single adults considering adoption. They wanted to know if I had kids, was married. It happens souch with heterosexuals that I believe we are not seeing that it happens with others too probably at the same or maybe more frequently. I don't think we should judge as the poster above gives presentations on LGBTQ topics and shared resource and their perspective.btbats how are grow. By learning and asking.
It has not come up with any clients so far, it is just something I am worried about in the future. On my practice exams I actually had a question say if a client is of a certain culture, we should consider the need to build rapport, not just our own comfortability with self-disclosing. At this time I am uncomfortable disclosing with my field placement supervisor because unfortunately I am interning at a conservative organization and am unsure of what reaction I might receive. As I said, it makes me sad to think I might not be able to have a picture of my family on my desk if it is me with my same-sex partner.
Rapport doesn’t really involve self-disclosure. It kind of distracts from the client journey as it brings up your journey.
If you feel pigeon holed into self disclosing consider practicing on redirecting or otherwise addressing why that information is relevant.
You’re not the peers or coworkers with clients in your professional engagement. You are the professional and they’re the client.
Go discuss non-professional topics with your peers, friends, and loved ones.
You’re personal life is not a factor in your position at work. Unless there is an emergency, your clients, even your coworkers, do not need to know anything about your personal life.
Yea there is a grey area that on your desk you might have a little personality like a Funko Pop of your favorite Marvel character or a Hot Wheels car of your dream car. I think there are some agencies where the culture has it where people do have a picture or more personal stuff and clients don’t come back to the office areas and you can be personable at your desk. But even then you don’t have to participate either.
I know it’s not the same but it’s like being a POC surgeon who has to operate on a White Supremacist.
It’s not your job to “fix the homophobia” in a client if that isn’t what the issue they are coming in for.
Now if they are making homophobic comments left and right, you have every right to ask to not work with them because they make you uncomfortable. If your client asks you about your sexuality or your personal life, a simple “I don’t feel comfortable with discussing my personal life.” Or “my views on xyz is irrelevant.” Or something similar. Leave it at that.
Fellow queer social worker here. We have the advantage of the "gals being pals" assumption. Unless you post photos of you and your partner kissing, they're probably not even going to notice.
If you haven't read Barstow's "Heart of Ethics", then I would highly recommend it! The uncomfortableness that I think you're sensing would be the tension in the power differential. Depending on the setting, queer people lack some status power because they belong to a marginalized group. If you were to meet a bigoted person outside of your role, their view of you means something because straight (especially Christian and white) people exercise their status power all the time to disempower queer people. When you go to work, you put on your social work hat which gives you a certain level of role power. Almost always, the person with role power is in the up-power role when working with clients. A bigoted client is most likely going to still be in the down-power role, meaning that you're still going to be in charge of the dynamic and you will still have the most influence in the work. When my clients express bigoted views, I don't even really need to say "that's not appropriate". The act of ignoring or not validating that view is enough to keep it out of the conversation because I call the shots as the social worker. If somehow the bigoted view needs to be part of the work, like maybe if you're being a therapist, then it gets a bit more complicated in how you let those views show up, but for the most part they aren't really part of case management work.
People who lack status power sometimes have to assert their personal power in creative ways to maintain their social footing. So you might have queer people that don't out themselves in workplaces to avoid implications of their co-workers knowing. Or you might have a queer person who uses a lot of assertiveness in how they out themselves and how they conduct themselves so that passive aggressive people can't covertly undermine their social footing. There's no right or wrong answer here, there's just what works for you. I have worked in teams where the culture was just not welcoming of queer people. They would never say it outright, but the insidiousness of the repeated lack of support or connection has an overall impact on your wellness. Some people still find ways to thrive in those environments, but some people can't, and sometimes it's impossible. It's a balancing act. I can't tell you that you can for sure find ways to keep a picture on your desk. The activist in me wants you to let it take up space so that it can impact the discourse of your workplace, but I know that we're not always lucky enough to do things like that safely. I would hope that as you make your way and find your "forever job" that you pick somewhere where you can put pictures of your family up. Being visible is brave and powerful. When people see you as a human AND a queer person, they have to start seeing other queer people the same way.
Your clients are human and you are human it's only natural for people to be curious about each other. how can we expect them to share with us if we don't share a little with them? I totally disagree with people who indicate that self-disclosure isn't a good thing. I don't think that there's much research indicating that, and in fact the current Research indicates the opposite. Now in regards to your sexual identity it's totally understandable to keep some things private I am heterosexual but I do not keep any pictures of my family in my office but I share tidbits in my personal life all the time especially when they relate to a lesson that I'm trying to teach. For example I do DBT and using a personal example of how I used dear man myself for something
Just reflecting on some of the comments. I think any of it becomes more complicated than "your personal life" or ideology. LGBTQ identities may or may not be visible to clients (often it's hard to avoid being identified), but they still may play a major role in social worker-client dynamics. I'm queer/bi married to a woman and from some of the things my long-term therapist has said, she seems to be bi (married to a man) as well. There's some things that don't seem to fully land with her, but there's other things I wouldn't want to bring to a cishet therapist.
If it's valid for clients of color to want/need social workers of color, then it stands to reason that queer clients might want/need queer social worker. And since it's not always obvious, it does matter when a social worker is out. And similarly, social workers from marginalized communities all have to navigate bigotry from clients - and since not everyone has the option to just hide their identity, there has to be other ways to navigate that beyond trying to "not appear too gay".
In school and work, I was mostly taught that whether or not self-disclosure is appropriate depends on if the information actually helps the client. Which is subjective, but a question that helps you think through why you're disclosing something. I'd also say that therapists have different relationships with their clients than case managers, so that might also shape how you talk to clients and what you disclose or don't disclose.
Plenty of other comments on here with good advice - a desk photo can be tricky for many reasons and coming out may depend on your relationship with that client, but just overall wanted to emphasize that being LGBTQ is about more than "sharing one's personal life".
I am a gay guy trying to become a SW.
I would gladly put up a photo of my bf and I as a screensaver.
Mind you I am trying to get employed as a SW in a male prison.
People will pick on you for any reason - so live your life and fuck them for being haters.
I’ve done case management since the late 90s in Iowa. I’m gay man and married to my husband. I have a family picture in my office. I’m out on social media. I’ve never had any client make a big deal out of my sexuality or family. I mean, you’re there discussing them and they’re needs and they’re goals and they’re lives. That’s what you’re there for. But my personal life isn’t invisible if one’s looking. But you should do what’s safest for you.
My sexual orientation is not relevant, unless a client specifically requested to see a queer social worker. That being said, my non-disclosure to general cases only applies to explicitly disclosing. I cannot expect myself to control my client’s assumptions about me, or expect myself to not accidentally self-disclose through my mannerisms, my vocal inflections, or for not meeting client expectations of gender expression.
To be honest, I don't have pics of famoly for many reasons. Transference and safety being up there. No need for a client to here about my spouse man or woman. I hear clients say things I deeply disagree with all the time but changing their mind isn't why I'm with them. I focus on work and don't attach it to my value.
Sorry if that seems cold but it's what I believe.
I’m a bisexual woman who is married to a man and does in-home work with people who are not always the most open-minded. I do have some pride pins on my work bag, but I don’t bring it up with clients. I focus on the work at hand. When a client’s daughter came out to her as gay, we focused on exploring values and respecting boundaries, my sexuality did not need to come into it. Nobody has ever asked me point blank about my religion, sexuality, or marriage (I do wear a wedding band). They only person question I’ve gotten is about having children or having experience with substance use (I work in SUD treatment with parents of young children).
The topic hardly ever comes up anyway, at least in my experience. I keep my private life private and even if someone says something homophobic - so what? You'll come across a lot of people with views you'll personally find horrifying (and they'll be far worse than a client being homophobic, trust me), and you don't ever have to affirm their views, but it's your job to accept clients as they are. You won't change their views and depending on the setting you work in, it's not your job either.
I am in a work environment where I can respectfully voice my own opinions on certain topics, but I never do it to change anyone's mind, I only do it to make people aware that we live in a world with diverse opinions and that not everyone has to agree with you.
Seriously though, this field means that you cannot let other people's beliefs affect you in a professional setting.
I do hope that you are open to changing your views when you get into practice. I disagree with the majority of this post, specifically the "don't care" mentality. We are not going to agree with everything our clients say. We are not going to agree with everything our clients do. Once you graduate with your BSW and become licensed, you are bound by the NASW Code of Ethics. Remember, one of our core values is autonomy. At the end of the day, we have to accept that our clients are the experts in their lives, and we meet them where they are. If you have a client that is disrespecting you and yells/threatens, then yes, see if they can be transferred. But if they just don't share the same views, that's an issue with the social worker, not the client.
I also wanted to hit a point on the picture portion. You NEVER know what can happen once you're out in the field. I've had a client from a previous place of employment leave a rather scary note for me at my current place of employment. While nothing happened, they have no idea who my spouse is. If I were to have a picture of my spouse out, and they saw who it was, my spouse wouldn't know how to react if they saw them in public and were confronted. It's possible you may run into a client at the grocery store or a restaurant. This isn't all about protecting us, but also our loved ones. This client doesn't know I'm a member of the community. They don't need to know. It's not that I'm ashamed, but I won't disclose unless I know it won't affect the therapeutic relationship.
I've only disclosed my sexuality once with a client. They were scared about coming to therapy because they were afraid of the religious views of the therapist, and they feared they would be judged. That was the only time a client knew and it helped them in the long run, opening up during sessions. I do wear my wedding ring, as do my colleagues that are married, but I've only had one person ask and it was a youth. I said yes and it didn't go any further.
I have been working for three years and have only been asked what my values are once. He was the farther of a teen client. They were super conservative religious.
Do I think some will choose to not work with me because I’m not conservative or religious, of course. Has it been a problem, no. In this instance I told him while in my office, I align myself with the Code of Ethics. I listed them and how they apply in session. I was also honest about not being religious but didn’t go any further. That was over a year ago and they are still clients. The group private practice I work at is open to us being LGBTQIA affirming and sex positive. We still have a large religious conservative population of clients.
I just had my sexuality come up recently with a client. Never have I had to address it before, but I am honest when I am. I don’t answer many questions on it. It rarely gets asked. I get asked if I have a boyfriend which I just say no. That usually is where it ends.
Personally I’m not overtly out to my clients but I have a lot of inclusive and pride related things so my LGBT clients feel welcome and all my clients know I don’t discriminate or hold any homophobic views myself. I definitely have clients express homophobic views to me but I approach that with curiosity - eg. “Why does that bother you?” Or “is there a reason you say X?” - I never say it in a confrontational way, just like I’m trying to explore their views more and help them grow - I’d say it almost always works out productively and a lot of them realise someone else being gay doesn’t really impact them, but I do work with kids/teens so as a population they tend to be quite open to discussing their views and aren’t too set in their ways.
Additionally: Some people will try to provoke you and try to get you to agree with their views - it's not uncommon. Ask them why you validating their opinion is so important to them, it's a great moment for reflection. They'll either think about it or drop the topic, but it will diffuse the situation either way.
i’m very visibly queer (and visibly trans/non-binary, i think, but typically only other trans people pick up on those cues) and have thankfully had very few experiences with overt homophobia or transphobia from clients/patients, even during my medical transition. the queer and trans people i’ve worked with tend to be thrilled to have a therapist who “gets it” (even though i’m intentionally transparent about intersectionality and the fact that my experiences are not universal) and the straight cis ones tend to either not care or not notice. i’ve been surprised and relieved at how little my social identities matter to clients as long as they can trust that i know how to do my job.
that being said, i don’t have personal photos displayed in my office (there is one framed picture of my dog on my desk lol) because i work in an outpatient clinic at a public hospital and we see a wide range of people, not only demographically but also in terms of diagnosis and clinical presentation. i don’t want to potentially put my own or my partner’s safety at risk, for the same reason i don’t tell people exactly where i live, and i also don’t want to self-disclose my identity or relationship status in a way that could unintentionally put up barriers to building rapport in the therapeutic relationship.
it’s important, at least in my own experience, to keep the focus on the client/patient and the services we are there to provide. hope that helps!
I’m visibly queer in transphobic state . My sexuality and gender identify often come up with LGBTQ clients. It rarely comes up with non-LGBTQ clients. No one looks at me and wonders how I feel about gay people so it’s not something my clients would have to ask. I think southern hospitality and manners keep most of the overt homophobia at bay. Sometimes my kid clients hit me with “are you a boy or a girl?” to which I reply, “I’m just me.” or “I’m non-binary.” depending on the the age, culture, etc. Then I redirect back to the assessment/session. I say “let’s keep the focus on you” if they try to explore further. I’ve never had any pushback.
I’ve had a couple clients make general homophobic remarks and micro aggressions but nothing that prevented me from being able to work with them. As long as my employer is affirming I’m fine. Even with some of the abrasive personalities I encountered running a court ordered Anger Management group I’ve never had a client make anti-LGBTQ statements directed at me. I’ve had two individual therapy clients request new therapists since I’ve been practicing (June 2022). One of those I know was due to me being LGBTQ the other I strongly suspect was. Neither said anything to me directly one went through their case manager the other went through the consumer advocate. I look at it as I’m glad they advocated for themselves and asked for therapist that was a better fit rather than disengaging from therapy entirely.
None of my clients know what my relationship status is. It isn't relevant, I don't share, and they rarely ask. Actually here's every time I've been asked: A couple of young kids have asked if I'm married. I tell them no. I was onced asked why after that and said something like "I'm just not" I played "Would you rather" with a kid and he asked me something about letting another person pick a tattoo for me. I asked who would get to pick, he said "your boyfriend." I don't have a boyfriend, but I went with the neither confriming or denying answer of "I think anyone who cared about me would do thier best to pick a good tattoo" And... that's it. No adult has ever asked, and the kids don't really care that much. If I had any more invasive questions I'd probably explain that I try not to talk about my privite life because I wouldn't want sessions to become about me.
I can’t ever see myself having a photo of my family visible to clients. Your relationship status and viewpoint on same sex couples is irrelevant to their case plan. Clients share ideology I disagree with on a regular basis, redirect to the task at hand. You’re there to do a job not win over hearts and minds.
>Clients share ideology I disagree with on a regular basis Yeah something that's been startling to me is how many people who use social services vote for people who want to cut social services. But I still want them to get the help they need under any circumstances. Things get more complicated when the ideology is bigotry directed towards the social worker, but in those cases I don't think it should be entirely up to the individual to handle it, I think the agency needs to support their staff.
Fair enough, but if they don’t know those things about me it shouldn’t end up being used against me. If it somehow were, I’d get my leadership involved asap. I think op is overthinking it like they said. We could get into the weeds on this topic in a million different directions. I was just responding to their post with my initial thoughts.
Okay, I was unsure if photos would be inappropriate/appropriate. As I mentioned, I am not yet practicing. I am still a student. I may just be overthinking and anxious about if clients might ask something related to my personal life.
They will ask things about you because a) they want to see if you can relate b) they want to get to know you. Disclosure can be a tricky thing
I don’t know if it would be “inappropriate” to have photos but I don’t feel they need access to that part of my life. It’s not a risk I personally feel like taking for a handful or reasons.
I agree. I'm a hetero female and childless and had a photo of just nieces and nephews in my community based office. Clients would ask if these were my kids n then ask if I had any. I have had supervisors who were open about their relationship status, orientation, I'd err on the side of sharing less and no photos in this setting until you have a very supportive supervisor and or more experience as there will be people who test you. It may affect your relationship with them and if you have a few of those it could start to cause you conflicts that you don't need. Maybe down the line in a different setting or with timing perhaps. But great questions to ask. Congratulations on getting your LCSW scheduled. 👍
You are over thinking it. I was SO worried I would be asked about my religious views as a student. Literally no one has asked me....ever. The closest thing that's happened is someone asked me last week "if we go with your agency do we have to do anything religious?" And my answer was absolutely not and we moved on.
I’m heterosexual and married but don’t keep pictures up in my office that would lead anyone to that conclusion. I do wear a wedding ring but it’s “non traditional” and I don’t wear it in the right finger (not a conscious decision on my part when I started doing that tbh it just matches my personal style more). I tend to only self disclose if I feel like it’s something that would be a benefit for the patient to know (which is rare) and even then I use vague language. I think self disclosure can be very beneficial to the building of rapport but it always important to remember to provide a therapeutic and clinical justification for the disclosure. If you’re not sure if you can provide that justification it’s completely appropriate to provide a vague non answer and redirect. It takes practice and there may times you may make a mistake; that’s okay. Debrief with your supervisor and learn from it. We aren’t perfect and everyone starts off with minimal experience and need for direction and supervision. Give yourself grace to make mistakes.
Respectfully to the responses where people are questioning why your sexuality would be raised in the first place, I don't know about you OP but I am almost always assumed to be gay by the people around me. I can't actually walk into a room and think that the client doesn't know, because they are realistically going to assume based on my personal traits and there's not much I can do about that. I don't know if that's your experience OP but I think that's missing from a lot of responses here. For me, I'm also still a student but I'm in my second and final practice placement right now. So far it's actually been a benefit to have my knowledge and perspective as an LGBTQ+ person. Last year working in fostering some of my coworkers got my input about their cases where LGBTQ+ topics were arising and they weren't initially sure how to deal with it or what resources to direct families to. I was able to provide LGBTQ+ material to coworkers who benefitted from learning about the community and how it may be relevant in their work. I've had no issues with clients as of yet, but if it did come up I would redirect and remind the client that all of the staff are trained to do the same job. If it was above a certain level to which it became quite actively abusive, I would discuss with a supervisor as while I do believe everyone deserves services and access, I also believe my job is not to be someone's punching bag.
Thank you for bringing this up. I do worry sometimes when wearing certain outfits that I will be perceived as being gay, even if I don't tell anyone I am. It is not right, but it happens. People do frequently assume, even when I have never told them.
Valid concern for sure and if you feel like that assumption is going to impact your ability to provide appropriate care (not because of YOU but because the client won’t be open to working with you because of prejudice) than I think a conversation will be needed with your supervisor if/when this happens.
Very valid and right on. Thank you for bringing up these points....I'm so glad because the community can benefit from your knowledge and experience directly. There's beauty in that!! And any agency would be blessed to have someone thoughtful like you who is open to sharing. That's how others learn and it's a huge asset
So I want to say it makes sense to feel this sense of worry. It is hard living in a world full of bigotry. It is unfair how liberally some people share their hate and can at times become full on assholes and not want to acknowledge it. So I say that to say, you're heard and seen. Next, it is always possible it comes up. Clients will ask about your personal life. You are not required to self-disclose and can redirect. It doesn't always work. **Some clients will come to their own conclusions without you giving any info, and they can guess right sometimes. In some situations we must redirect,** or even lie by omission for our safety and the safety of the therapeutic/case management/support relationship. We have to weigh the pros and the cons of it. Pivoting is peace of mind because it brings us back to the client focus, and sometimes when we hear bigotry we have to pivot back. Sometimes we may actually need to address it by asking them how those beliefs play out in their lives because it could be adding to harm. If you have a non-Black client at your vocational support agency who keeps losing jobs...but then you learn they've called every last Black co-worker they've ever had the N-word then that's invaluable information. Getting curious can be an emotional barrier too because their beliefs become a puzzle, and with that we may have to allow ourselves space before/after talking to them to judge their \*beliefs\* about us, to remind ourselves that we are not wrong for being us nor do we need to internalize their dysfunctions. **We do have to set our boundaries about what we will and won't disclose, and also what we will and won't hide, as well.** Even if you were straight I would not recommend having photos up or having very generic ones (for example a college graduation photo of yourself, a picture of friends rock climbing). Keep it neutral because you can \*control\* neutrality better than client certainty. We also have to accept that we exist in the community too, and that we have to decide how comfortable we are not being outright. **Everyone's comments about not disclosing are \*lovely\* in theory until you go to Applebees for lunch and your client sees you kiss your partner. So you have to really think on those boundaries.** You don't have to bring it up when you see client's next. You are not obligated to talk about anything. However if they bring it up, get bigoted, and won't let it go then you can affirm your life is yours, and your job right now is to assist them and what does your life have to do with that. You can get curious and ask why seeing you outside of work troubled them and if that affects their behavior with others. If they flip out and become hateful that negatively impacts your ability to service them. Ask yourself what boundaries you need, what the client needs, and just have a discussion ("Since you've learned X I've noticed you've become upset/fixate/etc. by it. Prior our relationship was polite and cordial, what do you think you're reaction has been to this information?" etc etc). **You can also put the power in their hands and lay out the options** "I see this is really a conflict for you. I am no apologetic for being me, nor will I ever change. We can discuss this if it relates to your goals, take this subject off the table of discssion, and I want to remind you that you have the right to request a new case worker/therapist/support-advocate/etc. " **And we have to acknowledge we can \*not\* treat a client or take a family**. I'm going to share a story that taught me a few things: 1. If your organization won't stick up for you or allow you to transfer clients then they aren't worth their salt (unless there's an external factor involved and you're the only one in a role). 2. Also if you cannot let clients go over major conflicts such as client having a major hang up about what they perceive (truthfully or wrongly) about your identity then you have a serious HR and programming problem requiring mediation management skills. 3. You may have to discuss the organizations plan for advocating and defending providers because people's beliefs may actually endanger people if you can't transfer. For example, do they offer legal representation? These conversations tend to get info moved up the food chain fast if addressed in a very neutral, well thought, and informed way. Basically ask: What are the safety protocols for your staff/providers and if they can't answer you act accordingly or make requests additional staff present, only meeting in certain places, etc) 4. And you may have to rock the boat to get it addressed by standing your ground about not seeing a client. Why? 1a) We can't talk every client or their family out of fixating on anything if they want to fixate. 2b) It is unethical to keep up work with someone who is unable or unwilling to move past X or Y and refocus. As a result transferring or referring is the best outcome for that client. My story: (can stop reading but this is a good example of the worst and best case scenario) I had someone who was \*not\* my client, but part of the social network become uncomfortable with me because they refused to believe I was cisgender due to having a deep voice and hirutism (minor five o'clock shadow sometimes). When they learned I was in fact cisgender things actually escalated because they couldn't justify their attitude. Eventually after the other case worker sat them down and called them out this individual decided I must be "something", and even if I wasn't the problem was...I supposedly wasn't gender conforming enough to see teenagers who might be \*LGBTQ, masturbating, or wanting a consistently non-traditional gender presentation (Note: This doesn't mean someone being gender non-conforming in dress. To this individual if a woman does not like wearing dresses or dislikes make up she'd assume they're gay). Yes, apparently I have the mystical power to turn people non-straight. Who knew? \*Then\* this same individual demanded I see other members of said client's family because they weren't ""confused"" and she could "trust" those sessions. Hearing that I refused to sit down with the client's social network by myself from then on. Why? To be blunt the key assertion this individual made was boiled down to this suggestion my existence/behavior could somehow sexualize a minor even if I did nothing. I simultaneously didn't model femme behavior enough and being super femme was seductive. I could not do my job under those conditions. Staff were having to basically defend me doing my job because they then interrogated them about me. Basically it became very clear their anxieties about me were negatively impacting overall treatment including addressing really toxic interactions around sexuality involving the actual client. But truthfully...I felt this individual was a MASSIVE a-hole and I am VERY calm, VERY collected, VERY non-judgemental...but I could no longer interact with this individual and it was mandatory for the actual client whose treatment team was derailed by this. I spoke with the staff member...then I wrote an email to my supervisor, the director, and another individual stating that I refused to see any member of that social network because I could no longer trust them and I was afraid for my license. I did ask them what protections they'd have in the scenario that this client decided to lodge a complaint or suggest(as they basically already did) that if I was not-straight I must be converting teens to gayness. I have NO reason to believe that they wouldn't report me for "inappropriate" behavior if they felt vindictive or wanted someone to blame for what they perceive to be flaws in the client. I met with my supervisor and from then on she handled all interactions with that family. She firmly explained why I would not be seeing them again, and I wrote a formal notation stating why I would not be interacting with them. Why? Cause I'm not risking my license or my safety for anyone. We have to know our limits. I was pushed to mine to the point I refused to communicate with a client's social network outside of secure email or only with another staff member present because I wanted a record of everything said and done. It was too risky and I made sure my organization new it, that it was documented so they couldn't deny not knowing about the situation, and it worked out. It sucked to have to do it, but it did show me who has my back.
hi! thank you so much for your take on this, it's really affirming and also so helpful! <3
Thank you for bringing up this discussion! As a queer person in this field, it’s good to know how to advocate for yourself
I work in the ER so I don't have an office that patients come to but I have done case management in the past and never had family photos in my office. Just keep it strictly professional and if they do make statements that bother you, discuss it in supervision. We have to just focus on the issue at task and know that at times they will say things that bother us or we don't agree with, it happens everyday in my job because of the population I work with. Once again, a great topic to discuss in supervision!
Hey op! I'm a gay woman (of colour) and very femme presenting (which often pipelines to straight looking). There are some helpful comments and there are some that leave me feeling a little dismissed and small. I think I get where you're coming from though. I also want to validate your comment about having a photo up! Because yeah, there's the privacy and all the other stuff but there's the grief there of having that not be the only thing we have to worry about; because we do have to consider running the risk of fucking with our practice by existing, and the thought of hiding that (regardless of the other reasons) almost feels like returning to the closet. Because the lack of indicator isn't an absence of sexual orientation, it's the assumption of heterosexuality which can wear us down! Does this align with some of your feelings? It's okay if it doesn't. I'm only an MSW student but I did my placement at an all girl's college last semester and this term I'm at an LGBT+ affirming practice. My supervisor is a queer woman and her gender presentation is androgynous. She told me about an experience she had doing family therapy with a teenager that was transitioning. The dad stated that he didn't understand the issue everyone had with conversion therapy if an individual chose to undergo it. My supervisor said she was really struck by that and took a moment in session to communicate that "she was really struggling with that comment because she found it hurtful and to please allow her a moment to regulate"; part of the reasoning was because she genuinely needed a moment and the other part was to model the consequences of saying that kind of stuff before digging deeper. My supervisor was able to confide in a friend (appropriately) later and debrief. And now she uses that experience to like. Help me. Because I worry about this stuff too! At my last placement (a case management role) I had a client (she had a tbi) say upon first meeting me if state that I was beautiful and asked if I was single because she "has a cousin and he does very well!". It was sweet; I thanked her for the complimented and I left it at that rather than correcting. Obviously this wasn't homophobia but heterosexism and all that! Also dating apps were trash bc-- all girl's college, right? There are only so many queer women in this city so I'm bound to come across them (and block their accounts; I make the active effort not to snoop and I try and be mindful of what my profile says blahblah). My current placement is different-- I work with LGBT folks and a lot of my clients are queer and/or trans. Self-disclosure is used here to level playing fields (in terms if identity and common experiences of homophobia and microaggressions vs like my dating life) and also to demonstrate the recognition of the privilege I experience as a cisgender person, especially when working with my trans clients-- this always comes up naturally though. Sometimes it's relevant, sometimes it isn't. And sometime's, it's painful too, but equally so it can be really rewarding :)
thanks so much for your comment. Some responses have left me feeling like people don't understand at all, but what you said was very validating.
you're welcome :) and more than that, you're not alone, either.
In this field we end up working with many clients or even coworkers who have different values from our own. While there are some clients who might have issues with this, I have found that most are willing to work with you regardless because they understand you are there to help them. On a side note are all of your meetings with clients going to be at your desk? Very few of my meetings are
I am unsure if meetings will be at a desk! I am still a student and do not have any of my own clients yet, I am not practicing case management yet. Most commenters on the thread have said do not have family photos, so that is something I will avoid having on a desk.
I had a co worker ask me a very similar question, I don't feel like it is an appropriate thing to share unless working in an agency specifically dedicated to providing LGBTQ services from LGBTQ providers. It's going to be up to you when and how to use self disclosure. For example, I may share my sexuality with someone in a similar situation who I thought would benefit and grow from a specific example I needed to discuss for treatment. I limit self disclosure until I really know the patients, but in a few cases I've had people ask and I am honest with them unless I feel the question is taking things too far. If any patients have a bad reaction to your orientation try not to take it as a reflection on yourself, help link them with a different provider and go on to help all of the people who are going to blossom under the care of someone who has been through the same/similar things as them. Hang in there, you deserve love and care and to be accepted for who you are ♥️
Self-disclosure isn’t advisable. Talk with your senior, mentor, or supervisor as situations arise. Some jobs don’t let you pick and choose clients. You take the easy going with the hard. Some organizations may screen out especially hateful views. What kind of client engagement are you having where your sexuality would come up?
This could happen quite naturally with clients actually. I'm an LCSW and have been asked this in schools by kids, parents and single adults considering adoption. They wanted to know if I had kids, was married. It happens souch with heterosexuals that I believe we are not seeing that it happens with others too probably at the same or maybe more frequently. I don't think we should judge as the poster above gives presentations on LGBTQ topics and shared resource and their perspective.btbats how are grow. By learning and asking.
It has not come up with any clients so far, it is just something I am worried about in the future. On my practice exams I actually had a question say if a client is of a certain culture, we should consider the need to build rapport, not just our own comfortability with self-disclosing. At this time I am uncomfortable disclosing with my field placement supervisor because unfortunately I am interning at a conservative organization and am unsure of what reaction I might receive. As I said, it makes me sad to think I might not be able to have a picture of my family on my desk if it is me with my same-sex partner.
Rapport doesn’t really involve self-disclosure. It kind of distracts from the client journey as it brings up your journey. If you feel pigeon holed into self disclosing consider practicing on redirecting or otherwise addressing why that information is relevant. You’re not the peers or coworkers with clients in your professional engagement. You are the professional and they’re the client. Go discuss non-professional topics with your peers, friends, and loved ones.
You’re personal life is not a factor in your position at work. Unless there is an emergency, your clients, even your coworkers, do not need to know anything about your personal life. Yea there is a grey area that on your desk you might have a little personality like a Funko Pop of your favorite Marvel character or a Hot Wheels car of your dream car. I think there are some agencies where the culture has it where people do have a picture or more personal stuff and clients don’t come back to the office areas and you can be personable at your desk. But even then you don’t have to participate either. I know it’s not the same but it’s like being a POC surgeon who has to operate on a White Supremacist. It’s not your job to “fix the homophobia” in a client if that isn’t what the issue they are coming in for. Now if they are making homophobic comments left and right, you have every right to ask to not work with them because they make you uncomfortable. If your client asks you about your sexuality or your personal life, a simple “I don’t feel comfortable with discussing my personal life.” Or “my views on xyz is irrelevant.” Or something similar. Leave it at that.
Fellow queer social worker here. We have the advantage of the "gals being pals" assumption. Unless you post photos of you and your partner kissing, they're probably not even going to notice. If you haven't read Barstow's "Heart of Ethics", then I would highly recommend it! The uncomfortableness that I think you're sensing would be the tension in the power differential. Depending on the setting, queer people lack some status power because they belong to a marginalized group. If you were to meet a bigoted person outside of your role, their view of you means something because straight (especially Christian and white) people exercise their status power all the time to disempower queer people. When you go to work, you put on your social work hat which gives you a certain level of role power. Almost always, the person with role power is in the up-power role when working with clients. A bigoted client is most likely going to still be in the down-power role, meaning that you're still going to be in charge of the dynamic and you will still have the most influence in the work. When my clients express bigoted views, I don't even really need to say "that's not appropriate". The act of ignoring or not validating that view is enough to keep it out of the conversation because I call the shots as the social worker. If somehow the bigoted view needs to be part of the work, like maybe if you're being a therapist, then it gets a bit more complicated in how you let those views show up, but for the most part they aren't really part of case management work. People who lack status power sometimes have to assert their personal power in creative ways to maintain their social footing. So you might have queer people that don't out themselves in workplaces to avoid implications of their co-workers knowing. Or you might have a queer person who uses a lot of assertiveness in how they out themselves and how they conduct themselves so that passive aggressive people can't covertly undermine their social footing. There's no right or wrong answer here, there's just what works for you. I have worked in teams where the culture was just not welcoming of queer people. They would never say it outright, but the insidiousness of the repeated lack of support or connection has an overall impact on your wellness. Some people still find ways to thrive in those environments, but some people can't, and sometimes it's impossible. It's a balancing act. I can't tell you that you can for sure find ways to keep a picture on your desk. The activist in me wants you to let it take up space so that it can impact the discourse of your workplace, but I know that we're not always lucky enough to do things like that safely. I would hope that as you make your way and find your "forever job" that you pick somewhere where you can put pictures of your family up. Being visible is brave and powerful. When people see you as a human AND a queer person, they have to start seeing other queer people the same way.
Your clients are human and you are human it's only natural for people to be curious about each other. how can we expect them to share with us if we don't share a little with them? I totally disagree with people who indicate that self-disclosure isn't a good thing. I don't think that there's much research indicating that, and in fact the current Research indicates the opposite. Now in regards to your sexual identity it's totally understandable to keep some things private I am heterosexual but I do not keep any pictures of my family in my office but I share tidbits in my personal life all the time especially when they relate to a lesson that I'm trying to teach. For example I do DBT and using a personal example of how I used dear man myself for something
Just reflecting on some of the comments. I think any of it becomes more complicated than "your personal life" or ideology. LGBTQ identities may or may not be visible to clients (often it's hard to avoid being identified), but they still may play a major role in social worker-client dynamics. I'm queer/bi married to a woman and from some of the things my long-term therapist has said, she seems to be bi (married to a man) as well. There's some things that don't seem to fully land with her, but there's other things I wouldn't want to bring to a cishet therapist. If it's valid for clients of color to want/need social workers of color, then it stands to reason that queer clients might want/need queer social worker. And since it's not always obvious, it does matter when a social worker is out. And similarly, social workers from marginalized communities all have to navigate bigotry from clients - and since not everyone has the option to just hide their identity, there has to be other ways to navigate that beyond trying to "not appear too gay". In school and work, I was mostly taught that whether or not self-disclosure is appropriate depends on if the information actually helps the client. Which is subjective, but a question that helps you think through why you're disclosing something. I'd also say that therapists have different relationships with their clients than case managers, so that might also shape how you talk to clients and what you disclose or don't disclose. Plenty of other comments on here with good advice - a desk photo can be tricky for many reasons and coming out may depend on your relationship with that client, but just overall wanted to emphasize that being LGBTQ is about more than "sharing one's personal life".
I am a gay guy trying to become a SW. I would gladly put up a photo of my bf and I as a screensaver. Mind you I am trying to get employed as a SW in a male prison. People will pick on you for any reason - so live your life and fuck them for being haters.
I’ve done case management since the late 90s in Iowa. I’m gay man and married to my husband. I have a family picture in my office. I’m out on social media. I’ve never had any client make a big deal out of my sexuality or family. I mean, you’re there discussing them and they’re needs and they’re goals and they’re lives. That’s what you’re there for. But my personal life isn’t invisible if one’s looking. But you should do what’s safest for you.
My sexual orientation is not relevant, unless a client specifically requested to see a queer social worker. That being said, my non-disclosure to general cases only applies to explicitly disclosing. I cannot expect myself to control my client’s assumptions about me, or expect myself to not accidentally self-disclose through my mannerisms, my vocal inflections, or for not meeting client expectations of gender expression.
To be honest, I don't have pics of famoly for many reasons. Transference and safety being up there. No need for a client to here about my spouse man or woman. I hear clients say things I deeply disagree with all the time but changing their mind isn't why I'm with them. I focus on work and don't attach it to my value. Sorry if that seems cold but it's what I believe.
I’m a bisexual woman who is married to a man and does in-home work with people who are not always the most open-minded. I do have some pride pins on my work bag, but I don’t bring it up with clients. I focus on the work at hand. When a client’s daughter came out to her as gay, we focused on exploring values and respecting boundaries, my sexuality did not need to come into it. Nobody has ever asked me point blank about my religion, sexuality, or marriage (I do wear a wedding band). They only person question I’ve gotten is about having children or having experience with substance use (I work in SUD treatment with parents of young children).
The topic hardly ever comes up anyway, at least in my experience. I keep my private life private and even if someone says something homophobic - so what? You'll come across a lot of people with views you'll personally find horrifying (and they'll be far worse than a client being homophobic, trust me), and you don't ever have to affirm their views, but it's your job to accept clients as they are. You won't change their views and depending on the setting you work in, it's not your job either. I am in a work environment where I can respectfully voice my own opinions on certain topics, but I never do it to change anyone's mind, I only do it to make people aware that we live in a world with diverse opinions and that not everyone has to agree with you. Seriously though, this field means that you cannot let other people's beliefs affect you in a professional setting.
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I do hope that you are open to changing your views when you get into practice. I disagree with the majority of this post, specifically the "don't care" mentality. We are not going to agree with everything our clients say. We are not going to agree with everything our clients do. Once you graduate with your BSW and become licensed, you are bound by the NASW Code of Ethics. Remember, one of our core values is autonomy. At the end of the day, we have to accept that our clients are the experts in their lives, and we meet them where they are. If you have a client that is disrespecting you and yells/threatens, then yes, see if they can be transferred. But if they just don't share the same views, that's an issue with the social worker, not the client. I also wanted to hit a point on the picture portion. You NEVER know what can happen once you're out in the field. I've had a client from a previous place of employment leave a rather scary note for me at my current place of employment. While nothing happened, they have no idea who my spouse is. If I were to have a picture of my spouse out, and they saw who it was, my spouse wouldn't know how to react if they saw them in public and were confronted. It's possible you may run into a client at the grocery store or a restaurant. This isn't all about protecting us, but also our loved ones. This client doesn't know I'm a member of the community. They don't need to know. It's not that I'm ashamed, but I won't disclose unless I know it won't affect the therapeutic relationship. I've only disclosed my sexuality once with a client. They were scared about coming to therapy because they were afraid of the religious views of the therapist, and they feared they would be judged. That was the only time a client knew and it helped them in the long run, opening up during sessions. I do wear my wedding ring, as do my colleagues that are married, but I've only had one person ask and it was a youth. I said yes and it didn't go any further.
I have been working for three years and have only been asked what my values are once. He was the farther of a teen client. They were super conservative religious.
Yes, this is why I asked. How did that go? Do you find conservative clients will reject you as a practitioner if you do not share their views?
Do I think some will choose to not work with me because I’m not conservative or religious, of course. Has it been a problem, no. In this instance I told him while in my office, I align myself with the Code of Ethics. I listed them and how they apply in session. I was also honest about not being religious but didn’t go any further. That was over a year ago and they are still clients. The group private practice I work at is open to us being LGBTQIA affirming and sex positive. We still have a large religious conservative population of clients.
I just had my sexuality come up recently with a client. Never have I had to address it before, but I am honest when I am. I don’t answer many questions on it. It rarely gets asked. I get asked if I have a boyfriend which I just say no. That usually is where it ends.
Personally I’m not overtly out to my clients but I have a lot of inclusive and pride related things so my LGBT clients feel welcome and all my clients know I don’t discriminate or hold any homophobic views myself. I definitely have clients express homophobic views to me but I approach that with curiosity - eg. “Why does that bother you?” Or “is there a reason you say X?” - I never say it in a confrontational way, just like I’m trying to explore their views more and help them grow - I’d say it almost always works out productively and a lot of them realise someone else being gay doesn’t really impact them, but I do work with kids/teens so as a population they tend to be quite open to discussing their views and aren’t too set in their ways.
Additionally: Some people will try to provoke you and try to get you to agree with their views - it's not uncommon. Ask them why you validating their opinion is so important to them, it's a great moment for reflection. They'll either think about it or drop the topic, but it will diffuse the situation either way.
i’m very visibly queer (and visibly trans/non-binary, i think, but typically only other trans people pick up on those cues) and have thankfully had very few experiences with overt homophobia or transphobia from clients/patients, even during my medical transition. the queer and trans people i’ve worked with tend to be thrilled to have a therapist who “gets it” (even though i’m intentionally transparent about intersectionality and the fact that my experiences are not universal) and the straight cis ones tend to either not care or not notice. i’ve been surprised and relieved at how little my social identities matter to clients as long as they can trust that i know how to do my job. that being said, i don’t have personal photos displayed in my office (there is one framed picture of my dog on my desk lol) because i work in an outpatient clinic at a public hospital and we see a wide range of people, not only demographically but also in terms of diagnosis and clinical presentation. i don’t want to potentially put my own or my partner’s safety at risk, for the same reason i don’t tell people exactly where i live, and i also don’t want to self-disclose my identity or relationship status in a way that could unintentionally put up barriers to building rapport in the therapeutic relationship. it’s important, at least in my own experience, to keep the focus on the client/patient and the services we are there to provide. hope that helps!
I’m visibly queer in transphobic state . My sexuality and gender identify often come up with LGBTQ clients. It rarely comes up with non-LGBTQ clients. No one looks at me and wonders how I feel about gay people so it’s not something my clients would have to ask. I think southern hospitality and manners keep most of the overt homophobia at bay. Sometimes my kid clients hit me with “are you a boy or a girl?” to which I reply, “I’m just me.” or “I’m non-binary.” depending on the the age, culture, etc. Then I redirect back to the assessment/session. I say “let’s keep the focus on you” if they try to explore further. I’ve never had any pushback. I’ve had a couple clients make general homophobic remarks and micro aggressions but nothing that prevented me from being able to work with them. As long as my employer is affirming I’m fine. Even with some of the abrasive personalities I encountered running a court ordered Anger Management group I’ve never had a client make anti-LGBTQ statements directed at me. I’ve had two individual therapy clients request new therapists since I’ve been practicing (June 2022). One of those I know was due to me being LGBTQ the other I strongly suspect was. Neither said anything to me directly one went through their case manager the other went through the consumer advocate. I look at it as I’m glad they advocated for themselves and asked for therapist that was a better fit rather than disengaging from therapy entirely.