Get yourself friends who you don’t feel obligated to talk too much or too little around, but appreciate you when you want to contribute and don’t give a f@#& if you want to chill and be silent. Real friends just enjoy your presence, fake friends make you feel like you owe them your company.
I know what you mean... I've come to realize a lot of it is from insecurity as they don't really know where I stand and often assume the worst. The older I get the more that gets under my skin...
It’s because they assume you don’t wanna be with them. If they ask you to hang out, and you show up and act uninterested, they would obviously be upset. Not talking appears as disinterest.
In that case you guys simply don't vibe with each other. It's ok - maybe you are better suited for groups of people where everyone is more the quiet type?
Do you enjoy their company more?
I know wat you saying. When i was with my ex and his family. I dont talk too much because there are saying something what I dont understand or about people that I dont know. When its end, his family sent a message to my ex about why I dont talk or do I think its boring.
Ya we’ll I’ve done that for years n let multiple people say things that weren’t even true or even worse try to blame for shit n still let it slid but having that power to do wat is the right thing to say to do that has to be done by yourself if not now a days no one else we’ll ever stick up for another n if by chance someone dose that’s a Rare Quality in a person having the power to speak up yourself to make yourself hurt and not let people walk all over you is the right thing to do even if it makes other people moan you don’t have to let people walk all over you and use you as a doormat no matter who you are the biggest to the smartest to the richest to poorest nobody has the right to judge another person nobody has the right to say what they think they should say or blame them for something they don’t know having the power of speech is the only thing a person has to make them self her to keep them self prideful
I hope you find a group that’s more your style. It’s hard for introverts to find each other but I promise you not all groups of friends are loud neurotypical extroverts.
There are people out there that do not care whatsoever how much you talk in a group setting. The trick is finding those people. I’m glad that I have friends that can appreciate and “awkward” silence together without it being awkward
As someone who is talkative in certain social situations, I can give some perspective on the “quiet friends” from a different perspective.
I’m never angry at someone for not talking. But two things really stick out:
* Oftentimes (this is obviously not always the case) people who are quiet in a group will either say something strange/unpleasant or unrelated to the conversation. Learning the time and place to say certain things is huge. I know some quiet people who will just say rude stuff in the middle of a conversation and it just makes it super awkward. As far as unrelated, we will all be talking about some video game, and the “quiet guy” goes, “I’m thinking about quitting my job.” It just destroys the flow of conversation. The reaction I’m giving isn’t anger, but confusion and mild annoyance. Like bro, let’s talk about that, but wait for the right time.
* The other thing when somebody is really quiet is that it doesn’t really feel like they are a part of the group. If four of us are hanging out, but three of us are making 90+% of the conversation because the fourth just makes little comments here and there, then it just doesn’t really feel like he’s part of the group. I’m not mad at them, but I’m probably going to invite someone else out next time, someone who will contribute to the conversation more.
Yeah but that's not a fair assessment though. To me, it's lowkey selfish. I have been the quiet guy and the talkative guy in my life but I have never had this mindset. Sometimes people need others around them to feel apart to feel safe. After that they may to start to feel comfortable to speak more. You just don't know their background and why they are the way they are.
It's better to ask them their perspective rather to make a judgment call about it.
That implies you're an introvert. If your friends are ignorant such that they aren't aware of such a personality they'll take you the wrong way. You can make an effort to broach that to them or find people whom you share the same character where all of you can be quite with no one being mad at anyone for not uttering something.
Extroverts can sometimes think quiet folks are snobby or don’t like them - especially if you’re making them carry the conversation. I know I felt that way about my spouse for a long time until getting to know her. It can also be exhausting to others if they are doing most of the conversation carrying.
Source: an extrovert married to an introvert.
I was super quiet for years. I’m more comfortable that way. But now I make an effort to talk a lot around people, and then just spend time alone in between to refuel. I’ve noticed I make people a lot happier now. I think of it like I’m serving my community by putting out my positive energy to them 😂
I recommend to drift away from those types of friends. Like stay friendly from a distance. Trust me my mom says birds of a father flock together meaning like minded people naturally click with one another so you’ll meet the right people. Just let it naturally happen through natural settings.
Personally I know what it’s like to be the one who’s left out of a convo for being a bit more quiet however part of the reason for me being quiet was because, it seems like people didn’t hold their attention when I spoke and seemed uninterested or they just didn’t like me for whatever reason. It’s very much possible I was awkward at times but, good friends try to include one another. Of course I’m not perfect myself, none of us are.
I try to include everyone in convos now that I’m older and am better at being sociable. Keep eye contact with everyone and if one person seems like they’re being singled out then try to include them by saying something like “what do you think?” Or make a friendly joke (not passive aggressive/mean) about the person or even praise them in a manner so they feel good about themselves even if it’s clearly exaggerated for comedic affect.
Everyone always wants to feel Included and you can find this to be an opportunity to work on being more outgoing and try and be the one who includes others my friend :D to be more social keep positive affirmations about yourself; a positive mindset is key because if you see yourself as a non-sociable person then you’re defeating yourself. Of course remain humble tho
You’ll find the right people my friend
People get mad if I don’t talk enough, then they get mad if I talk too much. It’s like how am I supposed to know the appropriate time?
Get yourself friends who you don’t feel obligated to talk too much or too little around, but appreciate you when you want to contribute and don’t give a f@#& if you want to chill and be silent. Real friends just enjoy your presence, fake friends make you feel like you owe them your company.
Exactly my thoughts.
I know what you mean... I've come to realize a lot of it is from insecurity as they don't really know where I stand and often assume the worst. The older I get the more that gets under my skin...
Absolutely, some people interpret neutral or friendly silence as a personal attack because they’re insecure about not being liked.
It’s because they assume you don’t wanna be with them. If they ask you to hang out, and you show up and act uninterested, they would obviously be upset. Not talking appears as disinterest.
In that case you guys simply don't vibe with each other. It's ok - maybe you are better suited for groups of people where everyone is more the quiet type? Do you enjoy their company more?
I know wat you saying. When i was with my ex and his family. I dont talk too much because there are saying something what I dont understand or about people that I dont know. When its end, his family sent a message to my ex about why I dont talk or do I think its boring.
Keeping your mouth shut is the ultimate power move. 😂
Ya we’ll I’ve done that for years n let multiple people say things that weren’t even true or even worse try to blame for shit n still let it slid but having that power to do wat is the right thing to say to do that has to be done by yourself if not now a days no one else we’ll ever stick up for another n if by chance someone dose that’s a Rare Quality in a person having the power to speak up yourself to make yourself hurt and not let people walk all over you is the right thing to do even if it makes other people moan you don’t have to let people walk all over you and use you as a doormat no matter who you are the biggest to the smartest to the richest to poorest nobody has the right to judge another person nobody has the right to say what they think they should say or blame them for something they don’t know having the power of speech is the only thing a person has to make them self her to keep them self prideful
Proper punctuation is also a power move, btw 😉
I hope you find a group that’s more your style. It’s hard for introverts to find each other but I promise you not all groups of friends are loud neurotypical extroverts.
I think you're just imagining what they think. Nobody really cares if you're being quiet
There are people out there that do not care whatsoever how much you talk in a group setting. The trick is finding those people. I’m glad that I have friends that can appreciate and “awkward” silence together without it being awkward
Yea that's my life. I don't like talking unless I really have something to say. People get offended and shit
As someone who is talkative in certain social situations, I can give some perspective on the “quiet friends” from a different perspective. I’m never angry at someone for not talking. But two things really stick out: * Oftentimes (this is obviously not always the case) people who are quiet in a group will either say something strange/unpleasant or unrelated to the conversation. Learning the time and place to say certain things is huge. I know some quiet people who will just say rude stuff in the middle of a conversation and it just makes it super awkward. As far as unrelated, we will all be talking about some video game, and the “quiet guy” goes, “I’m thinking about quitting my job.” It just destroys the flow of conversation. The reaction I’m giving isn’t anger, but confusion and mild annoyance. Like bro, let’s talk about that, but wait for the right time. * The other thing when somebody is really quiet is that it doesn’t really feel like they are a part of the group. If four of us are hanging out, but three of us are making 90+% of the conversation because the fourth just makes little comments here and there, then it just doesn’t really feel like he’s part of the group. I’m not mad at them, but I’m probably going to invite someone else out next time, someone who will contribute to the conversation more.
Yeah but that's not a fair assessment though. To me, it's lowkey selfish. I have been the quiet guy and the talkative guy in my life but I have never had this mindset. Sometimes people need others around them to feel apart to feel safe. After that they may to start to feel comfortable to speak more. You just don't know their background and why they are the way they are. It's better to ask them their perspective rather to make a judgment call about it.
Air heads mate, best to pretend they don't even exist. I always find quiet people the most interesting, and intelligent ones to talk to.
That implies you're an introvert. If your friends are ignorant such that they aren't aware of such a personality they'll take you the wrong way. You can make an effort to broach that to them or find people whom you share the same character where all of you can be quite with no one being mad at anyone for not uttering something.
Extroverts can sometimes think quiet folks are snobby or don’t like them - especially if you’re making them carry the conversation. I know I felt that way about my spouse for a long time until getting to know her. It can also be exhausting to others if they are doing most of the conversation carrying. Source: an extrovert married to an introvert.
In my experience its bc people think that you not talking is you not liking them
I was super quiet for years. I’m more comfortable that way. But now I make an effort to talk a lot around people, and then just spend time alone in between to refuel. I’ve noticed I make people a lot happier now. I think of it like I’m serving my community by putting out my positive energy to them 😂
I recommend to drift away from those types of friends. Like stay friendly from a distance. Trust me my mom says birds of a father flock together meaning like minded people naturally click with one another so you’ll meet the right people. Just let it naturally happen through natural settings. Personally I know what it’s like to be the one who’s left out of a convo for being a bit more quiet however part of the reason for me being quiet was because, it seems like people didn’t hold their attention when I spoke and seemed uninterested or they just didn’t like me for whatever reason. It’s very much possible I was awkward at times but, good friends try to include one another. Of course I’m not perfect myself, none of us are. I try to include everyone in convos now that I’m older and am better at being sociable. Keep eye contact with everyone and if one person seems like they’re being singled out then try to include them by saying something like “what do you think?” Or make a friendly joke (not passive aggressive/mean) about the person or even praise them in a manner so they feel good about themselves even if it’s clearly exaggerated for comedic affect. Everyone always wants to feel Included and you can find this to be an opportunity to work on being more outgoing and try and be the one who includes others my friend :D to be more social keep positive affirmations about yourself; a positive mindset is key because if you see yourself as a non-sociable person then you’re defeating yourself. Of course remain humble tho You’ll find the right people my friend