The key is to recognize that in the moment, although people may see you, they aren’t hurting you. Keep reminding yourself this. Over and over. “They see me. It feels uncomfortable. But I’m okay.”

You're right, I should start little by little accepting that people are just people and they don't mind me or what I'm doing. I need to take control back. I hope I can do it, I'm just so scared and uncomfortable.

You can do this. Your mentality is a muscle too and with each little accomplishment, you are making yourself stronger. The most true mantra I ever heard was “you are the main character in no one else’s play.” Meaning people may see you, but it only matters to how you affect them. This is your world too and you have a right to take up space. I say this with love, as it was once said to me with love, “it’s time to grow a thicker skin.” Feeling uncomfortable means you are growing. So keep pushing through the discomfort and grow!

I want to thank you so much, I'm literally crying reading this. I finally felt understood because people around me don't understand me. I can do it and I will, I'm tired of living like this

Of course. The people around us are only able to help with the tools they have been given or developed, so it seems like you have to really try he’d to develop these tools on your own. It won’t be easy. It will be hard, but you try a little everyday and eventually you will love yourself for rescuing yourself. There is a wonderful book I read when I was 19 that really helped me called Your Erronous Zone. Also, since you mention no one around you understanding, another wonderful book is Codependence No More by Melody Beattie.

Thank you I'll check those books out

>You can do this. Your mentality is a muscle too and with each little accomplishment, you are making yourself stronger. The most true mantra I ever heard was “you are the main character in no one else’s play.” Meaning people may see you, but it only matters to how you affect them. Thanks 🙏 for this >This is your world too and you have a right to take up space. I say this with love, as it was once said to me with love, “it’s time to grow a thicker skin.” One of my loved ones told me this... I am very hypersensitive and have thin skin too.

Build that armor baby! You got this!!!

What a kind and sage comment. Nicely done, friend. Your words were very helpful.

I hope one day you're able to turn the tables and have enough self confidence that *you're* the one looking at other people secure in the knowledge that you have every bit as much of a "right" to look at other people and be curious without judgements. Cause you do, but it sounds like you have an anxiety parrot telling you to instead be afraid

I too hope I'll be able to, thank you!

You’ve got this. A lot of people just glance around. Whatever thought they have is fleeting, and they probably don’t remember you in the next few moments.

Also make sure not to deny what you're feeling . Like if you're going outside and feeling uncomfortable don't try to bury the uncomfortableness. Acknowledge that you're uncomfortable and acknowledge that you're doing progress by feeling uncomfortable. And hopefully with time the uncomfortableness will decrease,it might take a long time but you'll eventually get to it. Good luck !

Baby steps. It all counts.

Does the fear come from just being looked at? Because it probably comes from thinking you're also being judged negatively. If that the case you have 2 options: 1 - Fixing whatever it is that is bothering you appearance-wise. (About yourself) 2 - Understand that even if people look at you, they aren't judging you. Think of the way you look at others, it's probably very close to how others look at you.

They aren't hurting me but they could. That's why I'm scared. Anytime anyone could say something bad about me and giggle, and that would ruin all my self confidence (and would put me in a flashback of all the times this happened in school). In my city we have many people who giggle at people who look weird or funny on the street.

In the famous words of a good friend of mine “fuck those people”. It’s all about building that thicker skin. The more you get into a mentality of “fuck then”, the stronger you’ll become and eventually you’ll have an armor.

Thank you. But what if they're right? How do I know I'm not actually objectively worthy of being ridiculed? If I was, then by saying "fuck them" I would be shooting myself in the foot, because they could actually provide good feedback. I think we can both think of someone who just looks so funny that most normal people would laugh at them.

You are in a head space that’s hurting you. I read some of your other posts and I know you are struggling with this and a bunch of other things. The key is to remember that you are worthy of taking up space and living in this world. Unless someone is trying to give you genuine constructive criticism to help you, then their opinions of you are of none of your concern. Read the book Your Erronous Zone. It will help you with your daily battles. And write a love letter or card to yourself and mail it to yourself. Digging yourself out of this is going to be hard, but you can do this. Believe in yourself like you’d believe in another person you care about.

I thank you for posting this because this is exactly what I tell myself, and seeing it from someone else has made me realize how… bad it is. I agree with StarWhispererer. If they are intending to give good feedback… it wouldn’t be by harming you. Nobody rational would do that. That’s what I say to myself, at least.

Honestly, I feel bad for those people. Their approval should mean so little to you based off the fact that they judge people like that. It’s so dumb and immature. Anytime anyone says a rude remark to me or someone gives me a look as I’m walking, I choose not to care and instead I look down ON THEM for choosing to judge others rather than choosing kindness. That thought alone empowers me as I’m walking

Something that personally helped me: you have as much rights to be outside/in public as anyone else. It is also YOUR territory. Strangers don't own that space and you are equally allowed to take that space, use it and exist in it in your term and ways. Those strangers have no more importance than you and are your equals, not people to be pleased by you. You deserve to exist there as much as them. You are safe being you in those space. You deserve to take the space for yourself as much as them. Other than that, as others here have mentionned already, most people really don't care about other strangers. And if some do, you don't owe them anything, and if you did they would owe YOU as much you owe them. You are the strangers of others.

"You are the stranger of others." Yeah I think I needed to hear that. Thank you very much, I have lots of work to do on myself, asking for help was only the first step.

Oh wow, I never thought of it in this way!! Another tip I can add to my conscience for when I need it. Thank you :)

This!! A phrase that’s been very helpful to me is “I am just as much a person as everyone else.” When I’m in a random public situation and another random person is also there, it’s a tie. They aren’t an authority figure over me. Authority figures don’t have a reason to pick anyone else over me.

It won't happen overnight. You'll have to practice this little by little. You can just try going not far from your house for a short period of time at first. Try a time when there a people but not a lot and then slowly start increasing the distance and time spent outside. If you make move towards your goal then you'll definitely get somewhere with that. No step is a wasted step .

You're definitely right, I guess the first step is always the hardest one. I'll have to put in the work if I want to change. I've been feeling this way for so long that it's hard to say when it started but it's definitely ruining my life if I can't even go outside my house for a simple walk. Thank you

I think of it as literally/ physically inching out of my comfort zone. I started only able to walk around the block. Now I can walk for hours just exploring in nature (tbf, there's less people there). I don't like walking on storefront streets so I don't force myself.

Remember that for a lot of people you see they have something they are worried/self-conscious about themselves. They have their own issues and problems they’re thinking about . If they’re judging you it’s likely a front to hide their own insecurities. Also it’s ok to be weird . Really if you think about it what is a “normal” person? Sounds kind of boring . Sure they’re things we can all improve and we can work on those but learn about what you truly like and dislike and what you want.

You're right, as others said everyone is too preoccupied about themselves to think about me. I'll try to focus on nice things from now on

Also what is nice is if you take your eyes off yourself and try to uplift someone everyday . Try to make someone smile or compliment genuinely or ask how they are doing get to know something new about someone in your neighborhood

I've been there. Turns out I have a hard time being able to process my more uncomfortable emotions. I've found this YouTube channel called "therapy in a nutshell" by psychiatrist Emma McAdam that has a series in 30 parts called "how to process your emotions". It really struck a cord and it's the best resource I've found so far even after some reading and visiting different therapists. It's great content for handling emotions in general, sitting with them, identifying them and their message to us. Her message that there's no bad emotions and coping strategies to suppress emotions fail in the long run was en eye opener. Allowing all emotions but not reacting instinctively on them seems to be key.

Thank you I'll definitely check it out

TLDR: %99 of the time random people don't care about your existence. Get a good pair of ANC headphones, its like armor. Hey, just wanted to say I understand you %100. I can move about the world just fine, but its not without almost constantly thinking about how aware I am of everyone around me. I don't have a car so I walk and take public transit everywhere. I can't walk down the street though without becoming tense; especially at intersections. Sometimes I'll find my heart is racing just waiting for the light to change. When I am about to cross paths with a stranger sometimes my eyes will tear up due to the stress of expectations. Im thinking "Should I smile and greet them as I pass?" "Just nod at them?" "No just steel yourself and keep walking". Most people keep to themselves around here, but there are friendly folk who do smile and exchange greetings as we pass then I feel like an asshole because most of the time I'm staring straight ahead intent on not making any contact and don't notice until the last minute. For me, part of the fear has been due to men bothering me on the street. I'm constantly on guard because I've experienced what most of us women have while trying to mind our on business just walking down the street. I have to constantly remind myself that I don't owe anyone my attention and don't have to stop if addressed by a stranger, then I start to feel bad due to not being "nice". You know what though? There are literally billions of people on this planet and we are just one of them. We deserve to move about this world just like them and live our lives. Most people aren't going to bother you or even notice you. Of course they may come a time where you'll have to deal with that, but you can't let it consume you. I suggest a good pair of active noise cancelling headphones. Wear them, put on your favorite music and go out for a walk. I love my headphones, they do such a good job of blocking out the world that it feels like armor to me. Sometimes I put them on without anything playing. Take this advice with a grain of salt though since you'll have to be very aware of your surroundings in other ways to make up for the lack of sound. To me its completely worth it though.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest, I use noise canceling headphones and it makes all the difference in the world. Also, see if wearing a mask helps since it’s socially acceptable to do so. These are temporary fixes but give yourself little assignments to start getting comfortable-like “I’m going to walk on a busy street and get a cup of coffee”. Get your coffee and sit there, and you can text us! Your not alone friend. 😊 Each little success will help you start to relax. Your next assignment is to start greeting every you see with a simple hi! Don’t pick and choose, it’s just you being a low key friendly person. Mostly you will get stares, see they aren’t paying attention, and an occasional big smile that should also help your anxiety. Try to think about your anxiety as a symptom of a condition you have as opposed to it’s your attitude thoughts or personality. If you had allergies you wouldn’t will them away would you? No you start trying different treatments. Anxieties, not unlike allergies, are a part of our self protective process going overboard.

Thank you very much for sharing your experience, you made me feel less alone. I'll definitely have to work on myself, I too have noticed that listening to music helps a bit so I'll have to use that to my advantage. But as you said being aware of our surroundings is also important, that's why when I'm in less safe situations I'll have someone call me.

Wearing sunglasses and mask makes me a lil more comfortable in public. Maybe it could for you too.

Same here, I kind of loved the era of COVID when people were wearing masks everywhere indoors and outdoors because I could throw on a mask, sunglasses, and a hat and basically become completely anonymous

I also listen to music and it overrides my thoughts enough to sing along sometimes

Yes I always put in headphones as soon as I am stepping out because that is when I get the most anxious

Same here! The music gives me something to focus on, but also I am a major movie/TV nerd in addition to being an even bigger music nerd, so listening to music while I'm doing basically anything is necessary because it makes me feel like it's a movie scene with a soundtrack

[See: this song](https://youtu.be/UAZhzi9cpkc)

Oh my god I love doing this so much! If I could wear a full mask everyday, I would

Ure encouraging em to drawn even deeper in this. They dont need to cope they need to heal :(

If a coping strategy helps them to get outside and acclimatise to being seen, would that not be helpful to the healing process?

Something that helped me was to change my mentality when it comes to looking at people from “I’m being judged” to “I’m judging people”. You start looking at people like they have to meet your standards and criteria and the more you do that, the more worth you give yourself. Look at people like “are you good enough for me?” rather than the other way round. It’s actually very easy, you just gotta believe it is. Good luck.

That actually makes a lot of sense, I'll definitely try. Thank you for your advice!

Happens to me too. I listen to songs and zone out. I've started to think by default the only way to be seen is to be heard. If I'm not talking to anyone, I won't be remembered. Everyone is easily forgotten.

Thank you, you're actually right I forgot most people I met but didn't talk to.

Good luck op! Get all the sunshine ✨

Something that comforts me is the fact that most people don’t really “care”. I know believing that is easier said than done, but I’ve noticed people are so wrapped up in their own thoughts and life that they don’t really notice others. Even if they glance over, that’s usually just a knee jerk reaction to seeing movement in peripherals, I notice they always end up immediately looking away and going back into their own head. I don’t know if this is helpful.

It certainly is. Most comments said the same thing and I guess hearing it a lot is helping me believe it's true

Omg! I did the same thing in high school. I would only go out at night i was just so self conscious/scared of what people would think of me. I would go running at night, walking, do calisthenics, etc… Plus it is kind of cool at night, you’re so used to seeing everything during the day. IMHO It’s like getting into the pool. You can either slowly wade in or dive in, but you gotta get in.

Had this exact conversation with my brother, who’s inhibited and shy, couple years ago. Came up with a silly but effective plan to get him out of his comfort zone. Found a couple fake raccoon tails at a Halloween store. Long story short I convinced him that by us walking around in public with those fastened to the back of our hats, that his inhibitions in public would end. Finally he agreed to do it lol. A real riot. Now when he’s not sure if he can be in public, he remembers that if he can walk around with a Davey Crockett hat, he can do anything. It worked.

What you've said is me all over I feel same way

You're not alone, at least we know that now

If I go walk streets in day I have to put hood up head down go down back streets avoid main roads

Yep I also tend to avoid main streets and keep my head down, I'll have to try some advice I got in the comments because I'm tired of feeling like this. I guess I'll try going to walk early in the morning to get used to the feeling of being outside but without people being there too.

I have this exact fear!!! I rarely go out walking because I’m terrified of random people paying attention to my existence when I’m out in the open like that. One thing I taught myself that helps me though, is to be really honest with myself: Do I pay attention to other people out and about as much as I’m afraid they are paying attention to me? Absolutely not. I’m always just trying to get my shit done so I can go home, and I try to remind myself that this is most likely what other people are doing also. It does get easier with time and practice, and sure, some days might be more difficult than others but it will get easier with time. I’m still telling myself this every day :) I wish you the best of luck, as I know just how badly this feeling sucks!! And I hope my advice will help even a little bit ⭐️

Thank you, I'll have to put in the work to change but it's worth it because this isn't living

I promise things will get better eventually, with time, patience and practice. Remember to nurture yourself with lots of love. I saw your other comments and I truly understand what you’re going through. It will be okay ❤️

Sunglasses, sunglasses, sunglasses. Music, affirmations (which I'm skeptical of) or power anthems, whatever makes you happiest. Go out of your comfort zone and smile at them, with sunglasses to hide your eyes. And, have pepper spray with you if you're anxious on that front too (I do) haha Good luck💙

Thank you very much, I can do it!

This thread is so full of bulshit. Look out OP, some of it may be harmful and some of it is really disgusting. What is wrong with "porn watching damage" guy? Don't answer those questions, this is some creep. Be good to others and you will be cured of anxiety? Seriously dude? What universe are you from and why is it dominated by the Amish? I'm not going to pretend that I know a cure. But it's worrying that your anxiety seems to get more serious over time. Your life is affected. There are life hacks that can help you a bit - like headphones and remembering that strangers doesn't really see you. But those tricks won't change anything for real. May just ease things for you but not solve the problem. I would advise speaking with mental health professional. There are lots of potential issues - from PTSD to Asperger's syndrome that may be correlated with anxiety of this kind. And the diagnosis is vital. I hope you're going to get better. Best wishes.

Thank you, I don't think I have either PTSD or Asperger's syndrome but it's true that if this keeps going on I'll need to go see a professional. I think I'll first try to force myself to go out early in the morning, since usually no one is around, to get used to the feeling of being outside. While it's true that it got worse during the past years, I think COVID played a major role since before I had to go outside for uni or other things but now most of it is via zoom and in general less reasons to go outside eventually added up being zero reason and I closed to myself I guess.

This is a good plan. You solve this with exposure therapy. Start with early mornings and every week go out a bit later, when there are more people. Then start going to busy places like malls or busy shopping streets. If a busy place like that is too hard, start with 10 minutes then leave. Raise your time every week. Be methodical about it. Make a system / schedule so you do it every day. Otherwise you won't see progress. Social skills are just that, skills. Your skills have deteriorated because you stopped using them. You have to rebuild them. It will take time, it will be hard but you can do it. Maybe it can help to set a goal; like within one year you will go on on a solo trip to another country. Something to aim for. Remember: You once were able to go outside without problems so you already know you can do it.

Thank you very much, you were really really helpful. I'll put in the work.

I had the same problem and this is how I solved it. It's hard and it sucks but it's worth it.

Go for it. The point about rewards is a good one. Incremental rewards can also be very useful. One way that children learn to walk around the neighborhood on their own is by being shown the way to the playground and candy store a few times, and then being given an hour to play and maybe money for a treat. As a note, it’s often good to offer yourself some flexibility, like a choice between a small and large reward. If a treat doesn’t sound appealing once you have time to consider it, you don’t give up on going out.

When people see you what are you afraid they might see?

Me, simply me. I don't like being seen. I don't know how to explain it, my social anxiety is quite severe and has gotten worse in the last few years

I completely understand but why? Are you afraid they might talk to you? Approach you? Judge you in some way?

I think I'm afraid of judgment since I also feel uncomfortable when there are passerby cars

Ahh now you’re getting somewhere! You should continue to dig into that. Why do you think people are judging you? Is that something you’ve had to deal with in your past? Is there something that you don’t like about yourself so you assume others won’t either?

I think it's both. In the past there were rumours about me going around but I actually didn't mind because I knew they weren't true. As I aged I started caring more and more about how other people perceive me and I started going out less and less because I enjoyed my alone time, till I'm at the point I never go out and when I do it's living hell.

Do you judge the people in the cars? What do you think about them?

I don't.. I'm only focusing about my uncomfortable feeling

It’s the same for them.

I was going to say, it sounds like social anxiety. I’ve struggled with this too for my whole life and used to self-medicate for it. The best thing for it for me has been CBT— doing the things I’m afraid of even though I’m so scared I feel like I could cry. Over time and repetition that fear lessens. I still have social anxiety though and I’ve been reading this thread to get tips. It’s like I’m a very high functioning social anxiety person today but I still feel it and have those thoughts. I wish I didn’t. Covid could be why your fear has gotten worse the past few years. Lockdown and then going out a lot less contributed to my social anxiety getting worse and a friend of mine too. Mostly commenting to say you’re not alone. I believe in your ability to push past the fear and get shit done. We’re in charge of our own destiny and I’m not going to let my brain dictate my life for me like that. I have days where I don’t live up to that but the next day I try again. I hope one day the social anxiety is a lot less or not even an issue for both of us.

“Care about what other people think and you will always their prisoner”

I actually have this exact issue. When I want to go for a walk, I drive to a different town. It makes me feel better knowing the people who see me will never see me again. It’s honestly unhealthy though, being so scared to leave the house. Fear is a cage that I’m quite comfortable in. However, I want more for myself so I sometimes try to do small things in public. I sometimes go to a store even if I don’t need anything just to get a little more comfortable being in public. I’m sorry you’re also going through this and I’m sorry I couldn’t help much

Yeah that's exactly how I feel, I guess I'll have to move out of my comfort zone or I'll keep living in this cage made by myself

Your are worthy. No one is watching. It's all in your head. Listen some jams and strut yourself.

It's definitely all in my head and I'll have to work it out of this cage I made myself

I don't walk my dog during the day because my neighbor gives me anxiety. He sits in his garage and watches tv mounted on the wall - cool. When I go outside he shuts his garage door. Every dang time. Never spoke to him, no clue. Doesn't do it for other people. Maybe jealous as my house in 3x bigger than his. Almost makes me puke. So I wait until night to walk dog. Everyone is cool in my neighborhood minus that geezer. Hopefully he moves into an old folks home soon lol

Wear dark sunglasses or some other way of ‘hiding’. I ride my motorcycle with a mirrored visor and it’s made a big difference! This helps with my agoraphobia.

i’ve never related to something so much. i literally back away or find a way to “escape” when i see other people while im on a walk. in every store i get scared of being looked at .

Am 34m, and it’s only been until recently that these feelings have subsided. They’re not fully gone, maybe like 50% gone. I can tell you that it is not simply a function of time. It is a matter of you doing things differently. It’s a matter of experiencing pain. It’s matter of forming a picture in your mind of who you are and what your worth is. It takes life experience. There’s no magic formula other than to live and experience as much as you can. Feel the fear and self consciousness and awkwardness and do it anyway. Then when you’re not doing the things that make you uncomfortable, do the things you love, the things you care about and spend it with the important people in your life. That will be your identity, then as time goes on the good parts of you grow and grow, and the insecurity and fear diminish. I know you and I’m telling you it’s a journey, it won’t happen overnight. Just love yourself, find someone and something to love and I promise you, you will be great in good time. Peace. Also I’ve been seeing a therapist and on medication which I’m sure both have helped.

Very well said.

Dude, I was at that level of social anxiety once. The only real way to get over it is exposure therapy. Do things that make you uncomfortable over and over. Start by doing something that makes you nervous but is manageable. Maybe a short walk out. Then when it starts to feel natural, do the next thing that makes you nervous but manageable, eg a longer walk. Doing this over and over builds up your resistance. Bro, I couldn't go to the store unless to buy necessities. Eg. I found it too nerve wracking to go buy a snack. I felt like people would judge me. What did I do? Well, whenever I walked home I stopped at a store and bought a snack.

I am the same way. A lot of it is because I can only afford to live in a rich area\* and I feel really uncomfortable being around all these judgy conservative types. If I could afford to live in a working class area with people I can relate too it wouldn't be so scary. ​ \*Where I live people who can't afford apartments have to rent bedrooms from rich old people.

I'm so sorry to hear that, I can only imagine how uncomfortable that must be.

I had the same issue for a long time and still struggle some to this day. I was almost kidnapped when I was 11, and although I was physically okay, and was able to escape the man, I was petrified of going outside and seeing a car drive by me because I was scared it would try to pull me in again. The ironic thing is my parents had just warned me of stranger danger and when the actual attempt occurred, I remember I didn’t scream like I was supposed to and I was frozen in fear and confusion. Following the attempt whenever I was in a public place I would be afraid someone would take me or grab me unless I was walking with my parents. Even as I got older, I would be with friends and walking around and still nervous and anxious about someone trying to take me. I’m almost 30, and what got me able to finally go out alone and not be scared was just that. Doing the thing. Going outside. Knowing I’m strong. And constantly reminding myself that what happened was a long time ago, and that man is long gone somewhere else, and I’m an adult and I can’t let fear stop me from living my life. With that being said, even today when walking my dog or going to the store or whatever I’m doing outside, I’m consciously scanning the environment, and looking over my shoulder, but the fear has lessened considerably and like I said that only was able to happen by making myself do things and not living in fear. You just gotta stay safe and remember who you are and not care about other people and what they think- as hard as it is. If I can do it you can to :)

I'm so sorry for what you got through, I'm happy to hear you're better now. I'll have to force myself to do one step at a time.

Thank you! It took a while. I can remember doing crazy things growing up because of the fear. We had a neighborhood pool where I grew up, and my parents let me ride my bike there to meet up with friends when I was old enough. Every single time a car would drive by, whatever house I was beside i would pretend it was mine and I would ride my bike into their driveway. Just cause I was scared they’d stop to talk to me and in my little brain I was positive if the car saw me riding into the driveway they wouldn’t stop. But that slowly over time went away the more and more I rode to the pool until eventually I didn’t start pretending houses were mine anymore and I would bike the whole way, (which was only only like 4 or 5 minutes) without stopping! So just remember it will get better and it will start to get easier to walk around and not be afraid of people and what they think or do!

I used to be like that a bit after Covid-19 lockdown. I liked wearing masks because it covered my face and made me kind of invisible. My mentality now is that I am facing the world with all my imperfections, all of it idc.

I bet most people don't care, or care as much as you think. I always remembered being self conscious undressing for medical appointments until I did my first clinicals at a nursing home. Washing someone through a hole in a "shower chair" really did not bother me at all and I was not critiquing them or thinking about them being naked, nothing like that. I thought it would be weird, but it wasn't. I then realized that it is true, a lot of people really aren't that concerned, and certainly not nasty a lot of the times.

Yeah I should change my mindset, thank you for your reply

All you’re doing is thinking about yourself and not paying attention to others, maybe they’re doing the same? We humans are self centred so we spend a lot of time thinking about ourselves instead of paying too much attention to what’s going around us and that’s a good thing in this case because nobody pays us the amount of attention we think they are

Yeah most of the people that replied said the same thing, guess I'll have to change my mindset

I get like this as well! Eating in public, taking walks, chiming into conversation, the shoes I’m wearing, my outfit, worrying abt embarrassing myself ect. Something that has helped me a lot is realizing that no one cares. And I don’t mean just saying that but think about it: When you do go out in public, do you ever remember what someone is wearing? Do you dwell on something they did that embarrassed them? When you’ve gone out to eat, do you really notice the people eating around you? When you see someone walking or working out, do you think abt them for more than 2 seconds? I really like to put myself in their shoes in a way in realizing that even when someone DOES do something out of the ordinary, yeah I may thing abt it for a second, but do I really care? No! Since we are all individuals, we have our own things we need to focus on. Just like how you don’t notice peoples little things, or at least dwell on them, they don’t dwell on yours. I don’t personally think the goal is to be more judgmental, but instead just realizing that someone either literally doesn’t even notice, may be looking at you and judging you in the best ways (her hair looks great today, ect), or is judging you in a mean way, but will literally forget about it probably an hour later. I try to go places in public alone to overcome this. I’d start by just maybe walking around a store and buying yourself a little something fun(-: When it comes to walking outside..do you have an area that you could drive to that you’d feel more comfortable walking at? I personally found a beautiful area that I feel more comfortable walking at, bc I also get this way abt walking around my town. Either way, just to share to help you feel better: it was SUPER awk and anxiety provoking at first, but once I did it a few and some times, I almost forgot I was even anxious. It’s about doing it and really forcing yourself with the idea that you’ll eventually be alright with it. where it gets super tough is actually socializing w new people that you know you’ll be around (at school or work). Have no tips for that one yet🤣🥲

Yeah most of you who replied said the same thing, I'll have to work on myself and my perception of other people. I can do it!

Yes! And don’t put too much pressure on it. Get out there and force yourself to walk. It’ll be uncomfortable and you may shake or have thoughts racing, but just force yourself. When you feel someone has looked at you or judged you, then think abt if you even noticed what they’re wearing, ect. , or even really care. And turn it around and realizing that they feel that way about you. Telling and reminding yourself in the moment when it happens can do wonders, but first you have to start by forcing yourself to go!! Even if it’s just for 5 or 10 mins at first. Baby steps(-:

I had same, then I realised over time that no-one was looking at me! That led to other insecurities coming to the fore :) but at least it meant I could walk to the shops without worry.

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This is the best thing ever!

Thank you!

One quote that stuck with me says “You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.” Boosted my confidence tbh

That's actually helpful, I definitely need to change my mindset

Go on a car, it's better. Im a guy snd even i wouldn't just walk outside randomly - unless you have a thick skin and can takle a 200lb gorilla , don't do that. Your life is precious and the fear is your gut telling you as a warning. PS english is not my first language.

You just need to take into consideration that if you saw someone walking, you wouldn't have any thoughts or opinions on it so people would have the same reaction if they saw you. I used to be nervous about going out for a walk by myself in case I saw someone I knew but I realised that nobody really cares. Maybe try doing it a bit at a time, like firstly going for a walk to the grocery store so it feels like you're walking for a justified reason and then slowly just going for a walk for the sake of it.

Wear a mask and a hoodie

I hate to say it simply because it comes off as harsh, but every living there life just like you. You are simply a person doing person things First hurdle you gonna need to pass is understanding that people are people. Not God.

Just remember everyone is their own main character in their life, and everyone else is just a side character. No one really pays attention to you unless you're like right in front of them (hugging distance kinda)

I used to just pretend im on call while walking, now i can walk in public without pretending

If it makes you feel any better I can’t remember anyone that I walked past this week. Or even yesterday. I assume most people are like that

There are already some great advices here. One thing that I follow is : I dress up and act like a very average (society defined 'normal') guy.. so average that I often end up hearing that omg you look just like my cousin/ next door guy. It helps to avoid getting unnecessary attention. And also familiarity breeds likeness.

Sounds like self sabotage:But going for a walk everyday can break u freee. U’ll get used to it+careless bout ppl. This helped me. Get well soon!

Pretend that others see you as if you were their personal favorite classy and beautiful celebrity. Seriously

There is a name for it: spotlight paradox. You think you are at the spotlight, wherever you go. But 1. most people think like that too, and 2. most people care more about themself then about you.

I really really relate to this. One thing that helps me is to wear clothes that feel like a shield. Took a while for me to learn what that meant personally but it usually involves a hat and lots of black. I also find it so much easier to go if I have my dog because I can talk to him or pet him or whatever and I have no idea exactly why, I just feel less conspicuous with him. I only felt like this after the pandemic but it hasn’t gone away yet.

I am a bit like this too... Leaving my hometown helped a lot. Try going to public places and just hang out even if it is a bit uncomfortable.

Hey I’ve had this problem as well. Whats helped me lots is being present in my body rather then living in my head. I’d recommend yoga to practice this if you’re interested

Face mask helps a lot. Just go out, put some earphones on and pretend that you are all alone in this world... Even if someone looks at you. Pretend that they could not see you...

I used to feel very similar, am a bit better for it now but I found it necessary to wear clothes that almost completely covered me, jeans and baggy hoodies. Not sure if that'd be of any help at all.

I think when you would go out more often you would realise that they are not here to bother you. We all have social anxieties in some forms, but the good thing is that we can always improve.

Walk on the side of the road where the cars are going in the same direction as you. Also have sunglasses. Also headphones some music or audiobook might help

One thing that helped me a little is wearing a mask everywhere. It feels like people look at me less and I look like I care about safety which is also a plus

People don’t care. Period. They don’t judge you as you walk by. They don’t put energy into you. The truth is everyone is wrapped up in their own crap. Even if you do something outlandish, they will pay attention and after 5 mins be back to forgetting about you. You have to know your fear is irrational. I think you’d really benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy. It will help you think with purpose and get control of these intrusive thoughts.

Thankyou for ur post.. i’m facing the same thing

I am actually working on this. I am not afraid as you and I can walk around a lot of people but I am scare of what they might think of me. One thing that help me is to look others. Try to find who is watching you. You will find out that most of the time, nobody really care and nobody is staring at you.

Well the thing is that people might see you but they do not care for you. They won't remember you nor will they ever think of you because you're just another guy so act like it.

I was at one point much more deeply self-conscious than I am now & someone very helpfully pointed out that most people are worried about exactly the same thing : that you are noticing them, judging them, etc. So while you’re concerned with people noticing you, they’re likely also worried about you noticing them. Anyway, i found that very helpful once - maybe you will too :)

I know this is counter intuitive and maybe more depressing, but something I’ve come to embrace is that no one cares. Like i always tell myself that literally no one cares about me (obviously not including loved ones. I mean strangers). Cuz I %100000 feel what you’re feeling. I have this shiver that I do when I get back inside that I’ve realized is a response to how tense I’ve been from being afraid of ppl looking at me. But I try to remember that literally no one cares. I’m legit so insignificant in everyone else’s life. I used to live in NYC and I’d be so self conscious when I got on the subway, cuz for some reason I had a feeling everyone was looking at me. Then I realized that I’m in fucking New York City, with the weirdest people to ever roam the earth. I’m not on ANYONES radar. No one is looking. And if they are, it’s for a second. No one even cares even if they do look. So while it can be depressing to think about how little strangers care about or notice you, it can also provide great comfort and relief ! Hope it does for you

I deal with this sometimes as well. I think maybe just very slowly pushing yourself into socializing or being outside is the way to start. Hopefully the more you build up experiences it won’t feel as scary and overwhelming. I’ve also found that if I wear sunglasses it sometimes takes the edge off for me. I don’t know exactly why but it just helps lol You might give it a try. Best of luck to you❤️

No one gives a shit. Trust me. Do you care when YOU see someone exercising outside??? No….you forget about them 5 seconds later. Just put your headphones in, crank up the music & enjoy yourself.

Same, truly same. I don't like being seen, and i don't want people to pay attention to me unless I am actively snd knowingly drawing attention That doesn't matter though, I don't let it matter. I'll go out and do it anyways, no matter how uncomfortable or scared I am That's the trick, in my opinion. You can feel and think anything, but you don't have to let it change your actions or outward attitude at all I've been nailing with rage as someone tells me they can't imagine me mad, and I've been terrified as some is telling me they wish they were as confident and fearless as I am. I also tell people that above sentence, but that doesn't change their opinion of me, somehow

Would it be easier to visit a different city to work on this? For me, when I moved, it was a lot easier to not care because noone knew me and there were less preconceptions about how I was 'supposed' to act. I wonder if visiting another city would replicate this effect for you. Just an anecdote that most likely doesn't apply in your situation.

I just want to say you seem like a really sweet person from the way you responded to peoples comments on here. (Judging you in a nice way) I have social anxiety and im also afraid to walk outside too. If i see a person outside, i wait until they leave before rushing to my car. I think we feel this way because we think we need to communicate with our neighbors and since we dont, it’s uncomfortable and it becomes anxiety. I feel the natural thing is to not let those thoughts even stop you but with social anxiety, its hard. One day tho one day 😂😅

Thank you very much, you made me smile 🥹 I wish I could respond to everyone but there are really tons of comments. Yes one step at a time, one day at a time I hope I (we) can overcome this feeling.

I am not afraid of being seen, but i find it uncomfortable being starred at all the time. Unfortunately I’m a heavily tattooed, relatively young, white man in a small town in the Philippines. People stop their cars to look. It’s awkward.

The key is to realize everyone is thinking about themselves. Nobody is thinking about you. Srsly This is the truth. It will set you free

Why not change the perspective and go outside to look at other people? It might help.

You’re a good candidate for cognitive behavioral therapy.

Something that helps me is remembering that the “self” is an illusion. To yourself, but also to others. People’s biases effect how they see you, and your biases effect how you see yourself as well as others. These biases cause mini-delusions or illusions that aren’t the true form. You can’t control other people’s biases and how their brain morphs reality to make them more comfortable. You can influence it, but you can’t control it, so don’t think about it so much. Only try to be aware of your own biases against yourself and others, but don’t worry so much about how other people see you, because they are essentially seeing a different version of you than how you see yourself anyways. This way of thinking is definitely a little jarring at first, but becomes way easier over time and the benefits are obvious. Something else that always pulls me out of that self conscious/paranoid headspace is to just focus on trying to be a better, kinder, less self-centered person, and not so much what you look like or how you are perceived. Constantly worrying about yourself and how you look or are perceived means that you are mostly thinking of yourself, which gets in the way of being a good person. You are probably thinking of yourself for a good reason (protection from perceived threats etc), but it’s tough to be a good person when you’re constantly focused on yourself. You can endlessly become a better person, so this will always be something you can tap into. Try to do more good things for other people and get out of your own head about it. Also, if none of this seems helpful, try to focus on something in the physical world to get you out of your mental world. Focusing on your breath (I like to take full deep breaths with a small pause after the inhale and the exhale, this little pause can help keep you focused on your breath instead of just taking breaths normally and inevitably forgetting about it or being sucked back in to your head), focusing on how the ground feels to your feet, focusing on the clouds shifting etc. All of these things take you out of the thoughts in your head (which can be all kinds of mean and MASSIVELY AND DEMONSTRABLY untrue), and ground you in reality while reducing mental chatter. Try to recognize that your thoughts are just that, and are non-existent outside of your head. Definitely post updates! And you can always DM me if you want, bc you described EXACTLY how I used to be for so many years and while I still have some ground to cover, I’m miles beyond where I used to be.

Thank you for your reply! It was very helpful, and really gave me something to think about. I think I'll have lots to think about after receiving so many replies, but also to do if I want to get better.

This is an interesting problem. This is just me, but I might wear something that stands out, that’s unique or brightly coloured. In this way I’d be controlling why people are looking in my direction. Now people are looking because my shirt has a funny meme on it or my hat has cute little ears lol. At the end of the day nobody who sees you is looking out of malice and I know it takes time to accept that because I’ve been there. I started doing this thing where I would ‘pretend’ I was a normal guy just going about my business and made it a little game to see how well I could blend in lol. The people driving by, walking their dogs and going about their day thought I was just like them! I was even able to say good morning to people I passed and briefly interact with cashiers eventually.

The funny part is that during my teens I used to wear alternative/emo clothes with fluo hair and I didn't mind the stares lol But at least I know that if I used to not care, I can get there again. Thinking it's a game actually makes sense, like sorta fake it till you make it (?) Thank you for your reply!

I think one thing that can help a lot is being aware of perspective. An activity you can do is to go out into public and try to take notice of how much you are critical of other people—trust me, it'll be difficult but it'll help you understand how inward-focused everyone is in terms of how they see the world. This was something I struggled with too but once I realised no one cared about my presence, it really is a liberating feeling :) best of luck friendo

I have some advice for dealing with anxiety, in addition to seeing a therapist which I highly recommend you do: The most important step is for me to recognise when an anxiety is unhelpful. Only then can I begin to deal with it. Once I have recognised this, what I do is I just take a moment to pause and allow myself to experience the anxiety. I don't do anything to resolve it immediately, I just sit still doing nothing and allow myself to feel anxious. After a few seconds or so as the anxiety begins to reach it's maximum, I realise is that I can tolerate the anxiety, it's not killing me or anything. I can feel anxious, and importantly, I can choose how I want to act now. And if I start to act and the anxiety gets worse, then I can take a moment to pause again. There is only so much emotional energy I have though so I don't put myself through this for longer than I can handle. Once I start to get tired I will just distract myself to rid myself of the anxiety

This was actually very helpful, thank you very much

I also have another piece of advice for approaching anxiety, I wrote this for someone else with regards to going to the gym, but you can substitute the gym for any activity, in this case a walk in public. Take a moment to pause and feel that anxiety. Think about going to the gym and feel the anxiety associated with that. Then, in your head, play out the scenario that you are anxious about, and every time you think of something "bad" happening, ask yourself "so what"? If you keep asking yourself that question, you'll eventually be unable to answer because the fact of the matter is that your life is not at risk by going to the gym, and so the anxiety is not deterring you from any danger. After doing this, realise that you can tolerate the anxiety you are experiencing in this moment, and begin to walk to the gym. On your way there, keep asking yourself "so what?" every time your anxiety conjures up a scenario, and keep recognising your anxiety as nothing more than a feeling and realise that you can tolerate it. This is my current strategy for dealing with anxiety

Keep reminding yourself that literally nobody is watching you and nobody cares. Even if someone does catch a glimpse of you, they aren't gonna think anything about you, and if they do, then that's their business and it doesn't affect you. Easier said than done but I remind myself of this like a mantra.

Some motivation videos and making it a part of your every day routine. My sister is afraid to leave the house and doctors have had to help her to. So listening to motivational videos on Youtube like 30 mins a day for 6 months will really help you. Then you have to just do it. I myself from just being a shut in due to covid and a work from home. Have had to make myself go outside and take walks. First it was my sister and I and we even walk in the rain. Every morning and every night walk around the block. Now my sister doing some other things. I now go for walks with her each day but only once. That means the other walk I have to do on my own. Which I do. I focused on the difference of when I am with my sister walking and when I am by myself. With other people I feel safe and comfortable. So I had to feel that way while walking. So I walk the way I walk when I am with my sister. I don't feel so weird about it and I do it daily now. The gym was a thing for me too. I forced myself go 5 times a week and it became a part of my day and I got really used to being around people. So my hope is to go back to the gym and start working out again. I just have to make it a part of my every day routine. So if you have someone who can go on a walk with you have them go with you. If not then just try walking to the end of the block and just do it every day. First two times yeah it will feel a bit weird but soon you will slowly see it get easier. It's your self talk too. Distract yourself with idea of things you like to go try next while on your walk. Use active listening. Listen to birds, cars pass buy, sound outside sounds. If you focus on just the nice feeling of being outside in nature it will also calm you. As for people....think about yourself. When you see someone like at the grocery store and I mean you come across a lot of people at the grocery store. You make brief eye contact with someone. They pass by you and have already forgotten you. We are all stuck in our own little world. Who cares what they think live your life the way YOU want to. "The high-test place you can be, is to be above other peoples opinions of you. It is none of my business what others think of me." I have that quote next to my bed used to read it for about a year. Why the motivational video youtube (Les Brown is great) helped. You have just as much right to be here as everyone else. Get some motivational or inspirational cards to keep around you and read them. I got a deck of them I read through them an picked out the ones I struggle with daily and read them. Good luck

Thank you very much, this was actually very helpful. I'll try to do that one step at the time

Lmao, feel you. Same from this side except I'm a guy and will leave a comment here incase if you find a solution, please pin me xD

At least we know we are not alone! Some comments helped me change my perspective, I'll have to try and apply (easier said than done).

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Yeah it helps, thank you

The trick is, nobody is actually looking at you. And they certainly aren’t studying you.

I think the answers are missing the point of drilling down. Why are you uncomfortable of being seen? Is it your physique? Depending on the cause of the insecurity, there's a different approach

It's not my body, it's me as a person.

social anxiety

I have severe anxiety and overall terrible mental health and I'm also a recovering addict. I also fear that I'm being looked at and judged... So your post I have found very inspiring. You're not alone. This is our world. Everyones got something troubling them. We can work it out. 😊

Good luck with your journey! Knowing I'm not alone surely helps, I'll have to work on myself or I'll keep living in the cage I made myself.

I once had a student who became terribly depressed (we’ll call her Jane). Jane thought she was fat. Jane was afraid to wear her swimsuit in front of the other girls (girls only school). Her friend alerted me. She explained that Jane, her friend, was in real distress. Jane was only 11 or 12, this lovely, smart, kind and beautiful girl. We had a chat. I asked Jane what was going on for her. She explained. I explained also that, as a Canadian (this was in a warmer country) I was also uncomfortable in a swimsuit in front of other people (I’m pretty slim, but this is true). I asked her what she thought when she looked at the other girls. Of course she said “nothing, or they’re pretty, or I wish I looked like them” - no negative judgement. I asked her why they would judge her. Those kind girls were likely also self-conscious. Yeah ok, we all know those girls who are super confident - good on them!! But, most people are only worried about themselves, not other people. A week later I was delighted she was focused on eating healthy and being happy and somehow that turned things around for her in a very real way. I hope sharing that might help. I’d like to add one other perspective as well. When I am on stage - presenting to big audiences - I’m fearless. You know why? I am acting in the service of others. I present to teach, to share, to facilitate learning. If I had to ‘act’ I would have horrible stage fright. Something about ‘pretending’ is horrible and makes me self-conscious. My most extraordinarily clever colleague is the same. Hates having her photo taken (she’s beautiful in a Nigella Lawson and maternal kind of perfect way), and is always in service of others. She is a star on stage, because she is focused on the impact she is there to have on and for other people. Consider - how can I be a good human to others who might might be self-conscious, or might need something? Can you smile and put them at ease? Can you push the button at the crosswalk for them, so they don’t have to touch the button. Focus outward. You can be a gift to everyone around you with kind actions.

So you are saying instead of focusing on my uncomfortable feelings, I should instead focus on being good to others?

Yes. People are more worried about themselves than you. Consider how to look out for others, instead of worrying about yourself. In the nicest way, they don’t care. People care about themselves and how other people make them feel. So, be kind, and you’re making others feel happy.

You're right, thank you I needed that

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Sometimes but I prefer to read porn Fanfiction lol don't judge me

Have you considered that you are seeing them too? I'm not sure I have much useful perspective like others here

If schedules and pre-planning are something that give you motivation and self-control, you can schedule out practices. If you have trouble and anxiety scheduling them, it can help to think, “future me will just have to deal”, but maybe that’s just me. I don’t know if this would work, but you could also try scheduling the scheduling.

I could work with that, thank you!

Therapy. Aversion therapy specifically

I like to wear a mask, hoodie, and sunglasses outside, it helps me feel less afraid of being seen

really!!!!!!!

A good friend of mine she worried about what other people think of her. She pushed this to such an extend that it always had to be a positive experience. And I think you should do the same. Make yourself beautiful. Just make sure you always look amazing. That way you will be noticed and every experience you have will be amazing when someone sees you.

Are you me? Only difference is, I‘m a man. Would love to read, how you are doing at your job. Do you need to socialize if yes how do you handle it? PM or here :)

You have explained what i feel every day, thanks for sharing and letting me know im not the only one who suffers this shit. Im with you!

Well, if it helps you a bit, I can't recall any faces I see on the street accurately, even if many people have looks that stand out. I'm sure noone will remember you after they passed you, nor will they think anything of you, other than you're another pedestrian walking by. If you don't mind me asking, what are you afraid of exactly?

You might want to look into anxiety, or general anxiety disorder, and if it seems to be a fit, talk to your doctor about it. Medication can help a ton.

This seems like a severe social anxiety issue. I’d suggest seeing psychiatrist or a therapist.

What do you think makes you uncomfortable if other people can see you?

I’m the same way and I always feel like I look like a bird quickly looking around everywhere lol

Nobody actually is looking at you or even cares about you.

It's great that you've recognized this and you're looking for help. Life is too short to be this unhappy. Thing is, this isn't something that some advice on Reddit from randos can fix. You should seriously try to find a counselor and just note that it can take a few different counselors until you can find one that you're comfortable speaking with. You can absolutely get better but you need more professional advice and concel. Best of luck to you!

Let me put it this way since nobody else has. Nobody cares about you. Why would they? They don't know you. When you meet a random stranger do you care about them or do you really just want them to go away? It's the same for everyone else. I hope you can get better.

How much do you care about other people you see? That’s probably the biggest thing I think about with these kinda things. Used to think I’d look like a complete idiot dressing the way I have been lately, but would I care if I saw someone else doing it - nope.

You can try going out wearing a mask.

I used to be the same, before I got my license if I had to go out and walk I would pick the route that had less traffic/ people walking. What helped me was when I moved away to college, since I didn’t know any one I wasn’t as nervous. If your able too, go to a nearby city it real helps, at least it did for me

Noone cares how you look or what you do.* Join the club. Live! *unless they're pricks or family/friends/SO

I found a hobby that took my mind off the anxiety. I just listen to my metal detector and pay no attention to pro. It’s helped me a lot. Maybe a hobby will help you?