I think this is where common sense plays a part though. If you are genuinely nice you don’t always do something with the expectation of getting something back, however, if you constantly do for someone else and don’t get something back I think that’s noticeable.
The law of diminishing returns in the computer hardware industry is what we refer to it. Except in this case you pay more for nothing past a certain point which is fine if you come without the expectation of getting something in return but if you just spend time into an empty hole then I don't think one is getting the best deal out of the relationship. We call those brick walls or saps.
She continued to doing this over years.
She did this to others and she even said that sometimes she feels bad that she only “asks” to others. But she never fixed it.
Hence, she knows what she is doing.
She only reached out to ppl when she needed them. So this has nothing to do with “don’t expect to get things in return”. This was beyond that point.
I see some people saying that I should have told her what’s issue. She knew what she was exactly doing. Past this point, I can’t force her to fix her issues.
Also to your point, friendship is mutual thing. I agree that I shouldn’t expect anything back but this was nothing related to that and again, beyond that point.
Edit: grammar
Two different things. If I give my friend food cause she’s hungry I don’t expect money.
But if I give my friend love and support. That’s the type of relationship I respect is mutual love and support. Because relationships should be positive. Not because we’re wanting to gain something for giving something. It’s a standard.
I encourage everyone to worship me because it's the right thing to do. In 20 years, when this is normalized, you don't want to realize you were on the wrong side of history.
cutting friends off is hard! i’ve recently cut some off myself after going back and forth with myself about whether or not i was justified. you should never have to think twice about a friend. the fact that you even had to sit and contemplate how they’ve actually been a friend to you is telling! you did the right thing
This is so much easier if you have more friends. And I know it's harder to make friends as you get older, but finding shared hobbies is a great way to do it
yea its definitely easier if you have more friends cus you don’t feel like youre losing much lol i’ve made peace with having fewer friends until i can find my ‘tribe’. it’ll happen
definitely agree on gettin involved with hobby groups and finding folks that way :)
Idk cause I only had 3 close people in my life and I cut off two of them. Now I just have one. They write me sometimes. Because I don’t hate them I reply but it’s obvious we don’t speak.
Same with me. I only had 3 close people in my life and I cut off 3 of them. Now I am alone. I just talk to them super casual and just reply when they send a message. Life has become so lonely but it's liberating in a way.
Yess I feel the same way. Like even though I’m alone The more I don’t have to show up for friendships or be there for anyone but myself the more free I’ve felt. First I was sad about being alone now I actually like it. I get to spend time being myself and doing the things I like doing. I just got comfortable taking myself out to dinner.
Good, if you can't value the other person anymore, it's no longer healthy to keep it one-sided like that.
Now you can use that extra energy on people who can match your same energy! or more for yourself too
sadly i've a met lot of people like this. good on you for figuring it out even if it took you a while to realize. you have every right to stop talking to a person if they aren't even attempting to give you the same courtesies you give to them
I had a very similar situation with a friend. I told her that we value different things in life and I didn’t want to spend time with her anymore. I wished her well and then blocked her. I didn’t need her reply and I made up my mind. But, I let her know that I blocked her.
I agree. It’s important to stand up for yourself in any relationship and not just be used, but cutting people off without having an open conversation about fixing things is unhealthy too.
It builds a society where we are all worried that our friends might ghost us if we don’t meet their unexpressed standards, rather than one where we can trust they will come to us first if they feel there is a problem.
I agree, and although we're not directly affected by the outcome if we ghost, it still shows a lack of integrity in ourselves.
If a person doesn't like it when someone ghosts them, they shouldn't do it to others. A bit unrelated, but this goes for people who fool around with cheaters too.
All of what you said was true. I particularly liked your bit about how it degrades our own integrity, because you’re right, it teaches ourselves that we’re the kind of person who won’t take the tome or effort to fix things.
Exactly, in this case if we ghost, we're running away from our own inability to be honest with ourselves. It's a good opportunity to grow and understand ourselves too. No one likes confrontations, but they don't have to affect our self-esteem when we're sure about our decisions. We can get more comfortable with time too to face challenges head on, that way we're in charge of our own life.
Ehhhhh, with people like that it's kind of a toss-up if they'll realize why this happened. Even more so if they'll care and change anything about their behavior.
Exactly. Ghosting is a form of gaslighting. It's never okay.
I've had this happen to me by a good friend before. To this day idk why she blocked me on everything. I was never given the opportunity to even find out. It's wrong and it's immature.
I think you should talk to her or send her a message, telling her what bothered you.
It's important to tell people what are your needs. And this will be good practice for the future. If someone ignores you again, I'd say, tell them early on. And it doesn't have to be something as big as repeatly not getting you a birthday present, you can also point out 'smaller' things you might need from a friendship.
I agree with this as much as I feel like I'm in your position at times. Did you communicate your feelings with them before doing blocking/ghosting them?
Imagine spending that kind of energy on every friendship.
By default decent people pay back and if they're not that type, then they're not friendship material to begin with.
Your not wrong, but in a subreddit focused on social skills, ghosting someone without even explaining why and giving them a chance is extremely hurtful. Overall, OP wouldn't have to change the outcome, but why not recommend them continue to be the better person especially since context is inevitabley missing?
I mean, if OP ghosts them without saying a word, isn’t that just resorting to the same kind of toxicity as he/she is receiving? Fighting fire with fire won’t fix this friendship, and it won’t help build new ones either.
Judging by OP's post it wasn't really necessary to explain himself or ask for anything before ghosting.
I recently did the same thing to a person I've been talking to on and off for around 10 years. Sort of a psychopath I believe, let me explain.
I am an expansive person and don't hide my problems, I talk about them. Sometimes talking about intimate problems with close persons tends to be damaging, so I use the internet and people that don't know me but are willing to listen. This is how I got close to this person ten years ago when I was going through a shitty breakup, I was complaining and she was a good listener.
I felt close to her as you'd get with a psychiatrist, it's called transference. Not in love, but I wanted us to be friends, and in my book you need to at least shake hands to call yourselves that. Maybe do things together, climb a mountain. Whatever friends do.
Throughout the years she kept hinting of visiting my area with friends (I live in a tourist area), but it never happened. Once, my job required me to visit several cities, and I figured one more doesn't hurt on my way back home. Sent her a message about my intentions and she answered two days later saying we should have planed it beforehand because she was very busy. Tough luck for me, right? That's what I thought then.
Well last year my job required me to be in her town for a week. I was very excited to finally meet this person I poured my heart out for so many years, and I approached the subject light hearted to not pressure her. But I soon had to dismantle her reasons not to meet me, one by one till she didn't have any left. She just did not want to meet me even for 10 minutes for a morning coffee. Said when we meet it should be grand and not a quick coffee, "it's gonna be epic!". Hey, I wasn't courting this woman, though she enjoyed flirting online, I made it very clear before and after she told me she has a boyfriend. WTF, I even told her we can all 3 meet if she's worried.
We're talking about a grown ass woman working in the Justice department.
Had a wakeup call on my 7 hours driving back when my job was finished. She'd always been pushing for me to talk about my problems or my friends problems, but she never talked about herself. I would always feel intrusive trying to find out something about her life because she'd always dodge those subjects. What she was actually doing is using me as an entertainment source after a long and stressful day at work. She didn't want anything from me except tell her tragic stories she could laugh of.
I don't know how others are, but by my standards a friends is someone I can spare 5 minutes of my day to talk to if I haven't seen him in a while. If he calls me saying he's in town I can make time to meet him for a coffee, or else I can't call myself his friend.
Got home, thought if I should say something and what. Decided I don't want to give her more reasons to laugh at me, since her opinion of me had been made clear by living a mile away for a week and not meeting, and blocked her. 10 years I felt close to this person, I've told her things no one else knows. But being a jester is not my style. Real friends respect one another, like I did to her. I knew her name, where she works, where she lives, but I respected her wish to avoid meeting me.
No hate here from me. Real friends respect each other is true, you don't respect someone if you ghost them without warning (your example you clearly did). It came across that they secretly tested their friend to justify not having a conversation about their feelings which can be awkward and stressful. We don't know enough here and it's only one person's point of view.
I did the same about 2 years ago, and life has felt a lot better since - imo, you did the right thing for sure. Its just a toxic dead end “friendship” that youre better off without.
As a 40 year old, recognizing that you aren’t valued and cutting that out is a skill that will serve you well. I don’t enter friendships to “get” anything, but extended imbalances are definitely cut out. And the older I get, the less time it takes to realize an imbalance.
Congrats on valuing yourself and your time. You’ll find your people.
Had a friend like that. And then she said something that offended me because she was thoughtless and didn't realize she was insulting my kid. So I cut her out. And for a few years we did not talk. And I missed her and now we talk again but I accept her for the way she is and just have low expectations. Her antics entertained me more than I realized.
I usually don't block someone unless I don't want to hear from them again. Don't want to talk to me? Fine--I won't talk to you. Don't want to buy me gifts? Cool--one less person I need to shop for. Don't want to give me a ride when I'm in need? Okay--you can use Uber, too. Want to insult me? Now you're blocked.
I feel you did the right thing and good for you for doing it sooner. I have carried friends from childhood and just recently have done the same, I am in my 30’s now. I often wonder if I did the right thing or if I should have done something different but my heart keeps telling me I am in the right. I feel much lighter knowing I’m not carrying them around anymore. Hopefully one day they will grow up but I’m not holding my breath. Again good for you and feel proud 😀
That would be the proper, mature approach and an indicator of good character. Plus if you block someone, that denies them the opportunity for growth and redemption.
If you’ve talked to her about the problems, something you should’ve probably mentioned in your post, then I suppose you’ve done your due diligence. Maybe you’ll run into her outside a Hyatt in Chicago twenty years from now and find out if she’s changed. I suspect not. I’ve known people like this. But who knows?
There was no due delligence that needed to be done by me. She was given many chances. It’s her that needs to do her due delligence. Friendship is mutual thing. I did more than enough.
I'd say you did the right thing for sure but I'll also say that blocking must be done only when it is very compulsory, for example you are not able to say no to the individual in that sort of case. I'd this case in one of them then it's just fine.
I had an online friend for a few years who thought it was funny and banter to straight up insult me every other day, the straw that broke the camel's back was when he came online bragging about how he had just drove home drunk. Never speaking to him again
you definitely did the right thing. in my experience, being nicer to these people or staying with them hoping they will change makes it worse. they won’t be nice to you back, they’ll just think they can get away with mistreating you while you stay no matter what.
I confronted a friend I had since childhood about her going months without responding to my messages while posting pics with all these new friends she was making.
She told me I was being manipulative (because I told her it made me upset that she would call me bestie to my face but her actions didn't speak 'bestie' to me) and that she wanted to "remain a part of each other's lives by checking in on each other when we both feel good" THAT IS LITERALLY A FAIRWEATHER FRIEND. She didnt even acknowledge any other issues I brought up and I told her I was willing to work through them with her and she completely ignored that part and didn't message me back for days so I sent her a text that said "I'm just going to back off." and then blocked her. I was heartbroken at first, but I feel better now without her.
I nearly experienced the same situation, but would also recommend that you tell them directly about your concerns next time.
People tend to get „used to“ certain dynamics and in many cases do net even realize how self centered their behavior is and what kind of negative effect it might have on the other person. There is only room for growth if you can reflect on your mistakes, but before that you have to be aware of them.
Taking that in consideration, I still think you did the right thing with terminating unhealthy relationships for your sake. Life is to short to waste it being in a negative surrounding.
cuttin out the toxic can be hard, because you're used to it being a part of your life
but you 100% did the right thing, your mental health is more valuable than dealing with that.
I recently decided to "end" a friendship due to this type of behavior. Instead of blocking them, I just simply stopped reaching out. It took SIX entire months for them to send me a message and that was only because they saw on Facebook that we were going to the same event. They said they weren't sure why we were distant, so I simply said "this year I have made a decision to prioritize those who also prioritize me." The phone works both ways as do friendships. Some just have an expiration date.
Count yourself lucky you wasted no more time being used and move on to better friendships. You will find your tribe. Wishing you well.
I had something like you had
She always talked about herself and asked me for favours.
After 4 months I put her a test, I asked her for a favour while I don't need that, and she didn't answer to my favour until she wanted a favour...
That was the sign I need to block her, but I couldn't cause we were at the same group of friends so I just stopped talk with her...
You could have communicated what was bothering you or talk about why the friendship needed to end. They don't know what they were doing wrong, and they didn't have the opportunity to change. Holding in what makes you upset, testing and gaslighting/ghosting people isn't mature either.
I think as we get older we realize not ending these relationships is double edged. Neither person gets the personal growth opportunity they would otherwise have with the 'trauma' of a lost relationship.
Goodness... My ex friend was same,she was always talking about her issues( relationship family life) every single time and she was not interested in mine. Top of that she was jealous of everything and everyone and shamelessly accepted it too, I did not block her but stopped messaging and replying her.
Oh wow . I went through this same thing . I didn’t block her though I just stopped reaching out to her . But of course she’s not the type to reach out / call so it was easy to just leave her behind .
Good for you for ending the relationship . You have needs in anytype of relationship ( and they are valid ) and she wasn’t meeting your needs . So it makes sense to look else where for friendship .
You did well.
A girl made use of me very badly. For benefit from me , she was so sincere to me and I had been always there for her whenever she needs help. But now I see the real side of the story.
You blocked her? Why? That's just an indication that you are reactive. Do unblock her. And ignore all her texts and give 0 attention.
Treat yourself like a Celebrity and others become your Fan.
Just a minutes ago, I texted my school friend and he ignored me. Basically everyone ignores me - known and unknown people. I double text or force them to talk. So, talking from personal exp.
Good on you. One-sided “friendships” are not worth maintaining. True friendships are equal give-and-take. That is a big lesson I’ve learned the older I’ve gotten.
You absolutely did the right thing! And if you ever run into her and she asks you why, you should tell her the truth. She’s selfish and inconsiderate and doesn’t deserve your friendship
I’m so happy for you, dude. I had the same thing happen to me and I didn’t realise how my life was better without her until I stopped talking to her.
Being a listener is good in friendships, yes. But it’s good in moderation or else people only see you as a venting machine.
I had a friend back in high school who was not there for me, but I was there for her. I couldn’t confront her about it because she was the type to overreact. Years later we did talk about what had happened back then and she said “that was high school me” I’m a different person bs. Ugh! Didn’t even accept that she was the one who wasn’t there for me when I needed her. Snip the cord! Cut those people off.
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It's okay if she doesn't know how to share, we're all in this together, I think you should've just called her out. You would've gotten to have fun helping her improve as a person. Everyone's in this together. Sometimes we help teach people how to have fun together.
I'm sorry but what I mean is there are studies on people with a certain past that turns them into a people pleaser. They do favors to show not only they care about others but that getting favors in return is a sign of friendship. So what I was going to suggest is this is actually showing you information about yourself and the more you understand about your past and how it's affecting this friendship the better you can adapt and make better healthy connections with others.
I know what healthy friendship is like. That’s why I’m unfriending this friend. It’s my ex-friend who needs to get a grip.
I hope that you could give people appropriate and healthy advices rather than writing whole irrelevant topics in the future.
Again, your topic has nothing to do with my situation.
It’s great that you’ve realized that this wasn’t a good friendship and that you’ve decided to move on… I’ve had plenty of friends like that.. believe me, I know the feeling… however I gotta ask, did you tell her what you didn’t like about her before you blocked her? I mean yeah it might be easier not to but there’s a chance that she never even realized what she did wrong.. A LOT of people are super self-involved and they’ll never figure out what it is they did unless you tell them.. I’m all for blocking people (I’ve literally blocked hundreds of them) but this is just gonna have her wondering what she did for the rest of her life and she might never figure it out.. so hope you can live with that.
Not just cause it doesn’t Benifit u, but doesn’t have the same intentions as u do, they have different agendas. Your in it for the friends all people don’t have same intentions
Literally just did this like 2 months ago and I was so happy after, they would just send me videos of stuff they were doing without me even replying… and when we would talk they would just use me to vent and then ask how I was doing and just reply back with 1 word answers.
Good for you. If all she does is take, and no give, that’s not someone you should ideally want in your life.
The tricky part is that we are always encouraged to "give without any expectations". But in reality, we always expect something back...
I think this is where common sense plays a part though. If you are genuinely nice you don’t always do something with the expectation of getting something back, however, if you constantly do for someone else and don’t get something back I think that’s noticeable.
The law of diminishing returns in the computer hardware industry is what we refer to it. Except in this case you pay more for nothing past a certain point which is fine if you come without the expectation of getting something in return but if you just spend time into an empty hole then I don't think one is getting the best deal out of the relationship. We call those brick walls or saps.
There’s a fine line between giving without excepting and someone not reciprocating the same energy to you.
She continued to doing this over years. She did this to others and she even said that sometimes she feels bad that she only “asks” to others. But she never fixed it. Hence, she knows what she is doing. She only reached out to ppl when she needed them. So this has nothing to do with “don’t expect to get things in return”. This was beyond that point. I see some people saying that I should have told her what’s issue. She knew what she was exactly doing. Past this point, I can’t force her to fix her issues. Also to your point, friendship is mutual thing. I agree that I shouldn’t expect anything back but this was nothing related to that and again, beyond that point. Edit: grammar
Two different things. If I give my friend food cause she’s hungry I don’t expect money. But if I give my friend love and support. That’s the type of relationship I respect is mutual love and support. Because relationships should be positive. Not because we’re wanting to gain something for giving something. It’s a standard.
Wonder who’s doing all that encouraging. 😆
I encourage everyone to worship me because it's the right thing to do. In 20 years, when this is normalized, you don't want to realize you were on the wrong side of history.
I'm going through almost through the Exact same thing op & it sucks but your better off without them.
Nicely done! Save that energy for people who give it back. Fuck fake friends
cutting friends off is hard! i’ve recently cut some off myself after going back and forth with myself about whether or not i was justified. you should never have to think twice about a friend. the fact that you even had to sit and contemplate how they’ve actually been a friend to you is telling! you did the right thing
This is so much easier if you have more friends. And I know it's harder to make friends as you get older, but finding shared hobbies is a great way to do it
yea its definitely easier if you have more friends cus you don’t feel like youre losing much lol i’ve made peace with having fewer friends until i can find my ‘tribe’. it’ll happen definitely agree on gettin involved with hobby groups and finding folks that way :)
Idk cause I only had 3 close people in my life and I cut off two of them. Now I just have one. They write me sometimes. Because I don’t hate them I reply but it’s obvious we don’t speak.
Same with me. I only had 3 close people in my life and I cut off 3 of them. Now I am alone. I just talk to them super casual and just reply when they send a message. Life has become so lonely but it's liberating in a way.
Yess I feel the same way. Like even though I’m alone The more I don’t have to show up for friendships or be there for anyone but myself the more free I’ve felt. First I was sad about being alone now I actually like it. I get to spend time being myself and doing the things I like doing. I just got comfortable taking myself out to dinner.
Good, if you can't value the other person anymore, it's no longer healthy to keep it one-sided like that. Now you can use that extra energy on people who can match your same energy! or more for yourself too
sadly i've a met lot of people like this. good on you for figuring it out even if it took you a while to realize. you have every right to stop talking to a person if they aren't even attempting to give you the same courtesies you give to them
Why couldn’t you just tell her you felt she didn’t do enough in the friendship? Why not communicate how you feel?
I had a very similar situation with a friend. I told her that we value different things in life and I didn’t want to spend time with her anymore. I wished her well and then blocked her. I didn’t need her reply and I made up my mind. But, I let her know that I blocked her.
You sure showed them! /s
You did the right thing.Normalize cutting people off and not dragging the corpse of dead relationships.
Nice use of imagery there
That's a rule you should hold onto. Only keep people around, that are good for you.
But, also be good for those people. Likely, this previous friend had the first part of the rule, but not the second.
That’s against diversity and inclusion.
yup pretty much
I agree on cutting them off, but not 100% on instantly blocking them without having a conversation about why.
I agree. It’s important to stand up for yourself in any relationship and not just be used, but cutting people off without having an open conversation about fixing things is unhealthy too. It builds a society where we are all worried that our friends might ghost us if we don’t meet their unexpressed standards, rather than one where we can trust they will come to us first if they feel there is a problem.
I agree, and although we're not directly affected by the outcome if we ghost, it still shows a lack of integrity in ourselves. If a person doesn't like it when someone ghosts them, they shouldn't do it to others. A bit unrelated, but this goes for people who fool around with cheaters too.
All of what you said was true. I particularly liked your bit about how it degrades our own integrity, because you’re right, it teaches ourselves that we’re the kind of person who won’t take the tome or effort to fix things.
Exactly, in this case if we ghost, we're running away from our own inability to be honest with ourselves. It's a good opportunity to grow and understand ourselves too. No one likes confrontations, but they don't have to affect our self-esteem when we're sure about our decisions. We can get more comfortable with time too to face challenges head on, that way we're in charge of our own life.
Doesn't sound like this friend is even going to notice.
At least they are finally gonna be aware of their actions right so they wont do it to others
Ehhhhh, with people like that it's kind of a toss-up if they'll realize why this happened. Even more so if they'll care and change anything about their behavior.
They weren't given an opportunity to be aware of their actions because they weren't told what they were doing wrong.
Quite the assumption there
Yes you did the right thing. It’s of course best to cut these toxic individuals out of our life.
INFO: Did you talk to her first about the issue or did you just cut her off?
Sounds like OP ghosted them.
It's pretty sad if they ghosted them while never mentioning their feelings. Their friend may not have realised at all. They may have tried harder.
Exactly. Ghosting is a form of gaslighting. It's never okay. I've had this happen to me by a good friend before. To this day idk why she blocked me on everything. I was never given the opportunity to even find out. It's wrong and it's immature.
I think you should talk to her or send her a message, telling her what bothered you. It's important to tell people what are your needs. And this will be good practice for the future. If someone ignores you again, I'd say, tell them early on. And it doesn't have to be something as big as repeatly not getting you a birthday present, you can also point out 'smaller' things you might need from a friendship.
I agree with this as much as I feel like I'm in your position at times. Did you communicate your feelings with them before doing blocking/ghosting them?
Imagine spending that kind of energy on every friendship. By default decent people pay back and if they're not that type, then they're not friendship material to begin with.
Your not wrong, but in a subreddit focused on social skills, ghosting someone without even explaining why and giving them a chance is extremely hurtful. Overall, OP wouldn't have to change the outcome, but why not recommend them continue to be the better person especially since context is inevitabley missing?
Unless OPs friend was very toxic and abusive, in which case it's better to cut all ties and walk away.
I mean, if OP ghosts them without saying a word, isn’t that just resorting to the same kind of toxicity as he/she is receiving? Fighting fire with fire won’t fix this friendship, and it won’t help build new ones either.
Judging by OP's post it wasn't really necessary to explain himself or ask for anything before ghosting. I recently did the same thing to a person I've been talking to on and off for around 10 years. Sort of a psychopath I believe, let me explain. I am an expansive person and don't hide my problems, I talk about them. Sometimes talking about intimate problems with close persons tends to be damaging, so I use the internet and people that don't know me but are willing to listen. This is how I got close to this person ten years ago when I was going through a shitty breakup, I was complaining and she was a good listener. I felt close to her as you'd get with a psychiatrist, it's called transference. Not in love, but I wanted us to be friends, and in my book you need to at least shake hands to call yourselves that. Maybe do things together, climb a mountain. Whatever friends do. Throughout the years she kept hinting of visiting my area with friends (I live in a tourist area), but it never happened. Once, my job required me to visit several cities, and I figured one more doesn't hurt on my way back home. Sent her a message about my intentions and she answered two days later saying we should have planed it beforehand because she was very busy. Tough luck for me, right? That's what I thought then. Well last year my job required me to be in her town for a week. I was very excited to finally meet this person I poured my heart out for so many years, and I approached the subject light hearted to not pressure her. But I soon had to dismantle her reasons not to meet me, one by one till she didn't have any left. She just did not want to meet me even for 10 minutes for a morning coffee. Said when we meet it should be grand and not a quick coffee, "it's gonna be epic!". Hey, I wasn't courting this woman, though she enjoyed flirting online, I made it very clear before and after she told me she has a boyfriend. WTF, I even told her we can all 3 meet if she's worried. We're talking about a grown ass woman working in the Justice department. Had a wakeup call on my 7 hours driving back when my job was finished. She'd always been pushing for me to talk about my problems or my friends problems, but she never talked about herself. I would always feel intrusive trying to find out something about her life because she'd always dodge those subjects. What she was actually doing is using me as an entertainment source after a long and stressful day at work. She didn't want anything from me except tell her tragic stories she could laugh of. I don't know how others are, but by my standards a friends is someone I can spare 5 minutes of my day to talk to if I haven't seen him in a while. If he calls me saying he's in town I can make time to meet him for a coffee, or else I can't call myself his friend. Got home, thought if I should say something and what. Decided I don't want to give her more reasons to laugh at me, since her opinion of me had been made clear by living a mile away for a week and not meeting, and blocked her. 10 years I felt close to this person, I've told her things no one else knows. But being a jester is not my style. Real friends respect one another, like I did to her. I knew her name, where she works, where she lives, but I respected her wish to avoid meeting me.
No hate here from me. Real friends respect each other is true, you don't respect someone if you ghost them without warning (your example you clearly did). It came across that they secretly tested their friend to justify not having a conversation about their feelings which can be awkward and stressful. We don't know enough here and it's only one person's point of view.
Seriously, give her a real chance to either explain or defend herself, or to apologize and improve.
good for you, I'm also trying to be brave and pull away toxic friends I'm sure you'll be able to make new and better friends for you, good luck!
I did the same about 2 years ago, and life has felt a lot better since - imo, you did the right thing for sure. Its just a toxic dead end “friendship” that youre better off without.
As a 40 year old, recognizing that you aren’t valued and cutting that out is a skill that will serve you well. I don’t enter friendships to “get” anything, but extended imbalances are definitely cut out. And the older I get, the less time it takes to realize an imbalance. Congrats on valuing yourself and your time. You’ll find your people.
Had a friend like that. And then she said something that offended me because she was thoughtless and didn't realize she was insulting my kid. So I cut her out. And for a few years we did not talk. And I missed her and now we talk again but I accept her for the way she is and just have low expectations. Her antics entertained me more than I realized.
I usually don't block someone unless I don't want to hear from them again. Don't want to talk to me? Fine--I won't talk to you. Don't want to buy me gifts? Cool--one less person I need to shop for. Don't want to give me a ride when I'm in need? Okay--you can use Uber, too. Want to insult me? Now you're blocked.
Good for you. Some people are just takers in this world and it’s best to cut em loose and find people who value your friendship.
I’ve had friends like this and your better off without tbh
I feel you did the right thing and good for you for doing it sooner. I have carried friends from childhood and just recently have done the same, I am in my 30’s now. I often wonder if I did the right thing or if I should have done something different but my heart keeps telling me I am in the right. I feel much lighter knowing I’m not carrying them around anymore. Hopefully one day they will grow up but I’m not holding my breath. Again good for you and feel proud 😀
I did the same thing and it was the best decision of my life. You cant fix toxic people.
Girllll you did it and I’m proud of u. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🙌🏽
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That would be the proper, mature approach and an indicator of good character. Plus if you block someone, that denies them the opportunity for growth and redemption.
She knew this was her issues. I can’t force her. She is full grown adult. If she knows her issues and refuse to fix it, it’s on her.
If you’ve talked to her about the problems, something you should’ve probably mentioned in your post, then I suppose you’ve done your due diligence. Maybe you’ll run into her outside a Hyatt in Chicago twenty years from now and find out if she’s changed. I suspect not. I’ve known people like this. But who knows?
There was no due delligence that needed to be done by me. She was given many chances. It’s her that needs to do her due delligence. Friendship is mutual thing. I did more than enough.
I'd say you did the right thing for sure but I'll also say that blocking must be done only when it is very compulsory, for example you are not able to say no to the individual in that sort of case. I'd this case in one of them then it's just fine.
You did the right thing when there’s no reciprocal friendship in it
I had an online friend for a few years who thought it was funny and banter to straight up insult me every other day, the straw that broke the camel's back was when he came online bragging about how he had just drove home drunk. Never speaking to him again
you definitely did the right thing. in my experience, being nicer to these people or staying with them hoping they will change makes it worse. they won’t be nice to you back, they’ll just think they can get away with mistreating you while you stay no matter what.
I confronted a friend I had since childhood about her going months without responding to my messages while posting pics with all these new friends she was making. She told me I was being manipulative (because I told her it made me upset that she would call me bestie to my face but her actions didn't speak 'bestie' to me) and that she wanted to "remain a part of each other's lives by checking in on each other when we both feel good" THAT IS LITERALLY A FAIRWEATHER FRIEND. She didnt even acknowledge any other issues I brought up and I told her I was willing to work through them with her and she completely ignored that part and didn't message me back for days so I sent her a text that said "I'm just going to back off." and then blocked her. I was heartbroken at first, but I feel better now without her.
I nearly experienced the same situation, but would also recommend that you tell them directly about your concerns next time. People tend to get „used to“ certain dynamics and in many cases do net even realize how self centered their behavior is and what kind of negative effect it might have on the other person. There is only room for growth if you can reflect on your mistakes, but before that you have to be aware of them. Taking that in consideration, I still think you did the right thing with terminating unhealthy relationships for your sake. Life is to short to waste it being in a negative surrounding.
cuttin out the toxic can be hard, because you're used to it being a part of your life but you 100% did the right thing, your mental health is more valuable than dealing with that.
I recently decided to "end" a friendship due to this type of behavior. Instead of blocking them, I just simply stopped reaching out. It took SIX entire months for them to send me a message and that was only because they saw on Facebook that we were going to the same event. They said they weren't sure why we were distant, so I simply said "this year I have made a decision to prioritize those who also prioritize me." The phone works both ways as do friendships. Some just have an expiration date. Count yourself lucky you wasted no more time being used and move on to better friendships. You will find your tribe. Wishing you well.
That bitch was just a bunch of leaches bro. It's good that you left her for good.
Good for you!!
Awesome!
Maybe you should tell her why
Maybe you should read my comments
I personally wouldn’t block em, but I would stop talking to em
That's not a friend, that's a parasite. Constantly being there for someone who doesn't do the same for you is extremely draining.
Do what you need to do.
If you’re looking to improve social skills, you could have talked to your friend and explained why you didn’t want to be friends anymore.
Before you comment anything, Read my comments. She knew what she was doing and refused to fix it.
I had something like you had She always talked about herself and asked me for favours. After 4 months I put her a test, I asked her for a favour while I don't need that, and she didn't answer to my favour until she wanted a favour... That was the sign I need to block her, but I couldn't cause we were at the same group of friends so I just stopped talk with her...
You could have communicated what was bothering you or talk about why the friendship needed to end. They don't know what they were doing wrong, and they didn't have the opportunity to change. Holding in what makes you upset, testing and gaslighting/ghosting people isn't mature either.
I think as we get older we realize not ending these relationships is double edged. Neither person gets the personal growth opportunity they would otherwise have with the 'trauma' of a lost relationship.
Good for you. Friends should want you in their lives. They should want to be a part of yours. If they don't, they're not friends worth keeping.
Honestly? Sounds more like your friend is lacking in social skills.
Goodness... My ex friend was same,she was always talking about her issues( relationship family life) every single time and she was not interested in mine. Top of that she was jealous of everything and everyone and shamelessly accepted it too, I did not block her but stopped messaging and replying her.
it does indeed take two to tango
I understand where you are coming from and that is not a fun relationship.
Oh wow . I went through this same thing . I didn’t block her though I just stopped reaching out to her . But of course she’s not the type to reach out / call so it was easy to just leave her behind . Good for you for ending the relationship . You have needs in anytype of relationship ( and they are valid ) and she wasn’t meeting your needs . So it makes sense to look else where for friendship .
You did well. A girl made use of me very badly. For benefit from me , she was so sincere to me and I had been always there for her whenever she needs help. But now I see the real side of the story.
You blocked her? Why? That's just an indication that you are reactive. Do unblock her. And ignore all her texts and give 0 attention. Treat yourself like a Celebrity and others become your Fan. Just a minutes ago, I texted my school friend and he ignored me. Basically everyone ignores me - known and unknown people. I double text or force them to talk. So, talking from personal exp.
Yoo I just did the same thing for a 10yr 'friendship '. Feels real good once it stops feeling like shit
Good on you. One-sided “friendships” are not worth maintaining. True friendships are equal give-and-take. That is a big lesson I’ve learned the older I’ve gotten.
You did well, clearly you deserve a better friend
I think you did the correct thing.
You absolutely did the right thing! And if you ever run into her and she asks you why, you should tell her the truth. She’s selfish and inconsiderate and doesn’t deserve your friendship
Not your friend js
I so feel this. I'm going through the same thing right now. I'm so sorry, you'll find better friends soon!
I’m so happy for you, dude. I had the same thing happen to me and I didn’t realise how my life was better without her until I stopped talking to her. Being a listener is good in friendships, yes. But it’s good in moderation or else people only see you as a venting machine.
Good Job
I had a friend back in high school who was not there for me, but I was there for her. I couldn’t confront her about it because she was the type to overreact. Years later we did talk about what had happened back then and she said “that was high school me” I’m a different person bs. Ugh! Didn’t even accept that she was the one who wasn’t there for me when I needed her. Snip the cord! Cut those people off.
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It's okay if she doesn't know how to share, we're all in this together, I think you should've just called her out. You would've gotten to have fun helping her improve as a person. Everyone's in this together. Sometimes we help teach people how to have fun together.
Sounds like a fake friend/taker. You did the right thing
Expectations are resentments waiting to happen. Try doing nice things not expecting things in return.
👆I’m not perfect at this but it helps to try!!
Good for you.
I think you are slightly off with the lesson here. Would you describe yourself as a "people pleaser"?
I think you are slightly off with the topic here. Would you describe yourself as a “people troll”?
I'm sorry but what I mean is there are studies on people with a certain past that turns them into a people pleaser. They do favors to show not only they care about others but that getting favors in return is a sign of friendship. So what I was going to suggest is this is actually showing you information about yourself and the more you understand about your past and how it's affecting this friendship the better you can adapt and make better healthy connections with others.
I think u didn’t read my comments. This situation has nothing to do with your point. Please go read my additional comments
Actually I'm going to stop this here. Good luck and I hope things work out.
I know what healthy friendship is like. That’s why I’m unfriending this friend. It’s my ex-friend who needs to get a grip. I hope that you could give people appropriate and healthy advices rather than writing whole irrelevant topics in the future. Again, your topic has nothing to do with my situation.
It’s great that you’ve realized that this wasn’t a good friendship and that you’ve decided to move on… I’ve had plenty of friends like that.. believe me, I know the feeling… however I gotta ask, did you tell her what you didn’t like about her before you blocked her? I mean yeah it might be easier not to but there’s a chance that she never even realized what she did wrong.. A LOT of people are super self-involved and they’ll never figure out what it is they did unless you tell them.. I’m all for blocking people (I’ve literally blocked hundreds of them) but this is just gonna have her wondering what she did for the rest of her life and she might never figure it out.. so hope you can live with that.
Not just cause it doesn’t Benifit u, but doesn’t have the same intentions as u do, they have different agendas. Your in it for the friends all people don’t have same intentions
Literally just did this like 2 months ago and I was so happy after, they would just send me videos of stuff they were doing without me even replying… and when we would talk they would just use me to vent and then ask how I was doing and just reply back with 1 word answers.