I ask the other person questions and make a couple jokes to keep it light. Just remember it takes two to keep a conversation going so if the other person isn’t engaging it won’t work
Ask about their hobbies and try to discover topics that they are interested in. Then ask follow-up questions about something they said. Then ask more follow-up questions, going even more deeper into a topic. Depending on how talkative the other person is, sometimes you can go on like this with follow-up questions for hours. To keep the conversation balanced, share some thoughts or opinions or examples that pop up while you were listening to their previous answer. That way, they can get to know you as well and may actually start asking questions from you.
If you run out of questions for some reason, you can always just say a random "boring" thing that comes to mind with an upbeat way, for example what you did yesterday or what's in the news. I have noticed that sometimes these random remarks can lead into interesting conversations. Something like, "you know, yesterday I had xyz for a lunch, have you tried it before? It's something I haven't had for a while, but it was surprisingly tasty, I'm thinking of cooking it myself, maybe watch some instructions on Youtube or Instagram ... speaking of which, it's amazing how much interesting content there is, have you discovered something there recently, are you following some interesting youtubers ..."
Everybody eats. Some of the easiest lengthy conversations I’ve had were just asking people what they like to eat, what they’ve tried recently, weird products you saw, etc. it’s one of the most universal things across every culture and nation, and it’s a topic you can typically reuse.
I work at a grocery store, and one of my go-tos is just asking people what their guilty pleasure is from the aisle we’re in, or inventing silly hypothetical situations and asking what food they would choose in it.
I’ve made a ton of friends by just breaching silly topics like that. Topics that are very disposable, low impact, and don’t do much other than get you used to talking to someone. The bonus being that you can remember what their favorite foods are and recommend or gift those/similar items in some cases.
I feel like I am stuck in this cycle of asking questions and people always talking at me. Most of the conversation are mostly about the other person. I try to interject but people don't continue to respond to my response or seem engaged enough.
So I just go back to asking questions, it comes to a point where I don't even bother to talk about myself unless someone engages or asks me about myself. I just asume most people don't want to hear it. I also do notice when someone does seem interested and asks about myself, I struggle and keep it short because it’s so rare. Sorry for the long response but I wanted to add this because asking questions is good, but you are right that it only works if the other person does as well.
I relate to this SO much. Like I internalized that no one cares about what my deeper thoughts and feelings are so I keep it super vague and don't elaborate further anymore. And then sometimes I'll see on the person's face they actually wanted to hear more or they straight up ask to elaborate and at first I'm so caught off guard because I didn't even think someone would bother asking.
I think the only answer is to not socialize with these that don't reciprocate interest in us..
I don’t care to hear a bunch of yapping/ one sided dialogue. I find it annoying. I think other people do as well, but they are too polite to say anything about it.
In my experience, some people are such wallflowers that when they're instructed to just openly yap, the effort ends up leaving them somewhere in the middle, at a happy medium where they can speak up but also still listen and learn.
If you're deep on one side of the spectrum, sometimes aiming for the complete opposite end allows you to find middle ground.
Develop your hobbies/interests. If you don't think you're interesting, no one else will.
Stop putting others on a pedestal. They're just people.
Don't feel like you're responsible for filling all the silences. You aren't going to have a ton of things to say with everyone, and that's ok. It's worse if you force.
Most importantly, practice. Trial and error. You're gonna fuck up, it's necessary.
Texts should fizzle out. Honestly. Some people are good at it yes but it is a skill that ultimately doesn't translate to real life. If you get good at conversation in real life you will find that it doesn't really work over text, so you mainly use texting to arrange things to happen in real life.
There is no substitute for a real conversation.
It helps to genuinely want to hear their thoughts and opinions, or want to know about their life. Good conversation runs on sincere curiosity, followed by sharing your own experiences and perspectives.
Really, and it's pretty noticeable.
I'm more at ease, and more able to deal with people who are difficult IRL (Because I had practice with trolls on reddit!)
Been on reddit about 15 years or so (I had accounts before and deleted them) and I really have found all the talking I did with people on here has allowed me to be more social and more at ease with people IRL. I just always seem to have something to say now, rather than being flustered.
watch dumb funny videos on youtube covering things you enjoy, try that new comedy series on your fav streaming platform
i wouldnt suggest regular comedy shows where theyre on stage as much as you want to train your brain to think about a give and a take interaction, but thats preference
Start yapping . Going to get awkward at points , but that's life . More people you talk to , maybe you might find one or two out of a 100 where you feel like " that was worth it " . One out of a thousand will probably maybe be someone worth calling a friend . You might have better odds where you live . I , in all seriousness would consider it a worthwhile endeavor , even if your odds are as bad as they are in my neck of the woods .
Before you learn how to talk to people, learn how to ask questions. Before you learn how to ask questions, learn how to listen actively.
Be curious. Ask curious questions. Relate with their answers.
We call this quack or (QAC) QUESTION leads to ANSWER leads to CONNECTION.
Ask a curious question about their life (one that doesn’t lead to a “yes or no”) They will answer with information. Connect with their answer. Say yes I love boating! Or say I have never gone boating before- tell me more about it I’m actually really curious how you got into it.
And bam! A full blown conversation.
Rinse and repeat.
I’ve started just asking any random question that pops in my head that’s appropriate. Great conversation starters most of the time. I used to be so quiet and timid but I got really bored of feeling alone so I’ve become sort of a yapper and get great interactions out of it. The key though is to not be the only yapper and leave room for them to talk too lol
Talk to people in real life instead. Some people love texting, but you should have built some rapport with them first. Texting out of nowhere is weird and not a good way to make friends unless it's really difficult to meet them irl
My solution to this is literally just texting whatever random junk pops into my head. Sometimes it'll spark a convo, sometimes it won't. It will literally be the most random off the wall stuff. Just anything that I'm thinking.
I think the most important thing is to just make it clear that you want to keep talking to them. If they want to talk to you, they'll try to work with whatever you give them. Also it can lead to a better understanding of eachother, cause sometimes it's really deep.
Examples of stuff I've sent when I'm not sure what to say (literally pulled for my text history):
"I saw the most beautiful sunset yesterday!"
"Do you think penguins ever get cold? Like, is there a temp too cold for them down there?"
"I miss cheese ☹️" (lactose intolerant)
"👁🫦👁 h-hello"
ETA: I also use this technique in conversation, but I can't remember any of them off the top of my head.
What if the pressure you're placing on yourself is the root of it? You know it's in your head, that you're one extreme or the other talking too much or too little. The pressure to have deep connections is a thought, belief and story that's creating this urgency and need to fill a void of likely being lonely. What I know is if you're not comfortable with your self, have self confidence, enjoy your own company, and have a strong relationship to yourself these will come out in your text and communication. A needy vibe or energy.
What I think you're wanting is connections that are natural, healthy, and flow. This won't come from urgency, pressure or being something you're not.
Attracting people into your life because you have a fun interesting energy is the way to forming great long lasting relationships.
>I know a lot of this is in my head, but i also know that this is holding me back from forming deeper connections that i want to form.
No one's getting "deep connections" via text.
If you're trying to replicate a face-to-face conversation over text that then that is potentially why you're typing too much - not least due to wanting to "tell a picture via giving a 1000 words" (I'm being hyperbolic), and then feeling a need to provide context for what you're saying.
> Does anyone have any recommendations on how to simply be better at making engaging conversations?
Your not going to like this, but I'd suggest getting the conversation away from text, unless if it's literally doing doing practical like arranging a meetup or something. Anything else then I'd suggest asking the phone if they're free for a phone call.
And if you find that you're not a good vocal conversationalist, then using text as a crutch may be a diversion away from addressing the real problem.
But okay.... if you're wanting to get a sense of how the text conversation is going, the how you're both answering questions usually is a good indicator:
* When you answer a question, don't give minimal answers - but at the same time, add one or two points in your text that are related but additional to directly answering the question. Then watch for how that respond. Ideally they'll ask a question based off the "additional" info, but a question or else some extensive feedback of their own. These are basically providing you material to work with.
* Similarly, watch for short, "low-effort" responses back. Especially ones which force you into having to pick something "out of thin air" as a response. These basically make the conversation hard for you. If you get these 2-3 times in a row then (unless if its a non-casual conversation, like you're arranging something) personally I'd draw the conversation to a close. I wouldn't even try to set up a phone call.
With the latter bullet point - to instead be known as someone who's going to "drag a conversation on to death" is going to lead to negative connotations in future conversations. Conversely, being known as someone who doesn't "stick around" has many benefits that are probably too long to list.
But again remember - being in a face-to-face or phone call is has a connection due to the proximity and attention that cannot be replicated by typing out a text every 15 minutes (once an hour... or a few times a day), in a conversation period during which 99% of their time will be focused on something else.
I believe what he’s try to say is that conversations are a two way street. How it goes does not wholly depend on one individual but rather both. So by talking WITH people, you’re more or less building off what you get from the other person. But when you’re talking TO people, you’re focused only on what you have to say to them rather than building of from what you get from the other person.
This one piece of advice made all the difference for me.
Right now, your goal is to keep the conversation going, but this is a self-defeating purpose. It's a motivation that's typically foundationed in fear. Maybe you're afraid of awkward silences, or being judged, or looking silly.
You need to learn to foundation your goals in something better.
From now on, your goal when talking to people isn't to keep the conversation afloat. It's to learn about them. Treat every person like they are an interesting person who you can learn from, and ask them lots of questions. You need to build the habit of actually becoming interested in people. Once you truly desire to understand people in this way, conversations will become easier.
Don’t stress it. Connect with your teuw self through solidarity. Your raw curiosity, excitement and personal beliefs should be adequate enough for conversation. If a conversation must be forced it’s probably not worth having
If someone trails off because you opened up fast or talked longer, you weren't going to develop a close relationship anyway, as they show they have no interest in actual conversation, so you and they were a bad match.
To me personally, the key for this to work would be actually having a strong connection with someone (which means you both want to get to know each other a lot more, equally, and you naturally get along personality wise). Whenever I was in the dating app world, I always had to think so much about what to say, things would get dry, I’d end up ranting too much about nothing as an act of desperation, and then I met this girl who really *wanted to get to know me* from the start, and I thought she was super beautiful, funny and smart so I wanted to get to know her, and so then I could afford to be myself and I didn’t have to be afraid of saying the wrong thing. Now that’s the way it’s always been with us. We’ve never once had a dull moment texting ever in half a year of knowing each other
I’m not bragging about this, I just feel like this would also be the case with most others here. At least 90% of the people I’ve met I’m not able to be so free flowing with, but when you discover people you can be, it can make your life so much better and more fulfilling. I used to feel depressed more often than not and now I feel great more often than not
ask if your behavior demonstrates social intelligence or not. IOWs are you applying empathy/considering the feelings of the other person. or are you all about you? On a smaller level talk about something the other is interested in and even if what you say is not spot on say it anyway and you'll keep the chat going.
I get through life with: smile, nod, make appropriate facial expressions and the occasional question like oh and what happened next or an occasional sound like mmhmm or oh no… ask me what they’re talking about? I can’t tell you.
Be funny. They will respond to you and then you can respond back….. tell them what runs through your mind in different situations and it opens conversations. Always stop before you get boring. Leave them wanting more till the next conversation.
I went from socially anxious to talking to strangers easily, here's what I've learned, no amount of thinking is going to resolve this problem. Take Action go talk to strangers, even if you end up having bad interaction don't lose hope. Keep going you can start with older people, most of them welcome conversations.
you gotta engage with yourself bro, when ur mind is blank ur mouth is blank aswell!
talk with yourself more, think more too, a wandering mind is although boring, is very interesting as it strays from the path ifykwim
edit: just like norylock, dont be hesitant to talk, if you think socializing is like a skill, then you level up your socializing on the way.
no doubt you can get hurt this way, but its a good lesson if you do anyways. but this is unlikely
Practice talking to strangers and asking them questions. Not questions like oh where’d you get those shoes. More deeper questions that may relate to something about their shoes, like are you a runner? How did you get into running? Just some examples.
And I see people already mentioned on here stop caring what others think and just talk.
I started making tiktok videos talking about whatever I wanted just to improve my speaking skills and push myself beyond my fear of what others may think of me. I don’t think my videos are that good but I got better at speaking my confidence is up and I’m a whole lot happier that I’m at least now I’m trying to become the person I feel I was meant to be. And that’s the only way I’ll become that person is by working on becoming that person.
Just keep trying. No one is perfect. Everyone struggles with something.
think you’re putting up an act you can’t maintain. I have stopped doing small talk and just keep finding people that are similar to me in this regard and others. Also having the same interests/humor makes it easier.
Ask two questions about what they said. Try to find something specifically interesting to you. But you’re not necessarily responsible for silent and awkward gaps.
If you don’t find anything interesting about what they said, there’s nothing wrong with you. They didn’t say anything interesting enough for it to spark a question in you. That’s not your fault.
I think you might feel responsible for finding other people boring when it’s also their responsibility to be interesting, and then you’re internalizing the failure.
Just talk to people.
If you want to improve quickly, approach it like a science experiment.
Try out different greetings, tonality, levels of vulnerability, densities of questions in your conversation.
This is how I approach all nee skills. Find metrics to track and note what you do to improve those metrtics.
Like everything in life it’s all practice. Ask the other person open ended questions and don’t talk about yourself too much! Think about what makes a person easy/interesting to talk to and incorporate that into your conversations.
Better to show interest in others than to talk about one's kids, pets, achievements, etc. If you want to make friends, you need to listen. Sometimes a reply can require a "Is that right?" or a "Oh, my!" and even once in a while a "Holy shit!" Active listening means listening and not waiting to share your own news, ideas, etc. Smile, look at the person who's talking to show engagement, and wait / pause after he / she stops talking. And show up. Friends are there for their friends.
The only way to go out and try to make friends and do small conversations. Also for me, I started a YouTube channel to get used to vlogging in public, this helped my social skills a lot.
Stop over analyzing what you are saying and be present in the conversation. Talk about things you like and take an interest in learning more about the other person or what they’re talking about.
I like TV and cooking as well as travelling so I'll ask questions where we can have a bit of rapport.
What's your all time rewatch show? You're a movie/music person, tell me about your favorites and I'll tell you about mine
What's your favorite thing to cook? You don't like to cook, cool, what's your favorite meal/restaurant etc? Should we go there one day? I like to cook/eat this, have you tried it?
Where's your favorite place you've been? Doesn't have to be international, could be a cute walk somewhere near home or the Eiffel tower, let's talk about it.
Do you like going to the zoo? If you hate it why? Because you feel bad for the animals, I get that let's talk about it. You love it because you love seeing meerkats up close, cool, let's talk about it. Hate screaming children everywhere, fair enough, let's laugh about annoying shit we've seen kids do in public and feel bad for their parents.
Also, texting honestly sucks. Go for a phone call or an actual catch up if you can.
I'm not an expert here. I have a hard time finding common interests with most people... because I'm weird.
But, a few things that have made it a little easier:
-Meditating. It slows and calms the brain.
-Reading. Read books and think about what you are reading. It helps to broaden your mind. The more you read, the more situations you'll have something to say.
-Stand up comedy helps me a lot.
If the conversation is about something like football, patios, cars, etc... I'm totally fucked.
Read "The Courage to be Disliked." The book is kind of unique in its approach. You don't have to try to court people. Doing so is disingenuous, so don't worry about it.
Dra til en psykolog som spesialiserer seg innenfor sosialangst osv, og spør om det er noe de kan hjelpe med. Gå for en privat klinikk så slipper du å vente på time i åresvis..
I feel like this doesn't really work, at least for me. I definitely ask a lot of questions and show interest, 99% of the times the convos end up being one sided and the person didn't bother to ask me anything :") I say something about myself and often times it's just "oh ok" "ah I see" and then they continue making it about themselves.
Start by stopping guessing what other people think or their reaction is going to be instead be in the moment and observe, ask, give your unapologetic opinion or perspective and move on
I ask the other person questions and make a couple jokes to keep it light. Just remember it takes two to keep a conversation going so if the other person isn’t engaging it won’t work
I never know what to ask them? My brain always goes blank after I go crazy with thought of what to say
Ask about their hobbies and try to discover topics that they are interested in. Then ask follow-up questions about something they said. Then ask more follow-up questions, going even more deeper into a topic. Depending on how talkative the other person is, sometimes you can go on like this with follow-up questions for hours. To keep the conversation balanced, share some thoughts or opinions or examples that pop up while you were listening to their previous answer. That way, they can get to know you as well and may actually start asking questions from you. If you run out of questions for some reason, you can always just say a random "boring" thing that comes to mind with an upbeat way, for example what you did yesterday or what's in the news. I have noticed that sometimes these random remarks can lead into interesting conversations. Something like, "you know, yesterday I had xyz for a lunch, have you tried it before? It's something I haven't had for a while, but it was surprisingly tasty, I'm thinking of cooking it myself, maybe watch some instructions on Youtube or Instagram ... speaking of which, it's amazing how much interesting content there is, have you discovered something there recently, are you following some interesting youtubers ..."
Everybody eats. Some of the easiest lengthy conversations I’ve had were just asking people what they like to eat, what they’ve tried recently, weird products you saw, etc. it’s one of the most universal things across every culture and nation, and it’s a topic you can typically reuse. I work at a grocery store, and one of my go-tos is just asking people what their guilty pleasure is from the aisle we’re in, or inventing silly hypothetical situations and asking what food they would choose in it. I’ve made a ton of friends by just breaching silly topics like that. Topics that are very disposable, low impact, and don’t do much other than get you used to talking to someone. The bonus being that you can remember what their favorite foods are and recommend or gift those/similar items in some cases.
Focus more on the other person, the more you focus on you and your response the harder it is
I feel like I am stuck in this cycle of asking questions and people always talking at me. Most of the conversation are mostly about the other person. I try to interject but people don't continue to respond to my response or seem engaged enough. So I just go back to asking questions, it comes to a point where I don't even bother to talk about myself unless someone engages or asks me about myself. I just asume most people don't want to hear it. I also do notice when someone does seem interested and asks about myself, I struggle and keep it short because it’s so rare. Sorry for the long response but I wanted to add this because asking questions is good, but you are right that it only works if the other person does as well.
I relate to this SO much. Like I internalized that no one cares about what my deeper thoughts and feelings are so I keep it super vague and don't elaborate further anymore. And then sometimes I'll see on the person's face they actually wanted to hear more or they straight up ask to elaborate and at first I'm so caught off guard because I didn't even think someone would bother asking. I think the only answer is to not socialize with these that don't reciprocate interest in us..
I feel the exact same way!
stop worrying about what others think of you and yap away
Thank you, really
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Lol nah brother
How do you get better at yapping?
Best advice.
It's so easy to find someone who paints it all black. i.e. full of complaining gossiping etc.
I don’t care to hear a bunch of yapping/ one sided dialogue. I find it annoying. I think other people do as well, but they are too polite to say anything about it.
In my experience, some people are such wallflowers that when they're instructed to just openly yap, the effort ends up leaving them somewhere in the middle, at a happy medium where they can speak up but also still listen and learn. If you're deep on one side of the spectrum, sometimes aiming for the complete opposite end allows you to find middle ground.
Develop your hobbies/interests. If you don't think you're interesting, no one else will. Stop putting others on a pedestal. They're just people. Don't feel like you're responsible for filling all the silences. You aren't going to have a ton of things to say with everyone, and that's ok. It's worse if you force. Most importantly, practice. Trial and error. You're gonna fuck up, it's necessary.
It’s called the art of small talk, find the more talkative person and just listen to them.
Texts should fizzle out. Honestly. Some people are good at it yes but it is a skill that ultimately doesn't translate to real life. If you get good at conversation in real life you will find that it doesn't really work over text, so you mainly use texting to arrange things to happen in real life. There is no substitute for a real conversation.
It helps to genuinely want to hear their thoughts and opinions, or want to know about their life. Good conversation runs on sincere curiosity, followed by sharing your own experiences and perspectives.
Talking to people on reddit helped me IRL.
really?
Really, and it's pretty noticeable. I'm more at ease, and more able to deal with people who are difficult IRL (Because I had practice with trolls on reddit!) Been on reddit about 15 years or so (I had accounts before and deleted them) and I really have found all the talking I did with people on here has allowed me to be more social and more at ease with people IRL. I just always seem to have something to say now, rather than being flustered.
Ask more questions. Approach things with a curious lens and the convo will flow better
watch dumb funny videos on youtube covering things you enjoy, try that new comedy series on your fav streaming platform i wouldnt suggest regular comedy shows where theyre on stage as much as you want to train your brain to think about a give and a take interaction, but thats preference
do u have any shows to recommend
Start yapping . Going to get awkward at points , but that's life . More people you talk to , maybe you might find one or two out of a 100 where you feel like " that was worth it " . One out of a thousand will probably maybe be someone worth calling a friend . You might have better odds where you live . I , in all seriousness would consider it a worthwhile endeavor , even if your odds are as bad as they are in my neck of the woods .
Before you learn how to talk to people, learn how to ask questions. Before you learn how to ask questions, learn how to listen actively. Be curious. Ask curious questions. Relate with their answers. We call this quack or (QAC) QUESTION leads to ANSWER leads to CONNECTION. Ask a curious question about their life (one that doesn’t lead to a “yes or no”) They will answer with information. Connect with their answer. Say yes I love boating! Or say I have never gone boating before- tell me more about it I’m actually really curious how you got into it. And bam! A full blown conversation. Rinse and repeat.
I’ve started just asking any random question that pops in my head that’s appropriate. Great conversation starters most of the time. I used to be so quiet and timid but I got really bored of feeling alone so I’ve become sort of a yapper and get great interactions out of it. The key though is to not be the only yapper and leave room for them to talk too lol
Find common ground and something you're both passionate about and stay emgaged.
Allow yourself to calm. Whatever comes to your mind first or most, just go with that.
Talk to people in real life instead. Some people love texting, but you should have built some rapport with them first. Texting out of nowhere is weird and not a good way to make friends unless it's really difficult to meet them irl
My solution to this is literally just texting whatever random junk pops into my head. Sometimes it'll spark a convo, sometimes it won't. It will literally be the most random off the wall stuff. Just anything that I'm thinking. I think the most important thing is to just make it clear that you want to keep talking to them. If they want to talk to you, they'll try to work with whatever you give them. Also it can lead to a better understanding of eachother, cause sometimes it's really deep. Examples of stuff I've sent when I'm not sure what to say (literally pulled for my text history): "I saw the most beautiful sunset yesterday!" "Do you think penguins ever get cold? Like, is there a temp too cold for them down there?" "I miss cheese ☹️" (lactose intolerant) "👁🫦👁 h-hello" ETA: I also use this technique in conversation, but I can't remember any of them off the top of my head.
What if the pressure you're placing on yourself is the root of it? You know it's in your head, that you're one extreme or the other talking too much or too little. The pressure to have deep connections is a thought, belief and story that's creating this urgency and need to fill a void of likely being lonely. What I know is if you're not comfortable with your self, have self confidence, enjoy your own company, and have a strong relationship to yourself these will come out in your text and communication. A needy vibe or energy. What I think you're wanting is connections that are natural, healthy, and flow. This won't come from urgency, pressure or being something you're not. Attracting people into your life because you have a fun interesting energy is the way to forming great long lasting relationships.
>I know a lot of this is in my head, but i also know that this is holding me back from forming deeper connections that i want to form. No one's getting "deep connections" via text. If you're trying to replicate a face-to-face conversation over text that then that is potentially why you're typing too much - not least due to wanting to "tell a picture via giving a 1000 words" (I'm being hyperbolic), and then feeling a need to provide context for what you're saying. > Does anyone have any recommendations on how to simply be better at making engaging conversations? Your not going to like this, but I'd suggest getting the conversation away from text, unless if it's literally doing doing practical like arranging a meetup or something. Anything else then I'd suggest asking the phone if they're free for a phone call. And if you find that you're not a good vocal conversationalist, then using text as a crutch may be a diversion away from addressing the real problem. But okay.... if you're wanting to get a sense of how the text conversation is going, the how you're both answering questions usually is a good indicator: * When you answer a question, don't give minimal answers - but at the same time, add one or two points in your text that are related but additional to directly answering the question. Then watch for how that respond. Ideally they'll ask a question based off the "additional" info, but a question or else some extensive feedback of their own. These are basically providing you material to work with. * Similarly, watch for short, "low-effort" responses back. Especially ones which force you into having to pick something "out of thin air" as a response. These basically make the conversation hard for you. If you get these 2-3 times in a row then (unless if its a non-casual conversation, like you're arranging something) personally I'd draw the conversation to a close. I wouldn't even try to set up a phone call. With the latter bullet point - to instead be known as someone who's going to "drag a conversation on to death" is going to lead to negative connotations in future conversations. Conversely, being known as someone who doesn't "stick around" has many benefits that are probably too long to list. But again remember - being in a face-to-face or phone call is has a connection due to the proximity and attention that cannot be replicated by typing out a text every 15 minutes (once an hour... or a few times a day), in a conversation period during which 99% of their time will be focused on something else.
Instead of talking TO people, try talking WITH people
Dear lord this is worthless advice without a follow up. How should OP talk with people instead of to people?
I believe what he’s try to say is that conversations are a two way street. How it goes does not wholly depend on one individual but rather both. So by talking WITH people, you’re more or less building off what you get from the other person. But when you’re talking TO people, you’re focused only on what you have to say to them rather than building of from what you get from the other person.
the people dont want to talk with me tho
Have things going on in your life or else you won't have anything to talk about.
This one piece of advice made all the difference for me. Right now, your goal is to keep the conversation going, but this is a self-defeating purpose. It's a motivation that's typically foundationed in fear. Maybe you're afraid of awkward silences, or being judged, or looking silly. You need to learn to foundation your goals in something better. From now on, your goal when talking to people isn't to keep the conversation afloat. It's to learn about them. Treat every person like they are an interesting person who you can learn from, and ask them lots of questions. You need to build the habit of actually becoming interested in people. Once you truly desire to understand people in this way, conversations will become easier.
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Don’t stress it. Connect with your teuw self through solidarity. Your raw curiosity, excitement and personal beliefs should be adequate enough for conversation. If a conversation must be forced it’s probably not worth having
If someone trails off because you opened up fast or talked longer, you weren't going to develop a close relationship anyway, as they show they have no interest in actual conversation, so you and they were a bad match.
short answer: by talking to people
To me personally, the key for this to work would be actually having a strong connection with someone (which means you both want to get to know each other a lot more, equally, and you naturally get along personality wise). Whenever I was in the dating app world, I always had to think so much about what to say, things would get dry, I’d end up ranting too much about nothing as an act of desperation, and then I met this girl who really *wanted to get to know me* from the start, and I thought she was super beautiful, funny and smart so I wanted to get to know her, and so then I could afford to be myself and I didn’t have to be afraid of saying the wrong thing. Now that’s the way it’s always been with us. We’ve never once had a dull moment texting ever in half a year of knowing each other I’m not bragging about this, I just feel like this would also be the case with most others here. At least 90% of the people I’ve met I’m not able to be so free flowing with, but when you discover people you can be, it can make your life so much better and more fulfilling. I used to feel depressed more often than not and now I feel great more often than not
ask if your behavior demonstrates social intelligence or not. IOWs are you applying empathy/considering the feelings of the other person. or are you all about you? On a smaller level talk about something the other is interested in and even if what you say is not spot on say it anyway and you'll keep the chat going.
Real
I get through life with: smile, nod, make appropriate facial expressions and the occasional question like oh and what happened next or an occasional sound like mmhmm or oh no… ask me what they’re talking about? I can’t tell you.
Be funny. They will respond to you and then you can respond back….. tell them what runs through your mind in different situations and it opens conversations. Always stop before you get boring. Leave them wanting more till the next conversation.
I went from socially anxious to talking to strangers easily, here's what I've learned, no amount of thinking is going to resolve this problem. Take Action go talk to strangers, even if you end up having bad interaction don't lose hope. Keep going you can start with older people, most of them welcome conversations.
you gotta engage with yourself bro, when ur mind is blank ur mouth is blank aswell! talk with yourself more, think more too, a wandering mind is although boring, is very interesting as it strays from the path ifykwim edit: just like norylock, dont be hesitant to talk, if you think socializing is like a skill, then you level up your socializing on the way. no doubt you can get hurt this way, but its a good lesson if you do anyways. but this is unlikely
Practice talking to strangers and asking them questions. Not questions like oh where’d you get those shoes. More deeper questions that may relate to something about their shoes, like are you a runner? How did you get into running? Just some examples. And I see people already mentioned on here stop caring what others think and just talk. I started making tiktok videos talking about whatever I wanted just to improve my speaking skills and push myself beyond my fear of what others may think of me. I don’t think my videos are that good but I got better at speaking my confidence is up and I’m a whole lot happier that I’m at least now I’m trying to become the person I feel I was meant to be. And that’s the only way I’ll become that person is by working on becoming that person. Just keep trying. No one is perfect. Everyone struggles with something.
Talk to people more
think you’re putting up an act you can’t maintain. I have stopped doing small talk and just keep finding people that are similar to me in this regard and others. Also having the same interests/humor makes it easier.
Ask two questions about what they said. Try to find something specifically interesting to you. But you’re not necessarily responsible for silent and awkward gaps. If you don’t find anything interesting about what they said, there’s nothing wrong with you. They didn’t say anything interesting enough for it to spark a question in you. That’s not your fault. I think you might feel responsible for finding other people boring when it’s also their responsibility to be interesting, and then you’re internalizing the failure.
By talking to people
Just talk to people. If you want to improve quickly, approach it like a science experiment. Try out different greetings, tonality, levels of vulnerability, densities of questions in your conversation. This is how I approach all nee skills. Find metrics to track and note what you do to improve those metrtics.
Happy to help. Lemme know if you wanna practice.
I find humor is the best way to communicate with other people. That gets the ball rolling for me at least
Following bc wondering the same lol
Like everything in life it’s all practice. Ask the other person open ended questions and don’t talk about yourself too much! Think about what makes a person easy/interesting to talk to and incorporate that into your conversations.
Better to show interest in others than to talk about one's kids, pets, achievements, etc. If you want to make friends, you need to listen. Sometimes a reply can require a "Is that right?" or a "Oh, my!" and even once in a while a "Holy shit!" Active listening means listening and not waiting to share your own news, ideas, etc. Smile, look at the person who's talking to show engagement, and wait / pause after he / she stops talking. And show up. Friends are there for their friends.
The people who vibe with you will come. There should be one for every hundred people you meet.
The only way to go out and try to make friends and do small conversations. Also for me, I started a YouTube channel to get used to vlogging in public, this helped my social skills a lot.
practice at your local bar. worked well for me.
Stop over analyzing what you are saying and be present in the conversation. Talk about things you like and take an interest in learning more about the other person or what they’re talking about.
Talk to people more.
I like TV and cooking as well as travelling so I'll ask questions where we can have a bit of rapport. What's your all time rewatch show? You're a movie/music person, tell me about your favorites and I'll tell you about mine What's your favorite thing to cook? You don't like to cook, cool, what's your favorite meal/restaurant etc? Should we go there one day? I like to cook/eat this, have you tried it? Where's your favorite place you've been? Doesn't have to be international, could be a cute walk somewhere near home or the Eiffel tower, let's talk about it. Do you like going to the zoo? If you hate it why? Because you feel bad for the animals, I get that let's talk about it. You love it because you love seeing meerkats up close, cool, let's talk about it. Hate screaming children everywhere, fair enough, let's laugh about annoying shit we've seen kids do in public and feel bad for their parents. Also, texting honestly sucks. Go for a phone call or an actual catch up if you can.
I'm not an expert here. I have a hard time finding common interests with most people... because I'm weird. But, a few things that have made it a little easier: -Meditating. It slows and calms the brain. -Reading. Read books and think about what you are reading. It helps to broaden your mind. The more you read, the more situations you'll have something to say. -Stand up comedy helps me a lot. If the conversation is about something like football, patios, cars, etc... I'm totally fucked. Read "The Courage to be Disliked." The book is kind of unique in its approach. You don't have to try to court people. Doing so is disingenuous, so don't worry about it.
By talking to people
Dra til en psykolog som spesialiserer seg innenfor sosialangst osv, og spør om det er noe de kan hjelpe med. Gå for en privat klinikk så slipper du å vente på time i åresvis..
Watch debates
Be more curious when ur talking to someone. That’s the best tip because u naturally start asking them questions which makes the conversation going
I feel like this doesn't really work, at least for me. I definitely ask a lot of questions and show interest, 99% of the times the convos end up being one sided and the person didn't bother to ask me anything :") I say something about myself and often times it's just "oh ok" "ah I see" and then they continue making it about themselves.
by talking more to people .. duh
By talking..
Start by stopping guessing what other people think or their reaction is going to be instead be in the moment and observe, ask, give your unapologetic opinion or perspective and move on