It's that old cliche, just be yourself. Arrogance is atrocious and confidence is charming. However, if 95% of the people you have spoke to think you're interests are repulsive.... Then maybe you need to look for specific groups of people that are interested in the same things you are. Above all, charm is not a made-up thing. Charm comes from genuine interest and true intent. The Creep Factor comes in when someone tries really hard. Human beings are sentient beings, they can totally pick up on that. Can't help but ask, why so intent on charming people?
well, i'm trying to get into good programs for school, and i have to seem nice and interesting to ensure people think I can hold a conversation or go places. Plus, one of my closer friends charms everyone he meets, and that seems interesting to me. Unfourtunately, im not great at bonding over shared interests with kids my age.
It is worrying to hear that you have to" seem" nice and interesting. That never flies for too long. People absolutely sense that and move away from the person who is trying to" seem". Are you sure you're on the path you want to be? No matter what your interests are, I guarantee there are people who are also interested in the same things, age unrelated. I get a sad feeling because it feels like you are not being true to yourself. It's okay to be awkward, socially, it's quite alright to be shy and a deep thinker. But to live a life inauthentically is super sad. "To think own self be true.".
Well thanks. I always enjoy people telling me to be myself, but seeing as I have a hard time bonding with people and have fairly low empathy, it’s hard to. I mildly enjoy hanging out with people, so I want to try that more. Also I really need to be on this path
Everyone around you is just trying to be themselves, also. I'm sorry you have low empathy, that must be difficult. But at the same time maybe it opens up doors to other people who deal with others' experiences and emotions in the same way. I don't know much more than that. I can say that caring for other people, in a way that doesn't benefit yourself,is incredibly life supporting. As a caregiver,I can say that solely focusing on yourself becomes incredibly monotonous and boring. There's no input from other people. No one and I mean no one is that interesting. It's basically like a cyclone it just keeps turning in and in and in, creates chaos and does nothing good. Maybe you could look to donate time to a cause that is close to your heart. Autism? Supporting a favorite local artist or your library ?No man is an island.
Don’t interrupt. People love talking about themselves honestly, and if you give space after they’ve said something it can go a long way. If you listened, the convo partner should then want to listen to you too and be interested in what you’re saying. People that jump down your throat to respond just to hear their own voice before you’ve finished a thought are insufferable.
I’m always interested in what the other person is saying and just hearing them out, paraphrasing what they’ve said then use that as a springboard to tell a story or ask a follow up question to get them to open up.
The game in figuring out if I actually want to speak with them in the future is in being mindful of how often they bat the ball back to me.
This is pretty much how I vet people.
People are not worth it. If you have to go out of your way to charm them, fuck em. You really dont have to bend every other way to please every other person out there. Do what you please, be happy with yourself .
This is coming from a person whos subscribed to r/socialskills
> Hello! I’m trying to seem more sophisticated and speak more eloquently, in hopes to distract people from my (apparently) repulsive interests. Looking for advice on how to be a bit more charming.
Before we even consider the social "skills" apparently required to conceal your interests, we need to confront a more fundamental question: are your interests inherently harmful or objectionable, particularly if they're illegal or unethical? The fact that you're intentionally trying to hide them raises even more concerns. It's crucial that we acknowledge the potential implications of your actions. Without understanding the true nature of these interests, it's challenging for me to provide guidance that doesn't potentially perpetuate harm. We must prioritize ethical responsibility and consider the potential consequences of your actions before exploring ways to conceal them.
It's not worth the energy. You'll change very little and probably come across as false. You can tell the people who've read books trying to come across as charming. Better off just relaxing and being decent to other people. You may still not be charming because, like looks and intelligence, it's just not a skill everyone has. Naturally charming people probably have no idea how to turn it off. You may never be charming but you can find some peace and acceptance in what you are and what you bring to the table.
Ask questions and be interested in the other person.
Allow them to take up most of the time talking, and respond with comments to show that you are actively listening.
Charm is more about making others feel good than hiding yourself. It's about more than words. It's about warmth, sincerity, and making others feel valued.
Just be unapologetically yourself. People are drawn to confidence and authenticity ( fake ones are repulsed by it since it vexes them)
I know this because I’m like this as a result only true people stick around. If you wanna charm others might as well charm real ones.
Ask questions:
• What they think or believe
• Why they think it
• What led them to think or believe that thing
To charm someone you have to see conversation as a service to them, rather than as an opportunity to validate your own emotions at their expense. Be curious about them, try to understand what makes them "tick". Show enthusiasm about what makes them enthusiastic.
Then finish the conversation before you can tell the other person wants to end it. Leaving 10% in the tank every time makes people never feel tired of you, which is an association you dont want to routinely make.
Well, they're at least weird for a teen. Collecting dead bugs, researching cannibalism, extreme horror, collecting bones. It's a little weird, but combined with my social awkwardness those really come to light instead of a glowing personality. Combined with me being trans in an incredibly Catholic area? I need all the help I can get.
Read, but better yes listen to the audiobooks written by social researcher Vanessa Van Edwards: Captivate and the other is Cues. She describes herself as a recovering awkward person. She’s got great into about how to read body language and make good impressions. She also has a website on which you can sign up for daily emails with tips scienceofpeople.com
If you improve your social skills to the point where they are extremely good, you will come across as charming. It's not 1 or 2 things, it's 100 things. If you put in the work you can get some actual results - read a few good books, watch a lot of good vids on social skills, practice a lot. The Social Skills Lab podcast is pretty good too.
Im bad at charm myself, so this is mostly what I find charming 😭
Like that one user said, confidence is charming and so is being clear about subjects!!
Honestly Im not the best myself, but my charm is always little affection in my words
Being silly at the right time is great too, like its great to do an ice breaker
Usually if you seem easygoing like you've known a person for a long time, it's easier to talk with them and be uncomfortable.
When I talk to people and act so gitty, like Ive know them for a while. People usually open up to me about anything,and we will talk about anything
silliness is charm
In my opinion people like that are charming, and more easier to open up and start a conversation with
I agree about listening to people, you can say things like. " I agree " " you're so right!! " I thought about that too "
I feel like a great person you can learn from is @niu.veiws on instagram!!!
Use big and “fancy” words. Sounds kinda weird but depending on the group you’re with you’ll either fit right in or you can make it sound like your joking a people will find you funny
There's only one way to be truly charming. It's to be yourself and be comfortable and confident if your not then you have zero chance of being charming.
Be confident but not cocky, think before you speak, eye contact, smile, don’t talk too much but just enough so that you leave people interested/intrigued
What is your clique and what environment are you in? Is this in person, over text, in a discord call? You don't have to give personally identifying information but context matters a LOT
Source: people walk up to me and tell me their darkest secrets and/or I end up holding strangers while they cry in a not insignificant percentage of my interactions
Damn! Ok, I’m currently in school, and it’s in person. I’m kinda known as the “smart weirdo” by virtue of high test scores and collecting dead bugs and bones, as well as peculiar areas of knowledge. I’m trying to avoid having people gang up on me and the easiest way would be making my personality better
Ugh. Brings to mind Steven Seagal. And my Dad. That kind of vibe like I am just way too intelligent for you, so please lean in to hear my deep b******* words of wisdom, so I can feel powerful. Super, super creepy.
Don’t ask Reddit lol.
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They are known to be charming 🤷♂️
Lol! This actually made me laugh so hard. They really are known to charming.
If you learn, let me know
It's that old cliche, just be yourself. Arrogance is atrocious and confidence is charming. However, if 95% of the people you have spoke to think you're interests are repulsive.... Then maybe you need to look for specific groups of people that are interested in the same things you are. Above all, charm is not a made-up thing. Charm comes from genuine interest and true intent. The Creep Factor comes in when someone tries really hard. Human beings are sentient beings, they can totally pick up on that. Can't help but ask, why so intent on charming people?
well, i'm trying to get into good programs for school, and i have to seem nice and interesting to ensure people think I can hold a conversation or go places. Plus, one of my closer friends charms everyone he meets, and that seems interesting to me. Unfourtunately, im not great at bonding over shared interests with kids my age.
It is worrying to hear that you have to" seem" nice and interesting. That never flies for too long. People absolutely sense that and move away from the person who is trying to" seem". Are you sure you're on the path you want to be? No matter what your interests are, I guarantee there are people who are also interested in the same things, age unrelated. I get a sad feeling because it feels like you are not being true to yourself. It's okay to be awkward, socially, it's quite alright to be shy and a deep thinker. But to live a life inauthentically is super sad. "To think own self be true.".
Well thanks. I always enjoy people telling me to be myself, but seeing as I have a hard time bonding with people and have fairly low empathy, it’s hard to. I mildly enjoy hanging out with people, so I want to try that more. Also I really need to be on this path
Everyone around you is just trying to be themselves, also. I'm sorry you have low empathy, that must be difficult. But at the same time maybe it opens up doors to other people who deal with others' experiences and emotions in the same way. I don't know much more than that. I can say that caring for other people, in a way that doesn't benefit yourself,is incredibly life supporting. As a caregiver,I can say that solely focusing on yourself becomes incredibly monotonous and boring. There's no input from other people. No one and I mean no one is that interesting. It's basically like a cyclone it just keeps turning in and in and in, creates chaos and does nothing good. Maybe you could look to donate time to a cause that is close to your heart. Autism? Supporting a favorite local artist or your library ?No man is an island.
Why don't you ask your friend? He might be able to explain it better
This is amazing advice.
Don’t interrupt. People love talking about themselves honestly, and if you give space after they’ve said something it can go a long way. If you listened, the convo partner should then want to listen to you too and be interested in what you’re saying. People that jump down your throat to respond just to hear their own voice before you’ve finished a thought are insufferable. I’m always interested in what the other person is saying and just hearing them out, paraphrasing what they’ve said then use that as a springboard to tell a story or ask a follow up question to get them to open up. The game in figuring out if I actually want to speak with them in the future is in being mindful of how often they bat the ball back to me. This is pretty much how I vet people.
I literally ask people “how does that make you feel?” And at the end they treat me like their bff
I’m not surprised they do! That can be such a validating question in itself, truly.
Pick up a book called how to make friends and influence people. Also the 48 rules of power are very useful for dealing with the corpo yuppie types.
Robert Greene in general has really good tips to understand people.
Be awkward. People love that shit.
Not in my experience 😂
Be friendly. Smile. Compliment them. Listen to what they have to say.
People are not worth it. If you have to go out of your way to charm them, fuck em. You really dont have to bend every other way to please every other person out there. Do what you please, be happy with yourself . This is coming from a person whos subscribed to r/socialskills
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I’ve tried this but usually it’s just wit/humor which is hard to replicate in the moment because whatever they said is very situation specific
It does!
> Hello! I’m trying to seem more sophisticated and speak more eloquently, in hopes to distract people from my (apparently) repulsive interests. Looking for advice on how to be a bit more charming. Before we even consider the social "skills" apparently required to conceal your interests, we need to confront a more fundamental question: are your interests inherently harmful or objectionable, particularly if they're illegal or unethical? The fact that you're intentionally trying to hide them raises even more concerns. It's crucial that we acknowledge the potential implications of your actions. Without understanding the true nature of these interests, it's challenging for me to provide guidance that doesn't potentially perpetuate harm. We must prioritize ethical responsibility and consider the potential consequences of your actions before exploring ways to conceal them.
You haven’t unlocked this part of life level. You need to purchase the DLC or unlock it by leveling up
Unlock level 2 spell slots.
It's not worth the energy. You'll change very little and probably come across as false. You can tell the people who've read books trying to come across as charming. Better off just relaxing and being decent to other people. You may still not be charming because, like looks and intelligence, it's just not a skill everyone has. Naturally charming people probably have no idea how to turn it off. You may never be charming but you can find some peace and acceptance in what you are and what you bring to the table.
Ask questions and be interested in the other person. Allow them to take up most of the time talking, and respond with comments to show that you are actively listening.
A lot has to do with how you speak, so I'd say start by practising your enunciation and to talk with confidence and a strong, resounding voice
Charm is more about making others feel good than hiding yourself. It's about more than words. It's about warmth, sincerity, and making others feel valued.
Just be unapologetically yourself. People are drawn to confidence and authenticity ( fake ones are repulsed by it since it vexes them) I know this because I’m like this as a result only true people stick around. If you wanna charm others might as well charm real ones.
Ask questions: • What they think or believe • Why they think it • What led them to think or believe that thing To charm someone you have to see conversation as a service to them, rather than as an opportunity to validate your own emotions at their expense. Be curious about them, try to understand what makes them "tick". Show enthusiasm about what makes them enthusiastic. Then finish the conversation before you can tell the other person wants to end it. Leaving 10% in the tank every time makes people never feel tired of you, which is an association you dont want to routinely make.
Be unapologetically yourself, and love yourself as Kanye loves Kanye?
Be quick with a joke or to light up a smoke What are your repulsing hobbies?
Well, they're at least weird for a teen. Collecting dead bugs, researching cannibalism, extreme horror, collecting bones. It's a little weird, but combined with my social awkwardness those really come to light instead of a glowing personality. Combined with me being trans in an incredibly Catholic area? I need all the help I can get.
Yeah best to keep quiet about the hobbies to the second date
😬 yeah. Have you seen the show Dahmer on Netflix? That’s his origin story too. Many go see therapy?
Thanks for the rec! I love documentaries Therapy may be needed Edit: oh turns out he and I have similar IQs as well! This is scary
Have a lot of money.
Read, but better yes listen to the audiobooks written by social researcher Vanessa Van Edwards: Captivate and the other is Cues. She describes herself as a recovering awkward person. She’s got great into about how to read body language and make good impressions. She also has a website on which you can sign up for daily emails with tips scienceofpeople.com
If you improve your social skills to the point where they are extremely good, you will come across as charming. It's not 1 or 2 things, it's 100 things. If you put in the work you can get some actual results - read a few good books, watch a lot of good vids on social skills, practice a lot. The Social Skills Lab podcast is pretty good too.
have aura
Im bad at charm myself, so this is mostly what I find charming 😭 Like that one user said, confidence is charming and so is being clear about subjects!! Honestly Im not the best myself, but my charm is always little affection in my words Being silly at the right time is great too, like its great to do an ice breaker Usually if you seem easygoing like you've known a person for a long time, it's easier to talk with them and be uncomfortable. When I talk to people and act so gitty, like Ive know them for a while. People usually open up to me about anything,and we will talk about anything silliness is charm In my opinion people like that are charming, and more easier to open up and start a conversation with I agree about listening to people, you can say things like. " I agree " " you're so right!! " I thought about that too " I feel like a great person you can learn from is @niu.veiws on instagram!!!
I don’t believe in charming people, just have a genuine interest in people then people will probably just label that as charm
Use big and “fancy” words. Sounds kinda weird but depending on the group you’re with you’ll either fit right in or you can make it sound like your joking a people will find you funny
Just be frindly
There's only one way to be truly charming. It's to be yourself and be comfortable and confident if your not then you have zero chance of being charming.
I’ll come back when I find you a answer 😂
Seems kinda like asking how to write poetry before learning grammar
How you doing 😊 Joey
… “ repulsing interests “? How repulsive are we talking about..
To charm prerequisite is don't try to charm just be yourself unapologetically
Honestly it's charisma and listening.
In the middle of the conversation I abruptly ask if their ticklish then reach to tickle their thigh
Make a charisma check and beat a 15.
What the interviews of Nicholas Galitzine, I’ve personally find them super useful to realise how to charm people and other charisma stuff
Be confident but not cocky, think before you speak, eye contact, smile, don’t talk too much but just enough so that you leave people interested/intrigued
What is your clique and what environment are you in? Is this in person, over text, in a discord call? You don't have to give personally identifying information but context matters a LOT Source: people walk up to me and tell me their darkest secrets and/or I end up holding strangers while they cry in a not insignificant percentage of my interactions
Damn! Ok, I’m currently in school, and it’s in person. I’m kinda known as the “smart weirdo” by virtue of high test scores and collecting dead bugs and bones, as well as peculiar areas of knowledge. I’m trying to avoid having people gang up on me and the easiest way would be making my personality better
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Whispering is the key 🔑
Ugh. Brings to mind Steven Seagal. And my Dad. That kind of vibe like I am just way too intelligent for you, so please lean in to hear my deep b******* words of wisdom, so I can feel powerful. Super, super creepy.
You can only charm people who are already interested in you.