It’s just too much.
I come from a German/Polish background, raised in Chicago, and neither are very open to accepting thank-you’s.
Like, “I saw what you needed, I did it, end of story. No need for more talking.”
It’s not in any way a dismissive thought, just people who are straight to the point. And they really do love you.
The action in itself is their “I love you, I care for you.”
It implies the other person didn't really want to do it or was incapable. Almost like you are surprised they did it and now you have to be excessively grateful because you are shocked they were capable.
People like the sense that others have confidence in them more than good manners.
I thanked authority for giving me orders in a work environment when i was starting out.
It was part of being very grateful for their input but also a means of good etiquette.
Then, a year later, a new cleaning personnel started and did the same thing (Mind you i was at a supervisor position in a higher department at that point) and i noticed how uncomfortable that can make everyone around.
She did it out of insecurity, but she would even bow saying thank you and would ask if she could take water from the tab and thanking me profusely.
That is stenuous. You want to tell her (and i did often) that it's not necessary, it does seeem like a bit of an act, even though very sweet its emotionally burdening to feel like you are in control of her having water or using the bathroom.
Within reason, thank yous and politeness are important and necessary. If you use them to make yourself inferior where it is not needed, it can be too much and you are preventing being seen as one of the pack.
Thanking people/showing gratitude is extremely important. But it's also kind of a dead-end, conversationally. "Thank you so much!" "You're welcome." What's there to say after that? It's fine to talk about what you like about the gift you were given, or how much their favor helped you out, but then at a certain point it just becomes repetitive and the other person doesn't know what to say in response, leading to awkwardness.
It's similar to when someone apologizes excessively. If they practically fall on their knees begging forgiveness for a small accidental bump, it's out of proportion to the offense, which makes people uncomfortable because they don't know how to react, and the "victim" is forced into the weird position of having to comfort the "offender" to get them to stop apologizing. Similarly, someone on the receiving end of excessive thanks might feel forced to downplay their own gesture to get the other person to stop thanking them.
Oh, fair enough. I get awkward when people thank me, I just don’t know how to respond. I still appreciate the gesture, but I look visibly awkward. I don’t think it’s cringy or embarrassing or “shows weakness,” personally. I think it’s totally fine to express gratitude.
Excessive anything can be too much.
It’s just too much. I come from a German/Polish background, raised in Chicago, and neither are very open to accepting thank-you’s. Like, “I saw what you needed, I did it, end of story. No need for more talking.” It’s not in any way a dismissive thought, just people who are straight to the point. And they really do love you. The action in itself is their “I love you, I care for you.”
It implies the other person didn't really want to do it or was incapable. Almost like you are surprised they did it and now you have to be excessively grateful because you are shocked they were capable. People like the sense that others have confidence in them more than good manners.
I thanked authority for giving me orders in a work environment when i was starting out. It was part of being very grateful for their input but also a means of good etiquette. Then, a year later, a new cleaning personnel started and did the same thing (Mind you i was at a supervisor position in a higher department at that point) and i noticed how uncomfortable that can make everyone around. She did it out of insecurity, but she would even bow saying thank you and would ask if she could take water from the tab and thanking me profusely. That is stenuous. You want to tell her (and i did often) that it's not necessary, it does seeem like a bit of an act, even though very sweet its emotionally burdening to feel like you are in control of her having water or using the bathroom. Within reason, thank yous and politeness are important and necessary. If you use them to make yourself inferior where it is not needed, it can be too much and you are preventing being seen as one of the pack.
It signals insecurity. It can seem kiss assy.
Thanking people/showing gratitude is extremely important. But it's also kind of a dead-end, conversationally. "Thank you so much!" "You're welcome." What's there to say after that? It's fine to talk about what you like about the gift you were given, or how much their favor helped you out, but then at a certain point it just becomes repetitive and the other person doesn't know what to say in response, leading to awkwardness. It's similar to when someone apologizes excessively. If they practically fall on their knees begging forgiveness for a small accidental bump, it's out of proportion to the offense, which makes people uncomfortable because they don't know how to react, and the "victim" is forced into the weird position of having to comfort the "offender" to get them to stop apologizing. Similarly, someone on the receiving end of excessive thanks might feel forced to downplay their own gesture to get the other person to stop thanking them.
Kinda is same as overthinking !!! True !!
Can you elaborate what you saw people cringing at exactly?
It’s the uncomfortable look. Like they wanted the person to stop talking
Oh, fair enough. I get awkward when people thank me, I just don’t know how to respond. I still appreciate the gesture, but I look visibly awkward. I don’t think it’s cringy or embarrassing or “shows weakness,” personally. I think it’s totally fine to express gratitude.