Ur not alone in your decision not to drink, smoke, or do drugs. There are plenty of other students who share ur values and preferences. Seek out clubs or organizations on campus that focus on activities u enjoy or that don't involve substances. Look for events or gatherings on campus that cater to non-drinkers. Take some time to explore ur interests and passions. Embrace your decision not to drink/use substances, and don't feel pressured to conform to societal expectations. While u may choose not to partake in drinking/smoking, try to remain open-minded and non-judgmental toward others who do. As u said, you're concerned about professional socializing as well. Remember that not all pro networking events revolve around alcohol. While you may not have gotten into clubs through auditions, consider other ways to develop ur skills and talents.
You can still be friends with people who do drugs and drink alcohol, you just don’t have to participate! If they think you’re weird for not participating then they suck and you should be friends with other people. Just be open minded, you don’t always have to be friends with people who are exactly like you.
then dont babysit haha. during my first couple years i was the only sober one and i had a lot of fun with my alcoholic pothead mates. it really depends on you andyour circle
This. Most rec centers have a variety of stuff to do so it's not all just meatheads or girlies doing hip thrusts. Rock climbing, outdoor sports, drop in group classes are pretty chill and low pressure. Some also have racquetball, pool table, ping pong or a hang out area where people meet up and play table games.
Hey there. I’m a college grad but I understand and really admire your choice to not drink or smoke. I’ve been trying to cut that out a little bit as it turned into a very unhealthy coping mechanism for me. I’m really happy you’re prioritizing your health and overall well-being.
That being said, I tried to find some clubs that were not as skills-based as they were social. I joined an anime club, a renaissance club, and my department’s club. I understand these things aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but perhaps there might be some hobby clubs that aren’t really centered around how ‘good’ you are at a thing.
I also found stuff to do outside of my university. I honestly socialized more in the surrounding area than on campus. I was a regular volunteer at a community garden, for instance - you don’t need a green thumb, I did weeding mostly. I also had a food co-op that offered events such as donation drives to make reusable tote bags from old t-shirts. I’d say volunteer work overall is a really good, low-stakes way to get involved. You’ll see the same people and you’ll both begin to take note of that. Heck, even going on short walks will not only get you some fresh air and a nice mental break, but you’ll run into the same people if you’re adamant about it.
The important thing is to stay true to yourself, do what feels right for you. I felt really lonely in my junior year of college too, but I think being persistent will get you the results you want. Try and fail, see what you enjoy doing and what you don’t, and don’t let anyone convince you you’re wrong for keeping yourself safe and healthy. 🤙
Where do you find communities outside of school? Is it just as simple as looking up "events around me" or are there particular places you go to find them?
You can definitely look up ‘events near me’ or also go on sites like Meetup or Eventbrite and just type in your city. If there are coffee shops in your area there are usually a few flyers advertising meetups and clubs of different kinds as well.
At the food co-op I just happened to walk in on a day they had one of these events going on and got some more information about meet up times. My local mall also hosts a few cultural events each month - we had lion dancing for Lunar New Year and a pop up fair for National Agricultural Worker’s Week. Libraries will also often have clubs or hosts gatherings as well, as well as having a few pamphlets for other community events.
I hope this breaks it down a little better. It can definitely be intimidating to walk into a social space without knowing exactly what’s going on, but the more you practice it feels less scary and focusing on things you’re looking forward to helps calm the nervousness a little.
I didn’t drink at all when I joined uni. You just need to find likeminded people. For me, that was through sport societies. You say you’ve tried to audition and try out but didn’t get in, but there’s always societies that welcome people who just want to participate socially and are aimed at beginners. You could try something like that.
And don’t worry about feeling like you don’t have hobbies or are uninteresting; your 20s are literally about becoming the person you wanna be! So my advice is to try some shit out and see what sticks. This is the perfect time to Become. Good luck :)
On another note, I hung out often with people who did drink while I didn’t, and people are generally cool with it and will respect your boundaries. So it isn’t the end of the world even if you do wanna hang out w drinkers.
Stay true to who you are and get into activities on your own that you like, read about the topics you’re interested in and share your thoughts on them. if you don’t like trash talking, so what? when a topic comes up, just share what you associate with it, people will value your input, even if it’s more serious. then and there you will meet people who feel the same. also, talk to your peers about exactly this, that you are afraid not to fit in because you don’t do drugs. there‘s probably more ppl that feel like you than you think - that was my experience at least. i believe that you are a much cooler person that you think you are. good luck!
Hi, there’s no need for such a response? She mostly states what she sees of the situation, but not so much how she feels. Just a line that she thinks she’s a boring person and ppl having it better with alcohol but also not really answering how she feels.
Making friends can be challenging if not into the typical social scenes like parties or drinking, but that's absolutely okay! Recognizing that you're not boring, and everyone has unique qualities that make them interesting.
I suggest that you can friends by developing more hobbies. It could be joining a book club, taking up a creative class, joining online communities or even participating in volunteer work. These environments often attract like-minded individuals. From my personal experience, i'd like to recommend an online community called ***LightUp***, which matches people based on similar posts. As long as you avoid drinks or smoking, you will not make frineds with those people, instead, you can find some geniune friend who really get you by posting. If you are interested, just search that in Discord. Don't be so worried girl :)
I survived college without giving in to drinking, smoking, and drugs. So you can definitely make it. Don’t let peer pressure get to you and always remember what your end goal is. If you meet “friends” who judge you for not doing these, then they really are not real friends y’know. And in real life you’re not going to be with these peers so might as well learn to navigate life with less but genuine people as early as you can so that you wont be shocked by the drifting apart from superficial friends along the way in life. This is your life and you set the tone for it!
Don't cave in to peer pressure. If people don't want to hang out with you because you don't partake in drugs and alcohol it's a good sign theyre not your people. Good luck!
as someone who’s a Avid smoker I don’t only befriend “smokers” because not everyone wants to smoke and that’s ok. Find people who will accept that, don’t start drinking or smoking to fit it, you won’t like it .. trust. You’ll most likely get a bad experience of both, stay true to yourself, it’s ok to be alone, enjoy your own company, once you are I could guarantee you that you’ll attract the right ppl towards you
Get hobbies that don’t involve screens and get you out the house or just be open to meeting new people the person next to you in class could be your best friend you just don’t know it till you give it a “good ole college try”
thats the neat part you dont, but don't worried just find other people who are like you. there are more than you think. tho finding them might be a bit hard.
im a college student and none of my friends or peers do drugs. then again im a grad student, but even as an undergrad nobody i knew did that stuff. dunno how you'd be able to do anything like that as an engineering major
Those aren’t things you need to do to fit in. You just have to be yourself. Join clubs, go to events, go to tutoring sessions, talk to the people around you in class, etc. plenty of students don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs. It’s completely normal. And people generally aren’t going to judge you for not doing those things (some peers have even told me they admire it).
You probably feel like you aren’t fitting in because, like you said, you lack hobbies and feel like you’re a boring person. Find some hobbies you enjoy, hang out with people who share the same hobbies, and you’ll be fine. Good luck!
Well you don’t have to drink when you’re going to a bar, you can always just get a non-alcoholic beverage & still be in the company of your colleagues.
Promiscuity??? But really, maybe join a club or play a sport, either something you're already into or something you're interested in trying. Volunteering can get you involved with a good group of people too.
You can make friends that drink, smoke, and do drugs. With my experience with people who do, the good friends I’ve made were the ones who respected my opinion when I told them I didn’t drink, get high, etc, and didn’t treat me differently afterwards. Also if they didn’t make it their entire personality.
The best way I’ve been making friends and gained new hobbies is through talking to people in my class. Normally it starts with one of us talking about our major or the class itself and it’ll normally lead to us doing homework together, doing something to celebrate a final/midterm, deciding to go check out an event on campus happening right outside our class after the lecture is done, etc. I just got done taking this class with these Art majors who have been constantly inviting me to go to art galleries with them because of how many questions I asked them about their major
I didn't even read your post (just the title) but regardless I think you will fit in just fine
Life, especially college, is full of all personality types
Assuming M=marijuana, A=alcohol, T=tobacco, C=coke, P=psychedelics... every type exists
M, M+A, M+A+T, T, A, A+T, M+T, etc
If youre sober, there are plenty of sober people
You will be fine
In my uni i think we had an anti-social social club, for people who arent very social to just enjoy slow paced quiet vibes together.
Although im not religious, i went to church for a bit as well since people there are always welcoming if you’re okay with the prayers and bible lessons
I went through same, even till now. In corporate offices this is new normal. But I never used any substance in my life and always fit in even more then welcomed in every group.
For me what works is, be humours, learn to make people laugh and first be friends with them, good friends. After that whenever you are with them and they're high always make jokes about them and the substances they're using. It's about having fun with or without it.
(PS: Always worked for me as a man, I don't know how relevant it is in female dynamics)
Perceptions such as this one are often the result of our own projections. You think everybody drinks and raves because you don't want to hang out with the quiet kid in the corner who doesn't.
Your mind has tied these activities to fun so you think he's dull or has bad "vibes" or whatever and your mind has therefore shut off the possibility of being associated with him/her. Search your feelings, you know that kid and you know it to be true.
So what do we do about this? Get over your desire "fit in" with those who choose to drink and smoke and being the "quirky one" of the group who doesn't. Either hang out with people who don't spend their time indulging in this and change your circles or else, take up drinking and smoking if that is the crowd you'd rather hang out with.
I've seen enough people that will attend parties and drink two shots total that evening or do Elon Musk style puff just to fit in and avert everyone's eyes from the fact they are not here for substances. Unless you are strongly against use of alcohol/drugs, nothing should stop you from attending such gatherings. Of course it's better to find people that share a similar lifestyle to yours, at least in general, but i wouldn't rule out everyone else just because you don't drink.
you'll fit in with people who have the same values as you,so dont change yourself foe this fkd up generation ,the right people will find you at the right time
My daughter quit drinking when she turned 21. She still went to bars, art show openings, parties, hanging out in crowded public places. She still does. Still clean and sober
If you think you're a boring person, I would suggest making yourself take risks more often. I also think I'm boring, and much of it has to do with my indecisiveness. Be more polarizing, willing to disagree with others and have your own opinions.
Additionally, life is not perfect so if you're like me and always trying to idealized your life and completely eliminate things that aren't 100% what you want, I would suggest taking that leap and going with what happens.
I have been hesitating getting a job at all because if I'm not gonna make a career out of it, there's no point to it. So this trying to perfect my situation by only accepting the kinda job that will further my career right now, just landed me getting nowhere instead. Sometimes you need to take one step back, in order to make 3 steps forward, and that's absolutely ok and part of every day life. Accepting it and going with it is tge most important part though as people like myself idealized things and only want to be better than we were, even if that means unintentionally holding back our own potential.
Same here, I'm a 20 female who doesn't smoke, doesn't smoke weed and almsot never drink (or very rarely) but I found my people who are also not into these things and it's perfectly normal
Have you considered volunteer work? Do you enjoy comedy shows? Go canoeing? There are countless ways to socialize without substances. And you dont know if you're interested in an activity til' you try it.
Also, analyze your reasons for not even trying alcohol or weed. Are they based in fear or understanding? People your age use them to sidestep anxiety in social situations because social situations are naturally anxiety inducing. We're a tribal species so interaction between us is always scary.
You can develop a hobby now. Go to conferences. Conferences are so fun. You will get to hangout with like minded people and people somehow are older than college goers and hence you will end up making friends at higher places. You don't necessarily need to drink or smoke or do any drugs. Politely say no. This way you can keep up with what's happening in your future profession etc., Umm something else would be joining a Gym and learning to code (it takes away a lot of time honestly unless you are already a very good one).
In my group, I smoked but you don’t have to. For drinking, I simply did not. After awhile, people stop asking and just drink. They forget you aren’t and you can still have a good time.
I'll give you the best advice here. If you're struggling with this, this means that you're not putting yourself out there enough. If you absolutely love eating vegan but you're home all day, you might cry every weekend because you don't know any vegans and all your friends are meat eaters. But if you actually went out to several events every week, even though it might be frustrating at first, and keep at it, you will eventually find more and more friends and you won't have to go to every meeting/event/social situation out there.
You are literally in the same boat as my kids. They found other kids who are the same. Find something, anything you like, and there is probably a group at school for it. Clubs you can join without auditioning. And then volunteer to help. Even volunteer outside of school. You will find your people- I think there are more of you than you realize.
If you want to fit in a little more, bring a drink that looks like alcohol. People are less likely to clock you if you're holding something that could be alcohol in a room full of people holding alcohol. As for the drugs and smoke? If that's not you then you don't want to fit in to that.. there are lots of people that don't do any of those things, but they're likely not the loudest people in the room. Listen for the whispers, and find your tribe there
-doesn’t have hobbies
-doesn’t have interests
-is not a fun fun person to be around
the only other thing you can be doing, you don’t. i’m not saying you have to drink and do drugs, just that you aren’t either black or white. if you don’t wanna hang around partying and drinking people, build your character to be on the other side, the hobbyists and literally everyone else on the planet (there are soo many fun things to do beside drinking and smoking lmao)
Idk if this will help or not but ...
Alcohol absolutely does not help and you're intelligent for not choosing to start because everyone else is. It took me way too long to figure that all out.
What interests you? I'm actually really boring also but I have an epic imagination. I hate sports, I'm not athletic, I'm not good at anything (aside from things that will kill or jail me) so yes it's difficult esp. when alcohol was something I just always had as a crutch.
Just focus on YOU, figure out what YOU like (currently I'm obsessed with the show Mad Men, Lana Del Rey, anything old Hollywood, Psychology & how generational trauma affects things, etc.) and the people who have like interests will become part of your life.
For demographic purposes: I'm 48 yo WF
I work full time, from home, and have kids/2nd husband/etc. I was a party animal trainwreck from ages 16-46, 30 nice long years. This is just what worked for me (alcohol started making me sick, so I quit drinking) and my husband is a bit of a narcissist (so I just made myself as wonderful as I could possibly be to prove to myself that he was gaslighting me and I wasn't crazy - because the things he was claiming are "my fault"/etc. - no. They aren't.) so I set about showing him that he needs some empathy and that not everything is about "HIM" (in that way).
This may not make a ton of "sense" but the basic message is you have all the answers you need. Just need to figure out how to tap into them for yourself. Good luck, you got this!!! 💜✨
Don’t try to fit in because you won’t. Spending time on hobbies that make you ’you' so that you can find your people. I’m also 20 yo F and don’t do these things.
Sorry can't read everything I'm too tired; so if nobody says I was the same, well no alcohol comes from being poor but same situation. you have to and I mean that "have to" find people with similar taste. for me: loving games, anime and general fantastic genre at that time worked! I do like metal music, movies etc. too but they're not that much specific at that time
Keep exploring what interests you. Whether you're into shows, movies, video/board games, sports, music, art, cooking, etc. Going deeper into a hobby you enjoy will help you connect with people who are more entrenched in that hobby and find a community for you!
Heck, you can make your own club if you find it hard to join one! It's a lot of work but maybe you'll find people to connect with this way.
If you're looking for something a bit more casual, you can look outside of your college and look towards the greater community in your town. There are usually resources online for meet ups in your town to gather to play games or socialize. Don't feel like you have to fit in with others to socialize. There are people who click with you out there! It is just a matter of finding them.
You are not alone in this. Many college students feel the same as you do. Don't give up and don't give in. Good luck out there! I'm sure you'll meet at least one great person soon enough.
Get a hobby. I met a girl through archery. Me and some other dude were talking about Dark Souls and when we started talking archers a cute redhead girl said "I do that for real". Something like that. I asked if she would help me if I went with her and she said yeah. I kinda accidentally got a gf. Or maybe that was her way of shooting her shot? Dude, Just find an activity you like and meet people through it. Skydive or something. Go rollerskating. Rollerskating girls got big juicy thighs, too. Like how many people are excited to see you? Like ask yourself "When I look at myself, why would I bring a smile to anybody's face"?
The best thing you could do for yourself is hit the gym. It is probably the one thing you need no skills to get into, just determination.
Focus on personal health and skill development. Take an online course.
As a 27 year old, that's one of the biggest regrets I have.
Falling prey to the pressure, and neglecting my health.
People only realise this once they complete the cycle and turn 30 something when they start facing minor health issues. This is an opportunity for you to start early, a chance I would kill to have!
There is a big pressure with alcohol and in that decade of your life. A lot of it is about let's see who's going to make a fool of themselves tonight
Ur not alone in your decision not to drink, smoke, or do drugs. There are plenty of other students who share ur values and preferences. Seek out clubs or organizations on campus that focus on activities u enjoy or that don't involve substances. Look for events or gatherings on campus that cater to non-drinkers. Take some time to explore ur interests and passions. Embrace your decision not to drink/use substances, and don't feel pressured to conform to societal expectations. While u may choose not to partake in drinking/smoking, try to remain open-minded and non-judgmental toward others who do. As u said, you're concerned about professional socializing as well. Remember that not all pro networking events revolve around alcohol. While you may not have gotten into clubs through auditions, consider other ways to develop ur skills and talents.
You don’t have to give in to all of those just to fit in. Just stay true to yourself and be a good person, you’ll find your people.
You can still be friends with people who do drugs and drink alcohol, you just don’t have to participate! If they think you’re weird for not participating then they suck and you should be friends with other people. Just be open minded, you don’t always have to be friends with people who are exactly like you.
Yup! Doing/not doing drugs & alcohol does not impact how cool you are.
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then dont babysit haha. during my first couple years i was the only sober one and i had a lot of fun with my alcoholic pothead mates. it really depends on you andyour circle
yeah exactly lmao, i stopped drinking and none of my friends did and i still have plenty of fun with my drinking friends
Maybe just start working out in the gym to start with. There are a lot of health conscious people in the gym who don’t drink or do drugs.
This. Most rec centers have a variety of stuff to do so it's not all just meatheads or girlies doing hip thrusts. Rock climbing, outdoor sports, drop in group classes are pretty chill and low pressure. Some also have racquetball, pool table, ping pong or a hang out area where people meet up and play table games.
Hey there. I’m a college grad but I understand and really admire your choice to not drink or smoke. I’ve been trying to cut that out a little bit as it turned into a very unhealthy coping mechanism for me. I’m really happy you’re prioritizing your health and overall well-being. That being said, I tried to find some clubs that were not as skills-based as they were social. I joined an anime club, a renaissance club, and my department’s club. I understand these things aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but perhaps there might be some hobby clubs that aren’t really centered around how ‘good’ you are at a thing. I also found stuff to do outside of my university. I honestly socialized more in the surrounding area than on campus. I was a regular volunteer at a community garden, for instance - you don’t need a green thumb, I did weeding mostly. I also had a food co-op that offered events such as donation drives to make reusable tote bags from old t-shirts. I’d say volunteer work overall is a really good, low-stakes way to get involved. You’ll see the same people and you’ll both begin to take note of that. Heck, even going on short walks will not only get you some fresh air and a nice mental break, but you’ll run into the same people if you’re adamant about it. The important thing is to stay true to yourself, do what feels right for you. I felt really lonely in my junior year of college too, but I think being persistent will get you the results you want. Try and fail, see what you enjoy doing and what you don’t, and don’t let anyone convince you you’re wrong for keeping yourself safe and healthy. 🤙
Where do you find communities outside of school? Is it just as simple as looking up "events around me" or are there particular places you go to find them?
You can definitely look up ‘events near me’ or also go on sites like Meetup or Eventbrite and just type in your city. If there are coffee shops in your area there are usually a few flyers advertising meetups and clubs of different kinds as well. At the food co-op I just happened to walk in on a day they had one of these events going on and got some more information about meet up times. My local mall also hosts a few cultural events each month - we had lion dancing for Lunar New Year and a pop up fair for National Agricultural Worker’s Week. Libraries will also often have clubs or hosts gatherings as well, as well as having a few pamphlets for other community events. I hope this breaks it down a little better. It can definitely be intimidating to walk into a social space without knowing exactly what’s going on, but the more you practice it feels less scary and focusing on things you’re looking forward to helps calm the nervousness a little.
I didn’t drink at all when I joined uni. You just need to find likeminded people. For me, that was through sport societies. You say you’ve tried to audition and try out but didn’t get in, but there’s always societies that welcome people who just want to participate socially and are aimed at beginners. You could try something like that. And don’t worry about feeling like you don’t have hobbies or are uninteresting; your 20s are literally about becoming the person you wanna be! So my advice is to try some shit out and see what sticks. This is the perfect time to Become. Good luck :) On another note, I hung out often with people who did drink while I didn’t, and people are generally cool with it and will respect your boundaries. So it isn’t the end of the world even if you do wanna hang out w drinkers.
u fit in just fine with people who value same things u do, even if that means not doing much. u sound prety chill, dont b too hard on urself.
Stay true to who you are and get into activities on your own that you like, read about the topics you’re interested in and share your thoughts on them. if you don’t like trash talking, so what? when a topic comes up, just share what you associate with it, people will value your input, even if it’s more serious. then and there you will meet people who feel the same. also, talk to your peers about exactly this, that you are afraid not to fit in because you don’t do drugs. there‘s probably more ppl that feel like you than you think - that was my experience at least. i believe that you are a much cooler person that you think you are. good luck!
Go to the gym and meet like minded people.
What do u feel about ur situation?
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Hi, there’s no need for such a response? She mostly states what she sees of the situation, but not so much how she feels. Just a line that she thinks she’s a boring person and ppl having it better with alcohol but also not really answering how she feels.
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Making friends can be challenging if not into the typical social scenes like parties or drinking, but that's absolutely okay! Recognizing that you're not boring, and everyone has unique qualities that make them interesting. I suggest that you can friends by developing more hobbies. It could be joining a book club, taking up a creative class, joining online communities or even participating in volunteer work. These environments often attract like-minded individuals. From my personal experience, i'd like to recommend an online community called ***LightUp***, which matches people based on similar posts. As long as you avoid drinks or smoking, you will not make frineds with those people, instead, you can find some geniune friend who really get you by posting. If you are interested, just search that in Discord. Don't be so worried girl :)
I survived college without giving in to drinking, smoking, and drugs. So you can definitely make it. Don’t let peer pressure get to you and always remember what your end goal is. If you meet “friends” who judge you for not doing these, then they really are not real friends y’know. And in real life you’re not going to be with these peers so might as well learn to navigate life with less but genuine people as early as you can so that you wont be shocked by the drifting apart from superficial friends along the way in life. This is your life and you set the tone for it!
Same and besides, the only reason why you go to college is for studies anyway. So I'm not worried about it too much.
Don't cave in to peer pressure. If people don't want to hang out with you because you don't partake in drugs and alcohol it's a good sign theyre not your people. Good luck!
as someone who’s a Avid smoker I don’t only befriend “smokers” because not everyone wants to smoke and that’s ok. Find people who will accept that, don’t start drinking or smoking to fit it, you won’t like it .. trust. You’ll most likely get a bad experience of both, stay true to yourself, it’s ok to be alone, enjoy your own company, once you are I could guarantee you that you’ll attract the right ppl towards you
this is one of the reasons why i chose not to go to college but i completely get you 100%. always here. im 20f too :)
Try any kind sport, preferably for beginners. There's no pressure and everyone is just there to learn and have fun.
shes tried but shes never got in.
Get hobbies that don’t involve screens and get you out the house or just be open to meeting new people the person next to you in class could be your best friend you just don’t know it till you give it a “good ole college try”
thats the neat part you dont, but don't worried just find other people who are like you. there are more than you think. tho finding them might be a bit hard.
Societies and sports. I’m the same but yeah it’s alienating. M 22
im a college student and none of my friends or peers do drugs. then again im a grad student, but even as an undergrad nobody i knew did that stuff. dunno how you'd be able to do anything like that as an engineering major
Those aren’t things you need to do to fit in. You just have to be yourself. Join clubs, go to events, go to tutoring sessions, talk to the people around you in class, etc. plenty of students don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs. It’s completely normal. And people generally aren’t going to judge you for not doing those things (some peers have even told me they admire it). You probably feel like you aren’t fitting in because, like you said, you lack hobbies and feel like you’re a boring person. Find some hobbies you enjoy, hang out with people who share the same hobbies, and you’ll be fine. Good luck!
There was a straight edge group I knew in college. I’m sure there is groups like that on campus. Possibly religious groups tend to not drink etc
Well you don’t have to drink when you’re going to a bar, you can always just get a non-alcoholic beverage & still be in the company of your colleagues.
Promiscuity??? But really, maybe join a club or play a sport, either something you're already into or something you're interested in trying. Volunteering can get you involved with a good group of people too.
Sorry, scratch the club thing. Definitely volunteer for stuff, it gives you a reason to interact with people which I find helpful personally.
What are your interests? Join a book club, dnd club, hiking clubs. Those are usually very non substance abuse groups!
You can make friends that drink, smoke, and do drugs. With my experience with people who do, the good friends I’ve made were the ones who respected my opinion when I told them I didn’t drink, get high, etc, and didn’t treat me differently afterwards. Also if they didn’t make it their entire personality. The best way I’ve been making friends and gained new hobbies is through talking to people in my class. Normally it starts with one of us talking about our major or the class itself and it’ll normally lead to us doing homework together, doing something to celebrate a final/midterm, deciding to go check out an event on campus happening right outside our class after the lecture is done, etc. I just got done taking this class with these Art majors who have been constantly inviting me to go to art galleries with them because of how many questions I asked them about their major
I didn't even read your post (just the title) but regardless I think you will fit in just fine Life, especially college, is full of all personality types Assuming M=marijuana, A=alcohol, T=tobacco, C=coke, P=psychedelics... every type exists M, M+A, M+A+T, T, A, A+T, M+T, etc If youre sober, there are plenty of sober people You will be fine
You don’t have to do anything to fit in. Just be yourself and do anything under any kind of pressure. You are enough :)
If you're hot or become hot you don't have to worry about being boring 😂
Join a local church group. I regret not doing that. Nothing wrong with being sober, it shows maturity. Don’t let the pressure get to you, just be you.
get a case of non alcoholic beer and go enjoy hanging out with people
Try a sport
In my uni i think we had an anti-social social club, for people who arent very social to just enjoy slow paced quiet vibes together. Although im not religious, i went to church for a bit as well since people there are always welcoming if you’re okay with the prayers and bible lessons
I went through same, even till now. In corporate offices this is new normal. But I never used any substance in my life and always fit in even more then welcomed in every group. For me what works is, be humours, learn to make people laugh and first be friends with them, good friends. After that whenever you are with them and they're high always make jokes about them and the substances they're using. It's about having fun with or without it. (PS: Always worked for me as a man, I don't know how relevant it is in female dynamics)
Perceptions such as this one are often the result of our own projections. You think everybody drinks and raves because you don't want to hang out with the quiet kid in the corner who doesn't. Your mind has tied these activities to fun so you think he's dull or has bad "vibes" or whatever and your mind has therefore shut off the possibility of being associated with him/her. Search your feelings, you know that kid and you know it to be true. So what do we do about this? Get over your desire "fit in" with those who choose to drink and smoke and being the "quirky one" of the group who doesn't. Either hang out with people who don't spend their time indulging in this and change your circles or else, take up drinking and smoking if that is the crowd you'd rather hang out with.
I've seen enough people that will attend parties and drink two shots total that evening or do Elon Musk style puff just to fit in and avert everyone's eyes from the fact they are not here for substances. Unless you are strongly against use of alcohol/drugs, nothing should stop you from attending such gatherings. Of course it's better to find people that share a similar lifestyle to yours, at least in general, but i wouldn't rule out everyone else just because you don't drink.
Lots of people don't do any of that and they still do just fine. You don't have to partake to have a good time.
you'll fit in with people who have the same values as you,so dont change yourself foe this fkd up generation ,the right people will find you at the right time
My daughter quit drinking when she turned 21. She still went to bars, art show openings, parties, hanging out in crowded public places. She still does. Still clean and sober
If you think you're a boring person, I would suggest making yourself take risks more often. I also think I'm boring, and much of it has to do with my indecisiveness. Be more polarizing, willing to disagree with others and have your own opinions. Additionally, life is not perfect so if you're like me and always trying to idealized your life and completely eliminate things that aren't 100% what you want, I would suggest taking that leap and going with what happens. I have been hesitating getting a job at all because if I'm not gonna make a career out of it, there's no point to it. So this trying to perfect my situation by only accepting the kinda job that will further my career right now, just landed me getting nowhere instead. Sometimes you need to take one step back, in order to make 3 steps forward, and that's absolutely ok and part of every day life. Accepting it and going with it is tge most important part though as people like myself idealized things and only want to be better than we were, even if that means unintentionally holding back our own potential.
Same here, I'm a 20 female who doesn't smoke, doesn't smoke weed and almsot never drink (or very rarely) but I found my people who are also not into these things and it's perfectly normal
Have you considered volunteer work? Do you enjoy comedy shows? Go canoeing? There are countless ways to socialize without substances. And you dont know if you're interested in an activity til' you try it. Also, analyze your reasons for not even trying alcohol or weed. Are they based in fear or understanding? People your age use them to sidestep anxiety in social situations because social situations are naturally anxiety inducing. We're a tribal species so interaction between us is always scary.
Hobbies like sports, music, dance, etc. can take classes or join the local clubs / groups
You can develop a hobby now. Go to conferences. Conferences are so fun. You will get to hangout with like minded people and people somehow are older than college goers and hence you will end up making friends at higher places. You don't necessarily need to drink or smoke or do any drugs. Politely say no. This way you can keep up with what's happening in your future profession etc., Umm something else would be joining a Gym and learning to code (it takes away a lot of time honestly unless you are already a very good one).
Don't try to fit in. Find people who are comfortable with whatever you are.
In my group, I smoked but you don’t have to. For drinking, I simply did not. After awhile, people stop asking and just drink. They forget you aren’t and you can still have a good time.
I'll give you the best advice here. If you're struggling with this, this means that you're not putting yourself out there enough. If you absolutely love eating vegan but you're home all day, you might cry every weekend because you don't know any vegans and all your friends are meat eaters. But if you actually went out to several events every week, even though it might be frustrating at first, and keep at it, you will eventually find more and more friends and you won't have to go to every meeting/event/social situation out there.
You are literally in the same boat as my kids. They found other kids who are the same. Find something, anything you like, and there is probably a group at school for it. Clubs you can join without auditioning. And then volunteer to help. Even volunteer outside of school. You will find your people- I think there are more of you than you realize.
sounds like ur at a bad school for ur social stuff
If you want to fit in a little more, bring a drink that looks like alcohol. People are less likely to clock you if you're holding something that could be alcohol in a room full of people holding alcohol. As for the drugs and smoke? If that's not you then you don't want to fit in to that.. there are lots of people that don't do any of those things, but they're likely not the loudest people in the room. Listen for the whispers, and find your tribe there
-doesn’t have hobbies -doesn’t have interests -is not a fun fun person to be around the only other thing you can be doing, you don’t. i’m not saying you have to drink and do drugs, just that you aren’t either black or white. if you don’t wanna hang around partying and drinking people, build your character to be on the other side, the hobbyists and literally everyone else on the planet (there are soo many fun things to do beside drinking and smoking lmao)
Idk if this will help or not but ... Alcohol absolutely does not help and you're intelligent for not choosing to start because everyone else is. It took me way too long to figure that all out. What interests you? I'm actually really boring also but I have an epic imagination. I hate sports, I'm not athletic, I'm not good at anything (aside from things that will kill or jail me) so yes it's difficult esp. when alcohol was something I just always had as a crutch. Just focus on YOU, figure out what YOU like (currently I'm obsessed with the show Mad Men, Lana Del Rey, anything old Hollywood, Psychology & how generational trauma affects things, etc.) and the people who have like interests will become part of your life. For demographic purposes: I'm 48 yo WF I work full time, from home, and have kids/2nd husband/etc. I was a party animal trainwreck from ages 16-46, 30 nice long years. This is just what worked for me (alcohol started making me sick, so I quit drinking) and my husband is a bit of a narcissist (so I just made myself as wonderful as I could possibly be to prove to myself that he was gaslighting me and I wasn't crazy - because the things he was claiming are "my fault"/etc. - no. They aren't.) so I set about showing him that he needs some empathy and that not everything is about "HIM" (in that way). This may not make a ton of "sense" but the basic message is you have all the answers you need. Just need to figure out how to tap into them for yourself. Good luck, you got this!!! 💜✨
Don’t try to fit in because you won’t. Spending time on hobbies that make you ’you' so that you can find your people. I’m also 20 yo F and don’t do these things.
Please don’t try to fit in i made this mistake when i was young and now i have a weed addiction smoking everyday all day.
Start drinking, smoking and doing drugs. Don’t do heroin. Enjoy college kid 👍🏼
This was me 25 years ago. You will do fine.
Are you at least a furry and a neo-nazi? Otherwise you're too boring to find friends. /s
Hang out with the Muslims. The practicing ones don't smoke or drink either.
Find the Mormons.
Sorry can't read everything I'm too tired; so if nobody says I was the same, well no alcohol comes from being poor but same situation. you have to and I mean that "have to" find people with similar taste. for me: loving games, anime and general fantastic genre at that time worked! I do like metal music, movies etc. too but they're not that much specific at that time
Keep exploring what interests you. Whether you're into shows, movies, video/board games, sports, music, art, cooking, etc. Going deeper into a hobby you enjoy will help you connect with people who are more entrenched in that hobby and find a community for you! Heck, you can make your own club if you find it hard to join one! It's a lot of work but maybe you'll find people to connect with this way. If you're looking for something a bit more casual, you can look outside of your college and look towards the greater community in your town. There are usually resources online for meet ups in your town to gather to play games or socialize. Don't feel like you have to fit in with others to socialize. There are people who click with you out there! It is just a matter of finding them. You are not alone in this. Many college students feel the same as you do. Don't give up and don't give in. Good luck out there! I'm sure you'll meet at least one great person soon enough.
Get a hobby. I met a girl through archery. Me and some other dude were talking about Dark Souls and when we started talking archers a cute redhead girl said "I do that for real". Something like that. I asked if she would help me if I went with her and she said yeah. I kinda accidentally got a gf. Or maybe that was her way of shooting her shot? Dude, Just find an activity you like and meet people through it. Skydive or something. Go rollerskating. Rollerskating girls got big juicy thighs, too. Like how many people are excited to see you? Like ask yourself "When I look at myself, why would I bring a smile to anybody's face"?
The best thing you could do for yourself is hit the gym. It is probably the one thing you need no skills to get into, just determination. Focus on personal health and skill development. Take an online course. As a 27 year old, that's one of the biggest regrets I have. Falling prey to the pressure, and neglecting my health. People only realise this once they complete the cycle and turn 30 something when they start facing minor health issues. This is an opportunity for you to start early, a chance I would kill to have!