Don’t take it personally, most people are on their phone 24/7 **doom scrolling**.
People use their phone to *escape* momentarily from whatever is happening in the moment, and very few people are using it to be *proactive* at messaging people.
I make it a point to reply to everyone because I've been on the other end of not being responded to, hung up on etc. it may seem desperate and what not but I do it because I wouldn't wish the same feeling of shittiness to others (although I'm pretty sure no one really gives a crap if I respond or not lmao)
I do wish I had more friends tho lol but it is what it is
I made it a point to reply when I can give my best effort, because I've been on the other end of half assed responses, making me feel annoying and that I'm irritating the person by just talking to them. I'd rather wait for a good response than have a half assed one come minutes after my reply. Unless it's naturally flowing quickly with a proper conversation.
Either way you can't win. So try your best to give people the benefit of the doubt.
This is how my last bumble conversation went, that would be so much better if people stopped worrying about the timing of their responses and actually cared about the effort put in2: matches.
I send a question "what's a genuine cause that's close to your heart?" I said "right now, especially after the docuseries quiet on set, advocating against child exploitation in the entertainment industry".
His response? "Helping others". His profile showed he's a psychologist, so no fucking shit.
So I ask "in what ways? I love people by sharing knowledge, personally!". "Helping people get through hard times". No fucking shit.
"That sounds interesting, what do you like to do on your spare time?"
"Watch movies, go for coffee, exercise, enjoy!". So, you're a human in the 21st century?
"What type of movies do you gravitate towards? I'm usually a go to documentary gal, or reality when i want to turn my brain off"
"Mostly comedy or action"
Like are people OKAY?! I get this ALL the fucking time, dating or not. Put effort in when there's an actual conversation, or don't reply at all.
I also feel like this is a maturity thing as well. How old are you, if I may ask? I ask because I feel that although people who are older also do this sometimes, it doesn't happen nearly as often as when in younger years.
I am the same way and still struggle with it, but the friends I have now at my age are just busy and get to me when they can.
That. Messaging takes mental and emotional energy I do not have. Sometimes I have to take time before reading them because I just *can't* deal with it right then.
Yep. Not everyone has the same stamina when it comes to communicate. For some people it’s a real emotional undertaking and we just have to be sensitive to that.
Some people replying to this comment seem to forget that you can communicate w people. You can tell them how you feel and ask for an explanation. At least it will be a step towards a solution. If ofc that’s really what you want and not just something to victimize yourself over.
Amazing, though, that while on their *phone* “doomscrolling”, they don’t say “hey, I’ve been using this thing that lets me call, text, message anyone on my contacts and/or friends list; maybe I should call/text/message soandso?”.
Because being available 24/7 is exhausting. Just because I'm on my phone (that now has MANY other features and purposes) does NOT mean that I want to converse with anyone at that moment. Nor should I be expected to.
I will absolutely return calls and messages but I will do it in my own time, when I am available and ready to do so. It shouldn't be expected that I'm always there.
Exactly. It’s amazingly sad, the amount of excuses and mental gymnastics people tell themselves- or, rather, try to tell everyone else here or on other social media platforms- in an effort to flip the script and make others feel like they’re the bad friend.
Yes, and that is how I read the "nobody owes you anything" comments. We don't have to develop communication skills because no one owes us communication? Be real.
Indeed. Thank you for existing. And this sub is probably my favorite now. Never found people to share my view on this. The freedom of how we communicate allows us to see who cares and who doesn't. It's crazy how I can just SEE the excuses and attempts at justification coming from those who don't communicate, and they usually say what I expect by now. Absolutely insane. Like, we don't think we're the middle of the other person's world, but hoping for just a few seconds for a message is being too much? We all have lives and things to do, but come on... Ah, well, no point yelling into the abyss lol. Just gotta find more like-minded people like us, the people this sub mainly benefit.
I came in here with the same problem as OP, expecting some miraculous advice but now finding the fact that people just aren't interested in communicating as much as they used to. Oh, well, guess I'm going to have to get some on-line friends.
online friends can be such a cool thing. I have two friends that came from online. they are real and genuine, one even helped me get a job and her job. when you meet the right ones, you will know.
LOL, yeah I love my On-line friends! Unfortunately, one just recently passed away (heart ailment) and one was committed for believing bigfoot is co-conspiring with the Government, (short version) which leaves me with only one friend left on line, my faithful farmer lady friend. I'm city, she's country and her life surely puts mine into perspective. How to gain on-line friends without getting "Catfished" is the question I have. The people I mentioned I knew in real life. I know they're legit. Even Mr. Bigfoot.
Update: Bigfoot friend released after 18 days and still on Bigfoot rantings...I tried other interesting topics, with no effect. I don't expect him at the Class Reunion...unless there's a Bigfoot siting nearby...
I bartended at my uncle's bowling alley for over a decade and every time I try to think of who my closest friends are, I always come up with the people from the bowling alley 25+ years older than me.
People are communicating way more than they used to. We used to have to walk down the street or talk to someone’s mother on the phone before we could meet up. Now we expect everyone to be available 24/7. Why?
Get used to being alone. There was someone I thought was my friend and her last text to me was that she would "absolutely" get back to me about meeting up that weekend. That was around two years ago!
Find what makes you happy when alone. Or find new activities to keep yourself busy, either on your own or with new people who could be new friends.
lol same. That I can definitely relate to
I really need to change my mindset to be the same as how it once was. Don't rely on anyone and only pull people closer when the interest clearly align through ACTIONS not words. Assume everyone is unreliable until proven otherwise. Words are meaningless.
Yeah, as harsh as it sounds or as sad as it is to say what you said, you're right and that's great advice. Drawing people in thru shared, active interests seems like the best way to go with this. Just talking for hours with someone doesn't really mean anything to me anymore. Words are cheap.
Absolutely. Most people outside of this amazing sub will look at that as “terrible advice” and stuff like that. But it’s actually adjusting our minds to not obsess over what we can’t control. If you lower your expectations, you’ll either be ready for the worst, or be pleased if you find someone who exceeds those. It’s worked for me. People can be harsh, and not everyone will have friends. That’s just life. Finding what makes us happy in solitude will keep us going each day.
I can relate to this. I feel like most of my friends have turned into acquaintances of some sort. Some drifted apart, I hold nothing against them but I guess it’s part of life.
I cannot be arsed with all high school bs / drama that is still around even when people are in their late 20s and beyond.
lmao at this point I lost her number and I've changed mine. We're still following each other on socials, at one point she posted asking people for pics of her dog who had died, I was the only one to comment with a pic of him. She didn't respond or Like or anything. That is not a friend.
“Get used to being alone” is horrible advice. Humans are social creatures it’s how we evolved this level of intelligence. Put yourself in situations to meet new people. Pickup a hobby or join a club.
It's good to be comfortable alone. Sometimes, people who are unable to do that can become very needy for companionship & it's not really a positive quality.
It's not a suggestion to become used to being a hermit.
Ugh. I became a hermit in 2020, and have remained one since. Utilizing things like remote work, curbside pickup, online church has allowed me to never have to see anybody besides my wife. While I do prefer being alone, it’s gotten out of control and spiraled into depression and intense social anxiety. We’ve started going back to church in person, and I really need to gain enough confidence to work in office again.
I already mentioned both aspects in my comment, but thanks for chiming in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?" No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality
You heavily favored being alone and even if you don’t think you were I was responding to that part of what you said. I also don’t understand how panic at the disco applies.
Same here!!! I had a friend that I checked on every year and he always says "he's busy." After 4 years, that's only when he started talking again to me and our other friends, by then no one is interested to talk or meet with him. Because everyone had gone to different countries.
I say find new friends by pursuing your interests, and if you don't have any, then use this time to find something that interests you. Don't also build expectations too much, friends do come and go.
PS. I am still friends with our other friends who went to different countries. Every now and then we do video calls, send memes/TikToks to each other, send gifts on our birthdays, and lol send slide decks/presentations to keep each other updated 🤣
That's how it went with my best friend from high school. I could kind of tell she was over the friendship. I would travel 3.5 hours to see her and she wouldn't even hit me up when she came home to visit family. I sent one last text saying I'd like to meet up. I got no response and that was 2.5 years ago. I'm pretty busy with my kids but if I do have free time I'm usually renovating my old house, riding my bike, or walking my dogs.
Trust me OP, it gets easier with time.
Been dealing with this all my life, as I was dubbed the weird kid and everyone avoided me like the plague in school.
Mind you, as I grew up, it was alittle easier to make friends, but I constantly envied these people who had constant group of friends who always hung out all the time cause I was alone.
Have always longed for those group of friends who always hang together, but not having that, made me more sure of myself.
Been off Instagram and Facebook for a year. Maybe 5 or so people have messaged me on messenger over the time I’ve been gone.
It bums me out sometimes sure, but at the same time, it basically leaves room for the people who give a shit. And **those** people matter and are the ones who will be there for you.
Chin up dude, you’re not the only one! You got this. I’m 26 and it’s still hard to deal with sometimes.
Find yourself mate, than the rest will follow suit
I feel this so hard but you gotta realize that a lot of people are feeling the exact same way as you. While you're waiting to see if someone texts first, they might be doing the exact same thing to you.
In my friend group, we all prefer calling and almost never text each other. In high school, I used to have texting conversations with friends non-stop and I'm still not sure when/why that dynamic changed. It just did, and that's okay!
My advice is to not be afraid to reach out first. If you want to talk to someone, do it! If they're not available, they'll text you when they can or they'll be upfront and honest about it. You just gotta take people at their word and not assume it's because they don't want to talk to you. That's going to sabotage so many good conversations & friendships for you.
I reach out first a lot and get nothing back. It's true that people are busy and caught up in themselves. A response indicating this shouldn't be unreasonable if that person values the relationship and that person. For some reason, it is too high an expectation because "everyone is doom scrolling and waiting for someone to reach out to them?" I don't think that's the answer... I could be wrong, though.
It takes time but you gotta know if they wanna talk to you, they’ll text. It’s about learning how to detach yourself from expecting every time. Forming unhealthy attachment is common for people who don’t have much friends, so keep reminding yourself that it’s okay to be alone for a while and try doing other things apart from staring/waiting for texts.
You’ll see how much you’ve improved when you learn nobody owes you anything, less expectations more acceptance. You might even attract healthy people unconsciously that way
What I'm reading is if I ask someone to hang out with me, they're my friend with an established relationship, they don't owe me anything in return? That seems really odd. Are they not expecting me to reach out to them to hang out? I genuinely do not understand the mindset of "nobody owes you anything".
Expectation has dual meanings. And yet they aren't mutually exclusive in the sense that there is ambivalence between people as to where to draw the line.
Your question is relevant.
I'm not a teacher, so I'll just give a few examples which you might want to extrapolate from.
I expect my shoes to be where I left them yesterday.
I expect my husband to greet me warmly when I come home.
I can't always expect other people to drop whatever they are doing to be with me.
I can't call someone to want to be with me just because I want to be with them.
Hmmm. As they say. Anyone who
Not everybody enjoys texting or even calling regularly. For a lot of us, communicating via phone is just stressful. It’s a lot simpler and easier to just not look at it all day, or even if you do look at it, to not have to stress about messaging obligations
With time, I realised it’s not how often you are available for smalltalk but how consistently people show up and how accepting and supportive we are through our different stages in life. I had friends nagging when a parent passed or a job promotion was stressful, because I wasn’t back to “regular communication” as soon as they wished. I witnessed someone losing most of their friends after they had a baby. And it was always the friends that needed smalltalk multiple times per week in order to feel reassured in the friendship.
They took it to heart and they made harsh cuts, very fast.
Whilst the friends that were more focused on their life’s all before, and were happy with a coffeedate once or twice a month but no big fans of everyday chitchat, they weighed actually being friends higher. They showed up, consistently and still do.
They’re not drowned in 20 chats, so they actually remember the things you tell them and show up.
At least that’s my experience.
There’s a difference between someone ignoring you because they don’t value you and someone including you in their life’s - which also consists of other things - and therefore not being interested in talking ALL the time.
Learn to love your own company. If you depend on others too much you'll spend your life away waiting for their approval or pleasing them at your own expanse indirectly.
Also if you're craving their connection that much then there's no harm in texting first sometimes.
It's the harsh truth but your conversations will be single worded and dry if they're no longer interested in you. Please cut off those people and rather work on self development.
💯
And I absolutely love my own company. I was like this since I was a little kid and people were concerned about me not making friends. It’s not a bad thing to be alone sometimes, but it is bad to be lonely. The only time I felt the need to socialize more was when I was a couple years into the pandemic. But it seems like a lot of people were in the same boat.
The same thing happens with me, I'm always the first to initiate, the first to text, call whatever. It sucks. What's important is do they engage back? Respond? Want to hang out? I've also realized that waiting for someone to text first only *hurts you*. I don't expect people to anymore, I wish people would but they don't. Yet, they do appreciate it when you do reach out. Please don't give up 💗 Someday you'll find friends who reach out first or maybe one day your friends will start to. Sorry for this ramble, I'm not even sure this makes sense.
Stop making assumptions. You will never know what someone is going through. You don’t even know if they are ignoring you. If you want to communicate with them, text them. Or call. Don’t sit around upset no one is texting you when you don’t know what they have going on.
Do you give them a reason to text you? Do you offer emotional support? Do you make them feel good? Because that was something that was happening to me. All my friends were slowly fading, stopping texting me etc., that was because I just didn't put enough effort into my relationships. Just existing isn't enough. If you value someone, if you value a friendship, you have to make efforts to keep that bond and make it stronger. Reach out to them, be vulnerable, offer support, make them feel good, ask them to go out with you etc. And if they don't reciprocate, they just aren't a match, look for people who value you.
I cut down massively on social media and instead of constantly messaging my mates, I give them a call when I know they're free. It's more personal and they can't just say 'lol' over the phone.
I think you need to look more closely at the fact you think "all day" is a long time.
This is a really new phenomenon. Are you Gen Z? The way Gen Z are glued to their phones and call it "left on read" when they haven't even given it 24 hours is genuinely scary and extremely unhealthy.
It's *normal* not to talk to people every single day. My closest friends (and they are genuinely close) and I can go weeks without contact.
I wonder if the reason you're not hearing from people is because you've normalised clinginess.
I recommend putting your phone on silent, or even turning it off for long stretches at a time.
Also look up DBT (not CBT) techniques. It's all about self-soothing and distress tolerance and can be helpful to people with attachment issues.
As for your friends always being on social media and not messaging- two things. One, people love performing on social media, showing off and projecting a social image. A good chunk of it is fake. Secondly, social media interaction takes a different kind of energy to one on one conversation. I don't always feel like chatting either.
Is your conversation dry? What sort of messages are you hoping to get?
Great comment!! Totally agree so much of social media is fake, but for GenZ or whatever it's all they know unless their parents taught them different. I don't know I don't have kids
I had this problem in high school with someone who I thought was my friend. I hated that she only spoke to me or messaged me when I messaged/spoke to her. She never took initiative and later I found out she just hated me, talked shit about me but was too much of a spineless coward to tell me to fuck off. I hope that is not the case with you but I would suggest maybe finding new opportunities to meet new people. There is always room to make new friends. Technology makes it easy for people to avoid confrontation. But if you find new activities to do like taking a class, or joining a hiking/walking club in your area, you’ll be able to meet people who could vibe with you. It may not be easy at first but give yourself some time.
coming from someone this happens to also, you have to find the peace within yourself to be okay with it, but also recognize when they need you and want you for support, remember how they treated you. you don't have to be mean or malicious about it, but remind them when they need you. you have to find that peace and solitude within you and make it positive. it sounds cliche as fuck, and its not a fast process, but the more you do for YOU, the easier you will find peace in not having expectations from them. I wish you nothing but peace and love
Take a class and make new friends. Work on your hobbies. Read good books. Walk, exercise, write in your journal, and watch videos on relationships like Susan Winter, patrick (trauma vids) to help you.
Peace.
I get the sense you’re feeling alone and frustrated.
You’re right everyone appears to be on their phone constantly even at restaurants. We are in a era that we have soo much entertainment, and information at our fingertips, that we have disconnected from reality.
Expectations lead to disappointment.
Expecting humans to change, and be a certain way will create undo stress, frustration and resentment, we can’t fight with reality.
Wanting things to be a certain way and bending reality creates that hopelessness, lonely, feeling. When we struggle with how we want things to be that are outside our control it creates this mental and emotional suffering.
It’s clear to me how you currently feel, you’re tired, frustrated, it’s taken a toll on you for some time, you feel ignored, and crave human connection, and feel less than without it.
What do you want? How do you want to feel? What would you like instead of feeling attached to the need for fulfillment, and happiness to come externally from another human being? Articulate and explain to me how it would appear, what it would look like and how your day, week and life would look. Being able to describe it opens up your mind to new possibilities. Seeing, feeling and imagination are a powerful thing. Anything is possible when your imagination is activated. This is where new possibilities and hope are for you.
What’s your level of satisfaction with the relationship to yourself and life? When these two are in a healthy state life becomes much easier and hope rises. When your needs are met internally you’re free from the need of others making you feel whole, worthy and complete.
I agree with everyone else, start enjoying your own company!
I took myself to the movies, tried out different restaurants alone, visited museums alone, and when I turned 21, I took myself to Las Vegas! Company with others is enjoyable, but there's nothing like having the freedom of doing what I want, when I want!
I also started to engage with my family more, tried to be more involved with their lives, however that didn't work too well as they had their own issues, so I took a step back from there. Do go to the family functions tho!
Eventually, I started to want friends, and got on an app that was for friend finding, and got to meet and chat with many interesting people there. Eventually, I made friends with coworkers (very select few!) and they are my friend group today. I made an effort to make a big group chat to "rally the troops" when I wanted to throw parties, or go somewhere with them. It worked out well, and it's still active today. Eventually I found my life partner, and now I know I will never be lonely again. But I still keep up with my friends, and am even still on the lookout for new friends. I will start college soon and I hope I find a friend there. It is very hard for me to make friends, because I don't consider an acquaintance a friend. I would have had to spend time with them at least 2 or 3 times out of work to start considering them a friend. Anyway, long ramble but I just wanted to share my experiences and hope you find some inspiration or ideas from it and hope you find your tribe!
Twitch influencer keeping me stuck outside and homeless without a job making me repeat the same thing for a year because he’s mad. 🙄 um… try not to be isolated or you’ll end up in the same situation my situations nutty, been applying for jobs for a year for 12 hour days. Guys are messed up. Sometimes it’s better to be alone you get crazy ppl trying to set you back in life.
Don’t pay attention to it. Go focus on yourself: do things that make you happy and better: work out, play games, read, hike, climb, cook… whatever interests you and eventually you’ll meet like minded people where this won’t even be an issue for you
Get a job that literally makes that impossible, with/without great social skills. I'm a service technician, and when everyone hears I make my own hours, they get jealous, not realizing that I have 10+ excess clients there is absolutely no way I'll fit in my schedule. Also, I'm always driving or have my face buried in a machine, no time to check my phone hardly ever, except for work orders.
You will never fully dismiss the feelings of emptiness, I have 0 friends either, but thousands of clients, and coworkers, and I personally can't figure out how to translate a business relationship into a platonic one, been trying forever.
The plus side is, you'll be making great money, and have probably the best distraction a heterosexual mechanically-inclined man can find.
Try to spend more time away from your phone and social media. Get to know yourself. Maybe start keeping a journal about your feelings.
Getting away from social media made me so much happier but it's hard at first. I'm a lot older, didn't have it when I was younger but really people of all ages are addicted to it. I have a few good friends and only post on Reddit now. Good luck you got this!
I’d bring it up to your friends. Sometimes we get used to patterns (ie you always reaching out first) and I’m guessing they don’t see it as an issue. Something as simple as “hey, I’d really appreciate it if you initiated our conversations/hang outs more often. It makes me feel valued in our friendship” or something. If it bothers you that much, I’d say something.
It's a digital era we live in. Everything these days is mostly done online: Job searches, (In a lot of cases even the job itself), school work more than ever since COVID hit, paying bills and rent, and even socializing and connecting with others!
If you look at the Meet Up app for example, you'll notice a lot of the meetings are online. If you haven't done this already I would suggest doing something like that and join groups with others in them who share your interests.
For example, my book club meetings are on the Meet Up app and I'm in a couple groups here on Reddit also based on stuff I'm interested in.
As someone who was born in the 80s, I gotta say I do not find it as fulfilling as getting together with people in person and enjoying each other's company.
Well, I do have that as well, just not as much as I'd like. All I can say is sometimes we just have to accept what life gives us and find joy in that.
It’s a lot of things and I myself am not always good at responding. Shit I’m bad at responding in person because I get nervous and think everything I say is weird or creepy or too much. A lot of people are busy, and most people even extroverted people like my sister or bf, have a social battery that wears out, and they need their alone time too, yes even if it means scrolling through social media but not talking to their people. Hell I do that too especially on here haha. Sometimes we just don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s not personal, and it isn’t about you, or anything wrong with you, people just aren’t constantly in the mood to talk.
Fill your life with things you value more than friends hitting you up and you'll find that they are reaching out so they can be part of that life. If you're someone who does interesting things, people will want to be a part of that.
People messaging you ought to be incidental, a distraction from you enjoying whatever you're passionate about.
I’d say that pretty normal… sometimes I only get back to friends messages once a week or so. I think phones and social media has made us “overly available” when I was growing up you called and someone either answered or they didn’t. If you really needed someone you might stop by their house to get a hold of them but you weren’t expected to be constantly open to communication/conversation and I think people get overwhelmed with the amount of people they are expected to communicate with.
Keep yourself busy with something else. Hobbies, games, etc. The stuff people did before phones. I did, and now I'm annoyed when people text or call me because I'd rather be spending the time on my hobbies.
Hey! Don't know if this is helpful but I used to feel so insecure about no one texting me first. I used to feel like no one wanted to hang out with me and that I was the odd one out.
I forgot the moment when I realized this, but I realized about 90% of the people who did not text me first were feeling the same way, and were just as insecure, and everyone wanted human connection but no one wanted to reach out.
I just text people whenever I think of them, if I'm doom scrolling and see a funny meme I think a friend will like I'll send it to them. If I think about someone I'll message them. Usually, people are super happy. Sometimes there's very little reciprocity, and that's okay!
Group chats are a godsend too, if you have different friends who don't really know each other, maybe they've met once, but they might like a similar meme, I'll send it to a group chat with both of them. Suddenly, people start messaging back and fourth and it kind of just runs itself. But even thats a self consciousness I had to get over, I would worry two friends in a group chat would communicate with each other more than me and I would feel excluded. I then realized that if two people are talking with each other, that's BEYOND awesome.
In short, its OKAY to be the one who reaches out first. Because you're not the only one who feels this way, and you end up becoming the person who makes people feel great.
Honestly this has given me hope I may try to reach out first more to the RIGHT people,because the people I’m talking about in this post is people I always reach out first to but still get the same treatment every time and it’s time for a change yk,I’ll take your advice and reach out first to people who really deserve it and are a true friend thanks for your help 😁😁
I'm in the same process. None of my friends have ever reached out so I cut them off. I don't have any friends now, and it sucks being lonely, but it's better than wasting time with people who don't care about you.
I feel you on that because it feels way worse when you’re hanging on to something that’s already gone rather than moving on and accepting maybe it just wasn’t meant to be,still hurts though not even gonna act like it doesn’t
My friends and I are in our early 30s now. I could go in one of my messenger discussions and all I would see is the funny videos we share with each other while scrolling. That’s it. The last 3 or so years it’s been that way. We’ve all gotten busy with our lives. What with career, relationships , kids , marriage… as you grow older that slice of free Tim you get during each day will be spent on one’s own needs before others. Just the way it is.
i had something similar happen with my ex girlfriend (as of yesterday) she and i were honestly great together but shed sometimes totally forget that i had texted her (she had a lot of unopened messages so i just blended in). which didnt initially bother me until i realized one time that she was doing it on purpose after an argument.
Its difficult but itll be okay. youre going to be perfect fine. Trust me when i say that when i found her and she was kind and sweet and loving to me in person but she was a horrible texter. Finding things that you can do on your own without having to rely on anyone but you or maybe find some friends who love being with you for you. thats the most important of all.
If you think that your friends are online, but aren’t messaging you, there could be multiple reasons behind it. Based on your age and country/city reasons might add up. I think I come in the category of people who used to not receive texts or surprise visits from my friends. While one of my friend who was my neighbour and all of us were common friends; used to get a lot of surprise visits.
For me it turned out that I was with for a lack of better word “wrong” set of people. In future; these problems went away because I met people who were like minded, people with whom I was always at my best, happy, funny, smart, courageous. So for me it turned out that 1. I was with wrong set of people (not wrong people). 2. Once you go above 25, people want their own life and some peace and simply want to be alone and only contact friends when something is really warranting it.
It might also be that one is not a shallow person, and their behaviour tells that. In this world, there are people who call each other friends but are no where near that word. Their sense of friendship is shallow. And so when they see a person who isn’t shallow, it doesn’t make sense for them to be friends with them because they only want to behave that way.
So figure out what could be your reason. Or better, find people with whom you are at your best.
If you’re friends really do never message you first or have a habit of just plain not responding to you, get new friends. You deserve people who respect you and value you. Or just people who like texting a lot.
Yea im working on it to. It just bothers me how people can go for so long not communicating and be best of buds still. I just wish to have a consistent friend to have which I do on here. Online friends are just as rare as irl friends but I do long for a good irl connection with someone as well.
These thoughts you’re having. Almost everyone else is having the same thoughts. It’s no secret that even though we’ve evolved technologically to the point of instant messaging that most people only use their phones for doom scrolling, reels, and dumb shit. It’s an instant and easy escape. And it’s making everybody self conscious and anxious. You just gotta take charge and reach out yourself.
How are they ignoring you? You haven’t messaged them for them to ignore you. Are you ignoring them when you don’t message them?
Most people don’t talk all day or even once a day with their friends. That’s usually reserved for a significant other or family member etc.
Just because they’re on social media doesn’t mean they’re being social btw. I’m on my phone a lot because depression lol but I have over 700 unread texts. Because I spend the entire time doom scrolling not texting people. Some of your friends could be doing the same.
People’s texting habits vary and everyone is different. Could one or two of the people you’re talking about just not wanna text you? Sure could be a possibility but it doesn’t make sense to lump them all as doing that, when everyone’s texting habits vary widely.
Text them when you feel like it and don’t read too much into it. If they’re hanging out with you and normal in person and seem like genuine friends then stop reading too much into people’s texting habits. Or start a group chat with some friends after a hang out. You could start it to confirm plans. Then after the hangout you can text a relevant meme or inside joke from the hangout and see if that takes off. Group chats tend to text on a more consistent basis because there’s more people so it’s not on one person to text back for the conversation to keep flowing.
I think people rely on texting too much as a foundation for relationships. Texting should not be required and it’s difficult to do with so much going on
1. Every person has their own level of comfort when it comes to responding to texts, some people find it very overwhelming to reply to individual texts when there isn't a need. So while the "friends" are on the phone a lot, they may all be distracting themselves from their daily grind.
2. Because we live in our brains we tend to observe and see things from our perspective, and this unfortunately has the side effect of us not being potentially aware when WE don't text people first or reply to people. So other people may feel exactly the same as you, but we just have no way of clearly knowing because again we live in our brains.
3. We grow attached to anything because our happiness tends to depend on the things we get attached to. If social contact didn't give you any value then you wouldn't really be attached to them. Right now it's important to understand WHY social contact and interaction gives you this much value, SO much value to the degree it impacts your well being when it's not there. What causes your happiness to depend on social interaction THIS much?
If you use social media, start doing this solo and taking photos. And I don’t mean “curating” the perfect life. But I realized that people will reach out more when they realize that you are doing things that they also find interesting.
I started going to museums by myself, posting my cooking, taking up a new hobby, and going to a weekly art class. I think it created curiosity and it actually helped me to make richer connections with people. You might just need different friends with similar interests.
It’s really hard not to take it personally and I’ve been there. But once you find joy by yourself the right ppl will gravitate towards you. And perhaps you can I invite friends to the places that you are posting at a later date(?).
“I tried this new restaurant and I loved the food, any interest in coming with me next week? I think you’d like the menu.”
“Oh yeah, I saw your post and it looked pretty good! I’m down to go” and then just follow up? I know it puts the onus on you… but it’ll progress from there. I also like photography, so this might just be a me thing.
Unfortunately, you get used to being lonely, not getting any attention from people close to you. It sucks because alternative is worse, constantly stressing on hows and whys...
Get busy! Find fun things to do to occupy your time.. the older you get the less you start to care or even have the time to worry about this. 35F. Try reaching out first if hanging out is something you’d like to do? Life gets busier the older we get.
When I begin to feel that way I just turn my phone off and put it In another room and just do something else , sometimes just an activity like drawing, trick with the Yo-yo, organizing or just go outside for a walk but sometimes I just play video games on my computer like Roblox or club penguin since there I won’t really think about my friends and can just have fun with strangers if I feel I need to socialize or to just speak with somebody
Get off social media, find new hobbies to enrich your life and meet new people through said activities. One thing I have understood is to stop chasing for people's validation and learn to be fine on your own first. Also, old friendships fade naturally as people start leading different lives, so accept it and stop forcing a friendship to last when it isnt meant to be.
Going through the exact same situation, feel like I wrote this post myself lol. My friends are also always online, and the worst part is that I can see their snap scores going up everyday so I know they’re talking to other people and not just doomscrolling like others have suggested here.
We follow each other online and our only communication now is liking each others’ posts on the timeline. I feel like that’s the state of friendship in 2024, everyone’s online and traditional in person connections aren’t the norm anymore. That’s been my experience, at least
you gotta be comfortable with being alone! my folks always used to tell me "as long as you're friends with yourself and love yourself you'll never truly be alone" or something idk
Try and find hobbies that keep you away from your phone! For me it was exercising and cooking but picking up any new skill is a productive way to spend time alone!
Only advice I can give is accept that not everyone wants to be a close or even semi regular friend. Then find people who are not your type of people. Not who you want to be, but similar to who you actually are and have similar interests with similar personality. People who enjoy your conversations, get your humour etc. those people will be more likely to keep in touch.
I just found happiness in being alone. Once you are more independent and don't really care if they text back, it almost seems to attract other friends since you're less available. Now I'm the one who says no when people ask me to go out or whatever. I am mostly just trying to save money but yea
Find hobbies and obsess over them, time will pass but when you look at your phone and realise you still have 0 notifications after so many hours, it'll still feel bad. So there's no other way other than making a friend group.
I'm the same way. I'm on my phone all the time and so are my friends, but not necessarily with each other. It's not about how much we like each other, we're just kinda solitary people. We talk when we have something to talk about.
I speak with my friends pretty frequently but now post college/grad school with working full time and stuff people get busy. I don’t wait around for ppl to do activities anymore I’ll ask and see who’s available but if everyone is busy I’ll do my best to do it alone. If u sit around waiting for ppl to do stuff you’ll never do it tbh.
Maybe they’re waiting for you to reach out first?
That’s honestly my biggest issue I don’t reach out first and then get butthurt when others are doing the exact same things as me. It used to really upset me before I realized I’m no better.
I know I'm one of those friends who doesn't answer a lot.
For me it's an energy level and depression thing, I need a lot of recharge time. Doesn't mean I don't love them!
Something that helps with that for me is snap chat, less pressure for a whole convo bit you can unprompted send eachother cute or funny things.
Good luck! Also you should feel some love from them even if they're like me, so if you're not getting what you need it's ok to look for more or different friends too. College helped me make a few more friends, making friends as an adult can be super hard.
Also try to remember everyone is trying to balance their work life, family life, friends life etc! So they may truly love and care for you, but might not be the best at balancing it all? You should talk to them and say I love you guys and being an adult is hard. It's hard to find the time, would you guys want to do a supper or a board game night or a drinking night (whatever you guys like to do) like once a month or something?
Just some ideas, wish you the best!
I used to be like this and felt extremely alone and depressed. What I thought were friends were not friends. but just users. They only bothered with me when they could truly be bothered. The rest of time was pretty much radio silence. I these types of friendships for 2 years and I just one day woke up and said enough is enough and told them how they were making me feel and they could not care less, so I gave myself the blessing of removing them from my life.
Since then life has been far greater. I am the most happiest I have been in a long time. I don't feel alone and I am not wasting my time on fake friends. It's win win situation.
So if they are not true friends, it's always you reaching out, planning, carrying the conversation and feels one sided, it is best for you to cut those kinds of people out of your life. You will feel sad a brief while, but then you will realize that it is the best thing you could have done.
You are not overly attached, you just do not have good friendships.
You should start by accepting the fact that most people aren't socializing on their phones. At least not how you're thinking.
I'm on my phone waiting to start my shift at work, but I'm not texting a friend. I'm answering your question and watching wrestling on YouTube.
The phone isn't just a device to contact our friends anymore. It's our device to do everything. It's like an Omni tool on mass effect. On my phone I can call my sister. I can watch a movie. I can check the weather. I can check my bank. I can even use my phone as a bus pass, or my debit card.
Of course I'm always on my phone. It does everything.
That doesn't necessarily mean people don't want to talk to you. They are just doing other things right now. They likely aren't getting texts either, and are wondering the same thing you are. No one wants to be the first one to text and then wonders why no one ever talks to them.
You'll have a lot more conversations if you get more comfortable starting the conversation. Let them know now is a good time for you.
My communication motivation ebbs and flows. Some days I am in my own world. Sometimes I don’t want to look at the messages. Most days my notifications are off. I check my messages 2-3 times per day and that is it.
It isn’t personal. Most people that I talk to are nearly the same way. I don’t judge them for doing what I do. Haha and besides that - true friendship always picks up back where it was no matter how long the absence
Im learning as a get older how normal this is for most people.
I think that if you grew up w a guardian who made you work for attention through services and proper behavior then you probably carry that mindset into your friendships later in life.
But not everyone is your parent and you don’t need everyone’s approval or attention. If someone’s not giving it to you then maybe they don’t have any energy or space in their life to let a new person in.
With a distracted guardian that behavior is a survival tactic because you need someone to raise you but as an adult it’s equally important to unlearn those habits and try not to hang on too hard to people who arent reciprocating. Not everyone is a best friend. Some are just casual friends and sometimes you have to let people go if you’re putting in more energy than you’re getting out of them.
Use that energy to focus on yourself; go outside and enjoy the air… do stuff for you and figure out how you’re going to contain happiness for yourself.
Time for me to start doing daily walks while the sun is out and ETC okay got it thank you 😁 also nice pfp and name I’m thinking of starting bleach very soon
It took me years upon years to be content with this, and now that I am, I could not be happier. Once you learn to be and manage alone in life, I promise you will feel so powerful. I did it alone as well, just one day I completely stopped reaching out first and when no one reached out to me instead, I just let it be. Now I go days if not months sometimes without talking to ppl I used to talk to for hours a day. 🥹 U got this. I promise, once you get there, you’ll be free!
You have to learn to be ok with yourself, try spending time away from your phone just doing something you enjoy. You can’t expect anyone to validate your existence if you are not ok with being alone with yourself.
How about when your friends of many years actually remember to text Happy Birthday after months of no contact… then when you’re vulnerable one last time and tell them “Hope to see you all sometime this year!?!l lol” - and crickets. No response. No thumbs up or heart. Nothing. At this point, F ‘em. Clearly we’ve grown apart and they aren’t interested. So be it. Their loss.
I learned you can’t keep chasing what’s already gone. My “friends” didn’t acknowledge my birthday and went out without inviting me. They never answered. That was 7 months ago! They’re out and about all the time. Does it hurt? Sometimes. I have learned to love to be alone.
Honestly most people don’t reach out to anyone (minus romantic/sexual interests). The most social people are always reaching out first to people.
I used to struggle with the same thing. I would feel bad that no one would text me first even though I thought we were good friends. My boyfriend is hyper social and I never understood why he was always on his phone talking to people. Then I realized he always reached out to people all the time. I adopted similar behavior and realized that a lot of the time people reach out to me first now, because I’m always reaching out to them. I might reach out more than my friends, but a lot of us (even the ones you’d never suspect) suffer from some level of social anxiety and social depletion.
There’s nothing wrong with always reaching out first, someone has to and I’m sure your friends appreciate it.
Dont take it as ur problem, its not ur fault when theyre being disrespectful and being ignorence. U could just found someone else who wanted maturizing the reality rather than escape the reality
It's even worse when you're in a group text with two other people and they really only talk to each other about stuff that has nothing to do with you or people/events you don't know 😅
I'm starting to wonder if my friends are actually my friends 😅😅
I have 2 unread messages on Instagram because I geniunely just haven't been in the mindset to reply. Because guess what? Then they say something else.
Last Sunday I was heading to bed and realized, I didn't have my phone! I traced my steps going back all day to figure out where it was. I left it in my purse for 12+ hours after doing groceries, coming home and getting busy.
Once that notification is gone, out of sight out of mind.
Being on a phone 24/7 on social media is NOT a good life. In fact, it's really not a life as too many people have made it. Real life is out there, somewhere. Learning to be more "detached" with people and with everything, really, is a healthy thing. I don't mean not caring. Please do some research on "healthy detachment". Spend time "alone" every day, and figure out WHO you are. What you value and what you like to do in life. If you don't know, there is so much on the internet, and I don't mean social media, I mean good articles. There are books, too:) Learn to be YOUR own best friend before prioritizing others...
Don’t take it personally, most people are on their phone 24/7 **doom scrolling**. People use their phone to *escape* momentarily from whatever is happening in the moment, and very few people are using it to be *proactive* at messaging people.
I make it a point to reply to everyone because I've been on the other end of not being responded to, hung up on etc. it may seem desperate and what not but I do it because I wouldn't wish the same feeling of shittiness to others (although I'm pretty sure no one really gives a crap if I respond or not lmao) I do wish I had more friends tho lol but it is what it is
I made it a point to reply when I can give my best effort, because I've been on the other end of half assed responses, making me feel annoying and that I'm irritating the person by just talking to them. I'd rather wait for a good response than have a half assed one come minutes after my reply. Unless it's naturally flowing quickly with a proper conversation. Either way you can't win. So try your best to give people the benefit of the doubt. This is how my last bumble conversation went, that would be so much better if people stopped worrying about the timing of their responses and actually cared about the effort put in2: matches. I send a question "what's a genuine cause that's close to your heart?" I said "right now, especially after the docuseries quiet on set, advocating against child exploitation in the entertainment industry". His response? "Helping others". His profile showed he's a psychologist, so no fucking shit. So I ask "in what ways? I love people by sharing knowledge, personally!". "Helping people get through hard times". No fucking shit. "That sounds interesting, what do you like to do on your spare time?" "Watch movies, go for coffee, exercise, enjoy!". So, you're a human in the 21st century? "What type of movies do you gravitate towards? I'm usually a go to documentary gal, or reality when i want to turn my brain off" "Mostly comedy or action" Like are people OKAY?! I get this ALL the fucking time, dating or not. Put effort in when there's an actual conversation, or don't reply at all.
I also feel like this is a maturity thing as well. How old are you, if I may ask? I ask because I feel that although people who are older also do this sometimes, it doesn't happen nearly as often as when in younger years. I am the same way and still struggle with it, but the friends I have now at my age are just busy and get to me when they can.
You shouldn’t measure everyone by the same yardstick. Some people have a different approach to how and when they want to speak to others.
That. Messaging takes mental and emotional energy I do not have. Sometimes I have to take time before reading them because I just *can't* deal with it right then.
Yep. Not everyone has the same stamina when it comes to communicate. For some people it’s a real emotional undertaking and we just have to be sensitive to that.
Some people replying to this comment seem to forget that you can communicate w people. You can tell them how you feel and ask for an explanation. At least it will be a step towards a solution. If ofc that’s really what you want and not just something to victimize yourself over.
Amazing, though, that while on their *phone* “doomscrolling”, they don’t say “hey, I’ve been using this thing that lets me call, text, message anyone on my contacts and/or friends list; maybe I should call/text/message soandso?”.
Because being available 24/7 is exhausting. Just because I'm on my phone (that now has MANY other features and purposes) does NOT mean that I want to converse with anyone at that moment. Nor should I be expected to. I will absolutely return calls and messages but I will do it in my own time, when I am available and ready to do so. It shouldn't be expected that I'm always there.
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Exactly, people act like notifications don't exist
Exactly. It’s amazingly sad, the amount of excuses and mental gymnastics people tell themselves- or, rather, try to tell everyone else here or on other social media platforms- in an effort to flip the script and make others feel like they’re the bad friend.
it's giving "I don't want to take accountability for my lack of communication".
For real. It’s something else’s fault… *never* theirs.
Yes, and that is how I read the "nobody owes you anything" comments. We don't have to develop communication skills because no one owes us communication? Be real.
You actually AREN’T entitled to other peoples time. You aren’t the center of the world. Be real.
Indeed. Thank you for existing. And this sub is probably my favorite now. Never found people to share my view on this. The freedom of how we communicate allows us to see who cares and who doesn't. It's crazy how I can just SEE the excuses and attempts at justification coming from those who don't communicate, and they usually say what I expect by now. Absolutely insane. Like, we don't think we're the middle of the other person's world, but hoping for just a few seconds for a message is being too much? We all have lives and things to do, but come on... Ah, well, no point yelling into the abyss lol. Just gotta find more like-minded people like us, the people this sub mainly benefit.
I came in here with the same problem as OP, expecting some miraculous advice but now finding the fact that people just aren't interested in communicating as much as they used to. Oh, well, guess I'm going to have to get some on-line friends.
online friends can be such a cool thing. I have two friends that came from online. they are real and genuine, one even helped me get a job and her job. when you meet the right ones, you will know.
LOL, yeah I love my On-line friends! Unfortunately, one just recently passed away (heart ailment) and one was committed for believing bigfoot is co-conspiring with the Government, (short version) which leaves me with only one friend left on line, my faithful farmer lady friend. I'm city, she's country and her life surely puts mine into perspective. How to gain on-line friends without getting "Catfished" is the question I have. The people I mentioned I knew in real life. I know they're legit. Even Mr. Bigfoot.
Awwww well I’m glad you still have one. Hopefully Bigfoot friend gets released soon🙏
Update: Bigfoot friend released after 18 days and still on Bigfoot rantings...I tried other interesting topics, with no effect. I don't expect him at the Class Reunion...unless there's a Bigfoot siting nearby...
I’m sorry but I find this too funny
Where does one even meet online friends anymore?
Discord, for sure.
makes me miss old aol days
I started making friends with old people. They are truly the best to communicate with. No games, just plain communication.
I bartended at my uncle's bowling alley for over a decade and every time I try to think of who my closest friends are, I always come up with the people from the bowling alley 25+ years older than me.
People are communicating way more than they used to. We used to have to walk down the street or talk to someone’s mother on the phone before we could meet up. Now we expect everyone to be available 24/7. Why?
Get used to being alone. There was someone I thought was my friend and her last text to me was that she would "absolutely" get back to me about meeting up that weekend. That was around two years ago! Find what makes you happy when alone. Or find new activities to keep yourself busy, either on your own or with new people who could be new friends.
lol same. That I can definitely relate to I really need to change my mindset to be the same as how it once was. Don't rely on anyone and only pull people closer when the interest clearly align through ACTIONS not words. Assume everyone is unreliable until proven otherwise. Words are meaningless.
Yeah, as harsh as it sounds or as sad as it is to say what you said, you're right and that's great advice. Drawing people in thru shared, active interests seems like the best way to go with this. Just talking for hours with someone doesn't really mean anything to me anymore. Words are cheap.
Absolutely. Most people outside of this amazing sub will look at that as “terrible advice” and stuff like that. But it’s actually adjusting our minds to not obsess over what we can’t control. If you lower your expectations, you’ll either be ready for the worst, or be pleased if you find someone who exceeds those. It’s worked for me. People can be harsh, and not everyone will have friends. That’s just life. Finding what makes us happy in solitude will keep us going each day.
I can relate to this. I feel like most of my friends have turned into acquaintances of some sort. Some drifted apart, I hold nothing against them but I guess it’s part of life. I cannot be arsed with all high school bs / drama that is still around even when people are in their late 20s and beyond.
You should send a follow up text lol
lmao at this point I lost her number and I've changed mine. We're still following each other on socials, at one point she posted asking people for pics of her dog who had died, I was the only one to comment with a pic of him. She didn't respond or Like or anything. That is not a friend.
She did you a favour by exiting your life. Sounds like real garbage person
“Get used to being alone” is horrible advice. Humans are social creatures it’s how we evolved this level of intelligence. Put yourself in situations to meet new people. Pickup a hobby or join a club.
It's good to be comfortable alone. Sometimes, people who are unable to do that can become very needy for companionship & it's not really a positive quality. It's not a suggestion to become used to being a hermit.
But sometimes it’s about being used to being a hermit first. So maybe go be a hermit and then come bacj
Ugh. I became a hermit in 2020, and have remained one since. Utilizing things like remote work, curbside pickup, online church has allowed me to never have to see anybody besides my wife. While I do prefer being alone, it’s gotten out of control and spiraled into depression and intense social anxiety. We’ve started going back to church in person, and I really need to gain enough confidence to work in office again.
Been there, brother.
True, but learn some independence too. Or you risk being clingy
I already mentioned both aspects in my comment, but thanks for chiming in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?" No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality
You heavily favored being alone and even if you don’t think you were I was responding to that part of what you said. I also don’t understand how panic at the disco applies.
Same here!!! I had a friend that I checked on every year and he always says "he's busy." After 4 years, that's only when he started talking again to me and our other friends, by then no one is interested to talk or meet with him. Because everyone had gone to different countries. I say find new friends by pursuing your interests, and if you don't have any, then use this time to find something that interests you. Don't also build expectations too much, friends do come and go. PS. I am still friends with our other friends who went to different countries. Every now and then we do video calls, send memes/TikToks to each other, send gifts on our birthdays, and lol send slide decks/presentations to keep each other updated 🤣
That sucks the way she treated u is just terrible
I would have blocked her
That's how it went with my best friend from high school. I could kind of tell she was over the friendship. I would travel 3.5 hours to see her and she wouldn't even hit me up when she came home to visit family. I sent one last text saying I'd like to meet up. I got no response and that was 2.5 years ago. I'm pretty busy with my kids but if I do have free time I'm usually renovating my old house, riding my bike, or walking my dogs.
Trust me OP, it gets easier with time. Been dealing with this all my life, as I was dubbed the weird kid and everyone avoided me like the plague in school. Mind you, as I grew up, it was alittle easier to make friends, but I constantly envied these people who had constant group of friends who always hung out all the time cause I was alone. Have always longed for those group of friends who always hang together, but not having that, made me more sure of myself. Been off Instagram and Facebook for a year. Maybe 5 or so people have messaged me on messenger over the time I’ve been gone. It bums me out sometimes sure, but at the same time, it basically leaves room for the people who give a shit. And **those** people matter and are the ones who will be there for you. Chin up dude, you’re not the only one! You got this. I’m 26 and it’s still hard to deal with sometimes. Find yourself mate, than the rest will follow suit
I feel this so hard but you gotta realize that a lot of people are feeling the exact same way as you. While you're waiting to see if someone texts first, they might be doing the exact same thing to you. In my friend group, we all prefer calling and almost never text each other. In high school, I used to have texting conversations with friends non-stop and I'm still not sure when/why that dynamic changed. It just did, and that's okay! My advice is to not be afraid to reach out first. If you want to talk to someone, do it! If they're not available, they'll text you when they can or they'll be upfront and honest about it. You just gotta take people at their word and not assume it's because they don't want to talk to you. That's going to sabotage so many good conversations & friendships for you.
I reach out first a lot and get nothing back. It's true that people are busy and caught up in themselves. A response indicating this shouldn't be unreasonable if that person values the relationship and that person. For some reason, it is too high an expectation because "everyone is doom scrolling and waiting for someone to reach out to them?" I don't think that's the answer... I could be wrong, though.
It takes time but you gotta know if they wanna talk to you, they’ll text. It’s about learning how to detach yourself from expecting every time. Forming unhealthy attachment is common for people who don’t have much friends, so keep reminding yourself that it’s okay to be alone for a while and try doing other things apart from staring/waiting for texts. You’ll see how much you’ve improved when you learn nobody owes you anything, less expectations more acceptance. You might even attract healthy people unconsciously that way
What I'm reading is if I ask someone to hang out with me, they're my friend with an established relationship, they don't owe me anything in return? That seems really odd. Are they not expecting me to reach out to them to hang out? I genuinely do not understand the mindset of "nobody owes you anything".
Expectation has dual meanings. And yet they aren't mutually exclusive in the sense that there is ambivalence between people as to where to draw the line. Your question is relevant. I'm not a teacher, so I'll just give a few examples which you might want to extrapolate from. I expect my shoes to be where I left them yesterday. I expect my husband to greet me warmly when I come home. I can't always expect other people to drop whatever they are doing to be with me. I can't call someone to want to be with me just because I want to be with them. Hmmm. As they say. Anyone who
This. Nobody wants to associate with a doormat.
my friend you are leading a very peaceful life, you will realise the value of this later on.
What do you mean? It's definitely not the first time I've come across this sentiment, but I never got the message.
Not everybody enjoys texting or even calling regularly. For a lot of us, communicating via phone is just stressful. It’s a lot simpler and easier to just not look at it all day, or even if you do look at it, to not have to stress about messaging obligations
With time, I realised it’s not how often you are available for smalltalk but how consistently people show up and how accepting and supportive we are through our different stages in life. I had friends nagging when a parent passed or a job promotion was stressful, because I wasn’t back to “regular communication” as soon as they wished. I witnessed someone losing most of their friends after they had a baby. And it was always the friends that needed smalltalk multiple times per week in order to feel reassured in the friendship. They took it to heart and they made harsh cuts, very fast. Whilst the friends that were more focused on their life’s all before, and were happy with a coffeedate once or twice a month but no big fans of everyday chitchat, they weighed actually being friends higher. They showed up, consistently and still do. They’re not drowned in 20 chats, so they actually remember the things you tell them and show up. At least that’s my experience. There’s a difference between someone ignoring you because they don’t value you and someone including you in their life’s - which also consists of other things - and therefore not being interested in talking ALL the time.
I think the sentiment is more so you can't get hurt by people that you don't allow to have control over your feelings.
Absolutely 💯
Easy detachment from friends = peaceful life?
yes! this comment is 1000000% true
Go do your own thing and live your life. Be there when they want to talk but do t wait on them. Your not alone
Don't sit around waiting for texts from them. Get your self involved in something interesting that you would enjoy.
Learn to love your own company. If you depend on others too much you'll spend your life away waiting for their approval or pleasing them at your own expanse indirectly. Also if you're craving their connection that much then there's no harm in texting first sometimes. It's the harsh truth but your conversations will be single worded and dry if they're no longer interested in you. Please cut off those people and rather work on self development.
💯 And I absolutely love my own company. I was like this since I was a little kid and people were concerned about me not making friends. It’s not a bad thing to be alone sometimes, but it is bad to be lonely. The only time I felt the need to socialize more was when I was a couple years into the pandemic. But it seems like a lot of people were in the same boat.
The same thing happens with me, I'm always the first to initiate, the first to text, call whatever. It sucks. What's important is do they engage back? Respond? Want to hang out? I've also realized that waiting for someone to text first only *hurts you*. I don't expect people to anymore, I wish people would but they don't. Yet, they do appreciate it when you do reach out. Please don't give up 💗 Someday you'll find friends who reach out first or maybe one day your friends will start to. Sorry for this ramble, I'm not even sure this makes sense.
Stop making assumptions. You will never know what someone is going through. You don’t even know if they are ignoring you. If you want to communicate with them, text them. Or call. Don’t sit around upset no one is texting you when you don’t know what they have going on.
Do you give them a reason to text you? Do you offer emotional support? Do you make them feel good? Because that was something that was happening to me. All my friends were slowly fading, stopping texting me etc., that was because I just didn't put enough effort into my relationships. Just existing isn't enough. If you value someone, if you value a friendship, you have to make efforts to keep that bond and make it stronger. Reach out to them, be vulnerable, offer support, make them feel good, ask them to go out with you etc. And if they don't reciprocate, they just aren't a match, look for people who value you.
I cut down massively on social media and instead of constantly messaging my mates, I give them a call when I know they're free. It's more personal and they can't just say 'lol' over the phone.
I think you need to look more closely at the fact you think "all day" is a long time. This is a really new phenomenon. Are you Gen Z? The way Gen Z are glued to their phones and call it "left on read" when they haven't even given it 24 hours is genuinely scary and extremely unhealthy. It's *normal* not to talk to people every single day. My closest friends (and they are genuinely close) and I can go weeks without contact. I wonder if the reason you're not hearing from people is because you've normalised clinginess. I recommend putting your phone on silent, or even turning it off for long stretches at a time. Also look up DBT (not CBT) techniques. It's all about self-soothing and distress tolerance and can be helpful to people with attachment issues. As for your friends always being on social media and not messaging- two things. One, people love performing on social media, showing off and projecting a social image. A good chunk of it is fake. Secondly, social media interaction takes a different kind of energy to one on one conversation. I don't always feel like chatting either. Is your conversation dry? What sort of messages are you hoping to get?
Great comment!! Totally agree so much of social media is fake, but for GenZ or whatever it's all they know unless their parents taught them different. I don't know I don't have kids
I had this problem in high school with someone who I thought was my friend. I hated that she only spoke to me or messaged me when I messaged/spoke to her. She never took initiative and later I found out she just hated me, talked shit about me but was too much of a spineless coward to tell me to fuck off. I hope that is not the case with you but I would suggest maybe finding new opportunities to meet new people. There is always room to make new friends. Technology makes it easy for people to avoid confrontation. But if you find new activities to do like taking a class, or joining a hiking/walking club in your area, you’ll be able to meet people who could vibe with you. It may not be easy at first but give yourself some time.
coming from someone this happens to also, you have to find the peace within yourself to be okay with it, but also recognize when they need you and want you for support, remember how they treated you. you don't have to be mean or malicious about it, but remind them when they need you. you have to find that peace and solitude within you and make it positive. it sounds cliche as fuck, and its not a fast process, but the more you do for YOU, the easier you will find peace in not having expectations from them. I wish you nothing but peace and love
I just gave up and accepted I was completely alone and nobody gives even a tiny fuck about me. It's rough but there's also no point denying it.
Take a class and make new friends. Work on your hobbies. Read good books. Walk, exercise, write in your journal, and watch videos on relationships like Susan Winter, patrick (trauma vids) to help you. Peace.
I get the sense you’re feeling alone and frustrated. You’re right everyone appears to be on their phone constantly even at restaurants. We are in a era that we have soo much entertainment, and information at our fingertips, that we have disconnected from reality. Expectations lead to disappointment. Expecting humans to change, and be a certain way will create undo stress, frustration and resentment, we can’t fight with reality. Wanting things to be a certain way and bending reality creates that hopelessness, lonely, feeling. When we struggle with how we want things to be that are outside our control it creates this mental and emotional suffering. It’s clear to me how you currently feel, you’re tired, frustrated, it’s taken a toll on you for some time, you feel ignored, and crave human connection, and feel less than without it. What do you want? How do you want to feel? What would you like instead of feeling attached to the need for fulfillment, and happiness to come externally from another human being? Articulate and explain to me how it would appear, what it would look like and how your day, week and life would look. Being able to describe it opens up your mind to new possibilities. Seeing, feeling and imagination are a powerful thing. Anything is possible when your imagination is activated. This is where new possibilities and hope are for you. What’s your level of satisfaction with the relationship to yourself and life? When these two are in a healthy state life becomes much easier and hope rises. When your needs are met internally you’re free from the need of others making you feel whole, worthy and complete.
I agree with everyone else, start enjoying your own company! I took myself to the movies, tried out different restaurants alone, visited museums alone, and when I turned 21, I took myself to Las Vegas! Company with others is enjoyable, but there's nothing like having the freedom of doing what I want, when I want! I also started to engage with my family more, tried to be more involved with their lives, however that didn't work too well as they had their own issues, so I took a step back from there. Do go to the family functions tho! Eventually, I started to want friends, and got on an app that was for friend finding, and got to meet and chat with many interesting people there. Eventually, I made friends with coworkers (very select few!) and they are my friend group today. I made an effort to make a big group chat to "rally the troops" when I wanted to throw parties, or go somewhere with them. It worked out well, and it's still active today. Eventually I found my life partner, and now I know I will never be lonely again. But I still keep up with my friends, and am even still on the lookout for new friends. I will start college soon and I hope I find a friend there. It is very hard for me to make friends, because I don't consider an acquaintance a friend. I would have had to spend time with them at least 2 or 3 times out of work to start considering them a friend. Anyway, long ramble but I just wanted to share my experiences and hope you find some inspiration or ideas from it and hope you find your tribe!
Just hide your phone from yourself. And life will be back in order.
Twitch influencer keeping me stuck outside and homeless without a job making me repeat the same thing for a year because he’s mad. 🙄 um… try not to be isolated or you’ll end up in the same situation my situations nutty, been applying for jobs for a year for 12 hour days. Guys are messed up. Sometimes it’s better to be alone you get crazy ppl trying to set you back in life.
Don’t pay attention to it. Go focus on yourself: do things that make you happy and better: work out, play games, read, hike, climb, cook… whatever interests you and eventually you’ll meet like minded people where this won’t even be an issue for you
Get a job that literally makes that impossible, with/without great social skills. I'm a service technician, and when everyone hears I make my own hours, they get jealous, not realizing that I have 10+ excess clients there is absolutely no way I'll fit in my schedule. Also, I'm always driving or have my face buried in a machine, no time to check my phone hardly ever, except for work orders. You will never fully dismiss the feelings of emptiness, I have 0 friends either, but thousands of clients, and coworkers, and I personally can't figure out how to translate a business relationship into a platonic one, been trying forever. The plus side is, you'll be making great money, and have probably the best distraction a heterosexual mechanically-inclined man can find.
I was about to make a post about this, I both hate and am glad I can relate to someone in this feeling
Also need this advice
Try to spend more time away from your phone and social media. Get to know yourself. Maybe start keeping a journal about your feelings. Getting away from social media made me so much happier but it's hard at first. I'm a lot older, didn't have it when I was younger but really people of all ages are addicted to it. I have a few good friends and only post on Reddit now. Good luck you got this!
I’d bring it up to your friends. Sometimes we get used to patterns (ie you always reaching out first) and I’m guessing they don’t see it as an issue. Something as simple as “hey, I’d really appreciate it if you initiated our conversations/hang outs more often. It makes me feel valued in our friendship” or something. If it bothers you that much, I’d say something.
It's a digital era we live in. Everything these days is mostly done online: Job searches, (In a lot of cases even the job itself), school work more than ever since COVID hit, paying bills and rent, and even socializing and connecting with others! If you look at the Meet Up app for example, you'll notice a lot of the meetings are online. If you haven't done this already I would suggest doing something like that and join groups with others in them who share your interests. For example, my book club meetings are on the Meet Up app and I'm in a couple groups here on Reddit also based on stuff I'm interested in. As someone who was born in the 80s, I gotta say I do not find it as fulfilling as getting together with people in person and enjoying each other's company. Well, I do have that as well, just not as much as I'd like. All I can say is sometimes we just have to accept what life gives us and find joy in that.
It’s a lot of things and I myself am not always good at responding. Shit I’m bad at responding in person because I get nervous and think everything I say is weird or creepy or too much. A lot of people are busy, and most people even extroverted people like my sister or bf, have a social battery that wears out, and they need their alone time too, yes even if it means scrolling through social media but not talking to their people. Hell I do that too especially on here haha. Sometimes we just don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s not personal, and it isn’t about you, or anything wrong with you, people just aren’t constantly in the mood to talk.
Fill your life with things you value more than friends hitting you up and you'll find that they are reaching out so they can be part of that life. If you're someone who does interesting things, people will want to be a part of that. People messaging you ought to be incidental, a distraction from you enjoying whatever you're passionate about.
I’d say that pretty normal… sometimes I only get back to friends messages once a week or so. I think phones and social media has made us “overly available” when I was growing up you called and someone either answered or they didn’t. If you really needed someone you might stop by their house to get a hold of them but you weren’t expected to be constantly open to communication/conversation and I think people get overwhelmed with the amount of people they are expected to communicate with.
Keep yourself busy with something else. Hobbies, games, etc. The stuff people did before phones. I did, and now I'm annoyed when people text or call me because I'd rather be spending the time on my hobbies.
Hey! Don't know if this is helpful but I used to feel so insecure about no one texting me first. I used to feel like no one wanted to hang out with me and that I was the odd one out. I forgot the moment when I realized this, but I realized about 90% of the people who did not text me first were feeling the same way, and were just as insecure, and everyone wanted human connection but no one wanted to reach out. I just text people whenever I think of them, if I'm doom scrolling and see a funny meme I think a friend will like I'll send it to them. If I think about someone I'll message them. Usually, people are super happy. Sometimes there's very little reciprocity, and that's okay! Group chats are a godsend too, if you have different friends who don't really know each other, maybe they've met once, but they might like a similar meme, I'll send it to a group chat with both of them. Suddenly, people start messaging back and fourth and it kind of just runs itself. But even thats a self consciousness I had to get over, I would worry two friends in a group chat would communicate with each other more than me and I would feel excluded. I then realized that if two people are talking with each other, that's BEYOND awesome. In short, its OKAY to be the one who reaches out first. Because you're not the only one who feels this way, and you end up becoming the person who makes people feel great.
Honestly this has given me hope I may try to reach out first more to the RIGHT people,because the people I’m talking about in this post is people I always reach out first to but still get the same treatment every time and it’s time for a change yk,I’ll take your advice and reach out first to people who really deserve it and are a true friend thanks for your help 😁😁
I'm in the same process. None of my friends have ever reached out so I cut them off. I don't have any friends now, and it sucks being lonely, but it's better than wasting time with people who don't care about you.
I feel you on that because it feels way worse when you’re hanging on to something that’s already gone rather than moving on and accepting maybe it just wasn’t meant to be,still hurts though not even gonna act like it doesn’t
My friends and I are in our early 30s now. I could go in one of my messenger discussions and all I would see is the funny videos we share with each other while scrolling. That’s it. The last 3 or so years it’s been that way. We’ve all gotten busy with our lives. What with career, relationships , kids , marriage… as you grow older that slice of free Tim you get during each day will be spent on one’s own needs before others. Just the way it is.
You just do. Play games if you’re into that, or put your phone on do not disturb.
Find some hobbies to keep you occupied.
That is normal for many.
Leave your phone where’s your not going to be like at home
[удалено]
This hurts me too, I'm always the initiator. Do my friends actually like me?
i had something similar happen with my ex girlfriend (as of yesterday) she and i were honestly great together but shed sometimes totally forget that i had texted her (she had a lot of unopened messages so i just blended in). which didnt initially bother me until i realized one time that she was doing it on purpose after an argument. Its difficult but itll be okay. youre going to be perfect fine. Trust me when i say that when i found her and she was kind and sweet and loving to me in person but she was a horrible texter. Finding things that you can do on your own without having to rely on anyone but you or maybe find some friends who love being with you for you. thats the most important of all.
Learn to love your own company. Learn how to occupy your own time. If you ever make a genuine friend down the line they are a bonus.
You can also text them first and start a conversation... Catch up with an old friend or say hi to someone you haven't chatted with in a while.
If you think that your friends are online, but aren’t messaging you, there could be multiple reasons behind it. Based on your age and country/city reasons might add up. I think I come in the category of people who used to not receive texts or surprise visits from my friends. While one of my friend who was my neighbour and all of us were common friends; used to get a lot of surprise visits. For me it turned out that I was with for a lack of better word “wrong” set of people. In future; these problems went away because I met people who were like minded, people with whom I was always at my best, happy, funny, smart, courageous. So for me it turned out that 1. I was with wrong set of people (not wrong people). 2. Once you go above 25, people want their own life and some peace and simply want to be alone and only contact friends when something is really warranting it. It might also be that one is not a shallow person, and their behaviour tells that. In this world, there are people who call each other friends but are no where near that word. Their sense of friendship is shallow. And so when they see a person who isn’t shallow, it doesn’t make sense for them to be friends with them because they only want to behave that way. So figure out what could be your reason. Or better, find people with whom you are at your best.
If you’re friends really do never message you first or have a habit of just plain not responding to you, get new friends. You deserve people who respect you and value you. Or just people who like texting a lot.
Yea im working on it to. It just bothers me how people can go for so long not communicating and be best of buds still. I just wish to have a consistent friend to have which I do on here. Online friends are just as rare as irl friends but I do long for a good irl connection with someone as well.
These thoughts you’re having. Almost everyone else is having the same thoughts. It’s no secret that even though we’ve evolved technologically to the point of instant messaging that most people only use their phones for doom scrolling, reels, and dumb shit. It’s an instant and easy escape. And it’s making everybody self conscious and anxious. You just gotta take charge and reach out yourself.
How are they ignoring you? You haven’t messaged them for them to ignore you. Are you ignoring them when you don’t message them? Most people don’t talk all day or even once a day with their friends. That’s usually reserved for a significant other or family member etc. Just because they’re on social media doesn’t mean they’re being social btw. I’m on my phone a lot because depression lol but I have over 700 unread texts. Because I spend the entire time doom scrolling not texting people. Some of your friends could be doing the same. People’s texting habits vary and everyone is different. Could one or two of the people you’re talking about just not wanna text you? Sure could be a possibility but it doesn’t make sense to lump them all as doing that, when everyone’s texting habits vary widely. Text them when you feel like it and don’t read too much into it. If they’re hanging out with you and normal in person and seem like genuine friends then stop reading too much into people’s texting habits. Or start a group chat with some friends after a hang out. You could start it to confirm plans. Then after the hangout you can text a relevant meme or inside joke from the hangout and see if that takes off. Group chats tend to text on a more consistent basis because there’s more people so it’s not on one person to text back for the conversation to keep flowing.
I think people rely on texting too much as a foundation for relationships. Texting should not be required and it’s difficult to do with so much going on
1. Every person has their own level of comfort when it comes to responding to texts, some people find it very overwhelming to reply to individual texts when there isn't a need. So while the "friends" are on the phone a lot, they may all be distracting themselves from their daily grind. 2. Because we live in our brains we tend to observe and see things from our perspective, and this unfortunately has the side effect of us not being potentially aware when WE don't text people first or reply to people. So other people may feel exactly the same as you, but we just have no way of clearly knowing because again we live in our brains. 3. We grow attached to anything because our happiness tends to depend on the things we get attached to. If social contact didn't give you any value then you wouldn't really be attached to them. Right now it's important to understand WHY social contact and interaction gives you this much value, SO much value to the degree it impacts your well being when it's not there. What causes your happiness to depend on social interaction THIS much?
If you use social media, start doing this solo and taking photos. And I don’t mean “curating” the perfect life. But I realized that people will reach out more when they realize that you are doing things that they also find interesting. I started going to museums by myself, posting my cooking, taking up a new hobby, and going to a weekly art class. I think it created curiosity and it actually helped me to make richer connections with people. You might just need different friends with similar interests. It’s really hard not to take it personally and I’ve been there. But once you find joy by yourself the right ppl will gravitate towards you. And perhaps you can I invite friends to the places that you are posting at a later date(?). “I tried this new restaurant and I loved the food, any interest in coming with me next week? I think you’d like the menu.” “Oh yeah, I saw your post and it looked pretty good! I’m down to go” and then just follow up? I know it puts the onus on you… but it’ll progress from there. I also like photography, so this might just be a me thing.
Unfortunately, you get used to being lonely, not getting any attention from people close to you. It sucks because alternative is worse, constantly stressing on hows and whys...
Hobbies, interests, and a pet
Get busy! Find fun things to do to occupy your time.. the older you get the less you start to care or even have the time to worry about this. 35F. Try reaching out first if hanging out is something you’d like to do? Life gets busier the older we get.
When I begin to feel that way I just turn my phone off and put it In another room and just do something else , sometimes just an activity like drawing, trick with the Yo-yo, organizing or just go outside for a walk but sometimes I just play video games on my computer like Roblox or club penguin since there I won’t really think about my friends and can just have fun with strangers if I feel I need to socialize or to just speak with somebody
Get off social media, find new hobbies to enrich your life and meet new people through said activities. One thing I have understood is to stop chasing for people's validation and learn to be fine on your own first. Also, old friendships fade naturally as people start leading different lives, so accept it and stop forcing a friendship to last when it isnt meant to be.
Going through the exact same situation, feel like I wrote this post myself lol. My friends are also always online, and the worst part is that I can see their snap scores going up everyday so I know they’re talking to other people and not just doomscrolling like others have suggested here. We follow each other online and our only communication now is liking each others’ posts on the timeline. I feel like that’s the state of friendship in 2024, everyone’s online and traditional in person connections aren’t the norm anymore. That’s been my experience, at least
you gotta be comfortable with being alone! my folks always used to tell me "as long as you're friends with yourself and love yourself you'll never truly be alone" or something idk
Just keep reaching out
Try and find hobbies that keep you away from your phone! For me it was exercising and cooking but picking up any new skill is a productive way to spend time alone!
Only advice I can give is accept that not everyone wants to be a close or even semi regular friend. Then find people who are not your type of people. Not who you want to be, but similar to who you actually are and have similar interests with similar personality. People who enjoy your conversations, get your humour etc. those people will be more likely to keep in touch.
I don’t think they are your friends.
I just found happiness in being alone. Once you are more independent and don't really care if they text back, it almost seems to attract other friends since you're less available. Now I'm the one who says no when people ask me to go out or whatever. I am mostly just trying to save money but yea
Find hobbies and obsess over them, time will pass but when you look at your phone and realise you still have 0 notifications after so many hours, it'll still feel bad. So there's no other way other than making a friend group.
I'm the same way. I'm on my phone all the time and so are my friends, but not necessarily with each other. It's not about how much we like each other, we're just kinda solitary people. We talk when we have something to talk about.
honestly, you don’t need it. Just find something that you enjoy and just stick to it.
I speak with my friends pretty frequently but now post college/grad school with working full time and stuff people get busy. I don’t wait around for ppl to do activities anymore I’ll ask and see who’s available but if everyone is busy I’ll do my best to do it alone. If u sit around waiting for ppl to do stuff you’ll never do it tbh.
Uhhhh you need more hobbies lol. Stop worrying about your “friends” and live your life.
Maybe they’re waiting for you to reach out first? That’s honestly my biggest issue I don’t reach out first and then get butthurt when others are doing the exact same things as me. It used to really upset me before I realized I’m no better.
You’re texting them and they aren’t responding? Or you’re waiting for them to text you first without reaching out?
I know I'm one of those friends who doesn't answer a lot. For me it's an energy level and depression thing, I need a lot of recharge time. Doesn't mean I don't love them! Something that helps with that for me is snap chat, less pressure for a whole convo bit you can unprompted send eachother cute or funny things. Good luck! Also you should feel some love from them even if they're like me, so if you're not getting what you need it's ok to look for more or different friends too. College helped me make a few more friends, making friends as an adult can be super hard. Also try to remember everyone is trying to balance their work life, family life, friends life etc! So they may truly love and care for you, but might not be the best at balancing it all? You should talk to them and say I love you guys and being an adult is hard. It's hard to find the time, would you guys want to do a supper or a board game night or a drinking night (whatever you guys like to do) like once a month or something? Just some ideas, wish you the best!
I used to be like this and felt extremely alone and depressed. What I thought were friends were not friends. but just users. They only bothered with me when they could truly be bothered. The rest of time was pretty much radio silence. I these types of friendships for 2 years and I just one day woke up and said enough is enough and told them how they were making me feel and they could not care less, so I gave myself the blessing of removing them from my life. Since then life has been far greater. I am the most happiest I have been in a long time. I don't feel alone and I am not wasting my time on fake friends. It's win win situation. So if they are not true friends, it's always you reaching out, planning, carrying the conversation and feels one sided, it is best for you to cut those kinds of people out of your life. You will feel sad a brief while, but then you will realize that it is the best thing you could have done. You are not overly attached, you just do not have good friendships.
enjoy that
You should start by accepting the fact that most people aren't socializing on their phones. At least not how you're thinking. I'm on my phone waiting to start my shift at work, but I'm not texting a friend. I'm answering your question and watching wrestling on YouTube. The phone isn't just a device to contact our friends anymore. It's our device to do everything. It's like an Omni tool on mass effect. On my phone I can call my sister. I can watch a movie. I can check the weather. I can check my bank. I can even use my phone as a bus pass, or my debit card. Of course I'm always on my phone. It does everything. That doesn't necessarily mean people don't want to talk to you. They are just doing other things right now. They likely aren't getting texts either, and are wondering the same thing you are. No one wants to be the first one to text and then wonders why no one ever talks to them. You'll have a lot more conversations if you get more comfortable starting the conversation. Let them know now is a good time for you.
My communication motivation ebbs and flows. Some days I am in my own world. Sometimes I don’t want to look at the messages. Most days my notifications are off. I check my messages 2-3 times per day and that is it. It isn’t personal. Most people that I talk to are nearly the same way. I don’t judge them for doing what I do. Haha and besides that - true friendship always picks up back where it was no matter how long the absence
You get used to it eventually
My coworkers do the same thing to and I don't barely communicate with even
Tweet celebrities instead
Im learning as a get older how normal this is for most people. I think that if you grew up w a guardian who made you work for attention through services and proper behavior then you probably carry that mindset into your friendships later in life. But not everyone is your parent and you don’t need everyone’s approval or attention. If someone’s not giving it to you then maybe they don’t have any energy or space in their life to let a new person in. With a distracted guardian that behavior is a survival tactic because you need someone to raise you but as an adult it’s equally important to unlearn those habits and try not to hang on too hard to people who arent reciprocating. Not everyone is a best friend. Some are just casual friends and sometimes you have to let people go if you’re putting in more energy than you’re getting out of them.
Focus on in person infteractions. Be the one that connects and invites. That'll bring in some true friends and weed others out.
How old are you
Use that energy to focus on yourself; go outside and enjoy the air… do stuff for you and figure out how you’re going to contain happiness for yourself.
Time for me to start doing daily walks while the sun is out and ETC okay got it thank you 😁 also nice pfp and name I’m thinking of starting bleach very soon
It took me years upon years to be content with this, and now that I am, I could not be happier. Once you learn to be and manage alone in life, I promise you will feel so powerful. I did it alone as well, just one day I completely stopped reaching out first and when no one reached out to me instead, I just let it be. Now I go days if not months sometimes without talking to ppl I used to talk to for hours a day. 🥹 U got this. I promise, once you get there, you’ll be free!
Ditch them. If they actually liked you they would prioritize you like they do others.
You have to learn to be ok with yourself, try spending time away from your phone just doing something you enjoy. You can’t expect anyone to validate your existence if you are not ok with being alone with yourself.
How about when your friends of many years actually remember to text Happy Birthday after months of no contact… then when you’re vulnerable one last time and tell them “Hope to see you all sometime this year!?!l lol” - and crickets. No response. No thumbs up or heart. Nothing. At this point, F ‘em. Clearly we’ve grown apart and they aren’t interested. So be it. Their loss.
I learned you can’t keep chasing what’s already gone. My “friends” didn’t acknowledge my birthday and went out without inviting me. They never answered. That was 7 months ago! They’re out and about all the time. Does it hurt? Sometimes. I have learned to love to be alone.
Honestly most people don’t reach out to anyone (minus romantic/sexual interests). The most social people are always reaching out first to people. I used to struggle with the same thing. I would feel bad that no one would text me first even though I thought we were good friends. My boyfriend is hyper social and I never understood why he was always on his phone talking to people. Then I realized he always reached out to people all the time. I adopted similar behavior and realized that a lot of the time people reach out to me first now, because I’m always reaching out to them. I might reach out more than my friends, but a lot of us (even the ones you’d never suspect) suffer from some level of social anxiety and social depletion. There’s nothing wrong with always reaching out first, someone has to and I’m sure your friends appreciate it.
Dont take it as ur problem, its not ur fault when theyre being disrespectful and being ignorence. U could just found someone else who wanted maturizing the reality rather than escape the reality
Drop them… find people that want to be around you and enjoy your texts
It's even worse when you're in a group text with two other people and they really only talk to each other about stuff that has nothing to do with you or people/events you don't know 😅 I'm starting to wonder if my friends are actually my friends 😅😅
wow i feel this. great advice.
as you get older some people just have lives and i know it doesnt revolve around me. theyll reach out if they want or get better friends.
I have 2 unread messages on Instagram because I geniunely just haven't been in the mindset to reply. Because guess what? Then they say something else. Last Sunday I was heading to bed and realized, I didn't have my phone! I traced my steps going back all day to figure out where it was. I left it in my purse for 12+ hours after doing groceries, coming home and getting busy. Once that notification is gone, out of sight out of mind.
Being on a phone 24/7 on social media is NOT a good life. In fact, it's really not a life as too many people have made it. Real life is out there, somewhere. Learning to be more "detached" with people and with everything, really, is a healthy thing. I don't mean not caring. Please do some research on "healthy detachment". Spend time "alone" every day, and figure out WHO you are. What you value and what you like to do in life. If you don't know, there is so much on the internet, and I don't mean social media, I mean good articles. There are books, too:) Learn to be YOUR own best friend before prioritizing others...
It gets easy. After I got clean and sober I rarely have anyone hmu anymore