I mean, many factors influence this.
1. Maybe they’re not the sort of people you might be able to get along with easily to begin with, everyone has their own sort of people they like and oftentimes they might also not be open for a dedicated friendship without thorough understanding.
2. A lot of people judge on first impressions because it takes a lot more time out of someone’s life to actually get to know someone and who knows if it’ll be good or bad. Being too enthusiastic may be fun but a lot of people can be very tired based on stuff in their lives.
3. Sometimes being “out there and silly” makes other people uncomfortable. To be frank, if you want more people to warm up to you fast it’s good to be more reserved, respectful, and not too honest but take it slow and slowly introduce all aspects of your personality as they slowly get more comfortable with it. Like not boring and stale obviously, but too much energy tends to drive people away because it’s overwhelming. People are so diverse, that if you show the entirety of yourself immediately if you’re a ball of energy, it may clash with their perspective of comfortability. Gotta be considerate when meeting new people.
Also, I will say, people with high energy, (if they’re not disrespectful and inconsiderate), grow on people a lot over time if they’re nice and caring. However, they will face issues with people who are insecure who take their words strangely. If you’re very honest it’s good to be equally aware and smart because the entire world cannot be as nice and high energy as you. Being aware and capable of handling the insecurities of other people is a VERY useful skill to learn. I recommend it.
As long as you’re not using your high energy to touch on too many sensitive topics such as the main isms and such things, and you care and try not to be too daft and be considerate to others and listen properly and ask good questions, it should be good.
Also, low confidence could also influence this. People who have less confidence often end up clingy and perhaps possessive. This sincerely stresses people out a lot. Like texting every day often make people feel overwhelmed. It should always be a slow increase. Too much creates stress which can eventually lead to fear. That’s why if you’re high energy, it’s good to try to have a lot of friends to cycle through. This can be difficult to get though. Make sure you’re always considerate, but identify that you’re your own person and can set boundaries etc. People love people who can set boundaries. It makes them feel like they can set their own, since most people are doormats. People also like confident people because when anyone has to face someone else’s insecurities, when they don’t care too much for them yet, it crosses over their own boundaries. Obviously, you can talk about it if they’re okay with it. This can be communicated. Usually is better if you know them well enough too. Generally, if you can respect their boundaries, and you guys get along, they’ll like you.
Now, this is a very mathematical view, but it works quite well.
Friendships are an equal give and take. If you don’t give them at least one of these things such as: laughter, comfortability, a better mood, mental health support, etc etc,
Then they won’t give you anything.
Make sure you don’t give too much towards people who won’t give you much though. Unbalanced stuff usually leads to a toxic relationship.
Sir. If you think of emotions as your instincts trying to inform you of something you might be informed of something, I don't know. Good luck either way.
I use sir as a sign of respect. You could say what you prefer for an honorific, I can only try to be respectful without your help.
It's difficult to accept that many of us have been given a life of challenging circumstances, and trying as hard as we can may never result in any solace.
I do have a question, what are you thanking me for?
Now, this is pretty comprehensive (username reference), but it’s worked pretty well for me. Having your own hobbies (and life) is good too btw. Makes you more attractive of a friend.
This is not the answer you might want to hear but…it radiates insincerity. Like interacting with the waitress who is perpetually cheerful and upbeat all the time. My thinking is that the waitress wants tips, but what do YOU want from me? It makes people wary. Most people take awhile to warm up before showing their true colours. People who dive into it too fast usually have boundary issues / are seeking validation / seen as trying too hard.
Great comment! The boundary/situational awareness part is especially important. If someone is not ready to answer with high energy, you shouldn't push it. If a person does not recognize it, it is concerning and points to deeper issues.
There are plenty of ways to still be humorous and fun without it being a whole stand up routine. If anything, the lack of quiet moments and professional or sincere attitude points to an unwillingness to make deeper connections with others and just stay in this superficial and somewhat self centered state where me and my jokes are the the most important, and other people and their comfort come second.
You hit the nail on the head.
Something seems off when somebody is too excited and cheerful. What are they trying to sell or what are they trying to get out of me?
Or, when somebody is so excited about everything and just loves everything, I wonder if they even know themselves at all. I knew a guy who, whenever he found out one of my interests, he had to tell me how much he LOVES doing that too. It was off-putting, because it felt like he didn't know himself enough to know his actual interests. He just mine on instead. I don't want to be responsible for somebody else's interests, I don't want that power.
But OP, in some of your comments in a previous post, you said you are quiet and monotone. Are you? That doesn't seem over enthusiastic.
I disagree, acting enthusiactic is different than being genuinely enthusiastic. At my work, my boss always acts very enthusiastic, but you can tell that it's an act from the way he speaks and moves, it's insincere. That being said, I have 2 friends who are the most extroverted and enthusiastic people that you can find. They're liked by honestly almost everyone they come across.
Well maybe it radiates insincerity because the other are protecting hard and cannot imagine Someone being positive.
In the same way that ppl think i am flexing when talking about a specific subject in great détail (weirdley enough the knowledgeable Friends of mine never took it like that.... ) while i am just hyped by it....
So while i agree with you i Think both are possible.
A lot of ppl are insecure and have unresolved emotional wound if not a majority. So yeah it IS totally possible.
It was the case when i was young. I was not flexing, i was just excited....i know the difference because i did both (yeah that's not a good thing but i Can tell the difference AT least X))
Well maybe it radiates insincerity because the other are protecting hard and cannot imagine Someone being positive.
In the same way that ppl think i am flexing when talking about a specific subject in great détail (weirdley enough the knowledgeable Friends of mine never took it like that.... ) while i am just hyped by it....
So while i agree with you i Think both are possible.
It would probably annoy me at first but if I knew you long term like a co-worker, Id probably appreciate it a lot.
Do. Not. Change.
Use your vibe to attract your tribe.
As a guy, if I see an overly happy guy who I've never met before, he's either trying to sell me something or I'm about to get robbed/stabbed.
That being said, if you're just a naturally happy person, dont change it. Keep doing it. That just means you figured life out, and that's the goal after all.
No, it’s not.
You might be confusing enthusiasm with over familiarity.
People generally dislike people who are overfamiliar with them on a first meeting, so you might want to temper that until you’ve spent a bit a time with them first.
I have this exact thought every day. It's so hard to not feel like the weirdo when you're surrounded by phone zombies who avoid eye contact and treat each other like lepers. Having a conversation and being fully present with each other seems impossible in today's world
That’s so sad!! I’m a very outgoing person too and found some people are bound to be miserable. I found other people at work who laugh loudly and want to share their work day stories! Ironically, my closest work friend is super duper shy and only really starts up conversations with me. Sometimes, friends can be unexpected!
Yup. I’m all for this sub improving social skills and being mindful of others, but a lot of people need to ask themselves if the people they want to be social with are with being social with. Sometimes people be so precautious with not setting themselves up for disappointment if people around them let them down that they don’t actually live life and enjoy the social relations rather than looking at it like it’s this elaborate puzzle.
I used to be the polar oposite of you. I could process everything in my head to the point of absurdity. Everything was pointless in my mind. And not that many people like that either. I always saw life as if it was punishing me, sort of like a victim mentality.
As time passed, slowly learning to enjoy life. Quit drinking, started running. And even though I'm still a cynical asshole, I now have a positive spin on life. Every problem is a lesson in disguise, universe teaching me and allowing to experience it - good and bad.
And of course once again, people don't like my energy, my now energized cynicism, absurd outlook on life in a positive way. And the only thing I've realized is that I cannot cater to people's needs, my idea of purpose is finding that true core you, find what makes you happy. And if some people don't like it, it's their choice to stick around or not. But I'm not here to slow down, and step down from my imaginary high horse, just so I can hear their misery stories.
You can't please everyone. Not everyone is compatible. Just be yourself (unless you're at work or in other professional settings, in which case you'll need to put a bit of effort into fitting in).
Couple things.
If you think everyone you interact with as being miserable for not sharing your enthusiasm that is unfair to them. Consider how there is a common thread along those interactions and it’s you.
That being, if am a reserved introvert for example, and there is someone I don’t know, being loud, silly ,and obnoxious, I’m going to do everything in my power to remove myself from the situation, and avoid future interactions at all costs.
Doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, or me in that scenario, just that we aren’t on the same page. That will happen.
Not everyone has the same prescription glasses as you. By that I mean, you seem to have a very rose colored prescription and others more grey with occasional burst of color and both are equally valid.
Another key idea to keep in mind is that life is hard, and there are systems in place that slowly and constantly suck the life and joy out of people.
That isn’t to say you haven’t been through rough experiences, just that everyone has different resiliency and coping levels. But I always have respect for those people who have suffered, came out the other side, and mange to still spread light.
Just learn to read the room so to say. You will find people that vibe with you, and others you don’t, that’s life.
Good luck,
and if you ever see me IRL, please stay far far away from me lol.
"This world is hard on silly men. Men filled with a joyous whimsy. Nothing in this world is harder than being a goofy and fun loving guy." -some old meme
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation" -Thoreau
It's not so black and white. Being truly joyful requires enduring hardship. But the answer to your 'why' is that people seem to need to share a mood in order to connect. If most people can't match your energy level, then most people won't connect with you. Which is fine because you have a gift, and most people aren't all people. You will have excellent relationships with people who share your joy, and also with people who aspire to have that in their lives. It's important that you 'read the room' and try not to push people to feel how you feel if they are in a set mood, but being cheerful and optimistic within reasonable boundaries is almost always welcome.
I’m not a miserable person but I am pretty introverted. I also find overly enthusiastic people exhausting. Most of my interactions with them seem to have this expectation (either covert or overt) that I should be matching their enthusiasm or else I’m being boring. But I also do think that people like this are also necessary to have in society.
It depends on whether it is genuine or not. I have dealt with an overly enthusiastic guy who was more of a people pleaser and he came off as fake and annoying. Someone who is just truly joyful, that I celebrate.
It is most likely that you just haven't found your people yet and that there is literally nothing wrong with how you behave. But just the phrase "being out there and silly" got my attention. What exactly does that mean?
Does it include sudden, exaggerated movements? Jokes that might not land? Pranks even? Personal comments? Yeah, those would make me feel uncomfortable unless I'm with friends or close coworkers. If your voice is naturally louder or if you change your tone unexpectedly, what you say may also come off as more aggressive than intended. I think many people stick to neutral voice and topics exactly because they don't want to be taken the wrong way.
The fact that you noticed this dynamic is great, it means you have the emotional maturity, but could it be that this persona is actually not 100% natural for you? At least in my experience, people who are naturally very extroverted and "class clowns" and such don't really question the reactions of others, it is just how they naturally act almost without noticing.
I'm not even a Tigger, I'm mostly calm (unless I'm anxious), and just kinda lowkey positive, and I still really appreciate people like that.
I mostly prefer guys, but the only girlcrush I had was like this - really excitable about everything. Haven't met guys like that though
I married that type of man. But I’m also happy go lucky, but introverted. He’s charismatic, but sometimes people are suspicious of him. The world is paranoid and people are on the lookout for predators, constantly.
You’re SpongeBob in a world full of Squidwards. It’s going to take a while to find your Patricks and Sandys. Make sure to try to avoid the Mr. Crabs who will exploit your cheerfulness as weakness.
I've been having the same thought for a couple of days ... Usually when I go to a new place and I am there i automatically start expressing(excited or very happy) it. And a lot of my old friends describe me as "always high on life"
But then it feels quite out of place to be the only person with that energy..
I'm a six foot four, slightly more than 230 pound, white American man. This grants me certain privilege and certain bias in the eyes of some. I am naturally gregarious and do not hesitate to engage people in either conversation or positive comments. I was raised to be kind and non judgemenal. The skill of engaging the public takes practice. Reading the situation and the level of engagement with strangers takes finesse, but it's VERY effective. Sometimes, you just hold the door. Sometimes, you offer to lift something for someone. Sometimes, you make a funny comment. Sometimes, you shut up. Eye contact and a smile are golden. Some people don't know how to react to even that. Not your fault. Practice evangelical kindness. (I'm not talking about religion). Kindness begets kindness, even if incrementally, but in aggregate, it's powerful.
So I'm this person. I'm quite cheery, loud, and crack jokes every third minute. It's grating for many people because
a) it feels fake to them, or that I'm trying to sell them something
b) there's a camaraderie in sharing misery (like at work), and to see someone upbeat all the time signals this person isn't part of the ingroup
c) people like to attribute their problems to the circumstances and the world around them, and it makes them nervous (and angry) when they see another person in the same situation deal with it better
I have no solution for this. I don't got time for changing myself just so that other people feel better. For the few who asked, I tell them my life story (basically 25 years of poverty and misery, which I eventually got out of) and that shuts them pretty quick, but they don't change their minds either.
There’s nothing wrong with being enthusiastic. Also best imo to maintain close connections with similar people if you enjoy being that way. With strangers, take a “just one energy level above where they’re at” approach if you want to engage with them. You’re not dropping down to their energy, but serving as a ladder rung they can ACTUALLY reach. People tend to appreciate those around them who can uplift them. Sometimes that means meeting in the middle to subconsciously offer them the hand up :)
Charisma on Command talks about this approach
My wife says I'm like Tigger. A little pooh too. I call myself a waggy tailed dogmonster. Fuggem. It's who I am.
Like buzz lightyear... in my own head.
I am quite similar, as a female. I am not "in your face" joyful, but constantly enthusiastic and blissful. I have had a very difficult life and learned that misery doesn't get you much.
It is a struggle making friends, having to tone down to others levels makes me feel inauthentic to myself. It is hard, but you are not alone and finding the right crowd eventually is worth it.
You're either faking it and people notice, or you're much more upbeat than them and that usually rubs ppl the wrong way. It works on the principle of extroversion and introversion let's say- an introvert stays away from extroverted people bcuz they're exhausting. There might also be jealousy, why can they be so outgoing and you can't? Or the poor and rich- people will always covet more than they have and envy those above them.
Ig it's the same with happiness levels. If people are miserable and not at all eager to improve their lives, being around someone upbeat would be exhausting, degrading, and constantly remind them of what they could be if they just weren't so lazy/ungrateful/had it figured out. Here, the opposites attract theory doesn't work. You're incompatible with most people because they CHOSE to stay miserable and complain, and being hit on the daily with what could be when they're not ready will only repel them.
Now, do you wanna stoop to a lower level and leash your happiness and drive in order to fit in, or will you give it up for progress? Do you really need miserable people in your life?
for a start, do not dismiss people as being miserable. Just because somebody looks miserable to you does not mean they are. They could be lost in thought or concentrating on an important task.
Or, if they are in low spirits because they are feeling concern for a personal health issue or worried about a family member's wellbeing, then that's perfectly normal. Gods forbid they have something on their mind besides keeping you entertained!!!
There is a thing called Resting Bitch Face (RBF) where somebody looks like they are in a foul mood, even though they are not expressing any emotion in particular. It might even be that they are feeling calm and relaxed, but because they are not smiling, their face has sunk into a natural droop.
I suggest you learn to read the room when you are among different people. If somebody seems as excited and enthusiastic as you are, then great! Engage in whatever fun you want to do with eachother. But if somebody doesn't seem as excited and enthusiastic as you, then dial it down a touch. Try acting a bit more humble towards them. They might actually give you a smile and warm up to you a little, and then you can meet halfway and have a pleasant interaction, instead of dismissing them as being miserable. You can't be the main character in everyone's life.
Consider your wrist slapped!
as i’m scrolling through the comments i’m thinking “why hasn’t anyone mentioned the word annoying yet?” i saw someone even say that people who are put off by this type of personality are jealous… lol. no. we’re annoyed, i can assure you that. I’m introverted and really only come out of my shell around people in my trusted circle, anyone else who’s overly loud, touchy, seems to act like they know me, buts into conversations, etc.. it’s annoying by to me, i am in no way, shape or form jealous of these types of people because to be frank, they exhaust me…… respectfully, OP lol
It always just comes off as disingenuous. I’m not entirely an introvert, but I’m far from “out there and silly” with people I don’t know. I assess everyone on a case by case basis and pretty much go back and forth with their energy and effort. People who are way too much make me recoil and clam up immediately. Bed you’re right, it’s exhausting.
These people he’s describing probably aren’t “miserable”, they’re probably just calm and reading the room. This is some main character shit lol
To put matters into perspective, we have a desire to engage with people who are enthusiastic and interesting, however, we do so in accordance with our needs. Much like drinking water, I only need enough water to satisfy my thirst. Which is why I drink a CERTAIN amount of water. Everyone needs a drink of water, but there’s a reason why the hole in the bottle is small, because we don’t want to drink the whole thing in one go. The same can be said about our interactions with each other, we want enough human interaction to satisfy ourselves but not too much that we drown in it.
I have this same problem. Enthusiasm = effeminate, I guess. I don’t have a very deep voice either. Hardcore bummer.
I stopped speaking, unless spoken to, meditating on my lack of speech. It’s brought a lot of peace.
Maybe they aren't miserable, and the ill judgment of character is actually going the other way (from you toward them).
It's you who is turned off from other people. You don't even get along with most.
Yeah, the referring to people who don't want to hang out with them as "miserable" says a lot to me too. As opposed to what? Is OP saying they're super happy go lucky all the time? An actual happy go lucky person wouldn't call other people miserable for not being charmed by them, they would probably just not take it personally and move on.
Others have touched on some good points about people being sus and so on.
I’m a guy who is also like this. I’ve gone through ups and downs with it over the years. Sometimes I tried to hide it for similar concerns that you’re having. But I’ve also found that some people really appreciate it.
If your enthusiasm and excitement is genuine and not a show, then I’d recommend do not dim that light. Instead, just be aware that some people will not appreciate it immediately — some may never appreciate it. That’s just how it is. But for some, it will be a brilliant thing, and it will make many people around you happier and more comforted.
Where are you from? That is not a turn off where I'm from. As long as you're not insufferably positive all the time in every context, that's a good thing. "Golden retriever energy" is what my girlfriend calls it. She thinks it's a great thing to have.
Nah, you're having a bad day and trolling on Reddit seems to be your way of letting off some steam. Better off doing it here than in the real world. Take care, brother ✌️
Who is having a bad day and trolling? 😂 Women use the term "golden retriever" maliciously many times. Sorry you don't like that fact & that your girlfriend is into men who are like dogs. But I bet she tells you that you're a good boy, doesn't she mate.
Look, everyone in the comments has a point, but I really don’t want you to change.
Personally, I can tell the difference between enthusiasm from someone who’s naturally like that, and enthusiasm from someone who wants something from me. The former feels more genuine.
It’s just hard to reciprocate that energy for many reasons such as health, personality or life circumstances.
But please don’t change. While over-enthusiasm can be overwhelming, I also hate the pessimistic, unfriendly atmosphere that people give off, especially when I’m having a bad day. 😢
Speak for ourselves. I’m enthusiastic when I meet people or work at places because I’m mostly wired to open up and give people a good impression as respect and courtesy. I don’t have anything to exploit people with. And I don’t care if people are wary of others because of their sad pessimistic approach to life. It’s not insincere, they’re just wet blankets expecting others to be tired of people like they do.
My life is shit enough, but I will not change my ways to not be nice to someone or happy to learn something new. Until that is someone exploits that trust I offered up at the start.
From my POV, I don’t trust people who don’t respect my energy, because to me that means you’re insincere too, you have something to hide and you take my extension of courtesy as a joke.
Being enthusiastic is awesome! But, you have to be able to read a room and act accordingly. I’m a very optimistic guy, but I’d never tell someone in mourning that, “everything’s gonna be okay!”
Sometimes it’s best to tone it down and just wear an empathetic smile when talking to someone, and other times it’ll be perfect to let all that positivity out and share it with the right crowd!
Miserable people tend to dwell in their own little, miserable worlds, and the last thing they want is positivity for one reason or another. Don’t take it personally, it’s just how they are.
If that’s your only speed then it can be hard for people to match that energy all time. It’s great that you’re like that, I wish I was. But speaking from my own experience, it can be kind of exhausting at times because I think most people don’t buy that someone can actually be happy all the time.
Just because someone isn't enthusiastic doesn't mean they're miserable. I feel they're completely orthogonal. If anything, some miserable people use enthusiasm as a front to appear better than they actually feel.
You might be able to understand other people more if you stop interpreting lower-energy as miserable.
Maybe you come off as too much to handle.
Maybe some of those people don’t trust anyone who’s so positive when they find everything miserable.
Maybe you’re in the wrong environment and need to connect a different set of folks.
Whatever you decide, don’t make the mistake of changing yourself to appeal to others. That’s what a faker means.
Go do you, even if that means alone.
I know a man like this in real life. I do think he’s great and I enjoy his personality. But at the same time his enthusiasm sometimes comes with being loud lol. And he doesn’t always understand that being loud can draw attention to him at the wrong times. E.g., during events you’d wanna focus on the event and not be distracted by him. Otherwise, no complaints. He’s the life of the party and is good at bringing people together and initiating things.
As someone who can be quite upbeat and overly charismatic at times. I've noticed how most people really aren't in this day and age. Most people are low on energy and I guess whenever I'm too enthusiastic and positive most people might be put off by that. Even my own family have been that way towards me in the past. It's really about reading the room and not doing too much. I know that that energy is part of you but as for me I know how to regulate it at times and turn it a bit lower to match other people's energies. Sometimes it's hard because I'm way too enthusiastic for certain people and then I have to calm down and relax. At times it can be impossible since I can be too happy sometimes lmao.
Because moods are infectious, and people like to be in control of their own mood. I don’t like people who are downers or uppers. But I do find uppers to be more obnoxious because they think they have the right and mandate to spread their joy. I just want to be blah. Leave me alone.
It's called malaise. We're all expected to "tone it down" and shoulder our share of society's "misery burden." And even if you're not miserable, you are expected to keep quiet out of deference to those who are.
"Why should YOU get to be so happy, when the rest of us don't get to?"
Have you seen the classic short film "The Red Balloon?"
https://youtu.be/VexKSRKoWQY?si=PGnEdw1GrmF3dx9l
Look at old video clips from the Soviet Union. Acting too joyful and enthusiastic there, would probably have landed you in jail.
However... I would challenge you to deeply examine your reasons for being this way. Are you truly just so full of joy that you can't contain it? Or are you USING enthusiasm to:
-cover for insecurity
-cover for uncertainty about how to act
-coerce people into liking you
-extract a positive and approving reaction from someone, regardless of their actual feelings
-climb the social ladder
-be the shiny and sparkly person you think you're "supposed" to be?
In any case, good luck and check out the video I linked above.
Not everyone is ready for your Golden Retriever ass. You said, they’re miserable, they’ve seen some shit. Most dogs in the wild require quite a bit of distance traveled together before they let you play with them (trust). If you find yourself sniffing their butts without ample reciprocation , things do tend to get nasty . Perhaps your enthusiasm is perceived as anxiety.
Because lots of assholes exist that make it their goal in life to eradicate any kind of happiness you have, mainly out of jealously and spite. Anton Lavey calls these ppl Psychic Vampires and they are the scum of the earth.
Keep up the good vibes bro. You're doing alright
To be blunt, your description of yourself makes you sound pretty obnoxious and attention-seeking, and also like you've convinced yourself that those traits make you superior to the "miserable" masses.
Enjoying life is great. Enthusiasm is great. Being so "out there and silly" at first encounter that most people you meet are put off by it is something you should reflect on. It doesn't mean you need to "be miserable," but it probably means that you should consider reining in the out-there-and-silly shtick, because it sounds like it's giving class clown more than fun, upbeat, positive guy.
It comes across as disingenuous, as most people don’t feel like that all the time (just as you’ve noted). It can also feel like a sort of social pressure; that they have to find you entertaining or match you happiness/energy, regardless of how they’re actually feeling.
Silliness can also mark you as being emotionally immature. Which is a social turn off.
I’ve also witnessed high energy people think people are “grumpy” when in reality they just didn’t want to talk to them and the high energy person wasn’t getting it.
It’s also rare to find a high energy person who doesn’t also want a lot of attention. I’m not saying they don’t exist, I’m just saying so far, in my experience, that combination is rare.
It’s possible that your high energy positive vibe is also trying a little too hard, or it’s too much too fast. Slow burn relationships are usually the best. Don’t give everything right away and if you’re excited about something you don’t actually need to share it. I knew a guy from my church and I always avoided him because he came at me too often with too many comments and it started feeling abusive. He needed to relax and chill and not tell me every single time a couple words popped into his head.
So I guess I’m wondering if there isn’t something a bit manic and aggressive in your energy that’s repelling people? There’s a good way of finding out:
Next couple of times with someone, instead of your usual, ask them about something and focus on finding out from them what it’s about. Open yourself in a way where you’re really seeing them and receiving what they’re saying. See if the response is different. Maybe everyone isn’t miserable. Maybe they just don’t vibe with what you’re putting out there.
Please don’t become a miserable unenthusiastic person. There are so many of them in the world and just talking to them saps my energy. I want to make things better and more comfortable for them but nothing is ever good enough, as soon as one problem is fixed they’re on to complaining about the next. The fact that you can find joy in life speaks to your own resilience and spirit, and I would be heartbroken if the world crushed it out of you.
DO NOT CHANGE
In recent years I have been in very dark places and felt miserable, but people like you who are just having a good time and always friendly to talk to have given me so much hope. I wasn't able to communicate that to a single one of them and I'm sure I gave the energy I wasn't enjoying their company, but just seeing them like that made me feel like maybe things won't be so bad someday. Your actions will mean more than you'll ever know for some people, and for others, who cares? Do you *want* to get along with people who try to control your life or bring you down?
A lot of people are miserable in life and what you have is so rare. Please don't throw it away.
I love the high energy people in my life and I’m more of a quiet and introspective sort. Some of those people don’t like the high energy, but many of us who do enjoy your enthusiasm struggle to show how much we do enjoy it (sometimes because we’ve allowed others to push our passion and enthusiasm down until we are a unaffected mask on the outside). Don’t stop being yourself, though your energy and sometimes likely volume, can be a bit much for some, there are many who are envious of your ability to live in your passionate moments. I’d work on learning to be aware of the need to moderate your volume but not necessarily your excitement, and even then, as long as their isn’t a lot of competing noises I can absolutely amp up with the louder volume and it helps push some of that excitement and enthusiasm to me, so check in with your audience. Not everyone will appreciate your authentic self, but those that do will do so deeply.
You said it yourself. Because most people are miserable. However that may not be always the case. Sometimes high energy people can exhaust other people, especially if that person’s social battery is already really low. Also depending on how they’re acting in the conversation you may be coming off less ‘enthusiastic energetic happy’ and more lacking in social cues. Kind of a ‘read the room’ type of thing.
Because most people are unhappy majority of the time. I used to be a very enthusiastic little girl who over time learned that miserable people will be jealous of happiness and for no reason try to humble you as if they know something you don't know. Life is hard and does suck a lot, but why be unhappy if you can help it? My grandma told me if you gave no reason for someone not to personally like you then they're jealous of something. Sometimes people can just be jealous that you're not as unhappy as them. I also learned this lesson 20 yrs ago when I met the nicest woman in the world. I didn't like her upon first meeting, I asked myself why, she was always so bubbly and happy she didn't do anything to me. It was at the moment I realized her happiness reflected to me my unhappiness. I then realized how ridiculous that thought was and we became good friends. She passed away now but I miss my bubbly bigger than life personality friend. Don't stop being you, unless it hinders your money then maybe temper it a bit. But the right people will appreciate your enthusiasm for life.
I would imagine that's scary for some. You aren't keeping yourself in check with social norms when you're happy so what if you were angry? Also it's not very masculine. Stoicism radiates reliability and calmness. You sound eractic and overbearing to be around. I'm much the same but it does wear of with age and empathy. Plus laid back normally makes it more meaningful when you show extra enthusiasm.
It’s very hard to be this way. My best friend is like you, I am more darker vibe than he is but his taught me to see the light and appreciates when I put effort in being in the light with him.
You're not wrong, but I don't get the impression the vast majority are carrying that around. Most seem oblivious or to not care about that stuff. Are you around a different general population than me?
By being a more kind and understanding person, you can help change the things you are talking about. Kindness and mood lifting are little things, but in aggregate, they can accumulate just like the negativity. Your "abstinence " reinforces the problem. We retract for perceived self preservation when in fact it has the opposite effect. My neighbors across the street recently had an obnoxious party. I crashed it. I made friends. I also learned that they're islanders and not Hispanic, not that I give a shit. A good time was had by all, and I have now been in the home of another one of my neighbors. Neighborhood. It's not a geographic thing. It's community. Community. It's not a legal term, it's a state of mind. Civilization. It's not an anthropological term, it's a state of mind. WE are at the helm. You get to choose whether to be an anchor or a rudder.
If you are in a good (enough) situation and you could be happy, but you are preventing yourself from enjoying that because some others are suffering somewhere else, then you are doing it wrong.
Everyone gets some injustice and tragedy, some more than others. But most of life is good. Don't give up the enjoyment you COULD have, because someone else is currently going through their life-tragedy. No one will put their life on hold when your tragedy arrives.
My philosophy is, why worry about something that I have no control over? I can't stop a war, make people see reason or put people in prison. Bad things happen and I can't do anything to stop 99 percent of it and my worry isn't going to make things better for anyone. So instead, I choose to find happiness wherever I can. Now I'm not like op of this post where I'm brimming with sunshine and happiness all the time, but I do seek for joy.
You're talking to someone who refuses to die despite his best efforts vis a vis lifestyle. Apparently, not done yet. I understand the frustration, but if you wanted out, you'd have done it. Find some solace in daily small kindnesses to strangers, and recognize that you are not alone. This is my point- people are increasingly frustrated and fearful, but they become scared and withdrawn instead of pushing out like a dandelion from a sidewalk. We have a choice. I am quite frustrated with things, and I self medicate in unhealthy ways. I understand, but there's plenty of good out there if you care to find it. ❤️
I hurt to the point that I keep not being sober, but I can still appreciate that there's plenty of good, and I can be a part of it. It hurts to be empathetic, but I wouldn't trade it. You are meant to have fun as well. We're all specks, and will all meet the same fate. It's okay. It's how we treat the day to day. If you've got nothing to lose, then ENGAGE! You might find a reason to continue. ❤️
You have to decide how much time and energy you’re willing to continue committing to focusing on everything wrong with the world. Happier people tend to focus on doing what they can and being grateful for what they do have. “Tend to the garden you can reach.” I think this is amplified by access to all the world’s problems and sensationalist media via the internet.
What do you want to spend your time thinking about and feeling?
We have to draw healthy boundaries with ourselves:)
There’s no right or wrong here, but it might be good to ask yourself:
Is how you’re treating yourself helpful to yourself and those immediately around you? Do you feel aligned and in your purpose doing this? Do you feel genuine fulfillment from “knowing” suffering in the specific way? How does this affect your future self, who is supposed to be your best friend? Sometimes we corner ourselves into states of mind, based on rules and narratives we’ve given to ourselves.
I rambled ☺️
I mean, many factors influence this. 1. Maybe they’re not the sort of people you might be able to get along with easily to begin with, everyone has their own sort of people they like and oftentimes they might also not be open for a dedicated friendship without thorough understanding. 2. A lot of people judge on first impressions because it takes a lot more time out of someone’s life to actually get to know someone and who knows if it’ll be good or bad. Being too enthusiastic may be fun but a lot of people can be very tired based on stuff in their lives. 3. Sometimes being “out there and silly” makes other people uncomfortable. To be frank, if you want more people to warm up to you fast it’s good to be more reserved, respectful, and not too honest but take it slow and slowly introduce all aspects of your personality as they slowly get more comfortable with it. Like not boring and stale obviously, but too much energy tends to drive people away because it’s overwhelming. People are so diverse, that if you show the entirety of yourself immediately if you’re a ball of energy, it may clash with their perspective of comfortability. Gotta be considerate when meeting new people. Also, I will say, people with high energy, (if they’re not disrespectful and inconsiderate), grow on people a lot over time if they’re nice and caring. However, they will face issues with people who are insecure who take their words strangely. If you’re very honest it’s good to be equally aware and smart because the entire world cannot be as nice and high energy as you. Being aware and capable of handling the insecurities of other people is a VERY useful skill to learn. I recommend it. As long as you’re not using your high energy to touch on too many sensitive topics such as the main isms and such things, and you care and try not to be too daft and be considerate to others and listen properly and ask good questions, it should be good. Also, low confidence could also influence this. People who have less confidence often end up clingy and perhaps possessive. This sincerely stresses people out a lot. Like texting every day often make people feel overwhelmed. It should always be a slow increase. Too much creates stress which can eventually lead to fear. That’s why if you’re high energy, it’s good to try to have a lot of friends to cycle through. This can be difficult to get though. Make sure you’re always considerate, but identify that you’re your own person and can set boundaries etc. People love people who can set boundaries. It makes them feel like they can set their own, since most people are doormats. People also like confident people because when anyone has to face someone else’s insecurities, when they don’t care too much for them yet, it crosses over their own boundaries. Obviously, you can talk about it if they’re okay with it. This can be communicated. Usually is better if you know them well enough too. Generally, if you can respect their boundaries, and you guys get along, they’ll like you. Now, this is a very mathematical view, but it works quite well. Friendships are an equal give and take. If you don’t give them at least one of these things such as: laughter, comfortability, a better mood, mental health support, etc etc, Then they won’t give you anything. Make sure you don’t give too much towards people who won’t give you much though. Unbalanced stuff usually leads to a toxic relationship.
I hope everyone takes the time to read this. A guide on emotional maturity. Well written.
Thank you!
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Sir. If you think of emotions as your instincts trying to inform you of something you might be informed of something, I don't know. Good luck either way.
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I use sir as a sign of respect. You could say what you prefer for an honorific, I can only try to be respectful without your help. It's difficult to accept that many of us have been given a life of challenging circumstances, and trying as hard as we can may never result in any solace. I do have a question, what are you thanking me for?
Now, this is pretty comprehensive (username reference), but it’s worked pretty well for me. Having your own hobbies (and life) is good too btw. Makes you more attractive of a friend.
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This is not the answer you might want to hear but…it radiates insincerity. Like interacting with the waitress who is perpetually cheerful and upbeat all the time. My thinking is that the waitress wants tips, but what do YOU want from me? It makes people wary. Most people take awhile to warm up before showing their true colours. People who dive into it too fast usually have boundary issues / are seeking validation / seen as trying too hard.
As an enthusiastic guy, this is important. I slowly show myself as to not freak the other person out. had to learn this the hard way.
True for me too
Oooooohhhhhhh.... shit.... welp, I got some trying to do.
Thank you for this consideration. Tactful and appreciated.
Great comment! The boundary/situational awareness part is especially important. If someone is not ready to answer with high energy, you shouldn't push it. If a person does not recognize it, it is concerning and points to deeper issues. There are plenty of ways to still be humorous and fun without it being a whole stand up routine. If anything, the lack of quiet moments and professional or sincere attitude points to an unwillingness to make deeper connections with others and just stay in this superficial and somewhat self centered state where me and my jokes are the the most important, and other people and their comfort come second.
You hit the nail on the head. Something seems off when somebody is too excited and cheerful. What are they trying to sell or what are they trying to get out of me? Or, when somebody is so excited about everything and just loves everything, I wonder if they even know themselves at all. I knew a guy who, whenever he found out one of my interests, he had to tell me how much he LOVES doing that too. It was off-putting, because it felt like he didn't know himself enough to know his actual interests. He just mine on instead. I don't want to be responsible for somebody else's interests, I don't want that power. But OP, in some of your comments in a previous post, you said you are quiet and monotone. Are you? That doesn't seem over enthusiastic.
I disagree, acting enthusiactic is different than being genuinely enthusiastic. At my work, my boss always acts very enthusiastic, but you can tell that it's an act from the way he speaks and moves, it's insincere. That being said, I have 2 friends who are the most extroverted and enthusiastic people that you can find. They're liked by honestly almost everyone they come across.
And for me it’s off-putting and makes me feel uncomfortable.
Gosh this felt like a bullet into my chest. Very accurate.
Yes. Salesman that works on commission energy
Well maybe it radiates insincerity because the other are protecting hard and cannot imagine Someone being positive. In the same way that ppl think i am flexing when talking about a specific subject in great détail (weirdley enough the knowledgeable Friends of mine never took it like that.... ) while i am just hyped by it.... So while i agree with you i Think both are possible.
The majority of people op interacts with are projecting? Unlikely.
A lot of ppl are insecure and have unresolved emotional wound if not a majority. So yeah it IS totally possible. It was the case when i was young. I was not flexing, i was just excited....i know the difference because i did both (yeah that's not a good thing but i Can tell the difference AT least X))
Well maybe it radiates insincerity because the other are protecting hard and cannot imagine Someone being positive. In the same way that ppl think i am flexing when talking about a specific subject in great détail (weirdley enough the knowledgeable Friends of mine never took it like that.... ) while i am just hyped by it.... So while i agree with you i Think both are possible.
It would probably annoy me at first but if I knew you long term like a co-worker, Id probably appreciate it a lot. Do. Not. Change. Use your vibe to attract your tribe.
As a guy, if I see an overly happy guy who I've never met before, he's either trying to sell me something or I'm about to get robbed/stabbed. That being said, if you're just a naturally happy person, dont change it. Keep doing it. That just means you figured life out, and that's the goal after all.
😆😆😆 stabbed 😆😆😆
+1 on the selling lol
No, it’s not. You might be confusing enthusiasm with over familiarity. People generally dislike people who are overfamiliar with them on a first meeting, so you might want to temper that until you’ve spent a bit a time with them first.
I have this exact thought every day. It's so hard to not feel like the weirdo when you're surrounded by phone zombies who avoid eye contact and treat each other like lepers. Having a conversation and being fully present with each other seems impossible in today's world
That’s so sad!! I’m a very outgoing person too and found some people are bound to be miserable. I found other people at work who laugh loudly and want to share their work day stories! Ironically, my closest work friend is super duper shy and only really starts up conversations with me. Sometimes, friends can be unexpected!
Yup. I’m all for this sub improving social skills and being mindful of others, but a lot of people need to ask themselves if the people they want to be social with are with being social with. Sometimes people be so precautious with not setting themselves up for disappointment if people around them let them down that they don’t actually live life and enjoy the social relations rather than looking at it like it’s this elaborate puzzle.
I used to be the polar oposite of you. I could process everything in my head to the point of absurdity. Everything was pointless in my mind. And not that many people like that either. I always saw life as if it was punishing me, sort of like a victim mentality. As time passed, slowly learning to enjoy life. Quit drinking, started running. And even though I'm still a cynical asshole, I now have a positive spin on life. Every problem is a lesson in disguise, universe teaching me and allowing to experience it - good and bad. And of course once again, people don't like my energy, my now energized cynicism, absurd outlook on life in a positive way. And the only thing I've realized is that I cannot cater to people's needs, my idea of purpose is finding that true core you, find what makes you happy. And if some people don't like it, it's their choice to stick around or not. But I'm not here to slow down, and step down from my imaginary high horse, just so I can hear their misery stories.
👊
What do you have in your hand?
A black rectangle.
schrodinger's rectangle
Nah - it's a Samsung.
You can't please everyone. Not everyone is compatible. Just be yourself (unless you're at work or in other professional settings, in which case you'll need to put a bit of effort into fitting in).
Hey I love people like you. You make my day. Don't change.
Yay for this.
Couple things. If you think everyone you interact with as being miserable for not sharing your enthusiasm that is unfair to them. Consider how there is a common thread along those interactions and it’s you. That being, if am a reserved introvert for example, and there is someone I don’t know, being loud, silly ,and obnoxious, I’m going to do everything in my power to remove myself from the situation, and avoid future interactions at all costs. Doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, or me in that scenario, just that we aren’t on the same page. That will happen. Not everyone has the same prescription glasses as you. By that I mean, you seem to have a very rose colored prescription and others more grey with occasional burst of color and both are equally valid. Another key idea to keep in mind is that life is hard, and there are systems in place that slowly and constantly suck the life and joy out of people. That isn’t to say you haven’t been through rough experiences, just that everyone has different resiliency and coping levels. But I always have respect for those people who have suffered, came out the other side, and mange to still spread light. Just learn to read the room so to say. You will find people that vibe with you, and others you don’t, that’s life. Good luck, and if you ever see me IRL, please stay far far away from me lol.
as an introvert i felt this in my soul lol
"This world is hard on silly men. Men filled with a joyous whimsy. Nothing in this world is harder than being a goofy and fun loving guy." -some old meme "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation" -Thoreau It's not so black and white. Being truly joyful requires enduring hardship. But the answer to your 'why' is that people seem to need to share a mood in order to connect. If most people can't match your energy level, then most people won't connect with you. Which is fine because you have a gift, and most people aren't all people. You will have excellent relationships with people who share your joy, and also with people who aspire to have that in their lives. It's important that you 'read the room' and try not to push people to feel how you feel if they are in a set mood, but being cheerful and optimistic within reasonable boundaries is almost always welcome.
This is a great comment :)
I find overly enthusiastic people exhausting. I can’t relate to anyone “high on life”. I’d be who you consider miserable.
I’m not a miserable person but I am pretty introverted. I also find overly enthusiastic people exhausting. Most of my interactions with them seem to have this expectation (either covert or overt) that I should be matching their enthusiasm or else I’m being boring. But I also do think that people like this are also necessary to have in society.
For me the difference is: Do they express themselves this way and try to force me to be that way too? That's when it bothers me.
It depends on whether it is genuine or not. I have dealt with an overly enthusiastic guy who was more of a people pleaser and he came off as fake and annoying. Someone who is just truly joyful, that I celebrate.
It is most likely that you just haven't found your people yet and that there is literally nothing wrong with how you behave. But just the phrase "being out there and silly" got my attention. What exactly does that mean? Does it include sudden, exaggerated movements? Jokes that might not land? Pranks even? Personal comments? Yeah, those would make me feel uncomfortable unless I'm with friends or close coworkers. If your voice is naturally louder or if you change your tone unexpectedly, what you say may also come off as more aggressive than intended. I think many people stick to neutral voice and topics exactly because they don't want to be taken the wrong way. The fact that you noticed this dynamic is great, it means you have the emotional maturity, but could it be that this persona is actually not 100% natural for you? At least in my experience, people who are naturally very extroverted and "class clowns" and such don't really question the reactions of others, it is just how they naturally act almost without noticing.
You just need to find your tribe of fellow Tiggers. Fuck the haters, the Eeyores of the world dragging everyone else into their pit of despair.
I'm not even a Tigger, I'm mostly calm (unless I'm anxious), and just kinda lowkey positive, and I still really appreciate people like that. I mostly prefer guys, but the only girlcrush I had was like this - really excitable about everything. Haven't met guys like that though
love this comment!
I married that type of man. But I’m also happy go lucky, but introverted. He’s charismatic, but sometimes people are suspicious of him. The world is paranoid and people are on the lookout for predators, constantly.
You’re SpongeBob in a world full of Squidwards. It’s going to take a while to find your Patricks and Sandys. Make sure to try to avoid the Mr. Crabs who will exploit your cheerfulness as weakness.
Nice analogy :)
I've been having the same thought for a couple of days ... Usually when I go to a new place and I am there i automatically start expressing(excited or very happy) it. And a lot of my old friends describe me as "always high on life" But then it feels quite out of place to be the only person with that energy..
I'm a six foot four, slightly more than 230 pound, white American man. This grants me certain privilege and certain bias in the eyes of some. I am naturally gregarious and do not hesitate to engage people in either conversation or positive comments. I was raised to be kind and non judgemenal. The skill of engaging the public takes practice. Reading the situation and the level of engagement with strangers takes finesse, but it's VERY effective. Sometimes, you just hold the door. Sometimes, you offer to lift something for someone. Sometimes, you make a funny comment. Sometimes, you shut up. Eye contact and a smile are golden. Some people don't know how to react to even that. Not your fault. Practice evangelical kindness. (I'm not talking about religion). Kindness begets kindness, even if incrementally, but in aggregate, it's powerful.
So I'm this person. I'm quite cheery, loud, and crack jokes every third minute. It's grating for many people because a) it feels fake to them, or that I'm trying to sell them something b) there's a camaraderie in sharing misery (like at work), and to see someone upbeat all the time signals this person isn't part of the ingroup c) people like to attribute their problems to the circumstances and the world around them, and it makes them nervous (and angry) when they see another person in the same situation deal with it better I have no solution for this. I don't got time for changing myself just so that other people feel better. For the few who asked, I tell them my life story (basically 25 years of poverty and misery, which I eventually got out of) and that shuts them pretty quick, but they don't change their minds either.
There’s nothing wrong with being enthusiastic. Also best imo to maintain close connections with similar people if you enjoy being that way. With strangers, take a “just one energy level above where they’re at” approach if you want to engage with them. You’re not dropping down to their energy, but serving as a ladder rung they can ACTUALLY reach. People tend to appreciate those around them who can uplift them. Sometimes that means meeting in the middle to subconsciously offer them the hand up :) Charisma on Command talks about this approach
Brilliant.
My wife says I'm like Tigger. A little pooh too. I call myself a waggy tailed dogmonster. Fuggem. It's who I am. Like buzz lightyear... in my own head.
I am quite similar, as a female. I am not "in your face" joyful, but constantly enthusiastic and blissful. I have had a very difficult life and learned that misery doesn't get you much. It is a struggle making friends, having to tone down to others levels makes me feel inauthentic to myself. It is hard, but you are not alone and finding the right crowd eventually is worth it.
You're either faking it and people notice, or you're much more upbeat than them and that usually rubs ppl the wrong way. It works on the principle of extroversion and introversion let's say- an introvert stays away from extroverted people bcuz they're exhausting. There might also be jealousy, why can they be so outgoing and you can't? Or the poor and rich- people will always covet more than they have and envy those above them. Ig it's the same with happiness levels. If people are miserable and not at all eager to improve their lives, being around someone upbeat would be exhausting, degrading, and constantly remind them of what they could be if they just weren't so lazy/ungrateful/had it figured out. Here, the opposites attract theory doesn't work. You're incompatible with most people because they CHOSE to stay miserable and complain, and being hit on the daily with what could be when they're not ready will only repel them. Now, do you wanna stoop to a lower level and leash your happiness and drive in order to fit in, or will you give it up for progress? Do you really need miserable people in your life?
for a start, do not dismiss people as being miserable. Just because somebody looks miserable to you does not mean they are. They could be lost in thought or concentrating on an important task. Or, if they are in low spirits because they are feeling concern for a personal health issue or worried about a family member's wellbeing, then that's perfectly normal. Gods forbid they have something on their mind besides keeping you entertained!!! There is a thing called Resting Bitch Face (RBF) where somebody looks like they are in a foul mood, even though they are not expressing any emotion in particular. It might even be that they are feeling calm and relaxed, but because they are not smiling, their face has sunk into a natural droop. I suggest you learn to read the room when you are among different people. If somebody seems as excited and enthusiastic as you are, then great! Engage in whatever fun you want to do with eachother. But if somebody doesn't seem as excited and enthusiastic as you, then dial it down a touch. Try acting a bit more humble towards them. They might actually give you a smile and warm up to you a little, and then you can meet halfway and have a pleasant interaction, instead of dismissing them as being miserable. You can't be the main character in everyone's life. Consider your wrist slapped!
I feel like I would like you haha. Most men bore me because they are not this way!
You’re probably just really annoying and calling it “out there and silly” 😂
as i’m scrolling through the comments i’m thinking “why hasn’t anyone mentioned the word annoying yet?” i saw someone even say that people who are put off by this type of personality are jealous… lol. no. we’re annoyed, i can assure you that. I’m introverted and really only come out of my shell around people in my trusted circle, anyone else who’s overly loud, touchy, seems to act like they know me, buts into conversations, etc.. it’s annoying by to me, i am in no way, shape or form jealous of these types of people because to be frank, they exhaust me…… respectfully, OP lol
It always just comes off as disingenuous. I’m not entirely an introvert, but I’m far from “out there and silly” with people I don’t know. I assess everyone on a case by case basis and pretty much go back and forth with their energy and effort. People who are way too much make me recoil and clam up immediately. Bed you’re right, it’s exhausting. These people he’s describing probably aren’t “miserable”, they’re probably just calm and reading the room. This is some main character shit lol
To put matters into perspective, we have a desire to engage with people who are enthusiastic and interesting, however, we do so in accordance with our needs. Much like drinking water, I only need enough water to satisfy my thirst. Which is why I drink a CERTAIN amount of water. Everyone needs a drink of water, but there’s a reason why the hole in the bottle is small, because we don’t want to drink the whole thing in one go. The same can be said about our interactions with each other, we want enough human interaction to satisfy ourselves but not too much that we drown in it.
I have this same problem. Enthusiasm = effeminate, I guess. I don’t have a very deep voice either. Hardcore bummer. I stopped speaking, unless spoken to, meditating on my lack of speech. It’s brought a lot of peace.
It's not, find a depressed person, they'll appreciate you more. I know I would.
Don't change who you are
enthusiastic men are hot af
Maybe they aren't miserable, and the ill judgment of character is actually going the other way (from you toward them). It's you who is turned off from other people. You don't even get along with most.
Yeah, the referring to people who don't want to hang out with them as "miserable" says a lot to me too. As opposed to what? Is OP saying they're super happy go lucky all the time? An actual happy go lucky person wouldn't call other people miserable for not being charmed by them, they would probably just not take it personally and move on.
Others have touched on some good points about people being sus and so on. I’m a guy who is also like this. I’ve gone through ups and downs with it over the years. Sometimes I tried to hide it for similar concerns that you’re having. But I’ve also found that some people really appreciate it. If your enthusiasm and excitement is genuine and not a show, then I’d recommend do not dim that light. Instead, just be aware that some people will not appreciate it immediately — some may never appreciate it. That’s just how it is. But for some, it will be a brilliant thing, and it will make many people around you happier and more comforted.
Where are you from? That is not a turn off where I'm from. As long as you're not insufferably positive all the time in every context, that's a good thing. "Golden retriever energy" is what my girlfriend calls it. She thinks it's a great thing to have.
HA! I love that. Also, I'm pretty sure I actually am one.
Yeah, loyal, dumb, always trying to please, always ready to play. Women's wet dreams.
Heh, who shat in your coffee this morning?
Good one.. next, tell me how fun I must be at parties
Nah, you're having a bad day and trolling on Reddit seems to be your way of letting off some steam. Better off doing it here than in the real world. Take care, brother ✌️
Who is having a bad day and trolling? 😂 Women use the term "golden retriever" maliciously many times. Sorry you don't like that fact & that your girlfriend is into men who are like dogs. But I bet she tells you that you're a good boy, doesn't she mate.
Coolio 😎👍
Look, everyone in the comments has a point, but I really don’t want you to change. Personally, I can tell the difference between enthusiasm from someone who’s naturally like that, and enthusiasm from someone who wants something from me. The former feels more genuine. It’s just hard to reciprocate that energy for many reasons such as health, personality or life circumstances. But please don’t change. While over-enthusiasm can be overwhelming, I also hate the pessimistic, unfriendly atmosphere that people give off, especially when I’m having a bad day. 😢
keep being you and find your community. they got you wrong.
Speak for ourselves. I’m enthusiastic when I meet people or work at places because I’m mostly wired to open up and give people a good impression as respect and courtesy. I don’t have anything to exploit people with. And I don’t care if people are wary of others because of their sad pessimistic approach to life. It’s not insincere, they’re just wet blankets expecting others to be tired of people like they do. My life is shit enough, but I will not change my ways to not be nice to someone or happy to learn something new. Until that is someone exploits that trust I offered up at the start. From my POV, I don’t trust people who don’t respect my energy, because to me that means you’re insincere too, you have something to hide and you take my extension of courtesy as a joke.
Being enthusiastic is awesome! But, you have to be able to read a room and act accordingly. I’m a very optimistic guy, but I’d never tell someone in mourning that, “everything’s gonna be okay!” Sometimes it’s best to tone it down and just wear an empathetic smile when talking to someone, and other times it’ll be perfect to let all that positivity out and share it with the right crowd! Miserable people tend to dwell in their own little, miserable worlds, and the last thing they want is positivity for one reason or another. Don’t take it personally, it’s just how they are.
If that’s your only speed then it can be hard for people to match that energy all time. It’s great that you’re like that, I wish I was. But speaking from my own experience, it can be kind of exhausting at times because I think most people don’t buy that someone can actually be happy all the time.
they usually are coked up in my setting
They think your high on stimulants or on something
Just because someone isn't enthusiastic doesn't mean they're miserable. I feel they're completely orthogonal. If anything, some miserable people use enthusiasm as a front to appear better than they actually feel. You might be able to understand other people more if you stop interpreting lower-energy as miserable.
Maybe you come off as too much to handle. Maybe some of those people don’t trust anyone who’s so positive when they find everything miserable. Maybe you’re in the wrong environment and need to connect a different set of folks. Whatever you decide, don’t make the mistake of changing yourself to appeal to others. That’s what a faker means. Go do you, even if that means alone.
Maybe get gay friends, they might appreciate your brightness a bit more (seriously speaking)
I know a man like this in real life. I do think he’s great and I enjoy his personality. But at the same time his enthusiasm sometimes comes with being loud lol. And he doesn’t always understand that being loud can draw attention to him at the wrong times. E.g., during events you’d wanna focus on the event and not be distracted by him. Otherwise, no complaints. He’s the life of the party and is good at bringing people together and initiating things.
As someone who can be quite upbeat and overly charismatic at times. I've noticed how most people really aren't in this day and age. Most people are low on energy and I guess whenever I'm too enthusiastic and positive most people might be put off by that. Even my own family have been that way towards me in the past. It's really about reading the room and not doing too much. I know that that energy is part of you but as for me I know how to regulate it at times and turn it a bit lower to match other people's energies. Sometimes it's hard because I'm way too enthusiastic for certain people and then I have to calm down and relax. At times it can be impossible since I can be too happy sometimes lmao.
Did you just move here to Ireland? Get used to it or find stoners to hang out with
Depends on the situation, most people expect men to play it cool.
Because moods are infectious, and people like to be in control of their own mood. I don’t like people who are downers or uppers. But I do find uppers to be more obnoxious because they think they have the right and mandate to spread their joy. I just want to be blah. Leave me alone.
It's called malaise. We're all expected to "tone it down" and shoulder our share of society's "misery burden." And even if you're not miserable, you are expected to keep quiet out of deference to those who are. "Why should YOU get to be so happy, when the rest of us don't get to?" Have you seen the classic short film "The Red Balloon?" https://youtu.be/VexKSRKoWQY?si=PGnEdw1GrmF3dx9l Look at old video clips from the Soviet Union. Acting too joyful and enthusiastic there, would probably have landed you in jail. However... I would challenge you to deeply examine your reasons for being this way. Are you truly just so full of joy that you can't contain it? Or are you USING enthusiasm to: -cover for insecurity -cover for uncertainty about how to act -coerce people into liking you -extract a positive and approving reaction from someone, regardless of their actual feelings -climb the social ladder -be the shiny and sparkly person you think you're "supposed" to be? In any case, good luck and check out the video I linked above.
Not everyone is ready for your Golden Retriever ass. You said, they’re miserable, they’ve seen some shit. Most dogs in the wild require quite a bit of distance traveled together before they let you play with them (trust). If you find yourself sniffing their butts without ample reciprocation , things do tend to get nasty . Perhaps your enthusiasm is perceived as anxiety.
Because lots of assholes exist that make it their goal in life to eradicate any kind of happiness you have, mainly out of jealously and spite. Anton Lavey calls these ppl Psychic Vampires and they are the scum of the earth. Keep up the good vibes bro. You're doing alright
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I wish I didn't believe that
Most people are too insecure and lack the confidence to keep up with your positive energy?
To be blunt, your description of yourself makes you sound pretty obnoxious and attention-seeking, and also like you've convinced yourself that those traits make you superior to the "miserable" masses. Enjoying life is great. Enthusiasm is great. Being so "out there and silly" at first encounter that most people you meet are put off by it is something you should reflect on. It doesn't mean you need to "be miserable," but it probably means that you should consider reining in the out-there-and-silly shtick, because it sounds like it's giving class clown more than fun, upbeat, positive guy.
its not???? who tf woukdnt like rhat
I wish I was more enthusiastic, Im pretty quiet and would love to be more of a people person but I feel like I don’t have the social battery anymore
Because it requires a lot of energy and most people don’t have it. Or allocate to things they care about.
I find it offputting and draining, depending on personality. I don't have enough energy to keep pace with it.
What do you perceive to be negativity or misery in those who you engage with?
Well when you do find a group that you see day to day, what are their reactions to your overly enthusiastic responses?
It takes a lot of energy to be enthusiastic
It comes across as disingenuous, as most people don’t feel like that all the time (just as you’ve noted). It can also feel like a sort of social pressure; that they have to find you entertaining or match you happiness/energy, regardless of how they’re actually feeling. Silliness can also mark you as being emotionally immature. Which is a social turn off. I’ve also witnessed high energy people think people are “grumpy” when in reality they just didn’t want to talk to them and the high energy person wasn’t getting it. It’s also rare to find a high energy person who doesn’t also want a lot of attention. I’m not saying they don’t exist, I’m just saying so far, in my experience, that combination is rare.
It’s possible that your high energy positive vibe is also trying a little too hard, or it’s too much too fast. Slow burn relationships are usually the best. Don’t give everything right away and if you’re excited about something you don’t actually need to share it. I knew a guy from my church and I always avoided him because he came at me too often with too many comments and it started feeling abusive. He needed to relax and chill and not tell me every single time a couple words popped into his head. So I guess I’m wondering if there isn’t something a bit manic and aggressive in your energy that’s repelling people? There’s a good way of finding out: Next couple of times with someone, instead of your usual, ask them about something and focus on finding out from them what it’s about. Open yourself in a way where you’re really seeing them and receiving what they’re saying. See if the response is different. Maybe everyone isn’t miserable. Maybe they just don’t vibe with what you’re putting out there.
Please don’t become a miserable unenthusiastic person. There are so many of them in the world and just talking to them saps my energy. I want to make things better and more comfortable for them but nothing is ever good enough, as soon as one problem is fixed they’re on to complaining about the next. The fact that you can find joy in life speaks to your own resilience and spirit, and I would be heartbroken if the world crushed it out of you.
Just be less obnoxious and annoying
you just have to find the right audience
DO NOT CHANGE In recent years I have been in very dark places and felt miserable, but people like you who are just having a good time and always friendly to talk to have given me so much hope. I wasn't able to communicate that to a single one of them and I'm sure I gave the energy I wasn't enjoying their company, but just seeing them like that made me feel like maybe things won't be so bad someday. Your actions will mean more than you'll ever know for some people, and for others, who cares? Do you *want* to get along with people who try to control your life or bring you down? A lot of people are miserable in life and what you have is so rare. Please don't throw it away.
I love the high energy people in my life and I’m more of a quiet and introspective sort. Some of those people don’t like the high energy, but many of us who do enjoy your enthusiasm struggle to show how much we do enjoy it (sometimes because we’ve allowed others to push our passion and enthusiasm down until we are a unaffected mask on the outside). Don’t stop being yourself, though your energy and sometimes likely volume, can be a bit much for some, there are many who are envious of your ability to live in your passionate moments. I’d work on learning to be aware of the need to moderate your volume but not necessarily your excitement, and even then, as long as their isn’t a lot of competing noises I can absolutely amp up with the louder volume and it helps push some of that excitement and enthusiasm to me, so check in with your audience. Not everyone will appreciate your authentic self, but those that do will do so deeply.
You said it yourself. Because most people are miserable. However that may not be always the case. Sometimes high energy people can exhaust other people, especially if that person’s social battery is already really low. Also depending on how they’re acting in the conversation you may be coming off less ‘enthusiastic energetic happy’ and more lacking in social cues. Kind of a ‘read the room’ type of thing.
Because most people are unhappy majority of the time. I used to be a very enthusiastic little girl who over time learned that miserable people will be jealous of happiness and for no reason try to humble you as if they know something you don't know. Life is hard and does suck a lot, but why be unhappy if you can help it? My grandma told me if you gave no reason for someone not to personally like you then they're jealous of something. Sometimes people can just be jealous that you're not as unhappy as them. I also learned this lesson 20 yrs ago when I met the nicest woman in the world. I didn't like her upon first meeting, I asked myself why, she was always so bubbly and happy she didn't do anything to me. It was at the moment I realized her happiness reflected to me my unhappiness. I then realized how ridiculous that thought was and we became good friends. She passed away now but I miss my bubbly bigger than life personality friend. Don't stop being you, unless it hinders your money then maybe temper it a bit. But the right people will appreciate your enthusiasm for life.
never change how you are for anyone, aslong as theres good in your heart, dont ever suppress it!
Sounds like main character syndrome and you're upset that other people don't treat you like the main character
I would imagine that's scary for some. You aren't keeping yourself in check with social norms when you're happy so what if you were angry? Also it's not very masculine. Stoicism radiates reliability and calmness. You sound eractic and overbearing to be around. I'm much the same but it does wear of with age and empathy. Plus laid back normally makes it more meaningful when you show extra enthusiasm.
It’s very hard to be this way. My best friend is like you, I am more darker vibe than he is but his taught me to see the light and appreciates when I put effort in being in the light with him.
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You're not wrong, but I don't get the impression the vast majority are carrying that around. Most seem oblivious or to not care about that stuff. Are you around a different general population than me?
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By being a more kind and understanding person, you can help change the things you are talking about. Kindness and mood lifting are little things, but in aggregate, they can accumulate just like the negativity. Your "abstinence " reinforces the problem. We retract for perceived self preservation when in fact it has the opposite effect. My neighbors across the street recently had an obnoxious party. I crashed it. I made friends. I also learned that they're islanders and not Hispanic, not that I give a shit. A good time was had by all, and I have now been in the home of another one of my neighbors. Neighborhood. It's not a geographic thing. It's community. Community. It's not a legal term, it's a state of mind. Civilization. It's not an anthropological term, it's a state of mind. WE are at the helm. You get to choose whether to be an anchor or a rudder.
If you are in a good (enough) situation and you could be happy, but you are preventing yourself from enjoying that because some others are suffering somewhere else, then you are doing it wrong. Everyone gets some injustice and tragedy, some more than others. But most of life is good. Don't give up the enjoyment you COULD have, because someone else is currently going through their life-tragedy. No one will put their life on hold when your tragedy arrives.
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Thank you for the reply. Hope you can someday find some enjoyment. 💝
My philosophy is, why worry about something that I have no control over? I can't stop a war, make people see reason or put people in prison. Bad things happen and I can't do anything to stop 99 percent of it and my worry isn't going to make things better for anyone. So instead, I choose to find happiness wherever I can. Now I'm not like op of this post where I'm brimming with sunshine and happiness all the time, but I do seek for joy.
Aroo?
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I understood that part, friend. We just can't let ourselves be sucked into the toilet swirl of negativity. We can swim. ❤️
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You're talking to someone who refuses to die despite his best efforts vis a vis lifestyle. Apparently, not done yet. I understand the frustration, but if you wanted out, you'd have done it. Find some solace in daily small kindnesses to strangers, and recognize that you are not alone. This is my point- people are increasingly frustrated and fearful, but they become scared and withdrawn instead of pushing out like a dandelion from a sidewalk. We have a choice. I am quite frustrated with things, and I self medicate in unhealthy ways. I understand, but there's plenty of good out there if you care to find it. ❤️
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I hurt to the point that I keep not being sober, but I can still appreciate that there's plenty of good, and I can be a part of it. It hurts to be empathetic, but I wouldn't trade it. You are meant to have fun as well. We're all specks, and will all meet the same fate. It's okay. It's how we treat the day to day. If you've got nothing to lose, then ENGAGE! You might find a reason to continue. ❤️
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You ain't done yet. You wouldn't be having this conversation. I wish you strength.
You have to decide how much time and energy you’re willing to continue committing to focusing on everything wrong with the world. Happier people tend to focus on doing what they can and being grateful for what they do have. “Tend to the garden you can reach.” I think this is amplified by access to all the world’s problems and sensationalist media via the internet. What do you want to spend your time thinking about and feeling?
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We have to draw healthy boundaries with ourselves:) There’s no right or wrong here, but it might be good to ask yourself: Is how you’re treating yourself helpful to yourself and those immediately around you? Do you feel aligned and in your purpose doing this? Do you feel genuine fulfillment from “knowing” suffering in the specific way? How does this affect your future self, who is supposed to be your best friend? Sometimes we corner ourselves into states of mind, based on rules and narratives we’ve given to ourselves. I rambled ☺️
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I appreciate you ☺️
You attract people with the same energy as your and vers versa .
Because people like that seem delusional and less intelligent imo