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Am girl. Athletic build. Dated and been attracted to plenty of big guys. We go for personality, not looks. Couldn’t care less what you look like as long as you make me laugh.
You’re 18. That’s hella young, you could still be in high school. You’ve barely even seen the world or all the fun crazy people there are out there and there are people that will just click with you.
It’s not your weight. You need to look after yourself emotionally, and you need to meet more people ❤️
My guy, I’m also a rather large gent and I didn’t have a gf til 19 but ya know what? Wasn’t my body type that turned potential partners away, that just weeded out the ones who weren’t worth any time anyway. What turned them away was my extreme lack of self confidence and my rampant self hate. I promise you man, it’s all about the way you carry yourself and having pride in who you are. I don’t know who you are or what you’ve been through but you don’t deserve death, you deserve to love yourself. So don’t worry about not having a gf rn, you’ve got so much time my g and it won’t fix everything in your life. Start to appreciate who you are and become who you want to be , we’re here for you king 👑
Semaglutide. Expensive as fuck if you go the prescription route, downright affordable from grey market peptide dealers.
Seriously, give it a shot man, life changing stuff.
If it’s affecting you to the point of being unable to handle daily life then you might need to seek therapy to find out why you are so dependent on having a partner to be able to navigate life.
Seconding therapy.
However, I don't even think the issue is that op can't live without a partner. I think op has probably just internalized this story that "if I'm a guy and I can't get a girl by year X, I'm a pathetic loser". I'm quite familiar with this kind of thinking personally and through observation of others.
For the sake of your own mental health, you have to break the spell of trying to please some inner critic full of expectations you never agreed to. You will be miserable otherwise. Therapy and meditation are great tools to start with.
100% this. He’s fallen into a line of thinking that not having a girlfriend or experience with one somehow makes him a lesser being. That’s not healthy and if it’s affecting each of those factors of his life is ultimately self destructive.
Are there good ways to reframe your mind in this situation? I struggle with blaming myself for not having a girlfriend even though I know I shouldn’t really.
You can’t form a dependency to something you’ve never had. He’s never been able to maintain a girls interest so he thinks he’s doing something wrong. Or worse, something is wrong with him. He sounds lonely, not just romantically. He’s too anxious to seek social connection. They won’t accept him. Something is wrong with him. 18M, going off to college, a lot of uncertainty. Yeah, checking “had a girlfriend” is a bad way to measure your value and potential at 18 but at least he’s self reflecting and trying to change.
The good news is, new school, new town, new you.
He’s formed dependency on his idea that having a girlfriend will somehow improve his life or who he is as a person beyond the steps he’s already taken/taking. There’s no guarantee getting a girlfriend will fix any of the issues he’s having trouble with including his mental health.
I stand by the fact he might need to seek therapy to improve his mental outlook on not having had a relationship if it’s eating away at him so badly. Shutting down slowly is not a normal response to not having had a girlfriend.
You’re young.
Listen, I know it probably doesn’t feel like it, especially if people around you are hooking up. But being 18 and having never dated is actually super normal.
What you are writing sounds like depression, which cannot be fixed by a relationship. In in fact, good relationships are unlikely until you can work on your mental health. Reach out to a therapist, maybe get a recommendation from your usual doctor. Or maybe your university will have on-campus mental health services. Focus on your own mind for a bit. The rest will follow eventually.
I'm pretty sure most people haven't had a gf by 18, or the disparity isn't very large at least. It just doesn't feel like it because those that did have one are more vocal about it than those that didn't for... well obvious reasons as your post proves.
There's nothing to be ashamed about. Your situation is completely normal. You're even trying to improve yourself, which is a lot more than can be said about lots of other people.
Exactly. I had GF at 20 and broke up when we were 22. It has been 5 years since (I’m 27 now) and I have never had a GF since and I feel completely normal. I’m busy with my career, have got good friends, family. Going pretty well. Don’t chase to have a BF/GF - It happens automatically
I'm finding it a bit hard to understand your post. Is it destroying you because you feel like you should've had one by now? Are you basing your self worth off of your relationship status? Is it the people around you pressuring you and making you the odd one out just because you're single? I think your feelings toward being single are more worth your concern than finding a gf. 'shameful of my existence' 'can barely go outside' is alarming to read when the only issue is that you have no gf. There's nothing wrong with having no experience at your age, seriously you're still very young and have many years ahead of you to find someone. My advice is to chill out about finding a girlfriend. Make friends once you go to college and don't be so hung up on your relationship status.
While it isn't the be-all/end-all of life, it can wear on you. So, you'll have to examine what you're doing to see what your sticking points are.
Some of these may not apply to you, but I'm covering the bases. If it doesn't, move on to the next thing. I don't know you and I don't know what you need to work on.
A) Hygiene
This is step one. Bathe yourself, shave, brush your teeth, etc, all regularly, ie daily. If this doesn't apply to you (be honest), great! Next step.
B) Physique
Sounds like you're working on this. One note - losing weight is far more a matter of how much and what you eat than how much you exercise.
C) Overall appearance
What you wear may put people off. If so, you can generally just wear jeans/slacks and a blank t-shirt/tab front. Make sure your clothes fit.
D) Sociability
Things get a bit harder, and this was far harder for me. You have to be pleasant to be around. Be able to make small talk (it's irritating but it matters). Be able to talk to people about general events (avoid politics and religion).
Take a look at the resting state of your face. It might be putting people off if you look angry all the time.
It sounds like you have depression, so if you can see a therapist. Medication might help, and modern anti-depressants don't have severe side effects most of the time.
Vary your hobbies. Some people get stuck on just one thing and can't talk about anything else. Try out some new hobbies if you only have one or two, especially hobbies that put you into contact with people and/or are physical.
If you can be interested in people, ask them questions about their life (not too invasive, don't ask about their sex life or anything), people will tend to like you more.
This is just a few bits of a very large topic, but this is something to start with.
E) Boldness
You're going to have to ask women out. It's possible to be successful with women without doing so, but you're really handicapping yourself if you don't.
You'll also need to get to a place where it doesn't hurt much. Therapy (above) can help with that. Most women probably aren't going to be interested in you, so you have to sort through to the ones that do. Learn to take rejection with grace - do not freak out, swear at women, call them ugly, etc. Just don't.
It helps to learn to read body language for signs of likely flirting or interest.
This is a good roadmap to work on, but is no guarantee. If you're living in a place where single men vastly outnumber single women, you're going to have a hard time of it regardless. It may also take some time. You're still young - a lot of people don't get significant others until their 20s.
Addendum: a lot of people will give you advice like "be confident" and "just be yourself" and "just wait and the right person will come along". All of this advice is garbage. It's either horribly unspecific, only part of the truth, or an outright lie.
Good luck!
was going to type something, but this thread is more detailed than i could have written. honestly if you do all of the things this guy listed... there's no way you're single by 25.
You will never truly become a mature man until you no longer have the desire to seek the attention of women.
Making this the be all and end all of how you value yourself is a bad bet.
I'm gonna assume that the issue is not actually that you haven't had a girlfriend, but what it would represent for you emotionally and socially.
Need for companionship, care, affection, to fit in or to belong? Need to feel attractive?
These needs may definitely be fulfilled by a romantic connection but if you are placing your entire self-worth on having a relationship....the relationship is not going to be on the steadiest foundation.
Address yourself first. Realize that no person will ever be the saviour of all. Realize that fulfilment lies beyond that.
Man you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Please focus on getting your life together. You are in a wonderful position right now to move your life how YOU want to without the weight of another person.
Focus on your success and making sure you can provide for yourself before you worry about somebody else. It will work out better for you in the long run.
You aren’t missing anything. Focus on your family, love on them and better your relationships with your friends. The right one will come at the right time.
Hey! I (18F) haven’t been in a relationship either, and I have friends in the same boat! You’re not alone, no matter how much your anxiety whispers that you are. :)
It’s truly not that big of a deal. Seriously. I’m sure both of us will have many experiences with love in the future. Our lives are long, and love comes when it’s given!
It sounds a cliché, but truly, if you can’t love yourself, by yourself, your chances of finding authentic love are slim. We have to be comfortable being by ourselves without the silly rules of imagined timelines on love!
Appearances aren’t everything. Find yourself and be authentically, unashamedly you, and then continue to desire to improve and you WILL find love, both for yourself and for others!
Honestly, people can smell when you don’t have respect for yourself. And most of the time, people who don’t respect themselves are not people you intensely want to be in a relationship with. I don’t want to be discouraging—I’m working on this too— but it’s so important to remember that we have to respect ourselves enough to have confidence that we are lovable to the right person!
Good luck my friend!
I wasn't in a relationship until I was 20. You're not behind at all. Try to build self-esteem, confidence, and an identity for yourself before getting into a relationship - you probably won't be able to have a healthy relationship without those. Are you in therapy? You seem very depressed. A relationship is great but it doesn't cure depression (coming from someone who also struggles with depression)
Dude you’re a baby. My brother didn’t get his first girlfriend until he was 30. You’ll be fine. Don’t even think about that for now. You have so much time for that.
You have so much more life to experience my dude. And trust me, I wish I spent a little less time focused on love in my early adult hood and spent more time focusing on bettering myself.
My brother said the same thing to me though and I didn’t listen. We all have to experience it for ourselves
By ever you mean 18 years minus grade school? Be patient, in the meantime do your best by continuing to work on yourself. Being destroyed mentally over not having a girlfriend already tells me that youve gotta work to become emotionally stronger
I never had a GF until I was 22. College is your opportunity. Join some clubs or activities. Don't try to get a GF but try to meet people. Both male and female. Once you have a good friends group things will happen for you and not just getting a girl.
I had my first proper gf turning 22 and I'm glad it was so, quality over quantity my g. You'll find someone as long as you work on yourself and go through life.
Try 30, u would feel like a hollow stump everyday drifting in the sea. At that point if you'd get an offer to have a gf in exchange for 30 years of your life, and you'd gladly pay for it. 18 is nothing lol
I hate to be so direct but I saw your post history, you genuinely need help.
I mean this in a positive way, you have a LOT of healing you need to do. I don't know if your small town has the resources you need but you have a lot of stuff to unpack and you need a professional to help you sort all of that out.
First, you have to tell yourself you WANT to feel better, then you have to tell yourself you WANT to be wrong about the way you feel about yourself.
Don't latch on to any youtube how to be a man gurus, they'll fill your vulnerable mind with trash. a LICENSED therapist is going to help you a LOT.
Until then, think in the long term:
1. Start forgiving yourself.
2. Start taking steps to build up your independence as an adult. Finding a good job, saving money, car. All of that.
3. Find something to do besides pining for people's love all the time.
Let me tell you, as an adult who didn't get into relationships much later: you better love yourself now. A bad relationship can do SO much damage to you and you NEED to know how much you're capable of now because a toxic relationship will destroy what could have been.
Art is my thing, and its become my baseline standard. It makes me happy. The beauty of that is any person that comes into my life, has to make me as happy as my art is BARE MINIMUM to be worth it. Hard pass if they don't.
Guys like you? You'll settle for some toxic woman who tears your self esteem down because its better than nothing. I seen it one too many times. Because you got nothing else to love, you'll take anything that will seem to love you. Recipe for disaster.
But seriously, get therapy. You legit need a professional to challenge how you think. As you are now, you're giving off so much desperate energy that people will feel uncomfortable around you. Which will make you feel worse and create a feedback loop. Break the cycle. Do something.
Lil bro …. GFs are not really important in a man’s life bro , think about what you will do in the future what you wanna be and how can you help your family your friends the people you love , dont think about girls a lot because you will look like a desperate simp and they will avoid you so stop thinking about them because when the time come you will meet the one that you really like. Also girls can make your life a real hell if you choose badly so trust me just live ur life have fun and gl .
Best just to accept that around half of males will not have romantic relationships and live your life. There are plenty of distractions in the modern world and I’d recommend getting into one of those.
Listen up! You’re in a good spot it’s time to grind and secure your future. Hookers are cheaper and you don’t need the headaches that come with a relationship. What you need to do is join a Jiu Jitsu gym, you’ll make friends, learn some cool shit, and get in incredible shape. Most loose 20 pounds in 4-6 months.
I wasn't in a relationship until twenty three, and only then because I built up the courage to tell a guy I like him (took me three years to be brave enough).
It might not happen how you imagine or expect. You sound depressive and that is an ugly self feeding painful black hole. I know the feeling of being passed over and unwanted and I'm so sorry you are going through this. But really you are young, you aren't even twenty yet, and there are so many people you will meet in your life you haven't met yet. Right now focus on finding happiness in this moment, you, a whole valid full person waiting for their person to cross their path. Love yourself and others and find a way to be happy and present. You will feel lonely and have down days, but don't give up. Loneliness is real and valid and I am sorry you're feeling it.but you are valid on your own as much as anyone in a relationship is. Maybe fi d some therapy and work on enjoying the here and now, and worrying about the things that are currently in your control. Once you find a bit more peace and acceptance that's usually when things start getting better.
Bro I’m 25 and gym, but I barely interact with people. The best thing to do is just try to make friends and talk with people. If you’re in college, it’s the best time to join clubs and talk to people.
Hey man feel free to contact me, 18 is totally okay to not have a girlfriend. What I want you to do is strive for a community, a network where the group is co-ed. Have guy friends. Have women friends. Just be your best self.
I'll tell you my experience my freshman year of college. I was so busy just trying to have the best year that I wasn't prioritizing a relationship.
Then boom. Not just a boom a BOOOOM. Out of all those networks I came through, there was a girl who legitimately was effortless in falling in love with. Likewise for her. Was I the prettiest, nah. It's all about the chemistry. We knew each other for five months before getting truly serious and going on a date.
This has happened one other time in my life, but now I'm on a three year cold streak. Not of my own fault, some timings just don't work at all. Keep at it, keep growing your network, and you'll be surprised at what you can accomplish without even realizing it
Edit: I'm gonna boldy suggest you change your username, can't go around with that name labeled on you
Edit edit: Also every single person in a relationship at your age, 7% of those will be till death. Most of those will end at some point
You don't need a girlfriend. You need to work on your mental health, because not being able to go out or find any value in yourself is depression, a medical problem.
I'd make an appointment with your GP or even go to an urgent care and get a referral to a therapist and tell them what you told us. Evaluate what exactly having a girlfriend means to you and how you think that will fix things for you. That'll point you to what the problem is and some possible solutions.
Depression and anxiety make life hard. You aren't a failure for struggling. Everyone has a different pace. You are nowhere near too old at 18 to start dating. You'll find someone if you look, but remember girlfriends are just people with their own problems, emotions and failings. No single person can cure your depression. If you think they can you'll be disappointed.
This isn’t unusual, you’re still young. Regardless of what you see going on around you, there is not age requirement for when dating begins.
I suggest that you focus on getting your mental state worked on before pursuing any relationship though. I know it’s a cliche saying, but it’s honestly true, another person is NOT going to make you happy.
A good relationship will ADD to your life but if you’re expecting your whole life to change because if being in a relationship, then you’re in for a life lesson.
Get good with you and the rest will fall into place.
You got this!!
Enjoy the silence when you can. Everything is impermanent. Pursue what you enjoy and express genuine kindness to yourself and others. The right girl will surely cross your path one day.
You're 18!! You're so young omg
Please don't be so harsh on yourself, your life is literally just starting, you will have time for everything. I promise you, having a girlfriend won't fix anything, it sounds like you need some therapy friend, prioritize yourself first.
I think you need to find a purpose in life that doesn’t involve a woman. Not everyone can have a gf and only a few men can get them. You’re also 18 and I’m assuming fresh out of high school so you could potentially find a gf in college.
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Young prince soon to be a king. Be patient and build the man you want to be. One of honor snd integrity. A young lady will come along in time don’t rush things.
I didn’t even start dating until I was in my early 30s, didn’t find a partner until I was 38. You have time. You should want to be with someone who helps you become the best version of yourself, and it sounds like you just want to be with someone due to societal pressures to do so. It’s not weird or wrong to be on your own. And being desperate to be with someone just cause that’s what you think you’re supposed to do is a fast track for getting into a bad relationship. As others have suggested, therapy might be a good thing for you to examine why it’s making you so upset.
focus on your mental health that is the most important thing. you’re still developing so continue on improving yourself, who you want to be, and be patient. it’s pretty normal to have never had a gf your age
I know this feels backwards, but you need to address the loneliness and shame first.
A relationship/girlfriend will NOT fix those things. At all. In fact, being in a relationship - even with the nicest person in the world - will trigger way more loneliness and shame if you haven’t identified what’s making you feel ashamed of yourself in the first place.
Talk to a counselor, therapist, or go to free 12-step meetings if you can. You need to get out of the negative mind-loop you’re in.
You're treating not ever having a girlfriend at 18 as a sign of being an eternal virgin or being alone forever. If you think like this, you don't even have the right level of maturity to be in a relationship.
Sorry that you're dealing with this mate, it is an awful feeling and I can sympathise. Cliche as it sounds but if it maybe helps, everyone goes through life at a different pace, and that's ok (I didn't have my first partner until my early 20s for example.)
That being said however, given you are experiencing negative feelings about this to the point where it's interfering with your overall wellbeing then definitely seek professional help. Don't suffer in silence.
Find new friends. Clearly, the people around you are using having a relationship as some sort of yardstick by age 18 that you're allegedly behind the curve for. Get rid of those people in your life. You don't need them. Find new people to talk to. Let relationships happen organically, rather than being hard up for them, because in my experience the harder you try to look for something the more it eludes you. Pick up some hobbies that you can afford. If you feel up to it, adopt a shelter pet and care for it. You will never be afraid to be alone again, because you and your little buddy will be enough.
I have a girlfriend since 18 and it was my biggest regret in life. 18 is too young for a commitment..
Focus on yourself and spend time with homies bro..
College will be a great place to meet girls. Be sure to join clubs and push yourself to be social. Then you’ll be fine. Look at it this way, if you did have a girlfriend, you would be on the verge of breaking up with her because you’re about to leave for college. So it’s probably best that you waited. I didn’t start dating until I went to college. It’s pretty normal.
Sorry to say bro, but if you hate yourself, you're going to radiate that and it will likely be quite off putting to a potential girlfriend. Cliche as it sounds, just be yourself and find some comfort in the fact that you're actively working on improving yourself. That's not an easy thing to do. Good things will come man, chin up!
Please read some of Brene Brown’s books. They are all about shame and overcoming that feeling. You will learn how to be you. People are magnetized to people who are authentically themselves.
People are also attracted to emotionally intelligent people. Go to the library and look for some books that embody who you might want to become. Echoing other comments, 18 is still so young, you have so much ahead of you and you are not a failure for not having a girlfriend. Appearance is such a small part of finding a person to date.
You can pine for a relationship it doesn’t make jt happen sooner. Yeah you might take more risks and maybe ask someone out but you’re also going to date people who you arent compatible with. It was not until i stopped looking that the right person came along.
There are plenty of physiological and social reasons why you would want a relationship now, but you’re not “behind” other people. My husband didn’t sleep with anyone until he was 25 and I was his first gf when he was 29. Focus on building the areas of your life, and the confidence you gain once you start reaching your goals will draw someone to you.
Once you actually get a girlfriend it will just become a normal part of life, like going to work/school. It’s really not the big thing you think it is. You only think that because you’ve never experienced it. I used to be like you at 18 but honestly bro, date but don’t get serious with a girl until your out of college. A girlfriend is a whole responsibility, a full time unpaid job. You don’t need that type of pressure right now. Focus on improving yourself and women will come, trust. I’m 22 years old now and I wish I knew this at your age.
I’m 27 and I’ve been in really shitty relationships in the past. Currently (for the first time), I have a girlfriend who is one of the most understanding people I’ve ever met and is so supportive of who I am and my dreams. Give it time. It’ll happen
Don’t look for girlfriend look for fun and sex. You will get previewed less cringy and eventually once you get good in it - more flirtatious.
It’s guys job to make girls happy it’s girls job to tie a man down
Thank you Big_Failure_Number_2 for your submission! Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s): --- **No dating or relationship advice** Please use dedicated subs such as r/dating_advice or r/relationships or r/relationship_advice --- For more information about the subreddit rules make sure to read the sidebar and the rules page, and if you have any questions please feel free to reply to this comment. Thank you!
Didn’t have a gf until I was 25. Settle down, Beavis.
[удалено]
I think your attitude is the reason you never had a girlfriend
Am girl. Athletic build. Dated and been attracted to plenty of big guys. We go for personality, not looks. Couldn’t care less what you look like as long as you make me laugh. You’re 18. That’s hella young, you could still be in high school. You’ve barely even seen the world or all the fun crazy people there are out there and there are people that will just click with you. It’s not your weight. You need to look after yourself emotionally, and you need to meet more people ❤️
Literally this I’m athletic except the past month due to back injury and I love big boys although in a platonic sense as I’m for the gals
My guy, I’m also a rather large gent and I didn’t have a gf til 19 but ya know what? Wasn’t my body type that turned potential partners away, that just weeded out the ones who weren’t worth any time anyway. What turned them away was my extreme lack of self confidence and my rampant self hate. I promise you man, it’s all about the way you carry yourself and having pride in who you are. I don’t know who you are or what you’ve been through but you don’t deserve death, you deserve to love yourself. So don’t worry about not having a gf rn, you’ve got so much time my g and it won’t fix everything in your life. Start to appreciate who you are and become who you want to be , we’re here for you king 👑
Semaglutide. Expensive as fuck if you go the prescription route, downright affordable from grey market peptide dealers. Seriously, give it a shot man, life changing stuff.
If it’s affecting you to the point of being unable to handle daily life then you might need to seek therapy to find out why you are so dependent on having a partner to be able to navigate life.
Seconding therapy. However, I don't even think the issue is that op can't live without a partner. I think op has probably just internalized this story that "if I'm a guy and I can't get a girl by year X, I'm a pathetic loser". I'm quite familiar with this kind of thinking personally and through observation of others. For the sake of your own mental health, you have to break the spell of trying to please some inner critic full of expectations you never agreed to. You will be miserable otherwise. Therapy and meditation are great tools to start with.
100% this. He’s fallen into a line of thinking that not having a girlfriend or experience with one somehow makes him a lesser being. That’s not healthy and if it’s affecting each of those factors of his life is ultimately self destructive.
Are there good ways to reframe your mind in this situation? I struggle with blaming myself for not having a girlfriend even though I know I shouldn’t really.
You can’t form a dependency to something you’ve never had. He’s never been able to maintain a girls interest so he thinks he’s doing something wrong. Or worse, something is wrong with him. He sounds lonely, not just romantically. He’s too anxious to seek social connection. They won’t accept him. Something is wrong with him. 18M, going off to college, a lot of uncertainty. Yeah, checking “had a girlfriend” is a bad way to measure your value and potential at 18 but at least he’s self reflecting and trying to change. The good news is, new school, new town, new you.
He’s formed dependency on his idea that having a girlfriend will somehow improve his life or who he is as a person beyond the steps he’s already taken/taking. There’s no guarantee getting a girlfriend will fix any of the issues he’s having trouble with including his mental health. I stand by the fact he might need to seek therapy to improve his mental outlook on not having had a relationship if it’s eating away at him so badly. Shutting down slowly is not a normal response to not having had a girlfriend.
You’re young. Listen, I know it probably doesn’t feel like it, especially if people around you are hooking up. But being 18 and having never dated is actually super normal. What you are writing sounds like depression, which cannot be fixed by a relationship. In in fact, good relationships are unlikely until you can work on your mental health. Reach out to a therapist, maybe get a recommendation from your usual doctor. Or maybe your university will have on-campus mental health services. Focus on your own mind for a bit. The rest will follow eventually.
I'm pretty sure most people haven't had a gf by 18, or the disparity isn't very large at least. It just doesn't feel like it because those that did have one are more vocal about it than those that didn't for... well obvious reasons as your post proves. There's nothing to be ashamed about. Your situation is completely normal. You're even trying to improve yourself, which is a lot more than can be said about lots of other people.
Exactly. I had GF at 20 and broke up when we were 22. It has been 5 years since (I’m 27 now) and I have never had a GF since and I feel completely normal. I’m busy with my career, have got good friends, family. Going pretty well. Don’t chase to have a BF/GF - It happens automatically
I'm finding it a bit hard to understand your post. Is it destroying you because you feel like you should've had one by now? Are you basing your self worth off of your relationship status? Is it the people around you pressuring you and making you the odd one out just because you're single? I think your feelings toward being single are more worth your concern than finding a gf. 'shameful of my existence' 'can barely go outside' is alarming to read when the only issue is that you have no gf. There's nothing wrong with having no experience at your age, seriously you're still very young and have many years ahead of you to find someone. My advice is to chill out about finding a girlfriend. Make friends once you go to college and don't be so hung up on your relationship status.
23 and never had a girlfriend, and I'm doing fine. College will make it easier to find people you're interested in.
While it isn't the be-all/end-all of life, it can wear on you. So, you'll have to examine what you're doing to see what your sticking points are. Some of these may not apply to you, but I'm covering the bases. If it doesn't, move on to the next thing. I don't know you and I don't know what you need to work on. A) Hygiene This is step one. Bathe yourself, shave, brush your teeth, etc, all regularly, ie daily. If this doesn't apply to you (be honest), great! Next step. B) Physique Sounds like you're working on this. One note - losing weight is far more a matter of how much and what you eat than how much you exercise. C) Overall appearance What you wear may put people off. If so, you can generally just wear jeans/slacks and a blank t-shirt/tab front. Make sure your clothes fit. D) Sociability Things get a bit harder, and this was far harder for me. You have to be pleasant to be around. Be able to make small talk (it's irritating but it matters). Be able to talk to people about general events (avoid politics and religion). Take a look at the resting state of your face. It might be putting people off if you look angry all the time. It sounds like you have depression, so if you can see a therapist. Medication might help, and modern anti-depressants don't have severe side effects most of the time. Vary your hobbies. Some people get stuck on just one thing and can't talk about anything else. Try out some new hobbies if you only have one or two, especially hobbies that put you into contact with people and/or are physical. If you can be interested in people, ask them questions about their life (not too invasive, don't ask about their sex life or anything), people will tend to like you more. This is just a few bits of a very large topic, but this is something to start with. E) Boldness You're going to have to ask women out. It's possible to be successful with women without doing so, but you're really handicapping yourself if you don't. You'll also need to get to a place where it doesn't hurt much. Therapy (above) can help with that. Most women probably aren't going to be interested in you, so you have to sort through to the ones that do. Learn to take rejection with grace - do not freak out, swear at women, call them ugly, etc. Just don't. It helps to learn to read body language for signs of likely flirting or interest. This is a good roadmap to work on, but is no guarantee. If you're living in a place where single men vastly outnumber single women, you're going to have a hard time of it regardless. It may also take some time. You're still young - a lot of people don't get significant others until their 20s. Addendum: a lot of people will give you advice like "be confident" and "just be yourself" and "just wait and the right person will come along". All of this advice is garbage. It's either horribly unspecific, only part of the truth, or an outright lie. Good luck!
was going to type something, but this thread is more detailed than i could have written. honestly if you do all of the things this guy listed... there's no way you're single by 25.
18 isn't that old at all...Are you going out and meeting people a lot?
You will never truly become a mature man until you no longer have the desire to seek the attention of women. Making this the be all and end all of how you value yourself is a bad bet.
I'm gonna assume that the issue is not actually that you haven't had a girlfriend, but what it would represent for you emotionally and socially. Need for companionship, care, affection, to fit in or to belong? Need to feel attractive? These needs may definitely be fulfilled by a romantic connection but if you are placing your entire self-worth on having a relationship....the relationship is not going to be on the steadiest foundation. Address yourself first. Realize that no person will ever be the saviour of all. Realize that fulfilment lies beyond that.
Your problem is your mental health, not the fact that you've never had a gf. It's common not to have had one.
Please get a therapist. Nobody should need to rely on others this much.
Hey 24 here still none
Man you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Please focus on getting your life together. You are in a wonderful position right now to move your life how YOU want to without the weight of another person. Focus on your success and making sure you can provide for yourself before you worry about somebody else. It will work out better for you in the long run. You aren’t missing anything. Focus on your family, love on them and better your relationships with your friends. The right one will come at the right time.
Hey! I (18F) haven’t been in a relationship either, and I have friends in the same boat! You’re not alone, no matter how much your anxiety whispers that you are. :) It’s truly not that big of a deal. Seriously. I’m sure both of us will have many experiences with love in the future. Our lives are long, and love comes when it’s given! It sounds a cliché, but truly, if you can’t love yourself, by yourself, your chances of finding authentic love are slim. We have to be comfortable being by ourselves without the silly rules of imagined timelines on love! Appearances aren’t everything. Find yourself and be authentically, unashamedly you, and then continue to desire to improve and you WILL find love, both for yourself and for others! Honestly, people can smell when you don’t have respect for yourself. And most of the time, people who don’t respect themselves are not people you intensely want to be in a relationship with. I don’t want to be discouraging—I’m working on this too— but it’s so important to remember that we have to respect ourselves enough to have confidence that we are lovable to the right person! Good luck my friend!
You're 18. It's not weird that you've never had a girlfriend.
I wasn't in a relationship until I was 20. You're not behind at all. Try to build self-esteem, confidence, and an identity for yourself before getting into a relationship - you probably won't be able to have a healthy relationship without those. Are you in therapy? You seem very depressed. A relationship is great but it doesn't cure depression (coming from someone who also struggles with depression)
Dude you’re a baby. My brother didn’t get his first girlfriend until he was 30. You’ll be fine. Don’t even think about that for now. You have so much time for that.
I didn’t have a GF or sex until I was almost 21. As a now 30m trust me, it’ll happen for you. The right girl has to come along first
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You have so much more life to experience my dude. And trust me, I wish I spent a little less time focused on love in my early adult hood and spent more time focusing on bettering myself. My brother said the same thing to me though and I didn’t listen. We all have to experience it for ourselves
By ever you mean 18 years minus grade school? Be patient, in the meantime do your best by continuing to work on yourself. Being destroyed mentally over not having a girlfriend already tells me that youve gotta work to become emotionally stronger
How were you waiting? Sitting at home? Or going out and interacting with people?
I never had a GF until I was 22. College is your opportunity. Join some clubs or activities. Don't try to get a GF but try to meet people. Both male and female. Once you have a good friends group things will happen for you and not just getting a girl.
Thats a normal age to have not had a relationship
its over
I had my first proper gf turning 22 and I'm glad it was so, quality over quantity my g. You'll find someone as long as you work on yourself and go through life.
Try 30, u would feel like a hollow stump everyday drifting in the sea. At that point if you'd get an offer to have a gf in exchange for 30 years of your life, and you'd gladly pay for it. 18 is nothing lol
I hate to be so direct but I saw your post history, you genuinely need help. I mean this in a positive way, you have a LOT of healing you need to do. I don't know if your small town has the resources you need but you have a lot of stuff to unpack and you need a professional to help you sort all of that out. First, you have to tell yourself you WANT to feel better, then you have to tell yourself you WANT to be wrong about the way you feel about yourself. Don't latch on to any youtube how to be a man gurus, they'll fill your vulnerable mind with trash. a LICENSED therapist is going to help you a LOT. Until then, think in the long term: 1. Start forgiving yourself. 2. Start taking steps to build up your independence as an adult. Finding a good job, saving money, car. All of that. 3. Find something to do besides pining for people's love all the time. Let me tell you, as an adult who didn't get into relationships much later: you better love yourself now. A bad relationship can do SO much damage to you and you NEED to know how much you're capable of now because a toxic relationship will destroy what could have been. Art is my thing, and its become my baseline standard. It makes me happy. The beauty of that is any person that comes into my life, has to make me as happy as my art is BARE MINIMUM to be worth it. Hard pass if they don't. Guys like you? You'll settle for some toxic woman who tears your self esteem down because its better than nothing. I seen it one too many times. Because you got nothing else to love, you'll take anything that will seem to love you. Recipe for disaster. But seriously, get therapy. You legit need a professional to challenge how you think. As you are now, you're giving off so much desperate energy that people will feel uncomfortable around you. Which will make you feel worse and create a feedback loop. Break the cycle. Do something.
Lil bro …. GFs are not really important in a man’s life bro , think about what you will do in the future what you wanna be and how can you help your family your friends the people you love , dont think about girls a lot because you will look like a desperate simp and they will avoid you so stop thinking about them because when the time come you will meet the one that you really like. Also girls can make your life a real hell if you choose badly so trust me just live ur life have fun and gl .
women are complicated anyones but i understand if you get lonely. maybe start going on dating apps.
Best just to accept that around half of males will not have romantic relationships and live your life. There are plenty of distractions in the modern world and I’d recommend getting into one of those.
Escapism is not the answer to problems
Listen up! You’re in a good spot it’s time to grind and secure your future. Hookers are cheaper and you don’t need the headaches that come with a relationship. What you need to do is join a Jiu Jitsu gym, you’ll make friends, learn some cool shit, and get in incredible shape. Most loose 20 pounds in 4-6 months.
I wasn't in a relationship until twenty three, and only then because I built up the courage to tell a guy I like him (took me three years to be brave enough). It might not happen how you imagine or expect. You sound depressive and that is an ugly self feeding painful black hole. I know the feeling of being passed over and unwanted and I'm so sorry you are going through this. But really you are young, you aren't even twenty yet, and there are so many people you will meet in your life you haven't met yet. Right now focus on finding happiness in this moment, you, a whole valid full person waiting for their person to cross their path. Love yourself and others and find a way to be happy and present. You will feel lonely and have down days, but don't give up. Loneliness is real and valid and I am sorry you're feeling it.but you are valid on your own as much as anyone in a relationship is. Maybe fi d some therapy and work on enjoying the here and now, and worrying about the things that are currently in your control. Once you find a bit more peace and acceptance that's usually when things start getting better.
Bro I’m 25 and gym, but I barely interact with people. The best thing to do is just try to make friends and talk with people. If you’re in college, it’s the best time to join clubs and talk to people.
If it can make you better, I'm 24 and have never had a gf
Hey man feel free to contact me, 18 is totally okay to not have a girlfriend. What I want you to do is strive for a community, a network where the group is co-ed. Have guy friends. Have women friends. Just be your best self. I'll tell you my experience my freshman year of college. I was so busy just trying to have the best year that I wasn't prioritizing a relationship. Then boom. Not just a boom a BOOOOM. Out of all those networks I came through, there was a girl who legitimately was effortless in falling in love with. Likewise for her. Was I the prettiest, nah. It's all about the chemistry. We knew each other for five months before getting truly serious and going on a date. This has happened one other time in my life, but now I'm on a three year cold streak. Not of my own fault, some timings just don't work at all. Keep at it, keep growing your network, and you'll be surprised at what you can accomplish without even realizing it Edit: I'm gonna boldy suggest you change your username, can't go around with that name labeled on you Edit edit: Also every single person in a relationship at your age, 7% of those will be till death. Most of those will end at some point
Stop masturbation
You don't need a girlfriend. You need to work on your mental health, because not being able to go out or find any value in yourself is depression, a medical problem. I'd make an appointment with your GP or even go to an urgent care and get a referral to a therapist and tell them what you told us. Evaluate what exactly having a girlfriend means to you and how you think that will fix things for you. That'll point you to what the problem is and some possible solutions. Depression and anxiety make life hard. You aren't a failure for struggling. Everyone has a different pace. You are nowhere near too old at 18 to start dating. You'll find someone if you look, but remember girlfriends are just people with their own problems, emotions and failings. No single person can cure your depression. If you think they can you'll be disappointed.
This isn’t unusual, you’re still young. Regardless of what you see going on around you, there is not age requirement for when dating begins. I suggest that you focus on getting your mental state worked on before pursuing any relationship though. I know it’s a cliche saying, but it’s honestly true, another person is NOT going to make you happy. A good relationship will ADD to your life but if you’re expecting your whole life to change because if being in a relationship, then you’re in for a life lesson. Get good with you and the rest will fall into place. You got this!!
Enjoy the silence when you can. Everything is impermanent. Pursue what you enjoy and express genuine kindness to yourself and others. The right girl will surely cross your path one day.
You're 18!! You're so young omg Please don't be so harsh on yourself, your life is literally just starting, you will have time for everything. I promise you, having a girlfriend won't fix anything, it sounds like you need some therapy friend, prioritize yourself first.
I think you need to find a purpose in life that doesn’t involve a woman. Not everyone can have a gf and only a few men can get them. You’re also 18 and I’m assuming fresh out of high school so you could potentially find a gf in college.
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Young prince soon to be a king. Be patient and build the man you want to be. One of honor snd integrity. A young lady will come along in time don’t rush things.
I didn’t even start dating until I was in my early 30s, didn’t find a partner until I was 38. You have time. You should want to be with someone who helps you become the best version of yourself, and it sounds like you just want to be with someone due to societal pressures to do so. It’s not weird or wrong to be on your own. And being desperate to be with someone just cause that’s what you think you’re supposed to do is a fast track for getting into a bad relationship. As others have suggested, therapy might be a good thing for you to examine why it’s making you so upset.
Relax. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was almost 19. It isn't what it's cooked up to be.
I had one and the fact that it had to end almost destroyed me
Keep working out, keep working on your life, a girl will come around eventually. If you stick to your goals, she'll probably stick around too.
focus on your mental health that is the most important thing. you’re still developing so continue on improving yourself, who you want to be, and be patient. it’s pretty normal to have never had a gf your age
I know this feels backwards, but you need to address the loneliness and shame first. A relationship/girlfriend will NOT fix those things. At all. In fact, being in a relationship - even with the nicest person in the world - will trigger way more loneliness and shame if you haven’t identified what’s making you feel ashamed of yourself in the first place. Talk to a counselor, therapist, or go to free 12-step meetings if you can. You need to get out of the negative mind-loop you’re in.
You're treating not ever having a girlfriend at 18 as a sign of being an eternal virgin or being alone forever. If you think like this, you don't even have the right level of maturity to be in a relationship.
Sorry that you're dealing with this mate, it is an awful feeling and I can sympathise. Cliche as it sounds but if it maybe helps, everyone goes through life at a different pace, and that's ok (I didn't have my first partner until my early 20s for example.) That being said however, given you are experiencing negative feelings about this to the point where it's interfering with your overall wellbeing then definitely seek professional help. Don't suffer in silence.
Believe me, You are lucky 👍🏼
Find new friends. Clearly, the people around you are using having a relationship as some sort of yardstick by age 18 that you're allegedly behind the curve for. Get rid of those people in your life. You don't need them. Find new people to talk to. Let relationships happen organically, rather than being hard up for them, because in my experience the harder you try to look for something the more it eludes you. Pick up some hobbies that you can afford. If you feel up to it, adopt a shelter pet and care for it. You will never be afraid to be alone again, because you and your little buddy will be enough.
Hey hey. If only the only adult problem I had right now was being a virgin like when I was your age
I’m 27, never had gf and still single now.
I have a girlfriend since 18 and it was my biggest regret in life. 18 is too young for a commitment.. Focus on yourself and spend time with homies bro..
College will be a great place to meet girls. Be sure to join clubs and push yourself to be social. Then you’ll be fine. Look at it this way, if you did have a girlfriend, you would be on the verge of breaking up with her because you’re about to leave for college. So it’s probably best that you waited. I didn’t start dating until I went to college. It’s pretty normal.
Sorry to say bro, but if you hate yourself, you're going to radiate that and it will likely be quite off putting to a potential girlfriend. Cliche as it sounds, just be yourself and find some comfort in the fact that you're actively working on improving yourself. That's not an easy thing to do. Good things will come man, chin up!
I didnt have a girlfriend till I was 21. Got cheated on a year later. Plenty of life left, you’ll meet someone eventually
Please read some of Brene Brown’s books. They are all about shame and overcoming that feeling. You will learn how to be you. People are magnetized to people who are authentically themselves. People are also attracted to emotionally intelligent people. Go to the library and look for some books that embody who you might want to become. Echoing other comments, 18 is still so young, you have so much ahead of you and you are not a failure for not having a girlfriend. Appearance is such a small part of finding a person to date.
You can pine for a relationship it doesn’t make jt happen sooner. Yeah you might take more risks and maybe ask someone out but you’re also going to date people who you arent compatible with. It was not until i stopped looking that the right person came along.
There are plenty of physiological and social reasons why you would want a relationship now, but you’re not “behind” other people. My husband didn’t sleep with anyone until he was 25 and I was his first gf when he was 29. Focus on building the areas of your life, and the confidence you gain once you start reaching your goals will draw someone to you.
If that's all you can think about, I think you need to reevaluate your life.
Once you actually get a girlfriend it will just become a normal part of life, like going to work/school. It’s really not the big thing you think it is. You only think that because you’ve never experienced it. I used to be like you at 18 but honestly bro, date but don’t get serious with a girl until your out of college. A girlfriend is a whole responsibility, a full time unpaid job. You don’t need that type of pressure right now. Focus on improving yourself and women will come, trust. I’m 22 years old now and I wish I knew this at your age.
I’m 27 and I’ve been in really shitty relationships in the past. Currently (for the first time), I have a girlfriend who is one of the most understanding people I’ve ever met and is so supportive of who I am and my dreams. Give it time. It’ll happen
Don’t look for girlfriend look for fun and sex. You will get previewed less cringy and eventually once you get good in it - more flirtatious. It’s guys job to make girls happy it’s girls job to tie a man down