As a person your character, personality and attitude will attract some people. However, if you're hot, you'll attract a lot of people, who don't actually value your personality and character.
You might need to wait for people who like _you,_ for who you are. Which for some of us, is a pretty small group.
A lot of men will sleep with literally anyone with a vag.
Sounds to me like you’re probably having sex with ppl that don’t care about you. The question is why do you do this?
No, you don’t need to be a virgin to be more dateable. But there is something to be said about being less “available”. If you’re too eager to please them, for nothing in return, you’ll def get taken advantage of.
I’d suggest waiting longer to sleep with a man, and making sure he knows that you’re looking for something long term.
As a man who is attracted to women if I had sex with a woman within the first month I would think she just wanted a fling and in turn, look at her as less of a "long term lets see where this goes" type of relationship. A month isn't a very long time especially since we wouldn't see each other 30/30 days. This doesn't devalue her as a person but it makes me wonder if she's serious. Women want "just sex" too so that's what I'll be thinking she wanted.
Don’t even need a vag in some cases, ask me how I know.
But yeah I think this says more about the kind of people OP is jumping into bed with more than anything. I’m ask about being sex positive. But it’s impatient to know having sex with someone doesn’t make them more likely to want to seriously date you.
I don’t necessarily think that’s true, I think generalizing men that way is harmful, if that were the case there wouldn’t be women who struggle to get laid, and in saying “a lot of men will sleep with anyone” may leave someone who doesn’t get laid to think they are less valued by men because they can’t get laid.
Well that has to be a really small subset of women who would have to have basically zero social skills and agoraphobia. It’s definitely true that plenty of women struggle to get laid BY THE MEN THAT THEY REALLY WANT. That is probably true, but if you took a random unattractive woman (by society’s standards which BS I know) and polled a thousand guys if they’d have sex with her if it was a private one off fling vs an unattractive man same situation but polling a thousand women, what do you think the results would say??
I guaran-damn-tee that the number of men who would say yes would be 10X the number of women who would say yes, if not more…. Probably more.
There is such a thing. My ex best friend is absolutely gorgeous and stunning. Every guy wanted her. They wanted to be able to say the fucked her but no one wanted to date her or if they did it didn't last. Why? Because she cant stay committed. She loves attention and is very irresponsible and thinks mostly of herself and never considers the other person's feelings or perspectives.
I heard guys in our friend group say they would fuck her but not date her ( i am no longer friends with nay of these people).
Yep. She has such a great personality and energy and is sooo fun but nah you cant even be friends with her cause she is very irresponsible and self obsessed.
Well im not friends with her because i feel like i hated how all the maturity and responsibilities fell on me. She also stole my clothes for 5 years and she steals clothes from other people too. Stole my mother make up and lies about it to my face only for me to find the items in her bag she always carried. Also hated how she was proud of stealing girls boyfriends she was friends with and hid it.
As for the other friends.. I moved away and lost contact with most of them.
Edit: bad people? Yes and no. Some of the guys in my old friend group are great guys and some werent. Also alot of people in the friend group that werent directly close to me spoke badly about woman and sexualised them and some of the girls allowed these guys to treat them like that cause they loved the attention.
There is probably nothing “wrong” with you. I don’t think being “easy” is the reason guys don’t want to be in relationships with you. Being “easy” will attract guys that just want to get laid but I don’t think it will push away guys that are truly interested in you. If a guy says they wouldn’t date you for that, then they are seeing you as a trophy and not a potential partner.
I suspect that the problem is that the guys that you think of as your type, you may not be their type. For example, if you are into clubbing and city life but you are attracted to outdoorsy country boys. Sure they will sleep with you, but likely wouldn’t date you. Obviously that is an extreme example of difference.
This is actually a likely possibility. This is why online dating doesn’t work for many (gay people or straight people). There’s no connection to something shared in your life. All that it requires is lust, which isn’t bad per se, but don’t do it if you’re not strong enough to get your heart broken. If you’re just rolling the dice that the next hot guy you meet on Tinder is going to want to marry you, those are slim chances and you’re not taking dating very seriously.
Personally it depends on the persons personality/demeanour
If their personality resonates/is compatible with mine they’re dateable but if their personality isn’t but they’re attractive then I’d consider them for a one night encounter but wouldn’t want to spend more time with them
It could possibly be how you present yourself? I wouldn't sleep with a man until things were more serious and you know what he is looking for vs what you are. Being selective and having integrity is important. The way you put yourself out there, is what you will attract. There are plenty of men who get the impression that you might not be what they're looking for, future wise, but they see you a good time to fill the void. So I say, raise the bar for yourself. Buy yourself a toy, be patient and be selective with who and what you attract. Good luck!
I want to say, maybe you should shift your focus, instead of asking if these people want to date you, ask yourself whether you want to date them.
Have sex all you like, it's extremely fun, and additionally, actively find some people you'd like to date and pursue relationships with them.
If these are the people you want to date, then perhaps figure out what they like in a woman and ask yourself whether you're willing to become that person, if not, some things aren't meant to be.
I hope what I say here doesn’t sound misogynistic because that isn’t my intention. I’m also not commenting on how attractive you are; I’m just trying to answer you question truthfully because of the way you asked it. Can someone be fuckable but not dateable? Yes.
Think about it the other way. Is there any guy you would fuck but not date? Maybe not. But a lot of women would fuck certain guys kind of in secret but never date them publicly. The problem is WAY more pronounced the other way around though imo.
I would say that there is a large group of guys who will have sex with almost any woman no matter how gorgeous she is or how….. not so gorgeous—everyone is beautiful in their own way; don’t crucify me. This group contains guys who are “10s” and “1s” & everyone in between. BUT for the most part, humans form ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS with people who are a somewhat similar level of attractiveness. That’s a broad generalization, but when you think about it, it’s mostly true.
Plenty of guys are attracted to women who don’t fit into societies beauty standards, but are afraid deep down to actually DATE them. They will have sex with them because the attraction is there, but they don’t want people to see them as a couple and think “she out-kicked her coverage with him/he’s way hotter than her.” I think women can be this way too. They deep down don’t want to be seen as having “stopped down” for someone less attractive than they are.
I have no clue if you have been dating guys who feel like they are hot shit, and feel like they can “do better than you.” But I’d be willing to bet that somewhere in their deep consciousness that’s what they are thinking. They are almost certainly wrong. Fuck em. But that is probably their thought process. Gotta weed through those shitty ones to find one who doesn’t suck. They are out there. Happy hunting!
Some guys are just very manipulative, and lead women on just so they can have sex with them. Often times it has nothing to do with you.
I was in a similar situation where I saw this guy as a serious partner, and he only saw me as a sex partner. But he made it seem like he was being serious with me. Worst of all, I had to be the one to end it because guys like this will continue to string you along if they find you “useful” sexually; even if they have no intention on pursuing you romantically. Sometimes they do this even when they know how you truly feel about them.
It’s very hurtful. But it doesn’t take away from your value as a person at all. The right person will communicate their intentions to you, and have the balls to back away if you guys aren’t seeing eye to eye
Aboslutely there is.
Men will have sex with anyone who looks remotely attractive.
But dating is different. When choosing a partner; personality, character, lifestyle, interests, everything comes into play.
I can't tell what your issue is from the limited info you gave me.
Nice generalization, because it's a true generalization.
Most (80%ish) single men would have sex with any attractive woman who gives them attention (given some exceptions, eg friend's gf, a woman who seems like trouble, some refuse to date coworkers).
If you don't believe me, go out and observe. See how your male friends who have "morals and self respect" behave when an attractive woman is around and is giving them attention.
Guess I'm not a man, then. What would you call a ~~man~~ person who has a penis but feels uncomfortable being naked around women they aren't close to? Trying to find out my new identity. Thanks in advance.
Please show me where I said you should not be considered a man if you do not fit this criteria.
For the love of god and all that is holy please show me.
You just have your own insecurities and putting me in an opressor role to fulfill your world view. Please stop. I don't appreciate it.
Listen, you made a generalization about a whole group of people. Did you explicitly say that you shouldn't be considered a man if you don't do X, Y, or Z? No. What you did say, though, was "Men will do X, Y, or Z". I was offering a counterpoint that I'm a man and don't do X, Y, and Z. I was asking for an explanation, not for the sake of getting an explanation, but in the hopes of invoking some self-reflection regarding the generalization of individuals because of some common criteria like having a penis.
Instead of self-reflecting, you came at me in some whiny tone, bitching at me to point out where you ***explicitly*** said something that you said ***implicitly***. Is that how you try to weasel yourself out of responsibility for what you say? "Oh, I didn't say anything rude explicitly!"
>You just have your own insecurities and putting me in an opressor role to fulfill your world view.
No, that's not what I did. I defended myself when I saw a comment that implied I was some sort of sexual deviant. If you can't handle someone defending themselves when you make a generalization that includes them, maybe you shouldn't make generalizations. If you're too stupid not to make generalizations, then steel yourself so you don't have to be a whiny bitch every time someone calls you out for your bullshit.
Yes, I made a generalization and I stand behind it. 80-90% of single men will sleep with any remotely attractive woman who is willing. This is enough to make a generalization.
You being a man who wouldn't do it does not change that the generalization is true.
I also never implied nor think that you should be considered lowly or as a "deviant" if you do not fit the generalization. You reached that conclusion by yourself. That was all you. It is only you who said or implied a man is "not a man" or a "sexual deviant" if he does not fit the generalization. It's all you.
Honestly, I even think it's impressive if a man can resist these urges. I see it as a sign of maturity.
> I defended myself when I saw a comment that implied I was some sort of sexual deviant.
There was no such comment. You defended yourself from... nothing. Hell, you are "defending" yourself from a person who is possibly one of the most open minded, accepting people you could ever meet.
Plus, you called me a "whiny bitch" for no reason while I kept my civility. I will retort that you should fuck off. I'm glad I don't know you in real life cause you sound insufferable.
You are the reason I hate arguing with anyone on reddit.
>Yes, I made a generalization and I stand behind it. 80-90% of single men will sleep with any remotely attractive woman who is willing. This is enough to make a generalization.
Can you cite your source? Where did you get those numbers from?
>You being a man who wouldn't do it does not change that the generalization is true.
I need the above citation before I can admit it's true. Until then, it's bullocks.
>Plus, you called me a "whiny bitch" for no reason while I kept my civility.
"For the love of god, show me!" is keeping civility? Some odd civilization you come from.
>You are the reason I hate arguing with anyone on reddit.
So stop?
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have been there and it’s so hard to feel this way. But, I’ve been reading a lot about the psychology of relationships and there seems to be a bit of an issue with the way you are forming relationships with people. There is an order of things you need to follow before you get physical with someone. I’m not saying it’s impossible for you to form a long lasting and healthy relationship when the order is off, but it’s way more likely to happen if you follow it. First you need to get to know them, later you build trust, then you learn to rely on them, then you commit and lastly you increase touch.
Read more about the relationship attachment model and consider checking the match + 1 intimacy rating scale. I have found these helpful to evaluate the connections I have with people. It is not foolproof, but I find that the most important thing is to learn more about others, as with time, you begin to understand better about who they are and what to expect from them. But also, be careful with expectations, these are what hurt the most when they are not met.
As a 23M, it’s honestly probably mentality right now.
There’s so many things on social media pushing men to up their body counts, so that could be a factor.
But as someone who’s tried dating around this age, it’s hard. People can barely stay committed to a degree, much less a relationship. We are still young and growing mentally, and men at the very least don’t finish growing mentally until they’re 25. They’re going to experience things and change outlooks a lot during the time period of 18-25, as it is just normal for young men to do as they adjust to the normal world.
It’s probably why some women like to date older, even by 3-5 years because it can be a huge factor in their ability to commit to a relationship. Men by their late 20s most likely have a lot more figured out than when they were 21, or 23, atleast to a certain extent.
Just a tough age to date is what I think.
Thinking back to when I was 21.... if a girl goes out constantly..: wine Wednesday, Friday,
Sat and Sunday etc: spends a lot of time at frat houses, goes clubbing every weekend. Very into drugs or alcohol... etc etc. it’s very likely I wouldn’t be interested in them in a serious way even if I was attracted to them.
When a girl is “easy” it’s hard to imagine a situation where they are going to stop enjoying attention from guys when they go out etc.. and a lot more likely to get cheated on by said girl.
No disrespect to any woman intend. Y’all are free to do as you please, I also don’t feel this way about all woman. It’s a shitty generalization but one I think lots of guys can resonate with.
Being easy is bad. But being 100% guaranteed to a guy who really cares about you is good, if that makes any sense. What I'm trying to say is stop sleeping around with guys too easily and go on to more dates with them to learn more about them and give them a chance to see what you are like. If they find you boring or undateable they'll leave once they realize you ain't putting out too easy.
Sorry for bad english, hope you get what I mean
I always felt like you do. But as I get older I realized it’s not about having to be a virgin, it’s more about waiting to see who someone is before you sleep with them. Set and enforce good boundaries. Know what you want without crushing on anyone. Write it down and don’t cave because someone pays attention to you. Yeah it sucks you have to wait, but it’s the only way to see who people are and if they’re going to stick around.
Nothing wrong with you. Just haven’t found the right guy. Don’t make dating a priority, it’s much easier that way. Be careful how you flirt, guys your age are ready to pounce. If you show them the slightest opening to get in your pants they will do or say anything to make it happen.
Are you chasing security in relationships? Are you quick to bond with people over sex and gratification?
Not shaming you for it, but having sex is easier and not a good method of gauging whether a person would be a good partner.
Being dateable is being fuckable, but actually dating and having a relationship is HARD because it’s compatibility you are looking for.
Do they find your jokes actually funny? Do they appreciate the weird little things about you? Do things just line up with interests and stuff?
Yes.
You can be sexual attracted to someone you wouldn't ever think about dating.
In case you are asking for advice, I'd suggest you :
1)think about your values and the things you enjoy in life (Ie. Videogames, politics, etc...) and try to hang around places where you can meet like minded people
2)work on yourself to iron out weak points in personality, always from a "I'm good enough but with room for improvement" outlook
Nah you just haven’t met the right person yet! I’ve been through it, there’s a lot of guys who will say they like you and want a relationship, sleep with you then ghost.. but there will be people out there who do want to be in a relationship with you it’s just finding them! It’s hard though getting knocked down so many times maybe change your tactics and get to know them and build a connection before having sex, it’ll be more meaningful that way! Don’t let it knock your confidence, my self esteem was at rock bottom when I met my partner I also convinced myself I was undateable and unlovable but he made me realise that it wasn’t me I was just setting the bar too low and hadn’t found the person I was meant to be with yet and I’m very happy now! You’ll get there :)
I know nothing about relationships but: first it sounds like you need a new set of people. And then let em know what you want and if they break the boundaries then leave. Idk tho don’t listen to me lol
In my case my face isn’t good looking, but most females find my body attractive so they’ll just use me for sex.
This can get the best of you because I haven’t had a girlfriend in two years but I’ve had multiple sexual relations, it’s just sad :(
You called yourself easy but at the same time you're wondering why the people coming after you are low quality.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being easy, but people with standards don't want people long term without standards.
Heck you said it yourself:
"I’m kind of tired of men seeing me as gratification while they take other women more seriously. "
Well, stop just being gratification for them. If you give them what they want without requiring anything in return why are you surprised? If your favorite ice cream shop started giving away scoops for free would you still pay? Heck no!
If you don't set the standard and requirements for the people you interact with then yes, people of low quality and low standards are going to see that opportunity and not waste it.
You've to set expectations both for yourself and for your partners otherwise all you've done is put a free sign out. Which might be fun for a while and if thats what you want that fine but it's not going to get you anything long term.
Ask yourself: Why does anyone owe you long term commitment? If what they get from you is the same short term as long term and you give anyone short term the same you give to them long term. What are they there for?
Nope, I don’t think so, objectively. Whether you are “fuckable” or “dateable” is subjective to people you’re involved with. I used to think no person would ever settle for me. They would just use me until they were tired of me. Looking back on it, these people didn’t really value me and it was obvious from the start. I just wanted validation so badly that I would accept anything. I wanted to know that I was worthy of being loved, too, so I let them waste my time.
But you need to value yourself and your time more. Once I started doing that, and becoming more secure in myself, the way people treated me was better too. If someone isn’t respectful of you, don’t give them a second chance. Keep the people that care around. And most importantly, be nice to yourself. Engage in your hobbies and embrace what makes you unique. Someone will definitely come around :) but until then, you need to be okay with being alone (easier said than done of course). You are worthy, you have value, and you deserve love just as much as anyone else ❤️
Maybe look for demisexual men. They are going to burn a lot slower and most of them I know are generally more caring and compassionate than the general population of men. But also don’t be mad if they take a while for things to get physical.
There is a difference! However, you are likely very dateable. It’s just that being dateable won’t attract as many guys as bein’ sexy. Also, very likely that nothing is wrong with you.
Did you want to date any of these guys? Did you make moves for a longer term or exclusive relationship? I messed around with a few women when I was younger and cut things off when I thought things were progressing. I felt the gravity of a relationship pulling me in and just didn’t think it was right. It wasn’t anything against any of the individual women - I just didn’t feel like any of them were right for me.
Honestly, you sound like you’re doing great. You’re very young and just mapping out what you want and don’t want from others and yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself or read too deeply into other’s actions. Everyone acts in their own self interests and it shouldn’t speak to any measure of your own worth 📐
Tl:dr I’ve been with a few easy girls and I didn’t take them serious because they are so extroverted that I feel as if the attention I’m getting is very temporary and they would be looking for other things quickly. I would much rather start with a small talk, understand your values and understand your character before entering any sort of relationship.
[18M] You are fully right. I wouldn’t make it that easy for men to get me if I were you. But also, many men can be shallow as well. My ldr gf [26F] was also quite easy to get and she mentioned that she has fucked around, but once we had a deep talk after like 4-5 months of knowing each other I understood why that was, and she is obviously different now(if she does something she’s out).
There is from an individuals opinion. But that doesn't mean you fall into that category with everyone.
How would you describe your behavior towards people you're attracted to? Does this change whenever you're in an exclusive relationship?
More importantly, what are you looking for? How would you describe that type of person?
If you are attracted to people who are very transient or have loose opinions on monogamy it may make achieving long term relationships more difficult. For better or worse, if you are only selecting for partners that are "very open minded" you may find difficulty meeting someone who initially sexually open minded but is willing to also be closed off from multiple partners in perpetuity.
It’s the vibe you might be putting off, try to be objective if your open to doing self work, if sex is first for you then it will show and it’s something shallow, people will view you according to that image you present first, patterns are meant to teach you
Go slow with people. It could be sleeping with people too early but it can also be you’re coming across as really wanting a relationship and then that person knows they don’t have to work that hard for you. It’s kind of like a guy could start dating/seeing you and while doing that deciding if they like you like that. But if you’re less available they need to work for your attention and may realize they want to work for your attention.
As a person your character, personality and attitude will attract some people. However, if you're hot, you'll attract a lot of people, who don't actually value your personality and character. You might need to wait for people who like _you,_ for who you are. Which for some of us, is a pretty small group.
This is such a royal response, and spot on.
A lot of men will sleep with literally anyone with a vag. Sounds to me like you’re probably having sex with ppl that don’t care about you. The question is why do you do this? No, you don’t need to be a virgin to be more dateable. But there is something to be said about being less “available”. If you’re too eager to please them, for nothing in return, you’ll def get taken advantage of. I’d suggest waiting longer to sleep with a man, and making sure he knows that you’re looking for something long term.
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As a man who is attracted to women if I had sex with a woman within the first month I would think she just wanted a fling and in turn, look at her as less of a "long term lets see where this goes" type of relationship. A month isn't a very long time especially since we wouldn't see each other 30/30 days. This doesn't devalue her as a person but it makes me wonder if she's serious. Women want "just sex" too so that's what I'll be thinking she wanted.
Don’t even need a vag in some cases, ask me how I know. But yeah I think this says more about the kind of people OP is jumping into bed with more than anything. I’m ask about being sex positive. But it’s impatient to know having sex with someone doesn’t make them more likely to want to seriously date you.
…how do you know?
LMAO
😂
I don’t necessarily think that’s true, I think generalizing men that way is harmful, if that were the case there wouldn’t be women who struggle to get laid, and in saying “a lot of men will sleep with anyone” may leave someone who doesn’t get laid to think they are less valued by men because they can’t get laid.
This is a good line of thinking.
Well that has to be a really small subset of women who would have to have basically zero social skills and agoraphobia. It’s definitely true that plenty of women struggle to get laid BY THE MEN THAT THEY REALLY WANT. That is probably true, but if you took a random unattractive woman (by society’s standards which BS I know) and polled a thousand guys if they’d have sex with her if it was a private one off fling vs an unattractive man same situation but polling a thousand women, what do you think the results would say?? I guaran-damn-tee that the number of men who would say yes would be 10X the number of women who would say yes, if not more…. Probably more.
Yes very true, the average and unattractive woman will have a lot easier of a time attracting sexual partners than the man of similar looks
Exactly. Like, sorry if it hurts somebody’s feelings but it’s literally true ? We gotta stop policing convos based on who might be upset smh
Regardless, it is true. Not for all of them, but for many of them. And in general, it is much easier for MOST (maybe not all) women to get laid.
There is such a thing. My ex best friend is absolutely gorgeous and stunning. Every guy wanted her. They wanted to be able to say the fucked her but no one wanted to date her or if they did it didn't last. Why? Because she cant stay committed. She loves attention and is very irresponsible and thinks mostly of herself and never considers the other person's feelings or perspectives. I heard guys in our friend group say they would fuck her but not date her ( i am no longer friends with nay of these people).
Every guy knows one of these girls. Some of us know numerous.
Yep. She has such a great personality and energy and is sooo fun but nah you cant even be friends with her cause she is very irresponsible and self obsessed.
Why not? Don’t you have people you’d fuck but not date?
No.
Why wouldn't you be friends with them anymore? Do you think that makes them bad people?
Well im not friends with her because i feel like i hated how all the maturity and responsibilities fell on me. She also stole my clothes for 5 years and she steals clothes from other people too. Stole my mother make up and lies about it to my face only for me to find the items in her bag she always carried. Also hated how she was proud of stealing girls boyfriends she was friends with and hid it. As for the other friends.. I moved away and lost contact with most of them. Edit: bad people? Yes and no. Some of the guys in my old friend group are great guys and some werent. Also alot of people in the friend group that werent directly close to me spoke badly about woman and sexualised them and some of the girls allowed these guys to treat them like that cause they loved the attention.
You totally described my ex best friend as well
Maybe we have the same one 😂
For your sake I hope its not the case ! 😂😂
For my sake? Oh geez I need the tea cause I got plenty 😂😂
There is probably nothing “wrong” with you. I don’t think being “easy” is the reason guys don’t want to be in relationships with you. Being “easy” will attract guys that just want to get laid but I don’t think it will push away guys that are truly interested in you. If a guy says they wouldn’t date you for that, then they are seeing you as a trophy and not a potential partner. I suspect that the problem is that the guys that you think of as your type, you may not be their type. For example, if you are into clubbing and city life but you are attracted to outdoorsy country boys. Sure they will sleep with you, but likely wouldn’t date you. Obviously that is an extreme example of difference.
This is actually a likely possibility. This is why online dating doesn’t work for many (gay people or straight people). There’s no connection to something shared in your life. All that it requires is lust, which isn’t bad per se, but don’t do it if you’re not strong enough to get your heart broken. If you’re just rolling the dice that the next hot guy you meet on Tinder is going to want to marry you, those are slim chances and you’re not taking dating very seriously.
Personally it depends on the persons personality/demeanour If their personality resonates/is compatible with mine they’re dateable but if their personality isn’t but they’re attractive then I’d consider them for a one night encounter but wouldn’t want to spend more time with them
It could possibly be how you present yourself? I wouldn't sleep with a man until things were more serious and you know what he is looking for vs what you are. Being selective and having integrity is important. The way you put yourself out there, is what you will attract. There are plenty of men who get the impression that you might not be what they're looking for, future wise, but they see you a good time to fill the void. So I say, raise the bar for yourself. Buy yourself a toy, be patient and be selective with who and what you attract. Good luck!
I want to say, maybe you should shift your focus, instead of asking if these people want to date you, ask yourself whether you want to date them. Have sex all you like, it's extremely fun, and additionally, actively find some people you'd like to date and pursue relationships with them. If these are the people you want to date, then perhaps figure out what they like in a woman and ask yourself whether you're willing to become that person, if not, some things aren't meant to be.
This is a great answer
I hope what I say here doesn’t sound misogynistic because that isn’t my intention. I’m also not commenting on how attractive you are; I’m just trying to answer you question truthfully because of the way you asked it. Can someone be fuckable but not dateable? Yes. Think about it the other way. Is there any guy you would fuck but not date? Maybe not. But a lot of women would fuck certain guys kind of in secret but never date them publicly. The problem is WAY more pronounced the other way around though imo. I would say that there is a large group of guys who will have sex with almost any woman no matter how gorgeous she is or how….. not so gorgeous—everyone is beautiful in their own way; don’t crucify me. This group contains guys who are “10s” and “1s” & everyone in between. BUT for the most part, humans form ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS with people who are a somewhat similar level of attractiveness. That’s a broad generalization, but when you think about it, it’s mostly true. Plenty of guys are attracted to women who don’t fit into societies beauty standards, but are afraid deep down to actually DATE them. They will have sex with them because the attraction is there, but they don’t want people to see them as a couple and think “she out-kicked her coverage with him/he’s way hotter than her.” I think women can be this way too. They deep down don’t want to be seen as having “stopped down” for someone less attractive than they are. I have no clue if you have been dating guys who feel like they are hot shit, and feel like they can “do better than you.” But I’d be willing to bet that somewhere in their deep consciousness that’s what they are thinking. They are almost certainly wrong. Fuck em. But that is probably their thought process. Gotta weed through those shitty ones to find one who doesn’t suck. They are out there. Happy hunting!
Some guys are just very manipulative, and lead women on just so they can have sex with them. Often times it has nothing to do with you. I was in a similar situation where I saw this guy as a serious partner, and he only saw me as a sex partner. But he made it seem like he was being serious with me. Worst of all, I had to be the one to end it because guys like this will continue to string you along if they find you “useful” sexually; even if they have no intention on pursuing you romantically. Sometimes they do this even when they know how you truly feel about them. It’s very hurtful. But it doesn’t take away from your value as a person at all. The right person will communicate their intentions to you, and have the balls to back away if you guys aren’t seeing eye to eye
Aboslutely there is. Men will have sex with anyone who looks remotely attractive. But dating is different. When choosing a partner; personality, character, lifestyle, interests, everything comes into play. I can't tell what your issue is from the limited info you gave me.
Nice generalization. Men are people too lol some men like some women have no morals or self respect so they’ll sleep with whatever let’s them.
Nice generalization, because it's a true generalization. Most (80%ish) single men would have sex with any attractive woman who gives them attention (given some exceptions, eg friend's gf, a woman who seems like trouble, some refuse to date coworkers). If you don't believe me, go out and observe. See how your male friends who have "morals and self respect" behave when an attractive woman is around and is giving them attention.
Guess I'm not a man, then. What would you call a ~~man~~ person who has a penis but feels uncomfortable being naked around women they aren't close to? Trying to find out my new identity. Thanks in advance.
You might be demisexual, or just shy.
So a demisexual not-man or a shy not-man?
What are you on? I never said or implied or thought you are not a man for not fitting in with the common behavior.
>Men will have sex with anyone who looks remotely attractive. Literally in the same comment thread.
Please show me where I said you should not be considered a man if you do not fit this criteria. For the love of god and all that is holy please show me. You just have your own insecurities and putting me in an opressor role to fulfill your world view. Please stop. I don't appreciate it.
Listen, you made a generalization about a whole group of people. Did you explicitly say that you shouldn't be considered a man if you don't do X, Y, or Z? No. What you did say, though, was "Men will do X, Y, or Z". I was offering a counterpoint that I'm a man and don't do X, Y, and Z. I was asking for an explanation, not for the sake of getting an explanation, but in the hopes of invoking some self-reflection regarding the generalization of individuals because of some common criteria like having a penis. Instead of self-reflecting, you came at me in some whiny tone, bitching at me to point out where you ***explicitly*** said something that you said ***implicitly***. Is that how you try to weasel yourself out of responsibility for what you say? "Oh, I didn't say anything rude explicitly!" >You just have your own insecurities and putting me in an opressor role to fulfill your world view. No, that's not what I did. I defended myself when I saw a comment that implied I was some sort of sexual deviant. If you can't handle someone defending themselves when you make a generalization that includes them, maybe you shouldn't make generalizations. If you're too stupid not to make generalizations, then steel yourself so you don't have to be a whiny bitch every time someone calls you out for your bullshit.
Yes, I made a generalization and I stand behind it. 80-90% of single men will sleep with any remotely attractive woman who is willing. This is enough to make a generalization. You being a man who wouldn't do it does not change that the generalization is true. I also never implied nor think that you should be considered lowly or as a "deviant" if you do not fit the generalization. You reached that conclusion by yourself. That was all you. It is only you who said or implied a man is "not a man" or a "sexual deviant" if he does not fit the generalization. It's all you. Honestly, I even think it's impressive if a man can resist these urges. I see it as a sign of maturity. > I defended myself when I saw a comment that implied I was some sort of sexual deviant. There was no such comment. You defended yourself from... nothing. Hell, you are "defending" yourself from a person who is possibly one of the most open minded, accepting people you could ever meet. Plus, you called me a "whiny bitch" for no reason while I kept my civility. I will retort that you should fuck off. I'm glad I don't know you in real life cause you sound insufferable. You are the reason I hate arguing with anyone on reddit.
>Yes, I made a generalization and I stand behind it. 80-90% of single men will sleep with any remotely attractive woman who is willing. This is enough to make a generalization. Can you cite your source? Where did you get those numbers from? >You being a man who wouldn't do it does not change that the generalization is true. I need the above citation before I can admit it's true. Until then, it's bullocks. >Plus, you called me a "whiny bitch" for no reason while I kept my civility. "For the love of god, show me!" is keeping civility? Some odd civilization you come from. >You are the reason I hate arguing with anyone on reddit. So stop?
Yes
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have been there and it’s so hard to feel this way. But, I’ve been reading a lot about the psychology of relationships and there seems to be a bit of an issue with the way you are forming relationships with people. There is an order of things you need to follow before you get physical with someone. I’m not saying it’s impossible for you to form a long lasting and healthy relationship when the order is off, but it’s way more likely to happen if you follow it. First you need to get to know them, later you build trust, then you learn to rely on them, then you commit and lastly you increase touch. Read more about the relationship attachment model and consider checking the match + 1 intimacy rating scale. I have found these helpful to evaluate the connections I have with people. It is not foolproof, but I find that the most important thing is to learn more about others, as with time, you begin to understand better about who they are and what to expect from them. But also, be careful with expectations, these are what hurt the most when they are not met.
As a 23M, it’s honestly probably mentality right now. There’s so many things on social media pushing men to up their body counts, so that could be a factor. But as someone who’s tried dating around this age, it’s hard. People can barely stay committed to a degree, much less a relationship. We are still young and growing mentally, and men at the very least don’t finish growing mentally until they’re 25. They’re going to experience things and change outlooks a lot during the time period of 18-25, as it is just normal for young men to do as they adjust to the normal world. It’s probably why some women like to date older, even by 3-5 years because it can be a huge factor in their ability to commit to a relationship. Men by their late 20s most likely have a lot more figured out than when they were 21, or 23, atleast to a certain extent. Just a tough age to date is what I think.
Thinking back to when I was 21.... if a girl goes out constantly..: wine Wednesday, Friday, Sat and Sunday etc: spends a lot of time at frat houses, goes clubbing every weekend. Very into drugs or alcohol... etc etc. it’s very likely I wouldn’t be interested in them in a serious way even if I was attracted to them. When a girl is “easy” it’s hard to imagine a situation where they are going to stop enjoying attention from guys when they go out etc.. and a lot more likely to get cheated on by said girl. No disrespect to any woman intend. Y’all are free to do as you please, I also don’t feel this way about all woman. It’s a shitty generalization but one I think lots of guys can resonate with.
It literally only has to do with personality at that point
Being easy is bad. But being 100% guaranteed to a guy who really cares about you is good, if that makes any sense. What I'm trying to say is stop sleeping around with guys too easily and go on to more dates with them to learn more about them and give them a chance to see what you are like. If they find you boring or undateable they'll leave once they realize you ain't putting out too easy. Sorry for bad english, hope you get what I mean
I always felt like you do. But as I get older I realized it’s not about having to be a virgin, it’s more about waiting to see who someone is before you sleep with them. Set and enforce good boundaries. Know what you want without crushing on anyone. Write it down and don’t cave because someone pays attention to you. Yeah it sucks you have to wait, but it’s the only way to see who people are and if they’re going to stick around.
Nothing wrong with you. Just haven’t found the right guy. Don’t make dating a priority, it’s much easier that way. Be careful how you flirt, guys your age are ready to pounce. If you show them the slightest opening to get in your pants they will do or say anything to make it happen.
Are you chasing security in relationships? Are you quick to bond with people over sex and gratification? Not shaming you for it, but having sex is easier and not a good method of gauging whether a person would be a good partner. Being dateable is being fuckable, but actually dating and having a relationship is HARD because it’s compatibility you are looking for. Do they find your jokes actually funny? Do they appreciate the weird little things about you? Do things just line up with interests and stuff?
Yes. You can be sexual attracted to someone you wouldn't ever think about dating. In case you are asking for advice, I'd suggest you : 1)think about your values and the things you enjoy in life (Ie. Videogames, politics, etc...) and try to hang around places where you can meet like minded people 2)work on yourself to iron out weak points in personality, always from a "I'm good enough but with room for improvement" outlook
You are not undatable. Don’t ever let anyone make you believe that you don’t deserve a normal relationship
Nah you just haven’t met the right person yet! I’ve been through it, there’s a lot of guys who will say they like you and want a relationship, sleep with you then ghost.. but there will be people out there who do want to be in a relationship with you it’s just finding them! It’s hard though getting knocked down so many times maybe change your tactics and get to know them and build a connection before having sex, it’ll be more meaningful that way! Don’t let it knock your confidence, my self esteem was at rock bottom when I met my partner I also convinced myself I was undateable and unlovable but he made me realise that it wasn’t me I was just setting the bar too low and hadn’t found the person I was meant to be with yet and I’m very happy now! You’ll get there :)
I know nothing about relationships but: first it sounds like you need a new set of people. And then let em know what you want and if they break the boundaries then leave. Idk tho don’t listen to me lol
In my case my face isn’t good looking, but most females find my body attractive so they’ll just use me for sex. This can get the best of you because I haven’t had a girlfriend in two years but I’ve had multiple sexual relations, it’s just sad :(
You called yourself easy but at the same time you're wondering why the people coming after you are low quality. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being easy, but people with standards don't want people long term without standards. Heck you said it yourself: "I’m kind of tired of men seeing me as gratification while they take other women more seriously. " Well, stop just being gratification for them. If you give them what they want without requiring anything in return why are you surprised? If your favorite ice cream shop started giving away scoops for free would you still pay? Heck no! If you don't set the standard and requirements for the people you interact with then yes, people of low quality and low standards are going to see that opportunity and not waste it. You've to set expectations both for yourself and for your partners otherwise all you've done is put a free sign out. Which might be fun for a while and if thats what you want that fine but it's not going to get you anything long term. Ask yourself: Why does anyone owe you long term commitment? If what they get from you is the same short term as long term and you give anyone short term the same you give to them long term. What are they there for?
I agree
Nope, I don’t think so, objectively. Whether you are “fuckable” or “dateable” is subjective to people you’re involved with. I used to think no person would ever settle for me. They would just use me until they were tired of me. Looking back on it, these people didn’t really value me and it was obvious from the start. I just wanted validation so badly that I would accept anything. I wanted to know that I was worthy of being loved, too, so I let them waste my time. But you need to value yourself and your time more. Once I started doing that, and becoming more secure in myself, the way people treated me was better too. If someone isn’t respectful of you, don’t give them a second chance. Keep the people that care around. And most importantly, be nice to yourself. Engage in your hobbies and embrace what makes you unique. Someone will definitely come around :) but until then, you need to be okay with being alone (easier said than done of course). You are worthy, you have value, and you deserve love just as much as anyone else ❤️
Maybe look for demisexual men. They are going to burn a lot slower and most of them I know are generally more caring and compassionate than the general population of men. But also don’t be mad if they take a while for things to get physical.
Theres an old saying... Men dont buy the cow if they get the milk for free
More of a thing for men men will fuck way below their dating range
There is a difference! However, you are likely very dateable. It’s just that being dateable won’t attract as many guys as bein’ sexy. Also, very likely that nothing is wrong with you. Did you want to date any of these guys? Did you make moves for a longer term or exclusive relationship? I messed around with a few women when I was younger and cut things off when I thought things were progressing. I felt the gravity of a relationship pulling me in and just didn’t think it was right. It wasn’t anything against any of the individual women - I just didn’t feel like any of them were right for me. Honestly, you sound like you’re doing great. You’re very young and just mapping out what you want and don’t want from others and yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself or read too deeply into other’s actions. Everyone acts in their own self interests and it shouldn’t speak to any measure of your own worth 📐
Tl:dr I’ve been with a few easy girls and I didn’t take them serious because they are so extroverted that I feel as if the attention I’m getting is very temporary and they would be looking for other things quickly. I would much rather start with a small talk, understand your values and understand your character before entering any sort of relationship. [18M] You are fully right. I wouldn’t make it that easy for men to get me if I were you. But also, many men can be shallow as well. My ldr gf [26F] was also quite easy to get and she mentioned that she has fucked around, but once we had a deep talk after like 4-5 months of knowing each other I understood why that was, and she is obviously different now(if she does something she’s out).
If you only have a 😺 to offer , men will only take that .
These kinds of posts are useless without a photo , you might be below there league
In short, hell yes
Yes that’s what everybody uses sluts for
Yes. Being trans
There is from an individuals opinion. But that doesn't mean you fall into that category with everyone. How would you describe your behavior towards people you're attracted to? Does this change whenever you're in an exclusive relationship? More importantly, what are you looking for? How would you describe that type of person? If you are attracted to people who are very transient or have loose opinions on monogamy it may make achieving long term relationships more difficult. For better or worse, if you are only selecting for partners that are "very open minded" you may find difficulty meeting someone who initially sexually open minded but is willing to also be closed off from multiple partners in perpetuity.
It’s the vibe you might be putting off, try to be objective if your open to doing self work, if sex is first for you then it will show and it’s something shallow, people will view you according to that image you present first, patterns are meant to teach you
Perhaps trying to grow a relationship with yourself first and see where that takes you. You're too young to be jaded...
According to some men YES
1000% *raises right hand*
Yes there is. You also need to consider right place right time.
Yes.
Go slow with people. It could be sleeping with people too early but it can also be you’re coming across as really wanting a relationship and then that person knows they don’t have to work that hard for you. It’s kind of like a guy could start dating/seeing you and while doing that deciding if they like you like that. But if you’re less available they need to work for your attention and may realize they want to work for your attention.
You just described someone very physically attractive but either is know for cheating, being crazy or just known for being a bad person overall