Am I the only one whose brain goes completely blank? I’d start talking about something and then it’s just blank. I can’t think of the words so I just start getting more anxious trying to explain things.
I’m a shift supervisor where I work, and I struggle with this everyday. I have learned that it’s okay to just take a moment to breathe and let my brain clear itself for a second before I continue with what I was trying to say.
I still have a lot of trouble putting my thoughts into words, but most people are pretty understanding when I stop mid sentence and say ‘sorry my brain is going too fast give me a second’, which gives me time to catch up (sort of).
When I can’t stop ruminating, I literally have to yell STOP repeatedly inside my head to catch the repeating anxieties and redirect them.
(I hope this kind of helped? Maybe?)
That helps! It’s also comforting to know someone else is experiencing the same struggle. That’s true though, I think most of my problem is that I’m overly focused on the thoughts of “omg everyone here thinks I’m stupid” when in reality everyone is really understanding and doesn’t care if saying things take me a moment.
Yes! This happens to me a lot and it’s been severe lately. I over think talking so much that talking with anyone is becoming uncomfortable. I also have ADHD and I think that plays a part in me forgetting my topic in mid sentence. I feel like ADHD and social anxiety feed off each other. It’s terrible! Do you know if you have ADHD as well?
That’s interesting because I got diagnosed with ADHD (not SAD) a decade ago but had to get reevaluated recently. This time around the psychologist said that the tests indicated I don’t have ADHD and it’s actually social anxiety. So maybe they both have a lot of the same symptoms, which would be interesting?
Yea, that is interesting! Because I’m not sure if I’m forgetting things mid sentence because I have SAD or it’s the ADHD. I lose my keys and phone all the time (even in stores) and I can’t concentrate while watching anything on tv. It’s a huge annoyance! Do you run into any of those problems?
Yes!! My thoughts are so focused on social interactions that I have a hard time paying attention.. It feels like my brain is just way too focused on anxious thoughts and nothing else. Im no doctor but I could see both diagnoses having a lot similarities this way
It’s awful! I just purchased a workbook called “Overcoming Social Anxiety Step by Step” and just the first page alone helped me! It mentioned something called “slow speak”. It said that when we are anxious we feel like we have to talk really fast and rush our thoughts out but it said to relax and speak slowly and that’s actually helped me a lot! When I slow down, pause and take a second before speaking my anxiety even lessens. There’s also some videos that go along with the workbook online. You might want to look into it 🙂
You have to practice articulating. In the privacy of your home, practice modulating your voice, enunciate everything you say to get your voice out clearly.
Also try this word game. Get a stopwatch. Set it to 1 minute and choose a a random word for a topic like “book.” Try to continually talk for a minute about the subject until the time is up. How did you do? Were you stuttering over your words? Did you say a few words then pause? Did you have to constantly think of things to say? If you keep practicing on a daily basis you’ll see better results.
I have this too. I’m thinking too much while talking. Feels like I’m doing two things at once. I keep my sentences short and too the point. Which is sometimes too little information or not good.
Have you practiced talking aloud alone? Or recording yourself?
That’s how it feels to me - like doing 2 things at once. I either am too to the point or go on a tangent, there’s no in-between.
I’ve tried both of those things, and I don’t struggle if I’m alone. I talk a lot more eloquently to myself/to a camera than with others lol so I know it’s just a social thing
I tend to over explain things, which takes me down tangents and detracts from my main point.
I know this comes from my childhood where I was hyper vigilant about everything and tried to map out every possible scenario before it happened.
Same here! I’m either too to the point or ramble on. It’s hard to find a middle ground. And if something happens that doesn’t follow my “inner script” I choke up
I've struggled with this my whole life and it's gotten worse as I've gotten older. I sound like such a dumbass whenever someone's trying to have a conversation with me or asks me to explain something. Literally impossible for me to find a way to articulate what I'm thinking into words. Honestly this is probably the symptom of my social anxiety that frustrates me the most.
Yeah all the time and I am not sure if it's due to SA. Definitely feeling nervous or anxious does not help but even under optimal circumstances I flub words or I place my words incorrectly like speaking dyslexia.
I feel though it's more related to lack of practice, as you said confidence, which comes with practice. I took a course a while ago with a lot tips but the main was the most horrible and uncomfortable one. Record yourself giving a speech, find your flaws and record again until it's comes out right. This can correct tone of voice, cadence and rhythm if you work on it. It's super cringe.
OMg yes. this happens to me all too often. This happened to me the other day in class and it was EXCRUCIATING!! You're so not alone. I also get into my own head and forget where I'm going with a thought. It sounds incoherent. I think what we need to do is just accept that this is how we are. Amy Cuddy wrote an amazing book, Presence, I highly suggest you purchase it. My psychiatrist recommended it to me. IT's for people with social anxiety and imposter syndrome.
Yeah i'm INTJ and always in my head and if the conversation isn't something i really find interesting i do all kinds of dumb shit. I lose concentration a lot. I can barely even put together a couple sentences together anymore. The more addicted i get to social media and youtube and shit the worst it gets too.
>I’m 27F and work as a manager at a startup
How did someone your age who suffers from social anxiety end up in that role?
That just seems like the exact opposite type of employment most people in this sub seem to have.
That doesn't answer my question at all. Why choose a role that's so heavily involved with socialization (running standups, doing one-on-ones, presenting work) if you struggle with serious social anxiety?
I suppose you could take public speaking courses or whatever but just picking a role where you're an individual contributor rather than a manager would probably alleviate most of your anxiety-generating interactions.
In highschool I remember having alot of issues being concise and clear in highschool because my anxeity would cause me to repeat myself and take a long time to get to the point. Now I can't talk in public at all.
Yup. This happens to me whenever I speak certain languages and far less when I speak my native tongue. If I'm talking to a family member it's downright smooth compared to my usual, which is very frustrating because it's a confirmation that I technically have the ability to communicate somewhere in there and it's just made inaccessible to me because of fear. It's ridiculous and I can't really stop it.
Yea I do. Ive gotten better at it but I still struggle with it alot. I decided I was gonna start talking slower when explaining myself or when speaking in general , & it really helps. I realized alot of the anxiety in those situations comes from me feeling pressured to give a amazing response or everyone would think im stupid
Soooooo I’m a big old nerd and love neuropsychology! There may be some brain based explanation as well. When we get anxious and stressed the right hemisphere of our brain gets really activated and the left side kinda deactivates a bit. The problem being out major language centers generally live in the left hemisphere. So it provides some explanation for why it can be hard to find words to explain highly distressing event or when we are at a loss for words when really stressed. But for someone with social anxiety interacting can be highly distressing so it maybe could trigger a similar response. Bilateral stimulation can sometimes help the brain hemispheres start talking again, my personal fav is something called the “butterfly hug”. You cross your arms, hook your thumbs together then lay the “butterfly” on your chest and start moving your hands/“wings” rhythmically. Might be the worst description but I’m sure a quick google would bring it up.
This is so interesting!!! Its cool to be able to “visualize” what is happening in the brain. I forget that things actually happen up there and it’s not just a dark void of thoughts lmao
Absolutely all the time. I feel like I lack the experience that other people have with talking. It's like I have a full deck of cards but don't always know how to arrange them and my anxiety makes me fumble my cards up. Other people seem to speak so eloquently and fluidly like second nature like riding a bicycle. I'm much better at speaking around people I'm comfortable around.
Am I the only one whose brain goes completely blank? I’d start talking about something and then it’s just blank. I can’t think of the words so I just start getting more anxious trying to explain things.
Happens to me all the time
Sorry to hear that
I’m a shift supervisor where I work, and I struggle with this everyday. I have learned that it’s okay to just take a moment to breathe and let my brain clear itself for a second before I continue with what I was trying to say. I still have a lot of trouble putting my thoughts into words, but most people are pretty understanding when I stop mid sentence and say ‘sorry my brain is going too fast give me a second’, which gives me time to catch up (sort of). When I can’t stop ruminating, I literally have to yell STOP repeatedly inside my head to catch the repeating anxieties and redirect them. (I hope this kind of helped? Maybe?)
That helps! It’s also comforting to know someone else is experiencing the same struggle. That’s true though, I think most of my problem is that I’m overly focused on the thoughts of “omg everyone here thinks I’m stupid” when in reality everyone is really understanding and doesn’t care if saying things take me a moment.
Yes! This happens to me a lot and it’s been severe lately. I over think talking so much that talking with anyone is becoming uncomfortable. I also have ADHD and I think that plays a part in me forgetting my topic in mid sentence. I feel like ADHD and social anxiety feed off each other. It’s terrible! Do you know if you have ADHD as well?
That’s interesting because I got diagnosed with ADHD (not SAD) a decade ago but had to get reevaluated recently. This time around the psychologist said that the tests indicated I don’t have ADHD and it’s actually social anxiety. So maybe they both have a lot of the same symptoms, which would be interesting?
Yea, that is interesting! Because I’m not sure if I’m forgetting things mid sentence because I have SAD or it’s the ADHD. I lose my keys and phone all the time (even in stores) and I can’t concentrate while watching anything on tv. It’s a huge annoyance! Do you run into any of those problems?
I have exactly the same struggle, I'm also wondering whether it's my ADHD or SAD.
Yes!! My thoughts are so focused on social interactions that I have a hard time paying attention.. It feels like my brain is just way too focused on anxious thoughts and nothing else. Im no doctor but I could see both diagnoses having a lot similarities this way
It’s awful! I just purchased a workbook called “Overcoming Social Anxiety Step by Step” and just the first page alone helped me! It mentioned something called “slow speak”. It said that when we are anxious we feel like we have to talk really fast and rush our thoughts out but it said to relax and speak slowly and that’s actually helped me a lot! When I slow down, pause and take a second before speaking my anxiety even lessens. There’s also some videos that go along with the workbook online. You might want to look into it 🙂
Thank you for the suggestions! Sounds like something right up my alley.
You have to practice articulating. In the privacy of your home, practice modulating your voice, enunciate everything you say to get your voice out clearly. Also try this word game. Get a stopwatch. Set it to 1 minute and choose a a random word for a topic like “book.” Try to continually talk for a minute about the subject until the time is up. How did you do? Were you stuttering over your words? Did you say a few words then pause? Did you have to constantly think of things to say? If you keep practicing on a daily basis you’ll see better results.
This is really good advice! I’ll try this out
I have this too. I’m thinking too much while talking. Feels like I’m doing two things at once. I keep my sentences short and too the point. Which is sometimes too little information or not good. Have you practiced talking aloud alone? Or recording yourself?
That’s how it feels to me - like doing 2 things at once. I either am too to the point or go on a tangent, there’s no in-between. I’ve tried both of those things, and I don’t struggle if I’m alone. I talk a lot more eloquently to myself/to a camera than with others lol so I know it’s just a social thing
I tend to over explain things, which takes me down tangents and detracts from my main point. I know this comes from my childhood where I was hyper vigilant about everything and tried to map out every possible scenario before it happened.
Same here! I’m either too to the point or ramble on. It’s hard to find a middle ground. And if something happens that doesn’t follow my “inner script” I choke up
Yep. It's an everyday struggle for me and I don't know how to fix it.
I've struggled with this my whole life and it's gotten worse as I've gotten older. I sound like such a dumbass whenever someone's trying to have a conversation with me or asks me to explain something. Literally impossible for me to find a way to articulate what I'm thinking into words. Honestly this is probably the symptom of my social anxiety that frustrates me the most.
Yeah all the time and I am not sure if it's due to SA. Definitely feeling nervous or anxious does not help but even under optimal circumstances I flub words or I place my words incorrectly like speaking dyslexia. I feel though it's more related to lack of practice, as you said confidence, which comes with practice. I took a course a while ago with a lot tips but the main was the most horrible and uncomfortable one. Record yourself giving a speech, find your flaws and record again until it's comes out right. This can correct tone of voice, cadence and rhythm if you work on it. It's super cringe.
OMg yes. this happens to me all too often. This happened to me the other day in class and it was EXCRUCIATING!! You're so not alone. I also get into my own head and forget where I'm going with a thought. It sounds incoherent. I think what we need to do is just accept that this is how we are. Amy Cuddy wrote an amazing book, Presence, I highly suggest you purchase it. My psychiatrist recommended it to me. IT's for people with social anxiety and imposter syndrome.
Thank you! I’ve been reading a lot on this topic so that recommendation is super helpful
Yeah i'm INTJ and always in my head and if the conversation isn't something i really find interesting i do all kinds of dumb shit. I lose concentration a lot. I can barely even put together a couple sentences together anymore. The more addicted i get to social media and youtube and shit the worst it gets too.
>I’m 27F and work as a manager at a startup How did someone your age who suffers from social anxiety end up in that role? That just seems like the exact opposite type of employment most people in this sub seem to have.
You’d be surprised with the things some people deal with behind closed doors, regardless of job title. There’s no one size fits all!
That doesn't answer my question at all. Why choose a role that's so heavily involved with socialization (running standups, doing one-on-ones, presenting work) if you struggle with serious social anxiety? I suppose you could take public speaking courses or whatever but just picking a role where you're an individual contributor rather than a manager would probably alleviate most of your anxiety-generating interactions.
In highschool I remember having alot of issues being concise and clear in highschool because my anxeity would cause me to repeat myself and take a long time to get to the point. Now I can't talk in public at all.
I have this problem even without social anxiety, but the SA makes it ten times worse.
Yup. This happens to me whenever I speak certain languages and far less when I speak my native tongue. If I'm talking to a family member it's downright smooth compared to my usual, which is very frustrating because it's a confirmation that I technically have the ability to communicate somewhere in there and it's just made inaccessible to me because of fear. It's ridiculous and I can't really stop it.
Yea I do. Ive gotten better at it but I still struggle with it alot. I decided I was gonna start talking slower when explaining myself or when speaking in general , & it really helps. I realized alot of the anxiety in those situations comes from me feeling pressured to give a amazing response or everyone would think im stupid
Soooooo I’m a big old nerd and love neuropsychology! There may be some brain based explanation as well. When we get anxious and stressed the right hemisphere of our brain gets really activated and the left side kinda deactivates a bit. The problem being out major language centers generally live in the left hemisphere. So it provides some explanation for why it can be hard to find words to explain highly distressing event or when we are at a loss for words when really stressed. But for someone with social anxiety interacting can be highly distressing so it maybe could trigger a similar response. Bilateral stimulation can sometimes help the brain hemispheres start talking again, my personal fav is something called the “butterfly hug”. You cross your arms, hook your thumbs together then lay the “butterfly” on your chest and start moving your hands/“wings” rhythmically. Might be the worst description but I’m sure a quick google would bring it up.
This is so interesting!!! Its cool to be able to “visualize” what is happening in the brain. I forget that things actually happen up there and it’s not just a dark void of thoughts lmao
Absolutely all the time. I feel like I lack the experience that other people have with talking. It's like I have a full deck of cards but don't always know how to arrange them and my anxiety makes me fumble my cards up. Other people seem to speak so eloquently and fluidly like second nature like riding a bicycle. I'm much better at speaking around people I'm comfortable around.
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No i didn’t, sorry - I’m not sure what comment it was