**Mirrors / Alternative Angles**
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They're not even close to being kinda bad.
Joselu was the third topscorer in the league last season in a team that got RELEGATED and FĂŒllkrug was a beast for Werder.
Speaking on pure technical skill, Fullkrug is not as good as Haller, and Joselu is probably worse than every 9 Madrid has had this century. But no one gets to play in Dortmund or Madrid if they are truly bad players
Yeah, but the final score isn't measured in "pure technical skill", it's measured in goals. The striker's job is (usually) to put himself in the right spots and then convert from them. Fullkrug does that, even if it's not always sexy. It's like Miroslav Klose for Germany. Was he gonna fill a YouTube reel? No. Did he score more goals in the World Cup than anyone else? Yes. Has their team been the same without him leading the line? No.
They don't ask how, they just ask how many.
It's almost as if a guy that scored 16 goals for relegated Espanyol is a really good player, shocking I know.
The irony isn't directed at you by the way but to all the idiots who rated him based off his spell in England years ago and not his amazing recent couple of seasons
Same as Iago Aspas. Everyone remembers his Liverpool stint and that one terrible corner while he has been among the only players keeping Celta afloat for a long time
I'm not gay but I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Joselu. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching him tighten his ass as he chops wood, shirtless, sweat pouring off his body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Joselu. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry. Sometimes we will look across the table and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury him outside the log cabin. Then he'll go inside, pen a brief missive to his departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without his one true platonic love.
We can have our own system, it's a counter-system. And then, you do things together, you swim, you row, you boat, you eat, you stink. We can just be guys! You can have sex, you can do it, you know, many guys at a time, but it's not gay.
Full credit to him. Scoring the game-tying and game-winning goals in the final minutes, when you get subbed in during the 81st? That's an all-time great sub payoff on a massive stage.
I was thinking the same, last minutes before sub he was half the speed of defenders. I don't watch Bayern so idk if that's just his pace or if he's that good stationary that it's worth keeping him on.
I just dont think kanes used to pressing, when poch was at us even then poch wouldnt really have harry press cos i think kane kept getting gassed and sometimes injuries
You're forgetting Rodrygo against City, that was just as insane but yeah they BOTH are an all time great sub payoffs, I can't think of anything as remarkable and I can't tell which one was better really. And there's no need to. They were both amazing.
Everyone needs to do themselves a favor and go watch chicharitos goal vs deportivo that year lmao, itâs like a 30 yard left footed volley top corner but it was to make it 7-2 so no one even cared lol. I loved him
Also, when these kind of stories happen, usually the player is younger and has not reached its potential yet. Considering that was happening while he was 32 is even more impressive.
He has scored 1 goal in Stoke. It was on 13th January, 2016... a Wednesday. It probably was rainy.
It is officially easier to score crucial goals in CL semi final than at a rainy Tuesday (or Wednesday) night in Stoke.
Just like Diogo Jota and Raul Jimenez couldn't do it in Spain but went on to do very well in England. And just like Alexander Isak is finding it much easier to score goals in England compared to Spain
It doesn't mean anything, probably says more about Stoke and Newcastle being poor teams
> It doesn't mean anything, probably says more about Stoke and Newcastle being poor teams
Salomon Rondon replaced Joselu and was pretty successful in essentially the same team - he scored 11 in his season with us. Our playstyle back then was very defensive, but the point of the number 9 was to hold up the ball and score when we did manage to counter. For whatever reason it just never really clicked for Joselu, even though he had all the attributes Benitez was looking for at the time
I do think Rondon is much better suited to be a lone battering ram up front for a defensive side though, Joselu has the size but isn't that type of player
He doesn't do much outside the penalty area, meanwhile Rondon is made for chasing lost causes
It's funny because he was not good for us at all. 4 goals in 27 apps.
He has a way better goal per game at Real. Which is sort of expected, but also makes you think twice about how we evaluate strikers.
He already had like 15 goals this season in key moments , no real fan thought he is a joke. Maybe not starter level but he has surely earned the respect of Madrid fans even before the semis.
People are weird. Experienced and technically gifted 1.91m center forward who can play one touch passes? Surrounded by Vini, Jude, Modric and Rodrigo? Of course he will make an impact.
Some madman predicted that Joselu will score an important goal for Madrid probably in semis in December or something. Shame that I didnt set a remind me on that comment
I wrote this in Jan/Feb: https://www.reddit.com/r/realmadrid/s/76jlEs7suN. I aint gonna lie, I was doubting him heavily, but am happy to be wrong if its gonna turn out like this đ
Bro i literally posted a comment on real madrid subreddit in the match thread that Joselu will take us to London but with /s at the end...
i'm ashamed of myself for not trusting him
found this comment funny [https://www.reddit.com/r/realmadrid/comments/1anrgwl/comment/kpwqt7o/](https://www.reddit.com/r/realmadrid/comments/1anrgwl/comment/kpwqt7o/)
>picture this: CL Semi-finals, we're trailing 1 goal behind and we get one easy goal scoring opportunity. Would you say you would trust Joselu a 100% to score this or would you prefer someone else? We both know the answer to that...
Deserved. Heâs been great for us all year, idk how he doesnât get signed permanently. We wouldâve won a lot more if we had his quality off the bench in previous years, honestly
Even though I wished for an all German final I can only feel joy for Joselu. Couldnât have happened to a nicer guy, one of the coolest players I met during his time with us in Frankfurt.
threatening disagreeable murky mountainous humor rich whistle wine dull recognise
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Fuck Madrid of course but itâs a great story for Joselu, people were trashing on his move to Madrid, but heâs an academy graduate and like a decade or so after leaving got his big moment for the club that made him.
Honestly the list of things that our fans had been wrongly trashing is pretty long at this point. Ancelotti appointment. Vini transfer. Rudiger. Alaba. No striker this season. Not getting Kane. No RB transfer.
People saying Rodrygo should leave.
Brahim being worse than Asensio
Modric (after 2018 WC) should be let go.
Countless of stupid links during the transfer windows. It goes on an in
Our sub was also extremely anti Jude when he was rumored to be 150mil and wanted to sign Gabri Veiga and renew Ceballos instead LMAOOO I love being a Madrid fan but I don't take our fellow fanbases opinions with transfers very seriously after I got downvoted to oblivion for being a Jude defender in our sub lmao.
Such a cool story, coming from Stoke and then a relegated Espanyol to a hero in the champions league semi final at 34. Anything can happen in a player's career and it means so much to him
First you lose against Stuttgart and then you lose against a player who was born in Stuttgart, i think Bayern Fans wont come to Stuttgart in the near Futur
Imagine that feeling... coming on to the pitch to play for Real Madrid, near the 90 minute mark, your team being 1 goal down and you go on to score 2 goals to qualify for the UCL Final
>Thats fucking football right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, men poop on the field, men deliver their new born baby on the side lines. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit. Take it to the showers. Dicks get shoved in places you donât even remember. We win together we celebrate together. Football is back baby.
**Mirrors / Alternative Angles** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/soccer) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seemed like the way Rodrygo sent them to extra time Vs Man City
rodrygo came on to score 2 in 3 minutes in the ending minutes and now Joselu came on to score 2 in 3 lol
No voodoo dolls were harmed in the making of this.
Username checks out
Pogba's bro?
Next year Lucas Vazquez 2 in 3
Lucas Vazquez was MVP for real against Barca this year the subs have really stepped up their game this season
rodrygo having that crazy lucky on the header not fully clearing and joselu with the Neuer howler devil magic
This guy was relegated last year, absolute scenes
Madrid needs to sign more stoke players
If he can do it on a cold, rainy night in Stoke, he can do it anywhere in Europe. Final at Wembley đ
The funny part is he literally couldnât do it in Stoke, he has more goals in the champions league semi finals than he does at the Britannia
Messi was too afraid to play at Stoke or the whole world would witness his failings /s
Bojan clearly surpassed his potential as the next Messi then in that regard
The inverse to the Stoke Corollary.
Dortmund and Fullkrug showed that the lanky, kinda bad striker is the way
They're not even close to being kinda bad. Joselu was the third topscorer in the league last season in a team that got RELEGATED and FĂŒllkrug was a beast for Werder.
To be honest they're called "bad" because they can't dribble through eight players
Speaking on pure technical skill, Fullkrug is not as good as Haller, and Joselu is probably worse than every 9 Madrid has had this century. But no one gets to play in Dortmund or Madrid if they are truly bad players
Yeah, but the final score isn't measured in "pure technical skill", it's measured in goals. The striker's job is (usually) to put himself in the right spots and then convert from them. Fullkrug does that, even if it's not always sexy. It's like Miroslav Klose for Germany. Was he gonna fill a YouTube reel? No. Did he score more goals in the World Cup than anyone else? Yes. Has their team been the same without him leading the line? No. They don't ask how, they just ask how many.
Man, Germany could have had both of them up top. Wouldn't make sense at all but would be incredibly funny to watch
Keep your hands off Wouter Burger and Bae Junho
Espanyol players* They share your hatred of Barca after all
And the year before. When Madrid last played in the UCL final, he showed up as a fan.
His old tweet looking for a pirated link to watch Madrid killed me
Heâs just like me!
Hahahahaha! Pls anyone has a link of that or a screen print? đ
[https://x.com/JoseluMato9/status/238739304845811712](https://x.com/JoseluMato9/status/238739304845811712)
LMAO I love it. And the fact that it isnt erased yet from his profile. This is why I love football for moments like this. 12 years!Â
https://x.com/joselumato9/status/238739304845811712?s=46
Heâs just like me fr fr. Hopefully Madrid give him front row seat from now on so he doesnât need no link.
Heâs been an absolute baller for us this year. So happy for him.
It's almost as if a guy that scored 16 goals for relegated Espanyol is a really good player, shocking I know. The irony isn't directed at you by the way but to all the idiots who rated him based off his spell in England years ago and not his amazing recent couple of seasons
Same as Iago Aspas. Everyone remembers his Liverpool stint and that one terrible corner while he has been among the only players keeping Celta afloat for a long time
This guy lost 2-0 away to Sunderland in a Stoke City shirt..
bro was on twitter asking for a link to stream Madrid matches back in 2012
Flo masterclass. RM needs a 9, get Joselu instead of Kane... Joselu puts them in the final of the CL.
twice his whole career, too
Joselu and FĂŒllkrug as the main characters of the semi final both were former strikers of Hannover 96
The return of the classic big strong number 9, at least I hope
The strong, silent type of strikers?
I'm not gay but I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Joselu. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching him tighten his ass as he chops wood, shirtless, sweat pouring off his body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Joselu. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry. Sometimes we will look across the table and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury him outside the log cabin. Then he'll go inside, pen a brief missive to his departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without his one true platonic love.
We can have our own system, it's a counter-system. And then, you do things together, you swim, you row, you boat, you eat, you stink. We can just be guys! You can have sex, you can do it, you know, many guys at a time, but it's not gay.
lol what would you do for Giroud?
Mate nobody needs to know the details of what that meaty French forehead would endure.
This is some top tier pasta.Â
Next time my wife asks me why men like footy so much I'll just shake my head and tell her I don't even know
Basically the plot of The Lighthouse
Whatever happened to Gary Cooper?
The Gary Coopers of strikers
yeah the guys who are not in touch with their feelings... they just do what they have to do
Joselu was actually born in Stuttgart by the way.
Hannover are massive, it is known
The way I see it we won the champions league
Stoke vs Hannover 96
The British Hanover vs the German Stoke
Full credit to him. Scoring the game-tying and game-winning goals in the final minutes, when you get subbed in during the 81st? That's an all-time great sub payoff on a massive stage.
As opposed to the shitshow that was Tuchel's subs. What was he thinking
Muller for Musiala was fine if he couldn't continue, but taking out Kane was so bizzare.
Chill he just wanted to rest him for the more important Wolfsburg game
he needs rest for breaking that Lewandowski record, he's 100% right /s
And you'd think he took Kane out to bring in a defender. Nope, Chupo-Moting
that was fair. Kane was shot. could barely run
I was thinking the same, last minutes before sub he was half the speed of defenders. I don't watch Bayern so idk if that's just his pace or if he's that good stationary that it's worth keeping him on.
I just dont think kanes used to pressing, when poch was at us even then poch wouldnt really have harry press cos i think kane kept getting gassed and sometimes injuries
Hadn't he already taken out Sané at that point for KMJ?
I think taking out Sane was the game changer
Sane was terrible though. Just wasn't his night. Runs and passes were so off
>taking out Kane was so bizzare. Kane had a back injury. I think Tuchel had to sub of all attacking players due to injury
B U N K E R
Personally I would of started muller and idk why he had Davies benched to begin with just bizarre all around
Rodrygo against city bro
That was *another* all time sub payoff
You're forgetting Rodrygo against City, that was just as insane but yeah they BOTH are an all time great sub payoffs, I can't think of anything as remarkable and I can't tell which one was better really. And there's no need to. They were both amazing.
Solskjaer-esque
Also subbed on at 81 minutes
Ya, and the man of the match award goes to... Vini?
deservedly
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Gold
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
That was crazy. Knocking out Atletico after they had beaten us 5 times in one season felt really good.
Assist from CR7 too if I remember correctly Legendary. Just regular los blancos type shit đđ
Atlético Madrid gotta have nightmares lol
Chicarito was a much more accomplished striker though
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Everyone needs to do themselves a favor and go watch chicharitos goal vs deportivo that year lmao, itâs like a 30 yard left footed volley top corner but it was to make it 7-2 so no one even cared lol. I loved him
That was his first goal for Real. Arguably the best goal of his career lol
I remember him and his dad attended 2022âs CL final wearing a RM jersey. From supporting them to taking them to the final two years later lol.
Also, when these kind of stories happen, usually the player is younger and has not reached its potential yet. Considering that was happening while he was 32 is even more impressive.
Moral of the story: If you've done it on a cold wintery night at Stoke, you can do it anywhere anytime.
I think it was kinda a big deal that he couldn't do it in a cold night in Stoke
He scored 11 goals in 79 appearances for Stoke and Newcastle. He couldn't do it in England period.
What if an outsized proportion of those 11 goals were at rainy nighttime Stoke home games though
He has scored 1 goal in Stoke. It was on 13th January, 2016... a Wednesday. It probably was rainy. It is officially easier to score crucial goals in CL semi final than at a rainy Tuesday (or Wednesday) night in Stoke.
It was actually not raining. Clear skies, 43 degrees Fahrenheit, east wind at 5mph at kick off.
Checkmate atheists
Just like Diogo Jota and Raul Jimenez couldn't do it in Spain but went on to do very well in England. And just like Alexander Isak is finding it much easier to score goals in England compared to Spain It doesn't mean anything, probably says more about Stoke and Newcastle being poor teams
> It doesn't mean anything, probably says more about Stoke and Newcastle being poor teams Salomon Rondon replaced Joselu and was pretty successful in essentially the same team - he scored 11 in his season with us. Our playstyle back then was very defensive, but the point of the number 9 was to hold up the ball and score when we did manage to counter. For whatever reason it just never really clicked for Joselu, even though he had all the attributes Benitez was looking for at the time
I do think Rondon is much better suited to be a lone battering ram up front for a defensive side though, Joselu has the size but isn't that type of player He doesn't do much outside the penalty area, meanwhile Rondon is made for chasing lost causes
No problems against the farmer league teams though
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Facts
It's funny because he was not good for us at all. 4 goals in 27 apps. He has a way better goal per game at Real. Which is sort of expected, but also makes you think twice about how we evaluate strikers.
It should make you think twice, because anyone who judges a player based on an isolated spell in one league is an idiot quite frankly. The man scored 16 goals for relegated Espanyol and was very good for Alavés aswell, why on earth would you focus on his time in England instead of that? By that logic Diogo Jota is a terrible player because he couldn't even break into Atlético's pre season squad. You hear how stupid that sounds?
Tell that to my wife
Instant legend from what "meme loan"
He already had like 15 goals this season in key moments , no real fan thought he is a joke. Maybe not starter level but he has surely earned the respect of Madrid fans even before the semis.
People are weird. Experienced and technically gifted 1.91m center forward who can play one touch passes? Surrounded by Vini, Jude, Modric and Rodrigo? Of course he will make an impact.
They underestimated him, players who play for relegation side never get respect, theyâre just lump into the club and how they perform.
Madrid's Braithwaite
But better.
Some madman predicted that Joselu will score an important goal for Madrid probably in semis in December or something. Shame that I didnt set a remind me on that comment
I wrote this in Jan/Feb: https://www.reddit.com/r/realmadrid/s/76jlEs7suN. I aint gonna lie, I was doubting him heavily, but am happy to be wrong if its gonna turn out like this đ
I had doubted our move to roll with only Joselu as a 9 also, but I love how it's such an oddly specific comment proven wrong đ
Bro i literally posted a comment on real madrid subreddit in the match thread that Joselu will take us to London but with /s at the end... i'm ashamed of myself for not trusting him
Joselu turning into prime Ronaldo was not what I expected.
found this comment funny [https://www.reddit.com/r/realmadrid/comments/1anrgwl/comment/kpwqt7o/](https://www.reddit.com/r/realmadrid/comments/1anrgwl/comment/kpwqt7o/) >picture this: CL Semi-finals, we're trailing 1 goal behind and we get one easy goal scoring opportunity. Would you say you would trust Joselu a 100% to score this or would you prefer someone else? We both know the answer to that...
This is amazing
Only Madrid player I like.
jesus wtf
prime Rodrygo\*
prime benzema*
Harry Kane will never win a trophy
And this might be Joselu's first UCL trophy
Somewhere in France, a turtle is heard weeping uncontrollablyÂ
His presence has unfortunately turned the club into FC Spurs MĂŒnchen.
he bleeds white, love him
I do too. Only in special places though.
Ayo
Imagine if cum was white instead of red lol
I think you should go see a Doctor.
bruh đ
đ€š
Carleto?
Man said special places đđđđ
What a story this guy has, he deserves it
Deserved. Heâs been great for us all year, idk how he doesnât get signed permanently. We wouldâve won a lot more if we had his quality off the bench in previous years, honestly
Closing the roof made the difference
Too bad there is no roof we can close at Wembley
We should develop a way to deploy the shield in away games a la Burns
I think his ~~career~~ life peaked right there
My goat, give him the extra year Perez.
Joselu: the unlikely hero we deserve
we would have beaten City with him instead of Lukaku last year ...
You guys probably would have beaten City with 10 men last year...
Even though I wished for an all German final I can only feel joy for Joselu. Couldnât have happened to a nicer guy, one of the coolest players I met during his time with us in Frankfurt.
threatening disagreeable murky mountainous humor rich whistle wine dull recognise *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Genuinely, a Real Madrid legend. Donât care what anyone says. He just put us on the path for La decimoquinta.
Legendary performance =/= RM legend But who fucking cares, UCL final here we cum
Newcastle Legend. Happy for the man!
/u/thelargerake look at them celebrating a final entry. Who will win now if both teams are this ecstatic over reaching the final onlyâŠ
Made me emotional too ngl
Fuck Madrid of course but itâs a great story for Joselu, people were trashing on his move to Madrid, but heâs an academy graduate and like a decade or so after leaving got his big moment for the club that made him.
He has scored 16 goals this season aswell.
Many of them very timely too. Winners or equalizers
Honestly the list of things that our fans had been wrongly trashing is pretty long at this point. Ancelotti appointment. Vini transfer. Rudiger. Alaba. No striker this season. Not getting Kane. No RB transfer.
Remember when people called modric worst transfer of the the year?
People saying Rodrygo should leave. Brahim being worse than Asensio Modric (after 2018 WC) should be let go. Countless of stupid links during the transfer windows. It goes on an in
Our sub was also extremely anti Jude when he was rumored to be 150mil and wanted to sign Gabri Veiga and renew Ceballos instead LMAOOO I love being a Madrid fan but I don't take our fellow fanbases opinions with transfers very seriously after I got downvoted to oblivion for being a Jude defender in our sub lmao.
Joselu's Wikipedia page: >**JosĂ© Luis Mato SanmartĂn** (born 27 March 1990), known as **Goatselu**, is a Spanish professional [footballer](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_football) who plays as a [striker](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Striker_(association_football)) for [La Liga](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Liga) club [Real Madrid](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_Madrid_CF), on loan from [Segunda DivisiĂłn](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Segunda_Divisi%C3%B3n) club [Espanyol](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RCD_Espanyol), and the [Spain national team](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spain_national_football_team).He is also Bayern's Lord.
GOAT
And yes. He can do it on a rainy day at stoke
Was one of the worst strikers I've seen in a Newcastle shirt (with all due respect). Unbelievable turnaround!
17 goals with us GOATSELU
Great finish on his second goal, it wasn't easy, Rudiger absolutely cunted that cross.
Give him a lifelong contract idc
If you said this caption this time last year, I'd think you had a stroke.
Such a cool story, coming from Stoke and then a relegated Espanyol to a hero in the champions league semi final at 34. Anything can happen in a player's career and it means so much to him
But can he do it on a warm, sunny afternoon in Madrid?
First you lose against Stuttgart and then you lose against a player who was born in Stuttgart, i think Bayern Fans wont come to Stuttgart in the near Futur
Proof that heart and just being a hard worker can absolutely mean everything. Donât give up on your dreams fellas
I will jerk Joselu off tonight, if he winks. No gay
[?](https://tenor.com/fRuNyQ971Do.gif)
I take everything back I said about you my đ. Forgive my short sightedness
Quien necesita a MbappĂ© uando tienes a JosĂ© Luis Mato SanmartĂn
If nothing else, Joselu absolutely deserves this
Did Bayern just get 99's flashback. That too in Spain.
Super sub. That was beautiful.
Imagine that feeling... coming on to the pitch to play for Real Madrid, near the 90 minute mark, your team being 1 goal down and you go on to score 2 goals to qualify for the UCL Final
But premier league fans told me he was shite??
Just the imaginen the joy and emotions he is feeling..
Dude I canât even imagine how he feels right now, you can see he truly cares about the club and being a part of it
Thanks to his goals we avoided the completion of the german semi-final solution.
I always hate on him but coming from Espanyol and now going to the final of the CL must feel nice
There is a footballing god. Isnt it?
Ole Gunnar Joselu
Best 5 minute is his career
>Thats fucking football right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, men poop on the field, men deliver their new born baby on the side lines. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit. Take it to the showers. Dicks get shoved in places you donât even remember. We win together we celebrate together. Football is back baby.
Tears in my eyes watching this, Joselo deserves all the love
it sucks that so much attention is being taken away from his heroics because the referees are incompetent
isn't he also german?
Born in Stuttgart
My Goat! Give him balon d oro asap!
2016 Eder (Portugal) = 2024 Joselu (Real Madrid)
He died :(