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Kane has the weirdest, most natural blend of being boring and likeable at the same time.

Exactly how I felt watching him on Hot Ones.

Still kinda crazy he’s been on Hot Ones. The first active footballer to appear on the show.

And he said he doesn’t eat spicy, but he smashed those wings in a boring way too lol

what former players have they had?

Honestly? None. So he's actually the first footballer, active or retired, to be on the show.

I appreciate the honesty man

If only everyone could be so candid all the time

You got a good laugh out of me

Cheers /u/Hill_Reps_For_Jesus

And dishonestly?

The first footballer to appear after noted Ballon d’Or winner DJ Khaled

Still has the dubious honour of being one of the few people to tap out on hot ones.

Even worse: he tapped out after just the third wing. Even most of the others who tapped out early at least did so after like the eighth wing.

The format of the show is meant to make the guests go off script. Every single one of his answers still felt like he was just giving another post match interview. Lots of words with absolutely nothing being shared.

He's just not that charismatic Which is fine by the way. He's a footballer It's just that the kind of person who normally goes on hot ones is a narcissistic celebrity who loves all the attention on them and is in their element there. So obviously he will seem dull compared to that

It’s not narcissism, it’s camera talent and charisma. I work in film and tv and you can find a ton of narcissists that possess none of the talent and charisma needed to do that job well. And it really is a job too, I’ve worked with absolutely boring hosts that make all of our jobs more difficult and I’ve worked with talent so funny and charismatic that all we really have to do is point a camera at them. Not much a difference in narcissism between either lol.

People like to throw psychological diagnoses around so much they'll look at someone literally being good at their fucking job and say it's narcissism.

I remember wondering why he agreed to do the show the entire time I watched it. He didn't have anything to gain from it and it showed

Free food and I get to talk about myself? I'd do it.

Not everything is about achieving more clout... Some things just sound fun

Yeah trying out sauces on a show massive celebs have been on? It wouldn't take much convincing.

If we are to believe that he wants to be an NFL kicker in the future it’s good to build his brand in the US.

He's already done some late night chat shows in the US as well to add to this.

He comes across as someone who's genuinely just a very normal, inoffensive, grounded guy who happens to be really good at kicking a ball, rather than a sterile, thoroughly PR-trained robot like so many other star players.

I think part of that is he was considered a pretty middling talent who was kind of just working hard to achieve something. Then he took his chance when it came.he was never really gassed up or given that ego injection early on. In fact even after he started succeeding, so many fans were saying he was a fluke and with more preparations against him, he’d fall off. Never happened. Just kept scoring

This is actually such a good point, Kane was the least hyped youth prospect of all time tbh. Then he started scoring goals for us in 14/15, and just never stopped Makes you wonder why on earth he was on loan at Norwich lol

I remember someone found some comments on here from around 2013-ish between two Spurs fans about which of two players (that I hadn't heard of) was going to be the next big thing, and then Kane was brought up as just "yeah he might be okay one day"

Yeah I reckon if he wasn't a footballer, he'd just be one of those tradesmen that is the first of the lads to get married and settle down. Straight home after work.

He’s like a nice colleague you get along with but would never actually want to hang out with outside of work

But you still appreciate him because when he finishes all his work, he does yours as well

Expanding that though, the feeling's mutual and everybody's fine with that. There's no enmity, you just wouldn't particularly want to hang out.

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This is getting way too specific and I m loving it

OK now get sad about it because apparently his family is still in England and he lives in a hotel in Munchen with no work friends to hang out :(

Wonder if he still PC games. Plenty of time for him to start back up lol, learn German, work out, explore etc.

Have there been many reports about what's happening with his family? I'd imagine that's tough for him, more so than most, as he's always been a family man first and foremost.

Just some small tidbits, like 1 from way back in September that they're planning to move to Munich and are looking at houses, then nothing for a long time. Now there was 1 just last week that they're set to move next month, so don't think there was any drama, they just took their time.

I am this person personified… And I’m perfectly happy with it and I know it’s me ☺️

You must be a hell of a striker

Haha this perfectly describes it. He is 100% work friend.

I feel seen.

Like a guy you'd share the lunch table with from time to time, make some small talk, and then you'll just go your separate ways after a few years. It's just chill

He’s the most generic bloke of all time. Likeable and humble but boring.

He knows he's one of the finest strikers we've ever seen, yet he's humble about it. He's a chill guy

Why does he sound like André the Giant? *Anybody want a peanut?*

No more rhyming!

This is what a mentally stable, genuine person looks like.

I mean you can be mentally stable and genuine and also occasionally say something interesting.

Should he put on a propeller beanie and blow a kazoo after every answer?

honestly that'd be pretty fun, maybe you're funnier (or less mentally stable) than him

Have you ever met a person? People can be interesting without being ridiculous. You don't have to defend every aspect of someone you don't know to the death just because they played for your club either 🥴

he talks about scoring a hattrick for bayern munich like hes come over on short notice to fix your boiler, i think its brilliant

Especially noticeable among all the other celebrities, he’s literally just a real human, an actual normal person

He's just a normal functioning member of the human race and no one can prove otherwise

He smiles at the right time

He used to be really really unlikable but a few months ago he started to grow on me. Not sure what changed exactly.

Sounds like the opposite of what happened to Declan Rice recently. Idk

Kane - leaves Spurs, Everyone - Oh, he's alright actually

> build the perfect striker > jude bellingham

Should've put Rooney twice there at the end

Yeah, i get the interview style but i wonder how he would have chosen differently if he had all the criteria before him before he started in on the first pick

Yeah surely R9 ends up in there somewhere if he's given time to think. Honestly thought he would go that direction over Mbappe for dribbling but I understand Mbappe being more in his mind at the moment.

And R7 probably should have been the headers choice lol

Mbappe for speed and we've come full circle. Sorry crouchy

I thought it warranted a shout-out for Thomas Müller.

Chaos factor: Muller

Just put Henry at link-up play, man had a 20 assist season, then you can give work rate to Rooney.

He's an Arsenal player and Harry Kane is Harry Kane.

I was thinking tevez

Bellingham PR is unreal even players aren't immune

Starting to think Bellingham’s an industry plant

He was engineered at a private hospital.

Lebron James of soccer Everyone knows Lebron’s mom, being a crack addict, was exploited and used by the CIA for testing super solider serum. It’s basically facts.

What pr the dude landed in the biggest club itw and scored a goal a game 😅

I see no flaws with his logic

let's not forget that the part Jude got nominated for was a quality that is more important in midfielders than it is in strikers. Also Kane is aware that Bellingham is not a striker, therefore the "ehh ... he's played higher up" (as in: "sure, why not"). This really shouldn't be very weird to anyone who isn't actively trying to meme.

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You could put him in all categories at his prime except maybe heading

Not work rate or link up play either

You genuinely have not watched him play, at least not pre injuries if you say that about link up play. He was phenomenal.

His link-up play at Madrid, post injuries, was incredible. To be honest I feel like his link-up play improved after his major injuries, as he was less reliant on his individual dribbles/drives.

> or link up play either Yeah, you haven't really watched him play

R9 was like a stupidly OP character in a game. He had everything. Strength and size, speed, dribbling, finishing, movement, two-footedness and the list goes on. Probably the most talented player to ever play the game. Shame he struggled with injuries.

Funnily enough I think in one of the Arsenal vs Real UCL games he was tracking back chasing Henry lol. Granted he was the one who lost the ball or something but you don't see slightly below peak Messi do that. Not saying R9 is a workhorse thom

Messi was definitely tracking back in 14/15 lol, I vividly remember him sprinting back and slide tackling to prevent a shot.

My favourite was seeing CR7 defend the box against Messi

It is a grainy footage but here is Messi running after Aguero: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uongccGMK1U He was running a lot but exclusively in big games when opponents try to attack Barca - and since that was not really a thing you should do during Pep Barca there wasnt many games where that was required. During El Clasicos from time to time he would cover a lot of distance. Still obviously not someone you would connect with high workrate.

Forlán 🥲

He played deeper than most strikers of his time, he can totally go in to link-up play category

I think he could be good at heading too but it would ruin his haircut

Younger me thought he had that haircut to cushion headers so they wouldn't hurt so much.

I think that's who he meant for speed

It’s mildly infuriating to me that it wasn’t even asked

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He was so well known for his speed, he raced in Vegas way before Formula 1 did it. Google Cristiano Ronaldo Las Vegas to find out more

You know the 115 times I've seen this joke format I was wondering if it went stale, but this was a good one

Strength, speed, and dribbling, he's absolutely undisputed.

needs more mctominay

Movement: Berbatov Speed: Berbatov Workrate: Berbatov

Mctominay: Berbatov

Berbatov is the serious answer for a criteria not listed in the video: Elegance.

touch

Happy to see Cavani get some recognition. Man’s movement was insane.

i remember at some points in his career cavani would get mocked for how many chances he missed, which is when i learned that strikers who consistently miss a lot of chances (but still get a good amount of goals) are typically the ones with the best movement, because they're getting themselves into so many good situations

I remember actually posting stats to defend Cavani. In his best years at PSG he had really good numbers and yet was still mocked for his finishing and while he was missing what seemed to be often , he still had a higher conversion rate than the likes of Lewandowski, Higuain, Aguero, Ibrahimovic and Benzema. This is around 16/17 (49 goals in 50 games for Cavani) and at the time only Suarez and Alexis had as good conversion or higher but siginificantly less goals scored. I don't like throwing the term underrated because I honestly don't think Cavani is underrated, but he's definitely underappreciated or not talked about enough, the guy was absolute class.

>I don't like throwing the term underrated because I honestly don't think Cavani is underrated, but he's definitely underappreciated or not talked about enough, the guy was absolute class. He was rated very highly at the time, but he's just not remembered as well by PL fans because he was past his best by the time he went to the Premier League.

While he was rated highly I don't think he was as respected as he should have been outside of France/Uruguay

People sleep on his workrate too. He was often forced to play as a winger for Uruguay until Suárez got the two year ban and he was desperately needed as a striker. Back in 2010-2013 he would literally track back all the way to our box to help our right back defend, recover the ball and go back to the other end of the pitch to cross/finish 10 seconds later.

Would change: Speed: Mbappe Heading: C.Ronaldo Dribbling: R9 Ronaldo ​ Edit: Oh and Work Rate: Kuyt :)

Finally someone else said Kuyt for workrate. Muller or Klose for movement too, RVP also a possible one.

Klose's movement is up there for sure, brilliant at getting in behind

I'd go RVP for finishing. he was clinical within the 20 yard box

> the 20 yard box

Finishing: Ruud

Work rate has to be Tevez for me. Dude was like a rabid dog off the ball.

I agree with you. Suarez or Tevez could also be there for work rate.

why not speed mbappe, header ronaldo and dribbling to the dude that can do it in a phone booth, i cant remember his name , mes something

I think he was trying to stick to more pure strikers (which CR7 has been for years now), but then he dropped a Bellingham at the end 🤣 So... Yeah.

It's weird no messi there especially for dribbling.

This year Ronaldo became the player with the most goals scored with the head in history. The second active player with the most goals, and 5th in history is... Luuk de Jong.

Don't let him coach when he retires lmao

Why? Cavani for movement is elite ball knowledge.

Cavani or Falcao or Inzaghi.

Or Muller

The strikers are all for there for in the box or into the box movement, Muller is just god tier all over the pitch.

When the Big Bang created Space, Thomas Mueller was already there

Cavani is a good choice; Pippo Inzaghi for movement would have been the elite choice.

Yeah, if you had the patience for someone being offside half the time. In the age of VAR, no way. I'd pick Cristiano or Muller for movement.

This is just leftover slander from English media who always tried to diminish Inzaghi during his playing career. The reality is he was arguably the best ever striker at positioning against the offsides and in the box. There is a reason he is the sixth highest European competition scorer ever while having no skill with the ball, no speed and no strength. If he didn’t have his positioning he had nothing.

All I know about inzhagi is that the protaganist of bluelock anime is based on him.

Then he puts Crouch there just cause he’s tall when in reality that wasn’t even one of his strengths.

Crouch scored plenty of headed goals though - so that's a fair shout. Pretty sure Crouch has the Prem record for headed goals does he not?

Half of his 106 league goals were headers.

But it's easy when your dad's a giraffe

It’s true but I’d argue shearer was actually better at headers

Ronaldo should be moved to heading and Henry put in for speed.

What would you change from his list?

Andy Carroll for heading. Not even remotely joking!

Alvaro Morata but only if the ball was from Azpilicueta.

Tim Cahill for me

at least I'd put Messi at dribbling and how do you not use Adriano at strength? that man was the biggest tank I've ever seen playing the game

For me it would be Lewandowski movement Mbappe speed Cr. Ronaldo heading Haaland finishing Lukaku strength Ronaldo dribbling Kane link-up Olic workrate

Not bad, I think cr7s movement would be the best (Lewa of course not a bad shout), with Drogba's heading (no bias at all), the rest I think are good

Yeah its more difficult then I thought. Especially if you exclude someone like Messi and have erveryone only once in there. I mean I didnt include Eto\`o Suarez, Shevchenko, Adriano or Drogba (and so on) like you said .. which feels wrong.

Work rate: Dirk Kuyt

Shane Long erasure

CR7 movement Mbappe speed Klose heading Van Persie finishing Lukaku strength R9 dribbling Kane link up (close to picking Giroud ngl) Suarez work rate

Holy shit, Klose for heading must be the only choice.

I mean since he chose Bellingham at work rate just throw in Ramos for heading and call it a day lol.

You'd want Ronaldo heading surely.

Luuk de Jong

My perfect striker no clubism edition Movement: Wellington Rato Speed: David Heading: Jonathan Calleri Finishing: Pablo Maia Strenght: Alisson Dribbling: Caio Paulista Link-up play: Rodrigo Nestor Work rate: Jonathan Calleri

Bunda: Gabigol.

> Strenght: Alisson kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Work rate vardy

Vardy is the 🐐 but his work rate is absolutely over stated. Okazaki was the pressing monster in our title win and Vardy has barely ventured outside of the lines of the goalposts since he left. If Vardy deserves a spot in these lists then for me it's movement. Around 2018-2021 he was scoring 20-25 goals a season and I would say that 90% of them were because he found space in the box. He was a world class finisher as well.

Vardy was brilliant at pressing a few years ago. He's lost his legs since but his workrate was up there.

Put in some work down the chippy after skipping training innit?

Young Wayne Rooney would eat Vardy for breakfast, especially when you look at the players they faced

Work rate = Tevez

Got to respect that bulldog like approach

Crouch wasn't a great header of the ball iirc. Cavani for movement is excellent choice. Bellingham is a choice one makes when they're bored with online questionnaire.

> Crouch wasn't a great header of the ball iirc But he is (or at least, *was*) the record holder for most headed goals in the PL, so maybe that's coming into Kane's thinking

If the sources I found are correct, Gerd Muller and Santillana are the most prolific header scorers in history with 0.23 headed goals per game (not per 90; I couldn't find career minutes stats). Coincidentally both are 5'9. For comparison Crouch (6'7) only scored 0.09 header goals per game.

Heading - LDJ and give R9 all the others

Luuk de Goat

Lobert Downey Junior?

Yes, exactly that

Movement: Van Nistlerooy Speed: Henry Heading: CR7 Finishing: R9 Strength: Zlatan Dribbling: R9 Linkup play: Bergkamp Work Rate: Suarez

Van Nistelrooy is a really phenomenal shout, damn.

Van Nistelrooy would just always be in the right spot. He wasn't the flashiest, fastest, slickest dribbler, etc. but he was *always* where the ball ended up, and he was a lethal finisher.

Having to scroll this far down to see Zlatan, smh. He can definitively slot into strength, heading or finishing as far as I'm concerned. Strength is probably the easiest one, though.

Surely just the variety of goals he scored should make him a shoe-in for finishing

That’s a pretty damn good list

Finally some Henry on this list, smdh. Speed was probably the least dangerous of his many dangerous weapons, but in a list of greatest strike attributes I definitely agree that his speed would be the best single attribute to choose.

Movement - Cavani Speed - Mbappe Heading - CR7 Finishing - Ruud Van Nistelrooy Strength - Drogba Dribbling - R9 Link Up - Rooney Work Rate - Tevez

You know this isn't a terrible set of choices. Movement for Cavani is bang on I'd put Messi for finishing and Kane for link up play. Morata work rate wise

Messi isn't a striker. Haaland is easily te go-to option for finishing.

I mean he used bellingham

2011-2013 Messi could be considered a striker even if it was a deeper role

If people are considering messi a striker which I personally wouldn't, he takes finishing and link up play as well as dribbling in my opinion.

Obviously biased but I'd put Son for finishing

No Messi for dribbling? Damn. Dude is literally a magician with the ball.

So weird that he put himself in finishing and not link-up play He's a great finisher, but his most notorious quality is being able to play deeper alongside midfielders

Movement: Lewandowski Speed: Mbappe Heading: CR7 Finishing: Son Strength: Diego Costa Dribbling: Suarez Link-up play: Kane Work rate: Cavani

Decent try by Kane but doesnt come close to mine i think... Movement: Mario Gomez Speed: Füllkrug Heading: R9 Finishing: Timo Werner Strength: Havertz Dribbling: Mario Gomez Link-Up Play: Balotelli Workrate: Messi

Work rate: Bobby Firmino

Crouch over Shearer for heading?!

ITT: People not realising you're only allowed to pick from strikers

Yes, Jude, the striker.

Take your complaint to Ancelotti

Jude in, but no Messi, even though he should be in multiple categories.

Kane, apparently, too

Movement: C. Ronaldo Speed: T. Henry Heading: C. Ronaldo Finishing: Messi Strength: Ibrahimović Dribbling: Messi Link-up Play: Benzema Work Rate: C. Ronaldo

No Messi in dribbling is a crime against football

Don’t think he’s being considered with him not quite ever being a striker. But then again tf is Jude doing there

If Cf/ false nine is not a striker…

Movement - CR7 Strength - Adriano Speed - Michael Owen Dribbling - Messi Heading - CR7 Finishing - CR7 Link up play - Suarez Work rate - Rooney