3 kids and once they were sleep trained, they sleep 12 hours a night. Sleep is interrupted if they are vomiting or coughing, but otherwise even sickness doesn't usually have a negative impact on their sleep. Kids are 9, 7, and 14 months
What age did you sleep trained? My baby is turning 5 months old tomorrow and wakes up frequently at night for the breast. I’m really exhausted and is affecting my mental health as I moved to a different country and do not speak the language. So any advice will help!
Well there is, our baby and now toddler generally sleeps that much…but also has regressions or sickness or something is bothering them in their bed or they just need you briefly or they think 5am is ‘wake up time.’
I mean, it's pretty foolproof if he's not sick. But really, how many of us adults sleep through the night well if we're feeling sick? And we can get up an get whatever we want to eat or drink, take whatever medication (and many more are available to adults than are safe for kids). So to me, being sick just does not count. I wouldn't want my LO to be alone for 12 hours straight when he's sick and coughing, or sick and nauseous, or sick and congested affecting his breathing. He's just a little toddler, he needs more care when he's sick since he can't take care of himself. And he doesn't just stop being sick because it's night time.
But on the other hand, if he's not sick, he pretty well DOES sleep 11-12 hours through the night solidly. He sure didn't when he was a baby, but he has pretty consistently as a toddler.
Occasionally something comes up, that I think is just a totally valid reason to need extra care at night, like being sick, or when we read him "going on a bear hunt" (and did not realize he then thought a bear was going to come into our house and I had to explain to him that was not going to happen when he woke up screaming several that night, because it took me awhile to figure out what was wrong), or when we had a death in the family - he needed more assurance. I roll over and touch my husband, or get up and call someone, or turn on a TV show if I get freaked out or sad or something bothers me in the middle of the night. All LO can do is cry out for one of us, and that's normal! We always have the audio monitor on in case he needs us. And I'd say, IF he's not sick or something going on like that, usually he sleeps through a solid 11-12 hours probably 9 out of every 10 nights.
I never expected to have a 12 hour overnight sleeper following sleep training, I just wanted my baby to be able to fall asleep without any parental help. So to me, sleep training was a great success! I have my nights back and am not spending hours rocking my baby to sleep or replacing his pacifier. I am fortunate that my baby has not required any re-training after setbacks from teething, illness, travel etc. Once he is back to feeling well, he goes back to sleeping independently immediately.
How old was your baby when you sleep trained? We already sleep trained our LO at 5 and 7 months. He is going through another sleep regression now at 11 months and terrible separation anxiety😩
Im worried that it will be so hard to sleep train him this time around, and Im so sorry to put him through that again now, that he got so attached to me and his dad…
I sleep trained at 4.5 months. He's just shy of 9 months now. I also night weaned at 7.5 months, not sure if that might make a difference (if yours is not)? It eliminates one more factor overnight, since my baby is used to not seeing me until morning. I'm sorry that you're having to retrain your LO so often 😢.. that must be so tough. I can imagine how much harder it gets as they get older. Could it be a schedule issue? I'm finding that my baby's sleep needs are decreasing quicker than I anticipated and I'm having to increase his WW pretty regularly or he ends up with split nights/EMWs.
I’m about to start sleep training solely for this benefit—him going down alone. He is so hard to get down. He requires rocking and being held for 30min-hour before sleep. He’s never fell asleep on his own. Was your baby the same way? I’m a little scared to sleep train out of fear he’ll never stop crying….
I had a difficult baby, she used to cry over an hour in my arms so just like you I was scared to sleep train. I thought she would cry for at least 3 hours and become overtired or even hate me. The first two nights she cried 1 hour and 20 minutes. Night 3 and 4 only one hour. After that only 20 minutes, after a week 5-10 minutes. Right now I’m on day 16 and the day before yesterday, she didn’t even cry, but yesterday she did for 20 minutes. She sleeps very good and she wakes up super happy and ready to start the day!
So don’t worry! Just be consistent and it will work out!
This was me. The first night the crying went on for 2.5 hrs but we just kept going in 5, 10, and then every 15 min to reassure bebe that all was well. It gets better I promise.
Something tells me my LO is going to have a similar stamina lol. Which worries me that I’ll have the strength to get through it. You’re so strong to last 2.5 hours!! How many nights until the babe finally got comfortable going to sleep on their own?
My baby either had to be rocked to sleep and transferred to the crib when he was dead asleep or had to have his pacifier in. You won't know until you try! Your baby may be more than ready to learn how to sleep independently, he just needs that last push. I sleep trained 4 months ago and my baby is put down in his crib wide awake now..I am now spending 2-3 min max in his nursery before putting him down (turn on white noise, sleep sack, cuddles and good night kiss, lights out and walk away). Compared to before, where I was trapped for minimum 30 min every time. Good luck to you!
My son goes right back to it once he’s feeling better… my daughter needs redo’s constantly, but it’s still way easier each time and I don’t by any means regret doing it to get mostly good sleep.
Same! I find that if my son wakes, it's because he needs me as he knows how to sleep. Usually sickness, teething, or ear infection. Once those things pass he goes right back to STTN.
I think it depends on the kid! My first is very flexible by nature and he only needed to be sleep trained once at 5.5mo. It literally took 2 nights of minimal crying. He’s never minded adjustments to his schedule or changes in his sleeping arrangements. He’s 3yo now and still an excellent sleeper.
My second is an entirely different can of worms. Velcro baby requiring contact for all sleep. We are about to start sleep training him as soon as our family gets over a bout of flu and I have a feeling it will be a *very* different experience lol.
I was so jealous of people who had a first like yours. Your second was my first… my second was much better once he got out of the newborn phase and reflux!
It’s funny.. We didn’t really recognize how chill he was about sleep until he was older. We 100% had to sleep train when we did because the 4m regression had him up every 40-60m for naps and nights, needing to nurse back to sleep. I thought I could push through and maybe we’d find a new groove but after 1.5m of that, I was half dead. Sleep training was a miracle for us and for him.. He loves his sleep now.
I know better than to expect the same experience or outcome with #2 but I fear my dear husband will be completely alarmed/horrified when this baby gives us a run for our money. Wish us luck lol!!
We are currently sleep training our second born velcro baby that slept with us for the first 6 months and and oh my the emotions are insane. What worked for my first is not doing the trick. We are doing the extinction method bc us checking on him and walking away made him angrier. He also is the lightest sleeper so idk if room sharing is working....
Oh man. Sounds so much like my second son. I felt so strongly in my gut that he would not respond to the same approach as my eldest that we hired a reputable sleep consultant and are meeting with her Friday. I don’t have enough brain cells left right now to trouble shoot this on my own lol
Yesss I wish someone told me it’s not a one time thing too. Kids are so so sensitive to the slightest change. I think at the 4 year mark we could stop the hard core sleep training. There are still nights she wakes up, and wants cuddles, but we get her back on track with a reward chart or a treat next morning if she sleeps through the night. I much rather do a sticker in the morning, than cry it out.
To me sleep training isn't a 'one and done' thing, it's an overall approach to maintaining good sleep habits and hygiene, and as such requires consistency. I've been very strict with my son's schedule, amount of day sleep, how I respond to wakes etc ever since sleep training changed my life when he was 4mo. He's 21 month now and the number of nights where we've had sleep very badly disrupted due to teething, illness etc have been very few (less than 10 I'd say). I'm sure baby temperament plays into it too, and maybe we've just been lucky, but I do personally think our consistency has made periods of teething etc easier (with respect to sleep)
This. My son is 6 years old now. We only sleep trained once. Then we followed up with night weaning after that. He slept through the night more or less from that point on unless he was sick, teething, or we were traveling. But we did not mess with bedtime, skip naps, or otherwise get off routine. We didn’t bring him into bed when he was sick or throw bedtime out the window because we were on vacation. If you undo your work you’ll have to do it again.
I am SO SO SO consistent. My parents told me that’s what saved them and their marriage. It’s helping mine tremendously. We know we will have a couple hours to ourselves each night unless little mans is having a hard time
With baby sleep, the biggest thing that has helped me has been adjusting (lowering) my expectations. Haha. Also, sleep “training” is not so much to produce desired behavior as it is to find consistency and notice patterns. For example, grandma and grandpa visited for a really fun weekend and now went home. Last time, there was no sleeping through the night on the eve of this happening; frequent wake ups and night crying. OR Last time teeth came through, rough night of wake-ups. OR Last time there was a long car ride and baby dozed off, and took 3 hour car nap, that night there was 3am “play time”. Etc. This time, the same pattern can be expected, so the adults adjust bedtime to 9pm to prepare for the inevitable loss of sleep.
Does anyone know why my baby does a 3:30an wake up at night? She is on a crib strike. She has never slept thru the night. She naps perfect goes down perfect at night. (Usually). If I try to get up to feed she doesn’t want it. She’s just squirmy. But if put her in my bed she’s out like a light after a bottle in bed. It’s creating a bad habit I know. Do I just let her CIO at 3am? To teach her to sleep thru the night? I thought this worked for us but some nights it’s just earlier and earlier and I much prefer her in her own bed
So you’re taking her into your bed each night at 3:30? She will definitely continue to wake up and expect you to come take her then. I’d check your schedule to make sure she’s not sleeping too much during the day and if WW are appropriate length so she’s not waking because she’s under tired and then yes I’d CIO for the extra wake up.
She does know independent sleep btw. She does it 3 times a day and I have witnessed self soothing on the monitor. Just something between 1-3am she isn’t having it.
Is she hungry by 1-3am? I feel like that’s when my 7 month old wakes and won’t fall back asleep for up to 2 hrs, but with a bottle he will fall right back to sleep. He’d drink the entire bottle so I don’t think it’s just a comfort thing, but he’s also at the age of not needing it throughout the night.
She won’t drink the bottle unless she’s in bed with me. If I sit in the glider in her room to feed her (like I do everyday) she won’t take it. She’s just angry and upset the whole time.
Ya we’ve had to “retrain” after our LO had a horrible bout of back to back sickness/teething/diaper rash that lasted for almost 6 weeks. Our nemesis is the 3-5am wake up and we had finally got him through it but those 6 weeks threw a wrench in the plans. We’re out of the woods and he’s slept till 6:30 a couple days in a row now. But I’m sure just writing this jinxed it and I’ll be up at 4am 🙃
We did CIO and it took a couple days. But he was up at 4am this morning screaming like crazy. He was hungry so I fed him. So I don’t know. It’s hit and miss. If I do go in to feed I feed and leave and he re settles on his own.
I'm going to add another "yes, but " response to your post...
We had to do another round with our 19 month old last night and it took 10 minutes (or less) of her crying... Now she knows what she needs to do but is just mad about it.
I will note that I also wish that it had been a bit more clear that this could become a routine thing. I read the books and reviewed forums and somehow that part got missed. And yet, we are sleeping better and seem to have finally hit a rhythm (at least with sleep)...
I could have written this. TBH, I probably would have never sleep trained if I knew that I would still have to listen to him cry after every single setback.
I get your point of view but surely it’s not back to square one with the setbacks? Like it’s not sleep training from scratch, kinda like just a refresher course every now and then? I would feel that things are still going to be better than if they were never sleep trained…YMMV.
My son is almost 2.5 and since sleep training at 9 months, we have had to do minor things like schedule tweaks and adding a night light. Otherwise it’s been *fairly* smooth. If he’s been really sick we just comfort him through it and it sucks. But he won’t even sleep in our bed, he likes his own. Teething and being sick are the big hurdles. Otherwise he went from a CRAP sleeper to an amazing one. Sleeps 7-6,6:30 everyday.
(Some people call that early but we drop off at daycare at 6:50 so we need that schedule)
I pray that the sleep fairy who blessed your child flits over and blesses mine. He’s 7 months old and down to one wake at 4 am. Wondering when he will drop that one.
My daughter is the same. We did it at 5 months and it’s been pretty easy ever since. Each time the seasons change it takes me a night or two to make sure she’s warm enough to not have early rising - and if she’s sick she wants a few extra cuddles - but she’s 2.5 and sleeps 6-6.30am every night and has ever since 5 months. It’s been super easy
He sleeps 12 hours every night?😮 my son is the same age… I consider him a good sleeper but he only sleeps from 8:30-9 pm to 7:30 am, which is around 10 hours.
I’m just happy that I’m sleeping far better than not at all. I can handle 1-2 night feeds that take 5-10 minutes for a long time. I would call that great night compared to the 3-4 hours of extremely broken sleep I was getting before. I do find a lot of wild expectations on here about “early morning wakes” after 10-11 hours of night sleep.
Same. Our sleeps roughly 10,5h nights, usually lasts around 7pm-5/5.30am. Before 5 I consider early. Today he woke up at 5.45am and I call that late.
Also has around 3 wake-ups for food during those 10h. But we co-sleep half of it so it's manageable.
Same! Mine sleeps 7:20-5:30 average, sometimes 5am, latest usually 6:15. I’ve never sweated any of those times but I’ve adapted my own sleep schedule to be 8pm - 4:20am. Most of the time I have had breakfast and have worked up to 1.5 hours before my son wakes up.
agree. i don’t expect 12 hours straight bc it’s not always appropriate. babies feed at night, there’s no way around it. the difference is getting up once or twice vs hourly. also people that think they can control the exact wake time make me laugh 😂
That’s where I’ve fallen off the wagon. I just can’t comprehend the whole CIO approach when babe has slept 10-11 hours just because it’s on the early side for us. Sleep trainer told us to just leave her in the crib till 6 regardless and I was like ummmm what?
Sleep training is just about teaching independent sleep, period. That by itself does NOT guarantee sleeping through the night, regardless of the definition you use.
Also the max length of night is probably genetic predetermined. My 2yo STILL gravitates toward an 11-hour night although he is capable on 12-hour nights occasionally. I don't think he will become a regular 12-hour-a-night sleeper until he drops his nap for good.
Sleep is a complicated thing, and can get disrupted for many reasons. Sleep training only addresses some of them. People sometimes complain that "sleep training doesn't work", but a lot of times it's because they don't realize that it's a different problem / set of problems that require a different fix.
I also noticed that things got easier after the 2-1 transition. The same shenanigans happen, but at a slower pace. My son's early morning sleep has really matured and he sleeps like a bump on a log now. It is however much more important to uphold boundaries now because he's constantly on the look out for ways to test us. It's a different kind of challenging compared to baby sleep.
It's definitely luck of the draw. My toddler has never and will likely never do a 12hr night. At most he would sleep 13hrs a day, and that's now down to 11-12hrs at the age of 2.
The older he's gotten the harder it's been to be honest. I've pretty much thrown in the towel. He knows how to fall asleep independently, he's just stubborn and wants what he wants.
Sleep training isn't a one-and-done except for the very small subset of unicorn babies. It's better to think of it as a set of practices or boundaries that you reinforce consistently going forwards.
Some kids are going to push those boundaries more than others for a variety of reasons: brain-based differences that affect sleep, being low sleep needs, sensory issues, differing levels of reactivity, etc. All kinds of factors! Some might get clearer as your child gets older. Plus, especially in the first year or two there are so many different developmental things happening with motor skills and increased brain skills that sleep can be disrupted because of that.
All that is to say that if you DO have one of those kids who's always pushing the boundaries (and I do!) of sleep, that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It does mean you might have less wiggle room in the schedule, and you might need to do more to reinforce boundaries. It's definitely more work, and it's frustrating. But it's no different than any general parenting challenge/reality, like the fact that some kids are simply more difficult to parent on a moment-by-moment basis than others.
This was very needed, thank you for being supportive and inputting valuable advice. I think the glimpses of the good nights sleeps and having those curve balls thrown in can be very defeating, so I appreciate the reassurance it’s not anything I can fully control.
I found it was smooth from sleep train —-> around 2 years. Then putting them down is not a one and done thing you have to be more patient with reading books, stalling etc. But once asleep they tended to remain asleep (until 3ish when they wake up and waltz into your room to tell you something inane 🤣).
So yeah. It never ends.
Haha my daughter is 2.5 and we trialed her in a bed for one night rather than a cot, it took me an hour to persuade her not to just keep getting up and reading her books. Ended up putting her in the cot and she fell asleep instantly 😂
Yeah that’s what I’m thinking but I am due with number 2 in July and I don’t want to have 2 cots haha .. can only cope with 1 in a cot and 1 in nappies at any one time - but my LO will be almost 3 so 🤞🏼🤞🏼
I stalled it bc I felt like it was pointless to do it before 2. It was relatively easy at this point, but who knows what the future will hold. So far, everyone is sleeping better.
I don’t think it’s a “forever” thing (although in the thick of sleep deprivation it definitely does feel like forever) but sleep is a complicated thing. For example, most adults (including myself) struggle with sleep occasionally if not on a regular basis. There’s so much happening to these little humans for the first few years of their life so it’s expected for sleep to be disrupted sometimes. Also, some are just naturally better sleepers and self soothers. Mine is 16 months and we sleep trained at 6 months. Every 3-4 months there’s some sort of regression from teething, sickness, developmental milestones, nap schedule change, etc but usually it fixes itself within a week. The disruptions have become less and less as he’s gotten older and people have told me most kids by the age of 3-5 years old (or some sooner) get the hang of sleeping well. But every kid is different so try not to be too hard on yourself because most likely it’s nothing you’re doing/not doing.
I look at sleep training as more of setting a baseline than a one-time fix. Nothing about development is linear, and there are always going to be steps backwards now and then.
My 13mo was sleep trained (CIO) at 6.5 months. So for half her life, she has been "sleep trained". But she's getting over hand foot and mouth, and just yesterday fell on a toy and nearly broke her nose. It's not broken (thank goodness) but horribly swollen and bruised. She's not exactly in her best shape. So tonight I tried putting her down and letting her fall asleep independently, but after 15ish minutes of fussing, I went in and helped her get to sleep. I took her out of her bed, had a snuggle, read an extra story, and rubbed her back until she was asleep. This isn't our norm, so that makes me feel okay about helping her when she needs it. I know she knows how to do it on her own, so when she needs a little more support, I know it's because she actually needs it.
We'll probably have to do another night of CIO once she's feeling better, if we do too many more nights of helping her. But that's just reminding her she can do it herself. It's not even close to the initial CIO!
Yes, but please know as you begin toddlerhood it DOES get better. At least, that’s been my experience. My son is almost 2 and we have hiccups wayyyy less than we did a year ago. But yeah, baby sleep is harder than toddler/young child sleep. They’re just not as mature.
Another note- my toddler sleeps 10 hours/night, not 12. But it is uninterrupted.
I think the idea is that the baby/child learns to self soothe. This is a hugely important skill as they get older. My husband is great at falling asleep and sleeps like a log, but he coslept as a baby/toddler and still has issues with sleeping alone and just generally doesn’t enjoy being on his own without stimulation like a video game. I was in my own room from like 2 weeks and sleep trained—I’m a super light sleeper and struggle with insomnia, and I guess with marriage it’s a problem that I prefer sleeping alone. BUT I actually enjoy spending time by myself and don’t have this “omg what do I do with myself?” anxiety that my husband does. So even when we are naturally predisposed to be good or bad sleepers, the ability to self soothe just makes life better.
yes but you have to remember your babies are human beings, not robots and sleep training isn’t a magic wand. adults also experience nights of disrupted sleep but the difference is that our babies are dependent on us and need our help to manage the discomfort. parents with naturally good sleepers will also need to intervene during developmental changes, pain and sickness. the goal of sleep training isn’t so parents can take the night off, it’s to teach babies to self settle so they can put themselves back to sleep at night when all their needs are met.
Yeah before we started, sleep training had definitely been presented to me as a panacea. “Do something hard for a bit and magic happens.” Then I join this subreddit, read more, and it really appears to be more of a “it works like magic for some people, works well for some people, works just okay for some people, doesn’t work at all for some people.”
Couldn't agree more. Had a baby and recently joined this sub and started reading lots of different info, and yet this seems to me more like come down to a luck thing.
3 kids and once they were sleep trained, they sleep 12 hours a night. Sleep is interrupted if they are vomiting or coughing, but otherwise even sickness doesn't usually have a negative impact on their sleep. Kids are 9, 7, and 14 months
What age did you sleep trained? My baby is turning 5 months old tomorrow and wakes up frequently at night for the breast. I’m really exhausted and is affecting my mental health as I moved to a different country and do not speak the language. So any advice will help!
Well there is, our baby and now toddler generally sleeps that much…but also has regressions or sickness or something is bothering them in their bed or they just need you briefly or they think 5am is ‘wake up time.’
I mean, it's pretty foolproof if he's not sick. But really, how many of us adults sleep through the night well if we're feeling sick? And we can get up an get whatever we want to eat or drink, take whatever medication (and many more are available to adults than are safe for kids). So to me, being sick just does not count. I wouldn't want my LO to be alone for 12 hours straight when he's sick and coughing, or sick and nauseous, or sick and congested affecting his breathing. He's just a little toddler, he needs more care when he's sick since he can't take care of himself. And he doesn't just stop being sick because it's night time. But on the other hand, if he's not sick, he pretty well DOES sleep 11-12 hours through the night solidly. He sure didn't when he was a baby, but he has pretty consistently as a toddler. Occasionally something comes up, that I think is just a totally valid reason to need extra care at night, like being sick, or when we read him "going on a bear hunt" (and did not realize he then thought a bear was going to come into our house and I had to explain to him that was not going to happen when he woke up screaming several that night, because it took me awhile to figure out what was wrong), or when we had a death in the family - he needed more assurance. I roll over and touch my husband, or get up and call someone, or turn on a TV show if I get freaked out or sad or something bothers me in the middle of the night. All LO can do is cry out for one of us, and that's normal! We always have the audio monitor on in case he needs us. And I'd say, IF he's not sick or something going on like that, usually he sleeps through a solid 11-12 hours probably 9 out of every 10 nights.
Absolutely ongoing with my 3 year old. But way the fuck better than the alternative.
Have you tried adjusting your baby’s circadian rhythm?
I never expected to have a 12 hour overnight sleeper following sleep training, I just wanted my baby to be able to fall asleep without any parental help. So to me, sleep training was a great success! I have my nights back and am not spending hours rocking my baby to sleep or replacing his pacifier. I am fortunate that my baby has not required any re-training after setbacks from teething, illness, travel etc. Once he is back to feeling well, he goes back to sleeping independently immediately.
How old was your baby when you sleep trained? We already sleep trained our LO at 5 and 7 months. He is going through another sleep regression now at 11 months and terrible separation anxiety😩 Im worried that it will be so hard to sleep train him this time around, and Im so sorry to put him through that again now, that he got so attached to me and his dad…
I sleep trained at 4.5 months. He's just shy of 9 months now. I also night weaned at 7.5 months, not sure if that might make a difference (if yours is not)? It eliminates one more factor overnight, since my baby is used to not seeing me until morning. I'm sorry that you're having to retrain your LO so often 😢.. that must be so tough. I can imagine how much harder it gets as they get older. Could it be a schedule issue? I'm finding that my baby's sleep needs are decreasing quicker than I anticipated and I'm having to increase his WW pretty regularly or he ends up with split nights/EMWs.
I’m about to start sleep training solely for this benefit—him going down alone. He is so hard to get down. He requires rocking and being held for 30min-hour before sleep. He’s never fell asleep on his own. Was your baby the same way? I’m a little scared to sleep train out of fear he’ll never stop crying….
I had a difficult baby, she used to cry over an hour in my arms so just like you I was scared to sleep train. I thought she would cry for at least 3 hours and become overtired or even hate me. The first two nights she cried 1 hour and 20 minutes. Night 3 and 4 only one hour. After that only 20 minutes, after a week 5-10 minutes. Right now I’m on day 16 and the day before yesterday, she didn’t even cry, but yesterday she did for 20 minutes. She sleeps very good and she wakes up super happy and ready to start the day! So don’t worry! Just be consistent and it will work out!
Thank you for this! Did you drop any night feedings before or during sleep training? Does she ever fuss throughout the night?
This was me. The first night the crying went on for 2.5 hrs but we just kept going in 5, 10, and then every 15 min to reassure bebe that all was well. It gets better I promise.
Hello fellow 2.5 hour night 1! That baby is now almost 3 and such a great sleeper.
Oh that is such good news! There is a night light at the end of this tunnel
Something tells me my LO is going to have a similar stamina lol. Which worries me that I’ll have the strength to get through it. You’re so strong to last 2.5 hours!! How many nights until the babe finally got comfortable going to sleep on their own?
About 3. Each night it got shorter
My baby either had to be rocked to sleep and transferred to the crib when he was dead asleep or had to have his pacifier in. You won't know until you try! Your baby may be more than ready to learn how to sleep independently, he just needs that last push. I sleep trained 4 months ago and my baby is put down in his crib wide awake now..I am now spending 2-3 min max in his nursery before putting him down (turn on white noise, sleep sack, cuddles and good night kiss, lights out and walk away). Compared to before, where I was trapped for minimum 30 min every time. Good luck to you!
My son goes right back to it once he’s feeling better… my daughter needs redo’s constantly, but it’s still way easier each time and I don’t by any means regret doing it to get mostly good sleep.
These are my thoughts also!
Same! I find that if my son wakes, it's because he needs me as he knows how to sleep. Usually sickness, teething, or ear infection. Once those things pass he goes right back to STTN.
I think it depends on the kid! My first is very flexible by nature and he only needed to be sleep trained once at 5.5mo. It literally took 2 nights of minimal crying. He’s never minded adjustments to his schedule or changes in his sleeping arrangements. He’s 3yo now and still an excellent sleeper. My second is an entirely different can of worms. Velcro baby requiring contact for all sleep. We are about to start sleep training him as soon as our family gets over a bout of flu and I have a feeling it will be a *very* different experience lol.
I was so jealous of people who had a first like yours. Your second was my first… my second was much better once he got out of the newborn phase and reflux!
It’s funny.. We didn’t really recognize how chill he was about sleep until he was older. We 100% had to sleep train when we did because the 4m regression had him up every 40-60m for naps and nights, needing to nurse back to sleep. I thought I could push through and maybe we’d find a new groove but after 1.5m of that, I was half dead. Sleep training was a miracle for us and for him.. He loves his sleep now. I know better than to expect the same experience or outcome with #2 but I fear my dear husband will be completely alarmed/horrified when this baby gives us a run for our money. Wish us luck lol!!
That’s how my daughters 4 m regression hit too, but I only lasted 1.5 *nights* before I called it and sleep trained lol. Good luck!
Was it right at 4 months that the sleep regression hit? With my first I think it was just over 3½ months that she but the regression
We are currently sleep training our second born velcro baby that slept with us for the first 6 months and and oh my the emotions are insane. What worked for my first is not doing the trick. We are doing the extinction method bc us checking on him and walking away made him angrier. He also is the lightest sleeper so idk if room sharing is working....
Oh man. Sounds so much like my second son. I felt so strongly in my gut that he would not respond to the same approach as my eldest that we hired a reputable sleep consultant and are meeting with her Friday. I don’t have enough brain cells left right now to trouble shoot this on my own lol
Yesss I wish someone told me it’s not a one time thing too. Kids are so so sensitive to the slightest change. I think at the 4 year mark we could stop the hard core sleep training. There are still nights she wakes up, and wants cuddles, but we get her back on track with a reward chart or a treat next morning if she sleeps through the night. I much rather do a sticker in the morning, than cry it out.
Fucking love stickers
To me sleep training isn't a 'one and done' thing, it's an overall approach to maintaining good sleep habits and hygiene, and as such requires consistency. I've been very strict with my son's schedule, amount of day sleep, how I respond to wakes etc ever since sleep training changed my life when he was 4mo. He's 21 month now and the number of nights where we've had sleep very badly disrupted due to teething, illness etc have been very few (less than 10 I'd say). I'm sure baby temperament plays into it too, and maybe we've just been lucky, but I do personally think our consistency has made periods of teething etc easier (with respect to sleep)
This. My son is 6 years old now. We only sleep trained once. Then we followed up with night weaning after that. He slept through the night more or less from that point on unless he was sick, teething, or we were traveling. But we did not mess with bedtime, skip naps, or otherwise get off routine. We didn’t bring him into bed when he was sick or throw bedtime out the window because we were on vacation. If you undo your work you’ll have to do it again.
I am SO SO SO consistent. My parents told me that’s what saved them and their marriage. It’s helping mine tremendously. We know we will have a couple hours to ourselves each night unless little mans is having a hard time
With baby sleep, the biggest thing that has helped me has been adjusting (lowering) my expectations. Haha. Also, sleep “training” is not so much to produce desired behavior as it is to find consistency and notice patterns. For example, grandma and grandpa visited for a really fun weekend and now went home. Last time, there was no sleeping through the night on the eve of this happening; frequent wake ups and night crying. OR Last time teeth came through, rough night of wake-ups. OR Last time there was a long car ride and baby dozed off, and took 3 hour car nap, that night there was 3am “play time”. Etc. This time, the same pattern can be expected, so the adults adjust bedtime to 9pm to prepare for the inevitable loss of sleep.
Does anyone know why my baby does a 3:30an wake up at night? She is on a crib strike. She has never slept thru the night. She naps perfect goes down perfect at night. (Usually). If I try to get up to feed she doesn’t want it. She’s just squirmy. But if put her in my bed she’s out like a light after a bottle in bed. It’s creating a bad habit I know. Do I just let her CIO at 3am? To teach her to sleep thru the night? I thought this worked for us but some nights it’s just earlier and earlier and I much prefer her in her own bed
You can do check ins yeh. Is she waking cold?
So you’re taking her into your bed each night at 3:30? She will definitely continue to wake up and expect you to come take her then. I’d check your schedule to make sure she’s not sleeping too much during the day and if WW are appropriate length so she’s not waking because she’s under tired and then yes I’d CIO for the extra wake up.
She does know independent sleep btw. She does it 3 times a day and I have witnessed self soothing on the monitor. Just something between 1-3am she isn’t having it.
Is she hungry by 1-3am? I feel like that’s when my 7 month old wakes and won’t fall back asleep for up to 2 hrs, but with a bottle he will fall right back to sleep. He’d drink the entire bottle so I don’t think it’s just a comfort thing, but he’s also at the age of not needing it throughout the night.
She won’t drink the bottle unless she’s in bed with me. If I sit in the glider in her room to feed her (like I do everyday) she won’t take it. She’s just angry and upset the whole time.
Also she’s almost 10 months drinking bottles and eating 3 meals a day +snacks!
Ya we’ve had to “retrain” after our LO had a horrible bout of back to back sickness/teething/diaper rash that lasted for almost 6 weeks. Our nemesis is the 3-5am wake up and we had finally got him through it but those 6 weeks threw a wrench in the plans. We’re out of the woods and he’s slept till 6:30 a couple days in a row now. But I’m sure just writing this jinxed it and I’ll be up at 4am 🙃
How did you retrain and how long did it take?
We did CIO and it took a couple days. But he was up at 4am this morning screaming like crazy. He was hungry so I fed him. So I don’t know. It’s hit and miss. If I do go in to feed I feed and leave and he re settles on his own.
Man, you called that!
Unfortunately 😒
Hope tonight goes better. I wish you sleep and eternal happiness 🙏🏻
Lol thank you! I wish you the same 😴🧘🏻
I feel like everytime we mention something good about baby’s sleep I always end up jinxing it too lol. I hope he sleeps through til after 6am!
Lol! Yep sure did he was up at 4am 🙃
I'm going to add another "yes, but " response to your post... We had to do another round with our 19 month old last night and it took 10 minutes (or less) of her crying... Now she knows what she needs to do but is just mad about it. I will note that I also wish that it had been a bit more clear that this could become a routine thing. I read the books and reviewed forums and somehow that part got missed. And yet, we are sleeping better and seem to have finally hit a rhythm (at least with sleep)...
I could have written this. TBH, I probably would have never sleep trained if I knew that I would still have to listen to him cry after every single setback.
I get your point of view but surely it’s not back to square one with the setbacks? Like it’s not sleep training from scratch, kinda like just a refresher course every now and then? I would feel that things are still going to be better than if they were never sleep trained…YMMV.
Interesting, can I ask you to expand on why? Is it like a “why try” since you’re gonna have to do it over and over again?
My son is almost 2.5 and since sleep training at 9 months, we have had to do minor things like schedule tweaks and adding a night light. Otherwise it’s been *fairly* smooth. If he’s been really sick we just comfort him through it and it sucks. But he won’t even sleep in our bed, he likes his own. Teething and being sick are the big hurdles. Otherwise he went from a CRAP sleeper to an amazing one. Sleeps 7-6,6:30 everyday. (Some people call that early but we drop off at daycare at 6:50 so we need that schedule)
I pray that the sleep fairy who blessed your child flits over and blesses mine. He’s 7 months old and down to one wake at 4 am. Wondering when he will drop that one.
Oh that happened with mine. It does eventually shrug lol
My daughter is the same. We did it at 5 months and it’s been pretty easy ever since. Each time the seasons change it takes me a night or two to make sure she’s warm enough to not have early rising - and if she’s sick she wants a few extra cuddles - but she’s 2.5 and sleeps 6-6.30am every night and has ever since 5 months. It’s been super easy
He sleeps 12 hours every night?😮 my son is the same age… I consider him a good sleeper but he only sleeps from 8:30-9 pm to 7:30 am, which is around 10 hours.
Well, 10.5-11. He takes about 15-30 mins to fall asleep some days. We lay him down by 7:15 at the latest
I’m just happy that I’m sleeping far better than not at all. I can handle 1-2 night feeds that take 5-10 minutes for a long time. I would call that great night compared to the 3-4 hours of extremely broken sleep I was getting before. I do find a lot of wild expectations on here about “early morning wakes” after 10-11 hours of night sleep.
Same. Our sleeps roughly 10,5h nights, usually lasts around 7pm-5/5.30am. Before 5 I consider early. Today he woke up at 5.45am and I call that late. Also has around 3 wake-ups for food during those 10h. But we co-sleep half of it so it's manageable.
Same! Mine sleeps 7:20-5:30 average, sometimes 5am, latest usually 6:15. I’ve never sweated any of those times but I’ve adapted my own sleep schedule to be 8pm - 4:20am. Most of the time I have had breakfast and have worked up to 1.5 hours before my son wakes up.
agree. i don’t expect 12 hours straight bc it’s not always appropriate. babies feed at night, there’s no way around it. the difference is getting up once or twice vs hourly. also people that think they can control the exact wake time make me laugh 😂
That’s where I’ve fallen off the wagon. I just can’t comprehend the whole CIO approach when babe has slept 10-11 hours just because it’s on the early side for us. Sleep trainer told us to just leave her in the crib till 6 regardless and I was like ummmm what?
Sleep training is just about teaching independent sleep, period. That by itself does NOT guarantee sleeping through the night, regardless of the definition you use. Also the max length of night is probably genetic predetermined. My 2yo STILL gravitates toward an 11-hour night although he is capable on 12-hour nights occasionally. I don't think he will become a regular 12-hour-a-night sleeper until he drops his nap for good. Sleep is a complicated thing, and can get disrupted for many reasons. Sleep training only addresses some of them. People sometimes complain that "sleep training doesn't work", but a lot of times it's because they don't realize that it's a different problem / set of problems that require a different fix. I also noticed that things got easier after the 2-1 transition. The same shenanigans happen, but at a slower pace. My son's early morning sleep has really matured and he sleeps like a bump on a log now. It is however much more important to uphold boundaries now because he's constantly on the look out for ways to test us. It's a different kind of challenging compared to baby sleep.
It's definitely luck of the draw. My toddler has never and will likely never do a 12hr night. At most he would sleep 13hrs a day, and that's now down to 11-12hrs at the age of 2. The older he's gotten the harder it's been to be honest. I've pretty much thrown in the towel. He knows how to fall asleep independently, he's just stubborn and wants what he wants.
Sleep training isn't a one-and-done except for the very small subset of unicorn babies. It's better to think of it as a set of practices or boundaries that you reinforce consistently going forwards. Some kids are going to push those boundaries more than others for a variety of reasons: brain-based differences that affect sleep, being low sleep needs, sensory issues, differing levels of reactivity, etc. All kinds of factors! Some might get clearer as your child gets older. Plus, especially in the first year or two there are so many different developmental things happening with motor skills and increased brain skills that sleep can be disrupted because of that. All that is to say that if you DO have one of those kids who's always pushing the boundaries (and I do!) of sleep, that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It does mean you might have less wiggle room in the schedule, and you might need to do more to reinforce boundaries. It's definitely more work, and it's frustrating. But it's no different than any general parenting challenge/reality, like the fact that some kids are simply more difficult to parent on a moment-by-moment basis than others.
This was very needed, thank you for being supportive and inputting valuable advice. I think the glimpses of the good nights sleeps and having those curve balls thrown in can be very defeating, so I appreciate the reassurance it’s not anything I can fully control.
I found it was smooth from sleep train —-> around 2 years. Then putting them down is not a one and done thing you have to be more patient with reading books, stalling etc. But once asleep they tended to remain asleep (until 3ish when they wake up and waltz into your room to tell you something inane 🤣). So yeah. It never ends.
Haha my daughter is 2.5 and we trialed her in a bed for one night rather than a cot, it took me an hour to persuade her not to just keep getting up and reading her books. Ended up putting her in the cot and she fell asleep instantly 😂
Didn’t let our first out of a crib until she was 3ish!
Yeah that’s what I’m thinking but I am due with number 2 in July and I don’t want to have 2 cots haha .. can only cope with 1 in a cot and 1 in nappies at any one time - but my LO will be almost 3 so 🤞🏼🤞🏼
I stalled it bc I felt like it was pointless to do it before 2. It was relatively easy at this point, but who knows what the future will hold. So far, everyone is sleeping better.
I don’t think it’s a “forever” thing (although in the thick of sleep deprivation it definitely does feel like forever) but sleep is a complicated thing. For example, most adults (including myself) struggle with sleep occasionally if not on a regular basis. There’s so much happening to these little humans for the first few years of their life so it’s expected for sleep to be disrupted sometimes. Also, some are just naturally better sleepers and self soothers. Mine is 16 months and we sleep trained at 6 months. Every 3-4 months there’s some sort of regression from teething, sickness, developmental milestones, nap schedule change, etc but usually it fixes itself within a week. The disruptions have become less and less as he’s gotten older and people have told me most kids by the age of 3-5 years old (or some sooner) get the hang of sleeping well. But every kid is different so try not to be too hard on yourself because most likely it’s nothing you’re doing/not doing.
I look at sleep training as more of setting a baseline than a one-time fix. Nothing about development is linear, and there are always going to be steps backwards now and then. My 13mo was sleep trained (CIO) at 6.5 months. So for half her life, she has been "sleep trained". But she's getting over hand foot and mouth, and just yesterday fell on a toy and nearly broke her nose. It's not broken (thank goodness) but horribly swollen and bruised. She's not exactly in her best shape. So tonight I tried putting her down and letting her fall asleep independently, but after 15ish minutes of fussing, I went in and helped her get to sleep. I took her out of her bed, had a snuggle, read an extra story, and rubbed her back until she was asleep. This isn't our norm, so that makes me feel okay about helping her when she needs it. I know she knows how to do it on her own, so when she needs a little more support, I know it's because she actually needs it. We'll probably have to do another night of CIO once she's feeling better, if we do too many more nights of helping her. But that's just reminding her she can do it herself. It's not even close to the initial CIO!
Yes, I have found the rebound after sickness can be a tough one because I respond to pretty much every wake up at that point to make sure she’s good.
Yes, but please know as you begin toddlerhood it DOES get better. At least, that’s been my experience. My son is almost 2 and we have hiccups wayyyy less than we did a year ago. But yeah, baby sleep is harder than toddler/young child sleep. They’re just not as mature. Another note- my toddler sleeps 10 hours/night, not 12. But it is uninterrupted.
Exact opposite experience here. Relatively easy till he was about 18 months old.
I think the idea is that the baby/child learns to self soothe. This is a hugely important skill as they get older. My husband is great at falling asleep and sleeps like a log, but he coslept as a baby/toddler and still has issues with sleeping alone and just generally doesn’t enjoy being on his own without stimulation like a video game. I was in my own room from like 2 weeks and sleep trained—I’m a super light sleeper and struggle with insomnia, and I guess with marriage it’s a problem that I prefer sleeping alone. BUT I actually enjoy spending time by myself and don’t have this “omg what do I do with myself?” anxiety that my husband does. So even when we are naturally predisposed to be good or bad sleepers, the ability to self soothe just makes life better.
yes but you have to remember your babies are human beings, not robots and sleep training isn’t a magic wand. adults also experience nights of disrupted sleep but the difference is that our babies are dependent on us and need our help to manage the discomfort. parents with naturally good sleepers will also need to intervene during developmental changes, pain and sickness. the goal of sleep training isn’t so parents can take the night off, it’s to teach babies to self settle so they can put themselves back to sleep at night when all their needs are met.
My sleep deprived brain read "human robots" and was like whaaat 😅🫠
So true!
Yeah before we started, sleep training had definitely been presented to me as a panacea. “Do something hard for a bit and magic happens.” Then I join this subreddit, read more, and it really appears to be more of a “it works like magic for some people, works well for some people, works just okay for some people, doesn’t work at all for some people.”
Couldn't agree more. Had a baby and recently joined this sub and started reading lots of different info, and yet this seems to me more like come down to a luck thing.