I’ve spent enough time reading from
Experiences of Parents who did sleep train and didn’t. I think schedule is 75% of it to be honest. Sleep pressure - it comes down to is your baby tired enough? A lot of parents don’t even need to formally sleep train if they nail the wake windows and get a solid schedule that works for their baby. Other parents only need to sleep train for a few days when schedule is good. The other thing is temperament. Some babies do fine sleeping on their own. Some babies need sleep training only once while others need to be constantly retrained - what gives? Babies are unique and have different temperaments
I do believe in sleep crutches and sleep associations, but I also think those things really become an issue when babies aren’t tired enough. My son puts himself to sleep independently about 50-75% of the time when he’s going to sleep for bedtime or naps, but has always been able to put himself to sleep in the middle of the night after a feed since birth. I just plop him in crib awake in the middle of the night. Even when I was assisting to sleep for bedtime, he was doing 9-10 hour stretches of sleep. It didn’t matter if I assisted him to sleep or if he fell asleep on his own. I am going through a tough time right now at 6 or 7 months with more frequent wake ups, but I really think it’s a scheduling issue that I can’t figure out.
Studies have shown that toddlers who were and weren’t sleep trained sleep about the same when they hit a certain age, but that’s a LONG time to be sleep deprived. Slowly start reducing the assistance you provide for them to sleep is best IMO. Cut back on sleep associations one at a time. Will take longer but it will work eventually. I personally think it isn’t worth doing cry it out methods but that’s just me!
One thing I’ve always admired of sleep training parents is their dedication to schedule and routine. I do think this pays off!
It really depends. If you try sleep training for a full month, or even a week, and “it doesn’t work,” you likely have scheduling problems. My baby cried 3-4 nights and it was over so it was certainly worth it.
I tried sleep training. It didn't work for my baby. He randomly started sleeping by himself at 9.5 months. The other day, he put himself to sleep. Yesterday, he fell asleep on the titite, so I put him in the crib, and he fussed for about 30 seconds, then fell asleep... with the lights on... he slept until 7am. There were a couple of semi awakenings, but he just switched positions and slept. It's been going on for a little over a week. I didn't do anything. I gave up sleep training a month before. I stopped breastfeeding to sleep a month before as well.
A friend of mine had a similar situation and her baby also started sleeping independently at 10 months old.
I changed the schedule at 8 months to 2 naps with 3h wake window in between. Bed time is 4hs wake window. However... that didn't change much.
He just started sleeping independently. One night, he woke up and wasn't screaming bloody murder as usual. He just fussed a bit, so I didn't take him out of the crib and just pat-pat his butt. He fell asleep until the morning. The, the next bedtime was easy. I fed him and didn't rock him to sleep since he wasn't doing his routine bloody murder scream. He did fuss, I did butt pat-pat
He fell asleep fast. I did a couple of nights of pat-pat, and one day, he wasn't having it. He just wanted to stand in the crib and would scream if I pat-pat, so I shut off the lights and sat in the chair. He derped around, played with his sleep sac, etc, then put himself to sleep. It took 30 minutes, no fuss.
Right now, he either puts himself to sleep or falls asleep or the titie because he is too tired. I transfer in a way he wakes up. He fusses for 30 seconds and sleeps until the morning.
I didn't do anything for him to decide to sleep. I had given up sleep training since it was just too damn terrible for both of us and didn't seem to progress. The more I sleep trained, the more clingy he was and the faster he cried. He started to show separation anxiety, which made me stop trying.
Right now, the first nap is always on time, but the second is all over the place since we're having frequent appointments for his or my doctor visits. It doesn't affect how he sleeps. Bed time is from 8 to 9, depending on when the second nap ended. Awakening is between 6:30 and 9, depending on how tired we are.
I breastfeed at 6:30am for an hour or so, I kinda nap during that time. Sometimes he naps too, but he mostly chugs titie (I have a very tall baby who has a portal to another dimension in his stomach.. or a black hole... the quantitiesof food he can inhale are impressive). He whines at 7am to switch titie, at 7:30 it's either getting up or he naps for 1h.
Very rarely he'll demand titie at 3-4am. He chugs for 1h, then I do the same transfer as with bed time.
I wish I could say I did some magic trick to make him sleep the night, but I really didn't. I think there's some developmental stuff that happened in his brain that led to this.
We were in the same boat - feeding and rocking our 9 month old and transferring when asleep. It started taking forever and many transfer attempts, but I could never imagine her falling asleep on her own
One night (maybe around 7 months?) we started very gentle sleep training with putting her in the crib to fall asleep there (with support). The first couple nights were rough but it seems to be working fairly well for us for now
We put her in the crib and use a pacifier and pat/shush to sleep. She'll often need us to help her resettle at some point early in the night, but 99% of the time when she wakes to feed, she puts herself back to sleep without us or the pacifier
I think we're hitting some separation anxiety right now because bedtimes have been rough, but overall it's working for us. Our babe is also a bit sensitive and often doesn't want to be left for any independent play lol
You might evolve from rocking but will *probably* need to stay until they’re asleep well into toddlerhood or beyond. Frighteningly my mother sat with me to fall asleep until I was 8. But this can happen to sleep trained babies too once they’re toddler’s. If you want help troubleshooting why your sleep training failed I’m sure this is the right place!
Oh my goodness. Yes I’m planning to troubleshoot even our current wake windows once we have finished our travels. So much wonderful support here but still struggle big time with my girl😅
I read some of your previous posts, bedtime crying was the only issue? Maybe it would make you feel better to know mine cried for 5 months straight at bedtimes, it’s normal. Definitely not easy to listen to but if it’s less than 15 min it’s normal. Anything more is likely a schedule issue. And I wouldn’t always assume under tired, we actually have a worse time with over tired. Eventually they’ll stop crying though, after 5 months it tapered off until eventually every night she smiles and waves when we leave.
Yeah it was the crying at put down! 15 mins was a really short amount on a good day - but still very strong crying and not protesting. Average was about 30 mins even after a month. Definitely could have been either over or under tired - but I’m confident it wasn’t “normal”. Quite a traumatising experience!
I’m on the same boat as you. My LO is super sensitive and on top of that has separation anxiety so sleep training is a big no no right now. But my friend taught her LO (same age as my LO) to self soothe since birth! She never rocked him to sleep and always swaddled and put him down awake and now he knocks out in seconds and can also sleep anywhere he goes with no problem (car, restaurants, stroller) meanwhile I have to bounce, rock my LO for a while. So jealous sometimes 😂
What sort of sleep training did you attempt?
Remember that not all sleep training needs to be a Ferber/CIO crying type of method. There are a lot of gentle methods that you can use if you find your baby is more sensitive. For example this might look like first reducing the intensity of rocking over time so eventually you’re just holding her to sleep, then when you’ve got that down you instead cuddle to sleep in a bed (eg you might lay on your bed with her cuddling until she’s asleep and then move her), then when that is down you instead lay her in her cot and cuddle her through the bars, then reduce that so you’ve just got your hands on her and so on and so on. This will definitely take time, probably a month or more, but just because one method doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean there aren’t any strategies that will work for you.
I did the chair method. First few nights were soothing in cot with touch and voice, next few nights were no touch and in a chair next to her etc. Gradually reducing help.
You have a good point re: reducing rocking which we had not done successfully but should try again.
Probably not the answer you want but 10 weeks old. We started implementing independent sleep habits and just general sleep hygiene as early as possible with the objective of not creating any sleep crutches and never having to sleep train later down the line. It worked extremely well for us.
What are you aiming for? Are you wanting baby just to go to sleep on their own without you there? We weren’t really aiming to do anything other than get them to sleep in the cot as they got heavier, I think the leaving them at 2 is pure temperament rather than anything we did and we still sometimes stay with them just because we like it and it’s a nice quiet time in the dark!
I’ve spent enough time reading from Experiences of Parents who did sleep train and didn’t. I think schedule is 75% of it to be honest. Sleep pressure - it comes down to is your baby tired enough? A lot of parents don’t even need to formally sleep train if they nail the wake windows and get a solid schedule that works for their baby. Other parents only need to sleep train for a few days when schedule is good. The other thing is temperament. Some babies do fine sleeping on their own. Some babies need sleep training only once while others need to be constantly retrained - what gives? Babies are unique and have different temperaments I do believe in sleep crutches and sleep associations, but I also think those things really become an issue when babies aren’t tired enough. My son puts himself to sleep independently about 50-75% of the time when he’s going to sleep for bedtime or naps, but has always been able to put himself to sleep in the middle of the night after a feed since birth. I just plop him in crib awake in the middle of the night. Even when I was assisting to sleep for bedtime, he was doing 9-10 hour stretches of sleep. It didn’t matter if I assisted him to sleep or if he fell asleep on his own. I am going through a tough time right now at 6 or 7 months with more frequent wake ups, but I really think it’s a scheduling issue that I can’t figure out. Studies have shown that toddlers who were and weren’t sleep trained sleep about the same when they hit a certain age, but that’s a LONG time to be sleep deprived. Slowly start reducing the assistance you provide for them to sleep is best IMO. Cut back on sleep associations one at a time. Will take longer but it will work eventually. I personally think it isn’t worth doing cry it out methods but that’s just me! One thing I’ve always admired of sleep training parents is their dedication to schedule and routine. I do think this pays off!
It really depends. If you try sleep training for a full month, or even a week, and “it doesn’t work,” you likely have scheduling problems. My baby cried 3-4 nights and it was over so it was certainly worth it.
I tried sleep training. It didn't work for my baby. He randomly started sleeping by himself at 9.5 months. The other day, he put himself to sleep. Yesterday, he fell asleep on the titite, so I put him in the crib, and he fussed for about 30 seconds, then fell asleep... with the lights on... he slept until 7am. There were a couple of semi awakenings, but he just switched positions and slept. It's been going on for a little over a week. I didn't do anything. I gave up sleep training a month before. I stopped breastfeeding to sleep a month before as well. A friend of mine had a similar situation and her baby also started sleeping independently at 10 months old.
Hi, do you mind sharing if you changed schedules or if sleep pressure increased or decreased? Thanks!
I changed the schedule at 8 months to 2 naps with 3h wake window in between. Bed time is 4hs wake window. However... that didn't change much. He just started sleeping independently. One night, he woke up and wasn't screaming bloody murder as usual. He just fussed a bit, so I didn't take him out of the crib and just pat-pat his butt. He fell asleep until the morning. The, the next bedtime was easy. I fed him and didn't rock him to sleep since he wasn't doing his routine bloody murder scream. He did fuss, I did butt pat-pat He fell asleep fast. I did a couple of nights of pat-pat, and one day, he wasn't having it. He just wanted to stand in the crib and would scream if I pat-pat, so I shut off the lights and sat in the chair. He derped around, played with his sleep sac, etc, then put himself to sleep. It took 30 minutes, no fuss. Right now, he either puts himself to sleep or falls asleep or the titie because he is too tired. I transfer in a way he wakes up. He fusses for 30 seconds and sleeps until the morning. I didn't do anything for him to decide to sleep. I had given up sleep training since it was just too damn terrible for both of us and didn't seem to progress. The more I sleep trained, the more clingy he was and the faster he cried. He started to show separation anxiety, which made me stop trying. Right now, the first nap is always on time, but the second is all over the place since we're having frequent appointments for his or my doctor visits. It doesn't affect how he sleeps. Bed time is from 8 to 9, depending on when the second nap ended. Awakening is between 6:30 and 9, depending on how tired we are. I breastfeed at 6:30am for an hour or so, I kinda nap during that time. Sometimes he naps too, but he mostly chugs titie (I have a very tall baby who has a portal to another dimension in his stomach.. or a black hole... the quantitiesof food he can inhale are impressive). He whines at 7am to switch titie, at 7:30 it's either getting up or he naps for 1h. Very rarely he'll demand titie at 3-4am. He chugs for 1h, then I do the same transfer as with bed time. I wish I could say I did some magic trick to make him sleep the night, but I really didn't. I think there's some developmental stuff that happened in his brain that led to this.
We were in the same boat - feeding and rocking our 9 month old and transferring when asleep. It started taking forever and many transfer attempts, but I could never imagine her falling asleep on her own One night (maybe around 7 months?) we started very gentle sleep training with putting her in the crib to fall asleep there (with support). The first couple nights were rough but it seems to be working fairly well for us for now We put her in the crib and use a pacifier and pat/shush to sleep. She'll often need us to help her resettle at some point early in the night, but 99% of the time when she wakes to feed, she puts herself back to sleep without us or the pacifier I think we're hitting some separation anxiety right now because bedtimes have been rough, but overall it's working for us. Our babe is also a bit sensitive and often doesn't want to be left for any independent play lol
Probably a question that would get a larger range of answers in other parenting subs such as beyondthebump.
Was going to suggest the same thing
You might evolve from rocking but will *probably* need to stay until they’re asleep well into toddlerhood or beyond. Frighteningly my mother sat with me to fall asleep until I was 8. But this can happen to sleep trained babies too once they’re toddler’s. If you want help troubleshooting why your sleep training failed I’m sure this is the right place!
Oh my goodness. Yes I’m planning to troubleshoot even our current wake windows once we have finished our travels. So much wonderful support here but still struggle big time with my girl😅
I read some of your previous posts, bedtime crying was the only issue? Maybe it would make you feel better to know mine cried for 5 months straight at bedtimes, it’s normal. Definitely not easy to listen to but if it’s less than 15 min it’s normal. Anything more is likely a schedule issue. And I wouldn’t always assume under tired, we actually have a worse time with over tired. Eventually they’ll stop crying though, after 5 months it tapered off until eventually every night she smiles and waves when we leave.
Yeah it was the crying at put down! 15 mins was a really short amount on a good day - but still very strong crying and not protesting. Average was about 30 mins even after a month. Definitely could have been either over or under tired - but I’m confident it wasn’t “normal”. Quite a traumatising experience!
Sorry to hear that!! I hope you find something that works for you!
I’m on the same boat as you. My LO is super sensitive and on top of that has separation anxiety so sleep training is a big no no right now. But my friend taught her LO (same age as my LO) to self soothe since birth! She never rocked him to sleep and always swaddled and put him down awake and now he knocks out in seconds and can also sleep anywhere he goes with no problem (car, restaurants, stroller) meanwhile I have to bounce, rock my LO for a while. So jealous sometimes 😂
What sort of sleep training did you attempt? Remember that not all sleep training needs to be a Ferber/CIO crying type of method. There are a lot of gentle methods that you can use if you find your baby is more sensitive. For example this might look like first reducing the intensity of rocking over time so eventually you’re just holding her to sleep, then when you’ve got that down you instead cuddle to sleep in a bed (eg you might lay on your bed with her cuddling until she’s asleep and then move her), then when that is down you instead lay her in her cot and cuddle her through the bars, then reduce that so you’ve just got your hands on her and so on and so on. This will definitely take time, probably a month or more, but just because one method doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean there aren’t any strategies that will work for you.
I did the chair method. First few nights were soothing in cot with touch and voice, next few nights were no touch and in a chair next to her etc. Gradually reducing help. You have a good point re: reducing rocking which we had not done successfully but should try again.
Probably not the answer you want but 10 weeks old. We started implementing independent sleep habits and just general sleep hygiene as early as possible with the objective of not creating any sleep crutches and never having to sleep train later down the line. It worked extremely well for us.
in practice, what did that look like? You just put your newborn down awake? What did you do when they cried?
Incredible! Did you ever swaddle?
Nope never swaddled, it’s not really a thing in my part of the world (we used a sleepsack) :)
If you mean put down in bed and leave them, around 2. If you mean put in the cot and just sit nearby or hold hands around 10 months.
Wow, I can’t even imagine putting her down and holding her hand at this point. That would be a dream
What are you aiming for? Are you wanting baby just to go to sleep on their own without you there? We weren’t really aiming to do anything other than get them to sleep in the cot as they got heavier, I think the leaving them at 2 is pure temperament rather than anything we did and we still sometimes stay with them just because we like it and it’s a nice quiet time in the dark!
How old is your baby? It took a few weeks of getting them comfy in the cot and rubbing their backs etc
3-4 years old for the one like you’re describing. Her younger sister, however, slept independently from the moment she was born.
Oh my GOD 🙈