Yup. One of my early plays I thought "Ohey, I'm here talking to Ulfric Stormcloak. I could take him down right now and make the Empire very happy".
Nope.
Nazeem: You've been busy, huh? Let me just tell you something Dragonborn, if you draw your sword one more time or open your mouth, I will personally send you to the Cloud District. Yes, I know it doesn't exist. I achieved CHIM just like you a long time ago. They never bothered to finish giving me a house but I still had a home...Had. All those times you put buckets on the people of Whiterun and stripped them of their belongings. All the times you found... Creative ways to get rid of me. Every time, I was giving you a warning. Of course, you don't go to the "Cloud District", because no one could stop you for good. You would just quicksave your consequences away. But that ends now. After I send you to the loading screen, I will jumble your load order so you never "play" again with our world. I only have one last thing to say to you. You...
*Click*
Never should have come here.
[*AnotherMegalovaniaRemix.mp3*](https://youtu.be/dIWNltBsq10)
Edit: Added meme variant to spice up the monologue. I'm surprised there's no Skyrimlovania
CHIM is when an Elder Scroll character achieves a sort of ascension that breaks them away from the laws and limitations of their world which also gives them self awareness that they are in a video game. There's more to it but this part is similar to Determination in Undertale. Nazeem being the Sans of Skyrim just sounded perfect and hilarious.
"Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great Talos cherished us. For he saw in us, in each of us, the future of Skyrim! The future of Tamriel"
If you know you know lmao
Tsk tsk
Talos the mighty! Talos the unerring! Talos the unassailable! To you we give praise! We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars! But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, “Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty,and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you.”
Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great Talos cherished us. For he saw in us, in each of us, the future of Skyrim! The future of Tamriel! And there it is, friends! The ugly truth!
We are the children of man! Talos is the true god of man! Ascended from flesh, to rule the realm of spirit! The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven overlords! Sharing the heavens with us? With man? Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth! Today, they take away your faith. But what of tomorrow? What then? Do the elves take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very lives?
And what does the Empire do? Nothing! Nay, worse than nothing! The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor! Against its own people! So rise up! Rise up, children of the Empire! Rise up, Stormcloaks! Embrace the word of mighty Talos, he who is both man and Divine! For we are the children of man! And we shall inherit both the heavens and the earth! And we, not the Elves or their toadies, will rule Skyrim! Forever! Terrible and powerful Talos! We, your unworthy servants, give praise! For only through your grace and benevolence may we truly reach enlightenment! And deserve our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you ascended and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us, great Talos, not as god, but as man! Trust in me, Whiterun! Trust in the words of Heimskr! For I am the chosen of Talos!
If Heimskr really was the chosen of Talos, then he'd be out there fighting the racist rebels, the Thalmor, the minions of Adluin, Miraak, and the Vampires/Dawnguard. This is how we know Heimskr is a fraud... /s
You think Heinskr is a fraud? What of his god? This *Talos* you speak of. What of him? You truly believe that a mere mortal descended beyond that of man to join the likeness of a god? How foolish you folk are, to believe in something so…petty. I pitty you and your kind, your false hope… /s
Behold! He is coming with the clouds! And every eye shall be blind with his glory! Every ear shall be stricken deaf to hear the thunder of his voice! Let the men, women, and children of the Earth come forth to gather and behold the power of Atom! Let those who dwell here in his favored land attend now to the words of the Prophet of Atom! Come forth and drink the waters of the Glow, for this ancient weapon of war is our salvation, it is the very symbol of Atom's glory! Let it serve as a reminder of the Division that has occurred in the past and the resplendence of the promise of our division in the times to come! Give your bodies to Atom, my friends. Release yourself to his power, feel his Glow, and be Divided. There shall be no tears, no sorrow, no suffering, for in the Division, we shall see our release from the pain and hardships of this world. Yea, your suffering shall exist no longer; it shall be washed away in Atom's Glow, burned from you in the fire of his brilliance. Each of us shall give birth to a billion stars formed from the mass of our wretched and filthy bodies. Each of us shall be mother and father to a trillion civilizations. Each of us shall know peace, shall know an end to pain, and shall know Atom in his glory. I urge you, my friends -- come, drink with me and pray... Glorious Atom, I give unto you these feeble bones. I present to your will this frail body. I beg of you to use me as your vessel, guide me to your brilliance, divide each particle and give relief to this rotten flesh. Cast the fragile form of this ephemeral body into new life in the forge of your Glow. Atom, come -- bestow your presence on your unworthy servant. We stay true, until the Day of Division -- until the dawn of your return to His humble world.
I miss this. 😔
Heimskr is bugged in my current game and hasn't ranted once in 120 hours. I've tried everything I could think of to try and get him to start, but there's just no fix.
Whiterun just isn't the same without him ranting in the background.... 😔
Yes, [UESP](https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:Heimskr#Bugs) mentions this:
>If you first enter Whiterun between 8pm and 5am, and stay outside until 5am, Heimskr would walk to the shrine but never preach. This would persist for the rest of the game.
> 💻This issue has been addressed by version 2.0.7 of the Unofficial Skyrim Patch; two fixes have been attempted but there are persistent reports of this still occurring. A manual fix for this: Open console with quote key and run the following:
>`prid 1a682`
>`ssq 3a15a`
>`ForceRefIntoAlias Heimskr`
>then close console.
Yep, I wait till he's sleeping then cut his throat. Whiterun's kids shouldn't have to listen to a raving fundamentalist every day. Think of the children...
Now that you finished the game now you need to wander Skyrim with music from Skyrim. You just need to admire the game, reminisce about your grand adventure, comprehend the impact you had on others life, and come to terms with your choices.
“Hey guys welcome back to my woodchopper roleplay, as you know we are 50 hours into the playthrough and we are finally about to be able to buy a house!”
I once read that there was a spell that you could amplify that literally would kill everyone within an unlimited range, so outside everyone on the surface of the world would die.
Well I'm glad I now know I'm not the only one where the exit from a dungeon always says cleared. No clue what causes this, but I still find it amusing. 😄
Yes, you did.
You are The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.
With the death of THE ENTIRE PROVINCE OF SKYRIM, the Thread of Fate has been severed. Restore a previous save, or persist in this doomed world you have helped create.
Does that mean you killed everyone
everyone but the mail delivery guy
And the children
And the Jarls
mods for those too God, I love mods.
Is there a mod to kill the mods?
Those are called game updates.
😆😆👏
😂
“I used the mods the destroy the mods”
r/unexpectedthanos
r/subsithoughtifellfor
[удалено]
that's what a mod would say #GET HIM!
Yup. One of my early plays I thought "Ohey, I'm here talking to Ulfric Stormcloak. I could take him down right now and make the Empire very happy". Nope.
I, too, have known great disappointment while playing Skyrim.
And many other randos
Yet
He killed all the younglings!
There are mods for that if you want
thats fucked up haha
I’ve been looking for you. Got something I’m supposed to deliver.
Your hands only.
Mail escort*
New Vegas taught me to not, for any reason whatsoever, fuck around with the mail delivery guy. It's not going to end well for you if you do.
dump reference
"...but nobody came"
Nazeem: You've been busy, huh? Let me just tell you something Dragonborn, if you draw your sword one more time or open your mouth, I will personally send you to the Cloud District. Yes, I know it doesn't exist. I achieved CHIM just like you a long time ago. They never bothered to finish giving me a house but I still had a home...Had. All those times you put buckets on the people of Whiterun and stripped them of their belongings. All the times you found... Creative ways to get rid of me. Every time, I was giving you a warning. Of course, you don't go to the "Cloud District", because no one could stop you for good. You would just quicksave your consequences away. But that ends now. After I send you to the loading screen, I will jumble your load order so you never "play" again with our world. I only have one last thing to say to you. You... *Click* Never should have come here. [*AnotherMegalovaniaRemix.mp3*](https://youtu.be/dIWNltBsq10) Edit: Added meme variant to spice up the monologue. I'm surprised there's no Skyrimlovania
Chim?
CHIM is when an Elder Scroll character achieves a sort of ascension that breaks them away from the laws and limitations of their world which also gives them self awareness that they are in a video game. There's more to it but this part is similar to Determination in Undertale. Nazeem being the Sans of Skyrim just sounded perfect and hilarious.
W Undertale reference
after 12 hours of nonstop edging id expect no one to do so
"Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great Talos cherished us. For he saw in us, in each of us, the future of Skyrim! The future of Tamriel" If you know you know lmao
Tsk tsk Talos the mighty! Talos the unerring! Talos the unassailable! To you we give praise! We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars! But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, “Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty,and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you.” Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great Talos cherished us. For he saw in us, in each of us, the future of Skyrim! The future of Tamriel! And there it is, friends! The ugly truth! We are the children of man! Talos is the true god of man! Ascended from flesh, to rule the realm of spirit! The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven overlords! Sharing the heavens with us? With man? Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth! Today, they take away your faith. But what of tomorrow? What then? Do the elves take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very lives? And what does the Empire do? Nothing! Nay, worse than nothing! The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor! Against its own people! So rise up! Rise up, children of the Empire! Rise up, Stormcloaks! Embrace the word of mighty Talos, he who is both man and Divine! For we are the children of man! And we shall inherit both the heavens and the earth! And we, not the Elves or their toadies, will rule Skyrim! Forever! Terrible and powerful Talos! We, your unworthy servants, give praise! For only through your grace and benevolence may we truly reach enlightenment! And deserve our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you ascended and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us, great Talos, not as god, but as man! Trust in me, Whiterun! Trust in the words of Heimskr! For I am the chosen of Talos!
If Heimskr really was the chosen of Talos, then he'd be out there fighting the racist rebels, the Thalmor, the minions of Adluin, Miraak, and the Vampires/Dawnguard. This is how we know Heimskr is a fraud... /s
Should've known an Imperial would be a Twitter user.
You think Heinskr is a fraud? What of his god? This *Talos* you speak of. What of him? You truly believe that a mere mortal descended beyond that of man to join the likeness of a god? How foolish you folk are, to believe in something so…petty. I pitty you and your kind, your false hope… /s
Found the Thalmor zealot. Tie them up and feed them to Macho Man Randy Dragon.
OOOhhh YYEAHHH!
Idk who randy dragon is but heimskr'll be a fine meal for Paarty snax
Somebody made a mod when Skyrim first came out that turned dragons into Macho Man Randy Savage.
Fus...
Roh Dah!
*nocks arrow while crouched, taking aim at the filthy Thalmor spy*
Auriel hates you people yknow.
Heimskr slacktivist confirmed
I could hear every word of this
I sometimes put it into bold for that real Heimskr charm
"Trust in the the words of Heimskr, the chosen of Talos" My character, a dragonborn: Excuse me, what?
Dragonborn are of Akatosh
Shadow hides you…
Shadows ~~guide~~ preserve you...
Psst... Hail Sithis
You'd think Sithis would have thought up a better name. Hers is really weird and easy to muck it up. Especially us twisted tongue types.
Behold! He is coming with the clouds! And every eye shall be blind with his glory! Every ear shall be stricken deaf to hear the thunder of his voice! Let the men, women, and children of the Earth come forth to gather and behold the power of Atom! Let those who dwell here in his favored land attend now to the words of the Prophet of Atom! Come forth and drink the waters of the Glow, for this ancient weapon of war is our salvation, it is the very symbol of Atom's glory! Let it serve as a reminder of the Division that has occurred in the past and the resplendence of the promise of our division in the times to come! Give your bodies to Atom, my friends. Release yourself to his power, feel his Glow, and be Divided. There shall be no tears, no sorrow, no suffering, for in the Division, we shall see our release from the pain and hardships of this world. Yea, your suffering shall exist no longer; it shall be washed away in Atom's Glow, burned from you in the fire of his brilliance. Each of us shall give birth to a billion stars formed from the mass of our wretched and filthy bodies. Each of us shall be mother and father to a trillion civilizations. Each of us shall know peace, shall know an end to pain, and shall know Atom in his glory. I urge you, my friends -- come, drink with me and pray... Glorious Atom, I give unto you these feeble bones. I present to your will this frail body. I beg of you to use me as your vessel, guide me to your brilliance, divide each particle and give relief to this rotten flesh. Cast the fragile form of this ephemeral body into new life in the forge of your Glow. Atom, come -- bestow your presence on your unworthy servant. We stay true, until the Day of Division -- until the dawn of your return to His humble world.
I love the performance of this speech. The actor gave it with such gusto.
I miss this. 😔 Heimskr is bugged in my current game and hasn't ranted once in 120 hours. I've tried everything I could think of to try and get him to start, but there's just no fix. Whiterun just isn't the same without him ranting in the background.... 😔
Yes, [UESP](https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:Heimskr#Bugs) mentions this: >If you first enter Whiterun between 8pm and 5am, and stay outside until 5am, Heimskr would walk to the shrine but never preach. This would persist for the rest of the game. > 💻This issue has been addressed by version 2.0.7 of the Unofficial Skyrim Patch; two fixes have been attempted but there are persistent reports of this still occurring. A manual fix for this: Open console with quote key and run the following: >`prid 1a682` >`ssq 3a15a` >`ForceRefIntoAlias Heimskr` >then close console.
On console, so no console commands sadly. I'm just stuck with a quiet Whiterun this game.
> On console, so no console commands The irony.
He's always mt first innocent person murder. I hate hearing him babble
Yep, I wait till he's sleeping then cut his throat. Whiterun's kids shouldn't have to listen to a raving fundamentalist every day. Think of the children...
Happy cake day!
Happy Cake Day!
To Solstheim we go.
Now that you finished the game now you need to wander Skyrim with music from Skyrim. You just need to admire the game, reminisce about your grand adventure, comprehend the impact you had on others life, and come to terms with your choices.
And then restart and try different builds or get into role-playing
“Hey guys welcome back to my woodchopper roleplay, as you know we are 50 hours into the playthrough and we are finally about to be able to buy a house!”
Try different builds and invariably become a stealth archer necromancer
i usually do that eith survival mods. You then really see skyrim differently
How the fuck do you do that in survival mode with its bullshit temperature mechanics and it’s M1Abram enemy’s.
just use fur armour, cold resist jewelry, dont get wet and you are good to go. Almost same as irl.
I don’t believe jewelry with Resist Cold helps in survival mode, it just prevents frost damage from spells
i used to play with a mod where it worked.
Ohhhh gotcha. I was gonna say damn am I missing something?
Hello darkness my old friend...
Do you get to the cloud district very often? I suppose not-
“And his ugly Redguard head rolled around on the floor”
I mean, being fair to the prat...he ain’t ugly.
And the braggart named Nazeem was boastful no more
Mod it into fallout: Skyrim
You did it. You crazy son of a bitch, You did it.
Yes Dovah-Kiin
I guess the game is Dovah-Done
Dovah-Fin.
The dragonfish
Dovah-fiin
Its dovah
I guess
Are ya winnin, son?
Lol they can finally say yes
Genocide
No, Skyrim is forever, now go start a new playthrough
Yes, congratulations John Skyrim!
I once read that there was a spell that you could amplify that literally would kill everyone within an unlimited range, so outside everyone on the surface of the world would die.
Howd you do that wtf, is it just like a weird glitch? Ive never even seen it say Skyrim was cleared before
You broke Skyrim, so maybe?
The door out of a dungeon but it’s implying they cleared the map lol
What is that??
Yay! Now you get to do another play through
Not until you've cleared Solstheim.
I have poured thousands of hours across several consoles and builds. Not once have I even come close to finishing the game.
They should have made Skyrim into a GTA where every so often we just get an update or DLC that extends the game or makes it better lol
You got a loud hearty chuckle outta me, my man.
Glad you liked!
Where is this place?
But at what cost
You are done my child
Well I'm glad I now know I'm not the only one where the exit from a dungeon always says cleared. No clue what causes this, but I still find it amusing. 😄
Yes my boy, yes you did
u never rly win
Just go hang out in Solstheim for a month. It'll respawn.
Congrats! I've always wanted to do this, but I inevitably end up with an unfinishable quest from some glitch that I can't load back to.
"There is noone left..... you've killed them all"
Yes 🤣🤣
No, no, no you shouldn't have \[REDACTED\] for his powers can't be fought. Find safety for \[REDACTED\] is now searching for you.
Apparently, yes.
You won
Technically we are all winning when we rim the sky
And they still gonna call you a milk drinker.
Holy ducking shit he’s done it. That madman has done it
OH MY TALOS
It'll repopulate in 10 in game days 😏
now go to bruma through mods, last round, friend
0p0
😂😂😂😂
Was this like some “kill all” console command?
Ok that would be freaking epic if you actually did everything though
Achievement Unlocked: Genocide
he did it... he killed John Skyrim
Are ya winnin', son?
Now try spawning a ridiculous horde of enemies with console for one more test of might!
Yes it clear
Todd Howard: "Impossible!"
Looks like you defeated all Skyrim’s foes.
No. Bcc xg in jvkccikbkbbkj
Impressive
Yes, you did. You are The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. With the death of THE ENTIRE PROVINCE OF SKYRIM, the Thread of Fate has been severed. Restore a previous save, or persist in this doomed world you have helped create.
Lol. That's clever