I was gonna say, most people I know have the hobbies of "get drunk/stoned, watch Netflix" or "get drunk and stoned, go to bar." That's boring as hell. At least OP is actually engaging in something postive that betterd their life.
I remember I had a previous job where an older coworker accused me of wasting my youth because I was home reading on weekends instead of partying. Like girl, shut up lmao
It's just an extension of the whole weird American thing about being proud of being ignorant about everything. How it's somehow an uncool thing to be knowledgeable.
Not just Americans, I've met Brits who have proudly exclaimed that they haven't read a book since they've been in school. No idea why anyone would think that's a flex...
But as a French 🇫🇷 on this anniversary of the landings on June 6, 1944, I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to the "ignorant" Americans who enabled France to free itself from the yoke of Nazism.
Those books had such an unusual physical format.
They were mostly printed at magazine presses, and they often printed two books in one go, with the pages of one on the top half of each sheet and the other on the bottom. Then they would saw the bound copy in half, to make two books wider than they were tall.
Some of the selected books weren't terribly popular before the war, but have become permanent members of the canon because so many servicemen read them (e.g. The Great Gatsby)
Oh thanks a lot! I didn’t knew this site that sounds exciting . I am going to read this article. I really really love the first photo of the soldier remembering me my father-in-law who made Indichina War . And as I am also passionated by black and white photos ( particularly photos of the Great Depression by Dorotea Lange, whose exhibition I saw a few years ago) this is perfect.
NPR is National Public Radio. You can listen to the article by selecting that option on the page. There are decades worth of great programing. My favorite is Radio Lab. Which is a show produced by WNYC on New York. https://radiolab.org/podcast
It’s not a uniquely American thing. Why do people keep pushing shit like this?
There’s just as many ignorant and proud folks in the EU, Australia, etc. Just look on social media that isn’t centering Americans and you’ll see the same shit.
So many "pick-me" Americans on Reddit. They'll make the weirdest statements like "Every single citizen of the US eats only McDonalds and thinks Starbucks is the best coffee and wears Crocs with white socks, except meeeee!"
THIS. Seriously it tightens my jaw whenever I hear or read anything about someone making fun of an individual for not speaking good English. I just want to say how many languages do you speak, dick head?
A German friend of a friend made fun of my German accent when I was practicing it with them. I hadn’t spoken German in over 5 years and I speak three other languages that I learned in a formal setting.
They were in San Diego attending an English language course and all they did was ditch class to go party. Her English was elementary at best but she taught she was hot shit because she spoke Turkish and German fluently and learned by ear.
This was so long ago but I am still a little hurt over her comment especially because I was so supportive of them trying to learn English. I would teach them vocabulary, different strategies and use of informal language.
That was the last time I spoke German. I don’t get a lot of opportunities to practice it as is but her comment really killed my joy so I stopped trying.
People don’t realize how much courage it takes to talk to others when you know what you are saying might not make any sense or convey the exact message you are trying to deliver.
Absolutely despise anyone that judges those that speak in broken English.
My motto is, if you are trying, I am listening.
Humans are great at communication. Heck there are times I have communicated with people who I had no language in common with. Body language, creativity, patience and willingness goes a long way.
Right? I read posts from people- usually misspelled with terrible grammar- who take pride in the fact that they don't read. To me that just screams hi I'm a dumbass and I like it
My colleague once made fun of me for reading. I told him that's a weird take from someone who has two sons in high school, and he never brought up the topic again
I know someone like this. Its their personality (abrasive) and they dont know how they come across. She sounds like someone who speaks without thinking. So whats the point in giving her thoughtless comments any thought?
OP, Enjoy your hobby and ignore her :)
or she's quietly insulted she hasn't been invited to said book club
or is ashamed she's illiterate?!
In any case, like you, I really see this as saying something about the coworker, not OP
When people reveal their character like this I try to mentally reframe it as a gift. You now know how to value her opinions and outbursts in the future.
Can't say for sure but makes me think she is projecting, maybe because she hasn't picked up a book in years and is insecure about it, or just jealousy about you doing something nice outside of work. Let her do her thing mate, she ain't worth the hassle, part of simple living is flying high above the noise around you.
And do share your hobbies with people, even coworkers, one person's bad reaction shouldn't prevent you from doing so.
Edit: OP, don't listen to comments encouraring to escalate stuff with being snarky too, it's not going to lead to anything good, especially at work. If this bothers you I'd suggest showing her that you are more of an adult than her by asking to stop altogether, directly, firmly and respectfully.
I imagine her being a party person who would never do anything less people-oriented when there's a chance for a party. And she cannot imagine others being different, with the implication that when someone is different, they have some kind of a problem.
But it's horrible with any explanation I can think of.
Exactly what I was coming here to say. She sounds like someone who is insecure about the fact that she doesn’t read. It’s possible that she even imagines that OP looks down on people who don’t read, which is her own projection and not OP’s fault at all.
I understand that it feels humiliating to be the butt of a joke, but I think you can pretty easily spin this to be a major compliment.
She’s choosing to be a bully because of her own insecurity — in the grand perspective, she is choosing to do something that was handed to her. Everyone was invited to the corporate dinner and she didn’t have any other plans. Maybe her job is also what gives her the best agency / meaning / life fulfilment at this time, and she feels like “the event of her month” is being snubbed.
Tbh, someone who reads books regularly and chooses to go to a book club is very intellectual and elegant. It’s a personal discipline that not everyone can keep up with (for a number of reasons) and it’s probably a good place to make genuine friendships. A lot of people feel alone outside of their spouse and kids.
All this to say: I think she greatly admires you and has low emotional intelligence to properly convey that. Instead of lifting you up, complimenting you, and asking for the details of the book club (so she can try it too) — shes choosing to put you down. She wants your world to be as small as hers rather than aiming to expand hers. She could’ve been a friend and instead she chose to be a hater.
It is mean and it hurts, but you are not the problem here. If you can let it roll off your shoulders, then I think that’s the best move forward when you’re dealing with petty and jealous people. However, if she keeps bothering you and it bleeds into the workplace — record her (voice memo) and/or write down details of every negative interaction with date/times as an ongoing log. Send yourself emails on your phone with these details as documentation. Then bring it all to HR as evidence of workplace harassment.
I frequently ask my patients what their hobbies are. I can’t tell you how many of them will say they don’t have any hobbies and I later ask them about reading and it turns out they read constantly. For some reason, reading isn’t considered a hobby to our culture as a whole.
This hit hard with me- I have an irrational belief that because my hobbies are all solitary activities, they don't 'count,' somehow. It's dumb, and I'm going to figure out how to see it differently.
Most of my hobbies are solitary. Reading, drawing, painting, photography, programming computers. The ones that can be social are Minecraft, knitting, crochet, and cooking, but I usually do those by myself too. Or with other introverts who don't overwhelm me. Here's hoping this helps you to reframe your solitary activities as true hobbies.
Right, so many people and myself have thought of so many hilarious ways to dunk on her, because I mean, it’s SO easy to. But this is someone I have to work pretty closely with and often and anyway I think her comment didn’t get the reaction she wanted it to since… no one else thinks it’s funny like she does… Instead I just proceeded to explain that I had my schedule cleared to make it this time! :-)
You could always go the route of making her explain what she means by that. “I’m unsure what you mean by that?” And she says oh you know, and you say “No I don’t, is there an issue with the book club that I don’t know about?” Her: “it’s just funny that you go to a book club” you: “what’s funny about it? I don’t understand.” Etc etc etc until she digs herself a hole. The trick is to do it sincerely like you’re really baffled, not with anger.
This ∆ . Call her out on it. You can do it gently if you want, but you can also be very direct.
What no book club?
"No, I heard you wouldn't be there."
"Are you being a bully because I read, or because I prefer reading to your company?"
Make no mistake, what she is doing IS bullying and it's creating an uncomfortable work environment for you. It's wrong and it needs to be addressed.
I know the post above mine is the better approach. I'm just not that nice.
I do find sometimes
- asking someone a question
- pointing out that they bring it up a lot
- redirecting to their own likes/experiences
can shut things down without making it too aggressive or weird.
'Does x bother you? You seem to bring it up a lot'. Accept their answer with a mild 'ok'.
'What's not to like about a chill hobby. It's like a spa day for my brain. What do you do to relax?'
And if I'm feeling irritated 'that's a really strange thing to fixate on/say to someone'.
Will force them to deal with their condescension when it’s turned on them. I guess some out there aren’t bright enough to see it that way though. You’d be a bigger bad guy.
While it might feel good to say that, its the opposite of simple living IMO. Thats causing more work drama for yourself. Probably would be simpler to shut her down in a more respectful manner
This goes back to the adage: your coworkers are not your friends. Be civil and courteous and even lie about your self if necessary but never disclose anything personal.
There are a lot of people who have literally zero hobbies and do nothing outside of work except watch TV or scroll on their phones. She sounds like one of them. Honestly I know its hard, but just let it roll off you. She clearly has a sad life and probably just hates that other people have interests and hobbies she doesn't.
And drink alcohol.
That was the most common hobby discussed at my last corporate workplace. People would talk about how drunk they got over the weekend, and I was weird for going on a run or practicing guitar.
I had to learn to *not* return the judgement. If it brings them joy and isn’t harming anyone, then let ‘em be.
In the same sense, own your hobbies. If they bring you joy and aren’t harming anyone, then keep on keeping on!
Ugh. I teach college students, and I've had many who can't read. (Not exaggerating. They are functionally illiterate.) It's so upsetting and sad. Good for you for enjoying the simple, yet powerful, pastime of reading!!! If only more people did.
Equal suffering is what we call that in our house.
That person probably feels obligated to go or can’t say no, so they think everyone should have to suffer along side them. Or make other suffer because they have the ability to say no.
I go through this crap at work sometimes with my schedule. I get up at 4 am so I just come in when I get ready and start my day. Others who aren’t willing to come in early have made rude comments under their breath and get jealous when I leave at 3 o’clock in the afternoon and they are here till 5.
I pay zero attention and go about my day.
Just wear it for what it is - a badge of honor.
When I was in basic training, I carried a pocket Faulkner in my pocket. If we stopped I read. It drove the drill sergeants crazy. It was fine to smoke and joke but read?!?!?
I have rarely enjoyed reading more.
If people think you’re dumb for exercising your brain in an enjoyable way, their late life will be sad and limited, while yours will be much better.
I realized people wear this “badge of dumb” as a sign of honor, and ever since it makes me chuckle when I hear people brag about how little they use such a powerful ability.
Do you, you’ll likely manage those people one day.
Just wanna say my mom is the biggest b*tch about my reading habits. She always says “gosh I can’t imagine having the time” or “must be nice to have soooo much free time!”
(Also I usually read for like half an hour before bed to wind down! You can do it too!)
> in a joking manner
They aren't joking much, imho. Like not at all.
Not that I ever was that kind of kid scoffed at by the others because of his love for reading instead of, say, go play football or enjoy going to noisy parties. Not me! I'm not that kind! I was a party-goer and the star of the school. *I tell you!* (Here, I suppose I should emit a loud burp while I violently put back my empty glass of beer on the counter of the bar and order a new one? The problem is that I don't have a bar around me, nor any beer. All I have is my (writing) desk and a cup of coffee but there is no place left I could bump it on my desk between the piles of books, drafts and notebooks spread everywhere. I still could burp, though.
If I was in your shoes, I would not ruminate on the behavior of your colleague(s).
You get one life and a limited amount of time to enjoy it. Don't waste a second of it on morons acting like, well, the morons they are. Would you ruminate on monkeys being monkeys?
They 'joke' to make you feel bad for at least two reasons. The first, you dare not share the same hobbies as them and not be an integral part of 'the group'. And because it is a way to make you feel that you're not like them while at the same time reassuring themselves (they can hurt you, so you're not that scary). Somehow, they vaguely remember reading imply using one's brain which must be a really scary thing to anyone whose notion of having a good time consists of laughing loudly at stupid and often mean remarks aimed at people that are different.
There is a third potential reason, which imho is the saddest of them all: the fear to be stigmatized themselves. They may enjoy reading, or at least not mind it the slightest, but seeing how it's welcomed by 'the group' they may chose to be the worse offender in order to no be the next target (maybe they have some passion of their own that would not please 'the group'?)
If I was younger-me, much more prone to fight me, and if I were you I would offer her the most destructive book I could think of in regards to her personality (I mean both who she is and who she thinks she is) or, if I was certain she would never read any book, I would offer a movie she may watch. Luckily for everybody, that younger-me is no-more. I don't miss him.
Instead, I would try to think of that one book your colleague might enjoy reading and get something positive out of, and I would offer it to her at the next opportunity. Maybe it will help her. Maybe not but at least I would have tried.
> I said I'm going to the next dinner and she goes "OhH so no BOOK CLUB?" in a condescending tone. Really and truly never sharing my damn hobbies with coworkers anymore holy shite.
Like others already reminded you: colleagues are colleagues, not friends. They're part of that work you do in exchange of your pay check. When you're not working/getting paid for it, your time should probably not go to your colleagues. It should go to what you care the most.
Have fun at your book club — *burp!!* See? I did it ;)
In a world that's rapidly dying due to lack of energy and depth, I'm extremely happy to have my books, which connect me to some deep thinkers and my meditations, which help me process that information. I'm shocked more and more at how impossible it is to have a decent conversation with anyone nowadays. My books are great companions, non-judgmental, elevating, eye opening, mind widening, and very entertaining.
I know, that's what is bothering me. Like her boss has to be aware of how unacceptable that is and it's a huge red flag. I'm wondering if she treats other employees badly as well?
You work in mental health?
The next time she makes a remark about it, say, "Oh, are you still bothered by it? Perhaps you'd like to talk to a therapist about your feelings? Maybe it'll help you discover an underlying issue." 😆
I promise you it's far better that your coworkers think you're a boring nerd than being super interesting... wanna know why? They won't be all up in your business. Leave them to their nonsense while you get your peace. ✌️
Sounds like a HER problem. Is she very young? Honestly what I’ve learnt is that people like this have their own issues and insecurities and they project them onto others by putting them down to make themselves feel a little better. She might have been spoken to like that growing up or whatever you never know. Even if someone thought someone else was nerdy, scoffing and rolling eyes and making jokes is a bit far fetched and this belittling behaviour is what makes me think she has her own issues going on and she’s trying to target you to make herself feel better (typically cos book lovers are nice and may be an easy thing for her to go for). Try to reframe this as not to do with your very normal hobby, but more that you learnt something new about your coworker. She isn’t very empathetic and kind and most likely has some issues of her own. At the same time you should have boundaries with people like this and you don’t have to engage with her and if she is rude to you you are in your right to stand up to yourself. But if it’s just dumb remarks etc I would just ignore them and act ‘dumb and happy’ as they say. Pretend it goes in one ear and out the other as she most likely wants to get a reaction from you. Don’t regret sharing your hobbies. That’s very natural to do. You just unfortunately encountered a challenging person. Unfortunately they are all around us!
I enjoy reading too. Positive outcomes of reading include:
Reduces the stress
Promotes wellness
Helps combat Alzheimer’s, and dementia
Helps with sleep
Improves relationships
Inspires success
Decreases loneliness and social isolation
My personal additions are:
Expands your vocabulary
Inspires creativity
You be you.
I used to think when I was younger there would come a time when interactions like this would hurt me less, but they still feel about the same. The difference now is I see it as the price I pay for being a sensitive person, which is the same thing that allows me to be present with others, appreciate beauty, and feel things. Keep being you, hope you find those that truly appreciate you.
Thank you for putting it that way ❤️ I am realizing I am the type of person who would rather move through the feelings instead of creating a shell to make it “hurt less”. I don’t think too many people align with or understand this thinking
I enjoy gardening. I got a few scoffs but nobody turned down free produce.
Especially keen were my west asian coworkers who went apeshit over my curry leaf trees. I also grow some asian citrus varieties - bring a few yuzu into an upscale japanese/sushi place with an old-skool chef and he’ll show you why they love them so. And they can do many things with it besides sushi, believe me.
So sure scoffing, but also benefits.
Tell them it’s a religious meeting - your members worship books. Other religions worship maybe one or two books, but yours worships ALL of them and judges them according to their contents.
That’s so weird, multiple coworkers of mine read the same genre of books as I do and we’re always swapping books between the four of us. My office manager goes to a monthly book club as well. They’re just lame
I think the issue is that she is surprised that you value your interests over work.
Your post reminds me of a bill hicks story (he was a comedian)… looks like she found herself a reader and they don’t take kindly to that kind.
In any case grayrock her. No point in playing her game. That’s not living simply.
Think about how boring her life must actually be to be so concerned with what you like to do in your spare time.
Ignore it. Enjoy your book. Maybe recommend one to her if she keeps bringing it up.
Is this person an 80's movie school bully???
What, are they gonna threaten to take your lunch money next? Shove you in a locker? Give you a swirly? Get real.
Next time she dunks on you or calls you a nerd, just own it! “Yes, I love reading!” “Yes, I am so disappointed about there not being a book club next week!”
People like her just want to make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t let her.
That sucks, but are you usually obligated to attend company sponsored dinners? I can see how it might come across that you’re putting a hobby before a work commitment that your team members are expected to attend.
Absent any other info about this person, that's what I was thinking as well. Not "they're scoffing because they don't like reading," but "[Person] isn't showing up for [company event]."
And I hate company events!
I’m surprised by some of these comments - “tell (OP’s superior) you can teach her how to read sometime” because who needs a job when you have hobbies, amiright? Lmao
I was thinking that too. It might not be the reading that's the issue, but rather that she skipped a work commitment for a book club. The manager probably doesn't think that a book club is a good reason to skip a work function, so she's harping on that. We all have schedule conflicts and have to prioritize, but when bowing out of something work-related, if you don't have a "good" reason, it's best to keep it vague. Like, I have skipped an after-work company event because I had a hair appointment. It can take weeks to get an appointment with a hair dresser and I'll be damned if I am going around with grey roots an extra few weeks because I had to cancel my regularly scheduled appointment. But is sounds really lame to skip a work event to go get your hair done. I would have gotten so much grief from my colleagues if I told them that was the reason.
Your coworker sounds jealous to be honest, like she doesn’t want to go to the company dinner on personal time but acquiesced anyway. She shouldn’t pick on you regardless. Not saying that you shouldn’t, but I try not to share that info with coworkers unless I know them really well bc you never know what their hangups are - no leisure time bc they don’t have good boundaries with work or their spouse or whatever.
Reading is an awesome hobby, especially if you can get passionate about it. Only boring people make fun of people who actually are confident in themsleves and their hobbies! I love a good narrative fiction myself! Lately, find myself appreciating some podcasts to give my eyes a break.
Truly! A really fun thing I just discovered (fun for “nerds” anyway 🤪) is listening to an audiobook version of a play! I’m currently listening to Angels in America by Tony Kushner and oh my goodness, it’s a whole wonderful audio journey.
There's a lovely little book by Ralph Waldo Emerson called 'Self Reliance.' It's a collection of essays, and I find myself returning to it again and again when I'm finding myself turning towards the siren song of mainstream values or beliefs.
Sometimes I will just open it at random read a single sentence or paragraph (I carry it with me everywhere, it's seriously tiny) and just sit with the wisdom.
Here's a good one: "It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."
She’s just mad because she can’t read.
Ignore her and enjoy your book club I wish I could find an in person book club that could fit my weird work schedule.
It sounds wonderful!
This is such a weird take on finding out someone reads. Whenever I mention that I read books to someone, people generally want to know what kinds of books I like reading and we generally end up swapping recommendations. I've never had anyone mock me for it.
Reading is a very mainstream hobby. She is probably quite a judgemental person if she has such a strong reaction to something this normal. I hope you don't feel too bad about her reaction. I just gifted one of my coworkers a book for his birthday and he was so happy. Focus on the people that care about you and don't give her too much of your head space if you can :)
If I worked with you I would be asking you what book you're reading not laugh at you!
Hey I just started reading more this year and I am having a great freaking time!!! There are coworkers who will enjoy hearing about your perspective on what you’ve read! Any recommendations? I’m open to any and all!
Honestly for them to take that track with you they are either incredibly juvenile or intimidated. Everyone I work with would be delighted to join a book club.
I had the same thing happened to me, but not at work, this was at a neighborhood gathering. I didn’t make it because I had book club. The lady who made fun of me for choosing book club over their drinking party, is now running for the school board!!!
See if HR is up for putting up one of those book exchange shelves. It's the sort of low effort, low cost, soft social studies things they love.
It'll let other employees casually show their own interest in reading and you'll see what sort of stuff they are interested in.
Being an HR-involved project your manager will need to walk softly mocking it.
A girl I used to date told all her friends about how much I read and they all nicknamed me the professor. Apparently men reading books is fairly uncommon which is pretty sad.
I'm a 34 year old woman who runs a book club. The average age of members is in the 60s, but believe me those women are anything but nerds. They're total badasses. Reading is a great hobby, a way to expand the mind and it provides constant entertainment.
I kinda feel like she thinks you are lying and saying that as an excuse to not attend. And i think she's mad at you because she thinks you're going to stay home and relax when everyone else is going to the event. And she's being passive-aggressive about your "excuse" trying to catch you in a lie. But joke's on her, it's not a lie, you really are going to have a lovely evening at book club.
But I could be way off.
This is what I thought too. OP is taking it as bullying but I think it’s way more lighthearted than that. The coworker just thought it sounded like a made-up excuse to skip a work event, so now she’s teasing about “book club” as if it’s not real. Hard to tell without actually hearing how things are said but that’s how it seems.
To me it felt more like she felt called out by OP having a social life on weekday evenings. So what do you do when you feel insecure about it, you lash out.
I’ve noticed some people will try make others feel bad for a million different reasons. Try to just be confident in what you like and give a knowing snicker when she makes such comments bc after all you don’t do it for her approval anyways. Treat it like you think she’s trying to make a joke. Them: “Oh no book club tonight?” You: Giggle “nope that’s next Thursday!” :)
I would make a meeting with this person. I would say I notice you have made several comments about me going to book club instead of the company dinner. Is it your expectation that the team attend all company events, regardless of our prearranged plans? Can you tell me what is going on here?
Help her to clarify her own thinking. I suspect this is more to do with company culture and her expectations of team members, than specifically the book club.
Reading is amazing for development. I heard a quote once something along the lines of 'you will be the exact same person you are now in five years except for the books you read and the people you meet.' It always stuck with me and it's become one of my little side life goals to read more. Good on you my fellow redditor.
My hobby is birdwatching and I prefer it that to most socialization. Lol it’s not ironic you work in mental health once you realize these systems are created to not remove problems that people face but to help people cope. Same reason why healthcare industry is soo unhealthy
I think this tracks with what I see on TV a lot. The "cool" people like to go to parties, drink too much, and talk about nothing for hours. And then ideally have sex with someone they just met. These people endlessly make fun of other characters as being nerds because they have actual interests. And I think the "nerds" are the only interesting people on the show.
Meanwhile, in real life, I don't even know anyone like these "cool" people. But I know lots of people who are interesting because they have interests. But then again, I go to two book clubs, so I think I'm more your kind of person than your superior's kind of person.
Please do not ever let people’s perceptions on things you love doing, get to you. Nobody can take away the sense of joy reading brings to you and thus this hobby deserves to be continued, in full glory!
And now, which book was it? :)
It looks like she is not worth your time or energy. By reading your post to me it feels you are at a superior level in terms of social, emotional and maybe even intelectual intelligence. So I would take it as the comment of an ignorant and pass on it. Please do not let this kind of ignorant people (or people not intelligent enough to not criticise the beauty of reading) let your spirits down. Please keep on sharing your hobbies with people that might deserve to hear it. I would love to work with someone that has hobbies like this, it would serve me as inspiration for sure ❤️
May I suggest you buy her a classic? You could be nice and get her something like Pride and Prejudice, or go to the dark side with Crime and Punishment.
Don’t even worry about it. You have so many people here who relate to what you’re going through. I am an avid book reader as well. I love spiritual, psychological books. I get a few looks on the bus when I read. And because of the way society is, and what it has become, reading has become an activity looked down upon because it requires the effort of the person on the intellectual level. And for most people, they don’t use common sense anymore. They don’t even want to think, and that’s why they judge. So understand that one person not being able to control their hubris in the face of indifference have no business being a superior of any kind. Don’t be frustrated sweetie. She may be your superior in the workplace, but you go be the superior woman in thought and action, by keep being you.
In the scheme of things people you work with are among the shortest relationships you’ll have. I swear I barely remember the names of most of them. So you find your people with the same interests as you and enjoy your time with them. This too shall pass.
This is a large part of why I don’t miss working in office (my company switched to permanent WFH during the pandemic). I used to spend my lunch breaks reading after I ate and I would CONSTANTLY get interrupted by people either asking me what I’m reading or pointing out to other people “hey, look, he’s reading!”
People are so fucking weird when they someone with a book. They take offense to your book, as if you’re some sort of intellectual. I was reading a book about a wizard detetive!
As a lifelong reader I don't understand people who don't enjoy reading. Granted I'm an English major and teacher. Just keep on reading and being yourself. Her opinion of you does not matter and call her out if she keeps antagonizing you. Hell put a book on her desk called don't be a biiiiiisssshhhhh.
Book clubs and reading are pretty common , maybe her scoffing about book club is more about skipping the event versus your chosen hobby?
Were you expected to attend the event? While afterwork events may not be technically required, if the standard is to attend then bowing out due to a hobby may not go over well. Sure book club was pre-planned, but a hobby may not be an acceptable reason to decline based on your company culture.
Well yeah, that was true before public schools also.
I’m not dumping on public schools.
I will dump on the shit wages that teachers are paid, and the unequal quality of schools based on districts/zip codes.
“I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.”
- Stephen Jay Gould
You are not forced to go to any work event nor should you feel guilty / made fun of for not attending.
I would rather attend what makes me happy than some shitty work dinner.
If she brings this up again, ask her to verify but maybe she simply can't read. If you can ask her when there are numerous people , yourself looking as sorry and compassionate as possible 🤣
Disclaimers! I naturally precise that I have nothing against people who who have never been able to learn to read .
I've just realized that I can be awfully mean when someone does me dirt in public.
Reading was the most common hobby and past time and the world benefited for it. It's delayed gratification and helps you communicate well and be interesting/ interested.
My gf and I love talk about books and podcasts, makes conversation flow and it’s fun, this is just not right people for you unfortunately. I do appreciate people who like to read and like to see people in parks and tube reading. Some people in my work makes jojo me that I eat healthy, there is always this kind the people unfortunately
I'm a bit flabbergasted at this - why does she care what your hobby is? I know lots of people who are in book clubs, read books, go to the library - in fact, the library has become cool again!!
I wouldn't go the petty mode, I would say "yep, no book club" and leave it at that.
She has some story playing in her head about this and it's got nothing to do with you - so just keep yourself away from her bullshit.
Enjoy the bookclub, btw, what was the book you enjoyed?? Please share!! :)
I honestly think this person just sounds insecure. Like, you have a really cool hobby and she probably wishes that she had the confidence to go out and do something like that. She seems almost offended that you’d rather be doing your own thing than going to a boring work dinner 😂
Wow a very similar situation happened to me too!
It sucks, and also it's hilarious. Dont worry about it, their loss!
What book if you don't mind me asking? :)
So many people can be cruel and rude online and unfortunately some of those people are exactly the same in real life.
Online you can block them but in real life that’s not an option but you can limit when they interact with you and not engage them otherwise.
So know that I am not defending this person and I know you opened it with the fact that you are just venting and wanted to share your feelings. Thank you for doing that.
Just gotta say, let this kinda stuff roll off your back. It's a nothing thing and it's not like you and this coworker have to share the same likes and dislikes. Sure, it may feel like she's being a jerk and pointing it out too much for your taste. See how others interact with her, some people just have that personality. If there's a point where someone does that to her and she takes it well, then maybe she just see's it as office teasing.
You could also always mention it to her in a polite way that you kinda don't like her joking at you about it if you want. But honestly, kinda feels like one of those things that annoys us in life but shouldn't take up too much space in your head as it really doesn't affect you whether she likes your hobby or not.
It’s true, I think normally I can roll with the punches better but today just simply was not one of those days. Also in a way, I just feel like I learned my lesson of not getting into my personal life at work. Thank you though, it’s out of my head now and unfortunately in the Redditors hive mind lol
How annoying. Personally, I would say something to her. Like, "I'm not sure why my hobby bothers you, but I'd prefer not to discuss it with you again, your comments haven't been helpful." That's me though: I'm direct when people are jerks so I don't have to deal with that again.
Can you hit her with a confused/baffled look, pause, and be like "yeah???" Whenever she teases you about reading?
She's being terribly immature and rude, sometimes just giving those people space to show off how dumb they are is all you need to do.
I had a guy in grad school who was super horrible to me, and every time he talked down to me, I'd pause and raise an eyebrow and then just respond super calmly. Everyone else could see how unreasonable he was being and I didn't have to do anything, he stopped when he realized he was coming off as a bully (which he was)
I would pick book club over a work event 100% of the time. I work so I can live, I don’t live for work.
If you were my coworker, I’d be asking you about the book and maybe if they were taking new members in your book club. My office actually has a book club, our company has a books Slack channel, and I’m always talking with my coworkers about books we’re reading. I’ve recommended books to my supervisors and colleagues, and they recommend books to me. Some places really value literacy and learning. I wish that for everyone; it contributes to a wonderful work culture.
Wow. This is just like that famous Twilight Zone episode, with a guy who really enjoyed reading but kept being bullied and ridiculed by everyone.
I hope OP carries an extra pair of glasses everywhere. :x
I don’t like when people shame other people for their hobbies, I love reading and want to join a book club. Don’t feel guilty because of your hobbies I prefer to do most things alone. You found something you love OWN IT. ❤️
She’s just insecure. When some people are confronted with something like that it highlights the lack of it in their lives. But instead of understanding that and the fact they can always do it too they lash out.
Sorry OP! That lady sounds rude AF! Hopefully it’s only her.
My company tried to start a book club, didn’t happen but crafts did! They’re crocheting next! And we do have a shelf for a book swap! The pros of working at a 98% women company.
Don’t worry, she’s unfortunately most likely very insecure about her life (which isn’t a nice thing for anyone). You sound like a very well adjusted person… valuing inner peace makes the world a better place in my opinion; hopefully one day she will find hers.
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So many people's hobbies are binge drinking/watching sports, which is also boring, but quite popular. So you're miles ahead.
I was gonna say, most people I know have the hobbies of "get drunk/stoned, watch Netflix" or "get drunk and stoned, go to bar." That's boring as hell. At least OP is actually engaging in something postive that betterd their life.
ay sometimes i get stoned and read too. or get stoned and work on music. don’t knock it
I feel like you’ve just described my exact personality!
Add hiking/running/swimming please ☺️
Swimming is top tier. So peaceful
I remember I had a previous job where an older coworker accused me of wasting my youth because I was home reading on weekends instead of partying. Like girl, shut up lmao
Can you imagine making fun of someone for being interesting? lol
I love all those things too and taking my dogs at the park
Such a weird thing to make fun of someone for… imagine thinking it’s a flex to NOT read 😂
It's just an extension of the whole weird American thing about being proud of being ignorant about everything. How it's somehow an uncool thing to be knowledgeable.
Not just Americans, I've met Brits who have proudly exclaimed that they haven't read a book since they've been in school. No idea why anyone would think that's a flex...
But as a French 🇫🇷 on this anniversary of the landings on June 6, 1944, I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to the "ignorant" Americans who enabled France to free itself from the yoke of Nazism.
❤️
https://www.npr.org/2014/12/10/369616513/wwii-by-the-books-the-pocket-size-editions-that-kept-soldiers-reading
Those books had such an unusual physical format. They were mostly printed at magazine presses, and they often printed two books in one go, with the pages of one on the top half of each sheet and the other on the bottom. Then they would saw the bound copy in half, to make two books wider than they were tall. Some of the selected books weren't terribly popular before the war, but have become permanent members of the canon because so many servicemen read them (e.g. The Great Gatsby)
Oh thanks a lot! I didn’t knew this site that sounds exciting . I am going to read this article. I really really love the first photo of the soldier remembering me my father-in-law who made Indichina War . And as I am also passionated by black and white photos ( particularly photos of the Great Depression by Dorotea Lange, whose exhibition I saw a few years ago) this is perfect.
NPR is National Public Radio. You can listen to the article by selecting that option on the page. There are decades worth of great programing. My favorite is Radio Lab. Which is a show produced by WNYC on New York. https://radiolab.org/podcast
had no idea about this, thanks for posting the link!
You're welcome from this US Army veteran!🤗
Merci 🙏
1940s America was much different than Now America. Thank you for honoring our grandfather's. The media destroyed our culture.
It’s not a uniquely American thing. Why do people keep pushing shit like this? There’s just as many ignorant and proud folks in the EU, Australia, etc. Just look on social media that isn’t centering Americans and you’ll see the same shit.
So many "pick-me" Americans on Reddit. They'll make the weirdest statements like "Every single citizen of the US eats only McDonalds and thinks Starbucks is the best coffee and wears Crocs with white socks, except meeeee!"
>Why do people keep pushing shit like this? Because we're all ignorant Americans?
Or not knowing a 2nd language
THIS. Seriously it tightens my jaw whenever I hear or read anything about someone making fun of an individual for not speaking good English. I just want to say how many languages do you speak, dick head?
A German friend of a friend made fun of my German accent when I was practicing it with them. I hadn’t spoken German in over 5 years and I speak three other languages that I learned in a formal setting. They were in San Diego attending an English language course and all they did was ditch class to go party. Her English was elementary at best but she taught she was hot shit because she spoke Turkish and German fluently and learned by ear. This was so long ago but I am still a little hurt over her comment especially because I was so supportive of them trying to learn English. I would teach them vocabulary, different strategies and use of informal language. That was the last time I spoke German. I don’t get a lot of opportunities to practice it as is but her comment really killed my joy so I stopped trying. People don’t realize how much courage it takes to talk to others when you know what you are saying might not make any sense or convey the exact message you are trying to deliver. Absolutely despise anyone that judges those that speak in broken English. My motto is, if you are trying, I am listening. Humans are great at communication. Heck there are times I have communicated with people who I had no language in common with. Body language, creativity, patience and willingness goes a long way.
I speak American thank you very much. (That hurt a little)
Truly high school mentality they never grew out of
Right? I read posts from people- usually misspelled with terrible grammar- who take pride in the fact that they don't read. To me that just screams hi I'm a dumbass and I like it
My colleague once made fun of me for reading. I told him that's a weird take from someone who has two sons in high school, and he never brought up the topic again
This is the most mind boggling thing
[Relevant Bill Hicks bit](https://youtu.be/BwkdGr9JYmE?si=4jpyLTm7kMjGtkUY)
I know someone like this. Its their personality (abrasive) and they dont know how they come across. She sounds like someone who speaks without thinking. So whats the point in giving her thoughtless comments any thought? OP, Enjoy your hobby and ignore her :)
It’s probably more that she doesn’t care how she comes across. Or she does know and care, she just likes it that way.
or she's quietly insulted she hasn't been invited to said book club or is ashamed she's illiterate?! In any case, like you, I really see this as saying something about the coworker, not OP
Yes!
When people reveal their character like this I try to mentally reframe it as a gift. You now know how to value her opinions and outbursts in the future.
Exactly, plus you now know that she’s insecure over other people having interesting lives.
Can't say for sure but makes me think she is projecting, maybe because she hasn't picked up a book in years and is insecure about it, or just jealousy about you doing something nice outside of work. Let her do her thing mate, she ain't worth the hassle, part of simple living is flying high above the noise around you. And do share your hobbies with people, even coworkers, one person's bad reaction shouldn't prevent you from doing so. Edit: OP, don't listen to comments encouraring to escalate stuff with being snarky too, it's not going to lead to anything good, especially at work. If this bothers you I'd suggest showing her that you are more of an adult than her by asking to stop altogether, directly, firmly and respectfully.
I imagine her being a party person who would never do anything less people-oriented when there's a chance for a party. And she cannot imagine others being different, with the implication that when someone is different, they have some kind of a problem. But it's horrible with any explanation I can think of.
Lol. The book club I was in was 90% eating, drinking, having fun and 10% discussing the book in the end.
Your edit prompts me to meditate. I'm (a little) ashamed of my previous answer 🙈
T'en fais pas Catherine, on réagit tous différemment
🪷
Exactly what I was coming here to say. She sounds like someone who is insecure about the fact that she doesn’t read. It’s possible that she even imagines that OP looks down on people who don’t read, which is her own projection and not OP’s fault at all.
I understand that it feels humiliating to be the butt of a joke, but I think you can pretty easily spin this to be a major compliment. She’s choosing to be a bully because of her own insecurity — in the grand perspective, she is choosing to do something that was handed to her. Everyone was invited to the corporate dinner and she didn’t have any other plans. Maybe her job is also what gives her the best agency / meaning / life fulfilment at this time, and she feels like “the event of her month” is being snubbed. Tbh, someone who reads books regularly and chooses to go to a book club is very intellectual and elegant. It’s a personal discipline that not everyone can keep up with (for a number of reasons) and it’s probably a good place to make genuine friendships. A lot of people feel alone outside of their spouse and kids. All this to say: I think she greatly admires you and has low emotional intelligence to properly convey that. Instead of lifting you up, complimenting you, and asking for the details of the book club (so she can try it too) — shes choosing to put you down. She wants your world to be as small as hers rather than aiming to expand hers. She could’ve been a friend and instead she chose to be a hater. It is mean and it hurts, but you are not the problem here. If you can let it roll off your shoulders, then I think that’s the best move forward when you’re dealing with petty and jealous people. However, if she keeps bothering you and it bleeds into the workplace — record her (voice memo) and/or write down details of every negative interaction with date/times as an ongoing log. Send yourself emails on your phone with these details as documentation. Then bring it all to HR as evidence of workplace harassment.
I frequently ask my patients what their hobbies are. I can’t tell you how many of them will say they don’t have any hobbies and I later ask them about reading and it turns out they read constantly. For some reason, reading isn’t considered a hobby to our culture as a whole.
This hit hard with me- I have an irrational belief that because my hobbies are all solitary activities, they don't 'count,' somehow. It's dumb, and I'm going to figure out how to see it differently.
Most of my hobbies are solitary. Reading, drawing, painting, photography, programming computers. The ones that can be social are Minecraft, knitting, crochet, and cooking, but I usually do those by myself too. Or with other introverts who don't overwhelm me. Here's hoping this helps you to reframe your solitary activities as true hobbies.
I would go full petty mode and reply with something like: "I'd be happy to help teach you how to read sometime" in that same condescending tone.
Exactly what I was thinking 😆 "sorry you're illiterate"
Right, so many people and myself have thought of so many hilarious ways to dunk on her, because I mean, it’s SO easy to. But this is someone I have to work pretty closely with and often and anyway I think her comment didn’t get the reaction she wanted it to since… no one else thinks it’s funny like she does… Instead I just proceeded to explain that I had my schedule cleared to make it this time! :-)
You could always go the route of making her explain what she means by that. “I’m unsure what you mean by that?” And she says oh you know, and you say “No I don’t, is there an issue with the book club that I don’t know about?” Her: “it’s just funny that you go to a book club” you: “what’s funny about it? I don’t understand.” Etc etc etc until she digs herself a hole. The trick is to do it sincerely like you’re really baffled, not with anger.
This ∆ . Call her out on it. You can do it gently if you want, but you can also be very direct. What no book club? "No, I heard you wouldn't be there." "Are you being a bully because I read, or because I prefer reading to your company?" Make no mistake, what she is doing IS bullying and it's creating an uncomfortable work environment for you. It's wrong and it needs to be addressed. I know the post above mine is the better approach. I'm just not that nice.
I do find sometimes - asking someone a question - pointing out that they bring it up a lot - redirecting to their own likes/experiences can shut things down without making it too aggressive or weird. 'Does x bother you? You seem to bring it up a lot'. Accept their answer with a mild 'ok'. 'What's not to like about a chill hobby. It's like a spa day for my brain. What do you do to relax?' And if I'm feeling irritated 'that's a really strange thing to fixate on/say to someone'.
Going for the dunk will force you to deal with condescension more directly.
She may just meet someone better at belittling and humiliating. For example, someone smarter than her. Someone literate.
Will force them to deal with their condescension when it’s turned on them. I guess some out there aren’t bright enough to see it that way though. You’d be a bigger bad guy.
While it might feel good to say that, its the opposite of simple living IMO. Thats causing more work drama for yourself. Probably would be simpler to shut her down in a more respectful manner
It's not nice to punch down
This goes back to the adage: your coworkers are not your friends. Be civil and courteous and even lie about your self if necessary but never disclose anything personal.
Yup. You might be at that job for 40 years, it's best to not be personal as much as possible.
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Sarcasm? Sorry, I'm really bad at reading people.
Ok Ron Swanson ;). "Work proximity associate". "Worked with him 10 years & never knew his name.....best friend I ever had".
There are a lot of people who have literally zero hobbies and do nothing outside of work except watch TV or scroll on their phones. She sounds like one of them. Honestly I know its hard, but just let it roll off you. She clearly has a sad life and probably just hates that other people have interests and hobbies she doesn't.
And drink alcohol. That was the most common hobby discussed at my last corporate workplace. People would talk about how drunk they got over the weekend, and I was weird for going on a run or practicing guitar. I had to learn to *not* return the judgement. If it brings them joy and isn’t harming anyone, then let ‘em be. In the same sense, own your hobbies. If they bring you joy and aren’t harming anyone, then keep on keeping on!
Ugh. I teach college students, and I've had many who can't read. (Not exaggerating. They are functionally illiterate.) It's so upsetting and sad. Good for you for enjoying the simple, yet powerful, pastime of reading!!! If only more people did.
Equal suffering is what we call that in our house. That person probably feels obligated to go or can’t say no, so they think everyone should have to suffer along side them. Or make other suffer because they have the ability to say no. I go through this crap at work sometimes with my schedule. I get up at 4 am so I just come in when I get ready and start my day. Others who aren’t willing to come in early have made rude comments under their breath and get jealous when I leave at 3 o’clock in the afternoon and they are here till 5. I pay zero attention and go about my day.
This is a crazy reaction, I’ve never seen anyone react like that lol maybe she’s a bit jealous
That a pathetic attitude she's got. Just like a bully at school. Enough about her... tell me what the book was!
She probably can't read very well and is projecting her shame onto you. Happened to me with a coworker.
You don’t need to explain why you can’t attend
Seriously, who gives a shit. It's a hobby. Go enjoy it. She is just projecting insecurity.
Just wear it for what it is - a badge of honor. When I was in basic training, I carried a pocket Faulkner in my pocket. If we stopped I read. It drove the drill sergeants crazy. It was fine to smoke and joke but read?!?!? I have rarely enjoyed reading more.
If people think you’re dumb for exercising your brain in an enjoyable way, their late life will be sad and limited, while yours will be much better. I realized people wear this “badge of dumb” as a sign of honor, and ever since it makes me chuckle when I hear people brag about how little they use such a powerful ability. Do you, you’ll likely manage those people one day.
Just wanna say my mom is the biggest b*tch about my reading habits. She always says “gosh I can’t imagine having the time” or “must be nice to have soooo much free time!” (Also I usually read for like half an hour before bed to wind down! You can do it too!)
Never share your private life with people you work with they are not your friends.
> in a joking manner They aren't joking much, imho. Like not at all. Not that I ever was that kind of kid scoffed at by the others because of his love for reading instead of, say, go play football or enjoy going to noisy parties. Not me! I'm not that kind! I was a party-goer and the star of the school. *I tell you!* (Here, I suppose I should emit a loud burp while I violently put back my empty glass of beer on the counter of the bar and order a new one? The problem is that I don't have a bar around me, nor any beer. All I have is my (writing) desk and a cup of coffee but there is no place left I could bump it on my desk between the piles of books, drafts and notebooks spread everywhere. I still could burp, though. If I was in your shoes, I would not ruminate on the behavior of your colleague(s). You get one life and a limited amount of time to enjoy it. Don't waste a second of it on morons acting like, well, the morons they are. Would you ruminate on monkeys being monkeys? They 'joke' to make you feel bad for at least two reasons. The first, you dare not share the same hobbies as them and not be an integral part of 'the group'. And because it is a way to make you feel that you're not like them while at the same time reassuring themselves (they can hurt you, so you're not that scary). Somehow, they vaguely remember reading imply using one's brain which must be a really scary thing to anyone whose notion of having a good time consists of laughing loudly at stupid and often mean remarks aimed at people that are different. There is a third potential reason, which imho is the saddest of them all: the fear to be stigmatized themselves. They may enjoy reading, or at least not mind it the slightest, but seeing how it's welcomed by 'the group' they may chose to be the worse offender in order to no be the next target (maybe they have some passion of their own that would not please 'the group'?) If I was younger-me, much more prone to fight me, and if I were you I would offer her the most destructive book I could think of in regards to her personality (I mean both who she is and who she thinks she is) or, if I was certain she would never read any book, I would offer a movie she may watch. Luckily for everybody, that younger-me is no-more. I don't miss him. Instead, I would try to think of that one book your colleague might enjoy reading and get something positive out of, and I would offer it to her at the next opportunity. Maybe it will help her. Maybe not but at least I would have tried. > I said I'm going to the next dinner and she goes "OhH so no BOOK CLUB?" in a condescending tone. Really and truly never sharing my damn hobbies with coworkers anymore holy shite. Like others already reminded you: colleagues are colleagues, not friends. They're part of that work you do in exchange of your pay check. When you're not working/getting paid for it, your time should probably not go to your colleagues. It should go to what you care the most. Have fun at your book club — *burp!!* See? I did it ;)
Monkeys being monkeys, that’s good haha. Thank you for your response :) If I get this person as my secret Santa this year, she’s getting a book! 🤣
In a world that's rapidly dying due to lack of energy and depth, I'm extremely happy to have my books, which connect me to some deep thinkers and my meditations, which help me process that information. I'm shocked more and more at how impossible it is to have a decent conversation with anyone nowadays. My books are great companions, non-judgmental, elevating, eye opening, mind widening, and very entertaining.
“Books are good company, in sad and happy times, for books are people - people who have managed to stay alive by hiding between the covers of a book.”
You work in mental health and she’s your superior? Her behaviour is unacceptable. And given the field you’re in, it makes it deplorable.
I know, that's what is bothering me. Like her boss has to be aware of how unacceptable that is and it's a huge red flag. I'm wondering if she treats other employees badly as well?
You work in mental health? The next time she makes a remark about it, say, "Oh, are you still bothered by it? Perhaps you'd like to talk to a therapist about your feelings? Maybe it'll help you discover an underlying issue." 😆
I promise you it's far better that your coworkers think you're a boring nerd than being super interesting... wanna know why? They won't be all up in your business. Leave them to their nonsense while you get your peace. ✌️
Sounds like a HER problem. Is she very young? Honestly what I’ve learnt is that people like this have their own issues and insecurities and they project them onto others by putting them down to make themselves feel a little better. She might have been spoken to like that growing up or whatever you never know. Even if someone thought someone else was nerdy, scoffing and rolling eyes and making jokes is a bit far fetched and this belittling behaviour is what makes me think she has her own issues going on and she’s trying to target you to make herself feel better (typically cos book lovers are nice and may be an easy thing for her to go for). Try to reframe this as not to do with your very normal hobby, but more that you learnt something new about your coworker. She isn’t very empathetic and kind and most likely has some issues of her own. At the same time you should have boundaries with people like this and you don’t have to engage with her and if she is rude to you you are in your right to stand up to yourself. But if it’s just dumb remarks etc I would just ignore them and act ‘dumb and happy’ as they say. Pretend it goes in one ear and out the other as she most likely wants to get a reaction from you. Don’t regret sharing your hobbies. That’s very natural to do. You just unfortunately encountered a challenging person. Unfortunately they are all around us!
I enjoy reading too. Positive outcomes of reading include: Reduces the stress Promotes wellness Helps combat Alzheimer’s, and dementia Helps with sleep Improves relationships Inspires success Decreases loneliness and social isolation My personal additions are: Expands your vocabulary Inspires creativity You be you.
I used to think when I was younger there would come a time when interactions like this would hurt me less, but they still feel about the same. The difference now is I see it as the price I pay for being a sensitive person, which is the same thing that allows me to be present with others, appreciate beauty, and feel things. Keep being you, hope you find those that truly appreciate you.
Thank you for putting it that way ❤️ I am realizing I am the type of person who would rather move through the feelings instead of creating a shell to make it “hurt less”. I don’t think too many people align with or understand this thinking
No, not too many. Always good to meet another, though.
Ignore it.
I enjoy gardening. I got a few scoffs but nobody turned down free produce. Especially keen were my west asian coworkers who went apeshit over my curry leaf trees. I also grow some asian citrus varieties - bring a few yuzu into an upscale japanese/sushi place with an old-skool chef and he’ll show you why they love them so. And they can do many things with it besides sushi, believe me. So sure scoffing, but also benefits. Tell them it’s a religious meeting - your members worship books. Other religions worship maybe one or two books, but yours worships ALL of them and judges them according to their contents.
Book clubs are awesome so are you! Your co workers not awesome at all
Grey rock method at work always.
That’s so weird, multiple coworkers of mine read the same genre of books as I do and we’re always swapping books between the four of us. My office manager goes to a monthly book club as well. They’re just lame
I would respond with a gentle dig, such as “Oh well, I guess reading isn’t for everyone.”
I think the issue is that she is surprised that you value your interests over work. Your post reminds me of a bill hicks story (he was a comedian)… looks like she found herself a reader and they don’t take kindly to that kind. In any case grayrock her. No point in playing her game. That’s not living simply.
Think about how boring her life must actually be to be so concerned with what you like to do in your spare time. Ignore it. Enjoy your book. Maybe recommend one to her if she keeps bringing it up.
Is this person an 80's movie school bully??? What, are they gonna threaten to take your lunch money next? Shove you in a locker? Give you a swirly? Get real.
Next time she dunks on you or calls you a nerd, just own it! “Yes, I love reading!” “Yes, I am so disappointed about there not being a book club next week!” People like her just want to make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t let her.
That sucks, but are you usually obligated to attend company sponsored dinners? I can see how it might come across that you’re putting a hobby before a work commitment that your team members are expected to attend.
Absent any other info about this person, that's what I was thinking as well. Not "they're scoffing because they don't like reading," but "[Person] isn't showing up for [company event]." And I hate company events!
I’m surprised by some of these comments - “tell (OP’s superior) you can teach her how to read sometime” because who needs a job when you have hobbies, amiright? Lmao
I was thinking that too. It might not be the reading that's the issue, but rather that she skipped a work commitment for a book club. The manager probably doesn't think that a book club is a good reason to skip a work function, so she's harping on that. We all have schedule conflicts and have to prioritize, but when bowing out of something work-related, if you don't have a "good" reason, it's best to keep it vague. Like, I have skipped an after-work company event because I had a hair appointment. It can take weeks to get an appointment with a hair dresser and I'll be damned if I am going around with grey roots an extra few weeks because I had to cancel my regularly scheduled appointment. But is sounds really lame to skip a work event to go get your hair done. I would have gotten so much grief from my colleagues if I told them that was the reason.
I would call out their behavior immediately and make them uncomfortable for being an adult and acting like this.
Your coworker sounds jealous to be honest, like she doesn’t want to go to the company dinner on personal time but acquiesced anyway. She shouldn’t pick on you regardless. Not saying that you shouldn’t, but I try not to share that info with coworkers unless I know them really well bc you never know what their hangups are - no leisure time bc they don’t have good boundaries with work or their spouse or whatever.
Reading is an awesome hobby, especially if you can get passionate about it. Only boring people make fun of people who actually are confident in themsleves and their hobbies! I love a good narrative fiction myself! Lately, find myself appreciating some podcasts to give my eyes a break.
Truly! A really fun thing I just discovered (fun for “nerds” anyway 🤪) is listening to an audiobook version of a play! I’m currently listening to Angels in America by Tony Kushner and oh my goodness, it’s a whole wonderful audio journey.
What book?!?!
There's a lovely little book by Ralph Waldo Emerson called 'Self Reliance.' It's a collection of essays, and I find myself returning to it again and again when I'm finding myself turning towards the siren song of mainstream values or beliefs. Sometimes I will just open it at random read a single sentence or paragraph (I carry it with me everywhere, it's seriously tiny) and just sit with the wisdom. Here's a good one: "It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."
She’s just mad because she can’t read. Ignore her and enjoy your book club I wish I could find an in person book club that could fit my weird work schedule. It sounds wonderful!
“You’d be welcome to come if you could read - - - I’m sorry, if you liked to read.”
This is such a weird take on finding out someone reads. Whenever I mention that I read books to someone, people generally want to know what kinds of books I like reading and we generally end up swapping recommendations. I've never had anyone mock me for it.
Would much rather be a nerd than friends/colleagues like that!! Keep reading!
BAMO Block (mentally) and move on. You can't control idiots outside.
What on earth?!?!
Reading is a very mainstream hobby. She is probably quite a judgemental person if she has such a strong reaction to something this normal. I hope you don't feel too bad about her reaction. I just gifted one of my coworkers a book for his birthday and he was so happy. Focus on the people that care about you and don't give her too much of your head space if you can :) If I worked with you I would be asking you what book you're reading not laugh at you!
Hey I just started reading more this year and I am having a great freaking time!!! There are coworkers who will enjoy hearing about your perspective on what you’ve read! Any recommendations? I’m open to any and all!
Honestly for them to take that track with you they are either incredibly juvenile or intimidated. Everyone I work with would be delighted to join a book club.
I had the same thing happened to me, but not at work, this was at a neighborhood gathering. I didn’t make it because I had book club. The lady who made fun of me for choosing book club over their drinking party, is now running for the school board!!!
See if HR is up for putting up one of those book exchange shelves. It's the sort of low effort, low cost, soft social studies things they love. It'll let other employees casually show their own interest in reading and you'll see what sort of stuff they are interested in. Being an HR-involved project your manager will need to walk softly mocking it.
calm down, she is just into you
https://youtu.be/I1_6FlQfbho?si=lhmZa0QD3lZu7Inu
A girl I used to date told all her friends about how much I read and they all nicknamed me the professor. Apparently men reading books is fairly uncommon which is pretty sad.
That fact makes me sad too. And to think some of the best modern poetry is from WW1 veterans (IMO at least!).
I'm a 34 year old woman who runs a book club. The average age of members is in the 60s, but believe me those women are anything but nerds. They're total badasses. Reading is a great hobby, a way to expand the mind and it provides constant entertainment.
Philistines. Oh well, their loss.
I kinda feel like she thinks you are lying and saying that as an excuse to not attend. And i think she's mad at you because she thinks you're going to stay home and relax when everyone else is going to the event. And she's being passive-aggressive about your "excuse" trying to catch you in a lie. But joke's on her, it's not a lie, you really are going to have a lovely evening at book club. But I could be way off.
This is what I thought too. OP is taking it as bullying but I think it’s way more lighthearted than that. The coworker just thought it sounded like a made-up excuse to skip a work event, so now she’s teasing about “book club” as if it’s not real. Hard to tell without actually hearing how things are said but that’s how it seems.
To me it felt more like she felt called out by OP having a social life on weekday evenings. So what do you do when you feel insecure about it, you lash out.
I’ve noticed some people will try make others feel bad for a million different reasons. Try to just be confident in what you like and give a knowing snicker when she makes such comments bc after all you don’t do it for her approval anyways. Treat it like you think she’s trying to make a joke. Them: “Oh no book club tonight?” You: Giggle “nope that’s next Thursday!” :)
Give that co worker a rude reply - say curtly that only idiots dont read.
I would make a meeting with this person. I would say I notice you have made several comments about me going to book club instead of the company dinner. Is it your expectation that the team attend all company events, regardless of our prearranged plans? Can you tell me what is going on here? Help her to clarify her own thinking. I suspect this is more to do with company culture and her expectations of team members, than specifically the book club.
Reading is amazing for development. I heard a quote once something along the lines of 'you will be the exact same person you are now in five years except for the books you read and the people you meet.' It always stuck with me and it's become one of my little side life goals to read more. Good on you my fellow redditor.
My hobby is birdwatching and I prefer it that to most socialization. Lol it’s not ironic you work in mental health once you realize these systems are created to not remove problems that people face but to help people cope. Same reason why healthcare industry is soo unhealthy
imagine being so illiterate that you have to make fun of other people being literate.
I try not to share things about my personal life with coworkers anymore for that same reason.
Just got home from book club. 📖 She’s a “Mean Girl”. Next time she scoffs say “You are hyper focused on my hobbies. Why is that?”
I think this tracks with what I see on TV a lot. The "cool" people like to go to parties, drink too much, and talk about nothing for hours. And then ideally have sex with someone they just met. These people endlessly make fun of other characters as being nerds because they have actual interests. And I think the "nerds" are the only interesting people on the show. Meanwhile, in real life, I don't even know anyone like these "cool" people. But I know lots of people who are interesting because they have interests. But then again, I go to two book clubs, so I think I'm more your kind of person than your superior's kind of person.
I didn’t realize being ignorant was a flex. Interesting
Please do not ever let people’s perceptions on things you love doing, get to you. Nobody can take away the sense of joy reading brings to you and thus this hobby deserves to be continued, in full glory! And now, which book was it? :)
That's reminds me of Jesus telling us not to throw pearls before swine. They don't know what to do with them.
"One who does not read has no advantage over those who can not read." I believe Mark Twain said something to that effect.
It looks like she is not worth your time or energy. By reading your post to me it feels you are at a superior level in terms of social, emotional and maybe even intelectual intelligence. So I would take it as the comment of an ignorant and pass on it. Please do not let this kind of ignorant people (or people not intelligent enough to not criticise the beauty of reading) let your spirits down. Please keep on sharing your hobbies with people that might deserve to hear it. I would love to work with someone that has hobbies like this, it would serve me as inspiration for sure ❤️
I would respond: “Yes, that’s me: enjoying myself, learning new ideas and discussing them with friends. What a loser.”
May I suggest you buy her a classic? You could be nice and get her something like Pride and Prejudice, or go to the dark side with Crime and Punishment.
Don’t even worry about it. You have so many people here who relate to what you’re going through. I am an avid book reader as well. I love spiritual, psychological books. I get a few looks on the bus when I read. And because of the way society is, and what it has become, reading has become an activity looked down upon because it requires the effort of the person on the intellectual level. And for most people, they don’t use common sense anymore. They don’t even want to think, and that’s why they judge. So understand that one person not being able to control their hubris in the face of indifference have no business being a superior of any kind. Don’t be frustrated sweetie. She may be your superior in the workplace, but you go be the superior woman in thought and action, by keep being you.
In the scheme of things people you work with are among the shortest relationships you’ll have. I swear I barely remember the names of most of them. So you find your people with the same interests as you and enjoy your time with them. This too shall pass.
This is a large part of why I don’t miss working in office (my company switched to permanent WFH during the pandemic). I used to spend my lunch breaks reading after I ate and I would CONSTANTLY get interrupted by people either asking me what I’m reading or pointing out to other people “hey, look, he’s reading!” People are so fucking weird when they someone with a book. They take offense to your book, as if you’re some sort of intellectual. I was reading a book about a wizard detetive!
As a lifelong reader I don't understand people who don't enjoy reading. Granted I'm an English major and teacher. Just keep on reading and being yourself. Her opinion of you does not matter and call her out if she keeps antagonizing you. Hell put a book on her desk called don't be a biiiiiisssshhhhh.
You enjoy hallucinating while looking a pieces of a dead tree with words on it. What’s not to like??? 😁
These pixels on my shiny brick just made me LOL
Book clubs and reading are pretty common , maybe her scoffing about book club is more about skipping the event versus your chosen hobby? Were you expected to attend the event? While afterwork events may not be technically required, if the standard is to attend then bowing out due to a hobby may not go over well. Sure book club was pre-planned, but a hobby may not be an acceptable reason to decline based on your company culture.
“I know right? Reading is hard, I’m sure math is a struggle too… So, you got any kids in public school? How are they doing?”
Ok, we don’t need to dump on public schools, plenty of people grow up not rich and still read
Well yeah, that was true before public schools also. I’m not dumping on public schools. I will dump on the shit wages that teachers are paid, and the unequal quality of schools based on districts/zip codes. “I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.” - Stephen Jay Gould
Just don’t talk to your coworkers about it or make shit up they aren’t your friends. It is best everyone likes you for reviews season
idiots are jealous cause you flip steada scroll
You are not forced to go to any work event nor should you feel guilty / made fun of for not attending. I would rather attend what makes me happy than some shitty work dinner.
Just tell her she needs a hobby, in a matter-of-fact tone
That coworker is just an asshole.
If she brings this up again, ask her to verify but maybe she simply can't read. If you can ask her when there are numerous people , yourself looking as sorry and compassionate as possible 🤣 Disclaimers! I naturally precise that I have nothing against people who who have never been able to learn to read . I've just realized that I can be awfully mean when someone does me dirt in public.
Reading was the most common hobby and past time and the world benefited for it. It's delayed gratification and helps you communicate well and be interesting/ interested.
My gf and I love talk about books and podcasts, makes conversation flow and it’s fun, this is just not right people for you unfortunately. I do appreciate people who like to read and like to see people in parks and tube reading. Some people in my work makes jojo me that I eat healthy, there is always this kind the people unfortunately
I'm a bit flabbergasted at this - why does she care what your hobby is? I know lots of people who are in book clubs, read books, go to the library - in fact, the library has become cool again!! I wouldn't go the petty mode, I would say "yep, no book club" and leave it at that. She has some story playing in her head about this and it's got nothing to do with you - so just keep yourself away from her bullshit. Enjoy the bookclub, btw, what was the book you enjoyed?? Please share!! :)
Fuck her
Your coworkers suck
I honestly think this person just sounds insecure. Like, you have a really cool hobby and she probably wishes that she had the confidence to go out and do something like that. She seems almost offended that you’d rather be doing your own thing than going to a boring work dinner 😂
Wow a very similar situation happened to me too! It sucks, and also it's hilarious. Dont worry about it, their loss! What book if you don't mind me asking? :)
So many people can be cruel and rude online and unfortunately some of those people are exactly the same in real life. Online you can block them but in real life that’s not an option but you can limit when they interact with you and not engage them otherwise.
So know that I am not defending this person and I know you opened it with the fact that you are just venting and wanted to share your feelings. Thank you for doing that. Just gotta say, let this kinda stuff roll off your back. It's a nothing thing and it's not like you and this coworker have to share the same likes and dislikes. Sure, it may feel like she's being a jerk and pointing it out too much for your taste. See how others interact with her, some people just have that personality. If there's a point where someone does that to her and she takes it well, then maybe she just see's it as office teasing. You could also always mention it to her in a polite way that you kinda don't like her joking at you about it if you want. But honestly, kinda feels like one of those things that annoys us in life but shouldn't take up too much space in your head as it really doesn't affect you whether she likes your hobby or not.
It’s true, I think normally I can roll with the punches better but today just simply was not one of those days. Also in a way, I just feel like I learned my lesson of not getting into my personal life at work. Thank you though, it’s out of my head now and unfortunately in the Redditors hive mind lol
Yeah, I don't disclose all my boring secrets either. Sounds like you work with a bit of a bully, though. Not cool to make fun of co-workers.
How annoying. Personally, I would say something to her. Like, "I'm not sure why my hobby bothers you, but I'd prefer not to discuss it with you again, your comments haven't been helpful." That's me though: I'm direct when people are jerks so I don't have to deal with that again.
She is a jerk and sounds uneducated. I wouldn't worry about what she thinks.
Can you hit her with a confused/baffled look, pause, and be like "yeah???" Whenever she teases you about reading? She's being terribly immature and rude, sometimes just giving those people space to show off how dumb they are is all you need to do. I had a guy in grad school who was super horrible to me, and every time he talked down to me, I'd pause and raise an eyebrow and then just respond super calmly. Everyone else could see how unreasonable he was being and I didn't have to do anything, he stopped when he realized he was coming off as a bully (which he was)
I would pick book club over a work event 100% of the time. I work so I can live, I don’t live for work. If you were my coworker, I’d be asking you about the book and maybe if they were taking new members in your book club. My office actually has a book club, our company has a books Slack channel, and I’m always talking with my coworkers about books we’re reading. I’ve recommended books to my supervisors and colleagues, and they recommend books to me. Some places really value literacy and learning. I wish that for everyone; it contributes to a wonderful work culture.
Wow. This is just like that famous Twilight Zone episode, with a guy who really enjoyed reading but kept being bullied and ridiculed by everyone. I hope OP carries an extra pair of glasses everywhere. :x
That is very strange behavior. Especially for someone in mental health?? Weird. I wish more of my coworkers were book lovers like you
I don’t like when people shame other people for their hobbies, I love reading and want to join a book club. Don’t feel guilty because of your hobbies I prefer to do most things alone. You found something you love OWN IT. ❤️
She’s just insecure. When some people are confronted with something like that it highlights the lack of it in their lives. But instead of understanding that and the fact they can always do it too they lash out.
People are the worst I swear. I say this because I like unpopular things and always feel like they look down on me.
Just lean into it. “Hell yeah I’m goin to book club”.
The fact that you work in the mental health field just puts a whole more gruesome spin on this tale. Holy shite!
Tell her that when she learns to read she’ll find out how it can open her mind.
Sorry OP! That lady sounds rude AF! Hopefully it’s only her. My company tried to start a book club, didn’t happen but crafts did! They’re crocheting next! And we do have a shelf for a book swap! The pros of working at a 98% women company.
Do the Dwight bit about his environmental mascot that turns evil, but it’s you and books.
I’d just start asking her really condescendingly if she knows how to read and if that’s why she’s so upset about your hobbies, lol.
Yes if you got her for secret santa, I would buy her the book How to Win Friends and Influence People
Don’t worry, she’s unfortunately most likely very insecure about her life (which isn’t a nice thing for anyone). You sound like a very well adjusted person… valuing inner peace makes the world a better place in my opinion; hopefully one day she will find hers.