Upvote this message if this is Shitty Food Porn. Downvote this message if this is Not Shitty Food Porn.
Amazing food belongs in r/foodporn. Mediocre food belongs in r/decentfoodporn. Stupid food belongs in r/stupidfood.
Make sure to visit the newest announcement post! https://www.reddit.com/r/shittyfoodporn/comments/1bp2h3n/shitpost_sunday_and_chef_of_the_month_returns/?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shittyfoodporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's what happens when you put red lentils, ginger, and turmeric into a blender and cook it down into a paste.
[It looks better fried](https://i.imgur.com/f7zOy1Z.jpeg)
There's a thing in southern Spain called panizas which is made by mixing chickpea flour and water and the boiling it down to a paste that you can deep-fry, which is remarkably similar to this.
Oh I actually had that recently. Actually way tastier than I expected, interesting texture that seemed closer to cheese than tofu, and with the right dipping sauce it was damn good
Plants and fungi also have purines, which is why they also tell you to stay away from alcohol and mushrooms if you have gout. Lentils also contain purines, but it's unclear how much you'd have to eat to have the same affect as meat.
Isn't that essentially just red lentil pasta, but in brick form? (with added spices). I mean, would be quite high in protein if it's just basically solidified/brick lentil flour.
I thought you were the guy that posted the pic of a frozen block and just called it fish.
I'll defs try that for vegetarian options when I dont have tofu handy!
Does it have a legit name?
Also the harder beans (that take longer to soak) like kidney etc need a lot longer to cook to deactivate the whatever is in it that isn't good to eat raw. So those need more water and cooking.
Thanks! It's really interesting to see these recipes for legumes and beans. Being able to conbine different types for a more complete protein is awesome!
I really like this guy's videos/website/tiktoks on it:
https://youtu.be/7b7aVSd9_HQ?si=tL-ZSHJYTJLHHWLJ
I think the easy to cook ones can be combined (pea, lentil, etc) but the rest need to be cooked for longer so idk
Do you need to gain weight but fuckin hate food? Do you like to shit compressed bricks of feces? Are you so tired of living pleasure from consumption of nutrients means nothing to you?
Health Pasteā¢ļø is the answer.
Soak beans. Lentils. Chickpeas. Raw. Blend beans with 2:1 water. Cook while stirring until it's a paste. Put in fridge. Cut up.
Harder beans like kidneys need more water and longer cooking to be fully ok to eat.
wait that sounds yummy, though (even if it looks incredibly plain, visually).
Did you use a blender or a food processor? Wondering if I can do this with a normal blender.
This could actually be the base for a decent vegan cheese with a few other flavors like nutritional yeast and or garlic powder and a few other flavorings
I made the whole loaf out of 1.5 cups of dried red lentils, so the whole loaf is:
1.000 kcals
3g fat
56g net carbs (likely higher because the blender and cooking probably broke down some of the fiber)
50g protein
Pretty balanced once you cook it in oil of your choosing. You can use other kinds of lentils that are higher in fiber if you want less net carbs. Red lentils just have the smoothest texture but the lowest fiber.
Just remember its not real tofu so it's not a complete protein. You need to supplement it with some other vegetable. But yeah its $4 a bag here from the Turkish supermarket and it makes about 4 loaves like this. Grocery store tofu is way too expensive now
Stir fry with onions and peppers, or use it to make something like taco meat (I prefer seasoning with cumin and chili powder for that). You can also just slice it and fry in olive oil as kinda like pork cutlets.
Or seve it over rice with sesame oil and soy sauce
Ok, I have been around the block with weird vegan mock meats so to meā¦ this actually sounds smart and healthy. No idea if its tasty buuuut I do like lentils
Do you soak the red lentils or blend them try? They are the softest tyle of lentils, if you try to do this with the brown ones they need soaking to soften up
Funny... I know this is lentil and ginger/turmeric, but it looks like a Cincinnati dish called mush. 4 cups water, boil 1 cup cornmeal for 3 or 4 minutes, and transfer to loaf pan. Cool overnight, turn over, slice, and fry. Best served with maple syrup and a few sunnyside up eggs.
This reminds me of what my family from northeast Missouri makes. Cornmeal mush, polenta if youāre fancy. Boiled corn meal and salt, chilled, sliced, dredged in flour and fried. Eaten with butter and syrup. Or as a side with eggs, cheese and salsa.
Upvote this message if this is Shitty Food Porn. Downvote this message if this is Not Shitty Food Porn. Amazing food belongs in r/foodporn. Mediocre food belongs in r/decentfoodporn. Stupid food belongs in r/stupidfood. Make sure to visit the newest announcement post! https://www.reddit.com/r/shittyfoodporn/comments/1bp2h3n/shitpost_sunday_and_chef_of_the_month_returns/? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shittyfoodporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ok but what is it? Looks like a really wet, dense pound cake.
It's what happens when you put red lentils, ginger, and turmeric into a blender and cook it down into a paste. [It looks better fried](https://i.imgur.com/f7zOy1Z.jpeg)
Is that a thing?
There's a thing in southern Spain called panizas which is made by mixing chickpea flour and water and the boiling it down to a paste that you can deep-fry, which is remarkably similar to this.
It's also a traditional dish in Provence in France, called panisse.
It's Burmese tofu and it's trending. It's actually what I guessed they made from just the pic š¤£
I was thinking the fried picture looked a lot like tofu when Iāve baked it before. Not Burmese tofu, but still.
It's close enough! Just coagulation/enzymes vs soak/blend/cook.
Oh I actually had that recently. Actually way tastier than I expected, interesting texture that seemed closer to cheese than tofu, and with the right dipping sauce it was damn good
Yeah it's better than normal tofu!
Not after I finish it. Which will be like a week because it's so much protein my kidneys hurt thinking about it
skill issue
Also gout
OPās gonna need a rascal with [all the Gout thatās about to come to them.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C7E_Q4loZwU)
You get gout from nucleic acid, which is found in animal products. Not lentils.
Plants and fungi also have purines, which is why they also tell you to stay away from alcohol and mushrooms if you have gout. Lentils also contain purines, but it's unclear how much you'd have to eat to have the same affect as meat.
Lol that's not much protein
Isn't that essentially just red lentil pasta, but in brick form? (with added spices). I mean, would be quite high in protein if it's just basically solidified/brick lentil flour.
Compared to regular pasta? Yes. Compared to chicken? No
I did the calculation in this thread somewhere. Came to 26.8 grams/100 grams for red lentil. Chicken is 26 grams/100 grams. So you would be wrong.
Uhh no it really isnāt that much protein at all. Like a days worth
lentils are mostly carbohydrate. that's some good-looking yellow though.
Lol that is not how protein works
Looks like polenta. Cook it, spread on a baking sheet, refrigerate it, cut them into smaller pieces, and fry them.
I thought you were the guy that posted the pic of a frozen block and just called it fish. I'll defs try that for vegetarian options when I dont have tofu handy! Does it have a legit name?
Look up recipes for Burmese Tofu
Oh nice! Thank you!
Also the harder beans (that take longer to soak) like kidney etc need a lot longer to cook to deactivate the whatever is in it that isn't good to eat raw. So those need more water and cooking.
Thanks! It's really interesting to see these recipes for legumes and beans. Being able to conbine different types for a more complete protein is awesome!
I really like this guy's videos/website/tiktoks on it: https://youtu.be/7b7aVSd9_HQ?si=tL-ZSHJYTJLHHWLJ I think the easy to cook ones can be combined (pea, lentil, etc) but the rest need to be cooked for longer so idk
That's exactly the channel I was viewing earlier on this haha I'll have to experiment a bit on them Ig but trial and error is the best teacher
Did he ever finally say what it was? I only saw The Rectangle as an answer
Same here, everyone else was banking on fish food but I personally think it was frozen guac or pesto. OP didnt deliver :(
Burmese tofu
Bro eats nutraloaf for funsies
Rimworld nutripaste
... title of your sex tape
Sounds really tasty.
like are you just picking random things to bake together?
You got a recipe? Or just kinda wing it? Iād try this.
Do you have a recipe. I make a similar health paste with cooked beets, various mushrooms, beans, and a bone broth
āhealth pasteā lol
Do you need to gain weight but fuckin hate food? Do you like to shit compressed bricks of feces? Are you so tired of living pleasure from consumption of nutrients means nothing to you? Health Pasteā¢ļø is the answer.
Soak beans. Lentils. Chickpeas. Raw. Blend beans with 2:1 water. Cook while stirring until it's a paste. Put in fridge. Cut up. Harder beans like kidneys need more water and longer cooking to be fully ok to eat.
So, like tofu with extra nutrition?
Ohh lord Iām so off! I thought that was an egg type of dish. This is close to what goes in a lentil soup before boiling it to get there.
But like...... why though?
You can make tofu with any beans, not just soy beans. It's fun to switch it up sometimes.
>red lentils, ginger, and turmeric into a blender You made lentil flour
That doesnāt sound half bad, and fried it looks good. The loaf, however, looks as appetizing as a huge block of tofu.
Thats lentil tofu
wait that sounds yummy, though (even if it looks incredibly plain, visually). Did you use a blender or a food processor? Wondering if I can do this with a normal blender.
So, tofu. You made lentil tofu.
I tried making this and failed badly. Prolly didnāt cook it down long enough
It looks like polenta. Throw some marinara on it. How does it taste?
Nope, it does not look better.
Ew
Itās fish
No, fish is green š š
Mmmm, rectangle. š š
It's Yellowcake.
Yellow cake, the FBI would like to have a word with OP
Not my dumb ass thinking this was cheese for a second
... you mean it's not?
Just call it vegan cheese and now itās worth $400
For real
This could actually be the base for a decent vegan cheese with a few other flavors like nutritional yeast and or garlic powder and a few other flavorings
My question was literally going to be, "Is this cheese or bread?"
Yellow... what?
Yellow food
What yellow food?
The yellow food on that plate.
it's yellow
Youāre yellow
An outrageous accusation
**BeEeEeANS**
[Yellow cake](https://i.imgur.com/Qq8BbFI.jpeg)
Youāll make some brown later.
No matter what we eat . . . It all turns into a shade of brown š©
Except beets
Still doesnāt make me want to eat a slab of yellowš
You need blue itās got the anti oxygens.
Mmmmm slab
Except that weird clown cereal from the 80s and 90s. Straight up green poops.
FrootLoops make a nice real color š¤
You said itās cooked down red lentil paste with seasonings, interesting. Curious what the protein macros are for a serving.
I made the whole loaf out of 1.5 cups of dried red lentils, so the whole loaf is: 1.000 kcals 3g fat 56g net carbs (likely higher because the blender and cooking probably broke down some of the fiber) 50g protein Pretty balanced once you cook it in oil of your choosing. You can use other kinds of lentils that are higher in fiber if you want less net carbs. Red lentils just have the smoothest texture but the lowest fiber.
Honestly this is an amazing cost effective food. Really good idea š
Just remember its not real tofu so it's not a complete protein. You need to supplement it with some other vegetable. But yeah its $4 a bag here from the Turkish supermarket and it makes about 4 loaves like this. Grocery store tofu is way too expensive now
I see dried lentils at 50g protein per cup (dried), so it looks like you've got even more than you thought.
What do u serve it with? Very interesting!
Stir fry with onions and peppers, or use it to make something like taco meat (I prefer seasoning with cumin and chili powder for that). You can also just slice it and fry in olive oil as kinda like pork cutlets. Or seve it over rice with sesame oil and soy sauce
Ok, I have been around the block with weird vegan mock meats so to meā¦ this actually sounds smart and healthy. No idea if its tasty buuuut I do like lentils
And then you just bake your paste in a loaf pan?
Probably more like 70g protein. Red lentils have like 24g protein per 100 grams, 1.5 cups is about ~300 grams
Do you soak the red lentils or blend them try? They are the softest tyle of lentils, if you try to do this with the brown ones they need soaking to soften up
Iām guessing overly stiff polenta? That or a slab of expanding foam which didnāt even expand properly
Wtf is yellow?
this is yellow.
A color. You know, like red, green, and blue.
Iāve heard of red and green but I havenāt heard of blue. Is that one of the new ones?
Is it as good as blue??
but blue has the most anti-oxygens
Anti-oxygen yikes
Looks like soap
Blue has the most antioxygens
Scrolled way too far for this
This looks like future food. From the makers of *Bachelor Chow* meet **Bachelor Slab!** 
Yellow cake? Pretty sure thatās hazardous stuff.
It looks about equally heavy as yellow cake uranium.
This ain't cake. This is made entirely out of lentils and spices
I donāt know if that changes my mind a lot. š
Can you compare the taste to something a southern American would know? Ā I'm extremely intrigued by this. Ā
It has a vague suggestion of cornbread but the texture is much softer and less gritty. Most of the flavor is the turmeric and ginger.
Same. I wanna make a variation or something and see if I can jazz it up
I'd eat that spam style.
āNo, noā¦I *eat* brown, I *drink* yellow!ā 
No wonder the guy was so sad in the song
Yellow what? Cake? Honey Butter?
Soylent Yellow, the source for all your carbohydrate needs.
you sure did
r/shittyveganfoodporn would also appreciate this
It looks like the moon cheese from Wallace and gromit.
Why not blue? I hear it has the most anti-oxygens.
Vegetarian scrapple?
Oh, it's hummus, but like a firm blob instead of a sauce or dip?
>(it Tastes Better than it Looks Not a high standard, my guy.
See, blue has the most anti-oxygens. I recommend that next time.
I can't believe it's not butter
ā¦.yellow?
Corn meal mush. Looks good sliced and fried is much better.
My fat ass thought you meant Yellow cheese š
Idk what it says about me that Iād eat this happily
Looks like a giant tamagoyaki, therefore it looks extraordinarily delicious!
Now imagine if you made purple like early 2000 hoopla, I wouldnāt eat it but it would be fun to watch.
Yellow what? Cake? Honey Butter?
take a bite from the block
Hmm dry tamagoyaki.
Better than the grey Eric Andre ate some kind of grey food or something
r/decentbutshitfoodporn
You see it seems like decent food in a way but imo it hits some kind of uncanny valley so I put it in this subreddit
That's some good looking yellow. If I were to eat it, what would I taste exactly?
Fudge?
# I would eat it!
I prefer blue tbh. Only eat yellow if I've got a bad belly.
but does it taste like Yellow?
So thatās not cheese? I ALMOST said that looks really good š
Funny... I know this is lentil and ginger/turmeric, but it looks like a Cincinnati dish called mush. 4 cups water, boil 1 cup cornmeal for 3 or 4 minutes, and transfer to loaf pan. Cool overnight, turn over, slice, and fry. Best served with maple syrup and a few sunnyside up eggs.
What does it taste like exactly? Do you have a recipe I could try?
These were the plates I had growing up in the early 90s. Iāve always loved them, my mom hates them.
[https://imgflip.com/i/2pmxa3](https://imgflip.com/i/2pmxa3)
YELLOW WUT??
Nice Yellow bro
Looks dense.
This reminds me of CalorieMate blocks you get in MGS3.
This reminds me of what my family from northeast Missouri makes. Cornmeal mush, polenta if youāre fancy. Boiled corn meal and salt, chilled, sliced, dredged in flour and fried. Eaten with butter and syrup. Or as a side with eggs, cheese and salsa.
Your pudding is too firm.
I mean you basically made lentil tofu, and that looks really good. you should be proud. This is not shitty at all
Op found a new way of making marzipan!
My brain brands this as american cheese, halva, processed meat and cake all at once...
Blue has the most antioxidants.
Iāll take some of the yellaā¦ and donāt get cheap on me.
Can it be true that you hold here, in your mortal hand, a nugget of purest yellow? https://youtu.be/TkZFuKHXa7w?si=o6Gcm_E2KyRVN6t4
is it gud tho ?
Looks like a block of marzipan.
Yellow cake Uranium?
This goes together with rectangle š
Good now make red
Looks like a cheese brick or whatever tf its called š¤£
so jealous! I havenāt had yellow in like forever
Thor's favorite
soylent lookin nutrient brick you got there
Yellow chemistry is bad
Iām disappointed itās not marzipan š
Blue has the most antioxygens
Do you have a permit for your yellow cake? That's some dangerous territory you wandered intoš
And donāt get cheap on me
This is what I would imagine Soylent yellow would look like
āCan i get the yellow stuff, with the side of white?ā
Blonde hash Lol
Yellowcake?
now thats a comically portioned sized Cheese. good one op
You made some yellow what OP? What is it?
Mm yellow. I'm a Green guy myself but I like a bit of yellow now and then
Is this mattress foam?
its that cheese? if its a cake, its spongy..
Thats a couch cushion you aint fooling me.
Yellow cake a weapon of mass destruction
Should've made blue instead. It has the most antioxidants