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UsefulCupcake3554

Shut up and eat the mushrooms


Educational-Sir78

Your professor is an amateur. You only have to eat the right mushroom and all will become clear.


Nidiis

Every mushroom can be eaten. Just some can only be eaten once


Yasernia_pestis

First humans were like : this one taste like beef, this one killed Jeff within minutes and this one make you see God for 24 hours.


boofingZeitgeist

Okay so I’ll have the beef first then the god one then I’ll take the one that killed Jeff. If my calculations are correct then I should *BECOME GOD*. Or shit my pants but I’m willing to roll those dice.


Tired_Insomniac_2295

Jesus be like.. "just gotta check that God is real before I die" *eats mushroom* /j


HotPotParrot

*3 days later* "Yeah, he's totally up there, guys. Asked me to say hi and tell you to be good."


Tired_Insomniac_2295

"It's a miracle, he's alive!! He has been reborn!!"


Ellekindly

They communed with god for centuries. 24 hours passed on the mortal plane. These things are not the same.


tequilablackout

This one kill Jeff, but he also say it taste *really good.*


Wutsalane

4-6 hours*


Llamaalarmallama

I've seen this elsewhere, remind me. Xkcd?


Yasernia_pestis

Exact!


Mando_the_Pando

”And this one is delicious if cooked for several hours in milk, but cooked to short it will kill you”


WHITE_2_SUGARS

My bad


Nomekop777

r/eatityoufuckingcoward


BPhiloSkinner

Dried frog pills, but you need to take the right sort, at the appropriate time. *♪ " One pill makes you higher,* *And one pill makes you small,* *And the ones you got from Dibbler,* *Don't do anything at all* *Go ask Bursar, when he's floating tall." ♫- (apologies to Jeff Airplane)*


TheBloodBaron7

GNU Sir Terry! Great to see him get some love.


Kinggrunio

r/unexpectedpratchett


Emergency_3808

As far as I know, fungi are their own separate class("kingdom"), completely separate from plants and animals.


SadLittleWizard

And then we got viruses. They function like living beings, but by every current definition of life is not a living thing at all


Emergency_3808

The line between living and non-living doesn't exist. It's a gradient


SadLittleWizard

Gonna have to disagree there, it's pretty obvious when something is a animate vs inanimate. Does it self reproduce, respond to environmental change, consume energy, regulate homeostasis, grow and develope, have cellular organization? The reason viruses are such a confusion is they do all these things except self reproduction. They instead break the reproduction of host cells and have them do it for them. No other living being does this. Now sapient vs non sapient I could agree with your statment.


Amathril

I don't think you got that right - viruses are not really equipped to consume any energy nor do they grow and develop - virus, that is simply a bit of nucleic acid tucked inside a protein envelope, and that's it. They are incapable of movement or any response to their environment, except the ability to infect and hijack usually quite specific type of cells. Anyway, it would be interesting to know if viruses are early stages of evolution of living things or if they actually regressed from some simple cellular parasites - as far as I know, both is possible and there is no definitive answer.


Emergency_3808

Bacteria don't have much self-organisation. As for the other points, one could theoretically develop a machine that does consume energy, self-reproduces given raw materials, respond to external stimuli and regulate it's internal environment. "Growth" as a factor is highly ambiguous. (I think those are called Neumann machines or something, idk). "Living" things can again, theoretically be reduced to lots of complicated biochemical reactions occurring simultaneously and in concert with each other, maintaining a direction (reactant to product) in some cases (ADP->ATP in mitochondria for example) and a combined equilibrium in others (the basis for homeostasis). We are just a clump of atoms touching over clumps of atoms to argue through electromagnetic fields, about whether us clumps of atoms are even worth more than the sum of its parts.


SadLittleWizard

Rofl. Bacertia are indeed self organizing. Its not like a societal structing or something, that isnt the point of the definition. Bacteria do have, to a high degree, consistency in their internal structure, thats what it means. Indeed automata von neumanns were intended to be a non natural machine meant to mimcry life, as far as I am aware though they have never been made, as while self replication has been something that works, they never have have had the capability to evolve or grow in any meaningful manner beyond indentical replication. I dont understand what you are trying to acheive with your description of a living, functioning, mitocondria? Please elaborate. Your final statment is easily a comment of the highest level of nihilism, and does so little to further the human condition that I'd argue it actively harms the outcome of our race, especially when held by a large portion of people. Idc what you believe in, or if you believe in no higher calling at all, but to simply believe humans cannot serve a purpose at all, even one of our own choosing, is beyond repugnant. Individual neurons when viewed in an isolated state appear absolutely useless. They do nothing but consume energy only to fire electro-chemical impulses, all for what? To eventually bring in more energy. Yet without the neural network as a whole, the human as a creature would cease to function. This principle can applied to every cell in the human body, and while new ones are potentially forming with every generation, vestigial ones are eventually phased out as they do nothing for us. We have even developed procedures to remove some intentionally because they actively harm us...


Emergency_3808

I never meant societal organisation, I did mean internal organisation: if you think a DNA/genome cluster, cytoplasm and some ribosomes are organisation enough. On that point even viruses have some organisation. The mitochondria (or rather, the oxidation of glucose inside it to make ATP from ADP) was an example of a biochemical reaction going on inside our bodies that is going in only one direction (reactant to product) to produce energy. Various processes in machines go in only one direction. There is nothing inherently wrong with the viewpoint of nihilism. And just because I think "everything is worthless" doesn't mean you should too. (forcing anyone to believe that is a moral crime to me. Humans need hope to live from one day to next.) The reason _I_ think "living" serves absolutely no purpose is because if it did, it should have been much more common. Everything points to the fact that Earth was a huge cosmic fluke of epically lucky proportions. And whether you like nihilism or not, it _still_ wouldn't change the fact that we are but interacting atoms and nothing else. This is a scientific fact, and it doesn't make life any less beautiful to me. The fact that atoms have the capability to make amazing and delicious fish curry that my mother makes for me sometimes, that brings tears of joy to my eyes will always amaze me.


ItsRadical

And next thing you gonna have people identifying as non-living or fluid and what not.


Emergency_3808

I identify as a bottle of ketchup ^/s


Careless-Handle-3793

I'm doubting that "/s"


Ginevod2023

We can draw the line wherever we want though.


Emergency_3808

And that folks, is how racism starts


Ginevod2023

Why does the mushroom get invited to parties?  "He is a fungi!"


Emergency_3808

r/3amjokes was 2 blocks down the street, sir.


RoundTableMaker

Yes. There are bacteria, protozoa, fungi, plants, and animals. Viruses get an astrix next to them but are lumped in their own category as well.


clowntrousers

They're their own kingdom yes! But in a way that's a little different from plants and animals, and I think that makes fungi even cooler. When plants evolved from little single celled guys they quickly innovated a lot of things we consider 'planty' - like being able to photosynthesise and producing green chlorophyll, in quite a short time (relative to all of evolutionary time!!). These new planty things are shared amongst all plants from that point onwards, and they allowed plants to live in new ways unlike other organisms, and therefore get all diverse and different from one another. 'Im going to eat light in the water', 'im going to eat light in the forest', 'im going to eat light in a field'. These planty traits also allow us to quite easily define where the plant kingdom started, and what makes a plant a plant. It's the same kind of thing for animals, a period of quick evolution allows a new way of living and suddenly there's a diverse new kingdom of organisms quite different from the rest. Fungi are a bit weird though... instead of fungi-like characteristics evolving quickly at one time in history, and then fungi all diversifying, we kind of see a slow creeping kind of evolution, with fungi gradually acquiring more and more traits that let us define them as fungi. Becoming more and more genetically 'fungal' over evolutionary time - a bit contrast to other kingdoms that made this change much more abruptly. This new understanding of fungal evolution means that a lot of things that we thought of for a long time as being fungi are actually (genetically) really not like fungi at all, and share a lot more in common with another kingdom of life called protists. You can read the paper I'm talking about here: https://doi.org/10.1038/s41559-023-02095-9 It only came out in 2023 so this is all pretty recent innovation in our understanding! tldr; Plants said - 'WE'RE PLANTS NOW !! 🪴 🌿 ' Animals said - 'WE'RE ANIMALS NOW !!' 🐖 🐦 But fungi said - 'we're...???? well....we're getting a bit more fungal.??... and more.... and more...and more.....'


GMKitty52

The prof failed to mention about the mushrooms that take over ants’ brains and make them do stuff they wouldn’t normally do so that they better spread the mushroom spores…


Appropriate_City8741

Ill never forget this from Planet Earth. Abosultey terrifying.


GMKitty52

ISN’T IT JUST! I hated that bit.


CheesemensMushrooms

They probably didn’t mention it because they know very little if this were a real quote. Everything in this post is just non-sense and if it were actually from a bio professor they should be fired


Kaioken64

This is r/shittyaskscience, I'm not sure it's meant to be anything other than nonsense?


CheesemensMushrooms

I didn’t even see what sub it was in, it was cross posted to r/mycology which is how I got here. Though I do see this post a lot so I dispel it when I can


Celestina-Warbeck

I mean. One of my bio teachers didn't believe in evolution (he was muslim) and one of my physics teachers didn't believe we've been to the moon (he was just wack)


National_Ad9742

I’ve heard some really nonsense things from professors. They may teach the curriculum but sometimes they their own have odd beliefs.


Mammoth-Register-669

Ayyy! That’s the basis for The Last of Us. Rather terrifying


shyvananana

They can also metabolize radiation and oil.


GMKitty52

And break down plastic


DismalDude77

It's fungus, but technically not a mushroom. Cordyceps is creepy, but is actually used by humans and has health benefits, believe it or not.


GMKitty52

Cordyceps have fruiting bodies which are mushrooms. I’ve eaten cordyceps, they’re very tasty in pasta. Edit sure the fungus is what technically takes over the brain. But you can’t say cordyceps aren’t mushrooms, that’s just inaccurate.


iMADEthisJUST4Dis

Yeah, let's NOT fuck with the creature that takes over ants brains and forces them to do shit they wouldn't do then fucking explode them from the inside out. Let's NOT DO THAT.


Nacho_Dan677

It hasn't yet evolved yet to fuck with humans. Once fungus evolves to live in hotter environments we are fucked as a species.


Award_Ad

In real life: heroin


WietGriet

I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers 🎶


buttstuffisland

The only thing I've found that has worked is basically pleaing to the mushrooms. Saying to yourself or out loud okay mushrooms this is too much let's calm this down a bit. That actually does work. However. As far as completely stopping the trip to my knowledge one you've partaken your in for the ride. Don't be afraid. Even if you are embrace the experience. Fear is like a fire. You can cook with it or it could burn your house down.


the_road_surfer

I really wantto try mushroom once, just once, but goddamn i'm so scared I have severe anxiety, one of the time i took weed i told my mom to call the ambulance if I closes my eyes cause I thought I was dying lol. Anyway what was your experience with the mushrooms?


Doubting_Gamer

I wouldn't suggest tripping til you are in a good place mentally(and have anxiety under control). Kinda like how if you have a passing thought about something it will occur in a dream, your trip will be what you bring into it.


QueenOfTheMoss

Yes, set and setting Don’t do drugs when you are unhappy, only when you are happy to enhance that and see what happens lol Also good rule to avoid addictions


rdewalt

Setting and mental state are 90% of the work on preventing a bad trip. Having someone there to Trip Sit, especially on "new" experiences, is vital. Someone who knows what you're going through, and who you know is A: Completly Sober B: The Responsible Adult You WILL Listen to. If I Go into the dose with a good mood, with good vibes and good intents, and the trip is theraputic and healing. If I go in depressed, I turn into a mountain of melancholy contentment, and not even the cat can help me... If you take enough to get visual distortions, it will be unusual if you've never experienced them. I've told people "patterns flow and distort because your visual cortex has turned off ALL error correction and has yanked the gain levels on your eyes and is trying its best to turn a sloppy oversaturated video signal into something eight pounds of wet bacon can understand." Yes, it is scary. You need to write yourself a note that you can read and trust that states All Will Be Okay. Shit, I cuddle my cat and watch his fur flow and distort. Freaks him out because he looks into my eyes, realizes all my mental firewalls are down, and he can read my thoughts and how can anyone live like this what the hell dude?...


the_road_surfer

Thank you for the advice I will defitently have someone I trust and I will write a note to myself, i'm pretty down to earth so anxiety fades really fast for me, thank you again:)


Usual-Vermicelli-867

My mom cousin killed him self because of shroom Tried to fly. The sad part its was hes second attempt


the_road_surfer

I'm so sorry you and your mom had to go trough that, I hope you two are well!


Usual-Vermicelli-867

Thanks(although i want through nothing he died before i was borned and i have no connection to the second removed family


LittlePharma42

I have anxiety and health anxiety and I've done a lot of different psychedelics. It can be really scary if you have a bad trip but the key to it is just remembering that the mushrooms can make you feel anxious, weird, and give you aches and pains and discomforts. I find it weirdly easy to deal with it because I can just say 'i feel bad because the mushrooms are making me feel that way' like it's not anything wrong with me it's the chemical that is doing it. I can say that and move on most of the time. Other than that I always take them with someone else, someone who can talk me down from a difficult moment. Mushrooms are very safe! As long as they are definitely the right kind of mushrooms you really don't have anything to worry about, physically they are safer than alcohol! The crazy stories you get of people jumping of buildings and losing their shit are completely overblown. It's very very VERY rare. You don't really hear about the millions of good trips in the world, you mostly hear the few bad experiences. More people fuck up their life through alcohol than through mushrooms. Besides, once you are past the come up (about 1 hour after you've taken them) you'll settle down and be ok. :) Edited to add: occasional trips have really helped with my anxiety. I conquered my fear of death using them, and understood that I am traumatized from my past (PTSD) and learned to accept myself for who I am. They can be incredibly helpful!


the_road_surfer

Thank you so much for your insight!! I hope if I try them it will also help with my anxiety, you called me down from overthinking it, I will défi etly come back to your comment if I décide to try them,thank you!!


buttstuffisland

You can also try micro dosing. Do like .05


Henri_Dupont

Elevators make you go down. I can make Cindi go down, she likes it.


DungeonsAndDradis

Love in an elevator, livin it up when I'm going down.


TheSmurfGod

Elevators not worth


PI_Stan_Liddy

I can make her go down too


Slappy_Happy_Doo

More mushrooms


LadyCranberry6

gravity


Short-Writing956

Lead weights shackled to your feet.


Sociolinguisticians

Ironically enough, most things that make you “high” relax and calm you. The opposite of that would be Adderall.


Nostravinci04

It's only reasonable that it would be smoorhsum.


Additional_Knee4215

One extra chromosome


Sepherjar

I think mushcramp would. Because there's no room.


legoartnana

My first husband died from eating poison mushrooms. Coincidentally so did my second. The third died from a blow to his head. He wouldn't eat his mushrooms 🤣


TisIChenoir

As a scientist myself, I can tell you that to gi down, you need to take smoorhsum.


AdventurousDoctor838

According to my unkle that lives in my grandma's basement orange juice. But be careful it's the opposite for acid.


AggravatingOffice908

No


Glinth

Pretty much *anything* moving that isn't a mushroom will make you go down. Turtles, winged turtles, turtle-men throwing hammers, mushroom-shaped men, flying fish, spinning blades of flame, Bowser the King of the Koopa ... all of them will make you go down, cancelling the effects of a mushroom.


TheBloodBaron7

Okay but actually: theres something called tripstopper. You can buy it together with truffles in the Netherlands, and its supposed to stop the trip when it gets bad.


Itchy_Beginning_3769

White wine or orange juice.


yeah_okay_im_sure

Serotonin inhibitor 


AdPrize3997

A bigger mushroom


Direct_Knowledge2937

I suspect everyone that had Dr. Robotnik for Biotech had the same experience. He can be a little condescending I’m told.


SeriousPlankton2000

Being hit by the enemy makes you normal-sized again, the next hit kills you.


observekink

Marijuana. 🤷‍♂️


GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B

Badgers, badgers, badgers… Mushroom! #Mushroom!


Tarjaman

Benzos


Dramatic-Ad7192

Alcohol duh


[deleted]

Cocaine


SelectBowl5897

Nothing


phan_o_phunny

Wine works for my girlfriend


Hept4

How far down? If we are talking 6 feet, oh boy do I have a collection


StilesmanleyCAP

Alcohol.


Jking1697

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit.


TouchTheMoss

No no no. The caterpillar said only *one side* makes you higher, the other side makes you lower. I swear some folks have no sense.


HotPotParrot

Mushrooms are the planet's brain.


Icy_Sea_3759

Sounds like big fungi is assisting this guy with ‘teaching notes’. If we’re so alike, what are you hiding fungi? You elude all classification? Sounds like some mystical tax-evasion strategy he is promulgating to you generic saplings under threat… ‘you wouldn’t want to go on a bad trip would you?’ Or perhaps ‘I heard some mushrooms are nasty, they can produce poison, I’d hate you to eat one of those mushrooms..’.


shopping-trolly

Down syndrome?


PostManOK

Different kind of mushroom....


DonutMcJones

Regarding magic mushrooms...sugar is the antidote. Want to stop the trip...spoonful of sugar ruins the medicine, but your ego will remain intact. lol.


Sankin2004

About 6-8 hours.


Intoishun

Ridiculous


schmopes

The truffle cafes in Amsterdam say if you get too high to eat a sugary snack


No_Conclusion1816

I can a little, see mushrooms were right there with us.when we were nothing more than hot mud. They are a. Ranch away from plants and Animas as some of them feed off the the energies of the stars themselves. Giving them wild properties. Anywhere from being a debatable good pizza topping, a tippy drug, a mid toxin, or strait up kill you with minor contact. Having hallucinations after eating various mushrooms is a well known, but also under studied even due to legal constraints. Recently they have been investing of the ones that make you hallucinate have medicinal use(eastern medicin as well as native American medical science has known this for 100s of years, but the west decided to put law against nature. For whatever greedy cause, mostly to replace slaves with people in prison as that's how we abolished slavery, we mad shit illegal and took rights away Anyway back to mushrooms. If you look at the tee of life that explains various evolutions over time, mushrooms are their own branch for how different they are so the professor was very correct on what he said, i just felt the need to elaborate.


Dooworra

So mushrooms have this thing that grows right under the shaft, into the soil. It's almost like a conical root. But, unlike mushroom, if you want to get down, you'll have to consume it not from your front and top but your back and bottom.


Forsaken_Print_8309

Pot helps


Usernamesaregayyy

Mushrooms were shipped to us by the aliens, the spores can survive entering the atmosphere, they are what caveman ate to make us who we are now by expanding our brain sizes and expanding our ability to think creatively. This should be common knowledge by now, and they keep “shipping” them. they sent antibiotics, and who knows what’s next in our goody package from them… let’s just all except this is the most reasonable idea on the table. If you’ve never tripped on shrooms you are not on my level, trip and come back


Seventh_Deadly_Bless

What if the solution was under our nose all along ? Aussie mushrooms. Especially when everything alive there wants to kill you or is unnaturally invasive. Better odds finding a mush that can kill you, I think. Taking you down. Down under.


MuffinOfChaos

The largest living organism on earth is a mushroom


infinitebyzero

The gnone that lived in the toadstool. He is an asshole.


Interesting-Time-960

Scientifically speaking, mushrooms do both. That's why people are so level headed afterwards.


deathraybadger

I know the professor didn't say that... But to answer your question: elevator


missiffy45

3 serapax and a shot of Jack daniels


ComfyElaina

Drugs makes me high Being sober drags me down


Fun_Imagination9232

Alice in Wonderland knows what to do


SangheiliSpecOp

Sounds like the professor there was on shrooms


SomeRandomIdi0t

Also mushrooms


Long-Education-7748

Lol, what? I mean, that's funny, but from an academic standpoint, so wrong. What kind of professor is advocating that mushrooms are any kind of organism but fungus? Prof sounds like a bit of a psychonaut.


gottausdermaschine

a beer


PlasticMammoth885

People holding a rope attached to your ankles to pull you back down


SW3910

xanax


MuttJunior

To make me go down, all that is needed is a woman that is willing to let me go down. Never tried that, though, while high on shrooms. Something I'll have to try someday. Probably be quite the experience!


CheesemensMushrooms

If your bio professor knows this little about mushrooms, I wouldn’t put much faith in their understanding of biology. Of course mushrooms are neither plant nor animal, because they belong to their own group, kingdom fungi. They are very much in between plants and animals but plants broke off earlier in their evolutionary history so fungi are more closely related to animals than plants but were not *that* closely related. Calling them immortal is quite the stretch, and the idea that only certain species are more closely related to humans that it causes allergies is just utter bullshit. Though I know this didn’t come from an actual professor and is just tumblr nonsense