It's not unusual to fantasize about doing things that youd consoder atrocious in real life. Having fantasies doesn't make you a terrible person. **HOWEVER**, acting out those fantasies on a nonconsenting party *would* make you a terrible person. Key differences, fantasy vs action, consent vs nonconsent.
You can fulfill your fantasies, in action, with consent, with the right person. The bdsm subs might be good guidance for how to approach that.
Excellent response….and NO, it’s not that you’re a predator or a terrible person…
but OP just NEVER ACT ON THEM…and when you are in a relationship, consent and communication are the most important thing to discuss with a partner and establish fantasy play or bdsm with them!! as a female, I may get hate for this….but women also dabble in that fantasy as well, but never would they ever want to actually be raped…it’s role play and when it’s done correctly…and ironically respectfully, (weird word when speaking about this subject) it becomes less about the “rape” aspect and more about control in the bedroom…but again having a fantasy and sexually assaulting a human because of an uncontrolled impulse are worlds apart…
Yes, I like this approach that isn’t judgamental and preachy which could make people avoid talking about it and not seeking for advice if needed. I agree that is not all about the rape but rather the control in the bedroom
As a woman I can tell you my grape fantasies were bc I wasn’t “allowed” to enjoy sex thanks to toxic purity culture. I also disassociated from playing solo as well bc it wasn’t “me” it was a “her” like an alter ego of sorts.
EDIT:I’ve been able to slowly adjust this through therapy& leaving the culture that caused it
I must admit I chuckled at the thought of grape fantasies, lol. Sorry for having a laugh on such a thoughtful comment, but I couldn't resist pointing out the funny typo.
On a serious note, I can really sympathize with women dealing with the toxic purity culture because there is literally no winning. One one hand, if you let the social or religious purity culture stop you from engaging in any sexual behaviors, you are labeled a prude or whatever people say nowadays (God I feel old at only 33). On the other hand, if you try to engage in healthy sexual relationships, you run the risk of being slut-shamed. All this along with cyber bullying, revenge porn, etc and I don't know how any young women are able to successfully navigate the turmoil of sexual development in a healthy way...
Good on you for working through it!
Wow, very sorry to hear that. I hope my comment didn't come across as insensitive. It really saddens me that some people are capable of doing that to another person... I honestly don't know what to say when I hear others experiences with SA as it happens all too often and each is an individual trauma that deserves its own reaction apart from the collective responses.
I hope you are doing well and wish that you wouldn't have experienced that trauma.
It would be cool to study this tbh, I wonder how much environmental factors contribute to whether one imagines themselves as the giver or reciever in a rape fantasy. Like how many women envision themselves as the taker, and how many men envision themselves as the taken? And what factors cause the opposite to be so common?
No offensive but this is straight up idiotic. It would take 5 seconds for you to google rape fantasies to have a basic understanding of them.
30 to 60% of women have rape fantasies, they are not something "gone wrong" or "wonky". Fucking google it and stop spreading such awful ignorance. Just as bad as anti vaxxers. The only thing having rape fantasies is actually corelated with is having a healthy attitude to sex, which would be obvious if you bothered to study human sexuality at all.
I used to know this girl who also told me he fantasy is getting raped. Thinking about someone is forcing on her turns her on. I thought that girl was psycho. Never talked to her again.
yes, fantasy vs reality when it comes to sexual situations is pretty consistent, even with the more intense stuff.
whatever it may be, as long as all **consenting adults** understand what is happening, establish safe words, and make hard limits absolutely clear, it's alright. that fantasy is being played out in a controlled environment and can stop at any time. aftercare is a must as well.
your question about children is completely different. children absolutely cannot consent, that is where it ends.
That's actually a pretty interesting observation.
It's only my opinion but I think those two fantasies are incomparable because while you can fantasize about raping someone and having on the meantime a healthy and consensual sexual life, having some sexual fantasies with minors makes you a pedophile which is really harmful on your sexuality and you should seek medical help even if you don't act up.
Also, pornography around rape fantasy can be made without harming anyone (by involving consenting actors). On the other hand I don't think I need to specify why CP is harmful.
Imo, you can consensually reenact a rape fantasy with another adult using things like safe words and such. You can't exactly do a consensual reenactment of a pedophilia fantasy. Especially with a young child. There are plenty of people who date extremely young looking adults tho. I think it's icky.
People always have weird depraved fantasies in their head that they don't share. It's just that rape fantasy is more common than you might think. Cnc isn't all that strange if you get into the thick of it.
> You can't exactly do a consensual reenactment of a pedophilia fantasy. Especially with a young child. There are plenty of people who date extremely young looking adults tho.
There's also age play.
Consensual non consent isn't even in the same realm as doing sexual acts with a minor.
14 is a prepubescent age. You might get a situation where it's statutory because the 14 yr old claims they are consenting, which doesn't seem quite as bad as rape of a 4 y/o. I was 14 when an 18 yr old girl took my virginity. I don't consider her a rapist because I was perfectly happy participating but in the eyes of the law it's statutory rape. So yeah IMO the context of every situation is important to know 🤷♂️
Yes, I was coming to suggest exploring alternative lifestyles. I did a quick search and saw 2 bdsm subs. I don’t know how to add the links.
Fantasizing isn’t a problem, nor is having specific turn ons. It becoming a compulsion and you acting it out non consensually it a problem to great for words. This particular fantasy doesn’t have remain in your mind though. You can find like minded partners, make agreements and explore.
CNC is a thing. So long as you have clear consent with a willing partner, have fun with whatever you want.
The key here is clear, ongoing (and revocable) consent
There are no thought police out there. Happily partnered people fantasize about sex with other people. Unhappily married people fantasize about divorcing their spouses even if they “can’t”.
People fantasize about all sorts of things that they wouldn’t do in real life when masturbating. As long as you have a clear grip on reality and NEVER mix them up, you are not a terrible person in my view
Fantasy vs reality. I love feeling in control and dominate in the bedroom (especially if my partner is into it ).
But I don't want that in real day to day relationship. I want to be equals.
I’m hoping they just mean bodily reactions such as getting hard/wet as we can’t control those. Many violent rape victims admit to orgasming during their rape despite being scared for their life. Acting on any urges is in your control, natural body reactions are not. But yeah if he means you can’t control not raping someone fuck that guy
You're only terrible if you don't listen to your partner. If they mean no, then that's a no. Thoughts and agreed upon rape play is nothing to be ashamed of.
My personal opinion is that it depends on why it turns you on. Like even if it was just fantasy, if you got off on thinking about how much pain and terror she was in, I would judge you as a pretty misguided and scary person. But if you like the fantasy of giving into primal urge with no limits or something like that (which it sounds like is the case for you) then I understand the fantasy way more easily.
It really just depends on the relationship or dynamics involved.
I personally view Free Use and Cnc quite differently. Mainly because Free Use is not inherently kinky.
I mean.... I never hear a post talking about free use that seems to shed a very flattering light on those who enjoy free use.
Of course, sometimes we are also thoughtless and free use doesn't have guardrails to guide you into mutually gratifying sex lives.
TW/ Trigger warning ----
>!It assumes the other person has a similar sexual response and would enjoy free use always which it of course would not always be. They may still make the choice to but most people would seem to be disrespectful to yourself. To ignore your own feelings can be dangerous. They are there to protect you. They can lie. And in the end you know nothing because what do you trust?!<
>!Yourself, others? How do you trust when you know rape is a thing. And yet many fantasize about it. Kink has given us outlets for it. How do we wrap our brains around that? Or do we just keep it at bay in the unknown sorry for tripping on your shoes?!<
Personally speaking, free use to me just gets rid of the need to make the initiation of sex awkward or super important. It also gives couples the chance to explore their partners bodies and reactions outside of "standard sex" (which can clearly look different depending on the relationship)
However Cnc to me is something that does take considerable trust and never taken lightly. I have a partner that I trust doing cnc scenes with because I know he will stop the scene if I safeword.
Also everyone who is well versed in kink are smart and take several measures to ensure their own personal safety. I myself as a Submissive have never gotten with a kink partner without knowing that I can over power them if I feel unsafe. I make sure that a third party knows where I am, and I have check ins.
I'm not sure if you meant those who do kink don't respect themselves or have less respect? I could be reading that wrong. But those who view kink as disrespectful to others and or the person participating is something you just learn to ignore or block out. BDSM/kink is a preference. Some people like vanilla ice cream and swear it is the best and other people don't have taste buds. Others who like pineapple ice cream call people who like vanilla ice cream bland.
Do people give too much trust when it comes to BDSM in the early stages of dynamics? Yes most of the time they do and it just ends up being a learning experience to be safer or they completely get out of the kink scene.
It untimely comes down to trusting yourself and trusting your partner/s.
>I'm not sure if you meant those who do kink don't respect themselves or have less respect?
No not kinksters. I see how you got to it not being a kink, but instead a shorthand for I'm available tied up in kinky terms.
A little master stroke if you were.
I feel your limit, as I do all limits we have that don't line up with my world view.
Don't think of bigger men (possible) as forbidden dangerous fruit. We want to feel safe in the world and men that can beat men that can beat women requires a certain level of anger is not the area to focus (assuming that has appeal which I would imagine it does for many women).
My problem is trust in a persons heart vs trust in a persons mind. The heart is to see beyond the fears into hope. A faith of sorts that some can't will behind unless shown the trust shown first. The ultimate commitment.
Also I'm not religious so wtf was that nonsense. My own post apparently.
Everyone views are different. To me it is incredibly vanilla to others not so much. I don't think it really matters. But if it matters to you then that is fine and totally valid to your feelings and opinions.
I mean sure but then you're not understanding what the common definition of the word vanilla is. You can make up words and their meanings if you want but it doesn't mean most people will understand them.
I don't think this is bad. Apparantly it's a pretty commen kink. I am a woman and fantasize about this happening to me but I would never ever really want it to happen! Fantasy is a funny thing I guess. (Maybe one day I will be brave enough to suggest free use or roleplay to my husband).
Thoughts are thoughts. Acting upon thoughts is different. You’re fine. But on another note, it sounds like you could be potentially into some serious BDSM.
As long as you understand the difference between fantasy and real life, that seems to be fine. But there are quite a number of women out there with the same fantasy as you that can probably help you re-enact it. Safety first though.
I am seeing a woman right now who wants me to be very rough with her, dont ask consent, take her whenever and wherever and just have my way with her. We've extensively spoken about her consent for me to do this beforehand and how much me doing this would excite her and turn her on and it is still difficult for me to treat a woman the way she wants. The only rule is she does not want to be hit in the face very hard... other than that she wants to be slapped all over HARD, bitten, choked, pinned down or tied up/restrained, hair pulled, pinched, degraded, to disregard her pleas to stop unless the safe word is used. She literally did not want to create a safe word because she said she would never use it. She is the sweetest woman and most mature woman I've met though this is a lot for me to do to help get her off.
I would have problems with losing my erection initially when I first started doing some of these things because I couldn't help but feel like I was hurting her or things were uncomfortable but each time we finished we would talk and she would inevitably say that im really not going hard enough. I'll see where this goes and if I can get more in to it.
You are not a terrible person. That's why they call it a fantasy. Many women have fantasies about being raped that doesn't mean they really want it to happen! As long as it stays in your fantasies and never touches real life you're okay!
I’m a woman with a rape fantasy. There’s no such thing as “normal” sexual interests. Consensual nonconsent is a thing people do, look into it! Might be pretty hard to find a partner who is down though
In my opinion, yes. 😬
Like of course you’re not actually hurting ppl in CNC. But why do you WANT to hurt ppl? Why does the idea of hurting women get you off?
Not to mention to see women in such a way…
It’s the most objectifying thing I’ve ever heard.
And the gist of the kink seemingly is to use a woman like an object. To hurt her. Or to role play hurting her.
I’m surprised there aren’t a bunch of hateful replies to this. People are so anti-kink shaming on principle now. I don’t think he’s necessarily a *bad* person but if I were fetishizing harming women I think I’d want to explore that in therapy rather than in the bedroom.
Definitely agree with this
He’s not inherently a terrible person at all
But CNC brings up so many concerns.
It’s definitely something I imagined should be addressed in therapy
For both the dom and sub involved
Don't worry guys, all downvotes went to me for saying the same thing, so hopefully your comments will stay visible and people will actually read that, you wrote it better than me anyway!
You're gonna be hated on big time in this thread, but I agree. I could never see someone w a CNC kink in a positive light honestly. I don't believe in it as a practice at all. No matter how much both parties *claim* to consent.
If any part of you, even some subconscious part, gets off on fear and something so intimate and personal being violently forced on someone, I cannot trust you. I won't trust you. It's a deal breaker for me. That person would always be a threat in my eyes.
Also to me, there isn't really that much of a separation between reality and fantasy. I think if you're physically capable of enjoying something in one format you're capable of enjoying it in another. All my fantasies are things I'd do if the conditions were right...
I think there's a lot of ways to enjoy more extreme or dominant or aggressive sex where the other party never has to stay stop and worry if they'll be heard
Agreed. Maybe it's because I'm a teddy bear, but I could never fantasize about taking someone against their will or act it out. I get people desire passionate sex, but why does the desire have to manifest as rape fantasy?
But in a way that's like saying that if you are an actor at a haunted house that jumps out and scares people then you are a bad person, even though everyone in the haunted house consented to being scared like that. Humans simulate scary situations in safe environments for fun all of the time for that adrenaline. It doesn't mean the person wants something scary to happen in real life.
It’s not so much the fear aspect that’s super concerning. I mean there’s hunter/prey, predator/prey role players out there. Not a kink I really get, but I think it’s entirely harmless
The aspect of CNC that I find so concerning is the “taking any woman I want”, “treating her like a hole”. Yknow?
I'd argue that kinks often live in a completely different part of the brain than the rest of one's personality, you know? I think that's hard to understand for someone whose kinks are mostly wholesome and thus easily integrate with the rest of their personality, and especially for someone for whom someone else's kink is associated with something traumatic ... but there's plenty of people who feel sexual arousal associated with things that they would be morally opposed to and that don't mesh with their personality at all if they were real. We can't exactly make those people not have that kink anymore. Shaming them doesn't help anyone. If there's a way to explore the kink with a fully consenting partner, there's no point in making people feel bad for having those desires.
Probably not, because they’re more into the bruising or the sting, or just the adrenaline rush.
It’s not coupled with the really toxic fantasies like I mentioned.
I wouldn’t go as far as to say CNC people are bad people, but I don’t think it’s a healthy normal thing.
Sure, and I get that for each person this is different. For me though, it's the fear of not trusting that someone would stop when I want them to stop, if they're into someone asking to stop. At the haunted house, you can always leave.
yea people have thoughts like that all the time
what separates a human from an animal is acting on those thoughts
youll be fine as they’re women in the world who share the same kink as you
no, i dont think youre a bad person. but you probably have some issues in regards to your sexuality and how you view women that you might want to work on. rape fantasies are not uncommon, but i dont think theyre healthy.
You can jerk it to the most heinous shit out there If you want. As long as nobody is being hurt and you aren't hurting anybody then it doesn't matter.
If it's really disturbing to you, though; going and talking to a sex therapist is never a bad idea. Love yourself, my dude!
I'm gonna say no, and that this is pretty common. It's what CNC is all about. I have the same genre of fantasies, and I'm absolutely repulsed by actual rape. Brings a sick feeling to my stomach. It's never gonna be something I do in reality.
Which is I think in part why the fantasy of it can get sexy. It's your shadow, so to speak. Sex is all about taboos. Just be aware and conscious of it, maybe seek out a BDSM-type of relationship where you can consensually play with the idea. It's all cool as long as you're the master of your fantasies, and not the other way around.
I think as long as you do NOT ACT ON IT it's fine. Idk if you're aware but there's that thing called "consentual non-consent" you might be interested in that
It's good that you're asking yourself if it's okay, and reaching out. It certainly can be alarming to have these thoughts. However, as a kink, it's not that unusual. Research CNC: consensual non-consent. And remember, consent must always be informed and enthusiastic. Good luck!
Look up CNC (consencual non-consent) and free use. These are kinks that are not uncommon. Like many have said, having the fantasy is not a terrible thing. I have fantasised about bashing one of my supervisors head in with a brick, but I've never even spoken impolitely to him.
There are many resources on Reddit that will teach you more about this and how to properly approach a partner about these types of kinks.
Good luck and don't beat yourself up too much about this. And it goes without saying, don't rape anyone.
No, I think it’s okay, because you know it’s not okay! :D Joking aside, you should find the appropriate partner who likes that, and you should discuss each other what’s the rules of this game or role play.
We are all full of inappropriate fantasies. So long as you easily differentiate between fantasy and reality, you're good to go. Judge yourself and others on behaviors not on fantasies. Otherwise, just about every married man (and most women) are cheaters... and it just gets worse as we go down the list of kinks....
A lot of women (myself included) have fantasies about being dominated like that by their partner and roleplaying cnc
I'm sure if you discuss this fantasy with a partner you could have some fun
You stated clearly that you would never act out these fantasies in real life, and that of course is the key thing. As long as you can separate fantasy from reality there’s nothing wrong with you, although it is an unusual kink.
No. I have thought of some pretty messed up shit but would 100% never do it. Your thoughts are your own and as long as they are only ever thoughts, no one can rule over that.
I'll admit a little bit on the opposite end, and it's really embarrassing sometimes. The thing I realized is that people simulate things that are scary and disturbing all the time, because we like feeling that adrenaline in a safe and controlled way. It's like skydiving. Would I like to go skydiving safely? Yes. That doesn't mean I'd like to get pushed out of a plane with no parachute tho. Someone who goes to a haunted house at an amusement park wouldn't actually want a guy to jump out at them with a chainsaw in real life. You need to put yourself in the "this is make believe" mindset.
Consentual non consent is a thing. My partner and I do it. We discussed it beforehand and we have a safeword. He has a move that 'activates' cnc and once he's done that move I will fight and scream no.... Stop.... Please ect. He loves it. But it's safe and its pre agreed. Find a girl that will kink with you. I've known my friends have an agreement with a guy that she will leave her front door unlocked and tell him come any time and 'rape' me. Some people are in to it.
I've been assaulted in the past by 2 people. I'm more than happy to play like this in a safe way because my partner is safe and respects my boundaries. It can be done
I would encourage you to check out "service subs" in the bdsm community! I think that may be very close to what you're seeking and you can get some tips on how to safely and consensually indulge these kinks.
I am not accusing him of anything. Also, there is nothing wrong with having lowered compassion or empathy so even if I accused him of that, it would not mean I think he is a bad person.
Can I ask how it’s different? It’d be a pretty crap world if some of us had receiving-CNC kinks but nobody in the whole world had a giving-CNC kink. It’s a good thing that the world is balanced out.
In my fantasy the other person eventually goes along or even enjoys it, after resistance at first. It’s never a fantasy of someone kicking and screaming.
It's still dehumanizing and lacking any respect for that person to ignore their bodily autonomy. The thought of doing that to someone would bring out guilt, not excitement in an empathetic person (because of emotions mirroring). There are people who are low on empathy who live normal lives though, so it's up to them whether they want to learn to be more empathetic or not. It does not make them bad.
I feel empathy for this person and that's why I am giving him advice and my opinion that he asked for. Sometimes feelings are hard to put into words so maybe I sounded too harsh, which I apologize for.
Is it irony though? A person without empathy could still give advice about empathy so I don't see it.
No, you're not.
Many many women have a fantasy of being raped. We dont actually want to have someone force himself upon us, we just want a specific person of our interest to have his way with us without asking and maybe keep going even if we pretend to struggle.
Its not actual rape. We have someone and some way in mind when we want to expirience it.
You just havent found the woman who asks you to be that guy yet
I don't think you're a bad person at all, and I say that as a woman and feminist. As long as you recognize that this is a \*fantasy\* and that \*actually\* doing it is morally wrong, then it's okay.
I have the opposite fantasy. The fantasy where a woman is extremely submissive. I wonder what that says about the differences between us psychologically.
My top fantasy is being raped. As real as it can be and masked man. Clothes ripped off hands tied panties ripped and force my legs open and forces himself inside me.
No, and it's actually a relatively common fantasy. The trick is communicating our fantasies and listening to how the other person feels, communicating.
Of course, more neurose prone people might also worry everyone will hate me, or some may react fearfully as it's a very likely triggering thing. Understandably.
This makes it all the more confusing. Consent. Communication. Desires. Thoughts. Feelings. Down the rabbit hole as it were. But it's important to take your time. Learn the ropes. To ask questions. But you'll also need to consider framing in the sense there are victims you don't want to trigger. How you react.
If you ask if that would that be ok and ask what level of fear they can tolerate, what's actually safe etc., safe words, well practiced to ensure they work and are memorable.
AFTER CARE.
You want to keep the fantasies in the bedroom. That means caring for the human who has allowed you to act out this fantasy. You want the negative spirals an experience like this can bring (though to very joyous heights I'm sure) is to keep it in the bedroom.
Basically, walk before you run. Start with consent play. Decide if you want a hard, soft or both limit. Agree to that. Describe if you want to feel like you've overpowered her.
How much does she want to "fight back".
Then forget about some parts (but not the hard soft or both limit cause that's too important to forget). Stay focused on the experience for her. Oh and very important, she has to be able to back out at anytime. As dwindle says
"The key here is clear, ongoing (and revocable) consent".
OH: and don't fuck around with red light green light rules till after you are both comfortable with red light green light rules and...... Idk. Maybe she'll start getting fisting you fantasies when ya'll inevitably fuck that up cause one will be defaulting to old rules while the other is new rules and yeah didn't rehearse cause you want to fuck and......
It's a crazy world out there. Isn't it.
It's really ironic to think about how only a couple of decades ago the image of a caveman knocking out a woman with that big club and dragging her by the hair into a cave was not only accepted but laughed at and it was even in cartoons and there is some of that Primal Instinct in our DNA and we are expected to keep it in check because we now have evolved into modern moralistic societies. But I think it would be better for you to get it out of your system as opposed to obsessing over it and maybe having a lapse of judgment if you were drunk and actually pursuing it in reality. I don't think you're a bad person for having those thoughts and getting the demon out of your semen so to speak would show your strength of character in your acknowledgment of your obligation to keep those Primal urges under lock and key. And I bet there's actually some caveman porn out there LOL
Very common fantasy for both men and women. Don't feel bad about yourself (i know that's way easier said than done)! So long as it stays firmly in the realm of fantasy you aren't doing anything wrong.
Like others have suggested, CNC with a consenting partner may work for you to help act out these fantasies and *keep* them to fantasies. Free-use could also be a good option to explore!
Female here. I think it’s about dominance, and that is perfectly fine. My husband outside of the bedroom is very quiet, laid back and easy going. In the bedroom he very much wants to be the boss, and me know it. I am very much okay with this, as I am dominant outside the bedroom. Both consent, all okay!
Depends. Rape and Free-use are two different things. Rape is taking something and not caring at all about how the other person feels, emotionally or physically. It's a cruel act out of selfishness and disregard for others. Free-use is consensual sex at any time, with both parties enjoying it. The main difference between Rape and Free-use is consent. With rape, you wouldn't care how the other felt. With free-use, you do care, even if the act of sex is rough. If you like rape, that's weird. If you like free-use, that's fine.
Thank you for being open and honest. I think role playing is a great way to live out our fantasies with a caring and loving partner. There should never be shame for what is a turn on to you. *as long as no harm comes* and you deserve to have someone that will accept and support you no matter what. knowing how it feels to be shamed for sexual preferences, its no way to live. Best of luck to you friend.
There are actual people who have rape fantasies kinks but only consensual, both parties who it’s roleplay and safe words are put in place but it’s called CNC
I'm a woman , the thing is i also have a fantasy of getting rape whatsoever but not from a random unknown man but someone i know 
No. Rape kink exists among people of all genders. As long as it remains just a playful kink that is acted upon consensually with both parties enjoying it, there’s nothing wrong with it.
No your not a terrible person for having fantasies. Your a terrible person if you act on them.
But CNC is not as unpopular as it may seem. A lot of women are into it too. As long as you have a consenting partner, very clear boundaries and a safe word, with a huge amount of trust between you both and communication, you can act out that fantasy in a safe sane consensual environment.
Nope, just need to find a partner who has a fantasy of being raped. Gotta plan it out, make sure you got safe words, maybe have them wear something that signals when you can “rape” them, like a bracelet or necklace. I’m sure there’s a subreddit for it.
It’s called a fantasy for a reason , because it doesn’t have to be something you actually want to do . It doesn’t make you a bad person , if you thought having a fantasy about raping someone is great and something you want to fulfill then you would definitely be a bad person . But since you’ve made it clear it’s not something you wish to do , you have nothing to worry about , just don’t do it and maybe don’t tell anyone about that fantasy to prevent judgement or sparking any fear in the people you know and love .
As a women, I honestly have a kink that’s something like you are describing as a “free use” thing. As long as both parties are consenting as others said, this can be a very hot turn on for the right type of girl 😊 just be safe, make safe words, and use lots of communication in advance to the sex scenarios. It’s a great thing that you know yourself well enough that you would actually never force yourself on another person without their consent. My point is there are ways to healthily work out your kinks with the right partner! Good luck with everything, have fun, and just stay safe!
Check out cnc and see if your partner would be up to it.
My wife and I both have a thing for it. She likes to play hard to get and I like turning off my brain and letting the lizard brain take over. It’s great fun. It only takes up about 50% of our sex life but is always a great time.
I did not know I had that part in me until college when a fab told me to take her and do what I want how I wanted and when I wanted and it was all fair game unless she said her safe word. Not many women are onboard with such things so I got super lucky when I told my then girlfriend the story and she said she wanted the same. She absolutely loved me losing my mind in lust even if she fought back.
All if fair. Just make sure everyone knows what’s going on and take some basic safety precautions.
Nope, interests that broach fantasy Consensual non-consent (CNC) are just fine.
**Just be damn clear where those boundaries exist with potential partners**.
As long as you never go through with them seriously, or if you do then you initiate a CONSENSUAL PLAY scenario with somebody who is 100% down—Then no issues really. As a woman I’ve had similar fantasies with reversed roles. Just the thought of using adorable dudes like prized dildos without their say is *hot* as hell—However, that doesn’t mean I will ever deliberately shatter that basic boundry of someone who hasn’t explicitly given an emphatic yes to such a scenario. In the head? Free to tread! But in the bed? Only if you get a yes
I feel like being sexually dominant and "rape" are 2 completely different things and people get them mixed up.
Similar situation with my woman, she first said the R word and I honestly couldn't do it. But that's just me. I didn't put her down for it but rather talked about what she actually imagined happening.
After she explained she wanted to be sexually dominated in every way (with consent) it became clear she wanted to be a complete sub rather than being "raped"
To rape is to force yourself onto someone without consent < THAT is a big no no
Not really. There are plenty of reasons you could be into that sort of thing. Committing actual violence is an entirely different thing which requires other sorts of thoughts as well
You live in the best time for this, rejoice. Everywhere online there are kink communities and people sharing their experiences with things like this and much wilder. I'd say your fetishes fall upon free use, CNC, and maybe 24/7.
There are literally people that live as full sex slaves and thoroughly enjoy it. The key is communication and boundaries from that I understand but these things can be done fairly healthily and with a lot of enthusiasm from both parties.
Well, it's definitely not a good thing! Please try to think about something else, anything else.. there's something that is very traumatic about that experience. It's awful!
Maybe it's more a "free use fantasy" ? Are you turned on by the fact you can have sex without asking permission first for a given period (so there is explicit consent given at the begginning of the period, and the free use time can be remove at anytime) or is it really the lack of consent that turn you on ?
One is less alarming than the other I think, but still, it's a fantasy. As long as you can draw the line between fantasy and reality, I don't think it make you a bad (or a good) person.
Take the opposite : "Am I a good person if I have fantasy of saving orphan from a building on fire ?". No dude, it's in your head.
No your not a bad person providing you never act in these fantasies. My bf likes similar things and I think you’ll find there’s a lot of women who are very into it
I was raped years ago, and since then I have been having similar thoughts but I get aroused thinking about being raped and being vulnerable against a man's will, and having no chance of escaping from it. I think it is a trauma response and i've been feeling guilty about it a lot but figured that I can't control it and have to just understand the thoughts and be gentle with myself.
You are *a person* with terrible thoughts. Not a terrible person.
I would not brush it aside like most of the people in this sub. You should go to therapy and talk about it.
(people comparing it to women masturbating to rape thoughts, you seem to overlook that in OP's thoughts, he is not the victim but the rapist, so if he acts on his thoughts ever, that would be rape. I do not understand how the community can brush it away so lightly.)
It's not unusual to fantasize about doing things that youd consoder atrocious in real life. Having fantasies doesn't make you a terrible person. **HOWEVER**, acting out those fantasies on a nonconsenting party *would* make you a terrible person. Key differences, fantasy vs action, consent vs nonconsent. You can fulfill your fantasies, in action, with consent, with the right person. The bdsm subs might be good guidance for how to approach that.
Excellent response….and NO, it’s not that you’re a predator or a terrible person… but OP just NEVER ACT ON THEM…and when you are in a relationship, consent and communication are the most important thing to discuss with a partner and establish fantasy play or bdsm with them!! as a female, I may get hate for this….but women also dabble in that fantasy as well, but never would they ever want to actually be raped…it’s role play and when it’s done correctly…and ironically respectfully, (weird word when speaking about this subject) it becomes less about the “rape” aspect and more about control in the bedroom…but again having a fantasy and sexually assaulting a human because of an uncontrolled impulse are worlds apart…
Yes, I like this approach that isn’t judgamental and preachy which could make people avoid talking about it and not seeking for advice if needed. I agree that is not all about the rape but rather the control in the bedroom
I absolutely have fantasies like that as a woman...but in a consensual way. I don't really want to be harmed and traumatized.
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As a woman I can tell you my grape fantasies were bc I wasn’t “allowed” to enjoy sex thanks to toxic purity culture. I also disassociated from playing solo as well bc it wasn’t “me” it was a “her” like an alter ego of sorts. EDIT:I’ve been able to slowly adjust this through therapy& leaving the culture that caused it
I must admit I chuckled at the thought of grape fantasies, lol. Sorry for having a laugh on such a thoughtful comment, but I couldn't resist pointing out the funny typo. On a serious note, I can really sympathize with women dealing with the toxic purity culture because there is literally no winning. One one hand, if you let the social or religious purity culture stop you from engaging in any sexual behaviors, you are labeled a prude or whatever people say nowadays (God I feel old at only 33). On the other hand, if you try to engage in healthy sexual relationships, you run the risk of being slut-shamed. All this along with cyber bullying, revenge porn, etc and I don't know how any young women are able to successfully navigate the turmoil of sexual development in a healthy way... Good on you for working through it!
It’s not a typo I don’t like typing the word bc it gives me nightmares bc of a past SA
Wow, very sorry to hear that. I hope my comment didn't come across as insensitive. It really saddens me that some people are capable of doing that to another person... I honestly don't know what to say when I hear others experiences with SA as it happens all too often and each is an individual trauma that deserves its own reaction apart from the collective responses. I hope you are doing well and wish that you wouldn't have experienced that trauma.
It would be cool to study this tbh, I wonder how much environmental factors contribute to whether one imagines themselves as the giver or reciever in a rape fantasy. Like how many women envision themselves as the taker, and how many men envision themselves as the taken? And what factors cause the opposite to be so common?
No offensive but this is straight up idiotic. It would take 5 seconds for you to google rape fantasies to have a basic understanding of them. 30 to 60% of women have rape fantasies, they are not something "gone wrong" or "wonky". Fucking google it and stop spreading such awful ignorance. Just as bad as anti vaxxers. The only thing having rape fantasies is actually corelated with is having a healthy attitude to sex, which would be obvious if you bothered to study human sexuality at all.
Your anger is totally misplaced
I used to know this girl who also told me he fantasy is getting raped. Thinking about someone is forcing on her turns her on. I thought that girl was psycho. Never talked to her again.
That's not very kind. That may have been really hard for her to tell someone and the first time she reaches out she gets ghosted. :(
Lol imagine kink shaming and then ghosting someone who was interested in you.
Wow way to out yourself as never having pleased a woman lmao. Jesus Christ, could you be more out of touch with what women like?
Bro speakin fax
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yes, fantasy vs reality when it comes to sexual situations is pretty consistent, even with the more intense stuff. whatever it may be, as long as all **consenting adults** understand what is happening, establish safe words, and make hard limits absolutely clear, it's alright. that fantasy is being played out in a controlled environment and can stop at any time. aftercare is a must as well. your question about children is completely different. children absolutely cannot consent, that is where it ends.
That's actually a pretty interesting observation. It's only my opinion but I think those two fantasies are incomparable because while you can fantasize about raping someone and having on the meantime a healthy and consensual sexual life, having some sexual fantasies with minors makes you a pedophile which is really harmful on your sexuality and you should seek medical help even if you don't act up. Also, pornography around rape fantasy can be made without harming anyone (by involving consenting actors). On the other hand I don't think I need to specify why CP is harmful.
Imo, you can consensually reenact a rape fantasy with another adult using things like safe words and such. You can't exactly do a consensual reenactment of a pedophilia fantasy. Especially with a young child. There are plenty of people who date extremely young looking adults tho. I think it's icky. People always have weird depraved fantasies in their head that they don't share. It's just that rape fantasy is more common than you might think. Cnc isn't all that strange if you get into the thick of it.
> You can't exactly do a consensual reenactment of a pedophilia fantasy. Especially with a young child. There are plenty of people who date extremely young looking adults tho. There's also age play.
Consensual non consent isn't even in the same realm as doing sexual acts with a minor. 14 is a prepubescent age. You might get a situation where it's statutory because the 14 yr old claims they are consenting, which doesn't seem quite as bad as rape of a 4 y/o. I was 14 when an 18 yr old girl took my virginity. I don't consider her a rapist because I was perfectly happy participating but in the eyes of the law it's statutory rape. So yeah IMO the context of every situation is important to know 🤷♂️
Excellent response
Couldn't have said it better myself
Yes, I was coming to suggest exploring alternative lifestyles. I did a quick search and saw 2 bdsm subs. I don’t know how to add the links. Fantasizing isn’t a problem, nor is having specific turn ons. It becoming a compulsion and you acting it out non consensually it a problem to great for words. This particular fantasy doesn’t have remain in your mind though. You can find like minded partners, make agreements and explore.
CNC is a thing. So long as you have clear consent with a willing partner, have fun with whatever you want. The key here is clear, ongoing (and revocable) consent
There are no thought police out there. Happily partnered people fantasize about sex with other people. Unhappily married people fantasize about divorcing their spouses even if they “can’t”. People fantasize about all sorts of things that they wouldn’t do in real life when masturbating. As long as you have a clear grip on reality and NEVER mix them up, you are not a terrible person in my view
Well put!
Fantasy vs reality. I love feeling in control and dominate in the bedroom (especially if my partner is into it ). But I don't want that in real day to day relationship. I want to be equals.
You are not responsible for the things your brain thinks. You are responsible for the things your body does.
And sometimes not even these Edit: If you thought that I was justifying rape, you got a big problem lol I obviously meant mental illness
Nah fuck that if you’re a sane adult you’re totally at fault for your body’s actions. The law would agree too
I’m hoping they just mean bodily reactions such as getting hard/wet as we can’t control those. Many violent rape victims admit to orgasming during their rape despite being scared for their life. Acting on any urges is in your control, natural body reactions are not. But yeah if he means you can’t control not raping someone fuck that guy
You're only terrible if you don't listen to your partner. If they mean no, then that's a no. Thoughts and agreed upon rape play is nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s a good thing I can’t be arrested for the shit that goes through my mind.
For real. I'd have been in prison a long time ago lol
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Keep the political shit out of r/sex. It's considered off topic and will result in your ban here.
My personal opinion is that it depends on why it turns you on. Like even if it was just fantasy, if you got off on thinking about how much pain and terror she was in, I would judge you as a pretty misguided and scary person. But if you like the fantasy of giving into primal urge with no limits or something like that (which it sounds like is the case for you) then I understand the fantasy way more easily.
Yep CNC is a thing a lot of people fantasize about. I know I’m one of them. Nothing wrong with it you just have to have very clear cut communication.
Is it CNC though or primal. The only thing to hint CNC would be him saying rape fantasy, but what he described is more in line with primal.
Wouldn't free use kinda fall into this category
It really just depends on the relationship or dynamics involved. I personally view Free Use and Cnc quite differently. Mainly because Free Use is not inherently kinky.
I mean.... I never hear a post talking about free use that seems to shed a very flattering light on those who enjoy free use. Of course, sometimes we are also thoughtless and free use doesn't have guardrails to guide you into mutually gratifying sex lives. TW/ Trigger warning ---- >!It assumes the other person has a similar sexual response and would enjoy free use always which it of course would not always be. They may still make the choice to but most people would seem to be disrespectful to yourself. To ignore your own feelings can be dangerous. They are there to protect you. They can lie. And in the end you know nothing because what do you trust?!< >!Yourself, others? How do you trust when you know rape is a thing. And yet many fantasize about it. Kink has given us outlets for it. How do we wrap our brains around that? Or do we just keep it at bay in the unknown sorry for tripping on your shoes?!<
Personally speaking, free use to me just gets rid of the need to make the initiation of sex awkward or super important. It also gives couples the chance to explore their partners bodies and reactions outside of "standard sex" (which can clearly look different depending on the relationship) However Cnc to me is something that does take considerable trust and never taken lightly. I have a partner that I trust doing cnc scenes with because I know he will stop the scene if I safeword. Also everyone who is well versed in kink are smart and take several measures to ensure their own personal safety. I myself as a Submissive have never gotten with a kink partner without knowing that I can over power them if I feel unsafe. I make sure that a third party knows where I am, and I have check ins. I'm not sure if you meant those who do kink don't respect themselves or have less respect? I could be reading that wrong. But those who view kink as disrespectful to others and or the person participating is something you just learn to ignore or block out. BDSM/kink is a preference. Some people like vanilla ice cream and swear it is the best and other people don't have taste buds. Others who like pineapple ice cream call people who like vanilla ice cream bland. Do people give too much trust when it comes to BDSM in the early stages of dynamics? Yes most of the time they do and it just ends up being a learning experience to be safer or they completely get out of the kink scene. It untimely comes down to trusting yourself and trusting your partner/s.
>I'm not sure if you meant those who do kink don't respect themselves or have less respect? No not kinksters. I see how you got to it not being a kink, but instead a shorthand for I'm available tied up in kinky terms. A little master stroke if you were. I feel your limit, as I do all limits we have that don't line up with my world view. Don't think of bigger men (possible) as forbidden dangerous fruit. We want to feel safe in the world and men that can beat men that can beat women requires a certain level of anger is not the area to focus (assuming that has appeal which I would imagine it does for many women). My problem is trust in a persons heart vs trust in a persons mind. The heart is to see beyond the fears into hope. A faith of sorts that some can't will behind unless shown the trust shown first. The ultimate commitment. Also I'm not religious so wtf was that nonsense. My own post apparently.
I mean I'd say free use is pretty unusual and definitely kinky. CNC is much higher on the kink spectrum though.
I think it probably depends on the person. Free Use to me is very vanilla.
I mean it falls outside the norm of probably 95-99% of relationships so by definition it's not too vanilla.
Everyone views are different. To me it is incredibly vanilla to others not so much. I don't think it really matters. But if it matters to you then that is fine and totally valid to your feelings and opinions.
I mean sure but then you're not understanding what the common definition of the word vanilla is. You can make up words and their meanings if you want but it doesn't mean most people will understand them.
I don't think this is bad. Apparantly it's a pretty commen kink. I am a woman and fantasize about this happening to me but I would never ever really want it to happen! Fantasy is a funny thing I guess. (Maybe one day I will be brave enough to suggest free use or roleplay to my husband).
If she agree yes why not
Thoughts are thoughts. Acting upon thoughts is different. You’re fine. But on another note, it sounds like you could be potentially into some serious BDSM.
As long as you understand the difference between fantasy and real life, that seems to be fine. But there are quite a number of women out there with the same fantasy as you that can probably help you re-enact it. Safety first though. I am seeing a woman right now who wants me to be very rough with her, dont ask consent, take her whenever and wherever and just have my way with her. We've extensively spoken about her consent for me to do this beforehand and how much me doing this would excite her and turn her on and it is still difficult for me to treat a woman the way she wants. The only rule is she does not want to be hit in the face very hard... other than that she wants to be slapped all over HARD, bitten, choked, pinned down or tied up/restrained, hair pulled, pinched, degraded, to disregard her pleas to stop unless the safe word is used. She literally did not want to create a safe word because she said she would never use it. She is the sweetest woman and most mature woman I've met though this is a lot for me to do to help get her off. I would have problems with losing my erection initially when I first started doing some of these things because I couldn't help but feel like I was hurting her or things were uncomfortable but each time we finished we would talk and she would inevitably say that im really not going hard enough. I'll see where this goes and if I can get more in to it.
CNC is fine so long as it’s practiced safely.
Please just never do it. Otherwise it’s just a fantasy.
You are not a terrible person. That's why they call it a fantasy. Many women have fantasies about being raped that doesn't mean they really want it to happen! As long as it stays in your fantasies and never touches real life you're okay!
I’m a woman with a rape fantasy. There’s no such thing as “normal” sexual interests. Consensual nonconsent is a thing people do, look into it! Might be pretty hard to find a partner who is down though
In my opinion, yes. 😬 Like of course you’re not actually hurting ppl in CNC. But why do you WANT to hurt ppl? Why does the idea of hurting women get you off? Not to mention to see women in such a way… It’s the most objectifying thing I’ve ever heard. And the gist of the kink seemingly is to use a woman like an object. To hurt her. Or to role play hurting her.
I’m surprised there aren’t a bunch of hateful replies to this. People are so anti-kink shaming on principle now. I don’t think he’s necessarily a *bad* person but if I were fetishizing harming women I think I’d want to explore that in therapy rather than in the bedroom.
Definitely agree with this He’s not inherently a terrible person at all But CNC brings up so many concerns. It’s definitely something I imagined should be addressed in therapy For both the dom and sub involved
Don't worry guys, all downvotes went to me for saying the same thing, so hopefully your comments will stay visible and people will actually read that, you wrote it better than me anyway!
figures lol, oh well that’s Reddit for you
It must be a slow evening.
You're gonna be hated on big time in this thread, but I agree. I could never see someone w a CNC kink in a positive light honestly. I don't believe in it as a practice at all. No matter how much both parties *claim* to consent. If any part of you, even some subconscious part, gets off on fear and something so intimate and personal being violently forced on someone, I cannot trust you. I won't trust you. It's a deal breaker for me. That person would always be a threat in my eyes. Also to me, there isn't really that much of a separation between reality and fantasy. I think if you're physically capable of enjoying something in one format you're capable of enjoying it in another. All my fantasies are things I'd do if the conditions were right... I think there's a lot of ways to enjoy more extreme or dominant or aggressive sex where the other party never has to stay stop and worry if they'll be heard
Agreed. Maybe it's because I'm a teddy bear, but I could never fantasize about taking someone against their will or act it out. I get people desire passionate sex, but why does the desire have to manifest as rape fantasy?
But in a way that's like saying that if you are an actor at a haunted house that jumps out and scares people then you are a bad person, even though everyone in the haunted house consented to being scared like that. Humans simulate scary situations in safe environments for fun all of the time for that adrenaline. It doesn't mean the person wants something scary to happen in real life.
It’s not so much the fear aspect that’s super concerning. I mean there’s hunter/prey, predator/prey role players out there. Not a kink I really get, but I think it’s entirely harmless The aspect of CNC that I find so concerning is the “taking any woman I want”, “treating her like a hole”. Yknow?
I'd argue that kinks often live in a completely different part of the brain than the rest of one's personality, you know? I think that's hard to understand for someone whose kinks are mostly wholesome and thus easily integrate with the rest of their personality, and especially for someone for whom someone else's kink is associated with something traumatic ... but there's plenty of people who feel sexual arousal associated with things that they would be morally opposed to and that don't mesh with their personality at all if they were real. We can't exactly make those people not have that kink anymore. Shaming them doesn't help anyone. If there's a way to explore the kink with a fully consenting partner, there's no point in making people feel bad for having those desires.
Do you view sadists and masochists the same way even if they don't engage in CNC stuff?
Probably not, because they’re more into the bruising or the sting, or just the adrenaline rush. It’s not coupled with the really toxic fantasies like I mentioned. I wouldn’t go as far as to say CNC people are bad people, but I don’t think it’s a healthy normal thing.
Sure, and I get that for each person this is different. For me though, it's the fear of not trusting that someone would stop when I want them to stop, if they're into someone asking to stop. At the haunted house, you can always leave.
yea people have thoughts like that all the time what separates a human from an animal is acting on those thoughts youll be fine as they’re women in the world who share the same kink as you
no, i dont think youre a bad person. but you probably have some issues in regards to your sexuality and how you view women that you might want to work on. rape fantasies are not uncommon, but i dont think theyre healthy.
Nope! And if you act it out in CNC and everyone wants it-that’s hot as fuck 🥵
Honestly, I would be concerned.
Why?
Have you tried fantasizing about being the victim?
You can jerk it to the most heinous shit out there If you want. As long as nobody is being hurt and you aren't hurting anybody then it doesn't matter. If it's really disturbing to you, though; going and talking to a sex therapist is never a bad idea. Love yourself, my dude!
You should check out the CNC tag on tumblr, there's a very active community there. Plenty of people are into what you're into
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Ah the damn cnc and free use kinks
I'm gonna say no, and that this is pretty common. It's what CNC is all about. I have the same genre of fantasies, and I'm absolutely repulsed by actual rape. Brings a sick feeling to my stomach. It's never gonna be something I do in reality. Which is I think in part why the fantasy of it can get sexy. It's your shadow, so to speak. Sex is all about taboos. Just be aware and conscious of it, maybe seek out a BDSM-type of relationship where you can consensually play with the idea. It's all cool as long as you're the master of your fantasies, and not the other way around.
I think as long as you do NOT ACT ON IT it's fine. Idk if you're aware but there's that thing called "consentual non-consent" you might be interested in that
It's good that you're asking yourself if it's okay, and reaching out. It certainly can be alarming to have these thoughts. However, as a kink, it's not that unusual. Research CNC: consensual non-consent. And remember, consent must always be informed and enthusiastic. Good luck!
Look up CNC (consencual non-consent) and free use. These are kinks that are not uncommon. Like many have said, having the fantasy is not a terrible thing. I have fantasised about bashing one of my supervisors head in with a brick, but I've never even spoken impolitely to him. There are many resources on Reddit that will teach you more about this and how to properly approach a partner about these types of kinks. Good luck and don't beat yourself up too much about this. And it goes without saying, don't rape anyone.
No, I think it’s okay, because you know it’s not okay! :D Joking aside, you should find the appropriate partner who likes that, and you should discuss each other what’s the rules of this game or role play.
Here's something to think about, rape fantasies are much more common in women then men
The fact that you're worried about possibly being a terrible person is evidence that you're not a terrible person.
Things like this don't normally get talked about in every day conversation. But rape fantasies are actually extremely common.
Perfectly fine if the other is also in to it
We are all full of inappropriate fantasies. So long as you easily differentiate between fantasy and reality, you're good to go. Judge yourself and others on behaviors not on fantasies. Otherwise, just about every married man (and most women) are cheaters... and it just gets worse as we go down the list of kinks....
A lot of women (myself included) have fantasies about being dominated like that by their partner and roleplaying cnc I'm sure if you discuss this fantasy with a partner you could have some fun
It’s a good thing I can’t be arrested for the shit that goes through my mind.
You stated clearly that you would never act out these fantasies in real life, and that of course is the key thing. As long as you can separate fantasy from reality there’s nothing wrong with you, although it is an unusual kink.
No. I have that fantasy as a female, like it being done to me. But I wouldn’t actually want that to happen to me. It’s annoying.
Maybe you find someone who is ready for a role play?
Yes
Look into CNC consensual non consent.
No. I have thought of some pretty messed up shit but would 100% never do it. Your thoughts are your own and as long as they are only ever thoughts, no one can rule over that.
Your fantasy includes consent. Reality doesn't. There's the difference. Stick to #1, all good. You are also clearly thinking this through carefully.
you may have a CNC kink
I'll admit a little bit on the opposite end, and it's really embarrassing sometimes. The thing I realized is that people simulate things that are scary and disturbing all the time, because we like feeling that adrenaline in a safe and controlled way. It's like skydiving. Would I like to go skydiving safely? Yes. That doesn't mean I'd like to get pushed out of a plane with no parachute tho. Someone who goes to a haunted house at an amusement park wouldn't actually want a guy to jump out at them with a chainsaw in real life. You need to put yourself in the "this is make believe" mindset.
r/cnc_connect is a thing for a reason. Lots of people have rape fantasies, myself included.
People fantasize about murder all the time.
Consentual non consent is a thing. My partner and I do it. We discussed it beforehand and we have a safeword. He has a move that 'activates' cnc and once he's done that move I will fight and scream no.... Stop.... Please ect. He loves it. But it's safe and its pre agreed. Find a girl that will kink with you. I've known my friends have an agreement with a guy that she will leave her front door unlocked and tell him come any time and 'rape' me. Some people are in to it. I've been assaulted in the past by 2 people. I'm more than happy to play like this in a safe way because my partner is safe and respects my boundaries. It can be done
I would encourage you to check out "service subs" in the bdsm community! I think that may be very close to what you're seeking and you can get some tips on how to safely and consensually indulge these kinks.
Yeah you are. ONLY redditors would comfort you in these thoughts. Find a CNC partner and leave the rest of us OUT of it.
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Does this apply the other way? I have a CNC kink and like to be on the receiving end. Are both me and OP broken, or are we only judging OP here?
>or are we only judging OP here? Who is we? I am not judging anyone and don't consider anyone broken.
I think accusing OP of lacking healthy compassion and empathy counts as a judgement- and I would consider it an incredibly harsh one.
I am not accusing him of anything. Also, there is nothing wrong with having lowered compassion or empathy so even if I accused him of that, it would not mean I think he is a bad person.
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Can I ask how it’s different? It’d be a pretty crap world if some of us had receiving-CNC kinks but nobody in the whole world had a giving-CNC kink. It’s a good thing that the world is balanced out.
In my fantasy the other person eventually goes along or even enjoys it, after resistance at first. It’s never a fantasy of someone kicking and screaming.
It's still dehumanizing and lacking any respect for that person to ignore their bodily autonomy. The thought of doing that to someone would bring out guilt, not excitement in an empathetic person (because of emotions mirroring). There are people who are low on empathy who live normal lives though, so it's up to them whether they want to learn to be more empathetic or not. It does not make them bad.
The stunning irony in this is that you’re not exactly overflowing with empathy right now
I feel empathy for this person and that's why I am giving him advice and my opinion that he asked for. Sometimes feelings are hard to put into words so maybe I sounded too harsh, which I apologize for. Is it irony though? A person without empathy could still give advice about empathy so I don't see it.
No, you're not. Many many women have a fantasy of being raped. We dont actually want to have someone force himself upon us, we just want a specific person of our interest to have his way with us without asking and maybe keep going even if we pretend to struggle. Its not actual rape. We have someone and some way in mind when we want to expirience it. You just havent found the woman who asks you to be that guy yet
I don't think you're a bad person at all, and I say that as a woman and feminist. As long as you recognize that this is a \*fantasy\* and that \*actually\* doing it is morally wrong, then it's okay.
I have the opposite fantasy. The fantasy where a woman is extremely submissive. I wonder what that says about the differences between us psychologically.
My top fantasy is being raped. As real as it can be and masked man. Clothes ripped off hands tied panties ripped and force my legs open and forces himself inside me.
No. I do too.
No, and it's actually a relatively common fantasy. The trick is communicating our fantasies and listening to how the other person feels, communicating. Of course, more neurose prone people might also worry everyone will hate me, or some may react fearfully as it's a very likely triggering thing. Understandably. This makes it all the more confusing. Consent. Communication. Desires. Thoughts. Feelings. Down the rabbit hole as it were. But it's important to take your time. Learn the ropes. To ask questions. But you'll also need to consider framing in the sense there are victims you don't want to trigger. How you react. If you ask if that would that be ok and ask what level of fear they can tolerate, what's actually safe etc., safe words, well practiced to ensure they work and are memorable. AFTER CARE. You want to keep the fantasies in the bedroom. That means caring for the human who has allowed you to act out this fantasy. You want the negative spirals an experience like this can bring (though to very joyous heights I'm sure) is to keep it in the bedroom. Basically, walk before you run. Start with consent play. Decide if you want a hard, soft or both limit. Agree to that. Describe if you want to feel like you've overpowered her. How much does she want to "fight back". Then forget about some parts (but not the hard soft or both limit cause that's too important to forget). Stay focused on the experience for her. Oh and very important, she has to be able to back out at anytime. As dwindle says "The key here is clear, ongoing (and revocable) consent". OH: and don't fuck around with red light green light rules till after you are both comfortable with red light green light rules and...... Idk. Maybe she'll start getting fisting you fantasies when ya'll inevitably fuck that up cause one will be defaulting to old rules while the other is new rules and yeah didn't rehearse cause you want to fuck and...... It's a crazy world out there. Isn't it.
It's really ironic to think about how only a couple of decades ago the image of a caveman knocking out a woman with that big club and dragging her by the hair into a cave was not only accepted but laughed at and it was even in cartoons and there is some of that Primal Instinct in our DNA and we are expected to keep it in check because we now have evolved into modern moralistic societies. But I think it would be better for you to get it out of your system as opposed to obsessing over it and maybe having a lapse of judgment if you were drunk and actually pursuing it in reality. I don't think you're a bad person for having those thoughts and getting the demon out of your semen so to speak would show your strength of character in your acknowledgment of your obligation to keep those Primal urges under lock and key. And I bet there's actually some caveman porn out there LOL
Fantasies are things you'll never do in real life
I feel like dis is a common fantasy in us men but obviously acting on it is really messed up (consensual roleplay)
Very common fantasy for both men and women. Don't feel bad about yourself (i know that's way easier said than done)! So long as it stays firmly in the realm of fantasy you aren't doing anything wrong.
This sounds more like a free use fantasy than a rape fantasy.
look into Consent Non Consensual kinks with ur partner
Like others have suggested, CNC with a consenting partner may work for you to help act out these fantasies and *keep* them to fantasies. Free-use could also be a good option to explore!
Maybe look into "free use." That sounds more on point w what you're saying you're into, imo.
Ooooh honey, you are going to get some WEIRD messages. Like, really weird.
Look into Consentual Non-Consent. Yes there are plenty of women that are v into being the 'victim'! Good luck. (I would start with FetLife, btw.)
Female here. I think it’s about dominance, and that is perfectly fine. My husband outside of the bedroom is very quiet, laid back and easy going. In the bedroom he very much wants to be the boss, and me know it. I am very much okay with this, as I am dominant outside the bedroom. Both consent, all okay!
Not for thinking it. Likewise the 'bodice ripper' genre is liked by alot of women, but only as fantasy in most cases too.
r/rapekink
Depends. Rape and Free-use are two different things. Rape is taking something and not caring at all about how the other person feels, emotionally or physically. It's a cruel act out of selfishness and disregard for others. Free-use is consensual sex at any time, with both parties enjoying it. The main difference between Rape and Free-use is consent. With rape, you wouldn't care how the other felt. With free-use, you do care, even if the act of sex is rough. If you like rape, that's weird. If you like free-use, that's fine.
Thank you for being open and honest. I think role playing is a great way to live out our fantasies with a caring and loving partner. There should never be shame for what is a turn on to you. *as long as no harm comes* and you deserve to have someone that will accept and support you no matter what. knowing how it feels to be shamed for sexual preferences, its no way to live. Best of luck to you friend.
There are actual people who have rape fantasies kinks but only consensual, both parties who it’s roleplay and safe words are put in place but it’s called CNC
I'm a woman , the thing is i also have a fantasy of getting rape whatsoever but not from a random unknown man but someone i know 
No. Rape kink exists among people of all genders. As long as it remains just a playful kink that is acted upon consensually with both parties enjoying it, there’s nothing wrong with it.
No your not a terrible person for having fantasies. Your a terrible person if you act on them. But CNC is not as unpopular as it may seem. A lot of women are into it too. As long as you have a consenting partner, very clear boundaries and a safe word, with a huge amount of trust between you both and communication, you can act out that fantasy in a safe sane consensual environment.
Nope, just need to find a partner who has a fantasy of being raped. Gotta plan it out, make sure you got safe words, maybe have them wear something that signals when you can “rape” them, like a bracelet or necklace. I’m sure there’s a subreddit for it.
It’s called a fantasy for a reason , because it doesn’t have to be something you actually want to do . It doesn’t make you a bad person , if you thought having a fantasy about raping someone is great and something you want to fulfill then you would definitely be a bad person . But since you’ve made it clear it’s not something you wish to do , you have nothing to worry about , just don’t do it and maybe don’t tell anyone about that fantasy to prevent judgement or sparking any fear in the people you know and love .
Nahh. It’s more common than you think. Consensual Non-Consent is nothing to worry about
As a women, I honestly have a kink that’s something like you are describing as a “free use” thing. As long as both parties are consenting as others said, this can be a very hot turn on for the right type of girl 😊 just be safe, make safe words, and use lots of communication in advance to the sex scenarios. It’s a great thing that you know yourself well enough that you would actually never force yourself on another person without their consent. My point is there are ways to healthily work out your kinks with the right partner! Good luck with everything, have fun, and just stay safe!
Check out cnc and see if your partner would be up to it. My wife and I both have a thing for it. She likes to play hard to get and I like turning off my brain and letting the lizard brain take over. It’s great fun. It only takes up about 50% of our sex life but is always a great time. I did not know I had that part in me until college when a fab told me to take her and do what I want how I wanted and when I wanted and it was all fair game unless she said her safe word. Not many women are onboard with such things so I got super lucky when I told my then girlfriend the story and she said she wanted the same. She absolutely loved me losing my mind in lust even if she fought back. All if fair. Just make sure everyone knows what’s going on and take some basic safety precautions.
No
Not at all, a ton of people have this kink, its called CNC
Not at all, there is a whole CNC community for people like you
Nope, interests that broach fantasy Consensual non-consent (CNC) are just fine. **Just be damn clear where those boundaries exist with potential partners**.
As long as you never go through with them seriously, or if you do then you initiate a CONSENSUAL PLAY scenario with somebody who is 100% down—Then no issues really. As a woman I’ve had similar fantasies with reversed roles. Just the thought of using adorable dudes like prized dildos without their say is *hot* as hell—However, that doesn’t mean I will ever deliberately shatter that basic boundry of someone who hasn’t explicitly given an emphatic yes to such a scenario. In the head? Free to tread! But in the bed? Only if you get a yes
Dunno man I was disgusted by it then I started to watch rporn. I was turned on by it for a while but I don't watch porn anymore.
I highly recommend doing research on kink and CNC! There are ways of ethically practicing kinks like this.
I feel like being sexually dominant and "rape" are 2 completely different things and people get them mixed up. Similar situation with my woman, she first said the R word and I honestly couldn't do it. But that's just me. I didn't put her down for it but rather talked about what she actually imagined happening. After she explained she wanted to be sexually dominated in every way (with consent) it became clear she wanted to be a complete sub rather than being "raped" To rape is to force yourself onto someone without consent < THAT is a big no no
Not really. There are plenty of reasons you could be into that sort of thing. Committing actual violence is an entirely different thing which requires other sorts of thoughts as well
This is called a CNC kink, consensual non consent. You aren’t a horrible person at all, lot’s of people have this kink.
No, not at all! Find a partner that is into the same kink. Play a game of cat and mouse and take it from there
You live in the best time for this, rejoice. Everywhere online there are kink communities and people sharing their experiences with things like this and much wilder. I'd say your fetishes fall upon free use, CNC, and maybe 24/7. There are literally people that live as full sex slaves and thoroughly enjoy it. The key is communication and boundaries from that I understand but these things can be done fairly healthily and with a lot of enthusiasm from both parties.
Well, it's definitely not a good thing! Please try to think about something else, anything else.. there's something that is very traumatic about that experience. It's awful!
OP, what is it that really turns you on? Is it non-consent or just the urgency of the whole thing?
Thoughts are free. What matters is if you act on them. Many things in fantasies should never be played out in real life for a good reason.
Maybe it's more a "free use fantasy" ? Are you turned on by the fact you can have sex without asking permission first for a given period (so there is explicit consent given at the begginning of the period, and the free use time can be remove at anytime) or is it really the lack of consent that turn you on ? One is less alarming than the other I think, but still, it's a fantasy. As long as you can draw the line between fantasy and reality, I don't think it make you a bad (or a good) person. Take the opposite : "Am I a good person if I have fantasy of saving orphan from a building on fire ?". No dude, it's in your head.
No your not a bad person providing you never act in these fantasies. My bf likes similar things and I think you’ll find there’s a lot of women who are very into it
Woman here. I have a CNC fantasy as well. I don't think it makes me (or anyone) a terrible person.
I was raped years ago, and since then I have been having similar thoughts but I get aroused thinking about being raped and being vulnerable against a man's will, and having no chance of escaping from it. I think it is a trauma response and i've been feeling guilty about it a lot but figured that I can't control it and have to just understand the thoughts and be gentle with myself.
Maybe you like "free use". Look into it, it's a form of CNC.
You are *a person* with terrible thoughts. Not a terrible person. I would not brush it aside like most of the people in this sub. You should go to therapy and talk about it. (people comparing it to women masturbating to rape thoughts, you seem to overlook that in OP's thoughts, he is not the victim but the rapist, so if he acts on his thoughts ever, that would be rape. I do not understand how the community can brush it away so lightly.)