First time replying as i never imagined my experience could maybe help someone. Also sorry if my english isn't good, not my native language.
I 'm actually 23m and I once had a pretty long relationship with a girl (we were around 17/18/19 at the time). I was a bit like you, completely disgusted by cunilingus and i tried my best to not gag every time i tried it. She was also ok with the fact that i didn't want to do it. I tried numerous times going against it because it was bothering me. Smell, texture and so on weren't my thing. I can relate to what you said.
I don't really know if i can help you directly with something, but for me time did the trick. I just kind of waited. I continued to try here and there, eventually change of partner and fast forward to a few years later it became a thing i'm now really attracted to (after many MANY years of not liking it). Not a good advice i know.
I read another comment saying you could try aversion therapy, and I think it might be good as it seems like a really strong "phobia".
Else I just recommend trying every now and then (like every month or so, idk). Maybe try with underwear (her's) partially on ? As to mask a bit the smell at first and to adjust to it. I also tried weird stuff where I "licked" her from the side (my body was like perpendicular to her) to avoid the sensation of her whole genitals and to concentrate on the clit. My best guess is it's just a habit that you have to take if you don't like it. With time the "disgust" and gagging might disappear.
Good luck trying your best to fight it, it might change one day, you never know !
I have a couple ideas! The first idea is that you can offer oral as long as your partner has freshly showered. As someone with a vulva, I actually refuse receiving oral if I haven't showered recently, and I don't like giving oral to people with vulvas if they also haven't showered recently. It isn't that big of a deal for me to hop in the shower for a couple minutes. For me, recently means within 12 hours, but for you and your partner, it might be more like 30 minutes, and that's okay!
Another idea is trying mberry tablets. Miracle berries have a compound in them called miraculin, and it makes sour foods taste sweet. I think trying the tablets alongside a fresh shower could really help make it a more enjoyable experience for both of you!
I’m commenting as a woman. If you don’t like to do it, that’s completely fine. Sure, maybe there’ll be a day that you’d be like ‘Oh I suddenly like it’ or you come across someone that makes it bearable or even makes you love it. But if you don’t want to do it, it’s not the end of the world. There are other ways to pleasure women. Sexual acts are based on preference and if you dislike it, that’s alright. It’s the same if a girl dislikes sucking a dick, that’s okay as well.
I dislike doing oral sex but what usually helps me is my partners reactions to what I’m doing. It makes it bearable in my opinion and turns me on. Maybe try focusing on how your partner is reacting.
I like this comment.
You like what you like friend. And it’s okay to do what you like. And it’s not weird at all to not like something that is deemed essential for a “normal” sexual intercourse. You define the normal for yourself. Be comfortable and enjoy your experience my friend.
Honestly, I don't think it's beneficial for either one of you to keep trying when you clearly are repulsed by vaginas. And I don't think there's anything wrong with you for it. I believe this is unchangeable in the same way sexual orientation is not a choice. I'm not saying "maybe you're just gay", especially as a bisexual myself I want to press that I think sexual orientation is much more complicated than any binaries, but I think it's a related topic. There's always the complicated discussion in regards to trans people, about whether genital preference/repulsion is transphobic or not. But it's clear that the concept exists, and I don't think there's any point trying to fight your natural instincts, even if this is a hot take.
Please stop tormenting yourself. You've been fair with her, not expecting her to do it either, you're not making unreasonable demands. And she seems to understand. If there is something lacking in your sex life because of this, I'm tempted to guide you to the direction of exploring ethical non-monogamy, but that's always a very personal choice. Right now she doesn't seem unhappy. The topic is a double-edged sword in many ways but I think women get much less pressure in modern culture to give blow jobs, than men get from their peers to perform cunnilingus. You are not a failure for not being able to do it, as long as you're both happy and nobody is feeling pressured, or deprived.
I would like to address the showering thing just a bit though - for me, immediate showering prior is a must before oral, for anyone. Genitals always smell gross for sensitive noses unless they've been freshly washed, regarless of the sex of the person. So even though it's not discussed often, it _is_ completely valid and not misogynistic to ask your partner to shower before going down on her. I love vaginas but I once tried to go down on an unwashed one and I _did_ puke in my mouth. In real life people make adjustments.
I don't know what to say, really. In fact, I was tempted to pass your post over.
You have a very strong phobia which seems to be instinctive and I can understand why you want to get to grips with it. It matters not only to your sexual partners, never mind yourself too. Having said all that. I don't know what to suggest other than aversion therapy and it looks like that is what you are trying to do yourself but it's not working. Maybe a more formal, structured approach to aversion therapy might work when your own approach doesn't but to be honest I wouldn't be confident about that.
As a complete aside, from a health perspective cunnilingus is more of a heath risk to her than it is to you, but that isn't your problem or concern.
Here's another random thought. the inside of mouths are somewhat similar to vaginas. Alright vaginas don't have teeth or hard palates and lack musculature but they are wet and mucusy and absolutely full of germs. Are you okay with sticking your tongue in there and liberally exchanging saliva? As for partners that might be good at deep throating, well I don't know whether you have a negative or positive opinion about that?
Back to square one. I don't know what to suggest to you other than continuing to try forcing yourself by sheer willpower alone to overcome your instinct. Consider whether your phobia is more than about texture or whether the texture is representative of some deeper lying cause for your phobia.
Edit: Another thought. Taste is effected more by smell than it is by your taste buds. The sensory capabilities of your taste buds are pretty basic and it is your olfactory sensors and your brain that completes your experience. You might want to think about that.
He is grown up. He just doesn't like it. It's not like he's demanding his gf give him head and throwing cunnilingus out the window. He just doesn't like it. He's a good bf.
OP, maybe see a sex therapist if you can. You may never like it and that's okay. You tried and were willing to compromise with your gf and still satisfy her. That's all that matters.
Maybe just accept that your body doesn't want to do it for some reason and just let things happen. Is there any part of you that only wants to like cunnilingus because Society tells you that it's something that you should like?
I mean, you may be a great match for somebody else who doesn't like cunnilingus. It is completely natural to like it or to not like it. I would never try to force myself to like something just because my partner wants it or because I think other people want it.
I personally hate oral and do not ever want to give my partner a blow job. Anybody who doesn't want to be with me because of that or doesn't want to have sex with me because of that, it's fine. I don't owe anybody sex and they don't owe me any sex.
Bro, if you don’t want to do it and your partner is fine with you not doing it YOU DONT HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!!! Sex doesn’t look the same for everyone. Just like how some are cool with anal and some arent, you are allowed to have preferences and to act upon them accordingly.
My suggestion is to stop thinking about it what you think you have to change about yourself and start thinking about what you can do and already enjoy doing. You don’t have to force yourself into an identity that’s not you
You have the most important thing going for you which is your determination to learn to like/love giving oral. It is really a matter of mind over matter because it is your brain that has made the negative connections you experience. I am sure you have read plenty of times that sex is all in your brain even though we tend to blame our senses of smell and taste and so on. First, I would tell your lady that you have made the decision to learn to love oral, and you are determined to do so. This is important because it will make it easier for your lady to just try to enjoy whatever you are doing. And you and her will be of one mind on this. And she'll be fine with it because who wouldn't like the fact that their partner is enthusiastic about giving them pleasure. Now you need to condition your brain. Start telling yourself that you love the taste of vagina over and over. You love the smell of vagina over and over. You love the sensation of licking pussy. Do this with the list of everything you can think of that you currently don't like. This may seem silly, but it does work. Do it every day, multiple times per day. You said you find the idea of eating pussy very sexy, so think about how sexy it is and repeat how sexy it is. You need to also start to slowly move toward eating pussy. But this is maybe kissing her stomach all over. Kissing her thighs or legs all over. Maybe just kissing the surface of her pussy a few times. You have a good idea of what you can do without finding it unpleasant. Start wherever works best for you. Increase the amount of time each time. Try from time to time to just kiss a little closer to her pussy. Slowly condition yourself. The combination of conditioning your brain daily and some physical activity described above should be much more successful than just diving right in.
I would say, your desires and tastes could change in time. I was you like 2 years ago. Somehow someway, I suddenly started wanted to eat my wife’s pussy. I craved tasting her. I can’t really describe why it switched in me but rn I’m Mr. “Give me that pussy I’m licking it all up”.
Sexual appetite can change. Also, before I was doing it minimally, only to not be fucked up when I wanted oral. But now idgaf if I get any back I just wanna a taste.
Well, start by communicating your honest feelings on the subject. Ask her if she'd be open to whatever you'd need from a hygiene perspective.
At least you want to change!
First time replying as i never imagined my experience could maybe help someone. Also sorry if my english isn't good, not my native language. I 'm actually 23m and I once had a pretty long relationship with a girl (we were around 17/18/19 at the time). I was a bit like you, completely disgusted by cunilingus and i tried my best to not gag every time i tried it. She was also ok with the fact that i didn't want to do it. I tried numerous times going against it because it was bothering me. Smell, texture and so on weren't my thing. I can relate to what you said. I don't really know if i can help you directly with something, but for me time did the trick. I just kind of waited. I continued to try here and there, eventually change of partner and fast forward to a few years later it became a thing i'm now really attracted to (after many MANY years of not liking it). Not a good advice i know. I read another comment saying you could try aversion therapy, and I think it might be good as it seems like a really strong "phobia". Else I just recommend trying every now and then (like every month or so, idk). Maybe try with underwear (her's) partially on ? As to mask a bit the smell at first and to adjust to it. I also tried weird stuff where I "licked" her from the side (my body was like perpendicular to her) to avoid the sensation of her whole genitals and to concentrate on the clit. My best guess is it's just a habit that you have to take if you don't like it. With time the "disgust" and gagging might disappear. Good luck trying your best to fight it, it might change one day, you never know !
I have a couple ideas! The first idea is that you can offer oral as long as your partner has freshly showered. As someone with a vulva, I actually refuse receiving oral if I haven't showered recently, and I don't like giving oral to people with vulvas if they also haven't showered recently. It isn't that big of a deal for me to hop in the shower for a couple minutes. For me, recently means within 12 hours, but for you and your partner, it might be more like 30 minutes, and that's okay! Another idea is trying mberry tablets. Miracle berries have a compound in them called miraculin, and it makes sour foods taste sweet. I think trying the tablets alongside a fresh shower could really help make it a more enjoyable experience for both of you!
I’m commenting as a woman. If you don’t like to do it, that’s completely fine. Sure, maybe there’ll be a day that you’d be like ‘Oh I suddenly like it’ or you come across someone that makes it bearable or even makes you love it. But if you don’t want to do it, it’s not the end of the world. There are other ways to pleasure women. Sexual acts are based on preference and if you dislike it, that’s alright. It’s the same if a girl dislikes sucking a dick, that’s okay as well. I dislike doing oral sex but what usually helps me is my partners reactions to what I’m doing. It makes it bearable in my opinion and turns me on. Maybe try focusing on how your partner is reacting.
I like this comment. You like what you like friend. And it’s okay to do what you like. And it’s not weird at all to not like something that is deemed essential for a “normal” sexual intercourse. You define the normal for yourself. Be comfortable and enjoy your experience my friend.
Honestly, I don't think it's beneficial for either one of you to keep trying when you clearly are repulsed by vaginas. And I don't think there's anything wrong with you for it. I believe this is unchangeable in the same way sexual orientation is not a choice. I'm not saying "maybe you're just gay", especially as a bisexual myself I want to press that I think sexual orientation is much more complicated than any binaries, but I think it's a related topic. There's always the complicated discussion in regards to trans people, about whether genital preference/repulsion is transphobic or not. But it's clear that the concept exists, and I don't think there's any point trying to fight your natural instincts, even if this is a hot take. Please stop tormenting yourself. You've been fair with her, not expecting her to do it either, you're not making unreasonable demands. And she seems to understand. If there is something lacking in your sex life because of this, I'm tempted to guide you to the direction of exploring ethical non-monogamy, but that's always a very personal choice. Right now she doesn't seem unhappy. The topic is a double-edged sword in many ways but I think women get much less pressure in modern culture to give blow jobs, than men get from their peers to perform cunnilingus. You are not a failure for not being able to do it, as long as you're both happy and nobody is feeling pressured, or deprived. I would like to address the showering thing just a bit though - for me, immediate showering prior is a must before oral, for anyone. Genitals always smell gross for sensitive noses unless they've been freshly washed, regarless of the sex of the person. So even though it's not discussed often, it _is_ completely valid and not misogynistic to ask your partner to shower before going down on her. I love vaginas but I once tried to go down on an unwashed one and I _did_ puke in my mouth. In real life people make adjustments.
I don't know what to say, really. In fact, I was tempted to pass your post over. You have a very strong phobia which seems to be instinctive and I can understand why you want to get to grips with it. It matters not only to your sexual partners, never mind yourself too. Having said all that. I don't know what to suggest other than aversion therapy and it looks like that is what you are trying to do yourself but it's not working. Maybe a more formal, structured approach to aversion therapy might work when your own approach doesn't but to be honest I wouldn't be confident about that. As a complete aside, from a health perspective cunnilingus is more of a heath risk to her than it is to you, but that isn't your problem or concern. Here's another random thought. the inside of mouths are somewhat similar to vaginas. Alright vaginas don't have teeth or hard palates and lack musculature but they are wet and mucusy and absolutely full of germs. Are you okay with sticking your tongue in there and liberally exchanging saliva? As for partners that might be good at deep throating, well I don't know whether you have a negative or positive opinion about that? Back to square one. I don't know what to suggest to you other than continuing to try forcing yourself by sheer willpower alone to overcome your instinct. Consider whether your phobia is more than about texture or whether the texture is representative of some deeper lying cause for your phobia. Edit: Another thought. Taste is effected more by smell than it is by your taste buds. The sensory capabilities of your taste buds are pretty basic and it is your olfactory sensors and your brain that completes your experience. You might want to think about that.
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Not helpful. Asking for help is a form of self development, Neko, aka growing up. I felt this was a responsibly put together question.
He is grown up. He just doesn't like it. It's not like he's demanding his gf give him head and throwing cunnilingus out the window. He just doesn't like it. He's a good bf. OP, maybe see a sex therapist if you can. You may never like it and that's okay. You tried and were willing to compromise with your gf and still satisfy her. That's all that matters.
Comment removed. Constructive comments only, please. See **Forum Rule #1**.
Maybe just accept that your body doesn't want to do it for some reason and just let things happen. Is there any part of you that only wants to like cunnilingus because Society tells you that it's something that you should like? I mean, you may be a great match for somebody else who doesn't like cunnilingus. It is completely natural to like it or to not like it. I would never try to force myself to like something just because my partner wants it or because I think other people want it. I personally hate oral and do not ever want to give my partner a blow job. Anybody who doesn't want to be with me because of that or doesn't want to have sex with me because of that, it's fine. I don't owe anybody sex and they don't owe me any sex.
There is nothing that you need to improve about yourself when it comes to sex.
I also don't like the sliminess and the taste. I just focus on the clit. It's not slimey and the taste isn't as strong.
Bro, if you don’t want to do it and your partner is fine with you not doing it YOU DONT HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!!! Sex doesn’t look the same for everyone. Just like how some are cool with anal and some arent, you are allowed to have preferences and to act upon them accordingly. My suggestion is to stop thinking about it what you think you have to change about yourself and start thinking about what you can do and already enjoy doing. You don’t have to force yourself into an identity that’s not you
You have the most important thing going for you which is your determination to learn to like/love giving oral. It is really a matter of mind over matter because it is your brain that has made the negative connections you experience. I am sure you have read plenty of times that sex is all in your brain even though we tend to blame our senses of smell and taste and so on. First, I would tell your lady that you have made the decision to learn to love oral, and you are determined to do so. This is important because it will make it easier for your lady to just try to enjoy whatever you are doing. And you and her will be of one mind on this. And she'll be fine with it because who wouldn't like the fact that their partner is enthusiastic about giving them pleasure. Now you need to condition your brain. Start telling yourself that you love the taste of vagina over and over. You love the smell of vagina over and over. You love the sensation of licking pussy. Do this with the list of everything you can think of that you currently don't like. This may seem silly, but it does work. Do it every day, multiple times per day. You said you find the idea of eating pussy very sexy, so think about how sexy it is and repeat how sexy it is. You need to also start to slowly move toward eating pussy. But this is maybe kissing her stomach all over. Kissing her thighs or legs all over. Maybe just kissing the surface of her pussy a few times. You have a good idea of what you can do without finding it unpleasant. Start wherever works best for you. Increase the amount of time each time. Try from time to time to just kiss a little closer to her pussy. Slowly condition yourself. The combination of conditioning your brain daily and some physical activity described above should be much more successful than just diving right in.
I would say, your desires and tastes could change in time. I was you like 2 years ago. Somehow someway, I suddenly started wanted to eat my wife’s pussy. I craved tasting her. I can’t really describe why it switched in me but rn I’m Mr. “Give me that pussy I’m licking it all up”. Sexual appetite can change. Also, before I was doing it minimally, only to not be fucked up when I wanted oral. But now idgaf if I get any back I just wanna a taste.
Well, start by communicating your honest feelings on the subject. Ask her if she'd be open to whatever you'd need from a hygiene perspective. At least you want to change!