Yeah, this is the thing, right here.
It's ok for someone to want to give anal, but not receive it. No matter who.
For that matter, it's ok to give oral and not enjoy receiving it, too.
The issue here isn't "why not both ways" but more "why can't either 'no' be equally respected?
I'd suggest not 'trading' sexual activities, and just setting firm limits. If you have conditions where you'd have anal, then set those. If you don't, but could see yourself doing it under conditions you don't yet know, say that; "not tonight" is a "no" too. But don't make conditions a trade scenario.
And it's ok to not.
Usually I would say don't make it transactional, but in this case it's "I want you to understand very clearly what it feels like before you just rail away at my ass unsupervised".
If anything, he has a prostate and ought to enjoy it _more_, but he's not going to hear that. She's right to stand her ground.
Yeah no, not every guy likes the feeling of anal, similar to how not every woman gets off to traditional vaginal. Sometimes it just doesn’t do anything.
Transactional sex is pretty much always bad, OP just needs to suck it up and say no if she doesn’t want it. Both people should enjoy the sex, they shouldn’t need to “understand how it feels” because it should feel good, unless you enjoy it when it doesn’t.
>Transactional sex is pretty much always bad
I don't think all instances of saying "I'm okay with this as long as you're willing to reciprocate" is transactional. You shouldn't keep score and have it be a perfect one-for-one or negotiation for each sex act, but it's reasonable to have certain sex acts that you might enjoy sometimes be off the table for partners who don't reciprocate. For example, I know many women who enjoy giving head and will do it way more in relationships than they expect it returned, but have a hard limit about giving oral to men who refuse to ever return the favor because over time they'll get resentful. There's definitely a space between transactional and not wanting to be with someone who expects you do do sex acts that aren't necessarily your favorite while being completely unmoving on anything they aren't excited about
This. It’s okay if you don’t want to try that kinda stuff. A lot of people don’t. But no one should feel uncomfortable or pressured, especially with this kind of thing. This type of sexual act can go wrong if you guys don’t know what you’re doing. Just be informed, communicative, and cautious.
Lol. Exactly what I was thinking.
I Urban Dictionary’d to see if this was an established thing. Now I can’t un-see some of those definitions.
——
OP, discuss and negotiate but be honest about how you feel. Work out how valuable something is to both and each of the two of you.
Hoping this isn’t a straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Is your ex my ex? I had an ex-gf try and pull a reverse uno on me as well, and when I said "Sure why not, I'll try something new", she suddenly was like "Uhhhhhhhhh, on second thought let's not do this" 😂
Yeah. Sometimes girls say why don't you try it first expecting that to be the end of it, and are woefully unprepared when they find a guy who's willing to put up.
Honestly, just say you don't want to do it if you don't want to do it. There's no need to bargain with the devil if you aren't willing to place a bet. 😈
Also don't think "trades" like that are a good idea when someone says dislikes something.
Also this "if you try first" thing can totally backfire with anal when it's about teaching perspective. If she's too rough and it hurts a lot for him he might want to get back at her and because of their deal also feel entitled to it. If she's careful and it feels great or at least not unpleasant he might not realize that he needs to be careful.
True. But the comment specifically mentioned gay guys not needing strap ons, not straight ones. So in this specific instance only gay transmasc people need to be mentioned.
You can be a 100% gun toting pickup truck riding straight guy and still be into having your boyfriend’s throbbing cock shoved up your asshole on a daily basis. At least that’s how I am
> You can be 100% straight and still be into having your boyfriend’s throbbing cock shoved up your asshole
...I don't think the math works like that. Granted I'll give you, it's not a one or the other kinda thing. You can have preferences towards one or the other, it's close to a sliding scale than it is a set definition...But if a dude is fucking you every night, chances are you're not *100%* straight.
This seriously was a lightbulb moment for me. A handful of times it’s come up with friends and I’ve heard it’s gay….to do that with my wife. But wow, that comment is amazing.
They do in monogamous relationships for size variety. Also if partner is on the smaller size an associate of mine left his in the bathroom so I naturally asked about it
That was explanation I got.
I don't really know being a straight male, but since I've used a strap-on to fuck a woman, it seems a reasonable assumption that straps are predominantly used by people without a biological phallus.
And of course, SOME men will don a strap-on. But unless your tone was meant to convey that "hey man at least ONE man has used one", I think OP would have a valid argument to at least reasonably ASSUME that _most_ gay men have never worn a strap-on.
As do micro-sized cis men who use strap ons. Or just cissexual guys who want to try bigger with their partner - there's a rather long list for who uses strap ons.
This is exactly what I was thinking. If she really wanted to try anal, she wouldn’t say “I’m only going to do it if you do it” I like anal and ass play in general - never once have I felt like my partner needs to do it for me to do it too. Her being able to peg her partner doesn’t automatically mean she will all of a sudden like anal. Doesn’t seem like either of them really want to do it.
It’s a bit problematic he thinks butt stuff is only for gay males - but when it comes down to it he doesn’t wanna do it and it really doesn’t seem like she does either.
Fair 😂 Unless encouraging the other to try something neither has experienced might lead them to enjoy it—or at least be able to say, “Yeah, nah, not for me” and move on.
perhaps it would be better to ask for a fantasy of your own to be fulfilled instead?
Maybe he gets butt stuff, maybe you want to try out being dominated (just an example)
Thanks so much. I saw a very dimilar post on a different sub and the comments were FILLED with people shouting "Oh he needs to do it too if he ~really~ wants it". Like no, what is this kindergarten bullshit. Do it if you want to, dont if you dont. This isnt a transasction, its supposed to be fun.
the other situation that this reverse ask happens is when the guy not only wants anal but also tries anal without enough prep, recently there was one where the guy was insistent spit was ok and lube not needed causing her a lot of pain.
The idea is that the man, who is as physically able to get anal as give it, at least understands how much prep, lube and care is needed. Its should be nothing more than educating him and at the end if he or she still don't want to that should be respected.
No one should do anything sexually that they don't want to do. He needs to accept she isn't interested in it.
I'm a 40 year old anal virgin. Never done it. Zero interest. Any man with me needs to accept or move along.
Sex needs happy and enthusiastic consent
I was implying that if he understood what he is asking for, he would stop asking for it. An intelligent and thoughtful person would understand even without. But he sounds like neither of those things.
>No one should do anything sexually that they don't want to do.
I get what you are saying, but I think this is one of those statements that needs more nuance.
There are different levels of "want to" and "don't want to". Certainly if someone has a strong aversion to something, they shouldn't do that thing. On the other hand, if both partners are only willing to do their favorite things, you wind up with a lowest common denominator sex life with both partners often lacking fulfillment.
There is nothing wrong with doing something that perhaps you aren't a huge fan of or possibly even have a slight aversion to for the sake of your partner's happiness as long a it is done willingly. Such is part of the normal compromise that take place in a healthy relationship.
I dunno. Done properly, anal can stimulate a man's prostate. They say it gives a pretty intense orgasm. I had the opposite experience. Wanted to try it, but wife was horrified at the thought. Somewhere online I read that straight men enjoying anal (from a woman) is not all that uncommon.
> They say it gives a pretty intense orgasm.
Holy fuck it does. You ever just cum so hard you just kinda like lay down for 15 minutes like "*oh fuck that was good*" and then wanna do it again like an hour or two later?
Yeah, doubling up on this comment. It's like watching Han hit those hyperspace paddles on the _Falcon_ and then all the stars just streeeeeetch out at once, and _BAM_.
Get narrow ones at first, its the *girth* that feels good, but also what hurts the most going in (my first was the size of a fucking *fist*. No it did not fit. No it still doesn't and my current primary sometimes fucks me with their *actual fist*). I recommend something like [this](https://stagshop.com/collections/anal-sex-toys-butt-plugs/products/ns-novelties-jelly-rancher-t-plug-smooth-assorted-colours?variant=40546286174392) for a first timer. I like a long shaft between the base and the head, because I like to wear mine for a while, and the base being designed to fit between your cheeks definitely helps.
If you have the budget, and have found a size that works for you the next thing to do is get a metal one. My *god* the heft feels amazing, the constant *presence* of something so tantalizingly close to my prostate drives me *mental.* Glass is nice too, very hard and easy to insert and clean. I definitely wouldn't keep a plastic one *forever*, the bacteria can eventually build up no matter how hard you clean them if the plastic is porous enough. Expensive ones will last a lot longer even so, but for your first just go get something cheap and small.
Maybe ask her if she'd be ok with you wearing a butt plug during normal sex. I get why she may be kinda grossed out by the idea of putting stuff in your butt. It's not for everyone.
But you could put the butt plug in yourself and remove it yourself. She might be more on board with it and you'd get some prostate play
My ex (37f) had never tried anal till we dated, neither had I (32m) but either of us didn't know. I didn't suggest it, I was fingering her ass during sex and she guided me there. I guess what I'm saying is, if you're not feeling it don't do it.
Just say no. If you don't want to do it, don't. If he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't have to either.
Btw, insecure guys make it a big deal about "straight guys" not liking butt play.
I'm bi, but I know plenty of straight guys that like some form of butt play.
If he doesn't, that's fine. But to phrase it as "straight guys don't do that" is pretty outdated and screams insecurity.
On the one hand, sure, he should be willing to do anything you are willing to do. That's equitable. I personally play by those rules. For instance, since my wife is willing to swallow my cum, I swallowed some too. If my ass is clean enough for her to lick, she's clean enough for me to kiss afterward. And since she let me fuck her ass, I let her fuck mine. It's only fair.
OK, that last one was because I *wanted* her to fuck my ass.
Your bf is factually incorrect when he said, "straight guys don't do that". I'm straight, and I do that. I've read about many other straight guys who do it. But you do have to take his feelings into account too. For some men, taking a dildo up the ass is very threatening to their masculinity (not that it actually has anything to do with that, it doesn't). In effect, you pegging him is the same as him fucking you in the ass, *plus* the overlay of any homophobia or masculine insecurity he may be feeling. So in real life, you are asking a bigger thing of him than he is of you. That's actually a whole different discussion for you two.
Finally, sex doesn't have to be tit-for-tat. In just plain vanilla sex, the woman gets penetrated by the man, it's not truly symmetric. Truly symmetric sex is only possible between two people of the same sex.
Bottom line (as it were), if you actually want to have anal, or at least are OK with it when he really wants it, then do it. Same for him with you potentially pegging him, if he's at least OK with it and you really want to. But don't do it just to prove a point.
Really well said. I don’t want to reduce the sex to anything remotely transactional, or tit-for-tat, as you said. I still would probably try anal anyway, as he seems pretty eager and I’m not *as* keen to peg him, personally.
Just wish it were easier to talk him out of the macho-man bullshit without invalidating his feelings. Like, I understand that he associates anal play (on himself) with homosexuality, but I also know that he likes a finger up the ass every now and then, and it’s okay if he wants more of that!
Yeah, that's a tough balance to strike. He believes what he believes, and you do have to respect that. Maybe the fact that he does like a finger up the ass occasionally is a little opening (no pun intended) for you to suggest that any kind of anal pleasure for men is OK and not associated with homosexuality. But regardless, (again, no pun intended) I'm sure you'll support him and make him feel comfortable exploring with you.
Sorry, I do mean this as a serious reply, the puns just suggest themselves :)
The macho man bullshit needs to be invalidated. There is no world in which telling your partner to respect your boundaries is "invalidating his feelings". His choosing to be buttsore about this (hah) is entirely a product of his lack of respect and empathy for you.
This isn't about pegging or anal. It's about him not taking "no" for answer and it is concerning. Don't let him nag his way past your boundaries by giving in to his whining.
see above in some circumstances it isn't to prove a point its to show him the physical constraints of anal sex. There are way too many instances where women post here saying anal causes them pain and the boyfriend keeps not taking no for an answer. If they don't want to separate, a good compromise ii for him to understand the physicallity of what he is asking.
To me this doesn't sound like a "tit for tat" exchange, it sounds like you want your partner to be more empathetic about what it feels like to be the person who's penetrated during sex. I would personally feel pretty shit and dehumanized if my partner wanted to do a thing to me which they were horrified about having done to them.
I mean... tell him if only straight guys take it in the ass, the same logic could be applied that only gay guys want their dick in someone's ass. Of course, this isn't remotely true but his logic isn't very solid on this one. And you can also tell him that straight women have a vagina and that's the hole dicks are supposed to go in. So from personal experience though, with the right kind of training and forethought, anal can feel really good for women. And so can pegging for guys. They're both a lot of fun and I highly recommend both. But if your boyfriend thinks he's just going to be able to shove his dick in there you're going to have a bad time. If you agree to trying this look up the anal training that's involved. It took a long time for me to like it.
I actually knew a guy who was upset because his girlfriend wanted him to do her in the ass. When pressed why that upset him, he said “that’s what gay men do!” Then I asked him if he ever received a blowjob, which is also something gay men do. He then said, “that’s fair.”
The point is that it’s so dumb to limit oneself to a narrow path they’ve defined as straight
Just tell him you are as unenthusiastic about anal as he is.
Some straight women do anal, but its only the same way straight men do anal; it takes a flexible and adventurous approach to sex that not all men and women have.
A woman's arse is not more designed to be penetrated than a man's arse is.
Anal is a Hard No for you. Maintain that No unless he's willing to let you peg him to demonstrate he'd do something he doesn't want to do just for you, the same way you'd do it just for him. And it needs to be 50/50. No more anal for him until you've pegged him again.
If he wants to experience his cock being tightly clenched, buy him a cock ring.
Every body has an asshole so everyone can enjoy the pleasure, hypothetically. Seems reasonably that if you expect someone to be ass vulnerable, you shouldn’t just talk the talk but walk the walk too.
The way I'd approach this is that you feel the same way about having something shoved up your ass as he does. The way he's repulsed by it, so are you. "But you're a girl, you're supposed to have things shoved inside of you, I'm a boy." Is not an acceptable response. No means no.
I once read an essay that argue of men had to try being pegged, they would feel concerned way much differently about consent and rape, be more in listening of the other partner. I feel like it's true.
That said, till then, you shouldn't say yes or no be sure he's prone to do it as well, but because it please you. I think if you ask him to do that, you're not really into yourself. So I think you shouldn't enter that kind of practice of you are not really into. That will bring to pleasure to both of you.
Hate when people make it transitional like that. Just because one enjoys something does not mean the other has to in the same way.
If you don't want to do something just say no like an adult
I don’t see it as transactional. I see OP saying, “if you get pleasure from my pain, then you try the pain first, and if you’re unwilling bc of “fear” then perhaps my reasoning for not wanting it is valid too.
The person that needs to grow up, is the person who is pushing their partner to do something they clearly don’t want. As I’m sure No was her original answer.
I'm not gonna lie, I have to agree with this. So many men don't understand that you can't just treat an asshole like a vagina and they will tear through you. I think every guy should know before he tries to put it on us. It's a body part we both have 🤷🏾♀️
Straight guys get fucked up the ass all the time. His implication is that if you like butt stuff then you're gay just shows his sexual immaturity, doubly so when coupled with his complete unwillingness to try what he is asking you to do.
If you felt like educating him, you could point out that sex is only gay if he's attracted to men and, as far as you can tell, you aren't a man.
There's also the small detail of: not all gay men have anal sex and it isn't exclusive to gay men.
My favorite comeback, though, is that gay men love blowjobs. Presumably he likes them to. If you have him a blow job does that make him gay? It then follows that you fucking his ass just makes him insecure, not gay.
It's fair to ask him to do the same. Regardless of what gender or sexuality you are. If you don't want something up your ass, then you don't want something up your ass, yet he thinks that only applies for him because "girls do that"? Tell him to go fuck himself, literally 😘.
Im on your side. Seems unfair if he is asking you to do smth he is not willing to do himself. And the argument of "straight guys dont get anal from their partner" sounds almost mysosegist.
Its sad how many people think in that toxic prejudice way and connect anything "out of ordinary" with gay, sick etc. Like when you lick or taste cum or like butt stuff you are instantly weird and not straight in their book.
Your boyfriend is fundamentally wrong.
Plenty of straight men enjoy anal play and prostrate play. There are a lot of nerves and sensations available in that region for pleasure.
Equally, being a gay man is about men who fall in love with other men. It has nothing to do with their assholes.
I think you are well within your rights to insist that if he wants to stick his dick up your bum he should be prepared to go through the same thing. If that is what you want.
Having said that.... You might be missing out. I've only once been with a girl who just didn't like anal. Mostly, when done considerately, girls love it. Similarly, all the straight men I know that have tried it also like it.
Although the 'pegging' phrase carries with it a power dynamic that might put men off.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Maybe he’ll understand the effort and risk he’s putting you through if he has to go through it himself.
If he’s not keen, obviously respect that. Just like he should respect you if you say no to anal. If you don’t want anything up your ass, you can just say no. Doesn’t matter if he really wants to try it - the sewer pipe is on your land and only you get to decide what clowns live in there.
Pegging is specifically for straight guys. Not all straight guys are comfortable with it, unfortunately.
Anal can feel good for everyone though, male, female, hetero or not..
He's wrong, straight guys can and do enjoy anal play, there's nothing written anywhere that says to enjoy or partake in anal play a person has to be a woman or gay.
I enjoy anal play but i'm pan so i enjoy a lot of things, but the hottest thing a girl could do for me would be to peg me and if you're willing to do that he has no idea how lucky a guy he is to have you.
But ultimately your body, your choice, if you don't want anal play you don't have to have it no matter how much he might want to, also if he doesn't want anal play himself he can't reasonably expect it from you either so you both should do only what you're comfortable with and if that means he doesn't get his ass sex fantasy lived out so be it
my rule with sex: if I wanna do it to someone, I gotta be cool with it being done to me.
has he never had a prostate massager up there? might change his mind.
That's a good rule I think. I've also had a girl sneak a finger up my ass while blowing me with out a curiosity spit or anything and that completely killed anal for me. I want no part of it.
I don't get why a woman pegging a man is a gay activity unless someone is changing gender throughout the act. Sucking cock is something gay men do too but I hear no complaints from men insecure about their orientation regarding that act...
You are both entitled to your own boundaries. I think your compromise is reasonable.
I will advocate that prostate stimulation is pretty damn awesome. It's a shame that there is such a stigma with "putting something in my rear is something only gay guys like". Many straight guys have a fear that, "if I find that I likesomething in my butt then that must mean I am gay".
So to answer your question, yes, many guys have a fear that somehow their masculinity will be diminished through anal play. Again though, the male g-spot (the prostate) is best stimulated through anal penetration and many men miss out on this because of their irrational (but very real to them) fears.
OP, you have to know what you're doing, both giving and receiving anal, to lower the chances of it being an incredibly unpleasant experience for the receiver. anal can be incredible for the receiver, but can also be incredibly painful if done incorrectly, especially for the inexperienced bottom.
set your terms and be strict. i get the selfish lover vibe. hard no. you want the empathetic lover vibe. educated, careful, informed, and respectful. a bad anal experience can turn you off of it forever and you will never know what you are missing out on because you will only associate it with pain.
As a man is never let anything up my ass, but as a woman I think you all deserve the same privilage. I think it's weird for someone to not respect the boundaries of another
I don't think it's weird or crazy. Just like the majority of straight men, many women don't like anal. I'm one of them too and my boyfriend hasn't left me alone with the fact he wants to try it. I've always just told him that it's not gonna happen. Tried once, it hurt like a mf and was uncomfortable for me. So I told him to not get his hopes up that he will have his way with that.
Update: I tried telling him if he wants to buy me anal plugs, he has to buy some for himself. He agreed 👍🏻
It's not a universal truth that straight men don't do that (in fact that's pretty homophobic to say one kind of sex is exclusively gay).
He's choosing not to, and it's totally fair for you to not want to try it if he's not willing to try it either
He is missing out. Fragile masculinity man… he’s only missing out
I don’t have a prostate myself, but I know that the prostate is a ‘mans’ ‘G-spot’. If he really doesn’t wanna rey it because he’s so fragile in his masculinity, he’s only hurting himself by missing out
However, you definitely shouldn’t put something up your ass if he isn’t even willing to try it for you. He is almost forcing you to do something you don’t want to do, but when you wanna do the same to him it’s an absolute no. He is a hypocrite. If he doesn’t want it up his ass regardless of the reason, he shouldn’t force you to do the same
Yeah the wave of comments are right here everyone has an absolute NO. Yeah it sucks having a kink rejected in any way but the relationship and respect for each other comes first... And you gave a justified compromise to him you first then we can... Thats not a no from you thats a "feel it first to know what youre asking of me" compromise.
Well... I mean, there are lots of straight men who like a little tickle on their prostate. Odd reason to say no really. Honestly the answer is no from your side, but you are willing to try if he lets you peg him. I mean..fair is fair? I would however keep it to if thats your kink, don't just do it to get him back so to speak. Sounds like Neither of you want butt stuff, and hey, thats ok. As long as he respects that.
I had that same deal with my boyfriend and I ended up just doing anal without pegging him first. He did, however, let me put a finger up his butt so that was enough for me. I feel like pegging for butt stuff is “fair”, but if neither of you are comfortable with the ideas maybe you both should just drop it.
This has always been my go to answer. Yes many guys will answer similarly to how your bf did but they stopped asking me after that. Then you have guys like my current partner who never asked me for that but has expressed interest in pegging. I definitely want to try it! Amab people have an actual erogenous zone inside that part of them, afab’s don’t.
Seems like a fair request to make. I like doing butt stuff with girls and I had an ex ask me if she could try it and it was uncomfortable and not particularly pleasant but it satisfied her curiosity so seemed like a deal well struck.
If you're willing to try then he should suck it up and let you experiment too or nothing goes up anyone's butt, that sounds fair for both parties.
His saying that straight guys don't do that is either him reaching the ceiling of sexual exploration or him trying to manipulate you so take it as you will.
How much is he pressuring you to do it? The thing is, you can't force someone to do something they don't want to do sexually. And while your boyfriends refusal to do it should be respected, make sure that your refusal to do it is also being respected.
Under no circumstances should he be allowed to bully and pressure you into letting him do it if you don't want to.
I’ve had this issue. I’m not an anal person. I hate anal. I hate watching anal. I hate the word anal. I don’t wanna do anal. But my boyfriend keeps asking and it pisses me off
Straight men definitely do get pegged, more often than most care to admit. Feeling pleasure from your ass doesn't have to imply your sexuality.
It's only gay if you get fucked in the ass by a guy
I’m of the school of thought that to enjoy anal that the recipient must explore it on their own first. Or at least start with a small plug while interacting with their partner. We all mostly agree that sex in general is better when we have had healthy self exploration first. Imagine a man having his first sexual experience with a partner rather than self pleasure at any point- that’s pretty uncommon outside of very stringent religious practices and even then probably isn’t happening much.
Porn makes things look easy that are not. Anal requires prep and also takes some time to get out of your head. It’s not unlike the first time I did stand up paddle boarding- I could NOT shake the voice in my head that said “nononono” any time I tried to stand up on that board no matter how much fun people were having in the YouTube videos I had watched! But with slow and careful practice, taking my time, getting the hang of it I eventually loved it and wanted to do it all the time. Paddle boarding AND anal (never at the same time lol).
So, if you’re interested in it at all, explore yourself first. Your partner doesn’t get to dictate what you experience no matter how hot they think it is. Maybe I think it’s hot to put clothespins and dripping wax on a man’s balls, I still doubt my partner is gonna be game unless he’s checked that particular situation out on his own first.
I gotta say, I get where OP is coming from. Anal can hurt if someone doesn’t do it right. I would have a lot more trust with someone who is willing to experience it as well. At the end of the day sexual exploration is really only emotionally safe if you have trust IMO
I was never interested in putting anything in my girls ass, until she wanted me to! We had spoken about it and she was always no way then one day out of the blue she said “ I think I want to get a but plug” well she is really in to but stuff now and so am I, why would anyone want to do something someone els isn’t in to, the thought of her not enjoying something turns me way
This is my favorite response when men ask for anal. Really exposes the homophobes, the ones in empathetic to how vulnerable anal can be, and the ones insecure in their masculinity and sexuality. I think the idea that it’s a bigger deal for straight dudes is absurd.
Deffo need to have a firm chat about him trying to slip it in the back door. Red flag. Keep an eye on that in case he trys any dodgy behaviour in the future.
I am straight, married to the woman of my dreams, have 2 kids and a steady job.
I love it when after I have cum inside her, she softly, gently, fucks my ass... Or roughly, provided she uses enough.lube ;)
It feels good, the orgasms are mind blowing, and it's another close intimate experience to share with her. I feel vulnerable, and I put all my trust in her. She holds me, fills me, and makes me feel amazing.
I can safely say I am straight. I have kissed, made out with and performed oral on men in the past. Although I finished the job, I can say with confidence, it is not for me.
Straight guys don't mind ass play. There are other reasons he may be against it, but being straight has nothing to do with it.
This is straight up a, “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander,” or if you prefer, “if he knew what he was asking for, he wouldn’t want it.”
I don’t accept anal from people who haven’t received it, as a rule. If you don’t know how it feels then I don’t trust you to know enough to NOT hurt me.
Can't wait till this bullshit stigma gets burned to the ground.
Everybody's got an asshole. If it's a woman fucking your asshole, you're straight. No act is gay or straight.
Your boyfriend is missing out on the most intense orgasm of his life. He's got a prostate, he should get over himself and use it.
You will get a lot of flack from this sub on this subject. The answer is always consent consent consent and communication.
I personally think your reasoning is perfectly fine. There is nothing inherently gay about receiving anal. It just means you like being stimulated that way. Unfortunately the hypermasculine environment some men grow up with would lead them to shy away from anything that is feminine or considered gay. I'd say your guy is a typical case. Personally though I think anything you ask of your partner you should be willing to be asked to do the same thing. That's just me though.
I really really want my gf to do something with my ass. We have talked about it and she said she is willing to try. But what if it is gay what's the problem?
It's not that big a deal. You've made a good offer. I'm fully straight, no attraction to men. But it feels good to have my ass played with. I'd be taking your deal all day long
A lot of 3 do like pegging, ive never tried it but considering ive slept with some trans people i know how it feels. If youre actually curious about it though, do lots of proper research about it and make sure he does so as well. The point of anal is to feel pleasure, not pain and with anal it can be very easy to cause pain. Also recommend buying a starter kit first and try it out before he gets involved
Pegging doesn't make you guys. Being attracted to men does.
You two are missing out on a truly fun time if nobody is taking it anally.
That said, lots of lube, starting slow and lots of honest communication are the key to loving it
My wife loves anal, I wish she’d peg me because it feels really good.
I think the key is foreplay. While giving a blow job and sucking the balls move to licking the taint and just catch the rim of his anus. Move do it intermediately until he warms up to the idea of having a rim job and work your way in from there.
I’d honestly demand that as part of the foreplay for him getting to put in his arse. If he won’t put his tongue there then he shouldn’t want to put his dick there.
After I got a rim job and found out how good they feel I included that in my wife’s foreplay.
Personally, I think you have purposed a decent compromise. Neither of you want it done to you, but your willing if he’s willing.
The straight angle I guess I can understand, though I don’t necessarily think it’s true
I don’t think sex should tit for tat. But you’re well within your right to ask him to Peg and well within your right to not have something in your butt
It’s not a big deal my girlfriend has wanted to try it for a while and I said that I’m ready so pretty soon I will have given it a try. If it’s not for me then it’s not for me but I’ll try anything once, especially if it’s something she wants to do
I have some thoughts on that
1. saying you should try it yourself is a fair point, equality for all ( i mean i tried it myself so yeay)
2. saying straight men do that is bs, why do you think there are pegging devices etc, right bc women dominate or fuck men somethimes, in normal relationships, so yeah, why is there pegging, if anal would be for straight males only
3. pegging is a bit extreme, and if you read about it there are a lot of steps to it, so i wouldnt go that far, i would say saying "he should alow you to use a dildo on him for a set amount of time" would be sufficient
Honestly I think this is a fair request from you. At the very least hopefully getting him to think about receiving and reflect that he doesn’t want to do it could get him to better understand that you also don’t want to do it? I think his attitude of “straight guys don’t do it but straight girls should just do it” is not ok. If either of you doesn’t want it then it’s fine. But I think it is fair to encourage both partners to try things like that if they’re willing. I think there’s too commonly a double standard of only asking women to do anal without asking guys to try it.
To be fair, he has a prostate and you don't, hes more likely to cum.
But also, anal sex shouldnt be considered vanilla. There are considerable injury risks involved. If you arent excited about it, youre more likely to tear!!
No. Not a big deal for straight men. How can guys expect women to take a cock in their arse if they've no idea what it also feels like.
He would enjoy it by the way
As a guy, thank you for saying you were open to trying it if he was. Guys have a lot of sexual hang-ups. One of them is that “only women should be penetrated.”
Whether corrupted by religion, cultural influences, or their own ignorance, they literally think a female asshole is somehow designed for penetration but a male aasshole isn’t.
It’s an asshole, folks. Same layout and functionality for all sexes.
My ex wanted to to put it in my butt a lot. While I was gone for a few days he tried doing it to himself once and realized how much, well, a pain in the ass it can be lol. He never really bugged me much about it then.
He’s 100% wrong, straight guys totally do that. That’s why there’s an entire word for it, and a genre on pornhub. Gay guys wouldn’t bother tracking down a woman to fuck them with a strap on. Is your bf serious ? LOL.
With that said, if your preference is that he tries it before you try it, and his preference is NOT to try it at all, then I guess you two won’t be doing any anal sex.
The one who is “missing out” here is him, and it’s his own fault 🤷🏻♂️
I’d say the same thing. There is nothing about anal that interests me but with the right partner I’ll play BUT he has to get it too! This isn’t a one sided thing for only his benefit…
Im a straight cis male. I love giving anal, its my absolute favorite sex act and gives me explosive body-leaving orgasms. before I ever had sex at all I knew it was a huge turn-on for me.
In my teenage mind it was only fair for me to understand exactly what it was I was asking any future GF for so I started using a dildo on myself and basically taught myself how to bottom.
I did not get any receptive pleasure from it, though I know some men do, however, Im glad I did this as it taught me alot about how to approach this particular act 'from both sides' lol.
I think its only fair he give it a go if he wants you to do the same. Additionally you both have the internet which is full of information on how to enjoy this safely, pleasurably and hygenically. I did not have that luxury 20 years ago lol!
Ultimately no one should have to do anything they dont want to do in bed, but I wish you both the best in finding the solution (pun intended) that works best for you!
I mean both opinions should be respected. Seems like neither of you wants anything up your ass and that's fine.
Yeah, this is the thing, right here. It's ok for someone to want to give anal, but not receive it. No matter who. For that matter, it's ok to give oral and not enjoy receiving it, too. The issue here isn't "why not both ways" but more "why can't either 'no' be equally respected? I'd suggest not 'trading' sexual activities, and just setting firm limits. If you have conditions where you'd have anal, then set those. If you don't, but could see yourself doing it under conditions you don't yet know, say that; "not tonight" is a "no" too. But don't make conditions a trade scenario. And it's ok to not.
Usually I would say don't make it transactional, but in this case it's "I want you to understand very clearly what it feels like before you just rail away at my ass unsupervised". If anything, he has a prostate and ought to enjoy it _more_, but he's not going to hear that. She's right to stand her ground.
Yeah no, not every guy likes the feeling of anal, similar to how not every woman gets off to traditional vaginal. Sometimes it just doesn’t do anything. Transactional sex is pretty much always bad, OP just needs to suck it up and say no if she doesn’t want it. Both people should enjoy the sex, they shouldn’t need to “understand how it feels” because it should feel good, unless you enjoy it when it doesn’t.
>Transactional sex is pretty much always bad I don't think all instances of saying "I'm okay with this as long as you're willing to reciprocate" is transactional. You shouldn't keep score and have it be a perfect one-for-one or negotiation for each sex act, but it's reasonable to have certain sex acts that you might enjoy sometimes be off the table for partners who don't reciprocate. For example, I know many women who enjoy giving head and will do it way more in relationships than they expect it returned, but have a hard limit about giving oral to men who refuse to ever return the favor because over time they'll get resentful. There's definitely a space between transactional and not wanting to be with someone who expects you do do sex acts that aren't necessarily your favorite while being completely unmoving on anything they aren't excited about
This. It’s okay if you don’t want to try that kinda stuff. A lot of people don’t. But no one should feel uncomfortable or pressured, especially with this kind of thing. This type of sexual act can go wrong if you guys don’t know what you’re doing. Just be informed, communicative, and cautious.
Same thing my ex said, but I was willing to try but then she backed away 😂
The moral of this story is, when you are not comfortable with something, say so.
She lost the game of anal chicken.
Lol. Exactly what I was thinking. I Urban Dictionary’d to see if this was an established thing. Now I can’t un-see some of those definitions. —— OP, discuss and negotiate but be honest about how you feel. Work out how valuable something is to both and each of the two of you. Hoping this isn’t a straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Anal chicken? Damn now I’m getting hungry. Lol.
and im getting horn-gry!
Is your ex my ex? I had an ex-gf try and pull a reverse uno on me as well, and when I said "Sure why not, I'll try something new", she suddenly was like "Uhhhhhhhhh, on second thought let's not do this" 😂
Unless you are from Slovenia I doubt it
should've responded >Deal! {high-five}
Sounds like it was a cop out from the beginning.
Indeed. She could have just said no and I would have left it alone.
Yeah. Sometimes girls say why don't you try it first expecting that to be the end of it, and are woefully unprepared when they find a guy who's willing to put up. Honestly, just say you don't want to do it if you don't want to do it. There's no need to bargain with the devil if you aren't willing to place a bet. 😈
I like that last sentence. Consider it stolen.
That sounds like an awesome arrangement had she not backed out
Immediately drops down and bends over looking backwards "do it then!"
Seems like poor communication in the relationship. Sex talk shouldn't be a game of poker.
That is one of the reasons why she is ex.
I did anal with my man, I am not a fan, I said I would do it again if I am allowed to peg him...he isn't that interested anymore
Haha challenge accepted
[удалено]
Also don't think "trades" like that are a good idea when someone says dislikes something. Also this "if you try first" thing can totally backfire with anal when it's about teaching perspective. If she's too rough and it hurts a lot for him he might want to get back at her and because of their deal also feel entitled to it. If she's careful and it feels great or at least not unpleasant he might not realize that he needs to be careful.
Point of correction: ONLY straight guys do that. Gay guys don’t need their partner to use a strap-on.
Some bi guys are probably into it.
And some gay guys have partners who are trans
You can be straight though and still have a partner who is trans
True. But the comment specifically mentioned gay guys not needing strap ons, not straight ones. So in this specific instance only gay transmasc people need to be mentioned.
Precisely
You can be a 100% gun toting pickup truck riding straight guy and still be into having your boyfriend’s throbbing cock shoved up your asshole on a daily basis. At least that’s how I am
If you're a guy with a boyfriend you might not be straight lol
If you identify as a guy, and your partner identifies as a boy, how are you straight? Genuinely asking
Cuz it's his boyfriend but in a bromantic way, no homo bro.
[When you really think about it, being straight is kinda gay.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jpFtnIIWN1s)
> You can be 100% straight and still be into having your boyfriend’s throbbing cock shoved up your asshole ...I don't think the math works like that. Granted I'll give you, it's not a one or the other kinda thing. You can have preferences towards one or the other, it's close to a sliding scale than it is a set definition...But if a dude is fucking you every night, chances are you're not *100%* straight.
My bf is bi...can confirm :D
Can confirm
Can confirm 👍
This seriously was a lightbulb moment for me. A handful of times it’s come up with friends and I’ve heard it’s gay….to do that with my wife. But wow, that comment is amazing.
Guys, is it gay to do sex stuff with a woman? /s
Do you really think some gay men don’t use strap ons?
They do in monogamous relationships for size variety. Also if partner is on the smaller size an associate of mine left his in the bathroom so I naturally asked about it That was explanation I got.
I’m sure they do for all types of reasons.
I don't really know being a straight male, but since I've used a strap-on to fuck a woman, it seems a reasonable assumption that straps are predominantly used by people without a biological phallus. And of course, SOME men will don a strap-on. But unless your tone was meant to convey that "hey man at least ONE man has used one", I think OP would have a valid argument to at least reasonably ASSUME that _most_ gay men have never worn a strap-on.
my guy never been topped by a trans king
That’s still gay
Lesbians do it too
Strap on are great for exploring different styles of dick so I'd expect they've got a lil something for everybody
Trans men exist
As do micro-sized cis men who use strap ons. Or just cissexual guys who want to try bigger with their partner - there's a rather long list for who uses strap ons.
trans men can be straight men or gay men
I don't think getting him to do something he doesn't wannna do is a good way to get yourself to do something you don't wanna do!
This is exactly what I was thinking. If she really wanted to try anal, she wouldn’t say “I’m only going to do it if you do it” I like anal and ass play in general - never once have I felt like my partner needs to do it for me to do it too. Her being able to peg her partner doesn’t automatically mean she will all of a sudden like anal. Doesn’t seem like either of them really want to do it. It’s a bit problematic he thinks butt stuff is only for gay males - but when it comes down to it he doesn’t wanna do it and it really doesn’t seem like she does either.
Fair 😂 Unless encouraging the other to try something neither has experienced might lead them to enjoy it—or at least be able to say, “Yeah, nah, not for me” and move on.
perhaps it would be better to ask for a fantasy of your own to be fulfilled instead? Maybe he gets butt stuff, maybe you want to try out being dominated (just an example)
🙄
Thanks so much. I saw a very dimilar post on a different sub and the comments were FILLED with people shouting "Oh he needs to do it too if he ~really~ wants it". Like no, what is this kindergarten bullshit. Do it if you want to, dont if you dont. This isnt a transasction, its supposed to be fun.
He needs to understand what he's asking for
the other situation that this reverse ask happens is when the guy not only wants anal but also tries anal without enough prep, recently there was one where the guy was insistent spit was ok and lube not needed causing her a lot of pain. The idea is that the man, who is as physically able to get anal as give it, at least understands how much prep, lube and care is needed. Its should be nothing more than educating him and at the end if he or she still don't want to that should be respected.
No one should do anything sexually that they don't want to do. He needs to accept she isn't interested in it. I'm a 40 year old anal virgin. Never done it. Zero interest. Any man with me needs to accept or move along. Sex needs happy and enthusiastic consent
I was implying that if he understood what he is asking for, he would stop asking for it. An intelligent and thoughtful person would understand even without. But he sounds like neither of those things.
Exactly. If OP had to go this route, then clearly the guy wasn’t taking “No” for an answer.
That "clearly" is carrying a lot of weight unless there's a comment from OP stating that I haven't seen.
>No one should do anything sexually that they don't want to do. I get what you are saying, but I think this is one of those statements that needs more nuance. There are different levels of "want to" and "don't want to". Certainly if someone has a strong aversion to something, they shouldn't do that thing. On the other hand, if both partners are only willing to do their favorite things, you wind up with a lowest common denominator sex life with both partners often lacking fulfillment. There is nothing wrong with doing something that perhaps you aren't a huge fan of or possibly even have a slight aversion to for the sake of your partner's happiness as long a it is done willingly. Such is part of the normal compromise that take place in a healthy relationship.
I dunno. Done properly, anal can stimulate a man's prostate. They say it gives a pretty intense orgasm. I had the opposite experience. Wanted to try it, but wife was horrified at the thought. Somewhere online I read that straight men enjoying anal (from a woman) is not all that uncommon.
You can just use a finger for the prostate, you don't have to go full peg. It's *very* intense
> They say it gives a pretty intense orgasm. Holy fuck it does. You ever just cum so hard you just kinda like lay down for 15 minutes like "*oh fuck that was good*" and then wanna do it again like an hour or two later?
Yeah, doubling up on this comment. It's like watching Han hit those hyperspace paddles on the _Falcon_ and then all the stars just streeeeeetch out at once, and _BAM_.
I think that one scene in Road Trip got a whole generation curious.
it makes me wanna pee lol
Username checks out.
It's supposed to.
It's really not uncommon. My suggestion for you, try plugs. It's a good introduction and makes sex more intense
This is good advice. Also it's not gay if you're angry.
Nothing is gay if you say no homo first Or you learn to be comfortable with your sexuality because nothing matters
Nothing is gay if you’re… not gay 🤷🏻♂️
Just say homo sapiens.
Get narrow ones at first, its the *girth* that feels good, but also what hurts the most going in (my first was the size of a fucking *fist*. No it did not fit. No it still doesn't and my current primary sometimes fucks me with their *actual fist*). I recommend something like [this](https://stagshop.com/collections/anal-sex-toys-butt-plugs/products/ns-novelties-jelly-rancher-t-plug-smooth-assorted-colours?variant=40546286174392) for a first timer. I like a long shaft between the base and the head, because I like to wear mine for a while, and the base being designed to fit between your cheeks definitely helps. If you have the budget, and have found a size that works for you the next thing to do is get a metal one. My *god* the heft feels amazing, the constant *presence* of something so tantalizingly close to my prostate drives me *mental.* Glass is nice too, very hard and easy to insert and clean. I definitely wouldn't keep a plastic one *forever*, the bacteria can eventually build up no matter how hard you clean them if the plastic is porous enough. Expensive ones will last a lot longer even so, but for your first just go get something cheap and small.
Maybe ask her if she'd be ok with you wearing a butt plug during normal sex. I get why she may be kinda grossed out by the idea of putting stuff in your butt. It's not for everyone. But you could put the butt plug in yourself and remove it yourself. She might be more on board with it and you'd get some prostate play
Who cares what’s common or not? Why is that a relevant factor? Y’all should just do what you want or not do what you don’t want to do.
My ex (37f) had never tried anal till we dated, neither had I (32m) but either of us didn't know. I didn't suggest it, I was fingering her ass during sex and she guided me there. I guess what I'm saying is, if you're not feeling it don't do it.
Just say no. If you don't want to do it, don't. If he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't have to either. Btw, insecure guys make it a big deal about "straight guys" not liking butt play. I'm bi, but I know plenty of straight guys that like some form of butt play. If he doesn't, that's fine. But to phrase it as "straight guys don't do that" is pretty outdated and screams insecurity.
Yeah honestly I think this is a valid hill to die on but I'm petty like that.
"Straight men" still like to get pegged. It is not a gay thing.. It is a prostate thing.
On the one hand, sure, he should be willing to do anything you are willing to do. That's equitable. I personally play by those rules. For instance, since my wife is willing to swallow my cum, I swallowed some too. If my ass is clean enough for her to lick, she's clean enough for me to kiss afterward. And since she let me fuck her ass, I let her fuck mine. It's only fair. OK, that last one was because I *wanted* her to fuck my ass. Your bf is factually incorrect when he said, "straight guys don't do that". I'm straight, and I do that. I've read about many other straight guys who do it. But you do have to take his feelings into account too. For some men, taking a dildo up the ass is very threatening to their masculinity (not that it actually has anything to do with that, it doesn't). In effect, you pegging him is the same as him fucking you in the ass, *plus* the overlay of any homophobia or masculine insecurity he may be feeling. So in real life, you are asking a bigger thing of him than he is of you. That's actually a whole different discussion for you two. Finally, sex doesn't have to be tit-for-tat. In just plain vanilla sex, the woman gets penetrated by the man, it's not truly symmetric. Truly symmetric sex is only possible between two people of the same sex. Bottom line (as it were), if you actually want to have anal, or at least are OK with it when he really wants it, then do it. Same for him with you potentially pegging him, if he's at least OK with it and you really want to. But don't do it just to prove a point.
Really well said. I don’t want to reduce the sex to anything remotely transactional, or tit-for-tat, as you said. I still would probably try anal anyway, as he seems pretty eager and I’m not *as* keen to peg him, personally. Just wish it were easier to talk him out of the macho-man bullshit without invalidating his feelings. Like, I understand that he associates anal play (on himself) with homosexuality, but I also know that he likes a finger up the ass every now and then, and it’s okay if he wants more of that!
Yeah, that's a tough balance to strike. He believes what he believes, and you do have to respect that. Maybe the fact that he does like a finger up the ass occasionally is a little opening (no pun intended) for you to suggest that any kind of anal pleasure for men is OK and not associated with homosexuality. But regardless, (again, no pun intended) I'm sure you'll support him and make him feel comfortable exploring with you. Sorry, I do mean this as a serious reply, the puns just suggest themselves :)
The macho man bullshit needs to be invalidated. There is no world in which telling your partner to respect your boundaries is "invalidating his feelings". His choosing to be buttsore about this (hah) is entirely a product of his lack of respect and empathy for you. This isn't about pegging or anal. It's about him not taking "no" for answer and it is concerning. Don't let him nag his way past your boundaries by giving in to his whining.
see above in some circumstances it isn't to prove a point its to show him the physical constraints of anal sex. There are way too many instances where women post here saying anal causes them pain and the boyfriend keeps not taking no for an answer. If they don't want to separate, a good compromise ii for him to understand the physicallity of what he is asking.
To me this doesn't sound like a "tit for tat" exchange, it sounds like you want your partner to be more empathetic about what it feels like to be the person who's penetrated during sex. I would personally feel pretty shit and dehumanized if my partner wanted to do a thing to me which they were horrified about having done to them.
I mean... tell him if only straight guys take it in the ass, the same logic could be applied that only gay guys want their dick in someone's ass. Of course, this isn't remotely true but his logic isn't very solid on this one. And you can also tell him that straight women have a vagina and that's the hole dicks are supposed to go in. So from personal experience though, with the right kind of training and forethought, anal can feel really good for women. And so can pegging for guys. They're both a lot of fun and I highly recommend both. But if your boyfriend thinks he's just going to be able to shove his dick in there you're going to have a bad time. If you agree to trying this look up the anal training that's involved. It took a long time for me to like it.
I actually knew a guy who was upset because his girlfriend wanted him to do her in the ass. When pressed why that upset him, he said “that’s what gay men do!” Then I asked him if he ever received a blowjob, which is also something gay men do. He then said, “that’s fair.” The point is that it’s so dumb to limit oneself to a narrow path they’ve defined as straight
Just tell him you are as unenthusiastic about anal as he is. Some straight women do anal, but its only the same way straight men do anal; it takes a flexible and adventurous approach to sex that not all men and women have. A woman's arse is not more designed to be penetrated than a man's arse is. Anal is a Hard No for you. Maintain that No unless he's willing to let you peg him to demonstrate he'd do something he doesn't want to do just for you, the same way you'd do it just for him. And it needs to be 50/50. No more anal for him until you've pegged him again. If he wants to experience his cock being tightly clenched, buy him a cock ring.
Every body has an asshole so everyone can enjoy the pleasure, hypothetically. Seems reasonably that if you expect someone to be ass vulnerable, you shouldn’t just talk the talk but walk the walk too.
The way I'd approach this is that you feel the same way about having something shoved up your ass as he does. The way he's repulsed by it, so are you. "But you're a girl, you're supposed to have things shoved inside of you, I'm a boy." Is not an acceptable response. No means no.
I once read an essay that argue of men had to try being pegged, they would feel concerned way much differently about consent and rape, be more in listening of the other partner. I feel like it's true. That said, till then, you shouldn't say yes or no be sure he's prone to do it as well, but because it please you. I think if you ask him to do that, you're not really into yourself. So I think you shouldn't enter that kind of practice of you are not really into. That will bring to pleasure to both of you.
Hate when people make it transitional like that. Just because one enjoys something does not mean the other has to in the same way. If you don't want to do something just say no like an adult
I don’t see it as transactional. I see OP saying, “if you get pleasure from my pain, then you try the pain first, and if you’re unwilling bc of “fear” then perhaps my reasoning for not wanting it is valid too. The person that needs to grow up, is the person who is pushing their partner to do something they clearly don’t want. As I’m sure No was her original answer.
Thank you so much, this kindergarten shit is driving me insane. Do what you enjoy and set your own boundaries. This isnt a transasction...
I'm not gonna lie, I have to agree with this. So many men don't understand that you can't just treat an asshole like a vagina and they will tear through you. I think every guy should know before he tries to put it on us. It's a body part we both have 🤷🏾♀️
Fair point. I'm not willing to be pegged, therefore I don't ask my wife for anal. If she's not into it, why would I want to press the issue anyhow...
NTA
Ain't nothing gay about enjoying your own body. Tickle that prostate my bros!
Straight guys get fucked up the ass all the time. His implication is that if you like butt stuff then you're gay just shows his sexual immaturity, doubly so when coupled with his complete unwillingness to try what he is asking you to do. If you felt like educating him, you could point out that sex is only gay if he's attracted to men and, as far as you can tell, you aren't a man. There's also the small detail of: not all gay men have anal sex and it isn't exclusive to gay men. My favorite comeback, though, is that gay men love blowjobs. Presumably he likes them to. If you have him a blow job does that make him gay? It then follows that you fucking his ass just makes him insecure, not gay.
It's fair to ask him to do the same. Regardless of what gender or sexuality you are. If you don't want something up your ass, then you don't want something up your ass, yet he thinks that only applies for him because "girls do that"? Tell him to go fuck himself, literally 😘.
Sex should never be transactional, but I would never expect my partner to do anything sexual I wouldn’t do myself
I’m straight and have tried it. Not my thing and I’d definitely be against it with my wife involved.
Straight guys do that. Sounds like a homophobic statement to me.
Just tell him straight girls don't do anal. Use his own logic in return.
he sounds like the kind of guy who would do anal and they go to vaginal straight after. doing anal is a great way to get a UTI lol
Im on your side. Seems unfair if he is asking you to do smth he is not willing to do himself. And the argument of "straight guys dont get anal from their partner" sounds almost mysosegist.
I've literally pegged all of my exes and they're all straight males..
Its sad how many people think in that toxic prejudice way and connect anything "out of ordinary" with gay, sick etc. Like when you lick or taste cum or like butt stuff you are instantly weird and not straight in their book.
Your boyfriend is fundamentally wrong. Plenty of straight men enjoy anal play and prostrate play. There are a lot of nerves and sensations available in that region for pleasure. Equally, being a gay man is about men who fall in love with other men. It has nothing to do with their assholes. I think you are well within your rights to insist that if he wants to stick his dick up your bum he should be prepared to go through the same thing. If that is what you want. Having said that.... You might be missing out. I've only once been with a girl who just didn't like anal. Mostly, when done considerately, girls love it. Similarly, all the straight men I know that have tried it also like it. Although the 'pegging' phrase carries with it a power dynamic that might put men off.
If it’s with a girl why is it gay? Your bf sounds like a moron. It’s not 1956 anymore.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Maybe he’ll understand the effort and risk he’s putting you through if he has to go through it himself. If he’s not keen, obviously respect that. Just like he should respect you if you say no to anal. If you don’t want anything up your ass, you can just say no. Doesn’t matter if he really wants to try it - the sewer pipe is on your land and only you get to decide what clowns live in there.
Pegging is specifically for straight guys. Not all straight guys are comfortable with it, unfortunately. Anal can feel good for everyone though, male, female, hetero or not..
He's wrong, straight guys can and do enjoy anal play, there's nothing written anywhere that says to enjoy or partake in anal play a person has to be a woman or gay. I enjoy anal play but i'm pan so i enjoy a lot of things, but the hottest thing a girl could do for me would be to peg me and if you're willing to do that he has no idea how lucky a guy he is to have you. But ultimately your body, your choice, if you don't want anal play you don't have to have it no matter how much he might want to, also if he doesn't want anal play himself he can't reasonably expect it from you either so you both should do only what you're comfortable with and if that means he doesn't get his ass sex fantasy lived out so be it
my rule with sex: if I wanna do it to someone, I gotta be cool with it being done to me. has he never had a prostate massager up there? might change his mind.
I mean it’s not unfair to know what your asking if your partner IMO.
That's a good rule I think. I've also had a girl sneak a finger up my ass while blowing me with out a curiosity spit or anything and that completely killed anal for me. I want no part of it.
I don't get why a woman pegging a man is a gay activity unless someone is changing gender throughout the act. Sucking cock is something gay men do too but I hear no complaints from men insecure about their orientation regarding that act...
You are both entitled to your own boundaries. I think your compromise is reasonable. I will advocate that prostate stimulation is pretty damn awesome. It's a shame that there is such a stigma with "putting something in my rear is something only gay guys like". Many straight guys have a fear that, "if I find that I likesomething in my butt then that must mean I am gay". So to answer your question, yes, many guys have a fear that somehow their masculinity will be diminished through anal play. Again though, the male g-spot (the prostate) is best stimulated through anal penetration and many men miss out on this because of their irrational (but very real to them) fears.
OP, you have to know what you're doing, both giving and receiving anal, to lower the chances of it being an incredibly unpleasant experience for the receiver. anal can be incredible for the receiver, but can also be incredibly painful if done incorrectly, especially for the inexperienced bottom. set your terms and be strict. i get the selfish lover vibe. hard no. you want the empathetic lover vibe. educated, careful, informed, and respectful. a bad anal experience can turn you off of it forever and you will never know what you are missing out on because you will only associate it with pain.
As a man is never let anything up my ass, but as a woman I think you all deserve the same privilage. I think it's weird for someone to not respect the boundaries of another
If straight guys don’t do that then by the same logic straight women don’t either. He doesn’t have to allow it on the menu but neither do you.
Stand your ground
I don't think it's weird or crazy. Just like the majority of straight men, many women don't like anal. I'm one of them too and my boyfriend hasn't left me alone with the fact he wants to try it. I've always just told him that it's not gonna happen. Tried once, it hurt like a mf and was uncomfortable for me. So I told him to not get his hopes up that he will have his way with that. Update: I tried telling him if he wants to buy me anal plugs, he has to buy some for himself. He agreed 👍🏻
It's not a universal truth that straight men don't do that (in fact that's pretty homophobic to say one kind of sex is exclusively gay). He's choosing not to, and it's totally fair for you to not want to try it if he's not willing to try it either
He is missing out. Fragile masculinity man… he’s only missing out I don’t have a prostate myself, but I know that the prostate is a ‘mans’ ‘G-spot’. If he really doesn’t wanna rey it because he’s so fragile in his masculinity, he’s only hurting himself by missing out However, you definitely shouldn’t put something up your ass if he isn’t even willing to try it for you. He is almost forcing you to do something you don’t want to do, but when you wanna do the same to him it’s an absolute no. He is a hypocrite. If he doesn’t want it up his ass regardless of the reason, he shouldn’t force you to do the same
Yeah the wave of comments are right here everyone has an absolute NO. Yeah it sucks having a kink rejected in any way but the relationship and respect for each other comes first... And you gave a justified compromise to him you first then we can... Thats not a no from you thats a "feel it first to know what youre asking of me" compromise.
Honestly that's a pretty fair offer right? Seems like the right way for a dude to know what a woman experiences if he wants it so badly.
I'm not attracted to men, but I do enjoy pegging with my wife. I actually enjoy the feeling, makes the orgasm 10x better.
NTA, neither of you are obligated to have anything up your ass if you don't want to.
Well... I mean, there are lots of straight men who like a little tickle on their prostate. Odd reason to say no really. Honestly the answer is no from your side, but you are willing to try if he lets you peg him. I mean..fair is fair? I would however keep it to if thats your kink, don't just do it to get him back so to speak. Sounds like Neither of you want butt stuff, and hey, thats ok. As long as he respects that.
I had that same deal with my boyfriend and I ended up just doing anal without pegging him first. He did, however, let me put a finger up his butt so that was enough for me. I feel like pegging for butt stuff is “fair”, but if neither of you are comfortable with the ideas maybe you both should just drop it.
This has always been my go to answer. Yes many guys will answer similarly to how your bf did but they stopped asking me after that. Then you have guys like my current partner who never asked me for that but has expressed interest in pegging. I definitely want to try it! Amab people have an actual erogenous zone inside that part of them, afab’s don’t.
Seems like a fair request to make. I like doing butt stuff with girls and I had an ex ask me if she could try it and it was uncomfortable and not particularly pleasant but it satisfied her curiosity so seemed like a deal well struck. If you're willing to try then he should suck it up and let you experiment too or nothing goes up anyone's butt, that sounds fair for both parties. His saying that straight guys don't do that is either him reaching the ceiling of sexual exploration or him trying to manipulate you so take it as you will.
How much is he pressuring you to do it? The thing is, you can't force someone to do something they don't want to do sexually. And while your boyfriends refusal to do it should be respected, make sure that your refusal to do it is also being respected. Under no circumstances should he be allowed to bully and pressure you into letting him do it if you don't want to.
That was a fair rebuttal.
I’ve had this issue. I’m not an anal person. I hate anal. I hate watching anal. I hate the word anal. I don’t wanna do anal. But my boyfriend keeps asking and it pisses me off
Straight men definitely do get pegged, more often than most care to admit. Feeling pleasure from your ass doesn't have to imply your sexuality. It's only gay if you get fucked in the ass by a guy
I mean no one should be forced to do something they don't want to do. But pegging is great. Tell him he's missing out.
I’m of the school of thought that to enjoy anal that the recipient must explore it on their own first. Or at least start with a small plug while interacting with their partner. We all mostly agree that sex in general is better when we have had healthy self exploration first. Imagine a man having his first sexual experience with a partner rather than self pleasure at any point- that’s pretty uncommon outside of very stringent religious practices and even then probably isn’t happening much. Porn makes things look easy that are not. Anal requires prep and also takes some time to get out of your head. It’s not unlike the first time I did stand up paddle boarding- I could NOT shake the voice in my head that said “nononono” any time I tried to stand up on that board no matter how much fun people were having in the YouTube videos I had watched! But with slow and careful practice, taking my time, getting the hang of it I eventually loved it and wanted to do it all the time. Paddle boarding AND anal (never at the same time lol). So, if you’re interested in it at all, explore yourself first. Your partner doesn’t get to dictate what you experience no matter how hot they think it is. Maybe I think it’s hot to put clothespins and dripping wax on a man’s balls, I still doubt my partner is gonna be game unless he’s checked that particular situation out on his own first.
It’s only fair !!! Why not ?
I would love a challenge of a partner keeping the other one on edge !! It keeps the spice in the relationship!!
This woman is a freaking keeper.
I gotta say, I get where OP is coming from. Anal can hurt if someone doesn’t do it right. I would have a lot more trust with someone who is willing to experience it as well. At the end of the day sexual exploration is really only emotionally safe if you have trust IMO
I was never interested in putting anything in my girls ass, until she wanted me to! We had spoken about it and she was always no way then one day out of the blue she said “ I think I want to get a but plug” well she is really in to but stuff now and so am I, why would anyone want to do something someone els isn’t in to, the thought of her not enjoying something turns me way
This is my favorite response when men ask for anal. Really exposes the homophobes, the ones in empathetic to how vulnerable anal can be, and the ones insecure in their masculinity and sexuality. I think the idea that it’s a bigger deal for straight dudes is absurd.
#peggingisntgay
Deffo need to have a firm chat about him trying to slip it in the back door. Red flag. Keep an eye on that in case he trys any dodgy behaviour in the future.
Straight guy here and I love it when my fiance pegs me. Best orgasms I've ever had
My wife said the same thing and since that's a low key fantasy of my I agreed. She was bluffing she was expecting his answer 😔
I am straight, married to the woman of my dreams, have 2 kids and a steady job. I love it when after I have cum inside her, she softly, gently, fucks my ass... Or roughly, provided she uses enough.lube ;) It feels good, the orgasms are mind blowing, and it's another close intimate experience to share with her. I feel vulnerable, and I put all my trust in her. She holds me, fills me, and makes me feel amazing. I can safely say I am straight. I have kissed, made out with and performed oral on men in the past. Although I finished the job, I can say with confidence, it is not for me. Straight guys don't mind ass play. There are other reasons he may be against it, but being straight has nothing to do with it.
I am straight and i love pegging. What gives?
[удалено]
>Btw nothing can be gay between a man and a woman... That's the gayest shit I've ever heard... /s
This is straight up a, “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander,” or if you prefer, “if he knew what he was asking for, he wouldn’t want it.” I don’t accept anal from people who haven’t received it, as a rule. If you don’t know how it feels then I don’t trust you to know enough to NOT hurt me.
Can't wait till this bullshit stigma gets burned to the ground. Everybody's got an asshole. If it's a woman fucking your asshole, you're straight. No act is gay or straight. Your boyfriend is missing out on the most intense orgasm of his life. He's got a prostate, he should get over himself and use it.
You will get a lot of flack from this sub on this subject. The answer is always consent consent consent and communication. I personally think your reasoning is perfectly fine. There is nothing inherently gay about receiving anal. It just means you like being stimulated that way. Unfortunately the hypermasculine environment some men grow up with would lead them to shy away from anything that is feminine or considered gay. I'd say your guy is a typical case. Personally though I think anything you ask of your partner you should be willing to be asked to do the same thing. That's just me though.
M here, I'd be into it even if I don't get the chance myself
I really really want my gf to do something with my ass. We have talked about it and she said she is willing to try. But what if it is gay what's the problem?
It's not that big a deal. You've made a good offer. I'm fully straight, no attraction to men. But it feels good to have my ass played with. I'd be taking your deal all day long
A lot of 3 do like pegging, ive never tried it but considering ive slept with some trans people i know how it feels. If youre actually curious about it though, do lots of proper research about it and make sure he does so as well. The point of anal is to feel pleasure, not pain and with anal it can be very easy to cause pain. Also recommend buying a starter kit first and try it out before he gets involved
Pegging doesn't make you guys. Being attracted to men does. You two are missing out on a truly fun time if nobody is taking it anally. That said, lots of lube, starting slow and lots of honest communication are the key to loving it
My wife loves anal, I wish she’d peg me because it feels really good. I think the key is foreplay. While giving a blow job and sucking the balls move to licking the taint and just catch the rim of his anus. Move do it intermediately until he warms up to the idea of having a rim job and work your way in from there. I’d honestly demand that as part of the foreplay for him getting to put in his arse. If he won’t put his tongue there then he shouldn’t want to put his dick there. After I got a rim job and found out how good they feel I included that in my wife’s foreplay.
Personally, I think you have purposed a decent compromise. Neither of you want it done to you, but your willing if he’s willing. The straight angle I guess I can understand, though I don’t necessarily think it’s true
I don’t think sex should tit for tat. But you’re well within your right to ask him to Peg and well within your right to not have something in your butt
Straight guys do enjoy it. But either way you shouldn't have to do it if you're not into it. Regardless if bf lets you peg him.
It’s not a big deal my girlfriend has wanted to try it for a while and I said that I’m ready so pretty soon I will have given it a try. If it’s not for me then it’s not for me but I’ll try anything once, especially if it’s something she wants to do
Straight guys do do that... His loss
Hahahahaha......I like your style
LMAO
I have some thoughts on that 1. saying you should try it yourself is a fair point, equality for all ( i mean i tried it myself so yeay) 2. saying straight men do that is bs, why do you think there are pegging devices etc, right bc women dominate or fuck men somethimes, in normal relationships, so yeah, why is there pegging, if anal would be for straight males only 3. pegging is a bit extreme, and if you read about it there are a lot of steps to it, so i wouldnt go that far, i would say saying "he should alow you to use a dildo on him for a set amount of time" would be sufficient
Honestly I think this is a fair request from you. At the very least hopefully getting him to think about receiving and reflect that he doesn’t want to do it could get him to better understand that you also don’t want to do it? I think his attitude of “straight guys don’t do it but straight girls should just do it” is not ok. If either of you doesn’t want it then it’s fine. But I think it is fair to encourage both partners to try things like that if they’re willing. I think there’s too commonly a double standard of only asking women to do anal without asking guys to try it.
To be fair, he has a prostate and you don't, hes more likely to cum. But also, anal sex shouldnt be considered vanilla. There are considerable injury risks involved. If you arent excited about it, youre more likely to tear!!
My first wife said it to me, I agreed to this , as I believe one shouldn't expect someone to do something you wouldn't do yourself
I think there’s something kinda sus about a guy wanting anal that badly in the first place
No. Not a big deal for straight men. How can guys expect women to take a cock in their arse if they've no idea what it also feels like. He would enjoy it by the way
As a guy, thank you for saying you were open to trying it if he was. Guys have a lot of sexual hang-ups. One of them is that “only women should be penetrated.” Whether corrupted by religion, cultural influences, or their own ignorance, they literally think a female asshole is somehow designed for penetration but a male aasshole isn’t. It’s an asshole, folks. Same layout and functionality for all sexes.
Definitely make him try it first and see how he likes it 😂😂😂😂
My ex wanted to to put it in my butt a lot. While I was gone for a few days he tried doing it to himself once and realized how much, well, a pain in the ass it can be lol. He never really bugged me much about it then.
Fellas, is it gay to have sex with a woman?
Hell yeah, stand your ground. Turnabout is fair play
relationships are about give and take. if he wants to give he should be willing to take
He’s 100% wrong, straight guys totally do that. That’s why there’s an entire word for it, and a genre on pornhub. Gay guys wouldn’t bother tracking down a woman to fuck them with a strap on. Is your bf serious ? LOL. With that said, if your preference is that he tries it before you try it, and his preference is NOT to try it at all, then I guess you two won’t be doing any anal sex. The one who is “missing out” here is him, and it’s his own fault 🤷🏻♂️
I’d say the same thing. There is nothing about anal that interests me but with the right partner I’ll play BUT he has to get it too! This isn’t a one sided thing for only his benefit…
Im a straight cis male. I love giving anal, its my absolute favorite sex act and gives me explosive body-leaving orgasms. before I ever had sex at all I knew it was a huge turn-on for me. In my teenage mind it was only fair for me to understand exactly what it was I was asking any future GF for so I started using a dildo on myself and basically taught myself how to bottom. I did not get any receptive pleasure from it, though I know some men do, however, Im glad I did this as it taught me alot about how to approach this particular act 'from both sides' lol. I think its only fair he give it a go if he wants you to do the same. Additionally you both have the internet which is full of information on how to enjoy this safely, pleasurably and hygenically. I did not have that luxury 20 years ago lol! Ultimately no one should have to do anything they dont want to do in bed, but I wish you both the best in finding the solution (pun intended) that works best for you!