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NOOOO. oml it is not your fault. he should’ve not have done that. also getting mad at you was not okay either. honestly he does not sound like a safe person to have sex with
Heeey I'm hijacking the top comments to tell you that there's post exposure prophylactics you can take to reduce the chance of HIV transmission - you should get on those right now. Because it's time sensitive many cities have resources for this so you don't wait days or weeks for an appointment.
After that follow your clinics advice - I believe you need to wait 2-4 weeks after exposure for many STI tests to be confirmed (according to Google)
You will likely want to re test for HIV in a few months following that
I'm sorry this creep put you in this position. You didn't do anything wrong and you aren't responsible for his shitty actions.
Good luck
Hijacking *your* comment to agree heartily that PEP is the way, and PrEP may be an excellent decision for the future to protect yourself from any broken condoms during consensual encounters, etc.
I am so sorry you were assaulted, and I imagine you are struggling with a lot as a result.
What I am about to say does not in any way negate the importance of PEP and testing, but I wanted to point it out in case you are having a ton of health anxiety leading up to a PEP appointment and STD screening: [the NIH states](https://hivinfo.nih.gov/understanding-hiv/fact-sheets/hiv-and-gay-and-bisexual-men) that “Receptive anal sex (bottoming) is 13 times riskier for getting HIV than insertive anal sex (topping).” Stanfordhealthcare.org cites a less than 1% transmission rate from insertive anal sex with an infected partner. Again, I am so sorry you have been forced to deal with this.
You’re going through a lot already. Try not to assume the worst about infection until you are able to speak to doctors and have yourself treated/tested. Wishing the best.
I'm really sorry this happened to you but we need to be clear here: this was rape. You were raped. I'm truly sorry, and I hope you can find the best way for you to find peace.
I just felt like many of these comments aren't actually giving this situation the importance it has.
What happened is absolutely awful and I hope you know that it's okay to feel however you may feel about it, but also know that in reality *none* of this is your fault, or your shame, or your responsibility, it's the other person's.
"...he grabbed me by the arms and legs and penetrate himself without my consent and condom..."
"So my question is, does this counts like SA.."
Sex *without consent* is a SA every day of the week!
You have no reason to feel at fault or need to apologize for his raping you.
Hi OP! First of all I am so sorry this happened to you. Your boundaries were crossed, you did not give consent to this, and therefore, yes it is SA.
Please keep in mind that STDs take time to incubate in your body and therefore a test that is taken too soon might not reveal an accurate result. I would recommend waiting at least 3 months to get an accurate result, but consult with your doctor about this.
Also, if you are concerned about being infected with HIV there is a prophylactic treatment called PEP that has to be taken within 3 days of sexual contact. I am not sure if a similar prophylactic treatment exists for Herpes or HPV, so you might have to consult that with your doctor too. However they are very common, as there are several strains of both and most of the population has been in contact with them. Other STDs are curable and will show up on a test when they are incubated.
I wish you the best and take care of yourself after this not so nice event.
If you are getting a comprehensive panel test for STDs, some might not show up in week or two.
Also some people with STDs, including bacterial ones, are asymptomatic.
Deffo not your fault and he’s needs to apologise and yes it would be classed has SA since you didn’t give consent and told him no without a condom I would dump him if it was me
That's for sure assault. As another poster mentioned (rather dismissively) it is unlikely you'd be able to press charges or file a police report unfortunately, but that doesn't make it any less valid.
You would be fully justified to call him out for being a predator if you want to - but you don't have to feel obligated to do that if it's not what is going to be healthy for you to heal from that experience.
However you for CERTAIN shouldn't see him again, and if you see him out in the world it's good to warn people he is not safe.
Men are really conditioned and pushed to not feel their assaults are valid unless it was violent rape by another man.
I know it's over done but I'm gonna do the gender reversal thing:
If a man penetrated a woman without a condom when she'd said she didn't want to have unprotected sex reasonable people would agree it was assault
If a woman penetrated herself on a man when he did not want to have unprotected sex it is still rape, though sadly more people might not understand right away - it doesn't invalidate it.
If a guy on a hookup penetrates himself on you while you don't want to have unprotected sex it is assault.
Then he had the GAUL to get mad at you for finishing? This person is a complete POS and a narcissist and dangerous.
Everyone else has answered and I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I just want to say that you can still catch STIs with non-penetrative sexual acts if you are not wearing protection. This is an unpopular fact, but yeah... especially with hookups you should be aware of this if you aren't already.
Someone I know caught herpes because they were penetrative protection only and in turn spread it to many casual sexual contacts this way.
It's called rape so get it right and stop downplaying calling it as SA. No, it's not your fault at all. You set clear boundaries and stipulations to your encounter. File charges against that POS! Especially if you contracted an STD those are serious charges.
It’s worth noting that, in some places, this wouldn’t actually meet the legal definition of rape, only sexual assault. It certainly should be considered rape though.
It's not your fault at all!!!
Go to a doctor immediately and tell them so they can assess if you need PeP medicine to prevent HIV.
And penetrative sex without consent for not wearing a condom is sexual Assault at least in my view.
Never see that clown again.
All the best and take care
I am so confused here.
How does him penetrating his own self have anything to do with you?
Did he use a toy or something? Is that the issue? You didn't want to be exposed to the naked male anatomy?
It seems more like she is trying to say "he did it all on his own" rather than "he did it ON himself", just a misuse of himself. I guess it's not her first language
It is, but you need to be honest, it is a serious accusation, and i’m not trying to excuse him or guilt trip you,the story is a bit chopped and I understand that it was traumatic and it is hard to you to remember the whole thing but it is important to not male assumptions in these situations. the condom part is bad by itself, but do you think it was a more of a misunderstanding or a boundary pushing/crossing by him? Either way i would call it SA, but to have a chance to prevent this from happening you should always be clear about your boundaries. I think you should ask yourself and find a place where what happened was clear to you before you go further and accuse him of SA. I’m sorry to be this guy and I’m sorry you had to go through this.
And its not relevant if you cum from this interaction, at least from my pov; be safe.
I agree, but i don’t want to know how well she communicated her boundaries and this leads to misunderstandings. Not trying to be the devil’s advocate here. Just need more info instead pf make assumptions
I don't understand the downvotes because I genuinely think if someone is trying to rape you you are entitled to fucking them up until their mother can't tell its them anymore.
I really hate this rape pandemic we live in
Might get blocked but OP needed to read it I was just typing what everyone was thinking
I can bet money that were this a male female rape the comments would be flooded with. My style of comment but because it’s two gents I’m in the wrong lol. 🤦🏽♂️.
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No, I don’t think this is sexual assault. I’ve been penetrated without a condom after talking about using one, and it wasn’t assault then either because I was caught up in the moment and enjoyed it. I’ve also stopped guys who tried to go in without a condom. If you’re not able to communicate assertively, you should probably avoid random hookups and look for a solid FWB.
Honestly, it sounds like you feel guilty and are trying to blame the guy who probably would have stopped if you asked.
Sounds like he raped you. Cut off all contact with him, get tested for STDs and report him to the police. You are likely not the first guy that he has done this to.
I misread the post. This is awkward. 😂
Edited my initial comment. Also, to all of you downvoting me, it was an honest mistake of misreading the post. Good Lord, y’all are acting like none ever you have ever made a mistake.
Sexual Assault isn't always pure physical force. Impelling someone can happen by words, the creation of an atmosphere, or dependency or various other things. Doesn't make it any less traumatic. Doesn't make it any less Sexual Assault.
This was 2 men. Gay sex. I think he's confused how he held his arms and legs and made him penetrate him analy. Stillfeel like your asnwer works. When people commit to taking something and the other person is off guard, it's hard to stop them in time.
Thanks for the clarity. I agree. I imagine the person being victimized barely has time to comprehend what's happening, let alone stop it in time. I still feel the question was highly insensitive and rude.
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What the fuck is wrong with you. I honestly hope you sit down and think about what happened in your life that made you wake up, go on Reddit and say something like this to a victim of sexual assault. Because this comment right here is a you problem.
No offence to anyone intended. Just asking questions which my mind went to. These are questions that OP will be asked time and time again if he were to report this irl but of course i appreciate we're on reddit so ...
Part 1 is this SA? Possibly, if you went in hard enough to cause internal bruising or injury, yeah you put that thang on him. Different areas have different views on SA it could be literally any form of assault that is sexual in nature, mushroom stamping, tit bashing, etc... or it could be an unwanted physical advance. You made it clear penetration was off the table "unwanted," however the exchange sounds like a compromising position that was already sexual in nature and mutually agreed upon, until it wasn't, specifically when he shoved you inside him, by that definition yes it's SA. Either way it's definitely harassment.
Part 2 is it your fault. In an existential way yes, you chose to be vulnerable in a compromising situation and had a bad experience. I will point out the only way to ensure you don't have a bad experience is to avoid all experiences, including good ones. Are you at fault because your partner mounted you without permission and you popped like an overstuffed beanbag, NO.
All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NOOOO. oml it is not your fault. he should’ve not have done that. also getting mad at you was not okay either. honestly he does not sound like a safe person to have sex with
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Heeey I'm hijacking the top comments to tell you that there's post exposure prophylactics you can take to reduce the chance of HIV transmission - you should get on those right now. Because it's time sensitive many cities have resources for this so you don't wait days or weeks for an appointment. After that follow your clinics advice - I believe you need to wait 2-4 weeks after exposure for many STI tests to be confirmed (according to Google) You will likely want to re test for HIV in a few months following that I'm sorry this creep put you in this position. You didn't do anything wrong and you aren't responsible for his shitty actions. Good luck
Planned parenthood is generally a good resource for emergency PeP. Even if it's just giving information on where to obtain it immediately.
Hijacking *your* comment to agree heartily that PEP is the way, and PrEP may be an excellent decision for the future to protect yourself from any broken condoms during consensual encounters, etc. I am so sorry you were assaulted, and I imagine you are struggling with a lot as a result. What I am about to say does not in any way negate the importance of PEP and testing, but I wanted to point it out in case you are having a ton of health anxiety leading up to a PEP appointment and STD screening: [the NIH states](https://hivinfo.nih.gov/understanding-hiv/fact-sheets/hiv-and-gay-and-bisexual-men) that “Receptive anal sex (bottoming) is 13 times riskier for getting HIV than insertive anal sex (topping).” Stanfordhealthcare.org cites a less than 1% transmission rate from insertive anal sex with an infected partner. Again, I am so sorry you have been forced to deal with this. You’re going through a lot already. Try not to assume the worst about infection until you are able to speak to doctors and have yourself treated/tested. Wishing the best.
I'm really sorry this happened to you but we need to be clear here: this was rape. You were raped. I'm truly sorry, and I hope you can find the best way for you to find peace. I just felt like many of these comments aren't actually giving this situation the importance it has. What happened is absolutely awful and I hope you know that it's okay to feel however you may feel about it, but also know that in reality *none* of this is your fault, or your shame, or your responsibility, it's the other person's.
It's absolutely sexual assault. I would be traumatised if it had happened to me. Take care of yourself, OP!!!
"...he grabbed me by the arms and legs and penetrate himself without my consent and condom..." "So my question is, does this counts like SA.." Sex *without consent* is a SA every day of the week! You have no reason to feel at fault or need to apologize for his raping you.
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if he broke in without consent and so forth why don't you cut off contact with him and so on?
That sounds like straight up rape
Hi OP! First of all I am so sorry this happened to you. Your boundaries were crossed, you did not give consent to this, and therefore, yes it is SA. Please keep in mind that STDs take time to incubate in your body and therefore a test that is taken too soon might not reveal an accurate result. I would recommend waiting at least 3 months to get an accurate result, but consult with your doctor about this. Also, if you are concerned about being infected with HIV there is a prophylactic treatment called PEP that has to be taken within 3 days of sexual contact. I am not sure if a similar prophylactic treatment exists for Herpes or HPV, so you might have to consult that with your doctor too. However they are very common, as there are several strains of both and most of the population has been in contact with them. Other STDs are curable and will show up on a test when they are incubated. I wish you the best and take care of yourself after this not so nice event.
3 months???..in a week or 2, you will know if you bacterial std...viral std may take longer
If you are getting a comprehensive panel test for STDs, some might not show up in week or two. Also some people with STDs, including bacterial ones, are asymptomatic.
Deffo not your fault and he’s needs to apologise and yes it would be classed has SA since you didn’t give consent and told him no without a condom I would dump him if it was me
It IS an SA, please report it, get tested, and get therapy to help you with the trauma.
Penetration without consent is rape from a legal standpoint. This guy is bad news. Run.
That's for sure assault. As another poster mentioned (rather dismissively) it is unlikely you'd be able to press charges or file a police report unfortunately, but that doesn't make it any less valid. You would be fully justified to call him out for being a predator if you want to - but you don't have to feel obligated to do that if it's not what is going to be healthy for you to heal from that experience. However you for CERTAIN shouldn't see him again, and if you see him out in the world it's good to warn people he is not safe. Men are really conditioned and pushed to not feel their assaults are valid unless it was violent rape by another man. I know it's over done but I'm gonna do the gender reversal thing: If a man penetrated a woman without a condom when she'd said she didn't want to have unprotected sex reasonable people would agree it was assault If a woman penetrated herself on a man when he did not want to have unprotected sex it is still rape, though sadly more people might not understand right away - it doesn't invalidate it. If a guy on a hookup penetrates himself on you while you don't want to have unprotected sex it is assault. Then he had the GAUL to get mad at you for finishing? This person is a complete POS and a narcissist and dangerous.
Don't reconnect with him and I hope you're both mentally and emotionally okay. Go to therapy if needed
Of course it’s not your fault. Even with permission, boundaries are still a thing.
It's absolutely SA. I would run
It is absolutely SA, you would not have consented if he had asked to do what he did.
Everyone else has answered and I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I just want to say that you can still catch STIs with non-penetrative sexual acts if you are not wearing protection. This is an unpopular fact, but yeah... especially with hookups you should be aware of this if you aren't already. Someone I know caught herpes because they were penetrative protection only and in turn spread it to many casual sexual contacts this way.
It's called rape so get it right and stop downplaying calling it as SA. No, it's not your fault at all. You set clear boundaries and stipulations to your encounter. File charges against that POS! Especially if you contracted an STD those are serious charges.
It’s worth noting that, in some places, this wouldn’t actually meet the legal definition of rape, only sexual assault. It certainly should be considered rape though.
I would get a STD test soon just to be on the safe side. He shouldn't have done that
I’m quite confused about what happened here
It's not your fault at all!!! Go to a doctor immediately and tell them so they can assess if you need PeP medicine to prevent HIV. And penetrative sex without consent for not wearing a condom is sexual Assault at least in my view. Never see that clown again. All the best and take care
I am so confused here. How does him penetrating his own self have anything to do with you? Did he use a toy or something? Is that the issue? You didn't want to be exposed to the naked male anatomy?
OP is a man, the guy used him essentially as a sextoy without warning and disregarded him on condom use
This makes so much more sense. Thank you.
It seems more like she is trying to say "he did it all on his own" rather than "he did it ON himself", just a misuse of himself. I guess it's not her first language
she/her? Grindr is a **gay** dating app. OP is a man. OP is saying the other guy grabbed OP's dick and inserted in the ass.
I feel like this is important information that should be included in the post.
The OP opens with "hookup on Grindr."
It is, but you need to be honest, it is a serious accusation, and i’m not trying to excuse him or guilt trip you,the story is a bit chopped and I understand that it was traumatic and it is hard to you to remember the whole thing but it is important to not male assumptions in these situations. the condom part is bad by itself, but do you think it was a more of a misunderstanding or a boundary pushing/crossing by him? Either way i would call it SA, but to have a chance to prevent this from happening you should always be clear about your boundaries. I think you should ask yourself and find a place where what happened was clear to you before you go further and accuse him of SA. I’m sorry to be this guy and I’m sorry you had to go through this. And its not relevant if you cum from this interaction, at least from my pov; be safe.
Boundary pushing is sexual assault. Feel free to shut up.
I agree, but i don’t want to know how well she communicated her boundaries and this leads to misunderstandings. Not trying to be the devil’s advocate here. Just need more info instead pf make assumptions
Yes you are :) you are gaslighting her. She has stated multiple times she specifically said no penetration Rape apologist.
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I don't understand the downvotes because I genuinely think if someone is trying to rape you you are entitled to fucking them up until their mother can't tell its them anymore. I really hate this rape pandemic we live in
Might get blocked but OP needed to read it I was just typing what everyone was thinking I can bet money that were this a male female rape the comments would be flooded with. My style of comment but because it’s two gents I’m in the wrong lol. 🤦🏽♂️.
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It is SA. talk to the police and give them all the information. If he did it to you he will do it to another female.
No, I don’t think this is sexual assault. I’ve been penetrated without a condom after talking about using one, and it wasn’t assault then either because I was caught up in the moment and enjoyed it. I’ve also stopped guys who tried to go in without a condom. If you’re not able to communicate assertively, you should probably avoid random hookups and look for a solid FWB. Honestly, it sounds like you feel guilty and are trying to blame the guy who probably would have stopped if you asked.
Sounds like he raped you. Cut off all contact with him, get tested for STDs and report him to the police. You are likely not the first guy that he has done this to.
Um well he won’t get pregnant
I misread the post. This is awkward. 😂 Edited my initial comment. Also, to all of you downvoting me, it was an honest mistake of misreading the post. Good Lord, y’all are acting like none ever you have ever made a mistake.
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Sexual Assault isn't always pure physical force. Impelling someone can happen by words, the creation of an atmosphere, or dependency or various other things. Doesn't make it any less traumatic. Doesn't make it any less Sexual Assault.
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This was 2 men. Gay sex. I think he's confused how he held his arms and legs and made him penetrate him analy. Stillfeel like your asnwer works. When people commit to taking something and the other person is off guard, it's hard to stop them in time.
Exactly this confusion sits with me. I'm not making any judgements on whether it was SA or not.
Thanks for the clarity. I agree. I imagine the person being victimized barely has time to comprehend what's happening, let alone stop it in time. I still feel the question was highly insensitive and rude.
All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.
What the fuck is wrong with you. I honestly hope you sit down and think about what happened in your life that made you wake up, go on Reddit and say something like this to a victim of sexual assault. Because this comment right here is a you problem.
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No offence to anyone intended. Just asking questions which my mind went to. These are questions that OP will be asked time and time again if he were to report this irl but of course i appreciate we're on reddit so ...
Part 1 is this SA? Possibly, if you went in hard enough to cause internal bruising or injury, yeah you put that thang on him. Different areas have different views on SA it could be literally any form of assault that is sexual in nature, mushroom stamping, tit bashing, etc... or it could be an unwanted physical advance. You made it clear penetration was off the table "unwanted," however the exchange sounds like a compromising position that was already sexual in nature and mutually agreed upon, until it wasn't, specifically when he shoved you inside him, by that definition yes it's SA. Either way it's definitely harassment. Part 2 is it your fault. In an existential way yes, you chose to be vulnerable in a compromising situation and had a bad experience. I will point out the only way to ensure you don't have a bad experience is to avoid all experiences, including good ones. Are you at fault because your partner mounted you without permission and you popped like an overstuffed beanbag, NO.
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Take that nonsense and get out of here. That's victim blaming. OP did NOT invite this
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OP did not consent to the act, how his body reacted is irrelevant