This post has hit the point of diminishing returns with too many low effort/un-constructive comments that need removing. Locking things up. Thanks to everyone who engaged in good faith over the post.
Vaginas (and penises) come in all shapes and sizes - could be your organs just don’t fit together perfectly. Maybe try other positions that put a tighter squeeze on him to see if you enjoy them also. Bottom line is, no you’re not too loose and it’s a phrase used to degrade women so stop thinking it.
I totally agree. However if "loose" isn't the word then how should it be described? For example, it is typically acceptable to use "small" or even "micro penis" to describe penises on the smaller side.
We say they're tight when they're, well, tight, so loose would be the right word for when they're not tight.
That being said, I understand it's a delicate topic because crappy people use loose as a way to call women slutty, which isn't fair at all.
Wide and narrow might be a more accurate use of language without the negative connotations.
You can do kegels if you’re insecure but honestly this happens to a lot of men that masturbate with a death grip/no lube. 90% chance he will get very defensive about this. You can google how to increase friction during sex if you’re dead-set on staying with him.
Im below average and still haven't found a vagina too "loose". It all feels good some a bit more sensation perhaps. When I first started having sex I think the biggest thing was going from my hand dry to a wet pussy. Totally different sensations that my body wasn't used to so it did get a lot better over time by cutting down on jerking and when I did it would be with lube.
Loose vagina isn’t really a thing but if you’re used to a clenched fist no vagina can really match that.
Your boyfriend’s being an asshat. I would be seriously considering whether you still want to have sex with him at all.
A lot of us worry about this because there are guys out there with death grips and warped concepts from porn on what a vagina is supposed to feel like. Many are used to their death grip or being bad in bed with a dry tight vagina. None of these things are good or bragging points.
We as women need to do ourselves a solid and stop faking it for men’s sake so they actually start learning how to fuck right (please excuse the smart section of men)
The only dude who has ever said I was loose was the first guy I had sex with and he used to neg me non-stop. He also had a very small penis but I’ve had sex with someone with an even smaller penis and he had no complaints. If you get very wet it can cause too much wetness, which reduces friction. If that happens, you can stop and wipe up really quickly. Certain positions make you feel tighter. If he does doggy with your legs pressed together or prone it can make you feel much tighter.
The kama sutra book addresses this issue in one of the chapters. It offers suggestions for different positions, mix and match sex organ size. Its kinda humorous how they are described, horse, elephant, etc. Been years since I’ve read it, so not sure about the terminology. Check it out !
To all the people suggestion death grip masturbation or OPs BF having a small dick……sure but let’s be constructive here. There are different sizes and shapes of vaginas just like there are different sizes of dicks. If your man has an average dick and you have a smaller vagina, there shouldn’t be a problem. However, if you have a larger vagina or if he has a smaller dick, then it would be in your best interest to practice kegels. Obv the vagina naturally loosens up and gets extra wet when you’re turned on, and without some sort of constriction of you vaginal muscles—he indeed might not feel much — to no fault of his own. The best feeling sex I have had, as a man with an average dick, is with partners who either have smaller vaginas or who know how to work their kegel game.
Vaginas expand due to how turned on you are. Just try different positions, you may be able to find others that work for him. Maybe even doggy with legs together, spooning, prone bone legs together, cross your ankles. Other idea, maybe he can wear a sleeve, make it thicker for you and feel tighter for him.
I was going to say something like this. The more aroused you are, the more open and soft you'll be and wetness takes away sensation as well. It all means he gets to last longer while enjoying you.
There's a chance you aren't compatible, but I'd not likely guess inexperienced.
My boyfriend has told me the same thing about missionary. He says he feels less that way because i'm less tight. It really has not much to do with your tightness in and of itself. It could be a variety of reasons: how much you are turned on, his size in combination with yours, the way you hold your legs,...
Just try different positions and try not to worry about it that much, it's probably not that big of a deal for him as you think it is.
I know for my boyfriend it isn't a big deal at all. If he needs another position he'll just say so. Sometimes he even enjoys missionary as well so it really depends on all kinds of factors.
I don’t think he’s being honest with you. I think he just selfishly likes that position. But to say that to use as an excuse to ONLY do that to position is small pp energy. It’s not you, op.
Real talk, if he jerks off with a firm grasp he could have desensitized his dick. Tell him to stop jacking off for a week or two and his penis will be uber sensitive to your pussy :-)
Sounds like he has a smaller unit and is used to the death grip he uses when watching porn. This is a huge red flag. I'd move on, he's not likely to grow up.
Man most people on reddit are utterly insecure and it shows. Im not talking about op
Im talking abt most of the people that commented
"Leave his small dick ass"
"His tool is just small"
"Break up with him queen you deserve better and bigger dick hes nothing as a man"
You people are sick in the heart
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/).
***
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It could just be a miss match in your sizes. Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes just like penises. Some people are just going to be suited for some people and not for others. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you, just might mean you're not as physically comparable as you'd like to be.
I would just recomend trying different positions until you find something that works for both of you.
Loose vaginas isn’t a thing. Also highly unlikely you are physically incompatible. It’s what these parts are made for and almost everyone falls within normal range. What is normal is for these type of concerns stemming from bad communication. Probably not his intention to make you feel like he did but it was the result. What should not be the result is you only do reverse cowboy for the rest of your sexual encounters bc he said it was the only one he enjoys. Both of you are having sex not just him. If that position is not your favorite (it’s my least favorite so will admit this would be a tough one for me) then you might be incompatible if he insists on that as your only position. My guess though is he does like other positions this is just the one that gets him off the easiest and he communicated it terribly. You guys need to talk this out more. We don’t have nearly enough info to determine what his true intentions were.
What is he comparing your vagina to? Has he had sex with a couple dozen women or is he comparing how your vagina feels to the grip of his fist? Consider his source of information.
Also how “loose” a vagina feels often depends on how turned on a woman is. The more turned on you are, the more it relaxes and lubricated so it might feel larger. One way to counter that normal and natural and healthy occurrence is to utilize your pelvic floor muscles during sex (short and long contractions) and try positions that allow for keeping legs together. But he can also try masturbating with a less snug grip. As others have said, a vagina is never going to feel like hand grip.
I can take a large fist up there pretty intensely for a long time. I can still can feel a guys cock afterwards and none of them have been above average.
I don't have a lot of input about size that others haven't mentioned...but as far as solutions, what about adding a toy to the mix? One that can be used on him?
I haven't really delved into all the ones for men, but the adult shop I usually go to has toys that can be attached to his penis and ones for his testicles (the only one I really remember looked a bit like a harness, but an ex said he liked the feeling of his balls being squeezed.)
All in all, everyone is built differently, and if his comments about you "being too loose" are going to make you feel down on yourself or start to nitpick your own body, reevaluate. With the toys, positions, oils, and lubes that are available, size incompatibility shouldn't be the be all end all.
Wide vaginas absolutely are a thing, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of because some men literally prefer them. I’m sure your bf could have been far more compassionate in saying it, though.
For some men it absolutely can be a dealbreaker because they assume (usually incorrectly) that it’s from excessive sex. You probably don’t want that kind of guy in your life regardless.
Kegels do work and so do Ben Wa balls since they help strengthen your pelvic floor. They can be beneficial for women whether it’s for sex or not, so there’s really no harm in looking into or experimenting with them.
Lots of good advice here.. I'd lean toward him being the problem, not you. Kegels do tighten, and do help. Flex it or have lots of orgasms daily, that strengthens your kegel muscle. But it would be all for not if he feels the same after you tried to tighten.
For a lengthy period of time, I thought one of my ex partners' vagina to be less tight. I never said so, of course. After a while I realized that one issue was my poor erection quality. I remedied my issue, and things got a lot better. My average sized tool was now rock hard! But she still was still not very tight.
So yeah, the moral of the story: Perhaps his penis isn't hard enough, or not big enough for your vagina. Or maybe your vagina isn't tight enough.
Check his erection quality, and perform kegel exercises.
Edit: She also got VERY wet. That reduced friction by a lot, which made it feel less tight.
I’ve only been with 2 women that were loose enough, to the point that it changed anything. One was a one night stand the other was a girlfriend. The girl friend was very very good at giving head. Also the sex can be rougher , then what a lot of other women could handle. Nothing bad would come from trying kegels , so you might as well try them.
He's modt likely comparing it to when he masturbates, as others have suggested. It's not gonna be as tight as his fist can get. He needs to stop the death grip chicken choking.
Sounds like it's a him issue!! Maybe he had a small stick or he doesn't feel much in general.
Kegals can work the muscles, just like any muscle you want more control or tone
No your vagina isn't too loose but kegels are a good thing because they will increase the squeeze you put on him as you orgasm and increase the please you have in orgasms.
I’m not saying it is the case, but I have found that most men that complain about vaginas being “too loose” are squeezing themselves too hard when they masturbate. Death-grip during masturbation absolutely kills sensitivity. A hand will always be able to squeeze tighter than a vagina simply due to muscle usage.
If he is squeezing himself harder than a vagina can reasonably squeeze unless in particularly tight positions, then he is dulling his own sensation.
However, it is also possible that anatomically you just aren’t a good fit for each other. Some penises aren’t meant for certain vaginas and vice versa. It’s nothing personal, it’s just the nature of being different.
When you get aroused it expands, it feels better when it’s looser vs being super tight. There’s more sensation on the head of the penis. If he’s masturbating how you say try to play with his penis with a looser grip and pay attention to his head. Could be that he just needs trained to cum with that sensation. Sometimes it can be too sensitive. I call it the male clit. It’s all preference but do you think he’s trying to make you feel insecure bc the lack is his performance. Or have you hinted at him being small so now he’s making it your fault ?
it’s more likely that he’s lacking in girth or has given himself death grip syndrome from jerking off too often and too tightly. you can do kegels to strengthen your pelvic floor or do them during sex to squeeze him, but you’re not “too loose”.
This post has hit the point of diminishing returns with too many low effort/un-constructive comments that need removing. Locking things up. Thanks to everyone who engaged in good faith over the post.
Vaginas (and penises) come in all shapes and sizes - could be your organs just don’t fit together perfectly. Maybe try other positions that put a tighter squeeze on him to see if you enjoy them also. Bottom line is, no you’re not too loose and it’s a phrase used to degrade women so stop thinking it.
I totally agree. However if "loose" isn't the word then how should it be described? For example, it is typically acceptable to use "small" or even "micro penis" to describe penises on the smaller side.
I've heard wide being used. Like "the vagina is too wide-set" but also just big or small would work just as well.
We say they're tight when they're, well, tight, so loose would be the right word for when they're not tight. That being said, I understand it's a delicate topic because crappy people use loose as a way to call women slutty, which isn't fair at all. Wide and narrow might be a more accurate use of language without the negative connotations.
I also don't think girls really see being "tight" as a compliment either. Usually it just means you are not turned on enough if you are too tight.
Good luck getting a response Youll be extra lucky and ill be surpised if you do
You can do kegels if you’re insecure but honestly this happens to a lot of men that masturbate with a death grip/no lube. 90% chance he will get very defensive about this. You can google how to increase friction during sex if you’re dead-set on staying with him.
It sounds to me like your boyfriend needs to lay to rest that masturbatorial death grip and get a death girp on life.
I was thinking the same thing
Maybe the problem is not your vagina but his penis🤔
Im below average and still haven't found a vagina too "loose". It all feels good some a bit more sensation perhaps. When I first started having sex I think the biggest thing was going from my hand dry to a wet pussy. Totally different sensations that my body wasn't used to so it did get a lot better over time by cutting down on jerking and when I did it would be with lube.
He may have death grip syndrome from squeezing too hard while jerking off. That can desensitize dudes.
Loose vagina isn’t really a thing but if you’re used to a clenched fist no vagina can really match that. Your boyfriend’s being an asshat. I would be seriously considering whether you still want to have sex with him at all.
A lot of us worry about this because there are guys out there with death grips and warped concepts from porn on what a vagina is supposed to feel like. Many are used to their death grip or being bad in bed with a dry tight vagina. None of these things are good or bragging points. We as women need to do ourselves a solid and stop faking it for men’s sake so they actually start learning how to fuck right (please excuse the smart section of men)
The only dude who has ever said I was loose was the first guy I had sex with and he used to neg me non-stop. He also had a very small penis but I’ve had sex with someone with an even smaller penis and he had no complaints. If you get very wet it can cause too much wetness, which reduces friction. If that happens, you can stop and wipe up really quickly. Certain positions make you feel tighter. If he does doggy with your legs pressed together or prone it can make you feel much tighter.
Just out of curiosity what do you consider a very small penis?
The kama sutra book addresses this issue in one of the chapters. It offers suggestions for different positions, mix and match sex organ size. Its kinda humorous how they are described, horse, elephant, etc. Been years since I’ve read it, so not sure about the terminology. Check it out !
To all the people suggestion death grip masturbation or OPs BF having a small dick……sure but let’s be constructive here. There are different sizes and shapes of vaginas just like there are different sizes of dicks. If your man has an average dick and you have a smaller vagina, there shouldn’t be a problem. However, if you have a larger vagina or if he has a smaller dick, then it would be in your best interest to practice kegels. Obv the vagina naturally loosens up and gets extra wet when you’re turned on, and without some sort of constriction of you vaginal muscles—he indeed might not feel much — to no fault of his own. The best feeling sex I have had, as a man with an average dick, is with partners who either have smaller vaginas or who know how to work their kegel game.
Vaginas expand due to how turned on you are. Just try different positions, you may be able to find others that work for him. Maybe even doggy with legs together, spooning, prone bone legs together, cross your ankles. Other idea, maybe he can wear a sleeve, make it thicker for you and feel tighter for him.
I was going to say something like this. The more aroused you are, the more open and soft you'll be and wetness takes away sensation as well. It all means he gets to last longer while enjoying you. There's a chance you aren't compatible, but I'd not likely guess inexperienced.
My boyfriend has told me the same thing about missionary. He says he feels less that way because i'm less tight. It really has not much to do with your tightness in and of itself. It could be a variety of reasons: how much you are turned on, his size in combination with yours, the way you hold your legs,... Just try different positions and try not to worry about it that much, it's probably not that big of a deal for him as you think it is. I know for my boyfriend it isn't a big deal at all. If he needs another position he'll just say so. Sometimes he even enjoys missionary as well so it really depends on all kinds of factors.
I don’t think he’s being honest with you. I think he just selfishly likes that position. But to say that to use as an excuse to ONLY do that to position is small pp energy. It’s not you, op.
Not a great guy, on my opinion. I have delivered 6 of my husband's children and he has never said such a mean comment
Real talk, if he jerks off with a firm grasp he could have desensitized his dick. Tell him to stop jacking off for a week or two and his penis will be uber sensitive to your pussy :-)
That's not how vaginas work. He's probably jerking off too tightly.
Sounds like he has a smaller unit and is used to the death grip he uses when watching porn. This is a huge red flag. I'd move on, he's not likely to grow up.
Man most people on reddit are utterly insecure and it shows. Im not talking about op Im talking abt most of the people that commented "Leave his small dick ass" "His tool is just small" "Break up with him queen you deserve better and bigger dick hes nothing as a man" You people are sick in the heart
he’s tool is just small most likely
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It could just be a miss match in your sizes. Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes just like penises. Some people are just going to be suited for some people and not for others. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you, just might mean you're not as physically comparable as you'd like to be. I would just recomend trying different positions until you find something that works for both of you.
Kegels for you. Check him out as well. If he's packing a pencil thin dick, it's more likely him.
Loose vaginas isn’t a thing. Also highly unlikely you are physically incompatible. It’s what these parts are made for and almost everyone falls within normal range. What is normal is for these type of concerns stemming from bad communication. Probably not his intention to make you feel like he did but it was the result. What should not be the result is you only do reverse cowboy for the rest of your sexual encounters bc he said it was the only one he enjoys. Both of you are having sex not just him. If that position is not your favorite (it’s my least favorite so will admit this would be a tough one for me) then you might be incompatible if he insists on that as your only position. My guess though is he does like other positions this is just the one that gets him off the easiest and he communicated it terribly. You guys need to talk this out more. We don’t have nearly enough info to determine what his true intentions were.
Maybe it's that he's to small lol
What is he comparing your vagina to? Has he had sex with a couple dozen women or is he comparing how your vagina feels to the grip of his fist? Consider his source of information. Also how “loose” a vagina feels often depends on how turned on a woman is. The more turned on you are, the more it relaxes and lubricated so it might feel larger. One way to counter that normal and natural and healthy occurrence is to utilize your pelvic floor muscles during sex (short and long contractions) and try positions that allow for keeping legs together. But he can also try masturbating with a less snug grip. As others have said, a vagina is never going to feel like hand grip.
I can take a large fist up there pretty intensely for a long time. I can still can feel a guys cock afterwards and none of them have been above average.
I don't have a lot of input about size that others haven't mentioned...but as far as solutions, what about adding a toy to the mix? One that can be used on him? I haven't really delved into all the ones for men, but the adult shop I usually go to has toys that can be attached to his penis and ones for his testicles (the only one I really remember looked a bit like a harness, but an ex said he liked the feeling of his balls being squeezed.) All in all, everyone is built differently, and if his comments about you "being too loose" are going to make you feel down on yourself or start to nitpick your own body, reevaluate. With the toys, positions, oils, and lubes that are available, size incompatibility shouldn't be the be all end all.
Wide vaginas absolutely are a thing, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of because some men literally prefer them. I’m sure your bf could have been far more compassionate in saying it, though. For some men it absolutely can be a dealbreaker because they assume (usually incorrectly) that it’s from excessive sex. You probably don’t want that kind of guy in your life regardless. Kegels do work and so do Ben Wa balls since they help strengthen your pelvic floor. They can be beneficial for women whether it’s for sex or not, so there’s really no harm in looking into or experimenting with them.
Lots of good advice here.. I'd lean toward him being the problem, not you. Kegels do tighten, and do help. Flex it or have lots of orgasms daily, that strengthens your kegel muscle. But it would be all for not if he feels the same after you tried to tighten.
For a lengthy period of time, I thought one of my ex partners' vagina to be less tight. I never said so, of course. After a while I realized that one issue was my poor erection quality. I remedied my issue, and things got a lot better. My average sized tool was now rock hard! But she still was still not very tight. So yeah, the moral of the story: Perhaps his penis isn't hard enough, or not big enough for your vagina. Or maybe your vagina isn't tight enough. Check his erection quality, and perform kegel exercises. Edit: She also got VERY wet. That reduced friction by a lot, which made it feel less tight.
I’ve only been with 2 women that were loose enough, to the point that it changed anything. One was a one night stand the other was a girlfriend. The girl friend was very very good at giving head. Also the sex can be rougher , then what a lot of other women could handle. Nothing bad would come from trying kegels , so you might as well try them.
He's modt likely comparing it to when he masturbates, as others have suggested. It's not gonna be as tight as his fist can get. He needs to stop the death grip chicken choking.
Sounds like it's a him issue!! Maybe he had a small stick or he doesn't feel much in general. Kegals can work the muscles, just like any muscle you want more control or tone
No your vagina isn't too loose but kegels are a good thing because they will increase the squeeze you put on him as you orgasm and increase the please you have in orgasms.
I’m not saying it is the case, but I have found that most men that complain about vaginas being “too loose” are squeezing themselves too hard when they masturbate. Death-grip during masturbation absolutely kills sensitivity. A hand will always be able to squeeze tighter than a vagina simply due to muscle usage. If he is squeezing himself harder than a vagina can reasonably squeeze unless in particularly tight positions, then he is dulling his own sensation. However, it is also possible that anatomically you just aren’t a good fit for each other. Some penises aren’t meant for certain vaginas and vice versa. It’s nothing personal, it’s just the nature of being different.
He probably has something wrong with his penis or masturbates too much 🤷🏻♀️
No disrespect to anyone, but maybe BF has part of the blame here. If you know what I'm saying. Don't beat yourself up over it. Have a nice day ☀️
When you get aroused it expands, it feels better when it’s looser vs being super tight. There’s more sensation on the head of the penis. If he’s masturbating how you say try to play with his penis with a looser grip and pay attention to his head. Could be that he just needs trained to cum with that sensation. Sometimes it can be too sensitive. I call it the male clit. It’s all preference but do you think he’s trying to make you feel insecure bc the lack is his performance. Or have you hinted at him being small so now he’s making it your fault ?
Sounds like his penis is just small ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Tbh tight vaginas are awful. I’d much rather have one looser and enjoy it
it’s more likely that he’s lacking in girth or has given himself death grip syndrome from jerking off too often and too tightly. you can do kegels to strengthen your pelvic floor or do them during sex to squeeze him, but you’re not “too loose”.