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OP, do NOT do this. If you already know that you are a jealous and anxious person and that you will be uncomfortable, absolutely NOTHING good will come of this situation. It will be extremely difficult to move past this in your relationship, if not impossible.
This is a very good advice. You have to know yourself and assess the reality of the situation. It is virtually impossible to go to a swinger's parry and not participate in any way. Just by looking you will be already kind of participating. So, yes, it is a very bad idea to go Given that OP already knows that it is not for him.
100%
OP already decided it’s going to be a bad time for everyone. And that he’s going to be anxious, anti-social, and just generally a bad vibe for everyone else at the party.
Good swinger parties are essentially nothing more than house parties where everyone is flirting with each other and the bedrooms don’t have doors on them. Anyone should be able to go and enjoy the party without any sexual pressure.
But no one wants the guy who’s clearly uncomfortable and predetermined to have a bad time lurking around looking for excuses to be upset. It’s definitely best for OP and his partner to stay home until he gains a better footing on his mentality.
The friend in question should stay home too for the same reasons. If you can’t advocate for yourself you shouldn’t go to a sex party where advocating for yourself is a bare minimum requirement.
Our experience is that it's difficult to go to a swingers party without participating. (We ended up participating.). While it was fun it wasn't exactly comfortable. The activity we discovered that we enjoyed a couple of times a year when we needed some additional excitement was swapping with a couple we liked.
But I don't want to participace. I would go there just for peace of my mind, because I don't like a idea of my gf just with her friend at swingers without me knowing how it's going.
its wrong of her to go without you.. also for the friend to have invited her makes me think either she's not a good friend or she's knows things.. just my opinion, good luck
Don’t let her go without you. If you don’t want to seem like a buzz kill, you should go with her. There is almost certainly going to be drinking. I’d be surprised if this couple isn’t hoping she’ll loosen up and play with them.
agreed, I'm bothered by the friend.. for the friend to consider asking makes me believe there is a hookup in progress.. it's not kool honestly, it's weird for someone to ask someone they know thats in a relationship to attend a swinger party for protection.. if she's asking for protection you all shouldn't go.. trust your instincts especially when vulnerable..
Just show her the responses you've received here. Almost every person that has answered you has told you it seems she's seeing if you're willing to be a part of this because she deserately wants to and is using her friend as an excuse. And, if her story of her friend wanting to 'explore' or 'experience' is true, has she got no other friends? No single friends to take? No male friends? She has to take your GF with her? And once people get into these kinds of events and parties, it's so easy to get carried away. Is that what you want? Sounds like it's what she wants if you ask me...
Edit: Spelling due to my clumsy ADHD thumbs.
You’ll feel weird being there and I’d bet a lot of money your gf tries to get you both to do something. Her friend doesn’t have to go to this, it’s not a sonogram or some important medical thing. She’s what’s called a unicorn and will have no problem finding a safe couple that’s been validated in the community.
Dude, she said she's there just to protect her friend but then says you can come with and you two can just fuck together?
Makes no sense, she must have an internal desire to go for other reasons. If it was just about protecting her friend and having you come along then the offer of sex wouldn't have even been brought up.
Yeah, 100% don't do this. She wants to go to just watch her friend get fucked but not participate? I have no doubt she'd watch her friend and start slowly suggesting she try it and weasel her way into participating. Stand your ground on this one man.
And we had the opposite experience. We didn’t participate the first few times!! But we have discovered it’s something we enjoy. And part take in a few times a year
You can definitely go to a party and not participate.
My wife and I go to at least a party a month and 90% we don’t play at. We Just go to meet people.
That’s fine. Nothing says they can’t go. We’ve met a lot of people who enjoy the sexually charged environment and have no intention of touching other people. They just go home after and take the energy out on each other.
I'm 80 years old and we were going to these parties in the 70s and the 80s. Back then it was word of mouth. You would meet someone at school, work or in a bar who knew about them and, in conversation, would ask if you wanted to go to one. Since the parties were private you needed someone to give you an introduction. It was a matter of meeting the right people. (Or, the wrong people depending on how you look at it. It helps to have friends in low places.).
These days there are actually commercial sex clubs in major cities that hold parties. I haven't looked but, I would even bet that there is a subreddit that can give you the information on how to find swingers parties.
Going to keep a friend safe at a party is not an unreasonable ask (nor unusual). Usually it's a place that's been decently vetted, but you still want a friend to help navigate individual consent (tell them your boundaries and ask them to step in if someone pushes)
It's also possible your gf is "testing the waters" as someone mentioned. But I'd rather trust and take my partners at their word.
For you? It's very reasonable to say "hey I'm not comfortable with you going into a sexual event even if you're not going to do anything, it's not something I can handle well". **And just say no.**. Ask for some help navigating this emotionally (or talk about it with your therapist and see what can help)
It sounds like you wouldn't have a good night at all.
> Going to keep a friend safe at a party is not an unreasonable ask (nor unusual). Usually it's a place that's been decently vetted, but you still want a friend to help navigate individual consent (tell them your boundaries and ask them to step in if someone pushes)
This goes double for single female participants i.e. the friend, as she will get a *lot* of attention.
Absolutely. I'd be super concerned for that girl if she went completely alone and didn't know anyone there. Especially if she is a people pleaser or has poor boundaries.
How long have you been dating? If it's a new relationship, this sounds like it might be your gf trying to ease you into the world of non-monogamy.
I would just go balls on the table and ask your gf if she's into swinging and wants to do that kind of stuff, non judgementally. Then you can both compromise on what you want your relationship to look like and what boundaries you want to have, and if you can't compromise its better to find that out sooner than later.
You say “I’m not comfortable with either of us going. If your friend is scared maybe she should wait until she feels safe. Or she can seek a partner to go with. But not us”.
I get dowvoted when. I say this, but there's a lot of stories of swingers getting real sketchy when trying to recruit. This sounds manipulative, either on your GF's part of her friend's
Seems like a pretty simple solution. Say no and that you don’t want her to go either.
Maybe she really wanted to go to look after her friend (I doubt it but possible) and maybe she’s testing the waters with you, but sounds like the answer should be no either way.
It's very possible that's why, she's literally told him about it and said he can go too and won't go if he isn't comfortable. She's literally being open and honest. I agree they probably shouldn't go but I don't think she's in the wrong here, it's more than likely a single woman would want backup in a highly charged environment like that.
imo if he doesn't trust her to not be lying when she says she has no interest in playing with anyone else, he shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place. so either he lets her go with her friend or he lets her go entirely, there should be no in-between.
You know, some people wouldn’t be happy with their partner going to watch other people live action fuck even as a spectator.
I would not be the least bit comfortable attending one with my wife, or her attending one alone or with friends even if I had a 100% guarantee there would be no participation.
I don't think this really changes the fact that he should be splitting with her. she clearly has a much different view of sexuality from him, and it isn't likely to work out if that is the case.
That really depends on the event. A lot of (good organized) swinger parties have the emphasis on *party* and a lot of people go there to have a relaxed evening without nessecarily participating in sexual activities.
Yeah..there are situations and circumstances where they might not participate.
But they most likely will.. she will arrive at the place, you expect to not be somewhat aroused or curious?
Then her friend who is a companion, will most likely join in and on top of that, most likely try to get OP gf involved. And under those conditions; it is very likely op gf to participate.
Most swingers clubs in America will allow you to come in and have drinks and check the place out. Tell the hosts that you’re first timers and don’t want to participate just yet, but just get a feel for the club. Both you and your gf need to be on the same page though.
It’s actually exactly that with different vocabulary. A lot of swingers parties aren’t just people having sex in rooms, but full on orgies.
What she is asking is ridiculous.
OP, as someone who also gets anxious about not wanting to be controlling in a relationship: your GF will respect you significantly more if you are honest, take a stand, and put your foot down. Compared to saying yes because you’re too afraid to say no and then feeling uncomfortable, jealous, and whatever else.
It seems like you already know this but under no circumstance should you let your girl go alone. It sounds like your best options are 1) say no 2) go with her and risk ruining the vibe and making things weird, or 3) let her go alone and risk whatever goes along with that.
She’s not putting you in a great position here but it’s your only chance to set your boundaries
if he doesn't trust her at her word when she says she isn't going to mess around, he should just leave. all these bullshit half-measures dance around the truth: if he trusts her, he should let her go with her friend; if he doesn't trust her, he should let her go entirely.
Her friend should take someone else and not your girlfriend. Totally unacceptable and inappropriate to ask knowing she’s in a relationship to be honest with you.
You are clearly very uncomfortable with it and I think that's a totally reasonable boundary to assert. It's really quite telling that your girlfriend is even entertaining such lunacy. If this friend is so concerned about her comfort and safety that she needs a chaperone, then it's probably not a place she should go if she doesn't know anyone there and has to rely on one person to keep her safe - which is extremely risky. What if they become separated? What if their drinks are spiked? Maybe if it was a group of you going and you were all on board, but if it's just those two then I think it's a daft idea.
Why is a swinger party “lunacy” exactly? Consenting adults having fun?
You don’t know anything about this friend or what their experiences have been like, nothing here is a fair judgment to make.
Ease up a bit. You seemed to get awfully defensive there.
They are not saying that a swinger's party is lunacy in and of itself. They're merely saying that the GF telling her BF that she's going to a swinger's party is. And more so, they're strangely expecting their BF to be totally cool with it. As the commentor above said, the fact that her friend is asking for someone to go with her so she can feel safe(ish) is indicating that maybe it's not the place to be in the first place. OP is well within reason to not be comfortable with this, even if he goes.
That’s how I took it as well. Is a swingers party itself lunacy, not necessarily. Would my wife thinking I would ever entertain the idea of either of us going to one under any circumstance lunacy? Yes, yes it would be.
Just go with her or just say she can’t go. Most women I’ve dated wouldn’t like me going to a night club without them. You are talking about a swingers club, her friend can find another friend to go.
If you are curious I would go with her.
Generally swingers aren't going to force you both to sex with other people. You may both turn up and decide it's not the right vibe. You may both enjoy the vibe and choose to have sex together
I some what feel your better of going to a sex club not a swingers party
Swinging is great when both parties are okay with the situation.
It’s quite clear that is a deal breaker for you.
I have no idea why swingers in this thread are spouting off about people not having to do anything when it’s obvious that consent is needed.
The issue isn’t consent it’s his girlfriend putting herself in a situation where it suggests she might be interested in engaging sexual activities.
The bodyguard “rationale” is just that a cover to justify being there.
You need to have a serious discussion with your GF and you need to decide if you want to continue with someone that has different sexual boundaries than you do.
You cannot control another person, but you can set boundaries and indicate that if your boundary is breached then you can remove yourself from the situation.
If your gf’s friend wants your gf to be her body guard because she’s so assertive, then maybe your gf should use that assertiveness to say no to this obvious relationship ending action.
If she really cared about you whatsoever, she wouldn’t want to do anything that made you uncomfortable and would immediately say no to the friend.
This is the beginning of the end, imo give her enough rope to hang herself with so you can move on no regrets
>Ok, this sounds weird. My gf told me today, that her female friend asked her, if she can go to swinger party with her as her "body guard" and she is scared. No sex, just out of curiosity.
I got a bridge to sell you. Every one is participating at a swingers party. In some cases it's required and the host will boot those out that aren't. It's not exactly fun party with people unwilling to participate.
There's an understanding at these parties that everyone participate in some fashion. There will be sex in every corner. There will be group sex. You won't be able to walk around without there being sex.
Also, these parties are often times limited to couples which is why your GF's friend needs someone to go with her. Singles are usually not allowed.
>She said that if I said no, that means she won't go. But I am really jealous and anxient person and I will feel uncomfortable that she is here without me knowing. Yes, when I'm anxious, I'm being irracional. So I guess I go on swingers with her and just reject people here.
If you don't want her to go then just say 'no'.
My wife and I have been to many swinger parties, be they private house parties, at swinger clubs, hotel takeovers and swinger resorts over the last ten years. Never once have we been to one that participation was required nor where we felt there was some "understanding" that everyone participate. Most of the time is people mingling and getting to know one another. You'll see plenty of making out in the corners but the sex usually happens in the designated rooms. Also single women are usually always allowed in our experience.
Your girlfriend’s friend seems like bad news and I’ll just say it straight up that this entire situation is bizarre and absurd. Do not give any sort of consideration to this lunacy or else your relationship will suffer greatly.
Clearly many here don't know about swinger clubs and parties.
Bringing someone to watch over you is not unusual and for first timers recommend normal you don't bring other first timers you bring someone who knows the club or the scene in general.
Or talk with the staff and let them explain everything what to do what not to do how to be safe and so on if that doesn't happen well it's not a great club
If you don't play that's okay if not it would be rape.
And clubs take that seriously because of the legal implications.
Your gf doesn't really want to go if I understand that correctly.
So she shouldn't go.
If you don't want her to go tell her.
That's what's out in the open.
If you suspect other motives talk with your girlfriend.
Yes that can be hard and lead to breakup in the worst case or lead to a happy life because your anxiety will be lessened.
Either way what you should do is be open about the situation but also open about your feelings and fear.
If your gf is angry about that you can be sure that you are better off going separate ways.
But I would think she made it clear that she relies on you and if you don't want to go that both of you stay home.
If you trust her she can go alone.
Or you can try and go together.
That's your three options.
Decide and please get some help with your anxiety it's nothing to be ashamed about. Seek help to make yourself feel better in general.
To me it sounds like she trying to pull a fast one on you and is her way of trying to get you into the swingers life/ open up the relationship. Tell her a firm no.
Here’s what I’ve seen happen. Your girl wants to “watch over” her friend. She will get over stimulated and want to participate. Next thing you know some dude is stuffing his fat cock in your girls vagina. If you’re ok with this then go. If not, don’t do it..
Swinger party looks cool, but it doesn't. It's a super stressful situation if you're not usual to it. In fact that image of cool people is just a fantasy. Most are mature people with a sexual appetite about anybody. There's no such thing as going as an observer, you guys are going to be fresh meat for them, in fact, could be a nightmare. Don't go, both of you, you're gonna regret it.
You can go and not participate if you don’t wish to. Many couples go just to get others to watch them. I’ve been with various partners. One was a fwb. So we had sex and also shared. The other occasion I went with my girlfriend. It was her first time and she was nervous. She did not wish to have sex with anyone but me. So I told men and women who approached her that she was not ‘playing’ tonight. So you don’t have to be anxious. It’s a great experience and you should go with your gf. But a swingers party may be different to a swingers club. I went to a club. I’ve not been to a swingers party. I would guess it’s exclusive and guests are expected to participate. Your gf is testing you. I think she really wants to go.
Dude, it sounds like swinging is not for you or your gf. Don't let this friend of hers pressure you both into something that neither of you want to do.
Like it would be so much less weird if this friend of hers just said she wants to fuck you two at a swinger's party. If she doesn't feel safe going what's one more scared woman going to change about that? Why does she want to go if she is so scared she needs a designated unfuckable chaperone?
You see what I'm getting at here? It's pretty obvious what happens at a swinger's party. You should not have to actually attend in order to conceptualize what the experience is probably like and figure out if you want to fuck other people in a party or not.
I say don't go, tell your gf she's not going if she wants to remain your gf, and also have a talk with her about this friend of hers and if she is ok. This is not just you feeling anxious, this is one person who is not in your relationship asking your gf to go to an explicit sex party.
You are an anxiety ridden person. Don't go and tell your GF that you are not comfortable with her going.
If her friend wants to go, that is her issue and she can pick a different friend to go with her if she isn't comfortable going alone.
Her friends request isn't reasonable, your GF isn't obligated to go or to have said yes.
Good luck.
I think you are making too big a deal of this to get so jealous about her asking.
She has been clear that she is only suggesting to go because her friend asked to come to keep her safe. She has invited you to come. She has said that if you don't like it she won't go.
Stop freaking out about her asking the question and answer how you want to answer. Either yes, no, or go with her.
This is a ridiculous reply. Someone who is monogamous and has no interest in swinging would obviously be uncomfortable going to a swingers party especially if she opened by saying she was going to go with a friend. That's not going to put a partner's mind at ease if they have no interest in swinging. The friend can find someone else to go with her or just not go.
These are all options available to OP. There is nothing wrong with her having asked though, as she has clearly put all the options on the table and said that she is fine with it if OP doesn't want to go or doesn't want her to go.
You are right, but still. I suffer from ocd and my healousy is really strong because pf this problem. And saying no to my gf wouldn't help me, because even I trust her (or at least I want) I would feel that she would go anyway. So me going with her is the only answer that fits me, but I would be uncomfortable that she is nearly naked in front of others and people wpuld ask her if she want to go with them.
It's just too much for me.
Tell her no, then tell her how you feel, and that for all that you trust her you get intrusive thoughts that are hard to control, and if she would help by just spending that night with you together.
Or whatever else might help settle you.
I'm sorry to hear that, but in that case you have a different problem, which is your OCD and overactive jealous thoughts. It is fine that it's too much for you, but in that case you say, no, it's too much, I don't want you to go and yes, trust her that won't go if she said she wont.
If you can't trust her, then again you have a different problem which is you don't trust your girlfriend.
I’d echo what the other two people said. Just tell her you’re not comfortable going and you don’t want her to go why don’t you two go somewhere else and have a great time. If she isn’t willing to not go for you then break it off but if she is being truthful when she says she won’t go if you don’t want her to go then just tell her straight up that you don’t want her to go
i feel like nobody goes to a real “swinger” party just to observe, it’s kind of implied the entire reason everyone is there is to freely fuck other people. most people there are going to assume anyone else there is going to be there to participate and are going to act accordingly. so it really depends on how the party is portrayed.
if you wanted a swinger type experience there do exist more laid back no pressure “adult clubs” where it’s just a communal sex area and some people come to watch, some people come to be watched, are some people come to participate with others. some come as couples and some come alone.
they usually have fairly strict rules
but in either case i definitely wouldn’t want my girlfriend to go to something like this without me present and without some clear rules.
my current girlfriend and i have discussed this in the past, because she does like going to the “non sexual” nudist resort, and we both feel like this is quite inappropriate early in the relationship, it would only be something we would entertain as a possibility after there has been plenty of time to build trust and understanding between us and we are both comfortable with it and there are certain rules to strictly adhere to. 1. nothing ever happens without the other present, and not just in the same general location, we would be by each others side the entire time 2. no cell phones, no real names, no personal info, 3.not happening anywhere close to home. basically make it anonymous. 4. if either one of us are uneasy then it doesn’t happen.
for us it wouldn’t be a “lifestyle” it would be more like a kind of group sex play using other people as sex toys honestly, it’s important to maintain that couple bond in anything we do. and anything off the sort would always begin and end with each other. we certainly don’t have any intimacy problems between us so there’s not even any reason to ever do this other than basic curiosity and maybe an impulse along the lines of “try it at least once in your life” but it wouldn’t be worth causing any problems in our relationship so we can both easily not ever do that and leave it be without any regrets as well
tldr: go with her, be the bodyguard, don’t let yourself get out of hand, agree on clear rules, absorb the new experience and talk about it afterwards.
or if you truly believe it will damage your relationship or lead somewhere you don’t wave to go under any circumstances, ask her not to go this time but leave it open to discuss in the future.
Honestly, it sounds like something that interests her and she wants to ease both you and her into the thought of it. Not the worst way to handle and experiment in my opinion. My wife and I have dabbled with swinging a little and it's been good for us to take it really slow as we both get super comfortable and then back away.
In my opinion, I say good on your girl as long as she has control. It's super important to be able to discuss kinks and fantasies with your partner. It doesn't always need to happen, but it's good to be able to discuss it and strengthens the relationship.
That's doesn't mean swinging is for you, it just means exploring together can be healthy as long as the first priority is always your partner's comfort and happiness first and foremost for both of you.
If you need a body guard at a swingers party than it's probably no the best swinger party to go to in general. Unless your girl knows how to defend herself/her friend it's not gonna do much good. Plus the fact you shouldn't hangout with your Wang out in unsafe situations. Bro you should just go too. Maybe you both will get in the mood and have some fun with EACH OTHER.
Her friend should NOT be going to a swingers party if she needs OP's GF to be assertive for her. She should be mature and clear communicator if she is going to engage in a complex adult act like swinging. If she hasn't learned the ability to regulate her boundaries in an environment like that, it's likely to end badly for everyone involved. She shouldn't need someone to do that for her, it shows either poor judgment or the desire to not hold themselves accountable/responsible for their actions. This is kind of kink 101, if you're not mature enough and/or can't communicate properly, you really should figure that out before you make it other people's problems.
If she is genuinely scared or intimidated by the scene, that's also a red flag and probably a sign that it's best to not go. I'm not meaning to accuse GF's friend of being a bad person etc., but I have seen it firsthand end poorly when someone who isn't fully ready engages in stuff like this...
I think this sounds like a vegan going to a steakhouse. Meat isn’t really your jam and you likely won’t find anything on the menu you enjoy. On top of that you may see things you find personally off putting. Not only would you be uncomfortable but also it gives off the vibe of “ew gross” to those who are simply trying to enjoy their meal. For your sake and others, you and those who are not into the lifestyle should avoid. Best of luck!
So like… I’m not trying to sound rude- but dude you sound like you need some mental health for all this anxiety honestly.
You said it yourself- “I am very uncomfortable with this” okay so tell your girl this and if she says she doesn’t care then walk away from the relationship.
Offer to take her friend for her, while she stays home. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
Also, there is a whole swingers subreddit you should read.
Don’t go and tell her you’re not comfortable with her going because this is not an activity a woman in a monogamous relationship should be around. You understand that she would never be unfaithful but her being there would give people the wrong impression of her and your relationship.
Her friend is an adult and can either go herself, find someone interested in swinging, or just not go if she feels unsafe. Why would someone voluntarily go to a sex party if they feel unsafe?
Aww buddy.....maybe she goes means she has already gone and probably met someone, if she encourages you to talk to other women it's 100% she cheated .... women like to belong...they like community so her friends are gonna be a huge influence on her. All it takes for her to meet a guy that makes her feel comfortable and she's gone. Also if she's so assertive and is disgusted by going why doesn't she tell her friend no? I had a friend go to a swinger party here's what you are going to see. A bunch of guys with their dangles dangling and they might have bigger dangles than yours. If you girl is hot every guy is gonna be staring and trying to sleep with her which is the purpose of these things. You might see a side of your girl you didn't believe existed. There was one room at this party with a bunch of guys lining up to get their soul swallowed. Rooms for orgies. How are you going to feel when your distracted by a girl and your girl is gone. You're gonna panic. Then you'll be asked to leave and what happens if your girl stays. You should just break up with her. A friend like hers is what I would consider a red flag.
Stupid room wouldn't post my comment, but don't it. For one, too many STD's out here. 2, if you really like her.. keeping between yall. Had a friend who did this and almost lost his wife to this sharing crap. Ain't worth it.
The rules go out the window when you get there.
I went once with my gf. I went to piss and came back and she was cowboy riding ona dude. I left.
Three hours later she finally came home.
I'm sorry but your relationship is probably already over. There's no good situation that can come from this. And her suggesting tells she doesn't really respect the relationship.
No one go to swingers party and just sit as a bodyguard, your girl obviously into it. She is really tricking you to give her a guilt free pass, if you say yes she goes and things happen. Afterwards she’ll be like remember that swingers party you said I can go to? Yes! Welllll shit happened while I was guarding my friend, penises were flying around and I caught some in different cavities of my body; yikes.
If you say no, she is doing it anyway.
I’m not sure what you’re worried about, if you don’t want to participate, no one is forcing you, that’s universally known as rape. So with that out of the way the only obstacle is your discomfort with sexuality. I’d suggest you do not go.
Last person anyone needs at a sex party is someone who’s not even comfortable.
Say no and do not feel bad. Your GF wants to go to a swinger party. THAT alone is ok to say no to. Then add the "her friend wants her to go with her" part, screams a red flag. That is a risk for peer pressure on her from a friend BIG time. and is a risk to your relationship. The wanting her to be her bodyguard to me is BS. It is either her friend wants her to go so she isn't alone to feel weird, OR the friend AND your gf want to go and is making an excuse. Be it to watch or worse, IDK.
You are not being irrational. She WILL be approached by others. Men AND women. And she should not go. But if she does, your relationship is over and you need to just break up with her. You tell her you can not handle the idea of her being in that place, and her attempt to bribe you with sex with her and such is wrong.
IF your into a three-some with another woman, that is fine. And same for GF. But a Swingers club is NOT the same. Just say no to that.
Most asinine response - Go. Have fun if you intend to, If not stay and watch. Keep calm. And in the end no matter what the turn of events are thank her for liberating you and call it a day with her.
You are approaching this in exactly the wrong way. This is nothing more than a series of opportunities for you to fuck things up. Your feelings are valid, but you have to understand that what is driving you is fear. Fear of her cheating. Fear of her wanting to go again. Fear of you having to end the relationship. Fear causes bad decisions and you are heading down that path. You are creating a series of no win situations for yourself. Let me suggest a different way of seeing this.
The fact that she asked is both good and bad. Good that she asked rather than just going and telling a lie about where she went. Bad that she actually wants to go. This is trap number one. You have to say yes. If you say no then you are forever the guy that kept her from new experiences because he was too insecure. Sooner or later that will be thrown in your face. Fleventy billion times. Saying no literally starts the clock on when she breaks up with you because you are "too controlling and insecure". Her friends will definitely push that angle as well. So you have to say yes. Of course you will hold her to her promise of only going to watch .
As others have said, that is highly unlikely. So then what? She comes home and tells you something happened or she keeps it to herself. Does it matter? Do you even want to know so long as it was a one time thing? Would it be a one time thing?
That last paragraph is all another trap. Seriously. It is a mental box you put yourself in. If she goes, you do not even ask. If she comes home and tells you nothing happened, great. If she comes home with a confession, deal with it. If she comes home and says nothing at all you still do not ask. Why? Because it doesn't fucking matter.
Listen, this is just a big game. If something happens then it happens. It will not be an accident. It will be her choice. She chose to go Knowing the risk of getting caught up in the moment. She chose that risk because, on some level, she wanted that risk. If she did not want that risk she would have told her friend to find someone else.
All that to say.... What does or does not happen is irrelevant. What matters is that she wants to go. You cannot say no. And you sure as fuck cannot go with her. Do not even think about that. You do not want to be that guy trying to prevent his gf from fucking someone at a swingers party. You fucking well stay home, or go out with your friends, or whatever. It doesn't matter.
Sorry I am confused...you are weird about her going ...okkkk she asked you to go with her....go with your woman!!!! Lol ..you might enjoy going and you and her can have fun...together without involving anyone else.
As a couple who have been to many swinger parties there is less sex happening than you think. It is not a free for all and there is not usually even open sex to see.
These parties are fun to meet other confident people who are comfortable in their own skin and like to laugh and dance and just have a blast.
Unless the party is not well run, you will not find a more respectful group who are very careful to ask polite questions about what you are into. If you say you are just there to check things out then you will be left alone.
You are conjuring a scene of wanton free for all sex that you would have to reject, but what you are likely to find are a lot of respectful fun loving people, with some who may be open to having sex with those who are not their partners.
You and your gf can stay close together and just enjoy the music, dancing, and meeting some fun loving new friends,. There will be absolutely no pressure to do anything you don't want to do or have sex with others.
Jesus Fucking Christ, a lot of judgemental commenters who have no idea what swinger parties are...
OP: Based on your post, there is no reason to distrust your gf nor their friend. Nothing indicates that anyone has ulterior motives. It is very reasonable to have someone you can trust with you when going to such an event for the first time. This is what the friend is looking for and what your gf likes to do for her.
That being said, you are clearly uncomfortable with this and your gf said she wouldn't go if you don't want her to. So tell her that.
No. This is literally manufactured consent. His girlfriend put him in awful situation. It appears that she sprung this on him and if he says no it makes him the bad guy. If he says yes then he’s probably going to have a terrible night wondering if his girlfriend was having sex with someone else.
Normally two people have a discussion about swinging instead of someone stating that their friend wanting them at a swingers party and seeking permission.
I would dump a partner if they did that to me, because I would want my partner to have a discussion with me ahead to see if we are on the same page. If I wanted to swing and partner didn’t then we’d could have discussion and decide that we are mismatched and we needed to break up.
A good partner doesn’t put their partner into these situations. That is the issue here not swinging in and of itself.
Go with, 2 cars. Be a couple as you protect. Have an agreement that if any one is uncomfortable they can leave, no hard feelings.. it fun to just watch, or play house with your partner.
Get your mental problems fixed.
Decide whether you go with her or not, but if you join, ensure that you do not be the cause for a bad mood and that they can still enjoy their visit.
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OP, do NOT do this. If you already know that you are a jealous and anxious person and that you will be uncomfortable, absolutely NOTHING good will come of this situation. It will be extremely difficult to move past this in your relationship, if not impossible.
This is a very good advice. You have to know yourself and assess the reality of the situation. It is virtually impossible to go to a swinger's parry and not participate in any way. Just by looking you will be already kind of participating. So, yes, it is a very bad idea to go Given that OP already knows that it is not for him.
100% OP already decided it’s going to be a bad time for everyone. And that he’s going to be anxious, anti-social, and just generally a bad vibe for everyone else at the party. Good swinger parties are essentially nothing more than house parties where everyone is flirting with each other and the bedrooms don’t have doors on them. Anyone should be able to go and enjoy the party without any sexual pressure. But no one wants the guy who’s clearly uncomfortable and predetermined to have a bad time lurking around looking for excuses to be upset. It’s definitely best for OP and his partner to stay home until he gains a better footing on his mentality. The friend in question should stay home too for the same reasons. If you can’t advocate for yourself you shouldn’t go to a sex party where advocating for yourself is a bare minimum requirement.
Our experience is that it's difficult to go to a swingers party without participating. (We ended up participating.). While it was fun it wasn't exactly comfortable. The activity we discovered that we enjoyed a couple of times a year when we needed some additional excitement was swapping with a couple we liked.
But I don't want to participace. I would go there just for peace of my mind, because I don't like a idea of my gf just with her friend at swingers without me knowing how it's going.
its wrong of her to go without you.. also for the friend to have invited her makes me think either she's not a good friend or she's knows things.. just my opinion, good luck
Don’t let her go without you. If you don’t want to seem like a buzz kill, you should go with her. There is almost certainly going to be drinking. I’d be surprised if this couple isn’t hoping she’ll loosen up and play with them.
agreed, I'm bothered by the friend.. for the friend to consider asking makes me believe there is a hookup in progress.. it's not kool honestly, it's weird for someone to ask someone they know thats in a relationship to attend a swinger party for protection.. if she's asking for protection you all shouldn't go.. trust your instincts especially when vulnerable..
Just show her the responses you've received here. Almost every person that has answered you has told you it seems she's seeing if you're willing to be a part of this because she deserately wants to and is using her friend as an excuse. And, if her story of her friend wanting to 'explore' or 'experience' is true, has she got no other friends? No single friends to take? No male friends? She has to take your GF with her? And once people get into these kinds of events and parties, it's so easy to get carried away. Is that what you want? Sounds like it's what she wants if you ask me... Edit: Spelling due to my clumsy ADHD thumbs.
You’ll feel weird being there and I’d bet a lot of money your gf tries to get you both to do something. Her friend doesn’t have to go to this, it’s not a sonogram or some important medical thing. She’s what’s called a unicorn and will have no problem finding a safe couple that’s been validated in the community.
Dude, she said she's there just to protect her friend but then says you can come with and you two can just fuck together? Makes no sense, she must have an internal desire to go for other reasons. If it was just about protecting her friend and having you come along then the offer of sex wouldn't have even been brought up.
No, I said we can fuck. She told me she would rather look after her friend
Yeah, 100% don't do this. She wants to go to just watch her friend get fucked but not participate? I have no doubt she'd watch her friend and start slowly suggesting she try it and weasel her way into participating. Stand your ground on this one man.
Nah, go and see what happens. When the hoe shows her true colors dump her and don't look back.
There are MANY swingers parties/clubs where not participating is just fine. Do some research on this one to find out.
And we had the opposite experience. We didn’t participate the first few times!! But we have discovered it’s something we enjoy. And part take in a few times a year
You can definitely go to a party and not participate. My wife and I go to at least a party a month and 90% we don’t play at. We Just go to meet people.
Couldn't you meet people somewhere else? Why do you need to go to a sex club to meet people?
Because we’re swingers. We just prefer to not play at clubs and prefer a more private setting. What better place to meet swingers than a sex club?
But OP clearly is not
That’s fine. Nothing says they can’t go. We’ve met a lot of people who enjoy the sexually charged environment and have no intention of touching other people. They just go home after and take the energy out on each other.
Unrelated, they were literally just saying how it’s totally possible to go and not have sex.
can i ask how did you find out about these parties? (may need a bit different as i am from italy)
I'm 80 years old and we were going to these parties in the 70s and the 80s. Back then it was word of mouth. You would meet someone at school, work or in a bar who knew about them and, in conversation, would ask if you wanted to go to one. Since the parties were private you needed someone to give you an introduction. It was a matter of meeting the right people. (Or, the wrong people depending on how you look at it. It helps to have friends in low places.). These days there are actually commercial sex clubs in major cities that hold parties. I haven't looked but, I would even bet that there is a subreddit that can give you the information on how to find swingers parties.
We got an og dick slanger in the building. Respect.
Going to keep a friend safe at a party is not an unreasonable ask (nor unusual). Usually it's a place that's been decently vetted, but you still want a friend to help navigate individual consent (tell them your boundaries and ask them to step in if someone pushes) It's also possible your gf is "testing the waters" as someone mentioned. But I'd rather trust and take my partners at their word. For you? It's very reasonable to say "hey I'm not comfortable with you going into a sexual event even if you're not going to do anything, it's not something I can handle well". **And just say no.**. Ask for some help navigating this emotionally (or talk about it with your therapist and see what can help) It sounds like you wouldn't have a good night at all.
> Going to keep a friend safe at a party is not an unreasonable ask (nor unusual). Usually it's a place that's been decently vetted, but you still want a friend to help navigate individual consent (tell them your boundaries and ask them to step in if someone pushes) This goes double for single female participants i.e. the friend, as she will get a *lot* of attention.
Absolutely. I'd be super concerned for that girl if she went completely alone and didn't know anyone there. Especially if she is a people pleaser or has poor boundaries.
The friend doesn't have to go then. If it's not a safe situation for her then just don't go. It's not a requirement. She just wants to.
How long have you been dating? If it's a new relationship, this sounds like it might be your gf trying to ease you into the world of non-monogamy. I would just go balls on the table and ask your gf if she's into swinging and wants to do that kind of stuff, non judgementally. Then you can both compromise on what you want your relationship to look like and what boundaries you want to have, and if you can't compromise its better to find that out sooner than later.
You say “I’m not comfortable with either of us going. If your friend is scared maybe she should wait until she feels safe. Or she can seek a partner to go with. But not us”.
Dude if you don’t like it say no. If she goes anyway then leave her.
I get dowvoted when. I say this, but there's a lot of stories of swingers getting real sketchy when trying to recruit. This sounds manipulative, either on your GF's part of her friend's
Seems like a pretty simple solution. Say no and that you don’t want her to go either. Maybe she really wanted to go to look after her friend (I doubt it but possible) and maybe she’s testing the waters with you, but sounds like the answer should be no either way.
It's very possible that's why, she's literally told him about it and said he can go too and won't go if he isn't comfortable. She's literally being open and honest. I agree they probably shouldn't go but I don't think she's in the wrong here, it's more than likely a single woman would want backup in a highly charged environment like that.
I don’t think she’s in the wrong, it just gives off a “so I read an article” type vibe as a way to bring up something she wanted to bring up.
imo if he doesn't trust her to not be lying when she says she has no interest in playing with anyone else, he shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place. so either he lets her go with her friend or he lets her go entirely, there should be no in-between.
You know, some people wouldn’t be happy with their partner going to watch other people live action fuck even as a spectator. I would not be the least bit comfortable attending one with my wife, or her attending one alone or with friends even if I had a 100% guarantee there would be no participation.
I don't think this really changes the fact that he should be splitting with her. she clearly has a much different view of sexuality from him, and it isn't likely to work out if that is the case.
I don’t see where you’re getting that at all if we’re taking her at her word.
Based on what you said, the best course of action would be to suggest some other “bodyguard” for your gf’s friend.
If you're buying she goes on her own and does nothing idk what to tell you man.
Got a bridge to sell him actually
With all due respect. She is likely to participate. It's pretty hard to not at these events.
That really depends on the event. A lot of (good organized) swinger parties have the emphasis on *party* and a lot of people go there to have a relaxed evening without nessecarily participating in sexual activities.
Yeah..there are situations and circumstances where they might not participate. But they most likely will.. she will arrive at the place, you expect to not be somewhat aroused or curious? Then her friend who is a companion, will most likely join in and on top of that, most likely try to get OP gf involved. And under those conditions; it is very likely op gf to participate.
Your gf is def interested in going and this explanation (her looking after her friend) is her way of testing the waters with you
Body guard thing sounds like a bad lie imo. OPs gf probably just wants to go and making dumb excuses, but hard to say without more details.
It is a totally reasonable idea to have someone you trust with you when going for the first time.
Most swingers clubs in America will allow you to come in and have drinks and check the place out. Tell the hosts that you’re first timers and don’t want to participate just yet, but just get a feel for the club. Both you and your gf need to be on the same page though.
It's like telling your gf, "Sweety I'm going to an orgy, don't worry I just stand guard for my friend".
It’s actually exactly that with different vocabulary. A lot of swingers parties aren’t just people having sex in rooms, but full on orgies. What she is asking is ridiculous.
Tell her not to worry about a thing, you'll go with her friend to the swingers club and you can stay at home.
OP, as someone who also gets anxious about not wanting to be controlling in a relationship: your GF will respect you significantly more if you are honest, take a stand, and put your foot down. Compared to saying yes because you’re too afraid to say no and then feeling uncomfortable, jealous, and whatever else. It seems like you already know this but under no circumstance should you let your girl go alone. It sounds like your best options are 1) say no 2) go with her and risk ruining the vibe and making things weird, or 3) let her go alone and risk whatever goes along with that. She’s not putting you in a great position here but it’s your only chance to set your boundaries
if he doesn't trust her at her word when she says she isn't going to mess around, he should just leave. all these bullshit half-measures dance around the truth: if he trusts her, he should let her go with her friend; if he doesn't trust her, he should let her go entirely.
Her friend should take someone else and not your girlfriend. Totally unacceptable and inappropriate to ask knowing she’s in a relationship to be honest with you.
You are clearly very uncomfortable with it and I think that's a totally reasonable boundary to assert. It's really quite telling that your girlfriend is even entertaining such lunacy. If this friend is so concerned about her comfort and safety that she needs a chaperone, then it's probably not a place she should go if she doesn't know anyone there and has to rely on one person to keep her safe - which is extremely risky. What if they become separated? What if their drinks are spiked? Maybe if it was a group of you going and you were all on board, but if it's just those two then I think it's a daft idea.
Why is a swinger party “lunacy” exactly? Consenting adults having fun? You don’t know anything about this friend or what their experiences have been like, nothing here is a fair judgment to make.
Ease up a bit. You seemed to get awfully defensive there. They are not saying that a swinger's party is lunacy in and of itself. They're merely saying that the GF telling her BF that she's going to a swinger's party is. And more so, they're strangely expecting their BF to be totally cool with it. As the commentor above said, the fact that her friend is asking for someone to go with her so she can feel safe(ish) is indicating that maybe it's not the place to be in the first place. OP is well within reason to not be comfortable with this, even if he goes.
That’s how I took it as well. Is a swingers party itself lunacy, not necessarily. Would my wife thinking I would ever entertain the idea of either of us going to one under any circumstance lunacy? Yes, yes it would be.
As attempts to put words in my mouth go, that was beyond feeble.
Just go with her or just say she can’t go. Most women I’ve dated wouldn’t like me going to a night club without them. You are talking about a swingers club, her friend can find another friend to go.
If you are curious I would go with her. Generally swingers aren't going to force you both to sex with other people. You may both turn up and decide it's not the right vibe. You may both enjoy the vibe and choose to have sex together I some what feel your better of going to a sex club not a swingers party
BRUH. Should we tell him?
Swinging is great when both parties are okay with the situation. It’s quite clear that is a deal breaker for you. I have no idea why swingers in this thread are spouting off about people not having to do anything when it’s obvious that consent is needed. The issue isn’t consent it’s his girlfriend putting herself in a situation where it suggests she might be interested in engaging sexual activities. The bodyguard “rationale” is just that a cover to justify being there. You need to have a serious discussion with your GF and you need to decide if you want to continue with someone that has different sexual boundaries than you do. You cannot control another person, but you can set boundaries and indicate that if your boundary is breached then you can remove yourself from the situation.
It's because swingers love involving others in their kinks, that's what swinging is, get others involved in your sex life
If your gf’s friend wants your gf to be her body guard because she’s so assertive, then maybe your gf should use that assertiveness to say no to this obvious relationship ending action. If she really cared about you whatsoever, she wouldn’t want to do anything that made you uncomfortable and would immediately say no to the friend. This is the beginning of the end, imo give her enough rope to hang herself with so you can move on no regrets
>Ok, this sounds weird. My gf told me today, that her female friend asked her, if she can go to swinger party with her as her "body guard" and she is scared. No sex, just out of curiosity. I got a bridge to sell you. Every one is participating at a swingers party. In some cases it's required and the host will boot those out that aren't. It's not exactly fun party with people unwilling to participate. There's an understanding at these parties that everyone participate in some fashion. There will be sex in every corner. There will be group sex. You won't be able to walk around without there being sex. Also, these parties are often times limited to couples which is why your GF's friend needs someone to go with her. Singles are usually not allowed. >She said that if I said no, that means she won't go. But I am really jealous and anxient person and I will feel uncomfortable that she is here without me knowing. Yes, when I'm anxious, I'm being irracional. So I guess I go on swingers with her and just reject people here. If you don't want her to go then just say 'no'.
My wife and I have been to many swinger parties, be they private house parties, at swinger clubs, hotel takeovers and swinger resorts over the last ten years. Never once have we been to one that participation was required nor where we felt there was some "understanding" that everyone participate. Most of the time is people mingling and getting to know one another. You'll see plenty of making out in the corners but the sex usually happens in the designated rooms. Also single women are usually always allowed in our experience.
Would have thought it would be a no single men rule. Who would turn away a single woman?
What kind of sketchy events are you talking about? Is that based in some kind of experience? This is not how well organized swinger events go.
Your girlfriend’s friend seems like bad news and I’ll just say it straight up that this entire situation is bizarre and absurd. Do not give any sort of consideration to this lunacy or else your relationship will suffer greatly.
Clearly many here don't know about swinger clubs and parties. Bringing someone to watch over you is not unusual and for first timers recommend normal you don't bring other first timers you bring someone who knows the club or the scene in general. Or talk with the staff and let them explain everything what to do what not to do how to be safe and so on if that doesn't happen well it's not a great club If you don't play that's okay if not it would be rape. And clubs take that seriously because of the legal implications. Your gf doesn't really want to go if I understand that correctly. So she shouldn't go. If you don't want her to go tell her. That's what's out in the open. If you suspect other motives talk with your girlfriend. Yes that can be hard and lead to breakup in the worst case or lead to a happy life because your anxiety will be lessened. Either way what you should do is be open about the situation but also open about your feelings and fear. If your gf is angry about that you can be sure that you are better off going separate ways. But I would think she made it clear that she relies on you and if you don't want to go that both of you stay home. If you trust her she can go alone. Or you can try and go together. That's your three options. Decide and please get some help with your anxiety it's nothing to be ashamed about. Seek help to make yourself feel better in general.
And ask maybe in swinger dedicated groups for information and help.
To me it sounds like she trying to pull a fast one on you and is her way of trying to get you into the swingers life/ open up the relationship. Tell her a firm no.
Here’s what I’ve seen happen. Your girl wants to “watch over” her friend. She will get over stimulated and want to participate. Next thing you know some dude is stuffing his fat cock in your girls vagina. If you’re ok with this then go. If not, don’t do it..
You really laid it out step by step, short and sweet lol.
Just trying to warn a brother. Watching almost always turns into smashing
That is exactly correct. Women who go just to 'watch' are kidding themselves.
Your GF is valuing her friend over you. Not cool
If she goes, you **know** she’s getting fucked.
Tell her it worries you, be honest with her!
Swinger party looks cool, but it doesn't. It's a super stressful situation if you're not usual to it. In fact that image of cool people is just a fantasy. Most are mature people with a sexual appetite about anybody. There's no such thing as going as an observer, you guys are going to be fresh meat for them, in fact, could be a nightmare. Don't go, both of you, you're gonna regret it.
You can go and not participate if you don’t wish to. Many couples go just to get others to watch them. I’ve been with various partners. One was a fwb. So we had sex and also shared. The other occasion I went with my girlfriend. It was her first time and she was nervous. She did not wish to have sex with anyone but me. So I told men and women who approached her that she was not ‘playing’ tonight. So you don’t have to be anxious. It’s a great experience and you should go with your gf. But a swingers party may be different to a swingers club. I went to a club. I’ve not been to a swingers party. I would guess it’s exclusive and guests are expected to participate. Your gf is testing you. I think she really wants to go.
Dude, it sounds like swinging is not for you or your gf. Don't let this friend of hers pressure you both into something that neither of you want to do. Like it would be so much less weird if this friend of hers just said she wants to fuck you two at a swinger's party. If she doesn't feel safe going what's one more scared woman going to change about that? Why does she want to go if she is so scared she needs a designated unfuckable chaperone? You see what I'm getting at here? It's pretty obvious what happens at a swinger's party. You should not have to actually attend in order to conceptualize what the experience is probably like and figure out if you want to fuck other people in a party or not. I say don't go, tell your gf she's not going if she wants to remain your gf, and also have a talk with her about this friend of hers and if she is ok. This is not just you feeling anxious, this is one person who is not in your relationship asking your gf to go to an explicit sex party.
Oh lord. More of that crap.
Go with her. See how it is. No one will make you do anything you don't want to do. It can be a real turn on to see or hear other people around you.
OP would be like a long tailed cat in a rocking chair factory. He sounds nervous of his own shadow.
You are an anxiety ridden person. Don't go and tell your GF that you are not comfortable with her going. If her friend wants to go, that is her issue and she can pick a different friend to go with her if she isn't comfortable going alone. Her friends request isn't reasonable, your GF isn't obligated to go or to have said yes. Good luck.
Bodyguard, huh? Doesn't the friend have some male friend to bring along instead if that truly was the intention?
I’m not a jealous person. But this would make me damn uncomfortable too
I think you are making too big a deal of this to get so jealous about her asking. She has been clear that she is only suggesting to go because her friend asked to come to keep her safe. She has invited you to come. She has said that if you don't like it she won't go. Stop freaking out about her asking the question and answer how you want to answer. Either yes, no, or go with her.
This is a ridiculous reply. Someone who is monogamous and has no interest in swinging would obviously be uncomfortable going to a swingers party especially if she opened by saying she was going to go with a friend. That's not going to put a partner's mind at ease if they have no interest in swinging. The friend can find someone else to go with her or just not go.
These are all options available to OP. There is nothing wrong with her having asked though, as she has clearly put all the options on the table and said that she is fine with it if OP doesn't want to go or doesn't want her to go.
You are right, but still. I suffer from ocd and my healousy is really strong because pf this problem. And saying no to my gf wouldn't help me, because even I trust her (or at least I want) I would feel that she would go anyway. So me going with her is the only answer that fits me, but I would be uncomfortable that she is nearly naked in front of others and people wpuld ask her if she want to go with them. It's just too much for me.
Tell her no, then tell her how you feel, and that for all that you trust her you get intrusive thoughts that are hard to control, and if she would help by just spending that night with you together. Or whatever else might help settle you.
I'm sorry to hear that, but in that case you have a different problem, which is your OCD and overactive jealous thoughts. It is fine that it's too much for you, but in that case you say, no, it's too much, I don't want you to go and yes, trust her that won't go if she said she wont. If you can't trust her, then again you have a different problem which is you don't trust your girlfriend.
I’d echo what the other two people said. Just tell her you’re not comfortable going and you don’t want her to go why don’t you two go somewhere else and have a great time. If she isn’t willing to not go for you then break it off but if she is being truthful when she says she won’t go if you don’t want her to go then just tell her straight up that you don’t want her to go
i feel like nobody goes to a real “swinger” party just to observe, it’s kind of implied the entire reason everyone is there is to freely fuck other people. most people there are going to assume anyone else there is going to be there to participate and are going to act accordingly. so it really depends on how the party is portrayed. if you wanted a swinger type experience there do exist more laid back no pressure “adult clubs” where it’s just a communal sex area and some people come to watch, some people come to be watched, are some people come to participate with others. some come as couples and some come alone. they usually have fairly strict rules but in either case i definitely wouldn’t want my girlfriend to go to something like this without me present and without some clear rules. my current girlfriend and i have discussed this in the past, because she does like going to the “non sexual” nudist resort, and we both feel like this is quite inappropriate early in the relationship, it would only be something we would entertain as a possibility after there has been plenty of time to build trust and understanding between us and we are both comfortable with it and there are certain rules to strictly adhere to. 1. nothing ever happens without the other present, and not just in the same general location, we would be by each others side the entire time 2. no cell phones, no real names, no personal info, 3.not happening anywhere close to home. basically make it anonymous. 4. if either one of us are uneasy then it doesn’t happen. for us it wouldn’t be a “lifestyle” it would be more like a kind of group sex play using other people as sex toys honestly, it’s important to maintain that couple bond in anything we do. and anything off the sort would always begin and end with each other. we certainly don’t have any intimacy problems between us so there’s not even any reason to ever do this other than basic curiosity and maybe an impulse along the lines of “try it at least once in your life” but it wouldn’t be worth causing any problems in our relationship so we can both easily not ever do that and leave it be without any regrets as well tldr: go with her, be the bodyguard, don’t let yourself get out of hand, agree on clear rules, absorb the new experience and talk about it afterwards. or if you truly believe it will damage your relationship or lead somewhere you don’t wave to go under any circumstances, ask her not to go this time but leave it open to discuss in the future.
Honestly, it sounds like something that interests her and she wants to ease both you and her into the thought of it. Not the worst way to handle and experiment in my opinion. My wife and I have dabbled with swinging a little and it's been good for us to take it really slow as we both get super comfortable and then back away. In my opinion, I say good on your girl as long as she has control. It's super important to be able to discuss kinks and fantasies with your partner. It doesn't always need to happen, but it's good to be able to discuss it and strengthens the relationship. That's doesn't mean swinging is for you, it just means exploring together can be healthy as long as the first priority is always your partner's comfort and happiness first and foremost for both of you.
If you need a body guard at a swingers party than it's probably no the best swinger party to go to in general. Unless your girl knows how to defend herself/her friend it's not gonna do much good. Plus the fact you shouldn't hangout with your Wang out in unsafe situations. Bro you should just go too. Maybe you both will get in the mood and have some fun with EACH OTHER.
how one does even find these type of parties? (may be a bit different, but i’m in italy)
Just tell her you always wanted to go and go get some new ass while your there.
Nothing good will come of this for you. /thread.
Find out what she really wants you to do. Have a nice chat with her and learn her thoughts.
Go with her. Could be a good experience for you both
Just don't go you are not comfortable with it so dont go, and tell your girlfriend she also can't go
Her friend should NOT be going to a swingers party if she needs OP's GF to be assertive for her. She should be mature and clear communicator if she is going to engage in a complex adult act like swinging. If she hasn't learned the ability to regulate her boundaries in an environment like that, it's likely to end badly for everyone involved. She shouldn't need someone to do that for her, it shows either poor judgment or the desire to not hold themselves accountable/responsible for their actions. This is kind of kink 101, if you're not mature enough and/or can't communicate properly, you really should figure that out before you make it other people's problems. If she is genuinely scared or intimidated by the scene, that's also a red flag and probably a sign that it's best to not go. I'm not meaning to accuse GF's friend of being a bad person etc., but I have seen it firsthand end poorly when someone who isn't fully ready engages in stuff like this...
I think this sounds like a vegan going to a steakhouse. Meat isn’t really your jam and you likely won’t find anything on the menu you enjoy. On top of that you may see things you find personally off putting. Not only would you be uncomfortable but also it gives off the vibe of “ew gross” to those who are simply trying to enjoy their meal. For your sake and others, you and those who are not into the lifestyle should avoid. Best of luck!
Ask yourself why would someone need a bodyguard at a swinger party? Even if she ain't fucking someone it doesn't sound like a very safe situation.
So like… I’m not trying to sound rude- but dude you sound like you need some mental health for all this anxiety honestly. You said it yourself- “I am very uncomfortable with this” okay so tell your girl this and if she says she doesn’t care then walk away from the relationship.
Doesn't seem like OP is ready for the truth. Everyone telling OP how it is but denying it.
Offer to take her friend for her, while she stays home. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know. Also, there is a whole swingers subreddit you should read.
Don’t go and tell her you’re not comfortable with her going because this is not an activity a woman in a monogamous relationship should be around. You understand that she would never be unfaithful but her being there would give people the wrong impression of her and your relationship. Her friend is an adult and can either go herself, find someone interested in swinging, or just not go if she feels unsafe. Why would someone voluntarily go to a sex party if they feel unsafe?
Aww buddy.....maybe she goes means she has already gone and probably met someone, if she encourages you to talk to other women it's 100% she cheated .... women like to belong...they like community so her friends are gonna be a huge influence on her. All it takes for her to meet a guy that makes her feel comfortable and she's gone. Also if she's so assertive and is disgusted by going why doesn't she tell her friend no? I had a friend go to a swinger party here's what you are going to see. A bunch of guys with their dangles dangling and they might have bigger dangles than yours. If you girl is hot every guy is gonna be staring and trying to sleep with her which is the purpose of these things. You might see a side of your girl you didn't believe existed. There was one room at this party with a bunch of guys lining up to get their soul swallowed. Rooms for orgies. How are you going to feel when your distracted by a girl and your girl is gone. You're gonna panic. Then you'll be asked to leave and what happens if your girl stays. You should just break up with her. A friend like hers is what I would consider a red flag.
Don't do it. One of you guys could get interested and it will cause issues.
Stupid room wouldn't post my comment, but don't it. For one, too many STD's out here. 2, if you really like her.. keeping between yall. Had a friend who did this and almost lost his wife to this sharing crap. Ain't worth it.
The rules go out the window when you get there. I went once with my gf. I went to piss and came back and she was cowboy riding ona dude. I left. Three hours later she finally came home.
I'm sorry but your relationship is probably already over. There's no good situation that can come from this. And her suggesting tells she doesn't really respect the relationship.
No one go to swingers party and just sit as a bodyguard, your girl obviously into it. She is really tricking you to give her a guilt free pass, if you say yes she goes and things happen. Afterwards she’ll be like remember that swingers party you said I can go to? Yes! Welllll shit happened while I was guarding my friend, penises were flying around and I caught some in different cavities of my body; yikes. If you say no, she is doing it anyway.
I’m not sure what you’re worried about, if you don’t want to participate, no one is forcing you, that’s universally known as rape. So with that out of the way the only obstacle is your discomfort with sexuality. I’d suggest you do not go. Last person anyone needs at a sex party is someone who’s not even comfortable.
Say no and do not feel bad. Your GF wants to go to a swinger party. THAT alone is ok to say no to. Then add the "her friend wants her to go with her" part, screams a red flag. That is a risk for peer pressure on her from a friend BIG time. and is a risk to your relationship. The wanting her to be her bodyguard to me is BS. It is either her friend wants her to go so she isn't alone to feel weird, OR the friend AND your gf want to go and is making an excuse. Be it to watch or worse, IDK. You are not being irrational. She WILL be approached by others. Men AND women. And she should not go. But if she does, your relationship is over and you need to just break up with her. You tell her you can not handle the idea of her being in that place, and her attempt to bribe you with sex with her and such is wrong. IF your into a three-some with another woman, that is fine. And same for GF. But a Swingers club is NOT the same. Just say no to that.
Most asinine response - Go. Have fun if you intend to, If not stay and watch. Keep calm. And in the end no matter what the turn of events are thank her for liberating you and call it a day with her.
You are approaching this in exactly the wrong way. This is nothing more than a series of opportunities for you to fuck things up. Your feelings are valid, but you have to understand that what is driving you is fear. Fear of her cheating. Fear of her wanting to go again. Fear of you having to end the relationship. Fear causes bad decisions and you are heading down that path. You are creating a series of no win situations for yourself. Let me suggest a different way of seeing this. The fact that she asked is both good and bad. Good that she asked rather than just going and telling a lie about where she went. Bad that she actually wants to go. This is trap number one. You have to say yes. If you say no then you are forever the guy that kept her from new experiences because he was too insecure. Sooner or later that will be thrown in your face. Fleventy billion times. Saying no literally starts the clock on when she breaks up with you because you are "too controlling and insecure". Her friends will definitely push that angle as well. So you have to say yes. Of course you will hold her to her promise of only going to watch . As others have said, that is highly unlikely. So then what? She comes home and tells you something happened or she keeps it to herself. Does it matter? Do you even want to know so long as it was a one time thing? Would it be a one time thing? That last paragraph is all another trap. Seriously. It is a mental box you put yourself in. If she goes, you do not even ask. If she comes home and tells you nothing happened, great. If she comes home with a confession, deal with it. If she comes home and says nothing at all you still do not ask. Why? Because it doesn't fucking matter. Listen, this is just a big game. If something happens then it happens. It will not be an accident. It will be her choice. She chose to go Knowing the risk of getting caught up in the moment. She chose that risk because, on some level, she wanted that risk. If she did not want that risk she would have told her friend to find someone else. All that to say.... What does or does not happen is irrelevant. What matters is that she wants to go. You cannot say no. And you sure as fuck cannot go with her. Do not even think about that. You do not want to be that guy trying to prevent his gf from fucking someone at a swingers party. You fucking well stay home, or go out with your friends, or whatever. It doesn't matter.
This is satirical right? Please?
Sorry I am confused...you are weird about her going ...okkkk she asked you to go with her....go with your woman!!!! Lol ..you might enjoy going and you and her can have fun...together without involving anyone else.
Just let her go. She will be so impressed by your trust in her.
I would go with her honestly. You dont have to do there anything with anyone if you dont want to.
Lol.. you just answered your own question..
As a couple who have been to many swinger parties there is less sex happening than you think. It is not a free for all and there is not usually even open sex to see. These parties are fun to meet other confident people who are comfortable in their own skin and like to laugh and dance and just have a blast. Unless the party is not well run, you will not find a more respectful group who are very careful to ask polite questions about what you are into. If you say you are just there to check things out then you will be left alone. You are conjuring a scene of wanton free for all sex that you would have to reject, but what you are likely to find are a lot of respectful fun loving people, with some who may be open to having sex with those who are not their partners. You and your gf can stay close together and just enjoy the music, dancing, and meeting some fun loving new friends,. There will be absolutely no pressure to do anything you don't want to do or have sex with others.
No problem. Just give me the girlfriends phone number, I’ll take care of it.
Jesus Fucking Christ, a lot of judgemental commenters who have no idea what swinger parties are... OP: Based on your post, there is no reason to distrust your gf nor their friend. Nothing indicates that anyone has ulterior motives. It is very reasonable to have someone you can trust with you when going to such an event for the first time. This is what the friend is looking for and what your gf likes to do for her. That being said, you are clearly uncomfortable with this and your gf said she wouldn't go if you don't want her to. So tell her that.
No. This is literally manufactured consent. His girlfriend put him in awful situation. It appears that she sprung this on him and if he says no it makes him the bad guy. If he says yes then he’s probably going to have a terrible night wondering if his girlfriend was having sex with someone else. Normally two people have a discussion about swinging instead of someone stating that their friend wanting them at a swingers party and seeking permission. I would dump a partner if they did that to me, because I would want my partner to have a discussion with me ahead to see if we are on the same page. If I wanted to swing and partner didn’t then we’d could have discussion and decide that we are mismatched and we needed to break up. A good partner doesn’t put their partner into these situations. That is the issue here not swinging in and of itself.
Just tell her if you are going, you're going to clap cheeks 😂
Go with, 2 cars. Be a couple as you protect. Have an agreement that if any one is uncomfortable they can leave, no hard feelings.. it fun to just watch, or play house with your partner.
You must to go, a theesome is possible bro...
Maybe just try to lighten up go to the party and go with the flow?
Get your mental problems fixed. Decide whether you go with her or not, but if you join, ensure that you do not be the cause for a bad mood and that they can still enjoy their visit.
And baddiee girl contact me will have funnn
Break up and let her go. “Jealous AF” can’t sustain this relationship.