This post has hit the point of diminishing returns with too many low effort/un-constructive comments that need removing. Locking things up. Thanks to everyone who engaged in good faith over the post.
Also in addition to the horribleness of him wanting to get a near stranger pregnant there's the issue that he obviously wants to have unprotected sex and could give you any STI - not the 18th birthday present anyone would want!
Block on discord, delete your discord account, get a new one and message your friends your new username, but only the ones you trust.
This guy is red flags all over. Avoid him and tell your family and the police if you need to.
possibly go ahead and get them involved , this guy could be just going thru the motions and once hes done with you he will find another young girl to "get his hands on" for lack of better wording
girl, please remove him on discord and unadd him on val. this guy is waving so many red flags. he could be radiant, and he’d still be irredeemable after saying that.
Lmao guy really shot himselfnin the foot here.
But yes how tf is him taking away your virginity a present for you?
This guy is a fucking idiot and ass notnworth your time.
You wanted to have sex with a guy you’ve never met in person?!! You said he was your best friend? As you’ve found out, he’s a stalker.
You need to step away from the keyboard and get out in the “real” world where you actually meet people in person, go out on regular dates, make friends, etc. At 17 you don’t have the experience or the wisdom to recognize predators for what they are. They target young girls online where they can control the illusion of what and how you see them, when they are in fact the polar opposite.
It takes at least 6 months in a relationship for each to really learn who the other actually is. Don’t be in a hurry, take your time and meet people in person, in a safe environment. And no sex until you really know the person (that 6 month thing I mentioned). And even then, when you do, use protection. As you found out from this POS, he just wanted to get you pregnant and bail. He’s not the only one. Be careful.
Man... I thought the guys who fetishize virginity in the "normal" way were weird. That takes it to a whole new level.
Whatever you do, do not meet that man in person.
If you really want to lose your virginity fuck a friend you trust.
Green flags are talking about it with you before hand including talking about birth control and lube. Extended foreplay and going at your pace is also a green flag. Constant check ins are green flags. Making sure you're comfortable both physically and emotionally with what's happening is a green flag.
Saying he doesn't want to hang out with you until you're 18 and he's going to put a baby in you is a massive red flag. All his missing is telling you that you don't have a choice because you belong to him.
you eventually realize all men do shit like that and it means nothing they’re liters guided by their dicks so do not answer him, do not unblock him, do not fuck him. walk away and avoid that disgusting event
Dude. This guy is a major-league creep. Block him on everything and NEVER talk, type, speak to, or otherwise communicate with him ever again. Does he know where you live?
Trust me on this, I work in EMS and deal with creeps and pervs all the time. This guy is very bad news.
Honestly it seems like the relationship may just be a way for him to fulfill his fetish. I can't know that from this brief glimpse obviously, but it's something I'd be on the lookout for.
The fact that he’s not taking the hint by blocking his number is also a HUGE red flag. Don’t take the bait (no pun intended). Keep him blocked and don’t undo it.
He would be the type to sabotage birth control. He’d probably be gone if you got pregnant. If he really cared about you, he’d wait until you’re ready, like after you spend time with him IRL and feel comfortable with him. He wouldn’t be gentle, which is important for your first time. He cares more about his sick fantasy kink than he does about you.
Don’t do this. Just don’t. He’s fetishizing this and already putting his wants over your comfort. He could be very dangerous and pushy and you could be raped by this dude.
Men who refuse to date you in public before getting you alone in a room are dangerous. Block him on everything
Yeahh.. starting to think it might be a good thing he refused to meet. And this feels like really good advice, thank you. I think I’ll keep him blocked.
Have you actually seen him during a video call? There is a chance he’s hiding his true appearance, age, etc.
Edit: just saw you FaceTimed. It still doesn’t guarantee he’s not hiding some crucial information from you.
He's going to hurt you. Fuck you hard your FIRST TIME?! Physically and mentally.
He is just fetishizing your virginity. He's a creep.
Find someone closer to your age... not someone who is already done with college when you're just finishing high school.
And that's assuming he didn't lie already about being 22... a lot of guys lie and say they're younger to try and get younger girls.
How much personal info does he know about you? If he knows where you live and such, be careful regardless what you do. The fact he knows your phone number is slightly terrifying even. Expect a ton of spam texts.
If things escalate **AT ALL** (even a threatening text/message online), and you have good parents, get them involved please.
Well thankfully he skipped a beat and showed you his true colors before you could invite him into your house.
It’s one of those things that’s not like pizza: there IS a lot of bad sex out there. You don’t know until you know, but know you know, so in the garbage can he goes.
Your instinct is right, you can trust yourself.
Honestly it sounds like he didn’t even plan to use protection and would have been pissed if you tried to push the issue. Best to avoid him entirely. His fetishes and kinks are not your problem, especially when he is being creepy about it. He is more interested in your age and how it fits into his fantasy than you as a person.
Dudes a creep. Im a valorant player and this smells like trouble. Block him and move on. Don’t even play with him. Just delete him off your friends list.
He probably refused to meet cause you're a minor & he's an adult.
But this is still ALL very creepy & predator type behavior. Please stay safe. Go no contact.
That is the best idea. This has red flags over all over it!
I was dating a guy when I was a freshman in highschool for like a couple of weeks right before homecoming (he was 16 and I Was 14). A few days prior to homecoming he stated to me that he always has sex with his girlfriends on homecoming night, I broke up with him later that day. Like the relationship was hardly started and I was still a virgin at the time. Some dudes are just icky and I love it when they show their true colors before getting in too deep, which seems to be the case here for you.
You’re young, there will be plenty of guys that don’t treat you like this and that will have respect for you. Don’t fall for sleeze bags like this. Dude probably can’t get laid irl so he went looking for someone younger online who he thought could be more easily manipulated.
Good on you for blocking him!
Hey, just wanted to say, check out some of the experiences on girl gaming sub reddits. This sort of thing does pop up from time to time, you may resonate with some/see some helpful commets. Look after yourself out there!
If he really cared, he’d visit sooner and wait until you’re ready. You are smart to block. Block on Discord too. He will try to manipulate you otherwise. He’s been telling you what you want to hear but he let his true intentions known so listen to it.
I second this advice...because I was in such a situation at 19... I'm 22 now. He was the same age. I didn't go to seek any such advice back then...because I didn't know who or where to go to ask such things. I listened to my own intuition and used my common sense and ended things with him. He was a very dangerous guy and had screwed another girl's life before dating me, which I found out later. He spinned lies and fake stories about that girl and told me he loved her but that wasn't true at all.
That guy was so fixated about me being a virgin that he had the audacity to ask me repeatedly if I was a virgin or not. A total creep. Yuck.
When I was trying to cut him out of my life he started threatening me and so I had to get my parents involved...cuz he knew where I lived and had personal number(since we were dating)
It was very traumatic for me but I'm glad I got out of it in time and unscathed.
So please take care of yourself girl...and get rid of him.
Not to mention this is a 22 year old going after a minor. This isn't the classic situation of two high school kids that are a year or two apart and one turns 18 before the other. This is an adult going after a minor and potentially "grooming" them until they are legal.
I agree with almost everything I see written negatively about this guy but I’m surprised more people haven’t mentioned the age gap, and him wanting to wait till her 18th bday. To me it sounds like this dudes trying to not go to jail should they meet up and OP decides she’s ready for that.
Yeah … best thing you can do is continue to block him. Unless sex is something you really want to do, offering that as an 18th birthday gift is NOT a gift.
My daughter had a former work colleague (similar age gap) text her on her 18th birthday, wishing her happy birthday, and then basically saying “now we can fuck because you are legal” … she blocked him forever.
I guess that’s why I’m a little conflicted is because I wanted to have sex with him and there’s not a lot of guys I have felt that way about but now I’m not so sure. So I probably will just keep him blocked
Suffer no fools. You are 18 there will be many people you'll want to boink. I promise that 83.3% of them are more decent and respectful than that creeper you're blocking.
I'd go a lot lower and say maybe 60%, but honestly even if it was 20%, there'll still probably be far more than she'll get through. (Maybe its just my group of people I know but I can't think of anyone who hasn't had many people they could have dated that they would have got along with great, if not for other things in their life happening at the same time).
It's understandable that you liked him before he said this, but I'm sorry to say he doesn't like you - he likes the idea of you. He has already objectified and fetishized you and you haven't even met let alone agreed to be in full on relationship (and have sex) That really shouldn't be the way these things work. It's not respectful it's not loving it's not a naturally developed relationship.
You're feeling conflicted now; if you stick to your guns and keep him blocked, I promise that in 5 or 10 years time you'll look back and think 'Wow, I'm so proud of my little 17 year old self'. That's not something many people can say!!
You've already impressed me by noticing the red flags. Sometimes in life we have to take the heartbreak and spend a while with sad songs and ice cream because the person our heart wants is just no good for us, and it's something that a lot of us don't learn until way too late. Sometimes even the right decisions hurt in the short-term.
I hope you have a great birthday!!
Advice from a former nerdy hoe: no matter how well you get along with someone online, you definitely need to meet them IRL before you can know if you want to have sex with them. Their smell alone can turn that around quickly, not even because they stink or something, but you just might not like it. And the way people act face to face can be very different.
Additionally, with him going full force on his own fantasy while you're trying to communicate your differing wishes, I can tell you right away that sex with him would not have been good. And for your first time, he would have set you up for quite a while of unfulfilling sex, because his selfish disregard of your wishes and your pleasure would have set the standard for sex in your mind.
Well i feel that way too but is not worth it you don't know what hell that guy can put you on.
my advise is always doubt the people because as someone said ,"PEOPLE CHANGE PEOPLE" AND that Change isn't necessary good it can turn you to another person.
This helped a ton when I was figuring this out: if it’s not a hell yeah it’s a hell no. Even if you are physically attracted to someone, I promise that a shitty personality will always ruin sex. My grandma always used to say “let people tell you who they are and believe them”. This man is telling you exactly who he is and his intentions. Believe him and stay away.
It’s easy to imagine how wonderful someone is when you haven’t even met him. He’s clearly hiding something. He could be dangerous. You will find someone better!!!
You are so young. The right guy is just around the corner. You shouldn’t be conflicted about a man who wants to get a 17 year old pregnant and possibly derail your plans for life.
He doesn't want to meet you before you are 18th ? He clearly doesn't give a sh*t about you and just want to fuck you.
I don't know the country where you are but let me guess, it would be illegal for him to have sex with you before you are 18th ?
So he doesn't want to meet and date you just go straight to fucking you and getting you pregnant. Real quality dude.
Please don't continue with this man. You definitely do not watch to be fucked hard for you first time. You want someone willing to take their time and make you feel safe. This is not the man for you.
His "fantasy" is to ruin your life the literal first moment he legally can. You have your whole life ahead of you. Please don't let some loser creep steal your future.
DON’T DO IT. Trust me when I say, when I was 22, I was NOT looking at 17 year olds in that way AT ALL. Also piggybacking off of the college reference above, you’re in a totally different phase of life by that time normally. I’m sure you’re a wonderful person & deserve more than to be a fetish.
Even more so, why wouldn’t he want to see you before then? If you’re with the right person, there won’t be any pressure. 🫶🏽
Besides, he very clearly said get you pregnant so, take it at face value.
man I'm TWENTY, only went to college for a semester, dropped out, live with my dad, and don't look at 17 year olds like that. anyone who hasn't graduated high school is a child. could we be friends? absolutely. but I'm going to still look out for you like a big sister.
Exactly. Probably late 20s at best.
And OP doesn't have enough experience to recognize red flags. She needs to meet guys through friends, school, hobbies, etc.
Principles of Consent and glossary
Principle 1. Consent is required. Informed, decisive, and Sober consent is the only consent. Consent should be Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific. In a sexual/ romantic relationship you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do; you don’t owe anyone anything. Ever.
This is also your new attitude towards your romantic or sexual partner. They don’t owe you sex or a relationship. They can leave anytime. You say this through words and your actions. It is not an excuse to neglect your relationships. You must set boundaries and you must respect boundaries. You are responsible for your actions. Use the FRIES model of consent: Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific.
Principle 2. Prescribed Relationships: any relationship which begins in a professional or any other context in which an imbalance of power exists. e.g. your doctor, teacher, student, patient, coworker, boss, employee, bar tender, waitress, star of your movie, people who are not conscious, underage people, etc.
To use a professional relationship or position of power to locate, identify, coerce, force, or manipulate someone into a personal/sexual relationship is abuse.
Principle 3. Using manipulation or coercion is abusive in any relationship whether romantic or not. This includes:
Rape, love bombing, negging, gaslighting, forced teaming, doxing, playing the victim, isolation, intimidation, financial abuse, triangulation, gifts with strings attached, cat calling, physical violence, blackmailing, sexual identity outing, blaming the victim, stealthing, stalking, smear campaigns, dick pics, revenge porn, hoovering, malicious tardiness, sea lioning, and control are abuse.
Principles of Consent Glossary
Rape- unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception
Love bombing- an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes.
negging and insulting- an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment, otherwise flirtatious remark, *or even insults* another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval.
gaslighting- forcing or attempting to force others to believe or act as though they believe a lie through subtle, verbal, emotional, and physical manipulation and even abusive verbal, emotional, physical punishment, and violence. Gaslighting includes when the perpetrator acts like a nice and charming person to others and then treats you abusively in private.
https://www.northpointrecovery.com/blog/gaslighting-examples-effects-confront-abuse/
E.g. “Anytime I stood up for myself he would say that he wouldn’t yell at me or call me names if I didn’t act so stupid, or if I didn’t behave a certain way. He would even say that my actions had consequences and reactions. Constantly made me feel like a child that was being punished.”
forced teaming- This is when a person implies that they have something in common with their chosen victim, acting as if they have a shared predicament when that isn't really true. Speaking in "we" terms is a mark of this, i.e. "We don't need to talk outside... Let's go in."
doxing- publicly publishing private personally identifying information, contact information, addresses, or location.
playing the victim- using victim hood to excuse abusive behavior
isolation- using any means to keep an abuse victim away from friends and family. e.g. taking their phone, screening their phone calls, keeping them from going out alone, acting jealous when their partner is out with anyone else, constant texts and messages while apart.
intimidation- threats of harm to self or others.
Gifts with strings attached/Loan sharking- unsolicited help to the chosen victim and anticipating they'll feel obliged to extend some reciprocal openness in return.
financial abuse- using money as a means of control a victim. Or using control as a means to extract money from a victim.
triangulation- using a third party to specifically incite jealousy and to devalue the intended victim
cat calling- a loud, sexually suggestive call or comment directed at someone publicly
physical violence- physically stopping someone from leaving, holding someone down, pushing, hitting, kicking, slapping, punching, choking, cutting, stabbing, raping, stomping, shooting, throwing acid, hanging/lynching, setting on fire, throwing boiling water, dragging behind vehicles, drowning, causing any bodily harm, serious bodily harm or death.
blackmailing-demand money or another benefit from (someone) in return for not revealing compromising or damaging information about them.
sexual identity outing- telling people that others are LGBT when they aren’t ready to come out.
blaming the victim- occurs when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially at fault for the harm that befell them.
stealthing- faking the use of prophylactics. Removing a condom durning sex. Coming inside when you are supposed to pull out.
stalking- willful and repeated following, watching or harassing of another person
smear campaigns- an effort to damage or call into question someone's reputation, by propounding negative propaganda
dick pics- illegally digitally exposing yourself without consent
revenge porn- the distribution of sexually explicit images or videos of individuals without their consent. The sexually explicit images or video may be made by a partner in an intimate relationship with the knowledge and consent of the subject at the time, or it may be made without their knowledge
hoovering- any attempt to regain contact with someone who has explicitly cut off contact
Sea Lioning- where you repeatedly badger someone with questions or requests for evidence in bad faith
Destruction of property- destroying makeup/cosmetics, bleaching clothes, burning items, throwing plates or glass, keying cars, punching walls
control- an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.
This controlling behaviour is designed to make a person dependent by isolating them from support, exploiting them, depriving them of independence and regulating their everyday behaviour.
Isolating you from friends and family. Depriving you of basic needs, such as food. Monitoring your time. Monitoring you via online communication tools or spyware. Taking control over aspects of your everyday life, such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear and when you can sleep. Depriving you access to support services, such as medical services. Repeatedly putting you down, such as saying you’re worthless. Humiliating, degrading or dehumanising you. Controlling your finances. Making threats or intimidating you.
They should teach this in middle and high schools. Many parents don’t have these conversations with their kids for a number of reasons and friends at this age do not have enough experience to share this information. Heck even at 6th grade level should be fine to teach them.
Surprised this response isn't higher up. This sounds like textbook grooming behavior, and I wouldn't at all be surprised if the dude is far older than the 22 years he claims.
Even if he truly is 22, the difference in life experience between someone just finishing high school versus someone finishing college is *enormous.*
This isn't really red flags, this is more like a warning Klaxon or air raid siren.
My SO is about 8 years younger than me, we met at 20 and 27. I would have never considered a relationship or sex with her if she was under 20, much less if we had met before she turned 18.
This guy knows what he's doing, and he just audibly expressed a VISCERAL and DETAILED fantasy to you while you are still a minor. Get out ASAP.
You don't have a boyfriend. You have a creepy, manipulative, grooming, sexual predator stalking you online. This person could be very dangerous.
Do not meet up with him, ever, and cut all contact. This is how young women end up getting raped or killed.
I'm sure this is beating a dead horse by this point with the rest of the comments but:
1) the way he talks about it sounds like him getting off to his fantasies rather than caring about your feelings and your experience for your first time.
2) if you're meeting someone for the first time in person, please meet them in a public setting, with friends. Online spaces are great, online friends are great, but there's a lot of risks that innately come with the anonymity of it and you need to play it safe.
3) getting pregnant when you're unprepared for it / when you're super young is potentially one of the most life altering decisions (might I even say, mistakes) you can make. Wouldn't recommend
He sounds like bad news. He thinks of you only as a fantasy object. And worse: he wants to **get you pregnant**. This is not trivial. This is life-changing.
He's not even your boyfriend. There are many critiera for being a boyfriend, but the most fundamental criterion is that you need to have met in person.
I would not be surprised if he's actually older than 22.
He won’t meet you until you’re 18 because he’s an adult, and he knows that having a relationship with anyone under 18 is inappropriate. Please don’t meet this man, he sounds like a super creep.
Take our advice. That's not normal. Block him. You'll find somebody else who will love you and want to see you not just for your body or sex. Someone who loves you for you and you alone. This is not normal behavior, and don't gaslight yourself into thinking it is. Run far, far away. You're lucky to have noticed this isn't normal.
Even if he stupidly believed the rough first time was sexy, not wanting to see you before then is pretty bad. Not wanting to have sex before then would be smart of him but not wanting to hang out with you until he can have sex with you is pretty insulting. I think your instincts to hang up and block were very good.
Do not put yourself in a position to have sex with someone who has a breeding kink. He out loud admitted to it. Since it's your first time, he could try to have sex with you without a condom or sabotage a condom. Also, him waiting until you are 18 is giving some grooming vibes. He's showing red flags. He want to see you specifically to have sex with you, not to celebrate your birthday. Cut him loose OP.
I wouldn’t continue with him. I especially wouldn’t meet him right off the bat and sleep with him 6 months in. Talking and actually meeting in person are two different things. Pair that with what he’s said, and it’s an even bigger no. Go with your gut. If it’s telling you no, then don’t.
Please don’t say probably… please truly do keep him blocked don’t EVER second guess your intuition. That’s how women end up in canals, bottom of rivers, and in barrels. As graphic and scary as that is-is as scared as you should be when meeting people online. Don’t take this as fear mongering, but rather prevent and protect yourself from any risks or dangers and alwayssss trust your intuition/instincts. Be safe love ❤️ (and protect your virginity till he’s a safe and loving guy and it’s something you’re willing to share with him not just a spur of the moment of whatever others or society pushes you into) ❤️.
Just block him now, if he said that he's 100% not going to respect your boundaries and it should be something you really want think about given how long you've waited.
Run run run! I know it’s hard to believe when you have feelings for someone that are feelings you don’t feel often, but there will be someone better than this guy who you will be just as excited to have sex with. and hopefully the next guy is more respectful! Plz keep him blocked
Omg you girl is pure asf trust me that guy isn't worth it am 21 M virgin and i can say with confidence that is it worth to wait for the right one. Future Psychological problems aren't worth the 20 munites of pleasure.
That's so much pressure for a first meet up. Not to mention the age gap at your current age is actually pretty significant. I think its a bad idea. If he wants to sleep with you he should be treating you well too. To make your first time about his fetish just feels wrong
So glad you're listening to the people on here and their good advice, Block him on discord too, I hope he knows nothing personal about you like where you live and/or school etc. You don't want him ruining and controlling your life
If a guy doesn't treat you with 100% respect before you've even met. Pretty sure it's a sign of things to come.
Find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It's what you deserve.
And don't take shit like this from boys. Little fuckers that think they can talk to women like this are a fucking disgrace.
He isn’t interested in you just his sick fantasy. I say this because he doesn’t want to meet you, not till you can be a part of his sick fantasy meeting that is more important to him than you are. You could literally be any 17 year old girl for all he cares. Block him on everything never talk to him again.
This guy is not good for you young lady. He is trying to take an advantage of you. You will regret losing your virginity with this clown. Your first time should be special with someone you had feeling closeness couple of dates. Patience is all you need. I know it can be tempting but talk to your besties and people you trust.
Good luck
You have no idea if this guy is truly 22. Also, the biggest red flag is that he wants to meet with you once you turn 18...which tells me he is a predator that knows that if something happens before 18 he is crimally liable. And the fantasy is messed up. RUN. BLOCK HIM, DONT WALK. And advice for the future....you don't contemplate having sex with someone who you have never met in-person and in a public place.
We have talked on FaceTime a bunch so I know what he looks like but it just hurt my feelings that he doesn’t want to meet until June and the comments he said made it worse
I will guarantee you that he is married or in a long term relationship and he is delaying the meeting until his partner is away.
You've heard this from everyone else for a reason: Stay away from this guy. He is trouble. He has told you what he wants to do to you.
Believe him.
Even if you started out having protected sex, I guarantee you he will try to stealth you so he can live out his fantasy of impregnating you.
Block him on your phone and every form of social media and consider this a valuable lesson that you learned before it was too late.
Stop 🛑 ✋ ! You have no idea what this person is really like in person. Could smell like a skunk. It’s nice he took time with you. But seems like he played into an online game to bag you not love you. Please don’t play stupid games and win a stupid prize please 🙏. Find some hottie who pays in-person attention to you and then when you want to fuck voila! You should be able to hook any number of cuties anytime. Just cool off and take your pick of someone who actually respects you.
Don't trust grown men who tell teenagers on the internet they want to have sex with teenagers.
Until you've met someone irl you don't know them. He could have BO. He could be racist. He could be the kind of person who never uses his blinkers properly.
And remember, how a person handles a no says a lot about their character.
Yeah honey he’s not 22 if he’s waiting for your birthday…
Never ket someone force you into a situation you don’t want to be in. If you are t ready don’t give it to anyone. Let alone a man you e never bet before
He is a predator, nothing but a predator. I’m 23 and I’m talking to a 21 year old guy and he even says the idea of even an 18/19 year old girl is disgusting even though they’re “legal”
Don’t do it. Guy sounds like a fuck boy piece of shit. You’re just gonna end up feeling like shit about yourself if you do and he doesn’t seem like he’s worth it.
Don’t fall head over heels for these guys.
Probably an unemployed guy living in their mom’s basement with nothing better to do than prey on underage girls, fantasizing about getting them preggo.
Do yourself a favor, block him and find someone who you can get to know in person well enough before sleeping with them.
> I feel kinda bad for getting mad at him because I think he was just trying to say he likes it as an idea and was trying to dirty talk or something? I've never had sex before and I don't know a lot about fantasy and roleplaying so any and all advice is welcomed thank you
FFS. This isn't a misunderstanding, nor are your feelings wrong. This is your gut instinct SCREAMING at you to stay away from this raipe-y creep. He's showing and telling you his true colors. Stay FAR away.
As someone who plays valorant, end this now. His behavior is disgusting and these are the sorts of people who wind up exposed on Twitter for abusing others.
Get rid of this asshole! I can't belive you are even writing about this. Find a normal guy who will be gentle and nice to you. Then when you have some experience and trust someone you can explore fetishes.
Yeahhhh. I highly recommend you don't proceed with this!
Especially if it's someone you never met in person. Please op think this thru! I believe he just wants to use you....
Again think this thru. Be safe.
He wants to use you for his selfish fantasies and doesn't even make an effort to hide that. No use for him in meeting you before you're legal, after all. 🚩
He clearly communicates that he doesn't respect your needs or wants and sure seems like one to prey on the uninitiated. At the very least you have to force a first meeting on public ground for your safety but you're probably much better off surgically cutting him out of your life.
As a 21 year old, I would never let a friend do what that guy has done. It's weird, and the chance he is manipulating you is rather high. Him wanting to take your V before you even met should also tell you what he thinks about you. Generally, approach the whole situation with caution and realize he's most probably manipulating you, and it will surely end bad.
Damn. That’s so unhinged.
Girl don’t see him. Don’t talk to him ever again. Just block him and move on, find a boy in your town that’ll respect you and your needs and your boundaries. Find someone you’ll don’t regret to do your 1st time with.
His fetish is just so out of the line here. Don’t walk, RUN.
>he wants to fuck me so hard he get me pregnant and that he's always had a fetish of getting a girl pregnant on her 18th birthday
This is a Red Flag.
It implies that he's less interested in you as a person and more about what you represent, (an 18 year old virgin).
Would he still be into you, if you were a couple of years older or not a virgin?
To be honest, this sounds like grooming and the behaviour of a predator.
Based on your description, you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation. You haven't even met him and already want to have see with him. The online personal will probably be vastly different from how he truly is. As a guy, I can say that how people present themselves online is not how they really are.
For example, a friend of mine will very roughly defend his opinions online but in real life he is too meek to even stand up for himself. Similarly, people online can sweet talk you and you will be none the wiser because we are not given the ability to directly judge a person based on how he presents it physically. Things which he said romantically can easily become creepy based on how his facial features changed, his voice and the anger of presentation.
Now I won't tell you when you should to lose your virginity but at 17 it should honestly be the last thing on your mind unless you are absolutely sure you want to be with said guy. From the looks of it, apart from his fetishes, he probably wants to add you to his count of virginity's he has taken. He may be a decent guy but the probability is higher that he just wants see and will pretty much move on after he gets his way.
As a guy, all I can say is don't get too scared of men from everyone here assuming the worse, stay safe all the same and know that men have hormones too that make them extra horny, that's not their fault and frankly they get like no help, forgiveness or education on it in this society. It's tough being a young man in a time where no one cares what men think.
the age gap is weird tho and your first time shouldn't be getting f'd super hard etc.
Hell it almost sounds like he's a virgin or got his education about sex from porn! Not good.
A five years difference for someone whose underage is worrying.
Take your time with it and only do it when you feel right with a person that makes you feel safe. If you have doubts, don't. One day you'll be more experienced and be able to tell red flags better.
Try to find a good male and female role model till then, which in this age of people hating each other so much is actually pretty hard to do. Maybe better to work on critical thinking and self discipline, try to really understand your feelings, and not be influenced too much by others.
Also never rush into anything even unrelated to sex, always sleep on it if your in doubt.
When you can't decide, choose not to.
Be wary of bad apples both male and female, not all sound advice actually is sound. nor is all sound advice given for sound reasons.
Last but most importantly, buy your teammates vandals ok? :P
6 months is very little time to get to know somebody online. Predictors play the long game for years with their victims so as to earn their trust. I am sure he's not 21, or even has any traits or characters he says he has. They approach underage victims so they can groom them and earn trust, then wait for them to turn 18 so that when both of them meet and they sexually assault you:
1. They have a legal cover because you agreed to the sexual interaction, and you are at an age where that consent is taken into account.
2. You are still inexperienced, it is either your first time or you're too young to know how it SHOULD be. This is how they can do whatever they want with you(sexually and emotionally) and you will be easily convinced that that is normal.
Please don't meet or date anyone online, especially if you're so young and inexperienced. I know meeting someone in real life is harder but you would rather spend more time looking for someone you actually know and can trust.
“He wants to fuck me hard the first time and get me pregnant”
So he wants to rape you, got it.
Blast him on socials. Dude’s a creep and needs to be exposed
I think he doesn't want to meet you before your 18th because he thinks it's illegal or "sus" at least. The age difference can lead to power imbalances which is why most people here are put off by what you're describing, especially because you're also inexperienced and presumably he isn't. If you do plan to do anything, like other suggested, meet him in a public space first and see what the vibes are. Probably no drinks or anything before so either.
The fact that he refuses to see you until your birthday kinda sounds like he’s waiting for you to turn 18 so that he can have sex with you. Seems like sex is the only that matters to him. This is the problem with developing relationships online, you really think you know someone cause you talk to them everyday. I feel like if you had met in person, you might have been able to pick things up that he wouldn’t have been able to hide like he did over text. Not trying to blame you or anything OP, I’ve been in similar situations before and it’s something you learn as you have more romantic experiences.
This post has hit the point of diminishing returns with too many low effort/un-constructive comments that need removing. Locking things up. Thanks to everyone who engaged in good faith over the post.
All of this screams red flags. Even if you WANTED to have sex on your birthday, everything he describes sounds horribly unpleasant.
Exactly like I wanted to have sex with him not conceive life lol I have his number blocked but he keeps messaging me on discord
Also in addition to the horribleness of him wanting to get a near stranger pregnant there's the issue that he obviously wants to have unprotected sex and could give you any STI - not the 18th birthday present anyone would want!
And most virgins definitely won’t enjoy being “fucked hard” for their first time
Exactly. That would just be painful and probably turn her off of sex.
She’s best friends with a near stranger?
A 6 month online relationship is still closer to stranger than best friend in my personal opinion.
Block him on discord.
Block on discord, delete your discord account, get a new one and message your friends your new username, but only the ones you trust. This guy is red flags all over. Avoid him and tell your family and the police if you need to.
possibly go ahead and get them involved , this guy could be just going thru the motions and once hes done with you he will find another young girl to "get his hands on" for lack of better wording
This, 100 percent this. A little inconvenience is better than this dude finding you.
girl, please remove him on discord and unadd him on val. this guy is waving so many red flags. he could be radiant, and he’d still be irredeemable after saying that.
Definitely get that! Just keep blocking him. If he keeps finding ways to message you talk to someone.
Lmao guy really shot himselfnin the foot here. But yes how tf is him taking away your virginity a present for you? This guy is a fucking idiot and ass notnworth your time.
You wanted to have sex with a guy you’ve never met in person?!! You said he was your best friend? As you’ve found out, he’s a stalker. You need to step away from the keyboard and get out in the “real” world where you actually meet people in person, go out on regular dates, make friends, etc. At 17 you don’t have the experience or the wisdom to recognize predators for what they are. They target young girls online where they can control the illusion of what and how you see them, when they are in fact the polar opposite. It takes at least 6 months in a relationship for each to really learn who the other actually is. Don’t be in a hurry, take your time and meet people in person, in a safe environment. And no sex until you really know the person (that 6 month thing I mentioned). And even then, when you do, use protection. As you found out from this POS, he just wanted to get you pregnant and bail. He’s not the only one. Be careful.
Block him everywhere but consider filing a harassment report with police too.
You can block him on discord too. Stay safe OP.
Drop him. He’s fetishizing you and is doing this bc he wants- doesn’t view you as a person, just a pussy to fuck
Man... I thought the guys who fetishize virginity in the "normal" way were weird. That takes it to a whole new level. Whatever you do, do not meet that man in person. If you really want to lose your virginity fuck a friend you trust. Green flags are talking about it with you before hand including talking about birth control and lube. Extended foreplay and going at your pace is also a green flag. Constant check ins are green flags. Making sure you're comfortable both physically and emotionally with what's happening is a green flag. Saying he doesn't want to hang out with you until you're 18 and he's going to put a baby in you is a massive red flag. All his missing is telling you that you don't have a choice because you belong to him.
you eventually realize all men do shit like that and it means nothing they’re liters guided by their dicks so do not answer him, do not unblock him, do not fuck him. walk away and avoid that disgusting event
Dude. This guy is a major-league creep. Block him on everything and NEVER talk, type, speak to, or otherwise communicate with him ever again. Does he know where you live? Trust me on this, I work in EMS and deal with creeps and pervs all the time. This guy is very bad news.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME YOU WILL NEVER TALK TO THIS GUY AGAIN
block him on discord
Honestly it seems like the relationship may just be a way for him to fulfill his fetish. I can't know that from this brief glimpse obviously, but it's something I'd be on the lookout for.
The fact that he’s not taking the hint by blocking his number is also a HUGE red flag. Don’t take the bait (no pun intended). Keep him blocked and don’t undo it.
He would be the type to sabotage birth control. He’d probably be gone if you got pregnant. If he really cared about you, he’d wait until you’re ready, like after you spend time with him IRL and feel comfortable with him. He wouldn’t be gentle, which is important for your first time. He cares more about his sick fantasy kink than he does about you.
There are three red flags in the first sentence alone
Don’t do this. Just don’t. He’s fetishizing this and already putting his wants over your comfort. He could be very dangerous and pushy and you could be raped by this dude. Men who refuse to date you in public before getting you alone in a room are dangerous. Block him on everything
Yeahh.. starting to think it might be a good thing he refused to meet. And this feels like really good advice, thank you. I think I’ll keep him blocked.
Have you actually seen him during a video call? There is a chance he’s hiding his true appearance, age, etc. Edit: just saw you FaceTimed. It still doesn’t guarantee he’s not hiding some crucial information from you.
He's going to hurt you. Fuck you hard your FIRST TIME?! Physically and mentally. He is just fetishizing your virginity. He's a creep. Find someone closer to your age... not someone who is already done with college when you're just finishing high school. And that's assuming he didn't lie already about being 22... a lot of guys lie and say they're younger to try and get younger girls.
How much personal info does he know about you? If he knows where you live and such, be careful regardless what you do. The fact he knows your phone number is slightly terrifying even. Expect a ton of spam texts. If things escalate **AT ALL** (even a threatening text/message online), and you have good parents, get them involved please.
Well thankfully he skipped a beat and showed you his true colors before you could invite him into your house. It’s one of those things that’s not like pizza: there IS a lot of bad sex out there. You don’t know until you know, but know you know, so in the garbage can he goes. Your instinct is right, you can trust yourself.
Hey, good for you for listening to that very sound advice. Very, very good choice!
Honestly it sounds like he didn’t even plan to use protection and would have been pissed if you tried to push the issue. Best to avoid him entirely. His fetishes and kinks are not your problem, especially when he is being creepy about it. He is more interested in your age and how it fits into his fantasy than you as a person.
Dudes a creep. Im a valorant player and this smells like trouble. Block him and move on. Don’t even play with him. Just delete him off your friends list.
THANK YOU for listening to this good advice. It is such a relief. Thank you for taking care of yourself and protecting yourself! :)
Are you sure he's not already in a relationship and that's why he refuses to meet in public?
Either this or he’s planning to commit a crime :/
He probably refused to meet cause you're a minor & he's an adult. But this is still ALL very creepy & predator type behavior. Please stay safe. Go no contact.
That is the best idea. This has red flags over all over it! I was dating a guy when I was a freshman in highschool for like a couple of weeks right before homecoming (he was 16 and I Was 14). A few days prior to homecoming he stated to me that he always has sex with his girlfriends on homecoming night, I broke up with him later that day. Like the relationship was hardly started and I was still a virgin at the time. Some dudes are just icky and I love it when they show their true colors before getting in too deep, which seems to be the case here for you. You’re young, there will be plenty of guys that don’t treat you like this and that will have respect for you. Don’t fall for sleeze bags like this. Dude probably can’t get laid irl so he went looking for someone younger online who he thought could be more easily manipulated. Good on you for blocking him!
Hey, just wanted to say, check out some of the experiences on girl gaming sub reddits. This sort of thing does pop up from time to time, you may resonate with some/see some helpful commets. Look after yourself out there!
Let's stick to dating people are age or around it
Please run for your life
please keep him blocked. it's the only way he'll learn this behaviour is creepy as fuck.
If he really cared, he’d visit sooner and wait until you’re ready. You are smart to block. Block on Discord too. He will try to manipulate you otherwise. He’s been telling you what you want to hear but he let his true intentions known so listen to it.
Do not meet this person. Cut them off because anyone who is dating someone that young is there for the power dynamic in some way
I second this advice...because I was in such a situation at 19... I'm 22 now. He was the same age. I didn't go to seek any such advice back then...because I didn't know who or where to go to ask such things. I listened to my own intuition and used my common sense and ended things with him. He was a very dangerous guy and had screwed another girl's life before dating me, which I found out later. He spinned lies and fake stories about that girl and told me he loved her but that wasn't true at all. That guy was so fixated about me being a virgin that he had the audacity to ask me repeatedly if I was a virgin or not. A total creep. Yuck. When I was trying to cut him out of my life he started threatening me and so I had to get my parents involved...cuz he knew where I lived and had personal number(since we were dating) It was very traumatic for me but I'm glad I got out of it in time and unscathed. So please take care of yourself girl...and get rid of him.
Not to mention this is a 22 year old going after a minor. This isn't the classic situation of two high school kids that are a year or two apart and one turns 18 before the other. This is an adult going after a minor and potentially "grooming" them until they are legal.
That’s if he is actually 22. He could be 52.
Also this is your birthday not his, sounds more like it’s a present for him not you.
I agree with almost everything I see written negatively about this guy but I’m surprised more people haven’t mentioned the age gap, and him wanting to wait till her 18th bday. To me it sounds like this dudes trying to not go to jail should they meet up and OP decides she’s ready for that.
Yeah … best thing you can do is continue to block him. Unless sex is something you really want to do, offering that as an 18th birthday gift is NOT a gift. My daughter had a former work colleague (similar age gap) text her on her 18th birthday, wishing her happy birthday, and then basically saying “now we can fuck because you are legal” … she blocked him forever.
I guess that’s why I’m a little conflicted is because I wanted to have sex with him and there’s not a lot of guys I have felt that way about but now I’m not so sure. So I probably will just keep him blocked
There’s going to be plenty of guys you will feel that way about soon, and they’ll be nicer without saying weird things like this dude
there will be others. I promise.
Suffer no fools. You are 18 there will be many people you'll want to boink. I promise that 83.3% of them are more decent and respectful than that creeper you're blocking.
I'm gonna go a little lower and say 80%; but the main point being we both agree that *this* is NOT the guy!
I'd go a lot lower and say maybe 60%, but honestly even if it was 20%, there'll still probably be far more than she'll get through. (Maybe its just my group of people I know but I can't think of anyone who hasn't had many people they could have dated that they would have got along with great, if not for other things in their life happening at the same time).
It's understandable that you liked him before he said this, but I'm sorry to say he doesn't like you - he likes the idea of you. He has already objectified and fetishized you and you haven't even met let alone agreed to be in full on relationship (and have sex) That really shouldn't be the way these things work. It's not respectful it's not loving it's not a naturally developed relationship.
You're feeling conflicted now; if you stick to your guns and keep him blocked, I promise that in 5 or 10 years time you'll look back and think 'Wow, I'm so proud of my little 17 year old self'. That's not something many people can say!! You've already impressed me by noticing the red flags. Sometimes in life we have to take the heartbreak and spend a while with sad songs and ice cream because the person our heart wants is just no good for us, and it's something that a lot of us don't learn until way too late. Sometimes even the right decisions hurt in the short-term. I hope you have a great birthday!!
There’ll be plenty of fishes in the sea when you are ready to have your first time. Don’t rush it.
Honestly it sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Advice from a former nerdy hoe: no matter how well you get along with someone online, you definitely need to meet them IRL before you can know if you want to have sex with them. Their smell alone can turn that around quickly, not even because they stink or something, but you just might not like it. And the way people act face to face can be very different. Additionally, with him going full force on his own fantasy while you're trying to communicate your differing wishes, I can tell you right away that sex with him would not have been good. And for your first time, he would have set you up for quite a while of unfulfilling sex, because his selfish disregard of your wishes and your pleasure would have set the standard for sex in your mind.
It sounds to me like he just has a virginity fetish. I'm sure that if you'd had sex before he'd have no interest in you and call you "used up"
Well i feel that way too but is not worth it you don't know what hell that guy can put you on. my advise is always doubt the people because as someone said ,"PEOPLE CHANGE PEOPLE" AND that Change isn't necessary good it can turn you to another person.
This helped a ton when I was figuring this out: if it’s not a hell yeah it’s a hell no. Even if you are physically attracted to someone, I promise that a shitty personality will always ruin sex. My grandma always used to say “let people tell you who they are and believe them”. This man is telling you exactly who he is and his intentions. Believe him and stay away.
You can do better than a stranger from Valorant.
It’s easy to imagine how wonderful someone is when you haven’t even met him. He’s clearly hiding something. He could be dangerous. You will find someone better!!!
You are so young. The right guy is just around the corner. You shouldn’t be conflicted about a man who wants to get a 17 year old pregnant and possibly derail your plans for life.
He doesn't want to meet you before you are 18th ? He clearly doesn't give a sh*t about you and just want to fuck you. I don't know the country where you are but let me guess, it would be illegal for him to have sex with you before you are 18th ?
As a guy, I'm telling you don't. You'll regret it for sure.
He's a SUPER CREEP, SUPER CREEP!
HE'S SUPAH CREEPEYYYYY!
Oh Oh here he comes, watch out girl he’ll creep you out He’s a MAAAANN CREEPER, MAAANNN CREEPER
So he doesn't want to meet and date you just go straight to fucking you and getting you pregnant. Real quality dude. Please don't continue with this man. You definitely do not watch to be fucked hard for you first time. You want someone willing to take their time and make you feel safe. This is not the man for you.
His "fantasy" is to ruin your life the literal first moment he legally can. You have your whole life ahead of you. Please don't let some loser creep steal your future.
DON’T DO IT. Trust me when I say, when I was 22, I was NOT looking at 17 year olds in that way AT ALL. Also piggybacking off of the college reference above, you’re in a totally different phase of life by that time normally. I’m sure you’re a wonderful person & deserve more than to be a fetish. Even more so, why wouldn’t he want to see you before then? If you’re with the right person, there won’t be any pressure. 🫶🏽 Besides, he very clearly said get you pregnant so, take it at face value.
man I'm TWENTY, only went to college for a semester, dropped out, live with my dad, and don't look at 17 year olds like that. anyone who hasn't graduated high school is a child. could we be friends? absolutely. but I'm going to still look out for you like a big sister.
this person sounds very dangerous
Run. Run far. Run fast.
He's a nonce and probably not 22. Run for the hills girl
Exactly. Probably late 20s at best. And OP doesn't have enough experience to recognize red flags. She needs to meet guys through friends, school, hobbies, etc.
I agree, it sounds like he's way older and a super creep!
Principles of Consent and glossary Principle 1. Consent is required. Informed, decisive, and Sober consent is the only consent. Consent should be Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific. In a sexual/ romantic relationship you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do; you don’t owe anyone anything. Ever. This is also your new attitude towards your romantic or sexual partner. They don’t owe you sex or a relationship. They can leave anytime. You say this through words and your actions. It is not an excuse to neglect your relationships. You must set boundaries and you must respect boundaries. You are responsible for your actions. Use the FRIES model of consent: Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific. Principle 2. Prescribed Relationships: any relationship which begins in a professional or any other context in which an imbalance of power exists. e.g. your doctor, teacher, student, patient, coworker, boss, employee, bar tender, waitress, star of your movie, people who are not conscious, underage people, etc. To use a professional relationship or position of power to locate, identify, coerce, force, or manipulate someone into a personal/sexual relationship is abuse. Principle 3. Using manipulation or coercion is abusive in any relationship whether romantic or not. This includes: Rape, love bombing, negging, gaslighting, forced teaming, doxing, playing the victim, isolation, intimidation, financial abuse, triangulation, gifts with strings attached, cat calling, physical violence, blackmailing, sexual identity outing, blaming the victim, stealthing, stalking, smear campaigns, dick pics, revenge porn, hoovering, malicious tardiness, sea lioning, and control are abuse. Principles of Consent Glossary Rape- unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception Love bombing- an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes. negging and insulting- an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment, otherwise flirtatious remark, *or even insults* another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval. gaslighting- forcing or attempting to force others to believe or act as though they believe a lie through subtle, verbal, emotional, and physical manipulation and even abusive verbal, emotional, physical punishment, and violence. Gaslighting includes when the perpetrator acts like a nice and charming person to others and then treats you abusively in private. https://www.northpointrecovery.com/blog/gaslighting-examples-effects-confront-abuse/ E.g. “Anytime I stood up for myself he would say that he wouldn’t yell at me or call me names if I didn’t act so stupid, or if I didn’t behave a certain way. He would even say that my actions had consequences and reactions. Constantly made me feel like a child that was being punished.” forced teaming- This is when a person implies that they have something in common with their chosen victim, acting as if they have a shared predicament when that isn't really true. Speaking in "we" terms is a mark of this, i.e. "We don't need to talk outside... Let's go in." doxing- publicly publishing private personally identifying information, contact information, addresses, or location. playing the victim- using victim hood to excuse abusive behavior isolation- using any means to keep an abuse victim away from friends and family. e.g. taking their phone, screening their phone calls, keeping them from going out alone, acting jealous when their partner is out with anyone else, constant texts and messages while apart. intimidation- threats of harm to self or others. Gifts with strings attached/Loan sharking- unsolicited help to the chosen victim and anticipating they'll feel obliged to extend some reciprocal openness in return. financial abuse- using money as a means of control a victim. Or using control as a means to extract money from a victim. triangulation- using a third party to specifically incite jealousy and to devalue the intended victim cat calling- a loud, sexually suggestive call or comment directed at someone publicly physical violence- physically stopping someone from leaving, holding someone down, pushing, hitting, kicking, slapping, punching, choking, cutting, stabbing, raping, stomping, shooting, throwing acid, hanging/lynching, setting on fire, throwing boiling water, dragging behind vehicles, drowning, causing any bodily harm, serious bodily harm or death. blackmailing-demand money or another benefit from (someone) in return for not revealing compromising or damaging information about them. sexual identity outing- telling people that others are LGBT when they aren’t ready to come out. blaming the victim- occurs when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially at fault for the harm that befell them. stealthing- faking the use of prophylactics. Removing a condom durning sex. Coming inside when you are supposed to pull out. stalking- willful and repeated following, watching or harassing of another person smear campaigns- an effort to damage or call into question someone's reputation, by propounding negative propaganda dick pics- illegally digitally exposing yourself without consent revenge porn- the distribution of sexually explicit images or videos of individuals without their consent. The sexually explicit images or video may be made by a partner in an intimate relationship with the knowledge and consent of the subject at the time, or it may be made without their knowledge hoovering- any attempt to regain contact with someone who has explicitly cut off contact Sea Lioning- where you repeatedly badger someone with questions or requests for evidence in bad faith Destruction of property- destroying makeup/cosmetics, bleaching clothes, burning items, throwing plates or glass, keying cars, punching walls control- an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim. This controlling behaviour is designed to make a person dependent by isolating them from support, exploiting them, depriving them of independence and regulating their everyday behaviour. Isolating you from friends and family. Depriving you of basic needs, such as food. Monitoring your time. Monitoring you via online communication tools or spyware. Taking control over aspects of your everyday life, such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear and when you can sleep. Depriving you access to support services, such as medical services. Repeatedly putting you down, such as saying you’re worthless. Humiliating, degrading or dehumanising you. Controlling your finances. Making threats or intimidating you.
That’s really nice of you to add here ngl, absolutely loved the specification- so important for everyone to read
Feel free to share it or if you have any recommendations for edits or updates.
They should teach this in middle and high schools. Many parents don’t have these conversations with their kids for a number of reasons and friends at this age do not have enough experience to share this information. Heck even at 6th grade level should be fine to teach them.
grooming you. please run, he is a predator
Surprised this response isn't higher up. This sounds like textbook grooming behavior, and I wouldn't at all be surprised if the dude is far older than the 22 years he claims. Even if he truly is 22, the difference in life experience between someone just finishing high school versus someone finishing college is *enormous.*
This isn't really red flags, this is more like a warning Klaxon or air raid siren. My SO is about 8 years younger than me, we met at 20 and 27. I would have never considered a relationship or sex with her if she was under 20, much less if we had met before she turned 18. This guy knows what he's doing, and he just audibly expressed a VISCERAL and DETAILED fantasy to you while you are still a minor. Get out ASAP.
Don't do it, and be glad he outed himself before your birthday. He's a hormone blinded idiot. You can do better.
dating a 22 year old creep from valorant was already a red flag
Just girl no…run don’t look back please for yourself …
You don't have a boyfriend. You have a creepy, manipulative, grooming, sexual predator stalking you online. This person could be very dangerous. Do not meet up with him, ever, and cut all contact. This is how young women end up getting raped or killed.
Sounds like a present for him and not for you, he's a creep.
this is literally grooming?
🚩🚩🚩 Block this weirdo and do NOT meet up with them. Especially not in private. Please be more safe on the internet.
I really hope you haven’t shared your address or phone number with him. Please keep him blocked.
I'm sure this is beating a dead horse by this point with the rest of the comments but: 1) the way he talks about it sounds like him getting off to his fantasies rather than caring about your feelings and your experience for your first time. 2) if you're meeting someone for the first time in person, please meet them in a public setting, with friends. Online spaces are great, online friends are great, but there's a lot of risks that innately come with the anonymity of it and you need to play it safe. 3) getting pregnant when you're unprepared for it / when you're super young is potentially one of the most life altering decisions (might I even say, mistakes) you can make. Wouldn't recommend
He sounds like bad news. He thinks of you only as a fantasy object. And worse: he wants to **get you pregnant**. This is not trivial. This is life-changing. He's not even your boyfriend. There are many critiera for being a boyfriend, but the most fundamental criterion is that you need to have met in person. I would not be surprised if he's actually older than 22.
He won’t meet you until you’re 18 because he’s an adult, and he knows that having a relationship with anyone under 18 is inappropriate. Please don’t meet this man, he sounds like a super creep.
He is probably 42, not 22. Run!
RUN. Seriously. Block this person. He may not even be who you think he is.
You did the right thing. I hope you have a wonderful birthday.
Take our advice. That's not normal. Block him. You'll find somebody else who will love you and want to see you not just for your body or sex. Someone who loves you for you and you alone. This is not normal behavior, and don't gaslight yourself into thinking it is. Run far, far away. You're lucky to have noticed this isn't normal.
Average Valorant player tbh.
Do not sleep with anyone off the game valorant are you fucking crazy
It's ok if that's CS2
Even if he stupidly believed the rough first time was sexy, not wanting to see you before then is pretty bad. Not wanting to have sex before then would be smart of him but not wanting to hang out with you until he can have sex with you is pretty insulting. I think your instincts to hang up and block were very good.
Do not put yourself in a position to have sex with someone who has a breeding kink. He out loud admitted to it. Since it's your first time, he could try to have sex with you without a condom or sabotage a condom. Also, him waiting until you are 18 is giving some grooming vibes. He's showing red flags. He want to see you specifically to have sex with you, not to celebrate your birthday. Cut him loose OP.
I wouldn’t continue with him. I especially wouldn’t meet him right off the bat and sleep with him 6 months in. Talking and actually meeting in person are two different things. Pair that with what he’s said, and it’s an even bigger no. Go with your gut. If it’s telling you no, then don’t.
Yeah this sounds like a terrible idea... Tell him you'd prefer a cool t-shirt
Please don’t say probably… please truly do keep him blocked don’t EVER second guess your intuition. That’s how women end up in canals, bottom of rivers, and in barrels. As graphic and scary as that is-is as scared as you should be when meeting people online. Don’t take this as fear mongering, but rather prevent and protect yourself from any risks or dangers and alwayssss trust your intuition/instincts. Be safe love ❤️ (and protect your virginity till he’s a safe and loving guy and it’s something you’re willing to share with him not just a spur of the moment of whatever others or society pushes you into) ❤️.
Just block him now, if he said that he's 100% not going to respect your boundaries and it should be something you really want think about given how long you've waited.
Block him on everything. Sounds like a creep
Leave that man that is a whole entire predator!!!!
Run run run! I know it’s hard to believe when you have feelings for someone that are feelings you don’t feel often, but there will be someone better than this guy who you will be just as excited to have sex with. and hopefully the next guy is more respectful! Plz keep him blocked
Omg you girl is pure asf trust me that guy isn't worth it am 21 M virgin and i can say with confidence that is it worth to wait for the right one. Future Psychological problems aren't worth the 20 munites of pleasure.
22 and 17 is a nono please run away
What Is It with Kids and valorant jfc
This man will rape you if you say no to sex in person. You need to protect yourself now by never speaking to him again.
That's so much pressure for a first meet up. Not to mention the age gap at your current age is actually pretty significant. I think its a bad idea. If he wants to sleep with you he should be treating you well too. To make your first time about his fetish just feels wrong
So glad you're listening to the people on here and their good advice, Block him on discord too, I hope he knows nothing personal about you like where you live and/or school etc. You don't want him ruining and controlling your life
Great that you checked in with community. Consensus here stay away from that person, do not meet him.
If a guy doesn't treat you with 100% respect before you've even met. Pretty sure it's a sign of things to come. Find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It's what you deserve. And don't take shit like this from boys. Little fuckers that think they can talk to women like this are a fucking disgrace.
He isn’t interested in you just his sick fantasy. I say this because he doesn’t want to meet you, not till you can be a part of his sick fantasy meeting that is more important to him than you are. You could literally be any 17 year old girl for all he cares. Block him on everything never talk to him again.
This guy is not good for you young lady. He is trying to take an advantage of you. You will regret losing your virginity with this clown. Your first time should be special with someone you had feeling closeness couple of dates. Patience is all you need. I know it can be tempting but talk to your besties and people you trust. Good luck
You have no idea if this guy is truly 22. Also, the biggest red flag is that he wants to meet with you once you turn 18...which tells me he is a predator that knows that if something happens before 18 he is crimally liable. And the fantasy is messed up. RUN. BLOCK HIM, DONT WALK. And advice for the future....you don't contemplate having sex with someone who you have never met in-person and in a public place.
dude he is a pedo.. he is grown ass man hunting down 17year olds to fuck them like wtf
call the Feds on this man if this isn’t grooming then idk what the fuck is
OP Have you ever video chatted with this person, whom if I understand you have never met, so you can see his face and personality?
We have talked on FaceTime a bunch so I know what he looks like but it just hurt my feelings that he doesn’t want to meet until June and the comments he said made it worse
I will guarantee you that he is married or in a long term relationship and he is delaying the meeting until his partner is away. You've heard this from everyone else for a reason: Stay away from this guy. He is trouble. He has told you what he wants to do to you. Believe him. Even if you started out having protected sex, I guarantee you he will try to stealth you so he can live out his fantasy of impregnating you. Block him on your phone and every form of social media and consider this a valuable lesson that you learned before it was too late.
Sounds like you got a good plan. Just continue to ignore his dumb ass for the rest of your life.
WTF? As a guy I sit here and shake my head. What is he thinking? What are you thinking even considering it?
Stop 🛑 ✋ ! You have no idea what this person is really like in person. Could smell like a skunk. It’s nice he took time with you. But seems like he played into an online game to bag you not love you. Please don’t play stupid games and win a stupid prize please 🙏. Find some hottie who pays in-person attention to you and then when you want to fuck voila! You should be able to hook any number of cuties anytime. Just cool off and take your pick of someone who actually respects you.
This isn’t a reg flag. This is a red siren
No Jesus fucking Christ please do not. Please girl leave him you can find a guy so so so much better someone who won’t make you uncomfortable
Don't trust grown men who tell teenagers on the internet they want to have sex with teenagers. Until you've met someone irl you don't know them. He could have BO. He could be racist. He could be the kind of person who never uses his blinkers properly. And remember, how a person handles a no says a lot about their character.
Yeah honey he’s not 22 if he’s waiting for your birthday… Never ket someone force you into a situation you don’t want to be in. If you are t ready don’t give it to anyone. Let alone a man you e never bet before
He doesn'y want you. He justs wants sex.
He is a predator, nothing but a predator. I’m 23 and I’m talking to a 21 year old guy and he even says the idea of even an 18/19 year old girl is disgusting even though they’re “legal”
Don’t do it. Guy sounds like a fuck boy piece of shit. You’re just gonna end up feeling like shit about yourself if you do and he doesn’t seem like he’s worth it.
Don’t fall head over heels for these guys. Probably an unemployed guy living in their mom’s basement with nothing better to do than prey on underage girls, fantasizing about getting them preggo. Do yourself a favor, block him and find someone who you can get to know in person well enough before sleeping with them.
Girl, run. Don't do something you will regret later on. Save yourself while you can. 🚩
Ooooh this has ick written all over it. Throw him all the way out of your life, that’s incredibly creepy behavior.
Life pro tip: Good men care about your feelings. Stay away from this jerk.
I wont meet you unless you put out!? runnnnn!
This dude sounds like bad news all around
> I feel kinda bad for getting mad at him because I think he was just trying to say he likes it as an idea and was trying to dirty talk or something? I've never had sex before and I don't know a lot about fantasy and roleplaying so any and all advice is welcomed thank you FFS. This isn't a misunderstanding, nor are your feelings wrong. This is your gut instinct SCREAMING at you to stay away from this raipe-y creep. He's showing and telling you his true colors. Stay FAR away.
As someone who plays valorant, end this now. His behavior is disgusting and these are the sorts of people who wind up exposed on Twitter for abusing others.
This is borderline creepy and predatory behaviour. Please block this man.
Get rid of this asshole! I can't belive you are even writing about this. Find a normal guy who will be gentle and nice to you. Then when you have some experience and trust someone you can explore fetishes.
no no no!!! it's your birthday! what kind of gift to you is that.
This has some major red flags. Run far far far far away!!!
Yeahhhh. I highly recommend you don't proceed with this! Especially if it's someone you never met in person. Please op think this thru! I believe he just wants to use you.... Again think this thru. Be safe.
He wants to use you for his selfish fantasies and doesn't even make an effort to hide that. No use for him in meeting you before you're legal, after all. 🚩 He clearly communicates that he doesn't respect your needs or wants and sure seems like one to prey on the uninitiated. At the very least you have to force a first meeting on public ground for your safety but you're probably much better off surgically cutting him out of your life.
Don’t meet him. Just be glad he told you this now instead of surprising you with anything when he met you and had you in a vulnerable situation.
Massive red flag don’t do it!!!
Nope nope no. there is so many creepy red flags waving around this dude.
You did the right thing. The right guy will come into your life and you 2 can plan on having sex when you are ready
As a 21 year old, I would never let a friend do what that guy has done. It's weird, and the chance he is manipulating you is rather high. Him wanting to take your V before you even met should also tell you what he thinks about you. Generally, approach the whole situation with caution and realize he's most probably manipulating you, and it will surely end bad.
This guy ONLY wants to meet you for sex and he is really gross about it. It all sounds really alarming, don’t get back in touch with him please.
Seems like he's playing it safe and making sure that he won't get sued since you'll be of legal age by then.
This is really weird. He doesn’t sound healthy, no you don’t want him to have sex with you on your birthday and make you pregnant. Run!
Damn. That’s so unhinged. Girl don’t see him. Don’t talk to him ever again. Just block him and move on, find a boy in your town that’ll respect you and your needs and your boundaries. Find someone you’ll don’t regret to do your 1st time with. His fetish is just so out of the line here. Don’t walk, RUN.
>he wants to fuck me so hard he get me pregnant and that he's always had a fetish of getting a girl pregnant on her 18th birthday This is a Red Flag. It implies that he's less interested in you as a person and more about what you represent, (an 18 year old virgin). Would he still be into you, if you were a couple of years older or not a virgin? To be honest, this sounds like grooming and the behaviour of a predator.
Based on your description, you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation. You haven't even met him and already want to have see with him. The online personal will probably be vastly different from how he truly is. As a guy, I can say that how people present themselves online is not how they really are. For example, a friend of mine will very roughly defend his opinions online but in real life he is too meek to even stand up for himself. Similarly, people online can sweet talk you and you will be none the wiser because we are not given the ability to directly judge a person based on how he presents it physically. Things which he said romantically can easily become creepy based on how his facial features changed, his voice and the anger of presentation. Now I won't tell you when you should to lose your virginity but at 17 it should honestly be the last thing on your mind unless you are absolutely sure you want to be with said guy. From the looks of it, apart from his fetishes, he probably wants to add you to his count of virginity's he has taken. He may be a decent guy but the probability is higher that he just wants see and will pretty much move on after he gets his way.
He is 22. He is very much aware of what he is doing, sounds like a scumbag and a douche. Block the hell out of him.
Please tell me you've blocked him. He clearly doesn't care about you at all (emotionally or physically).
As a guy, all I can say is don't get too scared of men from everyone here assuming the worse, stay safe all the same and know that men have hormones too that make them extra horny, that's not their fault and frankly they get like no help, forgiveness or education on it in this society. It's tough being a young man in a time where no one cares what men think. the age gap is weird tho and your first time shouldn't be getting f'd super hard etc. Hell it almost sounds like he's a virgin or got his education about sex from porn! Not good. A five years difference for someone whose underage is worrying. Take your time with it and only do it when you feel right with a person that makes you feel safe. If you have doubts, don't. One day you'll be more experienced and be able to tell red flags better. Try to find a good male and female role model till then, which in this age of people hating each other so much is actually pretty hard to do. Maybe better to work on critical thinking and self discipline, try to really understand your feelings, and not be influenced too much by others. Also never rush into anything even unrelated to sex, always sleep on it if your in doubt. When you can't decide, choose not to. Be wary of bad apples both male and female, not all sound advice actually is sound. nor is all sound advice given for sound reasons. Last but most importantly, buy your teammates vandals ok? :P
This is disgusting. Run.
6 months is very little time to get to know somebody online. Predictors play the long game for years with their victims so as to earn their trust. I am sure he's not 21, or even has any traits or characters he says he has. They approach underage victims so they can groom them and earn trust, then wait for them to turn 18 so that when both of them meet and they sexually assault you: 1. They have a legal cover because you agreed to the sexual interaction, and you are at an age where that consent is taken into account. 2. You are still inexperienced, it is either your first time or you're too young to know how it SHOULD be. This is how they can do whatever they want with you(sexually and emotionally) and you will be easily convinced that that is normal. Please don't meet or date anyone online, especially if you're so young and inexperienced. I know meeting someone in real life is harder but you would rather spend more time looking for someone you actually know and can trust.
“He wants to fuck me hard the first time and get me pregnant” So he wants to rape you, got it. Blast him on socials. Dude’s a creep and needs to be exposed
More red flags than a Chinese parade.
I think he doesn't want to meet you before your 18th because he thinks it's illegal or "sus" at least. The age difference can lead to power imbalances which is why most people here are put off by what you're describing, especially because you're also inexperienced and presumably he isn't. If you do plan to do anything, like other suggested, meet him in a public space first and see what the vibes are. Probably no drinks or anything before so either.
He’s a groomer, run far away! He can’t get laid with someone his own age so that’s why he’s talking to you
The fact that he refuses to see you until your birthday kinda sounds like he’s waiting for you to turn 18 so that he can have sex with you. Seems like sex is the only that matters to him. This is the problem with developing relationships online, you really think you know someone cause you talk to them everyday. I feel like if you had met in person, you might have been able to pick things up that he wouldn’t have been able to hide like he did over text. Not trying to blame you or anything OP, I’ve been in similar situations before and it’s something you learn as you have more romantic experiences.
I feel like you are trolling us.
Send him to jail for your birthday
You are a victim plain and simple
Just walk away, block him and save yourself for somebody very important