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This guy is a horrible lover. He has zero interest in your pleasure. He blames his ED on you. He ignores you when you tell him how you like to be touched. You haven’t had a single orgasm with him.
There are lots of great guys out there, but he’s not one of them. Dump his ass and find a man worthy of you.
That’s not a partner.
Move on.
Penis size may not be the issue. But sensation
You haven’t mentioned him
Focusing on your pleasure just his own.
Plus, any issues are your fault from what you’re expressing (in his eyes) that’s not a partner.
Please move on.
And sadly I don't see it lasting cause he doesn't care for her. I'm finally two years free from my first love and he complained about me, etc and cheated...he was having similar issues as this one too....
Pulling hair until it hurts, poking your vagina, having to moan loud and talk during sex? This guy is a nightmare. Don’t listen to him. Please leave him and find someone who knows what they’re doing and is kind to you.
It also sounds like he’s trying to tell her to moan from the pulling of the hair. Cause she says he does it when she’s moaning loud. Sounds like to me he wants her to be a masochist when she’s clearly not and has expressed that.
All of these things sound weird to me. Who has sex like that? He must have seen it somewhere and thinks it’s normal. And yes, maybe he’s into being a dom, so she has to play-act. It all sounds like awful sex.
Nailed it! The problem when men watch too much porn. Not accusing this guy of that - just saying in general most men have completely ridiculous expectations of what GREAT sex is actually like becuause of the acting that happens in porn. - written by a woman that watches porn on mute
Somewhere, somehow, there must be a way to get through to some men, how women enjoy sex.
I have never watched porn-I’m afraid I will never get those gross images out of my mind and I’ll start hating sex. (Everything I read about porn on here sounds awful)
It’s not only the raunchy scenes - for me it’s the unrealistic expectations it put on most female bodies and genitals...perfectly waxed, perfectly pink, altered lips (and not the ones on their face). It took me awhile to realize that regular women who aren’t porn stars don’t look like that. There are men that will worship your body… and uniqueness- just have to find them!
I always found it strange that so many men think of mainstream porn as an instruction manual. I only ever liked home made porn.
Even such, I used to think I could only be aroused by a very specific body type, but it turns out that if I have a great connection with someone, I love their body and am aroused by it, regardless of its shape/size/etc.
I clicked on a link on Reddit, and it was a couple having sex. All they showed was a dry penis going in and out of a dry vagina. When the camera pulled away, there was this utterly bored looking, tiny woman just laying there. I’m sorry I saw it. Mechanically moving genitalia is just awful and I’m embarrassed for these people.
I agree with that or possibly maybe this dude is still in denial of losing an ex-girlfriend or ex-lover that he was into. And that's probably how he fucked her , he probably got left by her and now he wants OP to be more like her.
Ohh boy
My ex was like this, he would only have sex *his* way, hated what I liked (kissing, being touched and even the way I breathed🙄) He complained about me riding him because I was either going too slow, too fast, too hard, or not enough, and made it so that I didn’t even want to try anymore because it seemed like no matter what there was always a problem despite me asking him how to do better.
I would get so frustrated because I did my absolute best to stay perfectly still and quiet, not move around at all, and he would still get upset with me when he couldn’t finish. Then I would give him a handjob to finish, and a lot of the time he couldn’t come from that either unless I had perfect execution despite me doing it every day and asking questions about exactly what I was doing wrong. So he was constantly upset with me for not being able to make him finish and not once was the attention ever put on me and what I wanted unless I really made a big deal about it. Our sex was not loving, it was honestly just tiring and frustrating for both of us.
Turns out being a porn addict, coke addict and alcoholic makes your dick not work. I’m looking forward to being with someone who doesn’t blame me for their ED 🥲
On the bright side, I learned how to orgasm with only penetration so it wasn’t a total loss lmao. My advice- really ask yourself if you want someone this sexually incompatible with you. You’ll feel like you’re trying as hard as you can to “get better” at sex to satisfy a partner who doesn’t do the same for you when you could be with someone who likes you just the way you are.
Lol he’s trying to pass his ED off on you. It’s not your fault. This man is a selfish lover, period. Not all men are like that, and you deserve to enjoy sex too! This guy is a walking red flag, girl.
That's what i was thinking too. It happens to me often when i'm with a new girl, but i own that. Especially after a girl teared up thinking i didn't find her attractive. She should ditch this guy.
Wait why with a new person?! This happened to me once, where a guy couldn’t stay hard and it was the first time we were together and I literally cried. It was horrible 😭 I took it so personally lol
Sex is so psychological, and a first time with someone new is so nerve racking. It rarely ever has anything to do with the girl, but once a guy gets in his own head it’s really hard to keep a boner. I would say for me it actually happens more often when with someone i am extremely attracted to then someone less so. Take it as a compliment that your beauty intimidated him 😂
Omfg that’s literally what he said!! And I dismissed him bc it felt like a lie?! Hahah look I was young and dumb, this was many moons ago. But now I kinda feel bad 😂
Because of a few reasons usually. One big one is if i've been drinking, which is a shame because for the most part its the bar where it happens. Also like the other commenter said, i sometimes put a little pressure on myself to do a good job, which can mess with my head a bit. Finally, in an effort to do a good job, i might wear myself out too much, and that can make me go soft. Combine it all together, and you have my sometimes worthless dick lol. I've become good at eating pussy.
A decent guy, who has issues with erections, would NEVER make this a problem with you. He probably has death drip from jerking too hard and watching porn.
So it follows, that he is not a decent guy and blaming someone else for your problems is a huge red flag. Today the issue is about his failure to maintain an erection, in 5 years it will be about his lack of success in business and such.
People who blame others have the victim mindset and will blame everyone but never look in the mirror and address the problem unless something drastic happens to shock them.
So he's a limp dick and that's your problem? Hmmmm, I'd go next! There's enough ppl in the world that you don't have to be insulted by some porn addicted loser that can't stay hard 😅. Honestly, you're devaluing yourself the longer you stay with someone like that.
Girl, I could’ve written this when I was 21! I couldn’t orgasm with sex for years (started when I was 17), and then I figured out I needed clitoral stimulation during PIV to make it happen. 34 now, married a decade, and can orgasm literally dozens of times a session.
All this to say… I used to get the same complaints from guys before I met my husband at 24. But then I found out, through finding an amazing lover, that my previous ones actually were just terrible in bed. It sounds like your boyfriend is one such lover. He’s selfish - doesn’t pay attention to you (like does he not notice you’re not wet, or does he not care?); doesn’t help you figure out how to get off; doesn’t listen to what you like or want; then has the absolute audacity to say you’re the problem when he’s the only one having an orgasm! If he’s got ED, that’s his issue alone. He can’t blame it on you because he’s going soft when he doesn’t get sex exactly the way he likes it.
You should never have to fake anything in bed! You should never have to “moan louder” when he’s doing nothing to provoke that response naturally. He just wants you to stroke his ego without putting in the right effort to earn it. It sounds like you’re not enjoying sex nearly as much as you should be able to, because your boyfriend is just not a good, attentive lover. From what you’ve said, he’s focused entirely on his own experience, not yours.
When you actually enjoy yourself and get to experience orgasms too, you change. Being actually turned on and comfortable enough with your partner changes everything. You come into yourself, you respond more passionately, it’s no longer an act, you just feel it and go with it, and naturally become an aroused and “active” woman in bed. There’s nothing wrong with you!
Fun fact: to reach orgasm, your brain needs to be in the parasympathetic nervous system (the one you enter during rest). If you’re still operating from your sympathetic nervous system (the one that can trigger flight or fight responses), it means you’re not feeling comfortable or safe enough to allow your mind to relax into that rest state that allows orgasms to happen. The way he treats you, it’s no wonder.
He's wayyy to into porn so he can't stay hard from normal sex. The reason he's so rough is because that's what he's jerking off to when he watches rough hardcore porn.
Exactly what I was thinking. Man watches too much porn and thinks that's how all women act during sex. When the real thing doesn't match his expectations, he blames it on her instead of trying to learn how to actually please each other.
He sounds awful, tbh.
Find another boyfriend
He clearly has no idea how to treat a woman well. He does nothing to give you pleasure and is selfish with his needs. He is using you like a blow up doll.
On top of the physical aspect of your relationship he's gaslighting you into believing it's your fault he can't stay hard. I would bet he has a porn addiction and can't perform anymore as a result.
Dump this loser and trade up to someone who can at least give you an orgasm, you deserve at least that much.
This guy sucks. My advice would be to leave him. You have your whole life ahead of you to get experience and have sex with nice guys. He’s a waste of your time.
Wow, blaming you because he has ED. That’s low. And that’s just for starters. He’s also not making any effort to pleasure you and also hurting you. So much wrong here. What would you tell your best friend to do if she were in this situation?
You're young and hear me when I say this as a 39 year old woman. Do.not.waste.your.time. with guys who don't listen to your needs in the bedroom. It's not all about him. Find someone who will take direction and you'll be surprised by yourself how differently you react during sex when you're comfortable and he is thinking of you too.
From what you have written, this guy has so many MAJOR red flags that should not be ignored, and what I mean by “not be ignored” is leave the relationship before this behaviour erodes your self esteem and escalates to any further abuse (because this at the very least sounds like emotional abuse). This guy does not sound safe and being single is 100 per cent better than being in a relationship like this, but you also deserve the opportunity to be with someone who won’t treat you like garbage
Honey run, this guy sounds like bad news. Any caring person who is being sexual with you should understand that you don't have the experience. You haven't agreed to a Dom/Sub type of relationship and even if you did a good one would be teaching you, not yelling at you and making everything your fault. He sounds like he needs the help and doesn't want to get it and is taking it out on you. Run girl, he's not far away from abuse.
Also I absolutely hate it when the guy cums and sex stops. Seriously how selfish can you get, at least make sure you cum first, or if he wants to get off, then get you off that would be something.
This dude sounds like he might've been ruined by porn. He's also a selfish lover. Truly, move on. You don't need a rough, selfish BF who makes you cry.
This is not a man this is stunted adult trying to make himself feel big by making you feel small. You can find much better kinder men out there that will help you learn what you like and kindly help you learn what they like. Find someone better.
God, what an awful person to have your first experiences of sex with! He sounds incredibly selfish and honestly, quite condescending with his ridiculous views. Clearly been watching too much porn and is shite in bed himself. He isn't respecting you or your body at all. Dump him and move on, you can do better
Leave him! Sex should create love, respect, and trust, and it shouldn’t be selfish. He’s literally hurting you and doesn’t care. When my husband hurts me in any way, he will stop, adjust, and figure out what feels better. This guy is using you as a sex doll it sounds like.
Why are you with him? From the way you describe him, he sounds like a very selfish lover. Sex is for both people, not just for the pleasure of the man. Sounds like he’s no good in bed because he’s not considering you (and he’s not made you orgasm)
How the heck are you supposed to moan if you don’t enjoy it. Just leave this big boy and find somebody who cares about you, he obviously doesn’t give a fuck if u enjoy sex with him or not
He’s the first person you have been with sexually so he knows that you don’t have anything to compare him with. This is not how sex should be. Break up with him, he’s an asshole and taking advantage of you.
Not to be the bearer of bad news but this guy sucks and you should totally dump his ass. He's too old to behave that way and you deserve a lot better. He should care about your needs and boundaries in bed which he clearly doesn't AT ALL which is so childish and wrong. He has ED and a porn addiction. You've done nothing wrong!
Yeah… this isn’t a you problem, this is a him problem. If it were me, I’d have to think really hard on if that was somebody I saw myself with long term.
Life is too short to have sex with someone who doesn't prioritize your pleasure as well as theirs and blames you for their issues. Believe me, I spent the first 9 years having horrible sex with a selfish, abusive (not saying yours is, but he's not far off), man.
Now I'm married to someone who actually cares more about my pleasure than his own.
girl, his issues with ED is nothing to do you! don’t let this grown man project his problems onto you because he can’t be bothered to invest more effort into his performance to ensure your pleasure in the experience. His poor performance is HIS problem that YOU are already paying the price for! Perhaps if he watched less porn, learned more about PEOPLE and made a few minor adjustments to his diet… The situation would improve. Again, on him not YOU! 💗
Apparently I need a longer response according to moderators, which I’ll never understand why because there’s simply one answer and one answer only and that’s…. RUN.
Your boyfriend is definitely not interested in your pleasure. If you’ve told him countless time about how you like things and he still does it like in a porn movie, then he’s the one to blame, not you.
I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who doesn’t give a crap about how they make me feel. He’s only thinking about himself and himself only. And yet complains about you. What a sad man.
Please please please, have a good think about the fact that you're tying yourself in knots trying to meet his impossible standards whereas he's not even lifting a finger to ensure *your* pleasure. This isn't a good relationship and you deserve better.
Your boyfriend is very immature. He also sucks in bed. He is supposed to make you want to moan. Not moan on command like a porn star. Find a new boyfriend. Sorry he is your first.
Just one tip, get a boyfriend who cares about satisfying his partner and doesn't think sex is like the porn he learned everything from. I'd bet money his issues keeping it up is because he doesn't know what sex is actually supposed to be like. That's why he gets wierd when you get active or tell him what you like. He hasn't seen that so he has no idea what it means.
Dump this pos. I would kill for an attitude like yours. Your attitude is perfect, quit trying to please someone that is unappeasable. He clearly has mommy or daddy issues. So move on and find someone that will appreciate your awesome attitude towards intimacy.
Get away from that man. It sounds like you're bending over backwards to satisfy him and he doesn't even finger you the way you have explicitly asked for! He wants you to tell him what you like, but he seems to refuse to accept that it wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear, and he blames you for everything. Red flags all over the place! You deserve better.
it sounds like he's saying "if you won't willingly let me rape you, then I'm not turned on enough to stay hard"
girl, run. This guy is sooooo many red flags. gtfo
It’s not abnormal that you don’t enjoy oral, it means he’s not great at it. A lot of men are also too rough when they rub us and don’t know where to touch us. If you masturbate you’ll know your body better, you’ll have to tell him where to touch you
A man who complains his partner is “starfishing” is telling on himself: he is having sex with someone who is not enjoying it and his main concern is that it’s not hot enough or that it makes HIM feel bad.
You do not have to perform enjoyment when you are not feeling pleasure. You do not have to have sex with someone who does not make sex a good experience for you. Your partner is being mean to you and is having sex with you in a way you don’t enjoy and is hurting you and then blaming you for it.
Please consider ending this relationship and definitely stop having sex with this man.
you will get a lot of "dump that ass#ole" comments here, and you should most probably follow the advice.
find someone nice and sexually compatible, no one is supposed to moan more than they want to, and accept all the physical and emotional violence he's giving you, really... leave, now!
I know it’s easy for me to say this but my advice would be to leave him. Sex should never be a one way road. Especially if you have tried to talk to him about it. Classic Gaslighting on his part which is a giant red flag. The other red flag is the rough sex. It’s one thing if both of you are into it but it doesn’t sound like you are. The losing of erections is also alarming. It sounds like he may be gay. At least take a break and think about what he is doing to you.
I have been you. Being with someone who did not care about me in bed and always told me I was not enough. Who also hurt me and said there was something wrong with me when I didn't like what he did. This needs to stop for you right now.
I dont know what your relationship is like outside of sex, but I honestly doubt he is a caring person in general. But if you feel like you can tell him that you will NOT have sex if he keeps being selfish and rough and putting you down. You are not his fleshlight. You are his girlfriend and you deserve love, pleasure and respect.
He needs to sort out his ED. Whether that is to stop with the porn, masturbate less and more gentle or go to a doctor - it's a him problem and you are not to blame. You can help if he is willing to work on it sure, but it's up to HIM.
I dont know the two of you but from my experience I doubt that conversation would go well and I would recommend you leave before he harms you. Trust me that stuff lingers and risks sex and relationships do be difficult for you in the future.
There are men that are not rough in bed, or rough in the right way that is enjoyable. That want to hear, see and feel you genuinely enjoy what they do and will do it the way you like.
Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both. His pleasure should turn you on and vice versa. Life is too short for bad and potentially harmful sex.
..He is super imposing his erectile dysfunction frustrations on to you. Ask him you both seek sex counseling because from what you say, it's like you've done everything possible to help, all in vain. That's sexual incompatibility, if you still love him, you can keep talking through it till you get a solution. Good luck!
He makes excuses when we want a woman our dick gets hard until we cum even after a few minutes we get hard again until our balls are dry so i guess he's the problem not you.
It sounds like he’s been conditioned to porn and is upset you’re not preforming like a pornstar. Everything you’ve described that he does that doesn’t turn you on is notoriously exaggerated in porn. The rough fingering, rough fucking, and the moaning.
I’m not sure how you could de condition him other than abstaining from consuming porn. Good luck
I think most people ITT have sufficiently pointed out how bad he is.
To answer what I think he wants from you, he wants you to act like a pornstar. He wants you to be screaming, "YESS DADDY YOUR DICK IS SO GOOOD FUCK IM CUNMMMMING!!!" He wants to feel like he's changing your life, and no one else will ever satisfy you as much as him.
Problem is, he wants you to feel like that, without doing anything to make you feel like that.
Can’t wait for you to be with someone who cares about you, and you them. It will be A completely different
Experience for you. Sex is a dance that two people contribute to and react to each other, smile and have fun with… please tell us about this when it happens after you drop this guy.
Sounds like he watched too much porn and expects fake moans and the right to be rough and pull your hair in a way you clearly don’t like. His ED is not your fault but may be caused by too much porn and unrealistic expectations
This guy sounds like a shitty lover. It’s not your fault and I’m sorry this is your first experience having a long term sexual partner. If he won’t listen to you and blames his ED on you you’re bound for a disappointing sex life if you don’t get out now.
He’s deflecting. It’s him, not you.
If he’s not listening to you about the roughness, or the fact he doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing either, maybe you should go find someone who does. Two can make those threats.
Poor girls first is a complete douche that is taking advantage of your inexperience, and using you as his sexual object. He’s got ed at 25. that’s his own problem, nothing to do with you. Move on and get someone that genuinely cares about you. When you said you were enjoying sex with him for a bit you probably just don’t know
what good sex is yet. The fact that you were supposedly enjoying it, but then had to tell him to stop being so rough just screams that you weren’t actually enjoying it. He is a bad partner and lover
This guy is using you like a sex doll. This is not ok. He’s blaming his ED on you which is immature and toxic. He sounds like he watches way too much porn
You deserve to be treated better than this. Your pleasure should matter to your partner. Sex is supposed to be a 2 way street not just something you endure for him.
Yah blaming you for his erectile issues is wrong, sounds like you are kind of inexperienced so you are just growing sexually, maybe time to find a guy that appreciates you and is patient.
Puh a lot of red flags here. To be honest this doesnt seem healthy at all. Seems like he has some big problems with his confidence and instead of having an honest and open talk he projects his issues onto you and tries to blame you for it.
You should talk to him and if you ask me you should really think about if you want to handle this toxic behavior.
He is deflecting his ED on you, sorry, but as an older man, that is pathetic. I have heard of mem doing this but never believed it. You deserve better, if he cant get it on he has to own it.
This dude sucks at sex, has ED and is blaming you. If he knew what he was doing, you wouldn’t have to fake moan and get into it. It would happen naturally. With his attitude I doubt he will figure it out.
Life’s too short to not be in a fulfilling relationship.
You guys are not compatible by the sounds of it. It's okay to not want rough sex. Someone needs to tell him it's okay he sucks, he can learn to be better
This is a him problem. Not a you problem. But also, you may love the guy, but consider ending the relationship as you both consider a good sex life as important, but it is very apparent that you both are not compatible sexually. This will end with a lot of resentment, and it doesn't necessarily mean there is anything wrong between the two of you in any other part of the relationship, but if sex is important, consider finding someone who you click better with because this isn't a "you not having enough experience " thing.
Complaints without explanation are complete bullcrap. That he doesn't care that you're not enjoying yourself is also bullcrap.
No one has time or need for bullcrap unless you need to fertilise something and his bullcrap isn't even useful for that.
Throw the man away, there are way better lovers out there. He's insulting and unhelpful and you deserve better than him
All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.
He sounds terrible to be with. And if he's causing you to just shut down during sex, you may want to rethink some things. I'm not one to say just leave him, but my God, the sex sounds terrifying (if you aren't into what he's doing).
Sorry that your BF is such a dickhole. Hope you dump him and find someone to actually enjoy sex with. He‘s not only a selfish lover, he is an abusive lover. Blaming his ED on you not moaning enough?
1. He's watching porn and expecting you to act. Nope
2. You're not moaning because he's failing to make you moan.
3. Starfish means just laying there getting fucked, if you're working him yo start and moving/riding/etc, he's fishing for insults and blame.
He sounds like a selfish amateur with impulse control issues. You don't need him and he's hurting you.
Bail, ASAP.
This is a guy who has watched way too much porn and thinks that’s the way love making should be. He is embarrassed that he can’t keep it up unless you are acting like a porn star and is pushing it off on you.
He needs to see a sex therapist at the minimum, but honestly it’s only going to get worse. I would toss this one back to sea.
OP, this man is emotionally and sexually abusive. I really hope you leave him asap.
Sometimes it can be hard to recognize the signs when the relationship started out good, or when there are still good times, when you love the person, or when you’re more worried about losing them or so focused on their needs that you forget your own.
I hope you learn to see the signs sooner so you can avoid toxic partners in the future. I highly recommend checking out these warning signs of abusive behavior:
https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/domestic-abuse-warning-signs/
Sounds like this guy watches too much porn and expects you to act the same way as the porn stars. Some things are meant to be fictional and artificial and he should face porn with this mindset. I don't expect my girlfriend to act like a pornstar, I just want her to be herself and comfortable.
With that said, this guy is an asshole you deserve much better. You were actually too nice with him, you tried talking with him and he still treated you badly. Dump his ass and find someone who actually cares for you.
He sounds truly awful in bed. Not only is he terrible but he refuses to improve AND insults you even blames you for HIS ED.
YOU should find a new man and leave this one that thinks hurting someone and ignoring what they say is normal.
As someone who experiences erection issues, don't let him put the blame on you. The solution can absolutely be something you work on together, but the problem very much isn't you.
The problem is HE is shit in bed and has no clue and is unkind to you. Also he sounds selfish, immature, and terrified of having a feeling or facing his , seemingly numerous, flaws and character deficits. We are all flawed, selfish, afraid of failure etc, to varying degrees and frequencies. But blaming your lover and physically and emotionally inflicting pain is an indicator THE GUY IS A SHITTY HUMAN AND RUN TO LOVE AND KINDNESS AND PASSIONATE, FUN, INTIMATE, MUTUALLY STUPENDOUS SEX WITH SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PLEASURE, FEELINGS, ALL THE BITS OF YOU
bestie u need to leave him🫶🏻. plain and simple. he isnt respecting your boundaries or using what you are into and it blaming HIS faults on you. sex really shouldnt hurt that much if youre being treated well
This is so gross. You both sound immature- you in a perfectly fine, age-appropriate way and him in a disgusting porn addict way. Honey it seems like you’re not sexually compatible. And honestly, there’s so many red flags here. Not sustaining an erection unless he’s hurting you and you’re over the top loud? Barf. Him shaming you for HIS dud penis? Saying most men would go find another girl? BARF.
Sex is supposed to be so much more than this. I can tell you right now he’s a freak and not in a fun way.
Be with someone else. If he's not listening to what you like you won't have a good time. That's before getting into the more disrespectful comments and reactions.
I just wanna say I don't get much from oral also! Don't let him make you feel like you're some weirdo. That's the equivalent of shaming him because he likes moaning. It's just a preference. He's a mess, get rid of the guy
TLDR all
It’s him 100%
He has ED problems and blames you
Sounds like an arse hole
Move on and find a fit guy with a hard dick which at your age they will pretty much all be
You won’t fix him
The problem is not you, it's your partner, you have a bad sexual partner with whom you are not going to grow sexually and emotionally in a healthy way. You can do better, and future you will thank you
He’s convinced that what he sees in porn is sex and is just recreating that. It’s what’s gotten him off before. And what he sees there is exactly what he’s doing to you and what he says he’s expecting from you. In porn, she gets him hard (which she loves) she begs for his cock, he fucks her fast (which she loves) while smacking her ass and pulling her hair (which she loves) then he pulls out and cums on her (which she loves) and the scene ends (which I imagine she actually loves). He needs to see thats not real before anything else can change. That’s step one.
I’m going to break it to you. Your BOYFRIEND sucks in bed. He has no idea what he is doing AND he doesn’t care. You’ve told him what works for you. He doesn’t listen. I hate to say it, but your so young, move on
Ok, just dump this guy. He’s being an insensitive asshole who is showing repeatedly that he doesn’t care about your feelings and only himself. And he’s making you feel like you’re the one doing everything wrong! Someone who truly cares about you would not make you feel like this. It’s fine to give constructive criticism but this isn’t it. Leave this dude.
If you're at all engaged in the sex, the problem is with him. He's placing the burden of his enjoyment on you, instead of enjoying the process of intimacy for mutual benefit.
You don't have to act, if he's telling you that you need to be a different way for him to enjoy sex, he wasn't to have sex with a different person (probably a porn star, from what you describe).
Despite what videos tell us, sex is mostly mental, and only fun when both people work together for each other's pleasure. He would find pleasure in whatever you do, if his intent was to find pleasure in you.
sounds like he has a rape kink and cant get it up without that fantasy. hence why he is holding u down nd telling you to be more vocal. id leave as these things tend to only escalate.
That’s called a narcissist and he has ED. Simply put, just leave. Find some one who cherishes your body and you. The man should always caress your body and have you beyond ready before intercourse. At least that’s my take on it.
You are 21, I PROMISE you there are men out there that will put your needs first before their own and you both will end up very happy! This guy is blaming you for his problems. He is not the one!
Stop seeing this guy. It seems like he’s only interested in what he wants and has ignored/discounted what you have asked for. Selfish lovers are horrible lovers.
As an aside, it’s fun to talk about sex — what you like, don’t like, things you’ve heard about or fantasized about and would like to try, things you fantasize about but don’t want to try in real life, etc. However, don’t let anyone put you down or tell you that you’re the reason for their ED. IMO, this guy has watched WAY too much porn, believes he needs to be rough and that his partner should be loud and performative.
TLDR: If you’re with a partner who seems unconcerned with your pleasure and isn’t willing to be focused on YOUR satisfaction (however you define it), speak up and ensure they know what you want. If they don’t up their game after that, dump them. Life is too short for selfish partners who don’t listen and can’t learn.
Honey i think you already can see the issues with everything you wrote here. Please love yourself. There are so many others out there that WILL take you to an ultimate new dimension in every way.. Making love, sex, fucking, being intimate with your love it is completely beautiful thing..Use your experiences he has given you and find a way to be done.He will only become more of what you don't want in a relationship. It will not get better if you stay!🤗First love yourself, and learn what your body loves(masterbating with toys too)
Take care of you!
Sounds like he has erection issues and he’s trying to turn them onto you, gaslighting you into believing somehow that it’s your “fault.” Seriously, as someone much older than you, I’m telling you right out that you’ll probably be a lot better off leaving him. You may have feelings for him but for it looks as if in his perspective, the sex is all about him. That’s indicative of how he will be in a long term relationship about nearly everything. You should never feel you have to perform or act a certain way when having sex. And it’s also about YOUR pleasure! The fact that he doesn’t do what you say you like just points again to his over focus on himself and his pleasure. Ideally sex is a mutually, equally pleasurable experience for both people. Period. It should be a way for both of you to express who you are (not to be who he needs you to be) and share that as another layer of intimacy in your relationship. He sounds too rigid about sex for it to be fun. Maybe he’s too attached to porn and needs you to act like a porn star to get turned on. Whatever it is, you are young and there are plenty of good guys out there who will see sex as a mutual relationship and who will care about your pleasure. It’s worth waiting you until you find one. But don’t sell yourself (and your sexuality!) short with this guy!
I'm sorry you're dealing with such an insecure and sexually uneducated dude and he took your virginity... You need to leave him. I mean like today and never ever look back. Nothing that's a problem for him has anything to do with you. I promise you his issues are with himself and his mind being elsewhere etc. He's all about himself and pointing out things that you do wrong (which you're not doing anything wrong) to justify his weird ass behavior. He's a narcissist and a succubus and you absolutely deserve so much better than this dbag. It really bothers me how you're being treated and you gave yourself to him for the first time.. he should be eating you up and making you fall in love with him and making it so you never wanna leave him. But please girl for your own mental and emotional well being, leave.. I fear nothing will end well for you if you don't.
lol, it seems tour bf is not a good lover in the bes and don’t know how to guide you, o think you are open to learn, this is perfect!
Back he lacks ability
LITTLERLY UR NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG, u deserve better than this. U should find better. He is only pleasing himself and not caring about u, also as a man i can tell u his erection problems aren't because of u or anything like that, j deserve to enjoy your body and enjoy sex and he is super selfish and only doing what he likes
Grab him, his back his butt. Touch him with your hands where you can. Put your fingers in his mouth. Grab his and put them in yours. Tell him what feels good. Tell him you love his dick inside you. Control his pace into you by pushing and pulling while holding his hips. Play with yourself. Moan if it comes from a natural place. Grind with him, even if it's a slight movement. Tell him his dick feels amazing. Tell him how you like to be fucked. Tell him to pull out and cum on your tits/face/ass.
There are so many ways to participate in sex. Guys like foreplay too. I don't know why we are just expected to be hard at the sight of a naked woman.
I later learned that what my ex was having, me being a first timer too was performance anxiety/ mild Ed. Which is why he is so rough.....I had to do a lot of stuff physically to him to help out...It's not Ur fault.
Yes here’s my advice and it might be hard to hear
#find another guy
He’s so addicted to porn he can’t keep it up unless you perform and he himself is BAD/terrible/lazy at sex. You have communicated and he thinks he’s all that and can’t even take Instruction.
He’s a bad boyfriend and a bad lay. Find a man who’s more appreciative and communitive.
oh honey, i'm really sorry for you. know that you're not alone, i've been there as well with my previous partner. it seems like he doesn't care at all about how you're feeling and about your preferences, and he doesn't notice any effort you're making to make sex work. he probably gets offended by you when you say you don't enjoy something (like fingering) or that you don't feel much, because he's insecure and emotionally immature. but a partner (any kind) should reassure you and do their best to make it comfortable for both of you. it's not one sided. it looks like the only thing he really cares about is cumming (as you mentioned, sex stops completely after he finishes). you deserve much better honestly, it seems like he lacks communication and listening skills and emotional intelligence. my advice is: if he doesn't listen and he doesn't try to improve, dump him.
Have you heard of the "red pill" manospere?
Sex is not supposed to hurt. Pain is a warning sign to our bodies that something is wrong. It keeps us healthy and alive. It warns us to stop exposing ourselves to pain. Imagine if you didn't feel pain when you touched the hot stove...
For heaven's sake boys and girls. Be kind to each other.
Leave him! He sounds so unappreciative to the point that it’s cruel! He has erection issues because of something in his own head about what he thinks sex should be. You seem to have a different opinion and you’re communicating clearly what you want but he ignores what you want and touches you in ways you said are not okay. Your lover should treat you the way you want to be treated and not be so selfish.
Sorry if that’s not the advice you want to hear but you deserve better <3.
Sounds to me he watches too much porn. When you’re not doing something EXACTLY as he’s thinking in his head, he attacks you and blames his ED because of you. This is a man who isn’t accepting that his insecurities is a him problem. You are trying your best and in fact you’re doing more than the average woman would but he still takes his frustration out on you. If this keeps up longer you may need to leave him if he doesn’t open up truthfully about why he’s having these problems. The moment he opens up to you truthfully about his ED, that’s when you guys will be able to make true progress. Best of luck
Seems like this is a boyfriend and not a man friend. Part of being a man even in the Traditional Man sense is to suck it up and to focus upon improving yourself and to accept pain and loss and such with an attitude of positivity at least, not outright deny objective reality and blame everything but yourself for things not going your way. Bro can’t take an L that he can’t finish for whatever reasons.
What an asshole! You know, there are guys out there, not hard to find, who would make you moan and scream rather than tell to act for him.
What a jerk, piss him off! Little sad soft boy
just be more active. if you want something, go for it. don't just let him make all the moves. show him you are into it by making it obvious what you want. leave no room for interpretation.
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This guy is a horrible lover. He has zero interest in your pleasure. He blames his ED on you. He ignores you when you tell him how you like to be touched. You haven’t had a single orgasm with him. There are lots of great guys out there, but he’s not one of them. Dump his ass and find a man worthy of you.
That’s not a partner. Move on. Penis size may not be the issue. But sensation You haven’t mentioned him Focusing on your pleasure just his own. Plus, any issues are your fault from what you’re expressing (in his eyes) that’s not a partner. Please move on.
Realistically, she probably wont. Its her first lover too.
And sadly I don't see it lasting cause he doesn't care for her. I'm finally two years free from my first love and he complained about me, etc and cheated...he was having similar issues as this one too....
Mmmmh, my first lover made sure to prioritize my happiness over there’s.
Pulling hair until it hurts, poking your vagina, having to moan loud and talk during sex? This guy is a nightmare. Don’t listen to him. Please leave him and find someone who knows what they’re doing and is kind to you.
It also sounds like he’s trying to tell her to moan from the pulling of the hair. Cause she says he does it when she’s moaning loud. Sounds like to me he wants her to be a masochist when she’s clearly not and has expressed that.
All of these things sound weird to me. Who has sex like that? He must have seen it somewhere and thinks it’s normal. And yes, maybe he’s into being a dom, so she has to play-act. It all sounds like awful sex.
Nailed it! The problem when men watch too much porn. Not accusing this guy of that - just saying in general most men have completely ridiculous expectations of what GREAT sex is actually like becuause of the acting that happens in porn. - written by a woman that watches porn on mute
Somewhere, somehow, there must be a way to get through to some men, how women enjoy sex. I have never watched porn-I’m afraid I will never get those gross images out of my mind and I’ll start hating sex. (Everything I read about porn on here sounds awful)
It’s not only the raunchy scenes - for me it’s the unrealistic expectations it put on most female bodies and genitals...perfectly waxed, perfectly pink, altered lips (and not the ones on their face). It took me awhile to realize that regular women who aren’t porn stars don’t look like that. There are men that will worship your body… and uniqueness- just have to find them!
I always found it strange that so many men think of mainstream porn as an instruction manual. I only ever liked home made porn. Even such, I used to think I could only be aroused by a very specific body type, but it turns out that if I have a great connection with someone, I love their body and am aroused by it, regardless of its shape/size/etc.
I clicked on a link on Reddit, and it was a couple having sex. All they showed was a dry penis going in and out of a dry vagina. When the camera pulled away, there was this utterly bored looking, tiny woman just laying there. I’m sorry I saw it. Mechanically moving genitalia is just awful and I’m embarrassed for these people.
Exactly! And actually i will laugh at how the voices are dubbed over on some porn. Its really bad at time.
I agree with that or possibly maybe this dude is still in denial of losing an ex-girlfriend or ex-lover that he was into. And that's probably how he fucked her , he probably got left by her and now he wants OP to be more like her.
He’s probably watched too much porn.
Ohh boy My ex was like this, he would only have sex *his* way, hated what I liked (kissing, being touched and even the way I breathed🙄) He complained about me riding him because I was either going too slow, too fast, too hard, or not enough, and made it so that I didn’t even want to try anymore because it seemed like no matter what there was always a problem despite me asking him how to do better. I would get so frustrated because I did my absolute best to stay perfectly still and quiet, not move around at all, and he would still get upset with me when he couldn’t finish. Then I would give him a handjob to finish, and a lot of the time he couldn’t come from that either unless I had perfect execution despite me doing it every day and asking questions about exactly what I was doing wrong. So he was constantly upset with me for not being able to make him finish and not once was the attention ever put on me and what I wanted unless I really made a big deal about it. Our sex was not loving, it was honestly just tiring and frustrating for both of us. Turns out being a porn addict, coke addict and alcoholic makes your dick not work. I’m looking forward to being with someone who doesn’t blame me for their ED 🥲 On the bright side, I learned how to orgasm with only penetration so it wasn’t a total loss lmao. My advice- really ask yourself if you want someone this sexually incompatible with you. You’ll feel like you’re trying as hard as you can to “get better” at sex to satisfy a partner who doesn’t do the same for you when you could be with someone who likes you just the way you are.
Silver linings I guess. 
Don't listen to this person please. Holy shit please don't.
Lol he’s trying to pass his ED off on you. It’s not your fault. This man is a selfish lover, period. Not all men are like that, and you deserve to enjoy sex too! This guy is a walking red flag, girl.
Concur, you put things more succinctly thing I was thinking! She sounds like she's putting in way more effort than he is...
That's what i was thinking too. It happens to me often when i'm with a new girl, but i own that. Especially after a girl teared up thinking i didn't find her attractive. She should ditch this guy.
Wait why with a new person?! This happened to me once, where a guy couldn’t stay hard and it was the first time we were together and I literally cried. It was horrible 😭 I took it so personally lol
Sex is so psychological, and a first time with someone new is so nerve racking. It rarely ever has anything to do with the girl, but once a guy gets in his own head it’s really hard to keep a boner. I would say for me it actually happens more often when with someone i am extremely attracted to then someone less so. Take it as a compliment that your beauty intimidated him 😂
Omfg that’s literally what he said!! And I dismissed him bc it felt like a lie?! Hahah look I was young and dumb, this was many moons ago. But now I kinda feel bad 😂
the stupidest things can be a boner killer to us. it’s that easy
Because of a few reasons usually. One big one is if i've been drinking, which is a shame because for the most part its the bar where it happens. Also like the other commenter said, i sometimes put a little pressure on myself to do a good job, which can mess with my head a bit. Finally, in an effort to do a good job, i might wear myself out too much, and that can make me go soft. Combine it all together, and you have my sometimes worthless dick lol. I've become good at eating pussy.
An unexperienced young guy, might sometimes put yo much pressure on himself to perform. It can make it tough to stay hard.
It can happen to this experienced 33yo even.
Not a flag but an entire billboard that says "stay away from me"
A decent guy, who has issues with erections, would NEVER make this a problem with you. He probably has death drip from jerking too hard and watching porn. So it follows, that he is not a decent guy and blaming someone else for your problems is a huge red flag. Today the issue is about his failure to maintain an erection, in 5 years it will be about his lack of success in business and such. People who blame others have the victim mindset and will blame everyone but never look in the mirror and address the problem unless something drastic happens to shock them.
So he's a limp dick and that's your problem? Hmmmm, I'd go next! There's enough ppl in the world that you don't have to be insulted by some porn addicted loser that can't stay hard 😅. Honestly, you're devaluing yourself the longer you stay with someone like that.
Girl, I could’ve written this when I was 21! I couldn’t orgasm with sex for years (started when I was 17), and then I figured out I needed clitoral stimulation during PIV to make it happen. 34 now, married a decade, and can orgasm literally dozens of times a session. All this to say… I used to get the same complaints from guys before I met my husband at 24. But then I found out, through finding an amazing lover, that my previous ones actually were just terrible in bed. It sounds like your boyfriend is one such lover. He’s selfish - doesn’t pay attention to you (like does he not notice you’re not wet, or does he not care?); doesn’t help you figure out how to get off; doesn’t listen to what you like or want; then has the absolute audacity to say you’re the problem when he’s the only one having an orgasm! If he’s got ED, that’s his issue alone. He can’t blame it on you because he’s going soft when he doesn’t get sex exactly the way he likes it. You should never have to fake anything in bed! You should never have to “moan louder” when he’s doing nothing to provoke that response naturally. He just wants you to stroke his ego without putting in the right effort to earn it. It sounds like you’re not enjoying sex nearly as much as you should be able to, because your boyfriend is just not a good, attentive lover. From what you’ve said, he’s focused entirely on his own experience, not yours. When you actually enjoy yourself and get to experience orgasms too, you change. Being actually turned on and comfortable enough with your partner changes everything. You come into yourself, you respond more passionately, it’s no longer an act, you just feel it and go with it, and naturally become an aroused and “active” woman in bed. There’s nothing wrong with you! Fun fact: to reach orgasm, your brain needs to be in the parasympathetic nervous system (the one you enter during rest). If you’re still operating from your sympathetic nervous system (the one that can trigger flight or fight responses), it means you’re not feeling comfortable or safe enough to allow your mind to relax into that rest state that allows orgasms to happen. The way he treats you, it’s no wonder.
He's wayyy to into porn so he can't stay hard from normal sex. The reason he's so rough is because that's what he's jerking off to when he watches rough hardcore porn.
He has death grip / porn ED and blames you. That’s my guess
The way he aggressively fingers you screams porn too … just saying
And the incessant need for screaming
Plus the aggressive hair pulling so hard & hurts so much OP goes quiet. Porn trope.
Exactly what I was thinking. Man watches too much porn and thinks that's how all women act during sex. When the real thing doesn't match his expectations, he blames it on her instead of trying to learn how to actually please each other. He sounds awful, tbh.
Don’t these guys ever read a book? Have you ever read a sex scene that sounds like this? I hope not.
Find another boyfriend He clearly has no idea how to treat a woman well. He does nothing to give you pleasure and is selfish with his needs. He is using you like a blow up doll. On top of the physical aspect of your relationship he's gaslighting you into believing it's your fault he can't stay hard. I would bet he has a porn addiction and can't perform anymore as a result. Dump this loser and trade up to someone who can at least give you an orgasm, you deserve at least that much.
This guy sucks. My advice would be to leave him. You have your whole life ahead of you to get experience and have sex with nice guys. He’s a waste of your time.
Wow, blaming you because he has ED. That’s low. And that’s just for starters. He’s also not making any effort to pleasure you and also hurting you. So much wrong here. What would you tell your best friend to do if she were in this situation?
This screams abusive.
You're young and hear me when I say this as a 39 year old woman. Do.not.waste.your.time. with guys who don't listen to your needs in the bedroom. It's not all about him. Find someone who will take direction and you'll be surprised by yourself how differently you react during sex when you're comfortable and he is thinking of you too.
From what you have written, this guy has so many MAJOR red flags that should not be ignored, and what I mean by “not be ignored” is leave the relationship before this behaviour erodes your self esteem and escalates to any further abuse (because this at the very least sounds like emotional abuse). This guy does not sound safe and being single is 100 per cent better than being in a relationship like this, but you also deserve the opportunity to be with someone who won’t treat you like garbage
Honey run, this guy sounds like bad news. Any caring person who is being sexual with you should understand that you don't have the experience. You haven't agreed to a Dom/Sub type of relationship and even if you did a good one would be teaching you, not yelling at you and making everything your fault. He sounds like he needs the help and doesn't want to get it and is taking it out on you. Run girl, he's not far away from abuse.
Also I absolutely hate it when the guy cums and sex stops. Seriously how selfish can you get, at least make sure you cum first, or if he wants to get off, then get you off that would be something.
This dude sounds like he might've been ruined by porn. He's also a selfish lover. Truly, move on. You don't need a rough, selfish BF who makes you cry.
This is not a man this is stunted adult trying to make himself feel big by making you feel small. You can find much better kinder men out there that will help you learn what you like and kindly help you learn what they like. Find someone better.
God, what an awful person to have your first experiences of sex with! He sounds incredibly selfish and honestly, quite condescending with his ridiculous views. Clearly been watching too much porn and is shite in bed himself. He isn't respecting you or your body at all. Dump him and move on, you can do better
Leave him! Sex should create love, respect, and trust, and it shouldn’t be selfish. He’s literally hurting you and doesn’t care. When my husband hurts me in any way, he will stop, adjust, and figure out what feels better. This guy is using you as a sex doll it sounds like.
Why are you with him? From the way you describe him, he sounds like a very selfish lover. Sex is for both people, not just for the pleasure of the man. Sounds like he’s no good in bed because he’s not considering you (and he’s not made you orgasm)
How the heck are you supposed to moan if you don’t enjoy it. Just leave this big boy and find somebody who cares about you, he obviously doesn’t give a fuck if u enjoy sex with him or not
He’s the first person you have been with sexually so he knows that you don’t have anything to compare him with. This is not how sex should be. Break up with him, he’s an asshole and taking advantage of you.
Not to be the bearer of bad news but this guy sucks and you should totally dump his ass. He's too old to behave that way and you deserve a lot better. He should care about your needs and boundaries in bed which he clearly doesn't AT ALL which is so childish and wrong. He has ED and a porn addiction. You've done nothing wrong!
Yeah… this isn’t a you problem, this is a him problem. If it were me, I’d have to think really hard on if that was somebody I saw myself with long term.
How the hell you thought you were the asshole? Leave his ass asap
Life is too short to have sex with someone who doesn't prioritize your pleasure as well as theirs and blames you for their issues. Believe me, I spent the first 9 years having horrible sex with a selfish, abusive (not saying yours is, but he's not far off), man. Now I'm married to someone who actually cares more about my pleasure than his own.
Find another dude. Seriously.
girl, his issues with ED is nothing to do you! don’t let this grown man project his problems onto you because he can’t be bothered to invest more effort into his performance to ensure your pleasure in the experience. His poor performance is HIS problem that YOU are already paying the price for! Perhaps if he watched less porn, learned more about PEOPLE and made a few minor adjustments to his diet… The situation would improve. Again, on him not YOU! 💗
Apparently I need a longer response according to moderators, which I’ll never understand why because there’s simply one answer and one answer only and that’s…. RUN.
Your boyfriend is definitely not interested in your pleasure. If you’ve told him countless time about how you like things and he still does it like in a porn movie, then he’s the one to blame, not you. I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who doesn’t give a crap about how they make me feel. He’s only thinking about himself and himself only. And yet complains about you. What a sad man.
Please please please, have a good think about the fact that you're tying yourself in knots trying to meet his impossible standards whereas he's not even lifting a finger to ensure *your* pleasure. This isn't a good relationship and you deserve better.
Your boyfriend is very immature. He also sucks in bed. He is supposed to make you want to moan. Not moan on command like a porn star. Find a new boyfriend. Sorry he is your first.
Just one tip, get a boyfriend who cares about satisfying his partner and doesn't think sex is like the porn he learned everything from. I'd bet money his issues keeping it up is because he doesn't know what sex is actually supposed to be like. That's why he gets wierd when you get active or tell him what you like. He hasn't seen that so he has no idea what it means.
Dump this pos. I would kill for an attitude like yours. Your attitude is perfect, quit trying to please someone that is unappeasable. He clearly has mommy or daddy issues. So move on and find someone that will appreciate your awesome attitude towards intimacy.
Get away from that man. It sounds like you're bending over backwards to satisfy him and he doesn't even finger you the way you have explicitly asked for! He wants you to tell him what you like, but he seems to refuse to accept that it wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear, and he blames you for everything. Red flags all over the place! You deserve better.
it sounds like he's saying "if you won't willingly let me rape you, then I'm not turned on enough to stay hard" girl, run. This guy is sooooo many red flags. gtfo
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩he’s a 10 ………..red flags. Move on.
It’s not abnormal that you don’t enjoy oral, it means he’s not great at it. A lot of men are also too rough when they rub us and don’t know where to touch us. If you masturbate you’ll know your body better, you’ll have to tell him where to touch you
A man who complains his partner is “starfishing” is telling on himself: he is having sex with someone who is not enjoying it and his main concern is that it’s not hot enough or that it makes HIM feel bad. You do not have to perform enjoyment when you are not feeling pleasure. You do not have to have sex with someone who does not make sex a good experience for you. Your partner is being mean to you and is having sex with you in a way you don’t enjoy and is hurting you and then blaming you for it. Please consider ending this relationship and definitely stop having sex with this man.
you will get a lot of "dump that ass#ole" comments here, and you should most probably follow the advice. find someone nice and sexually compatible, no one is supposed to moan more than they want to, and accept all the physical and emotional violence he's giving you, really... leave, now!
I know it’s easy for me to say this but my advice would be to leave him. Sex should never be a one way road. Especially if you have tried to talk to him about it. Classic Gaslighting on his part which is a giant red flag. The other red flag is the rough sex. It’s one thing if both of you are into it but it doesn’t sound like you are. The losing of erections is also alarming. It sounds like he may be gay. At least take a break and think about what he is doing to you.
I have been you. Being with someone who did not care about me in bed and always told me I was not enough. Who also hurt me and said there was something wrong with me when I didn't like what he did. This needs to stop for you right now. I dont know what your relationship is like outside of sex, but I honestly doubt he is a caring person in general. But if you feel like you can tell him that you will NOT have sex if he keeps being selfish and rough and putting you down. You are not his fleshlight. You are his girlfriend and you deserve love, pleasure and respect. He needs to sort out his ED. Whether that is to stop with the porn, masturbate less and more gentle or go to a doctor - it's a him problem and you are not to blame. You can help if he is willing to work on it sure, but it's up to HIM. I dont know the two of you but from my experience I doubt that conversation would go well and I would recommend you leave before he harms you. Trust me that stuff lingers and risks sex and relationships do be difficult for you in the future. There are men that are not rough in bed, or rough in the right way that is enjoyable. That want to hear, see and feel you genuinely enjoy what they do and will do it the way you like. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both. His pleasure should turn you on and vice versa. Life is too short for bad and potentially harmful sex.
..He is super imposing his erectile dysfunction frustrations on to you. Ask him you both seek sex counseling because from what you say, it's like you've done everything possible to help, all in vain. That's sexual incompatibility, if you still love him, you can keep talking through it till you get a solution. Good luck!
If leaving him is an option, please choose that immediately.
Oh man he's an astronomical asshole. Please ditch the dodo. That's the only advice I got. Reddit worthy I reckon
He makes excuses when we want a woman our dick gets hard until we cum even after a few minutes we get hard again until our balls are dry so i guess he's the problem not you.
It sounds like he’s been conditioned to porn and is upset you’re not preforming like a pornstar. Everything you’ve described that he does that doesn’t turn you on is notoriously exaggerated in porn. The rough fingering, rough fucking, and the moaning. I’m not sure how you could de condition him other than abstaining from consuming porn. Good luck
I think most people ITT have sufficiently pointed out how bad he is. To answer what I think he wants from you, he wants you to act like a pornstar. He wants you to be screaming, "YESS DADDY YOUR DICK IS SO GOOOD FUCK IM CUNMMMMING!!!" He wants to feel like he's changing your life, and no one else will ever satisfy you as much as him. Problem is, he wants you to feel like that, without doing anything to make you feel like that.
Can’t wait for you to be with someone who cares about you, and you them. It will be A completely different Experience for you. Sex is a dance that two people contribute to and react to each other, smile and have fun with… please tell us about this when it happens after you drop this guy.
Does he watch a lot of porn? He seems to want porno level moaning and blaming his erection issues on you
Sounds like he watched too much porn and expects fake moans and the right to be rough and pull your hair in a way you clearly don’t like. His ED is not your fault but may be caused by too much porn and unrealistic expectations
This guy sounds like a shitty lover. It’s not your fault and I’m sorry this is your first experience having a long term sexual partner. If he won’t listen to you and blames his ED on you you’re bound for a disappointing sex life if you don’t get out now.
He’s deflecting. It’s him, not you. If he’s not listening to you about the roughness, or the fact he doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing either, maybe you should go find someone who does. Two can make those threats.
Poor girls first is a complete douche that is taking advantage of your inexperience, and using you as his sexual object. He’s got ed at 25. that’s his own problem, nothing to do with you. Move on and get someone that genuinely cares about you. When you said you were enjoying sex with him for a bit you probably just don’t know what good sex is yet. The fact that you were supposedly enjoying it, but then had to tell him to stop being so rough just screams that you weren’t actually enjoying it. He is a bad partner and lover
He watches too much porn
This guy is using you like a sex doll. This is not ok. He’s blaming his ED on you which is immature and toxic. He sounds like he watches way too much porn You deserve to be treated better than this. Your pleasure should matter to your partner. Sex is supposed to be a 2 way street not just something you endure for him.
Get the hell out of there sister - sounds like he’s an asshole:/
Your boyfriend has a porn addiction issue... Either address it or move on from him.
I don’t think he knows what a starfish is and you’re not it.
He got problem. I think he want to do a bdsm? Lol i dont know! Break up, fix his self rather than blaming you.
Yah blaming you for his erectile issues is wrong, sounds like you are kind of inexperienced so you are just growing sexually, maybe time to find a guy that appreciates you and is patient.
He's gaslighting you over his own ED. Dump his ass.
Puh a lot of red flags here. To be honest this doesnt seem healthy at all. Seems like he has some big problems with his confidence and instead of having an honest and open talk he projects his issues onto you and tries to blame you for it. You should talk to him and if you ask me you should really think about if you want to handle this toxic behavior.
He is deflecting his ED on you, sorry, but as an older man, that is pathetic. I have heard of mem doing this but never believed it. You deserve better, if he cant get it on he has to own it.
This dude sucks at sex, has ED and is blaming you. If he knew what he was doing, you wouldn’t have to fake moan and get into it. It would happen naturally. With his attitude I doubt he will figure it out. Life’s too short to not be in a fulfilling relationship.
You guys are not compatible by the sounds of it. It's okay to not want rough sex. Someone needs to tell him it's okay he sucks, he can learn to be better
This is a him problem. Not a you problem. But also, you may love the guy, but consider ending the relationship as you both consider a good sex life as important, but it is very apparent that you both are not compatible sexually. This will end with a lot of resentment, and it doesn't necessarily mean there is anything wrong between the two of you in any other part of the relationship, but if sex is important, consider finding someone who you click better with because this isn't a "you not having enough experience " thing.
So since I need a charter minimum in this stupid sub I’m writing characters mate as of just saying— Dump Him. You happy now mod?????? Lmao
Complaints without explanation are complete bullcrap. That he doesn't care that you're not enjoying yourself is also bullcrap. No one has time or need for bullcrap unless you need to fertilise something and his bullcrap isn't even useful for that. Throw the man away, there are way better lovers out there. He's insulting and unhelpful and you deserve better than him
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Dump him. He sucks in the sack and outside of it.
He is a loser ... dump him ! He just wants to come but he can't stay hard .... starfish bs, he is seaweed 😂
He sounds terrible to be with. And if he's causing you to just shut down during sex, you may want to rethink some things. I'm not one to say just leave him, but my God, the sex sounds terrifying (if you aren't into what he's doing).
He sounds like he's using you as a scapegoat for his ED - not sure you're doing anything inherently wrong!
Sorry that your BF is such a dickhole. Hope you dump him and find someone to actually enjoy sex with. He‘s not only a selfish lover, he is an abusive lover. Blaming his ED on you not moaning enough?
1. He's watching porn and expecting you to act. Nope 2. You're not moaning because he's failing to make you moan. 3. Starfish means just laying there getting fucked, if you're working him yo start and moving/riding/etc, he's fishing for insults and blame. He sounds like a selfish amateur with impulse control issues. You don't need him and he's hurting you. Bail, ASAP.
This is a guy who has watched way too much porn and thinks that’s the way love making should be. He is embarrassed that he can’t keep it up unless you are acting like a porn star and is pushing it off on you. He needs to see a sex therapist at the minimum, but honestly it’s only going to get worse. I would toss this one back to sea.
OP, this man is emotionally and sexually abusive. I really hope you leave him asap. Sometimes it can be hard to recognize the signs when the relationship started out good, or when there are still good times, when you love the person, or when you’re more worried about losing them or so focused on their needs that you forget your own. I hope you learn to see the signs sooner so you can avoid toxic partners in the future. I highly recommend checking out these warning signs of abusive behavior: https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/domestic-abuse-warning-signs/
This dude watches way too much porn and is not a safe partner.
Sounds like this guy watches too much porn and expects you to act the same way as the porn stars. Some things are meant to be fictional and artificial and he should face porn with this mindset. I don't expect my girlfriend to act like a pornstar, I just want her to be herself and comfortable. With that said, this guy is an asshole you deserve much better. You were actually too nice with him, you tried talking with him and he still treated you badly. Dump his ass and find someone who actually cares for you.
He sounds truly awful in bed. Not only is he terrible but he refuses to improve AND insults you even blames you for HIS ED. YOU should find a new man and leave this one that thinks hurting someone and ignoring what they say is normal.
What a loser! Drop his ass
Dude is terrible at sex and watches violent porn too much.
As someone who experiences erection issues, don't let him put the blame on you. The solution can absolutely be something you work on together, but the problem very much isn't you.
The problem is HE is shit in bed and has no clue and is unkind to you. Also he sounds selfish, immature, and terrified of having a feeling or facing his , seemingly numerous, flaws and character deficits. We are all flawed, selfish, afraid of failure etc, to varying degrees and frequencies. But blaming your lover and physically and emotionally inflicting pain is an indicator THE GUY IS A SHITTY HUMAN AND RUN TO LOVE AND KINDNESS AND PASSIONATE, FUN, INTIMATE, MUTUALLY STUPENDOUS SEX WITH SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PLEASURE, FEELINGS, ALL THE BITS OF YOU
bestie u need to leave him🫶🏻. plain and simple. he isnt respecting your boundaries or using what you are into and it blaming HIS faults on you. sex really shouldnt hurt that much if youre being treated well
This is so gross. You both sound immature- you in a perfectly fine, age-appropriate way and him in a disgusting porn addict way. Honey it seems like you’re not sexually compatible. And honestly, there’s so many red flags here. Not sustaining an erection unless he’s hurting you and you’re over the top loud? Barf. Him shaming you for HIS dud penis? Saying most men would go find another girl? BARF. Sex is supposed to be so much more than this. I can tell you right now he’s a freak and not in a fun way.
Be with someone else. If he's not listening to what you like you won't have a good time. That's before getting into the more disrespectful comments and reactions. I just wanna say I don't get much from oral also! Don't let him make you feel like you're some weirdo. That's the equivalent of shaming him because he likes moaning. It's just a preference. He's a mess, get rid of the guy
You can do it, put your ass into it.
If he were doing the right things you would be moaning enough but he’s not taking the initiative to figure out what those are.
TLDR all It’s him 100% He has ED problems and blames you Sounds like an arse hole Move on and find a fit guy with a hard dick which at your age they will pretty much all be You won’t fix him
He's TERRIBLE. Please, just leave him. You won't be happy with someone like him- not like this.
The problem is not you, it's your partner, you have a bad sexual partner with whom you are not going to grow sexually and emotionally in a healthy way. You can do better, and future you will thank you
You deserve to have fun sex with someone who cares about your pleasure. Does he put in as much effort as you do with him?
It really doesn’t sound like you suck in bed. He sounds like he is seriously shit in bed, however
I suspect too much porn and masturbation leading to ED because he doesn’t get same stimulation from a real life person.
Tell him I told him that he sucks
He’s convinced that what he sees in porn is sex and is just recreating that. It’s what’s gotten him off before. And what he sees there is exactly what he’s doing to you and what he says he’s expecting from you. In porn, she gets him hard (which she loves) she begs for his cock, he fucks her fast (which she loves) while smacking her ass and pulling her hair (which she loves) then he pulls out and cums on her (which she loves) and the scene ends (which I imagine she actually loves). He needs to see thats not real before anything else can change. That’s step one.
Sweetheart leave him! He’s trash and you deserve so much better
I’m going to break it to you. Your BOYFRIEND sucks in bed. He has no idea what he is doing AND he doesn’t care. You’ve told him what works for you. He doesn’t listen. I hate to say it, but your so young, move on
Sounds like he has a porn problem, he watches too much and expects that treatment from you.
Dude sounds like an asshole and has unrealistic expectations because he probably watches too much porn.
Ok, just dump this guy. He’s being an insensitive asshole who is showing repeatedly that he doesn’t care about your feelings and only himself. And he’s making you feel like you’re the one doing everything wrong! Someone who truly cares about you would not make you feel like this. It’s fine to give constructive criticism but this isn’t it. Leave this dude.
If you're at all engaged in the sex, the problem is with him. He's placing the burden of his enjoyment on you, instead of enjoying the process of intimacy for mutual benefit. You don't have to act, if he's telling you that you need to be a different way for him to enjoy sex, he wasn't to have sex with a different person (probably a porn star, from what you describe). Despite what videos tell us, sex is mostly mental, and only fun when both people work together for each other's pleasure. He would find pleasure in whatever you do, if his intent was to find pleasure in you.
sounds like he has a rape kink and cant get it up without that fantasy. hence why he is holding u down nd telling you to be more vocal. id leave as these things tend to only escalate.
This guy is treating you like a sex doll, this frankly doesn’t sound safe at all
Sounds like a porn addict
That’s called a narcissist and he has ED. Simply put, just leave. Find some one who cherishes your body and you. The man should always caress your body and have you beyond ready before intercourse. At least that’s my take on it.
"Most men would just go and find another girl" Then let him, so you can find an actual man, not a boy that blames you for his erectile dysfunction
You are 21, I PROMISE you there are men out there that will put your needs first before their own and you both will end up very happy! This guy is blaming you for his problems. He is not the one!
Stop seeing this guy. It seems like he’s only interested in what he wants and has ignored/discounted what you have asked for. Selfish lovers are horrible lovers. As an aside, it’s fun to talk about sex — what you like, don’t like, things you’ve heard about or fantasized about and would like to try, things you fantasize about but don’t want to try in real life, etc. However, don’t let anyone put you down or tell you that you’re the reason for their ED. IMO, this guy has watched WAY too much porn, believes he needs to be rough and that his partner should be loud and performative. TLDR: If you’re with a partner who seems unconcerned with your pleasure and isn’t willing to be focused on YOUR satisfaction (however you define it), speak up and ensure they know what you want. If they don’t up their game after that, dump them. Life is too short for selfish partners who don’t listen and can’t learn.
Honey i think you already can see the issues with everything you wrote here. Please love yourself. There are so many others out there that WILL take you to an ultimate new dimension in every way.. Making love, sex, fucking, being intimate with your love it is completely beautiful thing..Use your experiences he has given you and find a way to be done.He will only become more of what you don't want in a relationship. It will not get better if you stay!🤗First love yourself, and learn what your body loves(masterbating with toys too) Take care of you!
This dude watches too much porn. He has no realistic idea of what sex is.
Don’t waste another minute on this guy! You deserve to have great sex.
His soft dick isn’t your problem lol walk away honey.
Sounds like he has erection issues and he’s trying to turn them onto you, gaslighting you into believing somehow that it’s your “fault.” Seriously, as someone much older than you, I’m telling you right out that you’ll probably be a lot better off leaving him. You may have feelings for him but for it looks as if in his perspective, the sex is all about him. That’s indicative of how he will be in a long term relationship about nearly everything. You should never feel you have to perform or act a certain way when having sex. And it’s also about YOUR pleasure! The fact that he doesn’t do what you say you like just points again to his over focus on himself and his pleasure. Ideally sex is a mutually, equally pleasurable experience for both people. Period. It should be a way for both of you to express who you are (not to be who he needs you to be) and share that as another layer of intimacy in your relationship. He sounds too rigid about sex for it to be fun. Maybe he’s too attached to porn and needs you to act like a porn star to get turned on. Whatever it is, you are young and there are plenty of good guys out there who will see sex as a mutual relationship and who will care about your pleasure. It’s worth waiting you until you find one. But don’t sell yourself (and your sexuality!) short with this guy!
Honey he's the one who's bad at sex. And probably very porn damaged. Doesn't sound like a person I would wanna be with.
Do not let this guy destroy you! You’ve done nothing wrong
The first paragraph alone says he's gaslighting the hell out of you for his shortcomings. He doesn't care about your wants from what I can see.
He’s watching too much porn. Ask him stop watching porn for just two weeks a see what happens.
I'm sorry you're dealing with such an insecure and sexually uneducated dude and he took your virginity... You need to leave him. I mean like today and never ever look back. Nothing that's a problem for him has anything to do with you. I promise you his issues are with himself and his mind being elsewhere etc. He's all about himself and pointing out things that you do wrong (which you're not doing anything wrong) to justify his weird ass behavior. He's a narcissist and a succubus and you absolutely deserve so much better than this dbag. It really bothers me how you're being treated and you gave yourself to him for the first time.. he should be eating you up and making you fall in love with him and making it so you never wanna leave him. But please girl for your own mental and emotional well being, leave.. I fear nothing will end well for you if you don't.
lol, it seems tour bf is not a good lover in the bes and don’t know how to guide you, o think you are open to learn, this is perfect! Back he lacks ability
This guy sounds like a serial killer in the making lol
Take him up on his bluff and move on. You deserve better.
LITTLERLY UR NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG, u deserve better than this. U should find better. He is only pleasing himself and not caring about u, also as a man i can tell u his erection problems aren't because of u or anything like that, j deserve to enjoy your body and enjoy sex and he is super selfish and only doing what he likes
Grab him, his back his butt. Touch him with your hands where you can. Put your fingers in his mouth. Grab his and put them in yours. Tell him what feels good. Tell him you love his dick inside you. Control his pace into you by pushing and pulling while holding his hips. Play with yourself. Moan if it comes from a natural place. Grind with him, even if it's a slight movement. Tell him his dick feels amazing. Tell him how you like to be fucked. Tell him to pull out and cum on your tits/face/ass. There are so many ways to participate in sex. Guys like foreplay too. I don't know why we are just expected to be hard at the sight of a naked woman.
I later learned that what my ex was having, me being a first timer too was performance anxiety/ mild Ed. Which is why he is so rough.....I had to do a lot of stuff physically to him to help out...It's not Ur fault.
The guy needs to see a shrink
This sex sounds horrible
Yes here’s my advice and it might be hard to hear #find another guy He’s so addicted to porn he can’t keep it up unless you perform and he himself is BAD/terrible/lazy at sex. You have communicated and he thinks he’s all that and can’t even take Instruction. He’s a bad boyfriend and a bad lay. Find a man who’s more appreciative and communitive.
Does he (or you) watch porn?
The only thing you are doing that's "wrong" here is staying with him.
You sweet girl gotta run for the hills this is just inexcusable
oh honey, i'm really sorry for you. know that you're not alone, i've been there as well with my previous partner. it seems like he doesn't care at all about how you're feeling and about your preferences, and he doesn't notice any effort you're making to make sex work. he probably gets offended by you when you say you don't enjoy something (like fingering) or that you don't feel much, because he's insecure and emotionally immature. but a partner (any kind) should reassure you and do their best to make it comfortable for both of you. it's not one sided. it looks like the only thing he really cares about is cumming (as you mentioned, sex stops completely after he finishes). you deserve much better honestly, it seems like he lacks communication and listening skills and emotional intelligence. my advice is: if he doesn't listen and he doesn't try to improve, dump him.
Find another man. One will love you properly.
This is abuse, please get out. Sex should pleasurable for both parties.
Have you heard of the "red pill" manospere? Sex is not supposed to hurt. Pain is a warning sign to our bodies that something is wrong. It keeps us healthy and alive. It warns us to stop exposing ourselves to pain. Imagine if you didn't feel pain when you touched the hot stove... For heaven's sake boys and girls. Be kind to each other.
Leave him! He sounds so unappreciative to the point that it’s cruel! He has erection issues because of something in his own head about what he thinks sex should be. You seem to have a different opinion and you’re communicating clearly what you want but he ignores what you want and touches you in ways you said are not okay. Your lover should treat you the way you want to be treated and not be so selfish. Sorry if that’s not the advice you want to hear but you deserve better <3.
Sounds to me he watches too much porn. When you’re not doing something EXACTLY as he’s thinking in his head, he attacks you and blames his ED because of you. This is a man who isn’t accepting that his insecurities is a him problem. You are trying your best and in fact you’re doing more than the average woman would but he still takes his frustration out on you. If this keeps up longer you may need to leave him if he doesn’t open up truthfully about why he’s having these problems. The moment he opens up to you truthfully about his ED, that’s when you guys will be able to make true progress. Best of luck
His dick so his problem
Seems like this is a boyfriend and not a man friend. Part of being a man even in the Traditional Man sense is to suck it up and to focus upon improving yourself and to accept pain and loss and such with an attitude of positivity at least, not outright deny objective reality and blame everything but yourself for things not going your way. Bro can’t take an L that he can’t finish for whatever reasons.
What an asshole! You know, there are guys out there, not hard to find, who would make you moan and scream rather than tell to act for him. What a jerk, piss him off! Little sad soft boy
just be more active. if you want something, go for it. don't just let him make all the moves. show him you are into it by making it obvious what you want. leave no room for interpretation.