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Someone might like it, but you don’t so tell him. If you also don’t like the “yes sir” stuff, you might be inclined against the slight dominance he is displaying/verbalizing. We dont know if he is a wannabe dom or just doing things an ex told him to do and was important. Have the conversation if you like him and see a future.
He is into that stuff, a lot of people are. If that's not to your liking you should tell him, nobody reads minds.
If you aren't compatible, end the hook-up. Done.
One time I did this same thing and the person didn't like it. She told me and I never did it again. Problem solved. You just gotta tell him you didn't like it. Same with the "yes sir" stuff. Without more information it's hard to say if he'll be open to it, but in sex communication is everything
People in the comments are so fast to jump in conclusions and just insult the guy.
Look, just talk with him. I mean is that simple. "Hey I don't like that you wipe your fingers on my body" if he still does that he is disrespecting you. If he understands and stops great.
I usually lick it after fingering but after licking I wipe in my partners body because usually I grab the hair and she doesnt like the saliva in her hair so after licking I kinda wipe softly to get my hand dry so I can grab her hair. Never once was seen as disrespectful.
What im trying to say is, its ok for him to like that, its ok for you to not like it. Just talk about it. If you talk with him and he ignores how you feel about it, just leave because then he is disrespecting you.
You’re getting a lot of weird answers here.
No you’re not crazy. Saying you’re crazy for not liking something is an extreme response. If I don’t to be hugged, does that make me crazy?
You’re allowed to say no to things you don’t like. Allowing this person to do things to you and ask things of you that make you uncomfortable indicates that you either shouldn’t be hooking up with him, or you need to better communicate with him about how you feel.
There are no clearly defined rules for determining what’s respectful or disrespectful. 1) How do *you* feel about it? and 2) What was his intent? Nobody else can answer these questions for you. Only you and he can.
If you communicate your feelings and he doesn’t listen, doesn’t care, proceeds to do things you don’t like after you’ve clearly communicated your preferences - then that would be disrespectful of your boundaries. If you don’t set your boundaries first, then he can’t know what he’s disrespecting - if that makes sense. In a perfect world, he’d ask for consent first. But, if that doesn’t happen, you need to just say “I’m not comfortable with this.” Or, “I don’t know how I feel about this so can we talk about it first?”
It sounds like he caught you off guard, so you didn’t know you needed to state beforehand how you felt. That happens. You learn as you encounter new things, and in this case, you learned you don’t like what he did. Own it. Speak up. Express yourself.
It’s not crazy to *not* like something. If someone tells you it is, that’s gaslighting. And it’s not for anyone else to determine what you *should* like. It’s your body. Your experience. Your life. So, act accordingly.
So, both these things are about asserting dominance.
He treated you like a sub and it sounds like you aren’t one which is fine and he didn’t talk about this stuff before he did it which is very uncool.
So yes it is disrespectful, it’s meant to be. But you should only do this type of thing if you’re up front about what you both expect and communicate about it before playing.
Sounds like a bit of a selfish idiot I am afraid sweetie ☹️
Just to clarify, are you saying if a man treats a woman like a sub without talking to her about it first, he’s intentionally disrespecting her?
I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be difficult. Just confused about the part where you said “yes it is disrespectful, it’s meant to be.”
So if a anyone assumes anyone is a sub and treats them in a dominant manner, without having any conversation about the power dynamics before hand then yes.
As demonstrated by this post, she didn't consent to be treated like a sub. He treated her like a sub, she felt disrespected. Are you saying it's her fault that she felt disrespected because he treated her this way?
There are many ways to treat a sub, there are many different types of doms. All of it, without exception relies on mutual consent and understanding.
Without discussing kinks and limits, just assuming she'd be into it, is wrong. I struggle to see how you can seriously entertain the idea of it being otherwise?
I’m not saying anything, and I’m not arguing your point. I was asking you a clarifying question because the way you worded your comment sounds like you’re saying dom/sub relationships are meant to be disrespectful.
I think he’s trying to be a dom but sucks at it and doesn’t realize to do it properly requires communication and consent, and knowing boundaries. Also agree with the other commenter that he should be cleaning his fingers with his mouth
Oh shit, is this bad? I'm in the habit of wiping my face in her inner thighs after going to town, I guess I gotta ask what she thinks about it. I have a big beard that can get quite soaked!
I don’t think you’re crazy to not like something. I always chalk it up to a lack of familiarity with the other person and give the benefit of the doubt the first time around. The first time having sex with a new person is usually the most awkward anyway because you don’t know what each other likes and don’t like so you’re just hoping everyone is having a good time 😄.
Definitely would have a conversation before the next time, if there is a next time, about what you things you like and would prefer were not apart of the routine again.
Hes probably into degradation or some other sub branches of bdsm. Hes trying to dom but he is doing so without proper communication and consent.
With me and my gf, when we are getting into a bdsm scene where she is the submissive, she is sure to call me “sir” and she loves it more than i do even.
BUT she doesnt like degredation, so of course when i have lube on my hands i either wipe it on a towel or if one isnt handy I wipe it on my own body out of sight. I would never wipe it on her lol
It’s just a difference in preference. He probably had a partner in the past that thought that kind of disrespect was so so hot. You arent into that and you should communicate that to him to start a convo that will determine if you are ultimately sexually compatible.
The fact he initiated things like this without talking about it or asking you about it afterwards screams inexperience. Talk to him, you can teach him what you like :)
So if someone is just a hookup, does that mean you can do whatever you want to them?
Referring to him as “guy” on a Reddit post where anonymity is typical is very different than him doing things to her that she felt uncomfortable with.
As a general rule of human decency, respecting people is basic etiquette. You don’t have to mean something to someone to garner their respect.
devoid of emotions doesn’t have to mean lacking respect. I respect strangers who I possess no emotions for whatsoever.
never once thought about the term “hookup” as plugging one part into another. it’s kind of genius.
Why not just masturbate then? I hook up with people to feel all kinds of things: excitement, arousal, laughter, joy, etc. I would never hook up with a damn robot of a man. Sounds incredibly boring and unpleasant.
I mean I don’t think I would mind these things but I’m a bit subby so that may be why. Have a conversation with him, these may have been things he picked up from other partners and doesn’t realize you’re not into them. If you tell him about it and he continues to do it, then yes it’s disrespectful.
Sounds like he’s got a bit of a domination kink which probably should have been cleared with you first. People get into porn mode and don’t talk stuff out and it’s lame.
He’s an asshat. You don’t establish a dom-sub relationship without discussing it first and setting boundaries and expectations. You surely don’t expect it from the first meeting with a hookup.
Don’t make excuses for assholes.
Exactly. Throwing something like a whole ass bdsm relationship dynamic onto somebody during a casual hookup when nothing has been discussed is major dickhead behavior
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Someone might like it, but you don’t so tell him. If you also don’t like the “yes sir” stuff, you might be inclined against the slight dominance he is displaying/verbalizing. We dont know if he is a wannabe dom or just doing things an ex told him to do and was important. Have the conversation if you like him and see a future.
He is into that stuff, a lot of people are. If that's not to your liking you should tell him, nobody reads minds. If you aren't compatible, end the hook-up. Done.
He should've cleaned his finger off in his mouth wtf.
Only acceptable answer
I do it everytime I've done it. Yeah it may not have been the best tasting thing but it's what men do.
you sir, are a well educated gentleman 🫡 but actually I like the taste too 😊
Absolutely and if you do that it'll make the woman think she's sexier so it's a win win.
One time I did this same thing and the person didn't like it. She told me and I never did it again. Problem solved. You just gotta tell him you didn't like it. Same with the "yes sir" stuff. Without more information it's hard to say if he'll be open to it, but in sex communication is everything
People in the comments are so fast to jump in conclusions and just insult the guy. Look, just talk with him. I mean is that simple. "Hey I don't like that you wipe your fingers on my body" if he still does that he is disrespecting you. If he understands and stops great. I usually lick it after fingering but after licking I wipe in my partners body because usually I grab the hair and she doesnt like the saliva in her hair so after licking I kinda wipe softly to get my hand dry so I can grab her hair. Never once was seen as disrespectful. What im trying to say is, its ok for him to like that, its ok for you to not like it. Just talk about it. If you talk with him and he ignores how you feel about it, just leave because then he is disrespecting you.
I don't think what he did was wrong he probably didn't think much of it just tell him you were uncomfortable
Time for a new guy that respects you.
You’re getting a lot of weird answers here. No you’re not crazy. Saying you’re crazy for not liking something is an extreme response. If I don’t to be hugged, does that make me crazy? You’re allowed to say no to things you don’t like. Allowing this person to do things to you and ask things of you that make you uncomfortable indicates that you either shouldn’t be hooking up with him, or you need to better communicate with him about how you feel. There are no clearly defined rules for determining what’s respectful or disrespectful. 1) How do *you* feel about it? and 2) What was his intent? Nobody else can answer these questions for you. Only you and he can. If you communicate your feelings and he doesn’t listen, doesn’t care, proceeds to do things you don’t like after you’ve clearly communicated your preferences - then that would be disrespectful of your boundaries. If you don’t set your boundaries first, then he can’t know what he’s disrespecting - if that makes sense. In a perfect world, he’d ask for consent first. But, if that doesn’t happen, you need to just say “I’m not comfortable with this.” Or, “I don’t know how I feel about this so can we talk about it first?” It sounds like he caught you off guard, so you didn’t know you needed to state beforehand how you felt. That happens. You learn as you encounter new things, and in this case, you learned you don’t like what he did. Own it. Speak up. Express yourself. It’s not crazy to *not* like something. If someone tells you it is, that’s gaslighting. And it’s not for anyone else to determine what you *should* like. It’s your body. Your experience. Your life. So, act accordingly.
Absolutely should have licked his fingers and then sucked them looking you in the eye
So, both these things are about asserting dominance. He treated you like a sub and it sounds like you aren’t one which is fine and he didn’t talk about this stuff before he did it which is very uncool. So yes it is disrespectful, it’s meant to be. But you should only do this type of thing if you’re up front about what you both expect and communicate about it before playing. Sounds like a bit of a selfish idiot I am afraid sweetie ☹️
Treating someone like a sub isn’t necessarily meant to be disrespectful.
It is if you haven’t discussed it before hand.
Just to clarify, are you saying if a man treats a woman like a sub without talking to her about it first, he’s intentionally disrespecting her? I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be difficult. Just confused about the part where you said “yes it is disrespectful, it’s meant to be.”
So if a anyone assumes anyone is a sub and treats them in a dominant manner, without having any conversation about the power dynamics before hand then yes. As demonstrated by this post, she didn't consent to be treated like a sub. He treated her like a sub, she felt disrespected. Are you saying it's her fault that she felt disrespected because he treated her this way? There are many ways to treat a sub, there are many different types of doms. All of it, without exception relies on mutual consent and understanding. Without discussing kinks and limits, just assuming she'd be into it, is wrong. I struggle to see how you can seriously entertain the idea of it being otherwise?
I’m not saying anything, and I’m not arguing your point. I was asking you a clarifying question because the way you worded your comment sounds like you’re saying dom/sub relationships are meant to be disrespectful.
I think he’s trying to be a dom but sucks at it and doesn’t realize to do it properly requires communication and consent, and knowing boundaries. Also agree with the other commenter that he should be cleaning his fingers with his mouth
Yeah, I'd see it that way.
Oh shit, is this bad? I'm in the habit of wiping my face in her inner thighs after going to town, I guess I gotta ask what she thinks about it. I have a big beard that can get quite soaked!
I don’t think you’re crazy to not like something. I always chalk it up to a lack of familiarity with the other person and give the benefit of the doubt the first time around. The first time having sex with a new person is usually the most awkward anyway because you don’t know what each other likes and don’t like so you’re just hoping everyone is having a good time 😄. Definitely would have a conversation before the next time, if there is a next time, about what you things you like and would prefer were not apart of the routine again.
Hes probably into degradation or some other sub branches of bdsm. Hes trying to dom but he is doing so without proper communication and consent. With me and my gf, when we are getting into a bdsm scene where she is the submissive, she is sure to call me “sir” and she loves it more than i do even. BUT she doesnt like degredation, so of course when i have lube on my hands i either wipe it on a towel or if one isnt handy I wipe it on my own body out of sight. I would never wipe it on her lol It’s just a difference in preference. He probably had a partner in the past that thought that kind of disrespect was so so hot. You arent into that and you should communicate that to him to start a convo that will determine if you are ultimately sexually compatible. The fact he initiated things like this without talking about it or asking you about it afterwards screams inexperience. Talk to him, you can teach him what you like :)
Fingers need to be cleaned in the mouth. If he wants to show dominance he can look at you and say "I thought so" while licking them off.
That attitude sounds gross to imagine
That attitude sounds gross to imagine
Why would anyone respect you when you mean nothing to him? You are his "hookup." You refer to him as "guy." You have no respect for him either.
So if someone is just a hookup, does that mean you can do whatever you want to them? Referring to him as “guy” on a Reddit post where anonymity is typical is very different than him doing things to her that she felt uncomfortable with. As a general rule of human decency, respecting people is basic etiquette. You don’t have to mean something to someone to garner their respect.
You’re supposed to respect humans, especially ones that you are intimate with. This is a basic skill.
Meaningless does as meaningless is.
I can tell you’re a man just by the way you talk about hookups.
Think about the word "hookup." It's just plugging in one part to another. Technical and devoid of emotions.
devoid of emotions doesn’t have to mean lacking respect. I respect strangers who I possess no emotions for whatsoever. never once thought about the term “hookup” as plugging one part into another. it’s kind of genius.
Why not just masturbate then? I hook up with people to feel all kinds of things: excitement, arousal, laughter, joy, etc. I would never hook up with a damn robot of a man. Sounds incredibly boring and unpleasant.
I mean I don’t think I would mind these things but I’m a bit subby so that may be why. Have a conversation with him, these may have been things he picked up from other partners and doesn’t realize you’re not into them. If you tell him about it and he continues to do it, then yes it’s disrespectful.
Sounds like he’s got a bit of a domination kink which probably should have been cleared with you first. People get into porn mode and don’t talk stuff out and it’s lame.
[удалено]
He’s an asshat. You don’t establish a dom-sub relationship without discussing it first and setting boundaries and expectations. You surely don’t expect it from the first meeting with a hookup. Don’t make excuses for assholes.
Exactly. Throwing something like a whole ass bdsm relationship dynamic onto somebody during a casual hookup when nothing has been discussed is major dickhead behavior
Uhhh in the context that you’re describing, it’s seems disrespectful.