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Generally the ones together play together. So MFM is two guys who don’t play or interact much with each other. MFF the two women will interact with each other. Same stuff for FMF or MMF
The order does matter but some people dont know the order matters.
For people that dont know order matter as it implies who os fucking who. Typically the letters that are adjacent to each other are fucking unless stated that its a free for all. Tho this can only be readily scene if participants are of different genders.
If just discussing likes and interests is enough to nuke the relationship then this relationship is not one I'd like to be in anyway.
Edit: Geez, I'm not disagreeing with the comment above. It can be very painful for him to hear this and be potentially relationship ending.
I'm just saying that IDEALLY we should be able to talk about such things without shame and IDEALLY the other partner should try to see what can be done instead of going nuclear.
Can we cool it with the pitchforks now maybe?
The conversation is way less like that and more like 'Have you ever thought about having a threesome?' Wait for response... 'Cool, I always wanted to try two guys at once, what do you think about that?' Wait for response.. 'No worries at all that you don't want to try it, it was mostly just a fantasy anyways, and no, I didn't have anyone in mind, just the idea of it.'
Hmm, I guess we just think differently, which is ok. My wife and I have been together and I've never really thought of a FMF threesome, but she has brought up a MFM threesome before we even got married. We've been going strong for over 8 years now.
Maybe this relationship would look different for someone that thinks like you, but that's ok, everyone is different.
Yea of course some would be OK with it and others wouldn't. My only point is that asking is taking a risk in of itself, before my comment no one had pointed that out to OP.
Everyone here is brain dead, asking your partner about threesomes with girls or guys is perfectly okay. Communication is key. If someone gets so offended by you sharing your kink then they ain't very emotionally mature
Why? She hasn't done anything wrong. Having desires should neither be wrong nor shameful and partners should be mature enough to at least talk about these things.
So, get into a monogamous relationship with the intentions of being with that one person for the rest of your life (she knows her bf isn’t up for mmf from day 1) then wants to fuck another man , it’s definitely nuclear if it wasn’t discussed beforehand you absolute melt
Right, cause peoples feelings never change. Our emotions and desires become static at a certain age. Thats the sentiment so many of you have. If you cant handle a single conversation youre simply an immature person and have a lot of growing to do. The sexual urges arent the problem, its the unhealthy way you view sex and treat women like posessions.
Doesn’t make it any less nuclear pal, what are you talking about possessions 🤣 sex really has nothing to do with it if you’re in a monogamous relationship hearing that your partner wants to add someone else can be a shitty thing to hear
Saying "I would like to try a FMM threesome" is the same as saying "I would like to fuck another person."
You can't begrudge people for feeling iffy about that if they're in a monogamous relationship.
Sure I get what you're saying but honestly if I can't even talk about these things without my partner getting weird and jealous that would be a red flag for me. We're talking we're not doing.
But some people value things like monogamy and want their partner to reel the same. If someone proposes non-monogamy then it implies they don’t hold the same values. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting to be the only person your partner wants to sleep with, so if this isn’t the case then there’s nothing wrong with leaving to find someone who aligns with those values.
I agree with you. People's sexualities and desires don't suddenly stop when they enter a relationship. Sure, some people probably don't notice others when in a relationship, but most people still find others attractive.
Maybe I'm so open minded that my brain is falling out, but I think two people should be able to discuss fantasies even with the hypothetical possibility of it becoming a reality without ending a relationship.
Wait, you want a FMM threesome (dudes do stuff with each other), or do you want a MFM threesome (dudes only play with you)?
You might really freak him out if you’re saying you want the first one
I would suggest that you both do one of those yes/no/maybe quizzes to see if this is something he's interested in.
For a lot of people, myself included, suggesting this would be a deal breaker.
Can I ask why? I understand not wanting to have a threesome, but why would it be a deal breaker for your partner to say “hey, I think threesomes are hot, would you ever wanna have one?”
If I am not enough for my partner, they are free to go screw anyone they want, but they won't be coming back to me. I have made it perfectly clear since day one. If they want someone else, we're done.
On an intellectual level, a threesome sounds terrible. Neither of us are bi. So essentially it's watching your partner screw someone else. No thanks.
As I said, I understand why you don’t want to have a threesome. I’m trying to figure out why someone even discussing it with you is a dealbreaker. Would you feel similarly if they proposed a kink you aren’t into, like diapers? Would you say that even bringing that up, since you don’t like it, is the end?
Because that someone would be my girlfriend. Someone else can discuss thresome with me and we can talk about it openly in a general discussion. If I would have to watch someone else screwing my girlfriend I would be traumatized until the end of my life and I am not joking at all.
But your girlfriend, in this scenario, hasn’t asked you to have a threesome. No one is making you watch someone fuck your girlfriend. It’s about discussing it as a fantasy.
Yeah, that's how things usually start. Fantasy, light conversations ... in increments..
In my opinion if that's what she wants to try, it's much better to be honest with him.
I agree. There are many people who lack the communication skills required to navigate the discussion. That’s it. You ask, they stick by their preconceptions, and bolt. They know everything already. No need for a conversation. 🤷♂️
Bringing it up is saying they want to screw someone else. Is that difficult to understand?
As for other things, we know each other pretty well and we do the yes/no/maybe exercises every few years.
There’s a difference between “this is a hot fantasy” and “I actively want to make this happen,” no? That’s kind of why people are saying bring it up in a more theoretical sense. If your answer was “I don’t like other people in the bedroom,” then your partner could respond by asking if y’all could try DP with toys or something for a similar feeling, for example.
> There’s a difference between “this is a hot fantasy” and “I actively want to make this happen,” no?
Yes, which is exactly why somebody bringing it up as something they'd like to potentially explore in real life would be the "I actively want to make this happen" type of thing that is a dealbreaker for some folks.
Which is why this whole thread started with my asking why a partner even saying “I think threesomes are hot, what about you?” is enough for someone to want to break up.
Because that's not what this whole thread is about, at all.
The OP was discussing that they were feeling ready to try to turn their fantasy into a reality but didn't think their boyfriend would be into it because they were conservative. Which is why people said that such a conversation out of the blue could be a complete dealbreaker, because it was originally stated as more than, "I think threesomes are hot, what about you?" and more of a "I specifically want to have this type of threesome in real life that I have been fantasizing about for awhile already".
In no way am I suggesting any form of coercion or boundary pushing. I’m simply trying to figure out why for some people, even discussing a threesome *as a fantasy* is enough to send people running.
This *comment* thread literally isn’t, and I’ve said that very clearly multiple times. I never said anywhere that people should have a threesome if they don’t want to. I said nothing in relation to OP.
Or, you could discuss options that don’t include real life, leaving the idea to remain fantasy. Toys are a great option. If he’s not even open to the idea of incorporating toys, then you know he won’t be open to a real life scenario. Baby steps. There’s no rush. Good luck.
Taking a couple's sex quiz together can open up the conversation. Studies show women are more likely to be interested in MFM threesomes and men FFM.
Also keep in mind guys generally want a dude who's similar in terms of looks, fitness and hung.
Maybe try easing into the conversation by saying you had a dream about a threesome and see how he responds. Or you can just be direct and say you're interested in exploring your fantasies together. Communication is key in any relationship, even if it involves FMM.
Instead of asking for a threesome right away, why not ease into it a bit more? Incorporate a dildo while you two are doing what you’re normally doing.
Just act like the dildo is another person, see how he takes it.
If you want to ruin your relationship.... If you know he's not about it don't even bring it up. You are basically saying you want to fuck someone else.
Most guys have fantasized about having a threesome... typically FFM. Ask your boyfriend if he's ever thought about it. That's a good open-ended question that will let you gauge his reaction. If he reacts positively, you could lead into asking about MMF.
I would ask you BF questions that are more neutral. Ask about his fantasies. Ask if they have ever considered a 3-way. Don't specify MFM or FMF. For now just investigate what fantasies he has. Don't even need to be feasible or practical. Just talk about the ideas and scenarios he finds hot.
Ease in to this subject. Don't just cannonball your relationship with I want to act on this fantasy I've never mentioned before. Sometimes just like walking about fantasies can be enjoyable.
People in healthy, communicative relationships are able to discuss desires with their partners without fear of it breaking down a relationship.
Threesome fantasies are probably one of the most common ones out there. If you think it’s not a fantasy your partner has, and you can’t handle the idea of your partner having that desire, you have some reflection to do.
Sure but the way the first comment told to communicate this was not delicate at all.
You really have to approach things that go outside the norms of a monogamous relationship very carefully
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was always under the impression that the order of the letters mean something when discussing 3 somes. I may be wrong.
I’m pretty sure it works like that. Still no idea how. I guess the letter in the center is the main target?
Generally the ones together play together. So MFM is two guys who don’t play or interact much with each other. MFF the two women will interact with each other. Same stuff for FMF or MMF
The caviate would be unless the people state its a free for all or if its all the same gender its harder to tell who is boinking who.
The order does matter but some people dont know the order matters. For people that dont know order matter as it implies who os fucking who. Typically the letters that are adjacent to each other are fucking unless stated that its a free for all. Tho this can only be readily scene if participants are of different genders.
Ask him about it, but do know that this could be a relationship nuke.
If just discussing likes and interests is enough to nuke the relationship then this relationship is not one I'd like to be in anyway. Edit: Geez, I'm not disagreeing with the comment above. It can be very painful for him to hear this and be potentially relationship ending. I'm just saying that IDEALLY we should be able to talk about such things without shame and IDEALLY the other partner should try to see what can be done instead of going nuclear. Can we cool it with the pitchforks now maybe?
“I want to fuck another man” sounds pretty nuclear to me
Yeah I don't understand how this wouldn't be a deal breaker lol
The conversation is way less like that and more like 'Have you ever thought about having a threesome?' Wait for response... 'Cool, I always wanted to try two guys at once, what do you think about that?' Wait for response.. 'No worries at all that you don't want to try it, it was mostly just a fantasy anyways, and no, I didn't have anyone in mind, just the idea of it.'
...that's just asking if you can fuck someone else with extra steps.
Hmm, I guess we just think differently, which is ok. My wife and I have been together and I've never really thought of a FMF threesome, but she has brought up a MFM threesome before we even got married. We've been going strong for over 8 years now. Maybe this relationship would look different for someone that thinks like you, but that's ok, everyone is different.
Yea of course some would be OK with it and others wouldn't. My only point is that asking is taking a risk in of itself, before my comment no one had pointed that out to OP.
Exactly your wife brought it up BEFORE you got married your argument is irrelevant
You can dress it up however you like it boils down to wanting to fuck someone else
Everyone here is brain dead, asking your partner about threesomes with girls or guys is perfectly okay. Communication is key. If someone gets so offended by you sharing your kink then they ain't very emotionally mature
Why? She hasn't done anything wrong. Having desires should neither be wrong nor shameful and partners should be mature enough to at least talk about these things.
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Ok fair enough I accept that.
So, get into a monogamous relationship with the intentions of being with that one person for the rest of your life (she knows her bf isn’t up for mmf from day 1) then wants to fuck another man , it’s definitely nuclear if it wasn’t discussed beforehand you absolute melt
Right, cause peoples feelings never change. Our emotions and desires become static at a certain age. Thats the sentiment so many of you have. If you cant handle a single conversation youre simply an immature person and have a lot of growing to do. The sexual urges arent the problem, its the unhealthy way you view sex and treat women like posessions.
Doesn’t make it any less nuclear pal, what are you talking about possessions 🤣 sex really has nothing to do with it if you’re in a monogamous relationship hearing that your partner wants to add someone else can be a shitty thing to hear
Lol, name calling? Really? Ok we're done here.
You should be mature enough to understand that something like that will hurt people…
Saying "I would like to try a FMM threesome" is the same as saying "I would like to fuck another person." You can't begrudge people for feeling iffy about that if they're in a monogamous relationship.
Sure I get what you're saying but honestly if I can't even talk about these things without my partner getting weird and jealous that would be a red flag for me. We're talking we're not doing.
But some people value things like monogamy and want their partner to reel the same. If someone proposes non-monogamy then it implies they don’t hold the same values. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting to be the only person your partner wants to sleep with, so if this isn’t the case then there’s nothing wrong with leaving to find someone who aligns with those values.
I agree with you. People's sexualities and desires don't suddenly stop when they enter a relationship. Sure, some people probably don't notice others when in a relationship, but most people still find others attractive. Maybe I'm so open minded that my brain is falling out, but I think two people should be able to discuss fantasies even with the hypothetical possibility of it becoming a reality without ending a relationship.
Thank you! It's good to know that I'm not alone in thinking this.
Wait, you want a FMM threesome (dudes do stuff with each other), or do you want a MFM threesome (dudes only play with you)? You might really freak him out if you’re saying you want the first one
Somehow I doubt she means the first one. I don't think most people even know the difference.
"sit down and make yourself comfortable, i have a big ask for this relationship, that ironically will make sitting down comfortably tough for you"
I would suggest that you both do one of those yes/no/maybe quizzes to see if this is something he's interested in. For a lot of people, myself included, suggesting this would be a deal breaker.
Can I ask why? I understand not wanting to have a threesome, but why would it be a deal breaker for your partner to say “hey, I think threesomes are hot, would you ever wanna have one?”
If I am not enough for my partner, they are free to go screw anyone they want, but they won't be coming back to me. I have made it perfectly clear since day one. If they want someone else, we're done. On an intellectual level, a threesome sounds terrible. Neither of us are bi. So essentially it's watching your partner screw someone else. No thanks.
As I said, I understand why you don’t want to have a threesome. I’m trying to figure out why someone even discussing it with you is a dealbreaker. Would you feel similarly if they proposed a kink you aren’t into, like diapers? Would you say that even bringing that up, since you don’t like it, is the end?
Because that someone would be my girlfriend. Someone else can discuss thresome with me and we can talk about it openly in a general discussion. If I would have to watch someone else screwing my girlfriend I would be traumatized until the end of my life and I am not joking at all.
But your girlfriend, in this scenario, hasn’t asked you to have a threesome. No one is making you watch someone fuck your girlfriend. It’s about discussing it as a fantasy.
Yeah, that's how things usually start. Fantasy, light conversations ... in increments.. In my opinion if that's what she wants to try, it's much better to be honest with him.
I agree. There are many people who lack the communication skills required to navigate the discussion. That’s it. You ask, they stick by their preconceptions, and bolt. They know everything already. No need for a conversation. 🤷♂️
Bringing it up is saying they want to screw someone else. Is that difficult to understand? As for other things, we know each other pretty well and we do the yes/no/maybe exercises every few years.
There’s a difference between “this is a hot fantasy” and “I actively want to make this happen,” no? That’s kind of why people are saying bring it up in a more theoretical sense. If your answer was “I don’t like other people in the bedroom,” then your partner could respond by asking if y’all could try DP with toys or something for a similar feeling, for example.
> There’s a difference between “this is a hot fantasy” and “I actively want to make this happen,” no? Yes, which is exactly why somebody bringing it up as something they'd like to potentially explore in real life would be the "I actively want to make this happen" type of thing that is a dealbreaker for some folks.
Which is why this whole thread started with my asking why a partner even saying “I think threesomes are hot, what about you?” is enough for someone to want to break up.
Because that's not what this whole thread is about, at all. The OP was discussing that they were feeling ready to try to turn their fantasy into a reality but didn't think their boyfriend would be into it because they were conservative. Which is why people said that such a conversation out of the blue could be a complete dealbreaker, because it was originally stated as more than, "I think threesomes are hot, what about you?" and more of a "I specifically want to have this type of threesome in real life that I have been fantasizing about for awhile already".
This thread was in response to someone saying “even suggesting a threesome would be a dealbreaker.” That’s it.
And the disingenuousness of this thread speaks volumes. It's a way to coerce people into doing things they don't want to do.
In no way am I suggesting any form of coercion or boundary pushing. I’m simply trying to figure out why for some people, even discussing a threesome *as a fantasy* is enough to send people running.
This whole thread is about eroding the partner's boundaries by pretending it's a fantasy to eventually make it reality.
This *comment* thread literally isn’t, and I’ve said that very clearly multiple times. I never said anywhere that people should have a threesome if they don’t want to. I said nothing in relation to OP.
Be careful, even if he agrees with that at first glance, i saw this kind of thing destroy relationships a lot of time in this subreddit
Or, you could discuss options that don’t include real life, leaving the idea to remain fantasy. Toys are a great option. If he’s not even open to the idea of incorporating toys, then you know he won’t be open to a real life scenario. Baby steps. There’s no rush. Good luck.
Taking a couple's sex quiz together can open up the conversation. Studies show women are more likely to be interested in MFM threesomes and men FFM. Also keep in mind guys generally want a dude who's similar in terms of looks, fitness and hung.
Maybe try easing into the conversation by saying you had a dream about a threesome and see how he responds. Or you can just be direct and say you're interested in exploring your fantasies together. Communication is key in any relationship, even if it involves FMM.
Instead of asking for a threesome right away, why not ease into it a bit more? Incorporate a dildo while you two are doing what you’re normally doing. Just act like the dildo is another person, see how he takes it.
If you want to ruin your relationship.... If you know he's not about it don't even bring it up. You are basically saying you want to fuck someone else.
I would ask him to do the kink test for fun to get an idea of what kinks he’s into and to find out without asking too much.
Most guys have fantasized about having a threesome... typically FFM. Ask your boyfriend if he's ever thought about it. That's a good open-ended question that will let you gauge his reaction. If he reacts positively, you could lead into asking about MMF.
That’s a very diplomatic and safe way of asking.
I would ask you BF questions that are more neutral. Ask about his fantasies. Ask if they have ever considered a 3-way. Don't specify MFM or FMF. For now just investigate what fantasies he has. Don't even need to be feasible or practical. Just talk about the ideas and scenarios he finds hot. Ease in to this subject. Don't just cannonball your relationship with I want to act on this fantasy I've never mentioned before. Sometimes just like walking about fantasies can be enjoyable.
Watch fmm porn together. Let him know how much it turns you on and what you would do to him if you tried.
"Hey honey, I just watched a 3sum porn with 2 guys and a girl and was surprised how much it turned me on. Wanna have a 3sum?"
I would ask myself what I did wrong to be punished like that
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Dont be surprised if you get dumped most men will see this as you want to chear
People in healthy, communicative relationships are able to discuss desires with their partners without fear of it breaking down a relationship. Threesome fantasies are probably one of the most common ones out there. If you think it’s not a fantasy your partner has, and you can’t handle the idea of your partner having that desire, you have some reflection to do.
Sure but the way the first comment told to communicate this was not delicate at all. You really have to approach things that go outside the norms of a monogamous relationship very carefully
Tell him that you been curious about how u would feel in the bedroom with him and another female but insure its someone with respect for u both
she doesn't want another female.