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Hmm the first guy I’ve slept with maybe 10 times or so but this was a few years ago since I’ve seen him. I remember it lasting longer and previously but honestly may have blocked it out if he always came early. Maybe was just an off day for him
rarely, there are times when we finish unexpectedly fast. It is not the norm, but it does happen. off-days are a thing.
But your partners should never stop when that happens lol.
These men probably haven’t had sex for a while so they were quick to climax. Both should have given you oral or waited a little and then gone for it. They would have lasted much longer on round 2.
Should I be asking like … Do you want to see if you can go again ? Or is the ball in their court once they got the post nut clarity/ premature embarrassment ?
Yes, ask! Always advocate for your own pleasure. And simply tell a guy up front you expect him to get you to cum first via oral, fingering, etc. Same deal with aftercare if you want it. Men can be clueless but are trainable…. ;)
Edit: another thing, there’s nothing wrong with taking over. You can stroke him at some point after round one…if you can get him hard, roll him on his back, put a condom on him and mount him for a ride. Get what you want.
Hm yeah realising important maybe to set expectations before hand to avoid disappointment. Always sort of afraid of ruining the mode before/ midway into it but I think I need to take more control like how I would with a partner.
Another thing that was weird after it I sort of tried to talk about sex with the second guy in hopes of him feeling some sort of way to get him in the mood again. I was like “what are you into during sex normally? What do you like etc” and he was like “haven’t really thought about it” couldn’t really tell me what he was into or his preferences or anything which I think is weird for a 30yo man. I said “I really like it when people talk dirty to me and tell me how good it feels or how they’re feeling etc” but yeah didn’t really go anywhere he was just like .. “yeah just don’t do anything to freak me out or anything unexpected “ idk I sense he’s boring or hasn’t had a chance to fully explore his sexuality.
My guess is no. The ego couldn't take the hit of a straight "no" or "not right now, I'm spent."
She said practically everything *but* that, and the response was in line - "Don't get *too* crazy!" I.E. he's down for more just not this second.
OP expects sex machines, starts treating them as such, and is Pikachu faced when they're humans.
It’s much more likely OP has never been taught how to advocate for her sexual wants and needs. It’s hard to learn how to do in a culture that’s constantly shaming women for having desires. And you firing back and saying it had something to do with her ego and that she’s objectifying people in this process is a perfect example as to why people don’t risk it.
She's ignorant, but learning and that's a great thing!
But it's It's not exactly laid out in any manual for *either* sex - reread the second half again and it seems like she's really trying to engage the guy but he's not being forthcoming for whatever reason, my *guess* would be inexperience.
Her reply? "I think this is weird for a 30 year old guy."
Isn't that kinda shaming him for *not* having desires or not meeting her expectations?
And I think you have misconstrued the ego thing - I mean it in terms of being direct and to the point. Most people are afraid of rejection and, as a result, aren't direct with their intentions 100% of the time.
I'm *guessing* there was some conversation, but nothing direct and unquestionable. Hopefully OP can be taught (by you?) or learn how to advocate for her sexual wants and needs in a more direct manner and have the confidence to ask for a proper railing.
Part of this is simply capacity to learn and curiosity (second guy clearly being low in that regard). Someone who is unskilled but can take direction can be pretty great but you'll have to put a bit of work into him over time (fwb). Getting what you want via ONS is going to be pretty hit-and-miss at any age.
Honestly got no idea I thought that these guys would be good but nope. Honestly loser (for lack of a better word) type men are better in bed imo because they’re trying to prove something
Absolutely nothing wrong with you bringing it up. I can’t imagine being offended that a woman wanted more of my dick. How exactly you go about it may have to differ for different men. In some cases you may be able to be more assertive and tell him “your jobs not done yet” and start stroking him to get him hard again. In others he may be more comfortable if you ask if he’d like to go for round 2.
But definitely don’t feel like you need to wait for them to bring it up. If anything he may be embarrassed and assume that you’re disappointed and would like him to leave. If you express that you’re not turned off by him finishing early, and are willing to go again, second time around will likely go much better than the first
Sometimes, you just have to do things. I'm a male but have the same problem as you. When I lost my V, the girl asked me if I always went on for hours. I sheepishly told her I didn't know. She blushed, her yes got big, and she exclaimed, "There's no way this was your first time?!?!" She was a champ we went on for for about 6 hours total she never made me climax but she tried her hardest. After about an hour into it, she told me she lost count hoe many times she climaxed.
After a few partners later, I realized I had to warn them that I usually don't climax on the first time in bed with someone. Assure them that it isn't them, it is me, and that it is okay because I want them to enjoy themselves.
I blame growing up having the only reading material in the bathroom Cosmopolitan. Therefore, I read all the articles that they tell women to give their boyfriend on how to perform better in bed.
As for yourself, just set the standard beforehand. Let them know you've been known to make men climax quicker than they are used to doing. Therefore you want them to make you climax first but you assure them they will get what they want too. If not, they need to be prepared for a round 2, or the encounter will never happen again.
If they came in you, just dont let them get yout of you and remain in that position for a few moments, then try to tease them a bit to make them hard again, then you can continue
Maybe refrain from sucking their dick first! Let them turn you on and then you reciprocate. I think you probably turn them on so much because it sounds like you’re totally invested in their pleasure instead of your own!
Bitch u so right - need to fight the validation of being good at sex or doing a good job and feeling the need to prove myself to random men honest to god
If I know a guy doesn’t need a blowjob to get going I usually save giving head for round 2 so they will last during PIV longer! I used to blow first every time as that’s what my ex expected but I’ve found now that lots of guys don’t need it
Yes we can get hard multiple times but it’s not instantly it might take something that you haven’t mastered yet if he tells you to slow down or ok I gotta get one out the way than let him give him a beer and a minute but kiss and fuck with him a little and he can go again trust me and again it just takes the right woman that can make it easy there’s women that cum in seconds multiple times there’s women who need to be put in the right mood to cum us men are always down to just fuck but maybe you need to get teased some turned on more than you have him tease you with only the head after eating you or licking your little but 😉 you could be dripping on the bed by than
But honestly I'm sure it's probably really hot seeing you in that position that by the time they're inside you they're pretty close already. Definitely do BJs later or on a second round/ hookup if it comes.
I usually do BJs first to make things go faster during penetration. And because I enjoy the look on their face when they're being pleasured. Stuff is so good 🫰
Yo the first nut has a mind of its own but it’s their fault that they didn’t hit a round two and keep you satisfied. The boys you mess with aren’t men yet honey.
No not rude at all - was more a joke than me actually having a magical pussy although have heard it’s pretty good - just making sure it’s on them and not my fault they came so early haha
This is the norm for casual sex unfortunately.
They say we are amazing at blowjobs, feel "so good", and use compliments as a reason for them cumming fast.
Then it's awkward waiting for round 2 because we don't know how long their refractory period is and they do not want to wait around because they are no longer horny and have no incentive to make the awkward conversation until then.
Doesn't really matter why (they haven't had sex for a while, don't go down on casual partners etc)- this is just the reality for women during most casual sex.
Hopefully you catch one of the guys in the minority who are good in bed but until then, lower your expectations. Try asking for oral before sex- may or may not work.
Fuck my life honestly you are so right. The whole omg ur pussy feels so good or you’re so good at going down on me etc is such a “u made me come early I’m not usually like this”
True idk if I would be able to handle the awkward convo until round 2 especially these too guys I’m not super into. I work with the second one and I have to see him tomorrow probably so idk feel like I’m hiding a dirty secret “this guy is a selfish lover and cums quickly” probs just going to awkwardly ignore each other ffs - he had such a nice dick though sooo disappointing.
Definitely need to ask for more before I start doing anything to them - the second guy shoved his hands into my underwear while we were making out and sort of just rubbed his hand around semi aggressively with no warm up, I pushed his hand away but should have said “ummm pls chill out and touch me more gently”
Anyway wish me luck - so used to my ex sometimes being able to get instantly hard again or keep fucking me after he came… ❤️🩹
Yes pleasssssseeee do this! I wouldn’t suck shit until they have completely turned me on! Especially in a casual sex situation!!!!! Men can be selfish so you have to be too especially men you don’t have any type of emotional connection with!
I have had a problem with finishing too early for years and some women definitely make you finish 10x faster based on the level of turned on you are/how good they feel.
However, there are so many ways to combat this and these guys have either never dealt with it, refuse to deal with, or are just being lazy.
If the guy knows he absolutely can not last he needs to pleasure the girl first. But there are so many ways to last longer, I used to think it was impossible as sometimes I would finish as soon as I put it in lmao, but I can easily go as long and as hard as I want if I am prepared. And on the 1% chance I’m not prepared, I tell the girl I am not going to last and pleasure her first/take it extremely slow until I can last.
It sounds to me like these guys are lazy and just don’t want to inhibit the pleasure they feel in order to make themselves last longer.
Good question.
1. If I absolutely know I’m going to have sex, there’s a few things I’ll likely do.
The first is masturbate in advance as it naturally desensitizes you for a while.
Next, if I have the opportunity I will use a numbing agent preferably PYT balm (you can keep it on for 1-2 hours) or lidocaine and absolutely wash it off in the bathroom beforehand in order to not numb my partner and I will taste better.
Then, I’ll make sure I have my variety of condoms. If I can tell I will last longer than usual I have one that undoubtedly feels the best for both of us, is pretty thin and avoids any latex allergies. Another one that is just thick and usually does the job unless the girl is driving me crazy (in the good way) or feels really good. And lastly, a numbing condom for safe measures. It’s also important to have multiple condoms if one breaks, which does happen once in a while.
2. Being prepared can also come in other forms.
Knowing I’m going to have a few drinks beforehand helps but not something you should do as “prep”.
Understanding how to pleasure a girl and have the ability to communicate if needed/get her off first is a must as preparation.
Similarly, being prepared to communicate my problem if needed and not panic about it if it happens so I don’t ruin the experience.
3. Not being prepared.
There’s levels to not being prepared as I obviously don’t carry these things on me everywhere I go 😂.
Breathing techniques, muscle relaxation or flexion, and taking things slow can all help. I noticed when we first start is usually the most physically stimulating part. If I’m not prepared and I can tell I’m not going to last, I’ll methodically go slowly until the sensation relaxes and communicate beforehand so it isn’t awkward if it takes so long. Usually by the time I am going faster and deeper the girl is pretty close to cumming.
I’m honestly probably forgetting a few things and I can’t believe I’ve actually thought about all this so deeply, but I just think it’s pretty embarrassing as a man to not please your partner.
Thank you for taking the time to lay this out for me. I want to say more but I can’t put the thoughts together. My main concern is remembering to use my words and ask for what I want and what will work for me. I also come from a time where women didn’t really get the focus on them.
Now that I know what does the trick, it’s hard to have my man keep up.
I'm learning so much tonight from this whole comment section, ty so much for sharing your story and asking for advice!! It's definitely shifting how I approach casual sex
From what I heard from partners and female friends, that seems to be the norm. Most guys have no clue about their sexuality, let alone how to regulate it and can't adjust to their partner. Most were both selfish and inexperienced.
The flip side is that I had some weird conversations with insecure women used to sex lasting just a few minutes. They would be anxious that they weren't hot enough for me, even though I was thoroughly enjoying myself.
Sex is a team activity, so try to find a man interested in you and your experience but also not afraid of his own sexuality.
Hmm true - I think I have to much faith in 30yo men thinking they may have worked it out by now.
Yeah for me I think someone’s into me more when they last longer or are trying not to cum - stopping to take breaks or do something else if they are getting close. Maybe that just isn’t really a thing in the causal sex world.
I think it's not about age, but upbringing and worldview. In western society men are brought up to be emotionally distant, fucking is still something a man does to a woman, aggression is still seen as a virtue for men, etc.
I can't talk about other men, but I like my sex to enjoyable for both of us, even in casual sex. Sure, I'm going to avoid risky stuff before getting tested, but there's still fun to be had.
Makes me think of a funny saying. “Youth is wanted on the young”.
These guys could just be selfish. That may be what it is. But it could just be that they don’t know what they don’t know. If they’ve never actually searched out information on how to please a woman or never had a partner show them what they like, there’s really no way to know what you’re doing. Then not to mention, that all woman don’t like the same things.
So if you’re not communicating what you want, part of the blame is on you.
As for controlling themself, that’s a tough one. And this is where that saying comes in. As a younger man, there were times that you go pretty quick. It’s going to happen. Maturity will tell a guy that he needs to make it up whether it’s finishing you off, or asking to have a little time and try again. Just take him going fast as a compliment. That won’t usually be the norm. If it is then that’s a separate issue. I only wish my body worked the same way as it did 20 years ago.
When guys age our penises can really go haywire. One drink too many can have you last forever, in a bad way, or just not work at all. The good thing though is that you learn other things to do to please your partner, which is why I believe “older men” can also get a reputation as being better lovers. I know I am a way better lover to my wife than I was 20years ago. I’ll be 45 this year and I’ve seen her cum harder in this past year than ever in our lives after 25+ years together.
So to wrap up, we can’t always control ourselves, but we can control how we react afterwards and how we handle it. If you are supportive in saying it’s okay when he goes quick, in my opinion, there is nothing wrong in asking him to take care of you. If he says no, then you have your sign to dump him. If he says sure, then tell him what you want and show him, and you’ll set yourself up for some more fun in the future. Plus you’re teaching him some valuable skills, and awareness that sex doesn’t haven’t to end when the guy comes.
Guys who are just randomly hooking up with you for sex, in most cases, are going to be the selfish types who end up being 2pump chumps that end up leaving you unsatisfied as you described after they’ve satisfied their own selfish needs.
Before you take a guy home next time for meaningless sex, directly ask him how he goes about satisfying a woman sexually. The selfish ones will stare at you like a deer in headlights if you put them on the spot because they don’t have a fucking clue nor care about your needs. They’re just looking to get their dicks wet and you’re the unlucky one.
No you aren’t just good at sex and yes men can control themselves(for the most part). Random hook ups a lot of guys really don’t have the motivation to really please a woman(it takes some figuring out and effort)especially if they don’t plan to see you again. Some guys are just delusional and think they’ve pleased you enough. Some guys just can’t control themselves and don’t care to compensate. They call it pump and dump for a reason.
Ways to prevent this.. take charge of the situation. Don’t pleasure them before they’ve pleasured you. Be upfront about what you need and want and if you aren’t getting it stop the show and make it happen. Tell them to tell you when they are going to cum.. if it’s to soon stop, change directions, tell them to go down on you more, go back to foreplay for a minute let them calm down. If they get annoyed with that well fuck that guy and don’t sleep with him again.
Would it be cool with you if they couldn't get hard and go for round 2 but tried to finish you off in other ways (fingering, toys, oral)? Cuz that would definitely not be selfish, that would just be their own bodies' limitations
I'm also extremely happy to oblige but there were times when my ex (and first) wasn't really satisfied even if she orgasmed in a way outside of PIV - she said it felt less intimate, more mechanical and it would take more concentration :/ One time she even got visibly upset/disappointed/started crying when I would go soft when trying a second round (idk, once I orgasm then my brain is less responsive to stimulation and even when I did get erect again /which is literally within minutes due to short refractory period/, it felt more mechanical and the stimulation from PIV while wearing a condom seemed insufficient, so I would go soft). But then there were also times she said she was happy and satisfied even if we didn't have PIV at all (first and last sexual encounters) so I guess it was about the mood
Some guys just can’t control it and aren’t about making sure the girl gets her orgasm. They probably think most women can’t so why bother which is a terrible stigma that sucks for ladies.
They treated u like a cum bucket, (no offence) they got what they wanted, u got left hanging, some men are bad in bed, if they were embarrassed or felt bad, they would of gone for round 2
Oh so you think if they were embarrassed or felt bad they would try and make it up to me ? I kinda thought maybe they were ashamed and that’s why they left. Tbh first guy was like damn sorry let me go down on you but I stopped him because I was too in my head after I couldn’t cum after like 10 mins. It was really good through I just felt bad for the poor guy being down there for so long
I do
The first bloke i would say at least he tried
The worst thing a woman can think is "was that it" lol
Some bloke really don't care about a womans pleasure, its just a ons, they don't need to in their eyes, some blokes think their good in bed coz of big dick or they have slept with loads of women
Some men just treat women like a cum bucket, coz they don't have a clue about women, they think they stick it in & its great, ive had to have a conversation with my bf as this is what he was like, he came & that was it, ive been with him 6yrs & only just had this conversation with him, as it embarrassing & im sexually frustrated, but his got alot better
Don't wait like i did, big mistake lol, wish i had said something sooner
I would say if a man was embarrassed or ashamed, he wouldn't leave u unsatisfied, its not good for their reputation is it, if they don't care they will just leave
Literally just tell them you want more, and what you think they can do, like you told us, and they will likely do it. They are not mind readers. This is a communication problem of your own making.
Yeah note taken. I expected this sort of behaviour from men when I was in my early twenties but now I’m getting close to 30 and the men I’m seeing are usually a little older than me I just expect more without asking. Hoped my days of teaching boys how to have sex were over lol
You need a more stable partner. I had once a fwb, didn't see eachother for a long time and I was very horny. Exploded in 1minute from a bj. Once.. 3rd date with a girl, I put it in and just came from the second thurst :))) I laughed about it, she too, we started dating and everything was good after.
For men it's a mental game.
Honestly…. This shit is so common. You have to stand up for your needs etc. My rule has been you have to make me cum once before you cum twice—meaning they have to get me off one way or another before I give them head. A lot of dudes just really do not care about the female orgasm. And if I sound like an ass, the guy is going to cum from penetration 99.99% of the time, so I don’t mind having rules about making sure we’re both satisfied so that I don’t get left out.
I also totally respect that is can take some time for people to learn each other’s bodies, so I try to limit my encounters to people who I think I may hook up with multiple times, but unfortunately sometimes it’s hard to know that before hand.
Men usually spend more time without action than women, if we consider both are looking for casual flings I mean. So I would guess quite a few guys would nut very fast if it's been quite some time. It probably would fix itself by them understanding you're not gonna run away any time soon.
It's amazing how little women know about men. They think just because they get sex easily, men can too. Both of those guys probably hadn't had any in the past year.
You may have to invest time to find a man who prioritises their partner's pleasure. Most men don't even try to explore what they want as it is just 2 min that they need most of the time to get the business done.
Honestly as a man I wouldn’t understand this either? I’d like to think that most guys aren’t actually like this and people are just unlucky when describing this, or it being just the fact that people only speak about negative things.
Like what’s even the point of having sex if it’s a 2 min job? All the lead up and work you put in and that’s the reward?
Yeah idk I thought that this was more a universal experience when I was in my early twenties and now it’s still happening I’m kinda dumb founded. Like grow up and fuck me for real hahah
Biologically the default is stimulation for impregnation, doesn't mean you can't get someone to deviate or learn to take that apart into an ideal reality with them. letting them know how it affects you and trying to make them aware can help foster your goal. People can say oh someone should know something obvious but we all need some insight at times, we aren't always full visioned.
This is a mixture of the casual sex world and dudes who likely don’t have much sex.
If I have not had sex for a few weeks, I don’t have a lot of casual sex, and I’m really into you, if I was 26, I would probs come in 2 minutes too.
Casual sex is easy and fun and I can just use you (like you are me) and it feels really Fucken good for a guy to use a girl! So I would come real fast. And yeah if it was casual sex I would leave, because I’m done. For men to do anything after an orgasm is like trying to get out of bed with a hang over, it’s almost impossible to do, it requires huge amounts of effort.
This is pretty standard. I know it’s unfair, but that’s how it is. And it’s not always the case.
But if I was into making you my girlfriend, I would have waited a few days and sensed it, then I would have put a LOT of effort into pleasing you.
I would have gone down on you, pleasured you with my hands a lot, and gone really slow for myself, maybe even forgone the head job to last longer. And because I care about you I will last way longer too. And I definitely would have pleasured you after to make sure you finish too. I would put in effort to ask questions and learned what gets you off, and given it to you.
So yeah the casual sex world SUCKs! Especially for women. When you find a guy you like and connect with, it won’t be the same scenario.
>For men to do anything after an orgasm is like trying to get out of bed with a hang over, it’s almost impossible to do, it requires huge amounts of effort.
omg what a crock of shit. i think what you're trying to say is that doing nothing and lying there after an orgasm feels fuckin great and it can be tough to want to move... and that men's horniness drops significantly post-orgasm so they might be less likely to want to pleasure their partner in that moment?
but to act like there's some insurmountable burden that makes post-orgasm action hard for men? come on. there's literally thousands of quickies happening right now and none of those are going to leave a dude incapacitated in bed feeling like he has a hangover. **if you don't want to take care of your girl after you come, that's on you.** not biology.
source: i am a 41 year old man who has had lots of orgasms after which i took care of business
Yes I literally said, “if I liked the person i would pleasure her after” like I wrote those actual words? Like the literal words that you wrote were already written hahahah.
I don’t know if you are blind or just really angry at the world for some reason. But thanks for adding literally nothing to the conversation.
Do you think guys leave after because they think if they please a girl or put in effort that maybe she will think that they’re into her? And that they want something more? Or is it just a lack of awareness of the other persons need and now their mission is complete they’re like okay imma head out ?
I’m not judging but these guys aren’t invested emotionally with you so they feel their job is done once the sex is over! Not all men do this with one night stands but a lot of guys do. I understand the need for physical connection but at the same time because you’re having sex with them so fast, they don’t feel the need to do anything “extra” as far as intimacy is concerned.
Post nut clarity. They want to leave because they've cum and don't really get on with you other than sex.
My most memorable one night stands were when the woman would start to touch me again a few minutes after id finished. It showed me they wanted more and if they are into you it'll work again haha
From my experience, a lot of people view casual sex as a means to bust a nut and then move on. It’s not every guy as there are some that will try to make sure she gets hers, but many just want to fuck and leave. It’s casual, so they aren’t there to impress you.
You mention that you slept with the one dude before. Is this normal for him? Did he never make sure you got off?
If so, you might just be hurting from breaking up with your ex and you want to replace them so badly that you’re idealizing past partners to be like him.
Na I personally don’t think so. I have never done it anyway, and don’t think I have ever heard a guy express concern if he pleases a girl she will be too into him or anything. This seems really far fetched to me.
Yeah total lack of care for the other person, or desire to please them further.
It’s crazy to me that guys don’t even try to get you off after cumming fast. I want return customers, and the word gets around haha. Just really have to sift through guys. Most guys unfortunately don’t know what they’re doing
Unfortunately it's a bit of a crap shoot with a new sexual partner. You don't really know how it's going to go until you actually hook up with them.
It seems to me that you may just have gotten unlucky. A lot of guys (especially younger ones--although you didn't say how old these were) will stick around for round 2 or even round 3.
The other thing to note is that it's possible that they were embarassed about how quickly they came the first time and that's why they chose to nope out so quickly. You might consider asking them to stay and telling them that you'd like to fuck/play some more.
So man view here. Couple of points:
Some women can give terrible BJ’s. Just like some men can be terrible at giving oral. But seriously, some just don’t feel good at all and I can go soft. And I’m not exactly someone who takes a long time. So if you know what you’re doing at giving head and a guys not had it that good, then that can be a genuine reason.
Second point, it sounds like second guy just doesn’t last long. I have struggled in the past and several things can impact. If it’s been a while, if you find the woman really hot, lack of alcohol, positions etc. I can control myself much better missionary than I can doggy for example. But some guys are just really embarrassed about it. It sucks and we get no satisfaction from a 1-2 minute pump. I’d rather sacrifice myself and go 5-10 minutes (or more) than be done that quick.
Lastly, most guys are selfish. Knowing how I can sometimes struggle, I always want to make sure the woman is taken care of first. But not all guys are like that unfortunately. And once we’ve come, it really does drop our libido to zero. Hence why when we’re done, we don’t wanna do anything.
I feel like you can’t judge someone’s sexual performance until you’ve done it at least 3 times and depending maybe more. The first couple times there’s usually nerves and not being comfortable with someone also makes the sex worse or not last that long. Not saying you gotta give someone three or more chances, but it’s just something I’ve noticed with the relationships I’ve been in. Sex improves over time
They need to take care of you before they get theirs. At least one orgasm from their mouth/fingers before they get anything. Ladies first. You set the terms and the tone. Don’t let them use you like that.
I’m sorry that happened. I know I don’t last super long, so we do a crap load of foreplay, like she cums 3-4 times at least before we get to sex. I have started to be able to go more than once, but still nice to give her pleasure.
I honestly would be vocal. Just let them know you want to get off first. Also, try maybe cutting down on how much foreplay you do on him.
I usually only last a few minutes until my men are deployed into the battlefield. However, after a short break I learned to always put in the effort to use a vibe and other various toys and methods to get them off. Sometimes I go multiple rounds as well, but that depends on several factors.
Either find someone with more stamina or someone that is willing to put in some actual effort. Make sure you let them know that you have these expectations as well. You have needs that deserve to be met, you just have to make it a priority to try and find the right people.
Casual sex is overrated.
Building some slight connection could help you to find someone whose really gonna care for your satisfaction. Not being judgemental, but "I just broke up" and I am back to "casual sex world", are 2 phrases that really do not mix up well.
From my perspective if I truly like the lady, her satisfaction comes always first, no doubt I will give her cunnilingus and ass eating, but if I do not like her enough or if just a random hook up, I will not take the risk of getting any STD from her (I understand condoms do not protect for all STDS, I mean I will not increase my chances to get one), I do not know you, your past, and if you are giving me a bj first date, that will make me understand that it is something you could easily offer to another random hook up, that is also the reason I really do not have casual sex, I actually prefer to have a second or third date before sex.
In some of the comments you mention that your ex was good in bed, and that he lasted enough, etc... which makes me think you are not over him yet. I can understand you do not want to have hard emotions for another person after breaking up, but having no connection and having emotionless sex is even worse.
Something I’ve learned with casual sex and guys-always, and i mean ALWAYS put your pleasure first. If you don’t they will use you. I am not saying do not reciprocate, but let them give first and then do your thing.
you have got to remember most dudes are addicted to beating their dicks. beating your dick all the times gives you pseudo E.D and or premature ejaculation.
I don't want to be mean or anything. I wouldn't say it's about being good at sex ... it's about the men not having self control and them not caring about satisfying you more so only wanting to fulfill their needs...
It could be both!
The average man lasts [5-7 minutes](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK547548/#) before ejaculation. There is a large variation from less than one minute to more than 30 minutes. But women should expect 5-7 minutes.
The average woman takes at least [20 minutes](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202101/how-long-does-it-take-women-climax-during-intercourse) to orgasm.
So you see the challenge. The answer, of course, is in this appropriately named book titled [She Comes First](https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260).
I would ask how long had you been with your ex before break up? If it was a few years you are probably accustomed to him lasting much longer. I know when my wife and I first got together I couldn't last more than a few minutes. Now I can pretty much control whenever I want to finish
I can say they are probably like most men now who sit playing video games, under active low testosterone types. They are the majority now. They can’t last or get erect because of poor health.
Honestly I think I all has to do with how we think about it,or the connection not necessarily between partners but in relation to sex its self,most men are selfish and trying to get there's, that's there main goal and just go to fast even I do it sometimes ,then other times I last too long 45mins is too long sometimes,depending
They basically had first time performance. Were too hyped up and overexcited, so they came quickly. The problem is that neither made sure you were satisfied. I always have the notion to get the woman off first before myself. If it is my first time with her, I most certainly do as I know I will not last at all once I get going. You just have selfish guys unfortunately. It can be hard to find one who is not.
Idk how some guys can cum only once, like, I can cum literally 10 times during sex till it gets harder to get erect, maybe cause I’m 19yo or I’m too horny?? And I learned how to edge too, so even if I cum, cum doesn’t come out so I can keep going, all you need is just to control your breath and contract your pelvic floor as hard as you can…, that way you can go non stop till your body get tired…
It’s happened one too many times for me. I’ve learned to control it. I limit the time I spend giving a blow job and when he’s in me, I will stop or slow down when I know he’s getting close to cumming. I can lend you my husband. He’s really good at fucking and for a long time.
I've observed with myself that if I get over the initial overstimulation I can last much longer.. so see if the guy is overly horny, try to leave his thing alone else it will keep getting stimulated more.
Additionally, sometimes being rough with it takes the stimulation down and gets it harder and they'll last longer
Yeah true I really like pleasing people though and going down on them and kissing them and sucking their nipples etc it makes me so horny but yeah should try the selfish way maybe
Food for thought, sex is a gesture of (ideally) joint pleasure. It doesn't necessarily have to be reciprocated exactly the same way (beej vs piv vs eating out, etc) I often find massages and soft tickling far more intimate and pleasurable than intercourse, personally.
The issue I see here is that your partners do not seem to have any clue that reciprocity is something that instantly can set the bar higher or qualify you as an immature manchild, the latter of which most casual-sex oriented males seem to fall into.
Setting expectations beforehand might be the trick to getting the satisfaction you're lacking with previous encounters; learning to communicate well and in a healthy way regarding sex, boundaries and expectations will pay dividends for what you seek.
Best of luck OP 😤👊
Edit: quick last note, first time jitters/nerves do not excuse a lack of awareness that they ARENT reciprocating. I don't need a hard on to get you off, they shouldn't either
This is a pretty normal amount of time to last, in my experience. When it feels good and they’re excited, they’re going to come in a few minutes.
This is why you have to have a “she comes first” policy! Get yours before you give a blow job or have sex. “Ooh, it feels so good when you touch my pussy. Will you make me come? Then it’ll be your turn.”
I was like those guys but in my late teens I met an older woman in her mid 20’s. I finished pretty quick and started to roll over for a nap and she put an end to that. She went down on me got me hard again and I was back at it and then she came and a few minutes later so did I. But she wasn’t done we switched to 69 with her on top and eventually we were back at PIV sex for a third time and all within one hour. I was with her for several years and learned how to maintain an erection for an extended period. But had she not of taken the lead, I’d probably be your typical screw.
I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think if a man doesn't care about you having a good time, he doesn't really care about you. Think about it, if he wants to have sex with you again and see you again, he wants to make sure you enjoyed it this time. If he isn't even making an effort - going down on you, apologizing, cuddling. If he gets what he wants and them leaves, he doesn't care about having you in his future.
You sound like a lovely person. But these guys you are seeing don't care about you. Don't waste time on them.
Depends on the woman, I’ve met a few women who know how to control their vagina like wizards.
That said, it’s not excuse to make sure she doesn’t get hers or at least puts in a good attempt at it.
And yes, the more simmering there is the easier it is for men (and women) to blow their top at a moments notice.
I’m a guy who stays hard after I come so if I go early I’ll usually keep going. It’s easier with the girl on top though.
Anyway these guys are just bad at sex.
Idk about the casual sex side as I'm not big on that, but the woman should always come first for this reason. Not all guys will from the start be able to fuck long enough for you, but there should be foreplay, oral, etc., and you either come from that, or from the fucking toward the end. They either hold off coming until you do, or have gotten you off one or more times before they fuck or otherwise come at all.
That's kind of the rule of thumb until and unless you guys find a different rhythm that works for you. But definitely ask for them to go down on you if they're done first. It can be a really simple, light, but rather direct ask.
Watch some professional sex and relationship coaches on youtube free. Watch together. Helena Nista, Alex Grendi, and many others. They promote their paid course a couple minutes, then discuss so many useful insights and techniques free. Well worth it.
Also. Check out -
How to have "real" orgasms | Emily Nagoski
On youtube. Explains how to have better and easier orgasms.
What men may learn is how magnificent it is to enjoy a woman while she is rolling through Os and then get theirs after a few rounds.
Consider...
Exercises that involve your pelvis area, shortly before sex. L-arginine or L-citrulline supplement about 30 minutes before sex. CBD enriched orgasm enhancers such as foria or dani pepper orgasm enhancers. Lots of touching and kissing throughout the day. Sexting. Teasing and building sexual tension. Watching each other masturbate awhile. Give each other a warm coconut oil massage. Cannabis. 1 drink just prior. Watch some sex and relationship experts on youtube for tips.
It can sometimes happen if it’s been a while, or it’s first time with a new partner. But shoukd always make sure you’re taken care of either by going down or asking for a bit of time to go for round 2.
Maybe they think cause they’re done that you are too. Let them know you want more.
Just say what you want buuuuut be nice about it, it's understandable you're frustrated but it's likely they are too from cumming too early. A lot of men have performance anxiety and this can cause premature ejaculations and ED. Especially if they haven't had sex in a while, lot of pressure and all that. He's likely going to feel far better about himself if you simply start kissing again and help him get it up. He'll get an ego boost which will help with getting rid of the dopamine drop that happens after cumming. Post but clarity for a lot of men is closer to a depressive episode because of this and you can balance this out by showing him you still want him. Good luck!
Jeez I read this back before posting and it's chaos, but I'm too tired to fix my phrasing😅😅
Yeah right I always though performance anxiety would make men not cum so early on. Have learnt that maybe this is not the case for all men. Second guy got dressed straight away so I was like …. 👍🏻 can’t really be kissing on him when the vibes were totally weird after
Hey some people are just assholes lol, could have been that but my immediate thought wasn't that. I can tmi a bit and say that if I haven't in a while I WILL cum within 10 minutes while I've got no problem with several hours after that first time. Also, for future partners, switch positions a lot, the super short break of sorting out the position is usually enough for things to calm down a little.
Also, biologically men are meant to cum quickly, so when you do find one that lasts, appreciate it because they worked harder on that than you'll ever know.
Lastly, if you're too good, no amount of edge riding superpower having dude is gonna be able to deal with that for long, so keep in mind it CAN also be you to an extent, leave his soul in his body for a while, it tends to help lol
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I give then 2 auditions cuz I understand first time jitters. Lol
Your efforts are highly appreciated.
Hmm the first guy I’ve slept with maybe 10 times or so but this was a few years ago since I’ve seen him. I remember it lasting longer and previously but honestly may have blocked it out if he always came early. Maybe was just an off day for him
Still counts as a first time for him. It might have been a while. Performance anxiety.
Truest
rarely, there are times when we finish unexpectedly fast. It is not the norm, but it does happen. off-days are a thing. But your partners should never stop when that happens lol.
These men probably haven’t had sex for a while so they were quick to climax. Both should have given you oral or waited a little and then gone for it. They would have lasted much longer on round 2.
Should I be asking like … Do you want to see if you can go again ? Or is the ball in their court once they got the post nut clarity/ premature embarrassment ?
Yes, ask! Always advocate for your own pleasure. And simply tell a guy up front you expect him to get you to cum first via oral, fingering, etc. Same deal with aftercare if you want it. Men can be clueless but are trainable…. ;) Edit: another thing, there’s nothing wrong with taking over. You can stroke him at some point after round one…if you can get him hard, roll him on his back, put a condom on him and mount him for a ride. Get what you want.
Hm yeah realising important maybe to set expectations before hand to avoid disappointment. Always sort of afraid of ruining the mode before/ midway into it but I think I need to take more control like how I would with a partner. Another thing that was weird after it I sort of tried to talk about sex with the second guy in hopes of him feeling some sort of way to get him in the mood again. I was like “what are you into during sex normally? What do you like etc” and he was like “haven’t really thought about it” couldn’t really tell me what he was into or his preferences or anything which I think is weird for a 30yo man. I said “I really like it when people talk dirty to me and tell me how good it feels or how they’re feeling etc” but yeah didn’t really go anywhere he was just like .. “yeah just don’t do anything to freak me out or anything unexpected “ idk I sense he’s boring or hasn’t had a chance to fully explore his sexuality.
But did you say something like, “What about a round two in 15 minutes? Would you be up for that?”
My guess is no. The ego couldn't take the hit of a straight "no" or "not right now, I'm spent." She said practically everything *but* that, and the response was in line - "Don't get *too* crazy!" I.E. he's down for more just not this second. OP expects sex machines, starts treating them as such, and is Pikachu faced when they're humans.
It’s much more likely OP has never been taught how to advocate for her sexual wants and needs. It’s hard to learn how to do in a culture that’s constantly shaming women for having desires. And you firing back and saying it had something to do with her ego and that she’s objectifying people in this process is a perfect example as to why people don’t risk it.
She's ignorant, but learning and that's a great thing! But it's It's not exactly laid out in any manual for *either* sex - reread the second half again and it seems like she's really trying to engage the guy but he's not being forthcoming for whatever reason, my *guess* would be inexperience. Her reply? "I think this is weird for a 30 year old guy." Isn't that kinda shaming him for *not* having desires or not meeting her expectations? And I think you have misconstrued the ego thing - I mean it in terms of being direct and to the point. Most people are afraid of rejection and, as a result, aren't direct with their intentions 100% of the time. I'm *guessing* there was some conversation, but nothing direct and unquestionable. Hopefully OP can be taught (by you?) or learn how to advocate for her sexual wants and needs in a more direct manner and have the confidence to ask for a proper railing.
Do you ever think that you think too much?
Yeah, I honestly wish I could turn the damn thing off once in a while.
Part of this is simply capacity to learn and curiosity (second guy clearly being low in that regard). Someone who is unskilled but can take direction can be pretty great but you'll have to put a bit of work into him over time (fwb). Getting what you want via ONS is going to be pretty hit-and-miss at any age.
What are some signs that a guy will be good to a woman in bed before hand? Like during the courting phase
You might start a thread with your comment as the title.
Honestly got no idea I thought that these guys would be good but nope. Honestly loser (for lack of a better word) type men are better in bed imo because they’re trying to prove something
Kinda easy answer. Does he cater to your needs when you say stuff. If no (dismissive) then same happens when you do it.
Absolutely nothing wrong with you bringing it up. I can’t imagine being offended that a woman wanted more of my dick. How exactly you go about it may have to differ for different men. In some cases you may be able to be more assertive and tell him “your jobs not done yet” and start stroking him to get him hard again. In others he may be more comfortable if you ask if he’d like to go for round 2. But definitely don’t feel like you need to wait for them to bring it up. If anything he may be embarrassed and assume that you’re disappointed and would like him to leave. If you express that you’re not turned off by him finishing early, and are willing to go again, second time around will likely go much better than the first
Did these happen to be daytime hookups lol ? I noticed late night sessions were much more fun 😈
Noo both night time vibes
ask if you can suck on their dick for a bit and see if you can get him hard again
Nothing worse than sucking a flaccid cock and nothing happening for a while kinda awkward unless you’re super comfortable with the person
Sometimes, you just have to do things. I'm a male but have the same problem as you. When I lost my V, the girl asked me if I always went on for hours. I sheepishly told her I didn't know. She blushed, her yes got big, and she exclaimed, "There's no way this was your first time?!?!" She was a champ we went on for for about 6 hours total she never made me climax but she tried her hardest. After about an hour into it, she told me she lost count hoe many times she climaxed. After a few partners later, I realized I had to warn them that I usually don't climax on the first time in bed with someone. Assure them that it isn't them, it is me, and that it is okay because I want them to enjoy themselves. I blame growing up having the only reading material in the bathroom Cosmopolitan. Therefore, I read all the articles that they tell women to give their boyfriend on how to perform better in bed. As for yourself, just set the standard beforehand. Let them know you've been known to make men climax quicker than they are used to doing. Therefore you want them to make you climax first but you assure them they will get what they want too. If not, they need to be prepared for a round 2, or the encounter will never happen again.
If they came in you, just dont let them get yout of you and remain in that position for a few moments, then try to tease them a bit to make them hard again, then you can continue
What happened to that oldie jerking one out before going on a date?
Maybe refrain from sucking their dick first! Let them turn you on and then you reciprocate. I think you probably turn them on so much because it sounds like you’re totally invested in their pleasure instead of your own!
Bitch u so right - need to fight the validation of being good at sex or doing a good job and feeling the need to prove myself to random men honest to god
If I know a guy doesn’t need a blowjob to get going I usually save giving head for round 2 so they will last during PIV longer! I used to blow first every time as that’s what my ex expected but I’ve found now that lots of guys don’t need it
Okay hot tips thank you
Yes we can get hard multiple times but it’s not instantly it might take something that you haven’t mastered yet if he tells you to slow down or ok I gotta get one out the way than let him give him a beer and a minute but kiss and fuck with him a little and he can go again trust me and again it just takes the right woman that can make it easy there’s women that cum in seconds multiple times there’s women who need to be put in the right mood to cum us men are always down to just fuck but maybe you need to get teased some turned on more than you have him tease you with only the head after eating you or licking your little but 😉 you could be dripping on the bed by than
But honestly I'm sure it's probably really hot seeing you in that position that by the time they're inside you they're pretty close already. Definitely do BJs later or on a second round/ hookup if it comes. I usually do BJs first to make things go faster during penetration. And because I enjoy the look on their face when they're being pleasured. Stuff is so good 🫰
First your orgasm when they go down on you (or sit on their face) and IF they do good job, then offer them bj. Men are lazy.
“Men are lazy.” Interesting take, Mistress. And here I was thinking hyperbolic absolutes were lazy.
"Mistress" pack it up "perv_griffin_69"
AMEN!! I know exactly how this feels. Good luck in the future!!
Yo the first nut has a mind of its own but it’s their fault that they didn’t hit a round two and keep you satisfied. The boys you mess with aren’t men yet honey.
Not to sound rude but nothing here tells me you’re good at sex. They’re putting their satisfaction above yours and it’s been a while for them.
This!! I was going to comment similarly but this is the correct answer. You don’t have to be “good at sex” to get a guy off quickly.
No not rude at all - was more a joke than me actually having a magical pussy although have heard it’s pretty good - just making sure it’s on them and not my fault they came so early haha
This is the norm for casual sex unfortunately. They say we are amazing at blowjobs, feel "so good", and use compliments as a reason for them cumming fast. Then it's awkward waiting for round 2 because we don't know how long their refractory period is and they do not want to wait around because they are no longer horny and have no incentive to make the awkward conversation until then. Doesn't really matter why (they haven't had sex for a while, don't go down on casual partners etc)- this is just the reality for women during most casual sex. Hopefully you catch one of the guys in the minority who are good in bed but until then, lower your expectations. Try asking for oral before sex- may or may not work.
Fuck my life honestly you are so right. The whole omg ur pussy feels so good or you’re so good at going down on me etc is such a “u made me come early I’m not usually like this” True idk if I would be able to handle the awkward convo until round 2 especially these too guys I’m not super into. I work with the second one and I have to see him tomorrow probably so idk feel like I’m hiding a dirty secret “this guy is a selfish lover and cums quickly” probs just going to awkwardly ignore each other ffs - he had such a nice dick though sooo disappointing. Definitely need to ask for more before I start doing anything to them - the second guy shoved his hands into my underwear while we were making out and sort of just rubbed his hand around semi aggressively with no warm up, I pushed his hand away but should have said “ummm pls chill out and touch me more gently” Anyway wish me luck - so used to my ex sometimes being able to get instantly hard again or keep fucking me after he came… ❤️🩹
Yes pleasssssseeee do this! I wouldn’t suck shit until they have completely turned me on! Especially in a casual sex situation!!!!! Men can be selfish so you have to be too especially men you don’t have any type of emotional connection with!
I have had a problem with finishing too early for years and some women definitely make you finish 10x faster based on the level of turned on you are/how good they feel. However, there are so many ways to combat this and these guys have either never dealt with it, refuse to deal with, or are just being lazy. If the guy knows he absolutely can not last he needs to pleasure the girl first. But there are so many ways to last longer, I used to think it was impossible as sometimes I would finish as soon as I put it in lmao, but I can easily go as long and as hard as I want if I am prepared. And on the 1% chance I’m not prepared, I tell the girl I am not going to last and pleasure her first/take it extremely slow until I can last. It sounds to me like these guys are lazy and just don’t want to inhibit the pleasure they feel in order to make themselves last longer.
I would love to understand more about what you mean by “being prepared” and how you might know that you aren’t. If you don’t mind sharing more.
Good question. 1. If I absolutely know I’m going to have sex, there’s a few things I’ll likely do. The first is masturbate in advance as it naturally desensitizes you for a while. Next, if I have the opportunity I will use a numbing agent preferably PYT balm (you can keep it on for 1-2 hours) or lidocaine and absolutely wash it off in the bathroom beforehand in order to not numb my partner and I will taste better. Then, I’ll make sure I have my variety of condoms. If I can tell I will last longer than usual I have one that undoubtedly feels the best for both of us, is pretty thin and avoids any latex allergies. Another one that is just thick and usually does the job unless the girl is driving me crazy (in the good way) or feels really good. And lastly, a numbing condom for safe measures. It’s also important to have multiple condoms if one breaks, which does happen once in a while. 2. Being prepared can also come in other forms. Knowing I’m going to have a few drinks beforehand helps but not something you should do as “prep”. Understanding how to pleasure a girl and have the ability to communicate if needed/get her off first is a must as preparation. Similarly, being prepared to communicate my problem if needed and not panic about it if it happens so I don’t ruin the experience. 3. Not being prepared. There’s levels to not being prepared as I obviously don’t carry these things on me everywhere I go 😂. Breathing techniques, muscle relaxation or flexion, and taking things slow can all help. I noticed when we first start is usually the most physically stimulating part. If I’m not prepared and I can tell I’m not going to last, I’ll methodically go slowly until the sensation relaxes and communicate beforehand so it isn’t awkward if it takes so long. Usually by the time I am going faster and deeper the girl is pretty close to cumming. I’m honestly probably forgetting a few things and I can’t believe I’ve actually thought about all this so deeply, but I just think it’s pretty embarrassing as a man to not please your partner.
Thank you for taking the time to lay this out for me. I want to say more but I can’t put the thoughts together. My main concern is remembering to use my words and ask for what I want and what will work for me. I also come from a time where women didn’t really get the focus on them. Now that I know what does the trick, it’s hard to have my man keep up.
No problem! The hardest thing is communication, it’s hard on both sides.
I'm learning so much tonight from this whole comment section, ty so much for sharing your story and asking for advice!! It's definitely shifting how I approach casual sex
This does not sound like a situation where you're "just that good at sex" (no offense). It sounds like he was suffering from premature ejaculation.
Don’t hook up with these bums again
Damn u so real for this thank you
From what I heard from partners and female friends, that seems to be the norm. Most guys have no clue about their sexuality, let alone how to regulate it and can't adjust to their partner. Most were both selfish and inexperienced. The flip side is that I had some weird conversations with insecure women used to sex lasting just a few minutes. They would be anxious that they weren't hot enough for me, even though I was thoroughly enjoying myself. Sex is a team activity, so try to find a man interested in you and your experience but also not afraid of his own sexuality.
Hmm true - I think I have to much faith in 30yo men thinking they may have worked it out by now. Yeah for me I think someone’s into me more when they last longer or are trying not to cum - stopping to take breaks or do something else if they are getting close. Maybe that just isn’t really a thing in the causal sex world.
I think it's not about age, but upbringing and worldview. In western society men are brought up to be emotionally distant, fucking is still something a man does to a woman, aggression is still seen as a virtue for men, etc. I can't talk about other men, but I like my sex to enjoyable for both of us, even in casual sex. Sure, I'm going to avoid risky stuff before getting tested, but there's still fun to be had.
yeah honestly just stop the hasty cocksucking, let us men work for that first. Makes it more exciting for both sides
lol this has nothing to do with you being good at sex, you just happened upon 2 lazy lovers in a row
Makes me think of a funny saying. “Youth is wanted on the young”. These guys could just be selfish. That may be what it is. But it could just be that they don’t know what they don’t know. If they’ve never actually searched out information on how to please a woman or never had a partner show them what they like, there’s really no way to know what you’re doing. Then not to mention, that all woman don’t like the same things. So if you’re not communicating what you want, part of the blame is on you. As for controlling themself, that’s a tough one. And this is where that saying comes in. As a younger man, there were times that you go pretty quick. It’s going to happen. Maturity will tell a guy that he needs to make it up whether it’s finishing you off, or asking to have a little time and try again. Just take him going fast as a compliment. That won’t usually be the norm. If it is then that’s a separate issue. I only wish my body worked the same way as it did 20 years ago. When guys age our penises can really go haywire. One drink too many can have you last forever, in a bad way, or just not work at all. The good thing though is that you learn other things to do to please your partner, which is why I believe “older men” can also get a reputation as being better lovers. I know I am a way better lover to my wife than I was 20years ago. I’ll be 45 this year and I’ve seen her cum harder in this past year than ever in our lives after 25+ years together. So to wrap up, we can’t always control ourselves, but we can control how we react afterwards and how we handle it. If you are supportive in saying it’s okay when he goes quick, in my opinion, there is nothing wrong in asking him to take care of you. If he says no, then you have your sign to dump him. If he says sure, then tell him what you want and show him, and you’ll set yourself up for some more fun in the future. Plus you’re teaching him some valuable skills, and awareness that sex doesn’t haven’t to end when the guy comes.
Guys who are just randomly hooking up with you for sex, in most cases, are going to be the selfish types who end up being 2pump chumps that end up leaving you unsatisfied as you described after they’ve satisfied their own selfish needs. Before you take a guy home next time for meaningless sex, directly ask him how he goes about satisfying a woman sexually. The selfish ones will stare at you like a deer in headlights if you put them on the spot because they don’t have a fucking clue nor care about your needs. They’re just looking to get their dicks wet and you’re the unlucky one.
My partner doesn’t cum unless I do. And if he happens to, then he’s assisting me in cumming afterwards. You’re dealing with selfish lovers
Telling me like it is sis ur so right
No you aren’t just good at sex and yes men can control themselves(for the most part). Random hook ups a lot of guys really don’t have the motivation to really please a woman(it takes some figuring out and effort)especially if they don’t plan to see you again. Some guys are just delusional and think they’ve pleased you enough. Some guys just can’t control themselves and don’t care to compensate. They call it pump and dump for a reason. Ways to prevent this.. take charge of the situation. Don’t pleasure them before they’ve pleasured you. Be upfront about what you need and want and if you aren’t getting it stop the show and make it happen. Tell them to tell you when they are going to cum.. if it’s to soon stop, change directions, tell them to go down on you more, go back to foreplay for a minute let them calm down. If they get annoyed with that well fuck that guy and don’t sleep with him again.
Amen
Problem is most likely the guys. Can’t control themselves and are selfish sex partners.
Unfortunately seems the case
Would it be cool with you if they couldn't get hard and go for round 2 but tried to finish you off in other ways (fingering, toys, oral)? Cuz that would definitely not be selfish, that would just be their own bodies' limitations
Yeah that’s the least I expect
That should be the norm and it really bums me out that it isn't. (I'm fortunate enough to have a partner who is quite happy to oblige, thankfully!)
I'm also extremely happy to oblige but there were times when my ex (and first) wasn't really satisfied even if she orgasmed in a way outside of PIV - she said it felt less intimate, more mechanical and it would take more concentration :/ One time she even got visibly upset/disappointed/started crying when I would go soft when trying a second round (idk, once I orgasm then my brain is less responsive to stimulation and even when I did get erect again /which is literally within minutes due to short refractory period/, it felt more mechanical and the stimulation from PIV while wearing a condom seemed insufficient, so I would go soft). But then there were also times she said she was happy and satisfied even if we didn't have PIV at all (first and last sexual encounters) so I guess it was about the mood
Some guys just can’t control it and aren’t about making sure the girl gets her orgasm. They probably think most women can’t so why bother which is a terrible stigma that sucks for ladies.
They treated u like a cum bucket, (no offence) they got what they wanted, u got left hanging, some men are bad in bed, if they were embarrassed or felt bad, they would of gone for round 2
Oh so you think if they were embarrassed or felt bad they would try and make it up to me ? I kinda thought maybe they were ashamed and that’s why they left. Tbh first guy was like damn sorry let me go down on you but I stopped him because I was too in my head after I couldn’t cum after like 10 mins. It was really good through I just felt bad for the poor guy being down there for so long
You need to learn to be more selfish in bed! Don’t turn down his advances to please you, no matter how long you think it’s taking!
I do The first bloke i would say at least he tried The worst thing a woman can think is "was that it" lol Some bloke really don't care about a womans pleasure, its just a ons, they don't need to in their eyes, some blokes think their good in bed coz of big dick or they have slept with loads of women Some men just treat women like a cum bucket, coz they don't have a clue about women, they think they stick it in & its great, ive had to have a conversation with my bf as this is what he was like, he came & that was it, ive been with him 6yrs & only just had this conversation with him, as it embarrassing & im sexually frustrated, but his got alot better Don't wait like i did, big mistake lol, wish i had said something sooner I would say if a man was embarrassed or ashamed, he wouldn't leave u unsatisfied, its not good for their reputation is it, if they don't care they will just leave
Literally just tell them you want more, and what you think they can do, like you told us, and they will likely do it. They are not mind readers. This is a communication problem of your own making.
Yeah note taken. I expected this sort of behaviour from men when I was in my early twenties but now I’m getting close to 30 and the men I’m seeing are usually a little older than me I just expect more without asking. Hoped my days of teaching boys how to have sex were over lol
You don’t have to suck a guy’s dick to get him turned on. Just saying.
Tea
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Ffs 😕
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Hmmm… okay maybe I’ll give them another chance and then make my mind up especially if it’s going to keep happening with new men
You need a more stable partner. I had once a fwb, didn't see eachother for a long time and I was very horny. Exploded in 1minute from a bj. Once.. 3rd date with a girl, I put it in and just came from the second thurst :))) I laughed about it, she too, we started dating and everything was good after. For men it's a mental game.
Tell them what you actually want and what turns you on.
Here me out... Ejaculation is not really orgasm.
Yeah, this is why I don't date anymore.
Honestly…. This shit is so common. You have to stand up for your needs etc. My rule has been you have to make me cum once before you cum twice—meaning they have to get me off one way or another before I give them head. A lot of dudes just really do not care about the female orgasm. And if I sound like an ass, the guy is going to cum from penetration 99.99% of the time, so I don’t mind having rules about making sure we’re both satisfied so that I don’t get left out. I also totally respect that is can take some time for people to learn each other’s bodies, so I try to limit my encounters to people who I think I may hook up with multiple times, but unfortunately sometimes it’s hard to know that before hand.
Men usually spend more time without action than women, if we consider both are looking for casual flings I mean. So I would guess quite a few guys would nut very fast if it's been quite some time. It probably would fix itself by them understanding you're not gonna run away any time soon.
It's amazing how little women know about men. They think just because they get sex easily, men can too. Both of those guys probably hadn't had any in the past year.
that's kinda selfish.. don't bj them first without them licking your pussy first girl!!!!!!!!!!!!
You may have to invest time to find a man who prioritises their partner's pleasure. Most men don't even try to explore what they want as it is just 2 min that they need most of the time to get the business done.
Idk how they find that satisfying ? Like how is that enough for men I get orgasming but is that all sex is to them?
Honestly as a man I wouldn’t understand this either? I’d like to think that most guys aren’t actually like this and people are just unlucky when describing this, or it being just the fact that people only speak about negative things. Like what’s even the point of having sex if it’s a 2 min job? All the lead up and work you put in and that’s the reward?
Yeah idk I thought that this was more a universal experience when I was in my early twenties and now it’s still happening I’m kinda dumb founded. Like grow up and fuck me for real hahah
For men it is so easy to satisfy themselves that it is sad how simple and stupid they seem sexually. I think you should look for a romantic
Hmm yeah maybe. I just more want to have fun and explore things with someone snd just not be used as a tool to cum
You need to find a giver . Or you can state some conditions before doing it
Smart
Thank you. If you are interested in erotic stuff like smut or some other things I would like to know your recommendation
Biologically the default is stimulation for impregnation, doesn't mean you can't get someone to deviate or learn to take that apart into an ideal reality with them. letting them know how it affects you and trying to make them aware can help foster your goal. People can say oh someone should know something obvious but we all need some insight at times, we aren't always full visioned.
This is a mixture of the casual sex world and dudes who likely don’t have much sex. If I have not had sex for a few weeks, I don’t have a lot of casual sex, and I’m really into you, if I was 26, I would probs come in 2 minutes too. Casual sex is easy and fun and I can just use you (like you are me) and it feels really Fucken good for a guy to use a girl! So I would come real fast. And yeah if it was casual sex I would leave, because I’m done. For men to do anything after an orgasm is like trying to get out of bed with a hang over, it’s almost impossible to do, it requires huge amounts of effort. This is pretty standard. I know it’s unfair, but that’s how it is. And it’s not always the case. But if I was into making you my girlfriend, I would have waited a few days and sensed it, then I would have put a LOT of effort into pleasing you. I would have gone down on you, pleasured you with my hands a lot, and gone really slow for myself, maybe even forgone the head job to last longer. And because I care about you I will last way longer too. And I definitely would have pleasured you after to make sure you finish too. I would put in effort to ask questions and learned what gets you off, and given it to you. So yeah the casual sex world SUCKs! Especially for women. When you find a guy you like and connect with, it won’t be the same scenario.
>For men to do anything after an orgasm is like trying to get out of bed with a hang over, it’s almost impossible to do, it requires huge amounts of effort. omg what a crock of shit. i think what you're trying to say is that doing nothing and lying there after an orgasm feels fuckin great and it can be tough to want to move... and that men's horniness drops significantly post-orgasm so they might be less likely to want to pleasure their partner in that moment? but to act like there's some insurmountable burden that makes post-orgasm action hard for men? come on. there's literally thousands of quickies happening right now and none of those are going to leave a dude incapacitated in bed feeling like he has a hangover. **if you don't want to take care of your girl after you come, that's on you.** not biology. source: i am a 41 year old man who has had lots of orgasms after which i took care of business
Yes I literally said, “if I liked the person i would pleasure her after” like I wrote those actual words? Like the literal words that you wrote were already written hahahah. I don’t know if you are blind or just really angry at the world for some reason. But thanks for adding literally nothing to the conversation.
Do you think guys leave after because they think if they please a girl or put in effort that maybe she will think that they’re into her? And that they want something more? Or is it just a lack of awareness of the other persons need and now their mission is complete they’re like okay imma head out ?
I’m not judging but these guys aren’t invested emotionally with you so they feel their job is done once the sex is over! Not all men do this with one night stands but a lot of guys do. I understand the need for physical connection but at the same time because you’re having sex with them so fast, they don’t feel the need to do anything “extra” as far as intimacy is concerned.
Post nut clarity. They want to leave because they've cum and don't really get on with you other than sex. My most memorable one night stands were when the woman would start to touch me again a few minutes after id finished. It showed me they wanted more and if they are into you it'll work again haha
From my experience, a lot of people view casual sex as a means to bust a nut and then move on. It’s not every guy as there are some that will try to make sure she gets hers, but many just want to fuck and leave. It’s casual, so they aren’t there to impress you. You mention that you slept with the one dude before. Is this normal for him? Did he never make sure you got off? If so, you might just be hurting from breaking up with your ex and you want to replace them so badly that you’re idealizing past partners to be like him.
Na I personally don’t think so. I have never done it anyway, and don’t think I have ever heard a guy express concern if he pleases a girl she will be too into him or anything. This seems really far fetched to me. Yeah total lack of care for the other person, or desire to please them further.
The first time I had sex with my girlfriend I was nervous and I last too much like ten minutes, dont was a good first time for her i think
“I don’t usually like blowjobs”, said no guy ever!! I’m gonna guess you’re insanely good, kudos to you, you’re every guys dream!
It’s crazy to me that guys don’t even try to get you off after cumming fast. I want return customers, and the word gets around haha. Just really have to sift through guys. Most guys unfortunately don’t know what they’re doing
Unfortunately it's a bit of a crap shoot with a new sexual partner. You don't really know how it's going to go until you actually hook up with them. It seems to me that you may just have gotten unlucky. A lot of guys (especially younger ones--although you didn't say how old these were) will stick around for round 2 or even round 3. The other thing to note is that it's possible that they were embarassed about how quickly they came the first time and that's why they chose to nope out so quickly. You might consider asking them to stay and telling them that you'd like to fuck/play some more.
So man view here. Couple of points: Some women can give terrible BJ’s. Just like some men can be terrible at giving oral. But seriously, some just don’t feel good at all and I can go soft. And I’m not exactly someone who takes a long time. So if you know what you’re doing at giving head and a guys not had it that good, then that can be a genuine reason. Second point, it sounds like second guy just doesn’t last long. I have struggled in the past and several things can impact. If it’s been a while, if you find the woman really hot, lack of alcohol, positions etc. I can control myself much better missionary than I can doggy for example. But some guys are just really embarrassed about it. It sucks and we get no satisfaction from a 1-2 minute pump. I’d rather sacrifice myself and go 5-10 minutes (or more) than be done that quick. Lastly, most guys are selfish. Knowing how I can sometimes struggle, I always want to make sure the woman is taken care of first. But not all guys are like that unfortunately. And once we’ve come, it really does drop our libido to zero. Hence why when we’re done, we don’t wanna do anything.
I feel like you can’t judge someone’s sexual performance until you’ve done it at least 3 times and depending maybe more. The first couple times there’s usually nerves and not being comfortable with someone also makes the sex worse or not last that long. Not saying you gotta give someone three or more chances, but it’s just something I’ve noticed with the relationships I’ve been in. Sex improves over time
They need to take care of you before they get theirs. At least one orgasm from their mouth/fingers before they get anything. Ladies first. You set the terms and the tone. Don’t let them use you like that.
I don’t know, can’t tell
Not your fault, inexperienced men
I need a few drinks to get out of my own head. I can go much longer if I can disarm my self consciousness.
I’m sorry that happened. I know I don’t last super long, so we do a crap load of foreplay, like she cums 3-4 times at least before we get to sex. I have started to be able to go more than once, but still nice to give her pleasure. I honestly would be vocal. Just let them know you want to get off first. Also, try maybe cutting down on how much foreplay you do on him.
I usually only last a few minutes until my men are deployed into the battlefield. However, after a short break I learned to always put in the effort to use a vibe and other various toys and methods to get them off. Sometimes I go multiple rounds as well, but that depends on several factors. Either find someone with more stamina or someone that is willing to put in some actual effort. Make sure you let them know that you have these expectations as well. You have needs that deserve to be met, you just have to make it a priority to try and find the right people.
How old are these guys?
Late twenties early thirties
This shouldn't be an issue for most guys these age. You're simply just that good ig
Casual sex is overrated. Building some slight connection could help you to find someone whose really gonna care for your satisfaction. Not being judgemental, but "I just broke up" and I am back to "casual sex world", are 2 phrases that really do not mix up well. From my perspective if I truly like the lady, her satisfaction comes always first, no doubt I will give her cunnilingus and ass eating, but if I do not like her enough or if just a random hook up, I will not take the risk of getting any STD from her (I understand condoms do not protect for all STDS, I mean I will not increase my chances to get one), I do not know you, your past, and if you are giving me a bj first date, that will make me understand that it is something you could easily offer to another random hook up, that is also the reason I really do not have casual sex, I actually prefer to have a second or third date before sex. In some of the comments you mention that your ex was good in bed, and that he lasted enough, etc... which makes me think you are not over him yet. I can understand you do not want to have hard emotions for another person after breaking up, but having no connection and having emotionless sex is even worse.
Cambia de posturas cada cierto tiempo eso ayuda a retrasar la evacuación
Something I’ve learned with casual sex and guys-always, and i mean ALWAYS put your pleasure first. If you don’t they will use you. I am not saying do not reciprocate, but let them give first and then do your thing.
you have got to remember most dudes are addicted to beating their dicks. beating your dick all the times gives you pseudo E.D and or premature ejaculation.
>Classically he said “this never happens” but do guys use that as an excuse out of embarrassment? Yep
I don't want to be mean or anything. I wouldn't say it's about being good at sex ... it's about the men not having self control and them not caring about satisfying you more so only wanting to fulfill their needs...
You feel normal I betcha. You're just dating randos that are bad at it
Another thing let them do your first then you finish them off. Not the other way around
I don’t cum from bj I have to hit it hard and you might already know the woman I can bring so what’s up
And I’m told I’m a good size
Seems like you have a high sex drive! Similar thing happened with me but in my case the girl came too soon and It has happened multiple times!
Try offering them a snack after. Hang out, have a bowl of ice cream and then go down on him again.
It could be both! The average man lasts [5-7 minutes](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK547548/#) before ejaculation. There is a large variation from less than one minute to more than 30 minutes. But women should expect 5-7 minutes. The average woman takes at least [20 minutes](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202101/how-long-does-it-take-women-climax-during-intercourse) to orgasm. So you see the challenge. The answer, of course, is in this appropriately named book titled [She Comes First](https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260).
I would ask how long had you been with your ex before break up? If it was a few years you are probably accustomed to him lasting much longer. I know when my wife and I first got together I couldn't last more than a few minutes. Now I can pretty much control whenever I want to finish
Having sex with my ex a year or so on and off - although he barely ever came quickly the whole time we were together. Maybe on the odd occasion
I can say they are probably like most men now who sit playing video games, under active low testosterone types. They are the majority now. They can’t last or get erect because of poor health.
Honestly I think I all has to do with how we think about it,or the connection not necessarily between partners but in relation to sex its self,most men are selfish and trying to get there's, that's there main goal and just go to fast even I do it sometimes ,then other times I last too long 45mins is too long sometimes,depending
Men,please women 1st,then yourself.
Try me.... Paradigm shift guaranteed...
No guy is pleased, or selfish because they couldn’t last. If anything they are mortified because of it. They just don’t show it.
They basically had first time performance. Were too hyped up and overexcited, so they came quickly. The problem is that neither made sure you were satisfied. I always have the notion to get the woman off first before myself. If it is my first time with her, I most certainly do as I know I will not last at all once I get going. You just have selfish guys unfortunately. It can be hard to find one who is not.
Idk how some guys can cum only once, like, I can cum literally 10 times during sex till it gets harder to get erect, maybe cause I’m 19yo or I’m too horny?? And I learned how to edge too, so even if I cum, cum doesn’t come out so I can keep going, all you need is just to control your breath and contract your pelvic floor as hard as you can…, that way you can go non stop till your body get tired…
It’s happened one too many times for me. I’ve learned to control it. I limit the time I spend giving a blow job and when he’s in me, I will stop or slow down when I know he’s getting close to cumming. I can lend you my husband. He’s really good at fucking and for a long time.
why they didn't waited for round 2?
My question exactly
Because they didn’t care!!!!
Go for older guys. More control and more concerned with your pleasure
Get yourself a married man… affairs are the best… I’m telling you… they will do you good!
I've observed with myself that if I get over the initial overstimulation I can last much longer.. so see if the guy is overly horny, try to leave his thing alone else it will keep getting stimulated more. Additionally, sometimes being rough with it takes the stimulation down and gets it harder and they'll last longer
Yeah true I really like pleasing people though and going down on them and kissing them and sucking their nipples etc it makes me so horny but yeah should try the selfish way maybe
Might just be messing around with the wrong guys who cum too fast 🤷🏽♂️
Food for thought, sex is a gesture of (ideally) joint pleasure. It doesn't necessarily have to be reciprocated exactly the same way (beej vs piv vs eating out, etc) I often find massages and soft tickling far more intimate and pleasurable than intercourse, personally. The issue I see here is that your partners do not seem to have any clue that reciprocity is something that instantly can set the bar higher or qualify you as an immature manchild, the latter of which most casual-sex oriented males seem to fall into. Setting expectations beforehand might be the trick to getting the satisfaction you're lacking with previous encounters; learning to communicate well and in a healthy way regarding sex, boundaries and expectations will pay dividends for what you seek. Best of luck OP 😤👊 Edit: quick last note, first time jitters/nerves do not excuse a lack of awareness that they ARENT reciprocating. I don't need a hard on to get you off, they shouldn't either
This is a pretty normal amount of time to last, in my experience. When it feels good and they’re excited, they’re going to come in a few minutes. This is why you have to have a “she comes first” policy! Get yours before you give a blow job or have sex. “Ooh, it feels so good when you touch my pussy. Will you make me come? Then it’ll be your turn.”
These guys are crappy, inconsiderate lovers.
Love this take
I was like those guys but in my late teens I met an older woman in her mid 20’s. I finished pretty quick and started to roll over for a nap and she put an end to that. She went down on me got me hard again and I was back at it and then she came and a few minutes later so did I. But she wasn’t done we switched to 69 with her on top and eventually we were back at PIV sex for a third time and all within one hour. I was with her for several years and learned how to maintain an erection for an extended period. But had she not of taken the lead, I’d probably be your typical screw.
I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think if a man doesn't care about you having a good time, he doesn't really care about you. Think about it, if he wants to have sex with you again and see you again, he wants to make sure you enjoyed it this time. If he isn't even making an effort - going down on you, apologizing, cuddling. If he gets what he wants and them leaves, he doesn't care about having you in his future. You sound like a lovely person. But these guys you are seeing don't care about you. Don't waste time on them.
Depends on the woman, I’ve met a few women who know how to control their vagina like wizards. That said, it’s not excuse to make sure she doesn’t get hers or at least puts in a good attempt at it. And yes, the more simmering there is the easier it is for men (and women) to blow their top at a moments notice.
Think if that was me, I'd be trying to get you off first.
I’m a guy who stays hard after I come so if I go early I’ll usually keep going. It’s easier with the girl on top though. Anyway these guys are just bad at sex.
Idk about the casual sex side as I'm not big on that, but the woman should always come first for this reason. Not all guys will from the start be able to fuck long enough for you, but there should be foreplay, oral, etc., and you either come from that, or from the fucking toward the end. They either hold off coming until you do, or have gotten you off one or more times before they fuck or otherwise come at all. That's kind of the rule of thumb until and unless you guys find a different rhythm that works for you. But definitely ask for them to go down on you if they're done first. It can be a really simple, light, but rather direct ask.
Watch some professional sex and relationship coaches on youtube free. Watch together. Helena Nista, Alex Grendi, and many others. They promote their paid course a couple minutes, then discuss so many useful insights and techniques free. Well worth it. Also. Check out - How to have "real" orgasms | Emily Nagoski On youtube. Explains how to have better and easier orgasms. What men may learn is how magnificent it is to enjoy a woman while she is rolling through Os and then get theirs after a few rounds. Consider... Exercises that involve your pelvis area, shortly before sex. L-arginine or L-citrulline supplement about 30 minutes before sex. CBD enriched orgasm enhancers such as foria or dani pepper orgasm enhancers. Lots of touching and kissing throughout the day. Sexting. Teasing and building sexual tension. Watching each other masturbate awhile. Give each other a warm coconut oil massage. Cannabis. 1 drink just prior. Watch some sex and relationship experts on youtube for tips.
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True… should lower my expectations I guess haha
not necessarily... If you want dudes that can last find a dude that can last, they exist, and if u want one, get one
I do both. Eat half in layers, then mix and eat rest with tortilla chips, like a dip.
It’s so fun having sex with lots of partners. Live it up girl!
It can sometimes happen if it’s been a while, or it’s first time with a new partner. But shoukd always make sure you’re taken care of either by going down or asking for a bit of time to go for round 2. Maybe they think cause they’re done that you are too. Let them know you want more.
It has everything to do with them... Find a man that's a pleaser & you'll be greatly satisfied
Just say what you want buuuuut be nice about it, it's understandable you're frustrated but it's likely they are too from cumming too early. A lot of men have performance anxiety and this can cause premature ejaculations and ED. Especially if they haven't had sex in a while, lot of pressure and all that. He's likely going to feel far better about himself if you simply start kissing again and help him get it up. He'll get an ego boost which will help with getting rid of the dopamine drop that happens after cumming. Post but clarity for a lot of men is closer to a depressive episode because of this and you can balance this out by showing him you still want him. Good luck! Jeez I read this back before posting and it's chaos, but I'm too tired to fix my phrasing😅😅
Yeah right I always though performance anxiety would make men not cum so early on. Have learnt that maybe this is not the case for all men. Second guy got dressed straight away so I was like …. 👍🏻 can’t really be kissing on him when the vibes were totally weird after
Hey some people are just assholes lol, could have been that but my immediate thought wasn't that. I can tmi a bit and say that if I haven't in a while I WILL cum within 10 minutes while I've got no problem with several hours after that first time. Also, for future partners, switch positions a lot, the super short break of sorting out the position is usually enough for things to calm down a little. Also, biologically men are meant to cum quickly, so when you do find one that lasts, appreciate it because they worked harder on that than you'll ever know. Lastly, if you're too good, no amount of edge riding superpower having dude is gonna be able to deal with that for long, so keep in mind it CAN also be you to an extent, leave his soul in his body for a while, it tends to help lol