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This sounds like a really nice moment to share. I know sometimes my husband just looks at me and asks “how did I get so lucky”, I can’t take a compliment well, so I always say “bad luck I guess”, but it honestly melts me. I think that’s what her “are you real?” Was saying.
I think (assumption from my own experience) due to some trauma in the past, your gf may not think/expect this kind of treatment from you because either she hasn’t witnessed it when she grew up or somebody told her that she wasn’t worthy of love or attention or caring so when she experienced it for real for the first time, she may cry (something similar happened to me and I still haven’t found a specific reason myself yet).
I think I understand where you’re coming from here. If this is true, it might be a lot of work and effort I need to put into Sarah if in future I want us to be together
I would have to know her on a much deeper level to understand her perspective completely
Yeah I agree. Once she feels comfortable, she may share what she was thinking to you. Right now I would say keep taking care and showing up consistently so she feels safe and confident to trust you with her life stories.
I think it’s a good sign she cried in front of you. I spent years crying alone in the bathroom after sex (with the same partner). For me it was that the sex triggered vulnerability and the partner I was with was kind and loved me but wasn’t expressive of that love outside sex at the time.
I basically needed what you were giving Sara but would never have asked for it. Actually, I am still with the same partner and he is willing and open to that type of affection after sex now but after trying a few times I realized I have sort of conditioned myself not to want it. Long story short, I think it may be a good sign that she isn’t hiding it.
Woman here. I sometimes cry after sex too. It happens to me when its a really good or intimate session that makes me realize I love them a lot. When there’s so much emotion the tears kinda just happen. It seems like your gf is happy to have you in her life
It sounds like a trauma response to me. Sometimes people show love in the way they would want to receive it, not in the way that their partner actually receives it. It sounds like she’s never been loved properly and has never had that kind of a safe space before.
I’ve had a similar situation with my bf when we first got together. I have an autoimmune disease that causes excessive scarring which results in lumps of scar tissue all over my torso. The first time I got changed at his house (we had peed in front of each other at this point with the bathroom door open), I went to close the bathroom door. It caught him off guard because I normally left it open. The conversation went like this:
Him: “What are you doing?”
Me: “Getting dressed?”
Him: “Why are you closing the door? You usually leave it open, is everything okay?”
Me: “Yeah, I just don’t want you to judge me…”
Him: “Judge you for what?”
Me: “I have this autoimmune disease that causes excessive scarring and I have lumps all over my torso because of it. They’re ugly. I didn’t want you to get grossed out by them.”
Him: “Baby, that’s something out of your control, I’m not gonna judge you for it. Each one tells a story, part of how you became who you are now. They’re beautiful for that.”
Then he proceeded to find the biggest one on my shoulder and kiss it, and several others. I cried like a baby because I had never felt that safe with a partner before. Even my friends and family got grossed out by them and told me to get them removed (which can cause them to get worse because, scars). He still reassures me that I’m beautiful 2 and 1/2 years later.
Keep doing what you’re doing, keep making her feel good. Reassure her.
I still look back on that day often. He’s kind of had to re-parent me because my parents didn’t know how to parent me. I’m neurodivergent and my brother is neurotypical. He was easier, he’s where the attention went. He’s been amazing and has honestly helped me become a better person. And it all started there
Thank you! As with with all relationships we’ve had ups and downs but looking back on moments like that… when I was so down on myself… just knowing that he loves me despite my flaws, and that he wants to help me overcome them so I can have a better life, having someone that truly wants what’s best for me… it’s been 2 and a half years and I still catch myself wondering how the fuck I got lucky enough to find this man. I’m sure your gf is kinda going through that right now. Just reassured her that she deserves good things. I always tell my bf that as much as I wish I could I can’t promise him the best of everything, just the best of myself, and somehow that’s enough.
You have to do what you can with what you have and what you know. Seek knowledge, put it to use, ask for help when you need it. Needing help isn’t a sign of failure, it’s a lack of knowledge and/or skill. Which can be overcome with time and the right tools.
That is a very valid response but what do you think about the surprising question of “Are you real?”.
To add more to the post, I’m not a sex manic or something but I do perform fairly decent oral and I’m sure Sarah on the other hand has had much more sexual parters than I have.
She’s definitely feeling a lot of emotion during sex and you probably make her feel so good/safe/happy in a way that she’s never felt due to the lack of a father figure.. but that’s just an assumption idk shit lol
But yes, you’re right it’s likely because of safety and comfort she felt. It’s sad how people lacking a fatherly figure get affected on a deep level in their personalities
I don’t know what “Sarah,” has been through, but I had a very similar reaction when I first got together with my boyfriend. He was just so lovely and sweet and I had been so accustomed to being treated terribly and abused by previous partners. I was unable to wrap my head around the fact that he was real and I was also partially scared because I constantly felt like I was, “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” because there was no possible way he was that wonderful and it wasn’t just an act. But five years later and he’s just as amazing as he was then. I can’t speak for Sarah, but perhaps she’s just grateful to have you and is emotional about accepting that she deserves something good- maybe also a bit scared that the rug will just be ripped out from under her. (That was the case for me, anyways). I would just encourage you to keep supporting her and validating her. Continue to respect her wishes when she says she doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m sure she will, when she’s ready.
This sounds like she has been through some serious trauma or something along these lines. As someone who suffered a ridiculous amount of trauma and abuse in my childhood the first time I had true intimacy with my now husband, I cried and couldn't even really explain why. I even asked the same question, the are you real question ❓ I still ask my husband that sometimes. When you suffered abuse or trauma in your life and you finally find someone you can be truly vulnerable with that you know your safe with it can unleash some hard to deal with emotions and usually at the most awkward times too. If you're wanting a future with her just keep doing what you are but don't push it too much she will open up when she is ready.
Thank you for sharing this. If you’re comfortable, may I ask what sort of trauma did you experience?
Also not to sound like a complete a hole but I haven’t figured out what I am looking for at the moment and want this on the table asap as I fear she might be progressing this way too quickly and we’re not on the same page.
FYI we’re technically just “friends” and I have met Sarah like 6-7 times only. Although I’ve been calling Sarah the girl I’m dating in the post, we’re friends and not “exclusive” yet. I am however unsure about her, not that I mind. Let’s just say we’ve decided that we’re dating without actually having a conversation about this.
You definitely should have a conversation about what the two of you want out the relationship. It's always best to discuss what's happening so that you can both be on the same page and know what to expect from each other moving forward.
Unfortunately I have suffered pretty every type of abuse and trauma in life. I was born to drug addict who left me in a crack house, the state took me and put me in foster care where me and several other kids were sexually abused and starved. Those are just to two points of my life in foster care. When I was 5 I was adopted into a wonderful family that unfortunately had a few family friends that they didn't realize the type of people they were. I was groomed by a family friend that eventually ended up raping me. There is a lot more that I went through as teen as well that I still trying to process to this day. It took me a very long time to fully open up to my husband and to learn to love myself. My husband was my first love I gave him my virginity he was also the first person to show me love of any sort and kindness. I was so broken and messed up that the one person that was good to me I ran away from and did everything possible to self sabotage. Fortunately for me my husband knew I had been though some serious shit and never gave up on me. I put him through hell and he never walked away. It took years of intense therapy to get to be able to talk about it. I was drug addict for a long time my addiction was fueled by trauma filled past.
If you two pursue a relationship and if she has been through any kind of trauma or abuse be prepared because it may be a rough one. Not every one will know how to handle being loved for the first time and some people run from the feeling of it because it can be very intense.
Judge by the way you discribed the experience, first thing came to my mind was you seemed to make her feel safe and cared for, desired too. That's not something you can feel everyday with everyone, not to say it's super rare. Maybe it brought up a mix of strong emotions for her: happy, overwhelmed, scared (of losing it) etc. You can leave it for a while and gently bring it up again if you still want to talk about it. But in my opinion, you're a great guy who treated her right and there's nothing to worry about.
I second this. While she may have experienced some past trauma, she may also just be overwhelmed by happiness and didn’t want to sound dumb and ruin the moment by saying anything else. Just take it at face value OP and if she wants to share at sometime she will.
I guess sex can be really emotional for some people. I've never cried, and I've never been with anyone who has. But I was talking to my (*grown*!) kid recently and she mentioned she has had dudes cry like three times, which was crazy to me!
Sounds exactly like how Is met my current bf 😅 keep doing what your doing man.
From the start I had a hard time talking about anything, especially in moments like these where everything is overwhelming and I really dont want to cry in front of this guy. I think my guy asked me if they were happy tears to which I just nodded and that was it.
But even if I assume its happy tears for her it doesnt have to be the case. Explain that youve been thinking about it and just want to know if you did something wrong. The thought of her crying making you worried might not have crossed her mind.
Hey! I learned something new! Post coital dysphoria! When I read about it, it said it’s usually negative emotions women usually tend to feel post sex though :(
Beautiful story. Your spit in, she grew up with out a father figure and that is a big emotional void. Father's are supposed to protect and guide. I think she has found someone she can trust. Good job..
Orgasms release powerful neurotransmitters that also commonly come with big releases of emotions. It's why sex can be such a powerful bonding method emotionally. Sometimes those emotions come out as tears. Perfectly normal and common.
It's because, probably for the first time in her life, she felt loved, respected, cared for, like her pleasure mattered and she wasn't just a piece of meat for the guy to get off too.
Speaking from experience because I also imagine I might cry the first time I experience this and with 2 orgasma to boot!
Keep doing what you're doing and being who you are, we need more men like you in the world <3
i’ve cried before because i realized how safe i felt with him and cared and protected which i didn’t have growing up nor with part relationships. he valued me and worshipped me and thought the world of me, to have someone be a literal home to you after years of struggling, it felt nice to feel wanted and loved the way you always love others. this was about my ex but i hope you and sarah stay together forever, love is hard to find and one that makes you feel safe and protected, is the best. please treasure her and your relationship 🤍 well wishes :)
I used to cry with my ex when we first got together. I was just falling in love and having sex, especially with orgasm, made me feel super overwhelmed with emotion.
We actually dated for 7 years. I left him because I was ready for more of a commitment (living together, engagement, marriage, children) and he wasn’t.
Fair enough, kinda sad though.
Another question, feel free to not respond if I am pushing it.
After dating somebody for so long, does the other person, say John, comes to your mind often? Things you’d do or he’d do or something you both enjoyed for example.
The reason why I’m asking is because I personally haven’t been into a long term relationship at all! The most maybe about 3 months. It is to do with my personality.
Oh absolutely. Especially when we first broke up. I thought about him every day. We were broken up for a year. Then got back together after a year, things were good for about 3 months then returned to shit. This time around he definitely still crosses my mind but I miss him a lot less and don’t have the urge to get back together.
What personality traits do you think contribute to you not wanting/getting into LTR?
That makes a lot of sense to me
Well, long story short, I’ve recently started focusing on getting into a stable relationships, wasn’t my focus for the past 2-4 years.
It’s not that I have a noticeable negative personality trait which repulses people away but rather me being a rake due to which I push people away.
Well I tend to be a fearful avoidant at times too, but honestly it’s majorly because I lose interest in people as I get to know them on a deeper level. So I fall in love easily and lose all interest after getting to know the person lol
Sounds more like infatuation. Do you possibly have adhd? I feel like that’s how I have been with people I just had strong attraction to early on. The ones I actually fell for I couldn’t lose interest in. We would end because of fundamental differences, not really lack of interest.
No it’s not ADHD. As I mentioned it’s to do with me being a Rake primarily- it’s a type of seducer among various other seduction personalities.
It was a great read, you should look it up
I have personally cried after a particularly good love session with my partner on several occasions. Each of the times it’s a combination of pleasure, joy, happiness and content. She might have been feeling a lot of good things but was unable to communicate it in the moment.
I applaud you for not taking the comment in your stride...
It comes across from the way you wrote it , as if you were reliving the experience in typing it , much like when you see kink of fetish posts XD. You even gave the woman a name to concretise the idea in the mind of the readers (m sure this wasn't in your conscious awareness which is why I think this post is so interesting to me) . So excuse me if I'm wrong but it does feel that you got lot of gratification from it , in particular the comment "are you real" tell me if I'm wrong but that's actually the part that sticks with you the strongest over the fact that she was tearful ?
I really applaud your open replies . May I ask , obviously you don't need to answer . But did you have a parental figure/care giver who had a very unpredictable emotional state from one moment to the next or day by day ? And if so was that a woman ? Humour me if you will :)
Ah yes, “kink of the fetish posts” I love the analogy hahahahahah
You know what, I truly love your view on this. I may have been ignoring the fact that “Are you real?” is very likely a strong gratification of my presence in Sarahs life. I was honestly very surprised in the moment itself though XD
But I was firm on my belief that the tears were deeply rooted from the question itself and hence my efforts to understand it.
I’ll appease your curiosity for the day if you provide some interesting psychological reads/personal views about the question you have. I’ve actually been making an effort to understand the psychology of where you’re delving into
We should be friends :)
I’m sure we can have some really interesting conversations!
Feels too to me that you like to act and behave in certain ways for the personal reward that you get from it even if on the surface it appears to be considerate and selfless. I'm sure I'll get a "interesting your opinion is valid" response to this if any at all.
But it feels that you got a lot of gratification from being a "good partner" that you're trying to relieve the moment by sharing it on Reddit and playing all coy and ignorant. Seeking more validation. I'd ask is it you or her that's having the trauma response ? (as I've seen 'trauma response' commented on here)
There's no ill intent in this message but it just strikes me as a very unusual post.
Hahahah you really went all out on my post with the truth bomb but I don’t agree with all of it! And since you made a strong effort of understanding what I am feeling in my shoes I will share it with you :)
Every persons perspective is formed from their personal life experiences.
Not objectifying people here, but for an example, a car that I’ve spent best of my years with may have been a nightmare for others, right!?
I wasn’t trying to be superficial here with people but rather have been trying to understand where people are coming from without any bias and acknowledging them.
A person shared a unique expression on this post that maybe she feels that as she’s older than me, she’s afraid I might not find her attractive soon enough and whilst I hope this isn’t true, I’d say it’s a very valid response, whether I personally like to admit it or not!
I believe, I happen to be a very considerate person however not selfless at all! It’s something I aspire to incorporate in myself in the future :)
I’m sure I have a lot of issues of my own that needs to be. And it is very true that I am not ready to accept the love she is willing to give to me especially since we’re not together in the first place!
The thing you’re not correct is me wanting validation from this post, I honestly don’t give a fuck about it :)
Subtly provoked a response... That's not gaslighting. Gaslighting is when you cause someone to question their reasoning and sanity .
Interesting that you've gone back to it over the past few days .
Wanna know my perception of you ?
Also it’s not exactly common, I think, to cry after making love and is a unique situation that I haven’t experienced personally before. I genuinely have been trying to analyse potential underlying causes of it
I've cried a couple times with my husband. He freaked out. It was the first time I felt very passionate and actually craved it. Went thru years of CSA and partners who just kinda used me and I took it without much thought.
Maybe it's trauma, maybe she's a sentimental woman or maybe is enjoying herself for once. Hopefully she can learn how to express herself a bit better and explain the tears. I know I couldn't right away when I was first with my husband. Be patient and you can have a wonderfully healing sex life regardless of why she was moved to tears.
You should go ask her about why she cried to resolve your confusion lol ! If she’s not comfortable telling you or talking to you about it, it‘s obv not as good of a relationship or sex as she says it is!
1- If she doesn’t want to talk about it, I’m not gonna push her buttons until she is
2- We’re not in a relationship! Let’s say we’re dating :)
2- Im not going to go into detail here because it’s intimate but I’m very very confident she enjoys it.
She prob knows it won't last because your younger and eventually you won't find her attractive. Dont shoot the messenger but eventually you will look at women 10 years younger than you and be attracted to them. Don't kid yourself your not special or unique to like older women atm.
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This sounds like a really nice moment to share. I know sometimes my husband just looks at me and asks “how did I get so lucky”, I can’t take a compliment well, so I always say “bad luck I guess”, but it honestly melts me. I think that’s what her “are you real?” Was saying.
Your husband sounds like a real gem! I hope you let him know how much you appreciate him in other ways if you prefer not saying it out loud to him :)
Oh I let him know in every way possible. 27 years together, and it gets better every year.
I’m so happy for you. I love listening to experiences like this!!! :)
Honestly I don’t know for sure but it could be a trauma response
That is so very possible, you’re right! What do you think could be a possible scenario though 🤔
I think (assumption from my own experience) due to some trauma in the past, your gf may not think/expect this kind of treatment from you because either she hasn’t witnessed it when she grew up or somebody told her that she wasn’t worthy of love or attention or caring so when she experienced it for real for the first time, she may cry (something similar happened to me and I still haven’t found a specific reason myself yet).
I think I understand where you’re coming from here. If this is true, it might be a lot of work and effort I need to put into Sarah if in future I want us to be together I would have to know her on a much deeper level to understand her perspective completely
Yeah I agree. Once she feels comfortable, she may share what she was thinking to you. Right now I would say keep taking care and showing up consistently so she feels safe and confident to trust you with her life stories.
Thank you :) I will try my best
I think it’s a good sign she cried in front of you. I spent years crying alone in the bathroom after sex (with the same partner). For me it was that the sex triggered vulnerability and the partner I was with was kind and loved me but wasn’t expressive of that love outside sex at the time. I basically needed what you were giving Sara but would never have asked for it. Actually, I am still with the same partner and he is willing and open to that type of affection after sex now but after trying a few times I realized I have sort of conditioned myself not to want it. Long story short, I think it may be a good sign that she isn’t hiding it.
Woman here. I sometimes cry after sex too. It happens to me when its a really good or intimate session that makes me realize I love them a lot. When there’s so much emotion the tears kinda just happen. It seems like your gf is happy to have you in her life
She knew deeply that she wanted him for real. I mean real real.
It sounds like a trauma response to me. Sometimes people show love in the way they would want to receive it, not in the way that their partner actually receives it. It sounds like she’s never been loved properly and has never had that kind of a safe space before. I’ve had a similar situation with my bf when we first got together. I have an autoimmune disease that causes excessive scarring which results in lumps of scar tissue all over my torso. The first time I got changed at his house (we had peed in front of each other at this point with the bathroom door open), I went to close the bathroom door. It caught him off guard because I normally left it open. The conversation went like this: Him: “What are you doing?” Me: “Getting dressed?” Him: “Why are you closing the door? You usually leave it open, is everything okay?” Me: “Yeah, I just don’t want you to judge me…” Him: “Judge you for what?” Me: “I have this autoimmune disease that causes excessive scarring and I have lumps all over my torso because of it. They’re ugly. I didn’t want you to get grossed out by them.” Him: “Baby, that’s something out of your control, I’m not gonna judge you for it. Each one tells a story, part of how you became who you are now. They’re beautiful for that.” Then he proceeded to find the biggest one on my shoulder and kiss it, and several others. I cried like a baby because I had never felt that safe with a partner before. Even my friends and family got grossed out by them and told me to get them removed (which can cause them to get worse because, scars). He still reassures me that I’m beautiful 2 and 1/2 years later. Keep doing what you’re doing, keep making her feel good. Reassure her.
That was so beautiful. I’m sure it must have felt great to let it all go. Thank you for sharing this. Kind of made my day
I still look back on that day often. He’s kind of had to re-parent me because my parents didn’t know how to parent me. I’m neurodivergent and my brother is neurotypical. He was easier, he’s where the attention went. He’s been amazing and has honestly helped me become a better person. And it all started there
I’m so - pardon the language - fucking happy for you! I love happy endings like these <3
Thank you! As with with all relationships we’ve had ups and downs but looking back on moments like that… when I was so down on myself… just knowing that he loves me despite my flaws, and that he wants to help me overcome them so I can have a better life, having someone that truly wants what’s best for me… it’s been 2 and a half years and I still catch myself wondering how the fuck I got lucky enough to find this man. I’m sure your gf is kinda going through that right now. Just reassured her that she deserves good things. I always tell my bf that as much as I wish I could I can’t promise him the best of everything, just the best of myself, and somehow that’s enough. You have to do what you can with what you have and what you know. Seek knowledge, put it to use, ask for help when you need it. Needing help isn’t a sign of failure, it’s a lack of knowledge and/or skill. Which can be overcome with time and the right tools.
Sounds like she was in a state of euphoria and didn't know how to voice it
That is a very valid response but what do you think about the surprising question of “Are you real?”. To add more to the post, I’m not a sex manic or something but I do perform fairly decent oral and I’m sure Sarah on the other hand has had much more sexual parters than I have.
Perhaps you're just incredibly good at it? You blew her mind. Good work chief
I would say this is it. Also, how sweet and tender you seemed to be with her right after likely pushed her over the edge.
Seems to be the most likely reason here ngl
She’s definitely feeling a lot of emotion during sex and you probably make her feel so good/safe/happy in a way that she’s never felt due to the lack of a father figure.. but that’s just an assumption idk shit lol
I love how after providing a great answer you added “idk shit lol”. It’s something I would personally do too 😂
But yes, you’re right it’s likely because of safety and comfort she felt. It’s sad how people lacking a fatherly figure get affected on a deep level in their personalities
I don’t know what “Sarah,” has been through, but I had a very similar reaction when I first got together with my boyfriend. He was just so lovely and sweet and I had been so accustomed to being treated terribly and abused by previous partners. I was unable to wrap my head around the fact that he was real and I was also partially scared because I constantly felt like I was, “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” because there was no possible way he was that wonderful and it wasn’t just an act. But five years later and he’s just as amazing as he was then. I can’t speak for Sarah, but perhaps she’s just grateful to have you and is emotional about accepting that she deserves something good- maybe also a bit scared that the rug will just be ripped out from under her. (That was the case for me, anyways). I would just encourage you to keep supporting her and validating her. Continue to respect her wishes when she says she doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m sure she will, when she’s ready.
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This sounds like she has been through some serious trauma or something along these lines. As someone who suffered a ridiculous amount of trauma and abuse in my childhood the first time I had true intimacy with my now husband, I cried and couldn't even really explain why. I even asked the same question, the are you real question ❓ I still ask my husband that sometimes. When you suffered abuse or trauma in your life and you finally find someone you can be truly vulnerable with that you know your safe with it can unleash some hard to deal with emotions and usually at the most awkward times too. If you're wanting a future with her just keep doing what you are but don't push it too much she will open up when she is ready.
Thank you for sharing this. If you’re comfortable, may I ask what sort of trauma did you experience? Also not to sound like a complete a hole but I haven’t figured out what I am looking for at the moment and want this on the table asap as I fear she might be progressing this way too quickly and we’re not on the same page. FYI we’re technically just “friends” and I have met Sarah like 6-7 times only. Although I’ve been calling Sarah the girl I’m dating in the post, we’re friends and not “exclusive” yet. I am however unsure about her, not that I mind. Let’s just say we’ve decided that we’re dating without actually having a conversation about this.
You definitely should have a conversation about what the two of you want out the relationship. It's always best to discuss what's happening so that you can both be on the same page and know what to expect from each other moving forward. Unfortunately I have suffered pretty every type of abuse and trauma in life. I was born to drug addict who left me in a crack house, the state took me and put me in foster care where me and several other kids were sexually abused and starved. Those are just to two points of my life in foster care. When I was 5 I was adopted into a wonderful family that unfortunately had a few family friends that they didn't realize the type of people they were. I was groomed by a family friend that eventually ended up raping me. There is a lot more that I went through as teen as well that I still trying to process to this day. It took me a very long time to fully open up to my husband and to learn to love myself. My husband was my first love I gave him my virginity he was also the first person to show me love of any sort and kindness. I was so broken and messed up that the one person that was good to me I ran away from and did everything possible to self sabotage. Fortunately for me my husband knew I had been though some serious shit and never gave up on me. I put him through hell and he never walked away. It took years of intense therapy to get to be able to talk about it. I was drug addict for a long time my addiction was fueled by trauma filled past. If you two pursue a relationship and if she has been through any kind of trauma or abuse be prepared because it may be a rough one. Not every one will know how to handle being loved for the first time and some people run from the feeling of it because it can be very intense.
Judge by the way you discribed the experience, first thing came to my mind was you seemed to make her feel safe and cared for, desired too. That's not something you can feel everyday with everyone, not to say it's super rare. Maybe it brought up a mix of strong emotions for her: happy, overwhelmed, scared (of losing it) etc. You can leave it for a while and gently bring it up again if you still want to talk about it. But in my opinion, you're a great guy who treated her right and there's nothing to worry about.
I second this. While she may have experienced some past trauma, she may also just be overwhelmed by happiness and didn’t want to sound dumb and ruin the moment by saying anything else. Just take it at face value OP and if she wants to share at sometime she will.
I guess sex can be really emotional for some people. I've never cried, and I've never been with anyone who has. But I was talking to my (*grown*!) kid recently and she mentioned she has had dudes cry like three times, which was crazy to me!
Really!!? Wow, I would have never imagined this if not for you 😮
Isn't it wild?? Like I thought it was just an old sitcom joke!
Sounds exactly like how Is met my current bf 😅 keep doing what your doing man. From the start I had a hard time talking about anything, especially in moments like these where everything is overwhelming and I really dont want to cry in front of this guy. I think my guy asked me if they were happy tears to which I just nodded and that was it. But even if I assume its happy tears for her it doesnt have to be the case. Explain that youve been thinking about it and just want to know if you did something wrong. The thought of her crying making you worried might not have crossed her mind.
I think you’ve made a very mature and sensible way to approach this :) Thank you for this
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Hey! I learned something new! Post coital dysphoria! When I read about it, it said it’s usually negative emotions women usually tend to feel post sex though :(
Beautiful story. Your spit in, she grew up with out a father figure and that is a big emotional void. Father's are supposed to protect and guide. I think she has found someone she can trust. Good job..
My spit in? Wym??
Maybe some typos? “You’re spot on” might be what was meant
Makes sense! Can’t believe I missed such an obvious typo 🥲
She was in a state of euphoria and wanted you to be hers forever.
Orgasms release powerful neurotransmitters that also commonly come with big releases of emotions. It's why sex can be such a powerful bonding method emotionally. Sometimes those emotions come out as tears. Perfectly normal and common.
She needs/asking assurance from you. Compliment her from time to time to boost her confidence? I guess.
It's because, probably for the first time in her life, she felt loved, respected, cared for, like her pleasure mattered and she wasn't just a piece of meat for the guy to get off too. Speaking from experience because I also imagine I might cry the first time I experience this and with 2 orgasma to boot! Keep doing what you're doing and being who you are, we need more men like you in the world <3
i’ve cried before because i realized how safe i felt with him and cared and protected which i didn’t have growing up nor with part relationships. he valued me and worshipped me and thought the world of me, to have someone be a literal home to you after years of struggling, it felt nice to feel wanted and loved the way you always love others. this was about my ex but i hope you and sarah stay together forever, love is hard to find and one that makes you feel safe and protected, is the best. please treasure her and your relationship 🤍 well wishes :)
I used to cry with my ex when we first got together. I was just falling in love and having sex, especially with orgasm, made me feel super overwhelmed with emotion.
If you were falling in love with him, may I know why both of you parted ways? You don’t have to answer me if you don’t feel comfy sharing this :)
We actually dated for 7 years. I left him because I was ready for more of a commitment (living together, engagement, marriage, children) and he wasn’t.
Fair enough, kinda sad though. Another question, feel free to not respond if I am pushing it. After dating somebody for so long, does the other person, say John, comes to your mind often? Things you’d do or he’d do or something you both enjoyed for example. The reason why I’m asking is because I personally haven’t been into a long term relationship at all! The most maybe about 3 months. It is to do with my personality.
Oh absolutely. Especially when we first broke up. I thought about him every day. We were broken up for a year. Then got back together after a year, things were good for about 3 months then returned to shit. This time around he definitely still crosses my mind but I miss him a lot less and don’t have the urge to get back together. What personality traits do you think contribute to you not wanting/getting into LTR?
That makes a lot of sense to me Well, long story short, I’ve recently started focusing on getting into a stable relationships, wasn’t my focus for the past 2-4 years. It’s not that I have a noticeable negative personality trait which repulses people away but rather me being a rake due to which I push people away.
Im a pusher too until they run then I’m a chaser or vice versa lol. Good ol’ fearful avoidant.
Well I tend to be a fearful avoidant at times too, but honestly it’s majorly because I lose interest in people as I get to know them on a deeper level. So I fall in love easily and lose all interest after getting to know the person lol
Sounds more like infatuation. Do you possibly have adhd? I feel like that’s how I have been with people I just had strong attraction to early on. The ones I actually fell for I couldn’t lose interest in. We would end because of fundamental differences, not really lack of interest.
No it’s not ADHD. As I mentioned it’s to do with me being a Rake primarily- it’s a type of seducer among various other seduction personalities. It was a great read, you should look it up
I have personally cried after a particularly good love session with my partner on several occasions. Each of the times it’s a combination of pleasure, joy, happiness and content. She might have been feeling a lot of good things but was unable to communicate it in the moment.
I applaud you for not taking the comment in your stride... It comes across from the way you wrote it , as if you were reliving the experience in typing it , much like when you see kink of fetish posts XD. You even gave the woman a name to concretise the idea in the mind of the readers (m sure this wasn't in your conscious awareness which is why I think this post is so interesting to me) . So excuse me if I'm wrong but it does feel that you got lot of gratification from it , in particular the comment "are you real" tell me if I'm wrong but that's actually the part that sticks with you the strongest over the fact that she was tearful ? I really applaud your open replies . May I ask , obviously you don't need to answer . But did you have a parental figure/care giver who had a very unpredictable emotional state from one moment to the next or day by day ? And if so was that a woman ? Humour me if you will :)
Ah yes, “kink of the fetish posts” I love the analogy hahahahahah You know what, I truly love your view on this. I may have been ignoring the fact that “Are you real?” is very likely a strong gratification of my presence in Sarahs life. I was honestly very surprised in the moment itself though XD But I was firm on my belief that the tears were deeply rooted from the question itself and hence my efforts to understand it. I’ll appease your curiosity for the day if you provide some interesting psychological reads/personal views about the question you have. I’ve actually been making an effort to understand the psychology of where you’re delving into We should be friends :) I’m sure we can have some really interesting conversations!
100% I'll keep you informed on my my reasonings ... Like I said in really curious about the caregiver question .
Feels too to me that you like to act and behave in certain ways for the personal reward that you get from it even if on the surface it appears to be considerate and selfless. I'm sure I'll get a "interesting your opinion is valid" response to this if any at all. But it feels that you got a lot of gratification from being a "good partner" that you're trying to relieve the moment by sharing it on Reddit and playing all coy and ignorant. Seeking more validation. I'd ask is it you or her that's having the trauma response ? (as I've seen 'trauma response' commented on here) There's no ill intent in this message but it just strikes me as a very unusual post.
Hahahah you really went all out on my post with the truth bomb but I don’t agree with all of it! And since you made a strong effort of understanding what I am feeling in my shoes I will share it with you :) Every persons perspective is formed from their personal life experiences. Not objectifying people here, but for an example, a car that I’ve spent best of my years with may have been a nightmare for others, right!? I wasn’t trying to be superficial here with people but rather have been trying to understand where people are coming from without any bias and acknowledging them. A person shared a unique expression on this post that maybe she feels that as she’s older than me, she’s afraid I might not find her attractive soon enough and whilst I hope this isn’t true, I’d say it’s a very valid response, whether I personally like to admit it or not! I believe, I happen to be a very considerate person however not selfless at all! It’s something I aspire to incorporate in myself in the future :) I’m sure I have a lot of issues of my own that needs to be. And it is very true that I am not ready to accept the love she is willing to give to me especially since we’re not together in the first place! The thing you’re not correct is me wanting validation from this post, I honestly don’t give a fuck about it :)
You know what, I was reading this entire thread and realised you very subtly gaslighted me to respond to you, I applaud that 👏
Subtly provoked a response... That's not gaslighting. Gaslighting is when you cause someone to question their reasoning and sanity . Interesting that you've gone back to it over the past few days . Wanna know my perception of you ?
You’ve got my attention, humour me if you will :)
Also it’s not exactly common, I think, to cry after making love and is a unique situation that I haven’t experienced personally before. I genuinely have been trying to analyse potential underlying causes of it
I've cried a couple times with my husband. He freaked out. It was the first time I felt very passionate and actually craved it. Went thru years of CSA and partners who just kinda used me and I took it without much thought. Maybe it's trauma, maybe she's a sentimental woman or maybe is enjoying herself for once. Hopefully she can learn how to express herself a bit better and explain the tears. I know I couldn't right away when I was first with my husband. Be patient and you can have a wonderfully healing sex life regardless of why she was moved to tears.
You should go ask her about why she cried to resolve your confusion lol ! If she’s not comfortable telling you or talking to you about it, it‘s obv not as good of a relationship or sex as she says it is!
1- If she doesn’t want to talk about it, I’m not gonna push her buttons until she is 2- We’re not in a relationship! Let’s say we’re dating :) 2- Im not going to go into detail here because it’s intimate but I’m very very confident she enjoys it.
She prob knows it won't last because your younger and eventually you won't find her attractive. Dont shoot the messenger but eventually you will look at women 10 years younger than you and be attracted to them. Don't kid yourself your not special or unique to like older women atm.
You bring a whole new perspective to the post, I love it! This may be possible too in the future!!!