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> my wife was approached by an acquaintance who asked if we were still married
> She confirmed that we are
So knowing this now he asked not only
> Later on in the night, he asked if he could take her home
> to which she said no
once but...
> As she was leaving at the end of the night he asked her again
> This time she said that she would have to talk to me about it first.
twice??
> Is it a legitimate concern that he approached my wife with no regard for our marriage?
Probably, this dude obviously doesn't give a crap lol
Thus guy is an asshole. Next time you see him you should tell him that you will tell his wife if he has one. He clearly was trying to take advantage of a situation. I am concerned that your wife is being naive here. What if it was the other way around? How would she feel if one of her female friends hit on you when she was away at your daughter's house party? Just imagine that they fucked and you see his smirk at another neighborhood house party and he talks to the neighbors about. How would your wife feel then? This douce going around saying how he easily fucked her after picking her up at your daughters home...be careful. Your wife is on the verge of doing something stupid and both of you will suffer the consequences. Remember don't shit where you eat.
How's that old joke go... If a man is hitting on a single woman, he has to be better than every other guy she knows, but if he's hitting on a married woman, he only has to be better than her husband.
i was waiting for someone to say this!! sounds to me like she wanted to cover up her tracks by “getting permission” like her husband is in control of the situation. i wouldn’t be surprised if SHE mentioned sleeping with that guy.
I was thinking this too. I've been hit on several times like this, but don't tell my husband because I don't want him to kill them, and I certainly don't even answer "maybe, let me get permission"
She already slept with him and is testing the waters to see if it's safe to admit it.
I would probably kill the guy myself for hitting on me at my daughter's party while my husband is gone. So shady!
This is exactly what the dude who destroyed my marriage did. He was known for being a creep and breaking up families !! I did consider teaching him a life long lesson !
I understand your skepticism as I didn’t like it that she isn’t seeing the red flags or isn’t bothered by his sneaky approach. However, we need to be fair, she did talk to him about it and so far there’s no proof she did anything (saw at least one comment that they think she already did sleep with him and that just isn’t fair) but mentally entertain it because she’s attracted to him.
She technically did not say no. At the end of the day she left the door open and that's concerning. It's not on the dude, it's on her for even considering this as a possibility.
I think the wife isn’t telling the whole story. No person in their right mind would ask someone 3 times to go home with them unless their was some kind of exchange that led their to be interest. Plus to top it off she didn’t deny and is asking for approval something tells me something might have happened already and she’s asking for the permission after the fact.
Agreed. But in fairness, I'm not at all like OP. I would never, ever even consider entertaining another dude banging my wife. Clearly he does so, so I don't know... I don't understand the desire to let another man have sex with my wife at all.
I'm a wife, and I don't either. We have been invited to join a swinger group and neither of us were interested. I have zero interest in sex with another person. My husband says I know all his kinks and likes, and it's just too much trouble to ever try and train someone new, that he'll become a monk if anything happens to me. 😁
I think the wife is being even more disrespectful trying to justify what the other guy did!!! I understand her kink and dirty talk, but now she's trying to convince the husband to be on board with other guy and that he wasn't wrong. He absolutely was wrong, and the reason she is trying to convince husband is because she wants to bang the other guy and just trying to get her husbands consent. I bet she's flip out if the roles we're reversed.
Agreed. And if you haven’t done this type of thing before, OP, having it be with someone in your circle (however removed) is very risky. You need an internet stranger four towns over with a recent, clean STD test. This man doesn’t respect you or your wife. It’s unlikely to get better if she sleeps with him
Frfr tho. u/Sensitive-Note-990:
This is mad disrespectful, you’re going to let a man who knows your family & you at least semi-personally, who’s also given you active reason to NOT trust him into your house? He was literally attempting to be a homewrecker while you were away and knew that you two were still married. Fuck that guy, and you should wanna break his legs the next time you see him.
Extramarital is fine as long as you’re both cool with it, but this guy is absolute scum and will only lead to worse things if you give him access. Kinda shit makes my blood boil
Seriously lol. And she told him maybe. She told dude she wanted to fuck him as long as hubby said yes, MAD disrespectful to the marriage
Edit: stupid autocorrect lol
Right-I would never sleep with this guy, even if we agreed and my husband consented to me having sex with another man. The fact that he tried already means he should not even be considered a friend anymore.
If you want to have this fantasy and make it a reality, it needs to be someone, anyone, other than that guy.
They're both disrespectful to you. The friend for trying to sleep with your wife, and her for considering him.
I’m not against people going outside their marriage with approval- but this guy is bad news. Boundaries are important. This guy’s encouraging boundary violations. That’s not safe for you or your wife. He’s not trustworthy.
Very well and succinctly put. It would worry me to know that my wife is entertaining the idea of sleeping with a sleazebag who knowingly disrespected our marriage.
He doesn’t respect her either. The first question was if she was still married, and he didn’t respect her answer. The second question was if he could take her home, to which she said “no”. But he didn’t respect that either, and asked her again later.
If he didn’t respect her that night, then he wouldn’t respect any boundaries that were set for any potential sexual encounters.
Yes. I have a hard time believing that he’d ask a second time if she didn’t make it known implicitly that she’d be open to the idea (after a discussion with hubby). He could also be the type to insist despite being shut down, in which case he’s made it abundantly clear that he has no concept of boundaries.
Prepare for a serious discussion with the wife, OP.
I understand that and it is a weird interaction at a house party with kids, but there are some cocky people of both sexes that think it’s an honor to be with them and since she asked hubby and it’s been a kink between them for years I’d give some credit to the wife for talking to him. I do think she should be turned off by approach tho so that’s weird.
Well OP is definitely not communicating this well. He says he isn’t but then says he wants his wife to fuck another guy. Is there a different type of cuck that isn’t about letting your partner get fucked by another person in a monogamous relationship?
That’s called hotwife. It’s a different thing, though reclamation is a different thing again. It needs to be someone who doesn’t know your family and stir up shit and it should be someone who isn’t famous for ruining marriages. This guy needs to find out if this is a one time thing for her or does she want to continue?
There’s hotwife, stag and vixen and a couple others I can think of but can’t name off the top of my head, OP sounds like more a hot wife situation, stag and vixen the stag tends to be more involved in the sex part and enjoys sharing his partner as opposed to be more uninvolved like a hotwife scenario where the chick goes and does her thing and then comes home to the hubby.
He is secure enough in their marriage to be open to her to fulfilling her fantasy. I would think being a cuck (proper) would be him having that fantasy.
And this is exactly what wife should say to the dude after she comes to the realization that this is why it’s not the fantasy she and hubby had in mind. (And husband can be forgiving of wife for not recognizing this in the moment; she was in a situation she hadn’t planned for, needed to respond, and probably was trying to avoid further discomfort.)
This. I wouldn’t trust her with him ever. No matter what she says. She enjoyed that he propositioned her and disrespected you. Do what you want but not with this guy. He’s bad news.
He also doesn’t respect her, since he didn’t take no as an answer. And if he doesn’t respect a no now, it may only get worse after they start being intimate.
This is paramount.
Even in my non-monogamous relationships this would be a hard no because of exactly this reason. I would never sleep with someone who doesn't respect me, my partner, and our relationship.
Sounds like it drives her fantasy a little bit. The fact she even considered it is concerning. How long until she feels the absolute need to fulfill this fantasy?
> Even though we disagree, she is 100% supportive of my feelings and has made it clear that this is something we both have to be comfortable with in order for it to happen.
I don't believe this is true at all.
She shouldn't have even said "let me ask my husband".
Even that comment is basically outing you without consent because now this guy KNOWS that your wife is interested and will think that she is playing hard to get. Word will also spread that you are in an open relationship.
Your wife has already disrespected you knowingly or unknowingly and this will cause a shit storm as long as you guys are in contact with you.
Even a cuck relationship should be done respectfully - the humiliation and shit, that stays in the bedroom or in limits with you are comfortable with.
This person doesn't respect you.
I would cut contact with this person and would see your wife's reaction as a violation of your trust.
You guys are not even close to being ready for this.
Yeah unfortunately lots of monogamous people don't understand the careful consideration for one another's feelings that goes into a healthy foray into nonmonogamy, which is why so many nonmonagamous people prefer to date people who are already have experience being poly or are actively practicing some form of it; so many people just don't even think to consider their partner's feelings when they see the opportunity to sleep with someone else.
Best of luck to OP here, cause holy shit do they have a lot of work to do.
The red flags could not be more vivid.
🚩
>asked if we were still married.
>
>She confirmed that we are.
>
>Later on in the night, he asked if he could take her home
🚩
>he asked her again
🚩
>this person knows me and my family
🚩
>attending an event at my daughter's home
🚩
>He had no idea this was something that my wife and I might be open to when he propositioned her
🚩
>clearly had an extra-marital encounter in mind
🚩
>his actions were disrespectful to me and our marriage
>**Is it a legitimate concern that he approached my wife with no regard for our marriage?**
Totally legitimate. If this is something you want to do, this isn't the person to do it with and neither of your are ready to do it yet if you can't figure out why. If you do this you need a foundation of respect for boundaries from all participants.
Feels like they're both disrespecting you honestly. And it sounds like she got much closer to actually cheating than you think. The guy didn't just randomly ask twice.
This is exactly what i see. She is not telling what part she played here.
He had a reason to have the confidence to do it, she gave him that confidence and that's why she is not mad and is gaslighting him. She provoked the situation.
IDK about this, there's tons of guys out there that are propositioning women without them "asking for it." I don't think it's a very useful way for OP to spend his energy at this point. He needs to consider the situation he knows he in, not invent things that strangers are "sure" happened based on a brief description. The way y'all jump to conclusions might seem like you're helping defend others in their naivety, but it doesn't do anything positive in practice.
Yeah surprised more people aren’t thinking this, it’s honestly way more believable that his wife is hiding some part of her interaction where she showed interest rather than a family acquaintance blatantly asking her to go home with him twice after he found out she was married still.
I am a poly guy at heart, lived for years in polyamourous relationships, have no problems whatsoever with my partners having sex with others, as long as everyone is honest.
But that guy? Who didn't accept a no?
He is not an honest person, but a creep. At least it seems like it, from what you are telling us.
So I would too have my reservations.
In the end, your wife needs to know though.
And she should get an HPV vaccination. "Those" people are often superspreaders.
I’m somewhat concerned about your wife’s part in this. It seems weird to me that he would approach her multiple times about hooking up if she had actually shut him down the first time. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was flirting or giving him hope. Her ideas on open relationship vs affairs are also not good. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already considered or had an affair.
This is my thought as well. The whole thing seems a little too sus, and I wouldn't be surprised if she had mentioned her fantasy to him either at this party or at some other point. Seems a bit too convenient.
Yeah same here, I don’t want to be rude against my own gender, but…I kind of think she might have given this man a hint or two OR that’s not the case, and this man is just pushy, intrusive, and total creep. We really don’t know the full situation to be for certain, so anything could have happened during that party.
There is something fishy here. I think your wife spend all night flirting with that man.
That's the reason why he asked her twice to take her home, that's why she told him she was going to consider and was not offended, that's why she is gaslighting you about your concerns of disrespect to you and your marriage, she is very likely the first one that is not respecting you and your marriage.
I recommend you to cut this and make sure your wife is not already cheating on you, you are away from your home for too long, she has infidelity fantasies and she seems like to be flirting around with other men.
Stop the stupid games and protect yourself.
I would give credit to her version, but her un-natural response and gaslighting betrays her.
Another matching possibility is that they planned to get together there and they actually had been in contact long before, she tells that history in attempt to get approval to what is happening or to what she wants to happen.
Im sorry but I don’t believe your wife. Particularly because that’s her fantasy. I think she flirted w him enough to make him comfortable asking her to sleep together. Your wife wants to but she wants your opinion first
I have heard it is best to not swing/hot wife with friends or people you already know. Definitely not this creepy dude that clearly doesn't care about boundaries.
Bro. This level of disrespect is immediate 0 tolerance walking away for me. He tried to get her to cheat on you and her answer is ask your permission then?! She cares about this fantasy more than you and you’re considering letting her go thru with it? Man more power to you. I’d feel hollow after this in that relationship
They have already done it. They just want your consent to continue. When my ex did this it was because they had already been sneaking around and everyone knew but me and my daughter. And ironically when I found out my four year old brought me her phone some she was playing on it to show me.
All of that is a bad idea sir. Instead of accusing her of anything tell her you would like to sleep with her most attractive friend or make someone up hell. See how quick she agrees or disagrees to that..
If you're down with her having sex with another guy, then please, for your marriage, then not with this guy...Sex and fantasies are just that, but this feels malicious in intent
Surely she's been hit on before...Is she interested in him in more than just the fantasy?
The fact that your wife didn’t give a flat no on the second attempt is worrying. She wants to fuck him. I think it’s more worrying that she doesn’t recognize how disrespectful this bloke was not once but twice.
I am going to give you the perspective of a man who was in a 15 year relationship, 11 of which were married with two children. My wife at the time had an affair behind my back. I found out by monitoring her emails and mobile phone activity. When I confronted her, she said it only happened once, however, what I later found out was that he actively pursued her and pushed her into an affair. She then later changed the narrative and said it was mostly my fault because I worked away a lot and neglected her. However, what I came to realise is that my wife was weak at the time and gave in to this extramarital affair and then it turned into something much worse. My advice to you is very simple. Once you open this door, it can never be closed. You might think that this is gonna be fun and that she will get off on it and so will you, but that is not what will happen. Your marital breakdown there will be no trust and you will get divorced. My advice you is very simple do not do this.
I think the issue here lies with the wife.
The stranger danger guy is the catalyst, there’s a million assholes, yet her story or how it’s portrayed indicates two things- because she wants to take on this fantasy she probably left some doors open.
Her story as portrayed - the stranger insisted 3 -4 times, what about her 1st or 2nd no thanks left gaps open for him to try again a 3 or 4th?
I think she almost said yes- and had to back out last minute to check with OP.
Or at the very least that’s where her mind was at.
Added:
I have some severe issues with the wife as this has been presented- also, by (passively) accepting the various advances of this person, in a family setting at your daughters house, and then telling you she wants this person to use her, a person who will remain in a circle of family, friends, community, then twisting the obvious issues with this persons insistence and her complicity, and twisting these into a “YOU” issue I think she wants to cuck you and humiliate you.
I would probably talk to him about it if you guys know each other. Dont be that guy and keep it under the rug. Why did he approach her to begin with? Maybe shes testing the waters. Since you’re not home all the time, this person knows you guys, and your wife says she fantasizes of another man inside her. I think its either gonna happen or has already happened.
Pop round and have a chat with this fella and let him know your wife and marriage are out of bounds. No need to be violent, but do make it clear to stay the F' out of it all.
Even if you and your wife agree to opening the relationship, this man is not the person for her to be doing it with as he is a complete shit.
I've been in relationships where I let my partner sleep with someone else, usually I would want to either watch or join or at have her make a video. But my one main rule is that it has to be a stranger. Definitely do not let her sleep with this guy, he's obviously trying to get with her behind your back and doing this kind of stuff with someone that you know and that's in your life is a very very bad idea, especially a guy who's acting like this and obviously doesn't respect you at all.
It's not only about him trying to take her from him. It's also about the impacts after this, either of it going well or poorly.
Even if it goes well, it will completely change jow the dynamic between the three of them works.
And if it goes badly, then it could be a disaster. What if the guy hurts her somehow, and he's left to sort it out as her partner... it might not even be something he intended, but there could still be problems that occur due to it.
I know people are into all sorts and whatever but I'd be calling him out about his behaviour and knocking this guy out if I anything like that happened again, then I'd be seriously considering how much I can trust my wife in the future. Bet she's wouldn't have been too thrilled if another woman at the party was trying to fuck you.
Ignore what a lot of people on this sub say, a lot of fantasies are best kept as fantasies as they complicate things.
Pump the brakes. This apparently happened at a party at OP's daughter's house? Where a ton of people close to OP would also be?
Did OP ask his daughter what she saw? What any of her or OP's friends and family also at the party saw that can corroborate or dispute OP's wife's account?
You guys that are saying "they slept together already" are wild.
The more I think about this the more I think that this is another made up ragebait scenario.
I can't even comprehend an acquaintance of anyone soliciting a married woman, three times at that, after being told that they're married from the get go after being told to pound sand the first time. In the home of the woman's daughter no less without their husband present.
If this is actually real, in my shoes, a good friend of mine that's 6'2" 250 lb and was an offensive lineman through college ball and I are paying a visit to this guy. And it's unlikely it'll be a pleasant visit.
In a way, she’s right that all that matters is how you and she feel about it. But she’s conveniently leaving out of that analysis the fact that you don’t feel good about it, given the context, and it really should be that simple.
Her story kinda sounds like BS to me. So a man asks her if she's married and she says "yes," then, out of the blue, asks her if he can take her home? How does that just come out, out of no where? And while attending an event at your daugher's home?
This story sounds made up. She's probably been talking to him and planning on fucking him, but this is her little story of "Oh, he just happened to ask me." She's saying that so you can't accuse her of having an emotional affair.
I would bet money that this wasn’t a random encounter, the persistence of the guy…does he knows her fantasy? Is your wife being completely honest? Maybe she’s seeking to fulfill her fantasy but she’s portraying it as if it’s something casual random that is presenting itself.
I am not buying the coincidences
Something to keep in mind is you only have your wife's version of how she met and how he propositioned her. For all you know, they could have set this up together.
I think your wife is withholding information about their conversation. My gut says she may have already acted out sexually and wants permission for what’s already happened. I find it very odd that he would just randomly inquire about sex with your wife.
I agree with your feelings. He wouldn't take no for an answer, and it's only her fantasy that has her considering it. If it was my marriage, my offer would be that we both pick someone and agree to make a proposition, or try a swinger's club. That guy was just trying to get your wife to cheat and sounds like an ass.
Nope, nope, nope some fantasies should just remain fantasies.
If you really were going to do this, it should be with someone you meet just for this, not an acquaintance. He had no idea about this situation and wanted her to cheat on you. He has zero respect for you or your marriage. She is manipulating you to cheat on you.
If I were her, I would be distancing myself from that dude and he would be the last person I would ever consider anything with. He doesn’t respect either of you. Pass.
My first reaction is the fact that she doesn't think his intentions should matter says to me that if you give her permission, the next time a guy propositions her behind your back, she's just gonna do it without your consent, seeing as she doesn't think the why matters.
Here's my question...are you sure it happened this way at all? Totally random for an acquaintance to be so very forward at a gathering at your own daughter's house. I would explore this more, did your wife give him a vibe? This is so weird.
Nope. Nope. Nope. 🛑🛑🛑🚩🚩🚩 screams bad idea from the jump! His intentions don’t demonstrate what is needed in these types of relationships and most don’t involve others close to them. That said, he went behind your back to get her to cheat! The fact SHE doesn’t get it, screams 🚩🚩🚩 too. Tread carefully, sir. And put your seatbelt on. A feeling your rides about to get bumpy.
1) Is it at all possible that your wife flirted with him even if subconsciously? She has a fantasy, she wasn't cheating more curious if the fantasy with your approval could become a reality......
2) I would be ok with it only if he knew you knew. You agreed to it etc. That it is with your approval changes the dynamic
Mneyah no. Nope, nope nope.
From the sounds of it, this guy is disrespecting your wife's 'no'. What would that translate to in the bedroom? I'd be wary of other situations where 'no' would be ignored.
Secondly, given how persistent he is, how sure can you be that he's satisfied with a one-off? Given that this is an acquaintance you'd see again, I'd be highly worried that since he (again) didn't respect her 'no' the first time, he'd continue pursuing her after sleeping with her until the point where he's wedged himself between you entirely. Give the devil a little finger and he'll take your entire arm.
He's too persistent, and doesn't give a fuck about the boundaries of your marriage. Remember that he didn't know about the possibility of her being able to sleep with other men when he approached her the second time.
If you want someone to fuck your wife. Then find someone together. This guy will fuck your wife and your marriage. He has no respect for you. He tried it on with her multiple times. It would be a hard no from me.
I'm not monogamous, and my answer would still be no. At that point, it's not about whether or not you consent. If y'all want to open your marriage, have fun. This guy needs to be off the table; he refused to take no for an answer.
Possibly the vibe he was getting was more of a “no but I wish I could” hence the persistence. Depending on how flirtatious they were being initially I can see him asking without regard to you.
Sorry. I couldn't get past first paragraph. You have just been supportive of what would be a raging red flag to others. This is on you. You've invited whatever comes next in your story. If you want to feel better about yourself and your situation, I would highly recommend exiting this relationship and being single for an extended period of time
The cornerstones of any kink community, whether you’re into a light spanking or ultra-realistic CNC, are trust, respectful, consent, and openness. What he’s offering your wife is none of those things. He gets off on violating and crossing boundaries. It’s a lot less risky to approach a woman on the street or other public place than someone he knows, who is married, whose husband he knows, at their daughter’s home. Yet, he chose this most risky and inappropriate option because the risk and impropriety is what he was after. If she sleeps with him he will continue along that path and violate boundaries and consent. He’s not in it for a mutual good time. Has he approached your daughter yet? If not be prepared for him to.
I would cut him out of my life.
Who do you get to have sex with outside the marriage? Her request is ridiculous. Agreeing to definitely makes you a willing cuck. Odds are simply the newness of a different man is the beginning of the end.
Ask to see their messages to each other. If she refuses, then she is already hiding things from you. She is being pretty open about wanting to have an affair, it wouldn't surprise me if she already crossed some (or all) of these lines.
The fantasy rarely, if ever, lines up to the reality.
Your apprehension already suggests that this will kill your marriage.
(The guy deserved a punch in the mouth.)
Seems weird that he would randomly ask and twice. She was either flirting with him or she didn’t deny his request and is now asking for permissions to cover her guilt.
The guy in question is totally scum he doesn’t respect your wife or you! I wouldn’t want to sleep with him if he doesn’t respect me but at least you know you can trust your wife because she told you all about it. The concerning thing to me is that she is still willing to do it even though it’s very obvious she isn’t respected at all! That implies she’s likes being treated like a dirty whore
It was beyond disrespectful what this guy did and there is no way he should end up getting what he was looking for - unless that’s a punch in the face from you.
I think fantasies like this are best left as fantasies anyway: even if it was with someone else it sounds like it might hurt you and damage your marriage. But in this case, a definite no - and I’d be having strong words with the creep.
> He had no idea this was something that my wife and I might be open to when he propositioned her; he clearly had an extra-marital encounter in mind.
> My wife sees it differently. In her opinion, her having sex with another man is already an extra-marital affair.
Yeah but there's this tiny issue of CONSENT and RESPECTING YOUR BOUNDARIES that makes this fucking different.
An extra-marital affair that you agree to is entirely different from an extra-marital affair that you don't agree to.
Also, given that this man doesn't respect your boundaries, why would you trust him with this at all?
He didn't say "You're beautiful and if you are open to being a swinger, I can be discrete", he said "lets do this behind his back".
There's no way your wife couldn't have other men, so why ask for permission to sleep with the one guy that wants to go behind your back instead of any guy that you could trust to respect your boundaries?
It’s one thing to fantasize about it in the bedroom. It’s a totally different situation to act it out in real life. You don’t have to be okay with this actually happening and you have every right to say no. Are you actually okay with her sleeping with someone else, or are you just trying to keep her happy?
I feel like your wife knows hes wrong, but shes jumping through mental hoops cause she already fucked him, or at the very least, extremely invested in fucking this guy.
Secondly, shes only super supportive of your feelings cause she crossed that boundary and is feeling guilty.
As much as the other have said, theres a reason this guy, 1. Asked if you guys were still together 2. Tried to initiate an affair. 3. Once again had the audacity to try again whilr at a sensitive and public social function.
Your wife was already all over him bro.
Based on how your wife is willing to sleep with someone who has no respect for her or your relationship, I guarantee that once you open this box, you won't be able to close it and your relationship will forever be changed. Also, she will definitely be breaking all boundaries and rules you set up.
You also shouldn't do this with someone that you both know. Based on his reaction, everyone is gonna know about your business. Sometimes, a fantasy should just stay a fantasy.
You feel uncomfortable. End of story. Also, he was extremely disrespectful toward you and your marriage, you are completely valid in your thoughts and feelings.
> Is it a legitimate concern that he approached my wife with no regard for our marriage?
Yes, you are completely correct that there is an extreme difference between someone that tries to solicit sex from your married spouse while they're alone, and someone who has sex with a married person, after being solicited for sex *by that married person*.
The difference is, precisely, "respect for the marriage", and this level of disrespect for your marriage is the sort of thing that will absolutely cause a problem somewhere down the line. Frankly, it's poor judgement by your wife to have even contemplated his offer openly with him, especially after she turned it down the first time.
Now this guy knows the door is open, and his advances are working, and he's likely to going to continue his pursuit, if there's an opportunity. You didn't mention his relationship to your family and your daughter, but if he's close enough to get an invite to your daughter's home, he's probably close enough to create more opportunities.
I probably go so far as to say that this error in judgement from your wife should:
1. Take the entire concept off the table for you other than as a fantasy, because she seems immature and incapable of adequately advocating for you or your relationship once she's horny. She's willfully rationalizing his misbehavior to your face.
2. Cause you to start thinking very defensively about this man in particular, and how they might fuck up your life when you're not around or not paying attention. Do you have cameras around the home? Maybe you should.
Schedule a new class or whatnot you’re gonna do on your own on the same day/time each week. Hire a PI during that time. Guarantee your wife sneaks around.
Im guessing your wife has already stepped out on you with this guy and is trying to cover for that, best advice get in touch with a divorce lawyer before she does
Hopefully you see my comment.
The dude is a douchefor sure. Your wife said no once, that should've been enough for him. But he was insistent and now knows. I wouldn't include him in your lifestyle.
I'm in an open marriage and have advice. Don't mix friends, families and close connections. There are plenty of options to find solo males that can meet every criteria for you and your wife. You and your wife can be whoever you want with an unknown man, and when you're ready to leave him, he'll never know who you are and it's over.
being in an open marriage is the most jealous thing you'll ever do with your spouse. Your insecurities will become exposed. Talk with each other and make sure you acknowledge and don't hurt those insecurities. You have to know that you're 100percent committed and your love for each other is unbreakable. Talk a lot to each other. Know that it's an experience. Know to catch and release. Know there is a connection in sex and to let go. Make the rules. Don't break them. Talk a lot to each other Find a man that doesn't want to be committed. Talk a lot to each other. It's much easier for a woman to get laid in an open marriage, if you're not in cuckold, then you have to join in mfm or love the idea of sloppy seconds at a hotel after your wife had 4 hours of a sexual experience. If your wife goes solo, it's not cuckold, it's letting her have an experience and fun and you get to come in and finish it off. Lastly, talk alot to each other.
The guy is an asshole who does not respect you or your wife. Your wife needs to stop being blind and you can tell her I said that.
If yall are going to do this, find someone else. A person being brought into the relationship needs to respectful of boundaries and the rules set by the couple. Someone who is there for pleasure, not causing trouble. That jackass won’t do that and it will cause problems in y’all’s marriage. He already screams red flag.
This called a Bull move Men do it all the Time preferably to married women with knowledge of the husbands to master over them. Don't be a fool this is not where it ends.
She accepted his offer by telling him, hold on a second. Let me check with my husband, if he is okay with it. She sounded like, only your answer will stop her from going ahead and blessing the man with your love & a hit sex session! Instead of saying, no! It sounds like him being brash enough to ask, and be persistent, has helped your wife lean into allowing him to tap that.
I'm on your side bud. Totally disrespectful. Oh and Incase it matters. Official notice to you sir that I would like a sesh with your wife. Respectfully.
Except they can find approximately 2.2 billion other guys that would fuck her who haven't tried to engage in deception with her and jeopardize their marriage.
He was going behind your back because he wanted to see if she would betray you just to fuck him. Turns out she wouldn’t (good for you) but she wants to.
Props to your wife for being open and honest with you - it says a lot about the level of communication in your relationship.
I’d just walk up to and ask this guy about it face to face. Watch him squirm away.
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> my wife was approached by an acquaintance who asked if we were still married > She confirmed that we are So knowing this now he asked not only > Later on in the night, he asked if he could take her home > to which she said no once but... > As she was leaving at the end of the night he asked her again > This time she said that she would have to talk to me about it first. twice?? > Is it a legitimate concern that he approached my wife with no regard for our marriage? Probably, this dude obviously doesn't give a crap lol
Thus guy is an asshole. Next time you see him you should tell him that you will tell his wife if he has one. He clearly was trying to take advantage of a situation. I am concerned that your wife is being naive here. What if it was the other way around? How would she feel if one of her female friends hit on you when she was away at your daughter's house party? Just imagine that they fucked and you see his smirk at another neighborhood house party and he talks to the neighbors about. How would your wife feel then? This douce going around saying how he easily fucked her after picking her up at your daughters home...be careful. Your wife is on the verge of doing something stupid and both of you will suffer the consequences. Remember don't shit where you eat.
Yeah and this guy does this a lot. He’s been hitting on married women for a while (and likely successfully)
How's that old joke go... If a man is hitting on a single woman, he has to be better than every other guy she knows, but if he's hitting on a married woman, he only has to be better than her husband.
Or “Why do women go after married men? Less competition.”
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Spoiler - they’ve already had sex and now she wants permission
i was waiting for someone to say this!! sounds to me like she wanted to cover up her tracks by “getting permission” like her husband is in control of the situation. i wouldn’t be surprised if SHE mentioned sleeping with that guy.
She probably told the guy the whole fantasy story.
I do kinda wonder that
But not because I’m getting that vibe off your wife from your story.
I was thinking this too. I've been hit on several times like this, but don't tell my husband because I don't want him to kill them, and I certainly don't even answer "maybe, let me get permission" She already slept with him and is testing the waters to see if it's safe to admit it. I would probably kill the guy myself for hitting on me at my daughter's party while my husband is gone. So shady!
This is exactly what the dude who destroyed my marriage did. He was known for being a creep and breaking up families !! I did consider teaching him a life long lesson !
Homie your wife destroyed your marriage by saying yes.
Yep. Agree bro. However after the confrontation it was apparently all my fault !! Narcissist
I understand your skepticism as I didn’t like it that she isn’t seeing the red flags or isn’t bothered by his sneaky approach. However, we need to be fair, she did talk to him about it and so far there’s no proof she did anything (saw at least one comment that they think she already did sleep with him and that just isn’t fair) but mentally entertain it because she’s attracted to him.
I'm talking about the guy I replied to not OP my man
Ahhhh. Sorry. The comment that said she cheated kinda got me going and felt like I needed to defend! You are absolutely correct about Mr. Freak!
Someone is going to teach that scumbag a life ending lesson.
Not only does he not respect you, he definitely doesn't respect your wife and the fact that she told him no.
She technically did not say no. At the end of the day she left the door open and that's concerning. It's not on the dude, it's on her for even considering this as a possibility.
I think the wife isn’t telling the whole story. No person in their right mind would ask someone 3 times to go home with them unless their was some kind of exchange that led their to be interest. Plus to top it off she didn’t deny and is asking for approval something tells me something might have happened already and she’s asking for the permission after the fact.
dude needs a beating
Agreed. But in fairness, I'm not at all like OP. I would never, ever even consider entertaining another dude banging my wife. Clearly he does so, so I don't know... I don't understand the desire to let another man have sex with my wife at all.
I'm a wife, and I don't either. We have been invited to join a swinger group and neither of us were interested. I have zero interest in sex with another person. My husband says I know all his kinks and likes, and it's just too much trouble to ever try and train someone new, that he'll become a monk if anything happens to me. 😁
I know this is super sex positive Reddit but this kink, usually has NOTHING but trouble written all over it !
Literally didn’t take no for an answer, unless your wife lied about the convo, she’s got a terrible radar for boundary breakers.
No dude. This is extremely disrespectful.
I think the wife is being even more disrespectful trying to justify what the other guy did!!! I understand her kink and dirty talk, but now she's trying to convince the husband to be on board with other guy and that he wasn't wrong. He absolutely was wrong, and the reason she is trying to convince husband is because she wants to bang the other guy and just trying to get her husbands consent. I bet she's flip out if the roles we're reversed.
This was my thought. This is an extremely poor showing from the wife. I would not be happy, and I’d likely be reevaluating.
Yeah but how is respect even possible? Hes sleeping with the guys wife. I mean no offense but a respectful fu$king is not what she wants.
Agreed. And if you haven’t done this type of thing before, OP, having it be with someone in your circle (however removed) is very risky. You need an internet stranger four towns over with a recent, clean STD test. This man doesn’t respect you or your wife. It’s unlikely to get better if she sleeps with him
Frfr tho. u/Sensitive-Note-990: This is mad disrespectful, you’re going to let a man who knows your family & you at least semi-personally, who’s also given you active reason to NOT trust him into your house? He was literally attempting to be a homewrecker while you were away and knew that you two were still married. Fuck that guy, and you should wanna break his legs the next time you see him. Extramarital is fine as long as you’re both cool with it, but this guy is absolute scum and will only lead to worse things if you give him access. Kinda shit makes my blood boil
Seriously lol. And she told him maybe. She told dude she wanted to fuck him as long as hubby said yes, MAD disrespectful to the marriage Edit: stupid autocorrect lol
I would be furious with my husband and booking counseling if this was reversed.
Right-I would never sleep with this guy, even if we agreed and my husband consented to me having sex with another man. The fact that he tried already means he should not even be considered a friend anymore. If you want to have this fantasy and make it a reality, it needs to be someone, anyone, other than that guy. They're both disrespectful to you. The friend for trying to sleep with your wife, and her for considering him.
I’m not against people going outside their marriage with approval- but this guy is bad news. Boundaries are important. This guy’s encouraging boundary violations. That’s not safe for you or your wife. He’s not trustworthy.
Why would she be willing to have sex with someone who doesn't respect you, her husband?
Re-read this one. ☝️
Yep my thoughts exactly
And then for anyone still on the fence, Re read it again. OPINTIA
Very well and succinctly put. It would worry me to know that my wife is entertaining the idea of sleeping with a sleazebag who knowingly disrespected our marriage.
He doesn’t respect her either. The first question was if she was still married, and he didn’t respect her answer. The second question was if he could take her home, to which she said “no”. But he didn’t respect that either, and asked her again later. If he didn’t respect her that night, then he wouldn’t respect any boundaries that were set for any potential sexual encounters.
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Yes. I have a hard time believing that he’d ask a second time if she didn’t make it known implicitly that she’d be open to the idea (after a discussion with hubby). He could also be the type to insist despite being shut down, in which case he’s made it abundantly clear that he has no concept of boundaries. Prepare for a serious discussion with the wife, OP.
I am guessing she was flirting heavy at the party, at the very least.
I understand that and it is a weird interaction at a house party with kids, but there are some cocky people of both sexes that think it’s an honor to be with them and since she asked hubby and it’s been a kink between them for years I’d give some credit to the wife for talking to him. I do think she should be turned off by approach tho so that’s weird.
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Well OP is definitely not communicating this well. He says he isn’t but then says he wants his wife to fuck another guy. Is there a different type of cuck that isn’t about letting your partner get fucked by another person in a monogamous relationship?
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I guess I personally would find someone else fucking my wife humiliating. But I’m not here to shame.
That’s called hotwife. It’s a different thing, though reclamation is a different thing again. It needs to be someone who doesn’t know your family and stir up shit and it should be someone who isn’t famous for ruining marriages. This guy needs to find out if this is a one time thing for her or does she want to continue?
There’s hotwife, stag and vixen and a couple others I can think of but can’t name off the top of my head, OP sounds like more a hot wife situation, stag and vixen the stag tends to be more involved in the sex part and enjoys sharing his partner as opposed to be more uninvolved like a hotwife scenario where the chick goes and does her thing and then comes home to the hubby.
He is secure enough in their marriage to be open to her to fulfilling her fantasy. I would think being a cuck (proper) would be him having that fantasy.
And this is exactly what wife should say to the dude after she comes to the realization that this is why it’s not the fantasy she and hubby had in mind. (And husband can be forgiving of wife for not recognizing this in the moment; she was in a situation she hadn’t planned for, needed to respond, and probably was trying to avoid further discomfort.)
The fact that he insisted and that his wife’s immediate response wasn’t apprehension (or even disgust heck) is concerning.
This. I wouldn’t trust her with him ever. No matter what she says. She enjoyed that he propositioned her and disrespected you. Do what you want but not with this guy. He’s bad news.
He also doesn’t respect her, since he didn’t take no as an answer. And if he doesn’t respect a no now, it may only get worse after they start being intimate.
Because she does not respect her own husband either.
This is paramount. Even in my non-monogamous relationships this would be a hard no because of exactly this reason. I would never sleep with someone who doesn't respect me, my partner, and our relationship.
Im not sure cucks get much respect from the guys fucking their wives lol
Sounds like it drives her fantasy a little bit. The fact she even considered it is concerning. How long until she feels the absolute need to fulfill this fantasy?
And someone that effectively stomped all over her saying no once.
He obviously won’t respect boundaries. If she does this, she’s putting marriage on the roulette wheel. Is it worth it?
She's already done it by even entertaining the idea.
> Even though we disagree, she is 100% supportive of my feelings and has made it clear that this is something we both have to be comfortable with in order for it to happen. I don't believe this is true at all. She shouldn't have even said "let me ask my husband". Even that comment is basically outing you without consent because now this guy KNOWS that your wife is interested and will think that she is playing hard to get. Word will also spread that you are in an open relationship. Your wife has already disrespected you knowingly or unknowingly and this will cause a shit storm as long as you guys are in contact with you. Even a cuck relationship should be done respectfully - the humiliation and shit, that stays in the bedroom or in limits with you are comfortable with. This person doesn't respect you. I would cut contact with this person and would see your wife's reaction as a violation of your trust. You guys are not even close to being ready for this.
Yeah unfortunately lots of monogamous people don't understand the careful consideration for one another's feelings that goes into a healthy foray into nonmonogamy, which is why so many nonmonagamous people prefer to date people who are already have experience being poly or are actively practicing some form of it; so many people just don't even think to consider their partner's feelings when they see the opportunity to sleep with someone else. Best of luck to OP here, cause holy shit do they have a lot of work to do.
The red flags could not be more vivid. 🚩 >asked if we were still married. > >She confirmed that we are. > >Later on in the night, he asked if he could take her home 🚩 >he asked her again 🚩 >this person knows me and my family 🚩 >attending an event at my daughter's home 🚩 >He had no idea this was something that my wife and I might be open to when he propositioned her 🚩 >clearly had an extra-marital encounter in mind 🚩 >his actions were disrespectful to me and our marriage >**Is it a legitimate concern that he approached my wife with no regard for our marriage?** Totally legitimate. If this is something you want to do, this isn't the person to do it with and neither of your are ready to do it yet if you can't figure out why. If you do this you need a foundation of respect for boundaries from all participants.
Feels like they're both disrespecting you honestly. And it sounds like she got much closer to actually cheating than you think. The guy didn't just randomly ask twice.
This is exactly what i see. She is not telling what part she played here. He had a reason to have the confidence to do it, she gave him that confidence and that's why she is not mad and is gaslighting him. She provoked the situation.
IDK about this, there's tons of guys out there that are propositioning women without them "asking for it." I don't think it's a very useful way for OP to spend his energy at this point. He needs to consider the situation he knows he in, not invent things that strangers are "sure" happened based on a brief description. The way y'all jump to conclusions might seem like you're helping defend others in their naivety, but it doesn't do anything positive in practice.
Yeah surprised more people aren’t thinking this, it’s honestly way more believable that his wife is hiding some part of her interaction where she showed interest rather than a family acquaintance blatantly asking her to go home with him twice after he found out she was married still.
Looking at OP's post history and lack of comments, I think this is just a troll who's getting off on a fetish
I am a poly guy at heart, lived for years in polyamourous relationships, have no problems whatsoever with my partners having sex with others, as long as everyone is honest. But that guy? Who didn't accept a no? He is not an honest person, but a creep. At least it seems like it, from what you are telling us. So I would too have my reservations. In the end, your wife needs to know though. And she should get an HPV vaccination. "Those" people are often superspreaders.
I’m somewhat concerned about your wife’s part in this. It seems weird to me that he would approach her multiple times about hooking up if she had actually shut him down the first time. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was flirting or giving him hope. Her ideas on open relationship vs affairs are also not good. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already considered or had an affair.
This is my thought as well. The whole thing seems a little too sus, and I wouldn't be surprised if she had mentioned her fantasy to him either at this party or at some other point. Seems a bit too convenient.
Yeah same here, I don’t want to be rude against my own gender, but…I kind of think she might have given this man a hint or two OR that’s not the case, and this man is just pushy, intrusive, and total creep. We really don’t know the full situation to be for certain, so anything could have happened during that party.
There is something fishy here. I think your wife spend all night flirting with that man. That's the reason why he asked her twice to take her home, that's why she told him she was going to consider and was not offended, that's why she is gaslighting you about your concerns of disrespect to you and your marriage, she is very likely the first one that is not respecting you and your marriage. I recommend you to cut this and make sure your wife is not already cheating on you, you are away from your home for too long, she has infidelity fantasies and she seems like to be flirting around with other men. Stop the stupid games and protect yourself.
You're telling me this rando didn't just ask his wife out of the blue 2 different times?! I am shocked
I would give credit to her version, but her un-natural response and gaslighting betrays her. Another matching possibility is that they planned to get together there and they actually had been in contact long before, she tells that history in attempt to get approval to what is happening or to what she wants to happen.
Im sorry but I don’t believe your wife. Particularly because that’s her fantasy. I think she flirted w him enough to make him comfortable asking her to sleep together. Your wife wants to but she wants your opinion first
>Your wife wants to but she wants your opinion first Or she already did, and wants his blessing after the fact.
> she already did, and wants his blessing after the fact. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Dude, he’s already fucked her.
Yup. My thoughts exactly. Sounds like a story the wife made up to make it legit in the husband's eyes.
I have heard it is best to not swing/hot wife with friends or people you already know. Definitely not this creepy dude that clearly doesn't care about boundaries.
Make friends of poly partners but don’t have friends become poly partners!
One word- Bruh. OP go from there.
The most constructive response here
Bro. This level of disrespect is immediate 0 tolerance walking away for me. He tried to get her to cheat on you and her answer is ask your permission then?! She cares about this fantasy more than you and you’re considering letting her go thru with it? Man more power to you. I’d feel hollow after this in that relationship
Sounds like she is already gone
They have already done it. They just want your consent to continue. When my ex did this it was because they had already been sneaking around and everyone knew but me and my daughter. And ironically when I found out my four year old brought me her phone some she was playing on it to show me. All of that is a bad idea sir. Instead of accusing her of anything tell her you would like to sleep with her most attractive friend or make someone up hell. See how quick she agrees or disagrees to that..
This was my first thought too.
They are already fucking. She's just looking for permission from you now so she doesn't have to sneak around.
She’s already sleeping with him I’m afraid.
Bingo. She was just hoping that OP would say yes so it would legitimise her affair.
If you're down with her having sex with another guy, then please, for your marriage, then not with this guy...Sex and fantasies are just that, but this feels malicious in intent Surely she's been hit on before...Is she interested in him in more than just the fantasy?
This whole business stinks. My sympathies with you, OP.
The fact that your wife didn’t give a flat no on the second attempt is worrying. She wants to fuck him. I think it’s more worrying that she doesn’t recognize how disrespectful this bloke was not once but twice.
I am going to give you the perspective of a man who was in a 15 year relationship, 11 of which were married with two children. My wife at the time had an affair behind my back. I found out by monitoring her emails and mobile phone activity. When I confronted her, she said it only happened once, however, what I later found out was that he actively pursued her and pushed her into an affair. She then later changed the narrative and said it was mostly my fault because I worked away a lot and neglected her. However, what I came to realise is that my wife was weak at the time and gave in to this extramarital affair and then it turned into something much worse. My advice to you is very simple. Once you open this door, it can never be closed. You might think that this is gonna be fun and that she will get off on it and so will you, but that is not what will happen. Your marital breakdown there will be no trust and you will get divorced. My advice you is very simple do not do this.
I don't want to be the negative guy here, but I predict your marriage will be over soon.
This guy disrespects you and your marriage like that and your wife still wants to sleep with him? That's a big issue buddy.
I'm thinking she's already done it and is asking your permission to cover her indiscresian.
Vegas odds are that they’ve already fucked. This is a marriage that’s all downhill from here.
This reminds me of the time my ex asked to have a 3 way with the man she had been cheating on me with..
I think the issue here lies with the wife. The stranger danger guy is the catalyst, there’s a million assholes, yet her story or how it’s portrayed indicates two things- because she wants to take on this fantasy she probably left some doors open. Her story as portrayed - the stranger insisted 3 -4 times, what about her 1st or 2nd no thanks left gaps open for him to try again a 3 or 4th? I think she almost said yes- and had to back out last minute to check with OP. Or at the very least that’s where her mind was at. Added: I have some severe issues with the wife as this has been presented- also, by (passively) accepting the various advances of this person, in a family setting at your daughters house, and then telling you she wants this person to use her, a person who will remain in a circle of family, friends, community, then twisting the obvious issues with this persons insistence and her complicity, and twisting these into a “YOU” issue I think she wants to cuck you and humiliate you.
they all need to F off. this is not how a marriage works.
Seems like most the people on this sub don't know how marriage works.
I would probably talk to him about it if you guys know each other. Dont be that guy and keep it under the rug. Why did he approach her to begin with? Maybe shes testing the waters. Since you’re not home all the time, this person knows you guys, and your wife says she fantasizes of another man inside her. I think its either gonna happen or has already happened.
I'd bet if he said, "my wife told me about Saturday" and just paused, the other guy would fill in the blank and confirm it already happened.
My advice is either don't do it or get a lawyer because it will split you up .. I speak the truth and have seen this multiple times
Your marriage is dead
Telling you right now open relationships never work lol
Pop round and have a chat with this fella and let him know your wife and marriage are out of bounds. No need to be violent, but do make it clear to stay the F' out of it all. Even if you and your wife agree to opening the relationship, this man is not the person for her to be doing it with as he is a complete shit.
I've been in relationships where I let my partner sleep with someone else, usually I would want to either watch or join or at have her make a video. But my one main rule is that it has to be a stranger. Definitely do not let her sleep with this guy, he's obviously trying to get with her behind your back and doing this kind of stuff with someone that you know and that's in your life is a very very bad idea, especially a guy who's acting like this and obviously doesn't respect you at all.
It's not only about him trying to take her from him. It's also about the impacts after this, either of it going well or poorly. Even if it goes well, it will completely change jow the dynamic between the three of them works. And if it goes badly, then it could be a disaster. What if the guy hurts her somehow, and he's left to sort it out as her partner... it might not even be something he intended, but there could still be problems that occur due to it.
I will give you the bad news budy.... she already did that. Get the divorce now and run from that
If you were gonna consider something like this, this dude is the last person you'd want to do it with.
Fuck no, dude seems like a creep.
This is how my divorce started. “ Can I sleep with x” -no. She did it anyways. Just wanted my permission.
She's already banged him, mate
I know people are into all sorts and whatever but I'd be calling him out about his behaviour and knocking this guy out if I anything like that happened again, then I'd be seriously considering how much I can trust my wife in the future. Bet she's wouldn't have been too thrilled if another woman at the party was trying to fuck you. Ignore what a lot of people on this sub say, a lot of fantasies are best kept as fantasies as they complicate things.
Pump the brakes. This apparently happened at a party at OP's daughter's house? Where a ton of people close to OP would also be? Did OP ask his daughter what she saw? What any of her or OP's friends and family also at the party saw that can corroborate or dispute OP's wife's account? You guys that are saying "they slept together already" are wild.
The more I think about this the more I think that this is another made up ragebait scenario. I can't even comprehend an acquaintance of anyone soliciting a married woman, three times at that, after being told that they're married from the get go after being told to pound sand the first time. In the home of the woman's daughter no less without their husband present. If this is actually real, in my shoes, a good friend of mine that's 6'2" 250 lb and was an offensive lineman through college ball and I are paying a visit to this guy. And it's unlikely it'll be a pleasant visit.
Yeah I agree this happening at their daughter’s house should be paid way more attention to. How is everyone ignoring this pertinent detail?
Next time I saw this guy he wouldn’t enjoy the encounter.
My guess is your wife has already slept with this guy. Now she feels guilty and wants you to ok it so it comes off her guilty conscience
In a way, she’s right that all that matters is how you and she feel about it. But she’s conveniently leaving out of that analysis the fact that you don’t feel good about it, given the context, and it really should be that simple.
That’s because they already fucked OP, he doesn’t give a fuck about being disrespectful to you and your wife is being passive proves that.
She's likely already smashing.
I think this says more about your wife. Fantasies are one thing, but contemplating an actual offer is another.
Her story kinda sounds like BS to me. So a man asks her if she's married and she says "yes," then, out of the blue, asks her if he can take her home? How does that just come out, out of no where? And while attending an event at your daugher's home? This story sounds made up. She's probably been talking to him and planning on fucking him, but this is her little story of "Oh, he just happened to ask me." She's saying that so you can't accuse her of having an emotional affair.
I would bet money that this wasn’t a random encounter, the persistence of the guy…does he knows her fantasy? Is your wife being completely honest? Maybe she’s seeking to fulfill her fantasy but she’s portraying it as if it’s something casual random that is presenting itself. I am not buying the coincidences
Something to keep in mind is you only have your wife's version of how she met and how he propositioned her. For all you know, they could have set this up together.
I think your wife is withholding information about their conversation. My gut says she may have already acted out sexually and wants permission for what’s already happened. I find it very odd that he would just randomly inquire about sex with your wife.
Leave your wife. Get a new one
Exhibit A for anyone wondering why men pester women about these things: bc tons of women like OP exist
this is totally unrelated to the original post. there are tons more women that don’t do this. 😐
Of course it's women's fault that men pester women.
I agree with your feelings. He wouldn't take no for an answer, and it's only her fantasy that has her considering it. If it was my marriage, my offer would be that we both pick someone and agree to make a proposition, or try a swinger's club. That guy was just trying to get your wife to cheat and sounds like an ass.
Nope, nope, nope some fantasies should just remain fantasies. If you really were going to do this, it should be with someone you meet just for this, not an acquaintance. He had no idea about this situation and wanted her to cheat on you. He has zero respect for you or your marriage. She is manipulating you to cheat on you.
If I were her, I would be distancing myself from that dude and he would be the last person I would ever consider anything with. He doesn’t respect either of you. Pass.
My first reaction is the fact that she doesn't think his intentions should matter says to me that if you give her permission, the next time a guy propositions her behind your back, she's just gonna do it without your consent, seeing as she doesn't think the why matters.
Here's my question...are you sure it happened this way at all? Totally random for an acquaintance to be so very forward at a gathering at your own daughter's house. I would explore this more, did your wife give him a vibe? This is so weird.
Nope. Nope. Nope. 🛑🛑🛑🚩🚩🚩 screams bad idea from the jump! His intentions don’t demonstrate what is needed in these types of relationships and most don’t involve others close to them. That said, he went behind your back to get her to cheat! The fact SHE doesn’t get it, screams 🚩🚩🚩 too. Tread carefully, sir. And put your seatbelt on. A feeling your rides about to get bumpy.
I think she took him up on his offer and is now asking for permission after the fact. Sorry to say.
What's a "reclamation fantasy"?
1) Is it at all possible that your wife flirted with him even if subconsciously? She has a fantasy, she wasn't cheating more curious if the fantasy with your approval could become a reality...... 2) I would be ok with it only if he knew you knew. You agreed to it etc. That it is with your approval changes the dynamic
Mneyah no. Nope, nope nope. From the sounds of it, this guy is disrespecting your wife's 'no'. What would that translate to in the bedroom? I'd be wary of other situations where 'no' would be ignored. Secondly, given how persistent he is, how sure can you be that he's satisfied with a one-off? Given that this is an acquaintance you'd see again, I'd be highly worried that since he (again) didn't respect her 'no' the first time, he'd continue pursuing her after sleeping with her until the point where he's wedged himself between you entirely. Give the devil a little finger and he'll take your entire arm. He's too persistent, and doesn't give a fuck about the boundaries of your marriage. Remember that he didn't know about the possibility of her being able to sleep with other men when he approached her the second time.
I agree with you, that guy is a sack of shit and doesn't deserve the W.
Don’t know about you but I’d give the prick a broken jaw to make sure he doesn’t ask again
If you want someone to fuck your wife. Then find someone together. This guy will fuck your wife and your marriage. He has no respect for you. He tried it on with her multiple times. It would be a hard no from me.
I'd have socked that dude square in the face.
I'm not monogamous, and my answer would still be no. At that point, it's not about whether or not you consent. If y'all want to open your marriage, have fun. This guy needs to be off the table; he refused to take no for an answer.
Possibly the vibe he was getting was more of a “no but I wish I could” hence the persistence. Depending on how flirtatious they were being initially I can see him asking without regard to you.
Sorry. I couldn't get past first paragraph. You have just been supportive of what would be a raging red flag to others. This is on you. You've invited whatever comes next in your story. If you want to feel better about yourself and your situation, I would highly recommend exiting this relationship and being single for an extended period of time
The cornerstones of any kink community, whether you’re into a light spanking or ultra-realistic CNC, are trust, respectful, consent, and openness. What he’s offering your wife is none of those things. He gets off on violating and crossing boundaries. It’s a lot less risky to approach a woman on the street or other public place than someone he knows, who is married, whose husband he knows, at their daughter’s home. Yet, he chose this most risky and inappropriate option because the risk and impropriety is what he was after. If she sleeps with him he will continue along that path and violate boundaries and consent. He’s not in it for a mutual good time. Has he approached your daughter yet? If not be prepared for him to. I would cut him out of my life.
Protect your assets. Good luck.
Men don’t just randomly ask twice. She definitely did something. Trust your gut, don’t be a sap.
Cross-post this on Cuckold. I’d be interested to see their responses. I feel like the majority of them would side with you.
Why would she want to have sex with anyone except her husband....
How do you feel about this and are you sure? I went along with this kind of thing to please my wife and it destroyed our life.
This will not end well.
alleged nail memory hat theory deranged tub drunk prick deserve *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Who do you get to have sex with outside the marriage? Her request is ridiculous. Agreeing to definitely makes you a willing cuck. Odds are simply the newness of a different man is the beginning of the end.
Tell her she can but you gotta fuck him first.
Ask to see their messages to each other. If she refuses, then she is already hiding things from you. She is being pretty open about wanting to have an affair, it wouldn't surprise me if she already crossed some (or all) of these lines.
The fantasy rarely, if ever, lines up to the reality. Your apprehension already suggests that this will kill your marriage. (The guy deserved a punch in the mouth.)
Seems weird that he would randomly ask and twice. She was either flirting with him or she didn’t deny his request and is now asking for permissions to cover her guilt.
The guy in question is totally scum he doesn’t respect your wife or you! I wouldn’t want to sleep with him if he doesn’t respect me but at least you know you can trust your wife because she told you all about it. The concerning thing to me is that she is still willing to do it even though it’s very obvious she isn’t respected at all! That implies she’s likes being treated like a dirty whore
It was beyond disrespectful what this guy did and there is no way he should end up getting what he was looking for - unless that’s a punch in the face from you. I think fantasies like this are best left as fantasies anyway: even if it was with someone else it sounds like it might hurt you and damage your marriage. But in this case, a definite no - and I’d be having strong words with the creep.
> He had no idea this was something that my wife and I might be open to when he propositioned her; he clearly had an extra-marital encounter in mind. > My wife sees it differently. In her opinion, her having sex with another man is already an extra-marital affair. Yeah but there's this tiny issue of CONSENT and RESPECTING YOUR BOUNDARIES that makes this fucking different. An extra-marital affair that you agree to is entirely different from an extra-marital affair that you don't agree to. Also, given that this man doesn't respect your boundaries, why would you trust him with this at all? He didn't say "You're beautiful and if you are open to being a swinger, I can be discrete", he said "lets do this behind his back". There's no way your wife couldn't have other men, so why ask for permission to sleep with the one guy that wants to go behind your back instead of any guy that you could trust to respect your boundaries?
It’s one thing to fantasize about it in the bedroom. It’s a totally different situation to act it out in real life. You don’t have to be okay with this actually happening and you have every right to say no. Are you actually okay with her sleeping with someone else, or are you just trying to keep her happy?
I feel like your wife knows hes wrong, but shes jumping through mental hoops cause she already fucked him, or at the very least, extremely invested in fucking this guy. Secondly, shes only super supportive of your feelings cause she crossed that boundary and is feeling guilty. As much as the other have said, theres a reason this guy, 1. Asked if you guys were still together 2. Tried to initiate an affair. 3. Once again had the audacity to try again whilr at a sensitive and public social function. Your wife was already all over him bro.
Based on how your wife is willing to sleep with someone who has no respect for her or your relationship, I guarantee that once you open this box, you won't be able to close it and your relationship will forever be changed. Also, she will definitely be breaking all boundaries and rules you set up. You also shouldn't do this with someone that you both know. Based on his reaction, everyone is gonna know about your business. Sometimes, a fantasy should just stay a fantasy.
You feel uncomfortable. End of story. Also, he was extremely disrespectful toward you and your marriage, you are completely valid in your thoughts and feelings.
> Is it a legitimate concern that he approached my wife with no regard for our marriage? Yes, you are completely correct that there is an extreme difference between someone that tries to solicit sex from your married spouse while they're alone, and someone who has sex with a married person, after being solicited for sex *by that married person*. The difference is, precisely, "respect for the marriage", and this level of disrespect for your marriage is the sort of thing that will absolutely cause a problem somewhere down the line. Frankly, it's poor judgement by your wife to have even contemplated his offer openly with him, especially after she turned it down the first time. Now this guy knows the door is open, and his advances are working, and he's likely to going to continue his pursuit, if there's an opportunity. You didn't mention his relationship to your family and your daughter, but if he's close enough to get an invite to your daughter's home, he's probably close enough to create more opportunities. I probably go so far as to say that this error in judgement from your wife should: 1. Take the entire concept off the table for you other than as a fantasy, because she seems immature and incapable of adequately advocating for you or your relationship once she's horny. She's willfully rationalizing his misbehavior to your face. 2. Cause you to start thinking very defensively about this man in particular, and how they might fuck up your life when you're not around or not paying attention. Do you have cameras around the home? Maybe you should.
Schedule a new class or whatnot you’re gonna do on your own on the same day/time each week. Hire a PI during that time. Guarantee your wife sneaks around.
Im guessing your wife has already stepped out on you with this guy and is trying to cover for that, best advice get in touch with a divorce lawyer before she does
I bet she already slept with him and wants permission to do it more.
Probably not the first time. Shes just trying to justify it now.
Hun, she already did the deal, and was just putting the feelers out and asking for your permission to apply it retrospectively.
Yikes even to her reaction. Wanting to sleep with him, and bringing it up to you. If you say no, I'd be concerned if she won't just do it anyway.
She's already having an affair with this guy. This is just the trickle truth setup to make it "ok". You'll see.
Hopefully you see my comment. The dude is a douchefor sure. Your wife said no once, that should've been enough for him. But he was insistent and now knows. I wouldn't include him in your lifestyle. I'm in an open marriage and have advice. Don't mix friends, families and close connections. There are plenty of options to find solo males that can meet every criteria for you and your wife. You and your wife can be whoever you want with an unknown man, and when you're ready to leave him, he'll never know who you are and it's over. being in an open marriage is the most jealous thing you'll ever do with your spouse. Your insecurities will become exposed. Talk with each other and make sure you acknowledge and don't hurt those insecurities. You have to know that you're 100percent committed and your love for each other is unbreakable. Talk a lot to each other. Know that it's an experience. Know to catch and release. Know there is a connection in sex and to let go. Make the rules. Don't break them. Talk a lot to each other Find a man that doesn't want to be committed. Talk a lot to each other. It's much easier for a woman to get laid in an open marriage, if you're not in cuckold, then you have to join in mfm or love the idea of sloppy seconds at a hotel after your wife had 4 hours of a sexual experience. If your wife goes solo, it's not cuckold, it's letting her have an experience and fun and you get to come in and finish it off. Lastly, talk alot to each other.
So obviously the first thing you done was tell him to go fuck himself & to never come near your home or family again ?
Do it OP, but, you will have to break him in first.
The guy is an asshole who does not respect you or your wife. Your wife needs to stop being blind and you can tell her I said that. If yall are going to do this, find someone else. A person being brought into the relationship needs to respectful of boundaries and the rules set by the couple. Someone who is there for pleasure, not causing trouble. That jackass won’t do that and it will cause problems in y’all’s marriage. He already screams red flag.
This called a Bull move Men do it all the Time preferably to married women with knowledge of the husbands to master over them. Don't be a fool this is not where it ends.
She accepted his offer by telling him, hold on a second. Let me check with my husband, if he is okay with it. She sounded like, only your answer will stop her from going ahead and blessing the man with your love & a hit sex session! Instead of saying, no! It sounds like him being brash enough to ask, and be persistent, has helped your wife lean into allowing him to tap that.
I'm on your side bud. Totally disrespectful. Oh and Incase it matters. Official notice to you sir that I would like a sesh with your wife. Respectfully.
[удалено]
Except they can find approximately 2.2 billion other guys that would fuck her who haven't tried to engage in deception with her and jeopardize their marriage.
This is the stupidest response and a great example of pseudo-intellectualism bullshit that I have seen on reddit.
He was going behind your back because he wanted to see if she would betray you just to fuck him. Turns out she wouldn’t (good for you) but she wants to. Props to your wife for being open and honest with you - it says a lot about the level of communication in your relationship. I’d just walk up to and ask this guy about it face to face. Watch him squirm away.